你不可能被所有人喜欢，建议环节

好了，大家好，欢迎回到建议环节。这是《无所不谈》系列节目，你们可以提交当前遇到的困境或任何——真的是任何你们想寻求建议的事情。然后我会给你们我的非专业建议。今天的话题是一个不幸的现实：不是每个人都会喜欢你。听着。

Well, hey there, and welcome back to advice session. A series here on anything goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything, and I mean anything you want advice on. And then I give you my unprofessional advice. In today's topic is the unfortunate reality that not everyone's gonna like you. Listen.

我是那种希望被所有人喜欢的人。这就是为什么在我生命的大部分时间里，我一直是个老好人和讨好者，因为我不喜欢别人不喜欢我。这让我很困扰。我认识一些不在乎的人，或者至少他们很擅长假装不在乎。但我不是那样的人。

I am one of those people that wants to be liked by everyone. That's why for majority of my life, I've been a yes man and a people pleaser because I don't like when people don't like me. That bothers me. And I know people who don't care, or at least they're pretty good at pretending like they don't care. I'm not one of those people.

然而，在我生活的过程中，我已经变得更好了，你知道，接受了不是每个人都会喜欢我这个事实。但我知道这很有挑战性。所以闲话少说，让我们开始吧。

However, over the course of my life, I've gotten better, you know, accepting the fact that not everyone's gonna like me. But I know that this is challenging. So without further ado, let's get into it.

我简短地打断一下本期节目，告诉大家本期的《无所不谈》由沃尔玛赞助播出。夏天回来了，宝贝，这意味着全新的衣橱。幸运的是，你可以在沃尔玛以更实惠的价格找到符合你心意的潮流单品。对我来说，夏天意味着简约和舒适，因为温暖的天气很宜人，但前提是你要穿得合适。所以我整个夏天都试图穿既透气又可爱的衣服。

I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode of Anything Goes is presented by Walmart. Summer's back, baby, which means a whole new wardrobe. Thankfully, you can find trends that speak to you for less at Walmart. You know, for me, summer is about simplicity and comfort because warm weather is pleasant, but only if you dress properly for it. So I'm trying to wear breathable but cute clothing all summer long.

从休闲聚会到度假，沃尔玛是找到你所有夏季单品的地方。想想别致的镂空风格、飘逸的连衣裙、时尚女孩的鞋款、鲜艳的色彩等等。请访问 walmart.com/trends 选购最热门的夏季潮流和新品。网址是 walmart.com/trends。现在回到节目。

From casual hangs to vacation, Walmart's the place to find all your summer pieces. Think chic eyelet styles, breezy dresses, It Girls shoes, vibrant colors, and more. Shop the hottest summer trends and new drops at walmart.com/trends. That's walmart.com/trends. Now back to the episode.

好的。有人说：‘每次我以为我交到了一个女性挚友，最终都会被对方冷处理。我的女性友谊从来都维持不下去。我不知道该怎么办。’ 我接下来要说的话可能听起来有点刺耳，但我保证，这不是有意要刻薄。

Alright. Somebody said, every time I think I made a girl best friend connection, I end up getting ghosted. My female friendships never stick. I don't know what to do. What I'm about to say might come off as harsh, but I promise you, it's not meaning to be harsh.

有时候，当你注意到生活中与他人相处出现某种模式时，比如：‘我不断去约会，但结果都很糟糕’，或者‘我老是和家人吵架’，等等等等。当你注意到一种模式时，有时有效地方法是问问自己，问题是不是出在你身上。现在听着，问自己是不是问题所在，不一定是自我贬低，也不一定是自我憎恨的行为。

Sometimes when you notice a pattern in your life with other people, like, I keep going on dates and they're terrible, or I keep getting in fights with my family members, or etcetera, etcetera. When you notice a pattern, sometimes it can be effective to ask yourself if you're the problem. Now listen. Asking yourself if you're the problem is not necessarily self deprecating. It's not necessarily an act of self hatred.

它可以是一个成长和性格发展的机会。问问自己是不是你的问题，这并不是个坏主意。你是不是这些友谊无法维持下去的原因？听着，你可能会进行深刻的自我反省，然后得出结论：不，不是你的问题，也许是别的原因——我们稍后会讨论可能是什么其他原因。

It can be an opportunity for growth, character development. It's not a bad idea to ask yourself if it's you. Are you the reason why these friendships aren't working out? Listen. You might do soul searching and come to the conclusion that, no, it's not you, and that it's perhaps something else, which we'll discuss in a second what what that else could be.

但坐下来，回顾所有的友谊，并试图找出问题所在，这并不是个坏主意。有没有可能你的幽默感有点刻薄？也许你开的玩笑，在你甚至没有意识到的情况下，其实有点伤人。也许经过反思，你其实是个有点粘人的朋友。你经常给朋友发信息，一天好几次。

But it's not a bad idea to sit yourself down and go through all of the friendships and try to figure out what went wrong. Is it possible that maybe your sense of humor is a bit harsh? Maybe you make jokes that, without you even realizing it, are actually kind of hurtful. Perhaps upon reflection, you're actually kind of a clingy friend. You text your friends a lot, multiple times a day.

你的朋友不会那么频繁地给你发信息，所以你绝对是这段关系中发信息的主导方。也许你有点粘人，或者有点——我甚至不想用‘专横’这个词——但对于普通朋友来说，你的参与度有点太高了，让人不太舒服。也许经过反思，你意识到，当你的个性开始显现出来——也许你是一个非常外向、吵闹、直率的人——你的朋友就开始疏远了。现在听着，我知道进行这种自我反思的环节会让人不舒服和痛苦，但如果你能抱着这样的视角去看待：我们所有人都是正在进行中的作品，我们都在努力成为最好的人，在这种情况下，成为我们能成为的最好的朋友，那么，如果在反思中你找到了需要改进的地方，这实际上是个好消息，是有建设性的消息。

Your friends don't text you that often, so you're definitely the dominant texter in the relationship. Maybe you're a little bit clingy or a little bit I don't even wanna use the word overbearing, but a little bit too involved for the average comfortability of a friend. Perhaps upon reflection, you realize that when your personality started to come out, and maybe you're a really outgoing, loud, brash sort of person, your friend started to pull away. Now listen. I know that it's uncomfortable and painful to have these sort of self reflection sessions, but if you can go into it with the perspective that we are all works in progress, we are all on a journey to become the best people, and in this sort of situation, best friends we can be, it's actually good news and productive news if upon reflection, you find something to work on.

因为这不仅表明你是一个能够自我反思的人——这并不容易做到——而且你还走在改进的道路上，未来能够建立有意义的友谊。这是一件非常积极、富有成效、很棒的事情。如果你能尽力把自我从中抽离，因为我们的自我总是试图说服我们需要完美、我们就是完美的、问题都在别人身上，而如果我们有问题，就意味着我们是失败者、很糟糕，所以这不可取。如果你能控制住自我，就能从中获益。所以我真的鼓励你进行自我反思。

Because not only does that show that you're a person that is capable of self reflection, which is not easy to do, but also you're on the path to improvement, to making meaningful friendships down the line. This is a really positive, productive, awesome thing. If you can try your best to take your ego out of it, because our ego tries to convince us that we need to be perfect and that we are perfect and that everyone else is the problem and that if we're the problem, we're a failure and we're terrible, and so that's not an option. If you can keep your ego at bay, good can come out of it. So I really encourage you to self reflect.

如果你发现了什么，不要逃避它。不要躲藏。不要试图找借口，比如，哦，不。不。等等。

And if you discover something, don't run away from it. Don't hide from it. Don't try to make an excuse like, oh, no. No. Wait.

我发现自己可能做错了什么，但是等等。不。但这没那么糟，不是我的错，其实是他们的错。不要重新解释它。不要逃避它。

I found something that I might have done wrong, but wait. No. But it's not that bad, and it's not my fault, and it's actually their fault. Don't reframe it. Don't run away from it.

不要躲藏。如果你发现了什么，这其实有点令人兴奋，因为这是你可以改进的地方。所以这是第一步。第二步，如果你发现了可能出错的地方，也许可以回到你失去的朋友那里。也许不是所有人，而是那些你觉得自在的人，尝试重新开启友谊。

Don't hide from it. It's kind of exciting if you find something because it's something to work on. So that's step one. Step two, if you discover what might have went wrong, maybe go back to your friends that you've lost. Maybe not all of them, but the ones where you feel comfortable, and try to reopen the friendship.

或者只是认识到，嘿。你知道，我一直在反思我们友谊的结束，我觉得这是我做的问题。比如，我觉得这是出问题的地方。我很想一起吃个午饭。我很想一起吃个晚饭。

Or just recognize, hey. You know, I've been reflecting on the end of our friendship, and I think this is what I did. Like, I think this is what went wrong. I would love to grab lunch. I would love to grab dinner.

我很想去远足，叙叙旧，你知道，多聊聊哪里出了问题，并且可能，你知道，如果你愿意的话，尝试重新开启友谊。看看你的，你知道，前朋友们，如果你愿意这么称呼的话。我的意思是，他们不完全是前朋友。我想他们算是前朋友吧。看看你的前朋友们怎么说。

I'd love to go on a hike and and catch up and, you know, talk more about what went wrong and potentially, you know, try to open up the friendship again if you're open to it. And see see what your your, you know, ex friends, if you will. I mean, they're not really ex friends. I guess they are kind of ex friends. See what your ex friends say.

这可能是一个机会，让你更了解自己作为朋友的一面，以及如何改进。这也可能是友谊重新开始的契机，这可能是一件美好的事情。如果你坐下来进行自我反思，却什么也没发现，真的什么也没想到。你觉得，我做的一切都是对的。我没有过于粘人。

This could be an opportunity to learn more about yourself as a friend and how you can improve. It could also be the restart of the friendship, which could be a beautiful thing. If you sit down for a self reflection session and you don't find anything, genuinely nothing comes up. You're like, did everything right. I wasn't overly clingy.

我没有莽撞。我没有粗鲁。我没有像……对你来说仍然不明白为什么事情会出错。首先，我建议分析一下你试图交朋友的对象类型。有可能你喜欢的类型对你不利。

I wasn't brash. I wasn't rude. I wasn't like like, it doesn't make sense to you still why things went wrong. To start, I would recommend analyzing the types of people that you're trying to be friends with. There's a chance that your type is not good for you.

这和约会是一样的。比如，很多年来，我喜欢的男生类型对我不利。我喜欢约会那些回避型、有点不承诺、情感上不太投入的男生。比如，我喜欢那种氛围。我觉得很酷、神秘，无法自拔。

It's the same thing as dating. Like, for so many years, my type in guys was not good for me. I like to date guys that were avoidant and kinda noncommittal, kind of emotionally unavailable. Like, I loved that vibe. I thought it was hot, mysterious, couldn't get enough of it.

但这就是为什么我不断陷入对我心理状态很糟糕的情况，因为我喜欢的类型对我不利。所以当我意识到这一点，就像，好吧，等等，我需要去找那些情感上可用、喜欢我 back 等等的男生，我开始在约会中取得更多成功。约会也不再给我带来那么可怕的情感负担。这种事情可能也发生在你和朋友之间。也许你试图和学校里最受欢迎的女孩们交朋友。

But that's why I kept ending up in situations that were terrible for me mentally because my type was bad for me. And so when I realized that and was like, okay, wait, I need to be going for guys that are emotionally available, like me back, etcetera, I started to have more success in dating. And dating didn't take as much of a horrible emotional toll on me. This sort of thing might be happening with you and friends. Perhaps you're trying to be friends with the most popular girls in school.

学校里最受欢迎的女孩往往不太像那种，你知道，友谊对她们来说来得太容易了，所以有时候她们可能刻板印象中会是没那么忠诚的朋友。当然这并不总是真的，对吧？有时候人们受欢迎是因为他们真的很酷，而且真心和每个人都是朋友。那样很好。

The most popular girls in school tend to be less like, the like, friendship comes so easily to them, you know, that they maybe, at times, can stereotypically be less loyal friends. Now, that's not always true. Right? Sometimes people are popular because they're genuinely cool people, and they're genuinely friends with everyone. That's great.

有时候受欢迎的人之所以受欢迎，是因为大家都觉得他们很酷。也许他们有很好的个人风格，也许他们喜欢酷的音乐，也许他们是潮流引领者，但他们的性格可能不太适合建立深厚的友谊。你明白我的意思吗？

Sometimes popular people are popular because everyone thinks that they're cool. Maybe they have a good sense of personal style. Maybe they like cool music. Maybe they're sort of the trendsetter, and their character might be a bit less favorable for for deep friendship. Do you see what I'm saying?

也许你正试图和那些非常害羞的人交朋友。也许你被害羞的人吸引，也许你正试图和那些并不真正喜欢超级深厚友谊的内向者交朋友。也许深厚的友谊对他们来说很累人。你明白我的意思吗？试着弄清楚，有没有可能你试图交的朋友类型，并不适合你想要的那种友谊。

Maybe you're trying to be friends with people who are really shy. Maybe you're attracted to people who are shy, and perhaps you're trying to be friends with introverts who don't really like to have super deep friendships. Maybe deep friendships are exhausting for them. Do you see what I'm saying? Like, try to figure out if there's a chance that the types of friends that you're trying to make are the wrong types of friends for you, the wrong types of people for the types of friendships that you wanna have.

如果你自我反思后没有发现任何问题，你可以做的另一件事是去问你的一些前朋友发生了什么。我之前稍微提到过。就像这样：嘿，我正在试图弄清楚哪里出了问题，这样我以后可以成为一个更好的朋友。发生了什么？这就是我的建议。

Another thing you could do if you self reflected and discovered nothing is go and ask some of your ex friends what happened. I kinda mentioned that earlier. Be like, hey, I'm trying to figure out what went wrong so that I can be a better friend moving forward. What happened? And that's my advice.

好的，继续。有人说：我最好的朋友有另一个非常亲密的朋友，那个人总是试图证明她和我最好的朋友比我和我最好的朋友更亲密。我试图表现得友好，所以我为我们三个组织了一次睡衣派对。但整个过程中，那个女孩一直不停地说她们有多亲密，我感觉自己被推开了。

Okay. Moving on. Somebody said, my bestie has another really close friend that always tries to prove that they are closer than my bestie and I. I tried to be nice, so I initiated a slumber party for the three of us. But the whole time, the other girl kept going on and on about how close they are, and I felt pushed away.

不过我觉得我的闺蜜没注意到，因为她只对我说这些话。我该怎么办？我想说有三个选择，其中两个是更可取的。还有一个是选项，但我不太热衷。所以我们先从两个更可取的选项开始。

I don't think my BFF noticed, though, because she only says these things to me. What should I do? I would say there's three options, and two of them are preferred. And one is an option, but I'm not obsessed with it. So let's start with the two preferable options.

选项一，和另一个闺蜜谈谈。好吗？不是你的闺蜜，是你闺蜜的另一个闺蜜。找一个你觉得合适的方式和这个人进行一次一对一的谈话。可能意味着私下发短信，比如说：嘿。

Option one, talk to the other bestie. Okay? Not your bestie, your bestie's other bestie. Figure out a way that you feel is appropriate to have a one on one conversation with this person. It might mean texting on the side and being like, hey.

比如，我有点想和你谈点事。我们能通个电话吗？也可能是邀请这个另一个闺蜜一起吃晚饭。想办法让这个人单独相处，然后敞开心扉。说出你所有的感受。

Like, I kinda wanna talk to you about something. Can we talk on the phone? It might be inviting this other bestie to dinner. Find a way to get this person alone, and then lay your heart out. Say say everything that you're feeling.

我认为从语气上来说，最好这样说：嘿。你知道，我不想把这件事搞大，但我一直注意到我们之间可能因为和某某的共同友谊而存在一些竞争或紧张。说实话，当我们一起出去玩时，这真的很扫兴。而且，你知道，我们都有潜力成为好朋友。我真的很想知道我是否能做些什么来让这段友谊变得舒适、有趣。

I think from a tone perspective, it's best to be like, hey. You know, I don't wanna make a big deal out of this, but I've just been noticing that there's a bit of maybe competition or tension between us because of our mutual friendship with so and so. And to be honest, it it makes it really a bummer when we all hang out. And, you know, we have the potential to all be good friends. I really wanna know if there's anything I can do to make this a comfortable, fun friendship.

你也可以接着说：听着。我尊重你和我闺蜜的友谊。我并不嫉妒那段友谊。我希望那段友谊能独自蓬勃发展。那段友谊不会削弱我的友谊。

And you can also go into saying, like, listen. I respect your friendship with our bestie. I am not jealous of that friendship. I want that friendship to thrive on its own. That friendship does not detract from mine.

但另一方面，我也希望你对我和我们共同好友的友谊抱有同样的态度。这是两段独立的友谊，彼此互不影响，也不是竞争关系。如果我们能找到方法，各自对我们与共同好友的友谊充满信心，那对大家都会更好。这大概就是我想表达的意思，类似这样的话。

But on the other hand, I would hope that you feel the same about my friendship with our bestie. These are two separate friendships, and not one detracts from the other, and it is not a competition. If there's a way that we can find a way to feel confident with our own individual friendships with our bestie, that would be better for everyone. That's sort of what I would say. Like, something along the lines of that.

用随意但真诚的方式，不拐弯抹角，实话实说，但语气要温和，不要过于指责。我刚才确实有点指责的意味，所以或许可以措辞更好些。因为我当时说：我不觉得你的友谊对我构成威胁，也许你也不该觉得我的友谊对你有威胁。或许可以这样更好地表达：我认为如果我们都能找到方法，不因对方的友谊而感到威胁，这样会更健康。

Something casual but deeply truthful, not beating around the bush, just saying it how it is, but in a way that is gentle and not super accusatory. I did do a bit of accusing there, so maybe it could have been worded better. Because I was like, I don't feel threatened by your friendship. Maybe you shouldn't feel threatened by mine. Like, that that maybe maybe you could word that better and be more like, I think it would be healthy if we both found a way to not feel threatened by the other's relationship.

你明白我的意思吗？让这件事关乎你们两个人。所以这是第一个选择：和另一位好友谈谈。但谈话的结果就不在我们掌控之中了。

You know what I mean? Like, make it about the both of you. So that's option one. Have a conversation with the other bestie. Now how it goes is out of our control.

对吧？另一位好友可能会很好地回应，比如：你说得对。我确实对你和我们共同好友的友谊感到威胁，这让我很嫉妒。我只是觉得你真的很酷，这让我对自己和这段友谊都感到不好。

Right? The other bestie might respond great to this and be like, you know what? You're right. I do feel threatened by your friendship with our bestie, and it it really makes me feel jealous. And I just think that you're really cool, and it makes me feel bad about myself and bad about the friendship.

但你是对的。你知道，这种想法是不必要且不健康的，我会努力改正的。太好了。通过这样坦诚的对话，如果进展顺利，你可能会和你好友的好友成为朋友，结局可能会非常美好。

But you're right. You know, that's unnecessary and unhealthy, and I'm really gonna work on it. Great. Great. And through that vulnerable conversation, if it goes well, you might end up becoming friends with your bestie's bestie, and things might turn out beautifully.

但也可能搞砸，你好友的好友可能会说：去你的。我和她做朋友更久，你根本就不该和我好友做朋友。我甚至不知道她为什么和你做朋友。谁知道呢？

It also might go sour, and your bestie's bestie might be like, fuck you. Like, I've been friends with this girl longer. You shouldn't even be friends with my bestie. Like, I don't even know why my bestie's friends with you. Like, who knows?

可能会变得非常糟糕。那样的话，你只需要把你和共同好友的友谊分开处理。不要再试图融合了。保持独立就好，这也没问题。

Like, it could go really sour. In which case, you just need to separate your friendships with your bestie. Don't try to combine it anymore. Just keep it separate. And that's fine.

有时候事情就只能这样处理，对吧？所以这是第一个选择。第二个选择是根本不去尝试对话，而是直接避开另一位好友。基本上就是我刚才说的。

Like, sometimes that's what's gotta happen. Right? So that's option one. Option two is to not even try to have a conversation, and instead, just avoid the other besties. So basically, what I just said.

保持友谊独立。我觉得这种情况很可能顺利解决，甚至不需要向任何人提起。比如每次可能有晚餐聚会，会有你的好友和她的另一位好友参加，你或许可以说：哦，这次我就不去了。

Keep the friendship separate. I feel like chances are this could work out seamlessly where you wouldn't even need to really bring it up to anyone. Like, every time there's maybe like a dinner where it's gonna be your bestie and her other bestie, maybe you're like, oh, you know what? I'm gonna skip out on this one. You know?

然后你可以单独和你的好友制定计划。明白我的意思吗？这可能就是最好的方式。它很微妙，不具对抗性。

And then you can make your own plans with your bestie. Do you see what I'm saying? Like, that might just be the the best approach. It's subtle. It's non confrontational.

而且不是每个人都会和所有人成为朋友。你懂我的意思吗？不是每个人都能和睦相处。所以有时候最好就是给人空间，也许在这种情况下这是最好的选择。选项三，这不是我最喜欢的，但可能适合你，所以我还是提一下。

And not everyone's gonna be friends with everyone. You know what I mean? Not everyone's gonna get along. And so sometimes it's best to just give people space, and maybe that's the best option in this situation. Option three, which is not my favorite, but it might work for you, so I'm bringing it up anyway.

选项三是和你最好的朋友谈谈。让你最好的朋友坐下来，解释整个情况。就像说，听着，我爱你。我崇拜你，我希望你快乐。你既是我的朋友，也是另一个最好朋友的朋友。

Option three is to discuss with your bestie. To sit your bestie down and explain the whole situation. Be like, listen, I love you. I adore you, and I want you to be happy. You're friends with me, and you're friends with this other bestie.

我刚才说了多少次“最好的朋友”？五千次？我需要开始用个新词了。你可以说，我不想引起戏剧性冲突。我不想成为问题所在，但我注意到当我们三个人一起玩的时候，你知道，有点被动攻击性。

How many times did I just say bestie? 5,000? I need to start using a new word. I don't you know, you can say, I don't wanna cause drama. I don't wanna I don't wanna be the problem, But I've been noticing that when the three of us hang out, you know, there's a bit of passive aggressiveness.

有点嫉妒。和你另一个最好的朋友之间有点奇怪，这让团队聚会变得很困难。我想把这件事告诉你，问问你的建议，因为你很了解我们两个，而且，你知道，我不想让你觉得你被夹在中间，但你可能能帮我想出某种解决方案。关键是不把她置于中间，确保她知道你理解，即使她不会因为那个朋友对你有点被动攻击就放弃那个朋友。

There's a bit of jealousy. There's a bit of weirdness with your other best friend, and it makes it really hard to hang out as a group. I wanted to bring it to you and ask you what you suggest because you know the both of us really well, and, you know, I don't wanna make you feel like you're in the middle of it, but you might be able to help me come up with some sort of solution. You know? I think the key is to not put her in the middle of it, and to make sure that she knows that you understand if, like, she doesn't drop that friend just because that friend is sort of being passive aggressive with you.

你懂我的意思吗？那样会在你和你最好的朋友，以及你最好的朋友和他们的另一个最好朋友之间制造紧张。那会造成奇怪的友谊紧张。我总是尽可能直接处理问题。而且，严格来说，这是你和你最好朋友的其他朋友之间的问题。

You know what I'm saying? Like, that creates tension between you and your bestie and your bestie and their other bestie. That creates weird friendship tension. I just always try to handle issues directly when I can. And, technically, this is an issue between you and your bestie's other friend.

所以如果可能的话，最好直接处理，或者自己动手，想办法，好吧，你知道，我怎么能和那个朋友保持距离？你最不想做的就是给你的朋友带来压力或痛苦，当他们并没有做错什么的时候。你知道？可以说，我们希望和那些有好人缘的人做朋友。你不想引起戏剧性冲突。

So it's best to handle it directly if possible or to take matters into your own hands and and sort of figure out, okay, you know, how can I distance myself from that other friend? And the last thing you wanna do is cause stress or grief for your friend when they're not necessarily doing any they're not doing anything wrong. You know? And arguably, right, it's like we wanna be friends with people who have good taste in people. And you don't want to cause drama.

你想解决问题。你试图避免戏剧性冲突。你试图减少戏剧性。我觉得如果你把朋友卷入其中，有引起戏剧性冲突的风险。而且我认为如果你尽力让他们远离戏剧性冲突，你的朋友会非常感激。

You wanna problem solve. You're trying to avoid drama. You're trying to create less drama. And I feel like there's a risk of causing drama if you bring your friend into the middle of it. And I think your friend would really appreciate if you went out of your way to keep them out of the drama.

我简短地打断一下这期节目

I briefly interrupt this episode to let

告诉你这期节目由State Farm赞助播出。

you know that this episode is brought to you by State Farm.

保险表面上看起来可能都一样，但有保险和拥有State Farm不是一回事。这就像得到

Insurance may all seem the same on the surface, but having insurance isn't the same thing as having State Farm. It's like getting

就像汉堡上那片软塌塌的生菜叶，当你

a limp piece of lettuce on a bun when you

点的是素食汉堡时。你不会将就一个湿软的三明治，所以也不要将就随便什么保险。当涉及到获得

ordered a vegan burger. You wouldn't settle for a soggy sandwich, so don't settle for just any insurance. When it comes to getting

你所需的帮助时，State Farm才是真材实料。如同好邻居，State Farm随时都在。现在回到节目。

the help you need, State Farm is the real deal. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Now back to the episode.

好的。下一条，有人说：'我试图与一位共同朋友保持礼貌相处，但从未成功，她似乎就是讨厌我。我该接受这个事实吗？这很棘手。当有人似乎毫无理由地不喜欢我，但他们又在我的生活圈里时，我该怎么办？'

Okay. Next, somebody said, I've tried to be civil with a girl who's a mutual friend, but it's never worked out, and she seems like she just hates me. Do I just accept that? This is tough. What do I do when someone just seems to not like me for no reason, but they're in my space?

他们就在我身边。这个问题和上一个不同。虽然相似，但区别在于这是关于看似非理性的针对你的厌恶。对吧？这不同于上一个问题，那个更像是，嘿，

They're adjacent to me. This is a different question than the last one. It's similar, but it's different because it's about seemingly irrational hatred towards you. Right? Which is different than the last question, which was like, hey.

我的，你知道，最好的朋友有另一个最好的朋友，然后有点嫉妒，有点被动攻击，有点竞争。就像，至少那种紧张是有原因的。对吧？所以我认为还是有几种选择。选择一是和这个人坐下来谈谈。

My, you know, bestie has another bestie, and there's a bit of jealousy going on, a bit of passive aggressiveness, a bit of competitiveness. Like, there's at least a reason for that tension. Right? So I think there's a few options once again. Option one is to sit this person down.

再次强调，这并不有趣。这是一种勇敢的行为，但我确实认为值得努力。同样，关键在于找到合适的时机、合适的地点，向他们敞开心扉，说：听着，不是每个人都会喜欢这辈子遇到的每个人，但我们是共同朋友。你知道？就像，我希望我们能一起玩，那样会很酷。

Now, again, this is not fun. It is an act of bravery, but I do think it can be worth the effort. Again, it comes down to finding the right time, finding the right place, and laying your heart out to them and saying, listen, not everyone's gonna like everyone in this life, but we're mutual friends. You know? Like, I'd love to be able to hang out and it'd be cool.

我只是想知道是我做了什么，还是仅仅因为我这个人。就像，帮我理解一下到底怎么回事，这样第一，我可以改进自己。但第二，我能更好地知道如何与你互动。我认为如果你这样敞开心扉，你可以自信地说你已经尽了最大努力。这是值得骄傲的。

And I just wanna know if it's something I did or if it's just me as a person. Like, help me just understand what's going on so that number one, I can improve as a person. But number two, I can better understand how to interact with you. And I think if you lay your heart out like that, you can feel confident that you did the best that you could. That's something to be really proud of.

但根据他们的回应你该怎么做？嗯，如果他们热情而友善地回应，说：你知道吗？就像，我不知道。我想我从未真正有机会了解你。现在我们聊了聊，你其实看起来挺酷的，而且，你知道，我为之前的所有事感到抱歉。

But what do you do depending on how they respond? Well, if they respond warmingly and lovingly and say, you know what? Like, I don't know. I guess I never really got the chance to get to know you. And now that we're chatting, like, you actually seem pretty cool, and, you know, I'm sorry about all that.

那是最理想的情况。而且这其实并非不可能。很多时候，我们以为自己不喜欢某人，可能是因为一次不好的互动，或者因为听到了一个坏谣言，或者因为，你知道，我们只是感觉有点怪，无法真正解释，但就是感觉怪怪的。有时这些预感是对的，有时不是。我会说几率是五五开。

That's best case scenario. And that's actually not unlikely. A lot of times, we think we don't like somebody because maybe we had one bad interaction or maybe because we heard one bad rumor or maybe because, you know, we just got a weird vibe, and we can't really explain it, but we just got a weird vibe. And sometimes those premonitions are correct, and sometimes they're not. I would say it's a fiftyfifty chance.

所以有可能你和这个人谈完后，他们会说：等等，其实你还挺酷的，抱歉之前误会了。这是最好的情况。最坏的情况是他们说：我不喜欢你的气场。虽然当面这么说会有点震惊，但总比他们粉饰太平或说'我不知道'要好。

So there's a chance that you might have this conversation with this person, then then they'll be like, wait. You're actually cool, and I'm sorry. And that's the best case scenario. Now the worst case scenario is that they're like, I don't like your vibe. I mean, it'd be kind of shocking if they said that to your face, but, I mean, it's better that they say that to your face than try to sugarcoat it or say, I don't know.

'没什么问题。你怎么了？'——这种氛围最糟糕，而且确实可能发生。但这很糟因为完全无助于解决问题。要知道，你刚刚可是敞开了心扉。

Nothing's wrong. What's your problem? That vibe sucks, and that might happen as well. But that sucks because it's completely useless. You know, you just laid your heart out.

他们始终保持着心墙，只是说：'没有啊，没什么问题。是你有问题吧？'——就像，呃，真的太让人恼火了。

They're leaving their walls up and just saying, No. Nothing's wrong. What's wrong with you? It's like, ew. That's so annoying.

我希望这个人至少能与你沟通并坦诚相待。如果他们不这样做，那你基本无计可施。如果他们完全不提供任何信息，只是故作镇定、保持距离，那确实没办法。没有可执行的事项——除了学会接受不是每个人都会喜欢你。

I would hope that this person would at least communicate back with you and be honest with you. If they're not, then there's kinda nothing you can do. Like, if they don't give you any any information at all, if they just play it cool and keep their walls up, I mean, yeah, there there's nothing you can do. There's no action item. Well, except for learning to accept that not everyone's gonna like you.

这就是此时的应对方案。但如果他们说：'第一次见面时你比较冷淡'，或'你开的某个玩笑冒犯到了我'等等。如果他们能给出具体反馈，这就是关于如何自我提升的宝贵信息，再次强调这非常有用。这样你就有具体改进方向，可以承诺说：'我会注意改进，感谢你告诉我，希望你早点告知因为我希望成为更好的人'。你可以伸出橄榄枝说：'为之前的不愉快道歉，我真的很想好好相处'。

That's the action item at that point. But if they say something like, well, the first time I met you, like, were really cold or like, you made a joke that kind of offended me or like you blah blah blah. If they if they're able to give you something, that's an incredible nugget of knowledge about how you can improve as as a person, and that's really useful once again. And then you have an action item, and you can promise them and say, I'm going to work on this, and I appreciate you letting me know, and I wish you would have let me know sooner because I want to be a good person. And you can extend an olive branch and say, I'm sorry for what went wrong, and I really want to try to be cool.

明白吗？这是方案一。方案二就是放下并接受现实。关键在于：人生中难免会有人毫无理由地不喜欢你，反之亦然。

You know? So that's sort of option number one. Option number two is to just leave it alone and accept it. Here's the thing. It is inevitable that in life, sometimes people are not gonna like you for no apparent reason, and vice versa.

你也会没来由地不喜欢别人。多希望我是个圣人都喜欢那些没伤害过我的人——但事实并非如此。有时我遇到一些人就是莫名不喜欢。这么说有点愧疚，但也不完全愧疚因为这不受我控制。

You're not gonna like other people. I wish that I was some sort of saint who loved everyone, who who hasn't wronged me. That's not true. There are times when I meet people, and I just don't like them. And I I kind of feel bad saying that, but I also don't because it's out of my control.

我会因此不尊重他们吗？绝对不会。我一生都在努力...其实我一直也是个讨好型人格。所以我觉得自己挺擅长掩饰不喜欢某人的事实，但我完全理解那种毫无理由不喜欢一个人的感觉，而且我知道这并非针对个人。

Do I treat them with disrespect? Absolutely not. I've done a lot of work in my life to well, I mean, I've also just always been a people pleaser. So, I mean, I feel like I'm pretty good at hiding the fact that I don't like somebody, but I know what it feels like to just simply not like someone for no reason. And I know it's not that personal.

我知道这只是种奇怪的直觉反应。所以当我发现有人莫名不喜欢我时，我会回想自己的类似经历，明白这其实没那么复杂，也不是针对个人。更多问题在于那个无缘由不喜欢别人的人，而非被讨厌的人。你懂我意思吗？有时候就是会发生这种情况。

I know it's just a weird instinctual thing. And so when I notice that other people just for whatever reason don't seem to like me, I try to remember my own experience with that, and how it really isn't that deep, and it's not that personal. It's more about the individual who doesn't like the person for no reason than it is about the person who's being disliked for no reason. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes it just happens.

我认为关键是与那些不喜欢你的人保持安全距离。不打扰他们，接受这就是生活和人际交往的一部分。本来就是如此。好了，下一个话题。

I think the key is to just keep a safe distance from those who don't seem to like you. You know, leave them alone, and accept that this is just a part of life and being social with other human beings. It's just a part of it. Okay. Next.

有人说，在我的朋友圈里有这么一个女孩，总是贬低我，说我的坏话。我很喜欢其他朋友，但她让我感觉非常糟糕。我该怎么办？我觉得我的建议在这里可能有点老生常谈，但我确实认为你应该先试着和这个女孩对质一下。为什么不呢？

Somebody said, there's this girl in my friend group that constantly puts me down and talks bad about me. I love my other friends, but she makes me feel really bad. What do I do? I think my advice is kinda getting redundant here, but I do think you should try to confront the girl first. Why not?

比如，你有什么可失去的？到了这个地步，你已经处于一个非常不舒服的境地，你可能会想，如果情况没有改善，你可能就不得不离开这个朋友圈了。你不能让一个总是在背后说你坏话的人一直待在你身边。去和这个女孩对质，问问她到底怎么回事？我们都是同一个朋友圈的。

Like, what do you have to lose? At this point, you're in a situation that is so uncomfortable that you're probably like, if if it doesn't improve, you're probably gonna have to leave the friend group. You can't have somebody around you all the time who's talking shit about you. Like, go confront this girl and be like, what's going on? We're all in the same friend group.

我们都想开心地玩耍。你为什么要这样对我？我知道你在做什么。这不公平，也不酷，这不是一个好朋友该做的。到底有什么问题？

We all wanna have fun and hang. Like, why are you doing this to me? I know what you're doing. It's unfair, and it's not cool, and it's not being a good friend. Like, what's the problem?

很可能她因为某种原因嫉妒你。也可能她就是真的不喜欢你，但既然她在贬低你说你坏话，我的意思是，很可能她就是嫉妒你。我认为从你这边进行一次解除戒备、诚实且脆弱的对话，可能会在她眼中让你更有人情味，从而软化她对你的态度。但如果这不管用，不管是因为她反应不好，还是你太紧张做不到，或者你觉得不舒服，那么你可以试着和你的朋友们讨论一下。再次强调，当你和某人有直接矛盾，然后你引入中间人时，事情会变得有点复杂。

Chances are she's jealous of you for some reason. It also might be that she just really doesn't like you, but the fact that she's putting you down and talking bad about you, I mean, chances are she's probably jealous of you. And I think a conversation that's disarming and honest and vulnerable from your end might humanize you in the eyes of her in a way that softens her towards you. But if that doesn't work out, either because she doesn't respond to it well, or because you're too nervous to do it, or you don't feel comfortable doing it, then you could try to discuss it with your friends. Now again, it gets a little bit complicated when you have an issue with somebody directly, and then you bring in middlemen.

那你就是在某种程度上制造戏剧性，让那些不一定需要卷入其中的人参与进来。这有时可能弊大于利。然而，我之前给过这个建议，你的朋友圈对你们俩都很了解。所以，召集你的朋友圈，对他们说，嘿，你们对我们俩都很了解。我该怎么处理这种情况？

Then you're you're sort of creating drama with people who who don't necessarily need to be involved in drama. And that can sometimes cause more harm than good. However, and I I gave this advice earlier, your group of friends know you both really well. So sitting your friend group down and being like, hey, you know us both really well. How should I handle this situation?

这不一定是个坏主意，但我认为关键再次在于，要这样说：听着，我不想把你们夹在中间，但这确实是我正在努力应对的事情。老实说，如果我想不出解决办法，当这个人在场时，我可能就无法再和你们一起玩了，因为这让我太难受了，让我自我感觉太糟糕了。再次声明，我不是要求你们，我的朋友们，抛弃另一个朋友来选择我。我只是在寻求如何处理这件事的建议，因为我现在已经到了我的极限。最好的情况是，一切都能解决。

It's not necessarily a bad idea, but I think once again, the key is to be like, listen, I'm I don't wanna put you guys in the middle of this, but this is something I'm really struggling with. And to be honest, if I don't figure out a solution, I I might not be able to hang out with you guys anymore when this person's around because it's too upsetting for me, and it and it makes me feel too bad about myself. Again, I'm not asking you guys, my friends, to drop this other friend and to choose me. I'm just asking for advice on how to handle it because I'm at a point now where I've hit my limit. Best case scenario, it all gets sorted.

也许你的朋友们会给你好建议。也许他们会建议你怎么和另一个朋友谈，然后你鼓起勇气去和另一个朋友谈，问题就解决了。也许你的朋友们听到这个消息后会说，你知道吗？我们反正也不想再和这个人玩了。他们对我们也挺刻薄的。

Perhaps your friends give you good advice. Maybe they give you advice on how to talk to this other friend, and then you gain the courage and go and talk to the other friend, and the problem gets solved. Maybe your friends hear this news, and they're like, you know what? We don't want to hang out with this person anymore anyway. They've been kind of mean to us too.

也许我们最好逐渐疏远这段友谊，寻找一个整体上更支持你的群体。我的意思是，你也可以和朋友圈里的个人深入发展友谊。比如，你可以只和一两个成员去吃饭。不过，我的意思是，这有时会引起可怕的戏剧性事件。但是，是的，我的意思是，我认为到那时，你需要重新思考你的友谊了。

Maybe it's best that we just kinda start drifting away from this friendship and looking for a group that is more supportive all around. I mean, you could also develop your friendships with individuals in the friend group intimately. Like, you could go to dinner with just one or two of the members of the group. I mean, that sometimes causes horrible drama, though. But, yeah, I mean, I think at that point, you need to rethink your friendships.

也许你只在那个人不在的时候才和那个群体做朋友。也许你干脆去找一个全新的群体。但是，当你受到某人攻击时，你无法在这个朋友圈里待下去。你就是不能。所以你必须为此做点什么。

Maybe you're only friends with that group when that other person isn't around. Maybe you go find a new group altogether. But you can't exist in this friend group when you're under attack by someone. You just can't. So you gotta do something about it.

你知道，你不必只是接受它。如果某人只是不喜欢你，而不可避免地，他们有时会在你身边，因为他们是共同朋友，或者是同事，或者别的什么。或者他们可能是你另一半的家庭成员。你知道吗？有时候我们不得不和不喜欢我们的人相处。

You know, you you don't have to just accept it. It's one thing if someone someone just doesn't like you, and inevitably, they're around you sometimes because they're like a mutual friend, or they're somebody you work with, or whatever. Or they're they're maybe your significant other's family member. You know? There are times when we have to be around people who don't like us.

对吧？那种情况下，你只能尽力而为。但当你主动选择成为一个朋友圈的一员，而其中一位活跃成员对你不友善时，这是你可以选择离开的情况。如果你正在和某人约会，而他们的妈妈不太喜欢你。

Right? And in that situation, it's like you do the best that you can. Right? But when you're actively choosing to be a member of a group of friends, and an active member in the group is not being nice to you, that's something that you can walk away from. If you're dating someone and their mom doesn't really like you.

好吧，如果你一年只见到他们妈妈两次，那还是可以应付的。同样的建议也适用：你可以和他们沟通，尝试解决问题。

K. Well, if you only see their mom twice a year, it's like, that's manageable. And, you know, the same advice applies. You can have a conversation with them. You can try to solve the problem.

但如果问题没有解决，毕竟你不是经常见到他们。他们不喜欢你虽然令人遗憾，但你们并不常见面。而这个问题需要你关注，因为它直接影响你的日常生活。所以只是接受它——我认为这不是解决办法，因为它确实影响你的日常存在。好吧。

But if it doesn't get fixed, you know, you're not seeing them all the time. It's unfortunate that they don't like you, but you're not seeing them all the time. This is something that requires your attention because it's it's in your day to day life. And so just accepting it is not I I don't think that that's a solution because this is really impacting your day to day existence. Okay.

接下来，有人说：我的运动朋友们总是不叫我一起聚会，我感觉被冷落了。我该怎么办？首先，我会尝试主动发起计划。试试看会发生什么。也许他们认为你一直很忙。

Next, somebody said, my sports friends always meet up without me, and I feel so left out. What do I do? Well, to start, I would try to initiate plans with them first. Just try and see what happens. Maybe they think that you're busy all the time.

也许因为你有几次说过'哦，我没空出去玩'，现在他们就觉得'我们不想再邀请她了'。也许他们不知道在运动之外和你一起玩会是什么样子。因为他们没试过，所以觉得'我们习惯了自己的routine'。

Maybe because a few times you said like, oh, I can't hang out. Oh, I can't hang out. And now they're just like, we don't wanna invite her anymore. Maybe they don't know what you would be like to hang out with outside of sports. And because they haven't tried it, they're like, well, we're comfortable in our routine.

训练时就能见到她了。也许他们只是不知道和你一起玩会怎样，因为他们没在训练之外真正相处过，没有什么能激发他们去尝试。这不一定是针对你个人，有时候朋友圈就是这样。

We'll see her at practice. You know? Maybe they just don't know what it'd be like to hang out with you, because they haven't really done it outside of practice, and nothing's it's not really inspiring to them to try. Like, that's not necessarily personal to you. That's just how friend groups are sometimes.

你明白我的意思吗？所以也许你可以主动发起活动，邀请他们一起吃晚餐，邀请他们参加生日派对。做一些运动之外的事情，和他们玩得开心。向他们展示：嘿，看，我很有趣。

You know what I mean? So maybe you could initiate something with them, invite them all to dinner, invite them all to a birthday party. Like, do something and have a good time with them outside of sports. And show them like, hey, look, I'm fun. You know?

不是说你必须向任何人证明这一点，但我觉得有时候我们会陷入某种固定模式：'这是我们的运动朋友'，'这些是运动之外的朋友'。人们，尤其是年轻人，容易陷入这种奇怪的惯例。所以如果你主动发起活动展示自己，他们可能会意识到：'等等，我们一直在干什么？'

Not that you should have to prove that to anyone, but I think sometimes we can get into routines and friend groups where it's like, oh, this is our this is our sports friend, and then this is our sports, and outside of sports friends. Like, people just get into weird routines, especially young people. You know? And so I think if you initiate something and show them, hey, look, they might realize, oh, wait. What have we been doing?

比如：'我们开始邀请她吧'。有些人可能不同意我的观点，会说：'如果他们想邀请你，早就邀请了。如果你没被包括在内，去他们的，交新朋友吧。'但如果你想最后努力一次看看结果，我觉得这不是个坏主意。

Like, let's start inviting her. Some people might disagree with me and say, if they wanted to, they would. And if you're not being included, fuck them. Make new friends. But if if you want to give it one last effort and see what happens, I don't think that's a terrible idea.

假设你这么做了，他们仍然不邀请你参加活动。那时，我认为在队里交些新朋友是合理的。比如和队里平时不常说话的人聊天，拓展交际圈，同时想办法不要太过在意。不幸的是，友谊有时就是不公平的。

Now, let's say you do that, and they they continue to not invite you to stuff. At that point, I think it makes sense to make some new friends on the team. Like, talk to people on the team, the sports team that you don't usually talk to. Branch out, and simultaneously find a way to not take it too personally. Unfortunately, friendship can be unfair.

它可能很残酷。就像约会一样。就像爱情一样。就像它并不总是公平的，有时候它会让你心碎。这没关系。

It can be cruel. It's like dating. It's like love. It's like it's not always gonna be fair, and and it's gonna break your heart sometimes. And that's okay.

感到难过是可以的。问自己“我做错了什么？”也是可以的。但很多时候，只是没有那种默契。这意味着你需要去寻找一个能与你产生共鸣的群体。很有可能，你会找到的。

It's okay to be sad. It's okay to ask yourself, like, well, what did I do wrong? But a lot of times, it's just not a click. And that just means you need to go hunting for a group that you will click with. And chances are, you'll find it.

很多时候，一群人就是有某种特定的化学反应，加入其他人就不行。不是因为试图加入的人或那些人不好，而是因为感觉不对。有时候就是这样。你可以把它看作一个机会，去寻找那些与你合得来、会善待你的人。

A lot of times, groups of people just have a certain chemistry that works, and adding other people into it doesn't. Not because the people trying to get added in or the people, you know, attempting whatever. Like, not because those people are bad people, but just because it doesn't feel right. Sometimes that's all it is. You'll see it as an opportunity to find people you click with who will treat you right.

好的。有人说，当我出去的时候，我觉得我觉得可爱的男生总是选择我的朋友而不是我，这让我感觉很糟糕。求助。嗯，我完全理解这种感觉，因为在我上高中的时候，在我的朋友圈里，我觉得我还好。我们有一个大群体，我觉得一半的群体，所有男生都喜欢，而另一半群体，男生们只想和她们做朋友。

Okay. Somebody said, when I'm out, I feel like the guys I think are cute always choose my friends over me, and it makes me feel like shit. Help. Well, I completely understand this feeling because when I was in high school, out of my my group of friends, I feel like I was okay. In a we had a big group, and I feel like half of the group, all the guys liked, and then half of the group, the guys wanted to be friends with.

而我就在男生们只想做朋友的那一半里。这是不是意味着我从未有过任何进展？不。比如，我在这里那里也亲过几个男生。但我从未有过男朋友。

And I was in the half of the group that the boys wanted to be friends with. Now does that mean I didn't ever get any action? No. Like, I I kissed a few boys here and there. I never had a boyfriend.

从来无法让他停留那么久，或者一开始就无法得到他。我偶尔会‘赢’一次，但那总是在我所有其他朋友都拒绝了他们之后。你明白我的意思吗？就像，我不是首选。我认为第一步是学会接受约会很复杂，有时也不公平。

Could never keep him around for that long or couldn't get him in the first place. I would win every once in a while, but it was always after all of my other friends rejected them. Do you know what I mean? Like, I was not the first choice. I think step one is learning to accept that dating is complicated and at times unfair.

就像我之前关于友谊说的，故事很少会按照你希望的方式结束。拒绝是不可避免的，而处理这种不公平的回报，是获得一段真正深厚而有意义的关系的可能性，因为那是存在的。无论是浪漫的还是柏拉图式的，深厚有意义的关系是存在的。但不幸的是，你必须经历不公平的情况才能找到它。一路上不会总是阳光和彩虹。

Like I said about friendship earlier, like, the story is rarely gonna end how you want it to. Rejection is inevitable, and and the reward for dealing with the unfairness is the potential for a really deep and meaningful relationship because that is out there. Whether it's romantic or platonic, deep meaningful relationships are out there. But unfortunately, you have to deal with an unfair circumstance in order to find it. It's not gonna be all sunshine and rainbows along the way.

你会被朋友拒绝。你会被你认为很辣的人拒绝。你会左左右右地被拒绝。你也会拒绝别人并且不再多想，而他们可能会想上一万次。就像，事情就是这样运作的。

You're gonna get rejected by friends. You're gonna get rejected by people you think are hot. You're gonna get rejected left and right. You're gonna reject people and not think twice about it, and they're gonna think a trillion times about it. Like, that's just how this works.

生活总的来说是不公平的，但关系，建立关系，社交环境也并不总是公平的。我认为尝试接受这一点真的很有帮助。但与此同时，重要的是要记住，每个人都在经历自己的旅程。好吗？你的朋友可能看起来有更多选择，但这并不意味着没有绝佳的选择在等着你。

Life in general is unfair, but relationships in general, the building of relationships, the social landscape is not always fair. I think it's really helpful to try to come to terms with that. But in tandem with that, it's important to remember that everyone is on their own journey with it. Okay? Your friends may seem to have more options, but that doesn't mean that you don't have a great option out there for you.

你寻找它的过程可能只是有点不同，这没关系。每个人，如果他们愿意，最终都会和某人在一起。这个星球上有很多人。如果你想找一个伴，总有一个适合你的人在那里。重要的是记住，每个人的旅程看起来都会有点不同，没有一种旅程比另一种更好。

Your process of finding it just might be a little different, and that's fine. Everyone, if they want to, is gonna end up with someone. There are a lot of people on this planet. And if you wanna find someone to be with, there's someone out there for you. It's important to remember that everyone's journey is gonna look a little different, and not one journey is better than the other.

你可能会觉得你的朋友们很受欢迎，但接近她们的那些男人可能只是基于外表和欲望，没有什么深度。这可能会导致你的朋友们心碎。明白吗？她们可能反而羡慕你，虽然你一开始可能不会像在酒吧里那样立刻吸引很多注意，但经过交谈后能与某人建立真正有意义的体验。你明白我的意思吗？

You might think your friends have it made, but the type of guys that are coming up to them might be just basing their interest on looks and lust and and nothing deep. And that might lead to heartbreak for your friends. Okay? And they might envy you, somebody who maybe doesn't get as much attention at first, like like just off the bat at a bar, but after a conversation has a really meaningful experience with somebody. Do you see what I'm saying?

这山望着那山高。没有哪条路是绝对正确的路。所以我们都需要专注于自己的道路，寻找深刻、有意义、浪漫的感情关系。明白吗？而且，对于这种特定的困境，我有个建议。

The grass is always greener. No journey is the right journey. So we all just have to stay in our own lane and focus on our own journey to finding deep, meaningful, romantic relationships. Okay? And, you know, I have a suggestion for this specific sort of dilemma.

当你在派对上和朋友们在一起，突然有些男人过来和你的几个朋友调情，而你却没有得到太多关注时，你知道该怎么做吗？你可以礼貌地借故离开。嘿，等一下，我待会儿找你们。去和其他男人聊天吧。

When you're at a party with your friends, and all of a sudden, some guys come up and start flirting with a few of your friends, and you're not really getting a lot of attention, you know what you do? You politely excuse yourself. Hey, wait. I'll see you guys in a minute. Go chat with some other guys.

主动出击。听着，我特别不擅长主动出击，所以我现在这么说有点虚伪。我从来不会主动出击。我总是等着，看谁会来跟我搭话。

Go make the first move. Listen, I'm terrible at making the first move, so I'm like being a hypocrite right now. I literally never make the first move. I'm always just waiting around. Who's gonna talk to me?

我从来没有——其实我有过一次主动出击，就是第一次主动伸出手说“嘿”那样。就一次。在我约会过的所有男人中，都是他们先来找我的，因为我就是做不到。我讨厌这样，但我可以等待别人先来找我。听着，有时候这需要很长时间。

I've never I have made the first move, like, once, and, like, been the first one to sort of, like, put out a hand and be like, hey. Like, once. Out of all the guys I've dated, they've all come to me first because I just can't. I hate it, but I'm okay with waiting for, you know, people to come to me first. And listen, sometimes it takes a long time.

但如果你对此感到非常沮丧，想采取行动或找到解决办法，那就在这些派对、酒吧或其他场合走自己的路。当你和朋友们外出时，走自己的路。找到你自己想聊天的人。不一定非要是你觉得很帅的人，那并不总是可行的。

But if you're feeling really frustrated by this and you wanna take action in some way or figure something out, go on your own journey at these parties, at these bars, at these whatever. You know, when you're out with your friends, go on your own journey. Find your own guy to talk to. And it doesn't need to be somebody you think is hot. That's not always gonna be available.

可能只是某个看起来相处起来很酷的人。不要只是坐在那里想：为什么他们选我的朋友而不是我？不。站起来，找个人聊天。说实话，如果我去这么做，可能会大大提升我的性格。

It might just be somebody who seems like a cool hang. Don't just sit around and be like, why are they choosing my friends instead of me? No. Get your ass up and find someone to talk to. Honestly, it would probably develop my character so much to go do that.

那会是一件非常美好的事情。所以这就是我的建议。就这样。今天的建议环节就到这里。希望你喜欢。

It would be a really beautiful thing. So that's my suggestion to you. And that's it. That is it for today's advice session. I hope that you loved it.

希望你能从中有所收获。如果你喜欢，别担心。新的建议环节每两周周日更新，而这个播客《随心所欲》的新集数每周四和周日更新，一周两次。好吗？记在你的日历上。

I hope that you got something out of it. If you did, have no fear. New episodes of advice session every other Sunday, and new episodes of anything goes, this podcast, every Thursday and Sunday, twice a week. K? Put it on your calendar.

在社交媒体上通过@anythinggoes找到《随心所欲》。在网络上通过@emmachamberlain找到我。在网络上和现实中通过@chamberlaincoffee找到我的咖啡公司。爱你们所有人。感谢你们所有人。你们太棒了。

Find anything goes on social media at anything goes. Find me on the Internet at Emma Chamberlain, and find my coffee company on the Internet and in the world at Chamberlain Coffee. I love you all. I appreciate you all. You're awesome.

当别人不喜欢你的时候，这没什么大不了的。这并不意味着你不棒。这可能意味着你有时需要在某些方面稍微改进一下，这并非坏事。但你依然很棒。别忘了这一点。

And it's okay when people don't like you. That doesn't mean that you're not awesome. It might mean you you need to improve on some stuff a little bit sometimes, which is not a bad thing. But you're you're still awesome. And don't forget that.

好了。我爱你们大家。过几天再聊。在那之前，注意安全，并替我享受一些乐趣。回头聊。

Okay. I love you all. Talk to you in a few days. And until then, stay safe, and and have a little bit of fun for me out there. Talk to you later.