视角的力量，与Andy Frisella共话 - MFCEO1

嘿，伙计们。

Hey, guys.

最近怎么样？

What's up?

我是安迪·费尔塞拉，您正在收听的是MF CEO项目播客。

This is Andy Fercella, and you're listening to the MF CEO project podcast.

十六年前，我和我的商业伙伴克里斯用我们在停车场画线赚来的12,000美元创办了一家名为Supplement Superstores的公司。

Sixteen years ago, me and my business partner, Chris, started a company called Supplement Superstores with $12,000 we earned from striping the stripes on parking lots.

现在我们每年的营业额超过1亿美元。

And now we do annually over a $100,000,000 a year in business.

您正在收听的是MFCEO项目的首期节目，我创办这个播客主要有三个原因。

You're listening to the first episode of the MFCEO project, and I started this podcast basically for three reasons.

第一，为那些没有导师的人提供指导。

One, to mentor people who don't have mentors.

我觉得现在社会上缺乏优质的导师，而这是我想回馈社会的一种方式。

I feel like there's a lack of quality mentors out there, and it's something I wanna do to give back.

第二，我想以真实的方式激励人们。

Two, I wanted to motivate people in a real authentic way.

你不会听到那些粉饰太平的童话故事，什么彩虹蝴蝶纸杯蛋糕之类的废话。

You're not gonna hear a bunch of Care Bear bullshit and rainbows and butterflies and cupcakes.

你将听到商业的残酷现实、真实的激励法则，而其中有些内容你们他妈的不会喜欢。

You're gonna hear the reality of business, the reality of motivation, and, some of you aren't gonna fucking like it.

所以我们先把丑话说在前头。

So let's get that out of the way.

第三点，我热衷于激励和帮助他人。

And number three, I've got a passion for motivating and helping people.

要知道，我这一生非常幸运。

You know, I've been very fortunate in my life.

身边总有贵人相伴。

I've been surrounded by good people.

我的人生轨迹充满了福报，所以我想尽可能回馈社会。

I'm very, very blessed in the way that my life goes, and I wanna give back as much as I can.

所以我在这里的主要动机是帮助你们认识到：第一，如何取得成功；第二，如何保持自我激励；第三，希望你们也能回馈他人。

So my my main motivation here is to help you guys realize what it takes to, a, be successful, b, stay self motivated, and, c, hopefully, for you to give back to others as well.

今天在演播室与我搭档的是我的联合主持人和好友，沃恩·科勒。

Joining me in the studio today is my cohost and good friend, Vaughn Kohler.

打个招呼吧，沃恩。

Say hi, Vaughn.

大家好。

Hey, everybody.

沃恩，不如你来简单说说你为什么在这里，我们是怎么认识的，又是如何成为这么好的朋友的。

Vaughn, why don't you tell them a little bit about why you're here and how we met and how we became such good friends.

好的。

Alright.

在我开始之前，我要补充你做这个播客的第四个理由——因为有一大堆人要求你做这个。

Well, before I do that, I'm gonna add a fourth reason that you're you're doing the podcast, and that is because a crap ton of people asked you to do it.

所以我们某种程度上是在回应公众的呼声。

And so we're we're sort of responding to that that public outcry.

所以这总是件好事。

So that's that's always a good thing.

我遇到了安迪。

I met Andy.

天啊。

Gosh.

那差不多是两年前了。

It was almost two years ago.

我当时在圣路易斯地区一家男性杂志担任编辑和撰稿人。

I was working as the editor and writer of a St.

那本杂志更像是圣路易斯地区的GQ。

Louis area men's magazine.

它更像是圣路易斯地区的GQ。

It was more of like a GQ for the the St.

圣路易斯地区。

Louis area.

老实说，当我被指派写关于他的文章时，我听说他涉足健身行业，是个非常成功的家伙，但具体我不太清楚。

And I'll be honest with you, when I was assigned to write about him, I heard that he was involved in the fitness industry and was this incredibly successful guy at I don't know.

我甚至不知道当时我以为你多大年纪，但我知道你三十出头。

Not even I don't know how old I thought you were at the time, but I knew you were in your early thirties.

所以我有点先入为主地认为你是个讨厌鬼。

So I kinda made some assumptions that you were kind of a prick.

是啊。

Yeah.

嗯，这点你说对了。

Well, you're right about that.

没错。

Yeah.

咱们实话实说。

Let's be honest.

我我只是...关键词嘛，好吧，算是有点...

I I just Keywords Well, being kind of.

对。

Right.

没错。

Right.

是啊。

Yeah.

对。

Right.

所以我当时就想，见到这家伙时他肯定自以为是，而且，嗯，采访起来不会太愉快。

So I I just thought I'd meet this guy, and he'd be full of himself and and, yeah, not very fun to interview.

但我错了。

But I was wrong.

我们一开始大概花了二十分钟聊这个，你还记得吗？

We spent we spent the first, probably, it was twenty minutes talking about do you remember?

记得。

Yeah.

斗牛犬，我想。

Bulldogs, I think.

我们当时

We were

在聊斗牛犬。

talking about Bulldogs.

是啊。

Yeah.

其实这挺难过的，因为我觉得你

And, actually, it was kinda sad because I think you're

我的美国斗牛犬奥斯卡，它跟了我七年，就像我的左膀右臂，刚刚去世了。

My my American Bulldog Oscar, who I'd have for for seven years, is basically my little right hand dude, had just passed away.

嗯。

Yeah.

所以我当时真的很难熬。

So I was going through a real rough time.

是啊。

Yeah.

所以我知道你是个好人，因为你喜欢狗。

So I knew you were a good good dude if you like dogs.

但事实上，当我开始向你提问并了解更多关于你公司和你所取得的成就时，你讲述的故事让我惊叹不已。

And but really, as I started asking you questions and learning more about your companies and what you'd achieved, you told a story that, wow, it just it was amazing.

这是个引人入胜的故事，也是发生在你身上的创伤经历。

Compelling story, and it was something traumatic that happened to you.

我在考虑做这个播客时就在想，有什么比讲述你的个人故事以及你从中获得的经验更好的方式来开启整个MF CEO项目呢？

And I and I think that, you know, as I as we thought about doing this podcast, I thought, what a better way to start the whole MF CEO project than to to tell your personal story and and kind of what you learned from that.

不如我们就从你讲述那个故事开始吧？

And why don't we start with, with you telling that story?

你知道，初次见面的人常常想问又不敢问的第一个问题就是：你的脸怎么了？

You know, people that first meet me in person, oftentimes, the first question that they have that they might be afraid to ask is what happened to your face?

因为我脸上有好几道疤痕。

Because I've got several scars on my face.

我的面部有神经损伤。

I've got nerve damage in my face.

曾经有一段时间，我不愿告诉别人发生了什么，因为我觉得尴尬，感觉他们在评判我。

And, you know, there was a time where I wouldn't tell people what happened because I was embarrassed of it because I felt like they judged me.

所以我通常会告诉他们我出了车祸之类的事，简单带过。

But so I would tell them I got in a car accident or something like that, just quick and easy.

事情大致是这样的：2003年，我从密苏里州斯普林菲尔德的一家酒吧回家。

Basically what happened was, you know, I was coming home from a bar in Springfield, Missouri, 2003.

当时我和一个好朋友以及一位邻居一起走回家。

I was walking home with a good buddy of mine and a neighbor who's a friend of mine as well.

她是墨西哥人，肤色很深。

She's Mexican and she's very dark.

我们正走着，突然有个孩子从窗户里喊话。

And we were walking home and this kid yelled out the window.

我就直说吧，他当时说了些话。

And, you know, I'm just gonna say what he said.

听着，他说：‘嘿，你从哪儿找来的黑鬼女朋友？’

Know, he said, hey, you know, where'd you get your nigger girlfriend?

而我，你知道的，我绝不会允许他说这种屁话。

And, you know, I wasn't gonna allow him to to say that shit.

结果我们直接打了起来。

And basically we end up getting into a fight.

他掏出一把刀，在我脸上捅了三刀，背上捅了一刀。

He pulled out a knife and he stabbed me in the face three times and in the back once.

现在回想起来，我当时的处理方式完全错了。

Looking back on it, I mean, was just I handled it completely wrong.

但事实是，我当时说：‘嘿，我要报警了。’

But the reality is is is I said, you know, hey, I'm gonna call the cops.

然后我开始转身离开——这正是我最失策的地方。

And he, I started to walk away, which is where I'm really screwed up.

我正走向他驾驶座那侧的车尾，没听见动静，但他已经下车绕到我背后，一刀捅进了我侧脸。

And I was walking towards the rear of his car on the driver's side and I didn't hear him, but he had got out of his car and he came up behind me and stabbed me right in the side of the side of my face.

就在最后一刻，我听到他从背后靠近，我向右转头，下巴几乎抵在了肩膀上。

And basically, at the last minute, I heard him come behind me and I turned my head to the right to where my chin was basically pinned to my shoulder.

结果他没有刺中我的喉咙，而是直接刺中了我的下颌骨侧面。

And instead of stabbing me in the throat, he stabbed me right in the side of my jawbone.

而且，你知道，我当时并没有意识到自己被刺伤了。

And, you know, I I didn't realize that I had been stabbed.

我转身给了他一拳，然后我们打了起来。

I turned around and and I punched him and we got in a fight.

我仍然没意识到他是在用刀刺我。

And I didn't still didn't realize that he was stabbing me.

我以为他只是在用拳头打我。

I thought he was punching me.

因为这一切发生得太快了。

And because it happened, like, so fast.

在那之前他还做了几件事。

I there was a couple things that he had done prior to that.

其中一件是三周前他用棒球棒殴打一个孩子，而警方没有起诉他。

One of them beating a kid with a baseball bat, like, three weeks earlier and the cops didn't prosecute him.

他们当时正准备提起诉讼。

They were waiting to press charges.

如果他们当时提起诉讼，整件事就不会发生了。

Had they pressed charges, you know, this whole thing wouldn't have happened.

不过，你知道，这些都无关紧要了。

But, you know, that's all here or there.

而且，你知道，幸运的是他刺伤了我。

And and, you know, the good thing was is is, you know, he stabbed me.

当我最终意识到自己被刺伤时，是因为我开始被自己的血呛到——由于脸上流血太多，我在呼吸时把血吸了进去。

And when I finally realized that I was being stabbed was I started choking on my own blood and because I was bleeding so much on my face and I was trying to breathe, I was breathing it in.

于是我像是被自己的血呛住了，倒在了地上。

And so I like, I started choking my own blood and I fell down on the ground.

我记得他看着我时脸上的表情，就像是见了鬼一样。

And I remember him looking at me and like his face, like, it was like, holy fuck.

他看起来，几乎像是没意识到自己做了什么，然后就跑了。

Like, I like, almost like he didn't realize what he just did and he ran.

但刚才我想说的是，幸好当时有个警察在场。

But the good thing I was getting ready say a second ago was that there was a cop.

他叫尼尔·麦卡米斯。

His name was Neil McCamis.

我至今还记得他的名字。

I still remember his name.

他后来成了我和我生意伙伴克里斯的好朋友。

He was actually became a pretty good buddy of ours of mine and Chris's, my business partner.

不过我已经很久没见过他了。

But I haven't seen him in a long time.

总之，他当时就在隔壁停车场目睹了整个事件经过。

But anyhow, he was watching the whole the whole thing unfold from like the next parking lot over.

我们所在的位置之间隔着一条街。

So there was like a street in between where we were.

而且，你知道，事情发生得太快了。

And, you know, it happened so fast.

他根本来不及做什么，但他目睹了整个过程。

There's nothing he could have done, but he saw the whole thing.

那家伙上车后直接开走了。

The guy got in his car, drove away.

尼尔追上去把他拦了下来。

Neil went and pulled him over.

他们找到了刀，案子最终上了法庭——毕竟有目击证人和其他证据。

They got the knife and basically the case went to court, you know, because of everything, having that witness and everything.

但真的，老兄，我当时直接瘫倒在路沿上。

But yeah, man, you know, I basically I fell down on the curb.

我开始呼吸自己的血——幸好警察看到了事发经过。

I started, I was breathing in my own blood, you know, because the cop had seen what had happened.

救护车已经在路上了。

The ambulance was on its way.

救护车到的时候，你知道吗，我当时都没意识到情况有多严重。

When the ambulance got there, you know, I was, I didn't realize how bad it was.

我基本上告诉他们，我不需要服务或者说我拒绝了。

And I basically told them, you know, that I didn't want service or I refused.

对。

Yeah.

我拒绝了救治。

I refused attention.

然后，你知道的，几个朋友走了过来，因为我当时就在我工作地点那条街上。

And, you know, then a couple of my buddies had walked up because I was literally right down the street from where I worked.

他们都说，兄弟，你必须去医院。

And they're like, dude, you gotta go.

我，我记得最后有意识时是在救护车里，因为血一直在往外涌。

And, and my, my, I remember the last thing I remember is being in the ambulance because blood was just pouring out.

我最后的记忆是在救护车里，车上的女急救员告诉司机她止不住血，不知道该怎么办。

And the last thing I remember is being in the ambulance and the girl in the ambulance, like telling the driver that she couldn't stop the bleeding and didn't know what to do.

然后我他妈的就昏过去了

And then I fucking passed out.

总之，我去了医院

So anyway, so I went to the hospital.

最后我缝了一百六十针

I ended up getting one hundred and sixty stitches.

大部分都在我脸上

Most of them in my face.

最终导致我左半边脸——也就是你看着我的右边——完全神经损伤，那边脸几乎没有任何知觉

Ended up with total nerve damage on my left side, your right side, if you're looking at me, of my face where I really can't feel anything on that side of my face.

我无法活动面部肌肉

I can't move my face.

长话短说，他最终被判了刑

And long story short, he ended up getting some prison time.

他判了四十年

He got forty years.

他三年后就获得了假释。

He got paroled after three.

我记得去了Bass Pro商店看猎枪。

I remember going to Bass Pro and looking at shotguns.

事情发生后的那一两天，我的脸肿得像个垒球那么大。

And, the the day or two after it happened, my face was swelled up like the size of a softball.

当时枪店的店员在场，克里斯和我一起。

And the guy in the gun store and Chris was with me.

枪店那家伙真是个该死的混蛋。

The guy in the gun store was a fucking asshole.

他甚至不愿意跟我说话。

And he wouldn't even talk to me.

当我终于让他开口时，他态度恶劣得要命。

And when I did get him to talk to me, he was a fucking dick.

时至今日我依然记得这件事。

And and I still remember that.

而且我当时真的不明白，你知道，我没能意识到发生了什么。

And I couldn't you know, I couldn't I didn't really realize what was going on.

然后我开始越来越注意到这种现象，比如我去杂货店，收银员都不愿直视我的脸，或者我跟人说话时他们低头看地面。老兄，其实是因为人们不想看我，他们觉得像是在盯着我看，懂吗？

And then I started noticing it more and more, like, you know, I go to the grocery store and the checkers wouldn't look me in the face or, you know, I talk to somebody and they look at the ground and and dude, what was happening was people people didn't wanna look at me because they felt like they were staring, You know?

因为，老兄，我的脸肿了整整六个月。

Because, dude, my face was swollen for six months.

现在看起来还好，但当你靠近细看时就能发现问题。

And it it the you know, it doesn't look bad now until you get close and look at it.

就像在Instagram或Facebook上看到的照片什么的，人们其实注意不到。

Like in pictures and shit that people see on Instagram or whatever or Facebook, they don't really notice it.

但当你亲眼见到我时，就能明显看出有问题。

But when you see me in person, it's pretty obvious that there's something going on.

而且，你知道，我不得不经历这种社交排斥，我完全没有心理准备，也没人告诉过我要预料到这些。

And, you know, I had to go through basically this like social rejection that I wasn't prepared for and nobody really told me to expect.

你知道，我从一个普通人变成了一个没人愿意搭话的人。

And, you know, I went from being a normal dude to being somebody that like people didn't talk to.

我当时还在零售业工作，老兄。

And I was in retail, man.

我每天都在我们第一家零售店和顾客交谈，你知道，大多数人都挺体贴的，会问‘哥们，发生什么事了？’

I was talking to customers every day on our first retail store and, you know, fuck every single person that came in that, you know, most of them were pretty considerate and like said, man, dude, you know what happened?

他们问得很有礼貌。

They ask it a polite way.

但有些人就很粗鲁，直接问‘老兄，你脸他妈怎么了？’

And then like some people were just rude and they say like, dude, what the fuck happened to your face?

你知道，老兄，这真的让我很受伤。

And you know, dude, beat me up, man.

我经历了很多心理上的煎熬。

You know, I went through a lot of mental shit.

我一度自怨自艾，觉得人生完蛋了，再也不会有姑娘愿意和我约会。

You know, I went through feeling really sorry for myself and thinking that my life was over, you know, no girls ever gonna fucking wanna date me.

而且你知道，正因为这样，我觉得实际上把人们都推开了。

And, you know, and dude, because it consequently, you know, I think that like actually pushed people away from me.

所以回想起来，这就像是一个自我实现的预言。

So it was like a self fulfilling prophecy looking back.

就这样，我某种程度上把自己孤立了起来。

And so I kind of isolated myself in that way.

而且，我开始酗酒得很厉害。

And, you know, I started getting into drinking real hard.

我开始抽大麻，比过去抽得更多了。

I started getting into smoking weed and more than I had in the past.

我开始沉迷于酗酒。

I had, I kind of picked that habit up in high school and, you know, I didn't really grow out of it until I was about 25, But I got to where I was relying on things to make me feel better.

老兄，我抑郁了，你知道吗？我没有任何目标。

Dude, I got depressed, man, know, and I didn't really have any goals.

我没有...这和你听过的任何经历过创伤的人的故事都一样。

I didn't it's the same story you hear from anybody who's gone through something traumatic.

你知道，我们现在从那些参过军的家伙那里听到这些，他们患有创伤后应激障碍之类的。

You know, we hear this from guys who have been in the military now, you know, with their their PTSD and things like that.

老兄，这真是件操蛋的怪事，因为你最终会因为自己的不安全感而孤立自己。

Like, dude, it's it's a it's a fucking weird thing because, like, you end up isolating yourself based off your own insecurities.

并不是别人在评判你。

It's not that other people are judging you.

而是你对自己的评判比他们更苛刻。

It's that you're judging you more harshly than what they are.

所以我当时在杂货店里走着。

And so I was walking through the grocery store.

这是事发后大约一年半的时候。

This is like a year and a half after it happened.

你知道，我的脸当时还是很糟糕。

And, you know, my face was still pretty bad.

花了很长时间才勉强看起来正常点。现在嘛，显然我已经变成现在这个帅气的混蛋了。

It took a long time to like really even actually kind of look normal, You know, and now clearly, you know, I've turned into the good looking motherfucker that I am.

但现实是，我当时真的很自卑，伙计。

But the reality is, is that, you know, I was down on myself, man.

你知道吗，我每天都想着要自杀。

And like, you know, I thought every day about killing myself.

说真的，这绝对是千真万确的事实。

I mean, that's really the honest to God's truth.

我很幸运，感觉这一切发生是有原因的。当时我正在一家平价超市里采购日常用品。

And, you know, it took like there there I was very fortunate and I feel that, like, this happened for a reason, but I was walking through a price cutter grocery store and I was like going through getting groceries and stuff.

走到货架尽头时，我和对面拐角过来的人撞了购物车。

And I came to the end of an aisle and I bumped somebody's cart coming around the other corner, like coming towards me in the aisle.

在超市里，你会有多频繁地真正注视别人的脸呢？

And I was like, you know, I didn't when you're in the grocery store, I mean, how often do you really look at somebody's face?

我当时只是敷衍地说着‘哦，对不起’之类的话。

You know, I was kinda like, oh, sorry, blah, blah, blah.

当我抬头时，甚至分不清对方是男是女——她的脸被烧毁得太严重了。

And I looked up and it was like this I couldn't really tell if it was like a man or a woman because her face was burned so bad that like I couldn't even see like or tell if it was a man or a woman.

我连忙说：‘天啊，真是太抱歉了。’

And I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry.

然后我移开了视线，你知道的，就是那种一直发生在我身上的破事。

And I looked away, you know, the same shit that had been happening to me.

她看着我说，伙计，你的脸怎么了？

And she looks at me and she goes, man, what happened to your face?

我记得当时我们都笑得不行，她也笑了，显然她明白人们会那样反应。我们聊了大概十分钟，说真的，那次谈话彻底改变了我的人生观。

And like, I remember like just dying laughing and like she was laughing and she obviously got the fact that like people do that shit, you know, like, and we had a conversation for like ten minutes, man, that honestly changed my whole life and put things into perspective.

因为站在我面前的这个女人，她经历了一场空难。

Because here I have this woman who she ended up, what she had been in was a plane crash.

当飞机上其他人都遇难时，她活了下来。

And she lived through the plane crash when everybody else died.

那是架小飞机，四个人遇难，只有她幸存。

And it was like a small plane, like the four people died and she lived.

她被严重烧伤了，你知道的，非常严重。

And she got burned be you know, terribly.

基本上，她给我讲了她的故事，我们聊了很多，她理解我正在经历什么，我们也谈到了那些。

And basically, you know, she told me her story and we talked and she knew what I was going through and we talked about that.

老兄，我走出那家店时感觉彻底痊愈了。

And dude, I walked out of that store fucking cured.

你懂我意思吗？

You know what I'm saying?

就在那时我开始认真对待事业，因为我意识到事情能转变得多快。

And that's whenever I that's when I started taking business serious because I realized how quickly things can change.

明白吗？

You know?

我不再说‘老兄，我有这张脸没人会爱我’这些自我欺骗的废话了。

And I stopped saying, dude, you know, oh, I've got this face and nobody fucking loves me and all this other bullshit that you tell yourself.

我说‘老兄，知道吗？’

And I said, dude, you know what?

去他妈的。

Fuck this.

我要干出点名堂来。

You know, I'm a fucking do this.

然后然后然后然后我做到了。

And and and and I did it.

然后然后然后我们正在做这件事。

And and and we're doing it.

整个经历教会我每件事都有两面性。

This whole thing is what's taught me that there's always two sides to every coin.

而现在的情况是，人们就是这样记住我的。

And, you know, the the thing is now is like, that's how people remember me.

所以我开始意识到，当我去参加这些展会时——比如每年都去的阿诺德经典赛、奥林匹亚大赛或欧罗巴展会——在没人真正认识我们的时候，人们记住我是因为记得我是个脸上有疤的家伙。

So I started figuring out that, like, when I went to these trade shows, like I go to the Arnold Classic or the Olympia or these Europa shows that I go to every year, you know, when nobody really knew who we were, people remember me because they remember me as like the dude with the scars on his face.

老兄，这其实挺酷的。

And, dude, that's I mean, that's cool.

懂吗？

You know?

这件事...你看...我把它变成了大多数人——包括我自己——如果没经历过这些可能早就蜷缩成一团让生活彻底击垮的事情。

It's it's something that, you know, I I took that was a huge thing that most people would, including me, had that not happened to me, would would curl up in a ball and let life just fucking destroy you.

而我把它变成了某种名片般的存在。

And I turn it into something that, like it's like a calling card now.

我是说，夸张到连我开的兰博基尼车牌都写着'疤面煞星'。

I mean, to the point where, like, dude, I own a fucking Lamborghini, and the life's place has Scarface on it.

这就是我对自己这个特质的接纳程度。

That's how much I've accepted that as me.

就像我说的，安迪，我不喜欢你被捅这件事，但每次听到这个故事都觉得太棒了。

Well, like I said, Andy, I I don't like it that you got stabbed, but it's every time I hear that story, it's just it's awesome.

而你应对这件事的方式更是了不起。

And just the way you responded to it is awesome.

我们在MFCEO播客项目中讨论的重点，不仅是讲述激励人心的好故事，更要提供实用的行动建议。

So one of the things that we talked about doing in the MFCEO project for the podcast is not just telling really good stories that motivate people, but also giving people practical takeaways.

没错。

Yeah.

我觉得首先人们必须意识到，如果你想要精彩的人生和真正的成功，就必须培养发现积极面的视角。

I mean, I feel like people first off, I feel like it's necessary to realize that if you really wanna have an awesome life, if you really wanna be successful, you have to develop the perspective of finding the good.

我这么说并不是指那些童话般美好、软绵绵的棉花糖兔子式的玩意儿。

Now I don't mean that in terms of, you know, fairy tale fluffy, you know, cottontail rabbit stuff.

我是说，听着，糟糕的事情总会发生。

I mean, like, look, there's gonna be bad shit that happens.

我们每个人都会遇到各种事情。

There's gonna be things that happen to all of us.

总会遇到逆境。

There's gonna be adversity.

总会遇到我们无法完全掌控的情况。

There's gonna be things that we can't necessarily control.

总会有些状况让你火冒三丈、沮丧不已，甚至想彻底放弃。

There's gonna be situations that are gonna piss you off and frustrate you and really make you wanna quit.

但成功者与失败者的区别在于：成功者面对那些带来巨大心痛、头痛和痛苦的处境时，总能从中汲取教训并化为己用。

But the the difference between people that are successful and people that aren't successful in life are that the people that are successful look at these situations that cause tremendous amount of heartache, headache, and pain, and they find the lessons in those situations and use them to their advantage.

而那些失败者，那些周二下午坐在酒吧高脚凳上吹嘘自己本可以多厉害的人，他们看待发生在自己身上的一切时只会说：'老兄，我真是倒了大霉'。

You know, the people who fail, the people who end up sitting on a bar stool Tuesday afternoon talking about how great they could have been, those are the people that look at everything that happens to them, and they say, man, I got totally fucked.

我被生活彻底坑惨了。

I got totally screwed by life.

那边那个混得好的家伙，他只是走运罢了，巴拉巴拉巴拉。

And that guy over there who's doing well, he got lucky and blah blah blah blah blah.

你知道接下来的故事，因为现实就是人人都这么说的。

And you know the rest of the story because reality is is that's what everybody tells.

我知道你不是这个意思，我想澄清一下，你可以详细阐述这一点。

Now I know you don't feel this way, I wanna I wanna clarify something, and you can you can flesh this out a little bit.

但你并不是说成功人士会欢呼‘哇，太棒了’

But you're not saying that successful people say, oh, yay.

‘我被捅了一刀’。

I got stabbed.

不。

No.

你是说，

You're saying,

什么？

what?

不。

No.

你一开始肯定会他妈的很不爽，你知道的。

You're you're gonna be fucking upset at first, you know.

但当那些情绪开始悄悄蔓延，说着‘老兄，这糟透了’时，你必须能够说‘好吧’，然后及时制止自己，培养在这种时刻刹车的能力，并说‘好吧’。

But but when those feelings start to creep in and say, man, you know, this sucks, you've gotta be able to say, okay, and stop yourself and and develop the ability to stop yourself at that time and say, okay.

那么，我在这里学到了什么？

Well, what did I learn here?

我学到了什么？我是说，有些事情真的非常非常难从中提炼出积极的东西。

What did I learn about I mean and there's things that are really, really hard to to develop, or or come up with something that's good out of situations.

比如当有人去世、发生车祸，或者有人得了癌症。

I mean, you know, when somebody dies or or a car accident happens or, you know, people get cancer.

我是说，世上确实会发生些该死的糟糕事情。

There I mean, there's fucking horrible things that happen.

要知道，很多时候真的很难培养出发现积极面的视角。

And, you know, a lot of times it's really hard to, like, develop the perspective to find good.

而且说实话，有些事情就是纯粹的坏事。

And and, honestly, there is some things that just are bad.

对吧。

Right.

你看，举个例子，我永远无法从中找到任何积极意义的事情就是那些性侵犯猥亵儿童的案件。

You know, you look at, like I mean, as an example, I mean, one one thing that that I look at and I can never find anything good is whenever you see these, like, sexual predators molesting children.

对。

Right.

我是说，这种事真能有什么他妈的好处吗？

I mean, what fucking good can you can you really come of that?

要我说，那些家伙在我看来就该立刻判死刑。

I mean, those guys, you know, in my opinion, deserve a fucking death penalty, like, instantly.

而且还有很多糟心事。

But and there's bad shit.

但现实是，发生在你身上的大部分事情——我想说99%、98%的情况——你都能从中吸取教训，学会如何变得更好。

But the reality is is most of the stuff that happens to you, I would say 99, 98% of it, you can learn a lesson from how to get better.

即使当有人离世时，也许这应该教会你如何更好地对待现在所爱的人，不要把他们视为理所当然。

Even when someone does pass away, you know, maybe that should treat teach you how to how to treat the people that you love now and that you don't take for granted.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

我是说，我自己就曾经历过这种情况，有些事情让我后悔没在他们还在时做某些事。

I mean, I know I've had that happen to me before where things have, you know, I wish I had done x, y, and z while they were here.

懂吗？

You know?

我是说，有很多教训值得学习。

I mean, there's a lot of lessons to be learned.

如果你能培养这种能力——当销售额暴跌、某个销售策略或营销策略失败时，要知道这些都是小事。

And if you can develop the ability to instead, you know, when, you know, when sales tank or when some a sales strategy doesn't work out or marketing strategy doesn't work out, I mean, that's minor shit.

你应该能够持续积累这些经验并从中学习。

You should be able to bank that shit and learn from it on a consistent basis.

要知道，成功人士会那么做，而不成功的人只会躲在角落里哭泣抱怨‘为什么是我’？

And, you know, successful people do that and and unsuccessful people go in the corner and cry and say, why me?

就像个懦夫一样。

Like, a little bitch.

我也觉得很有意思，你讲述了这个故事，而且你也确实说过。

I do think it's interesting too that, you know, you told the story and and you did say.

那是什么时候的事？

It it was like a what?

至少过了一两年你才走出来。

At least a good year or two before you got over it.

所以

And so

没错。

Right.

要知道，有些人还得去看心理医生，搞些乱七八糟的才能走出来。

And that's you know, some people have to go to therapists and all this other shit to, like, get over things.

现实就是如此，老兄，事情就是这样，你必须接受它。

And the reality is is, dude, it is what it is, and you gotta come to terms with it.

懂吗？

You know?

你越早接受它越好，如果需要一年时间，有时候确实需要时间。

And the sooner you can come to terms with it and if that takes a year, sometimes it does take time.

我是说，这就是现实。

I mean, that's the reality.

但如果你能自己想通并说‘好吧’。

But if you come to terms with it on your own and you say, alright.

‘事情就是这样，现在我要这样做’，这才是成功者的心态。

This is what it is, and this is what I'm gonna do now, that's a successful mindset.

对吧。

Right.

明白吗？

You know?

失败的心态则是，唉，那件事毁了我的人生。

Unsuccessful mindset is, well, that happened and it ruined my life.

对吧。

Right.

我永远不可能有出息了，因为我现在他妈的长得像口罩。

I can never be anything because I fucking look like mask now.

没错。

Right.

你懂我意思吗？

You know what I'm saying?

嗯。

Yeah.

对。

Right.

我是说，老兄，归根结底在于你的视角，在于你选择如何看待事物。

I mean, dude, you know, it all comes down to your perspective, and it comes down to how you choose to see things.

培养这种心态最棒的地方在于，当坏事发生时，你不再为此感到沮丧。

And the great thing about developing that mindset is that when bad shit does happen, you don't get upset about it anymore.

于是当糟糕的事情发生时，你不会再生气、难过或哭泣，而是会自然而然地看待它们并说：好吧。

So what happens is instead of getting pissed off and upset and crying about the bad things that happened, you automatically look at those and say, alright.

事情已经发生了。

That happened.

第一，我不会再犯同样的错误。

A, I'm not gonna do that again.

第二，这是我学到的经验。

And b, here's what I learned.

对吧。

Right.

这是所有成功人士都会做的事，而所有不成功的人都不会这么做。

And that's something that's all successful people do and all unsuccessful people do not do.

没错。

Right.

所以，培养从挫折中汲取一切教训的思维力量，是你超越他人的巨大工具和优势。

So, you know, developing the strength to have the mindset that of learning everything that you can from the setbacks that you have is a tremendous tool and advantage that you have over other people.

因此，你必须能够发现那些真正困扰你、让你沮丧、给你带来痛苦的教训和事物，因为它们出现在你的生活中是有原因的。

So, you know, you have to be able to find the lessons and the things that really disturb you and the things that frustrate you and the things that cause you pain because those things are in your life for a reason.

它们的存在是为了教导你。

They're there to teach you.

这就是它们的目的。

That's what their purpose is.

如果你能从这些事情中学习，你就比98%的人都强，因为大多数人只会承受打击。

If if you can learn from those things, you're better off than 98% of the people because most of the people out there are gonna take that.

他们会遭受重创，然后蜷缩在角落里哭泣。

They're gonna take a big kick in the balls, and they're gonna go sit in the corner and cry.

对吧。

Right.

他们会问，你为什么要这样伤害我？

And they're gonna say, why did you kick me in the balls?

老兄，生活就是会这样操蛋的。

Well, dude, fucking life does that.

这就是现实。

That's the reality.

你会被生活重击。

You get kicked in the balls.

这不可避免。

It's gonna happen.

没错。

Right.

要学会预期这些。

Expect it.

现在你谈到的是培养一种能力——即使在坏事发生时也能看到好的一面，显然你提到过要培养这种能力。

Now you're talking about developing a strength for for seeing the good even when bad things happen, and and and, obviously, you've talked about developing that ability.

但我也听你说过，这其实未必是能力问题，而只是做出选择的问题。

But I've I've also heard you say that really isn't about necessarily an ability, but as just making a choice.

我认为这就是你的第二个要点——看待好坏最终其实是一种选择。

And I I think that's your second takeaway is is is that seeing this good and bad is really ultimately about making a choice.

哦，完全正确。

Oh, absolutely.

这是一个有意识的选择。

It's a it's a conscious choice.

就像我刚才说的，最终它会变成一种自动反应。

You know, like what I just said a minute ago, eventually, it becomes an automatic.

但当你刚开始这个过程时，你知道，我需要有人给我指出来，比如，嘿，这件事可能会带来这些好处。

But when you first start that process, you know, I had to have it pointed out to me, like, hey, here's the good things that could happen from this.

明白吗？

You know?

当这些好处第一次被指出来时，你会恍然大悟。

That when you have that pointed out to you at first, you know, it's kinda like an epiphany.

你会觉得，哦，确实，这是个很好的观点。

You're like, oh, you know, yeah, that actually is a good point.

我想每个人都经历过这种情况。

I think everybody's had that happen to him.

你知道，你对某件事感到心烦意乱。

You know, you're upset about something.

你去找朋友倾诉，朋友会说，至少你学到了这个。

You go to a friend and your friend says, you know, well, at least you learned this.

然后你就会想，靠。

And you're like, fuck.

我没想到可以这样看问题。

I didn't think about it like that.

所以事情往往就是这样开始的，这就是我想告诉你的。

So that's kinda how it starts, and that's what I'm telling you.

所以无论生活中让你沮丧的是什么，无论你遇到什么问题，它教会了你什么？

So whatever it is that's frustrating you in your life, whatever it is you're having problems with, whatever what is that teaching you?

这个经历存在的意义是什么？

What is that what is that there for?

它的存在是有原因的，是为了给你上一课，帮助你在未来的道路上走得更远。

That's there for a reason to teach you a lesson that's gonna help you progress further longer down the road.

这一点必须被理解。

And that has to be understood.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

所以你必须决定，嘿。

And so you have to decide that, hey.

好吧。

Alright.

X事件已经发生了。

The x event has happened.

它让我心烦意乱。

It upset me.

它让我受伤了。

It hurt.