LG快讯：贝卡育儿课堂

该来个快速环节了。

It's time for a quickie.

播客一带来《女士帮》，好莱坞女生团体，由女士帮快速环节开启。

Podcast one presents the lady gang, the Hollywood girl posse with lady gang quickie.

以下是凯尔蒂·奈特、贝卡·托宾和杰克·范尼克。

Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanick.

咱们快点开始。

Let's make this quick.

你好。

Hello.

你好。

Hello.

你好，女士帮。

Hello, lady gang.

这里是贝卡·托宾。

It's Becca Tobin here.

是的，我们正在做一些全新、有趣且令人兴奋的事情。

And, yes, we are doing something new and fun and exciting.

我把杰克和凯尔蒂赶走了，我有了一个新的女士团体。

I have kicked out Jack and Kelty, and I have a new lady gang.

开玩笑的。

Just kidding.

请欢迎让我儿子来到这个世界的人，让我在生育过程中没有彻底崩溃的人，那个我讨厌的词——旅程。今天我们的嘉宾是Elevate的创始人，这是一家专注于卵子捐赠、精子捐赠和代孕的高端辅助生殖机构。他们是两个可爱女儿的爸爸，第三个孩子即将出生，也是美国最迷人的一对夫妻——泰勒·弗莱和凯尔·迪恩·梅西。

Please welcome the reason that my son is earth side, the reason I didn't lose my ever loving mind in the process of my fertility, the word that I hate, journey, The founders of Elevate, which is an elite assisted reproductive agency specializing in egg donation, sperm donation, and surrogacy founded by our guests today, fathers of two beautiful girls and a boy on the way, the most attractive couple in America, Taylor Fry and Kyle Dean Massey.

哇。

Wow.

那刚才说的对吗？

That is Did that go?

那真是个开场白。

That's an intro.

我，呃，对。

I Yeah.

谢谢我的后口袋，稍后会有一个低潮时刻。

Thank my back pocket for a down moment later.

嗯，这是真的。

Well, is true.

我的意思是，所有这些都属实，包括最吸引人的美国夫妇。

I mean, all of those things are true, including the best the most attractive couple in America.

太棒了。

Awesome.

可能也是美国最漂亮的孩子们。

With the most beautiful children in America probably too.

所以，哦，谢谢。

So Oh, thanks.

如果你们不介意的话，我要分享一下，他们其实是通过Lady Gang社群找到了他们的代孕妈妈——我们美丽的莎拉。

And if you guys are comfortable with me sharing this, they actually found their surrogate through the Lady Gang community, our beautiful Sarah.

他们几年前，大概两年前，上过我们的播客。

And they came on the podcast a bit ago, a couple years, maybe two years ago.

嗯。

Yep.

是啊。

Yeah.

莎拉听到了一些关于代孕的事情，之后的事情就顺理成章了，她真是太棒了。

And Sarah was listening and heard a little bit about surrogacy and the rest is kind of history and she's wonderful.

我在一场现场演出中见过她，当时我非常嫉妒，甚至差点付钱让她做我的下一个代孕妈妈。

I met her at a live show and I was very jealous and I almost paid her off to be my next surrogate.

但后来我觉得这样做并不道德。

But then I felt like that was not an ethical thing to do.

欢迎来到节目，各位。

Welcome to the show, guys.

谢谢你们的帮助。

Thank helping us.

我的意思是，Lady Gang 这个团体值得我们纹在身上，因为它 literally 带来了我们的第二个女儿，现在又带来了我们的第三个孩子。

I mean, Lady Gang is something we we talk about having tattooed somewhere on our body because it literally brought us our second daughter and now our third child.

所以

So

嗯，我会让宝宝贴着我，因为你是我拥有儿子的原因。

Well, I'll get elevate baby on me because you're why I have my son.

很好。

Great.

好的。

Okay.

所以我觉得我们应该先开始。

So I think we should start off.

你知道，我在我Instagram上经常收到很多关于代孕的详细问题。

You know, I I talked to my Instagram and I get a lot of DMs asking really specific surrogacy related questions.

我尽力回答这些问题，但我觉得这让我意识到，这个领域对知识的需求非常旺盛，而你们显然在这一领域处于最前沿，做得最好。

And I try my best to answer those, but I think that, it just showed me that there's a thirst for knowledge in this space, and you guys are obviously at the forefront of it doing it the best in the business.

所以给我简单讲讲，你们为什么创立了Elevate。

So give me a little rundown of why you started Elevate.

我们刚刚完成了自己的流程，当时用的是被吹捧为全国最好的代孕机构。

Well, we had just finished the process ourselves, and we used what was being touted as the the best agency in in the nation.

但我们经历了一段非常艰难的时期。

And we had a really just a tough experience.

这很个人化。

It was personal.

这很情绪化。

It was emotional.

当然，费用也很高昂。

It was obviously expensive.

我们对缺乏透明度感到非常惊讶。

And we we were really surprised at the lack of transparency.

我们失去了第一位捐赠者，不过说真的，这反而让我们遇到了我认为本该属于我们的那位。

We lost our first donor, which, you know, thank God, because it led us to the one I believe that was meant for us.

该机构要求我们再支付一笔全额代理费，才能重新匹配。

The agency asked for a whole other agency fee just to be rematched.

凯尔和我深刻体会到，整个系统有多么分散和不透明，尤其是对于女性或同性伴侣来说，辅助生殖过程更是如此。

Kyle and I really saw how fragmented and opaque the system kind of was, the the IVF process was, especially for women or for gay couples.

所以我们非常希望找到一种更个性化的方式。

So we really wanted something that felt more custom.

我们的目标是为这一过程带来清晰度、更多的尊严和透明度。

Our goal was to bring clarity, a little bit more dignity, more transparency to the process.

而且，你知道，在我们最初的机构中，那些将成为我孩子一半遗传物质的捐赠者，正是将实现我梦想的人。

And, you know, we just we also noted that in our initial agency, these these donors that were gonna be the you know, half of the genetics of my kids that are, like, gonna make my dreams come true.

她们却像某种奇怪的商品一样被随意转手，我们希望找到一个将捐赠者视为合作者的机构。

We're kinda being tossed around like this odd commodity, you know, and we we wanted an agency that represented donors that felt like collaborators.

你将帮助一个家庭，帮助某人拥有一个孩子。

You're gonna help this family, you're gonna help someone have a a child.

是的，我的意思是，这其中承载着巨大的情感重量，而我们当时并没有感受到那种支持。

And, yeah, I mean, there's so much emotional weight to it, and we just didn't feel assisted in that way.

我希望把这种支持带给更多人。

And I wanted to give that to people.

太棒了。

That's amazing.

我可以证实这一点，我之前显然没有与其他机构合作过。

And I can attest to this that I obviously hadn't worked with other agencies.

你们是我们合作的第一个机构。

You were the first that we worked with.

我对你们对这些代孕母亲和捐赠者的倡导感到非常震撼。

And I was really blown away by the advocacy you guys have for these surrogates and these donors.

我觉得这种反馈在Reddit页面和Facebook上那些奇怪的群组里并不常听到。

And I felt like that was not feedback that I was hearing necessarily like from the the Reddit pages and the weird holes you go in on Facebook.

我印象深刻的是，虽然你们的客户通常是委托父母，但你们为这些了不起的天使发声的方式，比我听说的其他地方都要好。

And I just was really impressed by, obviously your client is usually the intended parent, but the way that you advocate for these incredible angels is really better than I've heard is going on out there.

听到这些我真的很开心。

I mean, I love hearing that.

我真的非常开心。

I really do.

这基本上就是我们机构的职责。

That's kind of our role as an agency.

我们的角色是设计这段旅程，而这是每个人的旅程。

We're here to kind of be the designer of the journey, and it's everybody's journey.

这是捐赠者的旅程。

It's the donor's journey.

这同样是代孕母亲的旅程，正如它是准父母的旅程一样。

It's the surrogate's journey just as much as it is it it's the intended parents' journey.

是的。

Yeah.

因此，我们的职责是保护这段旅程。

So we're there to protect Journey.

旅程。

Journey.

旅程。

Journey.

我们需要一个新词。

We need a new word.

那它到底是什么？

Like, what is it?

我来这么说。

I say it.

你得承认，这确实很烦人，但这就是一段旅程。

You have to like, it it's so annoying, but it is a journey.

没错。

It is.

这其中有起有落。

It's It there's ups and downs.

我的意思是，我们可以称之为一次‘试管婴儿徒步旅行’。

I mean, we could call it a hike, an IVF hike.

你知道吗？

You know what?

说实话，这感觉更像是一次徒步旅行。

It actually feels more like a hike, to be honest.

没错，老兄。

It is, man.

比如，总有各种事情来打扰。

Like, things get in the way.

你得知道，这真的挺累人的。

You get it's it's a lot.

这可能会很累，但也很美好。

It can be a lot, but it's beautiful.

你刚才稍微提到了中介机构的实际作用，因为在这些Reddit页面和Facebook群组里，我确实看到有人不通过中介机构来做这件事。

And you kinda touched on this a little bit about, like, the actual role of an agency because on these Reddit pages and on these Facebook groups, I do see people doing this without agencies.

而且你看到很多突发状况发生，过程可能非常混乱模糊，他们遇到了很多问题。

And you see a lot of hiccups happening, and it's probably pretty murky and muddy, and they run into a lot of things.

那你们作为中介机构，具体做些什么呢？

And what is it that you guys do as the agency?

天啊。

Gosh.

我的意思是

I mean

你们不做什么？

What don't you do?

凯尔在我们谈到代孕部分时会接手，但我可以说，我们会陪伴在你们身边。

Kyle's gonna move into the surrogacy portion when we get to there, but I can say we're we're there to walk beside you.

我们会保护你们，整个过程。

We're there to protect you, the whole process.

你们会有一位法律代理人处理所有法律事务。

You're gonna have a legal advocate that's gonna take care of all all legality issues.

所有这些都会被妥善处理。

All of that's gonna be tied up.

你们会有一位医生负责医疗方面，但我们是你们情感上、后勤上， hopefully 伦理上的核心支持。

You're gonna have a physician that's gonna take care of the medicine, but we are, like, the emotional logistical, hopefully ethical center for you.

正如你所说，我们是来为你们发声的。

And as you said, we're there to advocate.

你们确实做到了。

And you sure do.

好的。

Okay.

那么是关于卵子捐赠。

So egg donation.

我收到了很多来自女性的私信，抱歉，是关于卵子捐赠的。

I have gotten so many DMs from girls from women, sorry, about egg donation.

你能告诉我吗？对你来说，可能也适用于大多数情况，但一般来说，什么样的女性适合捐卵呢？

Can you tell me for you and it's probably pretty similar across the board, but, like, what is the ideal profile of someone who is, you know, interested in donating their eggs?

你知道吗？

You know what?

任何愿意为像我这样的人捐卵的女性，都是充满善意的。

Any woman that wants to donate to people like me is a generous woman.

这已经是一个很棒的捐赠者了。

That's already a beautiful donor.

嗯。

Mhmm.

更重要的是将准父母的期望与他们希望家庭的样子对齐，尤其是当准母亲需要用自己的卵子替代时，她希望孩子能在某些方面像她。

It's more about aligning the desires of the intended parents with what they want their family to to look like if the intended mother has to replace her own eggs, and she wants it the child to reflect her in in some way.

总会有一定的考量，但你必须有正常的体重指数。

There's always there's always gonna be a thought process behind it, but, I mean, you've gotta have a normal BMI.

你最好在30岁以下，并且最好受过一定的教育。

You've gotta be under 30, ideally, some education.

当然，我有些客户对眼睛颜色和血统要求非常具体，我们的任务是为你匹配最合适的对象。

Of course, I get really specific and picky clients about eye color and ancestry, and we're here to match you with the perfect fit for you.

但并没有一个固定不变的完美标准。

But there's no real one set profile.

更重要的是找到适合他们家庭的条件。

It's it's more finding what works for their family.

是的。

Yeah.

你们有没有遇到过类似收养的情况？

And are there ever cases with you with is it an it's like adoption.

你有没有想过，当你捐出卵子后，十八年后有人会敲你的门，说：你是我生物学上的母亲？

Is there ever a time that you donate eggs and you think in eighteen years somebody's gonna come knock on my door and say, you know, you're my biological mother.

嗯，这种情况有很多种可能性。

Well, I mean, there are many different scenarios there.

是捐赠者自己设定这种期望和关系的。

Donors are the ones that set this expectation and this relationship.

很多捐赠者来找我们时说，我想完全匿名。

So, a lot of donors come to us and say, I wanna be totally anonymous.

嗯。

Mhmm.

你知道的，我不希望那样。

You know, I don't want that.

这完全没问题。

And that's perfectly fine.

你可以这么做。

You can do that.

其他一些捐赠者希望进行所谓的开放捐赠，因此他们可能会与意向家庭保持短信联系。

Other donors want some type of what they call an open donation, so they may be in text contact with the intended family.

实际上，这正是我和泰勒的情况。

And that's what Taylor and I have, actually.

我们会关注她的Instagram动态。

We do follow her on Instagram.

你知道，她从未见过自己的孩子，但我们和她保持着非常友好的关系，我们也和孩子们坦诚地讨论这件事，但绝不会期望捐赠者成为家庭成员之类的角色。

You know, she's never met her kids before, but we have a very cordial relationship, and it's a very open discussion we have with our kids, but there's never gonna be any expectation to the donor as any type of family member, anything like that.

那一刻发生的事情很美好，之后的关系因夫妇而异，但并不是那种老套的Lifetime电影情节。

It's a beautiful thing that happens in that moment, and the relationships afterwards, they vary from couple to couple, but it's not like, you know, these old Lifetime movies.

对。

Right.

是的。

It's Yeah.

不是

It's not

那样的。

like that.

不。

No.

这也是出于尊重。

It's also just out of respect.

比如，你们会签订一份合同。

Like, you're you're gonna have a contract in place.

而且，像23andMe这样的服务也存在，嗯。

And, there's things like twenty three and Me that exist, but Mhmm.

你们已经和这位捐赠者达成了协议。

You've agreed upon something with this donor.

如果她希望匿名且不被联系，那就这样吧。

If she wants to be anonymous and never be reached out to, that that's that.

是的。

Yeah.

嗯，这是另一个问题，我的一些追随者，那些女性团体里的女孩，她们早年就冷冻了卵子，现在这些卵子还存着，她们要么决定不要自己的孩子，要么已经生过孩子了，不再需要使用这些卵子。

Well, that was another question some of these girls in the lady gang and who follow me, they did freeze eggs earlier in their life and they have these eggs on ice and they either decided they don't want children of their own or they've had children of their own and they don't need to use these eggs.

你们会接受之前冷冻过的卵子吗？我想问的就是这个。

Do you ever accept eggs that have been previously frozen, I guess, is the question.

当然会，100%接受。

Oh, 100%.

这太棒了。

It's amazing.

如果根据资料，我能为一个已经准备好、不想等待整个法律和新鲜取卵流程的家庭匹配，他们可能只想要一个孩子，但需要10到15个卵子。

I can if you know, based on the profile, I can get the match with a family that is ready to go, doesn't wanna wait for the whole legal fresh retrieval process, and maybe wants one kid and needs 10 to 15 eggs.

所以，这主要还是取决于捐赠者的资料。

So it's gonna be more about the profile of the donor, of course.

嗯。

Mhmm.

她的AMH水平，确保卵子成熟且质量良好。

Her AMH level, making sure the eggs are mature and good quality eggs.

只要她年龄在32岁以下，我就倾向于匹配，凯尔可能会不同意，但我认为我可以匹配32岁及以下的卵子。

And as long as she's under I'm gonna go ahead and say, Kyle might disagree, but I think I can match eggs under 32, 32 and under.

明白了。

Gotcha.

在冷冻时。

At time of the freezing.

对。

Right.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

好的。

Okay.

然后是补偿，很多人非常关心卵子捐赠者或精子捐赠者的补偿情况，因为你们也涉及精子捐赠。

And then compensation, a lot of people are really curious about what the compensation looks like for egg donors or sperm donors because you guys also deal in sperm donation as

是的。

well.

嗯。

Mhmm.

是的，我们做。

Yes, we do.

我们很喜欢。

We love it.

补偿差异很大。

It varies considerably.

你可以谈谈这个。

I mean, you can speak to it.

这更多是泰勒的领域，因为补偿金额因人而异，取决于对你来说什么是具有意义的数额，毕竟你是在为自己的时间、努力和身体上的不适获得补偿。

This is kind of more Taylor's realm, I mean, it's it varies depending on what's gonna be a meaningful amount for people, you know, because it's you're being compensated for your time and your effort and your physical discomfort.

你并不是按每个卵子来获得报酬的。

It's not you're not being paid per egg or something like that.

这不是

That's not

这个过程的工作方式。

how this process works.

关于补偿，存在一些偏见，这让我很困扰，因为捐赠者是在为我做这件事。

And there's some stigma around compensation, which kinda drives me nuts because a donor is doing this for me.

无论我给予她多少，都不足以表达我对孩子的这份礼物和内心的感激。

There's there's never gonna be enough I can give in the world to her to for the gift and the the heart I have for my children.

嗯。

Uh-huh.

而且，一个击掌当然也很棒。

And, you know, a high five is lovely.

但还有什么比有意义的补偿更好呢？它能帮她偿还学生贷款，维持她的公寓生活，不管是什么用途。

But what's better than meaningful compensation that helps her pay her student loans down, keep her in her apartment, what whatever it is.

他们值得这份礼物，这是我们能给予他们的唯一一件事。

They deserve this gift, and it's like the one thing that we can give them.

你知道吗？

You know?

这真是太棒了。

It's it's amazing.

至于补偿标准，起步价可能从15000美元开始，如果我实话实说，还能高得多。

And rates for compensation can start anywhere from probably 15,000, and it can go pretty high, if I'm being honest with you.

真的可以很高。

It really can.

我们在谈论伦理和这些问题时，尽量保持原则，但捐赠者实际上可以自行设定她的补偿金额，我们会尽力为她争取到这个数额。

And we we try to keep things intact when we talk about ethics and all of these things, but it it a donor can kind of set her compensation rate, and we will do our best to get that for her.

是的。

Yeah.

她值得拥有。

She deserves it.

哇。

Wow.

这太棒了。

That's so cool.

现在我们要转到代孕话题了，因为这是凯尔·迪恩最擅长的领域，显然，我们用的是我的卵子和福特的精子，但我们还需要一位美丽的天使女性愿意为我们孕育这个宝贵的小生命。

And now we're gonna move on to surrogacy because that is Kyle Dean's that's where we worked the most, obviously, because we used my eggs with with Ford, but we needed some beautiful angel woman to be willing to carry our precious little baby.

于是我们找到了凯尔·迪恩，我要直接说出来，因为这个问题始终是代孕中最常被问到的。

And so we turned to Kyle Dean and I'm gonna just come out and say it because this question is always the front front runner for surrogacy.

每位准父母都想知道，整个过程的总费用是多少。

Everyone wants to know how much it costs for the intended parents.

包干价。

Quote, all in.

我知道这个范围很广，但你就给我们一个最准确的估计吧。

I know this is such a range, but like, give us the best, you know.

在Elevate，我们会提供一些小表格，帮助人们估算费用，因为正如你所说，每个人的费用确实都不一样。

Well, we have you know, at Elevate, we give people little spreadsheets that help them estimate what that's gonna be because like you said, it really is different for every single person.

嗯。

Mhmm.

你需要捐卵者吗？

Do you need a donor?

你是使用捐精还是捐卵来创建胚胎？

Are you are you creating embryos with donor sperm or donor eggs?

但如果是单纯的代孕，像你这样的情况，最低可能需要12.5万美元，最高可能超过两倍。

But for surrogacy only, like for somebody like you, on the low end, it's probably a $125,000, and it can be more than double that on the high end.

我要说的是，当我们谈论代孕的高端费用时，这完全取决于准父母的选择。

I will say, when we talk about the high end of surrogacy though, that's in the hands of the intended parent.

这些都是他们自己做出的偏好。

Those are preferences they'll make.

比如，你是想要一份非常全面的保险计划，还是觉得只覆盖基本需求的保险就够了？

Like, do you want this crazy insurance plan, or are you fine with just the kind that covers you?

对。

Right.

你是国际父母吗？

Do you want, you know, do you are are you an international parent?

如果你不住在美国，通常需要购买新生儿保险之类的保障。

If you don't live within The US, you typically have to buy newborn insurance, things like that.

所以这个过程本身，我想通常会超过15万美元，没错。

So the process itself, you know, I'd say typically is probably just over $150,000 Yeah.

这非常昂贵。

So it's very expensive.

没错。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

确实不便宜，但只要你看看我完美的孩子，就觉得每一分钱都值了。

And ain't cheap, but it's worth every penny if you just take a look at My Perfect Child.

不好意思。

Excuse me.

你知道，每一个参与代孕的人都经过了严格的专业培训。

You know, the thing is it's every single person that touches surrogacy is highly trained.

他们都接受了二十多年的学习，才胜任自己的工作，而且有数百人会参与到你的案例中。

They've all gone to school for twenty something years to do what they do, and there's hundreds of people that touch your case.

我的意思是，这是一门非常精细的科学。

I mean, it is very highly refined science.

这太不可思议了。

It's incredible.

好的。

Okay.

如果有人想成为代孕母亲，理想的条件是什么？

What's the ideal profile of a surrogate if someone's interested in being a surrogate?

你知道，成为代孕母亲非常非常困难。

You know, surrogates, it's it's very, very difficult to become a surrogate.

你必须曾经生育过，因此你需要有自己的孩子。

You have to have given birth before, so you have to have your own children.

根据ASRM的规定，年龄必须在21至45岁之间，但实际操作中，大多数代孕母亲的年龄在25到40岁之间。

You have to be between the ages of 21 and 45 according to the ASRM, but I'd say in practice, most surrogates are 25 to 40.

妊娠间隔是我们需要讨论的一个问题。

Inter pregnancy interval is something that we have to talk about.

这是指自你上一次分娩以来所经过的时间。

That's the amount of time that has elapsed since your last delivery.

所以，如果你只生过一次孩子，但孩子已经15岁了，那么此时你很可能无法成为代孕母亲。

So if you've given birth once, but your child is 15 years old, probably not gonna be able to be a surrogate at this point.

因此，我们寻找的是在过去十年内生过孩子的女性，最多不超过十年，但通常是七年以内。

So, we're looking for people who've had babies in the last, yeah, ten years at the most, but usually seven years.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我们寻找的是有稳定关系、生活在安全环境中、孕期顺利的女性，你必须至少有一次无并发症的分娩经历。

People who have stable relationships and and live in safe environments and have great pregnancies, you have to have at least one uncomplicated delivery.

所以，如果你经历过分娩，剖宫产并不一定被视为并发症，但如果你出现了子痫前期之类的情况，那就属于并发症了。

So, if you had a delivery, and a C section's not necessarily considered a complication, but if you had something like preeclampsia, that would be considered a complication.

我认为，凯尔，这对一个人来说很重要。

I think it's important, Kyle, to a person.

关于他们稳定的关系和所处的环境。

About a a stable relationship in their their environment.

比如，嗯。

Like, that's Mhmm.

在我看来，基于我的一些经验，任何准父母都不可能在这方面的尽职调查做得足够多。

I don't think any intended parent can do enough due diligence there, in my opinion, based off, you know, some of my experiences.

你真的、真的需要深入了解这些人，还要了解他们的伴侣。

I think you've really, really gotta get to know these people and you gotta get to know their partner.

嗯。

Mhmm.

确实如此。

It's so true.

我的意思是，但你知道吗，很多人说我想当代孕妈妈。

I mean, but you know what's kind of crazy is people people say, I wanna be a surrogate.

能帮助别人拥有孩子，这有多棒啊？

How cool would it be to help somebody have a baby?

然后他们来到机构，我们就会说，这太棒了。

And then they come to an agency and we're like, that's amazing.

非常感谢。

Thank you so much.

好的。

Okay.

我们会让你经历一番考验。

We're gonna put you through the ringer.

没错。

Yeah.

我们会派人去你家。

We're gonna send someone to your house.

你们要进行背景调查。

You're gonna do background checks.

你们的所有医疗记录都会被审查。

You're gonna have all of your medical, records reviewed.

我的意思是，他们真的要经历这一切。

I mean, they have to really go through it.

他们提供了这份伟大的礼物，但筛选过程非常严格。

They've offered this amazing gift, but the screening process is, it is intense.

这是一个漫长的过程。

It is a long process.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

我的意思是，你们只是在经历和你们匹配的过程。

I mean, it's just going through the, you know, the matching process with you guys.

我们能遇到那位孕育福特的美丽女性，真是太幸运了。

We got so incredibly lucky with the beautiful woman who carried Ford.

后来我才听说一些关于代孕母亲经历离婚的故事，那真是巨大的压力。

It was actually later that I heard stories about surrogates going through divorces and that's an incredible amount of stress.

有些事情是我们无法控制的，任何对代孕感兴趣作为委托父母的人，我都会说，你必须在整个过程中带着极大的信心和信任。

There are things out of our control and anybody who asks me who's interested in surrogacy as the intended parent, I always say there's so much faith and trust that you have to just carry with you through the entire process.

这种信任当然来自于机构和代孕母亲。

And the trust is with, obviously, the agency and the surrogate.

但信心也同样至关重要。

But the faith is also just so important.

听起来可能很老套，但你的思绪很容易陷入各种疯狂的念头，开始试图事无巨细地掌控整个过程。

It sounds so cheesy, but your head can go a lot of crazy places, and you can start to try to micromanage the experience.

我认为这非常有害，因为你们已经做了这么多。

And I think it's just so detrimental because you guys do so much.

就像你所说的，她们经历了一番考验。

Like you said, they grow through the ringer.

这是心理评估。

It's psych evaluations.

这是审查医疗记录。

It's it's going through medical records.

这是了解他们的家庭生活是什么样子。

It's seeing what their family like is family life is like.

所以你只能坐下来，告诉自己：所有的工作都已经完成了。

And so you have to just sit back and be like, this is all, all the work has been done.

这是一个极其慷慨的人，完全有资格为我做这件事。

This is an incredibly generous person who is more than qualified to do this work for me.

但我已经告诉过很多我那些喜欢掌控一切的、非常控制型的朋友。

But I've told a lot of my, like, very a type friends who like to control every single thing.

有时候我看他们，就会想：实际上，我不建议你经历这个过程。

Sometimes I look at them and I'm like, actually, I would not suggest you go through this process.

老实说，我想不到别的表达方式，但这对代孕者来说只会是折磨。

Like, don't know any other way to say it, but like, it would just be torturous for the surrogate.

我不希望看到这种情况发生。

And I don't wanna see that kind of go down.

我知道你们会介入，并且控制着沟通的方方面面。

And I know you guys step in and you guys control so much of what that communication looks like.

所以，你们在一定程度上保护了他们。

So, you know, you protect them to an extent.

好的。

Okay.

我的另一个问题是，你们是如何匹配的？

Then my other question, How are you matched?

代孕者是如何与

How is the surrogate matched with the

这是个很好的问题。

That's a great question.

我的意思是，匹配过程中涉及很多因素。

I mean, there's a lot that goes into the matching process.

当你选择捐赠者时，你会进入捐赠者数据库，浏览个人资料并做出选择。

You know, when you choose a donor, you go to a donor database, you essentially look through profiles and you choose one.

但当你与代孕母亲匹配时，这个过程却截然不同。

But when you're matched with a surrogate, that process could not look any different.

你基本上会向我们说明你的偏好和期望，而代孕母亲也会做同样的事。

You're basically giving us your preferences and your expectations in this process, but then surrogates, they do the same.

代孕母亲会来找我们说：我真的很想为可能住在本州的人代孕，或者我想为那些经历过困难、至今还没有孩子的夫妇代孕。

So, a surrogate will come to us and say, I really want to carry for people who probably live in my state, or I want to carry for someone who's struggled and has not even had a child yet.

这些可能是她们的偏好，但我们当然还会收集更重要的信息，比如你对终止妊娠、选择性减胎的看法，以及宗教信仰等。

You know, that might be their preferences, but we obviously gather more important information, your views on termination, selective reduction, you know, religious affiliation, things like that.

因此，当我们认为找到了一个合适的匹配时，就会将这些信息同时呈现给代孕母亲和委托父母，双方实际上是在互相选择。

And so, when we have what we think is a solid match, then those are presented to both parties, So surrogate and intended parents, they are essentially choosing each other simultaneously.

这有点像约会应用，双方都必须向右或向左滑动——我不确定具体怎么操作，但

It's kind of like the dating apps where you both have to swipe right or left or I don't know what which way it is, but

这本质上就是

that's essentially

发生了什么。

what's happening.

开玩笑的。

Just kidding.

但一旦你们双方都表示这看起来是个绝佳的匹配，下一步就是你们面对面见面，亲自经历这个过程。

But once you do that, once you both once both parties say, this looks like a great fit, then the next step is you meet with each other, and you get to go through that process in person.

与代孕母亲匹配涉及多个层面，我认为这是整个过程中最重要的部分，你需要确保每个人都对此感觉非常好。

So there are many levels to matching with the surrogate, and it's I think, it's the most important part of the process, and you wanna make sure everybody feels very good about it.

因为正如你所说，贝卡，这确实需要大量的信任。

Because to your point, Becca, it does require a lot of trust.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我的意思是，我相信你也有这样的经历。

I mean, I'm sure you have this experience.

你第一次通过Zoom见到代孕母亲时，会说：嘿，很高兴认识你。

You meet a surrogate for the first time on Zoom, and you're like, hey, really nice meeting you.

你愿意帮我养我的孩子吗？

Do you wanna grow my baby?

你在乎吗？所以我疯了。

You care if So I crazy.

你能看着它在一年内被生出来吗？

Watch you push it out in a year?

你知道吗？

You know?

这就像和一个人第一次见面，非常奇怪，而且

It's like, it's a very strange first meeting with somebody, and

确实是。

It is.

你们要么一见如故，要么合不来。

You either hit it off or you don't.

你知道吗？

You know?

确实如此。

It's true.

你知道，我也给过这样的建议，无论是意向父母还是代孕母亲都适用。

You know, I I and I give this advice too for and this is goes either way, the intended parent or or the surrogate.

在匹配成功后，当你真正见面，讨论那些实际的偏好，达成这么多共识时，我看着我们的代孕者西耶拉，直觉告诉我，这是条很棒的路。

After you match and you really meet up on those logistical, you know, preferences or align on so many of those things, I just looked at Sierra, our surrogate, and just my gut was just like, this is a great this is a great path to follow.

她是个很棒的人。

This is a great person.

她的能量，听起来可能很玄乎，但我认为这是一种直觉反应，就像你所说的，约会一样。

Her energy, like it sounds so woo woo, but I think that it is a gut reaction because it's like, like you're saying, dating.

你可以坐在某人对面，心想：我不确定是否能完全信任你走过这段旅程，不确定我们是否合得来，不确定我们的沟通方式是否一致。

You could sit across the table from somebody and be like, I don't know if I fully think I could trust you through this, or I don't know if we're gonna gel, or I don't know if our communication is the same style.

凯尔，你提到过在分娩时陪伴在场，这些人将会如此。

Kyle, you said something about being there when you give birth, like these people are gonna be.

我经常被问到的问题是：你会在场吗？

And that's something that I get asked a lot is, are you there?

你的丈夫在场看着这个女人为你生孩子吗？

Are you is your husband in there watching this woman give birth to your baby?

这也是你需要沟通的一个话题。

And that's also a conversation that you have.

据我所知，如果我说错了请纠正我，无论怎样，代孕母亲都可以有她自己的人陪伴在身边。

And as far as I know, correct me if I'm wrong, the surrogate gets her person with her no matter what.

比如她的丈夫、最好的朋友、家人，任何她在分娩时需要的支持者。

Like that's her husband, her best friend, her family member, whoever she needs as her support during that.

她也可以选择谁在产房里，对吧？

And she can also choose who she wants to be in that room, correct?

没错。

Correct.

是的，不仅仅是这个，还有关于分娩时的许多其他偏好，这些都是我们需要协商的。

Yeah, I mean, not just that, but I mean, there are so many other preferences that people have on the birthday, and those are things that we work out.

一个好的中介机构会制定一份完整的分娩计划，详细讨论这些偏好。

A good agency will have a full birth plan where you go through these preferences and you talk about it.

我的意思是，如果你事先没有谈过，你肯定不希望某个委托父母在场拍摄你的私处。

Like, you know, you don't want some intended parent in there filming your crotch if that's something you haven't talked about ahead of time.

你明白我的意思吧？

You know what I mean?

或者也许准备一杯冰凉的马提尼

Or maybe a is a chilled martini ready

等孩子一出生就能马上喝。

to go the minute that baby pops out.

不管是什么需求，我们都会尽力满足。

Whatever it is, we will make it happen.

她品味真好。

She's got great taste.

已经让人送了寿司，是的。

Had the sushi delivered Yes.

已经准备好了。

The ready to go.

你知道的。

You know?

我的意思是，所有这些事情，但还有其他很多事。

So all of those things I mean, but there's other there are so many other things.

比如，如果需要紧急剖腹产，而他们只允许一个人进产房怎么办？

Like, what if there has to be an emergency c section, and they only let one person in the room?

你应该提前想好答案。

You should have the answer to that.

在那一刻不应该手忙脚乱。

That shouldn't be a scramble at that moment.

所以我们把这些事情都提前理清楚。

So, we iron all those things out.

希望分娩的经历都是美好的，这可以说是这段奇妙旅程的巅峰时刻。

So, hopefully, birthdays are beautiful experiences, and it's kind of, you know, the pinnacle of this amazing journey.

旅程。

Journey.