003：我会在新系统中试着找到你

你知道吗，当我给声音增加更多低音存在感时，我的声音听起来更自然，就像我现在这样压低声音说话。对，这种声音用麦克风表现最好。不像我的本音，像现在这样，你知道吧？这很糟糕，因为我得时刻提醒自己不要用本音说话。

My, voice sounds more natural in it when I give it more, bass presence, you know, when I'm kinda talking down here Yeah. That's where it shines with the microphone. As opposed to As opposed to, like, my natural voice, which is kinda like this, you know? That sucks into the which sucks because I have to, like, I have to think about not doing that all the time.

是啊，不像你那种天生的高音调，就像动画片里反派角色搓手时发出的那种

Yeah, as opposed to your natural kind of like It's up here. Anime villain kind of rubbing his

那种声音

hands kind of

感觉。哦，

thing. Oh,

太糟了。我们一结束录音——差点说成下播——我马上就会说'好的各位，下次再聊，非常感谢收听，谢谢啦巴拉巴拉'，然后我就问'亲爱的，那是什么声音？'

it's bad. That's, as soon as we get off, off of the pot, I almost said off the air, as soon as we stop recording, was like, okay everyone, we will talk to you next time, thank you so much for listening, thank you blah blah blah, and then I go, what's that going, honey?

然后你就会说'哦，去厨房给我做晚饭，再给我拿个——'

And then you go, oh, get in the kitchen, make me a dinner, grab I've me a

我这辈子从没说过'给我拿瓶啤酒'这种话，

never said grab me a beer in my life,

比如我已经十年没碰过啤酒了

Like do I haven't grabbed a beer for a decade

从我22岁开始，懂吗？我合法饮酒才一年就感觉已经喝够了

Since I was 22, okay? I took, I had one year of legal drinking before I was like, I've had

我已经厌倦了

a I'm over it.

是啊，我戒了。到现在我已经喝了快十年了

Yeah. I'm done. I've been drinking for almost a decade at this point.

对，这就是提前开始的弊端。嗯哼。等到合法年龄时你早就腻了。嘿大家好，欢迎来到

Yeah, that's the problem with getting a head start. Uh-huh. Yeah, you're over it by the time you're allowed to do it. Hey everyone, welcome to,

《间隙万象》第三集

All the Space in Between episode three.

第三集

Episode three.

你觉得第三集怎么样？

How you feeling about episode three?

第三集是个好数字，我觉得

Episode three is a good number, I feel like

很多播客做到第二集就停更了。事实证明，第三次才见真章。

a lot of podcasts die out at two. Third time is the charm, it turns out.

但三人成众。所以我们要删除第一集。就这么定了。所以现在是四集。对。

But also three's a crowd. And I So we will be deleting the first episode. That's how this is gonna work. So it's four. Yeah.

哦等等，不，我们会每新增一集就删掉最后一集。对。我们永远只保留三集

Oh wait, no, we'll always delete the last one as we add one. Yeah. We'll only ever have three

的内容。我们就是不想让听众有存档可回顾，无法获得重温的乐趣

episodes. We just wanna ensure there's no library for anyone to go through and enjoy and get replay value

这样挺好。那我现在用本音说话更有底气了。你知道，一直端着这个腔调太累了。我坚持了好几年，真的累了。

from. That's good. Well then I feel more confident in this episode kinda talking in my natural voice. You know, it's hard to let it, to hold onto this voice for so long. I've been doing it for years, I'm tired.

是啊，你靠这副假嗓音建立了整个职业生涯。

Yeah, you're, you've built a whole career off of this fake voice.

我们得打住了。这是本播客的第三期，感谢那些一直...我又忘了那个词...留下播客评论的朋友。是给我们评分对吧？

We need to stop. Episode three of this podcast, thank you for the people that have been, I forgot the term again, leaving a pod review. Rating us, right?

对，给我们投票。

Yeah. Voting for us.

没错。投票支持我们赢得播客奖项。我们可是要单挑约瑟夫·罗根本人。

Yeah. Voting for us to win the podcast awards. It's us against Joseph Roge himself.

提名我们。别...

Nominating us. Don't

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

我告诉过你的。我警告过你。

I told you. I warned you.

嗯哼。

Uh-huh.

关于说出他的名字。

About saying his name.

在每一集里。

In every episode.

连续三集。

In three episodes in a row.

第三次就对了。

Third time's Oh, right.

就像血腥玛丽那样。

It's like Bloody Mary.

就像甲壳虫汁那样。

It's like Beetlejuice.

哦，Beetlejuice。这该死的家伙现在我们必须邀请他当嘉宾了。

Oh, Beetlejuice. He's got a fucking Now we have to have him as a guest.

Joe Rogan的诅咒是不是说只要喊他名字三次，他就得上你的播客？

Is the Joe Rogan curse that if you say his name three times, he has to appear on your podcast?

不是三次，是连续三集播客节目。

It's not three times, it's in three consecutive podcast episodes.

哦，好吧。对，这挺有意思的。嗯，有个叫什么来着的东西？

Oh, okay. Yeah. That's pretty good. Yeah. There's this thing called like, what's it called?

就是那种关键词营销手段，人们利用播客描述里的关键词。比如他们会说'如果史蒂夫·乔布斯还活着，他一定会喜欢这期节目'，这样搜索乔布斯的人就会偶然发现这期其实跟他毫无关系的节目。所以我本来想给上期节目写个模仿Joe Rogan风格的搞笑简介。嗯哼。

Where people, it's like keyword something, where they take advantage of the keywords that are in their podcast description. Yes. So like they'll say like, if Steve Jobs were alive, he'd love this episode, because then people searching for Steve Jobs will get stumble across that even though it had nothing to do with him. So I was gonna write a funny Joe Rogan esque description for the last episode. Mhmm.

但后来我想，我可不想被人当成那种在简介里蹭名字博关注的混蛋。

But then I was like, I don't wanna be seen as somebody who's like using his name in the description to get you know, pissed.

我可不想被人当成撒谎精、骗子。嗯哼。还有无赖。

I don't wanna be seen as a liar and a cheat Mhmm. And a scoundrel.

是啊，还有只狐狸。哦。一只小黄鼠狼。一个小啮齿动物男孩。对。

Yeah, and a fox. Oh. A little weasel. A little rodent boy. Yeah.

但我没这么做是因为，嗯，我当时想，我不想，我不想因此惹上麻烦，因为实际上他们会为此逮捕你，结果发现。

But I didn't do it because I, yeah, I was like, I don't wanna be, I don't don't wanna get in trouble for that because they'll actually like arrest you for it, it turns out. The

没错。他们会把你送进苹果监狱。

Yeah. They take you to Apple Jail.

我差点儿就要说约瑟夫·罗格了，因为我觉得那会很好笑。因为这就像无法搜索的，但人们可能会，嗯，大概明白我在说什么。如果我说约瑟夫·罗格的话。

I almost I almost said Joseph Roge instead because I thought that'd be funny. Because it's like unsearchable, but people will kind well well, maybe know what I'm talking about. If I say Joseph Rogue.

我给他起了个昵称，好像你们是朋友似的。

I've given him a nickname as if you're friends.

嘿，是约瑟夫。我们关系超好，我都用他的全名而不是简称，懂吗？就像，嘿，那是乔。不不不，那是约瑟夫。我和他妈妈都叫他约瑟夫。

Hey, it's Joseph. I we're so good friends, I use his longer name instead of the shorter one, you know? Like hey, that's Joe. No, no, no, that's Joseph. Me and his mom call him Joseph.

天啊。我可不想知道你和他妈妈之间的事

Oh my god. I don't wanna know what you and his mom

做。烘焙。我们被烤了。停。停。

do. Bake. We get baked. Stop. Stop.

今天我们有一期非常有趣的节目。说它有趣，其实是指感人。

We have a very interesting episode today. And by interesting, I mean touching.

说它感人，其实是指

And by touching, I mean

有趣。

Interesting.

是的。我是指情感上很强烈。

Yes. I mean emotionally charged.

我们要深入探讨这个话题吗？

Should we get into that?

是的。

Yes.

我们大概只有三、四十五分钟的时间。

We only have like thirty, forty five minutes.

没错。我们开始向大家展示我们发现的宝藏吧。

Yeah. Let's start telling people about our treasures, our treasures that we found.

在上期播客节目中，嗯，我们讨论了那架闹鬼小钢琴里可能藏了什么。

So during the last podcast episode Mhmm. We spoke about what may or may not have been in our haunted little piano.

对，是在我们钢琴底部发现的。

Yeah. Found in the bottom of our piano.

我们确实发现了些东西。是的，上期节目里我们讨论过，

We found something. Yeah. We talked about it during the last episode and

其中一件发现是折叠在密封袋里的一张纸。

one of the things that we found was a piece of paper folded up in a Ziploc bag.

是的。

Yes.

我们当时在讨论我们认为那是什么，以及你的想法

And we were asking what we thought that was, what you thought

那是什么。我们已经打开了。我们打开了钢琴底部。简单回顾一下，我们原以为里面会有那些奇怪的玻璃胶囊装的东西，我立刻想到了毒品。

that was. We've opened it. We've opened the bottom of the piano. A quick little recap too, the other thing we thought was in there were these weird glass capsules of something, and I immediately thought drugs.

我是

I was

觉得，这可能是某种毒品，但我不希望它是毒品，结果确实不是。那些是小小的迷你马克笔，形状有点像胶囊，而且都没有笔帽。

like, this is some type of drug, and I wanted it to not be drugs, it turns out it was not drugs. It was these little miniature markers that were like capsule shaped kind of, and they were all missing their tops.

它们完全是无害的。对。就是小孩子放进去的马克笔。

They were extremely innocent. Yeah. It was just markers that a kid had put in there.

是啊。看起来像是小孩把马克笔从钢琴的小孔塞进去的。对。这是你的推测，而我

Yeah. Looks like a kid had like pushed the markers through the little opening in the piano. Yeah. That's what you theorized and I

认为这就是你的理论。

think That's it's what you theorized.

我当时就想，好吧，谢天谢地。不是毒品，里面有几支笔。嗯哼。但那张纸。大家都在谈论的就是那张纸，大家都在问我们这个。

So I was like, okay, thank God. Not drugs, there were some pens in there. Uh-huh. But the paper. The paper is what everybody's been talking about, it's what everyone's been asking us about.

有些人甚至留言猜测它可能是什么。是的。结果它比我想象的要美得多。是的，简直

Some people have even been leaving comments about what they think it is. Yeah. What it turned out to be is much more beautiful than I could Yeah. Have ever

我们猜过，天马行空的猜测可能是张藏宝图之类的

We were guessing, well, fantastical guesses were maybe a treasure map, something

类似的东西。一张藏宝图。

like that. A treasure map.

我们现实的猜测大概是钢琴上次调音时的发票。

Our realistic guesses were like probably an invoice from the last time the piano was serviced.

类似‘这架钢琴多少年前调过音’的纸条。这是你的小东西，我们把它放在钢琴里。不是还有人，有人指出密封袋是六十年代发明的。对。所以里面的东西不可能比那更早。

Something like it was tuned this many years ago. Here's your little thing, we're keeping it in the piano. And didn't somebody even, somebody pointed out that Ziploc bags were invented in the sixties. Yes. So whatever is in there cannot be older than that.

是啊。我们当时就觉得，哇，真聪明。

Yeah. And we were like, wow, that's smart.

实际上，我相当相信里面的东西根本没那么古老。

That's And I pretty actually believe what was in there is not that old at all.

那是去年的。

It's from last year.

是啊。那我们要告诉他们这是什么吗？好的。在我们的钢琴里有一封给我们的信。

Yeah. So should we tell them what it is? Yes. Okay. Inside our piano was a letter to us.

给我们的。听起来有点怪，光是想想我就起鸡皮疙瘩了，但这封信显然不是写给比利的。

To us. That sounds weird, and I'm getting tingly even thinking about it, but it was a letter not addressed obviously to Billy

上面没有我们的名字。

It did not have our names on it.

不，没有。但它是写给当前钢琴主人的。

No. No. But it was to whoever happens to own the piano currently.

对，是写给现任主人的。

Yes. It was to the current owners.

现在准备好，我要在编辑这个播客时做些小调整，但我会在背景里添加一些内容

Now get ready. I'm gonna do a little editing here when I go and edit this podcast, but I'm gonna add some stuff in the background

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

为了让这一刻更美好，因为这对我们来说是一个非常非常美好的时刻。实际上是个超级感人的瞬间。当你拿出这个东西，我看到它像一封信时，我简直惊呆了，天啊。你还问要不要等到播客上第一次读它？我说不，现在就读吧。我真的很庆幸我们当时决定立刻读它，因为这样我们能独自共同体验那一刻

To make it beautiful because this was a very, very beautiful moment for us. It was actually a super touching moment for us. When you pulled this thing out, and I saw that it was like a letter, I was like, holy shit, oh my God, and you were like, should we wait until we read it for the first time on the podcast? And I said, no, let's read it now, and I'm really, really glad that we decided on that because we got to experience that together, alone

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

只在这封信和写信的人面前。

And in the presence of just this letter and the person who had written it.

是啊。而且我还哭了。

Yeah. And I got to cry.

你确实有点哭了。

You did cry a little bit.

是的。

Yeah.

真美啊。

It's beautiful.

非常美。

It's very beautiful.

我们开始吧。

Let's get into it.

好的。这封信的日期是2018年1月9日，大约在我们得到钢琴前六个月。信中说，这架钢琴自1885年起就在我家传了四代多。据说1885年新购时售价12美元，这在当时是笔巨款。我是家族最后一人，年事已高无法再带着它搬迁照料了。

Okay. So this letter is dated the 01/09/2018, which is about six months or so before we got the piano. And it says, this piano has been in my family since 1885. For over four generations, I was told that when it was purchased new in 1885 it sold for $12, which was a lot of money at that time. I'm the last of my family and too old to move it with me and care for it anymore.

我衷心希望得到它的人能珍爱并欣赏它的历史，在能力所及之时妥善保管。时光改变一切且从不等候。记得12岁时我对母亲说很期待下周满13岁进入青少年时期，她只是看着我说：别为13岁高兴。追问原因时，她说总有一天我会醒来发现自己不再是少年，而是50岁——这个年纪如今早已远去。

It is my sincere hope that whomever gets this will love and appreciate its history and take good care of it as long as you are able to. Time changes all things and waits for no one. I remember when I was 12 years old and told my mother I was so excited to turn 13 next week because I would be in my teens. She just looked at me and said, don't be happy to be 13. And when I asked why, she just said someday that I would wake up and instead of being in my teens, I would be 50, which has long since come and gone.

圣经应许地球终将恢复亚当夏娃失去的乐园景象。我多盼望今日就能实现。生活如此艰难，每日都是挣扎。若你选择保留并照料它，待我在这片土地上复活后，必将在新天新地中寻你。

The Bible promises that someday the Earth would be returned to the paradise condition that Adam and Eve lost. How I wish it was here today. Life is so hard. Each day is a struggle just to get through. If you choose to keep and care for it, I will try to find you in a new system after I'm resurrected here on Earth.

我想看看它，甚至想把它换回来。谢谢你，愿上帝保佑。

I would like to see it and even barter it back. Thank you and God bless.

天啊。我的天哪。

Holy shit. Oh my God.

这是我读过的最美的东西。

This is the most beautiful thing that I've ever read.

我简直不敢相信它有多美。我想象不出在钢琴里还能找到比这更酷的东西了。首先，我希望他们底部的签名能清晰可辨。现在看起来只有首字母。是的。

It's in I can't believe how beautiful it is. I can't imagine a cooler thing to find in the piano. I wish there was a first of all, I wish their signature at the bottom was legible. It only looks like initials. Yeah.

信的其他部分都是打印出来的。

And the rest of the letter is typed out.

是啊。

Yeah.

信里还有一些非常可爱的拼写错误和蹩脚英语，这让它显得如此...我不知道这个人来自哪里，他们的家人来自哪里，或者他们...

And there's some very adorable misspellings and broken English in it that just make it so, I don't know where this person is from or where their family came from or what they

而且，他们觉得，这绝对是个不常用电脑的人。肯定不习惯。是的，用电脑

And also, they're like, it's definitely someone 's not used to using a computer. Definitely not used Yeah. To using a

他们不知怎么想办法把这个打印出来了。嗯。这对我来说太特别了。整件事都如此特别。我们要把它裱起来。

they somehow found a way to like print this out. Mhmm. It just is so special to me. This whole thing is so special. We're gonna frame it.

真美。

It's beautiful.

我们要把它裱起来，然后放在钢琴旁边。

We are gonna frame it and we're gonna put it like next to the piano.

放在钢琴顶上，对。

On top the piano, yeah.

最后那里有点诡异。

It got a little haunted there at the end.

我觉得恰到好处。

Got the appropriate amount, I think.

我记得我们读它的时候，感觉就是...我简直爱它的一切。我爱那些拼写错误，爱那些蹩脚的英语，爱它如此真实的质感，这件我们发现的物品。

It got a little bit of a I remember when we were reading it, were just like, and I I just I loved everything about it. I loved I loved the misspellings, I loved the broken English, I loved that it just felt so real, this thing that we found.

而且它太个人化了。

And It's so personal.

非常、非常、非常个人化。最后他们写道：'无论如何，我会在新系统中找到你，当我在地球上复活时，我会把它交换回来。'我当时就想，天啊。但现实点说，这没问题。说真的，如果在我有生之年还拥有这架钢琴，而有人对它表现出极大兴趣，我会说：'它是你的了。'

Very, very, very personal. And then at the end where they were like, anyway, I'll find you in the new system and I will be bartering it back when I am resurrected here on Earth. I'm like, oh my god. But realistically That's fine. Realistically, if at any point in my life that I still own this piano and somebody takes a lot of interest in wanting it, I'm gonna be like, it's yours.

它本就属于你，从来不是我的，我只是暂借而已。

It belongs to you, it was never mine, I was only borrowing it.

我只是代为保管

I was just holding it

我是在替你照看它。是的。首先，这架钢琴比我们想象的要古老得多。是的。假设上面的日期是准确的，不过...

I was looking after it for you. Yeah. So first of all, this piano is much older than we thought it was. Yeah. Assuming the date on the thing is accurate, but

我们不确定那上面的日期是否准确。

We're not sure if the date on the thing is accurate.

我很高兴知道它在这个家族中传承了这么久。

I'm glad to know that it's been in their family for so long.

是啊，好几代人了。它一直被精心照料着。

Yeah. Generations. It was cared for.

我原以为这只是件普通物品，我们从某个卖家那里买来的，那东西本不属于他们，他们是从类似储物箱之类的地方得到的。对，就是储物，那叫什么来着？

I thought it was just something, we purchased it from somebody who just was selling it, it didn't belong to them, they got it in some like storage bin thing. Yeah. Just storage, what are they called?

储物集装箱。

Storage container.

好的，对。没错。自从我看到那架钢琴就爱上它了。我是说，我们一看到就觉得就是它了。嗯哼。

Okay, yeah. Yeah. And I loved the piano since I saw it. I mean, we saw it and we're like, that's the one. Mhmm.

那就是我想要的钢琴。

That's the piano I wanted.

它太独特了，又古老又哥特，体型巨大还特别沉。

It's so unique, it's just old and goth and giant and so heavy.

它非常重。

It's very heavy.

上面有烛台。

Has candle holders on it.

是啊是啊。它看起来很美，真的非常非常酷。我本来不该得到它的，因为我一联系卖家，对方就说抱歉已经有人要来取了。我就说多给我留一天，我可以来取——不是我亲自来，我会雇专业搬琴工，还额外付100美元。然后对方就答应了。于是我们得到了它。

Yeah. Yeah. It looks beautiful, it looks really really cool. I was supposed to not get it, because as soon as I messaged the person about it, they were like, sorry, someone else is gonna come pick it up, and I was like, hold it for me one extra day, I can come pick it up, not me personally, I can hire piano movers and I'll pay you a 100 extra dollars, and they were like, yeah, deal. And we got it.

我非常非常非常高兴我们得到了它，而且它没有被遗忘在储物柜里。是的。也实现了原主人的心愿——希望有人能珍爱并欣赏它的历史，好好照顾它。

I'm very, very, very happy that we got it, and it's not just sitting in a storage container. Yes. And that this person's wish that someone would love and appreciate its history and take care of it.

我珍爱并欣赏这件宝贝。愿望成真了。我珍爱并欣赏这件宝贝。真希望能想办法联系到储物柜的原主，看看是否有什么线索能找到名字，在这位原主还在世时告诉他：钢琴在我们这里，它很安全，被精心照料和爱护着。太美好了。

I love and appreciate this thing. Coming true. I love and appreciate this thing. I wish there was a way to, maybe I can contact the person who got the storage container and see if there was a name attached to it somehow to contact this person while they're still alive and just say the piano's with us, it's safe and it is cared and loved for. Beautiful.

它华丽极了。

It's gorgeous.

是啊，从它崭新出厂开始，一个家族四代人都是用它学琴的，它一直随着这个家族辗转各地。

Yeah, just four generations of a family since it was new had just been learning to play on that and it's been moving around with them.

买的时候才12美元。太棒了，真不错。是啊。

Dollars 12 when it was purchased. Amazing. So good. Yeah.

我之前告诉过你，我最喜欢的感觉就是能感知到'这里发生过什么'的那种氛围。

I've told you before that I have, my favorite feeling that I get is a sense of what happened here.

是的。

Yes.

我喜欢这样形容。这种感觉甚至在我玩游戏时也会有，比如在一个陌生的地方闲逛，还不知道发生了什么。我就会想，这里发生过什么？这就是为什么我——

Is how I like to phrase it. It's a thing when I play video games even, like just walking around like a kind of place and you don't know what's happening yet. I was like, what happened here? And that's why I've

你一直都不太喜欢了解故事背景。

always you didn't liked know the story.

对，所以我总喜欢探索废弃建筑之类的地方，四处走走，感受某段历史的气息，完全沉浸其中。我真的很喜欢这种感觉，而这架钢琴给了我同样的感受。

Yeah, that's why I've always like going into abandoned buildings and stuff and just walking around and just feeling out something's history and just feeling overwhelmed by it. I really, really like that and I get that same sense with this piano.

是啊，能得到这架钢琴我感到很荣幸。

Yeah, I feel honored to have gotten this piano.

嗯。

Mhmm.

光是拥有那张纸条，我就打算把它裱起来。对，我要裱起来，就放在钢琴旁边。

And just to even have that note, I'm gonna frame it. Yeah. I'm gonna frame it, and I'm gonna put it next to the piano.

没错，我们当然应该这么做。

Yeah, we absolutely should.

太美了，它让人心醉，让我百感交集。

It's gorgeous, it's so woo, it's so makes me feel so many things.

嗯。

Mhmm.

真美。总之，这就是钢琴里的东西。是啊，挺酷的。

Beautiful. Anyway, that was what was in the piano. Yeah. Pretty cool.

这个谜题以最完美的方式解开了。是的。嗯。

That's our mystery solved in the absolutely best way that it could be. Yeah. Mhmm.

咱们把这玩意儿做成标题党爆款。拍几张照片，冲上Reddit首页。Reddit用户就吃这套，他们最爱这种狗血内容了。

Let's clickbait the shit out of this. Let's take pics. Let's get on the front page of Reddit. Reddit would eat this shit up. Reddit lives for shit like this.

何况Reddit上发的东西有一半都是假的。

And half the shit that's posted on Reddit is fake anyway.

确实。

That's true.

但这事可是真事儿。他们肯定超爱这种料。虽然我不会发到Reddit上——拜托你也别发。

And this actually happened. They would love this shit. I'm not gonna post it on Reddit, but Please don't.

因为那

Because that

意味着要登录我那个不知道还存不存在的陈年Reddit账号。

would involve logging in to to whatever old Reddit account I still have.

不过

But

嗯。我只在我的蛋糕日登录。现在我能用哪些Reddit术语？我不知道。快说啊。

Mhmm. And I only log in in my on my cake day. And what's Reddit terminology I can use right now? I don't know. Come on.

什么是老套的Reddit用语？

What's a corny Reddit thing?

我不常上那儿。我不喜欢Reddit。我们昨天不是说过什么吗？

I'm not on there enough. I don't like Reddit. Didn't we say something yesterday?

我们昨天说了很多话。什么什么什么来着，我们昨天不是说过什么吗？

We said a lot of things yesterday. What what what was didn't we say something yesterday?

就是那种非常Reddit风格的东西。

Something that was very reddity.

哦，对了。是‘去你的’。是什么来着？它

Oh, yeah. It was fuck. What was it? It

是‘今天不行’

was Not today

撒旦。什么？

Satan. What?

今天不行，撒旦。

Not today Satan.

是啊，'今天不行撒旦'是说过，但还有比那更糟的事我们刚才在说。有件事

Yeah, not today Satan was, but yeah, but there was something even worse than that we were saying. There was something

而且是个荡妇。

And it was a slut.

是有，对，就是那个。是...天啊，是什么来着？我想不起来了。

There was, yeah, that was it. It was, God, what was it? I can't remember it.

不。

No.

要是我马上想起来，我会在这里直接编辑加进去。

If I think of it soon, I'll edit it in right here.

这确实应该听起来不自然。

It should really unnaturally.

对，用机器人声音说。说点什么关于...天啊，就在嘴边。我大脑里拒绝所有来自Reddit的东西，所以很难

Yeah, in a robot voice. Say something about, God, it's at the tip of my tongue. I reject all things in my brain that are Reddit, so it's hard to

我们只需要把你那点带鼻音的自然声音片段接进去。在

We just splice in a bit of you in your little nasal natural voice. In

我的自然声音。

my natural voice.

绝佳素材。

Awesome source.

是啊，哦，这太...等等这是什么来着？超赞蛋？是什么来着？是神奇蛋，对就是这个。

Yeah, Oh, this is this is awesome wait what is it? Awesome balls? What is it? What is it? Amaze balls, that was it.

这简直是超赞蛋。

This is awesome balls.

超赞的球球。还有惊艳酱。

Awesome balls. And Amaze sauce.

这确实是梅的酱料。在我生日这天，我要去和我老婆亲热然后到处炫耀，因为我是互联网上的成年男人。天啊。

This is a May's sauce, it really is. And on my cake day of all days, I'm gonna go fuck my wife now and brag about it because I'm a grown man on the internet. God.

真的很糟糕。

Really bad.

哎呀，Reddit有个很糟糕的做法。

My, here's a bad thing that Reddit does.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

有些人可能并不那么专业，但技术上稍微懂点皮毛。比如自称考古学家的人，现在就要给你解释这个。

Someone who's probably not that qualified in that thing but they are technically like a little well versed in it. We'll be like, archaeologist here and now I'm gonna fucking explain to you this thing.

你知道这特别像什么吗？就是Tumblr上的科学板块那种氛围。

You know what that has a very strong vibe of is science side of Tumblr.

是的，就是

Yes, that's

你还记得Tumblr上的科学板块吗？是啊，

Do you remember science side of Tumblr? Yeah,

解释一下。Tumblr的科学板块。为什么？你们都蠢得要命。你们可是在Tumblr上。

Explain this. Science side of Tumblr. Why? You're all dumb as hell. You're on Tumblr.

为什么会

Why would

我 是啊。某个正在读社会学学士学位的家伙 是啊。科学派系突然插嘴说，实际上。

I Yeah. Fucking Someone who's getting their BA in like sociology Yeah. Sciences chimes in like, actually.

是啊。我讨厌所有社交媒体上的这点。

Yeah. I hate that about all social media.

呃，通常都是汉克·格林插话。是啊。

Well, it's usually Hank Green chimes in. Yeah.

等等。对。汉克是弟弟。对吧？

Wait. Yeah. Hank is the younger brother. Right?

对。不是那个

Yeah. Not the one who

喜欢口交的家伙。他叫什么来着？约翰。约翰·格林，就是他。

loves Sucking dick. What's his name? John. John Green, that was it.

靠。不是《寻找阿拉斯加》的著名作家约翰·格林。

Fuck. Not acclaimed author in Dick's Summer, John Green.

那个喜欢蹲着被蛋蛋闷死的家伙。对。

The one who loves to sit on his heels and fucking get smothered by balls. Yeah.

天啊。他被起诉了。哈哈他因为那篇帖子取消了Tumblr的编辑功能，现在又要来搞播客了。

Oh my god. He gets sued. He he he took away Tumblr's editing ability because of that post, and now he's gonna take away podcast.

他一个人就

He single handedly.

他现在要删除播客了，就因为提到了这件事。

He's gonna delete podcasts now because brought it up.

我在Tumblr上最喜欢的就是这个功能。每半年你就能看到一篇实际上不是Hank Green发的帖子。叫什么名字来着？我老是记不住。John。

That was my favorite fucking thing about Tumblr was that thing right there. So once every six months, you'll just see that one post that's not actually by Hank Green. What what's the name? I keep forgetting. John.

John Green。

John Green.

对。

Yeah.

其实不是John Green发的，但有人去随便拿了他的一篇帖子。是啊，因为以前在Tumblr上不知怎么就能这么干。

Not actually by John Green, but somebody went and they took just one of his random posts. Yeah. Because you, for some reason, used to be able to do this on Tumblr.

没错，你以前可以直接编辑别人的帖子。

Yeah. You could just edit other people's posts.

想写什么就写什么。想写什么就写什么，然后有人就写了这么一大段，描述得非常非常详细

To say whatever the fuck you want. To say whatever the fuck you want, and someone just wrote this big paragraph, very, very, very descriptive of

真是描述得太生动了。

just So descriptive.

关于他如何无时无刻不想着口交这件事。他就是那种，我超爱，简直让我疯狂。真的，我太爱了，而且描述里他跪坐着的画面让我笑到不行。天啊。每次看到这段，我们都忍不住相视一笑，就是那条帖子——

Of how he just wants to suck cock constantly. Just how he's just like, I love it, it drives me crazy actually. I just, I love it so much and the description sitting on his heels is so fucking funny to me. God. And each time it came up, we just look at it and just be like, that's the post that

就是那条让我们失去它的帖子。嗯哼。我们飞得离太阳太近了。

That's the post that we got it taken away from us. Mhmm. We flew too close to the sun.

然后Tumblr就说，你们不能再这么玩了。

And Tumblr like, you can't do this anymore.

Tumblr剪断了我们的翅膀。

Tumblr clipped our wings.

天，这也太好笑了。

God, that's fucking funny.

但值得。最后那次编辑是值得的。没错。

But it was worth it. That one last edit was worth it. Yeah.

作为一个28岁的人，我不该觉得这好笑。不该。但公平地说，我是以24岁的视角看的，所以

It shouldn't be funny to me as a 28 year old. No. But to be fair, I saw it as like a 24 year old so

这确实让人印象深刻。

It made an impression.

是啊，对我来说还是他妈的好笑。因为这太不像他了。对。而且他...你知道好笑的是他回应时，那种典型的Tumblr风格，就像'不，我只是想让你们觉得...你们这些家伙...这很糟因为...'

Yeah. It's still very fucking funny to me. Because it's fucking, it's so unlike him. Yeah. And he's so You know what's funny is that when he responded to that, he responded to that in such like a tumblr y way where he was just like, no, I just wanna make it like you're You you guys you guys are It's bad because not

想干那些事并不丢人。

shameful to wanna do those things.

就像，不。对，显然不是。

It's like, no. Yeah, obviously.

废话。当然不。当然不。好笑是因为你是备受赞誉的牛逼人物。年轻的约翰·格林，都有电影上映了。

Duh. Of course not. Of course not. It's funny because you're critically acclaimed Awesome. Young John Green, who's had films put out.

好笑是因为想到你干这事就他妈离谱。用大号发骚

It's funny because the idea of you doing that is fucking hysterical. On your main just horny

关于只是发布它。比如，你做这件事的想法并不好笑。你发布关于它的想法

on Just posting it. Like, the idea of you doing it isn't funny. The idea of you posting about it

才好笑。某种程度上是的。而且那样写出来很滑稽。不是指不是同性恋。当然，那一点都不好笑。

is funny. In that much Yeah. And writing about it like that is hysterical. Not not being gay. Of course, that's not funny at all.

不。

No.

但是，没错，他确实反转了立场，就像，我只想明确表示做那些事没有错。就像，我们这是在Tumblr上。我们都懂。

But, yeah, he really did flip it being like, I just wanna make it clear that doing those things is not wrong. It's like, we this is Tumblr. We we know.

大家都是同性恋。对啊。很明显。不，实际上不，现在已经不是那样了。那是Tumblr的古早时期。

Everyone's gay. Yeah. Obviously. No, actually, no, that was not anymore. That was the Tumblr of like ye olden days.

那是Tumblr还好的时候。

That was when Tumblr was good.

那是Tumblr的黄金时代。可惜它已经消亡下线了，我们谁都访问不了。不行。没门。

That was the glory days of Tumblr. Unfortunately, it's died and is offline now and we none of us can access it. Nope. No.

如果你去那里，那只是一个深蓝色的网站，现在

If you go there, it's just a dark blue website that no

没人再认识或在意了。

one We don't recognise or care for anymore.

会把你重定向到推特。

Redirects you to Twitter.

不，确实如此。他们禁止NSFW内容，简直是自掘坟墓，伤透了各个方面的利益。

No, there was Yeah, they really, really shot themselves in the foot and the chest and every other part themselves with banning NSFW content.

是啊。

Yeah.

我觉得。因为说实话，那吸引了很多用户——不只是那些低俗的色情博客之类的，还有比如，你知道的，兽迷群体。对吧。LGBT群体。

I think. Because that was like, let's be real here, like a lot of the draw, not just for like shitty porn blogs or whatever, but like, you know, the furry community. Right. The LGBT community.

他们那一招简直是自断女性用户的市场。真的。

They shot themselves in the female presenting nipple with that one. They really did.

他们确实做到了。是的，那很棒。谢谢。

They truly did. Yeah. That was good. Thank you.

我当时在笑是因为我

I was smiling because I

你当时应该发推特的。

You should have tweeted that at the time.

是啊，靠。等等。

Yeah. Fuck. Hold on.

没错。你离开了Tumblr

Yeah. You left Tumblr

当然。

Of course.

当他们宣布那件事时。对，对。你注销了我们相遇的那个账号。

When they announced that. Yeah. Yeah. You left the very account on which we met.

是的。对。我说，伙计们，我太饥渴了，这个网站不适合我，然后我就开始说唱了。不，我只是，你知道的，只是想做个好盟友。对。

Yes. Yeah. I said, fellas, I'm too horny and this site's not for me, and I start rapping. No, I I was, you know, just just to to be a good ally. Yeah.

只是想做个好人，因为我觉得这太扯淡了。

Just to be a good person, because I do think it's bullshit.

完全是扯淡。

It is entirely bullshit.

这他妈蠢透了。

It's completely fucking dumb.

不仅摧毁了那么多社区，还夺走了无数人的生计。是的。对。那么多人靠广告...对。他们原本靠这个

As well as destroying so many communities, that also took away a ton of people's livelihoods. Yes. Yeah. So many people advertised Yeah. How they made

太糟糕了。

That sucks.

嗯哼。

Uh-huh.

但从来没人注意到，我在Tumblr上的第一条帖子，第一个点赞，要追溯到2009年那会儿。

And no one ever noticed this, but my very first post on Tumblr, my very first like like I mean, this has gone back to like 2009.

其实是我xxx的广告

Was actually an ad for my x x x

Snapchat。2009年那会儿，我正站在新时代的门槛上。没错。而且那其实是张丁丁照。是那种杰夫·贝索斯风格的蛋蛋特写。

Snapchat. Back in 2009, it was I was on the I was on the cusp of something new. Yeah. And yeah, it was a dick pic. It was one of the it was a Jeff Bezos style balls pic.

真的。不，我...上面就写了些'你好Tumblr'之类的话。那是2009年的事了。而我在Tumblr的最后一条帖子写的是'再见Tumblr'。

It really was. No. I what it just said something like, hello, Tumblr. Something something. It was, like, way back in, 2009, and my very last post on Tumblr said goodbye, Tumblr.

挺可爱的。我当时的想法是...我在另一个平台发东西，但不能再继续给这个网站提供内容了，因为它正在摧毁其他所有东西。

That's cute. My reasoning that. My reasoning for it and being, I'm on this other this other pub, but I can no longer continue to put content on a website that I no longer support because it's destroying all these other things.

嗯哼。当时Tumblr还说什么'成人内容可以去其他很多平台看'，结果就被封杀了。

Uh-huh. And in that thing, Tumblr was kind of like, oh, there are plenty of other places where you can go for your adult content, and that was oofed.

那简直是当面打脸

That was a spit in

那张脸。不是同样的方式。他们就像，好吧，把你那些肮脏的东西都留在肮脏的那一边。这就像是它的优点，就在于它与正常事物并存。

the face. Not in the same way. They're just like, okay, keep all your dirty stuff on the dirty side. It's like that was the good thing about it, is that it was alongside normal stuff.

这在很大程度上将性工作者人性化了，因为我的意思是，你可以去他妈的Pornhub之类的网站，那里有他妈的表演者把它当作社交媒体来对待，但它过去不是、也永远不会像Tumblr那样，那个微型...不，博客你

It humanized sex workers in a big way, because nothing on I mean, you can go to fucking Pornhub and stuff, and there are fucking performers on there that are kind of treating it like social media, but it was not and will never be the same as Tumblr, the micro No, blogging you

不想看到他们的内容与他们的审美和音乐品味混在一起，

won't to see their content alongside their aesthetics, and their music tastes,

他们...以及他们转载的那些东西。

their And just the things that they reblog.

是啊，还有他们只是回答问题，

Yeah, and them just answering questions,

表现得有趣，又带点小忧郁，或者你知道的，这不是，只是，就是

Being and like funny, and being a little sad, or you know, it's not, it's just, it's

不是...我只是在那里交朋友

not I'm just having friends on there

他们就说，去看很多视频吧，老兄。那里有很多地方可以

and They're like, like go to many vids, dude. There's plenty That's of places for

不行，我没办法在这么多乱七八糟的东西上建立社区

not, I can't build a community on fucking many

视频。对。

vids. Right.

这就像，就是，完全不是一回事

It's like, it's just, it's super not the same.

是啊。真遗憾。太糟糕了。

Yeah. It's a shame. It's bad.

然后那个该死的LO突然出现说，嘿，我们会扛起大旗，好心的老LO。还记得吗？而我像个傻子一样加入了，结果刚加入一周他们就说我们要玩生殖器游戏。我的天。操。

And then fucking LO came along and was like, hey, we'll take up the mantle, good old LO. Yeah, thank Y'all remember that? And I, like a fool, joined up, and then a week after I joined up, they were like, we're batting genitals. Oh my god. Oh, fuck.

靠。等把大家都骗进来后，他们就来这套。呕。

Shit. After they got everyone to join up, they were like, ugh.

我们决定了，刚刚自慰过，现在这对我们来说太肮脏了。

We decided this is, we just jacked off and now this is filthy for us now.

我们已经意识到了。是的。

We've come to the realization. Yeah.

我们正处于不应期

We're in the refractory

现在。我们要把你们都封禁掉。

period right now. And we're banning you all.

而且我在发抖。

And I'm shaking.

拉黑，全拉黑，你们没一个

Blocked, blocked, none of you is

是无辜的。我见过太多人的私密部位了，而我现在是上帝的子民。

free of sin. I've seen way too many of you in your private areas and I'm a man of God now.

所以只剩推特了。对，对，奇怪的是没有替代品出现，推特成了最后的堡垒。

So tits only. Yeah. Yeah, so nothing came to replace it but Twitter's the last bastion weirdly.

是啊，但他们搞那种，叫什么来着，对表演者进行影子封禁，他们全都这么干，

Yeah, but they're like, what's it called, like shadow banning performers They all the do,

对，所以你根本搜不到。有时我忘了某个朋友的用户名，就因为名字搜不出来而找不到他们，

yeah, so you don't come up in searches at all. Sometimes I forget one of my friend's handles and just can't find them because their name doesn't come up in

当时。对，我在找你一个朋友，其实是想看他的资料。不，就在你提到他们的时候，你说起他们的一条推文，我想看看。我当场就在你面前搜索，结果根本搜不到，我还怀疑是不是拼错了？你就说，哦，他们被影子封禁了。

the side. Yeah, was looking for one of your friends, I was looking for their profile actually. No, it when you were saying something about them, and you said something about a tweet of theirs, and I wanted to see it. I searched it right there in front of you, was like, they're not coming up, I spelling this right? You're like, oh, they're shadow banned.

简直了，天啊。

Was like, Jesus.

所以你连他们发的笑话都看不到。

So you can't even see like a joke that they posted.

是啊。我懂了。

Yeah. I got God.

太棒了。没错，这是我们目前最好的选择。

Awesome. Yeah, that's the best thing we got right now.

这得怪约翰·格林。我是认真的，伙计。所有这些

I blame John Green. I'm serious, man. All of

审查制度。

this censorship.

前一天还兴致勃勃，现在我们谁都不准兴奋了。真糟糕。天啊。我们到哪了？二十五分钟。

Horny one day and now none of us are allowed to be horned up. Sucks. God. Where we at? Twenty five minutes.

我们该进入问题环节了吗？今天确实有个问题。

Should we get into the question? We do have a question today.

我们有个问题。对。虽然天知道我急需一片抗过敏药，但我还是会试着读一下。

We've got a question. Yeah. And I'm gonna try and read it even though, by god, I need an allergy tablet.

你每秒钟都在变得更鼻塞。

You are getting stuffier by this second.

你女朋友有点闷闷不乐。

Your girl's stuffy.

你正在

You're getting

你女朋友对猫过敏。

Your girl's allergic to cats.

眼睛有两只。你的鼻子在流鼻涕。

Eyes are two of them. Your nose is dripping.

才没有。

It's not.

而且你说话听起来像这样。对。对。因为听起来就是那样。对。

And you sound you you sound kinda like this. Yeah. Yeah. Sound because it's kinda like that. Yeah.

这种嗓音可不怎么吸引人。

Which is an unattractive voice to have.

这就是为什么我们需要一个视频播客。

That's why we need a video podcast.

我们应该做一期节目，全程用你那故作正经的腔调，而我则用我夸张的声线，懂吗？天啊，切换起来感觉太舒服了，

We need to do a an episode where you're doing your stuffy voice and I'm kinda doing my extra voice the whole time, you know? God, switching into it feels so comfortable,

但我不能眼睁睁看着我们的订阅者纯粹为了好玩而盲目吹捧。

but And I just can't just watch our subscribers plump it, just for the fun of it.

是啊，就那四位。不过在讨论这个问题之前，我想说——那些在苹果播客上写评论的人，嗯哼，谢谢你们。他们真的非常友善。

Yeah. All four of them. I would like to say right before we get into this question though, the people that are actually leaving reviews on Apple Podcasts Uh-huh. Thank you. They're very nice.

他们非常

They're very

那太贴心了。

That's so nice.

酷。他们真的、真的很酷。那些人就是那种会说'我超期待新一期节目'、'这太棒了'、'你们对话特别自然'之类的。我特别喜欢那些说'你们搭档时交流特别流畅'、'你们之间有化学反应'等等的评论。很多人好奇我们怎么做到的，如果你们不介意我透露个小秘密——其实我们每次录制前整整一周都完全不交流。

Cool. They're really, really cool. The people were just who were who were just like, I'm excited for new episodes, and this is cool, and you guys speak so naturally, and stuff. I like those a lot when they're they're like, you guys together, you you speak so naturally, and you guys have this chemistry, and yada yada yada. A lot of people wonder how we do it, and if you mind me letting the cat out of the bag for a little bit, we don't speak at all the whole week leading up to recording one of these.

是啊，就是完全隔离的状态。一片寂静。

Yeah. It's just it's complete silo. Silent.

这，怎么说呢，有点刻薄，拜托，这不算完整，就像我会问‘这样听起来好吗？’然后你，对，你会稍微‘嗯’一声，然后我会问‘你觉得可以吗？’接着你会发出类似的

It's, well, mean, come on, it's not like complete, like I'll say like, does this sound good? And you'll, yeah, you'll kinda Yeah. Grunt a little bit, and then I'll say, was that good for you? And then you'll let out a similar

发出同样的‘嗯’声。

Do the same grunt.

对，‘嗯’一声，然后耸耸肩。

Yeah, grunt, you shrug your shoulders.

就是那种当我其实不在乎音频电平时的敷衍‘嗯’。对，对，随便啦。

The same grunt I allow when I don't really care about audio levels. Yeah. Yeah, like whatever.

好吧，对，没关系，我没事。是的，我们在我按下录音键前完全不说话。然后我们就有说不完的话。我们立刻

Okay, yeah, it's fine, I'm fine. Yeah, we don't talk at all until I press record. And then we have a lot to say. We have a ton to say. We're immediately

就像我们突然就全情投入了。

just We're like doing all up.

约翰·格林，约翰·格林，麦克风一开就... 在我们开始之前还有件事

John Green, John Green, as soon as as soon as the microphones go on. One more thing before we get into

嗯。

Yeah.

因为还有点时间。今早我好像用屁股撞到你了，记得吗？

Because we have some time to kill. This morning, I kinda bumped you with my ass. Do you remember that?

记得，你把我弄醒了。对，猛地往后撞到我。

Yeah, you woke me up. Yeah. By violently backing up into me.

我当时侧躺着，像在背后拥抱但没碰到那种姿势。我们俩都面朝同一个方向

So I was sleeping on my side. Was like we were spooning but not touching. Which we're both towel facing you the same

当时睡着了。

were asleep.

对，差不多吧。

Yeah, kind of.

我们之间至少隔着三英寸的距离。

We're at least three inches apart.

嗯，就是我们放在中间的那个枕头的宽度。这样晚上就不会不小心碰到对方。对。不，我侧身睡着，你也侧身睡着，但我们之间有一点空隙，就像我们之前是勺子式相拥，我是那个小勺子，然后夜里有点闹腾，我们就互相挪开了。接着我就醒了。

Well, whatever the width of the pillow we put between us is. So we don't accidentally touch in the night. Yeah. No, I sleeping on my side and you were sleeping on your same side, but there was a little bit of space between us, like we had been spooning, was the little spoon, and then the night got a little crazy and we wiggled away from one another. And then I I woke up.

想象我侧躺着，然后突然用力快速地往后一撅屁股。我超快地往后一顶。

Imagine me on my side, and I just kinda throw my ass back really hard and fast. I throw it back super fast.

我感觉你好像冲我吼了一声

I felt like you got yelled at me at the

同时我正在做梦。我超他妈快地往后一顶，感觉像是用屁股撞了你一下。感觉撞到你了。髋部。对。

same I was having a dream. I I threw it back super fucking fast and it felt like my ass punched you. It felt like it hit you. The hip. Yeah.