8个简单的心态转变，让你即使生活不如意也能心怀感激

这是一档iHeart播客节目。

This is an iHeart podcast.

真人保证。

Guaranteed Human.

感恩节不仅仅关乎食物。

Thanksgiving isn't just about food.

这是我们互相支持的日子。

It's a day for us to show up for one another.

有时状态不好也没关系，重要的是能够从中汲取力量

It's okay not to be okay sometimes and be able to build strength

并在彼此之间建立爱意。

and love within each other.

我是埃利奥特·康尼，播客《家庭治疗》的主持人，这是一个让真实家庭聚在一起疗愈并寻找希望的系列节目。

I'm Elliot Conney, host of the podcast Family Therapy, a series where real families come together to heal and find hope.

我一直希望我们能接受治疗，所以这是个非常宝贵的机会。

I've always wanted us to have therapy, so this is such a beautiful opportunity.

每周三在Black Effect播客网络、iHeartRadio应用、Apple播客或任何你获取播客的地方收听《家庭治疗》第二季。

Listen to season two of Family Therapy every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

嘿。

Hey.

我是卡尔·佩恩。

I'm Cal Pen.

在我的新播客《又来了》中，我们将探讨当下的趋势和头条新闻，并提问：为什么历史总在重演？

And on my new podcast, Here We Go Again, we'll take today's trends and headlines and ask, why does history keep repeating itself?

每周，我都会邀请比尔·奈、莉莉·辛格和皮特·布蒂吉格等朋友，讨论从太空竞赛到电影翻拍再到迷幻药等各种话题。

Each week, I'm calling up my friends like Bill Nye, Lilly Singh, and Pete Buttigieg to talk about everything from the space race to movie remakes to psychedelics.

换句话说，你嗨了吗？

Put it another way, are you high?

听着，现在的世界可能看起来很可怕，但我的目标是让你听完后对未来感觉好一点。

Look, the world can seem pretty scary right now, but my goal here is for you to listen and feel a little better about the future.

在iHeartRadio应用、Apple播客或任何你获取播客的地方收听并订阅卡尔·佩恩主持的《又来了》。

Listen and subscribe to Here We Go Again with Cal Pen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

嗨，朋友们。

Hi, friends.

我是索菲娅·布什，《Work in Progress》的主持人。

Sophia Bush here, host of Work in Progress.

本周我们邀请了一位非常特别的嘉宾，她既是导师、朋友，也是妻子、母亲，同时还是作家、律师、倡导者、电视制片人，现在她又多了一个身份——播客主持人。

This week, we had such a special guest, a mentor, a friend, a wife, a mother, an author, attorney, advocate, television producer, and now she adds podcast hosts to the list.

米歇尔·奥巴马来了。

Michelle Obama is here.

索菲娅，能坐下来和你聊天，我简直欣喜若狂。

Sofia, I'm beyond thrilled to be able to sit down and chat with you.

请在全美排名第一的播客网络iHeart上收听《Work in Progress》。

Listen to work in progress on America's number one podcast network, iHeart.

打开你的免费iHeartRadio应用，搜索《Work in Progress》立即收听。

Open your free iHeartRadio app, search work in progress and listen now.

感恩是会传染的。

Gratitude is contagious.

有时候你只需要借用它。

Sometimes you just need to borrow it.

当你处于嫉妒的季节，当别人的快乐让你想起自己所没有的东西时，这正是借用感恩之心最为重要的时刻。

When you're in a season of envy, when everyone else's joy feels like a reminder of what you don't have, that's exactly when borrowing gratitude matters the most.

听起来可能有些奇怪，但感恩并不总是你感受到的东西。

It sounds strange, but gratitude isn't always something you feel.

有时它是你见证的事物。

Sometimes it's something you witness.

当你内心无法触及感恩时，先从不带评判地关注他人的快乐开始。

When your heart can't access gratitude, start by noticing someone else's joy without judgment.

排名第一的健康与养生播客。

The number one health and wellness podcast.

杰·杰·谢蒂。

Jay Jay Shetty.

独一无二的杰·谢蒂。

The one, the only Jay Shetty.

大家好，欢迎回到《On Purpose》。

Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose.

我是主持人Jay Shetty，《纽约时报》畅销书《像僧侣一样思考》和《爱的八条法则》的作者。

I'm your host Jay Shetty, author of New York Times bestselling books, Think Like a Monk and Eight Rules of Love.

如果你还没读过这两本书，希望你能抽空去拿一本。

If you haven't read either, I hope you take a moment to go and grab your copy.

如果你喜欢这个播客，我保证你会爱上书中蕴含的古老智慧、现代科学和深刻见解。

If you love this podcast, I promise you, you'll love the ancient wisdom, modern science and insight inside the books.

现在进入今天的节目。

Now to today's episode.

说实话，当生活不如意时，'感恩'这个词听起来很虚伪。

Let's be honest, when life isn't where you want it to be, the word gratitude can feel fake.

你知道自己应该感恩，但看看银行账户、工作、感情状态，就觉得空洞无力。

You know you should be thankful, but you look at your bank account, your job, your relationship status, and it just feels hollow.

尤其是当有人对你说'要对你拥有的东西心存感激'这种话的时候。

Especially when someone comes up to you and says something like, be grateful for what you have.

你应该心怀感激。

You should be thankful.

你应该懂得感恩。

You should be grateful.

但有时这感觉就像在一切分崩离析时被要求强颜欢笑。

But sometimes that feels like being told to smile while everything falls apart.

今天，我将与你分享实用、深思熟虑且强有力的步骤，真正帮助你理解感恩并在心有不甘时实践它。

Today, I'm gonna share with you practical, thoughtful, powerful steps to actually help you understand gratitude and implement it, especially when you don't feel like it.

不是那种强求的感恩，而是能让你重新与自己连接、帮助你再次呼吸的那种。

Not the forced kind, the kind that reconnects you to yourself, the kind that helps you breathe again.

原因在于我很喜欢很久以前读到的一句话：当你对已有之物心怀感恩时，你会得到更多值得感恩的东西。

And the reason is one of my favorite quotes that I read a long time ago says, When you're grateful for what you have, you receive more to be grateful for.

同样真实的是，当你对已有之物心怀感恩时，当你拥有更多时，你就能心怀感恩。

What's also true is when you're grateful for what you have, when you have more, you'll be able to be grateful.

我们的大脑会欺骗我们，让我们相信当我拥有更多时，我才会感恩。

Our mind tricks us into believing that when I have more, then I'll be thankful.

等我升职了，我就会心怀感激。

When I get that promotion, then I'll be grateful.

等我的生活发生这样的转变，我就能珍惜它了。

When my life shifts in this way, then I can appreciate it.

却没有意识到，我们今天的生活曾是昨日的梦想。

Not realizing that what we're living today was yesterday's dream.

我们此刻所处的位置，正是两年前所祈祷的。

Where we are right now is what we prayed for two years ago.

你今天所获得和收获的，是你从未想象过的。

What you're achieving and receiving today is something you never even imagined.

但如今你拥有了它，它变得熟悉，这种感觉就消解了。

But now that you have it and it feels familiar, it breaks it down.

第一，将感恩与否认区分开来。

Number one, separate gratitude from denial.

你不必假装一切都好才能心怀感恩。

You don't have to pretend everything's okay to be grateful.

真正的感恩不是说一切都好。

True gratitude isn't saying it's fine.

而是说即使情况不好，仍有值得关注的事物。

It's saying even though it's not fine, there's still something worth noticing.

不是说要假装逃避所有困难。

It's not saying I'm going to pretend to avoid all the difficult things.

不是说要假装逃避所有负面事物。

I'm going to pretend to avoid all the negative things.

然后表现得好像一切都很完美。

And I'm just going to act like everything's perfect.

那是在欺骗自己。

That's lying to yourself.

那是毒性的积极思维。

That's toxic positivity.

科学研究表明，承认困境并心怀感恩的人，比那些假装积极的人具有更高的心理韧性和更低的抑郁倾向。

The science says people who acknowledge their struggles and gratitude experience higher resilience and lower depression than those who fake positivity.

这太令人震惊了。

That's mind blowing.

仔细想想这一点。

Think about that for a second.

你实际上是在说，嘿，我的生活不太顺利，但我真的很感激有这位朋友。

You actually saying, hey, this is not working out in my life but I'm really grateful for this friend.

不是作为抵消，对吧？

Not as a counterbalance, right?

你不是试图让它们对等。

You're not trying to make it equal.

你只是说我在现实中看到了这两件事。

You're simply saying I see both of these things in reality.

我看到我的职业发展不如意，但我真的很感激有一群好朋友。

I see that my career isn't going the way I want, but I'm really grateful that I have a great group of friends.

这会减轻你的抑郁情绪。

That's gonna reduce your depression.

我们大多数人学会的感恩，更像是一种情感掩饰。

Most of us learned gratitude as a kind of emotional cover up.

当事情出错时，人们会说，要心怀感恩。

When things go wrong, people say, just be grateful.

但当你受伤时，这种建议听上去就像一记耳光。

But that advice can land like a slap when you're hurting.

因为感恩从来不是为了抹去你的痛苦。

Because gratitude was never meant to erase your pain.

而是为了与之共存。

It was meant to sit beside it.

让我再说一遍。

Let me say that again.

感恩从来不是为了抹去你的痛苦。

Gratitude was never meant to erase your pain.

而是为了与之共存。

It was meant to sit beside it.

将感恩与否认区分开，意味着允许自己既诚实又充满希望。

Separating gratitude from denial means giving yourself permission to be both honest and hopeful.

人们很少谈论当有人说'要感恩'时有多令人恼火。

People don't talk about how annoying it is when someone says, just be grateful.

你可以心怀感激，同时疲惫不堪。

You can be thankful and tired.

你可以欣赏美好事物，而不必假装一切都好。

You can appreciate what's good without pretending everything is good.

当我们用感恩来压抑真实感受时，它就变得有害。

When we use gratitude to suppress how we feel, it becomes toxic.

这会使我们与自己的真相脱节。

It disconnects us from our own truth.

但当我们让它与痛苦共存时，它就成为治愈的力量。

But when we let it coexist with pain, it becomes healing.

心理学家称之为'情绪粒度'——同时容纳复杂情绪的能力。

Psychologists call this emotional granularity, the ability to hold complex emotions at once.

研究表明，能够同时接纳喜悦与悲伤的人更具韧性，较少焦虑，且能更快从挫折中恢复。

Studies show people who can acknowledge both joy and sorrow are more resilient, less anxious, and bounce back faster from setbacks.

感恩不是假装风暴不存在。

Gratitude isn't about pretending the storm isn't there.

而是站在雨中仍能说：即便此刻，我内在仍有生命在跃动、在学习、在成长。

It's standing in the rain and still being able to say, even now, something in me is alive, learning, becoming.

这不是否认现实。

That's not denial.

这是觉醒。

That's awakening.

并学会同时大声说出这两种真相。

And learn to say both truths out loud.

用'尽管'开启你的感恩句，例如：尽管我感到孤独，仍感激有关心我的人存在。

Start your gratitude sentences with even though, so for example, even though I feel lonely, I'm grateful I still have people who care.

尽管工作压力大，仍感激自己正在学习新技能。

Even though work is stressful, I'm grateful I'm learning new skills.

它训练你的心智同时容纳两种现实：痛苦与洞察。

It trains your mind to hold two realities at once, pain and perspective.

这才是平衡，而非否认。

That's balance, not denial.

我们往往倾向于只做其中一种。

What we tend to do is do one or the other.

我们容易只关注那些出问题的事情。

We tend to focus on everything that's going wrong.

我们都经历过这种情况。

We've all been there.

或者我们容易只关注那些顺利的事情。

Or we tend to focus on everything that's going right.

然后会发生什么？

And then what happens?

当你假装一切顺利时，只需一件小事就能让你栽跟头。

When you fake that everything's going right, all it takes is one little thing to trip you up.

而当你认为一切都不顺时，难道要继续为自己挖更深的坑吗？

And when you believe everything's going wrong, will you just keep digging a deeper hole for yourself?

请开始审视你的生活和世界，不是要求平等或完美平衡，而是能够注意到挑战，也能看到成长。

Please start looking at your life and your world not as equal, not as perfectly balanced, but being able to notice the challenges and being able to notice the growth.

生活的意义不在于你遭遇了什么，而在于你注意到了什么正在发生。

Life isn't about what happens to you, it's about what you notice that is happening to you.

我们中有太多人只选择关注消极、困难、充满挑战的事情，却错过并遗忘了那些美好、强大、不可思议的事物。

And so many of us only choose to notice the negative, difficult, challenging things and we miss out and forget the beautiful, powerful, incredible things.

第二步，停止用感恩来压抑情绪。

Step number two, stop using gratitude to shut down emotion.

如果你发现自己说'我不该感到难过，别人处境更糟'时，请停下来。

If you catch yourself saying, I shouldn't feel sad, other people have it worse, pause.

那不是感恩。

That's not gratitude.

那是伪装的内疚。

That's guilt in disguise.

相反，应该说：我可以感到悲伤，同时仍然感激我所拥有的一切。

Instead say, I can feel sad and still appreciate what I have.

你不是在否定自己的感受，而是在整合它们。

You're not disqualifying your feelings, you're integrating them.

我认为这一点非常有趣的是，我们很多人几乎觉得自己不被允许感到悲伤。

I think what's really interesting about that point is a lot of us almost feel like we're not allowed to feel sad.

我们认为自己没有悲伤的权利。

We don't think we have the permission to be sad.

事实上，每个人通常都能找到比自己处境更糟的人。

Now the truth is everyone will generally find someone who's worse off than them.

但这并不是要比较你们的痛苦，因为那样你就无法让情绪自然存在，无法让它流过并消化它。

But it's not about comparing your pain because then you're not allowing it to live there, you're not allowing it to flow through you and process it.

所以我想让你尝试这样做：先写下困难的事，再写下当下拥有的。

So here's what I want you to try, write what's hard and then what's here.

在你的日记本甚至手机备忘录里，画出两栏。

In your journal or even in a notes app, draw two columns.

左边一栏，写下当前遇到的困难是什么？

The left side, what's hard right now?

右边一栏，写下当前仍然美好的事物是什么？

The right side, what's still good right now?

当你能在同一页面上看到两者时，你的大脑会明白感恩并不会抹去挣扎。

When you can see both on the same page, your brain learns that gratitude doesn't erase struggle.

它们可以共存。

It coexists with it.

这彻底改变了我的生活，因为我们总是认为：等等，我不该有这种情绪。

And this has been a game changer in my life because we constantly think, wait, I shouldn't feel this emotion.

当你觉得自己不该有某种情绪时，就会开始感到内疚和羞耻。

And when you feel you shouldn't feel an emotion, you now start to feel guilt and shame.

当内疚和羞耻占据上风时，我们就会陷入非常黑暗和艰难的境地。

And when guilt and shame take over, we get into a really dark and difficult place.

我还想让你尝试：用'和'替代'至少'。

I also want you to try this, Replace at least with and.

我们经常说这样的话：至少我还有工作。

We often say things like, at least I still have a job.

这种说法弱化了你的感受。

That phrase minimizes your feelings.

试着这样说：

Try saying this instead.

这很难，同时我很感激自己还有工作。

This is hard and I'm grateful I still have a job.

用'同时'替代'至少'这个简单的词，能让你的体验保持完整。

That simple word and instead of at least keeps your experience whole.

这其中另一个原则是：感受它，而非强求。

The other principle inside of this is feel it, don't force it.

如果你无法感到感激，不要假装。

If you can't feel grateful, don't fake it.

从小处开始。

Start smaller.

留意今天没有让你感到痛苦的一件事。

Notice one thing that doesn't hurt today.

一个热水澡、顺畅的呼吸、你最爱的那首歌。

A warm shower, breathing, your favorite song.

感恩不是表演，而是临在的状态。

Gratitude isn't a performance, it's presence.

当你不再把感恩当作面具，而是作为良药时，它不会麻痹你，反而会滋养你。

When you stop using gratitude as a mask and start using it as medicine, it doesn't numb you, it nourishes you.

你不再假装生活完美无缺，而是开始意识到它的真实面貌。

You stop pretending your life is perfect and start realizing it's real.

第二种方法是：从依然存在的事物开始。

Way number two is start with what stayed.

当生活分崩离析时，专注于那些依然留存的东西。

When life falls apart, focus on what remained.

我们通常只关注那些失去、改变或消失的一切。

We usually focus on everything that was lost, changed or disappeared.

但问问自己，有谁关心过你？

But ask yourself, who checked on you?

当一切消逝时，你展现出了怎样的自我？

What part of yourself showed up when everything else fell away?

当生活分崩离析时，我们的思绪会直奔那些缺失的部分。

When life falls apart, our minds go straight to what's missing.

失去的工作，离开的人，未能实现的梦想。

The job we lost, the person who left, the dream that didn't happen.

我们反复回想，分析它，试图理解它。

We replay it, analyze it, try to understand it.

但我们很少停下来问：还有什么留了下来？

But rarely do we stop and ask, what stayed?

因为即使一切都在改变，总有些东西会留存。

Because even when everything changes, something always remains.

也许是那个依然会接你电话的挚友。

Maybe it's your best friend who still picks up the phone.

也许是你清晨的散步、你的幽默感、你的信念，或是你未曾意识到的内在力量。

Maybe it's your morning walk, your sense of humor, your faith, or the strength you didn't know you had.

感恩并不意味着忽视失去。

Gratitude doesn't mean ignoring the loss.

它意味着将自己锚定在依然存在的事物上。

It means anchoring yourself to what's still here.

当你从依然拥有的事物开始，你会提醒自己：并非所有东西都被夺走了。

When you start with what stayed, you remind yourself that not everything was taken from you.

每次你失去某些东西时，生活也在向你展示那些依然存在的事物。

Every time you lose something, life is also showing you something that stayed.

那些无法被夺走的，真实的。

What can't be taken, what's real.

当你专注于这些时，你就不再感觉是从零开始重建——因为你确实不是。

And when you focus on that, you stop feeling like you're rebuilding from zero Because you're not.

你是在真相的基础上重建。

You're rebuilding from truth.

最坚强的人并非从未失去过任何东西的人。

The strongest people aren't the ones who never lost anything.

而是那些能识别出什么依然存在、注意到什么仍旧留存、看清在众人都离去后谁还在身边的人。

They're the ones who recognize what stayed, who noticed what remained, who see who is still around when everyone left them.

因为他们明白，这些本就是他们真正拥有的全部。

Because they recognize that this was all they ever had anyway.

试试这个方法。

Try this.

写下今年没有离开你的三样事物。

Write down three things that didn't leave you this year.

一位朋友、一个习惯、一种价值观。

A friend, a habit, a value.

无论是什么，那份清单才是你真正的根基。

Whatever it may be, that list is your real foundation.

第三步，通过对比培养感恩之心。

Step number three, gratitude through contrast.

你无需对完美的事物心存感激，只需对比从前更好的事物心怀感恩。

You don't need to be grateful for what's perfect, just grateful for what's better than before.

我们花费了太多生命去环顾四周、刷屏、比较，用别人的高光时刻来衡量自己。

We spend so much of our lives looking sideways, scrolling, comparing, measuring ourselves against everyone else's highlight reel.

当你看向他人时，感恩之心不会增长。

Gratitude doesn't grow when you look at others.

只有当你回望自己时，它才会生长。

It grows when you look back at yourself.

因为与他人的比较会引发嫉妒与匮乏感。

Because comparison to others triggers envy and scarcity.

但与过去的自己比较，却能发现成长的证据。

But comparison to your past self reveals evidence of growth.

你会看到自己实际走了多远，而不是别人领先了多少。

You see how far you've actually come, not how far ahead other people are.

试想当你攀登高山、翻越丘陵时的感受。

Think about it when you're climbing a mountain, climbing a hill.

如果你在徒步时总是盯着前面的人看，你会感到沮丧、失望，对自己过于苛刻。

If you're on a hike and you're constantly looking at the people who are ahead of you, you feel despondent, you feel disappointed, you feel harsh on yourself.

你内心可能有个批评的声音。

You might have that inner critic.

但如果你转身看看自己已经走了多远，你会感到充满动力和鼓舞。

But if you turn and look back at how far you've come, you feel inspired and motivated.

别再拿自己和别人比较了。

Stop comparing yourself to other people.

如果你非要比较，那就只和过去的自己比较。

If you're going to compare yourself, only compare yourself to a past version of yourself.

当你与他人比较时，这会让你分心。

When you compare yourself to others, it distracts you.

当你与过去的自己比较时，这会激励你。

When you compare yourself to where you were, it motivates you.

好好想想这一点。

Think about this.

你现在视为理所当然的事物，曾是过去你虔诚祈求的。

The things you take for granted right now were once things you prayed for.

你今天感受到的平静，曾经是一片混乱。

The calm you feel today used to be chaos.

你现在的力量，曾经只是生存模式。

The strength you have now was once survival mode.

当你与自己比较时，感恩会转化为自我关怀，而非竞争。

When you compare you to you, gratitude becomes self compassion, not competition.

所以下次当你觉得自己落后时，换个问题问问自己。

So the next time you catch yourself thinking you're behind, ask a different question.

我比过去进步了吗？

Am I further along than I was?

如果答案是肯定的，哪怕只有一点点，都值得感谢自己。

If the answer is yes, even slightly, that's something to thank yourself for.

感恩不在于比任何人领先。

Gratitude isn't about being ahead of anyone.

关键在于认识到你已经不是过去的自己。

It's about recognizing you're not who you used to be.

你不需要新的人生才能感恩，只需用新的视角看待自己已经走了多远。

You don't need a new life to feel grateful, just a new lens to see how far you've come.

瑞·达利欧曾对我说，痛苦加反思等于进步。

Ray Dalio once said to me, pain plus reflection equals progress.

这就是韧性。

That's resilience.

反思你所经历的痛苦。

Reflecting on your pain.

你已经经历了太多。

You've been through so much.

你确实经历了太多。

You have been through so much.

你已经完成了许多艰难的事情。

You've done so many difficult things.

当你意识到并反思这些经历时，你会获得应对未来挑战的更多能量。

When you recognize and reflect on them, you get more energy for future challenges.

如果你总是拿自己与他人的人生时间表比较，就永远会觉得自己落后。

If you compare yourself to everyone else's timeline, you will always feel behind.

如果与过去的自己相比，你就会永远走在前面。

If you compare yourself to where you were, you will always feel ahead.

不要再和那些有着自己节奏的人比较了。

Stop comparing yourself to people who have their own pace.

若持续将他人的生活与自己的比较，你终将开始怀疑那些曾经祈求的祝福。

If you keep comparing your life to someone else's, you'll start doubting blessings you once prayed for.

每个人在某些方面领先，在另一些方面落后。

Everyone's ahead in something and behind in something else.

攀比会让你追逐那些本就不属于你的人生进度。

Comparison makes you chase timelines that were never meant for you.

你不需要追赶任何人。

You don't need to catch up.

你需要回归自己的节奏，自己的故事，自己的时区。

You need to come back to your own pace, your own story, your own timing.

事实上，大多数人并不比你过得更好。

The truth is, most people aren't doing better than you.

他们只是发布得更快而已。

They're just posting faster.

偶尔状态不佳也没关系，重要的是能从中积蓄力量

It's okay not to be okay sometimes and be able to build strength

并在彼此之间建立关爱。

and love within each other.

感恩节不仅仅关乎美食。

Thanksgiving isn't just about food.

这一天更是我们彼此陪伴的日子。

It's a day for us to show up for one another.

我是埃利奥特·康尼，播客《家庭治疗》的主持人，这个节目让真实的家庭聚在一起疗愈伤痛、重拾希望。

I'm Elliot Conney, host of the podcast Family Therapy, a series where real families come together to heal and find hope.

什么样的线索会像这样？

What would be a clue that would be like?

我收到了他发来的很多短信。

I've gotten lots of text messages from him.

这条来自他状态稍好的时候。

This one's from a little bit better of a version of him.

因为他把自己照顾得很好。

Because he's feeding himself well.

这总是个让人担心的问题。

It's always a concern.

比如，你吃得好吗？

Like, are you eating well?

他其实是个很棒的厨师。

He's actually an amazing cook.

有一次我们邻居来串门，我救了他们的狗，最后我邀请他们来吃饭。

There was this one time where we had neighbors and I saved their dog, and I ended up inviting them over for food.

那可以说是我最自豪的时刻之一。

And that was, like, one of my proudest moments.

这里是《家庭治疗》节目。

This is Family Therapy.

真实家庭，真实故事，共同踏上治愈之旅。

Real families, real stories on a journey to heal together.

每周三在Black Effect播客网络、iHeartRadio应用、Apple播客或任何你获取播客的平台收听《家庭治疗》第二季。

Listen to season two of family therapy every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

在本周的《下一篇章》节目中，我——迪迪·杰克斯有幸与传媒大亨、慈善家、全球开拓者奥普拉·温弗瑞对谈。

On this week's episode of the next chapter, I, Dee Dee Jakes, get to sit down with Oprah Winfrey, a media mogul, philanthropist, and global trailblazer.

我的人生虽然看似非凡，但只因我始终顺从内心的召唤才得以实现。

My life, although it may look like an anomaly, it is only been possible because I was obedient to the calls.

本期节目将深入探讨奥普拉如何将痛苦转化为目标，以及在众目睽睽之下进化的真正含义。

This episode dives deep into how Oprah turned pain into purpose and what it really means to evolve with everybody watching.

我做出的每个决定都源于与灵魂对话，并询问上帝：您希望我首要做什么？

Every decision I have ever made has come from sitting with the spirit and asking God, what would you have me do first?

无论你是在重建、重新构想，还是仅仅在努力维持现状，这一期都会与你产生共鸣。

Whether you're rebuilding, reimagining, or just trying to hold it together, this one will speak directly to you.

在iHeartRadio应用、苹果播客或任何你获取播客的地方收听《下一章》。

Listen to the next chapter on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

每周更新一集。

Episodes drop weekly.

嗨。

Hi.

我是丹尼·夏皮罗，热门播客《家族秘密》的主持人。

I'm Danny Shapiro, host of the hit podcast, Family Secrets.

我们在车里，当《像一块滚石》】响起时，

We were in the car, like a rolling stone came on, and he said, there's a line in there about your mother.

我说，什么？

And I said, what?

如果我觉得不被接纳，我会选择一种别人无法拥有的身份。

What I would do if I didn't feel like I was being accepted is choose an identity that other people can't have.

我知道半夜里发生了什么事，但就是想不起来具体发生了什么。

I knew something had happened to me in the middle of the night, but I couldn't hold on to what had happened.

这些只是我在即将到来的《家庭秘密》第十三季中，将要探讨的诸多动人而重要的故事中的一小部分。

These are just a few of the moving and important stories I'll be holding space for on my upcoming thirteenth season of Family Secrets.

无论你是从第一季就与我同行，还是刚刚加入《家庭秘密》这个大家庭，我们都非常高兴有你相伴。

Whether you've been on this journey with me from season one, or are just joining the Family Secrets family, we're so happy to have you with us.

我将深入探讨秘密的惊人力量——那些塑造我们身份、考验我们关系，并最终揭示我们真实面目的秘密。

I'll dive deep into the incredible power of secrets, the ones that shape our identities, test our relationships, and ultimately reveal who we truly are.

请在iHeartRadio应用、苹果播客或你获取播客的任何平台收听《家庭秘密》。

Listen to Family Secrets on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

第四步叫做'微感恩'。

Step four is called microgratitude.

十秒钟的停顿。

The ten second pause.

别再写长篇大论的感恩日记了。

Forget journaling pages of gratitude lists.

在一天中，花十秒钟说出当下正在发生的美好事物。

Throughout your day, take ten seconds to say something good is happening right now.

咖啡的香气、欢笑声、透过窗户的阳光。

The coffee aroma, the sound of laughter, the sunlight through your window.

从神经学角度看，这会重塑你的杏仁核——大脑的恐惧中枢，使其识别安全信号。

Neurologically, this rewires your amygdala, the brain's fear center, to recognize safety cues.

这就是感恩能即时缓解焦虑的原理。

That's how gratitude calms anxiety in real time.

然后用心去感受它，而不只是用头脑思考。

And then feel it in your body, not just in your head.

仅仅思考感恩之情并不会改变你。

Thinking about gratitude doesn't change you.

真正感受它才会。

Feeling it does.

当你回忆起某个感恩时刻时，深呼吸并留意身体的感受部位。

When you recall a moment you're thankful for, breathe and notice where you feel it.

胸口的温暖，下巴的放松，肩膀的舒展。

Warmth in your chest, softness in your jaw, ease in your shoulders.

哈佛研究表明，具身化的感恩会触发催产素释放，这种连接激素。

Harvard research shows that embodied gratitude triggers oxytocin release, the connection hormone.

就像给你的神经系统一个拥抱。

It's like giving your nervous system a hug.

然后重新定义等待的季节。

Then reframe the waiting season.

当生活不如你所愿时，很容易对等待产生怨恨。

When your life isn't where you want it to be, it's easy to resent waiting.

但事实是，成长阶段很少看起来光鲜亮丽。

But the truth is, growth seasons rarely look glamorous.

当我领悟到这一点时，它改变了我的生活。

This changed my life when I learned it.

竹子要在地下生长五年根系，才会破土而出。

Bamboo spends five years growing roots underground before it breaks the surface.

你并非落后，而是在扎根。

You're not behind, you're building underneath.

这一阶段的感恩意味着感谢根系，而非花朵。

Gratitude in this phase means thanking the roots, not the flowers.

当你处于等待期时，感觉仿佛所有人都在前进、升职、坠入爱河、找到方向。

When you're in a waiting season, it feels like everyone else is moving, getting promoted, falling in love, figuring it out.

当你困在人生同一页反复刷新时，你会开始怀疑自己是否做错了什么，是否被宇宙遗忘，甚至怀疑你追逐的梦想是否真实存在。

When you're stuck refreshing the same page of your life, you start to wonder if you've done something wrong, if the universe forgot about you, or if the dream you're chasing even exists.

但事实上，等待期并非虚度。

But the truth is, waiting seasons aren't wasted.

它们是在蓄势待发。

They're preparing.

每颗种子破土见光前都需在地下蛰伏。

Every seed spends time underground before it sees light.

竹子在几周内窜高90英尺前，已默默生长根系多年。

The bamboo plant spends years growing invisible roots before it shoots up 90 feet in a matter of weeks.

如果你在等待期间评判它，你会以为什么都没发生，但一切都在发生。

If you judged it during the waiting, you'd think nothing was happening, but everything was.

对你来说也是如此。

The same is true for you.

等待的季节正是你的根基得以加深的时期——你的耐心、谦逊、信任和品格。

The waiting season is where your roots deepen, your patience, your humility, your trust, your character.

看似延误的，往往是精心设计的安排。

What looks like delay is often design.

这通常是朝着不同方向的成长。

It's usually growth in a different direction.

让我给你举个例子。

Let me give you an example.

没有人走进一栋建筑时会说：我爱这栋建筑的地基。

No one ever walks into a building and says, I love the foundation of this building.

人们喜欢的是色彩、美学和其他一切。

People like the colors, the aesthetics, everything else.

但若没有地基，这栋建筑根本不会存在。

But without the foundation, the building doesn't even exist.

所以与其质问'为什么还没实现？'

So instead of asking why isn't it happening yet?

不如试着问'在等待的过程中，我正在成为怎样的人？'

Try asking who am I becoming while I wait?

因为终有一天大门会敞开，而你在合唱团中历练出的品格，正是你准备好跨过那道门的缘由。

Because one day the doors will open and the person you've become in the choir will be the reason you're ready to walk through them.

请不要因为觉得别人领先就认为自己落后。

Please don't feel behind because you think someone else is ahead.

你们参加的并不是同一场比赛。

You're not in the same race.

你们甚至不在同一条跑道上。

You're not even running on the same track.

别人的节奏与你的人生目标毫无关系。

Their pace has nothing to do with your purpose.

事实上，没有人真正领先。

The truth is nobody's really ahead.

他们只是处在不同的章节，学习不同的课程。

They're just in a different chapter, learning a different lesson.

也许他们的课题是关于抵达，而你的课题是关于成长。

Maybe theirs is about arrival and yours is about becoming.

也许他们得到了想要的，但你正在学习真正重要的东西。

Maybe they got what they wanted, but you're learning what actually matters.

每条路都有它自己的节奏。

Every path has its own timing.

有人在二十岁绽放，有人在四十岁盛开。

Some people bloom in their twenties, others in their forties.

有些人早早找到爱情。

Some find love early.

有些人先找到了自我。

Others find themselves first.

生活奖励的不是最快的人，而是最忠诚的人。

Life doesn't reward the fastest, it rewards the most faithful.

第七步，当你找不到自己的感恩之心时，不妨借用他人的。

Step number seven, borrow gratitude when you can't find your own.

如果无法对自己的生活心存感激，就去见证他人的喜悦。

If you can't feel grateful for your own life, witness someone else's joy.

看孩子玩耍，看老夫妇欢笑，看朋友取得成功，并为他们露出微笑。

Watch a kid play, an old couple laugh, a friend achieve something, and let yourself smile for them.

埃默里大学研究发现，观察他人的感恩之情能激活与自己感受时相同的大脑区域。

Research from Emory University found that observing someone else's gratitude activates the same brain regions as feeling it yourself.

感恩是具有传染性的。

Gratitude is contagious.

有时你只需要借用它。

Sometimes you just need to borrow it.

当你处于嫉妒的季节，当别人的快乐都像是在提醒你缺少什么时，正是最需要借用感恩之心的时刻。

When you're in a season of envy, when everyone else's joy feels like a reminder of what you don't have, that's exactly when borrowing gratitude matters the most.

这听起来可能有些奇怪，但感恩并不总是你能感受到的情绪。

It sounds strange, but gratitude isn't always something you feel.

有时它是你亲眼见证的事物。

Sometimes it's something you witness.

当你的心无法触及感恩时，先从毫无评判地观察他人的快乐开始。

When your heart can't access gratitude, start by noticing someone else's joy without judgment.

看着你的孩子开怀大笑，朋友宣布订婚，陌生人忘情起舞。

Watch your child laugh uncontrollably, a friend get engaged, a stranger dance like nobody's watching.

不要因嫉妒而紧绷心弦，只需轻声对自己说。

Instead of tightening with envy, whisper quietly to yourself.

这真美好。

That's beautiful.

你暂时无需为自己感受到这份美好。

You don't need to feel it for you yet.

只要让自己为他们感到这份美好就够了。

Just let yourself feel it for them.

接着，将嫉妒转化为信息。

Next, turn envy into information.

问问自己：他们的幸福向我揭示了内心真正的渴望是什么？

Ask what does their happiness show me about what I truly desire?

嫉妒并不能证明你不懂感恩。

Envy isn't proof you're ungrateful.

它是指引你寻找意义所在的罗盘。

It's a compass pointing towards something meaningful.

当你明确那是爱、认可、自由还是人生目标后，就能开始感谢生活为你揭示真正珍视之物。

Once you name what that is love, recognition, freedom, purpose you can begin to thank life for showing you what you value.

最后，练习替代式感恩。

And finally practice proxy gratitude.

当你无法说出'我为自己高兴'时，就说'我为他们高兴'。

When you can't say I'm happy for me, say I'm happy for them.

这种情感会逐渐建立起情感肌肉记忆。

Over time that emotion builds emotional muscle memory.