库梅尔·南贾尼再度归来

我本来想戴

I wanted wanted to wear

那个小点击器。

the little clicker.

是啊。

Yeah.

你有

You had

点击器和

to clicker and

所有图形。

all graphics.

没错。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

是啊。

Yeah.

而且真的很不错

And it was really nice

收到了Sona发来的非常甜蜜的消息，是啊。

to get a very sweet message from Sona Yeah.

然后紧接着就没有其他人了。

And nobody else right afterwards.

你就是这么发给我的。

That's how you sent me.

不需要发一条来自我的消息。

Not have do is a message from me.

不。

No.

你也给我发了一条非常好的短信，同样。

You you sent me a very nice text as well as well.

但能参与其中对我意义重大，你知道有趣的是什么吗？

But it meant so much to me to be there because you know what was interesting?

所以我一直在补听节目。

So I've been catching up.

我不知道这期节目是什么时候的。

I don't know how old this episode is.

如你所知，我是这个播客的忠实粉丝。

I'm as you know, I'm a big fan of this podcast.

我在听你和安迪·萨姆伯格的那期访谈，你们俩都在聊对搞笑喜剧的热爱，以及你们一直有多喜欢它。

I was listening to your interview with Andy Samberg, and you guys were both talking about your love of, like, silly comedy and how you've always loved it.

当我还是个小孩的时候，小小年纪的我就很喜欢。

When I was a kid when I was a little, little kid, I liked it.

我喜欢杰瑞·刘易斯和劳伦·哈代，但当我长到八、九、十岁时，我最不想做的就是显得愚蠢。

I liked Jerry Lewis and Lauren Hardy and Three But as I started getting, like, eight, nine, 10, the last thing I wanted to do was be stupid.

对我来说，感觉聪明非常重要。

It was very important to me to feel smart.

所以我当时不喜欢任何滑稽的东西。

And so I didn't like anything that was silly.

我真的很排斥这类喜剧。

I really rejected it.

我最喜欢的是像《土拨鼠之日》这样的作品，这是一部很棒的电影，但其中蕴含着某种智慧，你懂吗？

My favorite things were like, you know, like, something like Groundhog Day, which was it's a it's an amazing movie, but it's sort of like, there's an intellectual thing to it, you know?

这些才是我真正热爱的东西。

And those were the things I really, like, loved.

而让我重新爱上滑稽喜剧，并意识到它也可以很聪明的，正是你的节目。

And the thing that made me fall back in love with silly comedy and realize that it can be very smart was your show.

哦，好吧。

Oh, okay.

现在我反而很推崇它，你知道，滑稽喜剧其实很难驾驭。

And now I look up to it, you know, like silly comedy is it's it's it's so hard to pull off.

但真的，是你让我重新爱上了它

But really, you made me fall in love

爱上了它。

with it.

嗯，我...呃，谢谢你。

Well, I well, thank you.

我一直认为，正如我在上一个TBS节目中所谈到的，愚蠢与聪明之间存在一个交汇点。

I think one of the things that I've always thought, and I talk about this on the last TBS show, there is this intersection between stupid and smart.

而且

And it's

就像《捉鬼敢死队》里他们交叉光束时那种奇妙的化学反应。

and it's this weird, like, Ghostbusters when they all cross their beams, Like, whatever, there's this magical thing that happens.

我确实认为极致的聪明与极致的愚蠢之间存在交集，我讨论过这个问题。

I do think there's an intersection between really smart and really stupid, and I've talked about that.

这是我毕生的执念。

It's been my obsession in my life.

有那么一个黄金平衡点，但你不可能每次都精准命中。

There's this little golden spot, and you can't hit it all the time.

很难抓住它。

It's hard to get it.

当你真的抓住它时，就像握住一缕月光。

And when you do get it, it's like holding onto a moonbeam.

它在你抓住的瞬间就消失了。

It's gone the minute you get it.

你只能满足于追逐的过程。

And you just have to content yourself with the hunt.

这就是我的信仰。

That is my religion.

我的信仰是偶尔会出现一些非常愚蠢的东西。

My religion is every now and then, there's something where there's this is very silly.

哦，这太蠢了。

Oh, it's so stupid.

等一下。

Wait a minute.

我知道这里正在发生一些聪明的事。

I know something smart's happening here.

这里闪现着些许智慧的火花，但转瞬即逝。

There's a flicker of something smart happening here, but it it doesn't last.

仅仅持续一瞬间。

It's just for a second.

是啊。

Yeah.

而且你无法解释它。

And you can't explain it.

你做不到，但他就是不明白。

You can't, but he doesn't get it.

我当时也不懂，你知道，所以那是你的喜剧，和《瘪四与大头蛋》差不多同时期。

And I didn't, you know, so it was your it was your comedy and Beavis and Butthead around the same Yeah.

我当时就想，显然非常聪明的人也能创作出极其愚蠢的东西。

I was like, well, really stupid stuff can be made by obviously very smart people.

我想聊聊你的工作，然后我

I wanna talk about your work, and then I'm

会把这部分剪掉，全改成关于我的工作内容

gonna edit this out and just make it all about my work.

就让你谈谈获得马克·吐温奖对你意味着什么

Just you talking about what it meant for you to get the Mark Twain prize.

对

Yeah.

而且我觉得你是对的

And how I think you're correct.

柯南都是自己剪辑的

And Conan does all his own editing.

嗯

Yeah.

是啊

Yeah.

确实如此。

Exactly.

他在这方面真的很擅长。

He's really good at it.

我也非常擅长剪辑。

I'm really good at editing.

不过我刚刚看了你的单口喜剧专场《夜思》，真的很喜欢。

But I just watched your stand up special, Night Thoughts, and I really loved it.

你在开场提到的一件事是，你最初是从单口喜剧起步的。

And one of the things that you talk about in the beginning was you started as a stand up.

这很有趣，因为你一开始就强调说：'各位听着'，这对你来说非常重要。

And it's fascinating because it's very important to you upfront to say, look, guys.

'我知道你们以为我是个演员现在来玩票说脱口秀，但我最初就是干这行起家的'。

I know you think I'm an actor who's now dabbling in stand up, but I started as a stand up.

最让我觉得有意思的是，我了解你到足以知道——你曾经极度害怕在人前表演，完全不敢站在观众面前。

And what's fascinating to me is I know you enough to know that you were petrified of getting in front of people, Absolutely terrified of getting in front of people.

然而，我不知道是否是你用丝瓜络擦洗了灵魂还是怎样

And yet, I don't know if it was you took a loofah to your soul or something.

你决定要做最让自己害怕的事——站到众人面前

You decided I'm gonna do the thing that scares me the most and get in front of people.

是的

Yeah.

这对你来说是个巨大的障碍

That was a huge hurdle for you.

没错

Yeah.

我是说，我小时候非常非常害羞，所以认识我童年的人看到我现在做这行都很惊讶

I mean, I was a very, very shy kid, so people who know me as a kid, knew me as a kid are very surprised I do this.

实在无法用语言形容，只能说我对单口喜剧的热爱战胜了恐惧

There's really no way to describe it other than I loved stand up too much to not do it.

对我来说，比起登台表演，更可怕的是不去表演

Like, the only thing scarier than doing it was not doing it.

我还记得那种感觉记忆，去参加开放麦表演，报名然后站在一群陌生人面前表演。

And I remember, I have the sense memory of what it felt like to go to an open mic and sign up and go up in front of these people that I didn't know.

而且在芝加哥做这个，那里的喜剧氛围也让人望而生畏。

And doing it in Chicago was a very intimidating comedy scene too.

是的。

Yes.

就像，有点像是粗犷混乱的那种，你懂的。

Like, was kinda like rough and tumble, you know.

而且很多优秀的单口喜剧演员都来自，嗯，我那个时期的圈子。

And and a lot of great stand ups were from from, like, my class there.

但唯一比上台表演更痛苦的事就是不上台表演。

But the only thing that hurt more than doing it was not doing it.

所以这就是为什么——如果真有其他方式能让我说单口相声，比如不用面对观众，其实我也确实这么干过不少次。

So that's I really if there was any other way I could do stand up, like, without people in front of me, which I did do actually quite a bit.

没错。

Right.

哦，我刚想到一个关于这个的非常黑暗的故事。

Oh, I just thought of a very dark story about that.

天啊。

Oh my god.

说来听听。

Let's hear it.

你真的想听吗？

You really wanna hear it?

想听。

Yeah.

想听。

Yeah.

有点好笑，但也挺悲伤的。

It's a little funny, but it's also sad.

我们准备好听这个了吗？

Are we ready for this?

是啊。

Yeah.

你刚刚描述的就是我的生活。

You just described my life.

对啊。

Yeah.

我知道。

I know.

天啊。

Jesus.

我的自传。

My autobiography.

有点好笑又很悲伤。

A little bit funny and very sad.

好吧，让我试着用不那么沉重的方式来讲这个本质上很悲伤的故事。

Well, let me try and find a palatable way through this inherently very sad story.

我在芝加哥的那段时光，你知道的，当时有我、皮特·霍姆斯、汉尼拔·布里斯、凯尔·基南、马特·布劳恩，还有贝蒂·斯特林这些超级搞笑的人。

So my scene in Chicago, you know, was it was me, Pete Holmes, Hannibal Burris, Kyle Kinane, Matt Braun, like all these Bette Stelling, like all these really, really, really funny people.

而我们中最搞笑的就是这家伙，他叫帕特·普莱斯。

And the funniest one of us was this guy, his name was Pat Price.

他比我们帅，比我们酷，比我们有趣，更受女孩欢迎，还有份很棒的工作。

And he was like better looking than us, he was cooler than us, he was funnier than us, the girls liked him more, he had like a great job.

他就是个超棒的人。

He was just and he was like a great guy.

而且他天生就非常非常幽默。

And he was just like naturally very, very funny.

他讲过这么一个故事，特别好笑：他在芝加哥郊外酒吧演出时，台下只有四个人，其中两个还背对着舞台。

And he told this one story once, very funny story about, he did like this bar show outside Chicago, and there were just like four people, and two of them were facing away.

他朋友当时听他讲这个，朋友就回应说‘是啊’。

And his friend was like his friend was like he was telling his friend this, and his friend was like, yeah.

我觉得可能是

I think it could be

当你成功时，这是个很棒的故事。

a great story when you make it.

比如，我为一个四人表演，结果有两个人转身离开。

Like, I did a show for four people, and two people were turning away.

而帕特只是说，是啊。

And Pat was like, yeah.

但如果我没成功呢？

But what if I don't make it?

那这就是我二十多岁时做的事。

Then that's just what I did in my twenties.

后来帕特·普莱斯去世了。

And then Pat Price passed away.

那时他才三十出头，事发时我们都在芝加哥。

In his early thirties, we were all in Chicago when that happened.

他大概31或32岁。

He was like 31 or 32.

想想发生的事情真是奇怪。

And it's weird to think that is what happened.

我这么说是因为他会觉得这很好笑。

And I only say that because he would think that was really funny.

是的。

Yes.

是啊。

Yeah.

是啊。

Yeah.

是啊。

Yeah.

他当然会这么觉得。

Of course he would.

是啊。

Yeah.

天啊。

Jesus.

不是我告诉你的那部分。

Not the part I told you.

不是不是那部分

Not not the part where

他得到了纽约。

he gets New York.

不是他去世的那部分。

Not the part where he passes away.

他不会觉得那有趣。

He wouldn't find that fun.

不。

No.

不。

No.

不。

No.

他我我我猜他讨厌那部分。

He I I I assume he hated that part.

是啊。

Yeah.

但他他是

But he was he was

我看你想逃避这个话题。

I see you trying to get out of this.

他是个非常风趣的人，我们现在还经常谈起他。

He was a really funny guy, and we talked about him still all the time.

这就是那种，你知道的，你可能

And it's just one of the you know, you probably

我不

I don't

不知道你有没有这种情况经常发生，就是那种，我相信你也懂的。

know if you have this where it happens a lot where you're like, I'm sure you know this too.

就是那种情况，明明最有才华、最风趣的人是那个谁，结果现在人家在某个学校当老师。

Where you're like, well, the funniest, the most talented person was that person, and now they're like a school teacher somewhere.

你懂我意思吗？

You know?

这种事经常发生。

That happens all the time.

他们只是

They just

不想继续了而已。

didn't wanna do it.

我是说，就我而言，并没有人比我更有趣。

I mean, my case, there wasn't someone who was funnier than me.

哦，天哪。

Oh, jeez.

我是说，我只是要把事情说清楚。

Mean, I just have to get the record straight.

好吧好吧，确实没有。

Well Well, there wasn't.

我是说，真的没有。

I mean, there really wasn't.

我是说，我觉得有趣的是

I mean, I think what's funny is

通常好吧。

usually Okay.

我会虚构一个人。

I'll invent a guy.

比尔·咕咕布。

Bill Googaboo.

你知道吗？

You know what?

咕嘎布？

Googaboo?

咕嘎布。

Googaboo.

他今天打断了我。

He interrupted me today.

他很棒，而且比我风趣多了。

He was great, and he was so much funnier than me.

这好笑吗？

Is it funny?

然后有一天，他吃了一个巨大的三明治，然后就消失了。

And then one day, he ate a big sandwich made of and he's gone.

你现在开心了吗？

Are you happy now?

我会把他带回来，我会让你重新见到他。

I'll bring him I'll bring you back.

你真是个喜剧传奇人物。

You really are a comedy legend.

这对所有我这个年纪从事喜剧的人来说都是种激励。

That is an inspiration to everyone who's who's doing comedy my age.

不。

No.

当然。

Of course.

而这就是为什么

And and that's why

你是

Are you

要搬走吗？

moving away?

不。

No.

但这就像说不

But it's like no.

但有趣的是它并非如此

But it's so funny how it's not

我是说，

I mean,

这就是全部

it's all the things.

这很有趣

It's funny.

这很悲伤

It's sad.

但当然，随着人生阅历的增长，我已经学会接受这个事实：我遇到过许多绝对出色的人，而有些人似乎永远无法向上攀升

But, of course, you come up through life, and I have learned to embrace the fact that I met so many people who are just absolutely incredible, and some don't seem to move up the ladder.

有些人已不在人世，有些人还在，但机会始终未能降临

And you can some aren't alive, and some are, and it just never quite happened.

是啊。

Yeah.

而且没有原因。

And there isn't a reason.

就是没有。

There just isn't.

对。

Yeah.

我是说，我们非常幸运

It's it is I mean, we we're very lucky that

是的。

Yes.

我们现在能在这里。

We we get to be here right now.

知道吗？

Know?

有个人——我不说名字——他简直才华横溢，每次都能惊艳全场，创意层出不穷。

There's a guy there was one guy, I I won't say his name, who was, like, truly, like, just so brilliant, would kill every time, new ideas every time.

他还是个艺术家。

He was also an artist.

他是个画家。

He was a painter.

他说：‘我好像更喜欢画画多过这个。’

And he was like, I kinda like doing that more than this.

当时我们觉得：‘这对我来说是世界上最重要的事。’

And it was we were it's like, this is the most important thing in the world to me.

而你明明有那样的天赋，却真的不想继续做。

And the fact that you can have that talent and just not really wanna do it.

我永远无法理解那种感受。

I couldn't ever relate to that.

确实。

No.

你说我们很幸运时，真是一语中的。

Well, you hit the nail on the head when you said we're we're lucky.

你之前提到过想法有分量，这点我很赞同。

And you have I was talking earlier about how ideas having a great, like, a weight.

我注意到你专场里很重要的一点是意象运用——当有人用意象真正引起我共鸣时，这对我很重要。

One of the thing I noticed in your special is you have imagery is really important to me when someone has an image that really resonates with me.

在你专场某个部分，你讲到你的猫贝果，兽医说'就给猫吃这些药片'，但这是不可能的。

And in one part of your special, you're talking about your cat, Bagel, and how it's impossible a a veterinarian says, just give the cat these pills, like these these pills.

你当时在问'怎么喂？'

And you're saying, how?

因为我最近刚经历过这种事。

Because I've had this experience recently.

我们有三只猫，想让猫吃药片简直难如登天。

We have three cats, and trying to get a cat to eat a pill is impossible.

你当时有个绝妙的描述：你对兽医说'这怎么可能办到？'

And you had this great image, which is you're saying to the vet, like, how is that gonna happen?

我是说，如果你在人类面前放一大盘意大利面，上面放着四颗泰诺

I mean, if you put a big plate of spaghetti in front of a human and it has four Tylenol

摆在最上面

sitting on top

他们肯定会发现

of it, they know.

是啊

Yeah.

我当时就想

I was like,

那画面感太强了，我当场就能想象出你的样子

that is such someone and I could, in that moment, see you.

我是说，我能看到那个画面

I mean, I could see the image.

我能想象出这样的画面：一大盘意大利面放在番茄酱前，上面摆着几颗巨大的泰诺或艾乐维药片

I could see the image of a big plate of spaghetti being put in front of some marinara sauce, and they're these big Tylenol or Aleve pills.

我可能会说，这他妈什么情况？

I'd be like, what the fuck?

是啊。

Yeah.

该怎么办？

What do do?

这是什么？

What is this?

贝果就是这么干的。

That's what Bagel did.

她会绕着药片吃。

She would, like, eat around the pill.

他们当然会这样。

Of course they do.

她心想，这明显不公平。

She's like, this is obviously not fair.

它们就像我们一样。

They're like us.

它们完全就像我们一样。

They're absolutely like us.

是的。

Yes.

是的。

Yes.

对啊。

Yeah.

我有个长期的赌注关于你也有只猫。

I had a long bet about my You have a cat too.

是啊。

Yeah.

这很有趣。

And that's funny.

我们只是给她喂药片，但她什么都吃。

We're just giving her pills, but she will eat anything.

所以她不会挑食。

So she will not eat around anything.

她连药片都吃。

She eats the pills.

真的吗？

Really?

是啊。

Yeah.

她是我们家的猫——从那以后就戒不掉了。

She's Our cat Well, since then, can't get away from this.

我们家猫确实去世了...哦天啊

Our cat did die Oh last my

天哪。

god.

是啊。

Yeah.

是啊。

Yeah.

嗯。

Yeah.

有几个悲伤的故事。

Couple It's of downers stories.

抱歉。

Sorry.

不。

No.

不。

No.

老实说，她确实努力想找到些什么。

She was and to be fair try and find something.

那只猫比他们两个都有天赋多了。

That cat was much more talented than either one.

她曾在只有四个观众的开放麦表演，还说'总有一天这会变得好笑'。

She did open mics in front of four people and was like, someday this will be funny.

她根本不在乎。

She just didn't care.

是啊。

Yeah.

她只想舔自己的屁股。

She wanted to lick her own ass.

那就是她

That's all she

想要的 没错。

wanted Exactly.

那是她的'舔我的'

That was her lick my

屁股。

ass.

那是她真正的热情所在。

That was her true passion.

是啊。

Yeah.

我是说，我曾经有

I mean, I had

一只非常、非常漂亮的猫。

a beautiful, beautiful cat.

她的肛门是我见过最丑的东西。

Her butthole was the ugliest thing I've ever seen.

而且它总是——她就只想让我们看那个。

And it was always it's all it's like all she wanted us to see.

她好像在说，你喜欢我的脸，但我的肛门呢？

She was like, you like my face, but what about my butthole?

是啊。

Yeah.

那整个部位呢？

What about like the entirety of it?

女士，请把你的尾巴放下来。

Like, put your tail down, ma'am.

我还是有点羞耻心的。

I have some respect.

它们完全没有羞耻心。

They have no they have no respect.

完全没有。

They don't.

一点都没有。

They don't.

她恨不得要拿个放大镜来

She's about prop up a magnifying glass and

突然出现

just pop

在后面

behind it.

是啊

Yeah.

就像是，没错

It's like, yeah.

她有，像是

She has, like,

不知怎的，无论我看哪里都有个潜望镜

a periscope to it somehow wherever I'm looking.

就像每次我在家里看东西时，最先看到的总是她的屁股

It's like whenever I looked in my house, her her butthole was the thing I saw first.

没错

Yeah.

这很特别。

It's special.

是啊。

Yeah.

我看你表演单口喜剧时的观察是，你兼具出色的创意和形象描述能力。

The observation I had just watching you do stand up was it's that combination of you have great ideas and images.

你的形象描述很棒。

You have great images.

你谈到...我是说我不想剧透你的整个专场，但有个具体桥段你讲到过去找大麻贩子买货时，还得陪他们社交的经历。

You talked about I mean, I wanna not gonna give away your whole special, but there was one specific thing where you're talking about in the old days when you would have a a weed dealer, and you would we're talking about the experience of, you know, when you went to buy it, you need to hang out with them.

就是这种社交环节，你说还得陪他们看会儿《黑客帝国》。

Was just this thing to hang out, and you said, like, and they'd wanna you'd have to watch a little bit of The Matrix with them.

而且，

And again,

确实如此。

that's true.

但那个画面，你选了部完美的电影。

But that image, like, picked you picked the perfect movie.

是啊。

Yeah.

我能想象你坐在一张破沙发上。

And I can see you sitting on a shitty couch Yeah.

在芝加哥看着某些

In the Chicago watching some of the

天啊。

Oh my god.

我记得去这家伙家里时，总是要么人太多，要么人太少。

And I remember going to this guy's house and it was always like, too many guys there or not enough guys there.

要么是17个戴着反戴棒球帽的家伙一起看《黑客帝国》，要么就你和这家伙两人看。

So it's like 17 guys with backwards baseball hats hanging out watching The Matrix or just you and this guy watching The Matrix.

没错。

Right.

我不知道哪种情况更糟。

I don't know which is worse.

而且还有这种情况：你假装和他们做朋友，然后他们拿出体重秤，所有关于这是友谊的伪装都消失了。

And it's also this thing where you're pretending to be friends with them, and then they bring out the weighing scale, and all pretense that this is a friendship is gone.

对吧。

Right.

现在突然就变成了一场纯粹的商业交易。

Now it's suddenly very much a business transaction.

对，对。

Right, right.

我在那里还提到过，芝加哥有个老太太以前常在周末去某些酒吧卖大麻松饼，你会去那里，希望她能出现，这总是充满神秘色彩。

The other thing I talk about there was this old lady used to sell weed muffins in Chicago at certain bars on the weekend, and you'd go, and you'd hope she would show up, and it was always a magical mystery.

你永远不知道她放了多少大麻进去。

You don't know how much weed she'd put in.

所以你根本猜不到吃完会是'毫无感觉'还是'得在床上躺五天'。

So you wouldn't know if it was gonna be like, I don't feel anything, or like, I'm gonna be in bed for five days.

我在这个专场里说这话时，想到的是过去五年我发的每一封邮件，你懂吗？

I say this in the special thinking about every email I've sent in the last five years, you know?

我不想从这个专场里做那些...现在一切都变得非常...这个

I don't wanna like do things from this special, that it's it's And now it's all, you know, very This

这就是你能感受到的确切程度

is exactly how much What you're going to feel.

是啊

Yeah.

我是说，你谈到的部分内容就是这种概念：你可以有首最爱的歌，对你来说它充满魔力

I mean, that's a little bit of what you're talking about is this concept that if you You can have a favorite song, and it's just magical to you.

但如果你开始真正剖析这首歌，听上千遍，理解其中的变化和运作方式，部分魔力就会逐渐消退和消逝

If you start to really break down what the song is and you listen to it a thousand times and you understand what the changes are and how they work, some of the magic starts to rub off and and and erode.

我认为你谈的是我们文化中的这种现象：一旦事物合法化，被贴上标签，所有细节都被彻底解释清楚——这就是你将会嗨到的确切程度

And I think you're talking about this thing in our culture where once things are legalized and then labels are put on them and everything's explained to you very thoroughly, this is exactly how high you're going to get.

而这些可能就是那些画面 正是如此

And this is these are probably the images Exactly.

你将拥有的幻想。

Fantasies you're going to have.

正是如此。

Exactly.

这一切都得到了小罗伯特·肯尼迪的签字认可。

And this has all been signed off by RFK junior.

你知道吗？

You know?

糟了。

Uh-oh.

他批准了吗？他签字时听起来怎么样？他签字时是什么反应？

He's approved it did he sign how did he sound when he signed signed it off?

嗯，我不会

Well, I wouldn't

能够摆脱它。

be able to have it off.

天啊。

Oh god.

不。

No.

他的配音是凯瑟琳·赫本。

He's he's voiced by Katharine Hepburn.

我们都知道这事。

We all know that.

今天。

Today.

你真是个老古板。

You're an old poop.

是啊。

Yeah.

没错。

Exactly.

我正跟某人说

I was telling someone

我觉得

I think

我是在告诉萝丝·拜恩这件事

I was telling Rose Byrne this.

顺便说一句萝丝·拜恩，我真是

Rose Byrne who By the way, I'm so

对那部电影超期待的

excited for that movie.

顺便说，这可是史上最棒的片名之一

One of the all time great titles, by the way.

是啊

Yeah.

谢谢你宣传我的电影，我也超期待的

Thank you for promoting my movie on I'm so excited for it.

太棒了。

It's great.

但我说的是我的电影。

But I say my movie.

这个项目真正的超级明星是编剧兼导演玛丽·布劳恩斯坦，以及现象级演员罗丝·拜恩。

It really is the the the the superstars of this project are Mary Braunstein, who's the writer, director, and Rose Byrne, who just is a phenomenon.

她无所不能。

She can do anything.

她确实无所不能，我简直爱死她了。

She can do anything, and I love her to death.

但她昨天给我发短信说，你知道的，对。

But she texted me, I think, yesterday and said, you know, yeah.

我要上《辣度挑战》节目了。

I'm I'm doing hot, you know, hot ones.

我在想，到底是什么样的文化环境让她为了宣传电影必须吞下40磅的毒辣鸡翅。

And I thought, what is it about our culture where in order to promote her movie, she needs to ingest 40 pounds of toxins.

这是一种自我折磨。

It's self flagellation.

是啊。

Yeah.

于是我回复她说，如果凯瑟琳·赫本还活着，她可能得上个网络脱口秀节目，坐在马桶上吃辣热狗。

And and so I said I I texted her back, and I said, if Katharine Hepburn were alive today, she'd have to do a web a web talk show where she sits on a toilet and eats a chili dog.

就像，你知道的，我觉得斯宾塞这场戏里该说‘闭嘴，凯瑟琳’。

Like, you know, well, I think with Spencer in this scene, shut up, Katherine.

我们待会儿再聊这个。

We'll get to that in a minute.

你还没拉屎呢。

You haven't pooped yet.

你得拉屎啊，凯瑟琳。

You gotta poop, Katherine.

好吧，行吧。

Well, alright.

我会试试。

I'll try.

我现在还没感觉。

I'm not feeling it just yet.

你不想要个盛大的首映周末吗，凯瑟琳？

Don't you want a big opening weekend, Catherine?

是啊。

Yeah.

你不会走红的。

You're not gonna go viral.

没错。

Yeah.

哦，对。

Oh, right.

我来吃辣热狗。

I'll eat the chili dog.

所以今天会发生的就是这样。

And so it's it's but that's what would happen today.

就像，马龙·白兰度，你现在在演什么？

It'd be like, well, Marlon Brando, what are you in?

嗯，我在演这个，你知道的，叫《码头风云》的东西。

Well, I'm in this, you know, thing called, you know, on the waterfront.

等等，马龙。

Hold on, Marlon.

是啊。

Yeah.

你知道的，你得喝下10瓶这种利尿剂。

You know, you've gotta drink 10 bottles of this diuretic.

无论你要说什么，他都已经自己完成了。

Whatever you're about to say, he's done on his own.

总之，他已经过完了他的私生活。

Anyway, so he's done his private life.

比我们任何人都强。

Better than any of us.

是啊。

Yeah.

你知道你刚才说的关于意象和片段那些话，我最爱我们这份工作的原因就是——你说得对。

You know what you were saying about how the imagery and bits and stuff, what I love about doing what we get to do is you're right.

我们身处一个神秘感所剩无几的世界。

We're in a world where there isn't that much mystery anymore.

明白吗？

You know?

如果我吃了这颗软糖，我能精确知道会嗨到什么程度。

I know exactly if I eat this gummy, I know exactly the level of high I'm gonna be.

但我觉得当你看电影、电视剧或精彩单口喜剧时，不管什么形式，里面总有些新鲜东西。

But I think when you watch movies, TVs, watch great stand up jokes, whatever it is, there is like new stuff in there.

没错。

Yes.

要在这个世界上获取新东西实在太难了，就像漫步在街头。

And it's it's so hard to get any new stuff, like walking through the world.

但本周我刚在Largo与Melanie和Nick Kroll一起做了场演出，

But then I watch, you know, I just did a show this week with Largo and at Largo with Melanie and Nick Kroll, and

是啊。

Yeah.

看他们的表演时，我就想，这很新颖。

Watching their bits, I'm like, that's new.

我从未听过这样的内容。

I've never heard that.

对。

Yeah.

不知道你是怎么想到的。

Don't know how you thought of that.

如果你解释给我听，我可能完全无法理解。

And if you explain it to me, it wouldn't make any sense.

但这就像是你能体验到的神奇新事物。

But it's like like magical new things that you get to experience.

不。

No.

这就是为什么我热爱看到年轻人才的原因。

That's what that's why I'm I love seeing younger talent.

我喜欢听他们要说的话，因为我会感到惊喜。

I love hearing what they have to say, because I get surprised.

能被惊喜真是太好了。

It's just so nice to be surprised Yeah.

在我这个年纪。

At my age.

当我还能感到惊喜时，真是让我开心极了，你懂吗？

When I can be surprised, it just tickles me pink, you know?

是的。

Yeah.

我知道这个说法是'我乐得脸都红了'，但我其实没有

I know the phrase is I'm tickled pink, but I wasn't

这让你乐得脸都红了？

It tickles you pink?

这让我开心到脸都红了

It tickles me to the point where I become pink.

好吧

Okay.

老兄，你本来脸就红

Buddy, you start off pink.

是啊

Yeah.

我本来

I was

正想说，这让你乐得

gonna say, it tickles you you.

它挠痒

It tickles

你你。

you you.

挠我我。

Tickles me me.

我被逗乐了被逗乐了对我来说。

I'm tickled I'm tickled to me.

所以什么都没变。

So nothing nothing changes.

你只是被逗乐了。

You're just tickled.

被逗乐了对我来说。

Tickled to me.

我说我被逗乐了柯南当它发生时。

I say I'm tickled Conan when it happens.

不。

No.

这让我想起，每当我刚从菲律宾拍摄完我的旅行节目回来时，或者当我在加纳、古巴这些地方时，人们总会走过来关心我的健康，因为我不只是白——

This is just reminding me that whenever I just got back from from shooting an episode of my travel show in The Philippines, but whenever I've been and, you know, if I've been in when I was in Ghana, when I go to these places, Cuba, people come up to me, and they are concerned for my health because they I'm I'm not just white.

我是半透明的。

I'm translucent.

是啊。

Yeah.

他们会带着关怀问：'你还好吗？'

And there is a caring, like, are you okay?

我就说：'我们族人天生就长这样。'

I'm like, this is just what my people look for.

隔着其他组织都能看到骨头？

Be able to see the bones through of other layers?

这显得很虚弱。

It conveys a weakness.

是啊。

Yeah.

没错。

Yeah.

我明白。

I know.

他们很担心。

They're they're concerned.

对。

Yeah.

我知道。

I know.

我很担心。

I'm concerned.

真贴心。

Sweet.

你在担心。

You're concerned.

每次你旅行时，我真的会担心你回来后的状况，尤其是去气候炎热的地方。

I every time you travel, I'm legitimately concerned when you come back, especially if it's like a hot climate.

我很担心你。

I'm worried about you.

我觉得对你来说，就像人们从水里上来时会得减压病那样？

I feel like for you, it's always like, you know, when people get the bends when they come up out of water?

我觉得对你来说每次坐飞机都是这样，你得先

I feel like for you traveling every time on a plane is that, where you have to like

你知道他们应该怎么做吗？

You know what they should probably do?

他们应该在我每次做完旅行节目后，飞机带我回洛杉矶前，先把我送到爱尔兰的某个田野上。

They should probably anytime I do a travel show, the plane before it takes me back to Los Angeles, it should first take me to a field in Ireland.

是啊。

Yeah.

对。

Right.

我，我得

I and I have to

在那儿待一周。

be there for a week.

高压舱治疗。

Deep pressure.

你就像超人一样。

You're like Superman.

你得像超人那样从'是'中获取力量。

You have to, like, get power from your Yes.

从你的故土获取力量。

From your land.

这绝对不像超人。

It's definitely not like Superman.

抱歉。

Sorry.

这是唯一的方式

That's the only way

某种程度上是相反的。

Sort of an inverse.

我想他指的是相反的情况，超人。

I think he meant an inverse, Superman.

你唯一像超人的地方就是所有东西对你来说都像氪石。

The only way you like Superman is that it's like everything is kryptonite to you.

是的。

Yes.

我得回去

I have to get back to

我的超级弱点。

my super weakness.

包括太阳——虽然能给他力量，但也会伤害

Including sun, which gives him power, but it hurts

你。

you.

对我来说是阴云和雨天。

It's clouds and rain

没错。

for me.

完全正确。

Exactly.

你知道，我必须问问你，因为你一开始就在特别节目里提到这个——你走出来说别让这些肌肉吓到你。

You know, I have to ask you because you brought it up at the very beginning of your special where you walk out and you say, don't let these muscles freak you out.

它们只是装饰品。

These are just decoration.

纯装饰用的。

They're decorative.

它们只是摆设。

They're for show.

我得说非常令人印象深刻。

I have to say very impressive.

非常令人印象深刻的肌肉。

Very impressive guns.

谢谢夸奖。

Thank you.

它们会派上用场的。

They're gonna do.

喜剧界还有人不怕练得肌肉发达。

Someone else in comedy is not afraid to get jacked.

哦，不。

Oh, no.

你这话是什么意思？

What do you mean by that?

你问我这话是什么意思是什么意思？

What do mean what do I mean by that?

你是在说你自己吗？

Are you talking about you?

你是在说我。

You're talking about me.

真他妈壮啊，老兄。

Fucking jacked, man.

是啊。

Yeah.

我很壮。

I'm jacked.

没人

No one

谈论这个。

talks about it.

它

It

这很奇怪，因为现在人们对我看法不同了，他们认为我变了个人，但我知道我并没有变。

is weird because now people perceive me differently, and they think I'm a different person, and I know I'm not.

我一直都是同一个人，从未改变。

I'm exactly the same person I've always been.

是的。

Yep.

我现在只是非常喜欢健身而已。

I just really like working out a lot now.

对啊。

Yeah.

没错。

Yeah.

但随之而来的还有所有这些其他事情。

And but so all this other stuff that goes with it.