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我一直认为自己是个独立的人，我想这可以追溯到我小时候，你知道的，作为独生子女在父母都工作的环境下长大。
I've always thought of myself as an independent person, and I think it goes back to my childhood, you know, growing up an only child with parents that worked.
我的童年大部分时间都是独自在家度过的，自己找事情做。
I spent a lot of my childhood alone by myself at home keeping myself busy.
这段经历无疑在我身上培养了一种独立意识，这种意识伴随了我的一生。
And that experience undeniably created a sense of independence in me that I've carried with me for the rest of my life.
我其实很少质疑过这一点。
I haven't really questioned it much.
对吧？
Right?
它在我很小的时候就以如此重要的方式成为了我身份的一部分。
It became a part of my identity in such a big way at such a young age.
从孩提时代起，我就带着这种坚定不移的独立感生活。
I've carried this sense of independence with unwavering confidence ever since I was a child.
但最近发生了一件事，让我深受震撼。
But recently, something happened that shook me to my core.
好吗？
Okay?
我突然顿悟了。
I had an epiphany.
我对自己的独立性有了顿悟，这他妈把我吓得半死。
I had an epiphany about my independence that scared the fucking shit out of me.
明白吗？
Okay?
最近我开车去探望父亲。
I recently did a road trip to visit my dad.
那是一次七小时的车程。
It was a seven hour road trip.
你们知道我在整个车程中做了什么吗？
And you wanna know what I did for the entire car ride?
我在电话里和父母聊天。
I talked to my parents on the phone.
整整一路都是这样。
The entire time.
好吗？
Okay?
他们轮班。
They took shifts.
你想知道我为什么强迫他们每人跟我聊三个半小时吗？
And you wanna know why I forced them to talk to me for three and a half hours each?
因为我无法忍受沉默。
Because I couldn't handle the silence.
只是我还没准备好面对它。
It just I wasn't in a place to handle it.
我脑子里装了太多事。
I had too much on my mind.
所有事情都在我脑海里打转，我承受不了。
Everything was swirling around, and I couldn't handle it.
所以我选择不去听音乐反思，不去听寂静反思，也不去听播客然后说'去他妈的'
And so instead of listening to music and reflecting, instead of listening to nothing and reflecting, instead of listening to a podcast and saying, like, fuck it.
让我直接深陷其中
Let me just dig into this.
我无法承受，于是我打电话给我父母，整个车程中我没有一刻是独处的
I couldn't handle it, and I called my parents, and I did not have one moment alone the entire car ride.
到达父亲家时，我突然产生了一种不舒服的顿悟：也许我并不像自己想象的那样独立
I arrived to my dad's house and had this uncomfortable epiphany that maybe I'm not as independent as I thought I was.
因为从那时起，我开始反思那些独自在家的日子
Because from there, I reflected on weeks that I've spent alone at my house.
因为我经常独自在家，我开始思考自己是如何利用时间的
Because I spend a lot of time alone at my house, and I thought about how I use my time.
我意识到自己并不像想象中那样独处
I realized that I'm not alone as much as I think I am.
我经常与人通话，这让我开始经历某种存在主义危机
I talk to a lot of people on the phone, and I started having sort of an existential crisis.
不。
No.
也许算不上存在主义危机，但这可能是我人生中第一次开始审视自己的独立性。
Maybe it wasn't an existential crisis, but I did start to analyze my sense of independence for the first time possibly in my life.
从那以后我一直在思考这个问题，关于独立性的整体概念，以及我的独立程度是否健康，并试图剖析它。
And I've been thinking a lot about it ever since, you know, the whole concept of independence and whether my level of independence is healthy or not, and kinda pick it apart.
我想邀请大家一起参与这场对话。
And I thought I would invite you all into this conversation.
既然能和你们一起探讨，为什么要独自面对呢？
Why do it alone when I could do it with you?
所以今天，我们要分析我的独立性，希望能找出需要成长的地方。
So today, we're gonna analyze my independence and hopefully figure out where I need to grow.
我真该直接找个心理医生。
I really should just get a therapist.
我确实该这么做，但现在我要尝试自己解决，而且我们要一起完成。
I really should just do that, but instead, I'm gonna just try to figure it all out, and we're gonna do it together.
而且这会很有趣，也许我们都能从中有所收获。
And it's gonna be fun, and maybe we'll all learn something through it.
但至少希望我能学到点什么。
But hopefully, at least I do.
我简短插播一下，这期节目由Venmo赞助播出。
I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is presented by Venmo.
好的。
Okay.
听我说。
Hear me out.
显然，你可以用Venmo借记卡获得现金返还。
Apparently, you can earn cash back with your Venmo debit card.
你只需注册Venmo Stash账户，就能在喜爱的品牌购物时获得返现。
All you have to do is join Venmo Stash, and boom, you get cash back when you shop at your favorite brands.
这招还挺酷的。
It's kind of an awesome flex.
使用Venmo Stash，你可以在喜爱的品牌消费时获得高达5%的现金返还。
With Venmo Stash, you can get up to 5% cash back at your fave brands.
只需选择你常去的商家组合，用Venmo借记卡消费就能获得现金返还。
Just pick a bundle of your go tos to shop with your Venmo debit card and earn cash back at them.
而且你可以自由调整组合。
And you're free to mix things up.
每30天可以轻松更换你的品牌组合。
You can easily swap out your bundle of brands every thirty days.
通过Stash做更多，开始赚取返现。
Start earning when you do more with Stash.
Venmo Stash适用相关条款及除外情况。
Venmo Stash terms and exclusions apply.
每月最高可获得100美元返现。
Max a 100 cashback per month.
详情请见venmo.me/stashterms。
See terms at venmo.me/stash terms.
现在回到正片内容。
Now back to the episode.
这是我在这次顿悟中意识到的另一件事。
Here's the other thing I kind of realized during this epiphany.
独立性远比独处时间或独处舒适度要复杂得多。
Independence is much more complicated than just how much time you spend alone or how comfortable you are being alone.
如今，即使独自在家，你也可以开着YouTube。
Nowadays, if you're alone in your house, you can have YouTube on.
你可以随时与人保持通话。
You can have somebody on the phone with you.
你其实永远不必真正感到孤独。
You you don't ever really have to feel alone.
我发现用音乐、播客、YouTube视频和社交媒体内容填补沉默，就像是在逃避自我反省，是一种麻木的方式。
I've looked at, you know, filling silence with music, podcasts, YouTube videos, social media content as like a way of avoiding self reflection, a way of numbing.
但我从未思考过这与独立性的关联。
But I haven't ever looked at its relationship to independence.
如果你在家看YouTube视频，你真的算是独处吗？
Because are you really alone if you're at home and you're watching a YouTube video?
这感觉并不像在独处。
Doesn't feel like you're alone.
如果你躺在床上刷社交媒体，你真的算是独处吗？
Are you really alone if you're scrolling on social media in your bed?
我知道这些听起来很显而易见，但直到顿悟时刻来临——就像我经历的那样——我们才会真正全神贯注地思考许多事情。
And I know a lot of this seems obvious, but there are so many things that we just don't address with full attention until an epiphany comes, like the one that I had.
所以虽然这些都很明显，但重点不在于发现新概念。
And so a lot of this is obvious, but I don't think it's about discovering new concepts.
我并不认为自己发现了什么新事物，而是把这些想法带到意识前沿并加以剖析。
Like, I don't think I'm discovering anything new, but rather I'm just bringing it to the forefront of my mind and dissecting it.
总之，闲话少说，让我们来分析我的独立性吧。
Anyway, without further ado, let's analyze my independence.
好的。
Okay.
我们先来看看我确实独立的证据。
Let's start with evidence that I actually am independent.
首先从技术层面说，我一周大部分时间都是独处，而且我更喜欢独自工作。
Starting with the fact that I am technically alone majority of the week, and I prefer working by myself.
我的工作周大部分时间都是独自度过的，而我也更喜欢这样。
My work week is for the most part alone, and I prefer it that way.
过去几年里，我几乎每个工作日都是独自在家工作。
And for the last few years, I've spent almost every weekday by myself in my house working.
我可以独自进入心流状态。
I get into flow state by myself.
我从来都不是喜欢团队项目的人。
I've never been one to enjoy group projects.
我是个控制狂。
I'm a control freak.
我喜欢所有事情都亲力亲为。
I like to do everything myself.
是的。
Yeah.
我完全适应独自度过工作周并完成任务。
I'm I'm comfortable with spending the workweek by myself getting it done.
第二个证据是，我不介意独自度过一天。
Evidence number two, I don't mind having a day to myself.
如果周末到了大家都忙，我不介意自己去购物、独自外出吃饭、独自去做美甲、独自去按摩、独自散步。
If the weekend rolls around and everyone's busy, I don't mind taking myself shopping, taking myself out to get food, taking myself out to get my nails done, taking myself out to get a massage, taking myself out for a walk.
不过我得说，我确实更喜欢和别人一起做这些事，可能比独自做更有趣些，但我也享受独自做这些事，觉得这样能放松身心、恢复活力。
I will say, though, I do enjoy doing those things with other people, maybe even a little bit more than alone, but I do enjoy doing those types of things alone, and I find it to be restful and rejuvenating.
我从大概16岁会开车时就开始这样做了。
And I've been doing that since I was, I don't know, 16, and I could drive.
所以这算是相当独立了。
So that's pretty independent.
下一个证据。
Next piece of evidence.
其实有些时候我更喜欢独处。
There are actually times that I prefer to be alone.
我并非外向到独处会让我精疲力尽或心情低落。
I am not so extroverted that being alone drains me and makes me sad.
比如，我需要独处时间——这让很多人感到惊讶，因为大家都觉得我这么外向肯定是社交达人，虽然成年后可能没那么明显了。
Like, I need my alone time, which is shocking to some people because I think a lot of people assume me to be an extrovert because I am pretty outgoing, maybe less so as an adult.
我其实有点内向特质。
I am somewhat introverted.
你知道吗，独处能帮我恢复能量。
You know, being alone helps me recharge.
有些时候我真的非常需要独处。
There are times when I really need it.
主要是生活中有几件必须做的事能让我保持良好状态。
Mainly because there are certain things I need to do in my life that keep me in a good place.
我觉得和人相处时消耗了太多能量，所以独处时真的只想他妈安静待着。
I think that I put out so much energy when I'm around people that when I'm alone, like, I I really just need to, like, be fucking quiet.
你知道吗？
You know?
我需要充电，因为和人相处时我会变得非常活跃。
I need to recharge because when I'm around people, I I'm very animated.
我会全身心投入。
I'm very involved.
你懂我的意思吗？
You know what I mean?
所以，我需要这样的充电时间。
So, like, I need that recharge time.
对我来说，似乎总是处于两个极端之一。
For me, it seems to be one extreme or the other.
要么社交时全力以赴，要么在家安静地充电恢复。
I'm either being social, and I'm putting it all out there, or I'm at home, and I'm recharging, and I'm quiet.
下一条证据。
Next piece of evidence.
只要保持平静，我常常享受独处时沉默自省的时光。
I often feel comfortable with silence in self reflection when alone as long as I'm in a state of calm.
明白吗？
Okay?
让我说清楚。
Let me be clear.
因为我知道之前提到过，在公路旅行时我无法忍受独处。
Because I know I mentioned earlier on my road trip, I could not handle being alone.
而且，那只是我当时正在经历的一个小阶段。
And, again, that that was just like I was going through it a little bit.
当时我脑子里有很多想法。
There was a lot going through my head.
我对自己那段时期很宽容。
I give myself grace there.
我不认为那表明我对父母有不健康的依赖关系——虽然说实话可能确实存在这种情况。
Like, I don't think that was a sign that I have an unhealthy codependence on my parents, for example, which honestly might be true.
但这并不一定就是那种迹象。
But that's not necessarily a sign of that.
就像，当你经历困难时期——任何人经历困难时期时，向他人寻求帮助都是正常、自然且我认为可能是健康的。
Like, when when you're going through when anyone's going through a hard time, it's normal and natural, and I think probably healthy, to reach out to others for help.
但那更像是触发后续思考的经历。
But that was more like the experience that sort of triggered the thoughts that followed.
对吧？
Right?
但当我状态良好时，你知道，当生活平静、对事物感觉良好时，我并不介意独处静思。
But when I'm in a good place, you know, when my life is calm, when I feel good about things, I don't mind sitting around in silence.
完全没问题。
No worries.
即使遇到一些小挑战时，我也能独自面对并反思这些事情。
Even when, like, I have a few little, tiny little, like, challenges going on, I can handle being alone and reflecting on those things.
不过，确实，我是说，总会有个临界点让我无法再独自承受。
But, yeah, I mean, there gets there gets a point where I can't do it alone anymore.
我再也无法独自应对了。
I can't handle it alone anymore.
我不能就这样让自己陷入恶性循环，我需要打电话找人帮忙。
I can't I'm just left to spiral by myself, and I need to call someone to help me.
我想我们都有自己的极限，但我其实非常享受独处和反思。
I think we all have our limit, but I actually really enjoy being alone and reflecting.
我曾经历过整个漫长的车程都在安静思考，但前提是我必须处于正确的心理状态。
I've spent entire car rides, long car rides, quiet thinking, but I just have to be in the right state of mind.
所以这对我来说是个值得商榷的问题，因为我在想：我们是否应该能够完全靠自己应对所有心理挑战？
And so that's the thing that's sort of questionable to me because I'm like, well, should we be able to handle all psychological challenges completely by ourself?
当我达到极限时，打电话给父母是否是一种依赖？
Is it a crutch for me to go and call my parents when I hit my limit?
我通过打电话给他们而不是独自面对和解决问题，是否阻碍了自己的成长？
Am I preventing growth by calling them instead of sitting with it and figuring it out?
也许吧。
Perhaps.
不过我们稍后再回到这个话题。
But we'll get back to that later.
接着说另一个证明我其实是个超级独立的人的证据。
Moving on to another piece of evidence that I am, in fact, a super independent person.
我很少在技术性（即非情感性）问题上依赖他人帮助。
I don't rely on others for help on technical, meaning nonemotional, problems very often.
大多数情况下我都能自己解决问题。
I can problem solve on my own for the most part.
我生活中遇到过两种类型的人。
There's like two types of people I've experienced in my life.
有些人会说他们的手机坏了。
There's certain people who say their phone breaks.
比如突然关机了。
Like, it shuts off.
他们就插上充电。
They plug it in.
它还是开不了机。
It doesn't turn back on.
他们就会说，这他妈怎么回事？
They're like, what the fuck?
然后立刻就开始打电话求助。
And immediately, they're calling someone.
比如打给他们特别特别重要的另一半。
Like, they're they're calling their significant significant other.
或者打给他们那个很懂技术的朋友。
They're calling their friend who's, like, really tech savvy.
他们马上打电话问别人：我该怎么办？
They're calling somebody immediately being like, what do I do?
但也有些人会先冷静下来。
And then there's some people who are like, wait.
让我自己先谷歌一下。
Let me Google it by myself.
让我拿出电脑自己谷歌一下。
Let me pull out my computer and Google it.
你懂我的意思吗？
You know what I'm saying?
世界上有两种人。
There's two types of people.
不过，这话说得有点笼统。
But, I mean, that's really a broad statement.
但我发现生活中确实存在两种人。
But I've noticed that in my life that there's two types of people.
大多数情况下，我认为自己是会主动谷歌搜索的那类人。
For the most part, I would consider myself to be somebody who's Googling it.
只有在确实觉得有必要时，我才会求助他人。
I will only involve other people when it really feels necessary.
但我觉得自己独立解决问题的能力还不错。
But I feel like I'm pretty good about problem solving on my own.
再说一次，因为我小时候就得自己解决问题。
Again, because when I was a kid, I had to problem solve on my own.
我父母不在家。
My parents weren't home.
他们很忙。
They were busy.
他们在工作。
They were working.
我不能直接打电话让他们帮我解决问题，不管是东西坏了还是出故障了之类的。
I couldn't just call them and have them fix a problem for me if something broke, something wasn't working, whatever.
我只能自己想办法解决。
I had to just figure it out on my own.
我认为这是个很棒的技能。
And I think that's a great skill to have.
不是我在自夸，但这让我感觉很独立。
Not that I'm tooting my own horn, but that feels independent to me.
这是一种独立的特质。
That's an independent trait.
不过我要说，有时候当身边有比我更擅长解决问题的人时，我会依赖他们。
I will say, though, sometimes when someone's around that's maybe even more capable of problem solving than me, I will then lean on them.
我自己解决问题毫无障碍，但如果我在和某人约会，而对方特别擅长解决问题，我就会说'我们一起解决'。
I have no problem solving issues on my own, but if I'm dating somebody and they're particularly good at problem solving, I'll be like, We help.
因为他们就在身边。
Because they're there.
而且很多时候，这类人其实很享受解决问题的过程。
And a lot of times, those types of people actually like problem solving.
就像，他们想要帮忙。
Like, they want to help.
所以这是唯一的例外情况。
So that is the only exception.
但如果是我独自一人，通常我都能应付得来。
But if I'm by myself, I can handle it, usually.
好的。
Okay.
继续。
Moving on.
我不认为自己是个粘人的人。
I wouldn't consider myself to be a clingy person.
我觉得内心深处，我可能在某些方面有点想粘人的欲望，因为我很容易对别人对我的看法感到焦虑。
I think maybe inside, I have a bit of a desire to be clingy in some ways, because I am somebody who gets really anxious about how others feel about me.
有时我会有焦虑型依恋倾向，这偶尔会引发内心想粘人的冲动，比如总想确认对方在干嘛之类的。
I can, at times, have an anxious attachment style, and so that can that can sort of cause an internal desire to be clingy occasionally, where I wanna check-in all the time or whatever.
但通常我其实连粘人的欲望都没有。
But usually, I actually don't even feel a desire to be clingy.
只有当我遇到回避型人格的人时才会这样。
It's only when I'm dealing with somebody avoidant.
真的，就是在这种情况下才会发生。
That's actually that's when it happens.
但如果我处于一段健康的关系中，我并不是个黏人的人。
But if I'm in a healthy situation with somebody, I'm not a clingy person.
即便与回避型人格的人相处，我也会运用自律，不会屈服于自己黏人的冲动。
And even if I'm with an avoidant person, I will use my discipline, and I will not succumb to my clingy desires.
明白吗？
You know?
如果我对某人百分百信任，我就不会黏人。
If I trust somebody, 100%, I'm not clingy.
事实上，我有时甚至可能过于放松，以至于不会像应该的那样频繁联系对方——因为信任他们，知道我们关系稳固，反而会忘记主动联系，这或许反而是过度独立的表现。
In fact, I might even be kind of too relaxed sometimes, where I just won't think to reach out as often as maybe I should because I trust them, and I know we're good, and so I'll just kind of forget to reach out, which actually might be a sign of being too independent.
总的来说，我不认为自己是个黏人的人。
In general, I wouldn't consider myself to be a clingy person.
我生活中从未有人说过我黏人。
No one in my life has ever called me a clingy person.
我交往过的对象也从未这样评价过我。
No one I've ever dated.
我所有的朋友中也没有人这么说过。
No one I've ever been friends with.
而且我确实问过这个问题。
I and I've asked, actually.
我会问：'你觉得我有点粘人吗？'
I've been like, do you feel like I'm kinda clingy?
从来没有。
Never once.
他们可能只是对我客气，你知道的，不好意思说实话，但我不这么认为。
They could have been being nice to me, but, you know, and uncomfortable with being honest, but I don't think so.
我确实有时候需要得到安慰或需要沟通，但这并不算粘人。
I do sometimes, you know, need reassurance or need to communicate, but that's not clingy.
粘人就像需要24小时保持联系那样。
Clingy is like needing to be in contact, like, twenty four seven.
我不认为我是那样的人，因为我不想24/7都保持联系。
I don't I don't think I'm like that because I don't want to be in contact 247.
就像我之前说的，我需要独处的时间。
As I said earlier, I need my alone time.
下一个证据是，我不会为了取悦他人而改变自己的性格。
So next piece of evidence, I don't change my personality to please others.
我当然可以像变色龙一样适应环境，但这是我天生的倾向。
I definitely can be a chameleon, but that's my own natural inclination.
这就是真实的我。
That's me being myself.
比如，我喜欢根据周围人的不同展现自己性格的不同面。
Like, I like letting out different sides of my personality depending on who I'm around.
你明白吗？
You know?
如果我身边是个幽默的人，我也会变得更风趣。
If I'm around somebody who's funny, I'm gonna be funnier.
如果我身边是个更哲学的人，或许我会表现得更有思想深度。
If I'm around somebody who's more philosophical, maybe I'll be a bit more thoughtful.
你懂吗？
You know?
就像是你让不同的自我展现出来。
It's like just you let different parts of yourself out.
我就是这样的人。
That's the type of person I am.
但对某些人来说，这可能显得有点不真诚和令人困惑，但对我来说，这就是真实的我。
But that, to some people, feels maybe a bit ingenuine and confusing, but to me, it's just that's who I am.
这不是我在刻意改变去讨好别人，而是我天生就有这种倾向。
And it's not me changing to plea it's just I have this innate desire.
甚至不是倾向。
Not even desire.
我天生就有这种特质，根据周围人的不同，我不同的方面会自然而然地展现出来。
I have this innate quality that is who like, depending on who I'm around, a different side of me comes out naturally.
我甚至不用思考，这也不是在表演。
And I don't even think about it, and it's not a performance.
这就是真实的我。
It's very much me.
这些都是我不同方面的展现。
And it's all different parts of me being shown.
没有哪一部分是装出来的。
It's not like any of it is acted.
小时候我确实会为了讨好别人而改变自己的性格。
When I was younger, I definitely used to change my personality to please others for sure.
但每个人在初中或高中时都会那样做。
But everyone does that when they're a middle schooler or high schooler.
那时候我完全没有自我意识。
I had no sense of self back then.
我甚至觉得自己当时都没带脑子，你懂吗？
I don't even know don't I even think I had a brain, you know?
所以那时候做的事都不算数。
So what I did then doesn't count.
但如今作为成年人，我不认为我改变了自己的性格。
But now as an adult, I don't think I changed my personality.
下一条证据。
Next piece of evidence.
我的观点通常不会被他人说服，除非他们提出的论点能推翻我的观点。
My opinions are not usually persuaded by others unless they make a point that disproves mine.
比如，我往往是第一个会说‘哦，等等’的人。
Like, I'm the first person to be like, Oh, wait.
我错了。
I was wrong.
好吧。
Okay.
你是对的。
You're right.
我喜欢这样。
I love that.
我喜欢被证明是错的。
I love being proved wrong.
如果我真心认为自己被证明错了，这并不会威胁到我的智力、自我认知或自尊。
If I really genuinely think I was proved wrong, that doesn't threaten my intelligence or my sense of self or my ego.
我不介意。
I don't mind.
我一点也不介意。
I don't mind that at all.
我很享受并感激这一点。
I enjoy it, and I appreciate it.
但我的观点属于我自己。
But my opinions are my own.
如果我坚持某种看法，我不会为了迎合他人而轻易改变立场。
And if I if I feel a certain way, I'm not gonna just chain like, I'm not gonna change my opinion to be agreeable.
年轻时我确实会那样做。
When I was younger, I used to do that for sure.
你知道吗？
You know?
有人会说，天哪。
Somebody would be like, oh my god.
我超爱这首歌。
I love this song.
我会附和说，我也是。
I'd be like, same.
我也是。
Same.
我现在偶尔还是会不小心这样，但甚至不是因为刻意讨好，更像是无意识的行为。
And I will still sometimes occasionally do that on accident, but it's not even because I'm trying to like, it's almost some like, I'll do it on accident.
我会不小心附和别人，即使我并不认同。
I'll accidentally agree with someone when I don't.
比如他们会说，哦，我超爱那部电影。
Like, they'll be like, oh, I love that movie.
我会说，天啊。
I'll be like, oh my god.
我也是。
Same.
通常发生在我没完全集中注意力的时候。
It's usually when I'm not fully paying attention.
所以这其实不是我刻意迎合，不是试图通过附和来取悦谈话对象。
So it's not actually like me trying to be agreeable, trying to, you know, please the person that I'm talking to by agreeing with them.
接下来，我的动机是个人化的。
Next, my motivation is personal.
我只想为自己完成事情。
I wanna get stuff done for me and only me.
我不喜欢别人指挥我该做什么。
I'm not like, no one's telling me what to do.
我讨厌被指使。
I don't like being told what to do.
我不是为了取悦任何人而去做任何事。
I'm not trying to accomplish anything to impress anyone.
这一切对我来说都非常个人化。
It's it's all very personal for me.
我是说，我认为由于社会压力，我们都有这种潜在的驱动力，但我不需要别人来激励我。
I mean, I think there is sort of this underlying drive that we all have because of societal pressures, but I don't need other people to motivate me.
我不需要有人陪我一起去健身课，我自己就会去。
I don't need someone to plan going to a workout class with me for me to show up to a workout class.
我不需要别人在屁股后面催着才能完成自己的工作。
I don't need somebody to be on my ass telling me to get my work done for me to get my work done.
我会自我激励去完成所有事情，这感觉像是一种独立特质。
I motivate myself to do all of that for me, which feels like an independent trait.
好的。
Okay.
这个话题就到此为止吧。
Enough of that.
现在我们需要讨论我不够独立的方面。
Now we need to discuss the ways that I'm not independent.
好吗？
Okay?
别再自我安慰了。
Enough of me being nice to myself.
现在来揭我的短吧。
Now let's read me for filth.
明白吗？
Okay?
以下就是我不够独立的证据。
Here is the evidence that I am not independent.
从第一条证据开始。
Starting with piece of evidence number one.
行吗？
Okay?
我之前提到过，我经常独自度过一周的时间。
I know I mentioned earlier that I spend my weeks alone.
我也说过，当我状态好的时候，我很享受独处、自省、真正与自己对话的时刻。
And I know I also mentioned that I'm, when I'm in a good place, comfortable with silence, self reflection, truly being alone with my thoughts.
但我要说的是，每到工作日晚上七八点钟，我就想彻底放空大脑。
But I will say that at the end of the workday, it's like seven or 08:00, I wanna turn my brain off.
我想找人煲电话粥。
I wanna talk to somebody on the phone.
我想刷YouTube视频。
I want to watch YouTube.
你懂吧？
You know?
就是不想再动脑子了。
Like, I don't wanna be in my brain anymore.
我觉得这还挺正常的。
I think that's pretty normal, I guess.
但对我来说，在完全寂静中做饭吃饭的想法，很多时候并不那么吸引我。
But, like, the idea for me of cooking and eating my dinner in complete silence, a lot of the times is not super appealing to me.
比如，我喜欢边看YouTube视频边吃晚饭。
Like, I love turning on a YouTube video and eating my dinner.
在我生活中也有这样的时刻，我觉得自己经历的寂静不够多，于是我会像自己的妈妈一样剥夺这种特权。
And there are times in my life where I feel like I'm not experiencing enough silence, and so I take away that privilege as though I'm my own mom.
但只要我能完成工作，保持高效和创造力，我会允许自己在一天结束时稍微放纵一下大脑。
But as long as I'm getting my work done and I'm feeling productive and creative, I will allow myself to kinda rot my brain a little bit at the end of the day.
但那感觉并不像是真正的独处。
But that doesn't feel like being truly alone.
就像，我忍不住会想，如果我真的健康且独立，是不是就不需要在一天结束时打开YouTube视频了？
Like, I can't help but question, if I was really healthy and independent, would I not need to put on the YouTube video at the end of the day?
也许我不知道。
May I don't know.
我不是说我懂。
I'm not saying I know.
我是否就不需要在一天结束时打电话找人聊天了？
Would I not need to call someone at the end of the day and chat?
如果我真的达到了健康的独立水平，是否就不会那么强烈地想做这些事情了？
If I was truly a healthy level of independent, would I not experience the drive to do those things as much?
相反，那会是一种更微妙的渴望，比如'哦，有个关于这个主题的新YouTube视频，我觉得特别有趣'。
Rather, it would be more of a subtle desire, like, oh, you know, there's a new YouTube video posted about this topic that I find really interesting.
或者'哦，已经两天没和我妈妈通话了'。
Or, oh, it's been, you know, two days since I talked to my mom.
我很想和她聊聊近况。
I would love to catch up with her and chat.
对我来说，很多时候就是'啊，我需要结束了'。
For me, it's like, ah, a lot of times, I just I need to be done.
我需要让大脑关机。
I need to shut my brain off.
我的大脑已经高速运转一整天了。
My brain's been on overdrive all day.
我只想，比如说，把它关掉。
I just wanna, like, shut it off.
关掉它。
Shut it off.
关掉它。
Shut it off.
所以我就像是在一天结束时，出于某种绝望和急迫感去寻求这些东西。
And so I'm like, I'm reaching for these things at the end of the day from a little place of, like, desperation and urgency.
这对我来说，感觉并不独立。
And that, to me, doesn't feel independent.
感觉像是在逃避某些我不想独自面对的事情。
Feels like I'm running away from something that I don't wanna face myself.
我经常在一天结束时体验到这种感觉。
And I experience that feeling a lot at the end of the day.
但也可能是这样，好吧，我一整天都独自在家工作。
But it also could be like, okay, I've just been home all day by myself working alone.
要是能听听别人说话或者其他声音就好了，比如看个YouTube视频。
It'd be nice to hear someone else talk or something else talk, if it's like a YouTube video.
我究竟有多少时间是真正100%独自面对自己思绪的？
Like, how often am I truly 100% alone with my thoughts?
这几乎不可能知道，而且每天情况都大不相同。
It's like impossible to know, and every day is so different.
很多时候当我开始感到不适，觉得'啊我现在有点太孤独了'，我就会打电话给别人。
Like, lot of the times when I start to feel uncomfortable and feel like, Oh, I'm feeling a little bit too alone right now, I will call someone.
我会看个YouTube视频。
I will watch a YouTube video.
你懂吧？
You know?
唯一会主动决定不这么做的时候，就是当我做得太过头了，比如看太多YouTube视频到让我的创造性思维无法运转的地步。
And the only time that I actively make the decision not to do that is when I've taken it too far, and I'm, say, watching too much YouTube to the point where I can't my creative brain doesn't work anymore.
这种情况发生在我消费过多网络内容时。
That happens when I consume too much online content.
所以在那种情况发生前，我不会阻止自己在一天结束时看个YouTube视频。
And so until that happens, I don't stop myself from, like, watching a YouTube video at the end of the day.
或者，管他呢。
Or, like, fuck it.
如果我感觉特别顽皮，甚至会在上厕所时刷一分钟YouTube短视频。
Scroll on YouTube shorts for a minute while I'm on the toilet if I'm feeling really naughty.
但有时我会连续几周都感觉很顽皮。
But then sometimes I'll have weeks on end where I'm feeling really naughty.
就连上厕所时，我也不想独处那片刻。
Like, even on the toilet, I don't wanna be alone for that second.
我只想看点什么。
I just wanna watch something.
但你看，问题就在这里。
But but, see, that's the thing.
只要不影响我的工作效率，我就不会真正去管它。
If it isn't getting in the way of my productivity, I don't really touch it.
我就让自己这么做了。
I just let myself do it.
但如果我不允许自己这么做，强迫自己在那些时刻去思考——可能正是这些时刻我最需要自我反思。
But perhaps if I didn't let myself do that, and I force myself in those moments to actually I think those are probably the moments I need to self reflect the most.
当我想逃避某些事情，伸手寻找能让我感觉不那么孤独的东西时，也许正是这些时刻我最需要独处，需要与自己的思绪共处。
In the moments when I kinda wanna run away from something and I'm reaching for things that can make me feel less alone, maybe those are the moments I need to be alone the most, and I need to just be with my thoughts.
但也许我把这一切都想得太复杂了，你知道吗？
But maybe I'm also overthinking all of this, you know?
我把自己搞得焦头烂额。
And I'm driving myself nuts.
图什么呢？
For what?
就像，谁在乎啊？
It's like, who cares?
我不知道。
I don't know.
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这些都是我在问自己的问题。
These are all questions I'm asking.
好吧。
Okay.
继续往下说。
Moving on.
证明我不独立的第二个证据。
Piece of evidence number two that I'm not independent.
当我心理状态真的很糟糕时，我从不认为自己能独自平静下来。
When I'm really in a bad place psychologically, I don't think I've ever calmed myself down alone.
当我在心理上挣扎时，我毫无疑问会找人倾诉，无论是父母、朋友、治疗师、能量解读师还是灵媒，随便谁都行。
When I'm struggling psychologically, I am undeniably talking to somebody, whether it's a parent or a friend or a therapist or an energy reader or a psychic, like fucking anyone.
这都不重要。
It doesn't matter.
比如，如果我心理上在挣扎，我绝对不可能只是独自躺在床上为此哭泣。
Like, if I am struggling psychologically, there is a 0% chance that I'm just crying in bed about it by myself.
不。
Nope.
不。
Nope.
不。
Nope.
不。
Nope.
不。
Nope.
不。
Nope.
不。
Nope.
我每次都会毫无例外地找人倾诉。
I am always, without fail, talking to someone about it.
现在我觉得谈论事情非常重要。
Now I I think talking about things is so important.
这非常重要。
It's so important.
不过，这确实让我有点担心，因为我从不独自处理这些问题。
However, it does worry me a little bit that I never deal with that alone.
你知道吗？
You know?
我不知道这是好事还是坏事。
I don't know if that's if that's a good or bad thing.
我认为学会独自度过最困难的时刻可能对我很有用，可以教会我如何自我安抚，然后在稍微平静后再寻求支持。
I think it probably would be a useful skill for me to maybe get through the worst of it by myself, to teach myself how to self soothe, and then call once I've calmed down a little bit for support.
我觉得这听起来可能更健康，因为我发现自己缺乏调节情绪的能力。
Like, I think that probably sounds healthier because I think I have an inability to regulate my own emotions.
当情况变得非常糟糕时，我需要帮助来调节情绪，因为我无法独自完成。
Like, when things get really bad, I need help regulating my emotions because I can't do it.
说实话，这让我深有同感。
That rings true to me, to be honest.
如果只有我一个人，我会彻底失控。
If I'm just by myself, I will fucking spiral out of control.
我需要有人来安抚我，这种感觉并不好。
I need people to talk me down, and that doesn't feel great.
我想这对我可能是个有用的练习——当心理痛苦时，与其打电话找人安抚，不如想想如何让自己平静下来？
I think it probably would be a useful exercise for me to perhaps, in a moment of psychological pain when I want to call somebody and have them talk me down, instead figure out how can I calm myself down?
我真的能做到吗？
Can I even do it?
挑战。
Challenge.
我能让自己冷静下来吗？
Can I call myself down?
挑战。
Challenge.
这有点像肉桂粉挑战，但其实不是。
It's like the cinnamon challenge, except it's not.
这有点像冰桶挑战，但其实不是。
It's like the ice bucket challenge, but it's not.
这是'我能让自己冷静下来吗？'
It's the can I call myself down?
挑战。
Challenge.
既然想到了，这或许是我现在应该尝试的事情。
That might be something I should try now that I'm thinking about it.
就像我最近的公路旅行，全程都在和父母通话——或许我本应该利用部分独处时间来处理自己的情绪问题。
Like, my recent road trip where I talked to my parents the whole time, that probably I probably should have actually spent some of that alone working through my own shit.
你懂吗？
You know?
但我还是直接给他们打了电话。
But instead, I just I just called them.
我不知道。
I don't know.
听着，我不是说我知道答案。
Listen, I'm not saying I know the answers here.
我只是为了自己的利益和大家的娱乐在分析自己。
I'm just analyzing myself for my own benefit in all of our entertainment.
不过这真的有趣吗？
Is this entertaining, though?
呃。
Ugh.
有待商榷。
Up for debate.
好吧。
Okay.
继续吧。
Moving on.
又一个证明我不够独立的证据。
Another piece of evidence that I'm not independent.
当我面临生活中的挑战时，不是那种大挑战，是小挑战，但确实是挑战。
When I'm going through a challenge in my life like, not like a challenge, like a little challenge, but like a challenge.
比如，我正在做关于一段关系的决定。
Like, I'm making a decision about a relationship.
对吧？
Right?
像是友情或是恋爱关系。
Like a friendship or a relationship.
这段友情或恋爱关系是否还值得我继续参与？
Is this a friendship or a relationship that I should continue to be a part of?
当我做工作决策时，你知道的，类似的事情还有很多。
When I'm making a work decision, you know, the list goes on.
当我遇到一个迫在眉睫的挑战，正试图解决并找到方案时，我往往会对此过度分享。
When I have a looming challenge that I'm trying to work through and figure out the solution for, I have a tendency to overshare about this.
我不会自己承担寻找答案的责任。
I don't take it upon myself to find the answer.
我会尽可能多地与人讨论这件事。
I discuss it with as many people as I possibly can.
做头发的时候？
Getting my hair done?
管他呢。
Fuck it.
让我们深入探讨一下。
Let's get into this.
看看我的发型师怎么想。
Let's see what my hairstylist thinks.
做美甲的时候？
Getting my nails done?
去他的。
Fuck it.
我的美甲师会怎么想？
What does my nail artist think?
和朋友共进晚餐？
Dinner with friends?
我会提出来。
I'll bring it up.
勉强我吧。
Twist my arm.
你懂吗？
You know?
又要和父母通电话了？
Talking to my parents on the phone again?
哎呀。
Oops.
让我再把这个我们已经讨论过50遍的难题提出来重新分析一遍。
Let me just bring up this challenge that we've already discussed 50 times again to analyze it again.
我喜欢听取他人的意见和建议，因为这有助于形成我自己的观点。
And I like to get people's opinions and advice because it helps inform my own opinion.
不过这不会改变我的看法。
It doesn't change my opinion, though.
倾听他人的故事和经历，我想要收集数据。
Hearing other people's stories, hearing other people's experiences, I want to gather data.
我想收集个人建议。
I wanna gather personal advice.
最终我会自己做决定。
And I'm gonna ultimately make my own decision.
对吧？
Right?
没人能告诉我该怎么做。
No one's telling me what to do.
而且没人能告诉我该怎么做，因为说实话，我就是这种人。
And no one will tell me what to do because, to be honest, that's the type of person I am.
但我喜欢收集数据。
But I like gathering data.
我称之为辅助决策的方式。
That's kind of what I call it, to help me make a decision.
通过讨论也能帮助我理清思路，发现那些仅靠独自思考可能意识不到的问题。
Talking through it also helps me process it and realize things about it that I maybe wouldn't if it was just in the confines of my mind and swirling around in there.
与不同的人反复讨论不仅能让我接触新观点，还能为决策提供参考。
Speaking it out loud over and over and over again with various different people not only exposes me to new perspectives, but also helps inform my decision.
这对我来说不像是独立行事。
This doesn't feel like an independent thing to me.
是啊。
Yeah.
我不确定这算不算依赖，但肯定算不上健康的独立性。
It I don't know that it feels codependent, but it that doesn't scream like healthy independence to me.
健康的独立性可能是单纯讨论问题本身，而不是为了寻求什么而讨论。
Like, healthy independence would maybe be talking about the challenge and just sort of talking about it for the sake of talking about it, not necessarily talking about it looking for for anything.
你知道吗？
You know?
我简短地打断一下本期节目，告诉大家本期节目由hotels.com赞助播出。
I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is brought to you by hotels.com.
让你的下一次旅行为你所用。
Make your next trip work for you.
Hotels.com刚刚推出了一项改变游戏规则的功能，名为'随心存'，操作如其名般简单。
Hotels.com just rolled out a game changing feature called save your way, and it's as simple as it sounds.
作为Hotels.com会员预订旅行时，您可自由支配节省的金额。
When you book a trip as a hotels.com member, you decide how to use your savings.
选择立即享受即时优惠，或将节省金额存入奖励账户供日后使用。
Choose to take the instant savings now or bank the savings as rewards for later.
由您决定。
It's your call.
想象将本周住宿的折扣转化为奖励，用于明年奢华的海滩度假之旅。
Envision converting discounts on this week's stay into rewards for a luxurious beach getaway next year.
无需复杂计算。
No complicated math.
没有日期限制。
No blackout dates.
只需由你选择如何让旅行更高效地为你服务。
Just you choosing how to make your travels work harder for you.
仅在hotels.com平台提供。
Only at hotels.com.
'随心省'功能面向美国和英国忠诚会员，适用于会员价格的酒店。
Save your ways available to loyalty members in The US and UK on hotels with member prices.
其他条款适用。
Other terms apply.
详情请查阅细则。
Seasight for details.
现在回到节目。
Now back to the episode.
好的。
Okay.
下一个。
Next.
周末的时候，很多时候我不想一个人待着。
On the weekends, a lot of times, I don't wanna be by myself.
比如，我想和朋友一起玩。
Like, I wanna hang out with friends.
我想出去吃晚餐。
I wanna go out, get dinner.
我不喜欢周末独自一人。
I don't love being alone on the weekends.
我会这么做吗？
Will I do it?
当然。
Sure.
但我整周都是一个人
But I'm alone all week.
这完全没问题
It's totally fine.
但我对独处的忍耐是有限度的，通常就是在周末
But I hit my limit of being alone, and it's usually on the weekends.
所以在周末时，我真的很想和人待在一起
And so on the weekends, I do really want to be with people.
我想要有人陪伴
I wanna be around people.
我想问题在于，如果我真是个独立的人，拥有健康的独立水平，周末时我还会这样想吗？
And I guess the question is, if I was truly an independent person, and I had a healthy level of independence, would I feel that way on the weekends?
如果连续两个周末都没有任何计划，只能自己找点事做，我会不会感到有点沮丧？
Would I be kind of bummed when I don't have any plans, and it's like the second weekend in a row of me kind of doing shit on my own?
再说一次，这种感觉很正常，但确实有点像在以某种不健康的方式对自己进行心理分析
Again, this feels normal, and it does kind of feel like I'm psychoanalyzing myself in a way that's honestly unhealthy.
但这些正是我目前质疑的所有事情。
But these are just all the things that I'm questioning.
确实，达到独处的极限会让人感觉沮丧，这在某个阶段是很正常的。
It does feel normal to hit your limit of being alone, and it becomes a bummer at a certain point.
你知道吗？
You know?
但这让我开始质疑自己究竟有多享受独处，如果独处有时会让我感到沮丧的话。
But then that sort of makes me question how much I really enjoy being alone, if it bums me out ever that I have to be alone.
你明白我的意思吗？
Do you know what I'm saying?
接下来。
Next.
我确实会担心别人生我的气。
I do get anxiety about people being mad at me.
比如，我并没有独立到完全不在乎别人对我的看法。
Like, I'm not so independent that I don't care what anyone thinks about me.
比如，我真的很在意别人对我的看法，尤其是他们生我气的时候。
Like, I definitely care what people think about me, especially if they are mad at me.
这基本上就是我最担心的事。
Like, that's my main concern.
如果人们只是单纯因为不喜欢我而不喜欢我，那也就算了。
If people just don't like me because they don't like me, whatever.
只要我想不出他们不喜欢我的正当理由，那就没问题。
As long as I can't think of a valid reason for them to not like me, we're all good.
但我经常因为担心别人生我气而感到非常焦虑。
But I get a lot of anxiety a lot of the time about people being mad at me.
比如，如果我给朋友发消息他们没回，我就会开始胡思乱想：天啊，他们肯定在生我气。
Like, if I text my friend and they don't respond, I sometimes will spiral and be like, Oh my god, they're mad at me.
如果我真的足够独立，我可能会想：最坏的情况不过是他们生我气罢了。
If I was truly independent, would I be like, Well, worst case scenario, they're mad at me.
反正我想不出自己做错了什么，管他呢。
I can't think of anything I did wrong, so fuck it.
我不在乎。
I don't care.
如果他们生我的气，我又没做错什么，谁在乎呢？
If they're mad at me, I didn't do anything, so who cares?
这在我看来是独立性的巅峰表现，某种程度上甚至挺健康的。
That feels like peak independence to me in a way that actually seems kind of healthy.
而因为朋友没回复就焦虑，感觉有点依赖症倾向。
Whereas being anxious because a friend didn't respond, that feels a little bit codependent.
而且人们通常不知道我有这种感觉，对吧？
And people usually don't know that I feel this way, right?
如果我发消息给某人他们没回复，无论什么原因，这都会触发我脑中的焦虑，让我开始胡思乱想他们是不是生我气了——但我不会追发第二条消息。
If I text somebody and they don't respond, and for whatever reason, it triggers anxiety in my brain, and I start to spiral that they're mad at me, I'm not double texting.
懂吗？
You know?
比如：'嘿，我们没事吧？'
Like, Hey, are we good?
我只是在个人层面上备受煎熬，直到收到回复为止。
I just am tortured on a personal level until I get a response.
这对我来说并不显得独立。
That to me doesn't feel independent.
这感觉有点像一种依赖关系。
That feels like a bit of codependence.
感觉我有点过于在意别人对我的看法，而且我害怕，你知道的，我害怕我爱的人生我的气却不告诉我。
It feels like I care a little bit too much about what others think about me, and I am afraid of, you know, my loved ones being angry at me and not telling me.
这让我非常焦虑。
Like, that makes me very anxious.
即使我想不出自己做错了什么，我还是会说服自己。
Even if I can't think of something that I did, I'll still convince myself.
比如，可能有人说了谎，或者可能有谣言，又或者我无意中做了什么自己都没意识到的事。
Like, well, but maybe maybe somebody lied, or, like, maybe there's a rumor, or maybe I did something on accident, and I didn't even think about it.
你懂吗？
You know?
这种情况通常发生在我比较亲近的人身上。
This usually tends to happen with people I'm closer with.
好的。
Okay.
下一个。
Next.
总的来说，我确实更喜欢恋爱关系而非单身状态。
In general, I do prefer to be in a romantic relationship over being single, in general.
我现在是单身。
I'm single right now.
我觉得我挺享受的。
I'm enjoying it, I think.
不。
No.
我是说...单身也有它的美好时刻。
It it I mean, it has its moments.
有时感觉特别棒，有时又会觉得这不是我最喜欢的状态。
Sometimes it's like a total vibe, and sometimes I'm like, this isn't my favorite.
你懂吗？
You know?
就是，我并不喜欢这样。
Like, I don't love this.
我认为真正的独立应该是在恋爱和单身时都能同样满足。
And I think true independence would be being equally as satisfied in a relationship and not.
对吧？
Right?
也许吧。
Maybe.
而我绝对没有那种感觉。
And I definitely don't feel that way.
我可以享受单身，但依然更喜欢恋爱时的状态。
I can enjoy being single while still enjoying being in a relationship more.
但也许这才是健康的。
But maybe that's just healthy.
对我来说，拥有一段长期稳定的感情是我的人生目标之一。
Like, for me, being in a relationship, a long term relationship, is one of my goals in life.
所以我想我更喜欢恋爱状态而非单身也很合理，因为这符合我的目标，而且恋爱本身也很美好。
And so I guess it makes sense that I would prefer that state over being single because that aligns with my goals, and also because it's nice.
但这并不是说我不享受单身。
But that's not to say I don't enjoy being single.
要知道，单身生活也有很多价值。
You know, there's a lot of value in it as well.
但如果我说单身和恋爱带给我的快乐是等同的，那一定是在说谎。
But I would be lying if I said that I enjoyed being single and being in a relationship equally.
但或许这种状态是可能达到的，或许这正是我需要修炼的境界，才能拥有一段真正美好、精彩且平衡的感情。
But perhaps that's something that is possible, and perhaps that's a place I need to get to in order to be in a really, truly amazing, awesome, balanced relationship.
或许只有当你能像享受恋爱一样享受单身时，才能在感情中成为一个真正自信的个体。
Perhaps you can't be in a relationship and be truly a confident individual in it unless you enjoy being single just as much as you enjoy being in a relationship.
我不确定这是否正确。
I don't know if that's true.
也许不是。
Maybe not.
也许不是。
Maybe not.
或许完全可能你只需要接受单身状态并享受它本身，而不必像喜欢恋爱那样喜欢单身。
Maybe it's totally maybe you just need to be cool with being single and enjoy it for what it is, but you don't need to like it as much as you like being in a relationship.
你只需要对它感到舒适并享受它本身。
You just need to be comfortable with it and enjoy it for what it is.
也许仅此而已。
Maybe that's all it is.
其次，不要急于摆脱单身状态。
And b, not in a rush to get out of that state.
或许更关键的是这一点。
Maybe it's more about that.
最后但同样重要的是，证明我不独立的最后一个证据是，有时我的自信并非源于我对自己的看法，而是来自他人对我的评价。
And last but not least, my last piece of evidence that I'm not independent is that there are times where my confidence is not rooted in my opinions of myself, but rather others' opinions of me.
这并非总是如此。
Now this is not all the time.
甚至可能连一半时间都不到。
This is not even necessarily half of the time.
但我确实偶尔会陷入这种状态，比如当我在约会时，对方的评价会影响我的自信。
But I do slip into that sometimes where maybe I'm dating somebody and their opinion of me impacts my confidence.
或者当我处于脆弱状态时，可能上网太多、看了太多评论，网络上的评价会影响我的自信。
Or if I'm in a vulnerable place and maybe I've been online too much, reading too many of my comments, and the opinion of the internet impacts my confidence.
我真的非常努力防止这种情况发生，但它确实会发生。
I really do work hard to prevent this from happening, but it does happen.
在那些时刻，我是不独立的。
And in those moments, I am not independent.
我是在依赖他人来形成对自己的看法。
I'm I'm depending on on others to form my view of myself.
让我告诉你，这感觉糟透了。
And let me tell you, it's not good.
当我陷入这种模式时，情况真的很糟糕。
It's not good when I fall into those those patterns.
我必须尽快摆脱这种状态，因为它会让人陷入无尽的黑暗。
I have to get out of it quick because it's dark, dark, dark, dark.
那确实是一片黑暗。
It is dark.
说实话，在这样深度剖析自己之后，我感觉一片空白。
To be honest, after analyzing myself to this level, I feel nothing.
没有任何想法。
No thoughts.
大脑空空如也。
Brain empty.
我感觉自己什么都没学到。
I feel like I learned nothing.
我不知道。
I don't know.
我不知道。
I don't know.
我是说，其实，不。
I will say I mean, actually, no.
我不该说大脑完全空白。
I shouldn't say brain fully empty.
我想在个人生活中尝试几件事，看看会发生什么。
There's a few things I want to try in my personal life to see what happens.
有几个实验我想试试。
There are a few experiments I wanna try.
第一，当处于极度心理不适的状态时。
Number one, when in a place of, like, extreme psychological discomfort.
我想尝试自己处理。
I wanna try to handle it on my own.
这一次，我想试着不打电话给父母。
I want to not, for once, call my parents.
打给其他人。
Call someone.
我想看看当我被迫独自调节情绪时会发生什么。
I wanna see what happens when I'm forced to emotionally regulate by myself.
这是今天分析艾玛时获得的一个非常有价值的经验。
That was a really valuable learning from today's analysis of Emma.
好吗？
Okay?
这是我想尝试的事情，因为我认为这是我个人想要掌握的技能。
That's something I wanna try because I think that's a skill I personally want to have.
对于我日常逃避完全独处的方式——要么看YouTube要么打电话给别人，特别是在下班后，我有点犹豫这到底是个问题还是正常的。
I'm kind of on the fence when it comes to my daily avoidance of being completely alone, either watching YouTube or calling someone, perhaps after my workday, I'm on the fence about whether that's an issue or if that's just normal.
但对我来说，让我觉得这可能是个问题的原因是每天结束时我迫切想要填补沉默的那种紧迫感。
See, to me though, the thing that makes it feel like it might be somewhat of an issue is the urgency I feel to fill the silence at the end of the day.
你知道吗，如果我不去填补那片寂静会怎样？
You know, what were to happen if I were to not fill that silence?
我在逃避什么？
What am I running from?
你懂吗？
You know?
可能只是我的大脑太疲惫了，想做一些不需要动脑的事，因为我已经用了一整天脑子。
It might just be that my brain is exhausted, and I want to just do something mindless because I've been using my brain all day.
也可能是我自己也不知道。
It might also be that I don't know.
我知道那是什么。
I know what it is.
所以或许可以做个有趣的实验：在下班后，不立即打开YouTube视频，不立即打电话给谁，不立即收拾东西，而是留半小时的静默时间，看看会发生什么。
So maybe it could be an interesting experiment to, at the end of the workday, instead of immediately turning on a YouTube video, immediately calling somebody, immediately putting everything away, maybe I have a half hour of silence and see what happens.
也许我可以安静地吃晚餐，看看自己究竟在逃避什么。
Maybe I eat dinner in silence and just see what am I running from.
这可能是个有趣的实验，但我确实有种感觉，可能只是我的大脑太累了，想要稍微放松一下。
That could be an interesting experiment, but I do have a feeling that it might just be that my brain is tired, and I just want a little bit of relief.
另一件我想努力的事是，我希望达到人生中一个极度自信的状态。
Another thing I wanna work on is I wanna get to a point in my life where I am so confident in myself.
我甚至不知道这是否可能，但我们可以大胆做梦，不是吗？
I don't even know if this is possible, but it's we can dream big, can't we?
我希望达到这样一种人生境界——对自己无比自信，独立到仿佛不需要任何人的程度。
I wanna get to a point in my life where I'm so confident in myself, and I'm so independent in this way where it's like, don't need literally anyone.
我喜欢和所有人相处，但我不需要依赖任何人。
I enjoy everyone, but I don't need anyone.
我想达到这种境界：即使是我最好的朋友生我的气，我也毫不在意。
I wanna feel that way to the point where I don't care if somebody's mad at me, even if it's like my best friend.
你知道吗？
You know?
如果我没做错什么，也想不出自己做错了什么，我就会静观其变，等对方来对质时再处理问题。
If I don't if I didn't do anything wrong, and I can't think of anything wrong that I did, I'll just wait and see if they confront me, and at that point, then we handle that issue.
我希望对自己作为一个人充满自信，不再过度思考生活中的各种关系，也不会无端因此感到焦虑。
I wanna be so confident in myself as a person that I don't overthink relationships in my life, and get anxiety about them irrationally.
我还想更享受单身生活。
I also would like to enjoy being single more.
如果能达到这样一个状态会很有趣——在我应该保持单身的这段时间里，看看自己是否能像享受恋爱关系那样享受单身，只是以不同的方式，因为我从未有过这种感受，所以这会很有意思。
It would be interesting to see if I can get to a point, if I'm able to be single for as long as I probably should be, it would be interesting to see if I can get to a point where I like being single as much as I like being in a relationship just in a different way because I've never felt that way before, so it could be interesting to see.
但我觉得唯一能验证这点的方法就是暂时不再开始新恋情，这对我来说太难了。
But I think the only way to figure that out is I need to not get into another relationship for a little while, which is so hard for me.
我太喜欢有男朋友的感觉了。
I love having a boyfriend.
不过，对了，还有什么来着？
But, yeah, what else?
今天我们还有什么收获？
What else did we learn today?
我想就这些了。
I think that's it.
今天我想和大家做的最后一件事是随机做个在线测试。
The last thing I wanna do today with you all is take a random online quiz.
我在proprofs.com上找到了这个测试，题目叫'你是个独立还是依赖型的人？'
I found this one from proprofs.com, and the quiz is called, are you an independent or dependent person?
我们来做这个测试看看结果如何。
Let's take the quiz and see what the quiz says.
我不知道。
I don't know.
这不像专业测试。
It is not like a professional quiz.
这是我在网上找到的免费随机测试，不太靠谱，但我会非常认真地对待它的结果。
This is a free random quiz that I found online that is not reputable, but I'm going to take its results very seriously.
好的。
Okay.
你是个独立还是依赖型的人？
Are you an independent or dependent person?
第一个问题：你经常屈服于同伴压力吗？
Question number one, do you give in to peer pressure a lot?
我会说不会。
I would say no.
年轻时可能会，但现在成年后几乎从不。
I used to when I was younger, but now as an adult, almost never.
我想说...有时候会吧。
I would say but, like, sometimes.
就是...偶尔可能会。
Like, there's like, occasionally, maybe.
我不想说绝对没有。
I don't wanna say never.
我要说有一点点吧。
I'm going say a little bit.
好的。
Okay.
下一个问题。
Next question.
你能独自去旅行吗？
Can you travel alone for a trip?
是的，我可以。
Yes, I can.
有段时间我非常害怕坐飞机，不敢独自飞行，但我已经克服了这种恐惧。
There was a period of time where I was so afraid of flying that I didn't want to fly alone, but I got over that fear.
其实我并没有完全克服恐惧，但我一直在努力面对，并且独自旅行。
Well, I didn't get over the fear, but I've been working on that fear and traveling alone.
事实上，我确实很享受独自旅行。
And I actually do enjoy traveling alone.
只是独自坐飞机很难，因为我非常害怕乘飞机。
It's just being on the plane alone because I have such a fear of flying on airplanes.
这很困难。
That's hard.
但独自在纽约，或者天知道在什么地方独处，我都完全没问题。
But being in New York by myself, being in God knows where by myself, that's totally fine.
我甚至可以独自乘坐飞机。
And I can even go on the plane by myself.
只是稍微有点困难。
It's just kinda hard.
下一个问题。
Next question.
在陌生人面前你会做真实的自己吗？
Do you act like yourself when you're around people you don't know?
老实说，会的。
Honestly, yes.
我想说是的。
I would say yes.
接下来，你周末通常怎么度过？
Next, how do you spend your weekend?
睡觉和吃饭。
Sleep and eat.
和伴侣一起旅行。
Go on trips with my partner.
整日整夜地参加派对。
Partying all day and night.
我喜欢独处。
I like being alone.
这些都不适用。
None of these apply.
我是说，通常如果当时有男朋友的话，我会和伴侣一起去旅行，做些短途旅行之类的事情。
I mean, usually, when I have if I have a boyfriend at the time, I'll go trips I'll go on trips with my partner, do little day trips and things like that.
但现在我更多是一个人，不过我还是会选择'和伴侣一起旅行'这个选项，因为感觉最准确，尽管目前我并没有伴侣。
But right now, I'm alone more because it's, I'm gonna say go on trips with my partner because that feels the most accurate, even though I don't have a partner right now.
随便吧。
Whatever.
接下来，你非常饿，而厨房里的食物已经吃完了。
Next, you're very hungry and the food in the kitchen is finished.
这种情况下你会怎么做？
What do you do in that case?
去厨房自己做饭、点外卖、或者让别人给我做。
Go in the kitchen and make something for myself, order something, ask someone to cook for me.
我什么都不会做。
I will do nothing.
等等，我甚至没听懂这个问题。
Wait, I don't even understand the question.
你非常饿，而厨房里的食物已经吃完了。
You're very hungry, and the food in the kitchen is finished.
这是不是意味着厨房里没食物了？
Does that mean there's no food left in the kitchen?
但其中一个选项是我会去厨房给自己做点吃的——这根本说不通啊。
But then one of the options is I will go in the kitchen and make something for my this makes no sense.
如果我真的很饿，我会自己弄点吃的。
If I'm really hungry, I will make myself something.
好吧。
Okay.
这太奇怪了。
That's just weird.
接下来，如果你和朋友们在玩真心话大冒险，他们要求你喝啤酒，你会喝吗？
Next, if you and your friends are playing truth or dare and they dare you to drink beer, would you?
不喝。
No.
我不喝酒。
I don't drink.
好吧。
Okay.
这个测试是针对那些从不喝啤酒的七年级学生设计的吗？
Is this quiz for, like, seventh graders who don't ever drink beer?
因为通常来说，被怂恿喝啤酒这种挑战，就像——老兄，我手里已经拿着啤酒了。
Because normally, like, a dare to drink beer, it's like, dude, I already have a beer in my hand.
这些在线测试从来都不靠谱。
These online quizzes are never good.
我也不知道为什么要点开它们，但就是忍不住。
I don't know why I click on them, but here I am.
好吧。
Okay.
下一题。
Next.
你多久和你最好的朋友聊一次天？
How often do you talk to your best friend?
我们每天都聊，但很少。
We talk every day, rarely.
我们可以很长时间不联系。
We can go for a long time without talking.
我无法忍受不和最好的朋友聊天。
I can't live without talking to my best friend.
这个测试太糟糕了。
This quiz is terrible.
我要选'我们每天聊天'。
I'm gonna say we talk every day.
你在课堂上听到有人取笑你的朋友。
You are in class, and you hear people making fun of your friend.
好吧，现在这个测试开始说得通了。
Okay, see, now this quiz is starting to make sense.
这是给七年级学生设计的。
It's for seventh graders.
现在我完全明白了。
I totally get it now.
我不知道自己为什么要点击它。
I don't know why I clicked on it.
你在课堂上听到有人取笑你的朋友。
You're in class, and you hear people making fun of your friend.
你会怎么做？
What do you do?
现在的话，我会根据是否值得争执来决定是为朋友挺身而出还是保持沉默。
Nowadays, I would stick up for my friend or do nothing, depending on if it's worth the battle.
但我要说我会为朋友挺身而出。
But I'm gonna say stick up for my friend.
你有没有为了合群而欺负过别人？
Have you ever picked on somebody just to go along with the crowd?
我上中学的时候？
When I in middle school?
肯定有过，很可能。
For sure, probably.
成年后呢？
As an adult?
不。
No.
我会捉弄那些活该被捉弄的人。
I will pick on somebody because they deserve it.
不，我开玩笑的。
No, I'm kidding.
不，我不会那么做。
No, I don't do that.
我要说没有。
I'm gonna say no.
你是否曾明知某事不好，却因他人怂恿而去做？
Have you done something that you knew was bad but did it because people were urging you to?
老实说，很久没有这种情况了，所以我要说没有。
Honestly, not in a long time, so I'm gonna say no.
好的。
Okay.
来看看我的测试结果。
Let's see my results.
我是一个不可阻挡的灵魂。
I am an unstoppable spirit.
我拥抱独立，相信直觉，不为他人意见所动摇。
I embrace my independence and trust my instincts, unmoved by others' opinions.
你自信地做出决定，并以自己的方式行事而茁壮成长。
You confidently make decisions and thrive on doing things your way.
自豪地分享你独特的力量吧。
Share your unique strength with pride.
好的。
Okay.
说实话，我不太喜欢那个测试。
I didn't like that quiz, be honest.
我们再做一个吧。
Let's take one more.
这个测试是‘你的独立性有多强？’
This one is How Independent Are You?
来自brainfall.com
By brainfall.com.
开始测试
Start quiz.
第一个问题，你的伴侣出差一周
Question number one, your partner is gone on a business trip for a week.
你是做什么的？
What do you do?
按照我的品味重新装修房子，享受独处时光，还是邀请几个朋友过来，表现得像个青少年？
Redecorate the place to my taste, enjoy the time alone, or invite a few friends over and behave like a teenager?
如果我处于恋爱关系中，我会享受独处时光。
If I am in a relationship, I will enjoy the time alone.
因为当你恋爱时，你经常和伴侣在一起，所以我通常其实很期待独处的时间。
Because when you're in a relationship, you're with your partner so often that I actually look forward to time alone usually.
接下来，你获得了一份国外的好工作，但需要填写大量文书材料。
Next, you've been offered a great job abroad, but there's a ton of paperwork to fill out.
你会立即着手处理以确保按时完成所有事项，逐步设法应对，或是拖到最后一刻才做。
You get started right away to make sure everything is done on time, gradually manage to deal with it, leave it to the very last minute.
我会立即处理。
I would do it right away.
这就是我的性格。
That's just who I am.
接着，你的朋友在最后一刻取消了今晚的计划。
Next, your friend cancels at the last moment for your plans tonight.
你会怎么做？
What do you do?
我可能会打电话约另一个朋友和其他人一起出去。
I would probably call another friend and go out with somebody else.
如果他们也没空，我就会待在家里。
And if they're not available, I would stay home.
你的朋友邀请你参加一个奇怪的集会。
Your friend invites you to a weird convention.
这活动没什么吸引力。
It's not very appealing.
你会怎么做？
What do you do?
礼貌地拒绝？
Politely decline?
接受是因为你不想伤害他们的感情吗？
Accept because you don't wanna hurt their feelings?
接受但会抱怨几句。
Accept but grumble about it.
我一直喜欢尝试新体验。
I always like a new experience.
比如，即使我觉得某件事有点奇怪，如果我没有更好的安排，而且也不会让自己太麻烦，我宁愿和朋友一起做些有趣的事，而不是待在家里无所事事。
Like, even if I think something's weird, if I have nothing better to do, and I'm not, like, putting myself out, I'd rather do something interesting with a friend than be home not making a memory.
就算是个奇怪的聚会，至少我能留下回忆。
Like, even if it's a weird convention, at least I'll make a memory.
所以我会选择接受——虽然选项里没有'为了该死的剧情发展而接受'，这才是我真正的答案。
So I'm gonna say accept well, there's not an option that's, like, accept for the fucking plot, which is what my answer is.
但我会选择'因为不想伤害对方感情而接受'。
But I'm gonna say except because you don't want to hurt their feelings.
这差不多就是我的答案。
That's kind of what my answer is.
下一个。
Next.
你第一次前往世界的另一端旅行。
For the first time, you're traveling to the other side of the world.
你感觉如何？
How do you feel?
压力山大？
Stressed out?
比如，我想取消这次旅行？
Like, I wanna cancel the trip?
还是超级兴奋？
Or so excited?
好吧。
Okay.
其实，'压力山大想取消旅行'和'超级兴奋'是同一个答案。
Well, stressed out in like I want to cancel the trip is the same that's the same answer.
我觉得我会感到兴奋。
I think I would feel excited.
说实话，我有时候确实会在旅行前感到焦虑。
I mean, actually, I do kinda get stressed before trips sometimes.
我想我可能会感到压力。
I guess I would feel stressed.
我可能也会兴奋，但以我的性格，多少会有点紧张。
I'd probably feel excited too, but knowing me, I'd feel a little stressed.
所以我们选择'压力山大'这个答案。
So we'll answer stressed out.
接下来，你暗恋咖啡店里的一位男生女生。
Next, you have a crush on a guygirl who works at your coffee shop.
你会采取什么行动？
What's your approach?
老实说，我可能会什么都不做。
Honestly, like, do nothing.
有个选项是'盯着看'。
There's an option that says stare.
说实话，这就是我。
Honestly, me.
我不是会主动出击的类型，所以盯着看比较像我。
I am not one to make the first move, so stare is kind of me.
下一个问题：你如何处理突发事件？
Next, how do you deal with unforeseen events?
选项一：作为展现自我的新机会
As new opportunities to shine is option one.
选项二：视情况而定
Option two is depends on the situation.
选项三：处理得不太好，但我尽力了
Option three, not well, but I try my best.
选项四：我根本不处理
Option four, I don't.
太让人头疼了
Too much of a headache.
我想还是视情况而定吧
I guess depends on the situation.
天啊
Oh my god.
我得停止做这些在线测试了
I need to stop taking online quizzes.
它们全都是垃圾。
They're all garbage.
好吧。
Okay.
我们快完成了。
We're almost done.
伙计们，咱们坚持做完这个吧。
Let's just get through this, you guys.
我知道。
I know.
感觉我现在像在学校一样。
I feel like I'm at school right now.
这不应该是线上测试的目的。
That shouldn't be the point of an online quiz.
这应该是有趣的，但我并不觉得好玩。
It should be fun, and I'm not having fun.
接下来，你需要为20个人安排餐饮和娱乐活动。
Next, you have to organize a meal and entertainment for 20 people.
你会怎么做？
What do you do?
找朋友帮忙？
Get friends to help out?
自己一个人搞定所有事？
Manage everything on my own?
打电话叫餐饮服务？
Call a caterer?
我妈妈会帮我搞定一切。
My mom will do everything for me.
哈哈。
LOL.
我确实经常让我妈妈帮我处理事情。
I do ask my mom to help me with stuff.
说实话，我可能会直接叫餐饮服务。
I would probably, to be honest, call a caterer.
这就是我目前的生活状态。
This is just where I'm at right now in my life.
这绝对物有所值，想想能节省多少时间和压力，所有东西都会完美呈现。
It would be so worth it, you know, the amount of time it would save and stress, just have everything show up and be beautifully done.
而且，你知道的，专业厨师的水平远超过我，我现在就会这么选择。
And, like, you know, somebody who's like a professional chef, so much better than what I would do, I would probably do that right now, today.
如果今天就要办这件事，我就会这么做。
If I had to do that right now, today, that's what I would do.
下一个问题。
Next question.
突然有个朋友想带你横穿全国去公路旅行。
Out of the blue, a friend wants to take you on a road trip across the country.
你的第一反应是：你疯了吗？
Your first reaction, are you crazy?
我还有事情要做。
I have things to do.
或者太棒了。
Or awesome.
咱们出发吧。
Let's do this.
或者绝对不行。
Or no way.
我要待在家里。
I'm staying home.
或者这很棒，但我的工作怎么办？
Or that's great, but what about my job?
你看，这取决于我生活中的具体情况。
See, it depends on what's going on in my life.
如果是周末的话，我可能会说，咱们走起。
It's like if it's, like, the weekend, I'd be like, let's do it.
如果我没什么事的话，那就去做吧。
If I have nothing going on, let's do it.
不过我喜欢这类事情。
I like stuff like that, though.
我喜欢有点即兴的感觉。
I like a bit of spontaneity.
我会回答'这很棒，但我的工作怎么办？'
I'm gonna answer, that's great, but what about my job?
这感觉最像我。
That feels the most me.
最后但同样重要的是，说实话，这些测试简直就是垃圾，我甚至都不相信它们。
Last but not least, honestly, finally, these quizzes are just absolute garbage, and I I don't even trust them.
你最近工作表现不佳，正在接受评估。
You haven't been your best at work lately, and you are being reviewed.
你如何力挽狂澜？
How do you save the day?
选项一，做一个关于自己的精彩商业演讲。
Option one, make an amazing commercial speech about myself.
选项二，收集我工作表现良好的证据。
Option two, gather evidence of my good work.
选项三，彻底崩溃。
Option three, totally freak out.
我需要喝点威士忌。
I need some whiskey.
这太阴暗了。
That's dark.
第四种选择，虽然压力山大，但尽量保持冷静不让情况恶化。
And number four, stress out, but try to keep myself together and not make it worse.
我可能会收集工作表现良好的证据，以备需要时用来证明自己。
I would probably gather evidence of my good work just in case I need to, like, prove a point.
我不知道。
I don't know.
感觉不错。
That feels good.
好。
K.
看看上面写了什么。
Let's see what it says.
你他妈在逗我吗？
Are you fucking kidding me?
它居然要我用邮箱注册免费账户。
It wants me to create a free account with my email.
操。
Fuck.
不。
No.
我才不在乎。
I don't care.
我不在乎。
I don't care.
我不在乎结果是什么。
I don't care what the results were.
我真的不在乎。
I actually don't care.
不。
No.
它告诉我这是个免费测试。
It told me it was a free quiz.
它说我没想过需要注册账号，结果我刚做完测试却什么都不知道。
It told me I didn't I didn't think I was gonna have to make an account, and I just did all that, and I don't even know.
但你知道吗？
But you know what?
我不在乎。
I don't care.
因为无论它要说什么都不会有那么重要。
Because whatever it was going to say wouldn't even be that significant.
反正我也不会太当回事。
I wouldn't even take it that seriously anyway.
所以我必须完成的事情。
So what I have to be done.
我不知道，伙计们。
I don't know, you guys.
我并不是声称自己有什么答案。
I'm not I'm not claiming to have any answers here.
我不是带着什么顿悟来找你们的，比如'嘿，大家'。
I'm not coming to you with an epiphany like, hey, you guys.
我已经把一切都搞明白了。
I have everything all figured out.
来看看吧。
Check it out.
这就是拥有健康独立意识的意义。
This is what it means to have a healthy sense of independence.
我 我不是带着那种态度来找你的。
I I'm not coming to you with that.
我只是在努力思考这个问题，并与大家分享我的想法。
I'm I'm more just wrestling with it and sharing it with you all.
请对这些话持保留态度，因为我自己也不确定。
And take it all with a grain of salt because I don't I don't know.
我并非对所有事情都了然于胸，但我正在逐步理解。
I don't have it all figured out, but I am figuring it out.
我会持续向大家更新进展。
And I'll keep you all updated.
但还是要感谢各位聆听并和我一起分析这些内容。
But thank you all for listening to this and analyzing me with me.
希望你们能从中有所收获。
Hopefully, you got something out of it.
如果你喜欢这期节目，请关注每周四和周日更新的《随心所欲》新剧集。
And if you did and you enjoyed it, new episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday.
《随心所欲》可在任何播客平台收听，YouTube和Spotify上有视频版，社交媒体账号也是《随心所欲》。
Anything Goes is anywhere you stream podcasts at Anything Goes videos on YouTube and Spotify, on social media at Anything Goes.
我刚才是不是说过了？
Did I already say that?
我是不是重复说了两遍？
Did I say that stuff twice?
我...我记不清了。
I I can't.
我的个人账号是@EmmaChamberlain，咖啡品牌线上线下都能找到，搜索chamberlaincoffee。
I'm on the Internet at Emma Chamberlain, and my coffee company is on the Internet and in the world at chamberlaincoffee.
爱你们所有人。
I love you all.
非常感谢大家的支持。
I appreciate you all.
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