错过的缘分 | 与劳伦·莫利纳

《现代爱情》播客得以呈现，离不开Living Proof的支持。

Modern Love the podcast is made possible with support from Living Proof.

当法国一座古老的玫瑰园里，玫瑰盛开时，玫瑰园变成了什么？

What happens when an ancient rose farm in France becomes an open sky laboratory?

而印度的美容培训项目如何为经济赋能开辟道路？

And how can a cosmetology program in India offer a road to economic empowerment?

你好。

Hi there.

我是伊莎贝拉·鲁索里尼。

I'm Isabella Russolini.

在欧莱雅集团《这不是一个美容播客》的最新一期中，我们采访了一位有机花农和一位美容学校毕业生，探讨美容如何塑造商业。

And in the latest episode of This Is Not a Beauty podcast from L'Oreal Group, we speak to an organic flower farmer and a beauty school graduate and how beauty shapes business.

现在就在你喜欢的播客平台上收听吧。

Listen now on your favorite podcast platform.

嘿。

Hey.

我是《纽约时报烹饪》的Vaughn Breland。

It's Vaughn Breland from New York Times Cooking.

天气转凉了，虽然我不是气象学家，但我觉得天气预报说你应该和我们一起烘焙。

Colder weather is here, and I'm no meteorologist, but I think the forecast says you should bake with us.

几乎任何蛋糕都能变成'再来一块'蛋糕。

Almost any cake can be turned into a one more cake.

它像可颂面包，但更酥脆、层次更丰富。

It's like a croissant, but, like, even more crunch and flake.

天啊。

Oh my god.

我能吃五十亿个这个。

I can eat 5,000,000,000 of these.

那是块布朗尼。

That was a brownie.

它们看起来太诱人美味了。

They look so and delicious.

别害怕。

Don't be afraid.

这个容错性很高。

This is so forgiving.

这些是豪华曲奇。

These are deluxe cookies.

你们想尝尝这个吗？

Do you guys wanna try this?

本季与《纽约时报》烹饪栏目一起烘焙。

Bake with New York Times cooking this season.

所有食谱尽在nytcooking.com。

Find all the recipes at nytcooking.com.

现在订阅即可享受限时优惠。

Subscribe now for a limited time offer.

Living Proof的干洗发水吸汗效果极佳，上完动感单车课都不用洗头。

Living Proof's dry shampoo is so good at absorbing sweat that you can take a spin class and not wash your hair.

亲眼见证吧。

See for yourself.

在livingproof.com使用优惠码love，满20美元订单即可获赠旅行装干发喷雾。

Use code love at livingproof.com for a free travel size dry shampoo with your $20 order.

Living Proof。

Living Proof.

我们是科学的力量。

We are the science.

你就是活生生的证明。

You are the living proof.

快来购买Squarespace，为你和你的创意打造网站的最简单方式。

And buy Squarespace, the easiest way to create a website for you and your ideas.

24小时客服支持，今天就能开始。

With twenty four hour customer support, you can start today.

可享受免费试用，但别忘了输入优惠码modern love，首单立享9折优惠。

You get a free trial, but don't forget to enter offer code modern love to get 10% off on your first purchase.

你应该这样做。

You should.

Squarespace。

Squarespace.

这里是《纽约时报》与WBUR波士顿联合制作的《现代爱情》。

From The New York Times and WBUR Boston, this is Modern Love.

关于爱情、失去与救赎的故事。

Stories of love, loss, and redemption.

我是主持人梅格娜·查克拉巴蒂。

I'm your host, Meghna Chakrabarty.

它来了。

It's here.

《现代爱情》播客。

Modern Love, the podcast.

欢迎收听我们的首期节目。

Welcome to our first episode.

我们非常激动能与《纽约时报》合作，将《现代爱情》的故事搬上生活舞台。

We're very excited to be partnering with The New York Times to bring modern love to life.

所以有点——我不知道该怎么说——或许是讽刺吧，我们首个故事的开篇场景竟是我们都沉浸的另一个虚拟世界，具体来说就是克雷格列表网站。

So it's a little, I don't know, ironic maybe that we're kicking things off with a story that begins in that other reality we all dwell in online, specifically Craigslist.

有些人上克雷格列表是为了找公寓或家具。

Now some people go to Craigslist to look for apartments or furniture.

罗斯玛丽·康特去那里是为了从'错过的缘分'版块找点乐子。

Rosemary Counter went there for a good laugh from the missed connections section.

而这段经历发生了戏剧性转折，最终成就了《现代爱情》的故事。

And that experience took a turn so wild, it ended up in modern love.

下面有请屡获殊荣的百老汇演员兼音乐家劳伦·莫利娜带来罗斯玛丽的故事《克雷格列表上的错缘诱饵》。

Here's award winning Broadway actor and musician Lauren Molina with Rosemary's story, A Craigslist Missed Connection Lure.

十年前，在推特和Instagram尚未兴起、Facebook还处于雏形时，我和大学朋友们常常花数小时潜伏在克雷格列表的'错过的缘分'版块，一边啜饮廉价桃红葡萄酒，一边浏览帖子，嘲笑那些在那里徘徊的绝望灵魂。

A decade ago, before Twitter and Instagram and when Facebook was still in its infancy, my university friends and I spent many hours lurking in Craigslist's missed connection section, sipping cheap rose while perusing posts and laughing at the desperate souls who loitered there.

广告越可悲，就越精彩。

The more pathetic the ads, the better.

你，戴绿色毛线帽的亚洲人

You, Asian in green toque.

我，穿紧身牛仔裤看书的人

Me, skinny jeans reading.

本想告诉你我喜欢你的笑容，但你在埃格林顿站下车了

Wanted to say I liked your smile, but you got off at Eglinton.

也许是巧合，又或是我们的习惯让这一切注定发生——有天晚上我朋友凯特看到一则广告写着：'你在德雷克酒店，身材苗条，红发，穿着黑色缎面上衣'

Perhaps it was a fluke or maybe our habit made what happened inevitable, but one night my friend Kate saw an ad that read, you were at the Drake Hotel, slim with red hair and a black satin top.

我没打招呼是因为你在和朋友跳舞

I didn't say hi because you were dancing with your friends.

我从未这样做过，但心想，嘿，值得一试

I've never done this before, but thought, hey, it's worth a shot.

这就是你啊！她尖叫道

This is you, she squealed.

这真的是你，千真万确

This is seriously, actually you.

那时候，我染着一头红发，那天晚上我和朋友们确实穿着黑色上衣，在德雷克酒店小酌莫吉托，为一个小型生日派对庆祝，这样的场合或许确实会让想搭讪的男生望而却步。

In those days, I was red haired, and that night my friends and I, with me in a black top, had indeed been sipping mojitos at the Drake, celebrating a birthday in an intimate group that, yes, might have been intimidating to a guy wanting to approach one of us.

尽管我曾嘲笑过那些发布'错过缘分'帖子的人，但这次我毫不犹豫地回复了。

Despite how I had mocked those who posted on missed connections, I needed no convincing to reply.

我写道：虽然很随机，但我想我可能就是你说的那个女孩。

So this is random, I wrote, but I think I might be the girl you saw.

他在一小时内回复了，震惊于自己的帖子竟然真的找到了我——如果我确实是他看到的那个女孩的话。

He answered within the hour, shocked his post had found me, if I was, in fact, the woman he saw.

经过一番机智的调侃后，我给他发了一张照片。

After some witty banter, I sent him a photo.

他回复道：真的是你。

It's you, he wrote.

我简直不敢相信这真的是你。

I can't believe it's really you.

应我的要求，他也发来了自己的照片：歪着嘴笑，睡眼惺忪，留着短发。

At my request, he sent me a photo of himself, crooked smile and droopy eyed with cropped hair.

我不太上相，他带着迷人的自嘲说道。

I'm not very photogenic, he said with charming self deprecation.

我也不高。

I'm not tall either.

这一切都感觉如此甜蜜、奇妙、超现实，浪漫得不可思议。

It all felt so sweet, strange, and surreal, and impossibly romantic.

第一次约会时，他特地开车到市中心接我去吃晚餐。

On our first date, he drove all the way downtown to pick me up for an early dinner.

他解释说这对他来说很愉快，反正他本来就要送弟弟去机场。

It was his pleasure, he explained, as he was dropping his brother off at the airport anyway.

在烛光咖啡馆里共饮一瓶红酒时，他说：'家人对我来说绝对是最重要的。'

Family is the absolute most important thing to me, He said over a shared bottle of red wine in a candlelit cafe.

我知道现在说这个可能为时过早，但我真的准备好安定下来了。

I know I'm not supposed to say this already, but I'm so ready to settle down.

我只是在等那个对的人。

I just need the right girl.

我们裹得严严实实地穿过寒冷街道走向电影院看午夜场，途中还在取款机前停了会儿。

We bundled up and walked through the cold to the movie theater for a late screening, stopping at a cash machine along the way.

‘这次我请客’，他说道——这句话在接下来的日子里他会骄傲地重复很多次。

This is my treat, he said, something he would announce proudly and often in the days to come.

当路过的小伙子上下打量我们时，他搂住我的腰说：‘他一定在想你这么好的姑娘怎么会看上我这样的人’。

When a young man passing by eyed us up and down, he wrapped his arm around my waist and said, he's wondering what a girl like you is doing with someone like me.

回家路上，他在路边摊给我买了一束蓝色康乃馨。

On the way home, he stopped at a vendor and bought me blue carnations.

我受过太多次伤害，早就不敢对这种关系抱有任何期待。

I had been burned so many times I knew better than to get my hopes up about this leading anywhere.

我甚至以自己变得麻木不仁、对失望免疫而自豪。

I almost prided myself on being jaded, on being immune to disappointment.

第二天早上他打电话约我吃早餐。

The next morning he called to ask me out to breakfast.

‘我专门请了全天假’，他说，‘因为我可以这么做’

I took the whole day off work, he said, because I can.

我们共进早餐后，由于我无法奢侈地翘掉女招待的班次，他便开车送我去上班。

We went for breakfast and then because I didn't have the luxury of skipping my waitress shift, he drove me to work.

你待会儿需要开车回家吗？

Do you need to drive home later?

他问道。

He asked.

从未有人接送过我或关心我怎么回家，所以我欣然接受了。

Nobody had ever picked me up or cared how I'd get home, so I happily accepted.

接下来的一周里，每当我需要去任何地方，他都想陪着我。

Over the next week, whenever I needed to go anywhere, he wanted to come to keep me company.

他总是精心准备，要么提前订好餐厅，要么已经买好门票。

He always had something special in mind, a restaurant reservation or tickets already purchased.

有天晚上我随口提到会错过《全美超模大赛》，第二天他就送来了整套碟片。

One night I mentioned I'd be missing America's Next Top Model and the next day he delivered me the whole box set.

我想，爱情本该如此。

It was, I imagined, how love was supposed to be.

我们把所有空闲时间都花在了一起。

We were spending every free moment together.

虽然其他关系都显得勉强，但这正是我等待已久的命运转折。

While other connections had felt forced, this was the twist of fate I had been waiting for.

尽管被宠爱和崇拜让我幸福得飘飘然，但与这位失而复得的伴侣开始的新生活，却让我不禁感叹机缘的残酷无常。

Although I was blissfully happy being spoiled and adored, my new life with my missed connection made me wonder how brutally fickle chance could be.

如果凯特那晚没有点击他的广告会怎样？

What if Kate hadn't clicked on his ad that night?

如果他太害羞而没发布那条广告会怎样？

What if he had been too shy to post it?

如果命运没有插手，我们根本不曾相遇会怎样？

What if fate hadn't intervened and we had never met at all?

又如果宇宙在将他赐予我的同时，也能瞬间将他夺走会怎样？

And what if the universe as quickly as it had gifted him to me could snatch him back?

我把这些问题都抛给凯特和几乎所有认识的人，想必让自己变得很招人烦。

I post questions like these to Kate and nearly everyone I knew making me insufferable, I'm sure.

在我经历过的最美好的恋爱关系进入第十天时，不间断的浪漫、陪伴和依偎中，凯特突然出现在我家门口。

And then ten days into the best relationship I'd ever had, nonstop romance, presence, cuddling, Kate appeared unannounced at my doorstep.

她最近很少见到我，因为像我这样糟糕的朋友一旦沉迷于新恋情就会消失，而她有种不好的预感。

She hadn't seen me much recently as bad friends like me often disappear when consumed with a new man, and she had a bad feeling.

我也有种不好的预感，但主要是关于她的，想象她感到嫉妒、占有欲和孤独。

I had a bad feeling too, but mostly about her, imagining that she felt jealous, possessive, and alone.

命运眷顾了我，却没有眷顾她。

Chance had favored me, but not her.

虽然我自以为是地向她保证，只要她相信，总有一天情况会改变。

Though I smugly assured her that someday that would change, if only she believed.

当我那些愚蠢的幻想变成现实时，我内心发生了某种变化。

Something had shifted in me when my silly fantasies turned real.

即便有任何危险信号，我也拒绝看到它们。

And if there were any red flags, I refused to see them.

于是凯特把它们指了出来。

So Kate pointed them out.

比如，为什么我们朝夕相处整整一周，我却对他的生活知之甚少？

Why, for example, didn't I know more about his life despite having spent a solid week together?

因为他是个绝佳的倾听者，大部分时间都是我在说话。

Because he was such a good listener that I did most of the talking.

为什么我从未去过他家？

Why had I never been to his house?

因为他住在远郊，而我又不会开车。

Because he lives way uptown, and I don't drive.

为什么礼物数量这么不成比例？

Why the disproportionate number of presents?

因为他是我见过最大方的男人。

Because he's the most generous man I've ever met.

为什么我们一天要约会三次？

Why were we going on three dates a day?

因为我终于得到了应得的关注。

Because I was finally getting the attention I deserved.

无论如何，我和凯特达成协议，同意打电话给他，尽量温和地施压。

In any case, I cut a deal with Kate and agreed to call and press him ever so gently.

我用停车场里的翻盖手机说：我的朋友可能完全疯了，但有什么你应该告诉我的事吗？

On my flip phone from a parking lot, I said, my friend is probably totally crazy, but is there anything you should tell me?

这个平日沉默寡言的男人突然痛哭失声。

Normally, the strong silent type, he burst into tears.

哦，

Oh,

我就知道会这样。

I knew that this was gonna happen.

我就知道你会发现的。

I knew that you were gonna find out.

他几乎像是等待忏悔已久。

It was almost as if he had been waiting to confess.

这一刻，是他期待已久的解脱。

This moment, a release he had been anticipating.

他当然已经结婚了，而且压力很大。

He was married, of course, and under a lot of pressure.

他已经有一个孩子，还有一个即将出生。

He had one child already and another on the way.

他没有兄弟。

He didn't have a brother.

他送去机场的是他的妻子。

It was his wife he dropped at the airport.

她和孩子去探望家人，几天后就会回来。

She and their child had gone to visit family and would be back in a few days.

最关键的是，虽然他听说过德雷克酒店的好评，但从没去过那里。

And the clincher, though he had heard good things about it, he had never been to the Drake Hotel.

不过，他确实很喜欢红发女郎。

He did, however, truly like red heads.

他说：我选择了你。

I chose you, he said.

你很特别。

You were special.

但他没有选择我。

But he hadn't chosen me.

他为红发黑上衣的女子设下陷阱，或许还为有雀斑的金发女子设了另一个陷阱，而我正是那个自投罗网的人。

He laid a trap for women with red hair and black tops, and maybe another trap for blondes with freckles, and I was the one who walked into it.

机遇并未眷顾我。

Chance hadn't favored me.

它瞄准了我，触动了我内心深处某种蛰伏却易受浪漫幻想影响的特质。

It had targeted me, tapping something in me that was dormant but susceptible to romantic delusion.

毕竟，早在我错接他发布的广告之前，我就已在Craigslist上闲逛，嘲笑着那些我以为孤独、 needy且与我截然不同的人。

After all, long before my misconnection placed his ad, I had been loitering on Craigslist, mocking people who I thought were lonely and needy and nothing like me.

但他们其实和我一模一样。

But they were everything like me.

我们都希望爱情不会错过我们。

We were all hoping love wouldn't miss us.

我们都热切地相信，命中注定我们会拥有爱情。

We were all eager to believe that love for us was meant to be.

在我们共度了那十天的激情时光后，那位错过的邂逅者就像他突然出现那样迅速消失了。

After our ten intense days together, my missed connection disappeared as quickly as he arrived.

时间几乎精确到他妻子归来的那一天。

Timed almost to the day of his wife's return.

我想象着他手捧一束蓝色康乃馨去机场接她，或是带着某种只有他们才懂的特殊礼物。

I imagined him picking her up at the airport with a bouquet of blue carnations or some special present with a secret meaning only they would understand.

又或许他早已不再为她做这些事了。

Or maybe he didn't do things like that for her anymore.

很长一段时间里，我都考虑过给她发封邮件，也许匿名发送，但最终还是放弃了。

For a long time, considered sending her an email, possibly anonymously, but decided against it.

我不了解她，也不知道她会做出什么反应。

I didn't know her or what she might do.

那些喝着廉价玫瑰酒、在Craigslist上猎艳的喧闹夜晚早已远去。

Those rambunctious evenings of cheap rose and Craigslist stocking are long gone.

但有时我会在谷歌输入那个错过的人的名字，他现在几乎在所有社交媒体平台都能轻松找到，要么系着领带双臂交叉笑得灿烂，要么在推特上分享生活的琐碎细节。

But sometimes I type the name of my missed connection into Google and there he is, easily findable now on nearly every social media platform, smiling wide with his arms crossed atop his tie or tweeting about life's minute details.

我想知道的一切都近在眼前，只是迟了十年。

Everything I needed to know is right there, a decade too late.

与此同时，他和妻子已经离婚了。

Meanwhile, he and his wife have divorced.

显然，他们也不是命中注定的一对。

They weren't meant to be either, apparently.

我唯一确信的是，'命中注定'只是我们讲给自己的童话故事。

One thing I do know, meant to be is just a fairy tale we tell ourselves.

有时候，它甚至只是Craigslist上的一则广告。

Sometimes, it's even an ad on Craigslist.

劳伦·莫利娜正在朗读罗斯玛丽·康特的现代爱情故事《Craigslist上的错过连接诱饵》。

Lauren Molina reading Rosemary Counter's Modern Love piece, A Craigslist Missed Connection Lure.

嘿。

Hey.

我是约翰·蔡斯。

It's John Chase.

还有玛丽·井原。

And Mari Uihara.

我们来自Wirecutter，《纽约时报》旗下的产品推荐服务。

From Wirecutter, the product recommendation service from The New York Times.

玛丽，现在是送礼季了。

Mari, it is gift giving time.

约翰，我们有40多份礼物指南，比如送给什么都不缺的人的礼物。

John, we have over 40 gift guides, like gifts for people who have everything.

在这个清单里，我特别喜欢那个自动浇水花盆。

On that list, I particularly love the self watering planter.

我总养不活植物，所以这简直是完美解决方案。

I struggle to keep plants alive, so this is like a perfect solution.

查看Wirecutter为你和所有人准备的礼物推荐@nytimes.com/holidayguide。

Check out all of Wirecutter's gift recommendations for yourself and everyone else @nytimes.comslashholidayguide.

正如罗丝玛丽在文章中所说，如今她本可以直接谷歌或脸书搜索那个男人，就能发现他有多令人毛骨悚然。

As Rosemary says in the piece, these days she could have just googled or Facebooked the guy to find out what a creep he was.

这就是她如今对待约会的方式吗？

Is that how she approaches dating today?

稍后我们将采访罗丝玛丽·康特，并与《纽约时报》现代爱情专栏编辑丹尼尔·琼斯进行对话。

We'll ask Rosemary Counter and talk with Daniel Jones, editor of Modern Love for the New York Times, after the break.

我是Living Proof的凯蒂，我们经常收到这样的情书。

I'm Katie at Living Proof, we get love letters all the time, like this one.

亲爱的Living Proof：我用过很多干洗发水，但到第三天头发还是会油得只能扎马尾。

Dear Living Proof, I've used so many dry shampoos, but my hair still gets greasy, and I wear a ponytail by day three.

你们的干洗发水让我的头发如此清爽蓬松，到第四天还能披散着。

Your dry shampoo has my hair so clean and full of body that it's still down on day four.

这是我用过最有效的干洗发水。

This is the most effective dry shampoo I've ever used.

爱你的猫咪

Love cat.

使用优惠码LOVE，满20美元订单即可获赠旅行装干洗洗发水。

You can use the code LOVE for a free travel size dry shampoo with your $20 order.

Livingproof.com。

Livingproof.com.

这里是《现代爱情》播客节目。

This is Modern Love, the podcast.

我是梅格娜·查克拉巴蒂，现在与我连线的是来自多伦多的作者罗斯玛丽·康特，她写了一篇关于Craigslist错失缘分的文章。

I'm Meghna Chakrabarty, and with me now from Toronto is the author of a Craigslist missed connection lure, Rosemary Counter.

罗斯玛丽，感谢你参加我们的节目。

Rosemary, thanks for joining us.

谢谢邀请。

Thank you for having me.

同时参与我们节目的还有《现代爱情》专栏编辑丹尼尔·琼斯。

Also with us is Daniel Jones, editor of the Modern Love column.

丹，也感谢你的到来。

Dan, thank you for being here as well.

嗨，Magna。

Hi, Magna.

那么，Rosemary，我有一大堆问题要问你。

So, Rosemary, I've got a ton of questions for you.

噢，别这样。

Oh, no.

首先，我只是很好奇。

First and foremost, I'm just curious.

这段经历发生在什么时候，大约十年前？

This experience happened, what, ten years ago or so?

是的。

Yeah.

我当时22岁，现在32岁了。

I was 22, and I am 32 now.

所以差不多正好十年。

So I think it's almost ten years exactly.

好的

Okay.

那么在那篇文章登上《纽约时报》后，你有收到那个Craigslist上的人的消息吗？

So did you ever hear from that Craigslist guy after the piece appeared in The New York Times?

完全没有

Absolutely not.

事实上我对此感到非常非常庆幸

And I was actually very, very grateful for that.

文章发表时我特别紧张，担心会收到愤怒的邮件，更糟的是律师函之类的

I was really nervous when the piece came out that I was gonna get an angry email or worse, something from a lawyer or I don't know.

我对此有过各种个人焦虑

I had all kinds of personal anxieties about it.

那么丹，Rosemary的故事有哪些地方真正触动到你？

Well, Dan, what about, Rosemary's story really struck you?

因为有很多细节都让我产生强烈共鸣

Because there was a ton of things that that just resonated with me.

但感觉这是每个人都会点头认同的事情，会说‘我有点懂这个’。

But it feels like this is something that everyone could nod their head to and say, I kinda get this.

我是说，我对这些关于人们被骗的故事很着迷。

I mean, I'm fascinated by these stories of people being conned.

你知道，爱情本身就是一种骗局。

You know, love itself is a kind of con.

就像，当有人说爱你时，你必须选择信任。

Like, you have to trust when someone says they love you.

你会想要相信那种故事的浪漫。

You want to believe in the romance of that kind of story.

而人们对那些陷入这种情况的人总是特别苛刻。

And people are so judgmental of others who fall for that kind of thing.

我想对他们所有人说，等着吧，等你们自己遇到这种情况。

And I I feel like saying to all of them, like, wait till you're in that situation.

确实如此。

Exactly.

确实如此。

Exactly.

等你身处其中，有人对你猛烈追求时

Wait until you're there and someone's coming on strong and

其实我有很多笔记。

I got a lot of notes actually.

抱歉打断一下。

Sorry to interrupt.

没关系。

No.

请继续。

Go ahead.

好的。

Yeah.

我有很多笔记记录人们说，你知道吗，你是最蠢的女孩。

I got a lot of notes of people who said, you know, you are the stupidest girl.

难怪这事会发生在你身上。

No wonder this happened to you.

所以感谢那些人的反馈。

So thank you to those people for the feedback.

但这其实是个很常见的反应。

But that's not an uncommon, you know, response.

我经常听到这种话。

I got that a lot.

要知道，我们都希望自己被爱着。

You know, we wanna believe that we're loved.

我们都希望相信自己值得被爱。

We wanna be believe that we're we're lovable.

而罗斯玛丽就是这种情况。

And Rosemary was in this case.

只是他...他当时没有说实话。

It's just that he wasn't he wasn't telling the truth on

他那头。

his end.

变态。

Creep.

不。

No.

好吧。

Okay.

嗯，所以，Rosemary，我不得不说这是你的故事中最先吸引我的地方之一，因为我喜欢你和朋友们举着玫瑰酒杯，一起嘲笑那些在错误连接上的人。

Well, so, Rosemary, I I I have to say that was the thing one of the first things that really grabbed me about your story because I love how you're describing that you and your friends got together with your glasses of rose, right, and and mocked the people who, on misconnections.

但说实话。

But let's be honest.

我们很多人都这么做过。

Like, so many of us have done that.

这真的很神奇。

And it's it's amazing.

这种感觉太棒了。

It's amazing to feel that.

是啊。

Yeah.

所以...能不能多告诉我一些细节，比如当你朋友转头对你说'天啊'的时候？

So so so can you just tell me a little bit more about, like, when your friend turned to you and said, oh my gosh.

德雷克酒店那个人真的是你？

That was you at the Drake?

说真的，当时第一反应是什么感觉？

Like, really, how did that first feel?

感觉太美妙了。

It felt amazing.

我要辩解一下，当时不是我一个人这么激动地喊着'我我我'。

And in my defense, I'd like to say I wasn't the only person who got so excited that, you know, me, me, me.

她当时也和我一样兴奋。

She was equally excited.

我们俩都莫名其妙地沉迷于浏览Craigslist上的那些信息，突然间，主角就变成了我们自己。

We were both oddly invested in this pastime we had reading Craigslist and them, and all of a sudden, it was us.

然后，正如Dan正确指出的那样，那些关注和‘哦，太喜欢了’的反应。

And then, of course, as Dan was rightly pointing out, like, the attention and the Oh, loved it.

它就这样一直持续下去，没完没了。

It just keep it kept going and going and going.

收到了那么多礼物和晚餐邀请。

So many presents and dinners.

要知道，那时候人们还没开始在社交媒体上直播自己的全部生活。

You know, this is before people broadcast their entire lives on social media.

是的。

Yes.

我想现在的话，我直接谷歌这个人或者查查推特、脸书就能自动知道了。

You know, it's I guess today, I just Google the person or check Twitter or Facebook, and you would automatically know.

但那时候你们可没这个选择。

But you didn't have that option then.

你这么说真有趣，因为我还记得当时我们都在纠结要不要谷歌他。

It's funny you say that too because I remember at the time when I googled him, we were all like, should we Google him?

那样做挺吓人的。

That's pretty creepy.

真的吗？

Really?

某种程度上，确实是的

Was kind of, yeah

多么不同的名字啊。

What a different name.

你现在去哪儿之前都会先谷歌他。

You would never go anywhere without googling him.

你懂的吧？

You know?

不见任何人吗？

Not meeting anybody?

不可能。

No way.

是啊。

Yeah.

当凯特出现时，我真的为你感到难过，她打招呼说，嘿。

Really felt for you when Kate showed up, and she was like, hey.

等一下。

Wait a minute.

已经十天了。

It's been ten days.

我都没见到你。

I haven't seen you.

发生什么事了？

What's going on?

作为一个读者来说？

Like, as a reader?

理性的声音

Voice of reason.

是啊

Yeah.

作为读者我在想，你朋友其实是在帮你，因为她这是在提醒你注意跟踪狂之类的情况

As a reader, I'm thinking, you know, your friend's doing you a favor there because she's giving you the the stalker alert or or whatever.

但我完全能理解你当时的反应是'嘿'

But I can totally get why you were like, hey.

一切都很顺利

Everything's going great.

这有什么问题吗？

What's the problem with that?

对啊

Yeah.

而且我肯定当时还很得意，因为你知道，我是那群女孩里被选中的那个

And I'm sure I was all smug too because, you know, I was the one out of the group of girls who got chosen.

所以我确信当时也存在一种蜂后效应。

So I'm sure there was kind of a queen bee factor happening as well.

你知道，我以为自己被选中了，正在享受好处，如果其他人也像我这样相信，他们也能得到同样的结果。

You know, I thought that I had been chosen and I was getting the benefits and that if everybody else maybe believed the way I did that it could work out for them too.

这太糟糕了。

It was awful.

太糟糕了。

Was awful.

你完全有理由认为朋友们在嫉妒你，这种反应完全可以理解。

Completely understandable reaction for you to think your friends are resentful of you.

对吧。

Right.

你知道，他们觉得你把所有时间都花在了另一个人身上。

You know, they feel like you're spending all your time with this other person.

所以你会认为他们的警告只是——我们已经失去罗丝玛丽了。

So for you to think that their their warnings are just, we've lost Rosemary.

她玩得太开心了。

She's having too much fun.

她已经走了。

She's gone.

是啊。

Yeah.

嗯，总会有这种担忧，完美的恋爱关系最终会导致你和朋友们疏远。

Well, there always is that concern that, like, the perfect romantic relationship ends up in you divorcing your friends.

但是

But

是啊。

Yeah.

而且我觉得你的朋友们在这方面出奇地有先见之明。

And I think your friends are oddly good at seeing this kind of stuff in advance too.

是啊。

Yeah.

你知道吗，我觉得在很多方面，他们比你更聪明，因为他们没有戴着爱情滤镜。

You know, I think in lots of ways, they're smarter than you are because they're not wearing the love goggles.

嗯。

Mhmm.

这段经历如何改变了你？

How did this experience change you?

我觉得之后有很长一段时间，我都非常愤怒。

I think for a while afterwards, I was very angry.

嗯。

Mhmm.

而且我变得非常愤世嫉俗。

And I was very cynical.

我再也没有尝试过在线约会，因为...你知道，可能是这次经历让我受伤太深，我很难相信别人就是他们自称的那个人。

I never have done online dating ever again because I, you know, I don't know if this just burned me so much, but it's really hard for me to trust anybody to be who they say they are.

那么，罗丝玛丽，你有没有哪个瞬间想过要报复他？

So, Rosemary, was there ever any part of you that kinda wanted to get back at him?

如果我说公开这个故事没有报复成分，那绝对是天大的谎言。

It would be a huge lie for me to say getting this story out there.

显然，这个地方对我来说也并不愉快，因为我个人很喜欢它利用了'偶然'这个概念——就像他当年用偶然来对付我一样——现在又把这个概念反噬回他身上。

And this place, obviously, too was not very pleasurable for me because I love personally how it takes the the idea of chance, you know, and how he had used chance against me and, you know, throws it right back at him.

想想看，十年前你实施这个骗局时，偏偏选中了十年后会把这事公之于众的女孩，这种概率有多大？

Like, what are the chances that you pull this scam a decade ago, and you just happen to pick the same girl who's going to put this out there in ten years?

你现在有恋爱关系吗？

Are you in a relationship right now?

有的。

I am.

我今年夏天刚结婚。

I just got married this summer.

恭喜你。

Congratulations.

非常感谢。

Thank you very much.

既然你说已经完全放弃了在线约会，那是怎么认识的呢？

And since you had said that you have you bailed completely on online dating, how did way.

你是怎么认识你丈夫或伴侣的？

How'd you meet your your husband or partner?

我们是在一本杂志的创刊活动上认识的。

I met him at a magazine launch.

那很好啊。

That's good.

就像是传统的方式。

It's like the old fashioned way.

是啊。

Yeah.

有点复古的感觉。

Kinda retro.

Rosemary Counter是一位多伦多作家，也是本周故事《Craigslist上的错过联系陷阱》的作者。

Rosemary Counter is a Toronto based writer and author of this week's story, A Craigslist Missed Connection Lure.

罗丝玛丽，非常感谢你接受我们的采访。

Rosemary, thank you so much for speaking with us.

噢，非常感谢你们的邀请。

Oh, thank you so much for having me.

还有《现代爱情》的编辑丹·琼斯，《爱情启示录》的作者，他借助五万陌生人的故事探索人生最神秘的主题。

And Dan Jones, editor of Modern Love and the author of Love Illuminated, exploring life's most mystifying subject with the help of 50,000 strangers.

丹，谢谢你。

Dan, thank you.

很荣幸。

Pleasure.

特别感谢朗读罗丝玛丽作品的劳伦·莫利纳。

Special thanks to Lauren Molina, who narrated Rosemary's piece.

劳伦在2005年《理发师陶德》复排版中饰演乔安娜一角完成百老汇首秀。

Lauren made her Broadway debut as Joanna in the 2005 revival of Sweeney Todd.

此后她活跃于百老汇内外舞台，目前正以喜剧流行双人组The Skivvies成员身份进行全国巡演。

She's since performed extensively both on and off Broadway and can be found touring the country as half of the comedy pop duo, The Skivvies.

你现在可以在克利夫兰剧院的《恐怖小店》制作中看到她。

You can see her right now in the Cleveland Playhouse production of Little Shop of Horrors.

下一期的《现代爱情》中，以《宋飞正传》中乔治·科斯坦萨一角闻名的杰森·亚历山大，将为我们带来一个关于大爱与小鱼的故事。

On the next Modern Love, Jason Alexander, best known as George Costanza on Seinfeld, brings us a story of big love and a little fish.

我算是个鱼类爱好者——仅限于喜欢吃它们。

I am a fish person only in the sense that I like to eat them.

那为什么我会对一只生活在水中茧壳里的袖珍生物产生情感依恋？

Then why have I become emotionally attached to a pocket sized creature that lives in a cocoon of water?

它从不会在我膝上睡觉。

It does not sleep in my lap.

我从未带它散过步，甚至没一起游过泳。

Never once have I taken it for a walk or even a swim.

《现代爱情》是由WBUR（波士顿NPR电台）与《纽约时报》联合制作的节目。

Modern Love is a production of WBUR, Boston's NPR station, and The New York Times.

我们的制作、导演和剪辑由杰西卡·阿尔珀特、约翰·帕拉蒂和艾梅里·西弗特森负责。

We're produced, directed, and edited by Jessica Alpert, John Parati, and Amerie Sievertsen.