AEE 2508：约会建议：如何委婉拒绝邀约

这里是《全神贯注学英语》第2508期节目：约会建议——如何礼貌婉拒邀约。

This is an All Ears English podcast episode twenty five zero eight. Dating advice, how to turn down an invitation with kindness.

欢迎收听下载量突破2亿次的《全神贯注学英语》播客。是否觉得英语学习遇到瓶颈？我们将通过注重交流而非完美，帮助您自信流利地说英语。您的主持人是来自美国科罗拉多的英语冒险家林赛·麦克马洪，和纽约电台女孩米歇尔·卡普兰。每周获取邮件发送的节目文字稿，请访问allearsenglish.com/subscribe。是否曾遇到不想赴约却不知如何婉拒的情况？

Welcome to the All Ears English podcast downloaded more than 200,000,000 times. Are you feeling stuck with your English? We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection with your American hosts, Lindsey McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl, coming to you from Colorado and New York City, USA. And to get your transcripts delivered by email every week, go to all ears English dot com forward slash subscribe. Do you sometimes get invited out on a date but are not sure how to respond if you're not interested?

今天我们将分享礼貌拒绝邀约时需包含的四大要素。

Today, get the four elements of what you should say to turn someone down with respect and connection.

即便学习英语多年，人们仍需要你重复所说的话吗？问题不在语法或词汇，而在于英语的发音体系。一旦掌握，一切将截然不同。

Do people still ask you to repeat yourself even after years of studying English? It's not your grammar. It's not your vocabulary. It's the sound system of English. And once you master it, everything changes.

加入我们的新课程《全球英语发音》，最终实现自信、清晰且有影响力的表达。您将学习使英语发音自然的隐藏节奏与重音模式，无论原有口音如何。另可参加每周开放的对话俱乐部，加入国际英语学习者社群。清晰表达，被理解，

Join our new course, Global English Pronunciation, and finally speak with confidence, clarity, and impact. You'll learn the hidden rhythm and stress patterns that make your English sound natural no matter your accent. Plus, you get invitations to the weekly open conversation club and access to our community of international English learners. Speak clearly. Be understood.

在英语口语生活中取得成功。但请勿等待，本周报名立减50美元并获赠免费附加课程。访问allearsenglish.com/pronunciation。

Succeed in your English speaking life. But don't wait. Save $50 on enrollment and get a free bonus course this week only. Go to allearsenglish.com/pronunciation. That's allearsenglish.com/pr0nunciati0n.

嘿米歇尔，今天怎么样？最近还好吗？

Hey, Michelle. How are you today? How's it going?

我很好。林赛，你呢？很好。我们今天

I'm good. Lindsey, how are you? Good. What are we

要为听众们探讨什么话题呢？

getting into on the show for our listeners today?

是的。这个话题很有意思。林赛，有没有人约你出去但你并不感兴趣？

Yeah. This is an interesting topic. Lindsey, someone ever ask you out on a date and you weren't interested?

有过。我记得初中时我也曾是被拒绝的一方——我约过一个叫尼克·安科的男生。

Yes. It's happened. And I know that I've been on the other side because I remember in middle school, I asked out this kid. His name was Nick something. Nick Anko was his name.

当时我特别尴尬，因为我本想邀请他参加女生邀男生的舞会。我满怀期待，确信他会答应，结果他却拒绝了，理由是他那天要去‘增稠血液’。什么？

And I was so embarrassed because I wanted to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance with him. Aw. And I was so excited, and I was sure he was gonna say yes. And then he said no, but the reason he gave me that he couldn't go, he told me how to get his blood thickened. What?

没错。他说：‘不行，那天我得去增稠我的血液。’

Yeah. He said, no, I can't go because I have to get my blood thickened that day.

嗯，这...这理由可真够特别的。

Well, that's that's a very interesting And

我觉得，你要么是病得很重，要么就是在编造奇怪的借口。

I'm like, you you're either very sick or you're making up a weird excuse.

是啊。是啊。好吧。嗯，好吧。确实。

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, okay. So Yeah.

希望他没事。总之，无论如何这都很尴尬。拒绝别人当然难受，但被拒绝的一方也可能感到羞辱。所以我们

I hope he's okay. So, yeah, this is uncomfortable no matter what. Having to turn someone down or, of course, being on the other side can be humiliating as well. So we

想尽量避免伤害他人感情。对，没错。今天我们讨论这个话题是因为有位听众提了个很好的问题。这是YouTube用户Maroa9748发来的。我来直接读一下。

wanna spare people's feelings. Right, exactly. So we're getting into this today because we have a really good listener question about this. This comes to us from YouTube from Maroa9748. So I'll just I'll just read it.

问题是：好的，嗨Lindsay和Michelle。想请教如何礼貌或委婉地拒绝邀约，特别是约会邀请？

It says Okay. Hi Lindsay and Michelle. How about ways to politely or diplomatically decline an invitation, in particular a dating invitation?

嗯。这问题很棒。非常喜欢。是的。我们每个人迟早都会遇到这种情况。

Mhmm. Love it. Love the question. Yes. At some point we all have to do this.

对吧？

Right?

对。对。

Yeah. Yeah.

关键在于，我并非要在世间积德行善、以礼待人。如果有人鼓起勇气约你出去，那可是件大事。对吧？对。是的。

And the point is, make I don't Having putting good karma out into the world, treating people with respect. It's a big deal if someone stands up and asks you out on a date. Right? Right. Yeah.

没错，这是个重要话题。问得非常好。我是说，林赛，老实讲，你觉得大多数母语者都掌握这项技能了吗？

Yeah, so this is an important topic. Really great question. I mean, Lindsey, honestly, do you think most native speakers have this skill mastered?

不可能。绝对没有。他们都很笨拙。所以这是我们大家一起学习的东西，对吧？

No way. Definitely not. They're very awkward. So this is something we're all learning together, right?

对，正是如此。所以即便是母语者，对吧？就算你精通这门语言且表达极其流利，这事也从来不容易——

Right, exactly. So even native speakers, right? No matter if you know the language perfectly and you're extremely fluent, this is never easy in

在我看来百分百如此。但我们喜欢在《全英课堂》中引导大家应对各种难易场景，帮助听众保持这种联系。所以朋友们，如果喜欢我们的风格，就快去《全神贯注》点击关注按钮吧。确保你真的关注了节目，这样我们就能每天出现在你的收听队列里。

my opinion. 100%. So we're gonna, but we like to steer through the difficult scenarios and the easy ones here on All English for our listeners to maintain that connection. So guys, if you like our style, then go on over and hit the follow button right here in All Ears English. Make sure you are actually following the show so that we come up in your cue, your listening cue on a daily basis.

明白了吗？

Okay?

没错。那么，好吧。我们开始吧。最重要的是要记住，你永远不必和任何你不想约会的人出去。对吧？

That's right. So, alright. So let's get into it. So the most important thing to remember is that you don't ever have to go out with anyone you don't want to. Right?

是的。当然，不同文化有不同的习俗，但我们这里只谈个人经历。如果你不愿意，不应该出于礼貌而勉强答应。你不该强迫自己。

Yes. Of course we have different things in different cultures, but we're just talking about our experiences here. If you don't want to, you should not just say yes to be polite. You should not force yourself.

我完全同意，米歇尔。所以我们需要掌握拒绝的技巧，对吧？米歇尔，如果有人约你而你实在没兴趣，你该怎么说呢？

Yes, I totally agree, Michelle. So we need the skills to do it, right? So Michelle, if someone asks you on a date and you just really aren't interested, what can you say?

是的，我试着把这个分成几个步骤——这让我想起我们上期节目。当然，具体要看情况。对方是彬彬有礼的人，还是像在酒吧遇到的、有点...你懂的...那种人。

Yeah, so I tried to break this down, that kind of reminds me of our last episode, into a few steps. So, of course, okay, like, it also depends. Is this person a respectful person, a nice person, or is this kind of someone on the street or you meet at a bar who's being, you know, a little Right. Right. A little Right.

咄咄逼人的那种，对吧？如果对方是个好人，你能看出他是鼓足勇气来约你的。嗯哼。

Forceful. Right? If this is a nice person who maybe they're you can tell they've worked up the courage to ask you. Right? Mhmm.

我会说首先要表示感谢或认可。不必小题大做，你并不欠对方什么。但如果对方人不错，只是你没感觉又想保持礼貌的话...

You know, I would say the first thing is to acknowledge or to thank them. Right? So you don't have to make a big deal out of it. You don't owe this person. But again, if it's a nice person, you just don't feel chemistry with and you want to be polite.

就像提问的听众说的，你可以表现得优雅友善。毕竟对方鼓起勇气邀约本身也不容易，这需要很大勇气。就像林赛说的，你知道...

And as the listener asked about, so and you could be great graceful and kind. And that person did just put themselves out there to ask you out, and that can be scary as well. So like Lindsay was talking about, you know, you have

试着站在他们的角度想想。确实如此。我们要确保以善意回应。比如说‘非常感谢你问我’或‘我受宠若惊’。这话很合适，因为被人询问确实让人感到荣幸。

to put yourself kind of in their shoes as well. For sure. So we wanna make sure we respond with kindness. So saying something like, thanks so much for asking me, or I'm so flattered. I mean, that is a good one because it is flattering when someone asks you.

对吧？是啊。你原本不知道他们喜欢你这类事，这确实让人受宠若惊。

Right? Yeah. You weren't aware that they liked you, or that kind of thing, it's flattering for sure.

嗯。但接下来会出现信号词，我称之为‘重锤落下’。就是事情开始变得棘手的时候。

Mhmm. But then there's the signal word and that's, I'm going to call it the lowering of the boom. Lower the boom. That's kind of when you get to the hard part.

但是。有个‘但是’。‘但是’要来了。你能从语气中听出‘但是’要来了，对吧？

The butt. There's a butt. There's a butt coming. You know, you can hear in the tone of voice that there's a butt coming. Right?

没错。确实有些特定词汇是关键。‘但是’是其中之一，‘不幸的是’是另一个，‘老实说’也是。

Yes. Exactly. So there are certain words, certain keywords. But is one of them. Unfortunately is another, and truthfully.

然后说话的语气就变了。对吧？

And then the tone of voice changes. Right?

是啊。就像‘哦，我太荣幸了。不幸的是...’对吧？

Yeah. Right. So it's kind of like, oh, I'm so flattered. Unfortunately. Right?

是的。

Yes.

那里确实发生了变化。

There's a real change there.

对。我是说，林赛，到目前为止我们其实是在为拒绝打基础，对吧？确实。这很难。

Right. So, I mean, Lindsay, so far we're kind of laying the groundwork, right, for a rejection. Sure. And it's difficult.

是啊。我是说，我不知道。生活中有时会有需要我们诚实的时刻。对吧？而诚实是最善良的做法。

Yeah. I mean, I don't know. In life sometimes, there are moments when we have to be honest. Right? And honesty is the kindest thing to do.

没错。对吧？所以我们在这里学习这些关键词，就是为了确保不会伤害对方，甚至可能继续保持朋友关系。对吧？确实。

True. Right? So that's why we're learning the keywords here to make sure we don't hurt the person and maybe even stay friends with them. Right? True.

但确实有些时刻我们必须保持诚实。

But yeah, there are just moments where we have to be honest sometimes.

没错。完全正确。休息之后，我们将进入最困难的部分。

Yeah. Exactly. And after the break, we are gonna move on to the hardest part.

好的，我们开始吧。米歇尔，最难的部分是什么？

Okay. Here we go. Okay, what is the hardest part, Michelle?

好了，现在我们已经打好基础了。接下来要进入核心部分，实际拒绝环节。那么，该怎么说呢？记得要用到之前休息时讨论过的某个点。

Alright, so this is getting, now we've set the, we've laid the groundwork. Okay. Now we're getting into the meat of it, the actual rejection. So, you know, what can you say? So remember, you need something from before the break, one of the things we talked about.

这里有几个不同的说法。比如：我现在不太想谈恋爱。

And then here are some different things you could say. So one is, I'm not really looking to date right now.

说这句话要小心，因为如果下周你和别人约会了就会很尴尬。

And be careful with this one because then if next week you're going out with someone else.

只有在确实如此的情况下才用这个理由。

Try and just use this if it's true.

如果这是真的而且你确实打算坚持一段时间。我很高兴我们是朋友，我觉得这样的关系很好。用了很多W开头的词呢。相处得很好

If it's really true and you're actually sticking to that for a while. I'm really happy we're friends and I think we work well that way. A lot of Ws there. Work well

这样相处。这样工作。真有意思。或者你也可以说：我真的很珍惜我们的友谊。或者

that way. Work that way. That's funny. Or you couldn't say, Oh, I really enjoy our friendship. Or

我现在有交往对象了。如果这是真的，就别撒谎。谎言总会被揭穿的。对吧？没错。

I'm seeing someone now. If that's true, don't lie. You'll always be caught in that lie. Right? Right.

但如果这是真的，我现在交往的是个诚实的人。对吧？嗯哼。

But if it's true, I'm seeing someone now that's just honest. Right? Mhmm.

我是说，你也可以直接说'我没空'。或者最直接的说法是'我...我对你没兴趣'。对吧？嗯哼。

I mean and you could also just say, I'm not available. Or you could the most direct would be, I'm I'm not interested. Right? Mhmm.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

嗯哼。还有什么要补充的吗？

Mhmm. Anything else you might say?

是的。我们可以把这个加进列表。我就是...比如'我没兴趣'、'我没空'。对。

Yeah. We can add that to the list. I'm just I like, I'm not interested. I'm not available. Yeah.

我想我们已经讨论完了，米歇尔。

I think we covered it, Michelle.

好的。嗯。既然我们已经度过了最困难的部分，现在差不多可以收尾了。那么你该怎么说呢？

Yeah. Yeah. Mhmm. And then so so now that we've gotten through the really hard part, now we can kinda close it out. So what could you say?

你可以这样说：感谢你想到我，但我很感激这次邀请。对，就是这类话。要以积极的语气结束。再次强调，要友善、尊重。

You could say something like, but thanks for thinking of me, but I appreciate the invitation. Right. That sort of thing. Finishing it on a positive note. Again, kindness, respect.

没错。我是说，拒绝别人确实很难，但这种事确实经常发生。我的意思是，这这...这毕竟是生活的一部分，很遗憾。每个人都会经历，而且我觉得重要的是不要显得像是在可怜对方，对吧？

Right. I mean, again, it's so hard to reject someone, but it does happen all the time. I mean, it it any any I mean, it's a part of life, unfortunately. And everybody goes through it and, you know, I I also think it's important not to make it seem too much like you're pitying the person. Right?

是的。你不想把话说得过于礼貌，以至于听起来几乎让人反感。对吧？因为如果你说'我真的非常抱歉，我明白'...

Yeah. You wanna make it such so overly polite that it sounds like almost it gets obnoxious. Right? Because if you say like, oh I'm really, really sorry. I know.

就像我理解你只是...你知道，那样很烦人。太过分了。有点自我陶醉。

Like I get you just, you know, that's obnoxious. That's too much. Self indulgent.

有点自我陶醉。

A little self indulgent.

对，正是如此。只要实事求是就好。我是说，要友善，但没必要...你知道，他们会走出来的。是的。

Right. Exactly. Just, you know, be very matter of fact. I mean, be kind, but you don't have to, I mean, you know, they'll they'll get they will get over it. Yeah.

当然。

For sure.

能当面进行这样的对话当然最好。我是说，我知道很多时候在纽约的约会世界里会发生什么——那是最难的。你和某人约会后，对方可能会约下一次，然后通过短信拒绝你。是的，这确实挺难受的。

And as much as you can have this conversation in person, the better. I mean, I I know a lot of times what happens in That's the hardest. You know, New York and the dating world is you, like, on a date with someone, and then, you know, someone will ask someone out for the next date, and then there'll be that rejection by text. Yeah. And that's kind of hard.

所以我不确定。我想约过一次后这样做也算合适？毕竟才见一次面，不至于要当面说分手宣言。但越是能当面交流，就越能保持我们的人性和联结。嗯。与其他人类的联结。

So I don't know. I guess that's appropriate after one date. You're not necessarily gonna get together and do the breakup speech after one date. But the more we can have these in person, the more we can maintain our humanity and our connection Yeah. With other human beings.

对吧？是的。

Right? Yeah.

对，对。我们要不要角色扮演一下？好啊。

Right. Right. Should we do a role play? Yeah.

来吧。假设我们现在是朋友关系。

Let's do it. So here so we are friends.

我要去

I am going

约你出去。好吗？米歇尔，我很荣幸，但我已经结婚了。

to ask you out. Okay? I'm flattered Michelle, but I'm actually married.

我当时想，这会是个有趣的角色扮演，但我别无选择

I I was like, this is gonna be an interesting role play, but there was nothing else I

只能这样了。我喜欢这个主意。我们开始吧，就这么干。

could do. I love it. I love it. Let's do it. Let's go for it.

开始了。好的。行吧。那么你周五晚上有空一起吃晚餐看电影吗？

Here we go. Alright. Okay. Alright. So are you free Friday night for dinner and a movie?

哦，哇，我真是太受宠若惊了。

Oh, wow. I am so flattered.

那你怎么说？说实话，我很高兴我们是朋友，我觉得我们这样相处很好。不过谢谢你想到我。好吧，我理解。

So what do you say? Well, truthfully, I'm really happy we're friends, and I think we work well that way. But thanks for thinking of me. Okay. I understand.

米歇尔拒绝了。砰。

Michelle rejected. Boom.

天啊。

Oh, man.

太搞笑了。我很喜欢。没错。这里的东西不错。所以我们把所有元素都带来了。

That's hilarious. I love it. Yeah. Good stuff here. So we brought in all the elements.

米歇尔，我们该先说些什么？

Michelle, what do we say first?

于是我问你，然后你说，哦，哇。我受宠若惊。然后

So I asked you and then you said, Oh, wow. I'm so flattered. And then

你停住了对吧？然后你其实又回来了，稍微犹豫了一下，然后说，那你怎么想？你要说什么？你...这就是今天的额外奖励了。

you stopped. Right? And then you actually came back and then so a little and you said, So what do you think? What do you say? What do you and that's a bonus for today.

你要说什么？你要说什么？你要...我们要不要再录一集关于这个的，米歇尔？你觉得呢？

What do you say? What do you say? What do you do you what do you? We could do another episode, Michelle, on that. What do you think?

你要说什么？然后我说，嗯，说实话，现在要转向一个不太好的消息了。我很高兴我们是朋友，我觉得我们这样相处很好。这有点委婉对吧？因为我没有直接说，不，我不想和你约会。

What do you say? And then I said, well, truthfully, and here's the pivot right into kind of the bad news. I'm really happy we're friends, and I think we work well that way. It's a little indirect, right? Because I'm not directly saying, no, I don't want to date you.

我是说，我觉得我们应该做朋友。对吧？不过这样挺好的。最后还要感谢你想着我。没错。

I'm saying, I think we should be friends. Right? But it's good. And then the kindness at the end, but thanks for thinking of me. Right.

是啊，下次好运，米歇尔。

Yeah. Better luck next time, Michelle.

所以我觉得之后我得坚强起来。对吧？

So I think after this, I'm going to have to be a trooper. Right?

绝对的。做个坚强的人。我们讨论过坚强这个话题，这期第2495集讲的就是在你们文化中受到赞扬的坚强品质。大家快去听听那期节目。

Big time. A trooper. We talked about a trooper, and this was episode 2,495 is being a trooper praised in your culture. So guys, go check out that episode.

没错。那么今天的重点...天啊，这事真不好开口。说实话，如果你觉得这事太容易，或许该去检查下自己的感受能力了。真的。

Yes. So takeaways for today. Oh man, there's no easy way to do this. I think if you, honestly I think if you don't, if this is too easy for you, maybe you need to check the feeling department. Right.

因为我无法想象这对任何人来说会是件容易的事。

Because I can't imagine this being easy for anyone.

不，从来都不容易，因为我们是人类，拥有镜像神经元。就像看电影时看到有人受伤，你身体也会感到一阵刺痛。同理心也是如此，那些镜像神经元让我们明白——明年我们可能也会处于这种境地，向暗恋对象表白然后被拒绝。这非常人性。

No, it never is because we're humans and we have this we have the mirror neurons that come up. I mean, you know when you watch a movie and someone gets hurt, then you feel a pang of oh, that kind of hurt in your body. It's the same thing that we feel the empathy, the mirror neurons that we know we could be in this position next year asking someone we really have a crush on out. And then they reject us. So this is very human.

所以以善意和尊重对待他人是关键。这才是重点所在。

So treating the person with kindness and respect is the key here. This is what this is about.

对吧？是的。完全同意。好的。很高兴我们讨论了这个问题。

Right? Yeah. Absolutely. Alright. Well, I'm glad that we talked about this.

各位，祝你们的约会生活好运。

And guys, good luck in your dating life.

是啊，今天聊得很棒，米歇尔。回头再聊。祝你愉快。再见。

Yeah. Good stuff today, Michelle. Talk to you soon. Have a good one. Bye.

好的。再见。感谢收听《全神贯注学英语》。想知道你的英语水平吗？参加我们的两分钟测试吧。

Alright. Bye. Thanks for listening to All Ears English. Would you like to know your English level? Take our two minute quiz.

访问allearsenglish.com/fluencyscore。如果你相信连接而非完美，现在就点击订阅确保不错过任何内容。下次见。

Go to allearsenglish.com forward slash fluency score. And if you believe in connection not perfection, then hit subscribe now to make sure you don't miss anything. See you next time.