装模作样直到成功？建议环节

大家好，欢迎回到《建议时间》，这是《什么都行》频道的一个系列节目，你们可以提交自己当前的困境或任何需要建议的事情，我会给出我的非专业建议。

Hello, and welcome back to Advice Session, a series here on Anything Goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything that you want advice on, and I give you my unprofessional advice.

然后，希望你们能带着一点怀疑的态度来接受这些建议。

And then hopefully from there, you take the advice with a grain of salt.

今天，我们有一系列话题，它们都以某种方式与个人内心的挣扎、自我怀疑、与自我抗争、认识自我以及内心 turmoil 有关。

And today, we have sort of a slew of topics, all of which relating in one way or another to personal turmoil, doubting oneself, struggling with oneself, learning about oneself, personal turmoil.

老实说，我觉得人生就是一场接一场的内心 turmoil。

I feel like life is just one personal turmoil to the next, to be honest.

说实话，我总是处于某种形式的内心 turmoil 中。

Like, I'm kinda always in some sort of personal turmoil, if I'm being honest.

一个 turmoil 刚结束，另一个就接踵而至。

Like, the second one ends, another one begins.

我觉得我总是在不断解决某种内在问题。

I'm always fucking solving some sort of internal issue, I feel like.

我想我们大多数人都是如此。

I think most of us are.

我认为，不幸的是，生活就是这样，不断地提升自己，了解自己。

I think, unfortunately, that's just kinda what life is, constantly bettering yourself, figuring out yourself.

你知道的？

You know?

就是这样，生活本来就是这样的。

Like, it's that's just kinda how it is.

闲话少说，我们开始吧。

Without further ado, let's begin.

有人问，一个人该如何学会理解自己的直觉？

Somebody said, how does one learn to understand their intuition?

说实话，我还在学习如何信任自己的直觉。

To be honest, I'm still learning how to trust my intuition.

我是个非常焦虑的人，我认为对于有焦虑症的人来说，信任直觉尤其困难，因为我会对某件事感到极度焦虑，然后说服自己那是一种直觉的时刻。

I'm a very anxious person, and I think trusting intuition is particularly challenging for those who have anxiety because I'll be really anxious about something, and I'll convince myself that I'm having an intuitive moment.

比如，我会在飞机上。

Like, I'll be flying on an airplane.

老实说，昨晚就是一个很好的例子。

Honestly, last night is a great example.

昨晚我从科罗拉多州的丹佛飞往洛杉矶。

I was on an airplane last night, okay, from Denver, Colorado to Los Angeles.

从丹佛起飞的一个特点是风很大，山脉很多。

Now something about flying out of Denver is that there's a lot of winds and mountains.

起飞阶段航程颠簸，非常晃动。

It's It's a turbulent ride, at least in the beginning, very bumpy.

昨晚在丹佛航班的颠簸中，我真以为自己会死，觉得会出现什么问题。

I really, really believed last night while in the Colorado airplane turbulence that I was going to die, that something was going to go wrong.

尽管如果你在谷歌上搜索‘颠簸危险吗？’

Even though if you Google, is turbulence dangerous?

答案是不危险。

It's not.

但昨晚我真的很难受。

But I really had a hard time last night.

我在飞机上完全经历了恐慌发作。

I fully had a panic attack on the plane.

我非常焦虑。

I was really anxious.

我觉得会发生什么问题，而颠簸让情况恶化了十倍。

I felt like something was gonna go wrong, and then the turbulence made it 10 times worse.

我彻底经历了恐慌发作，还哭了。

And I fully had a panic attack and cried.

我爸爸坐在飞机上我旁边。

My dad was sitting next to me on the plane.

他跟我说：‘老兄，没事的。’

He's like, Dude, all good.

一切都完全没问题。

Everything's totally fine.

我在哭。

I'm crying.

那感觉一点都不好。

It was not good.

明白吗？

Okay?

我为什么哭？

Why was I crying?

因为我一直说服自己，我感受到的恐惧是一种预感，觉得会发生什么糟糕的事。

Because I had convinced myself that my fear, the fear that I was experiencing was intuition that something was gonna go wrong.

不是的。

No.

那只是焦虑，因为我最近几年才开始害怕坐飞机，而且当时确实有些颠簸，虽然其实也没那么严重。

It was just anxiety because I recently, within the last few years, developed a fear of flying and because there was a lot of turbulence, not even that much, to be honest.

有颠簸，但也没那么糟。

There was turbulence, but it wasn't that bad.

而且有一瞬间，一名空乘人员看起来有点担心，我就想：他们是不是觉得飞机要坠毁了？

And because for one brief second, one of the flight attendants looked a little bit concerned, and I was like, are they concerned because the plane is crashing?

要坠机了吗？

It's crashing?

发生什么事了？

What's happening?

他们可能只是担心，我不知道。

They were probably concerned because I don't know.

比如，他们把手机忘在了飞机上的小桌板上。

Like, they left their phone on, like, one of the little airplane countertops.

你懂我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

总之，当你是个焦虑的人时，相信直觉特别困难，因为焦虑的感觉就像直觉，而这正是直觉的本质。

Like, anyway, trusting your intuition is particularly challenging when you're an anxious person because anxiety feels like a gut feeling, and that's exactly what intuition is.

然而，在研究了焦虑与直觉的区别之后，我了解到，直觉很多时候远没有那么恐慌。

However, upon doing research about the difference between anxiety and intuition, I've learned that a lot of times intuition is far less panicked.

它通常是本能的、自动的，只是感觉像是下一步最该做的事。

It's often instinctual and automatic and just it feels like the next best thing to do.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

就是觉得这样才对。

It just feels like this is what feels right.

根据PsychologyToday.com的说法，焦虑通常表现为身体上的不适，比如胸口发紧、心跳加速或坐立不安。

According to psychologytoday.com, anxiety tends to manifest as a physical discomfort, such as tightness in your chest, a racing heart, or a feeling of restlessness.

焦虑通常让人感到紧迫、压倒性，而且不是一种好的感觉。

Anxiety often feels urgent and overwhelming and not in a good way.

直觉源于一种更深层的内在认知，往往无法解释但却清晰明确。

Intuition arises from a deeper inner knowing, often unexplainable but clear.

这正是我在试图分辨自己是处于焦虑状态还是直觉时刻时，努力提醒自己的事情。

And this is something I try to remember in moments when I'm trying to distinguish if I'm having anxiety or if I'm having an intuitive moment.

焦虑是混乱的，而直觉则更有一种引导性。

Anxiety is chaotic, whereas intuition is a bit more it's a bit more guided.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

我不知道。

And I don't know.

但一旦你弄清楚了焦虑和直觉之间的区别，你就得面对直觉本身，而它本身也是一种复杂的东西。

But once you sort of figure out the difference between anxiety and intuition, then you're left to deal with intuition itself, which is its own complicated sort of thing.

因为我们有很多事情在干扰我们的直觉声音。

Because we have a lot of things getting in the way of our intuitive voice.

我们有他人的意见和行为。

We have the opinions and actions of others.

我们有社会规范。

We have societal norms.

我们有个人的恐惧和弱点。

We have our personal fears and weaknesses.

有太多不同的事情在蒙蔽我们的直觉。

There are so many different things clouding our intuition.

我真心认为，当我把事情理顺时，我的直觉是最强烈、最清晰的。

I honestly think that my intuition is the strongest and the most clear when I have shit sorted out.

好吗？

Okay?

我给你举个例子。

Let me give you an example.

如果我交了坏朋友，或者在和一个不适合我的人约会，我就听不到自己的直觉了。

If I have bad friends or if I'm dating a guy that's not good for me, I'm not hearing my intuition.

好吗？

Okay?

如果我身边都是错误的人，我就听不到自己的直觉了。

If I'm surrounding myself with the wrong people, I'm not hearing my intuition.

如果我的优先级乱了，因为我上网太多，我不确定。

If my priorities are out of whack because I've been on the internet too much and I don't know.

我被困在互联网的世界里，我的道德和价值观也有些偏差，因为我没有活在现实世界中。

I'm, like, stuck in the Internet world, and my morals and values are a bit off because I'm not existing in the real world.

我听不到自己的直觉。

I can't hear my intuition.

如果我对自己没有纪律，生活松懈，不对自己负责，总是说别人的坏话，不够当个好朋友——我觉得我算是个不错的朋友，但你应该明白我的意思。

If I'm not having discipline with myself and I'm kind of slacking in my life, not holding myself accountable, talking shit about people all the time, not being a good friend I mean, I feel like I'm a pretty good friend, but you you get my idea.

如果我生活松懈，不做正确的事，不对自己负责，我就听不到我的直觉。

If I'm slacking in my life, not doing the right thing, not holding myself accountable, I can't hear my intuition.

所以我觉得这很有趣。

So I think it's interesting.

我在自己生活中注意到的是，直觉会自然而然地来找我。

What I've noticed in my own life is that intuition just comes to me.

我甚至不需要去刻意寻找它，只要我一直在提升自己就行。

It's not even like I need to search for it or anything as long as I'm working on myself constantly.

我们始终都在成长的过程中。

We're a work in progress at all times.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

总有一些地方可以改进。

There's always things to improve on.

总有一些地方可以变得更好。

There's always things to get better at.

总还有更多东西需要学习。

There's always more to learn.

如果我始终如一地约束自己，保持身心健康，持续努力并尽可能维持这种状态，直觉就会自然浮现。

And if I'm on a continuous path to keeping myself in check, keeping myself in as healthy of a mental, physical state as possible, if that's constantly what I'm working on and working towards, and I'm upkeeping that as much as possible, the intuition just comes to me.

我清楚地知道生活中下一步该做什么。

It's clear to me what the next step should be in my life.

我清楚地感觉到这里有些不对劲。

It's clear to me that something feels off here.

我清楚地感觉到这里感觉非常好。

It's clear to me that something feels really good here.

当你不再被其他各种因素干扰时，一切都会变得清晰。

Everything becomes clear when you're not being clouded by all of those other variables.

唯一能减弱这些因素影响的方式——你无法完全消除它们，但可以让它们安静下来——就是不断在各方面强化自己。

And the only way to sort of not you can't really eliminate all those variables, but silence those variables is to constantly be strengthening yourself in all ways.

多和那些不评判你、让你感到安全的好人在一起。

Surround yourself with good people who don't judge you, who make you feel safe.

通过做个好人、努力工作、偶尔奖励自己，不断培养你的自尊和自信。

Constantly be working on your self esteem and self confidence through being a good person, working hard, rewarding yourself sometimes.

你知道的。

You know?

这些都是一些很平凡的事情，是枯燥的苦活。

It's like all these different things that are just mundane, and it's the dirty work.

但这份努力的成果，嗯，有很多成果，非常多。

But the fruit of that labor I mean, there's a lot of fruits of that labor, a lot.

更充实的生活，以及与直觉更紧密的联系。

A more fulfilling life, but also a better connection with your intuition.

这很难，你不可能总是与自己的直觉保持联系。

It's so tough, and you're not always going to be in touch with your intuition.

总会有一些时刻，你会觉得：天啊，我跟自己脱节了。

There's gonna be moments where you're like, God, I feel so disconnected from myself.

正是在这些时刻，你必须重新调整，告诉自己：好吧，我现在需要格外努力地照顾好自己，回到一个健康的状态，才能真正听到直觉对我的声音。

And it's in those moments that you just have to reset and be like, all right, I just need to focus a little extra hard right now on taking care of myself and getting back to a healthy place where I can actually hear my intuition speak to me in a way.

你知道吗？

You know?

即使我觉得直觉似乎没有在说话，但我更多是用它作为一个隐喻——我觉得直觉更像是一种无法言说的感觉。

Like, even though I don't feel like intuition speaks, but I'm more using that as a metaphor, I feel like intuition is more it's like a feeling that I can't even explain.

我想我们所有人都能或多或少地理解这种感觉。

I think all of us can sort of relate to that.

这是一种更深层的了然。

It's just a deeper knowing.

你就是不知道自己为什么知道。

You just you don't know why you know.

你就是知道。

You just know.

但我几乎觉得，如果你脑子里充斥着各种噪音——比如你身处一个有毒的朋友圈，或一段糟糕的关系，或者你太在意别人对你的穿搭怎么看，又或者你太担心别人觉得你装腔作势——只要这些事情出了问题，你的内心不平静，脑子里充斥着这些最终毫无意义的杂音，你就无法听见自己的直觉。

But I almost think of it like if you have all this noise going on, you know, about like, if you're in a toxic friend group or you're in a, you know, shitty relationship, or if you care too much about what people think of your sense of fashion, or if you are too concerned about seeming bougie to people or whatever, if you've, if things are off, right, things aren't good, and there's a lot of noise going on in your brain about shit that ultimately is not productive, you will not be able to hear your intuition.

这其实就是它的本质。

That's what it really is.

所以，关键在于找到方法让噪音静下来，然后直觉自然就会出现。

So it's about figuring out ways to silence the noise, and then the intuition just comes.

但这是一段持续的旅程，你必须不断重建与直觉的联系。

But it is an ongoing journey, and you're gonna constantly have to rebuild your connection to your intuition.

这就像一种持续的过程，你不可能once到达那里就永远结束了。

It's like a constant you can't just get there once and then you're done forever.

这就像添柴生火。

It's like stoking a fire.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

如果你不照料这堆火，它就会熄灭，你就得重新生火。

If you don't tend to the fire, that shit will go out and you'll have to start the fire again.

但如果你照料它，火就会时大时小，时小时大。

But you can tend to the fire and it'll get bigger and then smaller and then bigger and smaller.

就是这样。

It's like that.

好的。

Okay.

接下来，有人问：如何学会放下生活中的事情？

Next, somebody said, how to learn to let go of things in life?

这是个很好的问题。

This is a great question.

说实话，我不一定相信人能完全放下所有事情。

And to be honest, I don't know that I necessarily believe in expecting oneself to fully let go of things.

我认为这并不现实。

I don't think that that's realistic.

我并没有放下很多东西。

I have not let go of a lot of stuff.

当我想到放下某件事时，我想的是彻底释放它，让它成为遥远而遥远的记忆。

When I think of letting go of something, I think of fully setting it free, letting it become a distant, distant memory.

我认为这最终可能会发生。

I think that that's something that can happen eventually.

我认为这是一个非常复杂的目標。

I think it's a really complex goal to set.

我想放下这件事。

I want to let go of this.

这是一个让你感到无力的艰巨任务。

That's a really daunting task that's out of your control.

例如，当我们经历分手时，如果我们能打个响指就彻底放下前任，那该多好啊？

For example, when we go through a breakup, how awesome would it be if we could just snap our fingers and let go of our ex?

当有人背叛我们时，如果我们能打个响指就完全放下，重新信任他人，仿佛过去从未发生过任何让我们变得不信任的事情，那该多棒？

When somebody betrays us, how amazing would it be to just be able to snap your fingers and let it go and trust people as though nothing has ever happened to you in the past that has made you believe that you should do otherwise?

对我来说，这是一个不切实际的目标。

To me, that's an unrealistic goal.

说‘你知道吗？’是不切实际的。

It's unrealistic to say, You know what?

我只是要放下我的前伴侣。

I'm just going to let go of my ex.

你知道吗？

You know what?

我只是要放下那个人对我做的事。

I'm just going to let go of what that person did to me.

我要彻底放下这一切，继续前行，不再被它牵绊。

I'm just going to let it all go and proceed forward in my life without it.

我只是不去听。

I just don't listen.

这可能只是我个人对这句话的理解。

Now it might just be my own personal interpretation of the saying.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

但我觉得这样表达并不 helpful。

But I don't think that that's a helpful way of phrasing it.

就是，放下那些事。

Like, let go of stuff.

放下一些事情很难，而且你其实无法控制它。

It's hard to let go of stuff, and you can't really control it.

我认为更好的目标是学会接受事物。

What I think is a better goal is to learn to accept things.

一个很好的例子是，假设有人伤害了你。

So a good example would be, let's say somebody wronged you.

而不是说，我要放下这件事，然后带着它继续前进。

Instead of saying, I'm going to let this go and move forward without this attached to me.

对吧？

Right?

这都是比喻，对吧？

This is all metaphors, right?

但我的意思是，我要从这件事中走出来，让它不再以某种方式成为我的一部分。

But it's like, I'm going to move on from this and let it go so that it's no longer a part of me in a way.

我不再为此感到难过。

I'm no longer upset about it.

它不再影响我看待世界的方式。

It no longer taints the way that I see the world.

我在放下了。

I'm letting it go.

我不知道你是否能控制这种事情何时发生。

I don't know if you like, you cannot control when that happens.

而且，我认为这并不现实。

And also, I don't think that's realistic.

负面的经历，甚至创伤性的经历，或者更平凡的、令人沮丧的经历，都会塑造我们存在于这个世界的方式。

Negative experiences and even traumatic experiences, or even more mundane, like frustrating experiences, all shape the way that we exist in the world.

这些经历教会了我们未来想做什么、不想做什么。

These things teach us what we wanna do moving forward, what we don't wanna do moving forward.

我们之所以紧抓这些事情，是有原因的。

We hold onto these things for a reason.

因此，我认为要求自己放下这些事情是不现实的。

And so I think it's unrealistic to expect ourselves to let go of these things.

我们该做的反而是接受这些事情已经发生了。

What we should do instead is just accept that these things happened.

好的。

Okay.

你知道吗？

You know what?

这个人伤害了我。

This person wronged me.

它伤了我的感情。

It hurt my feelings.

它让我心如刀割。

It burned me.

我很难过。

I'm sad.

我现在失去了一位朋友，也对人性失去了一点信心。

I've now lost a friend and lost a little bit of faith in humanity.

这他娘的太糟了。

That fucking sucks.

我希望我能放下它，把它当作从未发生过一样忘记，然后继续前进，但那有点不切实际。

I wish I could let it go and sort of forget it that it ever happened and, you know, move forward, but that's kind of unrealistic.

所以，我决定接受这件事确实发生在我身上，并在这样的接受中找到平静。

So instead, I'm just gonna accept that this is something that happened to me and find peace in that acceptance.

这诚然是我的建议。

That's honestly my suggestion.

与其试图学会如何放下，不如学会如何接受。

Instead of trying to learn how to let go of things, learn how to accept things.

接受那些糟糕的事情总会发生。

Accept that shitty stuff happens.

接受不是每个人都会以你希望被对待的方式对待你，也不是每个人都会以你对待他们的方式对待你。

Accept that not everyone's gonna treat you how they wanna be treated, and not everyone's gonna treat you how you treat them.

痛苦的事情会发生。

Painful stuff happens.

令人沮丧的事情会发生。

Frustrating things happen.

不公平的事情会发生。

Unfair things happen.

所有这些事情。

All of this stuff.

它们会在我们的一生中反复发生。

And it's gonna happen over and over and over again throughout our lives.

我认为首要目标是接受这一点作为现实。

And I think the first goal should be to accept that as a reality.

然后从那里开始，事情最终会逐渐被放下。

And then from there, things just eventually get let go.

但几乎就像是，你必须先接受它们，才能放下。

But it's almost like you can't let go of things until you accept them.

这对我来说太真实了，以至于我觉得我们根本不应该把放下东西当作目标。

And that is so true to me, to a point that That's why I'm like, I don't even think we should ever have a goal to just let go of stuff.

我们的目标应该是接受事物，因为一旦你接受了，放下它们就会变得容易一百倍。

It should be a goal to just accept stuff because the second that you accept things, it becomes a 100 times easier to then let go of it.

这几乎就像是一个自然而然的下一步。

And it's almost like that's a natural next step.

但你也无法强迫自己放下那些伤害过我的朋友、伤害过我的前伴侣、那些深深伤害我感情并扰乱我心智的创伤经历。

But also you can't rush yourself to let go of stuff like friends that have burned me, exes that have done shit to me that really hurt my feelings and fucked with my head, traumatic experiences that I've had in my life.

我花了好几年才放下其中一些事。

It's taken me years to let go of some of that shit.

有些事我到现在还没能放下。

Some of that shit I haven't let go of yet.

有些事我仍然难以接受。

Some of that shit I still am having a hard time accepting.

我每天仍在与之抗争。

I'm still battling with every day.

这是另一部分。

And that's the other part of it.

你得对自己有耐心。

You have to be patient with yourself.

这就像是暗恋。

It's like having a crush.

如果我们能随时摆脱暗恋，那该有多好？

How awesome would it be if we could just let go of having a crush whenever we wanted?

那简直太棒了。

That would be fucking awesome.

我们会少很多心碎。

We would get heartbroken a lot less.

这毫无疑问。

That's for sure.

有些事我们就是无法控制。

Some shit we just can't control.

我们的大脑会做它想做的事。

Our brain does what our brain wants to do.

因此，在我们努力接受那些最终希望放下的事情时，我们必须对自己保持宽容和耐心。

And so we must be graceful and patient with ourself as we're trying to accept things that we ultimately, hopefully, wanna let go of one day.

有人说过：假装直到你成功。

Somebody said, Fake it till you make it.

这真的是好建议吗？

Is this actually good advice?

你知道吗，我觉得这要看情况。

You know, I think it depends.

我认为有时候‘假装直到你成功’是个好建议。

I think that sometimes fake it till you make it is good advice.

我认为，尤其是当我们需要假装的原因是我们正在尝试一些从未做过的事情时，这个建议特别有用。

I think especially when the reason why we need to fake it is because we're trying something that we've never tried before.

因此，我们会感到紧张，对自己缺乏信心。

And as a result of that, we're nervous, and we don't believe in ourselves.

比如，你刚开始一份新工作，假设这是你第一次在销售办公室工作。

Like, if you're starting a new job, let's say it's your first time working in a sales office.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

是的，你上过学，学过销售相关的知识，但你还不知道怎么完成一笔销售。

And, yeah, you went to school and you studied sales and stuff, but you don't know how to make a sale yet.

你从来没做过。

You've never done it.

我认为，对于刚入职第一天的这种人，告诉他们‘装到你真能做到为止’是个很好的建议。

I think it's great advice to tell somebody in that situation on their first day of work to fake it till they make it.

假装你已经有三十年的销售经验了。

Pretend like you've been in sales for thirty fucking years.

你懂我在说什么吗？

You know what I'm saying?

为什么不呢？

Why not?

如果你在约会时紧张得要命，感到不知所措，心想：没人会爱上我。

If you're on a date and you're so nervous and you're just overwhelmed, you're like, I don't feel like anyone's ever gonna love me.

我已经约会过足够多了。

I've gone on enough dates.

每次约会都他妈搞砸了。

It always fucking goes wrong.

装到你真的做到为止。

Fake it till you make it.

假装自己很兴奋。

Pretend to be excited.

假装自己很自信。

Pretend to be confident.

装啊，装啊，装啊，装啊，然后它就会变成真的。

Pretend, pretend, pretend, pretend, and then it'll become real.

你懂吗？

You know?

我认为装作自信直到真正自信确实有一定价值。

I do think there's some value to faking it till you make it.

但我认为，在装作自信直到真正自信和纯粹虚假之间，存在着一条微妙的界限。

But I do think that there's sort of a fine line between faking it till you make it and just being fake.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

我觉得装作自信直到真正自信，更像是一个短期的解决方案。

It's like, I think faking it till you make it is like it's sort of a short term solution.

对吧？

Right?

它不应当被视为长期的解决办法。

It should not be considered a long term solution.

我认为我们都可以凭自己的判断来弄清楚：在什么情况下，假装自信是无害的，最终还能带来力量和益处？

I think we can all use our own judgment to sort of figure out, okay, When is it harmless and ultimately empowering and beneficial to fake it?

当你需要建立足够的自信去尝试新事物时。

When you need to just build enough confidence to try something new.

很好。

Great.

在什么情况下这并不是一件总体有益的事？

When is it not sort of a net positive thing?

在什么情况下它会变成一件总体有害的事？

When does it become a net negative thing?

我认为，当你不是以善意伪装时，事情就会出错。

I would say it sorta goes wrong when you're not faking in good faith.

你是在伪装以欺骗手段获得成功，以不正当方式爬上高位。

You're faking to cheat your way to the top, to cheat your way to success.

对吧？

Right?

比如，当你和某人约会，你知道对方热爱足球时，假装对足球感兴趣，这种‘假装直到成功’就变得具有操纵性了。

So for example, faking it till you make it becomes manipulative when you're on, let's say, a date with somebody and you know that they love football.

所以你假装对足球感兴趣。

So you're fake interested in football.

你在去约会之前会去了解足球，了解所有球队和所有球员，然后去赴约。

You'd read up on football before, you know, you go on a date with them and you learn about all the teams and all the players, and then you go into this date.

你假装感兴趣，只是为了能和这个人约第二次。

And you're faking it because you wanna go on a second date with this person.

你真的很喜欢他们。

You really like them.

所以你是在 literally 假装成另一个人，只为和这个人在一起。

So you're literally faking who you are as a person to make it with this person.

这不好。

That is not good.

所以你看，这个约会例子的区别在于，当你在撒谎和操纵时，‘装到成功’就是负面的。

So see, the difference with this date example is that faking it till you make it is negative when you're lying and manipulating.

当你只是假装比实际更有自信时，它就是正面的。

It's positive when you're just faking a little bit more confidence than you actually have.

然后最终，你会意识到，哦，等等。

And then eventually, you'll be like, oh, wait.

我很好。

I'm good.

我很好。

I'm good.

我不再需要假装有自信了。

I don't even need to fake the confidence anymore.

我现在真的有自信了。

I actually have the confidence now.

但你并没有在操纵任何人。

But you're not manipulating anyone.

你并没有伤害任何人。

You're not harming anyone.

你只是稍微给自己打打气。

You're just hyping yourself up a little bit.

或者你在销售办公室的第一天，打电话推销时，说话的语气就像你已经干了三十年一样。

Or your first day at the sales office, you're making sales on the phone, and you're talking like you've been doing it for thirty years.

只要你没有对客户撒谎或操纵他们购买东西，那就没问题。

That's fine as long as you're not lying to the people that you're selling to or manipulating them, you know, to buy stuff.

你明白我的意思吗？

You see what I'm saying?

只要你保持诚实，并且将其作为一种尝试新事物的工具。

As long as you're being truthful and it's being used as a tool to try new things.

我觉得这是积极的。

I think it's positive.

我觉得我们不能因为害怕操纵他人而回避它，因为我不确定。

I think we just mustn't avoid manipulating others because I think I don't know.

我的意思是，我认为大多数人可能都明白这一点，但我不确定。

I mean, I think most people probably are aware of this, but I don't know.

我的意思是，也许并非如此。

I mean, maybe not.

我觉得‘假装直到你成功’这句建议很好。

And I think fake it till you make it can be good advice.

我认为我们应该尽可能少地使用它。

I think it's something that we should use as sparingly as possible.

我认为，理想情况下，我们越能诚实、真实地对待自己，就越好。

I think that, ideally, as often as we can be honest and completely authentic to ourselves, the better.

然而，有时我们必须假装直到成功。

However, there are times when we have to fake it till we make it.

如果我们不稍微假装一下，就无法培养足够的勇气去做某事。

We can't we cannot build enough courage to do something without faking it a little bit.

你明白我的意思吗？

Do you know what I'm saying?

比如，我们需要把它作为一种工具。

Like, we need that as a tool.

它是个不错的工具，但不应该经常使用。

It's good to have in the toolbox, but it's something that we shouldn't have to use.

我想，我们应该尽量少用它。

Like, we should maybe use sparingly, I guess.

这就是我的观点。

That's that's my opinion.

接下来，有人问：当所有朋友都在恋爱时，该如何应对单身状态？

Next, somebody said, how to deal with being single when all of your friends are in relationships?

这确实很有挑战性。

This is definitely challenging.

不过，我认为有几种方法可以应对这种情况。

However, I think there's quite a few ways to sort of combat this.

第一，当所有朋友似乎都拥有了你没有的东西时，重要的是要记住，属于你的时机终会到来。

Number one, I think it's important to remember when all of your friends seem to have something that you don't, that your time will come.

不幸的是，生活是不公平的，因为事情可能会发生在别人身上，却不会同时发生在你身上，这让人感觉不公平。

Unfortunately, life is unfair in the sense that things can happen to the people around us and not to us at the same time, which feels unfair.

对吧？

Right?

当所有朋友都在恋爱，或者都找到了新工作，而你却被落在后面时，感觉确实不好，但这是不可避免的。

When all of our friends are in a relationship or all of our friends just got a new job or whatever, and we're left behind a little bit, it doesn't feel good, but it's it's inevitable.

我认为重要的是要记住，属于你的时刻终会到来。

And I think it's important to remember that your time will come.

这是值得期待的事情。

And that's something to look forward to.

如果你抱着这样的想法：天啊，我所有的朋友都有伴侣，而我没有，我可能永远都找不到人了，那这段时光一定会很痛苦。

You know, if if you have the mindset that, oh my god, all my friends are in relationships and I'm not, I probably will never find anyone, then it's gonna be a miserable time.

你会看着你的朋友心生嫉妒和怨恨，然后回家后对自己感到无比沮丧。

You're gonna look at your friends and you're gonna be jealous and spiteful, and you're gonna go home feeling like shit about yourself.

但如果你能稍微改变一下视角，看着那些有伴侣的朋友，心里想：我迟早也会这样。

But if you can change your lens a little bit and look at your friends that are in a relationship and think to yourself, that's gonna be me at some point.

我不知道具体是什么时候。

I don't know when.

我没有水晶球，但迟早有一天我也会这样。

Like, I'm not I don't have a crystal ball, but that will be me at some point.

这能带来巨大的帮助。

That helps immensely.

只需要一点点心态上的转变。

Just a slight, slight little mindset shift.

除此之外，我認為與朋友約會時，不帶上另一半會非常有幫助。

Beyond that, I think it can be really helpful to set up plans with your friends that don't include the significant others.

比如說，你有一個朋友群體。

So let's say you have a friend group.

比如說，這是一個女生群體。

Like, let's say it's a girl group.

對吧？

Right?

就是你和你所有的女性朋友。

It's you and all your girls.

而所有的女生都有男朋友或女朋友之類的。

And all the girls have boyfriends or girlfriends or whatever.

她們都談戀愛了，而你還是單身。

They're all in relationships and you're alone.

好吧？

Okay?

你想想，姐妹们，

Be like, you know what girls?

咱们来个女生之夜吧。

Let's do a little girls' night.

你懂我的意思吧？

You know what I mean?

咱们搞个女生之夜，看电影、吃东西，就我们几个。

Let's do girls' night, watch a movie, eat food, just us.

女生之夜，计划一些不带伴侣的活动。

Girls' night, plan stuff without the significant others.

这不仅对你有好处，因为你能和朋友们好好相处，而不必总和情侣们待在一起。

Not only is that good for you because you get to have sort of quality time with your friends, and you don't have to necessarily be around all couples all the time.

但对那些有伴侣的朋友也有好处，因为他们也需要在没有伴侣的情况下进行社交。

But, also, it's good for the for your friends that are in relationships because they also need to have social interaction without their partner.

所以这对每个人都有好处。

So it's beneficial for everyone.

另一个有帮助的方法是多交朋友。

Another thing that can help is make more friends.

我知道这要求有点高。

Now, I know that's kind of a steep ask.

交朋友真的很难，我完全理解。

It's very hard to make friends, and I'm fully aware of that.

不过，留意一下你生活中其他单身的人。

However, keep your eyes peeled for other single people in your life.

也许你可以更经常和他们一起出去玩。

Maybe you can hang out with them a little bit more often.

也许你有个同事，或者在课堂上坐得比较近的人，你知道他们也是单身。

Maybe you have a coworker or something, or someone you sit kind of close to in class or something who you know is also single.

多和他们一起出去玩。

Hang out with them a little more often.

多交一些单身朋友。

Make some more single friends.

这会很棒。

That can be really nice.

最后但同样重要的是，我认为当你在生活中缺乏某些东西，或在等待某些事情发生时，一种健康地让自己对局势更有掌控感的方法，就是开始弄清楚你真正想要的是什么。

And last but not least, I think whenever you are lacking something in your life or you're waiting for something to come in your life, something that can make you feel a bit more in control of the situation in a healthy way is to start to figure out what you're looking for.

比如说，如果你在期待一份工作，那就开始想象那份工作会是什么样子。

So let's say you're manifesting a job, start manifesting what that job's gonna look like.

在这个情境下，你在寻找下一段感情，那就开始想象那个人会是什么样子。

In this scenario, you're looking for, you know, your next partner, start manifesting what that person is like.

每次我经历完一次分手，我都会打开手机，写下上一次没有但下一次想要的东西。

I, after every single breakup I've ever gone through, I've gone into my phone and I've written down what I want next time that I didn't have the last time.

每次分手后，我的清单都会变得更加具体，比如和某人分手后，我会想：好吧，这次出了很多问题。

And my list is becoming more and more specific every single time where I'll break up with someone and then I'm like, okay, there's a lot that went wrong here.

这些都是出问题的地方。

Here's everything that went wrong.

以下是下一段关系中必不可少的条件。

Here are things that are mandatory for the next relationship.

我只是开始去想象和吸引。

And I just kinda start manifesting.

我不是让你去幻想一些荒谬的东西，比如我想要一个24岁、棕色头发、左脚多一个脚趾、肚脐直径恰好一厘米的男孩。

Now, I'm not telling you to manifest like, I want a boy who's 24 years old and has brown hair and has an extra toe on their left foot and has a belly button that's exactly one centimeter in diameter.

呃，放松点。

Like, okay, relax.

我说的是，对你来说，关系中哪些是不可妥协的条件。

Like, I'm talking about what are non negotiables for you in your relationship.

明白吗？

Okay?

比如，我可以列出一些我的要求。

Like, I can name some of mine.

第一，我需要一个能让我完全做自己的人。

Number one, I need somebody who I can be fully myself around.