成为一位常受邀请的座上宾

本节目由2025年LifeKid首席赞助商Progressive Insurance支持。Progressive让您轻松了解合并房屋和汽车保单是否能节省开支。请访问progressive.com尝试。Progressive Casualty Insurance Company及关联公司。实际节省金额因人而异。

Support comes from our twenty twenty five lead sponsor of LifeKid, Progressive Insurance. Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary.

并非所有州都适用。

Not available in all states.

您正在收听NPR的LifeKit节目。嘿，我是Mariel。我的亲友遍布各地，我喜欢去拜访他们，这意味着我有丰富的借宿经验。我睡过沙发、客房、半瘪的气垫床、有蜘蛛在头顶盘旋的冰冷毛坯地下室，甚至和主人同睡一张床——

You're listening to LifeKit from NPR. Hey. It's Mariel. I have friends and family in a lot of different places, and I like to visit them, which means I've had a lot of experience staying at other people's houses. I've slept on couches, in guest bedrooms, on a partly deflated air mattress, in a cold unfinished basement with a spider hovering above me, in a host's bed with them.

我们是最好的朋友，他们坚持要这样。住宿条件千差万别，主人对我的期待也各不相同。当我去纽约市外的亲戚家时，即使没提前计划留宿，他们也希望我住下。而如果我询问能否使用洗衣机或吃冰箱里的食物，反而显得见外。

We were best friends. And without them, they insisted. The sleeping situation has really varied, and the expectations of me as a guest have varied too. When I'm visiting family outside of New York City, they expect me to stay over even if we didn't plan for it. And if I ask for permission to, say, use the laundry machine or eat something in the fridge, it's almost an insult.

他们总说'你不知道这里也是你家吗？'这已成为我们的家庭文化。但有些人就不喜欢这种随意性，更希望你事先征得同意，他们对私人空间有更强界限。所以作为好客人并没有放之四海皆准的规则。

Don't you know this is your home too? Is baked into our family culture. Other folks are not into that kind of spontaneity, and they would rather have you ask permission. They just have more boundaries around their space. So when it comes to being a good houseguest, there are no hard and fast rules.

不过Elaine Swan表示她能提供一些礼仪指南。

But Elaine Swan says she can offer some etiquette guidelines.

礼仪的本质在于我们如何影响他人的感受。其核心价值是考量我们对他人的影响。

Etiquette really has to do with how we make other people feel. The core value of it is how are we impacting other people.

Elaine是拥有二十多年经验的礼仪专家，通过咨询公司为个人和企业提供社交礼仪培训。她即将出版的新书恰如其分地命名为《Elaine Swan现代礼仪手册》。以下是Elaine的入门建议示例：

Elaine is a lifestyle and etiquette expert who's been working on her craft for more than two decades. She trains people and companies on social courtesy through her consulting firm, and she even has an upcoming book aptly named Elaine Swan's book of modern etiquette. Here's a starter tip from Elaine as an example.

想要再次受邀做客，首要原则是注意自己带来的'足迹'。不要过度打包，确保物品精简有序，保持所有物品收纳整洁。

One of the ways that you can get invited back as a house guest is number one, make sure that you are very, very mindful of the footprint that you bring. So do not overpack. Think about making sure that you are not hauling in too many items, so keep everything contained.

在本期Life Kit节目中，记者Andy Tegel与Elaine探讨如何成为完美客人。无论是大学室友让你蹭沙发度周末，还是带孩子去阿姨家参加家族聚会，她们都提供了确保你的存在是礼物而非负担的建议。

So on this episode of Life Kit, reporter Andy Tegel talks to Elaine about how to be a great house guest. Whether your college roommate is letting you couch surf for a long weekend or you're taking the kids to your aunt's house for that big family reunion, they've got advice on how to make sure your presence is a gift and not a chore.

这条消息来自亚马逊。你是否曾病到连起身去看医生的念头都让你更难受？亚马逊One Medical提供全天候虚拟医疗服务，让你躺着就能获得帮助。通过亚马逊药房，药品还能快速送货上门。你只需要有力气走到门口签收。

This message comes from Amazon. Have you ever been so sick that even the thought of standing up to go to the doctor made you even more sick? Amazon One Medical has twenty four seven virtual care so you can get help while horizontal. And with Amazon Pharmacy, you can get medicine delivered fast right to your door. You just have to make it to your door.

多亏亚马逊，医疗保健变得没那么痛苦了。这条消息来自Capital One的Capital One Saver信用卡。餐饮娱乐消费可享无限3%现金返还。Capital One，你的钱包里有什么？条款适用。

Thanks to Amazon, health care just got less painful. This message comes from Capital One with the Capital One saver card. Earn unlimited 3% cash back on dining and entertainment. Capital One, what's in your wallet? Terms apply.

详情请访问capital1.com。

Details at capital1.com.

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This message comes from NPR sponsor Holiday Inn by IHG. It's a new day for a new stay at Holiday Inn for business travelers. With modern spaces for meeting and working, plus delicious dining from breakfast to happy hour and dinner, you have everything you need to get work done. Give your everyday business travel an upgrade. Book your next business trip at Holiday Inn by IHG.

访问holidayinn.com预订住宿。

Visit holidayinn.com to book your stay.

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This message comes from Apple Card. Did you know Apple Card is designed to help you pay off your balance faster with smart payment suggestions? And because fees don't help you, Apple Card doesn't have any. It's a credit card unlike any other. Subject to credit approval, Apple Card issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake City branch.

浮动年利率根据信用状况介于18.24%至28.49%之间。利率截至2025年7月1日。条款细则详见applecart.com。

Variable APRs range from 18.24% to 28.49% based on creditworthiness. Rates as of 07/01/2025. Terms and more at applecart.com.

联邦对公共媒体的资助已被取消。这意味着数十年来两党对公共广播电视台的支持即将终结。需要明确的是，NPR不会消失。但我们确实需要您的支持。请立即捐款，帮助维持严谨、独立、无可替代的新闻内容继续免费向所有人开放。

Federal funding for public media has been eliminated. That means decades of bipartisan support for public radio and television is ending. To be clear, NPR isn't going anywhere. We do need your support. Please give today to help keep rigorous, independent, and irreplaceable news coverage available to everybody free of charge.

您可以通过donate.npr.org进行捐赠，感谢您的支持。

You can make your gift at donate.npr.org, and thank you.

你对于应该或不应该与谁同住有什么硬性规定吗？

Do you have any hard and fast rules on who you should or should not stay with?

如果你对某人不够熟悉到可以邀请他们来自己家做客，那么这很可能意味着你也不该去对方家里留宿。我认为这是个很好的衡量标准——问问自己：我会愿意邀请这个人来我家过夜同住吗？如果答案是否定的，那么对方很可能也不是适合你借宿的对象。所以你的舒适度就是最佳判断尺度。

If you do not know the person well enough to invite them to your own home, then that's likely a home that you should not go and stay at. I think that's a great barometer to look at to say, you know what? Is this somebody that I would invite to my house to stay over and stay with me in my home? And if they are not, that's likely not going to be the best person for you to stay with as well. So your barometer would be your own comfort level.

很好的开始。那么，为了让主人做好准备，最佳的做法是什么？比如应该提前多久提出借宿请求？

Good start. Okay. And what's the best way to prepare a host for your arrival? Like, how far in advance should you ask to stay with them?

至少提前三到四周告知，这样主人能安排好家中事务。确定好住宿日期后就不要再随意变更——如果说好住三天，就只住三天不要超时。尽量提前通知对方，除非遇到紧急情况，尽量避免临时借宿。

Give them at least three to four weeks in advance so that they can prepare their home and whatever dates you're going to stay that you need to stay, do not shift it and change it. If you say you're gonna stay for three days, then you stay for three days. No longer than that. And so give the person as much advance notice as possible. Try not to do last minute stays unless there's some sort of emergency.

计划性借宿建议提前三到四周，两周是最低时限，除非是紧急情况。

So three to four weeks if it's planned, that two week marker is kind of your big cutoff there unless it's an emergency.

会不会存在提前太久通知的情况？

Is there such a thing as too much time?

我认为不存在过早通知，因为这就像是发送'保存日期'提醒卡。你可以这样沟通：'嗨，我夏天可能会到你那边，具体时间还不确定，但想提前问下到时能否借住？临近时我会再告知细节。'

I don't think there's too much time because this is almost like a save the date card. You know? Sometimes you can look at it from that perspective and say, hey. You know what? I'm going to be in your area sometime in the summer.

虽然具体时间未定，但想提前确认届时是否可以借住？等时间临近我会提供更多细节。

I'm not quite sure when, but I just wanna know when I get there. Is it alright if I stay with you? I can give you details as we get a little closer to it.

明白了。除此之外还应该提前询问或提供哪些信息？

Okay. What other information should you ask for or provide them with before?

客人必须提前告知主人的重要信息包括饮食禁忌——这里指的不是个人口味偏好，而是可能引发健康危机的禁忌。比如对某些食物严重过敏，或者如果主人家有宠物，你是否对宠物过敏等。要让主人知晓任何可能因突发健康问题影响整个行程的事项。

The other information a guest should always provide for the host is whatever their dietary restrictions are. And what I mean by this is not things that air more so on the side of preference in terms of lifestyle. I I more so mean things that have to do with something that could create some sort of health crisis. So if you have allergies to something that can impact you negatively, if they have pets, are you allergic to them, that sort of thing. So let the host know things that can impact the entire visit from an emergency perspective.

好的。在抵达前应该再次与主人确认。明白了。

Okay. Before arrival, you should check-in with someone. Okay.

在到访前，你应当始终提前告知对方。比如，我对贝类有严重过敏反应，必须携带肾上腺素笔。这类情况我会尽早让主人知晓，以免他们临时决定以海鲜大餐作为欢迎招待。

Before you should always let the person know before your arrival. For example, I'm deathly I'm EpiPen allergic to shellfish. So that's something that I would let the host know well enough in advance. So this way, they don't say, you know what? As a welcome reception, we decided to do a seafood boil.

非常重要。好的。Elaine，在未经明确邀请的情况下，询问是否可以在别人家留宿是否合适？

Really important. Okay. Elaine, is it ever okay to ask someone to stay without an explicit invitation first?

是的。我认为请求在别人家留宿完全是可以接受的。关键在于——这里我们又要用到那个衡量标准——问问自己：我会愿意让这个人住在我家吗？如果你的答案是肯定的，说明你们关系足够亲密，可以说'嘿，我最近要来城里'。

Yeah. I think it is absolutely acceptable to ask to stay at someone's house. It is especially and here's where again, we look at that barometer and we see, okay, is this a person that I would have stay at my house? And so if your answer is yes, and that means you're likely close enough to that person to say, hey, listen. I'm going to be in town.

唯一需要注意的是，当你提出请求时，必须做好接受肯定或否定答复的准备。无论对方给出什么答案，都要尊重接受。切忌自作主张——你的请求必须是真诚的询问。但我觉得提出请求本身无可厚非。最重要的是，我们应当重新重视人与人之间的联结，与亲友同住共餐、共享时光本就是件美好的事。

The only thing is anytime you ask a person a question, you want to make sure that you're prepared for the answer to be yes or no. And you accept and you respect whatever the answer is they've given. And don't be presumptuous. Don't Your ask should really be an actual ask but I believe it is acceptable to ask. This is the thing that's so important and I think we want to really kind of get back to this is for people to really have that connection with one another and just staying with family and friends and breaking bread together and sharing that time is such a wonderful thing to be able to do.

我相信这种互动能强化我们作为个体的精神力量，这种善意将如涓流般滋养整个社会。我们太需要这样的联结了。

And I believe that it will fortify us as individuals, as human beings, and that goodness will trickle out into our society. We need more of that.

要点一：借宿应当让所有参与者感到舒适。这意味着不要随便向任何人提出留宿请求，但对于真正亲密的人也不必羞于开口。尽可能提前告知到访时间。要点二：尽量提前消除双方的猜测空间。

Takeaway one, a stay in someone else's home should be a comfortable affair for all involved. That means don't just ask to stay with anyone. And also, you don't have to be shy with the people you do feel close enough to bunk with. Give any potential host as much notice as possible when you're coming into town. And then takeaway two, get rid of any guesswork for both sides as best you can beforehand.

向主人说明行程细节，给对方拒绝、调整或提出需求的机会。主动规划行程，不要预设主人应当承担任何责任。最典型的例子就是交通安排。

Run the potential details of your trip by your host and allow them the chance to opt out, pull back, or tell you what they might need to make that visit work. And be proactive in your planning. Don't assume any host roles or responsibilities. One prime example, transportation.

千万别指望主人负责接送。如果不租车，可以使用网约车服务，但别把接送纳入他们的义务。不要说什么'我要参加某活动，你能送我去这里那里吗？'

Make sure that you do not rely on your host for transportation to and from or what have you. So if you don't rent a car, don't, then, you know, utilize a ride share service or what have you, but don't expect them to take you to and fro and and don't build them into your schedule. Oh, I'm here for this such and such event. Will you take me here? Will you take me there?

不要打乱主人的生活节奏。相反，你要确保自给自足——这才是最佳待客之道：做一个高度独立的客人。

Do not impede on their personal schedule. Instead, make sure that you are self sufficient. That's the best way to be a house guest is to be very, very self sufficient.

如果你的行程没有特定活动安排，Elaine认为借宿存在一个理想时长。

If your plans aren't based around a specific event or occasion, Elaine says there's an ideal amount of time to stay with someone else.

通常来说，三天或四天是个不错的时长，外加三个晚上。对吧？

A good number typically is three days or four days, if you will, and three nights. Right?

她表示，长周末式的停留是个理想选择。时间足够培养感情，又短暂到能在不满情绪滋生或主人感到拥挤前结束。

A long weekend type stay is a good sweet spot, she says. It's long enough to get quality time but short enough that it's over before frustrations can set in or your host feels crowded.

具体时长可根据场合调整，比如节假日时。有时节日拜访会住得更久些。若你借宿与他人无关——既非节日聚会也非专程探望，比如有人因参加会展进城，想着'与其住酒店不如住朋友家团聚'——这时务必注意三天已是上限。

It can shift based upon the occasion, and this is when we're looking at, for example, holidays. Sometimes holiday stays tend to be longer. If you are staying with someone and you're there and it has kind of nothing to do with them, meaning it's not a holiday, it's not something where you're all getting together and your purpose is to visit then but sometimes people are coming into town because there's a convention going on, but you've got a really great friend that you thought, well, you know what? Instead of me staying at the hotel, I may as well stay with my friends so we can get together and enjoy ourselves. Then this is where you really want to be careful that three day maximum is is about that cutoff.

除非是开放式邀约。有时主人会说'夏天来了想住多久都行'。

Unless it's an open ended thing. Sometimes people will say, hey, you're coming for the summer stay as long as you want.

我想我们还应该考虑同行人数、对方住宅面积和家庭规模等因素。

And I I imagine we should also adjust for, like, the size of your party, the size of their home, the size of their family.

居住时长涉及诸多因素。若你们'占地大'——比如带着幼儿，孩子年龄也很关键。婴幼儿有自主意识且难以管控，这时更要注意别因久住影响主人家生活节奏。这些都是考量因素。

I think there's a lot of factors that come into play based upon the length of time that we stay. If you have a large footprint, meaning you've got family, you've got little ones, you know, the age of your little ones has a bit has a lot to do with it as well. Infants and toddlers, they have a mind and voices of their own and you can't always control that. And and so this is where you really have to be mindful of the length of stay so that it does not impede the lifestyle of the of the folks that you're visiting with. So those are all factors.

关键要明确沟通。主动询问：'我计划某日至某日借宿，这个时段方便吗？还是需要缩短？'

And, you know, get clarity. Ask ask questions. Listen. I'm interested in staying between these days and these days. Is that okay if I stay with you all of these days because I'm gonna be in the area this timeframe or is it less?

要让对方有决策空间，比如他们说：'你停留五天的话，其中三天/两晚可以，其余时间我们另有安排。'作为潜在访客，必须确保主人能坦然表达真实想法。

Allowing the person to make that decision, giving them the open opportunity to say, oh, you're gonna be in town for five days. You know what? Three of those days would be okay or two nights would be all right, but the rest of the time that we've got some other things going on. So really allow your conversation to, flow. But as the potential house guest, it is important for you to make sure that the person feels comfortable sharing their perspective in their heart in terms of how long they want you to stay.

聊聊登门礼物吧。我从小被教育不能空手上门，但得体礼物的标准千差万错，选错可能让双方尴尬。这方面有什么准则吗？

Let's talk about gifts when you arrive. I was always taught to never show up to someone else's house empty handed, but I know that what people see as an appropriate gift can vary wildly, and getting it wrong can make both sides feel uncomfortable. Any guidelines there?

访客送礼很特殊，需要深思熟虑但不必过度。空手到访无妨，但入住后要像侦察兵般观察主人的喜好。比如发现他们钟情厨房小工具，这就是突破口。

Gift giving with as a house guest is really unique, and I think it's it's, something that should be well thought out. But people should not go overboard when they're thinking about what to bring for a person. If you arrive with nothing in your hand to start with, that's okay. But your purpose should be to go on a reconnaissance mission while you're in that house and to look around and see what's important to that host. You know, you might see that they love little kitchen gadgets and you think, okay.

那么，既然我在这里，我会确保订购并让人送货上门，或者出去购买并取货。一些很酷的小玩意儿，比如开瓶器、开罐器、蒜泥器之类的。以某种方式为这个家做点贡献。也可能是洗碗巾之类的东西。总之，如果你没有随身带礼物，务必在你逗留期间，亲手或通过快递送上一份礼物。

Well, while I'm here, I'm gonna make sure that I order and have it delivered or go out and purchase it and pick it up. Some cool, you know, little, you know, bottle opener, can opener, you know, garlic press or something like that. Contribute to the household while you're there in some form or fashion. It could be, you know, dish towels or something. Just make sure that you do if you don't physically bring the gift with you, make sure while you were there, a gift is delivered to them either by hand or by delivery itself.

这引出了我的下一点。询问主人：‘有什么需要我带回家的吗？我来的时候需要带些什么？我会从机场开车过来，有什么可以顺便带上的吗？’

Which brings me to my next point. Ask the host, is there anything I can bring to the house? Is there anything you need when I come in? I'll be driving in from the airport. Is there anything I can bring to the house?

这样他们可以选择接受或婉拒。而作为客人能被再次邀请的秘诀之一，就是非常、非常注意你带来的‘足迹’。所以不要过度打包，确保自己没有携带太多物品。保持一切简洁，但也不必刻意压缩到让自己仿佛隐形，无法真正融入和连接这个家。

So that this way they can either accept or decline. And one of the ways that you can get invited back as a house guest is number one, make sure that you're very, very mindful of the footprint that you bring. So do not overpack. Think about making sure that you are not hauling in too many items. So keep everything contained, but don't feel as though you have to keep such a small footprint that you literally disappear and not allow yourself to be present and connected in the home.

相反，要与家庭的节奏同步，这样你才能与那里的人共度时光，我想他们会很感激的。

Instead, get in sync with the household itself so that you can spend time with the folks who are there, and I think they would appreciate it.

我很赞同这一点。我们可以体贴拜访的人，但如果你去是为了共度时光，就一定要花时间相处。第三点很简单：体贴是关键。这意味着自己收拾整理，力所能及地帮忙，比如主动洗碗或倒垃圾，请主人吃顿饭。

I love that. We can be considerate of the people that we visit with, but if you're there to spend some time, make sure to spend some time. Takeaway three, pretty simple. Consideration is key. That means cleaning up after yourself, helping out where you can, maybe offering to do the dishes or take out the trash, treat your host to a meal.

伊莱恩说，最重要的是与家庭的节奏同步。比如，你的主人是否习惯早起？大家会在早餐前换掉睡衣吗？她说，做客时要展现出最好、最尊重人的一面。即使听到那句老话‘别客气，像在自己家一样’。

Most important, Elaine says, is to sync up to the flow of the household. Are your hosts early risers, for example? Does everyone change out of PJs before breakfast? When you're a house guest, she says, you wanna be your best, most respectful self. Even if you're offered that old line, make yourself at home.

伊莱恩说，一般来说，这句话的意思是不要指望被伺候得无微不至。

Elaine says, generally speaking, this line means don't expect to be waited on hand and foot.

所以他们希望你自己照顾自己。如果你饿了，主人希望你进去自己做点吃的。所以当他们这么说时，就照做吧。

So they want you to fend for yourself. If you're hungry, that host wants you to go in there and make yourself something to eat. So when they tell you to do so, then follow through.

但也不要太死板。当然，也许你不用每次想喝水或需要额外餐巾纸时都去麻烦他们，但你也不会希望任何客人在你家翻药柜，或把面包屑留在沙发上。

But also don't be too literal here. Sure. Maybe you don't pester them every time you want a drink of water or need an extra napkin, but you wouldn't want any guest in your home, say, rifling through your medicine cabinet or leaving their bread crusts on your couch.

你仍然要对‘这里毕竟不是你自己家’保持敬畏。我会‘像在家一样’自己做三明治，但也会自己清理干净，这样就不会在别人家里留下太多痕迹。

You still wanna have that reverence for the fact where this is not really your home. I'm going to make myself at home by making the sandwich, but I'm going to clean up after myself as well so that this way, I'm not leaving a big footprint in the person's house.

伊莱恩，客人在别人家里应该享有哪些权利或可以提出什么要求？也许我不太清楚。比如主人家有宠物，而你又不是严重过敏，但你真的不想整个周末都和他们的狗一起睡在床上。对于这类情况，你有权对主人提出异议吗？

Elaine, what rights should a guest have or speak up about in another person's home? Maybe I don't know. Maybe someone has a pet and you're not like super allergic, but you don't really wanna sleep with their dog all weekend in your bed. Are you allowed to push back against your host for those types of things?

客人当然可以向主人提出请求，但要准备好接受任何答复。举个例子，如果主人有宠物并说'这是菲多的房间，它特别喜欢这里，不过你来时会把这个房间让给你住，你就和狗一起睡'。你不一定非得过敏，可能只是不太适应这种情况。这时可以告诉主人：'我真的不习惯和狗一起睡，能把狗安置在其他地方吗？'

An individual is certainly allowed to make a request of their host, but be prepared for the answer. So let's say for example, a person has a pet and they go, well, is, you know, Fido's room and he loves the room, but we're gonna make it your room while you're here and you're sleeping with the dog. And you don't have to necessarily be allergic, it just may not be your something that you're most comfortable with. And so say to the host, you know, I'm really not comfortable sleeping with the dog. Can we put the dog somewhere else?

如果主人同意就最好不过；如果拒绝，那你就需要做出选择——要么继续和狗同住，要么缩短行程另寻住处。

If they say yes, great. If they say no, then you now have to make a choice. You either stay with the dog in the room or you cut your visit short and make your accommodation somewhere else.

我还有个常见疑问：哪些东西该自带，哪些可以默认主人会准备好？比如住姐姐家时，我总是用她的毛巾和洗浴用品，从不多想。但伊莱恩，这种情况下我是不是其实挺过分的？

Another question I have I often have is what I should bring versus what I should assume my host will have ready for me. But like when I stay with my sister, I always use her towels. I use all of her bath products. I never think twice about it. But, Elaine, should I am I actually being the worst in that scenario?

这不算过分，尤其是对方是你姐姐的情况下。

You're not being the worst in that scenario. In that particular scenario, especially because it's your sister

没错。

Yeah.

她可能很乐意为你准备所有好东西。说实话，我超级热爱招待客人。知道有人要来住时，我会特别兴奋地在浴室备齐各种用品，还会准备欢迎礼篮等等。至于个人专用洗护品，除非关系足够亲密，否则最好自带。

Then she's probably so excited to have, you know, all of the wonderful things. I'm telling you, I love, love, love, love, love to host. And so when I know someone's gonna stay at my house, I get super excited because, you know, I fill the bathroom with all kind of things and and so forth. I have a little welcome basket for them and and everything. Items, I would say specialty toiletries that you have for yourself, Definitely bring those items unless you have a close enough relationship to where you can use what's what they have.

携带物品的多寡取决于你和主人的熟悉程度。

The amount of stuff that you bring has to do with how well you know your host.

很实用。那使用电器呢？比如临走前洗一两桶衣服，或用主人的吹风机之类？也适用同样的标准吗？

Helpful. What about appliances? Like, asking to do a load of laundry or two before traveling home or using their hair dryer, that kind of thing. Same same general barometer?

使用电器是完全可以的。其实洗衣服是个好主意——这意味着你能少带些行李，不会占用主人家太多储物空间。

It's acceptable to use appliances while you're there. And I'll tell you why it's a good idea to do laundry because if you know you're gonna go and you're gonna do laundry, that means you're packing less stuff, and you're not putting you're not bringing as much stuff to their house, which is a great thing. So that laundry aspect is good because that means you're not taking up as much space in their closets and their drawers.

伊莱恩，人们可能会忽略哪些微妙的暗示，表明他们冒犯了主人或犯了礼仪错误？有什么需要特别注意的吗？

Elaine, what cues, subtle cues otherwise might people be missing that they've offended their host or otherwise committed an etiquette crime? Anything that people should look out for?

是的。你需要开始留意的一个迹象是主人是否开始有些疏远。意思是当你刚到时，你们可能聊得很晚，谈得很投机，但现在那个人开始有点疏远，他们更多时间待在房子的另一边或自己的房间里，那是个很好的信号，表明他们准备分开。而那个分开的时刻就是你该离开的时候了。

Yeah. One of the things that you wanna start to look out for is if the host starts to somewhat withdraw. Meaning when you first arrived, they were, you know, they you were having those really great, lengthy, you know, talks up late or what have you and now that person is beginning to withdraw a little bit, they're spending a little more time on the other side of the house or in their room or away, that's a very good indication that they are ready for separation. And that separation would be your time to to depart.

那么在这种情况下你该怎么做？当你无意中冒犯了主人时，最好的处理方式是什么？

So what do you do in that in that situation? What's the best way to address it when you've slighted your host in some way?

嗯，最好的处理方式是给他们一个明确的时间框架，比如说，只是想让你知道，我计划周二离开，一切都在按计划进行。我只是想问问，有什么需要我做的吗？这样你开始给他们暗示，表明你知道是时候离开了。这会让他们觉得，好的。你可能会看到他们变得稍微开心一点，因为他们想着，终于快结束了。

Well, the best way to address it is to give them a hard time frame to say, you know, just to let you know everything is on track for me to leave, on Tuesdays. I just wanted to, let you know, is there anything I should do? How you you start giving them the the cue of the fact that you know that your time it's time for you to go. It gives them a sense of, okay. So you might see them get a little more giddy because they're thinking, okay.

时间快到了。

Time is coming to an end.

好的。所以你不需要纠正错误，不需要找出具体的问题是什么。你不必

Okay. So you don't need to right the wrong you don't need to, like, figure out what the specific problem is. You don't have

完全不需要。你只需要确保自己按计划行事。当你看到那种疏远的迹象时，就意味着，好的，他们差不多准备好了，所以这意味着你不应该要求再待更久。

to Not at all. You just need to make sure that you stay on track. When you see that withdrawal happening, that means, okay. They're they're about ready, and so I'm I that that means that you should not ask to stay longer.

最后但同样重要的是，第四个要点，愉快地离开。遵守你们约定的日期和时间，尊重家里的规则直到离开。把地方打扫得比你发现时更干净。伊莱恩说，拆床单已经是过去的事了，但如果你不确定，问问主人的偏好可能也无妨。

And last but not least, takeaway four, leave on a good note. Stick to your agreed upon dates and times and respect the rules of the house until then. Leave the place cleaner than you found it. Elaine says stripping the bed is a thing of the past, but it probably doesn't hurt to ask what your host prefers if you feel unsure.

让你的访问愉快结束的最好方式是确保有一个明确的结束。所以告诉主人你离开的时间，并遵守这个时间。确保有一个明确的告别非常重要。不要就这样消失在夜里，说，嗯，我告诉过他要走了，因为这样你就像在对待一家酒店，但这不是酒店。之后记得发一条感谢信息，让对方知道你感激他们让你住在这里。

The best way to end your visit on a positive note is to make sure there is an actual end. So informing the the the host of your time of departure and following through on that. Making sure that you have that hard goodbye is so important. Don't just kind of disappear into the night and say, well, I told him I was going because now we're treating the person like a hotel, but it's not. And then follow-up with a thank you to let the person know that you appreciate the the fact that they allowed you to stay there.

欧文斯旺，很愉快。非常感谢你的时间。

Owenswan, it's been a pleasure. Thanks so much for your time.

哦，这是我的荣幸。非常感谢您的邀请。

Oh, it's my pleasure. Thank you so much for having me.

好的，我们来回顾一下。要点一：做客他人家庭对双方都应是一种享受。所以不要害怕向亲人提出或接受留宿邀请。

Okay. Let's recap. Takeaway one. Being a guest in someone's home should be a treat for both sides. So don't be afraid to ask for or offer a stay with a loved one.

只需提前预留足够的规划时间，确保这是一次愉快的体验。要点二：通过事先与主人确认行程细节来消除猜测——这些日期您方便吗？您想和我们一起去主题公园吗？

Just provide enough planning time in advance to make it a good one. Takeaway two. Get rid of the guesswork beforehand by running trip details by your host. Do those dates work for you? Do you want to join us at the theme park?

您确定全家住您那里没问题吗？宝宝现在夜里还睡不踏实。要点三：作为客人，要努力展现最得体、最尊重他人的一面。注意礼仪，保持整洁，配合主人的生活习惯。

Are you sure you are right with the whole family staying with you? The baby isn't quite sleeping through the night. Takeaway three. When you're a house guest, aspire to be the best, most respectful version of yourself. Mind your manners, clean up after yourself, and sync up to the flow of the household.

比如如果全家八点起床，你就不能睡到中午。最后要点四：保持完美告别的最佳方式就是不要久留。按约定时间离开，把房子打扫得比来时更干净，衷心感谢主人的款待。

That means no sleeping till noon if everyone else is up by eight. And finally, takeaway four, the best way to leave on a high note is not to overstay your welcome. Head out when you say you will. Leave the home cleaner than how you found it. Thank your host for their hospitality.

如果你遵循了以上所有要点，很快就能等到再次受邀的机会。

And if you followed all the other takeaways, wait to be invited back soon.

以上是《生活指南》记者安迪·泰格尔与礼仪专家伊莱恩·斯旺的对话。更多内容请收听我们的其他节目，包括短信礼仪指南和蜱虫叮咬防护专题。登录npr.org/lifekit即可获取。若想持续关注《生活指南》，欢迎订阅我们的新闻通讯npr.org/lifekit newsletter。

That was Life Kit reporter Andy Tegel talking to etiquette expert Elaine Swan. For more Life Kit, check out our other episodes. We have one on texting etiquette and another on tick bites. You can find those at npr.org/lifekit. And if you love Life Kit and you want even more, subscribe to our newsletter at npr.org/lifekit newsletter.

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