本集简介
双语字幕
仅展示文本字幕，不包含中文音频；想边听边看，请使用 Bayt 播客 App。
我是尼克·克里斯托夫。
This is Nick Kristoff.
我是《纽约时报》的专栏作家，令我自豪的是，一百多年来，《纽约时报》每年都会发起募捐活动，为慈善机构筹集资金。
I'm an opinion columnist for The New York Times, and I'm proud that for more than one hundred years, The Times has conducted an annual appeal to raise money for charitable organizations.
《纽约时报》的新闻工作本质在于核实真相，而在此情况下，我们审核各类组织并精选其中最优者，以助力创造机遇、克服困境。
Times journalism is fundamentally about vetting the truth, and in this case, vetting organizations and selecting some of the best to help create opportunity and overcome hardship.
希望大家能考虑向《纽约时报》社区基金捐款。
I hope you'll consider donating to The New York Times Communities Fund.
了解更多详情，请访问nytimes.com/nytfund。
To learn more, go to nytimes.com/nytfund.
谢谢。
Thank you.
大家好。
Hey, everyone.
我是安娜。
It's Anna.
好的。
Alright.
今天，我想重温我最喜欢的一期节目。
Today, I wanna bring back one of my favorite episodes.
这期节目录制于近一年前，但我至今仍时常想起。
We recorded this almost a year ago, and I still think about it all the time.
请务必听到最后，因为我们有一个非常温馨的后续要分享。
Make sure you listen all the way to the end because we got a very sweet update for you.
此刻相爱 而你深陷其中
Love now and You fall in
永恒之爱 爱意长存
love last Love.
爱。
Love.
比任何事物都更强大。
Was stronger than anything.
为了爱。
For the love.
爱。
Love.
我能爱你胜过一切吗？
Can I love you more than anything?
爱。
Love.
你依然是爱。
You're still love.
爱。
Love.
我是《纽约时报》的安娜·马丁。
From The New York Times, I'm Anna Martin.
这里是《现代爱情》。
This is Modern Love.
每周，我们都会为您带来受《现代爱情》专栏启发的故事。
Each week, we bring you stories inspired by the Modern Love column.
我们谈论爱情、欲望、心碎以及关系中所有的混乱。
We talk about love, lust, heartbreak, and all the messiness of relationships.
当克莱尔·科里还是蒙大拿州农场上的小女孩时，她就梦想着坠入爱河。
When Claire Corey was a young girl growing up on a farm in Montana, she dreamed about falling in love.
我们住在一个单宽的拖车里。
We lived in a single wide trailer.
那里有点拥挤。
It was a little bit crowded.
所以我睡在沙发上。
So I slept on the couch.
我常常望着窗外满月，它非常美丽。
And I would often look out the window at the full moon, and it's very beautiful.
我会看着月亮划过天空。
And I would watch the moon sail across the sky.
作为那个无可救药的浪漫小孩，我幻想着在同样的月光下某处，有属于我的真命天子。
And me being the hopeless romantic child that I was, I envisioned that somewhere out there under that same moon was the man for me.
就在克莱尔大学毕业不久后，她订婚了。
Just after she graduated college, Claire got engaged.
但就在婚礼前夕，她的未婚夫取消了婚约。
But then right before the wedding, her fiance called it off.
之后，她花了数年，甚至数十年的时间试图经营各种关系，但都没有成功。
After that, she spent years, decades even, trying to make various relationships work, but none of them did.
于是最终，她不再为此烦恼，决定专注于自己的事业。
So eventually, she stopped worrying about it and decided to focus on her career.
五十岁生日后，她回顾自己的人生，感到非常幸福。
After her fiftieth birthday, she looked back on her life and felt happy.
你知道，你会想，哇。
You know, you think, wow.
我的人生已经走了很长的路，但前方仍有很长的路要走。
I've come a long way in life, and I still have a long way to go.
这种感受促使克莱尔给现代爱情专栏投稿，说她终于坠入了爱河，但对象并非某个男人。
That feeling led Claire to write into the modern love column, saying she'd finally fallen in love, but not with some guy.
相反，她爱上的是生活本身。
Instead, it was a love for life itself.
她原以为自己的爱情故事已经终结。
She thought maybe her love story was over.
但后来
But then
发生了一连串最不可思议的离奇事件。
The most improbable bizarre series of events occurred.
其中有些离奇事件令人恐惧。
Some of those bizarre events were scary.
她的健康状况急转直下，但有些美好却超乎她想象。
Her health took a dramatic turn, but some were beautiful beyond anything she could have ever imagined.
今天，我们将为您讲述克莱尔爱情故事的后续篇章。
Today, we tell you the rest of Claire's love story.
请继续关注我们。
Stick with us.
网球巨星Naomiyazaka是如何放松的？
How does tennis superstar Naomiyazaka unwind?
新西兰橄榄球传奇Rokou Thokou是如何在团队中建立情谊的？
And how does New Zealand rugby legend Rokou Thokou build camaraderie among his team?
你好。
Hi there.
我是伊莎贝拉·罗西里尼。
I'm Isabella Rossellini.
在欧莱雅集团出品的《这不是美容播客》最后一集中，我们采访了世界顶级运动员，探讨美如何塑造体育。
And in the final episode of this is not a beauty podcast from L'Oreal Group, we speak to some of the world's greatest athletes to dig into how beauty shapes sports.
现在就在你喜欢的播客平台上收听吧。
Listen now on your favorite podcast platform.
嘿。
Hey.
我是来自纽约的冯·弗利兰
It's Von Vreeland from New York
《纽约时报》美食专栏
Times Cooking.
如果我能飙到
And if I could hit
海豚音，我就会来一段玛丽亚式的。
a whistle tone, I would do a Moriah.
是时候了，因为饼干周到了。
It's time because cookie week is here.
这是一年中最棒的时刻，我们将为您呈现七天由您最喜爱的烘焙师带来的全新饼干食谱。
It is the best time all year when we unveil seven days of new cookie recipes from some of your favorite bakers.
这看起来像一只粉色的小贵宾犬。
This looks like a little pink poodle.
它们看起来好想抱抱。
They look huggable.
如果我把越南咖啡做成饼干会怎样？
What if I took Vietnamese coffee and made that into a cookie?
这些是豪华饼干。
These are deluxe cookies.
酸味糖果太疯狂了。
The sour candy is crazy.
什么？
What?
这完全失控了，但绝对绝对美味。
It's absolutely unhinged, but completely completely delicious.
美味。
Delicious.
闻起来太香了。
It smells so good.
所有饼干周食谱尽在nytcooking.com。
Find all the cookie week recipes at nytcooking.com.
立即订阅，享受限时优惠。
Subscribe now for a limited time offer.
克莱尔·科里，欢迎来到《现代爱情》。
Claire Corey, welcome to Modern Love.
非常感谢，我真的很珍惜这次机会。
Thank you so much, and I really appreciate this opportunity.
那么，克莱尔，我们今天要聊聊你的爱情故事。
So, Claire, we're here to talk about your love story.
故事中有曲折。
There are twists.
也有转折。
There are turns.
事情的发展出乎你的预料。
Things do not go as you expect.
但我想从最开始讲起。
But I wanna start at the beginning.
当你还是个孩子的时候，就梦想着坠入爱河。
When you were a kid growing up, you dreamed about falling in love.
给我描绘一下那时的画面吧。
Paint a picture of that for me.
是啊。
Yeah.
我是七个孩子中的老大，我们在蒙大拿州的一个小农场长大。
So I'm the oldest of seven children, and we grew up on a little farm in Montana.
所以我记得那些年脑海里经常浮现关于浪漫的种种幻想。
So I remember a lot of thoughts of romance that were rolling through my brain in those early years.
我和妹妹骑着用树枝做的假马，基本上就是我们的树枝马。
And my sister and I, we were out on our fake horses that we had made out of sticks, our stick horses basically.
所以我们俩都有各自的丈夫同行。
And so we both had husbands along for the ride.
我的是吉姆，她的是史蒂夫。
And mine was Jim and hers was Steve.
所以我曾幻想有一天，我会和吉姆一起开着卡车四处兜风，从此过上幸福快乐的生活。
And so I just imagined that one day, you know, I was gonna be riding around in a truck with Jim, and we were gonna have a happily ever after.
我知道多年后，在你二十多岁的时候，确实和一个男人有过短暂的婚约。
I mean, I know that years later, when you were in your twenties, you did have a brief engagement to a man.
他的名字不是吉姆。
His name was not Jim.
他叫罗杰。
His name was Roger.
但那段婚约最终没能修成正果。
But that engagement didn't work out.
告诉我，你喜欢罗杰什么？
Tell me, what did you love about Roger?
噢，罗杰简直是个开心果。
Oh, Roger was just a ton of fun.
他总是笑个不停，而且随时都准备好去冒险。
He was always laughing and he was always up for adventure.
他非常风趣幽默。
He was very funny.
而且我们从事的领域截然不同。
And we were in very different fields.
他是工程师，而我是心理学家。
He's in engineering and I was in psychology.
但我们在研究生阶段一直互相支持。
But we supported one another through grad school.
所以，我觉得我们真的很般配。
And so, you know, I thought I felt like we were really good together.
我们的感情非常稳固。
We were really solid.
你知道吗，我曾坚信我们会白头偕老。
You know, I I believed that we would grow old together.
这种确信感是从何而来的？
Where did that certainty come from?
问得好，因为显然我错了。
Good question because apparently I was wrong.
我们的婚礼原定在五月，我们花了很多时间筹备。
So our wedding was scheduled in May, and we had spent a lot of time preparing for that.
所以一切都安排妥当了。
And so we had everything lined up.
到了三月份，罗杰半夜醒来，他说：我做不到。
And at the March, Roger woke up in the middle of the night and he said, I can't do this.
我问：你做不到什么？
I said, do mean you can't do what?
他说：嗯，你知道的，我...我不能结婚。
And he said, well, you know, I I can't get married.
我无法完成这场婚礼。
I can't go through with this wedding.
于是我们开始了许多，可以说，痛苦的讨论，关于为什么。
And that began a whole lot of, shall we say, painful discussions about why.
直到一年后我们在公园见面时，我才真正明白为什么，但始终没有得到一个很好的解释。
And I never got a really good answer as to why until a year later when we actually met in a park.
因为我当时打算卖掉那件婚纱。
Because I was going to sell the dress.
实际上我最后把它送给了别人。
I actually ended up giving it to somebody.
但我们在公园见面时，我问他想看看那件婚纱吗？
But we met in a park and I said, do you want to see the dress?
于是我拿出婚纱，他惊呼道：天哪。
And so I pulled the dress out and and he said, oh my gosh.
他说，这太美了。
He said, it's so beautiful.
他问：你知道我们当时缺少什么吗？
And he said, do you know what we were missing?
我说：不知道。
And I was like, no.
他说，我们缺少了魔力。
And he said, we were missing the magic.
我们没有那种魔力。
We didn't have the magic.
他说缺少魔力时，你明白他的意思吗？
Did you know what he meant when he said we were missing the magic?
这对你来说说得通吗？
Did that track for you?
确实如此。
It it did.
在某种程度上，是的。
I to some degree, yes.
我的意思是，某种程度上我仍在试图理解哪里出了问题。
I mean, to some degree, I was still trying to understand what had gone wrong.
不过，是的，我确实明白，因为在那段时间里，我已经遇到了唐。
But, yeah, I I did, because in between that time, I actually had met Don.
好的。
Okay.
唐是谁？
Who's Don?
他是谁？
Who's he?
我去参加了一个培训，培训师是一个叫唐的男人。
So I went to a training, and the trainer was a man named Don.
所以我记得我是个害羞的人，但我确实在培训时主动找他问了个问题，我们简短地聊了一会儿。
And so I remember I'm a shy person, but I did approach him at the training to ask him a question about something, and we had a brief little conversation.
我当时没多想。
And I I didn't think much of it.
我只是觉得，哇，这个人真酷。
I thought, well, wow, that's a really cool guy.
不过我记得培训持续了几天时间。
But I think the training was a couple of days.
所以当培训结束时，我记得他对我说了些什么，他说，嘿。
And so when the training ended, I remember he said something to me and he said, hey.
你想找个时间一起吃晚饭吗？
Do you wanna, get together for dinner sometime?
我们有很多共同点。
And we had a lot in common.
我们在相似的领域工作。
We work in similar fields.
我们之间有着非常深厚的联系。
We just had a very deep connection.
我常对别人说那是我生命中最美好的时光。
And I've often said to people that it was the best days of my life.
当这一切发生时，你在想什么？
And what were you thinking as that was happening?
你当时就感觉那是最美好的日子吗？
Did you feel like those were the best days?
我当时心里想的是，哦，现在我明白了。
What I thought to myself was, oh, now I understand.
这就是为什么我和罗杰的关系没有成功。
This is why the relationship with Roger didn't work out.
因为实际上，真正适合我的人，那个真正属于我的人还在那里，只是我还没遇到他。
Because, actually, the real person for me, the real the man who really was the one for me was still out there and I just hadn't met him yet.
就这样，那段浪漫开始了，那是一段美好的恋情，但也很短暂。
And so that's how that, romance began, which was a wonderful romance, but was also a brief romance.
你能告诉我为什么结束了吗？
Can you tell me why it ended?
为什么你们不再联系或见面了？
Why did you guys stop being in contact or seeing each other?
很多事情让情况变得复杂。
It was complicated by a lot of things.
你知道，我经常出差，而且我有自己的工作。
Know, I was traveling a lot and I had my job.
所以这段关系最终因为缺乏沟通和书信往来而结束了。
And so it ended basically by lack of communication and letters.
要知道，那还是在电子邮件和手机出现之前的年代。
Again, this is in the days before email and cell phones and that kind of thing.
我记得曾给他写过一封信，倾诉我受到的伤害。
So I remember writing him a letter and saying how hurt that I was.
之后我陷入了深深的抑郁。
And I then was very depressed.
你尝试过
Did you try
在这段时间重新开始约会吗？还是说这完全不是你的优先考虑？
to get back out there dating wise at this time, or was that not at all a priority?
没有。
No.
确实不是。
It was not.
我当时心碎得不行，嗯。
I was way too brokenhearted Mhmm.
根本无暇考虑那些。
To even think about that.
你知道吗，我本以为我已经找到了与罗杰关系破裂的全部原因。
And, you know, here I thought that I had found the answer to the whole reason why my relationship with Roger hadn't worked out.
而现在我真的遇到了一段神奇的恋情，结果却又结束了。
And now I really had found a relationship that was magical, and then it ended.
我真的觉得，这种事怎么会在我身上发生两次？
And I really felt like, how could this happen to me twice?
这两次心碎间隔很近，从宏观角度看几乎是接连发生的。
These two heartbreaks relatively close to each other, almost back to back in the in the grand scheme.
你是否感觉自己的心变硬了？
Did you feel your heart harden?
你是不是觉得，就这样了。
Were you like, that's it.
我...我不要再这样下去了
I'm I'm not doing this anymore.
这不值得
It's not worth it.
我得说那时候还没有，我还没准备好放弃
I would say at that time, no, I was not ready to be done.
大概又过了十年左右吧
It took probably another decade or so.
你知道吗？
You know?
在那段过渡期里，我确实遇到过一些真正的好男人，但感情都没能长久
And in the intervening years, you know, I did have some men in my life who were truly good men, but the relationships didn't last.
可能到我四十多岁的时候，我才真正开始问自己：你到底想追求什么？
I would say maybe by the time I was in my mid forties, and I really started asking myself, what are you trying to do here?
现在回想起来，我的人生轨迹就是在那个时候发生了转变——从追求婚姻家庭的生活，转向了更专注于事业发展而非感情的道路
You know, Looking back, I can see that my life shifted tracks at that time, from a future that was about creating marriage and a family and a home, to my being more of a career person, focused on my career and not so much a relationship.
有哪些
What were
你当时是怎么说服自己接受这个未来新版本的？这个找不到伴侣的新版本？
some of the things you were telling yourself that made you okay with this new version of your future, this version where you wouldn't find someone?
它是如何变得可以接受的？
How did it become alright?
嗯，因为我已经
Well, because I had
不得不问自己：你生活中到底缺少什么？
to ask myself, what are you missing in your life?
你看，我生活中有很多美好的事物，而且我的生活一直过得很好。
You're, you know, I have a lot of good things in my life and my life is going along very well.
是的，我心中确实有个空洞，感觉好像需要一段感情来填补它。
And yeah, I sort of had this empty spot in my heart or this empty place in my heart where I felt like a relationship would fill it up.
但我想，你的生活中真的缺少什么吗？
But I thought, is something really missing in your life?
当我开始环顾四周时，我想，我对自己的现状和身份感到非常满足。
And as I started looking around, I thought, I'm very content with where I am and who I am.
不，其实我什么都不缺。
And no, there's really nothing missing at all.
感觉就像多年来我一直在用头撞墙，试图弄清楚如何让这段感情发生。
And it felt like I had been beating my head against a wall for years trying to figure out how to make this relationship thing happen.
在某个时刻你会想，等一下，为什么你总是用头撞墙？
And at some point you think, wait a minute, why are you beating your head all the time?
你知道，这真的值得吗？
You know, is this really worth it?
当你不撞墙的时候，你错过了什么？
And what are you missing when you're not beating your head?
当你错过生活时，你错过了生命本身。
And while you're missing living, you're missing life itself.
但你有没有感到孤独过呢？
Did did you ever feel lonely though?
没有。
No.
真的吗？
Really?
真的。
Really.
是的。
Yeah.
我从未感到孤独。
I've never felt lonely.
也许是因为我有许多兄弟姐妹和朋友之类的。
And maybe that's because I have a lot of siblings and friends and things.
不。
No.
我没有感到孤独。
I did not feel lonely.
我是否曾因生活中缺少浪漫伴侣而感到遗憾？
Did I miss having a romantic partner in my life?
是的。
Yes.
你知道，我想明确表示，这并不是一个轻松的过程。
You know, and I just want to be clear that this was not an easy process.
我放手的每件事物上都留下了挣扎的痕迹。
Everything I let go of has claw marks all over it.
所以我可以说，这种对完满浪漫关系的渴望上布满了抓痕。
So I can say that this idea of fulfilling romantic relationship had claw marks all over it.
在我能够放手之前，它已经被撕扯得支离破碎。
It was clawed to pieces before I could let go of it.
是啊。
Yeah.
所以没错。
So yeah.
当你
And when you
放手这件布满抓痕的事情时，是否感到解脱？
did let this claw marked thing go, was it liberating?
是的。
Yeah.
绝对如此。
Absolutely.
我意识到其中蕴含着自由，我确实感到如释重负。
And I realized that there is a freedom in that and that I I did feel liberated.
因为我想，嘿。
And because I'm like, hey.
我不需要再寻找任何人。
I don't need to be looking for anybody.
但要把希望重新放回篮子里并合上盖子，确实很难。
But it was hard to put hope back in the basket and shut the basket.
希望。
Hope.
对浪漫的渴望，对一直梦想的美满关系的期盼。
Hope of having a romance, hope of having that fulfilling relationship that I'd always dreamed of.
我只是把它塞进篮子，盖上盖子。
And I just stuffed it in the basket and shut the lid.
但时不时地，你知道，希望。
And but every now and again, you know, hope.
它总是不断涌现。
It just keeps coming.
它会从篮子里探出头来，朝我挥手。
And it would, you know, stick its head out of the basket and be waving at me.
我就说，快回去。
I'm like, get back in there.
把那玩意儿关上。
Shut that thing.
当你不得不接受余生都将单身这个事实，把对浪漫伴侣的希望永远封存起来时，你有回顾过自己的人生并重新评估吗？
When you hit this kind of coming to terms with being single for the rest of your life, kind of putting hope in the basket for the rest of your life, this hope for a romantic partner, you know, did you take a look back on your life at this at that point and and assess it?
如果有的话，你看到了什么？
And if so, what did you see?
嗯，我记得50岁那年也是我第一次去欧洲旅行的时候。
Well, I remember the year that I turned 50 was also the first time I ever traveled to Europe.
我哥哥和嫂子当时住在德国，我和妈妈一起去了欧洲。
And my brother and his wife were living in Germany, and my mom and I went to Europe.
那是我一直以来的梦想。
And that was a dream that I'd always had.
我记得当时在想，我的生活其实很充实。
And I remember thinking that, you know, my life is very full.
一切都很好。
Things were good.
而且我对未来充满期待，虽然这个未来不一定会有新的可能性——毕竟希望还是要老老实实待在篮子里。
And I was looking forward to a future that, you know, that seemed wide open with possibility, you know, not the possibility necessarily, because again, hope is, you know, stay in the basket hope, all right.
但未来就是，你知道的，继续工作，然后总有一天我会退休，那时候我该做些什么呢？
But a future of, you know, continuing to work and, you know, someday I was gonna, you know, retire, and what was I gonna do then?
而且，你知道，我为自己设定了目标，比如还清房贷之类的。
And, you know, I had goals for myself, pay off my house, you know, those kinds of things.
50岁那段时间真的很美好。
50 was a beautiful time.
就在你刚满52岁不久后，嗯。
And then just after you turned 52 Mhmm.
你发现自己患上了一种罕见的乳腺癌。
You found out you have a rare type of breast cancer.
是的。
Yes.
那一刻对你来说是什么感受？
What was that moment like for you?
嗯，它永远改变了你的人生。
Well, it changes your life forever.
这一点毫无疑问。
There's no doubt about it.
这是乳腺癌中最具侵袭性的类型。
It's the most aggressive form of breast cancer.
它被称为炎性乳腺癌。
It's called inflammatory breast cancer.
所以我当时就知道我的生命正在缩短。
And so I knew then that my life was contracting.
而事实是，我的生活从展望未来十年或更久，变成了只能一天一天地过。
And what happened was my life went from looking a decade or more ahead to looking a day at a time.
克莱尔，当你得到这个诊断时，这对你意味着什么改变？
Claire, when you got this diagnosis, what did that change for you?
你知道，这真的很有趣，因为我对自己有了很多新的认识。
You know, it's really interesting because I learned a lot about myself.
你其实并不知道自己会如何应对，直到这些情况真正发生。
You really don't know how you'll react until those situations happen.
于是我对自己说了几件事。
So I said a couple things to myself.
好吧，我就继续工作直到无法继续为止，继续锻炼直到无法继续为止，就这样坚持做我能做的事直到无能为力。
Well, I'm just gonna keep working until I can't anymore, and I'm gonna keep exercising until I can't anymore, And I'll just keep doing what I'm doing until I can't anymore.
所以，他们把化疗安排在工作日，这样周末就是恢复期。
So, you know, they scheduled chemo in such a way that your down days would be on the weekend.
因此我能继续工作，去做化疗然后上班，到了周末状态下滑，但到周日下午就逐渐恢复。
So I was able to continue working and I'd go to chemo and go to work and then, you know, come down on the weekend and get by Sunday afternoon, I was coming back up.
你说这些就像在描述日常琐事一样。
I mean, you're saying all of this like it's just a routine.
你知道的，我做这个，做那个。
You know, I'm doing this, I'm doing that.
但这过程中肯定有艰难的部分。
But there had to be hard parts of this.
哦当然，确实有很多艰难的部分。
Oh yeah, there are hard parts of it.
炎症性乳腺癌是个恶魔。
Inflammatory breast cancer is a beast.
这是个巨大的挑战。
It's a challenge.
我得说，炎症性乳腺癌会让你的乳房肿胀。
I will say this, inflammatory breast cancer, your breast enlarges.
癌细胞会让乳房变成紫色。
The cancer turns the breast purple.
它硬得像块石头。
It was hard as a rock.
我能感觉到它在变硬。
I could feel it turning hard.
这很可怕。
It's ugly.
而你每天都要带着它生活。
And you have to walk around with it every single day.
于是你开始意识到，你所拥有的只有今天。
And so you start to realize that today is all that you've got.
如果今天就是我拥有的一切，那我一定要好好过这一天。
And if today is all that I've got, then I damn well better make this a good day.
因为我不会放弃我现在所拥有的一切。
Because I'm not giving up what I got right now.
于是我发现，我已经爱上了生活本身。
And so what happened is that I realized that I have fallen in love with life itself.
我记得那天得知自己病情已进展到第四阶段时，
And I remember the day that I found out that I had progressed to stage four.
我回到家，推开了家门。
I came home and I opened the door to my house.
我看着满屋子的物品，心想：哇，将来得有人来把这些东西都处理掉。
And I looked around at all my possessions, and I thought, wow, somebody's going to have to come in and give all of these things away.
于是我开始环顾四周，看着所有我将要错过的事物。
And so I started to look around at all the things that I was going to miss.
我想，哇，我真的很会想念那些日出。
And I thought, wow, I'm really going to miss that sunrise.
我会想念那些日落。
I'm going to miss that sunset.
我会想念工作中的同事们。
I'm going to miss my colleagues at work.
我会想念看着侄女侄子们长大的时光。
I'm going to miss my nieces and nephews growing up.
这对我来说仍然很难接受。
That's still a hard one for me.
我会想念那些日常时刻，比如散步时看到一朵美丽的花，或是偶遇某人。
I'm going to miss just these everyday moments of where you're taking a walk and there's a beautiful flower, and you run into somebody.
像这样简单的事情有太多太多。
Just so many things like that.
我有个朋友被诊断出患有炎性乳腺癌，她已经去世了。
I had a friend who was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer, and she's passed away now.
但她对我说，如果能时光倒流改变这一切，我也不会选择改变
But she said to me, If I could turn back time and change this, I wouldn't.
她说这给予我的太多了
She said it's given me too much.
我哭个不停，质问她怎么能这么说
And I'm crying and crying and saying, how can you say that?
我确信自己永远不会有那种感受
I'm sure I'll never feel that way.
但如果能时光倒流，我也不会改变现状
But if I could turn back time, I wouldn't change it.
它给予我的实在太多
It's given me too much.
它让我懂得了珍惜生命
It's given me an appreciation for life.
要知道，我九月份出院时，由于各种原因他们一直不让我洗澡
You know, I got out of the hospital in September, and for various reasons, they hadn't let me take a shower.
天啊，我回到家了。
And oh my god, I came home.
我冲进淋浴间。
I jumped in the shower.
我能上车并开车去
I was able to get in my car and drive my car to
工作。
work.
嗯。
Mhmm.
我觉得这是我生命中最美好的一天之一。
And I thought this is one of the best days of my life.
你知道吗？
Know?
我洗过澡了。
I'm showered.
通勤。
Commute.
嗯。
Mhmm.
嗯哼。
Uh-huh.
是啊。
Yeah.
所以并不是说我对事情不会感到沮丧、难过或悲伤，确实会。
And so I it's not like I don't get frustrated or upset or sad about things Yeah.
因为我确实会。
Because I do.
但我已经更加平静地接受我的生命终将结束这个事实。
But I've become more at peace with knowing that my life will end.
但这也让我更自由地意识到我有多么热爱生命，多么热爱活着。
But that also gives me the freedom to know how much I love this life and how much I love being alive.
我愿意为此倾尽全力去奋斗，因为我如此热爱它。
And I'm willing to fight for it with all I got because I love it so much.
稍后回来，克莱尔的生活将迎来完全意想不到的爱情转折。
When we come back, Claire's life takes a totally unexpected turn towards romance.
请继续收听。
Stay with us.
克莱尔，在你三十多岁到四十多岁时，你一直期盼着能遇见爱情。
Claire, all through your thirties and forties, you were hoping you'd fall in love.
而到了五十多岁，你却面临着癌症晚期的境况。
And then in your fifties, you're facing terminal cancer.
听起来你确实找到了爱，只是方式出乎意料。
And it sounds like you did find love, just not how you expected.
你找到了对生命本身的热爱。
You found this love for life.
我感觉现在都能想象出新闻标题了。
And I feel like I can see the headline now.
这就像一位女性爱上了生活，本可以是你故事的美丽结局，但这并非你故事的终点。
It's like woman falls in love with life, which would be a beautiful end to your story, except it's not the end to your story.
对吧？
Right?
是的。
Yes.
确实如此。
That is correct.
所以我的内心无比充实。
So my heart was completely full.
我想这么说。
I wanna say that.
因为我找到了对生活的热爱。
Because I have found a love for life.
但在我生命中最意想不到的时刻，当我对自己的身体状态不满意、无法想象还有人会觉得我有吸引力的时候，确实出现了一位浪漫伴侣，非常意外地，我再次邂逅了爱情。
But at the most unexpected time in my life, when I don't feel good about my body and I cannot imagine that anybody is gonna find me attractive, it certainly is a romantic partner, suddenly and very unexpectedly, I did find romance again.
展开剩余字幕（还有 308 条）
而那个人恰好是唐。
And it happened to be Don.
恰好是我们之前听说过的一个人，唐。
It happened to be a guy we've heard about before, Don.
对你来说，唐是个怎样的人？
Who likes who Don is to you?
唐是我二十七年前有过一段感情的人。
So Don was a person that I had a relationship with twenty seven years ago.
当这段感情结束时，我心碎不已。
And I was completely heartbroken when it ended.
但我继续前行并接受了现实，而且我是那种总能与人保持朋友关系的人。
But I had gone on and made my peace with And I'm a kind of person who always stays friends with people.
我们在相近的领域工作，彼此的生活轨迹时有交集。
And so we work in similar fields, and we were in one another's orbit.
但我们交流不多，大概一年也就几次。
But we didn't talk very much, maybe a couple times a year.
我记得当我发现自己患癌时，我打电话告诉了他。
I do remember I called him when I found out that I had cancer and let him know.
那么唐是什么时候重新出现在你的生活中的？
So when did Don come back into the picture?
比如，确诊后多久？
Like, how long after your diagnosis?
另外我想提醒听众们，每次我提到他的名字时，你都会露出那种让你容光焕发的美丽笑容，这笑容也感染了我。
Also, I just wanna note for the listeners out there that every time I say his name, you smile in this beautiful way that lights you up, and it's lighting me up too.
你确诊后多久他重新走进了你的生活？
How long after your diagnosis did he reenter your life?
嗯，那是一年前的事了。
Well, it was one year ago.
那时我已经处于四期病情，四期转移性乳腺癌。
And by this time, I'm well into a stage four situation, stage four metastatic breast cancer.
这种状况可不像是你会写在交友资料里的那种事，对吧？
And so that's not exactly the kind of thing you put on your dating profile, you know?
有点艰难。
A little tough.
事情是这样的，他本来要去凤凰城参加一个会议。
Had happened was he was going to be in Phoenix for a conference.
他说，哦，天哪，我们应该一起吃个晚饭。
He said, Oh, well, geez, we ought to get together for dinner.
你知道，已经很久没见过他了。
You know, haven't seen him for a long time.
于是我们就这么做了，我们吃了一顿不错的晚餐，就这样。
And so we did, and we had a nice little dinner, whatever.
当我跟他道别时，我真心觉得这可能是我最后一次见到他了。
And when I said goodbye to him, I honestly thought to myself, I'll probably never see him again.
我想这就是结局了。
I think that this is it.
但后来发生了一件非常奇怪的事。
But then this really weird thing happened.
这有点让人尴尬。
It was kind of a little bit embarrassing.
当时我的雇主正在举办员工圣诞派对。
But so my employer was having the employee Christmas party.
多年来我都是独自参加每一次员工活动。
And I have gone alone to every single employee event for years.
于是我想，你知道吗？
And so I thought, you know what?
我想和一个能让我愉快相处的人一起去。
I want to go with somebody that I would enjoy going with.
我想至少有一次能和人一起参加员工圣诞派对。
And I would like to just go once to the employee Christmas party with somebody.
我记得开车上班时，突然想到要邀请他一起去。
And I remember I was driving to work and it popped into my head to ask him to go with me.
我当时心里想，不行不行不行。
And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
因为他甚至都不住在同一个州。
Because he doesn't even live in the same state.
但这个念头一直萦绕在我心头，挥之不去。
But it just kept bugging me and bugging me.
所以我必须承认，当时感觉自己像个高中女生，就像在萨迪·霍金斯舞会上主动邀请男生当舞伴那样。
And so I have to say that I felt like a high school girl, you know, at the Sadie Hawkins dance or whatever, you know, when you call and you ask the guy to go with you.
于是我打电话给他说：我一直想找个人陪我参加圣诞派对，你愿意和我一起去吗？
And so I called him up and I said, you know, I've always wanted to go to the Christmas party with somebody, and would you go with me?
派对几周后举行。
It's in a few weeks.
他回答说：好啊，没问题。
And he said, yeah, sure.
我们玩得非常开心。
And we had this great time.
这就是你期待的样子吗？
Was it everything you'd hoped for?
我非常喜欢那些闪闪发光的东西，而圣诞节到处都是这样的装饰。
I like a lot of glitter and sparkle and you get a lot of that on Christmas.
我们的员工圣诞派对在一家非常漂亮的酒店举行，那里挂满了彩灯，闪闪发光。
And our employee Christmas party was held at this really lovely hotel and it was full of all the lights and all the sparkle.
我就是，怎么说呢，对这种氛围情有独钟。
And I just, I don't know, I'm just a fan of that kind of thing.
所以能和他一起去那个美丽的地方，拥有这样的体验真的非常开心。
And so it was just really fun to go with him and to be in this beautiful place and to have this experience.
第二天我们还约着一起吃早餐。
And the next day we met up for breakfast.
然后他开始跟我说，他比我年长，自己也有一些健康问题。
And so he starts saying to me, he's older than I am and he'd been having a few health issues of his own.
他说：“我想我要搬家了。”
He said, I think I'm going to be moving.
我说：“哦。”
And I said, oh.
他提到了几个可能的地方，亚利桑那州是其中之一。
And he mentioned a few possible places, and Arizona was one of them.
我说，那你为什么还要考虑其他地方呢？
And I said, well, why would you wanna go anywhere else?
我当时其实是在跟他开玩笑。
And I was kind of joking with him, you know.
结果大约一个月后，六周左右吧，我就听说他真的要搬去亚利桑那了。
Well, about a month, six weeks later, I hear, well, I'm gonna move to Arizona.
你听到这个消息时是什么反应？
How did you react when you got that news?
这应该算是好消息吧。
That's kinda like great news.
嗯。
Yeah.
我当时真的非常震惊。
I was well, I was shocked.
我完全震惊了，因为我不确定他是不是认真的。
I was completely shocked because I wasn't sure he was really serious.
你知道吗？
You know?
我说，好吧，听着。
I said, well, look.
我会帮你找房子，我会一直支持你。
I'll I'll help you look for a place and I'm here for you.
于是他租了房子，但还没搬过来。
And so he rented a house and he wasn't here yet.
他说，你能帮我去拿钥匙吗？
And he said, look, could you go pick up the keys for me?
我说，哦，好的，我来办。
And I said, oh, yeah, I'll do that.
然后我突然有了个主意。
And then I got this idea.
然后我说，你知道吗？
And I said, you know what?
我应该给他准备些东西，等他来了用。
I should get him a few things for when he gets here.
真是太贴心了。
That is so sweet.
这样，你知道的，刚搬进去什么都没有的时候，你懂的。
So that, you know, you know, when you move in and and you don't have anything, know.
对吧？
Right?
克莱尔，你最近挺忙的啊。
Claire, got you a lot going on.
你最近
You got
挺忙的。
a lot going on.
你有全职工作。
You have your full time job.
你还要接受治疗。
You have your treatment.
你还要照顾自己的健康。
You have your own health.
你能注意到这间空房子并想到这些，真的很不容易。
It means something that you saw this empty house, you were like, you know what?
在我满满的日程中，我想我要出去给他买个搅拌机或者你给他准备的任何东西。
Amidst my full schedule, I think I'm gonna go out and buy him a blender or whatever you got him.
你知道吗？
You know?
嗯，差不多就是那样。
Well, it it was kinda like that.
后来我表姐还跟我说，哦，是啊。
And my cousin has said to me since, oh, yeah.
你知道吗，我打算在一个男人搬进去之前帮他装修房子。
You know, I'm going to fix up a guy's house before he moves in.
是啊。
Yeah.
你觉得这纯粹是柏拉图式的友谊吗？
You think that's just platonic.
对吧？
Right?
但事实确实如此，情人节那天我在他空荡荡的浴室里安装浴帘。
But it did come to pass that I was putting up a shower curtain in his vacant bathroom on Valentine's Day.
不。
No.
而且他当时不在城里。
And he wasn't in town.
我对自己说，这有多疯狂？
And I said to myself, how crazy is this?
可事情确实就这样发生了。
And so but that is exactly what happened.
很明显你和唐正在以朋友的方式重新联系。
It's clear you and Don are reconnecting in a friendship way.
你们是什么时候开始变得浪漫的？
When did you start when did it start to become romantic?
有没有某个时刻让你意识到，这不仅仅是两个老朋友重新走进彼此的生活？
Was there a time you can point to where you were like, oh, there's more here than just two old friends, you know, coming back into each other's lives?
讽刺的是，大概在我那篇关于单身的文章发表后一两周。
Well, ironically, it was about a week or two after my story was published, which is, you know, about being single.
但我们突发奇想要去一个叫蝴蝶仙境的地方。
But we got this idea to go to this it's called the Butterfly Wonderland, I think is what it's called.
我们去了那里，那真是个美妙的地方。
But we went and it is actually it's just such a lovely place.
到处都是蝴蝶，美极了。
And there's just butterflies everywhere and it's beautiful.
那里有鲜花和绿植。
There's flowers and greenery.
与亚利桑那州其他地方相比，这是个非常郁郁葱葱的地方。
It's a very lush sort of place compared to everywhere else in Arizona.
然后我感觉能量场开始转变。
And I felt felt this energy start to shift.
我内心在问自己：这是怎么回事？
And I'm like saying to myself, what is happening here?
到底发生了什么？
What is going on?
确实有些不同寻常的事情正在发生。
There is something happening.
此刻我感觉有扇门正缓缓打开，而我却无力关上它。
And I now I felt like there was a door starting to open and I wasn't going to be able to shut it.
换作以前的我可能会说：'我不会踏入这扇门，因为随之而来的将是各种复杂纠葛和混乱局面。'
And perhaps the old me would have said, I'm not walking through that because of all the complications and the messiness of it because it was going to be messy.
说实话，我们可能都处于生命的最后阶段，因为他比我年长。
Truthfully, we're both in the probably the final seasons of our life because he is older than I am.
而且，当然，我患有第四期癌症。
And, of course, I have stage four cancer.
所以当那扇门打开时，我感觉自己必须走进去。
And so the door opened, and I felt like I had to walk through it.
当你说感受到能量转变，就像有扇门打开了时，你们有没有进行过所谓的'明确关系'的对话？
When you say you felt the energy shift, like there was a door opening, did you have what we call a kind of like define the relationship conversation?
你有没有在长椅上转身对他说：'显然有些事正在发生'？
Did you turn to him on that bench and say, clearly, something's happening.
我们应该谈谈这件事。
We should talk about it.
唉，我真希望我能说自己当时那么成熟。
Well, I wish I could say I was that mature.
但显然，我并没有。
But apparently, I'm not.
这些东西从来影响不到我。
This stuff never gets to me here.
我们没有，是的。
We didn't yeah.
而且...不。
And and no.
我...我还上高中呢。
I I'm still in high school.
所以我们没在长椅上谈这个，但我感觉到了，也心知肚明。
So we didn't have a conversation on the pension, but I felt it and I knew it.
但后来一两天内，我们确实谈了。
But later, within a day or two, we did.
我说：要不我们先试着相处九十天看看？
And I said, Well, let's just see you know, if we can make it ninety days.
所以他总开玩笑说我们不断续约：又一个九十天，再一个九十天。
So he keeps joking with me that we keep Okay, ninety more days and ninety more days.
我说，那要是九十天后我们互不理睬了呢？
I said, well, what if we're not speaking to each other in ninety days?
不如先试试看会怎样吧。
Well, let's just give it a go and see what happens.
你知道吗？
You know?
你们大多数晚上会一起吃晚餐吗？
Do you guys eat dinner together most nights?
嗯。
Mhmm.
是的。
Yeah.
我们会的。
We do.
是他在为你做饭吗？
Is he cooking for you?
因为你，是的。
Because you Yeah.
而且我...我有点惭愧地说，我一次都没为他做过饭。
And I I'm kind of ashamed to say that I've never cooked for him once.
不过不，他经常下厨。
But no, he's been cooking a lot.
唐都给你做什么吃的？
What does Don make you?
哦，我超爱他做的邋遢乔三明治。
Oh, I love his Sloppy Joes.
好吃。
Yum.
还有波兰香肠配酸菜。
And then kielbasa and sauerkraut.
我忍不住了，我要过来蹭饭。
I can't help I'm coming over.
波兰风味，你知道吗？
Polish, you know?
是啊。
So yeah.
所以他做的这两样是我的最爱。
So those are my two favorites that he makes.
但他还会给我做早餐，帮我剥橙子之类的。
But and then he makes me breakfast and peeling oranges for me and things like that.
说不清怎么回事。
Can't explain it.
我也不知道怎么会变成这样。
I don't know how this happened.
就在我们六月份复合后不久，我原本就预约了要去殡仪馆安排自己的葬礼。
Right after we got back together in June, I already had an existing appointment to go to the mortuary and make my funeral arrangements.
天啊。
Oh my gosh.
所以我们刚复合没多久。
And so we had barely gotten back together.
我说，呃，我在殡仪馆有个预约。
And I said, well, I've got an appointment in the mortuary.
不。
No.
你想跟我一起去吗？
Do you wanna come with me?
殡仪馆约会。
Mortuary dates.
是啊。
Yeah.
所以我们第一次所谓的约会就是去殡仪馆。
So pretty much our first quote date was going to the mortuary.
告诉我他还带你去吃了晚餐之类的。
Tell me that he also took you to, like, dinner or something.
不只是停尸房约会吧。
It wasn't just mortuary dates.
告诉我你们也去过，比如，一家不错的意大利餐厅。
Like, tell me that you also went to, like, a nice Italian restaurant.
其实，我们确实去过。
We've you know, in fact, yes.
好吧。
Okay.
我的姐妹们都说，只有你会这样。
We've had my sisters are like, only you.
这就是你的行事风格。
That's just the way that you would roll.
对吧？
Yeah?
我在想，你知道，这是你日程上已有的预约。
I mean, I'm thinking about how, you know, you this was an appointment that you had on the books.
比如，这个预约是你单身时自己处理这些事情时定下的。
Like, you had made this appointment when you were single and handling this stuff yourself.
而我真正敬佩的是，你某种程度上是在告诉他：这就是我的生活。
And the thing I really look up to is it's you're kind of telling him, like, this is my life.
这些事我本来就在做。
I was already doing these things.
简单来说，欢迎你加入我的旅程。
You are welcome to come along for the ride, basically.
而我觉得他那边了不起的是，他直接说：好啊，我加入。
And the thing that I find remarkable from his end is he's like, yeah, I'm there.
嗯哼。
Mhmm.
这就是我们的情况——我们度过了大约六周相对正常的时光，然后一切都急转直下。
And that's one of the things that we had about six good weeks of things being relatively normal, and then it all crashed.
我得了严重的流感，紧接着就住进了医院，癌症也恶化了。
And I got really sick with the flu, and the next thing I was in the hospital and the cancer has progressed.
从检查报告上看，我的情况非常糟糕。
And I'm looking really bad on paper.
他当时在医院陪着我，睡在椅子上，这让我很不安。
And he was staying in the hospital with me and sleeping in a chair, and that bothered me.
我当时就说，不行，我不想让你睡在椅子上。
I'm like, no, I don't want you sleeping in a chair.
但我妹妹从外地赶来了，于是我对他说，回家去在自己床上好好睡一晚吧。
But my sister came from out of town, and then I said to him, go home and sleep in your own bed for one night.
因为到那时，他已经在医院陪了我大概四五天了。
Because by now, he'd been at the hospital with me for probably four or five nights.
所以他回家了。
So he went home.
就是那天，我的脑部核磁共振结果出来了。
And that was the day that the results of my brain MRI came back.
当时我和妹妹在医院花园散步，她告诉我：'你的核磁共振结果出来了'。
And my sister, we were out walking in the garden at the hospital and she said, your MRI came back.
我从她脸上的表情看出来了。
And I saw from the look on her face.
她说，是的，你大脑里有个病灶。
And she said, yeah, you've got a lesion in your brain.
那是我最不想听到的消息。
And that was the last thing that I wanted to hear.
我觉得我能承受任何事，除了脑转移。
I felt like I could deal with anything but brain metastasis.
我问，那Dawn怎么说？
And I said, well, what does Dawn say?
因为我猜她应该已经告诉他了。
Because I kind of figured she had told him already.
我们当时正站在窗边往外看。
And we were standing and looking out the window.
我记得电梯门开了，然后他就在那里。
I remember the elevator door opened and and there he was.
就像，他回来了。
Like, he came back.
你在人生的中年阶段做了很多努力，来摆脱对浪漫伴侣的渴望。
You did so much work in the sort of middle part of your life to move on from your desire to have a romantic partner.
而现在你拥有了。
And now you have that.
你有了唐。
You have Don.
你有了一个浪漫伴侣。
You have a romantic partner.
我只是想知道，重新开启这种可能性并让它得到满足，是什么感觉？
I just wanna know, like, what does it feel like to to open back up that possibility and to let it be fulfilled?
那是什么感觉？
What what does that feel like?
嗯，一方面，这有点可怕，因为你再次敞开心扉。
Well, on the one hand, it's kinda scary because you're opening your heart again.
但我也认为，你知道，封闭内心是不值得的。
But I also think that, you know, it's not worth it to walk around with a closed heart.
很难过分强调那种安全感和归属感的重要性，我想这是我们都在寻找的，而我可能大半辈子都在追寻这种感觉。
It's hard to overstate the importance of that feeling of safety and belonging that I think that we all look for and that I'd probably been looking for so much of my life.
当真正找到时，会有点...就像在旋转木马上转圈，心想刚才发生了什么？
And to find that, it's a little bit of a, you know, like you're swirling around on a merry-go-round going, what just happened here?
这也让人很难完全理解。
It's hard to get your head around too.
我的生活与八个月前、一年前相比已经大不相同了。
My life is very different than it was eight months ago, a year ago.
这种不同是因为这完全是一种我过去不习惯的生活方式。
It's very different because it's a whole different way than I've been used to living.
我们虽然没同居，但我们在一起的时间多得惊人。
And we're not living together, but we spend a heck of a lot of time together.
说实话我们曾开玩笑说如果他总在身边我会窒息——
And I honestly thought we had this joke that I would be smothered if he was around too much.
所以他一直问我，你需要独处时间吗？
And so he kept asking me, do you need some alone time?
你需要独处时间吗？
Do you need some alone time?
令我极其震惊和意外的是，我发现我可以接受他在这里，或者我去他那里之类的。
So much to my utter shock and surprise, I have found that I'm okay with, you know, him being here, you know, or me being at his place or whatever.
说实话，我有点惊讶自己竟然这么享受这种状态。
I gotta tell you, I'm a little surprised at how much I've enjoyed it.
前几天晚上我说，我本来可能回家就忘记吃饭了。
The other night I said, well, I just would have come home and forgotten to eat.
而他说，不行不行，我们得做些不同的——
And he's like, no, no, we have to make different I'm
给你做肉酱三明治，然后你
making you sloppy joes and you are
吃了。对
eating Yeah.
能够与人分享生活中的起起落落，我觉得这真的是一种快乐。
It's just been a real joy I think to share with somebody the ups and downs.
与某人共同分享生活，这比我原本想象的要有趣得多。
And just to share in life with somebody, it's way more fun than I actually thought.
你知道，对于大多数情侣来说，开始一段关系或处于恋爱初期的一个重要部分，就像你和多纳尔那样，就是谈论未来。
You know, a big part of for most couples, a big part of starting a relationship or being in the early stages of relationship, like you and Donar is talking about the future.
没错。
Right.
以及你们将要共度的所有时光。
And all the time that you're gonna spend with them.
嗯哼。
Mhmm.
那你和多纳呢？
What about you and Don?
你们会谈论未来吗？
Do you talk about the future?
你知道，目前我对治疗反应良好，一切进展顺利。
You know, right now I'm responding to treatment and things are going well.
这种情况可能瞬息万变。
That can change very quickly.
我对此心知肚明。
I'm very aware of that.
我希望不会变糟，但确实有这个可能。
I hope it doesn't, but it could.
当然，你要知道他已不再年轻，他的健康状况也可能急转直下。
And certainly, you know, he's not a young person and his own health could change very quickly.
事实是我们根本不知道未来会怎样——如果还有未来的话。
The truth is that we don't know what kind of future we have, if any.
所以我发现自己根本不会为'今天该谁倒垃圾'这种事烦心。
And so I find that I'm not very troubled about who's taken out the trash kind of thing.
我们不是在经营一段能延续数十年的关系，因为我们很可能没有数十年光阴了。
It's not like we're building a relationship to last through decades because we're not likely to have decades.
所以真的，重要的是当下。
And so really, it's about today.
最近有没有某个时刻，你们在一起时，你感觉这就是那种神奇的感觉？
Was there a recent moment where the two of you were together and you felt like, oh, this is this is the magic.
就像，这就是它应有的样子。
Like, this is this is what it is.
是的。
Yeah.
嗯，我想说这样的时刻其实挺多的，而且可能并不是你预期中的那些。
Well, I'd say there's quite a lot of those moments, you know, and maybe they're not the ones that you'd expect, you know.
但你知道，我们一起看过一些美丽的日落，观赏月升，看着满月升起真的很美。
But, you know, we've seen some beautiful sunsets together and watched the moon rise, which was just beautiful watching a full moon rise.
然后我会想，我希望能有更多时间进行更多交流，更多时间来做这些事。
And then I think about, like I want to have more time for more conversations and more time to do this.
我想，能一起做这些我称之为普通情侣之间的事情，这种感觉很好。
And it's nice to do, I guess, what I call sort of normal couples things together.
是啊。
Yeah.
这对我来说是一次全新的体验。
It's just a very new experience for me.
是的。
Yeah.
我猜当你最初确诊并开始思考自己的死亡时，那对你来说有某种特定的样子，然后你遇到了唐。
I I'm gonna assume that when you were first diagnosed and you started thinking about your own death that looked a certain way to you, and then you meet Don.
过去几个月里，随着关系不断发展和深化，你对离世的想象肯定有些不同了。
And over the past few months, as things have grown and deepened as much as they have, that picture of your passing must look a little different.
我想知道，这种想法对你来说有改变吗？
And I wanna know, like, has it changed for you?
如果有的话，是怎样的改变？
And if so, how?
你知道，我认为自己是个现实的乐观主义者。
You know, I consider myself realistically optimistic.
因此我很乐观，我会接受他们提供的每一种治疗。
And so I'm optimistic and I will take every single treatment that they offer me.
我会全力以赴。
I will do everything.
但我也很现实。
But I'm also realistic.
所以我明白，也许有一天会再无治疗方案可用，届时我希望自己能优雅地接受这个事实。
And so I know that the day may come when there are no more treatments available and that I will have to gracefully, I hope I can gracefully accept that at that time.
我说过，希望神明在我离开这个世界时能善待我。
And I've said, I hope the gods will be kind to me as I leave this world.
我还觉得我不想让任何人失望。
I also feel that I don't wanna let anybody down.
特别是我的家人，现在还有唐，说实话，因为我的死亡，你懂吗？
My family in particular, and now Don, frankly, by dying, you know?
我感觉，天啊，我会让他们经历很多痛苦。
And I feel like, oh geez, I'm going to put them through a lot.
所以我确实和他谈过这件事，他说，我会和你一起面对，无论如何我都会在你身边。
And so I do talk to him about it and he says, I'm in it with you and I'll be there regardless.
从我被诊断出癌症的第一周起，我就对自己说，已经有数百万其他女性面临过乳腺癌，如果她们能挺过来，我也能做到。
One of the things that I've said to myself since I was first diagnosed with cancer, literally the first week, well, there is millions of other women who've been faced with breast cancer and if they got through it, I can do it too.
有数百万其他女性接受过化疗，如果她们能挺过来，我也能做到。
There's millions of other women who've had chemo, if they got through it, I can do it too.
或者手术、放疗。
Or surgeries, radiation.
确实有许多女性正在与四期转移性乳腺癌共存。
There are, many women living with stage four metastatic breast cancer.
如果她们能做到，我也能做到。
If they're doing it, I can do it too.
但同样真实的是，也有许许多多女性因四期转移性乳腺癌去世。
And what's also true is that there are many, many women who have died from stage four metastatic breast cancer.
如果她们经历过，那么，我也能面对。
And if they did it, well, I can do it too.
我只希望我能优雅地面对这一切。
And I just hope that I can do it gracefully.
而且我希望...天啊，我真心希望我不会让任何人失望，因为我真的很想继续活下去。
And and I hope that well, jeez, I really hope that I won't disappoint anybody and let anybody down because I really do wanna keep living.
克莱尔，我觉得这恰恰体现了你的为人——当我们谈论你自己的生死时，你首先想到的却是别人。
Claire, I I do think it speaks to the kind of person you are that when we're talking about your own mortality, the first thing that comes to mind for you is other people.
你爱的人才是最重要的。
It's the people that you love.
我只想说，唐能成为你爱你的人中的一员，他非常幸运。
And I just wanna say I think Don is very lucky to count himself in that group of people who you love.
你知道，当你投稿给《现代爱情》时，那时你和唐还没有重新联系上。
You know, when you wrote in to modern love, it was actually before you and Don had reconnected.
这个故事的结局可能和你当初写的时候感觉不一样了。
And I I think it might have a different feeling now that we know what happened after you wrote it.
所以我想知道你是否能为我们读一下它。
So I I wonder if you could read it for us.
我很乐意读给大家听。
I will happily read it.
是啊。
Yeah.
是啊。
Yeah.
谁能料到之后会发生什么呢？
Who knew what was coming after this?
终于找到了那份魔力。
Finally finding the magic.
自童年起，我就渴望爱情。
Since childhood, I yearned for love.
有一次，我距离婚姻仅剩几周时间，却突然告吹。
Once, I came within weeks of marriage before it abruptly fell apart.
他说我们之间缺少魔力，不得不承认，他是对的。
He said we were missing the magic, and admittedly, he was right.
几个男人来了又走。
A few men came and went.
如今59岁的我，患有四期转移性乳腺癌。
I'm now 59 with stage four metastatic breast cancer.
我依然没有伴侣，但我已疯狂地爱上了生活。
I still don't have a partner, but I've fallen desperately in love with life.
处处都显现出绝妙的美。
Exquisite beauty emerges everywhere.
膝上的猫咪，收银员意外绽放的微笑，湖面跳跃的阳光。
My cat on my lap, a cashier extending an unexpected smile, sunlight skipping across a lake.
我每天都在尽情感受这世界的壮丽。
I use each day to soak up the world's splendor.
我轻声对上天说：还不到时候。
Not yet, I whisper to the heavens.
我太爱这里了。
I love it here.
哦，经过我们的交谈后，这件事又有了新的深度。
Oh, that that there's such a new depth to it after our conversation.
我是说，这真的很了不起。
I mean, it's just remarkable.
内容太丰富了。
There's so much.
我理解了背景、历史，以及之后发生的章节——这些在出版时你还不知道。
I understand the context and the history and also the chapter that comes after it, which you did not know when this was published.
这真的非常了不起。
It's just remarkable.
是的。
Yes.
克拉拉、科里，非常感谢这次谈话。
Clara, Corey, thank you so much for this conversation.
我真的很感激。
I'm I'm really, really grateful.
我也是。
Well, I am as well.
和你交谈很愉快。
It's a delight to speak with you.
好的。
Alright.
这是我之前提到的更新：距离我们发布这期节目已经过去一年了，所以我们联系了克莱尔了解她的近况。
Here's that update I was It's been about a year since we released this episode, so we reached out to Claire to see how she's doing.
尽管经历了许多，她依然全职工作，并且依然热爱生活。
Despite everything, she is still working full time and still in love with life.
现在有个大新闻。
And here's the big news.
她和唐结婚了。
She and Don got hitched.
克莱尔说她从未想过自己会结婚，但生活总是充满惊喜。
Claire says she never thought she would get married, but that life is full of surprises.
她还说，引用原话，唐是我心灵的归宿。
And she says, quote, Don is the home of my heart.
《现代爱情》团队成员包括艾米·珀尔、克里斯蒂娜·约瑟夫、戴维斯·兰德、艾丽莎·古铁雷斯、艾米丽·朗、珍·波扬特、林恩·利维、里瓦·戈德堡和莎拉·柯蒂斯。
The Modern Love team is Amy Pearl, Christina Joseph, Davis Land, Elisa Gutierrez, Emily Lang, Jen Poyant, Lynn Levy, Riva Goldberg, and Sarah Curtis.
本期节目由艾米·珀尔和戴维斯·兰德制作。
This episode was produced Amy Pearl and Davis Land.
由珍·波扬特担任编辑。
It was edited by Jen Poyhunt.
本期原创音乐由帕特·麦库斯克、罗曼·尼米斯托、玛丽昂·洛萨诺和丹·鲍威尔创作。
Original music in this episode by Pat McCusker, Roman Nimisto, Marion Lozano, and Dan Powell.
丹还创作了我们的主题音乐。
Dan also composed our theme music.
混音工程师是丹尼尔·拉米雷斯，录音棚技术支持由麦迪·马西洛和尼克·皮特曼提供。
Our mix engineer is Daniel Ramirez, and we had studio support for Maddie Masiello and Nick Pittman.
《现代爱情》专栏由丹尼尔·琼斯编辑。
The modern love column is edited by Daniel Jones.
Mia Lee是现代爱情项目的编辑。
Mia Lee is the editor of modern love projects.
如果你想向《纽约时报》提交一篇散文或微型爱情故事，我们的节目说明中一直都有相关投稿指南。
If you'd like to submit an essay or a tiny love story to the New York Times, we've always got those instructions in our show notes.
我是Anna Martin。
I'm Anna Martin.
感谢收听。
Thanks for listening.
关于 Bayt 播客
Bayt 提供中文+原文双语音频和字幕，帮助你打破语言障碍，轻松听懂全球优质播客。