婊言圣经经典：婊气之旅

我超爱这种披风的感觉。

I love a cape ish vibe.

但你知道，这看起来就像是拉娜·德雷在格莱美穿的那件梅西百货伴娘裙的更放荡版本。

But, you know, it just looks like kind of a sluttier version of the Macy's brides maid dress that Lana Del Rey wore at the Grammys.

拜托，给我来点该死的羽毛装饰。

Like, give me some fucking feathers.

我他妈得睡谁才能让鸵鸟羽毛出现在这该死的红毯上？

Who do I have to fuck to get an ostrich feather on the goddamn red carpet?

更重要的是，我得把哪个电视台高管堵在暗房里，告诉他们别再他妈稀释我们的娱乐内容了？

And more importantly, which network executive do I have to corner in a dark room and tell them to stop fucking watering down our entertainment?

真的受够了。

Because it's enough.

我对此感到恶心又厌倦。

I'm sick and tired of it.

我现在还在付有线电视费呢。

I still pay for cable.

在我这个年龄段，我是少数几个拥有所有电视频道和所有流媒体服务的人之一，我受够了这种过时、软弱、过度敏感、政治正确的废话。

I'm one of the only people in my age who has every fucking channel and every fucking streaming service, and I'm sick and tired of this antiquated, soft, hypersensitized, politically correct bullshit.

观众们已经受够了。

The viewers are sick of it.

明星们也受够了。

The celebrities are sick of it.

我们需要与时俱进。

We need to stay fresh with the times.

让我们保持趣味性。

Let's keep it fun.

让我们保持轻松，保持活泼。

Let's keep it light, and let's keep it frisky.

呃。

Ugh.

这太可悲了，每个人都以为自己很叛逆。

It's pathetic, and everyone thinks they're so naughty.

你们才不是。

You're not.

你们太软弱了。

You're soft.

我是百无禁忌的杰基·希梅尔，特此报到。

Jackie Nofucks Schimmel reporting for business.

谢天谢地我还有这个该死的播客，可以畅所欲言并因此受到赞誉，因为我绝不会被那些不懂装懂的人微观管理或操纵。

Thank god I have this fucking podcast where I can say how I feel and am celebrated for it because I will not be micromanaged or manipulated by people who don't know what they're talking about.

你不是目标受众，赶紧打电话找个朋友问问吧。

You're not the target demographic, so phone a fucking friend.

这套已经行不通了。

It's not working anymore.

知道什么才管用吗？

You know what works?

就是这个播客。

This podcast.

看看我的数据吧，各位。

Check my analytics, bitches.

总之，我可爱得很。

Anyways, I'm lovely.

可爱，可爱，妙不可言。

Lovely, lovely, peachy keen.

我看哪个混蛋敢再问一个明星试试。

I dare a motherfucker to ask one more celebrity.

所以如果你今晚捧回奖杯，你的奥斯卡奖要放哪儿？

So if you take home the trophy tonight, where are you gonna put your Oscar?

没人在乎。

Nobody cares.

其次，你有什么计划？

Secondly, so what are your plans?

今晚要开派对吗？

You gonna party tonight?

他们都撒谎说要去In N Out汉堡店。

And they all lie and say that they're gonna go to an In N Out Burger.

不。

No.

你不会去的。

You're not.

你会换上另一件设计师礼服，美艳动人，也许重新弄下头发，然后去参加《名利场》的庆功派对，好吧，去那里不吃不喝。

You're gonna change into another designer gown, look amazing, maybe rejig the hair, and then you're going to the Vanity Fair after party, okay, to not eat and drink.

那样也很酷。

And that's cool too.

我尊重这一点。

I respect it.

我只是不想听那些老生常谈的问题、回答、废话和拍马屁。

I just don't wanna hear the same regurgitated questions and answers and bullshit and cock sucking.

比喻地说，你懂我意思吧。

Metaphorically speaking, you get what I'm saying.

所有人都给我跪下。

Everyone just get down on your knees.

这个贱人除外。

Not this bitch.

我得告诉你，在Root Road上的生活非常孤独，尽管我一年到头都是个隐士，但那五天尤其如此。

I gotta tell you, life on the Root Road life on the Root Road is very isolating all of those five days despite the fact that I'm a hermit, you know, year round.

但有意思的是，能和这么多女性在一起，看到成群结队的女性来看演出，还有我儿时的老朋友也来了，能重新联系上，还有新朋友也来看演出。

But it was interesting just to, you know, be around all these women and have groups of women come to the shows and see my old childhood friends come to the shows and get to, like, reconnect and have my new friends come to the shows.

你知道，这是一段情感之旅。

And, you know, it was an emotional journey.

我会完全坦白，因为我实在忍不住。

I'll be totally transparent because I just can't help myself.

巡演刚开始的时候，我很快就惹恼了一些朋友。

At the beginning of the tour, I pissed some friends off pretty early on.

我在旧金山的演出中随口说了一个极其愚蠢又完全不合时宜的梗，大概十秒钟后我突然意识到问题，立刻拼命道歉，因为我不想让我的闺蜜们难过。

I made a totally stupid and completely unintuitive off the cuff reference in my show in San Francisco, and, like, instantly, it clicked about ten seconds later, profusely apologized because I didn't want my girlfriends to be upset.

我提到了一个愚蠢的情侣旅行，你知道的，有人没被邀请，结果伤了感情。

I alluded to, like, some stupid couple trip where, you know, people weren't included and feelings got hurt.

听着，我知道每个人都有权表达自己的观点。

And listen, I know everyone's entitled to their own opinion.

这种事会伤害我的感情吗？

Would that something like that hurt my feelings?

不会。

No.

但我正在努力成长，变得更加善解人意，当时气氛确实很怪。

But I'm trying to grow and be more empathetic, and it was a weird vibe.

这件事彻底搞砸了我的心情。

It totally fucked me up.

我立刻诚恳道歉了，幸运的是，真正了解我的朋友都原谅了我。

I instantly profusely apologize, which luckily, I think, my friends that really know me gave me a pass.

我学会了在搞砸时要道歉——无论我个人是否觉得事情严重，你必须认可他人的感受，尽管我自己几乎没什么感受可言。

I have learned that to apologize when I fuck up, whether I personally think it's a big deal or not, you have to validate people's feelings and you know, despite that I have so few myself.

但说实话，要向不理解意图的人解释清楚真的很难。

But, honestly, like, it's so hard to explain to someone that doesn't understand intention.

我真心实意地登上那个舞台做这档播客，没有任何先入为主的观念、议程或恶意。

I truly get up on that stage and do this podcast without any preconceived notions, agenda, malicious intent.

我倒希望自己能居功，但我真没那么狡猾、小心眼或预先排练过。

I wish I could take credit, but I'm really not that crafty, petty, or prerehearsed.

就在我讲完那个笑话的瞬间，我意识到它太过直白，可能会伤害一些朋友的感受——尽管这个笑话与现实生活或我的任何感受都毫无关联。

And, like, the second I made the joke, I realized it was way too on the nose and probably was gonna hurt some of my friend's feelings even though there was zero correlation between the joke and real life or any of my feelings.

于是我变得非常沮丧，当时还正值经前期，接着又因为自己是个混蛋而气恼，真的跪下来道歉了，结果第二天又气自己道歉，因为没为自己的初衷辩护。

So then I got really upset, and I was also premenstrual, and then I got so mad at myself for being an asshole, apologized literally on my hands and knees, and then the next day, got mad at myself for apologizing because I didn't defend my intentions.

我觉得一次真诚的道歉就够了——现在我们完全是在钻牛角尖了。

And I think one sincere apology this is just now we're fully on a bender here.

因为从小和姐姐一起长大，我开始思考这种过度敏感。

Because I started thinking because I grew up with a sister, hyper hypersensitivity.

我非常理解这种感受。

I understand, desperately.

我认为人生中，一次真诚的道歉就足够了。

I think that in life, one sincere apology is enough.

我觉得第二次道歉就成了卑躬屈膝，像是认罪，还有点自我中心。

I think two becomes groveling, like an admission of guilt, and also just a bit self involved.

老实说，如果这个月发生在你身上最糟的事只是我在现场演出开了个玩笑伤到你的感情——这话是对所有人说的——那你这个月过得真他妈棒极了。

And, honestly, if the worst thing that happens to you this month is I made a joke in my live shows that hurt your feelings, and this is to everybody, then you're having a great fucking month.

出去庆祝一下吧。

Go out and celebrate.

散个步。

Take a walk.

开个闺蜜茶话会。

Have a kiki.

买个冰淇淋甜筒。

Get an ice cream cone.

煮点汤喝。

Make some soup.

我不知道。

I don't know.

生活很美好。

Life is good.

一笑置之既让人充满力量又高效。

It's so empowering and efficient to laugh things off.

视角决定一切，女士们。

Perspective is everything, ladies.

你必须见识这个世界，才能开怀大笑。

You have to have to see the world, to have a laugh.

这样轻松多了。

It's so much easier.

别沉溺于自我。

Don't be self indulgent.

选择你的战场，别当受害者。

Choose your battles, and don't be a victim.

现在是2020年。

It's 2020.

别做奇怪的事。

Don't be weird.

我们不需要同步周期、制造不必要的摩擦，或者一起对着月亮嚎叫。

We don't need to sync cycles, create unnecessary friction, and howl at the moon together.

这就够了。

It's enough.

我们得保持忙碌。

We gotta stay busy.

我喜欢在电视上看戏剧。

I like my drama on TV.

而且，我认为重要的是你必须让自己周围都是直言不讳的人。

And, also, I think it's important you have to surround yourself with painfully honest no people.

说到这里，我想读一下我的朋友约翰·希尔写的一张便条，因为这简直就是我的写照。

And with that, I would like to read a little note that I got from my friend John Hill because this this is me in a nutshell.

我在节目早些时候说过，我当时极度渴望、渴望被侮辱，因为我受够了被当成宠物。

I said this earlier in the show that I was just craving, craving insults because I just was sick of being pet.

所以在我洛杉矶的最后一场演出前，我的朋友约翰·希尔——他在Radio Andy工作。

So before my last LA show, John Hill, my friend, he's on Radio Andy.

他还在这档播客中恶作剧打电话给格洛丽亚，这可能是我在这档播客中最喜欢的时刻之一——我们打电话给我奶奶格洛丽亚，请她试镜以卡莉·蕾·吉普森音乐改编的《安妮·弗兰克》音乐剧。

He's also Prank Called Gloria on this podcast, which is probably my favorite one of my favorite moments that's ever happened on this podcast when we called my grandma Gloria and asked her to audition for the Anne Frank musical set to the music of Carly Rae Jepsen.

这简直精彩到致命。

It's to die for.

这就是他。

So this is him.

他给我写了这张精美的小演出前便条。

He wrote me this gorgeous little preshow note.

现在要澄清并捍卫我在节目中的荣誉，他之前没看过这节目，这是我的第六感幽默。

Now to clarify and defend my honor in my show, he had not seen it before, and this is my sixth sense of humor.

所以别搞怪了。

So don't be weird.

信上写着：亲爱的安妮，坦白说，虽然你的节目不怎么样，但请记住你非常特别。

It says, dear Anne, frankly, I just want you to know that even though your show isn't very good, remember that you are very special.

有很多没天赋的人也成功了，所以别放弃。

There are many people who aren't talented who have made it, so don't give up.

就我个人而言，我觉得你努力的样子很棒。

I, for one, think you're doing a good job of trying.

剩下的内容我就不念了，太不合适也太小众了，但我真的超爱这段。

I'm not gonna finish the rest because it's it's too inappropriate and niche, but, like, I love it so much.

我把这封信裱起来挂在办公室，因为它总能戳中我的笑点。

And I I have it hoisted up in my office because it just tickles my pickle.

就是很有趣啊。

It's just funny.

这和年龄无关。

It doesn't matter what age you are.

女性之间的相处之道总是很难把握。

Female dynamics are very hard to weather.

要知道，我常说，如果历史最能预示一个人未来的关系模式，我对自己的状况还挺有信心的。

And, you know, I always say, like, if history is the best indication of somebody's future and present relationship habits, I kinda feel good about mine.

我确实很少与人发生争执。

I really don't get in fights with people.

我也不会与人闹翻。

I don't have falling outs with people.

我认为这既不是好事也不是坏事。

I do think that there is a certain it's not a good or a bad thing.

这就是事实。

It's just a truth.

我觉得那些与姐妹一起长大的女性，或者经历过母女关系波动的人，对女性间的相处之道会有不同的理解，这种理解中蕴含着某种韧性。

I think that there is a resilience within women who grow up with a sister, or if you have, like, a a mother, daughter dynamic that's a little vacaqta, that you just understand female dynamics differently.

比如上周，我压力特别大。

Like, last week, I was so stressed.

其实是两周前的事了。

It was two weeks ago.

我妹妹会喜欢这个的。

It was my sister will love this.

我当时为了演出压力特别大，而且在我的家庭关系中，我肩负着很多责任。

I was so stressed out about the show, and I carry a lot of weight on my shoulders just, like, within my family dynamic.

我照顾我的奶奶。

I take care of my grandma.

我照顾我的父亲。

I take care of my father.

我对我妹妹和丈夫有种母性的关怀，这让我感到不堪重负，因为我天性孤僻，渴望独处，完全独处时状态最好。

I'm very much so kind of maternal to my sister and my husband, and I get very overwhelmed by all of that because I'm naturally such a hermit and crave solitude and, like, thrive best when left totally alone.

所以我不得不重新调整杰伊·希姆斯的生活系统。

So I've had to, like, you know, rework the system of Jay Shims.

我妹妹一天给我打了17个电话，而我正忙着从一个会议赶到另一个会议，同时还要为巡演做好所有准备。

My sister called me 17 times in a day, I and was running from meeting to meeting to meeting, and I was getting all my shit dialed for the tour.

她打电话给我，又把那个贱人几分钟前刚跟我重复了14遍的破事，又讲了一遍。

And she called me and repeated the same fucking story that this bitch told me 14 times just minutes prior.

我当时正敞着车篷停在班尼迪克峡谷，周围全是车围着我。

And I was parked on Benedict Canyon with my top down, so all the cars are just surrounding me.

无辜的路人们，比如带着孩子的行人，都在旁边走着。

Like, innocent bystanders are, like, walking with their children.

我开始扯着嗓子尖叫，惹得人行道上的路人都嘲笑我。

I started screaming at the top of my fucking lungs to where people were laughing at me on the sidewalks.

我当时说，阿什莉，你要是再他妈给我打电话说同样的废话，我可没时间奉陪。

I was like, Ashley, if you call me one more fucking time and tell me the same fucking bullshit, I don't have time for this.

雨人。

Rain woman.

我开始叫她雨人。

I started calling her Rain woman.

如果你不知道这个梗，《雨人》是部很棒的电影。

Now if you don't know that reference, Rain Man is a wonderful film.

五分钟就能到华纳兄弟片场，达斯汀·霍夫曼主演的。

Five minutes to Watner starring star starring Dustin Hoffman.

当时我把自己想象成汤姆·克鲁斯饰演的角色，他呢，你知道的，有种症状就是会不断重复自己的话，不断重复，但他又是个低调的天才。

Now I was envisioning myself as the Tom Cruise character, and he, you know, there's some ailment where he just repeats himself, repeats himself, but he's also a low key genius.

所以这算是种赞美，我当时就大喊着'雨人'。

So it's kind of a compliment, and I was screaming, rain woman.

雨人。

Rain woman.

简直像是疯了一样。

Like, lost my fucking mind.

她挂了我的电话。

She hung up on me.

我们整整十三个小时没说话。

We didn't speak for all of thirteen hours.

第二天早上，就像什么都没发生过一样，因为恢复力就是这么强，女士们先生们。

The next morning, it's like nothing ever happened because the bounce back ratio is high, ladies and gentlemen.

这就是为什么我爱她，而且会永远留她在身边。

And that's why I love her, and I'll keep her around forever.

莉莉丝·比什。

Lilas Bish.

我真的不知道那段跑题有什么意义。

I don't really know the point of that tangent.

我只是...我不知道。

I just I don't know.

这就是真实生活，伙计们。

It's just real life, guys.

关于我的事就说到这儿吧。

Enough about me.

我真是受够了自己。

I'm so sick of myself.

我们来聊聊真正重要的事吧。

Let's talk about shit that matters.

下个月我要带我90岁的奶奶格洛丽亚去巴黎。

I'm going to Paris with my 90 year old grandma Gloria next month.

大概还有两周半的时间，而她从未去过巴黎。

It's, like, in two and a half weeks, and she has never been.

所以我对她说，这可能是个不太受欢迎的观点。

So I said to her, this is an unpopular opinion.

这老太太喝一杯葡萄酒就上头。

The bitch has one glass of wine.

酒精直接冲上腿，她就东倒西歪到处摔。

It goes straight to her legs, and she's falling all over the fucking place.

我说：奶奶，你得开始锻炼你那该死的肝脏了，可不能在我们第一次同游巴黎时就扫兴。

I said, grandma, I'm gonna need you to start training your goddamn liver because you're not gonna be a buzzkill on our first trip to Paris together.

她从来没去过。

She has never been.

我要给她买一顶刺绣贝雷帽。

I am buying her an embroidered beret.

我们要喝遍美酒，吃遍奶酪，尝遍面包。

We're gonna drink the drinks, eat the cheese, do the bread.

我他妈太兴奋了。

I am so fucking excited.

她全程都会哭个不停。

She's going to be crying the whole time.

我是说，那些内容。

I mean, the the content.

因为，你懂的，内容就是我的命（带个y）。

Because, you know, content is my life with a y.

我他妈太兴奋了。

I am so fucking excited.

还有一件事。

Here's another thing.

视角问题。

Perspective.

知道我在乎什么吗？

You know what I give a fuck about?

带我90岁的祖母第一次去巴黎。

Taking my 90 year old grandmother to Paris for the first time.

这才是我在乎的事情。

That's something I give a fuck about.

这对我来说是人生重要时刻。

That is like a life moment for me.

我太兴奋了。

I'm so excited.

她从来没去过。

She's never been.

我们要买配套的贝雷帽。

We are gonna get matching berets.

我们要在香榭丽舍大街上蹦蹦跳跳，玩得痛快。

We're gonna skip down the Champs Elysees, and we're just gonna have the ball of a time.

我要给她找个帅气的法国男人，在午夜时分拥抱她。

I'm gonna try to find her a beautiful French man to just hold her in the midnight hour.

哦，天哪。

Oh god.

大家准备好。

You guys, get ready for it.

我他妈太兴奋了。

I'm so fucking excited.

卧槽。

Holy shit fuck.

我刚看了《纽约娇妻》的预告片，我简直激动得发抖。

I just watched the Real Housewives of New York trailer, and I am, I mean, quivering.

我在颤抖。

I am shaking.

《纽约娇妻》不仅是这个系列里最棒的，我觉得它简直是全世界最棒的电视节目，我来告诉你们为什么。

Real Housewives of New York is hands down not only the best in the franchise, I think it's the best television show in the entire world, and I'm gonna tell you why.

这些女人个个都是中流砥柱。

All of these women are pillars.

这个阵容里没有所谓的女家长。

There is no matriarch of the cast.

她们每个人都以如此强大的姿态独立存在。

They all stand alone in such a strong capacity.

根据我从预告片中了解到的——如果你还没看的话，我得说那预告片简直美得令人窒息。

Now from what I gathered from the trailer, if you have not watched it, which is I mean, it is breathtaking.

到现在为止我已经看了86遍了。

I've seen it 86 times at this point.

Ramona看起来还是一如既往的轻松活泼。

Ramona seems light and fluffy as ever.

Sonya似乎又回到了她那种烟熏妆、高盘发、犀利毒舌的状态。

Sonya seems back to her, you know, smokey eye, updo, and shtad self.

Dorinda那边好像出了点状况。

Dorinda, something's going on with Dorinda.

虽然预告片没有明说，但感觉她们在暗示某种...像是药物问题，或者人生危机，总之就是有点失控的状态。

Now they don't really get to it, but it kind of seems like they're alluding to some type of, like, substance or life crisis or just going off the rails in general.

这些都是据传的。

This is all allegedly.

这只是我从预告片中捕捉到的信息。

This is just what I'm picking up from the trailer.

新来的女孩看起来既有趣又疯狂，正是我最爱的组合。

The new girl seems fun and batshit, like my favorite combination.

至于卢，我知道这么说很糟糕，但我多年来一直在讲——

And Lou I mean, I know this is awful to say, but I have been saying this for years.

卢又回到戒酒状态或破戒了。

Lou is back on the wagon or off the wagon.

我其实不太清楚这个说法该怎么准确表达。

I don't really know what the saying is.

显然我不太擅长措辞，但她又开始喝酒了，这正是我祈祷已久的事。

I'm not good with words clearly, but she is drinking again, and this is what I've been praying for.

现在我没有具体背景信息，也无法确定。

Now I don't think and I have no context.

我不认为Luann是个酒鬼。

I don't think Luann is an alcoholic.

我认为她只是在一段非常艰难的时期把酒精当作拐杖和应对机制。

I think that she used alcohol as a crutch and as a coping mechanism during a very difficult time.

但我觉得这只是她人生中的一个小插曲，总的来说，我是说，大概三十多年来，她从未酗酒。

But I think that is a blip in her history, and I think overall, for I mean, what, thirty something years, she never abused alcohol.

我认为现在她已经休息了一段时间，获得了自我认知，并因一团糟而公开受挫，她正在学习如何将饮酒重新融入社交生活。

And I think now that she's taken some time off and has gathered some self awareness and really taken a beating publicly for being such a mess, I think that she's learning to incorporate it back into her life socially.

坦率地说，我为她感到高兴，因为我觉得如果能够适度饮酒，那就应该这么做。

And quite frankly, I'm happy for her because I think if you can do moderation, you should.

如果做不到，就别喝。

If you can't, don't.

但如果可以，而且你一生中大部分时间都做到了，我认为没关系。

But if you can and you have for most of your life, I think it's okay.

你知道，如果你有成瘾倾向或完全无法控制自己，那当然应该远离酒精。

You know, obviously, if you have an addictive personality or you don't know, you have zero control, then stay away.

但是，卢，我觉得这样对你挺好的。

But, Lou, I like this for you.

我为你感到高兴。

I'm happy for you.

我支持你。

I support you.

廷斯利是个满分女孩。

Tinsley is a 10.

廷斯利。

Tinsley.

我超级、超级、超级喜欢廷斯利。

I love, love, love Tinsley.

不知道为什么，从理论上讲她并不是我会为之拼命的那种家庭主妇类型，但我就是愿意为廷斯利赴汤蹈火。

I don't know why on paper, textbook, she is not a housewife that I would kinda ride or die for, but I'm riding and dying for Tinsley.

我觉得她很有趣。

I think she's funny.

我觉得她明白这是个玩笑。

I think she's in on the joke.

我认为她很有抱负。

I think she's aspirational.

她就像广场上的成年版艾洛伊丝。

She's very, like, adult Eloise at the plaza.

我喜欢戴尔，也很期待看到她与斯科特的故事发展，据我所知下个月就会回归。

I love Dale, and I'm excited to see her journey with Scott, and it comes back, I think, next month.

我他妈太兴奋了，因为电视上那些陈词滥调的东西实在让人腻味，我们太需要这个了。

And I'm so fucking excited because we need it because the shit on TV is stale.

安伯·罗斯正在为她有争议的面部纹身辩护。

So Amber Rose is defending her controversial face tattoo.

她上周把两个儿子的名字纹在了额头上，在社交媒体上引发大量批评。

She inked the names of her two sons on her forehead last week and is getting a lot of backlash on social media.

说真的，我实在想不通为什么会这样。

I mean, I just can't imagine why.

事情是这样的。

Here's the thing.

如果你要把孩子的名字纹在额头上，我觉得就得接受人们会有强烈意见并拿它开玩笑的事实。

If you're gonna tattoo your kids' names on your fucking forehead, I think it comes with the territory that people are gonna have some strong opinions about it and make jokes about it.

我觉得这很公平。

I think that's fair.

于是她像所有女士会做的那样，在Instagram上为自己辩护。

So she turned to Instagram, as a lady does, to defend herself.

我特别喜欢人们在自我辩护时不经意间夸自己，这种低调的自夸太妙了。

And I love when people, like, slip in a compliment when they're defend like, I just love a stealth humble brag.

她说：'那些说我太漂亮不适合纹脸的人，就算觉得我丑也会撒谎说我漂亮（笑），或者干脆直接说我丑'。

She goes, for the people that are telling me I'm too pretty for a face tat are the same people that would tell me I'm too pretty even if they thought I was ugly and lie to me, l o l, or they would just tell me I'm ugly.

说个有趣的事。

Here's a fun story.

去年科切拉音乐节上，安珀·罗斯狠狠推了我老公一把。

Amber Rose shoved the shit out of my husband at Coachella last year.

当我告诉你她用双手猛推时，我是说真的猛推。

When I tell you shoved with both hands, I mean shoved.

我们当时也在艺人区，所以并不是因为周围人多她才推他，试图穿过人群那种情况。

We were in the artist area too, so it wasn't like she was shoving him because there was a lot of people around, and she was trying to, you know, make her way through the crowd.

那里空间非常开阔。

It was wide open spaces.

我从没见过这种事。

I've never seen anything like it.

我是说，我们俩当时都能原地翻跟斗了。

I mean, we both could have been doing cartwheels.

就像，那里根本没有人挤人的情况。

Like, it there was no, no pollution of humans.

她径直从他身边走过，然后双手一推就把他搡开了。

She walked right past him, and with both hands, just shoved him out of her way.

简直难以置信。

It was unbelievable.

说实话，我为此还挺佩服她的。

Honestly, I respected her for it.

我当时就想，这家伙也让我挺烦的，因为五分钟前我刚让他去给我拿点披萨，结果这混蛋给我拿了块纯芝士的。

I was like, he's kinda bugging me too, because five minutes prior, I had asked him to go get me some pizza, and the fucker got me cheese pizza.

哪个神经病会想吃纯芝士披萨啊？

What sick bitch wants cheese pizza?

我当时就说，我要的是辣香肠披萨。

I was like, I need a pepperoni.

我他妈要的是带罗勒叶的那种。

I need a sprig of fucking basil.

你脑子是不是有问题？

Like, what is wrong with you?

所以我挺感谢那记推搡的，不过这只是个小插曲罢了。

So I appreciated the shove, but that's just a little tidbit of information.

现在我要说的这件事，可是让我非常、非常、非常感兴趣的。

Now this is something that I'm very, very, very interested in.

我本来想聊的是，比如黑珍珠（Black Chyna）拿枪威胁罗伯·卡戴珊（Rob Kardashian）说要杀他，然后又说‘哦，只是个玩笑’，我觉得这低调地好笑，但又不算好笑。

I was gonna talk about, like, Black Chyna, like, death threatening Rob Kardashian with a gun and saying, oh, it was just a joke, which I think is low key hilarious, but not hilarious.

枪支管控在美国是个非常严重的问题。

Gun control is a very serious problem in this country.

但就是那种无所谓的态度，比如‘我开玩笑的’。

But just, like, the nonchalance, like, I was kidding.

哎呀，黑珍珠啊。

Like, Oy vey, Black China.

还有，她为什么在奥斯卡颁奖礼上？

And, also, why was she at the Oscars?

她真的在奥斯卡现场吗？

Was she at the Oscars?

这是我脑子里编出来的吗？

Did I make this up in my head?

有时候我会做非常生动、非常奇怪的梦，感觉就像真的一样。

Sometimes I have very vivid, very weird dreams that seem like they're real.

不知为何，我以为我在奥斯卡颁奖礼上看到了Black Chyna。

And for some reason, I thought that I saw Black Chyna at the Oscars.

我要查证一下这件事。

I'm gonna check on that.

稍等。

Hold on.

没有。

Nope.

确认了。

Confirmed.

她确实出席了奥斯卡，社交媒体上所有人都在质疑原因——这他妈确实是个合理问题。

She was at the Oscars, and, everyone on social media was wondering why, which is a very fucking valid question.

Blac Chyna为什么会出现在奥斯卡？

Why is Blac Chyna at the Oscars?

卡戴珊家族出现在奥斯卡时我也会发出同样的疑问。

I would say the same thing when the Kardashians are at the Oscars.

我就是不明白。

I just don't understand.

她现在还说奥斯卡的反对声是种族歧视。

And she is now saying that the Oscar backlash is racist.

这不是种族歧视。

It's not racist.

问题在你，Blac Chyna。

It's you, Blac Chyna.

我们不知道你为什么要去奥斯卡。

We don't know why you're at the Oscars.

这和你的种族毫无关系。

It has nothing to do with, your race.

太荒谬了。

That's ridiculous.

亲爱的，你在那儿有点奇怪。

It's kind of weird that you're there, sweet cheeks.

审视内心。

Look inward.

要进化。

Be evolved.

我讨厌这种不适用的情况。

I hate that's just not applicable.

而且这也贬低了娱乐行业中实际存在的种族问题。

And it also it discredits actual race issues that come along with the entertainment industry.

所以别拿这个当借口，因为根本不是这么回事。

So don't don't pony off of that, because that's not what this is.

你在那儿很奇怪。

It's weird you're there.

如果我在那儿，也会显得奇怪。

If I was there, it would be weird.

我可不会想，哦，是因为我是犹太人吗？

And I wouldn't be like, oh, is it because I'm Jewish?

因为咱们实话实说。

Because let's be real.

全世界他妈的经纪人都是犹太人。

Every fucking agent in the world is a Jew.

我只是想说，别否认我们国家确实存在的问题。

I'm just saying, let's not discredit an actual problem in our country.

别别那么做。

Don't don't do that.

我讨厌人们那样做，因为这只会适得其反。

I hate when people do that because it's just counterproductive.

总之，这是我的个人看法。

Anyways, that's my two cents.

现在有部新纪录片声称图派克还活着，住在新墨西哥州。

So there is a new documentary that claims Tupac is alive and living in New Mexico.

我和我丈夫经常涉足阴谋论，更多是安德鲁而不是我，我多次被告知并确实在大学时经历过那种奇怪的、像是Reddit和YouTube上的螺旋式沉迷，我当时以为图派克还活着。

Now my husband and I dabble in conspiracy theories often, and more so Andrew than me, I have been told multiple times and have done, like, a weird little, like, Reddit, YouTube downward spiral back in college, I thought that Tupac was alive.

我不确定是谁告诉我这件事的。

I'm not sure who told me this.

我不确定是谁说服我相信这个的。

I'm not sure who convinced me this.

这曾给我带来慰藉。

It would give me solace.

这位电影制作人说，图帕克从拉斯维加斯的大学医疗中心逃脱后，搬迁到了新墨西哥州，并一直受到纳瓦霍部落的保护。

So this movie creator says that Tupac escaped from the University Medical Center in Las Vegas and relocated to New Mexico and has been getting protection from the Navajo tribe.

哇，这信息量有点大...我的意思是，我有点相信了。

So, wow, this this is a lot to I mean, I'm kind of on board.

他们说图帕克在比赛前就得知了针对他的谋杀计划，当时其他人都在看泰森击倒布鲁斯·塞尔登——天知道那家伙是谁。

They say that Tupac found out about the planned hit on him before the fight while everyone else was watching Tyson knock out Bruce Seldon, whoever that fucking guy is.

图帕克和苏格·奈特当时正在策划逃跑计划。

Tupac and Suge Knight were working on an escape plan.

懂了吗？

Okay?

所以他就是这样逃脱的，纳瓦霍部落一直在新墨西哥州庇护着他。

So that's how he got away, and the Navajo tribe has just been harboring him in New Mexico.

谁要报名参加这次旅行？

Who's gonna book a trip?

我们开始行动吧。

Let's do this.

Shimmergy展开调查。

Shimmergy investigates.

我相信这个说法吗？

Do I believe this?

当然不信。

Of course not.

我现在得去看《单身汉》节目了，因为我是黛安·索耶，需要紧跟流行文化动态，听说最近剧情越来越精彩了。

I have to go watch The Bachelor now because I am Diane Sawyer, and I need to stay abreast with pop culture because apparently things are getting really juicy.

我喜欢——其实不算喜欢，但我更倾向于看《单身汉》，因为我就爱看那些女孩们争相向'单身汉先生'献殷勤的样子。

I love I don't love it, but I prefer The Bachelor because I like when the girls start throwing their vajayjay at The Batch Batch.

另外，有些内部消息。

Also, some insider intel.

听说那个《单身汉》叫什么来着？

Apparently, Bachelor what's his name?

彼得·盖布瑞尔？

Peter Gabriel?

肖恩·门德斯？

Sean Mendez?

我不知道。

I don't know.

管他妈的叫什么名字。

Whatever his fucking name is.

皮特队长？

Captain Pete?

我们就叫他皮特吧。

Let's just call him Pete.

是叫彼得吗？

Is it Peter?

我不在乎。

I don't care.

他还和父母住在一起。

He still lives at home with his parents.

就是这样，各位。

So there is that, everybody.

你们硬了吗？

Are your dicks hard?

反正我没有。

Not mine.

我要去看节目了。

I'm gonna go watch it.

非常感谢大家收听这期播客。

Thank you so much for listening to this podcast.

请在iTunes上给我们五星好评。

Give us five stars on iTunes.

下周的节目会非常精彩。

Next week's gonna be a doozy.

我邀请了一些很棒的嘉宾，因为我实在不能信任自己毫无约束地聊天。

I've got some good guests coming on because I just can't trust myself talking without boundaries.

爱你们所有人。

Love you all.

感谢你们来参加我的演出，BT Dubs。

Thank you for coming to my shows, BT Dubs.

我们要...哦天哪。

We're get oh my god.

我刚刚是不是说了BT Dubs？

Did I just say BT Dubs?

我太讨厌自己了。

I hate myself so much.

我现在要走了。

I'm gonna go now.

爱你们。

Love you.

给我五星好评。

Give me five stars.

关注我的账号Jackie Shimom。

Follow me at Jackie Shimom.

巴拉巴拉巴拉。

Blah blah blah blah.