EP 041 - 中国开放婚姻中的妻子

我喜欢大号的花生。

I like large size peanuts.

那是

That's

事实如此。

what it is.

是啊。

Yeah.

所以你对BBC感兴趣。

So you are into the BBC.

是的，没错。

Yeah, that's right.

这涉及到你丈夫的绿帽情节吗？

Is there any cuckold involved with your husband.

老实说，我觉得在心理上他可能有点这种感觉。

To be honest, I think psychologically maybe he feels a little bit.

他想看我和尺寸更大的人在一起。

He wants to see me with someone who has a larger size.

你每次都能高潮吗？我是说，和那么大尺寸的男人在一起，对你来说身体上真的会有快感吗？

Do you always orgasm I mean is this like a physically pleasurable thing for you to be with men who are that large,

但从技术上讲那不算3P，因为我丈夫不在场。

but technically it wasn't a threesome because my husband wasn't there.

首先，你不必每次都全力以赴。

First of all, you don't have to use everything you've got there.

今天我们接受60%的程度。

We're okay with 60% today.

那种感觉总是很棒，拥有一个男人——我是说在你某张照片里，他的阴茎跟你手臂一样粗。

It always felt good, what is it about having a man who, I mean in one of your pictures, his penis was like as big as your arm.

我知道，看到那个我简直惊呆了，真的，这也太...

I know, that was really like wow when I see that I'm like, really, is that.

但当你看到那个让你兴奋的东西时，你不会说'我不知道能不能接受这个'。

But when you see that that turns you on it doesn't say like, I don't know if I can do this.

两者兼而有之吧。

It's a little bit of both.

老实说第一次体验并不太好。

I'm gonna be honest with you the first experience wasn't so good.

为什么？

Why.

做好准备。

Get ready.

这是成年人的自愿行为。

This is consenting adults.

您即将听到的对话内容仅适合成年观众。

The conversations you're about to hear are intended for mature audiences.

如果成人话题让您感到不适，现在退出还来得及。

If adult themes are offensive to you, well, you might wanna pull out now.

所以是脏话环节。

So dirty talk.

所以是性话题。

So sex talk.

是啊。

Yeah.

一开始是些下流话。

It it started off as dirty talk.

实际上，我特别兴奋看到我的伴侣和别人在一起。

I was actually, like, very excited to see my partner with somebody else.

她看着我说，所以你想和别人做爱？

She looked at me and said, so you wanna have sex with other people?

你就是这个意思。

That's what you're saying.

不是。

No.

不是。

No.

然后你发现听他描述过程会让你兴奋。

That is And you find it to turn on to hear about what he did.

是啊，然后我就想，我要回家用她体验过的方式再来一次。

Yeah, and then it's like, I want to come home and get it the way she got it.

他知道你有男朋友吗？

Does he know you have a boyfriend.

这是成年人之间的自愿行为，我是Lina Nguyen。

This is consenting adults with Lina Nguyen.

我对即将展开的对话非常感兴趣，因为我了解到这个圈子里有亚裔存在，但所有我问过的人都不愿公开谈论此事。我真心希望能让这类对话变得平常化，而我的嘉宾也正有此意。

I'm really interested to have the conversation I'm about to have because I know that there are Asians in the lifestyle, but no one I've asked is willing to come out and talk about it and I really would like to normalize this conversation, which is exactly what my guest is also wanting to do.

她来自北京，在中国结识了她的丈夫，如今在美国已生活六年。他们定居在西海岸，因为需要保护自己的职业和私人生活。

She is from Beijing, she met her husband in China she's been in The US now for six years, they live out here on the West Coast, because they have professional and private lives that they need to protect.

我们就称她为A吧，她的丈夫叫杰伊。

We're going to call her A, her husband is Jay.

所以你是华裔美国人。

So you're Chinese American.

你丈夫呢？

How about your husband.

他是美国人，在这里出生长大。

He's American, and he was born and raised here.

你刚才说自己是黑桃皇后。

So you told me that you're a queen of spades.

这个词我还是第一次听说。

I've never heard that before.

这是什么意思？

What does that mean.

好的，那么

Okay so

黑桃皇后指的是只对黑人男性感兴趣的女性。

queen of space means women that are only interested in black men.

哦，明白了。

Oh, okay.

然后，你告诉我的另一个词是什么，你是个尺寸控。

And then, what was the other term you told me, you're a size queen.

那是什么意思，

What does that mean,

意思是我喜欢大颗的花生。

it means I like large size peanuts.

原来是这样。

That's what it is.

好的。

Okay.

是的。

Yeah.

所以你喜欢BBC。

So you are into the BBC.

对，没错。

Yeah, that's right.

在我们深入讨论你感兴趣的各种事情之前。

Before we get into the all the different things that you're into.

我想先了解一下背景情况。

I'm interested in knowing kind of the background.

我是说你们的婚姻幸福吗，你们是怎么开启这种生活方式的。

I mean was it a good marriage, how did you open the door to the lifestyle.

当然，我们的婚姻很幸福，因为我们都很快乐，而且彼此信任，我相信我们的信任度可能比普通夫妻要高。

Yeah, of course it's a good marriage because we both are pretty happy, and we trust each other, I believe our level of trust is probably in the way is higher than the average couple.

我们保持一切透明，真的没有任何隐瞒。

We keep everything transparent and we're not really hiding anything.

所以没有嫉妒，也不会有那种觉得不该让配偶知道的想法。

So there's no jealousy and there's nothing like we think we shouldn't let our spouse know about it.

所以你们彼此之间没有秘密。

So you have no secrets from each other.

我认为这是开放式关系或开放式婚姻的关键，你知道，你的配偶不会因为你见其他异性而嫉妒。

I believe that's the key to the open relationship or to the open marriage case, you know, your spouse isn't jealous about your seeing other men or women.

你也没有理由对他们隐瞒。

And there's no reason for you to hide it from them.

你丈夫会和其他女性约会吗？

Does your husband see other women.

他被允许这样做，但他可能没有我见的人多。

He is allowed to, but he's probably not seeing other people as many as I do.

我明白了。

I see.

所以你们婚姻幸福，性生活也很和谐，对吧？

So you're happily married, right, you had a good sex life.

是的，确实如此。

Yes, we do.

那是什么促使你产生这种想要在婚姻之外寻求关系的想法呢？

So what happened, I mean how did you come up with this idea that you wanted to go outside your marriage.

实际上在我们结婚前就开始了，这并不完全是我的主意，是我丈夫先提出的。

It actually started even before we got married, it wasn't truly my idea, my husband was the one started it.

哦。

Oh.

我们一开始的性生活很和谐。

We had a really good sex to begin with.

起初他只是和我闲聊，然后突然问我：'如果允许你做任何事，你会想尝试什么？'

At the beginning, he was chatting with me and then he was asking me if you are allowed to do everything and anything, what would you want to try?

你的愿望清单上有什么？

What's on your list?

说实话，我以为这只是非常随意的闲聊，没太当回事。但后来我想了想，如果要尝试什么的话，或许是三人行吧。

I honestly I thought it was just a very, very like casual type of chatting I didn't give too much thought but then I was like okay if I want to do something, maybe a threesome.

我当时并没太认真，但看来他当真了。

I didn't really take that very serious but I guess he did.

他让这个幻想成真了吗？

Did he make that fantasy come true?

最后确实实现了。

Eventually, yes.

他提出了个建议：'我们何不试试看呢？'

And he came up with a proposal, why don't we give it a try?

我的第一反应是：'这个我不确定'。

My first reaction was like, I don't know about that.

但他后来又提了几次，让我开始考虑这件事。

But then he brought it up a couple of times and then made me think.

最后我想，没错，我确实想试试。

And I was like, yeah, I wanted to do it.

那曾是我的幻想之一。

It was one of my fantasies.

如果我现在不尝试，将来可能会后悔。

And if I don't give a try now, I may regret one day.

你的幻想是和两个男人，还是一男一女三人行？

Now was your fantasy, a threesome with two men or a man and a woman

和两个男人。

with two men.

他知道并且对此没有意见。

He knew that and he was okay with

这让他兴奋，所以他总提起这事。

excited him and that's why he kept bringing it up.

好吧，跟我聊聊第一次的经历。

Okay, so tell me about that first experience.

老实说第一次体验并不太好。

I'm gonna be honest with you the first experience wasn't so good.

因为这是我们三个人的第一次。

Because it was a first time for three of us.

我们完全不知道该怎么做。

None of us had a clue what we were gonna do.

那是他的朋友。

So it was his friend.

我们见面了。

We met each other.

我们稍微聊了聊，然后决定，好吧，这事挺刺激的，我们打算试试。

We had a little bit chat and, we decided, okay, this is something exciting and we're gonna do it.

于是我们去了酒店房间准备开始，但每个人都手足无措，紧张得不行。

So then we went to the hotel room and we're about to get started and every one of us was like, didn't know where to begin with and got pretty nervous.

说实话我们当时没坚持下去，虽然亲热了但后来我觉得这样不行。

So we honestly didn't really push it through we made out but then eventually I felt like this is not working.

我们出去喝一杯吧。

Let's go out grab a drink.

好吧，所以当时一点都不性感对吧，很尴尬。

Okay, so it wasn't very sexy right, it was awkward.

是啊，第一次确实不性感。

Yeah, first time, it wasn't sexy.

所以，

So,

你们后来再试过吗？

did you try it again.

哦试过，但那是好几年后了，当时我还在中国，我们处于异地恋状态。

Oh yeah I did but after quite a few years, I was still in China where we were like in a long distance relationship.

有时候聊天他会说，唉，我不在你身边。

Sometimes we chat and he says, oh, I'm not with you.

你感觉怎么样？

How do you feel?

你需要有人...来陪你度过亲密时刻吗？

Do you need someone to, to, to give you company to have an intimate moment with?

我当时就想，哦，我觉得我还好。

And I was like, oh, I think I'm okay.

但话说回来，他有时会问，他说，你知道的，我只希望你开心。

But then again, he's sometimes he's asking, he said, you know, I just want you to be happy.

我希望你所有的需求都能得到满足。

I want you all your needs to be satisfied.

然后他说，你，你有兴趣认识别人吗？

And he says, do you, would you be interested in meeting someone?

当他这样提出来时，我就说，好啊，如果你不介意而且这对你来说不是问题的话，毕竟你一直鼓励我这么做。

When he put it out like this, and I was like, yeah, if you're okay with it and if it's not an issue for you, you've been encouraging me to do it.

是的，我接受这个提议。

Yeah, I'm open to the idea.

于是我们找了个和我同城的男人，我见了他。

So then, we find a guy who lived in the same city, with me and, I met him.

他也是美国人。

He's American as well.

而且他当时住在中国。

And he lived in China at the time.

那时我丈夫已经回美国了，所以我和他见了第一面。

And my husband was back to The U S so I met him in our first meeting.

他没有评分。

He didn't grade.

他表现得很好。

He was good.

他长得很帅。

He was good looking.

他比我年轻，而且非常性感。

He was younger than me and he was pretty hot.

他业余时间做模特，但严格来说不算三人行，因为我丈夫不在场。

He worked as a model at his spare time, but technically it wasn't a threesome because my husband wasn't there.

对。

Right.

是的。

Yeah.

但这让我感觉就像三人行，因为他全程都在，我们无话不谈。

But it just made me feel like it is a threesome because he was there all the way and then we communicate with everything.

后来我遇到这个男人，告诉他我可能要录音——如果你对视频不自在的话——因为我想和丈夫分享。

And after I met this guy, and I told him, you know, I may want to record audio if you're not comfortable with the video and because I want, I want to share with my husband.

所以这个男人知道你会告知他自己已有伴侣？

So, the guy knew you'd let him know that you're involved with someone else.

是的，他一开始就知道。

Yeah, he knew from the beginning.

所以我强调要透明，不仅是我们两人之间，这段关系里的每个人都必须诚实透明。

That's why I said, transparent, not just transparent between two of us, and you got to be honest and transparent with whoever involves in this relationship.

好的，你遇到一个非裔美国人，他知道你另有伴侣。

Okay, so you met an African American man he knew you were involved with someone else.

你是黑桃皇后（指偏爱黑人的白人女性）。

You are a queen of spades.

你之前和非洲裔男性交往过吗？

Had you been with an African American man before.

是的，有过，但我当时没意识到那是我的偏好。

Yeah, I did, but I didn't realize that that was my preference.

我是说，在他之前。

Mean, before him.

是的，我...我约会过亚裔、白人和黑人，但我并不那么专一。

Yes, I, I dated Asian, white, and black as well but I wasn't that exclusive.

嗯，而且

Well, and

你丈夫是什么人？

what is your husband.

他是白人，

He's Caucasian,

你没意识到自己对非洲裔男性有偏好，却嫁了个白人，现在他允许你和黑人发生关系。

you didn't realize you have a preference for African American men, you married a Caucasian, who now allows you to sleep with black men.

你现在可是两全其美了。

You have the best of both worlds right now.

我基本上得到了所有我想要的。

I pretty much have everything I like in the place.

是啊。

Yeah.

好吧。

Okay.

是的，我想说我的偏好可能是后来形成的，起初我并没有意识到自己喜欢什么，直到后来才明白——哦没错，这确实是我遇到过最好的，我打算坚持这个偏好。

Yeah, I would say my preference probably developed later, and I didn't realize that something I prefer until later I oh yeah this is actually the best I ever had and I'm going to stick to it.

好吧，这话听起来可能有点...其实我也不知道会显得怎样，但我还是想问。

Okay, this is going to sound, I don't know how this is going to sound actually so but I'm just going to ask.

这种偏好是因为尺寸问题吗？

Is the preference because of a size thing.

部分是，但其实是综合因素。我一直被阳刚气质的男性吸引，他们有着健壮的双脚、好看的身材，举止也非常有男子气概。

Part of it, but it's truly a combination, because I'm always attracted to the masculine men, and who have bravy feet, nice looking body, and the demeanor is very masculine.

但后来我发现，你可以在黑人男性身上看到这种特质，这种吸引力。

But then later on, I realized you can see this feature, this attractive thing in black men.

当然尺寸也是其中一部分。

And of course size is one of these things.

但如果你看到一个白人男性尺寸很大，可能不会像黑人男性拥有超大尺寸那样让我兴奋。

But if you see, there's a white man who has a large size, it probably doesn't sound exciting for me as much as a black man that has a large, large size.

好的，很有意思。

Okay, very interesting.

确实，每个人都有自己的偏好，有时候人们无法确切解释为什么某些东西会让他们兴奋。

All right, well, know and then everyone's got their thing right and sometimes people can't explain exactly why something turns them on.

就是会这样。

It just does.

非常正确，特别是在涉及不同性癖好的时候，很难解释清楚为什么。

That's very true, especially when it comes to, you know, different sex sex, hard for you to explain why.

那我们快进一下，最终你和男友结婚了，你们搬到了美国。

So let's fast forward, eventually, you and the boyfriend get married, you move to The US.

在这整个过程中。

Throughout this whole time.

你有参与这类活动吗？

Are you taking part in these kinds of activities.

是的，断断续续的。

Yes, it was on and off.

你丈夫有参与其中吗？

Does the husband ever participate with you.

有时候会，当我们三个人在一起时他确实参与过，有时他参与得多些，有时少些，很多时候他都在场。

They are times, and when three of us are together and yes he did participate, and there are times he participated a little more and there were times he participated less, there were a lot of time he was there.

你丈夫有绿帽情节吗？

Is there any cuckold involved with your husband.

老实说，我觉得心理上他可能有点这种感觉，也许他觉得这样有点刺激。

To be honest, I think, psychologically maybe he feels a little bit, and maybe that's something he felt like oh it's a little exciting.

也可能只是单纯的热妻情节对吧？

It could be just a hot wife situation to right.

有可能，但你认为你丈夫可能存在某种绿帽倾向？

It could be, But you think that there may be some kind of cuckold going on with your husband.

我这么猜测是因为他想看我和尺寸更大的人在一起。

The reason I think maybe is that he wants to see me with someone who has a larger size.

这就是我猜测的依据。

So that's where my guessing is from.

那么，在你结婚之后。

So, after you get married.

听起来这已经成为你们生活方式中公认的一部分了，对吧？你们这样结婚并不会改变任何现状，是这样吗？

It sounds like it's kind of an accepted part of your lifestyle, right this is how you guys are being married doesn't change any of it right

现在。

now.

是的。

Yeah.

那我问你，虽然我觉得我已经知道答案了，但以防有人好奇——你和男朋友在一起时，基本上可以和任何你想要的人发生关系，而你发现自己更偏爱黑人男性？

Can I ask you, then, I mean I think I already know the answer but just in case people are wondering, you're with your boyfriend, and you're able to have sex with basically anyone else you want, and you learn that your preference is black men?

那你为什么嫁给了一个白人？

Why did you marry a white man.

嗯，爱情很复杂。

Well love is complicated.

我是说我喜欢和黑人男性发生关系，但我确实爱我丈夫。

I mean I like sex with black men, but I do love my husband.

我爱这个男人，他允许我和任何其他我想要的男人在一起。

I love this man who allows me to have any other men I want.

听起来这就是我对婚姻的全部需求了。

And it sounds like nothing more I need from a marriage.

所以你看，我仍然喜欢和不同的人发生关系。

So let's see, I still like to have sex with different people.

如果我嫁给一个不想让我参与这种交换的黑人男性呢？

What if I marry a black man who doesn't want me to do this swing.

你和你丈夫与其他女性有过三人行吗？

Have you ever been in a threesome with your husband and another woman.

并不完全是。

Not really.

其实不是。

Not really.

是啊，不过。

Yeah, no.

我正在试图了解。

I'm trying to know.

不。

No.

是的。

Yeah.

而你对此并不感兴趣。

And you don't have an interest in that.

我想我的兴趣在别处，之前从未真正考虑过这个问题。

I think my interest is somewhere else I never really thought about it.

好吧，而且他对这个没兴趣。

Okay, and he doesn't have an interest in it.

我很确定每个男人、每个男人都会感兴趣。

I'm pretty sure every man, every man does.

但那并不是他最热衷的事情

But that's not something like he's most excited about

那他最热衷的是什么呢？

what is he most excited about.

他看到我和黑人男性在一起很兴奋，他喜欢在场，喜欢观看，也喜欢参与其中。

He's excited to see me with black men, and he likes to be there, and he likes to watch, and he likes to participate page.

现在让我们聊聊你感兴趣的那些事吧。

Now let's get into all the stuff that that you're into.

我们知道你喜欢黑人男性，我们知道你喜欢，嗯，天赋异禀的男性。

We know that you like black men we know that you like, like well endowed men.

我觉得除了直接问你之外，真的没有其他方式可以问这个问题了。

I think there's really no other way for me to ask you this except to ask you.

没关系，我们正在努力让这种对话变得正常化。

It's okay we are trying to normalize this conversation.

这没什么奇怪的。

There's nothing weird.

好吧，我看过你的推特。

Okay, I've looked on your Twitter.

我看过你的视频和照片，有些内容我看着就觉得，天啊那看起来会很疼吧。

I've seen your videos, I've seen your pictures, some of it I look at it and I'm like, oh my god that looks like it would hurt.

而且你知道，我们谈了很多笼统的刻板印象，但和这样的男性在一起感觉一直都很好吗？我是说在你某张照片里，他的阴茎简直和你手臂一样粗。

And, you know, we're talking a lot of generalities or stereotypes but has it always felt good what is it about having a man who, I mean in one of your pictures, his penis was like as big as your arm.

我知道，那真的让人惊叹，我看到时就在想，真的假的。

I know, that was really like wow when I see that I'm like, really, is that.

但当你看到那种画面会兴奋吗？还是说会犹豫自己能不能接受？

But when you see that that turns you on it doesn't say like, I don't know if I can do this.

两者都有一点吧。

It's a little bit of both.

你把它视为一种挑战。

You see it as a challenge.

我确实把它视为挑战，而且那确实是个挑战。

I did see it as a challenge, and it was truly a challenge.

天啊。

My god.

好吧，现在你得跟我说说这事。

Okay, now you have to tell me about it.

现在你得跟我讲讲。

Now you got to tell me about.

是啊，

Yeah,

我听说很多女性在生活方式中经常谈论另一件事。

there's this other thing that I hear a lot of women talk about in the lifestyle.

就是那种被填满的感觉。

And it's the feeling of feeling full.

你明白我在说什么吗？

Do you know what I'm talking about.

你能再详细说明一下吗？

Can you elaborate a little bit more.

嗯...我不太确定因为我没有体验过，但很多喜欢DVP或DP生活方式的女性会谈论喜欢那种被填满的感觉。

Well, well I don't know because I don't, but a lot of, like a lot of women in the lifestyle who like to do DVP or DP talk about liking that feeling of feeling full.

比如你是怎么做到享受其中感觉舒服而不是痛苦的？

Like how did you get to the point where you're enjoying it where it feels good and not painful.

首先，我不做DP（动态规划），因为我做不来，对我来说太痛苦了。

Well, first of all I don't do DP, because I can't, it's painful for me.

所以，真的，如果真的很痛苦，我就不做。

So, it's truly, if it's truly painful, I don't do it.

是的，有些尺寸，有些男人，他们很大，你提到的那个几乎有我手臂那么粗，这种情况并不常见。

Yes, it some of the size, some of the men, they are large and the one you're talking about like almost the size of my arm that it's not common.

我得亲眼看看。

I have to see.

那样很享受吗？

And that was enjoyable?

最终是的。

Eventually.

关键在于这些男人是否清楚自己在做什么。

And it really is a key whether these men know what he's doing or not.

如果他们不知道自己在做什么，可能会让你感到疼痛、不适或非常不舒服。

Because if they don't know what they're doing and it can make you feel the pain or unease or very uncomfortable.

而如果他们知道自己在做什么。

And if they know what they're doing.

首先，你不必用上你所有的‘装备’。

First of all, you don't have to use everything you've got there.

今天我们60%的程度就可以了。

We're okay with 60% today.

其次，如果你能让女性充分兴奋、放松并激动起来，我认为就不会那么痛苦了。

And then secondly, if you're able to make the woman aroused, so like fully and relaxed, excited, and I don't think it is that painful.

你能感受到拉伸，但拉伸只是拉伸，不是疼痛。

And you feel the stretch, but stretch is just a stretch, it's not pain.

至少这是我的感受。

And at least that's how I feel.

当然你需要一点时间来适应他的尺寸。

But of course it takes you a little bit time to adapt to his size.

所以这就是为什么，我想说的是如果他们知道自己在做什么，他们可能会从非常缓慢的动作开始，不会用100%的力度，这样他就能观察你的反应并据此调整，比如我们是想要加快速度还是继续保持缓慢。

So that's why, what I'm saying is if they know what they're doing and they may start very slow move and doesn't use a 100% and he will be able to observe your reaction and go from there, like whether we want to like speed it up or we want to continue going slow.

所以这真的取决于他们是否知道如何正确使用。

So it really truly depends on whether they know how to use there too.

所以需要很多前戏。

So lots of foreplay.

是的，很多前戏，然后你可以从慢动作过渡到快节奏，从60%到七八十，最终取决于你需要多少。

Yeah, lots of foreplay and you go from slow motion to fast emotion you go from 60% to seventy eighty, it depends on how much you need eventually.

润滑剂怎么样？

How about lube.

你可以用，但我其实不常用，我觉得当我兴奋时会很湿润，所以有帮助。

You can use it but I don't really use that often, I think I, I get pretty wet when I aroused so it helps.

你多大了？

How old are you.

我40岁，

I'm 40,

但你做这行已经很久了对吧

but you've been doing this for a long time right

是啊，有一阵子了。

yeah for a while.

是的。

Yes.

你每次都能达到高潮吗？我是说，和那么大的男人在一起，对你来说是一种身体上的享受吗？

Do you always orgasm, I mean is this like a physically pleasurable thing for you to be with men who are that large.

老实说，从生理角度而言，我认为对大多数女性来说，并不需要特别大的尺寸就能获得高潮，只要硬度足够且在正常范围内就行。但对我个人而言，这是一种偏好。

Honestly, physically for me I believe for most of the most of the women, you don't really need a huge size to get to give you orgasm, as long as they're hard as long as they're within the normal range but like for me personally it's a preference.

当我看到大尺寸时，会让我很兴奋。

When I see a large size, it gets me excited.

这是一种视觉刺激。

It's a visual excitement.

现在让我们谈谈你试图将这种情况常态化的部分，特别是针对中国人口。你可能知道，我猜测中国和越南在这方面类似，某些生活方式在文化中被接受，比如在过去的越南。

Let's now get to the part where you're trying to normalize the situation, especially with the Chinese population, as you probably know and I'm only guessing that it's the same with the Chinese as is with the Vietnamese, and that is some aspects of the lifestyle are accepted in the culture like, you know, like in Vietnam back in the day.

那时候有钱男人可以娶多个妻子是被允许的。

It was okay for like the wealthy men to have more than one wife.

当时男性数量不多，女性比男性多。

There weren't a lot of males so there were more females than there were males.

如果你是有钱人，可能会娶一个或多个妻子。

And if you were wealthy, you might have taken on one or more wives.

这只是文化的一部分。

And that's just a part of the culture.

是啊。

Yeah.

这在中文里也是同样的说法吗？

Is that the same thing with the Chinese.

是的，在古代。

Yes, ancient time.

没错，一个男人可以娶好几个妻子，这是被接受的。

Yeah, one man can marry, like several wives, and it's accepted.

在历史上很长很长一段时间里这都是被接受的。

It was accepted for very very long time in the history.

对。

Right.

但反过来就不行。

But the other way around doesn't work.

所以作为女性，你被要求只能跟一个男人在一起，仅此而已。

So, when you're a woman you're expected to be with one man, and that's it.

有时候甚至极端到当女性成为寡妇时。

Sometimes it goes as far as when a woman becomes a widow.

她就被要求保持独身，我们说的是文化和历史上，你知道的，就是很久以前的事。

She's expected to then remain celibate so we're you know we're talking culturally and historically like you know way back in time right.

确实如此，

That's right,

但这也逐渐成为文化中被接受的一部分，即男性可以尝试，男性可以有很多经验，但如果你是女性，你被要求为一个人守身如玉，仅此而已。

but it also becomes like an accepted part of the culture in that men are okay to experiment, men are okay to have a lot of experience, but if you're a female, you are expected to save yourself for one man, and then that's it.

中文里也是同样的说法。

Same thing with the Chinese.

完全一样，

Exactly the same,

但我们知道女性也有这类欲望，对吧。

but we know that women also have these kinds of desires right.

你接触过很多像你一样喜欢婚外性行为的中国女性吗？

Have you talked with a lot of Chinese women who like to have sex outside of their marriage like you.

我只是在泛泛而谈，我身边没有多少朋友喜欢在婚姻或恋爱关系之外与男性发生性行为，或者即便有她们也不会告诉我

I'm trying to generalize, and I don't have a lot of friends that like to have sex with men outside of their marriage or outside of their relationship, or maybe if they do they don't talk to me about

这些。

it.

对。

Right.

社会仍然不认为这是种好品质。

It's still the society do not recognize it as a good trait.

这是人类共有的体验，与你是白人、黑人还是亚洲人无关，对吧。

It's a human experience right it has nothing to do with whether you're white or black or Asian or right.

这真的与你来自哪里无关，甚至与你如何被抚养长大无关，因为有些在严格宗教戒律下成长的人，也喜欢这类生活方式活动。

It really has nothing to do with where you come from, or even how you were raised because there are people who were raised with a lot of strict religious rules, who like lifestyle activities.

所以这是人类共有的体验，然而由于社会文化因素和我们接受的教育

So it's a human experience, and yet, because of society because of culture and everything that we were taught.

似乎亚洲人在对此保持开放和坦诚方面仍相对落后。

It seems like the Asians are still kind of behind on being open about it and honest about it.

所以，你身边没有多少参与这种生活方式的亚洲朋友。

So, you don't have a lot of Asian friends who are in the lifestyle.

根据我们所知，这种生活方式中肯定有很多亚洲人，对吧。

Knowing what we know there has to be a lot of Asians in the lifestyle right.

嗯，我很确定这就是原因，我的推特账号大约有5万粉丝。

Well, I'm pretty sure they are the reason I see that is I have like 50,000 followers on the Twitter account.

其中很多是采用这种生活方式的夫妻，而且很多是居住在中国的中国人。

And many of them are couples in the lifestyle, and many of them are Chinese in China.

所以，是的，确实如此。

So, yes, they are.

哦，中国的中国人，这又是另一回事了——无论你是中国的中国人、美国的华人还是其他地方的华人。

Oh, so Chinese in China, which again, it's a whole different thing whether you're Chinese in China or Chinese in America or anywhere else.

对。

Right.

在美国时，我觉得人们会更自在地开放一些。

When you're in The US I think people feel a little more comfortable being a little more open.

是的，我也这么认为。如果你住在中国会有很多限制，环境不同，有些事情可以做，但有些事情做了就可能违法，对吧，

Yeah, I think so because there are a lot of restrictions if you live in China, and it's a different environment, and there are a lot of things you can do and some things if you do it can become illegal, right,

尽管那是你自己的私事。

even though that's your own business.

说实话，这里也会发生类似的事情。

Let's be honest, there's stuff that happens here.

没错。

Right.

在美国，有些行为仍然是非法的，或者不被社会接受，即使你是在自己卧室里与同意的成年人私下进行，且确实不影响他人，但人们还是会评头论足。

In The US, that is still illegal or, or not socially accepted, even though you're doing it in the privacy of your own bedroom with consenting adults and no one really doesn't affect anyone else and yet people judge.

嗯。

Yep.

那你打算怎么改变这种情况呢？

So what are you trying to do to change that.

我试图鼓励那些对这种生活方式感兴趣的人，不必过多在意他人如何看待你的生活方式，因为这是你的人生，你只活一次。只要确保安全，只要没有人因此受到身体或情感上的伤害——也就是说所有相关方都不会因此受伤——那就尽管去做，去享受吧。

I try to encourage people that are interested in the lifestyle, do not really think or care too much about how the other people think about your lifestyle because that's your life and you only be once if you wanna do it as long as it's safe, as long as no one gets hurt physically and emotionally, like everyone involves in this situation doesn't get hurt and go for it, enjoy it.

很多时候当我们想做某件事时，总会纠结：这样做是不是错的？

A lot of time when we try to do something or when we want to do something, we always try to think, is that wrong to do it?

所以我对'错误'的定义是：是否有人因此受到伤害，无论是情感上还是身体上。

So my definition of wrong is if anyone gets hurt, emotionally or physically.

那才是错的。

That's wrong.

所以你也在努力让这类对话变得常态化。

So you're trying to normalize the conversation, as well.

你是怎么做的？你的网站是什么？

How are you doing that what is your website.

我的网站叫heidiaokun，网址是www.heidiaokuen.com。

My website is hediaokun, and it's www.heidiaokuen.com.

heidiao是中文，当然kuneen是女王的意思。

Is that Chinese, he dial is Chinese and queen of course it means queen.

heidiao在中文里是黑屌的意思。

So he dial in Chinese is means black cock.

哦，

Oh,

以及

and

人们能在网站上找到什么内容？

what will people find on the website.

这就像一个为所有对这种生活方式感兴趣或好奇的人打造的平台，让他们了解并学习我们真实的生活状态。

It's a pretty much like a platform for everyone that are interested or curious about this lifestyle, to get to know it and learn what we really do in our life.

所以这不是色情网站，你可以直接观看视频，它会向你展示更多关于我们的行为方式、所思所感的内容。

So, it's not a porn website, So you just go there and watch the video and it tells you a little bit more about how we do it or what we do, how we think and what we think and feel about it.

另一方面，如果黑人男性对亚裔夫妇或亚裔妻子感兴趣，他们也可以来这里分享他们的喜好。

And they're also on the other side for the black men, if they are interested in Asian couple with Asian wife, and they can come here and to share what they're into.

你的家人知道你的这些喜好吗？

Does your family know what you're into?

不知道，我希望对他们保密，因为我不确定他们会怎么看待这件事。

No, I want to keep it outside of their knowledge because I don't think how they're going to perceive it.

是的，他们不知道。

So no, they don't.

你还有什么想补充的吗？

Any last words you would have.

不必过于纠结对错。

Don't struggle too much with what's right what's wrong.

只要没有人受到伤害，只要所有人都乐在其中并且你自己也享受这种体验，那就大胆去做。

So as long as no one gets hurt, as long as everyone enjoys it and you are pleased from this experience, you go for it.

无需犹豫。

Don't have to hesitate.

试试看。

Give it a try.

你可能喜欢也可能不喜欢，但只有尝试了才知道。

You may or may not like it, but you have to try to know it.

与此同时，这位中国辣妹怀疑她的婚姻中可能存在戴绿帽的情况。

And while the Chinese hot wife suspects there may be some cuckolding going on in her marriage.

我们的下一位嘉宾对此毫不怀疑。

Our next guest has no doubt about it.

她被称为绿帽女王，有些人生智慧要分享。

She's known as a cuckoldress, and she's got some pearls of wisdom to share.

你会事先洗澡吗？还是他更喜欢你不洗？

Do you shower before or does he like it if you don't?

哦，没错，你刚刚提到了这种生活方式中最精华的部分之一，因为哦，这确实是

Oh, yes, you just hit on one of the like absolute gems of this kind of lifestyle because Oh, it's

精华所在。

a gem.