尴尬时刻，建议环节

欢迎回到建议环节，这是《随心所欲》系列的一部分，你可以提交你当前的困境或任何事，我是说任何你想寻求建议的事情。然后我会给你我非专业的建议。今天的主题是尴尬，这在我的生活中特别相关，因为前几天，大概三天前吧，我参加了一个社交活动，这大概是我一个月以来第一次参加。懂吗？我最近真的没怎么出门。

Welcome back to advice session, a series here on anything goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything, and I mean anything you want advice on. And then I give you my unprofessional advice. And today's topic is awkwardness, which is particularly relevant in my life because the other day, like, I'm talking about three days ago, I went to a social event for the first time in probably, like, a month. Okay? I, like, really haven't been out lately.

然后我去参加了一个社交活动。告诉你吧，我感觉很尴尬。很久以来第一次，我真的感到非常尴尬。我觉得部分原因是这个活动本身的性质，它就是个有点尴尬的活动。

And then I went to a social event. And let me tell you, I felt awkward. For the first time in a long time, I felt really awkward. And I think part of it was the nature of the event. It was just kind of an awkward event.

但是，还有就是我生疏了。我有一阵子没出门了。而且最重要的是，我不喝酒，所以我没有任何东西可以躲在后面。比如，如果我感觉有点生疏了，哎呀，那就只能硬着头皮应对了，因为我不能靠喝酒来放松。

But, also, I was out of practice. I hadn't been out in a while. And on top of that, I don't drink alcohol, so I have nothing to hide behind. Like, if I'm feeling a little bit rusty, oops. Just gonna have to deal with it because I can't drink to loosen up.

所以我当时超级尴尬，但我必须面对它，必须处理它。所以我不知道。我觉得今天特别适合讨论这个话题。那么废话不多说，我们开始吧。

So I was incredibly awkward, and I had to deal with it. I had to manage it. And so I don't know. I feel particularly primed to discuss this topic today. So without further ado, let's begin.

我简短地打断一下这期节目，告诉大家这期《随心所欲》由沃尔玛赞助。没错，技术上来说现在还是夏天，但心理上我已经开始考虑秋季时尚了。你知道谁能提供升级你秋季衣橱的一切吗？沃尔玛。

I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode of Anything Goes is presented by Walmart. Sure. Technically, it's still summer, but mentally, I'm already starting to think about fall fashion. And you know who has everything to upgrade your fall wardrobe? Walmart.

沃尔玛有你所需的所有单品。我们说的是摘苹果时穿的舒适毛衣，刻南瓜时穿的休闲基本款。我们说的是酷炫的运动鞋、可爱的靴子，而且价格合适。在walmart.com/shop/women's-trends选购秋季主要潮流和新品。网址是walmart.com/shop/women's-trends。

Walmart has all the pieces you could ever need. We're talking about cozy sweaters for apple picking, casual staples for carving pumpkins. We're talking about cool sneakers, cute boots, and the price is right. Shop major fall trends and new drops at walmart.com/shop/women's-trends. That's walmart.com/shop/women's-trends.

现在回到节目。有人说，我向暗恋对象表白后没有结果，还应该继续做朋友吗？我们一直是朋友，所以我现在真的不知道该怎么办。嗯，我认为你首先需要问自己的是，你能承受做朋友吗？因为和你暗恋的人做朋友在情感上并不容易。

Now back to the episode. Somebody said, should I stay friends with my crush after I confessed my feelings and it didn't go anywhere? We've been friends, so I'm not really sure what to do now. Well, I think the first thing you need to ask yourself is, can you handle being friends? Because being friends with somebody you have a crush on is not easy emotionally.

你必须对自己诚实，问问自己是否能承受。你能承受这个人去和别人约会吗？你能承受对这个人有浪漫感情，却因为你们是朋友而不得不经常在他们身边，不断被提醒他们对你没有同样的感觉吗？你能承受这些吗？如果答案是肯定的，那很好。

You have to be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you can handle it. Can you handle this person going off and dating somebody else? Can you handle having romantic feelings for this person and constantly being reminded that they don't feel the same way because you have to be around them all the time because you're friends? Can you handle that stuff? If the answer is yes, then great.

是的，我认为你们应该做朋友。如果答案是否定的，那么我认为你可能需要暂时从这段友谊中退一步。不一定是永远，但你必须对自己诚实，因为如果你继续做朋友，你可能会给自己带来不必要的心理痛苦，而暂时退一步，也许暂停几个月的友谊可能会有帮助，也许能让暗恋的感情逐渐消退，这样你就可以回去做真正的朋友，没有浪漫感情掺杂其中。明白我的意思吗？

Yes. I think you should be friends. If the answer is no, then I think you might wanna take a step back from the friendship for a little bit. Not necessarily forever, but you have to be honest with yourself because if you continue to be friends, you might cause yourself unnecessary levels of psychological pain when just stepping back, maybe taking a few months off the friendship could help maybe let the crush dwindle so that then you can go back and be actual friends with no romantic feelings involved. Do know what I'm saying?

但如果你觉得，不，我能承受。我很坚强，我们的友谊对我来说太重要了，我想坚持下去，我想继续做朋友。而且我认为我能做到。那就去做吧。

But if you feel like, no. I can handle it. I'm strong, and our friendship is worth so much to me that I wanna push through, and I wanna continue to be friends. And I think I can do it. Then do it.

我认为绝对应该这么做。如果你在想，等等，但在我刚刚表白爱意却未被接受后，我们该如何回到朋友关系？我该怎么办？我有几个建议。

I think absolutely do it. And if you're like, wait. But how do we go back to being friends after I just confessed my love and it was not reciprocated? What do I do? I have a few suggestions.

我的意思是，第一种选择，你可以直接回归常态。一开始可能会觉得有点勉强，因为确实如此，但你可以试着‘假装直到成功’。假装一切正常，假装你没有因为被拒绝而有点难过。

I mean, I think option one, you could just go back to normal. It might feel a little bit forced at first because it is, but I don't know. You can kinda fake it till you make it. Fake that everything's normal. Fake that you're not a little bit sad that you got rejected.

最终，这种状态会变成真实的。你懂我的意思吗？你不会再为被拒绝而难过，友谊也会恢复正常。听着，我崇尚沟通。

And then eventually, that will become real. You know what I mean? You won't be upset that you got rejected anymore, and the friendship will return to normal. Listen. I love communication.

99.9%的情况下，我都会建议沟通。但我觉得有些时刻不必非得如此。有些事情可以心照不宣，我认为这没问题。所以这是一种可能的处理方式——假装回归常态。

And 99.9% of the time, I'm going to suggest communicating. But I think there are moments when you don't necessarily have to. Like, things can go unspoken, and I think that's okay. And so that's one potential way that you can handle it. Just pretend to go back to normal.

最终如果一切顺利，关系确实会恢复正常。当然，如果在你还没完全放下时，暗恋对象开始和别人约会之类的情况，可能会有些艰难时刻。但通过坚强和自我开导，我相信你能度过，最终一切会回归正轨。

And then eventually, if all goes well, things do go back to normal. You know, there might be some rough moments if, like, your crush starts dating somebody and you're not fully over the crush yet or whatever. Like, those things might happen. But through strength and talking yourself through it, you know, I think you can get through it. And eventually, things can go back to normal.

特别是如果你们同属一个大朋友圈，我认为这可能最顺其自然的处理方式。但这对你来说可能显得太不自然——要么觉得太假，心想‘我实在没法假装一切如常’，因为你本就不是这类人。

And I think, especially if you're in a friend group together, like a large friend group, I think this might be the most seamless way to proceed. You know? But that might feel too unnatural for you. Either it feels too fake for you, and you're like, I just can't pretend like everything is okay. Like, that's just not the type of person I am.

我无法那样伪装，感觉不对。或者你可能尝试伪装了一阵但行不通——感觉不对劲，友谊不再像从前那样默契，尴尬和紧张感挥之不去。这时或许该约对方坐下来 casually 聊一聊。

I can't fake it like that. That feels wrong. Or perhaps you tried to fake it for a little bit, and it didn't work. Like, things feel off, and the friendship just like, it's not clicking the way it used to and and there's a bit too much awkwardness and tension. Then perhaps you sit them down and have a casual little conversation.

可以邀请他们共进午餐，找个合适的独处时机说：听着，我知道有点怪，毕竟我表白过感情但无果。这完全没关系，我只是想回到朋友关系。

Maybe invite them to lunch. Maybe find a moment alone with them that's appropriate and be like, listen. I know it's a little weird because I kinda confessed my love for you and didn't really go anywhere. That's totally fine. I just wanna go back to being friends.

你觉得我们该怎么做到？对我们来说最好的方式是什么？询问对方的建议。他们可能会说‘或许我们需要几个月的空间’，或者说‘就当什么都没发生直接回归常态’，又或者‘每周沟通下彼此感受’。

How do you think we can do that? Like, what's the best way for us to do that? What do you think? Ask them how they suggest that you proceed. You know, they might be like, oh, maybe it makes sense if, like, we have a few months of space.

和对方共同寻找解决方案。如果你感到困顿迷茫，有时候最好的方式就是把所有想法摊开在当事人面前。

Or perhaps, you know, we just pretend like nothing's wrong and we just go back to normal. Or perhaps we have, like, a weekly check-in and communicate about how we're both feeling. You know, figure it out with the other person. I don't know. If you're feeling stuck and you're feeling lost, sometimes the best thing you can do is put it all out on the table with the other person that you're dealing with.

你知道吗？与其独自琢磨，不如问问与此事相关的另一方。看看他们有没有什么想法。让他们帮帮你。并且认真倾听。

You know? Instead of trying to figure it out all on your own, ask the other person involved in the situation. See if they have any ideas. Let them help you. And listen.

我觉得我讨论的方式几乎是在轻描淡写地对待一件并不简单、并不容易的事。你明白吗？因为我确实知道这有多复杂，多令人情绪化。所以我不想轻视它，但我确实认为你能挺过去。你懂我的意思吗？

I feel like the way that I'm discussing it is almost making light of something that is not that simple, is not that easy. You know? Because I I do know how complicated this is and how emotional this is. And so I don't wanna make light of it, but I do feel like you can get through it. Do you know what I'm saying?

比如，你不必自我毁灭。友谊也不必结束。明白吗？可能会有一段时间有点不舒服。如果他们开始和新人约会，你可能得强迫自己表现得支持。

Like, you don't have to self destruct. The friendship doesn't have to end. You know? It might be a little bit uncomfortable for a little bit. You might have to force being supportive if they start dating somebody new.

你可能得强迫自己不去挑逗他们，如果你想的话。这些情况可能会发生，但最终我认为会消散的。我觉得多结交些你可能产生好感的新朋友会特别有帮助。比如接下来几个月多参加几场派对，开始和新的朋友圈相处，其中有些你觉得迷人又有吸引力的人。

You might have to force yourself not to, like, flirt with them if you want to. Like, these things might happen, but eventually, I think that that can dissipate. I think it could also be particularly helpful to start making new friends with people who you could potentially be attracted to. Like, go to a few more parties in the next few months. Start hanging out with a new friend group that has some people that you find charming and attractive in the group.

试着多样化你的社交圈，这样就能把浪漫精力投向他处。懂吗？我觉得当暗恋某人时，除非有新选择，否则很难走出来。有人可能觉得这样不健康，有点像情感反弹，但我倒不这么认为。我们心中本就充满爱与浪漫，渴望心动，期待激情。

Like, start diversifying who you hang out with so that you can put your romantic energy elsewhere. You know? I think it can be really hard when you have a crush on someone to move on from that crush unless you have some new options. Now some people might argue that that's unhealthy, and that's like a crush rebound in a way, but I actually don't think so necessarily. I think we have love and romance in our hearts, and we wanna have crushes, and we wanna be excited about sex.

明白吗？这非常人性化，非常自然。除非有新的寄托，否则很难从一段情愫中抽离。重申一下，我不建议找反弹对象，但这只是暗恋，不是恋爱关系。

You know? Like, the like, it's very human nature. It's very natural, and it can be very hard to move on from one unless you have a place to put that energy next. And, again, I don't suggest a rebound, but this is a crush. This isn't a relationship.

所以我觉得这不算真正的反弹，因为没那么严重。只是暗恋而已。在这种情况下，尽快转移新目标反而更健康，这样说有道理吗？我也不知道，但我觉得没问题。

So I think it's not really a rebound because it's not that serious. It's just a crush. Like, I think in this scenario, it's much healthier to move on to a new crush as soon as you can because it's not does that make sense? I don't know. I feel like that's fine.

而恋爱关系就不同了，当你为分手哀伤、思念前任时，立刻开始新恋情会更危险，因为约会和恋爱要严肃得多。风险更高，涉及更多情感投入和承诺。完全不同。

Whereas when you're in a relationship, you're mourning a relationship, you know, you're missing your ex, it's a bit more dangerous to just move on and start dating somebody new immediately because dating and relationships are much more serious. You know? The stakes are higher. There's much more emotion involved, much more commitment involved. It's very different.

快速开始新恋情可能会伤害你和对方的感情。但把自己放在可能遇到新心动的场合，我觉得就无害多了。而且会很有帮助，因为继续对这个人怀有那种情感已无意义。但这份能量总要有去处，找到或开始寻找新目标会是个办法。

And to rebound and just start dating somebody really quickly can potentially harm you and the other person's emotions. Whereas, like, just kind of putting yourself out there and putting yourself in in situations where you might find a new crush, that's much more harmless to me. And I think it could be incredibly helpful because it doesn't make sense anymore to have that energy towards this person. But, yeah, I don't know what to do with that energy. It can be helpful to find someone else or to just start looking for someone else.

但你知道，我觉得友谊太重要了，能交到好朋友很难得。所以因为短暂的情愫未果就放弃友谊，我觉得很可惜。因此我建议不要这样。我认为只要有可能，无论是短期还是长期，都该想办法维持这段友谊。短期指的是立即继续做朋友。

But, you know, I think friendship is so important, and it is rare to find people who are good friends. And so I think to throw away a friendship because there was a brief romantic element and it didn't work out, like, that's a shame to me. And and so I kind of advise against it. I I I think if you can find a way to continue the friendship, whether that's short term or long term. Like, short term meaning, like, continue the friendship immediately.

试着通过自我对话回归常态，或者与对方沟通，长期来看可能需要暂时疏远这段友谊，退后一步，甚至转移情感寄托到新对象上，之后再重新修复关系。我认为这值得努力。本节目由BetterHelp赞助。网络世界浩瀚，你搜到的信息未必可靠。每次我查找健康或心理建议时，总被海量信息淹没。

Just try to, you know, go back to normal through self talk and potentially, you know, conversation with the person or long term, which means, you know, taking a little break from the friendship, stepping back, potentially finding somebody new to have a crush on, and then returning to the friendship later. I just think it's worth preserving. This is an ad by BetterHelp. The Internet is a big place, and the info you find isn't always the most accurate. Every time I look up wellness or mental health tips, I'm met with so much information.

根本不知如何筛选。况且网上很多所谓建议并非出自专业人士。面对铺天盖地的信息很容易无所适从，而判断什么适合自己更是困难。因此务必选择可信渠道，更好的方式是直接咨询能提供帮助的专业治疗师。

I don't even know how to sort through it. And not all the information you're gonna find online is from people who really know what they're talking about. There's so much advice online, it can be overwhelming. And knowing what works for you isn't easy. That's why it's important to use trusted sources, or even better, talk to a living, breathing person who can help, like a therapist.

他们受过专业训练，能帮你建立自信、改善人际关系，并为你量身定制积极应对策略。开始心理咨询没你想的复杂。BetterHelp让你随时随地便捷联系专业治疗师。作为全球最大在线心理咨询平台，BetterHelp拥有多元化的心理健康专家团队。现在就通过BetterHelp开启对话吧。

They're trained to help you gain confidence, improve relationships, to share positive coping skills tailored to you specifically. Getting into therapy is less complicated than you think. BetterHelp makes it easy to connect with a professional therapist anytime, anywhere. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Talk it out with BetterHelp.

听众专属福利：首月可享9折优惠，请访问BetterHelp.com/anything。本节由Squarespace赞助。网购时遇到过网站卡顿吗？使用Squarespace绝不会出现这种情况。其智能设计系统让每个人都能轻松打造符合个性需求的精美网站。

Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp dot com slash anything. That's better,help,.com/anything. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Have you ever been shopping online and the website just gave you the Let me tell you, that wouldn't happen if they used Squarespace. Squarespace design intelligence empowers anyone to build beautiful, more personalized websites tailored to your unique needs.

通过Squarespace支付系统，点击几下即可完成交易。其内置的SEO优化工具还能帮你提升网站流量。登录Squarespace.com/Emma免费试用，结账时输入优惠码Emma可享首单9折。好了，言归正传。

And with Squarespace payments, it's super easy to manage payments with just a few clicks. Plus, with Squarespace's integrated and optimized SEO tools, there's all the help you need to get people to your site. Head to Squarespace dot com slash Emma for a free trial, and use code Emma to save 10% on your first purchase. Okay. Moving on.

有听众问："因朋友严重伤害我而决裂，但还要同班上课，该假装无事发生避免尴尬吗？"我的建议是不要完全装作若无其事。毕竟曾经你们以最真挚的情谊相待，如今这已不合时宜。

Somebody said, I fell out with my friend group because they did me very wrong, but we're still in the same classes together. Do I act like nothing is wrong around them to avoid awkwardness? I don't know what to do. I would say you shouldn't pretend nothing is wrong. Like, you shouldn't go completely back to normal.

他们伤害了你，这份伤痛需要被正视。若彻底回归常态，等于抹杀这段经历，这不可取。但也不必冷言恶语相向，那只会拉低自己的格局。

Because when you were friends, you treated them with the utmost warmth and kindness and love, And that doesn't really make sense anymore. Do you know what I mean? They did you wrong, and you need to honor that. Going back to normal completely, I think, erases what happened, and you don't wanna do that. But you also don't wanna be cold and rude and mean because that's stooping.

明白吗？他们亏待了你，不代表你现在就该以无礼粗鲁回敬。

Right? Like, treated you like shit. They did you very wrong. That doesn't mean now you should do them wrong and treat them with disrespect and and rudeness. You know?

关键在于找到健康平衡点。建议尽可能保持距离，减少接触。倒不必刻意躲避，但没必要主动交谈——既然已看清他们本质。

You wanna find a healthy balance. And I think the way to find that balance is to keep your distance as much as possible, avoid contact as much as possible. You know? You don't need to, like, run away from them, but I would avoid talking to them as much as possible because there's no reason to. You found out they're true colors.

这些人不值得你再交往。不过在必须互动的场合，比如小组合作，或排队领试卷时恰巧相邻，请保持尊重、礼貌且简洁的交流，就像处理公务那样。

These are not people you need to be around anymore. So keep your distance as much as possible. But in the situations when you need to talk, you need to interact. Perhaps you're working on a project together, or I don't know, you're standing in line to receive your test from the teacher at their desk and everybody's in a line and you happen to be behind one of these ex friends, you know, you might have to interact. I would say when you do interact, keep it respectful, keep it cordial, and keep it brief, almost like business.

我觉得这就像做生意一样。保持表面上的礼貌就够了，不需要过度热情，也不必刻意恭维他们。我本身是个讨好型人格，所以即使面对伤害过我的人，我也会下意识地想维持和平、缓和关系。

I think of it like business. It's like, keep it surface level, keep it respectful, but it doesn't need to be overwhelmingly warm. It doesn't need to be complimentary of them. Like, I'm somebody who's a people pleaser. So, like, if I'm around somebody who did me wrong, I have a tendency to, like, wanna just keep the peace and smooth things out.

我甚至会发现自己过度补偿，比如夸张地说'天啊你这身真好看'——可对方明明真心实意地亏待过我。我为什么要拍他们马屁？但有时候我们就是有种想要平息事态的冲动。

So I'll even find myself overcompensating and being like, oh my god. Like, I love your outfit. And it's like, this is somebody who genuinely, like, treated me badly. Like, why am I kissing their ass? But sometimes we have a a feel we we don't we want to sort of smooth things out.

我们希望矛盾化解，所以可能过度示好，试图让一切恢复正常。但我觉得这既不必要也不值得。如果他们真的伤害了你，他们不配得到这种优待。关键是要记住保持距离和尊重，仅此而已。

We want things to be resolved, and so we might overcompensate and be overly nice trying to make things normal again. But I don't think that that's necessary or deserved. Like, I don't think they deserve that if they really truly did wrong you. I think the key thing to keep in mind is distance and respect. That's it.

另外要记住，你不用永远和这些人相处。现在你们同班，明年可能就不在一起了。转眼间这一切就会结束。

And, also, keep in mind that you're not gonna have to be around these people forever. You know? You're in a class with them now. Next year, you might not be in a class with them. Like, this is gonna be over before you know it.

所以尽量保持中立吧。试着...怎么说呢，试着逐渐淡忘，直到你不再惦记他们。没错，他们就在你班上。

So just try to be neutral. Try to sort of I don't know. Try to move on from them enough that you don't even really think about them anymore. Yeah. They're in your class.

是有点尴尬不舒服，但要努力走出来，别让这件事消耗你。去结交新朋友，参加学校的社团活动。

Yeah. It's a little bit awkward and uncomfortable, but try to move on to the point where it's not consuming you. You know? Make new friends. Join a club at school.

开始和新朋友相处，这样他们做过的坏事就不会总浮现在你脑海里。把更多注意力放在新朋友身上。好了，说点别的。

Start hanging out with new people so that the memory of their wrongdoings is less fresh on your mind. You're more focused on your new group of friends. Yeah. Okay. Moving on.

有人问：'如何在社交场合不再尴尬？总觉得融不进集体'。就像我前面说的，这事刚发生在我身上，所以记忆犹新。我最近在社交场合感到尴尬，并不是因为独自一人或朋友不在场——

Somebody said, how do I stop being so awkward at social events? I feel like I never fit in with the group. Well, as I mentioned earlier, this literally just happened to me. So it's very fresh on my mind. In my particular situation, when I felt kind of awkward at this social event recently, it wasn't because I, like, was alone and, you know, my friends weren't there.

事实并非如此。我有朋友同行，尴尬源于活动本身的性质。比如音乐声震耳欲聋...

That was not the case. I had I had friends with me. It was because the nature of the event was sort of awkward. Like, I don't know. There was a lot of really loud music.

那是个派对，嘈杂到根本无法交谈。但当时我又没心情跳舞——我实在太累了，精疲力尽到跳不动，可音量又大到不能聊天。

It was a party, and it was really hard to talk because it was so loud. But, also, I was not in the mood necessarily to, like, dance. So I was too tired. I was actually really exhausted. So I I could not get myself to, like, dance, but it was too loud to talk.

更糟的是，我已经很久没出门社交了。懂吗？我有点社交生疏了。所以真的很困难。知道我怎么做的吗？

And on top of that, I hadn't been out in a while. You know? I was kinda rusty socially. And so it was just tough. And you know what I did?

我...我就假装从容直到真正适应。就是，我觉得有点尴尬，有点不自在。感觉在这种场合完全不知道该怎么自处。想知道我怎么应对的吗？

I I just faked it until I made it. Like, I felt kinda awkward. I felt kinda uncomfortable. I felt like I don't really know what to do with myself at this event. So you wanna know what I did?

我坦然接受了。我心想：听着，我不想跳舞，但音乐太吵也没法聊天。那我就观察人群，完全接纳这种状态。不去过度纠结自己的行为。

I owned it. I was like, you know what? I don't wanna dance, but I don't also really necessarily feel like I can talk because it's too loud. So I'm just gonna people watch, and I'm just gonna own it. Like, I'm not gonna overthink what I'm doing.

后来我干脆到室外安静的地方待着。顿时感觉好多了，因为我意识到：我太累跳不动舞，现在待在室内确实难受。但外面也有不少人，而且我正好想聊天。

And then, eventually, I ended up going outside and hanging out outside where it wasn't super loud. And then I felt much less awkward because I was like, you know what? I'm too tired to dance. It's it's hard for me to be inside right now. But outside, there's actually quite a few people out here, and I'm in the mood to talk.

我能聊起来。最后确实聊上了，这样反而更自然。因为能以自己舒服的方式参与，就不那么尴尬了。这就是我最近应对尴尬社交场合的方式。不过我有几个建议可能对你有用。

I could talk. So I ended up talking, and that ended up making more sense. And I didn't feel as awkward because I could actually participate in a in a way that I felt comfortable with in the moment. And so that was how I personally handled my most recent kinda awkward social event. But I have a few tips for you that might help.

明白吗？因为每个社交场合都不同。所以我先给些通用建议。第一点：和你觉得有安全感的人一起参加活动，比如密友、姐妹、表亲，任何让你最放松的人。

Okay? Because every social event is different. And so I'm just gonna give some sweeping advice. Okay? I think the first tip I have, attend social events with people you feel safe with, your closest friends, your sister, your cousin, whoever you feel the most comfortable with.

选择那些让你感到安全、不会评判你的同伴。这能帮你建立情感保护罩，就像在人群中有张安全毯。听着：独自赴约并从容应对确实是高阶技能吗？当然是。

Go with people that make you feel safe, that don't judge you. That can really help with sort of creating this protective emotional barrier around you when you're in this group and you have sort of a safety blanket in other people. Now listen. Do I think that it's an incredibly useful and powerful skill to be able to show up to an event alone and make yourself comfortable? Yes.

千真万确。但如果你天生社交尴尬，不必强迫自己立刻达到那种境界。这种成长急不得，需要时间沉淀。

Absolutely. But if you're somebody who's naturally awkward at social events, you don't need to get to that point immediately. You don't need to rush yourself into that evolved state. Like, you can't force that. That takes time.

我觉得在有熟人作安全毯的情况下练习社交非常有用。就像社交辅助轮，周围有让你放松、能在冷场时接话的人，这种练习工具实在太有用了。所以如果你容易尴尬，别强迫自己单独赴约。我人生某些阶段特别社交恐惧时，心理上根本没法独自参加活动。

And so I think practicing being social in social events with the security blanket of familiar people can be incredibly helpful. Because it's almost like social training wheels, having people around you who make you feel comfortable, who can help pick up the conversation when it lulls, that is such a useful tool to just help you practice. Right? So if you're somebody who feels awkward, don't force yourself to go to something alone. Like, there have been times where I I've been maybe in a more socially awkward phase of my life, and I'm like, I literally can't psychologically handle going to this social event alone.

就是做不到。要么带人同行，要么干脆不去。有时候找不到人陪，我就选择放弃，因为实在承受不了。可能有人会说这是成长机会，不该错过社交。但有时候你足够了解自己，知道虽是成长机会，却不值得勉强。

Like, I can't do it. So I either need to bring somebody or not go. There have been times where nobody's been available to come with me, and so I just don't go because I am like, I just can't do it. And, again, some people might argue like, well, that's a growth opportunity. And, like, you shouldn't miss out on a social but sometimes you know yourself enough to know that that's it might be a growth opportunity, but it's not worth it.

比如，你就是无法应对，或者你还没准备好。懂吗？带上让你有安全感的人。但同时，也要选择性参加活动。避开那些与你性格冲突的场合。

Like, you just can't handle it, or you're just not ready. You know? Bring people you feel safe with. But, also, be selective with the events that you attend. Like, avoid ones that clash with your personality.

去参加和你有共同兴趣的人聚集的活动，那里有你想要参与的有趣项目。如果你是那种热爱跳舞的人，当音乐响起、周围人群环绕时，你会感到自在、安全、能做真实的自己——那就去有舞池的派对。

Attend events with people who have similar interests to you, where there's a fun activity that you wanna participate in. If you're somebody who loves dancing and when, you know, you're dancing to music and there's a bunch of people around, you feel comfortable. You feel safe. You feel yourself. Go to parties where you know that there's gonna be dancing.

你知道那里会有舞池。明白吗？但如果你恰恰相反，心想'天啊，我真的很讨厌跳舞'，跳舞让你浑身不自在——

You know there's gonna be a dance floor. You know? If you're the opposite and you're like, oh my god. I really don't like dancing. Like, dancing makes me so uncomfortable.

我会特别尴尬，不会跳也不喜欢。或许你可以慢慢适应，但现在不妨先去桌游之夜。

I get so awkward. I don't know how to dance. I don't like it. Maybe you can work up to that. But for now, maybe go to a game night.

去酒吧参加智力问答夜，或是那种没有震耳音乐的氛围派对/酒吧。找个能聊天或参与游戏/活动的地方，这样更容易成功。先弄清楚你喜欢和哪类人相处、热衷哪些社交活动，再寻找对应类型的活动。

Go to a trivia night at a bar. Go to, like, a vibey sort of party or or bar or whatever that doesn't have super loud music. You know? Go somewhere where you can talk or participate in a game or activity because that will set you up for success. Like, establish an understanding of what types of people you like to hang out with and what types of activities you like to do socially, and then find those types of events.

别强迫自己做不喜欢的事。大方承认'其实我不喜欢在夜店跳舞，感觉别扭不舒服'完全没问题。

Don't force yourself to go to something that you don't like to do. Like, it's okay to be like, you know what? I don't really like dancing at the club. I feel awkward. I feel uncomfortable.

'那不是真实的我'——这很正常。或许某天你能逐渐接受，或许某天你会被吸引。但若现在它让你不适，避开这些活动完全合理，多花点心思寻找适合你的场合就好。

It's just not me. That's okay. Like, maybe one day again, you can work up to it. Maybe one day, it'll appeal to you. But if it's not appealing to you right now and it's making you feel awkward, it's okay to avoid those events and to put a little bit of extra effort in and find events that make sense for you to attend.

本节目由Cozy赞助播出。让家不仅看起来舒适，更要感觉惬意至关重要。我家最让我喜爱之处，就是那些带来无限欢愉的细节。沙发是我常待的地方——我在那儿小憩、

This episode is brought to you by Cozy. Getting your home to not just look right, but also feel right is so important. I think what I love most about my home is how there are so many little details around the house that bring me so much joy. One place that I hang out a lot is my couch. I take naps on there.

完成大量工作。选购家具时，我既要舒适度，也要趣味性。这就是Cozy的魅力所在——其家具兼具现代感与实用性，专为提升日常舒适度设计。模块化定制设计让你

I get a bunch of work done on there. When I'm shopping for a piece of furniture or home furnishing, I'm looking for something that's comfortable, but also fun to look at. That's why you've gotta love Cozy. Their furniture is modern, practical, and designed to make your day to day feel a little more, well, cozy. They're modular and customizable.

某天心血来潮想焕新时，Cozy能轻松实现：自由调整布局、风格与色彩。Cozy沙发不仅提供新的休憩点，更赋予你改变心意的自由。立即用Cozy改造生活空间，请访问cozy.com。

So if you wake up one day with the urge for a new look, Cozy makes it so easy. Easily switch up the layout, switch up the style, switch up the color. With Cozy sofas, you don't just get a new nap spot, but the freedom to change your mind. Transform your living space today with Cozy. Visit cozy.com.

这里是c0zey.com，轻松实现无限可能的家园。本节目由eBay赞助播出。我们都有那样一件标志性单品。你知道的，那件最能代表你的东西。

That's c0zey.com, the home of possibilities made easy. This episode is brought to you by eBay. We all have that peace. You know the one. The thing that's so you.

它几乎成了你的代名词。如果还没找到属于你的那件，eBay上应有尽有。听好了各位，eBay能让你反复邂逅那些让人魂牵梦萦的孤品——比如秀场款Miu Miu红色皮革飞行员夹克，印着牛仔图案的Cousteau Barcelona上衣，或是2017年限定色的抓绒衫。

You've basically become known for it. And if you don't have yours yet, you'll find it on eBay. Let me put you on, people. EBay is where you'll find those one of a kind, can't stop researching, stay up dreaming about pieces again and again. I'm talking about that Miu Miu off the runway red leather bomber, that Cousteau Barcelona top with the cowboy on it, or that fleece in the 2017 colorway.

这些宝藏都能在eBay找到。平台还提供数百万件经正品认证的主角级单品。eBay是二手复古时尚的殿堂，专营人们心爱之物。接下来：假装直到成功。

All of these finds are on eBay. They even offer millions of main character pieces backed by authenticity guarantee. EBay is the place for pre loved in vintage fashion. EBay, things people love. Next, fake it till you make it.

懂吗？当你身处非理想情境时——比如尴尬的跳舞场合，或是话痨扎堆的社交活动（你懂的，没有背景音乐所有人都喋喋不休），又不知如何融入群体——这很正常。这时候就要假装直到成功。

Okay? If you end up in a situation where maybe things aren't ideal, maybe there are activities going on that make you feel awkward, like dancing, or maybe it's a particularly chatty event. Like, you know, there's not a lot of music and everybody's talking, and maybe you kinda struggle with knowing how to interject into the group and stuff like that, that's okay. That's gonna happen. Fake it till you make it.

假装你舞技超群。假装你谈吐不凡。假装就好。说服自己你就是这样的人。别想太多。

Pretend that you're confident in your dancing skills. Pretend that you're confident in your conversation skills. Pretend. Convince yourself that you are. Don't overthink it.

试着放松——虽然这对过度思考者（比如我）来说简直是废话，因为停止过度思考几乎不可能。但请试着说服自己你能行，因为事实就是如此。这不是安慰话，地球上根本不存在'尴尬到无可救药'的人。

Just try to, like which is such bad advice actually because it's like if you're an overthinker, and I definitely am, it's, like, impossible to just stop overthinking. But try to relax and convince yourself that you got this because the truth is you do. And I'm not just saying that. Everyone on this planet there is not one person on this planet that is too awkward to be saved. That doesn't exist.

避免尴尬是人类与生俱来的能力，明白吗？每个人都具备这种潜质。你只是过度思考，或是遇到了陌生的社交场景。

It is in every human being to, like, not be awkward. Okay? It's in everyone. So you have it in you. You're just either overthinking it or experiencing things socially that maybe are, like, kind of foreign to you.

比如和素未谋面的人交谈，或是应对性格古怪的角色。但摆脱尴尬本就是你的本能。所以假装直到成功。

Like, you might be talking to new people that you've never met. You know, you might be dealing with characters that are unusual. Like, whatever. But, like, it is in you to not be awkward. And so fake it till you make it.

这不需要你变得聒噪或过度外向，也不是让你伪装本性。重点在于假装自信——假装有勇气说出脑海里的玩笑话，懂吗？

And that doesn't mean that you need to be, like, loud, like, overly outgoing. That doesn't mean you need to, like, not be yourself. It's more about faking the confidence. Fake the confidence to make the joke that's in the back of your head. You know?

假装有底气保持沉默专注倾听。假装从容享受当下。我敢保证，你的尴尬程度绝对比自己想象的低。再说了，就算真尴尬了也很正常。

Fake the confidence to be quiet and just listen. Like, just fake the confidence to just exist in it and enjoy it for what it is. Because I can guarantee you think that you're being more awkward than you are. And guess what? Even if you are being awkward, that's normal.

这种情况发生在很多人身上，并没有什么不对。但通过假装自信可以极大缓解。我认为时尚和自我表达作为信心助推器确实有帮助。穿成你想成为的样子。穿成最自信、最外向的社交版自己，无论这对你意味着什么。

It happens to so many people, and there's nothing there's nothing wrong with it. But it can be heavily alleviated by just faking the confidence. And something that I think really helps with faking confidence is using fashion and self expression as a confidence booster. Dress like who you wanna be. Dress like the most confident, outgoing social version of yourself, whatever that means for you.

比如对我来说，当我想社交却状态不佳时，我会穿得特别火辣。这时我就会拿出紧身皮裤、露背美背心搭配小猫跟鞋。当我需要额外信心加持时就会这么做。懂吗？我选择最能让我感到自信的服装。

Like, for me, when I really wanna be social and I'm maybe having a hard time, I'll wear kind of a hot outfit. Like, that's when I'm whipping out, like, the tight leather pants and, like, gorgeous halter top with an exposed back, and I'm whipping out the kitten heel. Like, when I really need a bit of an extra confidence boost, that's what I'm doing. You know? I'm leaning into the clothing that makes me feel the most confident.

我会化让我感觉特别自信的妆容。当你以最自信的装扮示人时，这会帮助你更接近那种状态。这能解决所有问题吗？不能。但能让你更容易触及那个内在的自己，因为那份自信本就存在于你体内。

I'm I'm putting on makeup in a way that makes me feel extra confident. When you dress as your most confident self and you present yourself as your most confident self, that will help you feel more that way. Is it gonna solve every problem? No. But it it makes it easier to tap into that side of yourself because, again, it is in you.

最后同样重要的是，熟能生巧。练习。练习。再练习。你投入的社交场合越多，应对能力就越强。

And last but not least, practice makes perfect. Practice. Practice. Practice. The more you put yourself in social situations, the better you'll be at handling it.

你会更懂得如何插话。这真的就是练习。所以尽可能多参与适合自己的社交场合。不知不觉中，一切就会变得轻松。听着。

The better you'll be at knowing how to interject. It's it's really just practice. And so put yourself into as many social situations as you can that feel like a good fit for you. And next thing you know, it'll be easy for you. Listen.

可能需要六个月，也可能要两年。但只要你坚持这种练习——我要克服不适感，主动投入社交场合，随机应变，假装直到成功，以最佳形象示人，带上朋友给自己壮胆。我他妈一定要做到，而且要做到最好。你练习得越多，事情就越容易。

It might take six months. It might take two years. But if you continue this practice of, like, I'm gonna push through the discomfort, I'm gonna put myself in these social situations and rise to the occasion and fake it till I make it and look my best and bring a friend to, like, make me feel better. I'm gonna fucking do this, and I'm gonna do it the best I possibly can. The more you do that, the easier it gets.

好。下个问题，有人说：怎么对付总抢我男友的女生？她已经干两次了。听着，你需要远离这个人。

Okay. Next, somebody said, how do I deal with a girl that always comes for my boyfriends? She's done it twice now. Okay. Well, you need to stay away from this person.

这女生有点病态。试图抢别人伴侣没有任何借口。这是道德败坏。心理阴暗。这种人极度缺乏安全感，对他人怀有极不健康的嫉妒心。

This girl is a little toxic. There is no excuse for anyone trying to steal someone's significant other. Like, that is just bad morals. That's just dark. That's somebody who is incredibly insecure in themselves, very jealous of other people in a way that is unhealthy.

我认为嫉妒有时难免，但这个人的嫉妒程度已经失控到无法抑制冲动。他们不惜通过任何手段缓解嫉妒——包括抢别人男友，因为还有什么比抢走别人男友更能提升自信呢？就像在说：天啊他们选了我而不是正牌女友，那我可太棒了。你绝不该和这种人往来。

I think sometimes jealousy is inevitable and and, you know, whatever. But, like, this is somebody who has an overwhelming level of jealousy to the point where they can't even control their own impulses. Like, they're just trying to alleviate those feelings of jealousy by any means necessary, and that might mean stealing somebody's boyfriend because what is more of a confidence booster than to steal someone's boyfriend? It's like, oh my god. They chose me over their own girlfriend.

你必须不惜一切代价避开她。不过这是明摆着的。如果因某些原因无法远离——既然发生过两次，说明你们可能是同事、同学或同个朋友圈。如果是朋友圈的人，你完全可以且应该退出这个圈子。

I'm awesome then. You don't wanna be around people like that, so you need to avoid this person at all costs. But that's kind of obvious. If for whatever reason you're in a situation where you can't get away from this person, sounds like you can't because if they've done this twice, you know, it sounds like you either work with this person or they're at your school or they're in your friend group. I mean, if they're in your friend group, you can get away, and you might want to.

但如果她们和你在同一所学校之类的，我认为第一步是和你男朋友谈谈，解释清楚情况。可以说，听着，这个女孩不知为何曾试图抢走我上一任男友，现在又想打你的主意。这就像是这个可怜女孩的某种消遣方式，这让我非常不舒服。

But if they're at school with you or something, I think the first step is to have a conversation with your boyfriend and just explain the situation. Be like, listen. This girl, for whatever reason, tried to steal my last boyfriend and is now trying to steal you. This is, like, something that this poor girl does for sport. It makes me really uncomfortable.

我真的不知道该怎么处理。我只希望你能意识到这一点并不要参与其中，这本来应该是显而易见的。但有时候确实很难把握分寸。比如，如果如果好吧。

I don't really know how to handle it. And I just ask you to, like, be aware of it and to not participate in it, which, I mean, should be obvious. But, like, I don't know. It can be hard sometimes. Like, if if okay.

如果你的男朋友不知道这个女孩有抢别人男友的癖好，他可能会觉得，哦，她只是很友善，她人真的很好。虽然有点奇怪，但我不想失礼，不想不回以善意。但让你男朋友了解情况会很有帮助，这样他就能保持比平时更安全的距离，明白吗？这可能是第一步。

Like, if your boyfriend isn't aware that this girl has a tendency to try to steal your boyfriends, he might just think, oh, she's being nice and, like, she's really nice. It's a little bit weird, but, like, I don't, you know, I don't wanna be rude and, like, not be nice back or whatever. But it can be helpful for your boyfriend to just understand the situation so that he can keep an even more safe distance than maybe he would otherwise. Right? That's probably step one.

先和你男朋友沟通这个情况。然后第二步会更复杂些——你得学会放手。理论上你可以找她当面说清楚，要求她停止这种行为，但...

Communicate with your boyfriend the situation. And then step two is a bit more complicated. You're gonna kinda just have to let it go. Like, listen. Could you could you technically sit her down and be like, you can't keep doing this?

是的，但我不愿相信有人会恶劣到无法沟通的地步。不过这种行为确实很恶劣，道德上非常卑劣。

Yes. But, like, I don't know. I don't like to believe anyone's like, their behavior makes them so far gone that, like, they're not worth having conversation with. I don't believe that that's true. But this is a pretty evil action, and it's pretty like, again, it's pretty low moral wise.

显然这个人的道德准则很有问题。我不确定谈话会有什么效果。我实在没法真诚地说'找这个女孩谈谈，告诉她：我注意到你两次这样做了'。

Like, this person clearly has a pretty shaky moral compass. I don't know I don't know how a conversation would go. Like, I can't, in good faith, say, sit this girl down and be like, hey. I've noticed that you've been doing this. You've done it twice now.

这真的让我很不舒服，也让我难以相处。你可以尝试沟通，但说实话，如果有人做出这种事，我觉得他们根本不会听劝。懂我意思吗？他们显然没打算改正，因为这种行为太恶劣了。

Like, it's it really makes me uncomfortable, and it makes it hard to be around. Like, you could try that. But to be honest, if somebody's doing something like this, I just don't think they're even gonna listen. Do you know what I mean? They're they're clearly not in a place where they want to improve because that's such an evil thing to do.

我不是说这个人本质邪恶，但这是种邪恶的行为。所以我不确定找她谈话是否有意义。或许你该放手，相信你男朋友能妥善处理——既尊重你作为女友的立场，也对她保持尊重。

I'm not saying that they're evil. You know? But this is an evil thing to do. So I don't know if it even makes sense to, like, sit her down and talk to her about it. I think you might just have to let it go and trust that your boyfriend is going to handle it respectfully towards everyone, respectfully towards you as his girlfriend, but also respectfully towards her.

尽管她做了错事，道德上有亏，但你们仍需保持尊重。说实话，这某种程度上是对你们关系的考验：当有人试图破坏时，你们能否应对？如果他能在拒绝她时说'我知道你的意图，但我和女友感情很好，这不可能'，同时既尊重她又守住对你的忠诚——能找到这种平衡的话...

Even though she's doing something wrong, morally wrong, you know, you still need to be respectful. So I think this honestly is a test to your relationship in a way. It's like, can you guys handle somebody trying to come in and rattle the whole thing? And if the answer is yes and he can handle it and he does know how to, like, create boundaries with her and not do anything that's disrespectful to you in an attempt to be respectful to her. If he can find a balance and figure out how to be respectful to everyone involved, you know, either by rejecting her and saying, hey.

根据她的性格推测，如果你直接要求她停止，反而可能刺激她变本加厉。所以更明智的做法是把处理权交给你男朋友。

I can tell that you're trying to, like you know? I see what's going on here. And, like, I'm very much dating this person and, like, it's just not gonna happen. Whether it's that because, I mean, I really think it's like again, if you were to sit her down and say, stop, that's only gonna make her wanna do it more probably just using context clues based on what type of person she probably is. So it's like it makes more sense to kind of leave it in your boyfriend's hands.

如果他处理得当，那这段感情值得珍惜。懂吗？如果他没有，我是说，但愿不会，比如她真的成功勾走了他。那这种男朋友本来也不靠谱。我觉得你可以把这当作对关系的一次考验。

And if he handles it well, that's a keeper. You know? And if he doesn't and, I mean, God forbid, like, she steals him successfully. Well, that's not a good boyfriend anyway. I think you use it as a test for the relationship.

如果你们通过了考验，那就说明你们拥有真正坚固美好的关系，非常特别。说实话，感情里永远会有诱惑存在。总会有各种状况——如果不是这个女生，也会有别的。明白吗？

And if you guys pass the test, then that's a sign that, you know, you have a really strong, wonderful relationship that is is really special. And, I mean, the truth is there's always gonna be temptation in relationships. There's always gonna be something. Like, if it's not this girl, it's something else. You know?

可能是办公室女同事，可能是你男友的职场伙伴，可能是他家世交的辣妹青梅竹马。诱惑无处不在，永远会有那么个人出现。

It's a girl at work. It's a girl that your boyfriend works with. It's it's your boyfriend's family friend who's a hot girl, and they grew up together. Like, there's always something. There's always someone.

我认为共同克服这些不适感，携手应对这些挑战，要么能让关系更牢固，要么能让你看清彼此并不合适。本节目由宜家赞助播出。课程表√ 教科书√ 背包√ 收拾妥当√

And I think overcoming those discomforts together, overcoming those challenges together builds a stronger relationship or, you know, shows you that it's maybe not the right match. This episode is brought to you by IKEA. Classes, check. Textbooks, check. Backpack, packed.

梦想中的学习空间不必花费巨资。有了宜家的大学生活必备品，轻松打造助力学业成功的空间。他们提供经济实惠的解决方案和设计，让学生随心定制专属空间。没时间逛实体店？可选择数千个网点的自提服务，或选择平价配送方案，无忧搞定开学装备。用时尚方式开启新学期，清单事项全打勾。

A dream study space doesn't have to break the bank. With IKEA's college essentials, it's easy to create a space that sets students up for success. They've got affordable solutions and designs that help students customize their space the way they want it. No time to shop in store, choose pickup from thousands of locations, or find affordable delivery options that take the stress out of getting set up for college. Check every box on your checklist while starting the year in style.

立即登录ikea-usa.com/ready-for-college选购。

Shop now at ikea-usa.com slash ready for college.

本节目由State Farm保险赞助播出。表面看来保险似乎都一样，但普通保险岂能媲美State Farm？就像你点了冰抹茶，却拿到山寨的草坪水——既然不会将就喝草坪拿铁，就别将就任何保险。需要帮助时，State Farm才是真保障。

This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Insurance may all seem the same on the surface, but having insurance isn't the same as having State Farm. It's like ordering an iced matcha, but getting fake gourmet grass water. You wouldn't settle for a lawn latte, so don't settle for just any insurance. When it comes to getting the help you need, State Farm is the real deal.

State Farm，如同好邻居般随时守候。

Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

好的，下个问题。有人问：如何友善对待我暗自嫉妒的人？这样算虚伪吗？我确实想做个善良的人。

Okay. Next. Somebody said, how do I be kind to somebody that I'm low key jealous of? Is that fake of me? I do wanna be a kind person.

我认为这是个多步骤的过程。这确实不容易，可能会觉得尴尬，因为内心深处你对这个人怀有本能的负面情绪。嫉妒在大多数情况下算是负面情绪吧？

I would say that this is a multistep process. Right? This is definitely tough and can feel awkward because it's like, deep down, you have these visceral feelings about this person that are somewhat negative. Right? Like, I would say jealousy for the most part is kind of a negative emotion.

但转念一想，等等。可我又不能表达那种情绪。比如，我不能表露我的嫉妒或者，你知道的，那种挫败感。我必须保持友善。这很尴尬。

But then to be like, wait. But I can't express that. Like, I can't express my jealousy or or, you know, sort of frustration. I need to be nice. It's awkward.

这很笨拙。很奇怪。令人困惑。我认为处理这个问题需要分步骤进行。第一步，正确看待你对这个女孩的嫉妒。

It's clunky. It's weird. It's confusing. I would say that handling this is a multistep process. Step one, put your jealousy towards this girl into perspective.

这个女孩可能拥有一些你渴望的东西，但我几乎可以保证，实际上我确信，她的生活中也有你绝对不想要的糟心事，因为没有人的人生是完美的。这就是为什么嫉妒往往是种能量浪费。真的，我没开玩笑。如果你挑出任何一个你嫉妒的明星，他们在网络上看起来生活完美，但当你真正了解他们的生活时，总会发现某些方面让你觉得，哦，我其实并不想要那些。即便是那些过着最田园诗般生活的名人也不例外。

This girl might have some things that you wish you had, but I can almost guarantee, I actually can guarantee, that there's shit in her life that you would not want because nobody's life is perfect. And that's why often jealousy is a waste of energy. Like, I'm not kidding. If you were to pluck out any celebrity that you are jealous of and their life looks perfect on the Internet and you were to actually understand their lives, you there would be elements of it where you're like, oh, I really wouldn't want that. Even people with the most idyllic lives lives like celebrities.

对吧？如果连拥有最理想生活的名人，他们人生的每个方面也都有不尽如人意、充满挑战、不值得羡慕的部分，那么这绝对适用于所有地方。你明白我的意思吗？因为名人是我们最仰慕的人群，他们的生活被放大到如此宏大的尺度。即便如此，我认为在某种程度上这种嫉妒也是非理性的。

Right? If even celebrities who have the most idyllic lives have elements of every single one of their lives that is not ideal, that is challenging, that is not enviable, then that definitely applies everywhere else. Do you know what I'm saying? It's like because celebrities are are the people's lives that we admire the most, and it's on such a grand scale. And even then, it's irrational, I think, to an extent.

我是说，听着。偶尔对别人产生一点羡慕正常吗？当然。我自己也会羡慕别人，但不会到被强烈嫉妒吞噬的地步。我认为那种占据心智的强烈嫉妒，本质上源于某种程度的妄想。

I mean, listen. Is it normal to be a little envious of people sometimes? Of course. Like, I'm envious of people, but not to the point where I'm experiencing overwhelming jealousy. I think overwhelming jealousy that takes over the mind is rooted in a level of delusion.

我觉得这实际上是一种妄想。这是把别人捧上神坛，幻想他们的生活完美到不真实。很多时候，嫉妒并非基于对方生活的真实状况。你并不知道幕后发生了什么。你根本不知道这个女孩有什么样的心理问题。

Like, I think it's actually delusional. It's it's putting people on a pedestal and imagining their life to be something that is so perfect that it's unrealistic. It it a lot of times, jealousy is not rooted in the reality of what someone's life actually is. You don't know what goes on behind the scenes. You you don't know what type of psychological issues this girl has.

你不知道她的家庭有什么问题。你不知道她正在应对怎样的心理健康挣扎。我好像刚说过这个？我是不是已经说过了？算了。

You don't know what type of issues she has with her family. You don't know what type of mental health struggles she's dealing with. I think I just said that. Did I say that already? Whatever.

但你并不知道她真实的友情状态。你也不清楚她真正的恋爱关系是怎样的。你完全不了解。有太多你不知道的事。所以你做了大量假设，而这些假设都错误地指向完美。

But you don't know, like, what her friendships really are like. You don't know what her romantic relationships really are like. You have no idea. There's so much you don't know. And so you're assuming a lot of stuff, and you're assuming inaccurately perfect.

没有人的人生是完美的。比如，我的生活中有许多美好的事情，那些让我无比感恩的幸运。我现在正敲着木头（因为我很迷信）。我在努力不那么迷信，但我确实...这其实引出了我生活中不值得羡慕的部分——我的大脑就像座监狱。我焦虑极了。

No one's life is perfect. Like, there are so many wonderful things about my life, like wonderful things that I'm so incredibly grateful for. And I'm knocking on wood because I'm really superstitious. And I'm trying not to be as superstitious, but I'm really well, that actually leads us to what about my life is not enviable, which is that my brain is a prison. I am so anxious.

我有强迫症。我的大脑令人精疲力尽。听着，很多人都有这种情况。你懂我意思吧？

I have OCD. Like, I my brain is exhausting. And listen. A lot of people have that. You know what I mean?

我的生活中有许多美好的事物。但如果有人嫉妒我，可能是嫉妒某些方面——比如我在和某人约会，他们可能会想‘哦，我真嫉妒她能约会那个人’。但他们或许没有严重的焦虑症和强迫症。

And there are so many things about my life that are so wonderful. But if there was someone who was jealous of me, who maybe they were jealous of I don't know. Maybe somebody is jealous of like, maybe I'm dating somebody, and they're like, oh, I'm so jealous. Like, she's dating that person. Well, maybe they don't have severe anxiety and OCD.

你明白我的意思吗？还有惊恐发作。这山望着那山高。你懂我说的吗？总是觉得别人的更好。

You know what I'm saying? And panic attacks. The grass is always greener. Do you know what I'm saying? The grass is always greener.

听着，这世上总有人从表面看比我们活得更加理想。这是普遍现象。永远有人比我们过得好——只要刻意寻找，每个人都能找到这样的例子。

And and listen. There are people who exist who have on paper technically maybe more ideal lives than us. That is a universal experience. There's always someone who has a better life than us. Like, if we were to look for it, we can all find it.

即便你腰缠万贯、貌美出众、拥有完美恋情和挚友，依然能找到让你羡慕的人生。关键在于——如果你执意寻找嫉妒的对象，就总能找到。所以必须理性看待嫉妒情绪，明白它往往脱离现实，这是第一步。

Even if you have a bazillion dollars and you're super hot and conventionally attractive and you have the best relationship and the best friends, you could still probably find somebody who has a life that you you wish you had. It's just it's like if you wanna find that, if you wanna be jealous, you'll find it. You know? And so I think it's so important to put jealousy as a as a feeling into perspective and realize that a lot of times it's not rooted in reality. That's step one.

第二步是重构对嫉妒的认知：不要让它折磨你，不要因此否定自己，而是尝试从中获取激励。我在这方面做得不错——虽然偶尔仍会嫉妒他人，这难以避免。

Step two, I would say, is to reframe how you look at jealousy instead of it nagging at you, instead of it making you feel bad about yourself. Instead, try to find inspiration in it. I've really actually gotten good at this. I mean, there are still moments when I get jealous of people. It definitely happens.

毕竟这是人之常情。每次因他人产生嫉妒时，我都需要主动调整状态——就像现在描述的这样，把嫉妒转化为动力。

I think, again, it's a universal experience. And every time I encounter someone and feel a little bit jealous, you know, I have to work to, like, get myself out of that. You know what I mean? I have to, like, go through these steps that I'm describing right now, but use it as inspiration. You know?

若嫉妒别人的事业，就激励自己更努力工作、开拓思路；若嫉妒别人的朋友圈，就参与社交活动建立自己的圈子；若嫉妒别人的外表或时尚品味，就提升自己的造型能力。

If you're jealous of somebody's career, let that inspire you to work even harder in your career, to think outside the box with your career. If you're jealous of somebody's group of friends, it let that inspire you to, like, find a group of friends. You know, start participating in in social hobbies. Try to build a group of friends. You know, if you're jealous of how somebody looks, maybe they have incredible style, let that inspire you to, like, up your game with your style.

懂吗？比如精进发型打理技巧。总之要让嫉妒激发你，试着将其转化为欣赏。

You know? Get better at at doing your hair. You get the idea. Let it inspire you. In like, try to shift jealousy to admiration.

这需要练习和觉知，要重构思维路径——当嫉妒浮现时，及时警醒：让我把这种情绪内化，分析对方哪些特质触动了我，思考如何借此提升自我而非沉溺于比较。

And it's not easy to do, and it takes practice, and it takes mindfulness, and it takes, like, almost like rerouting your your thought process. Like, when you start to feel jealous being like, wait a minute. Let me turn this inward. How can I take elements of this person that's making me feel jealous and figure out a way to let it inspire me? And and instead of thinking about them, how can I change my thought patterns to then think about myself and what I can do to make myself even better of a person?

毕竟人生是持续精进的过程。我常这样思考：如何在自己嫉妒的领域建立信心？因为我们总低估自己的潜力。

Because we're all works in progress, and there's always more that we can do. So I try to reframe it like that. Like, how can I become confident about the thing that I'm jealous about in the other person? How can I become confident about that within myself? Because, again, we underestimate how capable we are.

我们看着别人时会想，哇，他们拥有这么多东西。我永远不可能拥有这些。但其实，你现在很可能可以。

We look at other people and we're like, oh, like, they have all this stuff. I could never have all this stuff. Yeah. You probably can. Actually, now you probably can.

是的，你可以。我们每个人都有能力做出惊人、神奇、改变人生的事情。如果我们带着嫉妒看别人，就会困在原地；如果带着启发看别人，就能成为他们那样的人。

Yeah. You can. Like, we we can all we all have it in us to do amazing, magical, life changing things. And if we look at others and feel jealous, then we keep ourselves where we are. Whereas if we look at other people and feel inspired, we can become like them.

所以我认为要重构对嫉妒的认知——接受这是正常的，不必因此自责，而是调整视角，主动将其转化为激励。这样自然能缓解嫉妒。成功后，你甚至不需要假装对嫉妒的女生友善，这种欣赏可以发自内心，你能当面告诉她。

And so I think reframing how you view jealousy, accepting that it's normal, not beating yourself up for experiencing it, but reframing it, putting it into perspective, and then trying to actively shift it into inspiration instead, I think, naturally helps jealousy sort of it alleviates jealousy, I think. Then if done successfully, you don't even need to fake be nice to this girl that you're jealous of. It doesn't need to feel fake. It doesn't need to feel awkward. You can just genuinely admire her, and you can say that to her face.

直接说你欣赏她。明白吗？不必虚情假意，你可以真诚地表达善意。

Say that you admire her. You know? You don't need to be fake nice. You can be really nice. You can be real nice.

懂我意思吗？这真的很美好。听着，如果你完成了前两步仍被嫉妒困扰，还没完全释怀——这需要时间，把嫉妒转化为动力，在自卑的领域建立自信都需要过程。

You know what I'm saying? And that's a really wonderful, wonderful thing. And listen. If you did, you know, steps one and two and you're still struggling, you're still struggling with that feeling of jealousy, it hasn't quite alleviated yet. You know, this stuff takes time to actively use your jealousy as inspiration and then to actually build confidence in the areas that you were feeling insecure about, thus feeling jealous about, that takes time.

对吧？不可能一蹴而就。如果中间过渡期不知怎么办？或许可以先假装。

Right? It's not gonna happen overnight. So if you're like, wait. What do I do in the interim? Maybe you fake it.

暂时虚与委蛇总比暴露负面情绪好。永远别让恶意流露，能避免就避免。所以暂时的假意友善就像快速修复方案。

Be fake nice. It's always better to be fake nice than to let your negative feelings show through. You never wanna do that. If you can avoid that, I think you should. So, like, being fake nice temporarily is sort of like a quick fix.

我觉得这没什么问题。只要保持礼貌尊重，你就不会后悔。有时在过渡期需要'假装直到成功'，最终当你真正成长后就不必再伪装——但过渡期的伪装无可厚非。

I don't think there's anything wrong with that. As long as you're being nice and as long as you're being respectful, you'll never regret that. Sometimes you have to fake it till you make it in the interim. And then eventually, you won't have to fake it anymore if you do the work. But faking it in the meantime, there's nothing wrong with it.

好，下一个问题。有人说：'怎么应对虚伪的刻薄女孩？好像只有我注意到这点，别人从不指出来，但她们真的让我很不舒服。'这确实令人沮丧又尴尬，因为你没法直接和别人说：'你们没发现这些女孩其实很假吗？'

Okay. Next. Somebody said, how do I deal with mean girls who try to be fake nice? It seems like I'm the only one that notices because no one else ever says anything, but it really rubs me the wrong way. This is so frustrating, and it is awkward because it's like you can't bring it up to other people and be like, you guys, are you guys not noticing that these girls are not actually nice?

说她们极其虚伪？你不能提这个，否则反而显得你刻薄。况且如果表面维持友善，即使不真诚，至少态度是好的——你确实没法多说什么，懂我意思吗？

Like, they're incredibly fake? You can't bring that up because then you look like the bad guy. And, also, like, if somebody is being nice on the surface, even if it seems like it's ingenuine, at least they're being nice. Like, you can't really say anything about that. You know what I mean?

说实话，我认为你最好的选择是与这些人保持距离。为什么要和他们待在一起？如果有人让你感到不适，那就离开。避开他们。尽可能保持距离。

To be honest, I think your best bet with this is to keep your distance from these people. Why be around them? If anyone ever is rubbing you the wrong way, go away. Avoid them. Keep your distance as much as possible.

你猜怎么着？如果其他人喜欢他们，你也无能为力。尽可能远离。结交新的朋友群体。避免，你知道的，与他们有任何瓜葛。

And guess what? If other people like them, there's nothing you can do about that. Get as far away as possible. Make a new group of friends. Avoid, you know, doing anything with them.

直接离开就好。明白吗？而且，如果你和他们在同一所学校或同一家公司工作，那会有点挑战性，但仍然是可行的。你可以对自己说：这些人让我不舒服。

Just go away. You know? And, again, if you're, like, in school together or you're at work together, that's a bit more challenging, but it's still doable. It's okay to be like, you know what? These these people rub me the wrong way.

我只需要保持距离。你不能指望别人和你一起这么做。他们想和谁共度时光是他们的事。你必须主动让自己脱离那种环境，与让你感到舒适、不会让你不适的人在一起。这取决于你自己。

I just need to keep my distance. You can't get other people to do it with you. It's up to them who they wanna spend their time with. You have to take it upon yourself to pull yourself out of that situation and place yourself with people who make you feel good, who don't rub you the wrong way. That is up to you.

知道吗？是的，没人站出来说话确实让人不爽，但你猜怎么着？也许这仅仅意味着你身边的人是错的。如果他们没注意到虚伪，那说明他们的社交理念和你不同。

You know? Yeah. It sucks that no one else is saying anything, but guess what? Maybe that just means you're around the wrong people. If they're not noticing the fakeness, then they don't have the same sort of social philosophy as you.

他们的社交敏感度和你不一样。也许你们就是不合适。这基本上就是我能给出的所有建议了。很简单，但这就是我能想到的唯一解决方案。就这样。

They don't have the same sort of social sense as you. And maybe that's just the wrong fit. And that's pretty much all the advice I can give on that. It's pretty simple, but it's like, that's really the only solution I can think of. And that's it.

以上就是今天我要和大家探讨的所有难题，希望你们喜欢。如果喜欢的话，别担心，因为《随心所欲》节目每隔一周的周日都会有新的建议环节，每周四和周日都有新内容。所以，是的，我经常在这里。你们随时可以来玩。但如果你特别喜欢建议环节，那是每隔一周的周日。

Those are all of the dilemmas I'm going to be facing with you all today, and I hope you enjoyed it. And if you did, have no fear because there's new episodes of advice session every other Sunday here on Anything Goes, which there are episodes every Thursday and Sunday. So, yeah, I'm around here a lot. And you can come hang out whenever you want. But if you particularly love advice session, that's every other Sunday.

《随心所欲》在所有播客平台都能收听。但如果你想看视频，看我说话，可以在YouTube和Spotify上观看。社交媒体上也有《随心所欲》的内容。我在网上，我是Chamberlain。我的咖啡公司在网上和现实世界中以Chamberlain Coffee的名字存在。

And Anything Goes is on all platforms that you stream podcasts. But if you wanna watch video and watch me talk, that is on YouTube and Spotify. And anything goes on social media and anything goes. And I'm on the Internet, and I'm a Chamberlain. And my coffee company is on the Internet in in the world under the name Chamberlain Coffee.

这就是我今天要说的全部内容。我爱你们，感谢你们。与你们共度时光、聊天、闲谈总是让我由衷地感到快乐。幸运的是，我们很快又能再聊了。我爱你们。

And that's all I have for today. I love you all, and I appreciate you all. And it's always truly a joy to spend time with you and to chat and to shoot the shit. And luckily for us, we get to talk again very soon. I love you.

感谢你们，几天后见。和平与爱。再见。

I appreciate you, and I'll see you in a few days. Peace and love. Bye.

亚马逊呈现：杨西大战宿舍走廊浴室。有些浴室提供雅致的便利设施，而宿舍走廊浴室则为你奉上七级足部空气传播病毒。但杨西在亚马逊购物，省下了淋浴拖鞋、超大浴巾和抗菌沐浴皂的钱。对手手段肮脏，但杨西保持干净利落。

Amazon presents Yancy versus dorm hall bathroom. Some bathrooms offer quaint amenities. The dorm hall bathroom offers a level seven airborne virus for your feet. But Yancy shopped on Amazon and saved on shower sandals, oversized bath towels, and antibacterial body soap. His opponent played dirty, but Yancey kept it clean.

在亚马逊享受大学优惠，拯救你的日常生活。

Save the everyday with college deals on Amazon.