咯咯笑着谈论愤怒诱饵、毕业舞会和前男友们

嗨，傻笑者们？哈丽特，修好你的WiFi。赶紧搞定它。我们可受不了

Sup, gigglers? Harriet, fix your WiFi. Manifest that shit. We can't be

这样。我

managed. I

是说，今天完全不在状态。

mean, the day just got away from me.

早安，傻笑者们。我知道这档播客会在一天中不同时段被收听——可能是上班路上，也可能是下班回家时。对，就是下班回家时。

Good morning, gigglers. Now I know that this pod gets listened to at many different times of the day. You could be going to work. You could be, Coming you know home from work. Coming home from work.

这两个时段正是妻子们...会考虑谋杀丈夫的时刻。

Those are the two times husbands. Of You were thinking of murdering your husband.

一天中这么多不同时段呢。

So many different times of the day.

但对我们来说这是早晨，必须提前声明这点，因为我通常要到下午5点才能组织完整句子。

But this is the morning for us, and we have to tell you that because I don't normally form a full coherent sentence till around 5PM.

可你现在还是...不，你的脸还在睡，声音也在睡。

Well, you still have like No. Your face is asleep. Your voice is asleep.

我脸上还有

I have mark to my face from

枕头印。你走进来像是原本要去厕所，结果发现自己在播客间。还一脸懵地问：嘿伙计们，你们在这儿干嘛？

my pillow. You walked in as if like you meant to go to the bathroom to pee, but you found yourself in the podcast room. You're like, hey, guys. What are you doing here?

对于不了解情况的人说一下，我们是在我公寓里录制播客的。佩吉已经起床了，你几点醒的？

So for people who don't know, we record the pod at my apartment. So Paige has been up. When did you wake up?

早上六点。

6AM.

你看起来像刚做完普拉提。已经为孩子们安排好了一天行程，还送他们去了学校。

You look like you've been doing Pilates. You've planned the day for your children already. You dropped them off at school.

其实我正在给头发抹油，同时处理多件事。我还在想要不要换套衣服，后来一想，算了。

I'm actually hair oiling right now. I'm multitasking. I was like, should I put an outfit on? I was like, you know what? No.

我可能要从汉娜家走回公寓，早上顺便锻炼。然后有个视频会议，一点才开始，我现在正在规划所有事情。

I'm probably gonna walk, like, toward my apartment from Hannah's getting steps in in the morning. Then I a Zoom meeting, not till one, like I have to I'm planning all my things.

知道吗，我六点半惊醒以为错过了播客。结果发现才六点半。

See, I woke up at 06:30AM in fear that I missed the podcast. Perfect. And then I was like, oh my god, it's only 06:30.

解释一下，她实际上不可能错过播客，因为就在她家录。实在不行我会去房间叫她。

Let me just explain. She physically couldn't miss the podcast because it's in her home. I mean, at some point, I'd come into your room and say, hey, we have to do the pod.

再说了，谁能开除我？这简直是根深蒂固的焦虑。

Also, no who's gonna fire me? Like, this is some deep, deep trauma.

我正在消化这个事实——我们创造了Giggly Squad，但这个组合实在太有Giggly Squad特色了，不知该怎么形容。

I'm processing know that we created Giggly Squad, but, like, Giggly Squad is so Giggly Squad coded. Like, I don't know how else to explain it.

我们已经失控了。

We've lost control.

这太符合Giggly Squad的风格了。引用一下，我们连个播客工作室都没有。勉强有个房间就不错了。你要搬走了。我们根本没地方录音。

It's so Giggly Squad coded. Quoted, we don't have a podcast studio. We barely have a room. You're moving out. We have nowhere to record.

就像我大老远跑到东区来。感觉有太多事情都显得我们根本不在乎。

It's like, I come all the way down to the East Side. Like, there's just so many things that are so we're like, we don't care.

但也正因如此才完美。我们需要这种混乱来激发创作能量。

But also it just makes it perfect. This is the chaos we need for our creative energy.

好吧，我在TikTok上看到一个女孩制作的视频——我都不知道播客听众间还有这种讨论——她说受够了所有播客最终都会变成访谈节目，邀请网红或名人什么的。她说唯一不做访谈的播客是Giggly Squad。说真的，我觉得那周我们刚请过猫语者，不过算了。我甚至没认出那姑娘。

Okay, so I saw a girl on TikTok who made, which I didn't even know this was a Discourse among podcast listeners, where she was like, I'm so sick of every podcast I've ever listened to at some point go into just like an interview show where they'll have like an influencer or a celebrity and like whatever. And she was like, my only podcast that doesn't do interviews is Giggly Squad. I honestly think it was the week we had the cat psychic on, but anyway. I didn't even a gal.

那根本他妈不算访谈。那是侦察行动。

That's like That wasn't fucking an interview. That was Recon.

对啊。就像是FBI派她来的。超出我们层级了。确实。就是太冗长了。

Yeah. That was like, the FBI sent her. That was above us. That yeah. That was just long.

但我留言了，因为想到让第三方介入我们的混乱场面就焦虑——就像突然说'坐下录我们的播客吧'。不，这对普通人来说太突兀了

But I was I commented because I was like, it actually makes me anxious thinking about bringing a third party into our chaos and being like, just sit down and, like, be on our pod. Like, no, it's so jarring for the

不行。还因为我们根本安排不了。你知道要真人到场得经过多少步骤吗

normal person. No. Also, it's because we can't organize it. You know how many steps involves getting someone physically to

我整天都在想这个问题。

I think about that all the time.

而且和刚认识的人聊一小时实在太长了。

Also, an hour is a long time to talk to someone that you've just met.

是啊。不。如果我们真要采访别人，那大概得等到六十多岁的时候。我感觉

Yeah. No. If we ever interviewed people, this would be like in our sixties. I feel like

你还好吗？抱歉。

Are you okay? Sorry.

你就像在做波比跳。而且你都没提我胸部快占满整个房间了这件事。

You're like burpee. Also, you haven't even commented that my boobs are taking over the whole room.

我正想说呢。只是我眼睛还没完全睁开。所以还没看清状况。发生什么了？

I was gonna bring that up. It's just my eyes aren't fully open. So I haven't seen anything yet. What's going on?

老实说，不知道。就像我

Honestly, don't know. Like, I

不想给你乱诊断，但你确实像是

don't wanna diagnose you with anything, but you do have like

毛病一大堆。

So many things.

但那种整天沉迷于自己胸部的症状叫什么来着？我不

But like, what is it where you're just obsessed with your boobs all the time? I don't

觉得有专门形容这个的词。

think there's a word for that.

比兹真的会走进来就说，你还没评价我的胸部呢。

Beaz really walk in and be like, you haven't commented on my boobs.

呃，我好像从没经历过。这是我第一次遇到这种情况。不。我本来想问你的就是这个。对。

Well, I'm like, I've never had them. I've never had this the first time ever that I've had them. No. When are you This is what I meant to ask you though. Yeah.

你什么时候来月经？哦。你的情况是怎样的？

When are you getting your period? Oh. What's your sketch?

我想大概一周后吧。

I think in like a week.

好吧。所以我可能会提前，但现在看来就是这样了。

Okay. So like I would be early, but like here we are.

谁知道呢？虽然不想让你得意，但我直到18岁才开始发育胸部。

Who knows? This I don't wanna like make your head big, but I didn't get boobs till I was 18.

拜托，我都32岁了。说不定我正在经历第二次青春期。不，我只是觉得我的荷尔蒙变化太

Go, I'm 32. I could be going through another puberty. No, just think that my hormones Your change so

手指还在继续生长。

fingers keep growing.

永远都是。

Always.

你就像，这是个我的名字

You're like, it's a My names

现在特别长。看起来真的像鸡爪子似的。

are so long right now. They actually do like chicken talons.

我昨天杀了那家人，因为我一直在打网球。

I killed the whole family yesterday, because I've been playing tennis.

等等，这让我想到下个要告诉那些偷笑的人的事。汉娜和我确实一起做了很多事情。

Wait, this brings me to my next point that I need to tell the gigglers. So Hannah and I do like a bunch of things together.

这算什么黑帮电影般的鬼话？汉娜和我

What kind of mafia sketchy shit was that? Hannah and I

总是形影不离地一起做事。

are always together doing things.

听着，我们私下也在搞些事情。

Look. We're doing stuff on the side.

有时候我们得去片场，而那里可能已经有其他工作人员在了。

So sometimes we have to arrive to a set, and sometimes there's other people that are working on said set now.

不过顺便说一句，我们可从来没去过片场。

Although we've never been on a set before, by the way.

我们一起去过好几个片场。

We've been on multiple sets together.

好吧，我们确实去过好几个片场。继续。然后

Okay. We have been on multiple sets together. Continue. And

作为前童模，我知道去片场要带三样东西：干净的头发、干净的指甲，还有整体清爽——比如干净的脚趾或剃净的腿毛，你要以最佳状态去当他们的画布。那天我和汉娜到片场时，其实我已经做好发型和妆容了，因为刚参加完别的活动。结果我到片场时，他们却说汉娜正在做造型

so as a former child model, I know that you show up to set with three things, clean hair, clean nails. And overall just like clean toes or like cleanliness shaven legs, you just come as you come as a specimen for them to create their canvas. Okay, so Hannah and I show up to the set where both I actually this day came hair and makeup ready because I was at something else. So I get to the set and they're like, Hannah's in hair

还有化妆。我就说，好吧。

and makeup. And I'm like, okay.

他们问，你需要补妆吗？我说，让我先看看。于是我走进去，心里想着，我该补妆吗？发型和化妆师都说，你完美无瑕，美得惊人。

They're like, do you want a touch up? I'm like, let me just like see. So I walk in the I'm like, should I get a touch up? The hair and makeup people are like, you're perfect. You're stunning.

就是，

Like,

连发胶都不想喷。他们觉得，我们不想破坏任何现有的造型。

some hair spray. They don't even wanna spray. Like, we don't wanna ruin whatever.

他们说，你天生丽质，状态完美。你可以直接回拖车等大家了。然后他们看着汉娜说，我们得叫老板过来，因为我们搞不定。

They're like, you're so naturally, like, have it going on. Like, you can go sit in your trailer and wait for everyone. And they look at Hannah and they're like, we're actually gonna need to call our boss because we're a bunch.

你怎么了？你甚至不知道你来之前我引发的闹剧。不，我不知道。我走进来，发现我来例假了。顺便说一句，这里有更多重要的人物。

What'd you do with you? You don't even know the drama that I started before you came. No, I don't. I walk in, realize I got my period. By the way, there's so many more important people.

多得很。简直数不胜数

So many. Like a plethora of more

重要的 我的事情

important My things

唯一的任务就是别给 添乱

only job is to not be a nuisance for Just

待在那儿并且

be there and

喜欢且不被听见，不被看见，打电话时才说话

like and Not be heard, not be seen, speak when phone

你简直就是九十年代的孩子。

is You're literally a child of the nineties.

我立刻走进去。我就像，开始大出血。我心想，当然了，其实你知道好笑的是什么吗？我家里其实没有卫生棉条。是啊。

I walk in immediately. I'm like, start bleeding out. I'm like, of course, actually, you know what's funny? I actually didn't have a tampon at home. Yeah.

这确实是我的问题。

Like that was on me.

是啊。

Yeah.

我应该...我不像个

I should. I'm not like an

然后汉娜，我从来不带卫生棉条。就像电影里演的那样，人们走进洗手间问，哦，你有卫生棉条吗？

and then Hannah, I never have a tampon. Like, when they show in movies where people like just go into bathrooms like, oh, do you have a tampon?

而我当时

And I was

就像，是啊。我就问，你是来例假了吗？你怎么就直接把...那里面空间明明那么大。

like, yeah. I'm like, are you on your period? Do you how just put the there's so much room in that.

包包是这样的，佩姬走来走去，一个大号卫生棉条会露出来。还有，大号卫生棉条为什么做得像按摩棒尺寸？

Purses are, Paige walks around, and one large tampon would be sticking out. Also, large tampons, why are they dildo size?

在我来月经的十六年里，从来没有在经期到来时手头有卫生棉条可用。这太离谱了。算了。

Never in the sixteen years I've had a period have I ever had a tampon when I got my period. That's crazy work. Anyway.

你有没有因为只剩那种大号棉条，结果导致处女膜破裂的经历？

Have you ever, like, lost your virginity because of one of those large tampons? Because that's the only one left?

没有。其实我觉得它们会引发尿路感染。我就想，好吧。然后你还拽不出来

No. I actually think they give me UTIs. I'm like, okay. And then you can't pull them

因为把自己给塞住了？

out because you've corked yourself?

我心想，我本可以和陌生男人上床的。结果却因为这是有机棉条困在这里。饶了我吧。总之，卫生棉条产业该被取缔了。

I'm like, I could have been having sex with strange men. But yet here I am because it was an organic cotton. Give me a fucking break. Anyway, the tampon industry should be stopped.

后来我找他们要棉条时，明显让他们慌了神。他们到处乱转，我就说听着我不想血流成河，你们保险公司赶紧解决。他们给我拿来棉条后，我才发现脚趾甲没修剪。

So, yeah, I asked them for a tampon, and you could tell it threw them. Like, they were like, They're running around and I'm just like, look, I don't wanna bleed out. So this insurance, figure it out. So I already felt bad, so they got me the tampon. Then I realized that my toe, look, my toes weren't done.

但我假装没事，试图让人觉得只是部分趾甲脱落了。对，是有缺口。我当时的反应是，哦我有个...他们

But I tried to make it like I had It's not a big deal. Well, I tried to make it like, just part of my toe had, toenail had fallen off. Yes. They were chipped. I I was like, oh, I have a They

其实连缺口都没有。你大脚趾因为部分指甲脱落显得参差不齐，看起来像有缺口，实际上

actually weren't even chipped. Your big toe was jagged because part of the nail had fallen off. So it looked like it was chipped, but it was actually

那里根本没有指甲。其他脚趾的指甲也过长。整个情况本来...但我假装惊呼天啊，我在塞棉条时不小心把自己勒到脚趾都掉了。

there's no nail there. And also the other nails were outgrown. Like, the whole thing it would but I tried to be like, oh my god. An accident just occurred as I was putting on my I strangled myself off my tampon. I've lost a toe.

不过等等，这是我的小费环节。

But also, oh wait, this is my tippy.

这就像我们在和本该服务我们的二十多岁年轻人打交道。我们表示非常抱歉，而他们却说‘不，实际上我们得去请示别人，因为我们...’

This is also like we're dealing with people in their 20s that are supposed to be dealing with us. We're like, we're so sorry. They're like, yeah, no, we actually to ask someone because we

感觉就像...我们从未处理过这种程度的混乱。他们告诉你可以随意穿着。

It's like, this is we've never dealt with this level of distress before. They told you, they were like, wear what you want.

好的。当我们一起做事时，有时我们会说‘确保服装风格统一’。比如你们会请造型师吗？还是自己搞定？有很多问题。每次遇到不同情况，流程也都不一样。

Okay. So when we do things together, sometimes we'll be like, okay, let's just like make sure the outfits are cohesive. Like, are you guys gonna get a stylist? Like, are you doing it on your like, there's a lot of questions. And for whenever something's different, like, different processes.

我当时就说我们是一个团队。我知道人们对佩奇说的话，佩奇也知道别人对我说的话。我清楚他们被当作怪人对待，真的。

And I was like, we're team like, we're team. Like, I know what people say to Paige. And Paige knows what people said to me. And I know that they're being treated as weird, really,

我们是一个团队。所以他们打电话跟我说‘想穿什么就穿什么，我们完全信任你。随便搭配，发照片给我们，我们真的无所谓’。我说太好了，然后就挂了电话。

and we're a team. And so they called me and they were like, whatever you want to wear, we totally trust you. Like, do whatever, send us pictures, we literally don't care. And I'm like, great. So I get off the phone.

我脑子里大概有三件事想分享。我要发些图片过去。其中一件就是，我们简直着迷了。我们超爱这个。太完美了。

I'm like, I have three things that I have in mind. I'm going to send them pictures. One of the things are like, we're literally obsessed. We love this. This is perfect.

你完全懂这种感觉。这简直是我经历过最轻松的工作日。我打电话给汉娜，问她'你穿的什么呀？'，她说'哦，我带了...'

You totally get the vibe. I'm like, the easiest workday I've ever had. I call Hannah, and I'm like, oh, what are you wearing? And she was like, oh, I had

要带八个人过来。我在瑞典有个完整团队专门研究怎么搭配好看。我带了十套备选方案过去，走进休息室时他们直接说'不行'。他们其实...等等

to bring on eight people. I had a full, like, team in Sweden trying to figure out what what's gonna look good. And I show up with, like, 10 options. I walk in the green room, and they're like, no. And they actually, wait.

他们看都没看。在我展示带来的东西前，他们就自带装备了。不过最后有件衣服意外合身，很棒。而且你看起来美极了。

They didn't even look. They brought their own stuff before they even looked what I brought. Yeah. But one of the things ended up fitting, which was great. And you looked gorgeous.

真的太美了，我们都很开心。他们让我做了妆发造型，后来还意识到...

Gorgeous, so we're happy. They put me in hair and makeup. They also realized

她的指甲没做。

That her nails weren't done.

我的手部美甲还没做。

My hand nails aren't done.

汉娜当时说，没人会凑那么近看。我老实说，她是在告诉他们别担心。他们觉得这完全不是问题。

And Hannah was like, no one's gonna be looking that close. I go Honestly, got she was telling them not to worry about. They're like, it's not a problem at all.

顺便说，这次拍摄根本不赶时间。我们本可以有更多时间，但我就说，我不想让任何人——我不想被摆布。就像，别碰我。

By the way, this shoot was not a rush. Like, we could not have more time, but I was like, I don't want anyone to I don't wanna be done. Like, don't Don't touch me.

不。那完全就是你在说，这就是真实的我。如果不喜欢这样的我，你们该雇别人。你这完全是布兰妮·斯皮尔斯式的宣言。就像在说，我要做自己想做的音乐。

No. That's literally you were like, this is who I am. If you don't like who I am, you should have hired someone else. You're literally having a Britney Spears moment. You're like, I want to make the music I want to make.

我不想被束缚在这种流行偶像的生活方式里。我不要做指甲。我那边可是全套水晶甲。我——她

I'm not gonna be confined to this pop star lifestyle. I'm not getting my nails done. I'm over there full acrylics. I'm She

说真的，这位化妆师你能看出她在想，我也不想给你做指甲。但眼下有更重要的事。我们签了合同要维持特定造型。

said you're By the way, like this makeup artist, you could tell she's like, I don't wanna do your nails either. But there is a bigger thing happening here. And we have an aesthetic that we have pull. Contract. Yeah.

她就说，让我给你做指甲吧。而我就像个小孩似的，你知道那种给小孩穿外套他们死活不肯的场面。

And she's like, let me just do your nails. And I was like, literally like a baby, you know, you you have to like put a coat on a kid and they're like, no.

你这情况就像有顶和衣服配套的帽子，能让整体造型完美，但你家孩子死活不肯戴那顶配套帽子。

You are the equivalent to you have a matching hat to your outfit. It makes the whole outfit and your child refuses put the matching hat on.

我小时候就总这样对我妈。她会给我戴上帽子拍完照，然后随我把帽子扔飞。

That's literally what did to my mom all the time. She would put it on, get the photo, and then let me, like, chuck the hat.

是啊。你当时正经历着33岁版本的这种状态。

Yeah. That you were having you were having the 33 year old version of that.

不。就像万圣节的小孩，你穿着万圣节服装，但天气冷得要命。你妈妈会说，你会得肺炎的。你必须穿上这个。你说不要，但我就是...

No. It's like a kid on Halloween where you, have your Halloween outfit, but it's freezing. Your mom's, you're gonna get pneumonia. You have to put this on. You're no, but I like I have

不，就像，我会冻死的。我必须穿上那件。

No, like, I'll die. I have to put that on.

但我说，我可是打扮成贝儿啊。对啊。贝儿什么时候穿过外套？抱歉，你见过贝儿穿外套吗？

But I'm like, dressed as Belle. Yeah. So like, what Belle doesn't wear a coat? Sorry. Have you ever seen Belle with a coat?

我知道故事发生在法国，但是...

I know she's in France, but like.

孩子的逻辑其实特别真实。就像，你说个贝儿穿外套的场景给我听听？

Child logic actually is like so authentic. It's like, name a time where you've seen Bella When with a I

我在想洛伊丝，她现在正处于'为什么'阶段。我说什么她都会问为什么。比如我说，我不知道游泳池为什么是那样的。

was thinking with Lois, she's in her why phase. So I'd say something and she'd like, why? I was like, I don't know why the pool is like that.

我们需要...有件事你知道吗？这个观察太有趣了。洛伊丝是...

We need to there's something about you wanna know what? This is such an interesting observation. Lois is a

长女。我太着迷于她了。她会跑到我的床头柜前。我们待会再讲完另一个故事。先插个题外话。

first born daughter. I'm so obsessed with her. So she comes over to my bedroom table. We'll finish the other story. Just quick sidebar.

我其实有Tatcha的润唇膏，顺便说下我超爱这个。

And I have actually Tatcha lip stuff, which I love, by the way.

在那个小东西里？

In the little thing?

小小的爱。大概45美元吧。她看起来美极了，真的美极了。她问我能拿吗，其实她没问就直接拿了？然后开始往身上抹。

The little love. Probably $45 She's like Aesthetically gorgeous. Gorgeous. And she's like, can I, well, she wasn't, she took it? And she starts putting it on.

我就说，你是我生命中的挚爱，想干嘛都行。就算把房子烧了也行。我爱你。如果这能让你开心，尽管烧我房子。

And I'm like, you're the love of my life, like do whatever you want. Like burn everything house. I love you. If that's fun for you Put it on my house. Yes.

她一直念叨着补水补水补水。我们笑作一团。她还把小手指伸进去蘸。嗯哼。她手指和我的一样细，就这样玩了一会儿才停下。

She's like, hydration, hydration, hydration. And we're laughing. And she's sticking her little finger in it. Mhmm. Which is the same size as my little finger, let's So be then she's done.

然后她说手指脏了。我床边正好放着——

And she's like, my finger is dirty. So next to my bed, I obviously had just like,

我懂。无所谓啦。就是这样。你放了...我也不知道，随便什么。要形容Zahanna的风格的话，就是那种...怎么说呢，随便吧。

I know. Whatever. That's exactly it. You had, I don't know, whatever. Just that if if I could describe Zahanna's aesthetic, it's, I don't know, whatever.

但肯定是我四天前擤鼻涕用的纸巾。不过不算特别脏。

But it must have blown my nose like four days ago and had a tissue. But it wasn't dirty, dirty.

你放了张厨房纸。

You had a paper towel.

是厨房纸，不过是我这辈子某次用过的。

It was a paper towel, but had been used at some point in my life.

但还能再用一次嘛。厨房纸又不会...

But could be used a second time. Paper towels don't

于是我说，来，把你的小指头给我，我可以用这卷厕纸的边缘擦擦，不管它之前是干嘛用的。对。然后她问，那个脏吗？我说，虽然我不喜欢对小孩撒谎，但我意识到有时候必须这么做。必须的。

grow on So I go, give me your little finger, and I can use the edge of this toilet paper, whatever it was. Yeah. And she goes, is that dirty? I go, and I don't like lying to kids, but I realize you have to. You have to.

可他们是警察啊。

But they're the police.

但她能看出我在撒谎。她会摆出一副‘我识破你了’的表情盯着我。我只好说，是有点脏但不算太脏。她就说，不，那就是脏的。我只好认输，好吧，你拆穿我了

But she can tell when I'm lying. She gets his face where she's like, she's onto me. And I'm like, yes, but it's not too dirty. And she's like, no, that's dirty. And I'm like, okay, you read me

其实你说对了。我刚才是在骗你。测谎仪都测不出来

to You're actually spot on. I was lying to you. Neither lie detector

然后她追问，你为什么要撒谎？我说，因为我不想特地起来给你拿条新毛巾擦你那根小指头。就，

And then she's like, why would you lie? And I was like, because I don't wanna get up and get you a new fucking towel for your little finger. Like,

这也太差劲了。

that's so uncool.

最后那姑娘还是给我涂了指甲油。我气炸了。

So the girl does my nails. I'm livid.

不。当时我和我朋友坐在单独区域。对。后来他们回来说，好了我们确认过了，美甲项目包含涂洋葱图案，而且我们确实要涂。

No. So the me and I are sitting in like a separate area. Yep. And they come back and they're like, okay, we got clarification. Onions, nails, and we are in fact going to paint them.

顺便说，我现在正在找指甲油。

By way, looking for a nail polish right now.

这些人在这天之后就退出行业了。那曾是他们的梦想啊。他们搬到纽约就为了进入电视圈。结果现在说，妈，我干不下去了。

These people quit the industry after this date. Like, that was their dream. They moved to New York to work in in TV New York City. And then they're like, mom, I can't do it.

然后他们下周要在播客上问我，说，你遇到过压力最大的名人是谁？

And they're like, on a pod next week. They're like, what was your most stressful celebrity you ever met?

所以当时我可能忘了一些事，因为确实还有更多混乱情况。哦对了，他们给我做了发型和化妆，然后我们等了好一会儿。对。然后他们看着我，就说，嗯，我们得重新弄一下。估计是被我这张油脸给融掉了。

So then, I'm probably forgetting stuff because there was definitely more chaos and oh, well they did my hair and makeup and then we had to wait a while. Yeah. And then they looked at me and they were like, yeah, we're gonna have to do that again. Like, guess it just melted off my oily face.

我说那是保鲜效果。

I say that preserved.

他们看着你。

They looked at you.

我真的感觉像是被石化了，就像《哈利·波特》里的某种魔法一样。我当时就是

I literally was like, I'm petrified, like something in Harry Potter. I was like

他们一整天都没给你补妆。我本来要重新弄一下的，但我当时在拖车里。我知道。总之，我们到了这个休息室，一群人聚在那里，然后一个模特走了进来。是的。

They did not give you one touch up the entire day. Had I to redo my know, but I was in a trailer. I know. Anyway, we get to this green room where a bunch of people are hanging out and a model walks in. Yes.

她的指甲没做。等等，我没有

Her nails aren't done. Wait, I didn't

知道你就坐在那里

know You were she was sitting there

整个时间

the whole time

心想哇，看看那些光秃秃的指甲。真的，我当时就觉得，没人会去修，没人注意到。但后来我，就像，她有着修长漂亮的模特手指，但是就像，那是什么来着？

being wow, look at those bare nails. Literally, I was like, no one's gonna fix, no one sees that. But then I, like, she has like really long beautiful model fingers, but like So what was it?

到底是禁止涂指甲油的歧视，还是对你短手指的歧视？

What was Was the discrimination against no nail polish, or was it the discrimination against your short fingers?

所以我现在要举报这件事。对。有人要被举报了。

So now I'm reporting to something. Yeah. Someone's getting reported.

某种人力资源违规行为。

Some type of HR violation.

发生了人力资源违规。然后第二天我四处走动时，我得去个重要地方，但显然他们刚放了...等等。

There was an HR violation. So and then the next day, I'm walking around, and my I have to go to somewhere important, but, obviously, they just put, like, a Oh, wait.

还有件事。他们像在搜寻指甲油。哦他们说别担心，我们会找到指甲油的，结果拿回来的是这种红色。女孩们正涂着。

Was the other thing. They were like scouring for a nail polish. Oh, they're like, don't worry. Okay, we're like, we're gonna get a nail polish, they come back with this like red color. The girls like doing it.

她问：要再涂一层吗？汉娜说不用，这样够了，就这样吧。她却坚持认为需要再涂一层。

And she's like, okay, like, should I do another coat? Hannah's like, no. No, this is good enough. Let's be done. She's like, I really think that there needs to be another coat.

问题就在这里。我觉得自己已经超级友善礼貌了，我会说'天啊真的不用'。她盯着我说'不，没关系的'，我又说'老天真的不用'。

This is the problem. I think I'm super nice and polite about it. I'll be like, oh my god, no, it's okay. She's looking at me, she's like, no, it's okay. Not I'm like, Oh my God, no, it's okay.

她却说'不，这样不行'。但到了第二天

And she's like, No, this isn't okay. But then the next day

你知道吗？这就是社会对女性打压的程度，我们不得不过度友善否则就会被批判。这是身为女性的困境，真的什么都做不了。

I had- And you wanna know what? That is society on how much they've beaten women down because we have to be so fucking overly nice or we're critics. I mean, it's the plight of being a woman. It's literally you can't do anything.

但你这会儿的词汇量真厉害。你太棒了。我要认输了，你完全碾压我。

But your vocabulary is so good for this time in the morning. You so much. I'm hopping down. You're running circles around me.

我是说，但那些坏账。所以这就是我喝了Dunkin' Refreshers。我他妈准备好出发了。

I'm like, but that bad debt. So this is the I ate Dunkin' Refreshers. I'm fucking ready to go.

不，Dunkin' Refresher很上头。你喝的是哪款Refresher？

No. The Dunkin' Refresher is hitting. Which refresher are you drinking?

不，我这个夏天迷上了Dunkin'。好吧，我喝的是草莓火龙果Refresher加气泡水。

No. I'm obsessed with Dunkin' this summer. Okay. I have the strawberry dragon fruit refresher with sparkling water.

爱了。我喝的是芒果菠萝Refresher，浓缩汁减量加绿茶。

Love. I have the mango pineapple refresher with less concentrate and green tea.

我今天喝了很多。

I drink a lot today.

如果你赢得了Dunkin'的周边赠品，记得在发帖时标记我们和Dunkin'。第二天我还有拍摄，到场时指甲是剥落的红色，看着比素甲还糟糕。

If you won the merch giveaway with Dunkin', make sure you tag us and Dunkin' in your posts. The next day, I had to shoot something also, and I show up, and I just have chipped red nails, which look way worse than if I just had raw nails.

所以说素甲就是多米诺骨牌效应。

So it's just Raw nails is A domino effect.

这都是因为我一直没找Jacqueline做美甲。

And this is all because I've been away from Jacqueline.

是啊。

Yeah.

嗯。Jacqueline有提到过我吗？

Yeah. Has Jacqueline said anything about me?

不，她还没有。其实我这周要见她。对，我们还没怎么聊到你的事。不过前几天我确实说过，我在想，要不要休息一下，就做做自然指甲放松一阵子？

No, she hasn't. I'm seeing her actually this week. Right. We haven't really talked about you. The other day though, I did say, I was like, should I take a break and just do natural nails and chill for a little?

她当时看着我——哦，她最讨厌这种话了。她就说，你知道的，不行。你为什么要那样做？

And she looked at me Oh, She hates that. She's like, you know, no. Why would you do that?

宝贝，就像杰克那样。我试过和她沟通，真的试过。等等，我突然有种创伤后应激障碍的感觉，就像小时候暗恋一个人，而你朋友只和对方说了一句话，你就急吼吼地问'他提到我了吗？'

Babe, was like, Jack. I've tried with her. I've tried with her. Wait. I just got PTSD of like when you're little and you have a crush on someone and your friend like talks to them for one second and you're like, did he say anything about me?

是啊。而他们总是这样，

Yeah. And they're always like,

没有。我有次就遇到这种事，五年级时我最好的朋友开始和我以为在交往的男生约会，全班都知道我们早分手了，现在他俩才是一对，而我是最后一个知情的。

no. One time that happened to me and then like my best friend in fifth grade started dating the guy that I thought that I was dating and like the whole class knew that we weren't dating anymore and that he was dating her, and I was the last person to find out.

天啊，你还好吗？嗯，这就是你的反派起源故事了。

Oh my god, are you okay? Yeah. And that's your villain origin story.

千真万确。我的反派起源故事确实始于五年级。就是从那时起我开始提防这些贱人，总觉得她们要算计我。

It truly is. My villain origin story, I really do feel like started in the fifth grade. That's when I started clocking these bitches. I was like, you're up to get me, I think.

等等，我就是从那时明白不能相信任何人。不，是真的。

Wait. That's when I learned I can't trust anyone. No, true.

五年级时我就...

Fifth grade, I was like

那时我掀开了眼前的兜帽。不管原话怎么说——我是把兜帽掀开了/把兜帽摘掉了。

That's when I took the hood I over my took the hood off my eyes. Whatever that quote is. I took the hood over. I took the hood out.

One of those things.

One of those things.

Wait. Hold the wool over my mouth. I've said this story before, but this is like my like, iconic fifth grade moment. Okay. Fifth grade prom.

Wait. Hold the wool over my mouth. I've said this story before, but this is like my like, iconic fifth grade moment. Okay. Fifth grade prom.

Pardon? Fifth grade prom. I mean, it was like, made up but like there was a dance

Pardon? Fifth grade prom. I mean, it was like, made up but like there was a dance

Law and Order SVU but continue dance coming up.

Law and Order SVU but continue dance coming up.

I've had a crush on this guy since like second grade. This is deep like this is like on your birthday. No, I like that. You're like, I feel

I've had a crush on this guy since like second grade. This is deep like this is like on your birthday. No, I like that. You're like, I feel

like you meet him second, third grade. Yeah. You don't like get things going till fourth, fifth. But you

like you meet him second, third grade. Yeah. You don't like get things going till fourth, fifth. But you

know, like, I've been, this has been a long time coming. I've been planting seeds. Fifth grade now. It's time.

know, like, I've been, this has been a long time coming. I've been planting seeds. Fifth grade now. It's time.

What people don't know about me, in middle school, I only had eyes for blonde hair, blue eyed men.

What people don't know about me, in middle school, I only had eyes for blonde hair, blue eyed men.

You never told us that. I know.

You never told us that. I know.

And then once I hit eighth grade, was like

And then once I hit eighth grade, was like

当你说我只有眼睛时，这感觉像在演弗兰克·辛纳屈的电影。但你知道吗，蓝眼睛的小男孩很可爱。是啊，他们特别甜。然后我就长大了。

When you said I only have eyes, it's giving a Frank Sinatra movie. But you know what, little blue eyed boys are cute. Yeah. Like, they're so sweet. And then I grew up.

后来你开始喜欢能留胡子的男人了。没错。所以我迷上了这家伙，但显然其他女孩也喜欢他，因为他很帅。我有个朋友叫莫莉——我要说全名。

And then you decided you want guys who can grow facial hair. Yeah. So this guy, I'm obsessed with him. But obviously the other girls liked him too because he was cute. And I had a friend Molly, full name, I'm saying it.

把这事挂到该死的fuckingpeople.com上去。

Put that on fuckingpeople.com.

网上总有些东西让人想说：真希望她过去认识的人能站出来说她有多糟糕。然后我就想，不如我来说说

So there's always like things on the internet. It's like, I wish someone from her past would like come and say like how awful she is. And I'm like, how about I say how awful

住在我家附近的人有多糟糕？

people are from my house?

其实不如我来反将一军？不如我列个名单，看看是谁用创伤塑造了我这种性格？好吧，

Actually, how about I turn the tables on that one? How about I start listing names who gave me this personality because of trauma? Okay, so

莫莉。等等，我还看到

Molly. Wait, also I saw

前几天刷到个TikTok，没转发给你是因为觉得太致郁了。内容是：谢谢你们保护我的脸——配文说如果你特别搞笑，就没人知道你经历过的创伤。每次有人说'汉娜·佩吉，我有个顶级喜剧播客'，

TikTok the other day and I actually didn't send it to you because I was like, that is like so depressing. Oh. Was like Thank you for protecting my face. It was like, if you're really funny, like no one knows the trauma you've been through. Every time someone's like, oh, Hannah Page, I have, like, a top comedy podcast.

我就想：其实我们有时特别悲伤。我觉得早上八点的播客正是

I'm like, well, we're really sad sometimes. I think an 8AM pod is exactly what

我们需要的。好了，以后每周都会这样。你居然哭了。才没有。

we need. Okay. This is gonna happen every week. You're actually crying. No.

说不清这是对自己开心还是难过。对了，莫莉很可爱。真的，老实说，莫莉就是很可爱。

Can't tell if it's, like, happy or sad to yourself. So by the way, Molly's cute. Yeah. Like, let's be honest. Molly's cute.

是啊，我觉得如果你的名字叫莫莉

Yeah. I feel like if your name is Molly

那你肯定可爱。你必须得可爱到爆。没错，你就是个美国女孩娃娃。

You're cute. You like have to You're be fucking adorable. Yeah. You're an American Girl doll.

我刚想说，你直接从美国女孩娃娃跳到了性感辣妹

I was just gonna say, you're hot skipping a jump from American Girl She

她当时可爱得要命，我也知道，但她是我朋友。

was fucking adorable, and I knew it, but she was my friend.

我觉得莫莉会戴那种渔夫帽。

I feel like Molly wore like bucket hats.

对对对。爱死你了，你说话总离不开衣服。

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Love I you speak in limited to clothes.

我来设定场景：我们在五年级，莫莉戴着有朵花的渔夫帽。

I'm like, let me set the scene. We're in fifth grade, Molly. She's got a bucket hat with a flower.

有人给我发了限时动态，让我回顾限时内容，结果是20页限时杂志截图，我在里面找不到你，差点举报了那条帖子。

I had a limited to thing sent to me, like, bring back limited to, and it was 20 slides of a limited two magazine, and I couldn't find you in it, and I almost reported the post.

有些动态里确实没我。

There are some that I wasn't in.

或者就像AI那样，他们把你淘汰了。这个我们晚点再讨论。所以我告诉她，去打听他会不会来问我。是啊，当时可真是紧张刺激。

Or it was like AI, they took you out. We'll discuss that later. So I told her, find out if he's gonna ask me. Yeah. Which was so Intense.

既紧张又显得我很女权主义。没错，就是

Intense and feminist of me. Yeah, is

他会来问我

he gonna ask me to

做他会来还是问我什么？快点，我没时间了，这可是五年级的事。于是她去找他谈话。然后我等着，现在我都快记不清当时发生了什么。是啊，那都是三十年前了。

do Is gonna or ask me what? Let's go, I don't have time, it's fifth grade. So she goes to talk to him. And then I wait, now I'm like forgetting what happened. Yeah, it was thirty years ago.

我倒希望如此。等等不对，事情不是那样的。根本不是那样发生的。真实情况是这样的。

I would hope so. Wait, no, that's not what happened. That's not what happened. This is what happened.

你连具体是什么事都还没说

You haven't even said what

我当时。所以我们没有。莫莉是我最好的朋友。我什么都没告诉她，真的什么都没说。当时我和另一个朋友贾斯汀混在一起。

I was. So we're not. Molly's my best friend. I didn't tell her I didn't tell her anything. I'm hanging out with Justin, my other friend.

但他就像那种，怎么说呢，像是女生中的男生，或者说是女生之友。但他不是同性恋。现在回想起来也许他是？不，他现在肯定出柜了。

But he's just like, like, guys, girl, like girl's Like, he's a girl. He's a girl's girl. But he wasn't gay. Don't think maybe he was looking back. No, he's definitely out now.

但那时候只是觉得和他相处很自在。

But the time just felt comfortable around him.

等等。上周末我回家时，遇到了我人生第一个同志闺蜜，

Wait. When I went home last weekend, I ran into my first ever gay bestie,

三年级时我们曾是形影不离的同志闺蜜。我找到了爱我的酷儿们。女同们，我们一直彼此相爱，就像我们早已心灵相通。那些网球酷儿们。这是另一种类型的情谊。

and we were gay besties together in third grade. I found the gays who love me. Lesbians, we were I've been we love, like, we were already there. The tennis gays. And it's a different type.

我们相爱，因为他们尊重我。是的。这是我从未从男同性恋者那里感受过的。他们喜欢这样，因为男同热爱网球，而且他们网球打得很好。

We love, because they respect me. Yeah. Which I've never felt from a gay man before. They like, because gay men love tennis, and gay men are good at tennis.

嗯。

Mhmm.

向布莱克利·桑顿致敬——男同们，我本来想提一个非常著名但并非同性恋的网球选手，不过他们确实都热爱网球。

And gay men, shout out Blakely Thornton, shout out, I was gonna say a really famous tennis guy that's not gay, but they love tennis.

但也可能是。

But could be.

但也可能是。总之，当时我和贾斯汀在球场边闲逛。而莫莉正在篮球场上和我暗恋对象搭讪。好吧，布鲁克林那会儿。

But could be. Anyway, so I'm hanging out with Justin, Kicking with Justin. And Molly is talking to my crush on the basketball court. Okay. So Brooklyn.

他叫什么来着？我不能说。好吧，我在保护隐私。倒不是为了保护男人。

What was his name? I can't say. Okay. I'm protecting. Not to protect a man.

她明明知道我从二年级就喜欢他，知道舞会快到了。这个该死的贱人，难道非得在他篮球比赛间隙找他聊天吗？我当时就觉得——

Okay. She's talking to him and I said, this motherfucking bitch, she knows that I liked him since second grade. She knows the dance is coming up. Well, could she possibly be talking to him in between his basketball game? And I know

我们不该责怪女性。我知道。而我——

we're not supposed to blame the woman. I know. And I

知道这听起来像在迁怒。但我当时 paranoid（偏执多疑），开始数落起我的朋友。我说：经过这么多破事之后。是啊。

know this sounds like I am. But I was paranoid. And I'm turning to and I start shitting on my friend. I said, after all we fucking get through. Yeah.

安德和贾斯汀还在煽风点火。他就像这个贱人。

How And Justin is egging me on. He's like this bitch.

他表现得好像从来不喜欢她。我知道。你一直想和她做朋友。

He's like, never liked her. I know. You've always wanted to be friends with her.

根本不想和你做朋友。她就是想搞那种破事。我当时就...

Didn't want to be friends with you. She wanted to be like that kind of shit. I was like,

我最爱看我的gay蜜突然来一句：知道吗？从来就没喜欢过她。而我只能：哦，你从没提过。你压根没说过。当你成功煽动起一个gay...

I love when one of my gays goes, you know what? Never liked her. And I'm like, oh, never said anything. You never said anything. When you get one of my gays going,

那种冲破禁忌的感觉 成功点燃一个gay

it's a very transgressive Get a gay going.

点燃一个gay。让事情发酵。继续。继续。让

Get a gay going. Do one thing going. Going. Get

一个gay嗨起来，他们会告诉你 不。到底是什么

a gay going, and let them tell you No. What it

让他们给你掰开揉碎讲明白，因为 理想情况下你会：哦

Let them break it down for you, because it's Hopefully, you're like, oh,

就像 等到他们他妈的一—等等 汉娜

like, it's like once they hit their fucking wait, Hannah,

我们刚刚创造了'gay嗨了'的梗 封口 封口 腿梗

we just created a gay going gagged gagged leg.

继续。等等，也许那个环节我们直接找个同性恋来然后让他们走。好吧。就这样，我们要找个同性恋来，然后让一个恶搞环节进来。其实都是直男。

Going. Wait, maybe that's the segment we just bring on a gay and let them go. Okay. And with that, we're gonna have a gay go have a gag come in. It's just straight guys.

不知道。现在是我们的恶搞环节时间。你对什么感到震惊？

Don't know. Time for our gag segment. What are you gagged about?

汉娜，我们带了一群直男进来，说是我们的一个环节，其实不是

Hannah, we brought in a bunch of straight men saying it was one of our segments, really Don't

别告诉他们。我们问，你对什么事情充满热情？

tell them. We said, what's something you're passionate about?

对，真正让你兴奋的事情是什么？

Yeah, something that really gets you going. What is that?

然后，莫莉那家伙，故事结束。莫莉之后来找我。嗯。我说，你怎么敢在这个操场上露面？是啊。

So then, Molly guy, end story. Molly comes up to me after. Mhmm. And I said, how dare you show your face on this playground? Yeah.

我看到了那厚颜无耻。我看到了我需要看到的。是啊。就像，我看到你了。我们盯着你呢。

I've seen The gall. I've seen what I needed to see. Yeah. Like, I saw you. We had eyes on you.

你他妈的在跟他聊什么？然后她说，他想让我问你愿不愿意跟他一起去舞会。

What the fuck were you talking to him about? And she goes, he wanted me to ask you if you wanna go to the dance with him.

然后你就说，莫莉。

And you're like, Molly.

我说，莫莉，你你是我的第一天。一切。你是我他妈的眼睛。你是

I said, Molly, you You are my day one. Everything. You are my right of fucking eye. You are

我感觉我可以，我不在乎孩子们在说什么。

I could I feel like, I don't care what the kids are

关于你的那些话。我收回所有说过的坏话。我确实向校报举报过，也散布了很多关于你的谎言。但现在看来，你是完美的。所以后来我

saying about you. I take back every bad thing I've said about you. I did report it to the school newspaper, and I did spread a lot of lies about you. But in the meantime, you're perfect. So then I

好奇有没有人的校报设了八卦专栏。

wonder if anyone's school newspaper had gossip sections.

等等，你没上过大学？是啊。你上过，但像是

Wait, you didn't go to college? Yeah. You did, but like

不，我们知道。

No, we know.

我上过...对。四万...天啊，当时有个Facebook页面。

I went to Yeah. 40,000 Oh my God, there was a Facebook page.

嗯，我打赌有。

Yeah, I bet.

它叫

It was called

那时候《绯闻女孩》刚开播，我觉得那是第一次...我记得高中时也有个类似的东西。

Well, Gossip Girl had just come out and I feel like that was the first start of, I think that in high school there was a random thing too that we had.

我忘记叫什么了。它叫...像是'错过的缘分'之类的。对。其实挺可爱正面的，会写比如'女孩'

I forget what it was called. It was called, it was like a misconnections type thing. Yeah. So it actually was so cute and positive, but it would be like, girl

今天不行。今天不行。

Not today. Not today.

是啊，以前多可爱啊。就像有个女孩穿着粉色衣服走上巴斯康姆大厅，你会觉得‘哇真可爱’。这原本像是约会软件，你每天刷着看有没有人注意到你，结果现在变成了Reddit。我得提个事儿。

Yeah, it was so cute before. It would be like, girl going up Bascom Hall wearing the pink Got it, You're really cute. And so it was of like used but like a dating you'd go on and you'd go through it to see if anyone saw you, and every day you'd be like, fuck. Well, turned into Reddit. I have to bring something up.

我上周一直在社交。一方面我在观察，毕竟现在是网球赛季，就像我的超级碗。但我发现，如果只和金发女郎约会，就不觉得是在背叛你。

I've been socializing this last week. One, I've been seeing it. It's my time, like tennis season, it's my Super Bowl. But I realize, I feel like if I only hang out with blonde women, I don't feel like I'm cheating on you.

因为我们太不一样了。

Because we're so different.

因为我们截然不同。就像去不同的餐厅吃饭。要是我遇到个棕发幽默的漂亮姑娘还和她约会，你肯定会说‘哦你是不是’

Because we're so different. We're categorically different. It's almost like it's eating at a different restaurant. I feel like if I found a girl who was brunette, funny, beautiful, hung out with her, you'd be like, Oh, are you

疯了，对，我会气炸的。

mad yeah, at I'd be really pissed.

但我现在只被金发吸引，因为...我已经饱了，真的饱了。但如果我想浅尝辄止——

But I'm gravitating just towards blondes because like, I'm already, I'm fed. I'm fed, I have all I need. But like, if I wanna dabble

你在家可是有正经恋爱关系的。对。但出门就...

You're in a committed relationship at home. Yes. But when you go out.

所以我觉得和金发女郎发合照不算数。根本不算数。

So I feel like when I post with blondes, it doesn't count. It doesn't count.

严格来说确实不算。

It literally doesn't count.

真的就是图个乐子。

It's literally just for funsies.

是啊。话说，我们今晚要去看美网公开赛。

Yeah. How has, we're going to the US Open tonight.

今晚？感觉像是百万年之后的事。不，现在只是困在深夜时分。

Tonight, Which seems like a million years away. No, just middle of the stuck night right now.

但最近天气是不是很热？

But in how has it been hot?

美网？对啊。其实特别逗，她居然...

The US Open? Yeah. It actually, it's so funny that that's what she

好吧，就记得你和你的体温敏感体质。

Well, just know you and your temperature.

不，是真的。我其实...我和切尔西去看了场混双比赛。对，汉德勒。简直梦想成真。

No, it's true. I actually, so I went to this mixed doubles thing with Chelsea. Yeah. Handler. That was a dream.

对了，你们聊了什么？她刚从伊比萨岛回来。嗯。所以累坏了。我们状态正好匹配，完美搭档。

Yeah, how was, what did you guys talk about Well, she had just come back from Ibiza. Mhmm. So she was exhausted. So we were same level. Like, we were perfect.

就说'来几杯蜜露酒尝尝'。嗯。我喝了半杯蜜露酒。对。

Was like, let's have a couple honey deuces. I'll have a taste. Mhmm. I had one I had a half a honey deuce. Yep.

说实话我们就是聊工作，她给我建议，还八卦了一番。她人真的超级好，而且天生幽默得要命。

And we just, honestly, we talked shop, she gave me advice, we gossiped. She's She's so so nice, but she's so fucking naturally funny.

是啊。她的幽默既直接又尖锐，甚至有点粗俗，带着挖苦和讽刺的味道。但她的个性，当她和你交谈时，感觉简直不能再真实了——你会真切地觉得‘哦，她在认真听我说，还接着追问细节’

Yeah. For how direct and to the point and like crass like her humor is like snarky and like sarcastic whatever. Her personality, like when she's talking to you, feel like couldn't be more like she's so like, when she's talking to you, you genuinely feel like, oh, she's listening and she's asking a follow-up question of like

她当时一直在问我问题。真的。这对我触动最大。尤其是当你见过很多名人后，会发现他们根本不在乎你。

That's she was asking me questions. Yeah. That's like my biggest thing. Like, especially when you meet a lot of famous people, like, they could give a fuck Yeah. Anything about you.

她当时倾身过来真诚地询问我的事情，而我努力不在切尔西·汉德勒面前显得像个白痴。但关键在于她毫不虚伪，懂吗？你总能知道她的真实感受。她超级有趣，当我们开始互相调侃时，那种东海岸式的友谊立刻显现——她刚嘲笑我，我就心想：天啊，这绝对是我最好的损友了。

She was just leaning over asking me stuff earnestly wanting to learn about me, and I'm trying not to sound like an idiot in front of Chelsea Handler, but also the fact that she's so, she's not fake, you know? So you'll always know how she's feeling. She's hilarious, and I think when we started fucking with each other, making fun of each other, it was such a East Coast type friendship where the second she made fun of me, I was like, my goodness, That's my best made friend. Fun

没错，太真实了。所以

no, that's so true. So that

特别有意思。然后这周末我去了网球名人堂，算是驱散了些心魔。你知道《办公室》里的安吉拉·金赛吗？

was fun. Then, so I go to the Tennis Hall Of Fame this weekend, which I exercise some demons. But do you know Angela Kinsey from The Office? Yes,

金发那个。

blonde.

她简直完美。超级搞笑。

She is such a dream. Yeah. So funny.

特别

Such

可爱。像个小开心果。网球就像一种共同语言，把人们聚在一起。因为大家都说着相同的语言。

a So cute. Such a little delight. Tennis is kind of a fun thing where it's like a language, so when everyone's together, brings you together. Yeah. Because you all speak a same language.

真的很美妙。后来我和别人打了场双打表演赛，

It's really beautiful. Okay. Me and I were playing, but we played in this doubles exhibition,

而她

and she

参加女子双打比赛，她当时说，哦，你真的打球吗？我说，不，那是我全部的生活。

plays in women's doubles, and she was like, Oh, do you actually play? And I'm like, No, that's my entire life.

然后她说，好吧。等等，你报名了为什么不打呢？

And she was like, Okay. Wait, why don't you play when you have sign up?

那叫什么来着？哦，像是报名参加锦标赛？是的。嗯，听着，我

What's that called? Oh, like sign up for a tournament? Yeah. Well, look, I

以为甚至不是报名参加锦标赛，像是加入某个地方的联赛。对，就像那种联赛，比如，哦，好的，你周二晚上打球。

thought Or not even sign up for like a tournament, like where you join like a place where League. Yeah, like a league where it's like, oh, okay, you're playing Tuesday night.

是啊。我是说，我可以。只是我的日程有点疯狂，但说实话。

Yeah. I mean, I could. Just don't have my schedule's kinda crazy, but then also, I'm not gonna lie.

那你为什么不多做些事情呢？

And like, why didn't you do more things?

上周末我打得特别好，我真的在谷歌搜索，你是否尝试重返职业巡回赛并放弃喜剧？等等。我得和我的治疗师谈谈。她说，你不会去参加职业巡回赛。我说，我还可以继续做Giggly Squad。

I played really well this last weekend, and I I definitely was googling, do you try to go back on the pro tour and quit comedy? Wait. I had to talk to my therapist. She was like, you're not going on the pro tour. And I was like, I can still do Giggly Squad.

看吧，这就是为什么我说我是个有毒的朋友，因为我会说，等等。德斯？如果你真的回去了

See, this is why I'm like a toxic friend because I'm like, wait a minute. Des? If you did go back

有人想让你拍一部关于我试图重返巡回赛的纪录片。

on wants you to do a documentary about me trying to get back on tour.

汉娜，等等。我们不打算那样做吗？我会给你准备超棒的网球造型，网球装备，等着瞧吧，

Hannah, wait. Are we not doing that? I will get you such good tennis looks, tennis outfits for your Wait,

我得先训练才行。我得大清早就去健身房。如果你想参加些锻炼，可以顺便走走步。我教练会吼我的

I would have to be, I'd have to train. I'd to, like, be in the gym early. You could get some steps in if you wanna come to some workouts. I'd get yelled at my

第二季尝试新事物，但其实就是汉娜在做事情而佩吉跟着混。因为这确实是我最初想要

try new things season two, but it's just Hannah doing something and page tags along. Because that's really what I wanted the

节目呈现的样子。这就是节目的本质。但如果节目变成我强迫你做事，然后我嘲笑你，而你只能认命，当我们

show to be. That is what the show is. But if the show is me forcing you to do shit, then me laughing at it and you being like, we When

我知道我不必做这些事，好吧，我在想个例子。作为表演者，你有没有去过某个场合然后你一直想着'我不是表演者'？比如上次参加文化活动时，我得站起来做个简短发言。之前我紧张得要命，毕竟从没做过这种事，但结束后我就想'啊总算结束了'

I know I don't have to do things, okay, I'm trying to think of an example. As a performer, do do you ever go somewhere and you're like, you keep being like, Oh, I'm not the one performing like, okay, when I went to last culture is does. Yeah. I had to get up and give like one speech. But after I and I was like nervous before because like ever doing anything but then after I was like, Oh, I'm done.

就像这样，反正本来也不用做。我刚才说这个干嘛来着？

Like this, like, don't have to do that anyway. What was I saying this for?

因为当你跟着我转的时候，是啊，

Because when you follow me around, yeah,

当我跟着你的时候，我喜欢看你必须做那些令人紧张害怕的事，而我还能陪在你身边共同经历。

when I follow you around, I love that you have to do the like, nervous, scary things, but I could still be there and enjoy it with you.

就像这次的情况。当佩吉恐慌发作时，我就真的只是坐在那里。

It's kind of like in this one. When Paige is having your panic attacks. They'll literally I literally just sit there.

我懂你。如果我们有...如果我允许拍摄。我们真该允许的。早知道就该允许。

I got you. If we have like if I allowed cameras. If I allowed cameras We should've. Know we should've.

我们本该这样做的。

We should've.

但那是因为当时有个男的在场，如果霍布森在的话，情况就会完全不同

But it was because we had a guy if we had if Hobson was there, it would've been a totally

的体验。佩姬第一次恐慌发作那晚，有个男的在现场，我当时就说，嘿。

different experience. The first night when Paige had a panic attack, there was a guy and I was like, hey.

他是临时顶替我们常驻女员工的

He was filling in for our normal girl that

对，那家伙还没通过考验呢。不，你当时简直像被束身衣勒着。

Yeah, shot he at wasn't true and tested yet. No, you was were literally in a corset.

而且我当时就说，赶紧他妈给我滚出去。

And also, I was like, get the fuck out of here.

想象一下如果我说，嘿，她在阻止你喊叫。去拿摄像机。去拿摄像机。再靠近点。她就像头野兽。

Imagine if I was like, hey, she's stopping you yelling. Go get the camera. Go get the camera. Get a little closer. She's like, wild animal.

再靠近些。小心点。至少格蕾丝能拍到些幕后花絮。格蕾丝。格蕾丝当时吓坏了。

Get closer. Watch out. At least Grace could've gotten some BTS. Grace. Grace was terrified.

不。格蕾丝你想想，我最好的朋友都是金发。海莉·妮可拉。没错。海莉·比伯。

No. Grace if you think about it, all my best friends are blonde. Hailey Nicola. Yep. Hailey Bieber.

还有哪个金发是我好朋友？加比。加比，除了你之外我所有好朋友都是金发，但这说明我尊重你。

Who else is blonde that's a good friend of mine? Gabby. Gabby, all my good friends are blonde besides you, but it's because I respect you.