本集简介
双语字幕
仅展示文本字幕，不包含中文音频；想边听边看，请使用 Bayt 播客 App。
这是一档iHeart播客节目。
This is an iHeart podcast.
父亲传承下来的哪些循环需要由儿子来疗愈？
What are the cycles fathers passed down that sons are left to heal?
如果男子气概不在于掌控一切，而在于学会放手呢？
What if being a man wasn't about holding it all together, but learning how to let go?
这是一个男性诉说真相、寻找疗愈与蜕变力量的空间。
This is a space where men speak truth and find the power to heal and transform.
我是迈克·德拉罗查。
I'm Mike Della Rocha.
欢迎收听《神圣课程》。
Welcome to sacred lessons.
您可以在iHeartRadio应用、Apple播客或任何收听播客的平台订阅《神圣课程》。
Listen to sacred lessons on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
在《健康那些事儿》播客中，我们将解答所有让你夜不能寐的健康问题。
On the podcast Health Stuff, we are tackling all the health questions that keep you up at night.
我是医生
I'm Doctor.
普里扬卡·沃利，双认证专科医师。
Priyanka Wally, a double board certified physician.
我是哈里·昆达波鲁，喜剧演员，也是凌晨三点搜索过'我是不是得了坏血病'的人。
And I'm Hari Kundabolu, a comedian and someone who once Googled, Do I have scurvy at 3AM?
我们的节目以独特视角探讨健康话题，比如有一期我们专门讨论了糖尿病。
And on our show, we're talking about health in a different way, like our episode where we look at diabetes.
在美国，我是说，百分之五十的美国人处于糖尿病前期。
In The United States, I mean, fifty percent of Americans are prediabetic.
二型糖尿病有多大的可预防性？
How preventable is type two?
极高。
Extremely.
在iHeartRadio应用、苹果播客或任何你获取播客的地方收听健康相关内容。
Listen to health stuff on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
我是安娜·奥尔蒂斯。
It's Ana Ortiz.
我是马克·安迪·德里卡多。
And I'm Mark and Delicado.
你可能通过希尔达这个角色认识我们
You might know us as Hilda
和贾斯汀。
And Justin.
来自《丑女贝蒂》。
From Ugly Betty.
欢迎收听我们的新播客，
Welcome to our new podcast,
《贝蒂万岁》。
Viva Betty.
耶。
Yay.
我们正在从头到尾重看这部剧集。
We're rewatching the series from start to finish.
并与标志性嘉宾如贝蒂本人——亚美莉卡·费雷拉进行对话。
And talking to iconic guests like Betty herself, America Ferrera.
当眼镜戴上的那一刻，感觉就像——这就是我们的贝蒂。
There was this moment when the glasses went on and it was like, this is our Betty.
在iHeartRadio应用、苹果播客或任何你获取播客的地方收听《万岁贝蒂》。
Listen to Viva Betty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
这是你在二三十岁时能学到的最重要一课。
This is the biggest lesson you can learn in your twenties and thirties.
多数拒绝与你个人无关。
Most rejections are not about you.
当你不再将拒绝个人化时，你就不再害怕它。
When you stop personalizing rejection, you stop fearing it.
当负面事件发生时，我们总认为这是自身的映射。
When something negative happens, we assume it's a reflection of us.
这是一种认知扭曲，将随机事件归咎于自己的思维习惯。
It's a cognitive distortion, a mental habit of turning randomness into self blame.
事实上，拒绝往往更多反映竞争者数量，而非你的个人价值。
In truth, rejection often says less about who you are and more about how many others were in line.
排名第一的健康与养生播客。
The number one health and wellness podcast.
杰·谢蒂。
Jay Shetty.
杰·谢蒂。
Jay Shetty.
独一无二的杰·谢蒂。
The one, the only Jay Shetty.
如果你正值二三十岁，没人会告诉你这些。
If you're in your twenties or thirties, no one's going to tell you this.
不是你的朋友，不是你的父母，甚至不是爱你的人。
Not your friends, not your parents, not even the people who love you.
但如果你现在不听，你可能会浪费人生最重要的十年去追逐错误的东西。
But if you don't hear it now, you might waste the most important decade of your life chasing the wrong things.
我38岁了，我愿意付出一切回到过去摇醒年轻时的自己。
I'm 38 and I'd do anything to go back and shake the younger me.
所以在滑动屏幕前，请给我几分钟时间。
So before you scroll, just give me a few minutes.
这可能是能让你免去多年痛苦的对话。
This might be the conversation that saves you years of pain.
我要和你分享那些我希望20多岁时就明白的道理。
I'm going to share with you the lessons I wish I knew in my 20s.
我真心相信，如果我能有意识地学习这些道理，我的人生轨迹会大不相同。
And I really believe that if I knew these as conscious intentional lessons, so many things would have shifted for me.
现在，第一个道理是：结果被高估了。
Now, the first lesson is results are overrated.
对结果的执念正是你痛苦的根源。
Obsession with outcomes is why you're miserable.
在二三十岁时，你被各种高光时刻、粉丝数、融资额和六位数年薪轰炸，所有人都在追逐奖杯。
In your twenties and thirties, you're bombarded with highlight reels, followers, funding, 6 figure salaries, everyone's chasing the trophy.
但没人问过：我真的想要达成目标所需的这个过程吗？
But no one asks, do I actually want the process it takes to get there?
我称之为1%法则。
I call it the 1% principle.
你看到别人生活的1%就以为自己想要那样的生活。
You see 1% of someone's life and you think you want it.
你看到那些度假、豪宅、派对或豪车。
You see the vacations, the home, the parties or the car.
自然你会想：这就是我想要的。
And naturally you think to yourself, that is what I want.
但问题不在于你有多渴望。
But it's not how bad you want it.
关键在于你愿意建立并坚持什么样的体系来实现目标。
It's about the systems you're willing to create and commit to in order to get there.
迈克尔·菲尔普斯，这位不可思议的奥运冠军。
Michael Phelps, the unbelievable Olympic champion.
他的训练量是每天五到六小时，每周六天，大约游八万米。
His training volume is five to six hours a day, six days a week, roughly 80,000 meters.
巅峰时期每周要游50英里（约80公里）。
That's 50 miles weekly at peak.
他每周还进行三次力量训练，包括举重、核心训练和拉伸。
He also did three strength training sessions weekly, weight training, core and stretching.
他在奥运会前很少休息一整天。
His rest time rarely took a full day off before the Olympics.
迈克尔·菲尔普斯说过：'这不是天赋，而是重复。'
Michael Phelps said, It's not talent, it's repetition.
我连续六年每天游泳，没有休息过一天。
I swam every single day for six years, not one day off.
每周五次训练，每次九十一百二十分钟。
Five sessions a week, ninety-one hundred and twenty minutes each.
恢复训练包括冷冻疗法、拉伸、水疗和冷水浸泡。
Recovery sessions include cryotherapy, stretching, hydrotherapy, cold plunges.
睡眠时间为七点五小时，根据睡眠科学分为五个九十分钟周期。
Sleep is seven point five hours broken into five ninety minute cycles based on sleep science.
他的饮食呢？
And his diet?
每天六顿小餐，富含精益蛋白质和复合碳水化合物。
Six small meals a day, heavy in lean protein and complex carbs.
西蒙·拜尔斯每天训练六小时，每周六天。
And Simone Biles, training six hours a day, six days a week.
每天两节训练，上午和下午各一节。
Two sessions per day, morning and afternoon.
她周日休息时优先进行理疗和正念训练，与体能训练同等重要。
Her recovery Sundays off prioritizing therapy, mindfulness as much as physical training.
西蒙·拜尔斯说：'不仅是训练身体，更是训练心智。'
Simone Biles said, It's not just training the body, it's training the mind.
以下是我的领悟。
Here's what I've learned.
我从未见过一个不做出牺牲的强者。
I've never met a strong person who hasn't made sacrifices.
我从未见过人生完全按计划行事的强者。
I've never met a strong person whose life went according to plan.
我从未见过不在私下哭泣却依然公开示人的强者。
I've never met a strong person who didn't cry in private and still show up in public.
我从未见过不失去某些东西——梦想、朋友、旧我——就能成为今日之我的强者。
I've never met a strong person who didn't lose something, a dream, a friend, a version of themselves to become who they are now.
我从未见过不曾经历万念俱灰之夜，却依然次日如约而至的强者。
I've never met a strong person who didn't have nights when everything felt pointless but they still showed up the next day.
有时这看起来只是又多活了一天。
Sometimes it looks like surviving one more day.
当我初见僧人并羡慕他们的平和时，我以为我想要那种状态。
When I first met the monks and admired them for their peace, I thought I want that.
但当我看到他们凌晨四点起床、四十八小时冥想、全然臣服的生活时。
But then I saw their life waking up at 4AM, forty eight hours of meditation, total surrender.
那一刻我顿悟了。
That's when it clicked.
不经历他们的修行过程，就无法获得他们的平和。
You don't get their peace without living their process.
突然间，只追求结果感觉像是个陷阱。
And suddenly chasing only results felt like a trap.
想想你钦佩的某个人。
Think of someone you admire.
现在问问自己，我会乐意过他们那样的日常生活吗？
Now ask yourself, would I be happy living their exact daily routine?
不仅仅是他们的成就，还有他们的工作、习惯和牺牲。
Not just their wins, but their work, their habits and their sacrifices.
如果答案是否定的，就别再盲目崇拜他们的生活了。
If the answer is no, stop idolizing their life.
转而爱上你自己的道路吧。
Fall in love with your own path instead.
我们生活在一个只看到别人生活1%就想要的世界里。
We live in a world right now where we see 1% of someone's life and we want that.
我称之为职业道德。
I also call it the work ethic.
如果你想成为顶尖的1%，就必须具备1%的职业道德。
If you want to be in the 1% of people, you have to have a 1% work ethic.
你不能既想成为顶尖1%，又只付出50%的努力。
You can't want to be in the 1% and have a 50% work ethic.
这样根本行不通。
It just won't add up.
第二条人生经验。
Lesson number two.
别把外界噪音误认为是你内心的声音。
Don't confuse noise for your own inner voice.
太多二三十岁的年轻人感到精疲力竭。
So many people in their twenties and thirties are exhausted.
不是因为做得太多，而是因为试图活成别人期待的样子。
Not from doing too much, but from trying to be what everyone else expects.
父母、文化环境、朋友。
Parents, culture, friends.
这些噪音淹没了你内心真实的渴望。
That noise drowns out your actual desires.
你有多少次选择伴侣或职业是因为朋友会认可？
How many times have you ever chosen a partner or a career because your friends would approve?
这导致你活成了他们引以为豪的人生，而非你自己骄傲的人生。
That leads to you living a life they're proud of, not a life you're proud of.
我记得，我以为我必须找份安稳的工作。
I remember, I thought I had to get a safe job.
我以为结婚后就不能冒险了。
I thought I couldn't take risks after I got married.
我觉得我不该创作内容，因为这不是我学的东西。
I thought I shouldn't make content because that's not what I studied.
我们在脑海中给自己设置了所有这些障碍。
We create all of these barriers in our mind.
如果你曾感到困顿、迷茫或在人生中落后，请仔细听。
If you've ever felt stuck, lost or like you're falling behind in life, listen closely.
我制作了一份免费的21天日记指南，已帮助成千上万人重建习惯、找到方向，最终走上目标明确的人生道路。
I created a free 21 journal guide that's helped thousands rebuild their habits, find clarity, and finally feel aligned toward a path of purpose.
你将获得循序渐进的指导，重新编程你的思维模式，自信展现自我，成为那个言出必行的你。
You'll get step by step pages to reprogram your mindset, show up with confidence, and become the version of you that actually follows through.
点击描述中的第一个链接或扫描屏幕上的二维码，立即免费获取。
Click the first link in the description or scan the QR code on screen to grab it now for free.
不要只是看着别人蜕变。
Don't just watch others transform.
这是属于你的时刻。
This is your moment.
开启你的蜕变之旅。
Start yours.
两个问题。
Two questions.
你因为别人的不认可而放弃了什么事情？
What are you not doing because someone else doesn't approve?
今天就去做。
Do it today.
第二个问题：你正在做哪些事仅仅是为了获得他人认可？
And number two, what are you doing just because someone else approves?
今天就停止这么做。
Stop doing it today.
任何你只为他人而做的事，很可能都不值得。
Whatever you're doing just for other people, it's probably not worth it.
而那些你因为他人不喜欢而回避的事，很可能正是你全部意义与目标所在。
And whatever you're avoiding because other people won't like it, that's probably where all your meaning and purpose is.
你不能追逐网络上看起来美好的事物，却期望内心也能感到满足。
You can't chase what looks good online and expect it to feel good inside.
你不能追逐别人的目标，却期望自己感到快乐。
You can't chase someone else's goals and expect to feel happy.
你不能为了取悦他人而活，却期望内心平静。
You can't live for approval and still feel at peace.
你不能一直攀登别人的山峰，却疑惑为何眼前的风景总是不对劲。
You can't keep climbing someone else's mountain and wonder why the view feels wrong.
因为满足感并非来自胜利，而是源于内心的契合。
Because fulfilment doesn't come from winning, it comes from aligning.
当你的行为与价值观一致时，平静自然随之而来。
When your actions match your values, peace follows.
我记得数学辅导老师曾告诉我：你被困住不是因为题目本身，而是因为你害怕失败时父母会怎么看你。
I remember my math tutor once told me, you're not stuck because of the problem, You're stuck because you're afraid of what your parents will think of you if you fail.
这句话深深击中了我。
That line hit me so hard.
我意识到自己一直在追逐他们的目标，甚至做得还很糟糕。
I realized I was chasing their goals and even that I was doing it poorly.
我最喜欢的一句金·凯瑞的台词是：做你不热爱的事也可能会失败。
One of my favorite quotes is from Jim Carrey where he said, You might fail doing something you don't love.
那还不如在做你真正热爱的事情上失败。
So you might as well fail doing something you actually love.
在自己在意的事情上失败，总好过在为满足他人期望的努力中失败。
It's better to fail doing what you care about than to fail trying to live up to someone else's expectations.
我要你这样做。
Here's what I want you to do.
写下你脑海中声音最大的三个来源，父母、老板、朋友，无论谁。
Write down the three loudest voices in your head, parents, bosses, friends, whomever.
然后问自己：如果这些意见不存在，我真正想要的是什么？
Then ask, if these opinions didn't exist, what would I actually want?
我真正会怎么做？
What would I actually do?
那就是你真实心声所在。
That's where your real voice lives.
追随它。
Follow that.
第三课。
Lesson number three.
成功与幸福是两条不同的道路。
Success and happiness are two separate roads.
成功不会让你快乐，快乐也不会让你成功。
Being successful won't make you happy and being happy won't make you successful.
那种'如果你变得更好，就会吸引更多'的想法并不总是奏效。
This idea that if you're better, you'll attract more doesn't always work.
成功有策略，幸福有习惯。
There are strategies for success and there are habits for happiness.
你知道自己行业的成功策略吗？
Do you know the strategies for success in your industry?
你是否观察过别人并学习他们的行为？
Have you watched other people and learned what they're doing?
你知道幸福的习惯是什么吗？
Do you know the habits for happiness?
休息、冥想、联结、归属感。
Rest, meditation, connection, belonging.
当然两者会有交集，但明白它们是不同的道路能为你节省时间。
Of course the two intersect but knowing they're separate roads will save you time.
你去纽约是为了做生意，去巴厘岛则是为了度假。
You go to New York to do business and you go to Bali on vacation.
这是你踏上的不同旅程。
They're separate journeys you take.
我们以为爬得更高会让自己感觉更轻松。
We think climbing higher will make us feel lighter.
我们以为更多的金钱意味着更多的意义。
We think more money means more meaning.
我们以为终点线终将带来平静。
We think the finish line will finally bring peace.
但成功和幸福并不住在同一个地方。
But success and happiness don't live in the same place.
成功住在头脑里。
Success lives in the mind.
它是关于成就的。
It's about achieving.
幸福存在于心中。
Happiness lives in the heart.
它关乎感受。
It's about feeling.
你可以赢得奖项，却仍感到空虚。
You can win the award and still feel empty.
你可以达成目标，却仍感到迷茫。
You can reach the goal and still feel lost.
你可以拥有别人说能让你幸福的一切，却仍会在醒来时困惑为何自己不快乐。
You can have everything people told you would make you happy and still wake up wondering why you're not.
因为成功是外在的。
Because success is external.
它是掌声、认可和成就。
It's applause, recognition, achievement.
幸福是内在的。
Happiness is internal.
它是和谐、感恩与平和。
It's alignment, gratitude and peace.
在二三十岁时，每个人都会告诉你他们对成功的定义。
In your twenties and thirties, everyone will tell you their definition of success.
但请确保你花时间找到自己的定义。
Just make sure you take the time to come up with your own definition.
学会在二三十岁时倾听内心的声音。
Learn to listen to your inner voice in your twenties and thirties.
那是你内心平静的声音，在轻声细语。
It's the voice inside you that's quiet, that's whispering.
它不会强迫你。
It doesn't force you.
它不会通过恐惧来激励你。
It doesn't motivate you through fear.
它只是与你对话。
It just speaks to you.
直觉与思维的区别在于，思维会告诉你什么是对错。
The difference between your intuition and your mind is that your mind tells you what's right and wrong.
它很喧闹。
It's loud.
它让你感到恐惧。
It makes you feel fearful.
你的直觉会给你选择和可能性。
Your intuition gives you choices and options.
它安静而优雅。
It's quiet and graceful.
它充满体贴。
It's thoughtful.
它真心希望对你最好。
And it really wants what's best for you.
所以它通过爱而非恐惧来激励你。
So it motivates you through love, not fear.
在二三十岁时，你有机会开始倾听那个声音。
In your twenties and thirties, you have the opportunity to start listening to that voice.
如果你忽视那个声音，它会随着年龄增长而逐渐减弱。
If you ignore that voice, it becomes quieter as you get older.
如果你倾听那个声音，它会随着年龄增长而愈发清晰。
If you listen to that voice, it becomes louder as you get older.
第四课。
Lesson number four.
你以为自信是在取得成就后才会到来。
You think confidence arrives after you achieve something.
但墨尔本大学的研究表明，它源自兑现承诺的小行动。
But research from the University of Melbourne shows it's built by small acts to follow through.
这不是关于确定无疑，而是相信自己能找到解决方法。
It's not about being certain, it's about believing you'll figure it out.
我记得曾读过这样一句话。
I remember this quote I once read.
上面写着：自信不是'他们会喜欢我'，
It said, Confidence isn't they'll like me.
而是'即使他们不喜欢，我也没关系'。
Confidence is I'll be okay even if they don't.
自信不是'我知道自己在做什么'，而是'我能应对接下来发生的事'。
Confidence isn't I know what I'm doing, it's I can handle what happens next.
真正有趣的是，当我们以为外在成功能增强自信时，事实是外在成功反而可能削弱信心。
What's really interesting is that when we believe that external success makes us more confident, the truth is external success can actually reduce confidence.
外在的成功若不以自我信任为基础，反而会削弱真正的信心。
External success can actually reduce real confidence if it isn't built on self trust.
你开始依赖掌声而非诚信。
You start depending on applause instead of integrity.
你只有在事情顺利时才感到强大。
You feel powerful only when things go right.
心理学家称之为条件性自我价值。
Psychologists call this contingent self worth.
你的价值取决于结果。
Your value is conditional on outcomes.
而拥有自我信任的人则具备非条件性信心，这种信心源于内在一致性而非结果。
People with self trust on the other hand have non contingent confidence grounded in inner consistency, not results.
外在成功构建自尊。
External success builds ego.
内在一致性建立信心。
Internal consistency builds confidence.
以下是其背后的科学原理。
Here's the science behind it.
斯坦福大学阿尔伯特·班杜拉的自我效能循环理论。
The self efficacy loop by Albert Bandura from Stanford University.
班杜拉关于自我效能的基础研究表明，信心并非来自成功本身，而是来自对成败的解读。
Bandura's foundational research on self efficacy showed that confidence is built not from success itself, but from the interpretation of success and failure.
当你把挫折视为数据而非个人缺陷时，你的自我效能就会提升。
When you interpret setbacks as data, not personal flaws, your self efficacy rises.
仔细想想这一点。
Think about that for a second.
当你把失败视为学习的机会、数据和洞见时，你会比获胜时感到更自信。
When you look at failure as something to learn from, as data, as insight, you actually feel more confident than even if you won.
这就是为什么自信的人能更快恢复。
This is why people with self trust bounce back faster.
他们把失败看作反馈，而非无能的证明。
They see failure as feedback, not proof that they're incapable.
研究表明，每次你战胜挑战，大脑都会收集证据证明你可以信任自己。
Every time you survive a challenge, your brain collects evidence that you can trust yourself, says the research.
这里有四个能改变你一生的习惯。
Here are four habits that will change your life.
第一，不要违背对自己的承诺。
Number one, don't break promises you make to yourself.
即使是微小的习惯也很重要，它们能培养可靠性。
Even micro habits count, they train reliability.
第二，主动去做困难的事情。
Number two, do the hard things on purpose.
自愿承受不适，如冷水澡、锻炼或艰难对话，能建立你能应对压力的自我信任。
Voluntary discomfort like cold showers, workouts or difficult conversations build self trust that you can survive stress.
第三，追踪证据而非结果。
Number three, track evidence not outcomes.
每次你克服恐惧采取行动时，记录下来。
Each time you act despite fear, record it.
它训练你的大脑关注韧性而非完美。
It trains your brain to notice resilience instead of perfection.
第四点，将你的身份与结果分离。
And four, separate your identity from your results.
当事情出错时，说'这没成功'，而不是'我失败了'。
When things go wrong, say this didn't work, not I failed.
这种语言转变重构归因模式并保持自我效能感。
That linguistic shift rewires attribution patterns and preserves self efficacy.
自信并非来自胜利。
Confidence doesn't come from winning.
它来自从失败中学习。
It comes from learning through loss.
自信并非来自正确。
Confidence doesn't come from being right.
它来自即使犯错也保持好奇心。
It comes from staying curious even when you're wrong.
下一个教训是：多数拒绝不是针对个人，而是统计结果。
The next lesson is most rejection isn't personal, it's statistical.
在约会、工作或生活中，拒绝常让人感觉是对你价值的评判。
In dating, work or life, rejection often feels like a judgment of your worth.
但行为经济学家称之为基础比率忽视，即忽略概率。
But behavioral economists call it base rate neglect, ignoring probability.
大多数拒绝与你无关。
Most no's aren't about you.
它们关乎时机、数量和适配度。
They're about timing, numbers, fit.
这是你在二三十岁时能学到的最重要一课。
This is the biggest lesson you can learn in your twenties and thirties.
大多数拒绝并非针对你个人。
Most rejections are not about you.
当你不再把拒绝个人化，你就不会再害怕它。
When you stop personalizing rejection, you stop fearing it.
以下是个人化的心理学原理。
Here's the psychology of personalization.
人类具有心理学家所称的'个人化偏见'。
Humans have what psychologists call a personalization bias.
当负面事件发生时，我们总认为这是自身的反映。
When something negative happens, we assume it's a reflection of us.
这是一种认知扭曲，是将随机性转化为自我责备的心理习惯。
It's a cognitive distortion, a mental habit of turning randomness into self blame.
事实上，拒绝往往较少反映你的本质，更多体现的是竞争者的数量。
In truth, rejection often says less about who you are and more about how many others were in line.
你申请了一个有500名竞争者的职位。
You apply for a job with 500 applicants.
你向30家出版社投递了书稿。
You pitch a book to 30 publishers.
你向一个情感上无法回应的人发出了约会邀请。
You ask someone out who is emotionally unavailable.
这与你的能力不足无关。
That's not about your inadequacy.
这是数学问题。
It's about math.
经济学家称之为基础比率忽视，即忽略结果的统计概率，而认为这是个人独有的情况。
Economists call this base rate neglect, ignoring the statistical odds of an outcome and assuming it's uniquely personal.
如果一家公司的录用率是1%，那么在你投递简历之前，被拒绝的概率就已经高达99%了。
If a company hires 1% of applicants, your rejection was 99% predictable before they even opened your resume.
然而当我们收到拒绝时，大脑不会想到99%的概率。
Yet when we get the no, our brain doesn't think 99% odds.
它只会想：我不够好。
It thinks I'm not good enough.
我们把统计数据误当作自我价值。
We mistake statistics for self worth.
我是伊娃·朗格利亚。
I'm Eva Longoria.
我是迈特戈·梅兹雷洪。
And I'm Maitego Mezrejon.
在我们的播客《历史美食志》中，我们融合了两大挚爱——食物与历史。
And on our podcast, Hungry for History, we mix two of our favorite things, food and history.
古雅典人曾将名字刻在牡蛎壳上进行投票，他们称之为'陶片放逐法'，用以流放政客。
Ancient Athenians used to scratch names onto oyster shells, and they called these ostracon to vote politicians into exile.
所以英语中'ostracized（放逐）'这个词与'oyster（牡蛎）'同源。
So our word ostracized is related to the word oyster.
不可能。
No way.
把那个陶片带回来给我。
Bring back the ostracon.
正因为我们的节目氛围很友好，朋友们总是会顺道来访。
And because we've got a very kind of vibe on our show, friends always stop by.
几乎进入地球这一侧的每一条通道都是通过
Pretty much every entry into this side of the planet was through the
墨西哥在这一刻的进步程度让我震惊。
It blows me away how progressive Mexico was in this in this moment.
他们进行了土地改革。
They had land reform.
他们获得了劳工权利。
They had labor rights.
他们享有教育权利。
They had education rights.
芥菜籽对古埃及人来说非常珍贵，他们常将其放入墓中以备来世使用。
Mustard seeds were so valuable to the ancient Egyptians that they used to place them in their tombs for the afterlife.
欢迎收听My Cultura播客网络旗下的《历史饥渴》，可在iHeartRadio应用、Apple播客或任何你获取播客的地方找到。
Listen to hungry for history as part of the My Cultura podcast network available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
在《健康那些事儿》播客中，我们将解答所有让你夜不能寐的健康问题。
On the podcast Health Stuff, we are tackling all the health questions that keep you up at night.
是的。
Yes.
我是医生。
I'm Doctor.
普里扬卡·沃利，一位拥有双重认证的医师。
Priyanka Wally, a double board certified physician.
我是哈里·昆达博鲁，一名喜剧演员，曾在凌晨三点搜索过‘我是不是得了坏血病？’
And I'm Hari Kundabolu, a comedian and someone who once Googled, do I have scurvy at 3AM?
在《健康那些事》节目中，我们将以不同方式探讨健康话题。
On Health Stuff, we're talking about health in a different way.
这不仅关乎我们能做些什么来改善健康。
It's not only about what we can do to improve our health.
还包括我们的健康状况
But also what our health
所反映出的生活方式问题。
says about us and the way we're living.
比如我们探讨糖尿病的那期节目。
Like our episode where we look at diabetes.
在美国，有百分之五十的人处于糖尿病前期。
In The United States, I mean, fifty percent of Americans are pre diabetic.
二型糖尿病有多大的可预防性？
How preventable is type two?
非常高。
Extremely.
或者我们对芒果神奇功效的深度分析。
Or our in-depth analysis of how incredible mangoes are.
哦，很难向外界解释你喜欢芒果，你的芒果很好，因为芒果太棒了，但你甚至都不知道。
Oh, it's hard to explain to rest of the world that you like, your mangoes are fine because mangoes are incredible, but, like, you don't even know.
你不知道
You don't
知道。
know.
你
You
不知道。
don't know.
这将是一段有趣的旅程，敬请收听。
It's going to be a fun ride, so tune in.
在iHeartRadio应用、苹果播客或任何你获取播客的地方收听健康相关内容。
Listen to health stuff on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
一位身怀秘密的战场外科医生，一个建立在权力与特权之上的世界，以及今年最出人意料的创意搭档。
A combat surgeon with secrets, a world built on power and privilege, and the most unexpected creative duo of the year.
作为多年的演员，我总是走进别人的故事里。
As an actor for so many years, I would always walk into other people's stories.
我想，为什么不试试自己写呢？
And I thought, well, why don't I give it a shot, you know, and try to write it myself?
本周，由瑞茜读书俱乐部推荐的《美好告别》创作团队——瑞茜·威瑟斯彭和哈兰·科本将在纽约苹果苏活店进行现场活动。
This week, bookmarked by Reese's Book Club goes live from Apple Soho in New York City with Reese Witherspoon and Harlan Coben, the powerhouse team behind Gone Before Goodbye.
现已成为《纽约时报》畅销书。
Now a New York Times bestseller.
我想我们俩当时就立刻意识到这事迟早会发生。
I think we both knew right away that this was gonna happen.
这是一场关于恐惧、野心以及两位故事大师碰撞时会发生什么的对话。
It's a conversation about fear, ambition, and what happens when two master storytellers collide.
我从未见过女性在类似詹姆斯·邦德的世界里出现。
I've never seen a woman in kind of a James Bond world.
为惊悚而来，为惊喜而留。
Come for the chills and stay for the surprises.
并发现读者为何对此书爱不释手。
And find out why readers can't put it down.
在iHeartRadio应用、Apple播客或任何你获取播客的地方收听《瑞茜读书会推荐》。
Listen to Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
让我举个约会例子。
Let me give you a dating example.
在爱情中，拒绝最让人感到是针对个人的，但即便在那里，也往往是情境所致，而非针对个人。
Rejection feels most personal in love, but even there, it's often situational, not personal.
2018年斯坦福大学关于在线约会的研究发现，只有约12%的匹配能促成一次约会，仅2%能发展成长期关系。
A 2018 Stanford study on online dating found that only about twelve percent of matches led to a single date, and only two percent led to something long term.
这意味着98%的恋爱结果是统计学上的不匹配，而非情感失败。
That means ninety eight percent of romantic outcomes are statistical mismatch, not emotional failure.
兼容性是一场伪装成命运的数字游戏。
Compatibility is a numbers game dressed up as fate.
现在让我们从工作的角度来看这个问题。
Now let's look at it from the perspective of work.
组织心理学将这种现象称为人岗匹配。
Organizational psychology calls this person organization fit.
你可能才华横溢，但在错误的环境中，匹配度就会失衡。
You can be brilliant, but in the wrong environment, the fit's off.
拒绝往往只是错位，而非表现不佳。
Rejection is often just misalignment, not misperformance.
若能将拒绝与自我认同分离，它就不再是创伤而成为数据。
If you can detach rejection from identity, it stops being a wound and becomes data.
关于时机的数据，关于匹配度的数据，关于你价值真正被看到之处的数据。
Data about timing, data about alignment, data about where your value is actually seen.
正如那句名言所说：这不是拒绝，而是重新定向。
As the famous saying goes, it's not rejection, it's redirection.
这是宇宙的筛选机制。
It's the universe's filtering mechanism.
那么我们该如何做到呢？
So how do we do that?
你该如何真正做好准备，不把拒绝当作针对个人？
How do you actually prepare yourself to not take rejection personally?
第一，明确认知偏差。
Number one, name the bias.
将情绪与证据分离。
Separate emotion from evidence.
当你被拒绝时，大脑的威胁中枢——杏仁核会像遇到危险时一样被激活。
When you're rejected, your brain's threat center, the amygdala activates as if you're in danger.
这是因为从进化角度看，拒绝曾意味着流放、与部落分离。
That's because evolutionarily rejection once meant exile, separation from the tribe.
要覆盖这种原始本能，你必须从本能反应转向理性思考。
To override that ancient wiring, you have to move from reaction to reflection.
下次被拒绝时，直接问自己：这次拒绝是针对我个人还是概率问题？
Next time you get rejected, literally ask yourself, is this rejection about me or about probability?
这个简单问题会激活前额叶皮层——大脑中调节视角并减少情绪过激反应的部分。
That simple question activates your prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that regulates perspective and reduces emotional overreaction.
这就是认知重构：从'我不够好'转变为'这个结果不匹配'。
This is called cognitive reframing from I'm not good enough to this outcome wasn't aligned.
接下来你可以练习'微拒绝'。
The next thing you can do is practice micro rejections.
暴露疗法确实有效。
Exposure therapy works.
主动将自己置于可能被拒绝的小风险情境中——那些无关紧要的场景。
Deliberately put yourself in small low stake situations where you might get a no, where it doesn't really matter.
展开剩余字幕（还有 163 条）
在咖啡店要求折扣。
Ask for a discount at a coffee shop.
他们会拒绝。
They'll say no.
那又怎样？
So what?
向陌生人推销一个小想法。
Pitch a small idea to someone new.
在网上展现一些脆弱。
Post something vulnerable online.
每次你熬过拒绝，神经系统都在学习成长。
Each time you survive a no, your nervous system learns.
我能处理好这件事。
I can handle this.
信心是通过情感重复建立起来的。
Confidence is built through emotional repetition.
别把每件事都看得太个人化。
Don't take everything so personally.
不要仅仅因为有人疏远就假设自己做错了什么。
Don't assume you did something wrong just because someone pulled away.
不要过度解读延迟回复的短信或简短回复。
Don't read too much into a delayed text or a short reply.
生活对在乎的人也会变得沉重。
Life gets heavy even for people who care.
别把每个沉默时刻都编成关于自我价值的故事。
Don't turn every quiet moment into a story about your worth.
不要把别人的情绪当作你辜负他们的证据来背负。
Don't carry other people's moods like they're proof you failed them.
最后但同样重要，疗愈的过程并不总是感觉像在疗愈。
And the last one, but not least, healing doesn't always feel like healing.
有时它表现为对曾经热衷的事物失去兴趣。
Sometimes it feels like losing interest in things that once excited you.
就像曾经忙碌的你如今感到无聊。
Like being bored when you used to be busy.
这就是规律。
That's regulation.
你的神经系统正在学习平静，而非冷漠。
Your nervous system is learning peace, not apathy.
疗愈是安静的、尴尬的，常被误认为空虚。
Healing is quiet, awkward and often mistaken for emptiness.
当我们想象疗愈时，总想到轻盈感、宁静的清晨、感恩日记和平和。
When we picture healing, we imagine lightness, calm mornings, gratitude journals, peace.
但现实中，疗愈往往伴随着疲惫、无趣、悲伤或情绪波动。
But the reality, healing often feels like exhaustion, disinterest, grief or emotional whiplash.
它并不总是看起来像在变好。
It doesn't always look like becoming better.
有时它表现为以新的方式崩溃。
Sometimes it looks like falling apart in new ways.
这就是为什么疗愈感觉一团糟。
This is why healing feels messy.
治疗师称此为解构阶段。
Therapists call this the disintegration phase.
这时你的旧应对机制失效，而新的尚未完全形成。
It's when your old coping mechanisms stop working but your new ones haven't fully formed yet.
你已不是过去的你，却也还未成为将来的你。
You're not who you were but you're not who you're becoming either.
在这个阶段，你的神经系统正在重新校准。
During this stage your nervous system is recalibrating.
这可能会表现为对那些曾经激励你的人和习惯失去兴趣。
That can feel like losing interest in people or habits that once energized you.
也可能表现为在长期肾上腺素驱动后感到疲惫或麻木。
It can look like feeling tired or numb after years of running on adrenaline.
还可能表现为哀悼那个只知道生存模式的旧我。
It can look like grieving a version of yourself that only knew survival.
这不是倒退，而是重新校准。
This is not regression, it's recalibration.
你并非在崩溃。
You're not falling apart.
你正在超越那些曾经维系自我的方式。
You're outgrowing the ways you held yourself together.
让我再说一遍。
Let me say that again.
你并非在崩溃。
You're not falling apart.
你正在超越那些曾经维系自我的方式。
You're outgrowing the ways that you held yourself together.
你的大脑正在重新连接。
Your brain is rewiring.
疗愈确实会改变你的大脑。
Healing literally changes your brain.
当你打破诸如讨好他人、过度工作或情感回避等旧模式时，大脑的神经通路会逐渐弱化。
When you break old patterns like people pleasing, overworking or emotional avoidance, your brain's neural pathways weaken.
建立在平静界限和自我信任基础上的新通路开始形成。
New pathways built on calm boundaries and self trust start to form.
但关键在于。
But here's the catch.
重塑大脑需要时间和精力，这个过程可能会让人感到疲惫。
Rewiring the brain takes time and energy and that process can feel fatiguing.
就像重新学习走路一样。
It's like learning to walk again.
你会踉跄、会疲倦、会质疑是否值得，但每一步都在强化新的平和模式。
You stumble, you tire, you question if it's worth it, But every step strengthens a new pattern of peace.
这是情感层面的变化。
Here's the emotional side.
疗愈意味着在获得自由之前，你可能会先感觉更糟。
Healing means you might actually feel worse before you feel free.
心理学家称之为消退爆发。
Psychologists call this the extinction burst.
当你停止滋养不健康模式时，大脑会产生抗拒。
When you stop feeding an unhealthy pattern, your brain resists.
你可能会怀念曾经抱怨过的混乱。
You might miss the chaos you once complained about.
你可能会想念那些伤害过你的人。
You might miss people who hurt you.
你甚至可能将痛苦浪漫化，只因它熟悉。
You might even romanticize the pain because it's familiar.
这种不适的激增并非失败。
That spike in discomfort isn't failure.
这是旧习惯垂死前的最后喘息。
It's the final gasp of an old habit dying.
疗愈不意味着你破碎不堪。
Healing doesn't mean you're broken.
成长与悲伤是双生子。
Growth and grief are twins.
你可以在不哀悼旧我的情况下获得新生。
You can become new without mourning what was old.
这就是为什么疗愈会让人感到悲伤、无聊或空虚。
That's why healing can feel like sadness, boredom or emptiness.
你的神经系统正在从高强度中排毒。
Your nervous system is detoxing from intensity.
如果平静让你感到陌生，那是因为你的身体已对生存模式上瘾。
If peace feels strange, that's because your body has been addicted to survival mode.
若安宁显得格格不入，是因为混乱曾是归宿。
If calm feels foreign, it's because chaos was once home.
当感受不到变化时，如何判断自己正在疗愈。
How to know you're healing when it doesn't feel like it.
第一，你被触发的频率降低，即使情绪依然波动。
Number one, you're triggered less often even if you still feel emotional.
第二，即使仍会受伤，你也会在反应前先停顿。
Number two, you pause before reacting even if it still hurts.
第三，即使感到不适，你也能心安理得地休息。
Number three, you rest without guilt even if it's uncomfortable.
第四，你不追逐终结，而是主动创造终结。
Number four, you don't chase closure, you create it.
你终于开始感受那些曾经逃避的情绪——这是伪装成不适的进步。
You're finally feeling what you used to run from and that's progress disguised as discomfort.
疗愈的过程未必让人感觉是在变好。
Healing doesn't always feel like healing.
疗愈不是没有痛苦，而是能与痛苦共处的能力。
Healing is not the absence of pain, it's the ability to be present with your pain.
疗愈的过程未必让人感觉是在变好。
Healing doesn't always feel like healing.
有时它像是重新经历崩溃。
Sometimes it feels like breaking all over again.
有时它像是先坠入谷底才能获得自由。
Sometimes it feels like getting worse before you get free.
有时它像是对曾经支撑你活下去的事物失去兴趣。
Sometimes it feels like losing interest in things that once kept you alive.
有时它像是获得了平静，但你的身体尚未学会信任这种状态。
Sometimes it feels like peace but your body doesn't trust it yet.
最后，我想留给你的箴言是：
And here's what I'll leave you with.
二十多岁是充满初次体验的十年。
Your twenties are the decades of firsts.
第一份工作、第一次真正的心碎、第一间公寓、第一笔房租、第一个重大错误、第一次意识到父母和你都是普通人。
Your first job, your first real heartbreak, your first apartment, your first rental payment, your first big mistake, your first time realizing your parents are human and so are you.
第一个真正疏远的朋友。
Your first real friend who drifts away.
第一次感到迷茫、孤独和完全措手不及的时刻。
Your first moment of feeling lost, alone and completely unprepared.
这十年感觉像一场考验，但其实是训练场。
It's a decade that feels like a test, but it's actually a training ground.
理解'初次'背后的心理学意义。
Understand the psychology of firsts.
每一个第一次都会触发心理学家所称的'身份断裂'。
Every first triggers what psychologists call identity disruption.
这是你过去身份与正在成为的新身份之间的张力。
It's the tension between who you were and who you're becoming.
每当你面对不确定性、失败或新鲜事物时，你的大脑会通过神经可塑性重新布线，形成新的神经通路。
Your brain literally rewires through neuroplasticity forming new neural pathways every time you face uncertainty, failure or novelty.
所以当你感到不堪重负、困惑或不稳定时，那正是你的大脑在成长。
So when you feel overwhelmed, confused or unsteady, that is your brain growing.
这不是你崩溃的标志，而是你正在重塑自我的标志。
It's not a sign you're broken, it's a sign that you're building yourself.
二十多岁的迷茫并非失败。
Confusion in your twenties isn't failure.
这种感觉就像你的思维在扩展以适应你的生活。
It's the feeling of your mind expanding to fit your life.
你会犯错。
You will make mistakes.
你会爱上还没准备好的人。
You'll fall for people who aren't ready.
你会接受表面光鲜但感觉不对的工作。
You'll take jobs that look good but feel wrong.
你会庆祝那些无法满足你的胜利，也会庆祝那些解放你的失败。
You'll celebrate wins that don't satisfy you and losses that free you.
你会把兴奋误认为契合，把舒适误认为爱情。
You'll mistake excitement for alignment and comfort for love.
这没关系。
That's okay.
你只是在收集情感数据。
You're just collecting emotional data.
二十几岁不是关于做对的事。
Your twenties aren't about getting it right.
而是关于不断练习。
They're about getting the reps in.
以下是准备和保护内心平静的方法。
Here's how you prepare and protect your peace.
准备好迎接不确定性。
Expect uncertainty.
别抗拒它。
Don't fight it.
你不该指望在二三十岁时就有个完美执行的五年计划。
You're not supposed to have a five year plan that works in your twenties or thirties.
你应该去尝试、失败然后重新调整方向。
You're supposed to experiment, fail and reorient.
心理学家称之为探索性成长。
Psychologists call this exploratory growth.
尝试不是为了获胜，而是为了学习。
Trying things not to win, but to learn.
第二步，建立情感工具，而非时间表。
The second step, build emotional tools, not timelines.
相比蓝图，你更需要边界。
You need boundaries more than a blueprint.
相比动力，你更需要情绪调节能力。
You need emotional regulation more than motivation.
相比责备，你更需要宽恕。
And you need forgiveness more than blame.
尤其是对自己。
Especially for yourself.
下一步是锚定价值观，而非寻求认可。
The next step is to anchor to values, not validation.
你会被来自家人、社交媒体和你自身恐惧的各种意见淹没。
You'll get flooded with opinions from family, from social media, from your own fears.
当你犹豫不决时，回归本真而非追求表象。
When in doubt, return to what feels true, not what looks impressive.
与其将二十多岁视为规划人生的阶段，不如将其视为练习生活的时光——尝试、失败、感受、重建。
Instead of seeing your twenties as the time to figure out your life, see it as the time to practice living it, to try to fail, to feel, to rebuild.
你并不迟。
You're not late.
你才刚刚开始。
You're just getting started.
每个第一次都不是终考。
Every first is not a final exam.
它是通往更睿智自我的启蒙仪式。
It's an initiation into a wiser version of you.
你会没事的。
You will be okay.
你会追逐那些看到你潜力却从不与你同行的人。
You'll chase people who see your potential but never meet you there.
你会留在那些消耗你的工作中，因为辞职感觉像失败。
You'll stay in jobs that drain you because quitting feels like failing.
你会把被需要误当作被爱。
You'll confuse being needed with being loved.
你会把忙碌误当作充实。
You'll confuse being busy with being fulfilled.
你会对已经不再适合的事情说好，。”] 因为拒绝仍然让你觉得自私。
You'll say yes to things you outgrew because no still feels selfish.
你会为了取悦那些多年前就不再关注你的人而做出选择。
You'll make choices to impress people who stopped paying attention years ago.
你会试图通过生产力来证明自己的价值，结果却精疲力竭。
You'll try to prove your worth through productivity and burn out trying.
你会以为自己落后了，直到发现其他人都在假装领先。
You'll think you're behind until you realize everyone else is pretending to be ahead.
你可以在任何年龄、任何阶段学到这些道理。
You can learn these lessons at any age, at any stage.
我希望这能为你带来快乐和成功。
I hope it sets you up for joy and success.
记住，我永远站在你这边，永远为你加油。
And remember, I'm forever in your corner and always rooting for you.
非常感谢你收听这次对话。
Thank you so much for listening to this conversation.
如果你喜欢这个内容，你会爱上我与亚当·格兰特关于'不适感是成长关键'的对话，以及解锁你隐藏潜能的策略。
If you enjoyed it, you'll love my chat with Adam Grant on why discomfort is the key to growth and the strategies for unlocking your hidden potential.
如果你今年想要突破自我、成就更多，现在就去看吧。
If you know you wanna be more and achieve more this year, go check it out right now.
你今天设定了一个目标。
You set a goal today.
六个月后你实现了它。
You achieve it in six months.
当它真正实现时，你几乎感到如释重负。
And then by the time it happens, it's almost a relief.
缺乏意义和目标感。
There's no sense of meaning and purpose.
你多少预料到了这一点，
You sort of expected it,
如果这没有发生，你反而会感到失望。
and you would have been disappointed if it didn't happen.
我是伊娃·朗格利亚。
I'm Eva Longoria.
我是梅塔戈梅斯·德胡安。
And I'm Maytagomez de Juan.
本周在我们的播客《历史之饥》中，我们将讨论牡蛎，还有面壁部落首领的到访。
And this week on our podcast, Hungry for History, we talk oysters plus the Mianbi chief stops by.
如果你不喜欢牡蛎，那就别跟我说话。
And if you're not an oyster lover, don't even talk to me.
古雅典人曾通过在牡蛎壳上刻名字来投票放逐政客。
Ancient Athenians used to scratch names onto oyster shells to vote politicians into exile.
所以我们被'ostracized（放逐）'这个词与'oyster（牡蛎）'有关。
So our word ostracized is related to the word oyster.
不
No
会吧。
way.
把陶片放逐法带回来。
Bring back the ostracon.
在iHeartRadio应用、Apple Podcast或任何你获取播客的地方收听《Hungry for History》。
Listen to Hungry for History on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.
当瑞茜·威瑟斯彭打电话给惊悚小说之王哈兰·科本，提议一起写本书时会发生什么。
What happens when Reese Witherspoon calls up the king of thrillers, Harlan Coben, and says, let's write a book together.
我当时基本上是在请求他让我进入他神秘的惊悚小说创作世界。
I was asking him basically to let me into his secret thriller writing world.
本周，由瑞茜读书俱乐部推出的《Bookmarked》节目将在纽约Apple Soho现场直播，带来终极故事盛宴。
This week, bookmarked by Reese's Book Club goes live from Apple Soho in New York City for the ultimate storytelling mashup.
瑞茜·威瑟斯彭与哈兰·科本谈他们的新惊悚小说《Gone Before Goodbye》。
Reese Witherspoon and Harlan Coben on their new thriller, Gone Before Goodbye.
你以为自己只会读十分钟吗？
Can you think you're gonna read for ten minutes?
然后不知不觉就到了凌晨四点。
And next thing you know, it's four in the morning.
了解本季最令人上瘾读物背后的故事。
Get the story behind the season's most addictive read.
已登上《纽约时报》畅销书榜，在iHeartRadio应用、Apple Podcast或任何你获取播客的地方收听瑞茜读书俱乐部的《Bookmarked》。
Already a New York Times bestseller, Listen to Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
嘿。
Hey.
我是诺拉·琼斯，我太喜欢和人一起玩音乐了，所以我的播客《Playing Along》又回来了。
I'm Nora Jones, and I love playing music with people so much that my podcast called Playing Along is back.
我与来自各种音乐风格的音乐家们围坐在一起，在亲密氛围中共同演奏歌曲。
I sit down with musicians from all musical styles to play songs together in an intimate setting.
过去两季里，我邀请了戴夫·格罗尔、莱维、鲁弗斯·温莱特、梅维斯·斯台普斯等特别嘉宾，实在不胜枚举，而新一季还有更多精彩内容即将呈现。
Over the past two seasons, I've had special guests like Dave Grohl, Leve, Rufus Wainwright, Mavis Staples, really too many to name, and there's still so much more to come in this new season.
诺拉·琼斯的节目可在iHeartRadio应用、Apple播客或任何你获取播客的平台收听。
Listen to Nora Jones is playing along on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
这是iHeart出品的播客节目。
This is an iHeart podcast.
关于 Bayt 播客
Bayt 提供中文+原文双语音频和字幕，帮助你打破语言障碍，轻松听懂全球优质播客。