期望与现实

我生命中有许多时刻，都曾对某种体验抱有特定期待。

There have been many instances in my life where I've expected an experience to feel a certain way.

但当真正经历时，我却突然意识到：等等——

And then upon experiencing it, I've realized, wait a minute.

这完全不是我想象的样子。

This isn't what I expected at all.

我想这是因为很多时候，我们的期待都植根于幻想。

And I think that's because a lot of times, our expectations about things are rooted in a fantasy.

比如在约会和恋爱方面，我的期待就来自媒体上看过的爱情故事。

Like, when it comes to dating and relationships, I formed my expectation on love stories that I've seen in the media.

后来年岁渐长，我又是通过观察网络上的他人，才学会如何整理生活、建立良好作息。

You know, when I got a little bit older, I learned about getting my shit together and having a good routine from watching other people on the Internet.

那些经过剪辑、精心编排、戏剧化处理的内容。

Something edited, something curated, something dramatized.

这让我时常觉得自己哪里出了问题。

And it's led me to feel at times like there's something wrong with me.

但我最终得出的结论，以及长辈们灌输给我的观念是：我们对某些人生经历抱有的那些期待——期待它们能带来极致的满足感和狂喜——这本身就不现实。

But what I've come to the conclusion of and what my elders have instilled in me is that these expectations that we have about certain life experiences, that they're gonna bring us maximum fulfillment and feelings of euphoria, that's not realistic.

除了我的期望之外，我本身没有任何问题。

And there's nothing wrong with me other than my expectations.

我们只能感受到特定范围内的情绪。

We're only capable of feeling a certain range of emotions.

如果我们选择抱有现实的期望，反而能更真切地享受生活中的点滴。

If we choose to have realistic expectations, we can actually enjoy things in life much more.

所以今天，我想分享一些我亲历的理想与现实差距，至少能博君一笑，也可能帮你更清醒地看待事物。

And so today, I thought I'd share some of the expectations versus reality that I've experienced in my life, in the least for some entertainment for you, but potentially to help put things into perspective for you as well.

以下就是我经历过的一些理想与现实的对比。

So here are some expectations versus reality that I've experienced.

明白了吗？

Okay?

本节目由eBay赞助播出。

This episode is presented to you by eBay.

我们都有那样一件单品。

We all have that piece.

你知道的。

You know the one.

那件如此代表你的东西，你几乎因此而出名。

The thing that's so you, you've basically become known for it.

如果你还没有找到属于你的那件，你可以在eBay上找到它。

And if you don't have yours yet, you'll find it on eBay.

让我来告诉你们吧，朋友们。

Let me put you on, people.

eBay就是你能反复找到那些独一无二、让人忍不住研究、熬夜幻想的单品的地方。

EBay is where you'll find those one of a kind, can't stop researching, stay up dreaming about pieces again and again.

我说的可是你一直盯着的那件秀场红色皮夹克，那件印有牛仔图案的潮流上衣，或是2017年配色系列的那件时尚羊毛衫。

I'm talking about that off the runway red leather bomber you've had your eye on, the trendy top with the cowboy on it, or that sleek fleece from the 2017 colorway.

所有这些发现都在eBay上，他们还提供数百万件主角单品，并有正品保证。

All of these finds are on eBay, and they even offer millions of main character pieces backed by authenticity guarantee.

eBay是二手和复古时尚的天堂。

EBay is the place for pre loved and vintage fashion.

eBay，人们心爱之物的聚集地。

EBay, things people love.

从习惯独自一人开始说起。

Starting out with feeling comfortable hanging out alone.

我是独生子女，所以一直比较独立，因为父母工作忙，我常独自在家思考该做些什么。

I'm an only child, so I've always been sort of independent because my parents were working, and I was at home like, what do I do?

我看了很多YouTube视频。

I watched a lot of YouTube.

但随着年龄增长，我开始期待能在独处时找到真正的兴奋感，认为这是可能实现的，只是尚未解锁。

But as I got older, I started to develop this expectation that I could find a sense of true excitement when hanging out alone, that that was possible and that I had yet to unlock it.

但现实情况并非如此。

And the reality of the situation is no.

与人相处总是更有趣的。

Hanging out with people is always going to be more exciting.

你会笑得更多。

You're gonna laugh more.

有人可以交谈。

You have somebody to talk to.

你能和别人共同经历一些事情，这自然会让体验变得截然不同。

You're getting to experience something with somebody else, which naturally just makes the experience so different.

那种感觉会更加充满活力、生机勃勃且令人振奋。

It's just gonna feel more energetic and alive and electric.

独自相处也很美妙，但这是完全不同的体验。

Hanging out alone is wonderful, but in a very different way.

它是安静的。

It's quiet.

你很容易就会变得沉思。

You can become introspective pretty easily.

它能让你恢复精力。

It can be recharging.

它能让人放松。

It can be relaxing.

它也能提高效率。

It can be productive.

在最佳状态下，它甚至能带来一些乐趣。

And at its best, it can even be kind of fun.

比如说，我觉得下班后打开YouTube视频，做顿晚餐然后享用，这真的很有趣。

Like, for example, I actually think it's really fun to, at the end of the workday, turn on a YouTube video, cook dinner, and eat it.

真的特别有意思。

Like, that's so fun.

不过，我真的算独处吗？

Although, am I really alone?

我不知道，因为我在看YouTube视频。

I don't know because I'm watching a YouTube video.

所以有趣的是，这首先浮现在我脑海，因为我其实并不算真正独处。

So that's actually interesting that that's the first thing that came to mind because I'm not really alone.

我完全是在观看另一个人。

I'm fully watching another human being.

但即使如此，我有时也喜欢在房子里走动打扫卫生。

But even like, I even enjoy, like, walking around the house and cleaning sometimes.

我觉得这很令人满足。

Like, I I find that to be satisfying.

我觉得这很美好。

I find that to be nice.

我甚至喜欢独自去购物，但这永远不会像与他人一起做这些事那样有趣和兴奋。

I like going and shopping by myself even, but it's never gonna be as fun and as exciting as doing those things with other people.

这永远不会相同，但这没关系。

It's just never gonna be the same, and that's okay.

独自消遣只是服务于不同的目的。

Hanging out alone just serves a different purpose.

当我开始与他人一起旅行时，这一点变得非常清晰。

That really became clear to me when I started traveling with other people.

在我职业生涯初期，当我开始频繁出差时，大部分时间都是独自旅行。

In the beginning of my career, when I started traveling for work a lot, I traveled alone for the most part.

其实我确实很享受那段时光。

And I actually did enjoy that time.

但后来我意识到，你知道吗？

But then I got to this point where I was like, you know what?

我开始带上我父亲一起，或者如果有朋友想同行，比如我要去时装周，杰瑞德自然会和我一起去，就这样我逐渐不再独自旅行了。

Like, I'm gonna start bringing my dad along, or, you know, if there's, like, a friend who wants to come along or, you know, oh, I'm going to fashion week, Jared and I are going like, naturally, I just kinda stopped traveling alone.

这些旅程变得有趣多了。

And the trips became much more fun.

听着。

Listen.

不再独自旅行也给我带来了一些困扰，现在我几乎害怕独自出行，因为已经太习惯与人同行，这本身就是个问题。

I've experienced some challenges from not traveling alone anymore, where I feel like now I almost fear traveling alone because I'm so used to traveling with people, and that's a problem in itself.

但旅行的性质已经发生了很大变化。

But the nature of the trips have changed a lot.

因为我能和别人一起体验这些地方。

It's because I get to experience these places with other people.

我现在比以往任何时候都更爱独处，因为我明白那是什么感觉。

I love being alone more than ever now because I know what it is.

但我认为很多人都渴望这种狂野的独立。

But I think a lot of people crave this sort of wild independence.

我觉得很多人认为终极炫耀就是能独自生活六个月，甚至毫无察觉，因为你自我满足到根本不需要与他人相处。

I think a lot of people think the ultimate flex would be to be able to be alone for, like, six months straight and never even notice because you're so fulfilled with yourself that you don't even need to be around other people.

但我认为这其实并不现实。

But I actually think that's unrealistic.

随着我对人性了解得越多，就越意识到我们需要他人。

And the more that I've read about human nature, the more I've realized that we need people.

我认为这对那些非常内向的人来说更为自然。

And I think this is something that comes more natural to people who are very much introverted.

内向的人对独处带来的充电效果有着超乎寻常的认知。

Introverted people are hyper aware of the recharging benefits of being alone.

对于特别外向的人来说，这一点完全不自然。

People who are particularly extroverted, this does not come natural at all.

我确实认为我们都应该学会如何独处自洽。

And I do think that we should all know how to be comfortable by ourselves.

但我认为要做到这一点，必须意识到独处永远不会与和他人相处相同或感觉相同。

But I think in order to do that, it must be realized that it's never gonna be the same or feel the same as being with others.

好的。

Okay.

接下来，谈谈处于健康的恋爱关系中。

Next, being in a healthy romantic relationship.

好吗？

Okay?

我曾以为健康的恋爱关系会是毫无摩擦的。

I expected that being in a healthy relationship would be seamless.

它会感觉很轻松。

It would feel easy.

我绝不会质疑这段关系是否正确。

I would never question if it's right.

我们之间不会有任何分歧。

There wouldn't be disagreements.

我会无比确信这个人就是我的命中注定。

It would just be so fucking obvious that this is the person for me.

你明白吗？

You know?

我甚至不是在谈论灵魂伴侣这种概念，只是说当下这段健康合理的关系。

I'm not even talking about, like, being with your soulmate, but I'm more just talking about being in a healthy relationship that makes sense in the moment.

我连'那个人'的概念都懒得讨论。

I'm not even talking about, like, being with the one.

而且...说实话我甚至不确定——我连那到底是什么都不知道。

And and I don't know if I've I don't even know what that like, I don't know what that is.

我不确定这种东西是否真实存在。

I don't know if it's real.

我不知道这种事会不会发生。

I don't know if it'll ever happen.

我不知道，我真的不知道。

I don't I don't know.

但我曾和生命中的长辈们交谈过，那些已婚多年的人，有的离婚了，有的还在一起。

But I've spoken to the people in my life, the elders in my life, people who are married, have been married for years, some divorced, some still together.

而我交谈过的每一位年长智者都表示，确实如此。

And every single older, wiser person I've talked to has been like, yeah.

那其实并不存在。

That doesn't really exist.

这并不是一种完美、明显、轻松、自然的体验。

It isn't this perfect, obvious, easy, natural experience.

健康的感情关系依然会面临一系列挑战，这很正常。

A healthy relationship still comes with a slew of challenges, And that makes sense.

就像，地球上不存在完全相同的两个人，能够永远没有冲突、紧张或任何类似情况。

Like, there is no two people on this planet who are exactly the same to the point where there's never gonna be conflict or or tension or anything like that.

但即便你真的找到了这样的人，也还是会有其他问题。

But also, even if you did find that, there would be issues than that.

如果你真的找到一个和你完全一样的人，完全一致到根本不可能产生分歧的程度，

If you were to find somebody who is exactly like you to the point where it's like, how could we ever disagree?

那你们简直就是同一个人了。

We literally are the same person.

就算你克隆一个自己然后和自己约会，也依然会有问题。

If you were to clone yourself and date yourself, there would still be issues.

你们无法互相促进成长，因为你们是同一个人。

You're not pushing each other to grow because you're the same person.

亲密关系的珍贵之处就在于我们能从伴侣身上学习。

Relationships are so valuable because we can learn from our partner.

所以如果你们是完全相同的，你们能学到什么？

And so if you're exactly the same, what is there to learn?

伴侣之间没有伴侣之间

There's no different experiences to share.

没有不同的观点可以分享。

There's no different perspectives to share.

你们处于一个回音室中。

You're in an echo chamber.

明白吗？

You know?

我认为感情之所以珍贵，正是因为有时会有紧张和分歧。

I think relationships are so valuable because there is tension at times, because there are disagreements at times.

我在这个播客里已经反复讲过这点，所以不再深入讨论。

And I've talked about this ad nauseam on this podcast, so I won't go too far into it.

但就像，如果一段关系中完全没有摩擦，那你很可能没有在其中成长。

But it's like, if there's no friction at all in the relationship, then you're probably not growing in it.

在我看来，这就没有获得感情的全部价值。

And that's, in my opinion, not getting the full value of a relationship.

我认为如果你一直处于回音室中且从未感到不适，你就不会被推动变得更好。

I think if you're in an echo chamber and there's never any discomfort, you're not gonna be pushed to be better.

你会变得自满。

You'll be complacent.

但是，人类本身就是有缺陷的，而这些缺陷在我们约会对象面前会表现得最为明显。

But, also, human beings are flawed, and those are gonna be the most evident to those that we are dating.

我认为浪漫关系的本质就是妥协，正是这种妥协让它如此强大——因为你需要妥协，这并不容易。

I think the nature of romantic relationships is compromise, And that's what makes it so powerful, the fact that you have to compromise, that it's not that easy.

这并不是最自然完美的状态，天啊。

It's not the most natural perfect, oh my god.

所谓一见钟情，然后从此永远幸福，一切都顺理成章。

It was love at first sight, and then we've always been happy ever since, everything has just made sense.

奇怪的是，我觉得这种关系缺乏深度。

That weirdly lacks depth to me.

关系的深度来自于你们需要共同克服挑战。

The depth of a relationship comes from the fact that you have to overcome challenges.

即使在充满挑战的时刻，你们也要每天选择继续相爱。

You have to choose every day to love one another even in moments when it's challenging.

有些日子这个决定轻而易举，而有些日子却他妈难如登天。

Some days that decision is super easy, and some days it's fucking hard.

但正是这种推拉拉扯造就了更深刻、更有意义的羁绊。

But that push and pull is what creates a deeper, more meaningful bond.

但我觉得人生中我们容易陷入的问题是：总期待感情完美无缺。

But I think the problem that we can get ourselves into in life is we can expect relationships to be perfect.

当感情不可避免地出现问题时，我们就会轻易放弃。

And when they're not, inevitably, we can throw those relationships away.

这很可惜，因为有时我们抛弃的恰恰是让我们变得更好的关系。

And it's a shame because it's like sometimes we'll throw away a relationship that actually was making us better.

不过有时真的很难分辨，因为我们也可能在‘是啊，没有十全十美’的自我安慰中过度维持一段关系。

But it's really tough though to distinguish sometimes because we can also stay in a relationship for too long being like, yeah.

‘毕竟没有什么是完美的’

Well, nothing's perfect.

但就像‘好吧’（这样勉强维持）

But it's like, okay.

但这实际上，真的不是不完美，而是已经到了真的很糟糕的地步。

But this is actually, like, really not not perfect, like, to the point like, this is really bad.

你知道吗？

You know?

有时候很难分辨到底发生了什么。

It's hard to distinguish at times what's going on.

我是说，听着。

I mean, listen.

我不想过度简化这件事，因为我知道它非常复杂。

I'm not trying to oversimplify this because I know it's so complicated.

但就像，我跟我说的很多老夫老妻，他们都有这种感觉。

But, like, I've talked to so many old married couples, and this is this is the feeling.

这就是经验之谈。

This is the experience.

这是普遍现象。

This is universal.

我自己也亲身经历过。

And I've experienced it myself.

我经历过糟糕的感情关系，但也经历过美好的。

I've experienced bad relationships, but I've also experienced good ones.

而且我知道，即便是美好的关系也很复杂。

And I know that even the good ones are complicated.

我开始意识到，往往美好的关系可能更加复杂。

Oftentimes, the good ones are maybe even more complicated, I I'm starting to realize.

我不知道。

I don't know.

关于感情关系我还有很多要学习，而且我说的很多观点甚至不一定是我自己的。

I still have a lot to learn about relationships, and I don't necessarily wanna, like I'm not a lot of the the facts that I'm speaking are not even necessarily my own.

这些观点还包括向他人寻求建议，以及从他们那里汲取智慧。

They're also gathered from, like, asking other people for advice and, like, picking their brains about it.

但我也不知道。

But I don't know.

我只是不相信健康的关系会像我们通常期望的那样毫无摩擦。

I just I don't believe that healthy relationships are are as seamless as we tend to expect them to be.

接下来，改变我的外貌。

Next, making changes to my appearance.

我认为很多时候我们期望通过改变身体来奇迹般地解决生活中的大部分问题。

I think a lot of times we expect making changes to our body to miraculously solve majority of the issues in our life.

比如，如果我身材更好、痘痘消失、剪个酷发型、丰唇、隆胸，只要我做了这个或那个，生活中的一切都会感觉更好。

Like, if I just was in better shape, got rid of my acne, got a cool haircut, got my lips done, if I just got a boob job, if I just did this, if I just did that, everything in my life would feel better.

我的自信心会爆棚。

My confidence would explode.

我的自尊心会奇迹般地提升，一切都会变得好得多，甚至达到一种前所未有的感觉。

My self esteem would improve miraculously, and everything would just be so much better to the point where, like, I'd feel a way that I've never felt before.

我会感觉好到仿佛再没有什么能阻挡我。

I'd feel so good that, like, nothing could ever stand in my way again.

我觉得我们都会有这种期待。

Like, I think we expect that.

是的。

Yes.

我确实认为改变外貌会影响我们的自尊和自信。

I do think that altering our appearance can impact our self esteem, our confidence.

我从未做过任何美容手术，比如肉毒杆菌、填充剂之类的。

I've never gotten any cosmetic procedures done, like, you know, Botox or filler or or whatever.

我也没做过隆胸手术。

I've never gotten, like, a boob job.

这类事情我都没做过，但我服用过痤疮药物。

Like, I haven't done anything like that, but I've gone on acne medication.

我曾经有严重的痤疮问题。

I had bad acne.

我连续七个月服用了一种强效的痤疮治疗药物。

I went on a severe, serious acne medication for seven months of my life.

后来我还服用过调节激素的药物，因为我患有多囊卵巢综合征，这也会导致痤疮并影响其他方面。

Then I've gone on to go on medications to help regulate my hormones because I have PCOS, and that was also giving me acne and impacting other things.

在我生命中的某些时刻，我会想，好吧。

And and, like, I've had moments in my life where I've been like, okay.

我要让自己保持最佳状态，为此我改变了生活方式，诸如此类。

I'm gonna get in really good shape, and I've changed my lifestyle to to whatever.

这些我都做过。

I've done all that stuff.

我明白。

I get it.

它能解决一些问题，但效果远不如我们许多人预期的那么显著。

It can solve some problems, but significantly less than I think a lot of us expect.

我认为面对这个现实可能非常艰难，这会导致我们走向极端。

And I think the reality of that can be really tough to deal with, and it can lead us to go to extreme lengths.

明白吗？

Okay?

我亲身经历过这些。

I've experienced this.

我曾经觉得，只要我保持非常好的体型，我生活中的一切都会变得更好。

I've been like, if I just get in really good shape, everything's gonna be better in my life.

我很强壮。

I'm strong.

我吃得非常好。

I'm eating really well.

我摄入了足够的纤维。

I'm getting my fiber in.

我排便，你知道的，频率很正常。

I'm pooping, you know, at at a good rate.

我一切都很健康。

Everything I'm healthy.

我如此健康，把自己照顾得这么好，但还是感觉不够。

I'm so healthy, taking such good care of myself, but it doesn't feel like enough.

在我生命中曾多次因此走向极端，因为我期待它能让我感到近乎狂喜，但它并没有。

And there have been many instances in my life where I've then proceeded to take it too far because waiting for it to make me feel like almost euphoric, and it doesn't.

我一生中做过很多次这样的事。

I've done that many times in my life.

我很喜欢这样做。

I love to do that.

这就像是一个反复出现的事情。

It's like a reoccurring thing.

我很喜欢这样。

I love it.

就像是，哎呀，又做得太过火了。

It's like, oh, took it too far again.

哎呀。

Oops.

但这就像是一个常见的挑战，而且完全说得通。

But that's like a common challenge, and it makes complete sense.

但这是因为期望值太高了。

But it's it's because the expectation was too high.

而现在，感谢上帝，我明白了，改变身体可能只对我的生活有20%的帮助。

Whereas now, thank God, I I understand, like, the reality of making changes to my body is that it might help me 20% in my life.

它可能解决我认为它能解决的20%的问题。

It might solve 20% of of the issues that I thought it would maybe solve.

但即使有了自信，还有很多问题存在。

But there's a lot left even with confidence.

就像，是的，它也许能提升我20%的自信，但剩下的80%需要更深层次的关注。

It's like, yeah, it can maybe help my confidence 20%, but the rest of that 80% goes far deeper, requires far more attention.

自尊和自信远比这复杂得多。

Self esteem and confidence is far more complicated than that.

你懂吗？

You know?

接下来，把自己的事情处理好。

Next, having your shit together.

用TikTok上的流行词来说，就是活成那个女孩的样子。

To use a TikTok buzzword, to be living like that girl.

明白吗？

Okay?

现在你可以像那个女孩一样生活，而不必是个女孩。

Now you can live like that girl and not be a girl.

懂了吗？

Okay?

这就像是我想到这个时脑海中浮现的术语。

That's just like the the terminology that comes to mind when I think of this.

这不是一个新概念。

This is not a new concept.

那种女孩的晨间例行：6点起床、写日记、泡柠檬水、喝抹茶、做普拉提，然后去上班，用着完美可爱的小笔工作。

The that girl morning routine, waking up at 6AM, journaling, making the water with the lemon, having a matcha, going to Pilates, then going to work and having perfect cute little pens to do the work with.

然后一天结束回到家，换上非常别致的小睡衣，做一顿超级美观的晚餐，喝着某种无酒精鸡尾酒，晚上9点伴着烛光和电视的温馨房间入睡。

And then, you know, coming home at the end of the day and, like, getting into really chic little PJs, and then, you know, making a super aesthetically pleasing dinner and, like, drinking some sort of mocktail and then going to bed at 9PM with a gorgeous room with candles on and there's the TV.

你懂我的意思吧。

You get what I'm saying.

这个主题有太多不同的版本了。

There's so many different other versions of this.

但我觉得社交媒体上最流行、最广为人知的还是那个‘完美女孩’的形象。

That's just the one that I think became the most popular and the most commonly known on social media anyways, that girl.

我想很多人会觉得，如果我们能坚持那样的日常，每一天都会过得行云流水。

I think a lot of us feel like if we were to have a routine like that, every day would just flow.

日常习惯一旦固定下来，你就能每天轻松自如地度过，感觉如此流畅、简单、有条理又完美，让一切时刻保持美感，成果也会快速显现。

The routine would become solidified, and then it would just be this you would just be able to float through it every day in a way that feels so seamless and so easy and so organized and so perfect that everything would look aesthetic all the time and that the results would come quickly.

懂我意思吗？

You know?

因为‘活得有条理’的核心就是保持高效。

Because the whole idea of having your shit together is that you're productive.

你能完成很多事。

You're getting a lot of shit done.

健康目标、工作目标，诸如此类。

Health goals, work goals, whatever.

我确实认为这其中有很多价值。

I do think that there's actually a lot of value.

我喜欢，好吧。

I like, okay.

这里面有很多内容。

There's a lot to this.

你们觉得网上那些完美拍摄、剪辑和编排的日常作息视频在某种程度上是不现实的吗？

Do I think that these idyllic perfectly filmed and edited and curated routines on the Internet are to an extent unrealistic?

是的。

Yes.

我认为它们的拍摄和剪辑方式自然会让它们看起来与实际生活有所不同。

I think the way that they're filmed and edited naturally makes them feel different than they actually are in real life.

但是，你们觉得人们分享这些内容是错误的吗？

However, do I think that that's, like, wrong for people to share?

不是的。

No.

因为我认为这就是互联网上一切的本质。

Because I think that's the nature of everything on the Internet.

就像，这就是我的YouTube视频、Instagram帖子的本质。

Like, that's the nature of my YouTube videos, my Instagram posts.

就像，所有内容都是经过编辑的。

Like, everything is edited.

互联网的本质就是内容经过筛选，以简化的方式呈现。

The nature of the Internet is that things are curated, that things are explained in a way that's simplified.

就像，我们不可能用其他方式来表达这些事情。

Like, it's impossible to express things otherwise.

但我认为我们很自然地会把它当作事实，当作它看起来的样子，而实际上远不止如此。

But I think naturally, we tend to take it as fact as what it is, as what it looks like, and there's a lot more to it.

我认为过一种高效、自律的生活给我的生活带来了很多价值。

I think living a productive life, living a disciplined life, it's brought me so much value in my life.

就像，这其实是预期与现实的一个例子，而我实际上认为现实情况相当不错。

Like, I actually think this is one of the expectations versus realities where I actually think the reality is it's actually pretty good.

拥有严格的作息规律和自律能帮助建立自信。

Having a strong routine, being disciplined helps build confidence.

它能让我们在生活中完成更多事情。

It helps us get more done in our lives.

它为我们提供框架，让我们能在其中茁壮成长。

It gives us structure so that we can thrive within.

有时候，这种框架结构能给予我们所需的意图。

Like, structure can at times give us the intention that we need.

我认为期望与现实差距最大的地方在于：真正生活在那种规律中的样子和感受。

I think where the expectation versus reality really is strong is what it actually looks like and feels like to exist in a routine like that.

实际情况往往不像看起来或我们想象中那么顺利。

It oftentimes isn't as seamless as it looks or as we assume it to be.

可以说在我人生的这个阶段，我的生活比以往任何时候都更有条理。

Like, I would say at this point in my life, I have my shit together more than I've ever had my shit together.

说实话，我这辈子大部分时间其实都过得挺混乱的。

Because I will be honest, I have not had my shit together for for, like, my whole life.

比如我刚搬到洛杉矶的时候，生活简直一团糟。

Like, when I first moved to LA, did not have my shit together.

那时我在社交生活和工作之间完全没有界限，经常过度工作到精疲力竭，然后整整一个月什么都做不了，情绪也极度不稳定，因为我根本不懂得自我调节。

Didn't have good boundaries with, like, my social life versus my work life, would overwork myself to the point of burnout and then not be able to get anything done for, a month, was emotionally all over the place because I wasn't really, like, self regulating myself very well.

我那时很不爱惜自己。

I didn't take very good care of myself.

我睡眠不足，也不运动，饮食也很不健康。

I didn't sleep a lot, but I also didn't exercise, and I didn't eat well.

我甚至会直接吃掉一整盒Cheez Its饼干当一顿饭。

Like, I would literally just, like, eat an entire box of Cheez Its for, like, my meal.

那就是我当天的食物。

Like, that would be my food that day.

我基本上每隔一小时就会去抓一把来吃。

Like, I would just, like, every, like, hour, I'd go and have another handful.

听着。

Listen.

人生中总会有那样的时候，那样活着也没什么错。

There are moments in our lives when we're gonna exist that way, and there's nothing wrong with that.

有时候，能生存下来就不错了。

Like, that sometimes just survival.

我们不可能永远事事完美。

We can't always have our shit together.

生活不可能总是那么完美。

That's just not always going to be the case.

但现实是，它并不像看起来那么完美。

But I think the reality of it, it's just not as perfect as it seems.

就算你有个完美作息表，也总会有睡过头错过普拉提课的时候。

Like, even when you have a perfect routine, there are going to be times when you sleep through your your alarm and you don't get to go to your fucking Pilates class.

懂吗？

Okay?

总会有上班时感到精疲力竭的时候，那些可爱的彩色笔和键盘也让你开心不起来，结果一事无成还心情糟糕。

There are gonna be times when you show up to work and you feel burnt out, and, you know, your cute little colored pens that you use and your cute little keyboard for your computer isn't enough to make you feel better, and you get nothing done, and you're in a bad mood.

总会有那么些日子，你下班回到家，心想‘去他妈的做饭’，然后直接啃奶酪。

There are gonna be times when you come home at the end of the day, and you're like, I can't fucking cook, and you eat cheese.

就是说，日常规律总会有中断的时候。

Like, there's going to be lapses in the routine.

你可能会因为自己的作息太完美、一切尽在掌握，就期待成果会比实际来得快得多。

You might expect because your routine is so good, and you have your shit together, that you're gonna see results a lot quicker than you're actually gonna see results.

成效显现确实需要很长时间。

Results do still take a long time to see.

尽管把事情理顺能解决很多问题——确实可以，比改变外貌或维持一段幸福关系之类的更有效——

And even though having your shit together can solve a lot of problems, it absolutely can, more so than, say, changing your appearance or being in a happy relationship or something.

但总还是有些方面需要继续努力。

Like, there's always still things that need to be worked on.

我认为现实还有一点很重要：井井有条的生活并不总是看起来那么赏心悦目。

And I think the reality of it too is, and I this is very important to mention, is that having your shit together is not always going to be perfectly aesthetically pleasing.

它不需要、不必、也不应该、很可能也不会总是完美的。

And it doesn't need to be, and it doesn't have to be, and it shouldn't be, and it probably won't be.

如果真的做到了，那当然很好。

And if it will or and if it does, okay.

这对你来说是好事，但这并不总是生活有序的真实写照。

That's great for you, but it's that's also not always the reality of having your shit together.

你可以把生活打理得井井有条，但不必像Instagram上展示的那样光鲜亮丽，也根本没必要那样。

Like, you can have your shit together and it not be Instagram ready, and it doesn't need to be.

那只是让生活有序的一种方式而已。

That's just one way to have your shit together.

我理解部分批评意见。

And I understand some of the criticism.

经常有人批评说，可能过度消费产品来让生活看起来符合某种标准。

There's a lot of times criticism about perhaps overconsuming products to make the routine look a certain way.

听着。

Listen.

我不会去管别人怎么花钱，那不是我的职责范围。

I am not gonna police how other people spend their money in in in you know, like, that's not my place.

我是否认为有时这种做法太过分了，存在一种为了维持这种审美生活方式而购买过多物品的现象？

Do I maybe think that sometimes it's taken too far, and there is a level of, like, buying so much stuff to, like, upkeep this sort of aesthetic lifestyle.

我是否认为这种做法可能走向极端？

Do I think that that can be taken too far?

是的。

Yes.

我是否也认为可以以一种负责任的方式来实现这种生活方式？

Do I also think that that can be done in a way that is responsible?

比如，如果你想拥有一个有美感的晨间习惯，这意味着你想买一个每天早晨都会用的漂亮咖啡杯。

Like, if you wanna have an aesthetic morning routine, and so that means you wanna buy a really beautiful coffee mug that you're gonna use every morning.

抱歉。

I'm sorry.

我觉得这没什么问题。

I don't see anything wrong with that.

如果你每天早上都去做普拉提，这是你日常的一部分，你每天都穿运动服，还买了一套非常可爱的运动套装经常穿着。

If you're going to Pilates every morning, and that's a part of your routine, and you're wearing exercise clothes every day, and, you know, you buy a new workout set that's really cute, and you're wearing it all the time.

这有什么问题呢？

Like, what's there's nothing wrong with that.

我觉得当它达到某种程度时就会变得荒谬，比如那些网红可能每次都要买新的运动套装，只为在每期视频里穿不同的款式。

I think it gets to a a level where it's ridiculous when it's like perhaps influencers are maybe buying new like, they're buying like, they wanna wear a new workout set in every single routine video.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

如果每次出现新的生活方式潮流，人们都要跟风购买所有相关产品，即便其实根本不需要。

If every time there's a new sort of lifestyle wellness trend, individuals are, like, buying everything every single time even when it's like, okay.

比如突然流行一款网红杯子，你就立刻觉得自己必须拥有它。

There's like a new viral cup, and now all of a sudden, you need to buy the new viral cup.

但现实并不总是需要这样。

But the reality doesn't always need to look that way.

做这件事本就没有标准答案。

Like, there's no right or wrong way to do it.

只要适合你，并且保持适度理性就够了。

It just has to work for you, and it just and it should be somewhat responsible, and that's it.

我是说对那些更喜欢通过外在形式来展现自己生活井然有序的人而言，要更负责任些。

And I'm saying more so responsible for for people who maybe prefer a more aesthetic sort of version of having your shit together.

懂？

You know?

我稍停一下这期节目，告诉你本节目由优步赞助播出。

I briefly paused this episode to let you know that this episode is brought to you by Uber.

这学期返校时，学生党们可以关注下优步学生会员计划。

Heading back to campus this fall, you should check out Uber One for students.

会员福利多多，包括0元配送费、订单最高10%折扣、打车返6%优步积分，还有每日品牌免费好礼。

It comes with a bunch of perks, like $0 delivery fees, up to 10% off eligible orders, and 6% back in Uber credits on rides, plus daily freebies from your favorite brands.

现在注册可享首月免费体验。

Try it out now and get your first four weeks free.

成为优步学生会员，在打车和外卖时都能享受优惠。

Become an Uber One for Students member and start saving on Uber and Uber Eats.

具体会员条款和资格要求详见活动细则。

Eligibility and member terms apply.

现在回到正片内容。

Now back to the episode.

好的。

Okay.

接下来，完成一个重大目标。

Next, accomplishing a huge goal.

我认为我们都觉得完成重大目标是一种极度愉悦的体验。

I think we all think that accomplishing a huge goal is a euphoric experience.

这是改变人生的、难以言表的满足感。

It's life changing, fulfilling beyond words.

就像攀登高山到达顶峰，然后余生都能站在山顶享受风景。

It's climbing this mountain and reaching the top and being able to stand at the top for the rest of your life and and enjoy the view.

但我的体验并非如此。

That's not been my experience.

实现目标就像爬山，但看到的风景在谷歌地球上早就看过了。

Accomplishing a goal is like climbing a mountain, but seeing the view, you're not seeing anything that you haven't seen on Google Earth.

当你登上山顶极目远眺时，并不会看到什么奇妙、神秘又魔幻的世界展现在眼前。

You're not looking out at the top of this mountain and seeing some sort of like wonderful, mystical, magical world in front of you.

如果你攀登山峰到达顶峰向下看，你会看到你早已熟悉的大地。

If you climb the mountain and you get to the top and you look down, you'd see you see the earth that you already knew.

这固然很美，但并非你从未体验过的全新感受。

And that's beautiful, but it's not a feeling you've never felt before.

明白吗？

You know?

一切都是相对的。

Everything is relative.

对吧？

Right?

就像小时候你完成一个小目标时——现在回想起来可能微不足道——但当时会因为达成目标而兴奋不已。

So when you were a kid and maybe you accomplished a small goal, right, that in retrospect seems minute, but you experienced a feeling of excitement because you accomplished a goal.

这种感受与你成年后实现更重大人生目标时的体验是相同的。

That feeling is the same even when you're an adult and you experience, like, a much bigger, more significant life goal.

我还没有从实现目标中获得过全新的感受。

I've yet to experience, like, a new feeling from accomplishing a goal.

它并不会解锁我从未体验过的感觉。

It doesn't unlock a feeling I've never experienced before.

我们几乎期待某种超自然的感觉。

We expect almost some sort of like supernatural feeling.

就像，如果我实现了那个目标，我就会真正地超越自我。

Like, oh, if I accomplish that goal, like, I'm gonna literally like transcend.

但实际上，并不会。

It's like, no.

要知道，我们只有特定范围的情感。

You can all like, we only have a certain range of emotions.

继续用登山这个比喻来说，就像你登上山顶时感觉确实很棒。

And to further this sort of mountain metaphor, it's like, you climb the mountain, you get to the top, and it does feel amazing.

但那种狂喜感并不如你预期的那般强烈。

But it doesn't feel as euphoric as you expect it to.

你不可能永远待在山顶上。

And you can't stay at the top of the mountain forever.

因为在山顶，你能做的事情其实很有限。

Because at the top of the mountain, it's like, there's not much you can really do up there.

当你攀登时，有很多事情要做。

When you're climbing up the mountain, there's a lot to do.

你知道，你需要养活自己。

You know, you need to feed yourself.

这是个比喻。

This is a metaphor.

跟着我的思路走。

Just stick with me.

你需要养活自己。

You need to feed yourself.

你需要扎营露宿。

You need to camp out.