命运被绕过_长老们的意外拒绝_

希望你喜欢这个故事。长辈们选择了我的亲戚而不是我，在他们为我规划的人生道路被我拒绝之前，我一直是他们的备选方案。现在他们却想营造一种和谐的家庭氛围。我，一名31岁的男性，一生都与祖父母同住。我小时候父母就去世了，所以祖父母收养了我。

I hope you enjoy this story. Elders chose my relative instead of me, and I was their secondary option until I declined their proposed path for my life. Now they desire to portray a harmonious family dynamic. I, a 31 year old male, have resided with my grandparents all my life. My parents passed away when I was little, so my grandparents adopted me.

我是独生子，如果他们当时没有收留我，我可能就要进入寄养系统了。我一直很感激他们这样做。我也承认他们为了抚养我牺牲了很多。他们带我回家时年纪已经很大了。抚养一个小孩子对他们来说并不容易，但他们仍然照顾了我。

I am a single child, so I was probably going to go into the foster system if they hadn't taken me into their custody. I have always been grateful to them for doing that. I also acknowledge that they sacrificed a lot to raise me. They were pretty old when they took me home. It wasn't easy for them to raise a small kid, but they still took care of me.

他们相当严格，但说实话我没什么可抱怨的。我的生命归功于他们。如果没有他们介入并收留我，我不知道自己会在哪里。我对父母记忆不多，但我确信我会让他们想起我的父母，这对他们来说也不容易。他们确实把我当作亲生孩子对待，但同时，他们也试图控制我的生活。

They were pretty strict, but I honestly can't complain. I owe my life to them. I don't know where I would have been if they hadn't stepped in and taken me under their wing. I don't remember my parents much, but I am sure I would have reminded them of them, which wouldn't have been easy for them either. They did treat me like their own child, but at the same time, they tried to control my life too.

我不知道这是他们的育儿理念还是别的什么，但他们总是希望我完全按照他们的意愿行事。小时候，他们给我吃他们认为对我最好的食物。他们给我穿他们认为对我好的衣服。关于我自己的任何事情，我从来都不能有自己的意见。成长过程中我渴望很多东西，但总是被拒绝，因为我的意见无关紧要。

I don't know if that was the idea of parenting that they had or something else, but they always wanted me to do exactly what they wanted. When I was a kid, they would feed me what they thought was best for me. They clothed me in whatever they thought would be good for me. I never got to have an opinion on anything regarding myself. I wanted so many things growing up, but I was always denied because my opinion didn't matter.

我甚至从未尝试与他们争论，因为我非常害怕他们会抛弃我之类的，那样我就一个家人都没有了。他们不是世界上最有爱心的人，所以我总是有点害怕他们某天会改变主意，而我不得不离开。倒不是他们待我不好什么的。他们只是比较冷淡。我觉得这是代际差异。

I never even tried to argue with them because I was so afraid that they would get rid of me or something, and I wouldn't have any family at all. They weren't the most affectionate people in the world, so I was always sort of scared that they might change their mind someday and I would have to leave. It wasn't like they treated me badly or something. They were just indifferent. I think it was a generational thing.

他们不习惯表露太多情感。他们只是想抚养我，并且在抚养过程中希望我完全听从他们的话。我从来不应该争辩，否则他们可能会生气。不过，我确实做到了。直到高中，我都听从了他们所说的一切。

They weren't comfortable showing too much emotion. They just wanted to raise me, and in raising me, they wanted me to just listen to whatever they were saying. I was never supposed to argue, or they might get mad. I did do it, though. I listened to everything they had to say until I was in high school.

我以为他们比我懂得多，我做的每一个决定都基于祖父母的指示。我曾看着我的表兄弟们玩着玩具，穿着最酷的超级英雄衣服，心中充满了羡慕。但我总是告诉自己，祖父母知道他们在做什么，如果他们不给我买玩具，那一定是为了我好。直到我长大一些，能够形成不带偏见的看法时，我才意识到他们的育儿方式可能有问题。他们控制了我的一生，我不知道他们是故意的，还是他们天生就是那样。

I thought that they knew better than me, and I made every decision based on what my grandparents told me. I used to see my cousins play with their toys and have the best superhero clothes, and I used to be filled with envy. But I always told myself that my grandparents knew what they were doing and if they weren't buying me toys, then it was for my own good. I never thought that something was wrong with their parenting style until I was older and could form an unbiased opinion. They had been controlling me all my life, and I don't know if they were doing that on purpose or if they were just wired that way.

这可能是代际差异的问题，但他们如此习惯于对我的人生指手画脚，以至于这成了他们的自然反应。小时候我不觉得这是问题，但随着长大，我必须按他们意愿行事的做法开始让我烦躁。我仍然照做了，尽管我讨厌这样的自己。我仍然顺从他们的一切要求，因为我害怕最终会孤身一人。自我有记忆以来就一直如此，不知不觉间，我就开始填写大学申请表了。

It could be a generational thing, but they got so comfortable dictating what I should and shouldn't do with my life that it started to come naturally to them. I didn't think it was a problem when I was a kid, but as I grew up, it started to grate on my nerves that I had to do everything they wanted me to. I still did it, even though I hated myself for it. I still complied with everything they asked or told me to do because I was afraid of ending up alone. It went like that for as long as I can remember, and before I knew it, I was filling up my college forms.

我一直想去艺术学院，但我的祖父母当然另有打算。他们没有与我商量或讲道理，只是强硬要求我学习他们认为对我好的专业。那一刻我所有的愤怒爆发了。这种怨气积压太久，以至于当我反抗他们时，连我自己都感到惊讶。

I have always wanted to go to an art college, but of course, my grandparents had different plans. They didn't reason with me or anything. They just demanded that I study whatever they thought was good for me. That was the moment all my rage boiled over. I had been festering in it for so long that it surprised even me when I stood up to them.

他们和我一样惊讶。在那之前我从未拒绝过他们的任何要求，但我需要掌控自己的人生。如果当时听从了他们，我永远都不会原谅自己。他们想让我学经济学，而我对此毫无兴趣。我试图告诉他们我是个优秀的艺术家，却被他们不屑一顾。

They were as surprised as me. I had never denied them anything before that, but I needed to take control of my life. I would have never forgiven myself if I had listened to them in that moment. They wanted me to study economics, and I had no interest in it. I tried to tell them that I was a good artist, but they brushed me off.

所有老师都说过我能在艺术界取得成功。我确实很有天赋，但任何不符合祖父母标准的事情对他们来说都不够好。在我填完所有大学申请表后，他们开始疏远我。他们想让我知道——（原文此处重复，按前文语义衔接）他们对我的人生指手画脚已成习惯。小时候我不觉得是问题，但长大后不得不事事顺从让我日益烦躁。

All my teachers had told me that I could be successful in the art world. I was that good, but nothing was good enough for my grandparents if it wasn't up to their standards. They started to keep me at a distance after I filled out all my college forms. They wanted me to know that I had dictating what I should and shouldn't do with my life that it started to come naturally to them. I didn't think it was a problem when I was a kid, but as I grew up, it started to grate on my nerves that I had to do everything they wanted me to.

我仍然照做了，尽管痛恨这样的自己。仍然顺从一切要求，只因害怕最终孤身一人。自我有记忆以来便是如此，不知不觉间已开始填写大学申请表。我一直向往艺术学院，但祖父母当然另有计划。他们从未与我理性沟通。

I still did it, even though I hated myself for it. I still complied with everything they asked or told me to do because I was afraid of ending up alone. It went like that for as long as I can remember, and before I knew it, I was filling up my college forms. I have always wanted to go to an art college, but of course, my grandparents had different plans. They didn't reason with me or anything.

他们只是强硬要求我学习他们认为合适的专业。那一刻我所有愤怒彻底爆发。积怨已久的情感让我反抗时连自己都惊讶。他们同样震惊。此前我从未拒绝过他们，但我必须掌控自己的人生。

They just demanded that I study whatever they thought was good for me. That was the moment all my rage boiled over. I had been festering in it for so long that it surprised even me when I stood up to them. They were as surprised as me. I had never denied them anything before that, but I needed to take control of my life.

若当时顺从了他们，我永远无法原谅自己。他们要我学经济学，而我毫无兴趣。我试图证明自己是优秀的艺术家，却遭漠视。所有老师都认为我能在艺术界成功，我的水平足够出色，但任何不符合祖父母标准的事物对他们而言都不够好。

I would have never forgiven myself if I had listened to them in that moment. They wanted me to study economics, and I had no interest in it. I tried to tell them that I was a good artist, but they brushed me off. All my teachers had told me that I could be successful in the art world. I was that good, but nothing was good enough for my grandparents if it wasn't up to their standards.

在我填完所有大学申请表后，他们开始疏远我。他们想让我知道我犯了错，于是在高中的最后几天对我视而不见。我伤心欲绝。他们是我唯一认识的父母，却像毫不重要般将我剔除出他们的生活。他们甚至没来参加我的毕业典礼。

They started to keep me at a distance after I filled out all my college forms. They wanted me to know that I had made a mistake, so they ignored me for the last days of high school. I was devastated. They were the only parents I knew, and they just cut me out of their lives like it didn't matter. They didn't even attend my graduation.

我是唯一独自到场的人。没有父母会缺席自己孩子的毕业典礼，那天我真正意识到他们不是我的父母。我曾理想化他们，视他们为父母，但他们并不这么想。如果他们在乎，就会放下分歧来看我毕业。我越想越明白。

I was the only one there alone. No parents skipped their kids' graduation, and that was the day I really said that they weren't my parents. I had idealized them and thought of them as my parents, but they didn't feel the same way. If they had, they would have kept our differences aside and come to see me graduate. The longer I thought of it, the clearer it became.

我只是他们的一个项目。他们希望我完美无缺，对他们言听计从。当我遵守规则时他们待我不错，但一旦我做出他们不同意的决定，他们就从我的生活中消失了。这是我经历过最悲伤的领悟，但却是事实。之后我花了很长时间才接受他们并不像我爱他们那样爱我或关心我。

I was a project for them. They wanted me to be perfect and listen to everything they told me. They were nice to me when I abided by their rules, but as soon as I made a decision that they didn't agree with, they disappeared from my life. It was the saddest realization I had ever come to, but it was true nonetheless. It took me a long time after that to accept that they didn't love me or care for me like I did for them.

我的爱是无条件的，而他们的爱却附带一长串条件。毕业后他们没联系我，我上大学时没联系我，之后的日子当然也没有联系。一段时间后我也习惯了。我终究是个孤儿，没有家人也不算太离谱。只是很难接受这个结论——毕竟我一生都崇敬祖父母拯救了我的生命并给了我一个家。

My love was unconditional, while theirs came with a list full of conditions. They didn't talk to me after graduation, they didn't talk to me when I left for college, and they certainly didn't talk to me the following days. I got used to it after a while. I was ultimately an orphan, so it wasn't that far fetched that I wouldn't have any family. It was just very difficult to finally come to that conclusion after I had lived my life worshiping my grandparents for literally saving my life and giving me a home.

我去上大学后他们完全没联系过我。我仍然在家庭聚会上见到他们，因为叔叔阿姨们还会邀请我。他们对我或我选择的大学没有意见。对他们而言我只是另一个家庭成员，所以常邀请我共进晚餐之类的。祖父母不喜欢我在场，但也没说什么。

They didn't reach out at all after I left for college. I still saw them at family gatherings because my uncles and aunts still invited me. They didn't have any beef with me or my choice of college. I was another family member to them, so they always used to invite me to dinner and stuff. My grandparents didn't like my presents there, but they didn't say anything either.

他们通常忽视我，有时像陌生人一样寒暄几句。我就和表兄弟姐妹们待在一起，并早早离开家庭聚会。我真的不想因为和祖父母之间的敌意而让自己难受。整个大学和毕业期间都是如此。我找到第一份正式工作时打电话告诉他们，但他们似乎并不为此高兴。

They would usually ignore me or sometimes make small talk like we were strangers. I just hung out with my cousins and used to get out of family gatherings fairly early. I really didn't want anything to make me feel uncomfortable because of the hostility between my grandparents and me. It went on like that throughout college and graduation. I called and told them when I got my first real job, but they didn't seem very happy about it.

我从高中就开始打工，但毕业后找到艺术顾问的高薪工作对他们来说仍然不够好。这本是巨大的成就，但和祖父母通完电话后我却比以往更难过。我原本还抱着一丝希望，想着如果足够成功或赚够钱，他们或许会接纳我，但我错了。就因为我选择了自己想要的大学而不是他们的选择，他们根本不在乎我。那天，我所有的希望都破灭了。

I had been working since high school, but I got a high paying job as an art consultant after graduation, and it was still not good enough for them. It was a huge accomplishment, but I felt sadder than ever after my phone call with my grandparents. I was still kind of holding out hope that one day they might accept me if I was successful enough or earned enough money, but I was wrong. They couldn't care less about me just because I chose to go to college of my own choice instead of theirs. That day, all my hope was killed.

我确信自己无论做什么都无法让他们原谅我。自那天起我就不再联系他们了，因为我知道自己不受欢迎。他们也从未主动联系过我，所以很长一段时间我都杳无音信，直到某天接到电话。是我祖母打来让我回家的。我起初以为他们或许想最终解决问题，这个前景让我既期待又苦涩。

I knew for sure that I couldn't do anything that would make them forgive me. I had stopped calling them after that day because I knew I wasn't wanted. They never reached out on their own, so I didn't hear from them for a long time until one day I got a call. It was my grandmother asking me to come to the house. I initially thought that maybe they wanted to resolve things finally, and the prospect of that was sort of bittersweet.

我确实希望他们能重回我的生活，但与此同时，没有他们的日子是如此平静。当时光是这么想就让我觉得自己很卑劣。可当我回到家中时，却发现所有其他家庭成员都在场。原来这是一场家庭聚会。尽管如此，他们时隔这么久邀请我，必定事出有因。

I did want them in my life again, but at the same time, my life was so peaceful in their absence. I felt like a horrible person just thinking about it at the time. When I went to our house, though, I was greeted by every other member of our family. So, it was a family gathering. Nonetheless, they had invited me after so long, so there must have been some reason.

人到齐后，祖父母宣布要向我们宣读遗嘱。我知道他们年事已高，但亲耳听到他们说想未雨绸缪时，还是如遭重击。我认真听着，确信除了房子外自己什么也得不到——而说实话我也只想要那栋房子。我需要它，因为那里承载着我的情感羁绊。

After everyone got there, my grandparents told us all that they were going to announce their will to us. I mean, I knew they were getting old, but still, it was like a gut punch to hear them say that they wanted to be prepared in case something happened. I listened to them intently. I was sure I wasn't going to get anything except for the house, and I honestly didn't want anything except for the house. I needed the house because of the emotional attachment I had to it.

所有叔伯姑婶都有自己的房子，所以我坚信自己会得到这栋房子。祖父母都知道我想继承房子的心愿，也曾多次保证等我长大就给我。当遗嘱宣读接近尾声时，他们提到房产处置，却完全出乎意料地给了我的表亲而非我。我愣在原地，哑口无言。所有堂表亲都看向我，因为谁都知道那房子本该属于我。

All my aunts and uncles had their own homes, so I was confident that I was going to get the house anyway. Both my grandparents knew about my wish to inherit the house, and they had assured me a few times that I would get it when I grew up. After they were done with almost all their will, they got the house, and they completely blindsided me by giving it to my cousin instead of me. I stood on their shelves, not even knowing what to say. All my cousins were looking at me too, because it was common knowledge that I was going to get the house one day.

当我鼓起勇气开口时，我问祖父母究竟怎么回事。他们只说想把房子留给最年长的孙辈，也就是我表亲。我提醒他们曾经对我的承诺，那里有太多回忆，是我唯一熟悉的家。

When I gained enough courage to speak, I asked my grandparents what was going on. They simply said that they wanted to give the house to their oldest grandchild, and who was my cousin. I reminded them that they had promised me the house. I had so many memories there. It was the only home I ever knew.

我父母的所有遗物都存放在那栋房子的阁楼里。餐厅的家具是母亲亲手挑选的。尽管从未真正认识父母，那里却保存着关于他们的全部记忆，更承载着与祖父母关系恶化前所有快乐时光。我告诉他们我想要这房子，他们却表示已做决定。

All my parents' stuff was in the attic of that house. My mother chose the furniture that was in the dining room. I held all the memories of my parents, even though I never got to know them. It held all the happy memories of my time with my grandparents before it all went sour. I told them that I wanted it, and they told me that they had made their decision.

我恳求他们把它留给我。这时他们说，如果我当初听从建议选择体面的大学，本可以拥有它。他们说我的行为让他们蒙羞，所以不配得到任何遗产。可我从未将那房子视为他们的财产——对我而言，它永远是我们共同的家。

I pleaded with them to let me have it. Then, they said that I could have had it if I had listened to them and chosen a respectable college for myself. They said that I had made a fool of them, so I didn't deserve to have anything of theirs. I never looked at that house as theirs. It was always ours for me.

然后我明白了，所谓长孙的借口全是狗屁。他们只是想惩罚我追随自己的梦想，而不是他们为我设定的梦想。那一刻我对他们失去了很多尊重。我一直认为，由于我们的年龄差距，他们可能没有能力成为我的好父母。但那天，我第一次觉得他们可能不是好人。

And then I understood that the oldest grandchild excuse was bullshit. They just wanted to punish me for following my own dreams instead of their dreams for me. I lost a lot of respect for them in that moment. I have always thought that they might not be equipped to be good parents to me because of our age gap. But that day, I thought for the first time that they might not be good people.

我没再说什么就离开了，因为在那之后，还有什么可说的呢？然而在接下来的几天里，悲伤变成了愤怒。我只是想，如果他们连这一件我一直想要的事情都不能满足我，也许我根本不需要他们在我的生活中。没有与我联系他们也过得很好，所以我需要放下他们，接受他们只在我心中完美的这个事实。他们已经明确表示不想与我有任何瓜葛，所以我和他们之间唯一的联系就是几年来我一直为他们支付的所有账单。

I left without saying anything further because, really, what was there to say after that? In the following days, though, sadness gave way to anger. I just thought that if they can't even grant me this one thing that I have always wanted, maybe I don't need them in my life after all. They are perfectly happy without any contact with me, so I needed to move on from them and accept the fact that they are perfect in my mind only. They have made it pretty clear that they don't want anything to do with me, so the only thing that linked me to them was all their bills that I had been paying for a few years.

我一直负责所有事情。食物、水、电和药品，所有东西都送到他们家门口。他们从未跟我提过这件事。他们可能以为是我某个叔叔在帮他们做这些。不管是什么原因，我只是不能再出现在他们的生活中了。

I had been taking care of everything. Food, water, electricity, and medicines everything got delivered to their doorstep. They never talked to me about it. They probably thought that one of my uncles was doing it for them. Whatever the reason, I just couldn't be in their lives anymore.

这让我痛苦不堪。他们对我的内心平静没有好处。所以，我取消了所有付款，作为真正与他们分离的第一步。他们花了十八天才意识到是我在支付所有费用。我以为他们打电话是要谈这件事，但当我接起电话时，他们对我说话非常客气。

It was eating me alive. They were not good for my peace of mind. So, I canceled all the payments as a first step to truly being separate from them. It took them eighteen days to realize that I was the one making all the payments. I assumed they were calling me to talk about it, but when I picked up the call, they were talking to me really politely.

起初我很困惑，然后他们说我们应该重新成为一家人，因为我的缺席让他们无法忍受。我甚至没花三十秒就意识到他们是想让我再次支付他们的账单。他们绝不可能希望我回到他们的生活中。他们的自尊心太强了，不可能发生这种事。我告诉他们我宁愿不再做一家人，然后挂断了电话。

I was confused at first, and then they said that we should be a family again because my absence was not bearable for them. It didn't even take me thirty seconds to realize that they wanted me to pay their bills again. There was no way they wanted me back in their lives. Their egos were way too big for that to happen. I told them that I would rather not be a family again and hung up.

我没有先听他们说就假定他们想要钱，这样做错了吗？更新一。我和祖父母通电话已经过去几天了。我一直在想，我是不是太草率地拒绝了他们。也许他们并不是想让我付账单，而只是希望我回到他们的生活中。

Was I wrong for not even listening to them first and assuming that they wanted money? Update one. It's been a few days after my phone call with my grandparents. I kept wondering if I was too hasty in shutting them down. Maybe they didn't want me to pay their bills and simply wanted me back in their lives.

那次通话后的几周里，他们没有再尝试联系我。我仍然对他们因为我掌控自己的生活而剥夺我那栋房子感到愤怒。我仍然想帮助他们支付账单等等，这是最荒谬的事情。他们把我踢开，而我却还想帮助他们。我只是无法忍受他们可能因为我在受苦这个事实。

They didn't try to contact me after that one phone call for a few weeks. I was still mad at them for depriving me of that house just because I took charge of my own life. I still wanted to help them out with their bills and all, and that was the most ridiculous thing. They kicked me to the curb, and I still wanted to help them out. I just couldn't bear the fact that they might be suffering because of me.

我祖父退休后有一笔丰厚的养老金，所以并不是说他们没钱，但我只是想在他们的晚年陪伴他们。当他们几周不联系我时，我开始想也许我应该打电话向他们道歉。我真的不知道自己做错了什么，但这让我夜不能寐。想到我可能是我们关系再也无法如初的原因，这让我痛苦不堪。不过，我最终没有打给他们。

My grandfather received a generous pension after his retirement, so it wasn't like they didn't have any money, but I just wanted to be there for them in their old age. When they didn't contact me for weeks, I started to think that maybe I should call them and apologize. I honestly didn't know what I did wrong, but it was keeping me awake at night. The fact that I might be the reason our relationship would never be the same was eating me alive. I didn't call them though.

大约一个月后，他们联系了我。我祖母打来电话，开始指责我无情自私。我从未听过她对我说如此冷酷刻薄的话，这让我立刻泪流满面。我问她我做了什么，她嗤之以鼻地说，我不再支付他们的账单是因为他们不把房子给我。我告诉她我很抱歉，如果他们愿意，我可以重新开始支付他们的账单。

They did after a month or so. My grandmother called me and started assuming I was heartless and selfish. I had never heard her say such cold and mean things to me, and it immediately brought tears to my eyes. I asked her what I did, and she scoffed and said that I stopped paying their bills because they wouldn't give me the house. I told her that I was sorry and that if they wanted, I could start paying their bills again.

她告诉我，他们不需要我的任何东西，她打电话来是为了告诉我我有多么忘恩负义，以及他们在养育我方面是多么失败。她对我说着如此可怕的话，而我只能听着哭泣。那一刻，我感受到了前所未有的孤独。更新二：与祖母发生冲突几个月后，我终于去接受了心理治疗。自从一切发生后，我几乎一直处于抑郁状态，朋友们一直鼓励我尝试治疗，但我一直拖延着。

She told me that they didn't need anything from me, and she was calling to let me know how ungrateful I was and that they failed at raising me. She was saying such horrible things to me, and all I could do was listen and cry. I have never been more alone than I was at that moment. UPDATE two So a couple of months have passed since my altercation with my grandmother, and I finally went to therapy. I have been almost depressed since everything happened, and my friends have been pushing me to try therapy, but I have been putting it off.

在自怜自艾整整两个月后，我终于决定试一试，结果真的很有帮助。我学到了很多可能是我一生中无意识在做的事情。我的治疗师告诉我，我一直依附于我的祖父母是因为我觉得我欠他们什么。她说得对，我确实有这种感觉。我觉得我欠他们一条命，所以即使他们在情感上伤害我，我也一直回到他们身边。

After two whole months of feeling sorry for myself, I finally decided to give it a try, and it really helped. I learned a lot of things that I might have done unconsciously my whole life. My therapist told me that I had been clinging to my grandparents because I felt like I owed them something. She was right, I did feel like it. I felt like I owed them my life, so I kept going back to them even if they were hurting me emotionally.

她向我保证，那是他们的错，不是我的。孩子不应该因为父母养育了他们就觉得欠父母什么。那时我才意识到，我所做的一切并非出于对他们的爱。我小时候听从他们的一切吩咐，是因为害怕他们会抛弃我。然后，当我长大后，我为他们做一切事情是为了偿还他们养育我的债。

She assured me that it was their fault, not mine. Children are not supposed to feel like they owe something to their parents because they raised them. That's when I realized that I hadn't done anything out of my love for them. I did everything they told me when I was a kid because I was scared they would get rid of me. Then, when I grew up, I did everything for them to pay off the debt of raising me.

这就像我脑海中打开了一扇门，我能清晰地看清一切。意识到我对他们来说并不那么重要，这令人心碎。我一直崇拜他们拯救了我，造就了今天的我。但事实上，正是他们把我搞得一团糟。我是一个缺乏安全感的人。

It was like a door opened in my mind, and I could see everything clearly. It was heartbreaking to realize that I didn't mean that much to them. I have been worshiping them for saving me and making me what I am today. But in reality, they were the ones who messed me up. I was an insecure person.

我总是依附于某人以寻求爱。我总是乞求别人不要离开我，因为他们把所有这些恐惧植入我心中。他们对我来说是糟糕的父母，并且因为我这么多年后才意识到这一点而惩罚我。更新三：我终于鼓足了勇气去面对我的祖父母。他们一直是我生活中的常客，即使他们人不在身边。

I was always clinging to someone for love. I was always begging other people to not leave me because they put all those fears in me. They were bad parents to me, and they punished me for realizing that after so many years. Update three: I finally gathered enough courage to face my grandparents. They have been a constant presence in my life, even when they weren't physically there.

我不认为他们能说出同样的话。我决定和他们面对面交谈，而不是打电话。我的其他家人仍在邀请我参加聚会，但自从祖父母宣布遗嘱后我就再也没去过。他们一直很担心我，不断打电话来关心我。他们从未偏袒任何一方，我对此心怀感激。

I don't think they could say the same. I decided to talk to them face to face instead of calling. All my other family members were still inviting me to a gathering, but I haven't been to one since my grandparents announced their will. They have been worried about me, and I was getting calls from them to check-in. They never took sides, and I was grateful for that.

我本可以轻易选择祖父母而彻底忘记自己，但他们依然关心我，这让我感到温暖。所以当姑姑再次邀请时，我去了。由于我很久没露面，所有人都很惊讶，但祖父母的表情完全僵住了——他们可能以为再也见不到我了。其实我也不想见到他们。

I could have easily chosen my grandparents and forgotten all about me, but it was heartwarming that they cared for me as well. So, the next time my aunt invited me, I went there. It was surprising for every one of them since I hadn't shown up for a while, but my grandparents' faces were frozen in shock. They probably thought they never had to see me again. I didn't want to see them either.

我只是需要做个了结，如果不直面他们、不告诉他们对我造成的伤害，我就无法解脱。他们必须放下高高在上的姿态，看清自己犯下的错。我告诉家人不会久留，只想和祖父母谈谈。但他们不愿私下交流，坚持要我在众人面前把话说完。

I just wanted closure, and I won't be able to get it if I don't face them head on and tell them what they did to me. They needed to get off their high horse and see what mistakes they made. I told my family that I wouldn't stay for long and that I just wanted to have a conversation with my grandparents. My grandparents, on the other hand, didn't want to go anywhere private with me. Instead, they asked that I say my peace in front of everyone.

于是我就这么做了。我告诉他们是非常糟糕的监护人，让我总觉得自己不够好，时刻害怕只要稍有出格就会被抛弃。他们让我觉得，给我一个家就成了我欠他们的债。

So, that's what I did. I told them that they were terrible caretakers for me. They made me feel like I wasn't good enough. I was constantly scared that they were going to abandon me if I stepped out of line even once. They made me feel like I owed them for giving me a home.

他们认真听了一会儿，突然也爆发了。说我的确欠他们，因为没有他们我早就是流浪孤儿，该感激他们收留而不是像对待流浪狗一样抛弃我。这些话太伤人了，用的字眼恶劣到连蚂蚁都要落泪。

They listened to me intently for a while, and then they burst too. They told me that I did owe them because if it wasn't for them, I would have been a homeless orphan. They said that I should be thankful that they decided to take me home and not leave me like a stray. It was all so horrible. The language they were using was so awful that it made a couple of ants cry.

他们说给予了我一切，我却依然违逆他们。说对我怀有期待，而我却像个忘恩负义的小混蛋拒绝遵从。表兄弟姐妹们这时插话让祖父母闭嘴。我震惊得说不出话，但幸好有他们支持。等我缓过神后，坚定地告诉祖父母：你们对我而言什么都不是了。

They said that they gave everything to me, and I still defied them. They told me that they had dreams for me, and I refused to follow through with them like the ungrateful brat that I was. My cousins jumped in at that point and told our grandparents to basically shut up. I honestly couldn't say anything because I hadn't expected this level of hostility from them, but my cousins had my back. When I could talk again, I told them firmly that they were nothing to me anymore.

他们的爱充满条件，早已不是真爱。不能控制我的人生还指望我欣然接受。他们沉默以对，我便把想说的都说完，承诺永不相见后离开。更新四：大家好。几个月前与祖父母争吵后，我自我封闭了一段时间。

Their love was so conditional that it wasn't love anymore. They can't control my whole life and expect me to be okay with it. They didn't say anything after that, so I said whatever I wanted to and left with the promise of never seeing them again. Update four: Hi, guys. I went into isolation after my fight with my grandparents a few months ago.

我信守承诺，没有联系他们，也从未打算联系。我的叔叔、阿姨和表亲们联系了我，但我只是发短信告诉他们我很好。我花了整整八周时间才终于和表亲们一起出去。他们一直缠着我要我一起出去玩。他们告诉我，在祖父母对我说了那些话、做了那些事之后，他们不会再和他们说话了。

True to my promise, I hadn't reached out, and I wasn't planning to ever. My uncles, aunts, and cousins reached out to me, but I just texted them to let them know that I was okay. It took me eight whole weeks to finally go out with my cousins. They had been badgering me to come hang out with them. They told me that they weren't going to talk to our grandparents after what they said and did to me.

我很感激他们的支持。我终于和他们一起玩了，有家人不向你索取任何东西的感觉真的很棒。他们只是想无条件地和我在一起，这感觉有点陌生。我仍在适应这种感觉，并学着信任其他家庭成员不会利用我。我最年长的表亲确实告诉我，如果我想要，房子就是我的，但我拒绝了。

I was grateful for their support. I finally hung out with them, and it was pretty great to have family who didn't want anything from you. They just wanted to be with me without any conditions, and it sort of felt foreign. I am still getting used to that feeling and trusting other family members to not take advantage of me. My oldest cousin did tell me that the house was mine if I wanted it, but I refused.

我找了搬家公司把我父母的东西从那里搬出来，但我不再想要那栋房子了。当我回想起来，它现在对我来说充满了不好的回忆。无论我多么希望他们是，我的祖父母终究不是我的父母。他们不是，我没有理由守着那栋让我想起他们的房子。我不想被提醒想起他们。

I got movers to get my parents' stuff from there, but I didn't want the house anymore. When I thought about it, it held bad memories for me now. My grandparents were not my parents, however much I wanted them to be. They just weren't, and there was no reason for me to hold on to that house that reminded me of them. I didn't want to be reminded of them.

我的生活中终于没有他们了，我感到很快乐。我的治疗师看到了我行为上的巨大变化，也为我的进步感到高兴。我一天天变得更好，正在打破他们套在我脚踝上所有隐喻的枷锁。

I was finally happy after not having them in my life. My therapist saw a huge difference in my behavior and was happy with my progress too. I was getting better every day and breaking all the metaphorical chains that they put around my ankles.