如何应对节假日

大家好，老爸帮的成员们。

Hello, daddy gang.

欢迎回到又一个温馨的周日老爸时间。

Welcome back to another cozy, cozy Sunday session with your father.

希望你们都在享受一个美好的周日，放松身心，或许还处理了些事情。

I hope you guys are all having a lovely Sunday, relaxing, maybe getting ahead on some stuff.

如果没有，也别担心。

If not, no worries.

你们只是和我一起消磨时间。

You're just hanging out with me.

好了，我直接进入正题，因为事情是这样的。

And yeah, I'm just going to jump right into it because here's the thing.

我们正进入一年中本应充满魔力的时节。

We are heading into the time of year where everything is supposed to be magical.

天啊，假期就要来了，你们肯定超级兴奋吧。

Oh my God, the holidays, you guys literally so excited.

等不及了对吗？

Can't wait, right?

天哪天哪，一定会超级棒的。

Oh my God, oh my God, it's going be amazing.

感恩节就要到了，紧接着是光明节、圣诞节和新年。

We have Thanksgiving coming up and then right around the corner is Hanukkah and then Christmas and then New Year's.

这本该是一年中最美好的时光。

It is supposed to be the best time of the year.

重点在于'本该是'，所以我每年假期季都会做一期公益提醒节目。

Emphasis on the supposed to be, which is why I kind of like to do a yearly PSA episode around the holiday season.

如果你关注我多年，会发现我常做这类内容，因为我觉得这不仅对你们非常非常有帮助，对我自己也一样。

If you have been with me for many years, I kind of do this often because I think it can be very, very not only helpful for you, but also for me.

这完全可以成为一集完整的内容，我只是在为自己做这些，与自己和家人对话。

This could also just be like a full episode where I'm just really doing this for myself and talking to myself and my family members.

但希望这能引起你的共鸣。

But hopefully this is relatable to you.

我认为在每年的这个时候做一点现实检查很重要，因为我们距离那些既美好又混乱的日子只有几周了。

I think it's important to do a little reality check around this time of year because we are kind of weeks out from all of the amazing, sometimes chaos beginning.

我觉得我们已经可以想象出假期会是什么样子。

And I feel like we can picture what our holiday is going to look like.

我们很容易就会满怀期待。

And we can easily get our hopes up.

我们以为会像贺曼电影那样，全家穿着配套睡衣——虽然对某些人来说可能是噩梦，但有些人就喜欢这样——丰盛大餐、礼物、家庭时光、壁炉边的欢笑、热可可、唱诗班。

We think it's going to be like the Hallmark movies, we're going to have matching pajamas with our family, although that may be a nightmare to some people, some people would like that, you know, big meals, presents, family time, laughter around the fireplace, hot cocoa, carolers.

你会觉得，这就是我一年到头都在等待的时刻。

Like it's, you're like, okay, this is the time of year that I've been literally waiting for.

这就是我的Pinterest愿景板。

Like, this is my Pinterest board.

就是现在了，Alex，我简直兴奋到极点。

Like, this is it, Alex, like I couldn't be more excited.

然后当我们真正迎来那个在脑海中反复构想的时刻时，却会想：等等，为什么我隐隐感到失望和失落？

And then we get to the moment that we've built up in our head and we're like, wait, why do I feel like low key kind of disappointed and like a little let down?

这完全不是我当初想象的样子。

Like, this is literally not what I was envisioning.

因为事实上，这段时间可能让人非常迷茫，也可能令人失望。

It's because the truth is, is that this time of year can be so disorienting and it can be a letdown.

理论上，这应该是最欢乐的节日季。

On paper, it's supposed to be the most joyful holiday season.

但对很多人来说，这却是一年中最艰难的时期之一。

But for a lot of us, it can be one of the hardest times of the year.

我向你保证，有这种感受的不止你一个人。

And I promise you're not alone in feeling that way.

我还想确保大家都知道，我说的并非什么革命性言论，但我要让那些在每年这个时候感到有点他妈悲伤和抑郁的大多数人明白——你并不孤单。

I also wanna make sure everyone knows, I don't think that I'm saying anything revolutionary, but I'm making sure that for the majority of people who are a little bit fucking sad and depressed during this time of year, you're not alone.

如果你来自一个完美家庭，并且心想'你到底在说什么鬼话'，

If you are someone who has a perfect family and you're like, what are you literally talking about?

我在节假日期间确实拥有像画册般完美的生活。

I do have the picture perfect life around the holidays.

那这段话可能不适合你。

This may not be for you.

现在我牙缝里卡了颗该死的籽儿，房间里还没人帮我看看。

I have a fucking seed stuck in my tooth and no one's in the room with me.

所以如果我牙缝里真有玉米粒——不其实没有，你们就当没看见吧。

So like, if there's a kernel in my tooth, no, it's not and just pretend that you never saw that.

我们就假装无事发生。

Let's just pretend.

想象我录完整期节目后，才发现牙缝里塞满了黑色残渣。

Imagine I get through the whole fucking episode and I have a bunch of black shit in my teeth.

好吧，总之你可能不属于这种情况，那完全没关系。

Okay, but yeah, you may be someone that this doesn't apply to and that's completely fine.

无论如何，对于我们这些在节日期间时常挣扎的人来说，请记住——就像个温馨提醒——所有广告、每首圣诞歌、每部暖心电影，都在刻意营造节日就该纯粹亢奋、一切都会神奇完美的假象。

Anyways, for the other side of us that have struggled sometimes during the holidays, I want you to keep in mind, and this is just like a cozy reminder, every single advertisement, every Christmas song, every cozy movie, it is all designed to make you feel like the holidays are a time of just pure excitement and that everything is going to be magical and perfect.

但相信我，大多数人的节日根本不是那样。

But trust me, most people's holidays do not look like that.

如果你此刻正坐着想'为什么我家不能像别人家那样'，

If you're the person sitting here being like, why can't my family be like the rest?

宝贝，其实你才是大多数。

Babe, you're actually the norm.

好吧，其实在这种情况中你并非异类。

Okay, you're actually not the outlier in this situation.

你百分之百属于大多数，因为节假日会带来巨大的经济压力。

You are 100% the majority because the holidays can bring a lot of financial stress.

它会带来孤独感。

It can bring loneliness.

它会引发悲伤或放大悲伤，对吧？

It can bring grief or highlight grief, right?

无论你是思念某人，还是感到被冷落，亦或是更普遍的情况——比如工作已经让你精疲力竭，你还在努力坚持，结果又赶上节假日，简直就像'天啊，我感觉自己要窒息了'。

Whether you're missing someone, maybe you're feeling left out, or also just the more common one, like you are so stretched thin with work and you're trying to keep up and then it's the holidays and it's like, oh my God, I feel like I am underwater.

你可能要应付家庭关系、旅行计划、工作截止日期，诸如此类的事情，对吧？

You could be dealing with family dynamics, travel plans, work deadlines, the list goes on, right?

而奇怪的是，经历了所有这些混乱后，我们居然还被期待感到放松和快乐。

And somehow we are still expected to feel rested and joyful after all of the chaos.

我只是想提醒大家，没有人拥有完美的家庭，无论他们表现得多么美好。

I just want to remind everyone, no one has a perfect family, no matter how good they may make it look.

家家都有本难念的经。

Everyone has something.

也许你的家庭是那种喧闹混乱的，也许是冷漠疏离的，又或许你的家庭正面临成瘾问题。

Maybe your family is the loud and chaotic family, maybe they are cold and disconnected, maybe there is addiction going on in your household.

就像你家里发生的所有事情，在节日期间都会被无限放大。

Like everything going on in your family just gets extremely elevated during the holiday season.

从满心期待能休几天假放松一下，到发现现实完全相反，这种落差可能让人非常非常难受。

And it can be so, so hard to go from building this up in your head of how excited you are to have a few days off of work and you think you're going to get to relax.

结果晚餐还没他妈开始，你叔叔就说了些冒犯人的话。

And then your uncle says something offensive before dinner even fucking starts.

你只能想：'哦，好吧，好吧。'

You're like, oh, cool, cool.

好吧，这对我可太棒了。

Okay, love that for me.

真他妈该死。

God fucking damn it.

你连一秒钟喘息的机会都没有。

Like you haven't even been able to catch a break for a second.

然后所有破事就一股脑砸过来了。

And then it just all starts getting fucking thrown at you.

你就会想，哦，我都忘了节假日本来就是这样的。

And you're like, oh, I forgot this is what the holidays is actually like.

说到家人，我的建议是——不知道是不是我太悲观，但实话实说，我见过太多这种事了。

Like, when it comes to family, I think my advice and I don't know if this is me being pessimistic, but it's the honest truth is like, I've seen it enough.

我做这档节目已经够久了。

I've done this show for long enough.

收到过无数听众来信，都是诉说失望之情。

And I have so many people that always write in just being like, I was so let down.

我觉得对待家人时，稍微——注意是稍微不是完全——降低期待值可能更健康，对吧？

I think when it comes to family, it can be healthy to slightly, I'm just saying slightly, not completely, but slightly lower your expectations, right?

因为如果你抱着'这次聚会肯定很糟'的心态去，结果发现'天啊奶奶居然没说种族歧视的话'，

Because like how amazing if you go and be like, this is about to be shit and then it's like, oh my god, my grandma didn't make a racist comment.

爸爸没喝得烂醉，

My dad didn't get hammered.

妈妈没有表现得很自恋，

My mom wasn't a narcissist.

我那个混蛋堂兄也没敲我脑袋，

My fucking cousin didn't like smack me in the head.

就会发现当下其实有很多美好正在发生。

Like there's so much beauty happening right now.

与其期待全世界却只换来一坨屎，还不如一开始就别抱期望。

It's almost better to go in like that than rather expect the world and literally just get fucking shit on.

但我和心理医生探讨时也意识到，节日总是被编码成怀旧核心，对吧？

But I think also something as I've reflected with my therapist is like, something about the holidays, obviously, is just so nostalgia core coded, right?

很多时候我们想起节日，总觉得它们应该像童年时那样美好。

And I think a lot of times when we think about the holidays, we feel like they should feel like they did when we were kids.

但显然这不可能实现。

And obviously, that's not going to happen.

所以节日反而会凸显现状与童年的巨大差异，不是吗？

So I think it can end up highlighting how different things are now than they were in your childhood, right?

环境会变，人会离世，关系会结束，家庭会破裂，父母会离婚，家族关系随时间流转。

Circumstances change, people pass away, relationships end, families break up, parents get divorced, family dynamics shift throughout time.

为了度过这个阶段，我想强调的是——平常日子里你不需要同时面对所有问题。

And to help us get through this, I just want to highlight like on normal days, as an adult, you are not having to confront all of it at once, right?

不必和所有这些人、所有触发点共处一室。

You are not in a room with all of these people and all of these triggers.

这些是分散在全年慢慢消化的。

It's piecemeal throughout the year.

可当节日来临，就像一记耳光甩在脸上：该死的，我的生活怎么还是这么糟。

But then the holidays come and it kind of just slaps us in the face and it's like, goddamn, my shit's so fucked like, no.

我认为这正是悲伤趁虚而入的时刻。

And I think that is really when the sadness can creep in.

你期待事物要么保持原貌，要么变得更好。

You expect things to either look like they used to or you expect things to be different than they were.

比如：为什么我们家族毫无成长？

Like, how have we not grown as a family?

为什么我们还在为五岁时争吵的同样事情打架？

How are we still fighting over the same thing that we did when we were five years old?

这到底是怎么发生的？

Like how is this happening?

核心主题就是假期，大多数时候都达不到我们脑海中构建的期望值，对吧？

The overarching theme is the holidays, most of the time do not live up to the expectations that we built up in our head, right?

就像我说的，我认为度过假期并真正享受它们的第一步，就是停止追求完美。

Like I said, I think the first step in surviving the holidays and actually having a chance to enjoy them is to stop trying to make them perfect.

我们无法控制一切会怎样发展，但我们可以控制自己的反应。

We cannot control what it's all going to be like, but we can control how we react.

你早就清楚和家人或共度假期的人相处时的雷区是什么，对吧？

You already know what your triggers are with your family or the people you're going be spending it with, right?

比如，可能是家人喝完第三轮酒后气氛突变，大家开始争吵；也可能是你添第二份食物时，那位总爱对你身材评头论足的阿姨——你知道她肯定会开口；又或是在酒吧遇见老家朋友时感到被冷落，瞬间把你拉回高中或初中的糟糕回忆。

Like, maybe it's the way the energy shifts after your family has had that third round of drinks and everyone's always fighting or maybe your aunt who is always making comment when you help yourself to seconds about your body, like you know it's gonna come or maybe it's running into your hometown friends at the bar and like feeling left out and it's triggering you back to high school or middle school or whatever it be.

我的建议是：随着这些情况临近，试着预判你的触发点，认清那些年复一年让你难受的事，争取提前应对。

My advice is as we get closer to all of this coming to a head, try to anticipate what that trigger is for you and recognize those things that year after year keep making you feel upset and just try to get ahead of it.

就是字面意义的提前准备——好吧，我知道这事会发生。

Like literally just try to get ahead of it like, okay, I know this is gonna happen.

那么第一，今年我要如何应对？

So one, how will I respond this year?

第二，我要怎样应对才能让自己更快乐、更享受？

And how will I respond in a way that will make my time happier and more enjoyable?

对吧？

Right?

或许需要设定些界限。

And so maybe it's setting some boundaries.

或许要打破某些模式。

Maybe it's breaking patterns.

或许要颠覆某些传统。

Maybe it's breaking traditions.

就像你必须自己做决定一样。

Like you have to decide for yourself.

每个家庭都不同。

Every family is different.

我可以在这里坐几个小时，不断设想各种场景。

I could sit here for hours and just go through scenarios.

但你们，现在正在收听的每一个人，请闭上眼睛。

But you, every single person listening right now, close your eyes.

如果你在开车就别这么做，但请闭上眼睛。

Don't do it if you're driving, but close your eyes.

即使你在工作，老板正从旁边经过，等等，罗恩你等一下。

Even if you're at work, your boss is walking by, hold on, hold on Ron.

我需要集中精神。

I need to lock in.

亚历克斯让我快速定位家庭创伤。

Alex is telling me to locate the family trauma really quick.

等一下，等一下。

Hold on, hold on.

我马上把销售报告给你。

I'll get you the sales report in one minute.

好了，大家都闭上眼睛。

Okay, everyone close your eyes.

你知道节日期间会触发你情绪的是什么？

What is the thing that you know is gonna trigger you for the holidays?

当你想到这个时，宝贝，我该怎么选？

It came to you're like, babe, how do I pick one?

亚历克斯，我该选哪个？

Alex, which one should I pick?

好吧，我们都心知肚明。

Okay, we all have it in our head.

接下来的几小时、几分钟或几天里，开始为自己筑起防护罩，想办法别让那些破事毁了你这该死的节日。

Now for the next few hours, minutes or days, start to just plan the shield around yourself of how you're gonna try to not let that fucking ruin your holiday this fucking year.

我知道这很难做到，因为总有些情况是你无法控制的。

And I know it's really difficult to do because there's gonna be circumstances that you cannot control.

但我觉得只要找到适合你的方式就行，对吧？

But I think just finding what works for you, right?

节日不完美没关系，家人不像Instagram上那样完美也没关系——但真相是，那些在Ins上晒全家福假装节日多幸福的人，往往过得最惨。

It is okay to not have a perfect holiday and a perfect family that see on Instagram, but news flash, most of the people probably posting how happy their family is on fucking holidays on Instagram are the most miserable.

要是真那么幸福，你还会抱着破手机不放吗？

Because if you're really that happy, are you on your fucking phone?

不，我知道和家人度过的最美好节日，

No, I know some of the best holidays I've had with my family.

就像这样：伙计们，我们没发动态，没拍照，什么都没做。

I'm like, you guys, we didn't post, we didn't take a picture, we did nothing.

因为我们当时在玩桌游打牌什么的。

Because we were playing board games and cards and whatever.

能在节日期间真正活在当下本身就是一种奢侈。

And it's like that's being present is a privilege during the holidays.

能够专注当下、真心不想刷手机是种特权——毕竟有太多糟心事、创伤、包袱和过往，让人很难真正享受当下。

Being able to be present and actually not wanting to be on your phone is a privilege because there's so much going on and so much trauma and so much baggage and history that it's really, really hard to just enjoy yourself.

所以提醒一下：就算那些在Ins上晒幸福的人真很快乐，也别私信我。

So just a little reminder, you know, and even if the people that are posting on fucking Instagram are actually happy, don't DM me.

我只是想让其他人好受点。

I'm trying to make everyone else feel good.

懂了吗？

Okay?

试着享受当下，这就是我想灌输给自己和你们的理念，别让对这个季节的过度美化影响了你的心情。

Try to just enjoy yourself, I think is what I'm going to try to just instill within myself and for you guys and try not to let the romanticizing of this time of year let you down.

我让你们写下关于如何应对假期的具体问题，因为这真的会占据我们生活的全部。

I had you guys write in specific questions about how to navigate the holidays, because that's literally what's about to consume our fucking lives.

所以如果你们准备好了——反正我是准备好了——让我们来回答这该死的每周提问吧。

So if you're ready, because I'm ready, let's answer some questions of the motherfucking week.

好的，让我看看问题。

Okay, let me me get the questions.

稍等。

Hold on.

好的，第一个问题。

Okay, question one.

嗨，库珀神父，我男朋友邀请我去他家过感恩节，这是我第一次见他全家。

Hi, Father Cooper, my boyfriend invited me to spend Thanksgiving at his house, and I'm meeting his entire family for the first time.

我紧张得要命，想确保能留下好印象。

I'm freaking out and wanna be sure that I make a good impression.

我该怎么做？

What should I do?

我该穿什么？

What should I wear?

救救我。

Please help me.

天啊。

Oh my God.

好吧。

Okay.

我是说，在深入讨论之前，我觉得有必要承认：和伴侣共度假期是件大事，也是关系中的重要一步。

I mean, before we get into it, I think it's just like important to acknowledge that spending the holidays with a partner is a big deal and a big step in the relationship.

通常来说，我会认为这意味着你们的关系变得更认真了，你能看到彼此有真正的未来，这非常令人兴奋。

Typically, I would assume that means you guys are getting more serious and you can see a legitimate future together, which is very exciting.

我为你感到高兴。

I'm happy for you.

我的建议是，把这当作一次很好的试运行，看看你能否融入他的家庭，是否能想象成为彼此生活的一部分，对吧？

My advice is just to also go into this like, this is a good trial run to see how you would fit in with his family, and whether or not you could picture being a part of each other's lives, right?

你可以近距离体验他们的传统，真正了解他们的家庭动态。

Like, you get to experience their traditions up close, and you can really learn a lot about their family dynamic.

但需要记住的是，就像我刚才说的，节假日是压力大、紧张的时刻，对吧？

And so something to keep in mind though, is like I just talked about, the holidays are a high stress, high tension time, right?

我不是说他们应该是最疯狂的家庭，要为此体谅他们。

So I'm not saying that they should be like the most insane family and like give them a break for it.

但要记住，他们的行为可能不代表他们日常的真实样子，对吧？

But like their behavior, just keep in mind may not represent what they actually are like around the day to day, right?

尤其在节假日，不是每次互动都会完美无缺。

Especially at the holidays, not every single interaction is going to be perfect.

可能会有些尴尬或艰难的时刻，甚至可能发生家庭争执。

There will probably be some awkward or tough moments, there could be a family fight.

所以记得给自己和他的家人都留些宽容的空间。

And so just remember to give both yourself and their family a little bit of grace.

好的，现在我们来谈谈如何留下良好第一印象的基本步骤。

Okay, so now let's talk about the very basic steps of like how to make a good first impression.

我们还可以讨论你在那里时应该进行的实际对话和互动。

And we can also get into actual conversations and interactions that you should be having while you're there.

我的第一条建议非常简单基础，但绝对必要：你需要带礼物，明白吗？

My first piece of advice, very simple, very basic, but like absolutely necessary, you need to bring a gift, okay?

这不需要精心准备或昂贵，但在我看来，受邀参加别人的感恩节晚餐或去别人家时，永远永远不要空手而去。

This does not have to be an elaborate, expensive situation, but you should never ever ever show up to someone's Thanksgiving dinner or someone's home, in my opinion, empty handed when they are hosting you.

一些安全又不会出错的礼物，比如可爱的香薰蜡烛、水果篮、一瓶葡萄酒（如果这家人喝酒的话），或者既然是感恩节，你可以问问男朋友：'嘿，需要我准备什么菜吗？'

Some safe and foolproof gifts are things like a cute scented candle, a fruit basket, a bottle of wine if the family drinks, or since it is Thanksgiving, you could ask your boyfriend like, hey, do they need me to cook anything?

亲爱的，如果你会做饭的话。如果不会，就别趁机第一次尝试做南瓜派了。

If you're a cook, sweetie, if you don't cook, I wouldn't use this as an opportunity to try to make a pumpkin pie for the first time.

也许还是算了吧。

Maybe lay off.

这时候该有点自知之明，比如别逞能去做填料火鸡。

Maybe this is where self awareness kicks in and it's like, maybe don't try to make the stuffing.

就他妈带个蜡烛去吧。

Just bring a fucking candle.

但如果你非要带食物，可以烤个派。

But if you do, maybe bake a pie.

也许这是你的拿手绝活，正好可以露一手对吧？

Maybe that's something you're really good at and you could show off, right?

比如带个甜点，多带点东西，说真的，你随手带的任何东西都是心意，对吧？

Like bring a dessert, bring something extra, literally anything that you walk in with is thoughtful, right?

就像我说的，能被邀请参加别人的节日聚会是件大事。

Like I said, it's a big deal to be included in someone's holiday.

所以我觉得要时刻保持感恩之心。

So I think just making sure you're constantly being like thankful.

我知道这听起来像是'我不用巴结这些人'。

I know that sounds literally like you're like, I don't need to suck up to these people.

多说几次谢谢能让你赢得尊重，亲爱的。

Saying thank you a good amount of times gets you some high regard, sweetie.

但也别做得太夸张，搞得人家觉得'天啊，我们知道了'。

Now don't be a fucking over the top bitch where they're like, Jesus Christ, we get it.

你他妈的很感激。

You're fucking thankful.

嗯，这就是这个节日的意义所在。

Well, that is what this holiday is about.

所以请记住这一点。

So keep that in mind.

今天能和马蒂的家人在一起，我真的很感恩。

I'm just so thankful to be with Marty's family today.

然后他们说，闭嘴，克里斯汀。

And they're like, shut up, Christine.

而你说，不，该死。

And you're like, no, fuck.

别惹人烦。

Don't be annoying.

就像硬要表现得很努力那样。

Like chew try hard.

你得找到那个平衡点，亲爱的，这就是自我认知的美妙之处。

You gotta you gotta that's the beauty of self awareness is like find that middle ground, sweetie.

而且这并不容易找到。

And it ain't easy to find.

所以你得用心感受。

So you gotta feel it.

这个感恩节，你必须真正全身心地和伴侣在一起。

You gotta really be in your body this Thanksgiving with your partner.

我们能聊聊穿搭吗？

Can we talk about outfits?

感恩节的着装可能有点棘手。

Dressing for Thanksgiving can be a little bit tricky.

我个人知道，我喜欢大吃特吃。

I know personally, I love to stuff my face.

感恩节晚餐我要吃第二轮、第三轮，甚至更多轮。

I'm going in for seconds, thirds and many more rounds for Thanksgiving dinner.

所以我个人想穿条有弹力的裤子，对吧？

So I personally would like to wear a pant that is elastic, right?

不要有纽扣，就算有纽扣，我也会在餐桌上把它们全解开。

There's no buttons or if there's buttons, I'm unbuttoning them out the fucking table.

但我觉得很多家庭在感恩节都不会穿得太随意。

But I feel like a lot of families aren't casual for Thanksgiving.

其实盛装打扮也挺有意思的，虽然我总想穿运动裤，但全家人都说：'亚历克斯，穿条裙子吧'。

It is kind of fun to dress up anyways, although I'm like, let's just do sweats and my whole family's always like, no, Alex, like put on a skirt.

不过我觉得穿条裤子配乐福鞋，搭件可爱毛衣或者毛衣配裙子永远不会出错。

I'm like, oh, but I do think you can kind of never go wrong with like a pant, a loafer and a little cute sweater or like a skirt sweater combo.

总之最重要的是别让自己不舒服。

But overall, you do not want to feel uncomfortable.

很多家庭对这种着装要求都有传统习俗。

And a lot of families have a lot of traditions around this type of dress code situation.

所以建议你问问男朋友：'能告诉我你妈妈或姐妹平时都穿什么吗？'

So if I were you, ask your boyfriend, like, can you tell me what your mom or your sister or any of like the women like usually wear?

其实这可以成为很好的破冰话题，取决于你们关系有多亲近。

Or how about, actually, this could be a great conversation starter depending on how close you are.

你认识他妹妹吗？

Do you know his sister?

他有姐妹吗？

Does he have a sister?

这或许是个发短信的好时机：'嗨，想问问你准备穿什么？'

That would be maybe a good time to text her and be like, hey, just wondering what you're wearing.

但千万别穿露脐装。

But do not wear a crop top.

大概别把胸部露出来，对吧？

Do not probably don't have your tits out, right?

就是说，要穿得让你男友的奶奶也能看的衣服。

Like it's just the things that you want his grandma to see.

人各有志，如果你想穿夜店风，那是你的自由。

And to each his own, if you wanna go clubbing outfit, do your thing.

只是我个人不会推荐这么做。

I just wouldn't personally recommend it.

这可是家庭聚会，明白吗？

This is a family gathering, okay?

收敛一点，珍妮丝。

Keep it together, Janice.

关于你和你男友，我建议你们提前做足功课，在进门前先跟他了解清楚要见的每个人，懂吗？

You and your boyfriend, I also would say, to set yourself up for success, talk to him about all the people that you're going to be meeting before you walk into this house, right?

我们家怪人可不少。

We got a lot of weird people.

每个家族都有奇葩，我们爱这些怪咖——但你必须先认清他们。

We got a lot of freaks in families and we love the freaks but you got to know the freaks.

你得先摸清状况。

You gotta get your bearings.

我觉得你男友应该体贴些，不该让你初次见面就毫无准备地单打独斗，对吧？

And I would think it's nice of your boyfriend to not let you get your initial bearings while you're just out there raw dogging it alone, right?

你男友该像《贱女孩》里那样给你科普：这桌人是什么路数，那群人又是什么来头。

Your boyfriend should kind of be giving you that like the mean girls moment where it's like, these people at this table are like this and this group is like this.

约翰，快给我讲讲这里的人际版图。

Like, give me the lay of the land, John.

我得知道自己将要面对什么场面。

Like, I wanna know what I'm getting myself into.

比如，哦，今年贝蒂阿姨没被邀请。

Like, oh, Aunt Betty isn't invited this year.

还有，哦对了，那个该死的杰瑞叔叔，他可能会对你的胸部发表不当评论，你要坚强点，懂吗？

And oh, yeah, uncle fucking Jerry, he's probably gonna make an inappropriate comment about your boobs and just stay strong, you know?

哦对了，我爸肯定会喝得烂醉，但你就当没看见继续该干嘛干嘛。

And oh, yeah, my dad will absolutely be tanked, but like, keep it moving.

哦，是啊。

Oh, yeah.

顺便说下，我姑妈格特鲁德绝对会他妈勾引你。

And by the way, my aunt Gertrude, she's definitely gonna fucking hit on you.

然后你会说，等等，你姑妈格特鲁德？他就会说，哦对，桌子底下可能会伸过来一只手。

And you're like, wait, your aunt Gertrude, he's like, oh yeah, a finger under the table may come.

你得设好界限，把腿交叉起来，你可以...你可以说点什么。

You gotta just boundary that shit up, cross the legs, and you can you can say something.

你可以说格特鲁德，格特鲁德，对，管好你的手。

You can say Gertrude, Gertrude, yep, keep the fingers to yourself.

因为他从第一天起就和这些怪胎混在一起，所以他会告诉你这些。

Like he's gonna tell you because he's been there since day one with these freaks.

他可是身经百战。

He's been there.

他们有人酒驾被抓时他就在现场。

He's been there when one of them got the fucking DUI.

当救护车来的时候他也在，因为该死的弗兰妮觉得从屋顶跳到雪地里会很有趣，结果摔断了骨头。

He's been there when the medics came because fucking Franny thought it would be fun to jump off the fucking roof into the snow and then broke her bones.

这是你最糟的情况。

This is your worst case.

想象一下如果他这么说，哦对了，我妈可能只是有点话痨。

And imagine if he's like, oh yeah, like my mom can just be a little talkative.

哦，嫁给他吧。

Oh, marry him.

好的。

Okay.

但大多数时候都会有个贝蒂阿姨。

But most of the time there is an Aunt Betty.

还有个杰瑞叔叔。

There is an Uncle Jerry.

我不知道有没有格特鲁德阿姨，但你懂我他妈在说什么。

I don't know if there's an Aunt Gertrude, but you get what I'm fucking saying.

所以真的要让男友在你深入接触前透露些内幕，这才是妙处。

Okay, so really try to get your boyfriend to give you the down low before you're in and around because that's the beauty.

这样你就能留意所有这些动态，同时保持警惕。

Then you can be like watching for all these dynamics, but you can be on guard.

你可以他妈的高度戒备，还能适时表现，因为你会想'哦，这家伙的雷点是这个'。

You can be on motherfucking guard and you can kind of show up because you're like, oh, this one's trigger is this.

我一定能和这个女人处好关系。

I'm gonna absolutely be good with this woman.

你明白我的意思吗？

Do you know what I'm saying?

就像，提前准备好你的应对套路。

Like, have a little bit of your repertoire stacked ready to go.

但确实，我觉得这样也会给人留下超差的印象。

But yeah, I feel like it also is just like makes such a bad impression.

如果你话太少，我理解你可能害羞，但你不能因为怕搞砸就几乎不和他家人互动。

If you are not talking a lot, I get you can be shy, but you don't want to go in there and like barely engage with his family because you're trying not to fuck up.

然后他们就会觉得'搞什么，你带来的姑娘整晚他妈跟哑巴似的'。

And then they're gonna be like, okay, like you literally brought a girl that's just like being fucking mute all night.

就像你想让他们在一定程度上了解你。

Like you want to let them get to know you to a certain degree.

所以是的，分享一些关于你自己的事情。

So yes, share some things about yourself.

但别过度分享，否则他们会觉得，天啊，她太自我陶醉了。

Don't overshare because then they're like, Jesus Christ, she's obsessed with herself.

这根本没有赢家。

There is no winning.

但我要告诉你的是。

But this is what I will tell you.

说话，对吧？

Talk, right?

说话，分享一些关于你自己的事情。

Talk, share a couple of things about yourself.

但这是银弹，这才是关键，这才是真正的甜蜜点。

But this is the silver, This is that little, this is the actual sweet spot.

当你去参加别人的感恩节聚会时，要想成为赢家，你只需要询问别人关于他们自己的事情。

When you go to someone's Thanksgiving, all you have to do to be a winner is ask people about themselves.

跟我说说你自己吧。

Tell me about you.

等等，好吧，所以你和凯尔显然是表亲，对吧？

Wait, okay, so how okay, we you and Kyle are obviously cousins, right?

好的，是的。

Okay, yeah.

那我们...你们是一起长大的吗？

So we and we so you guys grew up together?

等等，告诉我。

Wait, tell me.

天啊，我想他提到过那个。

Oh my god, he I think he mentioned that.

等等，所以你们去了同一个——哦，你们去了不同的学校。

Wait, and so you guys went to the same Oh, you went to different schools.

等等，那你们会一起过夜吗？

Wait, so would you have sleepover?

停。

Stop.

你们以前做过这个吗？

Did you guys like do this?

你们是不是一直都在一起？

Have you guys been together for everything?

天哪，你们最美好的回忆是什么？

Oh my gosh, what's your favorite memory?

不可能。

No way.

等等，所以凯尔显然决定不上大学了，而你去了——哦，你正在上大学。

Wait, and so Kyle obviously decided not to go to college or you and go, Oh, you're in college.

好的，酷。

Okay, cool.

比如，他会来看你吗？

Like, does he ever visit you?

你你只是...你只是问别人关于他们自己的事，而每个人都很自恋，他们会说'我太喜欢你女朋友了，凯尔'。

You you just You ask just, people about themselves and the narcissist everyone is, oh, they're gonna be like, I am so obsessed with your girlfriend, Kyle.

她是个开心果。

She is a delight.

现在凯尔会说'告诉我一件关于她的事'。

Now Kyle was like, tell me one thing about her.

他们会说，哦，现在回想起来，我其实想不了太多，因为...然后就开始滔滔不绝地谈论自己，而你只是在那里帮他们处理所有这些弗洛伊德式的东西。

They'd be like, oh, now in hindsight, I can't really think about much because well, and then it's like, oh, talk about themselves the whole time and you were just there to help them go through all of this Freudian stuff.

他们开始对你倾倒心理创伤。

They start trauma dumping on you.

哦，靠近点克里斯汀，克里斯汀，当那家人开始倾倒创伤时，别添油加醋也别传闲话，就多跟我说说。

Oh, lean in Christine, Christine, when that family starts trauma dumping, now don't add to it and don't gossip, but just tell me more.

天啊，那一定很艰难吧。

Oh God, that must have been hard.

你感觉怎么样？

How are you feeling?

巴拉巴拉。

Blah, blah.

就这样。

That's it.

就这样。

That's it.

明白了吗？

Okay?

还有如果你想表现得像是'哦，最后你会得到一枚戒指'的话，主动提出帮忙做清洁工作。

And then also if you want to really be like, Oh, you're getting a ring at the end of this, offer to help out in cleanup crew.

清洁组，10号通道，搞定。

Cleanup crew, Aisle 10, boom.

你开始为这家人刷盘子。

You start scrubbing a dish for this family.

说真的，你现在可以选择要不要嫁给凯尔了，因为他全家人都会觉得克里斯汀彻头彻尾是顶级极品，干得漂亮凯尔，因为你从来不会选对人。

You're literally, you have now the choice if you want to marry Kyle or not because his whole family is gonna be like, Christine, through and through top tier, top notch, grade A bitch, way to go, Kyle, because you never pick them right.

所以我的意思是，这段挺长的。

So I mean, that was a long one.

但你知道我的意思是，你会没事的，你只需要坚持住，你能行的，你会好起来的。

But you know what I'm saying is like, you are going to be fine and you just have to stick to you got this, you're gonna be fine.

好的，下一个问题。

Okay, next question.

嗨，爸爸，我需要你的帮助。

Hi, daddy, I need your help.

我和我丈夫总是圣诞节和我家人一起过，感恩节则和他家人一起。

My husband and I always spend Christmas with my family and Thanksgiving with his.

圣诞节对我父母来说极其重要，我们有很多一起遵循的传统。

Christmas is extremely important to my parents and we have tons of traditions we do together.

但今年，我婆婆突然决定要我们和他们一起过圣诞，这引发了一大堆矛盾。

But this year, my mother-in-law has decided she wants us to spend Christmas with them instead and it's causing a ton of drama.

我家这边不高兴，他家那边也不高兴，我完全被夹在中间左右为难。

My side of the family is upset, his side of the family is upset, and I feel totally stuck in the middle.

我该怎么办？

What should I do?

哦，天啊。

Oh, wow.

好吧，这确实很棘手，因为我觉得家庭中最容易引发矛盾的正是决定由谁主办、去谁家过节这类大事。

Okay, this is really difficult because I feel like this is one of the biggest things in families that can obviously cause conflict is deciding who's hosting, who's going.

而且我认为随着我们年龄增长，每个家庭都会衍生出许多分支关系。

And I think as we get older, there's so many sides to each family.

比如先是直系亲属，然后一个人结婚，接着另一个也结婚，就会出现各种姻亲关系和延伸家庭。

Like it's like first, it's your immediate and then one person gets married and then another and there's all these different in laws and all these extended families.

情况会变得非常复杂。

And it gets really confusing.

我想反问你的问题是，是什么原因让他家突然想开始主办圣诞节了呢？

I guess my question back to you would be like, what has changed that his family now randomly wants to start hosting Christmas?

显然，看起来一直没什么矛盾，感恩节和他们过，圣诞节和你家人过，这种安排堪称完美平衡。

Clearly, it seems like there's been no drama and it's kind of been like this perfect balance of Thanksgiving with them, Christmas with yours.

我想问问，是不是发生了什么让他们突然想过圣诞节？

And I guess I would just ask like, did something happen that made them want Christmas?

我还想说别太刻薄，因为我觉得这要求挺合理的。

I also would say not to be a dick because I think this is fair.

你看，如果他们过圣诞节，那感恩节就该归你们了对吧？

Like, okay, well then if they get Christmas, then you should get Thanksgiving, right?

总不能两个重要节日都被他家人独占吧？

Because it's like, now you're not going to take both huge holidays and his family just own them, right?

这事需要有个取舍。

Like there needs to be a trade off.

不过我的核心建议是：这类事情上你必须和丈夫达成共识。

My biggest suggestion though, when it comes to this kind of stuff is you need to just get on the same page with your husband.

你可以这样和他沟通：'我知道我们每年都和我家人过圣诞'

And I think what you can do is open it up to him of like, hey, I know that we've done thank Christmas with my family every single year.

'也清楚你父母在极力促成这件事'

And I know your mom is pushing for this, your dad is pushing for this.

'但你自己真实想法是什么？'

But like, what you feel about it?

说不定他会坦白：'其实我很矛盾，毕竟我们已深深融入你家的节日传统'

Because maybe he'll come to you been like, honestly, like I've been really struggling because I know how much we are already ingrained in this part of the family with your family and like this tradition.

'但我希望能有次圣诞节陪我的家人'，这要求非常合理。

But I would like to like have one of the Christmases with my family, which I think is so fair.

关键是要坦诚沟通。

You just have to talk about it.

当然，这里也需要有相应的妥协。

But then there also needs to be again, a give and take.

所以如果他来找你说，现在回想起来，我确实想和妈妈或爸爸，还有兄弟姐妹们一起过圣诞节之类的。

So if he came to you and was like, this is something that like now in hindsight, like I do want to spend a Christmas with my mom or my dad or all those things and my siblings, whatever.

这不仅合理，而且非常正常，对吧？

Not only is that fair, that is so normal, right?

因为很明显你们并没有要融合成一个大家庭。

Because it clearly you guys aren't merging.

所以我认为接下来应该讨论：我们该如何安排和我家人一起过圣诞节。

So I do then think that it's like, okay, then this is a conversation to be had about how can we then do something with my family for Christmas.

我知道这听起来很复杂，但随着家庭扩展，人们结婚后会有各种姻亲关系，有时确实需要准备双份安排。

I know that this sounds like a lot you guys, but as you continue to grow your family outside of just your immediate and people are getting married and there's all these different in laws, there needs to be sometimes two of things, right?

比如可能在平安夜庆祝，然后圣诞节当天去他家人那边。

Like maybe you're doing Christmas Eve and you're celebrating Christmas and then on Christmas you're going to his family.

这有点像离婚后的探亲安排，明白吗？

Like it almost is kind of like how divorce works a little bit, right?

就像各回各家那种模式。

It's like my family, your family.

当然如果大家能聚在一起会很美好。

And it's lovely, obviously, if people can all come together.

但现实是，如果你有多个兄弟姐妹，像我弟弟现在也有姻亲了。

But realistically, if you have more than one sibling or in all these dynamics, everyone then like my brother has in laws now, right?

比如马特的兄弟姐妹们都有各自的姻亲。

Like Matt has siblings who have in laws.

突然间就多了这么多不同的家庭。

That all of a sudden there's all these different families.