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你叫他爸爸吗？
Do you call him daddy?
我要叫她爸爸吗？
Do I call her daddy?
叫她爸爸。
Call her daddy.
怎么了，小蠢货？
What's up, wiener hole?
是叫她爸爸。
It's call her daddy.
是让我们再来一次。
It's Let's so get it again.
你真烦人。
You're so annoying.
是索菲亚和亚历克斯。
It's Sofia and Alex.
父亲们。
The fathers.
这周我们没有开场白，因为我们毫无准备。
This week, we don't have an intro because we came unprepared.
索菲亚面前摆着一瓶啤酒。
Sofia has a beer in front of her face.
我有多力多滋、阳光薯片、康博零食、迷你巧克力条，还有另一包多力多滋。
I have Doritos, Sun Chips, Combos, Fudge Strip Minis, and then the other Doritos.
我有纳乔奶酪味和酷牧场味的。
I have nacho cheese and Cool Ranch.
打败那个贱人。
Beat that bitch.
我有一瓶温热的蓝点啤酒，还有一包酷牧场多力多滋，这就是本周的更新了，朋友们。
I have a warm toasted lager, blue point beer, and a Cool Ranch Dorito bag and And that's your update for this week, folks.
这里是《叫她爸爸》。
It's Call Her Daddy.
爸爸。
Daddy.
快速更新一下。
So quick update.
索菲亚，你最近生活怎么样？
What's going on in your life, Sofia?
其实，我看看你就能知道近况了。
Well, actually, I can look at you and see what's going on.
我在动态里让大家留言，告诉我怎么处理你眼睛上的皮炎/湿疹/银屑病问题。
I put on my story for people to write in and tell me how the fuck to fix some dermatitis slash eczema slash psoriasis on your eyes.
听起来有点恶心，但别介意。
That kinda sounds gross, but no offense.
真不知道怎么回事亚历克斯，我觉得是我们公寓的问题。
Don't know what the hell Alex, I think it's our apartment.
很可能就是我们那该死的公寓。
It probably Our fucking apartment.
我们是不是有真菌感染了？
Do we have like fungus?
有真菌从该死的天花板上长出来了。
We have fungi like coming from the fucking ceiling.
不过其实还好。
And like it's fine.
我只是...不。
It's I was just No.
老兄，我们实际上会...不会在早上醒来。
Dude, I'm in We're actually gonna wake up not wake up on the morning.
不会好玩的。
Not gonna be fun.
这有点可悲。
That's kinda sad.
也许我们今晚应该一起睡，就当是临终前的最后一晚。
Maybe we should sleep together tonight just for one last before we pass.
老兄，我当时在——哦，对。
Dude, I was in the Oh, yeah.
我们可以可以——我今天早上在洗澡。
We could we could I was in the shower this morning.
今天早上。
This morning.
笔记本。
Notebook.
我今天早上在浴室里对你喊了什么？
What did I yell to you in the shower this morning?
说有一只蟑螂。
That there was a cockroach.
对。
Yeah.
就在我大脚趾旁边。
Right by my big toe.
可爱。
Cute.
它看起来像个小脚趾环。
It was like it looked like a little toe ring.
你想要的是个小脚趾环。
It's you want it's a little toe ring.
等等。
Wait.
你不想知道我生活中的新动态吗？
You don't wanna know an update in my life?
什么？
What?
我昨晚去健身房了。
So I went to the gym last night.
我的屁股现在大得离谱。
My fucking ass is huge.
它弹力十足。
It's Bouncing toned.
巨大无比。
Ginormous.
我准备好要节食了。
I'm ready to get on a diet.
不。
No.
真的。
Literally.
你有过这种感觉吗？
Do you ever do that?
你锻炼一次后屁股酸痛，所以感觉变大了？
You work out once and your ass is sore so it feels bigger?
我就锻炼过一次，然后觉得，我都能去维多利亚的秘密时装秀试镜了。
I have worked out once and been like, I could try out for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show.
我已经准备好参加奥运会了。
I am ready for the Olympics.
老兄，然后你就会觉得，天啊。
Dude, and then you're like, oh my god.
如果我现在勾搭上一个男的，转身就他妈直接倒车入库。
If I got it on a guy right now and turned around and fucking got on there Backed it up.
倒车入库。
Backed it up.
不。
No.
用那个丰满的蜜桃臀约他出去。
Asked him out with that fat peach.
我还以为你要说那个大屁股。
I thought you were gonna say that fat piece.
那个我也喜欢。
I like that too.
那块肥美的大香肠。
That fat piece of that big fat sausage.
是啊。
Yeah.
总之，这就是我们生活中的现状。
Anyways, that's what's going on in our our lives.
没什么疯狂的。
Nothing crazy.
呃，我的眼睛几乎肿得睁不开了。
Well, my eyes are swollen shut pretty much.
对。
Yeah.
你看起来真他妈...谢谢。
You look pretty fucking Thank you.
我会发张照片。
I'll post a picture.
不。
No.
其实我会的。
I actually will.
不要。
No.
别发。
Don't.
我们会掉粉的。
We'll lose followers.
别这么做。
Don't do it.
别这么做。
Don't do it.
你戴上墨镜看起来很棒。
You look you look great when you put sunglasses on.
谢谢你，Olive。
Thank you, Olive.
你没事的。
You're okay.
我总是可以依靠你。
I can always count on you.
2019年如何取悦女性。
How to eat pussy in 2019.
我希望每个出城的男人都能这样，甚至不需要插入。
I want every man out there fucking going out of town to be like, don't even need to put my dick in you.
我想取悦你直到你尖叫。
I wanna eat your pussy for will eat you till you scream.
如果你们这样告诉我，我会像这样，哦，哦，哦，我要尖叫了。
If you guys told me that, I'd be like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm gonna scream.
我要尖叫了。
I'm gonna scream.
好的。
Okay.
阴部。
Pussy.
没关系。
It's okay.
现在是吃屁股的季节？
It's ass eating season?
去他的。
Fuck that.
去他的。
Fuck that.
操他妈的婊子。
Fuck Fuck Bitches.
整个夏天都是。
All summer long.
整个夏天。
All summer.
整个秋天。
All fall.
整个冬天。
All winter.
整个春天。
All spring.
永不停歇。
Doesn't stop.
全年无休。
All year round.
每一天。
Day.
全天24小时不间断。
Twenty four hours around the clock.
它永不停歇。
It never stops.
全天候营业。
Open twenty fourseven.
希望你们——我希望你们都饿了，因为现在是吃鲍鱼的季节。
Hope you guys I are hope you guys are hungry because it is pussy eating season.
好吧。
Alright.
怎么吃鲍鱼，婊子们？
How to eat pussy bitches?
好的。
Okay.
我们回来了。
We're back.
因为我们刚聊过'鲍鱼大餐套餐'。
Because we've talked about the cooch gobbler combo.
是的。
Yep.
我们在那期节目里讨论过这个。
We talked about that in episode.
那可是'私处大餐'特别套餐。
It was fine dining the cooch gobbler combo special.
没错。
Yep.
伙计们，那只是冰山一角。
And guys, that was just the tip of the iceberg.
那只是，你知道，为了打开局面。
That was just to get, you know, our foot in the door.
嗯哼。
Mhmm.
对男人来说口交有多重要。
How important blow jobs are for men.
是的。
Yep.
对女孩来说，被口交同样重要，甚至更重要。
Getting eaten out is just as important to a girl, if not more so.
我完全同意。
I totally agree.
因为很多女孩无法通过性交达到高潮。
Because so many girls cannot orgasm from sex.
没错。
Yes.
很多女孩——不知道你们是否了解——对很多女孩来说，她们唯一能高潮的方式就是被口交。
So many girls, the only way guys, I don't know if you know this, but for a lot of girls, the only way they can cum is from getting eaten out.
绝对如此。
Absolutely.
我的第一次高潮实际上就是通过被口交实现的。这太神奇了。
My first orgasm was actually from getting eaten out That's amazing.
永远都是。
Ever.
这太神奇了。
That's amazing.
而且我认为这对很多女孩来说都是事实。
And I think this is true for a lot of girls.
还有，男人们，这能让她觉得，不管你的床上表现如何，你都是个性爱之神。
Also, men, this can make her think regardless of your fucking dick performance that you are a sex god.
我觉得这是你提出的最棒的观点。
I think that's like the best point you've made.
那是最棒的观点，最棒的。
That's that's the best that's the best point.
如果你懂得如何取悦女人，你就很厉害。
If you know how to eat pussy You're good.
但如果你床上功夫不怎么样，她还是会觉得你表现不怎么样。
But your sex game isn't that great, she's still think you're You're not that great in the sack.
是啊。
Yeah.
嗯，如果你能用嘴让她爽翻天，那确实。
Well, if you're great on that pussy with your mouth Yeah.
那你就算成功上位了。
Then you're fucking in.
对于那些天赋不足的男士们啊——
And for those of you men that are less endowed Oh.
还有那些小兄弟尺寸欠佳的哦——
And have tiny little dicks Oh.
你们最好竖起耳朵听，这可是你们的救命稻草。
You better listen up because this is gonna be your saving grace.
突然间，你的家伙会像凭空长了几英寸似的。
All of a sudden, your dick is gonna feel a couple fucking inches bigger Yeah.
当她享受你的服务时，因为你用嘴带来的极致体验，会让她觉得像是在米其林五星餐厅享用顶级盛宴。
When she's taking it because your mouth on her fucking foot and her pussy just felt like a fucking fine dining five star fucking Michelin star experience.
是的。
Yes.
我知道所有在听的男士们都想要一个绝佳的GDR。
And I know I got all the guys listening want a great GDR.
所以听好了，别搞砸。
So listen to fuck up.
一份好评的阴茎测评。
A good dick review.
一份好评的阴茎测评。
A good dick review.
我们可不要差评，没有爸爸会得到差评的阴茎测评。
We're not getting that no daddy is getting a bad dick review.
所以仔细听好。
So listen up.
这就是如何像个成年人一样给她口交。
This is how to eat her out like an adult.
像个成年人一样。
Like an adult.
像个成年人一样。
Like an adult.
不是个娘炮。
Not a bitch boy.
呜。
Woo.
呜。
Woo.
所以关于口活。
So eating out.
准备好。
Get ready.
我们即将揭晓舔阴界的七大奇迹，伙计们。
We're about to introduce the seven wonders of the pussy eating world, bitches.
让我们来说说什么是美食世界？
Let's What is the eating world?
指的是品尝女性私处的美食世界。
The pussy eating world.
第一，双唇。
Number one, the lips.
男士们注意了，我们说的可不是安吉丽娜·朱莉脸上那性感的厚嘴唇。
And men, we are not talking about those lovely Angelina Jolie DSLs on her goddamn fucking face.
我们在聊什么，索菲亚？
What are we talking about, Sofia?
我们聊的是DSL（厚唇），不过我们说的是她阴唇上的DSL。
We are talking about the DSLs, but we're talking about the DSLs on her pussy's face.
听着，伙计们，当你抵达她阴唇时——如果你是个称职的老司机，你应该已经吻遍她全身、大腿内侧，基本上除了阴道以外的每个地方。
Listen, guys, by the time that you're arriving at her pussy lips If you are a daddy, you have kissed her entire body, her inner thigh, basically everywhere but her vagina.
到这个时候，她应该已经抓着床单尖叫，哀求你去舔她了。
And she should at this point be holding onto the bed sheets, screaming, begging you to eat her at all.
哀求着。
Begging.
让她在你还未开始前就幻想你为她口交的情景。
Get her starting to think about you eating her pussy before you eat her pussy.
哦。
Oh.
说得好，女王。
Preach queen.
对那个安静的人。
To the quieter.
女王。
Queen.
但你挑逗她的时间越长，她就越快达到高潮。
But the longer you take teasing her, the quicker she's gonna come to climax.
绝对的。
Absolutely.
有内阴唇和外阴唇，这太性感了。
There's the inside lips and the outside lips and it is so hot.
如果一个男人开始亲吻你的阴唇，然后用舌头舔舐它们。
If a guy starts making out with your lips and then starts using his tongue on the lips.
你甚至可以用舌头分开阴唇，然后最终向上移动到阴蒂。
And you can even use your tongue to spread the lips open and then you finally go up to the cliff.
伙计们，这他妈太性感了，听着，我也被口交过，但没多少男人懂得利用阴唇的优势。
Guys, it's so fucking hot and there are listen, I've been eaten out and there are not a lot of men that take advantage of the lips.
进入阴唇之间，一旦你用舌头进入那里，你还可以开始将手指放在她阴唇外侧，按摩、摩擦、轻轻舔舐，将手指和舌头结合起来。
Get in the lips, and once you have gotten in there with your tongue, you can also start putting your fingers in her lips on the outside of her lips, massaging, rubbing, licking lightly, like with your fingers and your tongue incorporated.
好好玩弄那些阴唇。
Fucking play with those lips.
绝对没错。
Absolutely.
让她知道。
Let her know.
第二点。
Number two.
这个非常重要，各位。
This is huge guys.
很多男人根本找不到阴蒂在哪里。
A lot of guys don't know where the fuck the clit is.
你可以把手放在她的阴部区域，然后向上拉以暴露阴毛生长的部位。
You can actually put your hand on like her pubic area and pull up to expose Like where her pubic hair would grow.
对。
Yes.
没错。
Yes.
你要向上拉以暴露阴蒂。
And you're gonna pull it up to expose the clit.
每个女性的阴道都不同，但很多时候男人就是找不到阴蒂。
Every vagina is different, but a lot of times guys can't find the clit.
这其实是因为很多女生的阴蒂是藏着的，没错。
And it's literally because a lot of girls, their clit is hiding Yeah.
就藏在她们阴道顶部的皮肤下面。
Tucked under the skin at the top of their pussy.
有时候你面对的是带帽衫的那种
Sometimes you're working with a hoodie A hoodie.
有时候则是圆领的那种
And sometimes a crew neck.
哦，天啊。
Oh, my.
一件连帽衫和一件圆领衫。
A hoodie and a crew neck.
你有什么宝贝？
What you got, baby girl?
所以兄弟们，你得把它们脱掉。
So guys, you have to pull them off.
连帽衫
Hoodie.
没错
Yes.
把帽子掀开
Take the hood off.
他妈的把遮盖物拉开，把那该死的阴蒂露出来
Take the goddamn pull back the covers and expose the goddamn clit.
关键全在这个帽子上
The hood is where it's all happening.
所以我说的不是你们当地毒品交易帮派横行的街区
So be I'm not talking your local hood where the drug dealing gang bang.
不是你去贩毒的地方
Where you go drug deal.
也不是你兜售毒品的地盘
Where you sell hood.
你卖的是遮罩。
You sell hood.
我们说的是另一种遮罩。
We're talking about a different hood.
那个遮罩。
The hood.
阴蒂包皮。
The vagina hood.
对。
Yeah.
没人像我这样喜欢。
Nobody I like that.
如果男人这么做也很性感，因为这表明他对阴道很熟悉。
It's also really hot if a guy does this because it shows he knows his way around a vagina.
太对了。
That's so true.
他清楚自己在干什么。
He knows what the fuck he's doing.
是啊。
Yeah.
当他这么做的时候，你会觉得，哦，他很懂女人。
When he lifts that shit, you're like, oh, he gets pussy.
第三点。
Number three.
第三点。
Number three.
用手指。
Use your fingers.
但你从没听过这种说法。
But you haven't heard about it in this way.
没错。
Yeah.
我本来想说，不是以他们想的那种方式。
Was gonna say not in the way that they think.
女孩们喜欢你只放一两个手指进去一点点。
Girls love when you put one or two fingers barely in.
所以你要放进去一两英寸，然后手指就停在那里。
So you're gonna put it in like inch or two and just hold your fingers there.
我觉得这个观点非常好。
I think that's such a good point.
我觉得很多男人以为给女孩指交时，就该把手指在她阴道里进进出出。
I think so many guys think when they're going to finger a girl, they're supposed to be shoving in their fingers in and out of their pussy.
而且我觉得很多男人不知道，其实你可以把手指放在她阴道里不动。
And I don't think a lot of guys know that like you can literally just hold your fingers like halfway in her pussy.
是的。
Yeah.
100%先放四分之一进去，然后可以慢慢放到一半，最后全部放进去。
100% a quarter in and then eventually you can go halfway in and then all the way in.
但我确实觉得刚开始时只浅浅进入会很刺激。
But I do think it's hot for the first little while to have them barely in.
我同意。
I agree.
有种舒适和充盈的感觉。
There's like this sensation of comfort and fullness.
那种充盈感。
That fullness.
另外，男生们如果想的话，可以稍微弯曲手指向上，指向G点。
Also, That's I think guys, if you want to, you can curve them up a little bit so they're pointed towards the g spot.
这样当你舔舐她的阴蒂时，能施加更多压力。
So if you're licking on her clit, you're putting a little bit more pressure.
嗯哼。
Mhmm.
这样就会按压到G点。
Then that is gonna push down on the g spot.
我也超爱这个。
Love that too.
太爱了。
Love that.
第四点。
Number four.
第四点。
Number four.
手的摆放位置。
Hand placement.
手的摆放位置。
Hand placement.
别太纠结这个，但我超喜欢男人伸手抓我的胸部或腰，或者把手放在我屁股下面。
Don't get too focused on this, but I love if a guy reaches up and like grabs my tits or my waist or puts his hand under my ass.
哦，太他妈爽了。
Oh, fuck yeah.
美味。
Yummy.
等等，当男人给你口交时，特别是他双手并用，一边托住下面一边抓住你的屁股，那感觉简直太棒了。
Wait, that is so hot when a guy's eating you out and even if he takes both of his hands and he like grabs underneath and like grabs your ass.
完全同意。
Completely.
第五点，把她的腿大大分开。
Number five, spread her legs wide.
把那玩意儿打开。
Open that bitch up.
各位，男人主动把女孩的腿分开——太对了。
Guys, a man taking charge and spreading a girl's legs Yes.
这向我表明他想花他妈好几个小时来吃我的下面。
Indicates to me that he wants to eat my pussy for goddamn hours.
你难道不这么觉得吗？
Don't you kind of agree?
百分之一千赞同。
1000%.
而且，这让她别无选择，只能躺下接受。
And also, it gives her no choice but to lay there and take it.
哦，这他妈说到点子上了。
Oh, that's a good fucking point.
我们超爱这样。
Which we love.
确实超爱。
We do love.
那些缺乏安全感的女人们，去他妈的。
And any girl that's insecure out there, fuck that.
阴部就是阴部，男人的脸就是脸，嘴就是嘴，你的阴部天生就该被他的嘴伺候。
A pussy is a pussy and a man's face is a man's face and his mouth is a mouth and your pussy is meant to be in his mouth.
赶紧他妈行动起来。
Let's fucking go.
哇哦。
Woo.
而且我觉得，当男人把腿张开时，姑娘们可能会感到更有安全感，因为如果她心想'天啊'。
Also, I think sometimes when guys spread the legs, like, a girl will probably feel way more secure because if she's like, oh, fuck.
这家伙超爱小穴，我没什么好担心的，她就会更放松，然后更愿意...哦。
This guy loves pussy, I have nothing to be insecure about, she's gonna be more relaxed and then she's more inclined to oh.
没错。
Yeah.
所以赶紧把那双腿...嗯哼。
So fucking spread those Mhmm.
张开。第六招。
Legs Number six.
哦哦。
Oh oh.
这可能会有点少儿不宜。
This is gonna be a little bit nasty.
比如稍微把舌头伸进她真实的洞里。
Like a little bit of Stick your tongue in her actual hole.
伸进她的肛门。
In her butthole.
特别是对于那些舌头比阴茎还长的人来说。
Especially for those of you where your tongue is longer than your dick.
哦，什么？
Oh, what?
没关系。
That's fine.
不。
No.
那你绝对应该这么做。
A Then absolutely you should be doing this.
这有点恶心。
That's a It's a little nasty.
这表明你不害怕阴道，这很性感。
It shows you aren't scared of a vagina and it's sexy.
我们开始吧。
Let's go.
我认为这个观点很好。
I think that's a good point.
另外，要全部插进去。
Plus Stick it all the way in.
全部插进去。
Stick it all the way in.
用力塞进去。
Shove it in.
把它弄干净。
Get it Clean it out.
把它卡在里面。
Get it stuck in there.
我认为这个观点很好。
I think that's a good point.
听着，女孩们喜欢在私处有好的旋转动作。
I think listen, girls love a good rotation on their pussy.
就像你能带来不同的技巧，就像他妈的口交一样。
And like if you can bring different aspects, just like a goddamn blow job.
当她吮吸你的阴茎时，她会发出啧啧声，会旋转，会用双手交替扭转，单手扭转，后翻，上下摆动。
When she's sucking on your dick and she's slurping and she's twirling and she's doing double hand twist, one hand twist, backwards flip, up, down.
你懂的。
You know what it is.
吃私处也应该这样。
Should should be same with pussy eating.
结合几种不同的技巧。
Incorporate a couple different aspects.
第七点。
Number seven.
阴道的第七大奇迹。
The seventh wonder of the pussy.
舔阴世界的第七大奇迹。
The seventh wonder of the pussy eating world.
兄弟们，都他妈给我听好了。
Guys, listen the fuck up.
嗯哼。
Mhmm.
淫言秽语。
Dirty talk.
你可以对阴道说下流话。
You can talk dirty to a vagina.
绝对可以。
Absolutely.
你就该跟阴道对话。
You should be talking to a vagina.
对。
Yeah.
但你要尽量简洁。
But you gotta keep it minimal.
我正想说，兄弟们，如果你在给女友口交时要说脏话，真的不该说任何需要对方回应的话。
I was gonna say, guys, if you're going to dirty talk when you're going down on your girl, you should really not be saying anything that warrants a response.
天啊。
Oh my god.
而且别他妈在这时候问‘这样爽吗’之类的话。
And don't wanna if this fucking is talk to you.
不行。
No.
不行。
No.
不行。
No.
没人想跟你说话。
No one wants to talk to you.
不。
No.
你可以说一两句话，但有些话能让人欲火焚身。
You're allowed to say one or two things, but there is some hot shit you can say.
好吧，教你个万能金句——告诉她她有着最迷人的私处，而且尝起来美妙极了。
Okay, give them The some go to line should be telling her that she has the nicest pussy and that she tastes so good.
这样你就能轻松得手了。
Then you're in like Flynn.
女孩们对自己的私处真的很缺乏安全感。
Girls are so girls are really insecure about their vaginas.
很多女性都是如此。
A lot of women are.
而这会让她彻底安心。
And this is gonna just put her mind at ease.
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这样她就能在你嘴里高潮如瀑布般喷涌。
Therefore, she can cum in your mouth waterfall.
她正在那里喷涌。
She's squirting in there.
她快把你淹没了。
She's drowning you.
搞定你的妞，你脱水了需要补充水分。
Get your girl You're dehydrated and you need a drink.
吸溜。
Slurp.
你大口吸吮。
You slurp.
赶紧补充你他妈的电介质，贱货。
Get your fucking electrolytes, bitch.
吮吸那个阴蒂。
Suck that clit.
把那精液喝掉。
Get that cum.
不。
No.
我觉得这个观点很好。
I think that's a good point.
就像，如果有男人说我尝起来很棒，我就会说，没错，贱人。
It's like, if a guy says that I taste so good, I'm like, yes, bitch.
吸溜，贱人。
Slurp, bitch.
女孩们需要听到这种话。
Girls need to hear that shit.
还有呢？
What else?
对。
Yes.
哦，这听起来又有点下流了。
Oh, this is gonna sound a little nasty again.
我们给她爸爸打电话吧。
Let's call her daddy.
告诉我们吧。
Give it to us.
说她的下面已经肿胀得不行了。
Saying that her pussy is getting so swollen.
老兄，没错。
Dude, yes.
肿胀说明有感觉，说明他懂行。
Swollen equals turned on, which means he knows his shit.
他他妈了解阴道的解剖结构。
He knows the fucking anatomy of a vagina.
解剖学。
Anatomy.
用性感的方式说这句话。
Say this sexy.
别说得那么吓人。
Don't say it scary.
你的小穴都肿了。
Your pussy's swollen.
你的阴道正在肿胀。
Your vagina's swelling up.
让我拿个冰袋来。
Let me get an ice pack.
就像你的阴唇肿得厉害，而且你的小穴紧致无比。
Like your pussy lips are getting so swollen and Like your pussy's so tight.
没错。
Yes.
我看到了。
I see it.
它看起来肿得好厉害。
It's like it's so swollen.
真美。
Beautiful.
砰。
Boom.
你只需要说这些就够了。
That's all you need to say.
然后他妈闭嘴。
And then shut the fuck up.
不行。
No.
安静。
Be quiet.
真的给我安静。
Literally be quiet.
安静。
Be quiet.
伙计们，我要你们假装这是个荣耀洞的场景。
Men, I want you pretending it's a glory hole situation.
好的。
Okay.
开始了。
Here we go.
好的。
Okay.
这个说法不错。
That's a good way to put it.
给不知道荣耀洞是什么的人解释一下：就是你从墙上的一个洞接受口交，却不知道另一边是什么。
For those of you who don't know what a glory hole is, it's when you just receive oral from a hole in the wall and you don't know what's on the other side.
别打扰她，就假装是个荣耀洞。
Leave her alone and pretend it's a glory hole.
把所有人性都抽离掉。
Just take all humanity out of it.
对。
Yes.
真的。
Really.
你的动物本能就会显现出来。
Your animalistic features will come out.
你只管去追求那个。
You just go for the pussy.
是。
Yes.
去追逐猎物。
Go for the prey.
去追求那个。
Go for the pussy.
没错。
Yep.
我喜欢这样，索菲亚。
I like that, Sofia.
各位，口交世界的七大奇技，你们必须掌握这些，因为说真的，有些技巧绝大多数男人根本不会。
Guys, the seven wonders of the pussy eating world, you need to master these because I swear to God, some of these things, no no men do.
很多男人都没做到这点。
Lot of guys are not doing this.
这就是为什么我们坐下来讨论：男人们到底对我们做了什么能让我们兴奋的事？
That's why we both sat down and we were like, what the fuck have men done to us that like gets us turned on?
男人们，我们非常爱你们。
Men, we love you so much.
是啊。
Yeah.
我们只是希望全世界的性爱都能更美好。
And we just want sex to be great all around the world.
全世界范围内。
All around the world.
老实说。
Honestly.
不过有件事要说。
There is one thing though.
很抱歉，但我们真不想看着你。
And I'm sorry, but we don't wanna fucking look at you.
不行。
No.
别一边给我口交一边盯着我看。
Do not be eating me out and be staring at me.
一次都不准抬头看。
You're not allowed to look up once.
不行。
No.
一次都不行。
Not even once.
装作你是盲人。
Act like you're blind.
他妈把墨镜戴上。
Put fucking sunglasses on.
求你了。
Please.
求你了。
Please.
真的，就当她没有头一样。
Like, literally act like she has no head.
别抬头看她的眼睛。
Do not look up at her eyeballs.
不行。
No.
它们不存在。
They're not there.
无论如何都不行。
No matter what.
无论如何都不行。
No matter what.
无论如何。
Matter what.
无论生死，即便有枪指着你，你也不能看她，绝对不能看她。
Life No or death, no matter there's a gun to your You're not looking at You're not looking at her.
我同意。
I agree.
他妈的全神贯注在手头的工作上，任务是干她——不是看她的脸，是干她的逼。
Fucking focus on the job at hand, on the task at hand and it's not her face, it's her pussy.
每次都是她的骚逼脸。
Every It's her pussy face.
那是她的阴部脸。
It's her pussy face.
天啊。
Oh my god.
等等。
Wait.
什么？
What?
总之，阴唇是眼睛，对吧。
So anyways The lips are the eyes Right.
然后阴蒂就是嘴巴。
And then the clit is the mouth.
你正在和她亲热，就是这样。
You're making out with her There you go.
大阴蒂。
Big clit.
轻点 她的舌头是什么？
Light What is her tongue?
好吧。
Okay.
等等。
Wait.
轻点，轻点，轻点。
Light, light, light.
你可以轻轻地吸一下。
You can lightly give a little suck on it.
有些时候女孩会写纸条说这男的咬了我的阴蒂。
There have been times where girls have written a note and said this man bit my clit.
是啊。
Yeah.
他咬了她的阴蒂。
He bit her clit.
贱男们，滚出我的视线。
Bitch boys, get out of my face.
滚出我的播客。
Get out of my podcast.
滚出我的播客。
Get out of my podcast.
把这个关掉。
Turn this off.
要是你们敢咬阴蒂，老子他妈会掉下载量的。
I'll lose a fucking download over this if you fucking bite clits.
滚出去。
Get out of here.
我们来聊聊Instagram。
Let's talk about Instagram.
好吧。
Okay.
因为我他妈收到了拒绝。
Because I got a fucking no.
不。
No.
不是我。
Not me.
索菲亚正在酝酿一场风暴。
Sofia's got a storm brewing.
我再次重申，各位。
I once again, people People.
就像，不要贬低女性。
Are, like, don't put women down.
不是女性的问题。
It's not women.
有件事你知道什么最让我火大吗？
That's a thing that you know what that pisses me off?
为什么？
Why?
我们并没有贬低女性。
We're not putting women down.
我们只是在揭露某人的真面目。
We're just fucking calling someone out.
我不管她是带把的还是不带把的。
I don't care if she's a vagina or a dick.
听听你自己在说什么。
Listen to yourself.
去听本他妈专门给你录制的自助电子书吧。
Go listen to a fucking self help book that was recorded for you on ebooks.
去看看医生的健康建议。
Go look at doctor's health help.
老爸我他妈想说什么就说什么。
Daddy and I'm gonna fucking say whatever I want.
对人说三道四没什么大不了的。
It's fine to talk shit on people.
我和Alex整天也互相吐槽自己。
Alex and I also talk shit on ourselves all day long.
我今天看起来丑得要命。
I fucking look hideous today.
你的头没事。
Your head fine.
冻死了。
Freezing out.
没关系。
It's fine.
总之，Instagram上。
Anyways, Instagram.
那些网红们。
Influencers.
哦。
Oh.
给自己办派对。
Throwing parties For themselves.
大家坐下放松，兴奋起来，拿好饮料，调好鸡尾酒，你他妈需要一杯鸡尾酒。
Everybody sit back, relax, get excited, get your drink, get your cocktail, you need a fucking cocktail.
老实说，我就是全场焦点。
Honestly, I'm the scene.
描绘这个场景。
Paint the scene.
狠狠地画出来，毕加索。
Fucking paint it, Picasso.
行动起来。
Get after it.
一个Instagram网红粉丝破百万了。
An Instagram influencer hits a million k.
她在Instagram上拥有百万粉丝。
Has a million she has a million followers on Instagram.
好吧。
Okay.
她竟如此厚颜无耻。
She has the audacity.
这份厚颜无耻。
The audacity.
这份胆量。
The boldness.
这份胆量。
The boldness.
还缺乏自知之明。
And lack awareness.
好吧。
Of Okay.
你一直在做...抱歉。
You've been doing Sorry.
我觉得这很有趣。
I think it's fun.
举办一个该死的派对。
To throw a goddamn party.
为了什么？
For?
她自己。
Herself.
为了她自己。
For herself.
为了她自己。
For herself.
为了这个里程碑，她还要他妈的大肆宣扬。
For this milestone, and she's gonna fucking call it.
女士们先生们，男孩女孩们，还有互联网上那些该死的混蛋们。
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, motherfuckers on the goddamn motherfucking internet.
没错。
Yes.
如果你粉丝破百万或者达到什么狗屁里程碑，在Instagram这种垃圾平台上——随便什么鬼数字塞我屁股里都行。
If you hit a million or whatever fucking milestone you consider a milestone on Instagram follower bullshit whatever up my asshole.
如果你给自己买了那些写着'一夜成名'的浮夸气球，还特意寄到——哦，你那面玫瑰墙那儿。
If you buy yourself goddamn floaty ass balloons that say one night and you buy them and have them shipped to Oh, your Rose wall.
老兄，管它什么玫瑰吸盘，数字拼写爱咋咋地。
Dude, get Whatever the Rose Suck our Suck how to have the numbers spelled out.
伙计们，我和索菲娅聊过这个，因为我们一直在暗中观察一个女孩。
Guys, Sofia and I were talking about this because we were stalking this one girl.
她粉丝破百万后给自己买了朵玫瑰，对。
She hit a million and she bought herself a rose yeah.
这算什么？
What is it?
就像一朵玫瑰，我不知道它叫什么。
Like a rose I don't know what it's called.
我真的不在乎。
I don't really care.
就像一面玫瑰墙，上面写着'100万'。
It's like a rose wall and it says 1 mil.
这简直太疯狂了。
This is the craziest thing.
发生什么事了？
What's happening?
就像，为什么会有人做这种事？
Like, what's happening to Why the are people doing this?
你能想象那些网红打电话给气球店要气球的场景吗？
Can you imagine the influencers calling the balloon shop and asking for balloons?
他们会说：'能给我几个拼出100万的气球吗？'
They're like, can I get some balloons that spell out 1,000,000?
然后气球店的人会说，哦，所以你为慈善筹了大概一百万，而这个该死的网红却说，她说，不是的。
And then the people at the balloon store are like, oh, so you raised like a million dollars for charity and this fucking influencer is like She's like, No.
其实我在Instagram上还挺火的。
I actually kind of kill it on Instagram.
她说，女士，女士，女士，我其实在Instagram上玩得风生水起。
She's like, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, I actually slay the I I actually slay the Instagram game.
她说，所以这不是为了慈善？
She's like, so this isn't for charity?
老兄，这太疯狂了。
Dude, it's fucking nuts.
我不知道发生了什么。
It's I don't know what's happening.
我只想说，我很确定Instagram很快就要完蛋了。
I just wanna say, like, I'm pretty sure Instagram is gonna die soon.
我只是觉得这些人把那么多生活和快乐都寄托在Instagram上，简直太疯狂了。
And I just think it's fucking wild that all these people are putting so much of their life and their happiness into Instagram.
这些女孩简直是在胡闹。
These girls are fucking throwing No.
你能想象收到一张电子贺卡写着'诚邀您参加'吗？
Can you imagine getting a fucking e card being like, you are invited.
亚历山德拉粉丝破百万了。
Alexandra hit one mil.
来一起庆祝吧。
Come celebrate.
我的天啊。
Oh my god.
你是不是还得带礼物去？
Are you supposed to take a present?
你会带什么礼物？
What would you bring?
我会带张卡片，上面写着'这是给你的现实清醒剂，你个蠢货'。
I would bring a card that was like, here's your reality check, you dumb bitch.
老兄，这简直太疯狂了。
Dude, this is fucking nuts.
这真的超级离谱，你怎么这么蠢。
It's actually so crazy how it's you dumb.
兄弟，这种派对到底有多少人会去啊？
Dude, how how many people go to those parties?
你都有百万粉丝了。
You have a million followers.
为什么现场他妈的就只有10个人？
Why why are there only fucking 10 people?
其中五个还是负责餐饮的工作人员，两个是你爸妈。
And five of them are the workers workers that that are are servicing it with their food, and two of them are your parents.
你那一百万朋友都他妈去哪儿了？
Where the fuck are your 1,000,000 friends?
这话说得太对了。
That is so true.
对吧？
Right?
是啊。
Yeah.
而且其中差不多一半人根本不认识她。
And like half of them don't even know her.
他们像是被雇来充场的。
They're like paid to be there.
就像她花钱买赞一样。
Just like she paid for likes.
老兄，特别是那些Ins上的捞女，无意冒犯。
Dude, especially for the Insta hoes, which no shade.
不。
No.
去赚你的钱吧。
Get your money.
去赚你的钱吧，但那些Instagram网红，她们有百万粉丝就为了看她们穿细绳比基尼，欣赏她们的翘臀。
Get your money, But the Insta hoes, and it's like they have a million guys following them to see them in a string bikini and like enjoy their asshole.
她们就像在开派对庆祝人们追捧她们的臀部。
And they're like, you're you're throwing a party for the fact that people celebrate your asshole.
而且我敢肯定那确实是个美臀。
And it's a great asshole, I'm sure.
但这种风光不会持续太久。
But it's not it's not for long.
不。
No.
更糟的是那些粉丝不到百万就搞这种排场的人。
What's worse is the people that do it for less than a million followers.
她们才涨到10万粉就开派对庆祝。
They do it, they hit like a 100 k and have a party.
简直就像在说，哇哦。
And it's like, woo.
哦，庆祝。
Oh, celebration.
拜托，省省吧。
Like, come on.
别太把自己当回事。
Get over yourself.
太疯狂了。
Insane.
我其实在YouTube上看到一个超搞笑的视频。
I actually saw a really funny video on or no, on YouTube.
杰克·保罗发了段科切拉音乐节的恶搞视频。
Jake Paul posted something from Coachella and it was a prank.
一群ins网红模特站在派对门外进不去。
And all of these Instagram models were standing outside of this party and they couldn't get inside.
嗯哼。
Uh-huh.
保安说，抱歉，里面女孩太多了。
And the bouncer was like, yeah, sorry, there's too many girls inside.
我们得把你们这些女孩分开。
We're gonna have to divide you girls.
所有Instagram粉丝超过50万的女孩，站到右边。
All of the girls that have above 500 k on Instagram, stand to the right.
不。
No.
粉丝少的，站到左边。
Everybody with lower, stand to the left.
那些女孩都他妈惊呆了。
And the girls were fucking shook.
真的，那些女孩脸都红透了。
Literally, the girls were so red.
然后有个女孩说，不，我的粉丝更多。
And then one of the girls was like, no, I have more followers.
然后他说，给我看看你的Instagram。
And he was like, show me your Instagram.
你能想象那些女孩们的反应吗？
Can you imagine the girls?
她们可能正在排队，还互相催促着“快点快点”。
They're probably in line and they're like, hurry hurry girls.
赶紧发你最诱人的钓鱼照片。
Throw up your best thirst trap.
快点。
Hurry.
他们可以查粉丝数。
They can do Followers.
你最好的哥们，我不知道。
Your best Dude, I don't know.
简直疯了。
It's fucking nuts.
我就是搞不懂。
I just don't get it.
把你那些该死的气球从我的五百万面前拿开，混蛋。
Get your fucking balloons out of my Five one million, my asshole.
1,000,000。
1,000,000.
但顺便说一句，气球对环境有害。
But balloons are bad for the environment, FYI.
FYI（供你参考）。
FYI.
它们可能还在害死那些该死的海龟。
They're probably also killing the goddamn turtles.
我打赌这个Instagram婊子肯定还发过自己救海龟的照片。
I bet you this same Instagram bitch also has a picture of herself saving the turtles.
哦。
Oh.
好吧，你知道吗？
Well, you know what?
气球一破，海龟就会吃掉那该死的塑料气球。
Turtles will eat that fucking plastic balloon when it pops.
你这个小伪君子。
You're a little hypocrite.
这下怎么说？
How about that?
这下怎么说？
How about that?
你这个小骗子。
You little hoedinger.
海龟和气球。
Turtles and balloons.
我们是怎么从任何人扯到海龟的？
How are we getting to turtles from anyone?
不。
No.
这太糟糕了。
It's fucked up.
总之，来电的爸爸一直在努力讨论海龟保护行动。
So anyways, caller daddy has really been trying to talk about the turtle effort.
好吧。
Okay.
好。
K.
再见。
Bye.
行吧。
Alright.
下一个。
Next.
我们开始吧。
Here we go.
我想你有更新要告诉我们，我已经准备好了。
I think you have an update for us, and I'm ready to go.
Alex，我们不是有嘉宾要来吗？
Alex, don't we have a guest coming on?
伙计们，我他妈太兴奋了。
Guys, I'm so fucking excited.
这会让你猝不及防。
This is gonna hit you out of nowhere.
我们迎来了第一位嘉宾。
We have our first guest.
来了来了。
Here we go.
向大家介绍——嘿，伙计们。
Introducing Hey, guys.
这是Lesey Loyndyke。
It's Lesey Loyndyke.
抱歉，我刚和朋友出去庆祝生日了。
Sorry I'm I was out celebrating my birthday with my friends.
不得不说，两周大的感觉真的很棒。
Being two weeks old feels pretty great, I must say.
我花了很多时间陪爸爸妈妈，我们甚至已经开始一起在城里四处游玩了。
I'm spending lots of time with mom and dad, and we've even started going on trips around town together.
有太多东西要看。
So much to see.
总之，这些天我还是会确保自己有足够的美丽睡眠。
Anyway, I am still making sure to get all my beauty rest these days.
得努力让自己容光焕发。
Gotta work on that glow up.
小Alessi，你们这些女孩懂我在说什么。
Baby Alessi, you you girls know what I'm talking about.
光是谈论睡觉就让我困了。
Just talking about sleep is making me tired.
该喝杯睡前酒然后上床休息了。
Time for a nightcap and off to bed for me.
欢迎你，小艾蕾西。
Baby Alessi, welcome.
等等艾蕾西，在我们继续之前，你能念念你的Instagram简介吗？
Wait, Alessi, before we move forward, can you please read us your Instagram bio?
因为这玩意儿简直离谱到家了。
Because this shit is fucking ridiculous.
我的简介？
My bio?
我还以为你永远不会问呢。
I thought you'd never ask.
从子宫起步，如今我们已声名远扬。
Started from the womb, now we hear.
从子宫起步，如今在此。
Started from the womb, now here.
你他妈在逗我吗？
Are you fucking kidding me?
你他妈在逗我吗？
Are you fucking kidding me?
伙计们，好吧。
Guys Okay.
亚历克斯和我现在都笑哭了。
Alex and I are crying right now.
我的天啊。
Oh my god.
好吧。
Okay.
听着。
Listen.
对于所有第一次来的人，简单说一下，如果你们不知道，有一对《单身汉》节目的情侣。
So for all of you that are first timers, quickly, if you guys don't know, there's that bachelor couple.
他们在Instagram上孕育了自己的宝宝。
They made their baby in Instagram.
他们简直疯了。
They're fucking out of their minds.
他们需要心理治疗。
They need psychiatric help.
他们的宝宝出生不到一个月，发的帖子已经比我多了。
Their baby was born less than a month ago and already has more posts than I do.
好吧。
Okay.
她比你还活跃。
She's more active than you.
她在Instagram上比我活跃多了。
She is more active on Instagram than I am.
我刚读的标题。
The caption I just read.
好吧。
Okay.
得努力提升自己了。
Gotta work on that glow up.
得努力提升自己了。
Gotta work on that glow up.
别这样。
Stop it.
别这样。
Stop it.
你应该为自己感到羞耻。
You should be ashamed of yourself.
真是妄想。
The delusion.
你们知道吗，这个宝宝在产房里就得了黄疸。
You know that this baby had jaundice in the delivery room.
向我的黄疸病友致敬，因为我和我兄弟都得过这玩意儿。
Shout out to my fellow jaundice patients because me and my brother have that shit.
老兄，当你得黄疸时，黄疸啊，说明你肝脏有问题，医生会给你个看起来像迷你日光浴床的东西带回家治疗。
Dude, when you have jaundice, jaundice, there's something wrong with your liver and the doctors will give you like it's honestly looks like a little tiny tanning bed that you gotta take home.
哦，绝对不行。
Oh, hell no.
你知道这贱人...我的天啊。
You know this bitch Oh my god.
居然让她孩子进去，然后她看着医生。
Is fucking having her baby go in there and she looks at the doctor.
她说：等等，让她在里面多待会儿。
She's like, wait, keep her in a little longer.
我要让她晒出那个光泽。
I let her get that glow.
这就是她说的‘你发光了’的意思
That's my what she means by You glow up.
发光了
Glow up.
把我宝宝留在黄疸治疗箱里，让她也发点光
Leave my baby in the Jaundice tower so she gets a little glow.
医生递给她那个小治疗灯时，她惊呼‘天啊’
The doctor handed her that little tanning bed and she was like, oh my god.
你们有没有我能用的型号？
Do you have one that could like fit me?
医生说‘这是治疗黄疸用的’
The doctor's like, this is for jaundice.
她接着说‘这不是...’，然后盯着那个小灯球看
This is not for she's like, like, look at that little globe.
你能想象吗，这宝宝躺在婴儿床里，头顶上还转着那种旋转玩具
You know this baby's fucking laying in its crib and what are those things that spin above your head?
这该死的旋转，她有个环形灯。
The fucking twirling She's got a a ring light.
整个房间都布满了环形灯，这小家伙。
The entire her entire room is covered in ring lights, this baby.
搞什么鬼？
What the fuck?
你心里其实很清楚。
It's you know for a fact.
另外，我想指出几位爸爸帮成员发来的内容，他们给我发了宝宝的照片截图，上面有配文，有人在照片下评论说'这里的语法不太对，但都可以原谅'之类的话。
Also, I would like to point out something a few daddy gang members wrote in and they sent me a screenshot of the baby and it had a caption and someone commented on the picture and said something something like the grammar here is not correct but like all is forgiven.
好吧。
Okay.
宝宝啊宝宝。
The baby The baby.
阿莱西。
Alessi.
阿莱西回复那个人说，我只是个宝宝。
Alessi commented back to this person and said, I'm just a baby.
就像，当然啦，我的语法肯定会有点问题。
Like, of course, my grammar's gonna something something.
我还没上学呢。
I haven't gone to school yet.
我刚刚开始用iPhone。
I'm just getting customized with the iPhone.
各位。
Guys.
我提起这个是因为那个宝宝的妈妈。
The reason I bring that up is because that baby's mother.
一个30岁的女人。
A 30 year old A woman.
一个成年人在假装宝宝回复另一个成年人。
A grown adult is commenting back to another adult pretending to be a baby.
最糟糕的是，我觉得，这还不是最糟的，因为你刚才读到的可能他妈更糟。
The worst, I think also, it's not the worst because what you just read is probably fucking worse.
从子宫开始，现在我们在这儿了。
Started from the womb, now we're here.
但但对我来说最糟的是，就像然后嗯。
But but the the worst also to me is that like then Mhmm.
在宝宝的帖子下，她会先退出宝宝的Instagram账号，登录自己的账号，然后去宝宝的帖子下评论说'哦我的天啊'。
On the baby's posts, she will log out of the baby's Instagram, log into her Instagram, and then go comment on the baby's post and be Oh like my god.
哦我的天啊。
Oh my god.
宝宝，你在这里看起来真可爱。
Baby, you look so cute here.
我爱你。
I love you.
我确实爱过你。
I did love you.
我压根没想到这一点。
I didn't even think about that.
她简直是人格分裂，谁来救救这位女士，带她去做个精神检查。这个疯女人居然还有蓝V认证。
She's literally split personality Someone suffer this lady, someone get her psychiatric check This on our bitch has a blue check mark.
这个宝宝。
This baby.
抱歉。
Sorry.
我说了'疯女人'这个词。
I said the bitch.
是宝宝。
The baby.
这个宝宝有蓝V认证？Instagram哪个员工在审核？这明显是个婴儿啊。
The baby has a Who blue check is working at Instagram that's like, so I know that this is a baby.
基本上就是个胎儿。
And it's basically a fetus.
而且我知道它已经存活了大约一个月。
And I know that it's been alive for about a month.
但我们还是给它加个蓝V认证吧。
But let's go ahead and give it a blue check mark.
因为这绝对是那个婴儿发的所有内容。
Because it is definite this is definitely the baby posting all this.
好吧，这就是我们的小亚历克西娅近况更新。
Well, Well, that's just our baby Alessia update.
希望你们喜欢我们他妈的第一位嘉宾。
Hope you guys enjoyed our first fucking guest.
总之，你们这群饥渴的混蛋都他妈听好了，我们要聊聊职场约炮的事。
Anyways, all you horny motherfuckers, listen the fuck up because we're about to talk about hooking up hooking up in the workplace.
天啊。
Oh my god.
我知道的，丽贝卡。
I know, Rebecca.
你一直想他妈勾引对面的詹姆斯，还穿着Express那件紧得要命的铅笔裙。
You've been trying to fucking pork James that sits across You've from been wearing the pencil skirt from Express that's a little too tight.
还有你那件Jake Crew的纽扣衬衫也紧得过分。
Little too And your Jake Crew button up.
哦，而且你的屁股都快撑爆了，胸罩都挡不住溢奶。
Oh, but and And the the butt are bursting and you're lactating through your bra.
总之。
Anyways.
不管怎样。
Anyways.
和同事搞在一起。
Hooking up with coworkers.
咱们开始吧。
Let's get into it.
首先，让我们设定一下场景。
First, let's set the scene.
有两种不同的环境。
There's two different settings.
其实有多种环境，但我觉得主要是服务业和职场两种。
Well, there's multiple settings, but I think the main ones are the service industry and then the corporate world.
对。
Yeah.
服务业。
The service industry.
因为这玩意儿和职场完全不一样。
Because that shit's different than the corporate world.
比如在餐厅工作、调酒师、酒水服务女郎、脱衣舞娘这些。
That's like working in a restaurant, bartender, bottle service girl, stripper.
如果你是脱衣舞娘，那你就是服务业的。
You're in the service industry if you're a stripper.
没错，你就是。
Yeah, you are.
这就是我要说的关于服务行业的事。
This is what I'm gonna say about the service industry.
我在服务行业干过大概两年。
I worked in the service industry for two like years.
没错。
Hell yeah.
你确实干过。
You did.
适合那些喜欢派对的人。
Is for people that like to party.
最适合你了。
Perfect for you.
最适合你了亲爱的。
Perfect for you sweetheart.
是的，可能有人会不同意我的观点，也许不会，但这就是我的看法。
Yes, And you can people will try to disagree with me or maybe they won't, but that's my take on it.
基本上百无禁忌。
Kind of anything goes.
就算你跟经理上床也没人会管你。
You can be fucking your manager and no one's gonna give you shit for it.
这倒是真的。
That's kinda true.
你懂我意思吧？
You know what I mean?
是啊。
Yeah.
这只是我突然想起的一点回忆。
This is just a little memory that I had.
索菲娅，让我们一起回忆往事吧。
Let's go down memory lane, Sofia.
带我们回到那段记忆——我在那家高档寿司店当接待员时，上班期间经常喝到断片。
Take us with What get so blackout While I was clocked in working, I was a hostess at this high end sushi restaurant.
对。
Right.
本应引领客人入座并递上菜单。
Are supposed to walk people to their seats and hand them menus.
断片后第二天我朋友会说，老兄，你值班最后那会儿，客人进门你就指着餐厅那边说‘那儿有张桌子’，然后直接让他们自己去找座位。
Blackout and the next day my friend would be like, dude, towards the last hour of your shift, people were walking in and you were being like, there's a table And over I would point across the restaurant and just tell them to go seat themselves.
哇哦。
Wow.
但这和服务行业里的性行为完全没关系。
But that has nothing to do with having sex in the service industry.
那是上个月的事。
That's the month.
话说你不是刚和你老板调情还表现得若无其事吗？
Anyways Didn't you just like flirt with your boss and like you were all fine?
就那种‘嗯哼’的感觉。
Like you just kinda like yeah.
可能是吧。
Probably.
是啊。
Yeah.
但但重点就在这儿。
But but that is the point.
你他妈的在上班时喝酒。
You're fucking drinking on the job.
没错。
Yeah.
我同意你的说法。
I agree with you.
我很确定我在夜店工作过一阵子，因为想为春假攒点钱。
I'm pretty sure I worked at a a nightclub for a minute because I was trying to get some money for spring break.
哦。
Oh.
哦。
Oh.
是啊。
Yeah.
宝贝。
Baby.
我知道。
I know.
所以我在波士顿一家夜店当调酒师。
And so I, like, was bartending at this nightclub in Boston.
向Bijou致敬。
Shout out Bijou.
我老板简直想占我便宜，大家都觉得这很正常。
And my boss was, like, absolutely trying to fuck me, and it was just normal.
所有人都觉得，哦，是啊。
Everyone's like, oh, yeah.
他就是那样的人。
That's just like him.
所以每个人都觉得这很正常。
And so every and everyone's just normal.
对吧。
Right.
你完蛋了。
You're fucked.
你能想象在职场说这种话吗？
Can you imagine saying that in, like, the corporate world?
我老板就是随便想搞我。对啊。
My boss is just casually trying to fuck Yeah.
我被搞了。
I get fucked.
人力资源部，你们在哪？
HR, where are you?
根本没有HR部门。
There is no HR.
只有酒和在后室乱搞的人。
There's just shots and fucking people getting fucked in the back room.
这就是服务行业。
So the service industry.
是的。
Yes.
人们想知道到底该怎么约人出去玩，或者怎么勾搭上谁，我们直接说重点——因为我们要给你些实在的建议？
People wanna know how the fuck can I approach someone to hang out with me or how do I hook up with someone and let's The give it to main line here is because we are gonna give you some tangible shit?
因为我们是他爹。
Because we're call her dads.
我们是群慷慨的混蛋。
We're generous motherfuckers.
没错。
Yes.
我觉得说‘下班后要不要一起去喝一杯？’
I think saying, do you wanna grab a drink after your shift?
将会是服务行业最常用的搭讪话术。
Is going to be the most used line in the service industry.
而且这完全合适。
And it's totally appropriate.
你要做的是把自己的班次安排得和对方一致。
What you do is you schedule your shift to match up with the person's shift.
真是把跟踪狂气质拉满，就为等那一刻。
Really an amazing stalker vibes living for that moment.
绝了。
Amazing.
没错。
Yes.
别做得太明显，但要尽量把班次调到和对方同时下班——天啊。
And don't make it obvious, but try and do your shift so that you guys happen to be getting off of work at the same Oh my god.
然后你刚好转头看向那个你想上床的猎物，说：'下班后要不要去喝一杯？'
And then you happen to look over to the to your fucking prey that you wanna have sex with, and you're like, would you like to get a drink after your shift?
砰。
Boom.
搞定。
Done.
就这样。
There you go.
我觉得还可以主动提出帮他们代班。
I think that's And then also offer to cover their shift.
如果他们某天晚上不能来，你就说：'哦，我帮你顶班。'
If they can't make it one night, you're like, oh, I got you.
别担心，布莱恩。
Don't worry, Brian.
你晚点可以用吃鲍鱼来补偿。
You can make up for it by eating that pussy later.
你可以说，我帮你把区域打扫干净了。
And you can be like, I cleaned your section off for you.
我帮你把八区的玻璃杯都擦干净了，这样你就能早点下班和我去喝一杯。
I cleaned your I real cleaned the glasses off of section eight, so you can get off early and come get drinks with me.
简直气炸了。
Like fucking pissed off.
然后我觉得还要主动出击。
Then I also think and shoot your shot.
赶紧他妈的出手啊，因为周转时间还是什么来着？
Shoot your fucking shot because the turnover time or turnaround time?
周转时间。
Turnaround time.
现在他妈几点了？
What fucking time is it?
管他几点。
Whatever time.
是时候他妈的了，这可是货真价实的家庭主妇梗。
It'll time to fucking go That's in and a real housewife reference.
你你这就进去开干。
You're you're gonna go in and shoot.
随便什么机会。
Any shot.
对。
Yes.
因为服务业的人嘛，都是今天入职明天滚蛋。
Because people in the service industry, like, get hired and fired.
今天入职明天滚蛋。
Hired and fired.
我在俱乐部打工时，最多就撑了三周。
When I was working at the club, I was there for three weeks max.
就想着搞到钱赶紧溜。
Was trying to get my money and get out.
天啊。
Oh my god.
我后来做了什么？
What did I do later?
结果我和其中一个勾搭上了，但我已经离开了。
I ended up hooking up But with one of the I was gone.
当然。
Of course.
看吧，来去匆匆。
See, was in and out quick quick.
你很快就走了。
You were gone.
他们甚至来不及反应——我记得有一个月我同时在五家不同的餐厅工作。
They couldn't even I catch think there was like a month there where I worked at like five different restaurants in one month.
典型的‘在Chili's被炒鱿鱼后去星巴克’经历。
A true You get coffee fired at Chili's.
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