重塑车轮

接下来在《精选短篇》节目中，包括西蒙·里奇在内的作家们将通过小说重新诠释爱与为人父母的意义。我是梅格·瓦利策，将与杰森·亚历山大等表演者一起，为传统习俗注入新意。请勿走开，您正在收听《精选短篇》，我们最优秀的演员将通过小说的魔力，用一个又一个短篇故事带您沉浸其中。汉堡是个美妙的东西。

Coming up on Selected Shorts, fiction from writers including Simon Rich finds ways to reinvent love and parenthood. Join me, Meg Walitzer, alongside performers including Jason Alexander as we put a new spin on old conventions. Don't go anywhere. You're listening to Selected Shorts where our greatest actors transport us through the magic of fiction, one short story at a time. A burger is a beautiful thing.

肉饼或素饼夹在面包里，或许加上生菜番茄，若想放纵些还能添片芝士。我提起这个并非因为午餐时间到了，而是因为这个配方难以改进。但每年快餐店仍试图革新：双层肉饼、蒜香蛋黄酱、四条培根夹在布里欧修面包里——瞧，心脏杀手就此诞生。坐下品尝时你会想：这味道和去年的巨无霸、前年的超级芝士堡简直如出一辙。

A meat or veggie patty on a bun, lettuce and tomato maybe, cheese if you're feeling a little decadent. I bring this up not because it's lunchtime, but because it's a formula that's hard to improve on. Yet every year, fast food restaurants try to revolutionize things. Two patties, garlic mayo, four bacon strips on a brioche bun, and voila, the heart stopper. Sit down to eat one, and you think, this tastes a lot like last year's belt buster and the mega cheese before it.

说到底它终究是个汉堡。虽然我们未必追求快餐界的下一个爆款，但我想大家都曾有过无谓创新的经历。或许是完美主义者害怕停滞不前，或许只是想体验创意先锋的感觉。无论原因如何，我们总难克制去审视那些运行良好——甚至非常出色的事物，总想改进或彻底取代它们。今天，就让我们深入探讨这类情境的小说。

You know, it's a burger. And while we may not be seeking the next big thing in fast food, I think all of us are guilty of unnecessary reinvention sometimes. Maybe we're perfectionists who fear stagnation, or we just wanna feel like creative visionaries. Whatever the cause, it can be hard to stop ourselves from evaluating something that works okay, even better than okay, and trying to improve upon it or even replace it entirely. So today, let's dive into some fiction about just these kinds of scenarios.

我们将审视那种让事物变得更好的冲动，即便可能最终成果看似雷同。西蒙·里奇的故事中，技术突破带来些许尴尬；塔尼娅·詹姆斯笔下，一对细心父母不惜代价守护婴儿安全；杰斯·沃尔特的压轴故事里，丧偶男子在最意想不到之处寻找爱情。如我所提，首个故事来自西蒙·里奇。

We'll look at that impulse to make something better even if there's a risk of it looking kind of the same. In a story by Simon Rich, a technological breakthrough makes things just a little awkward. In a piece by Tanya James, two attentive parents keep their babies safe at all costs. And in a final story by Jess Walter, a widowed man looks for love in the least likely of places. Our first story, as I mentioned, is by Simon Rich.

若您是常驻听众，必然听过里奇诸多诙谐短篇。其作品近期以《全情投入：爱情喜剧》为题在百老汇上演。里奇的作品集包括《辉煌岁月》与《新牙》，他还参与改编了基于其作品的剧集，如FX电视台的《男追女》。这篇思考技术飞跃与人类进步执念的作品由桑蒂诺·丰塔纳演绎。

If you're a regular listener, you have heard some of Rich's very funny short stories. Many of them were recently performed on Broadway in a show titled All In Comedy About Love. Rich's collections include Glory Days and New Teeth, and he's helped create series based on his works, including FX's Man Seeking Woman. This piece, which mulls leaps of technology and humankind's commitment to progress, is read by Santino Fontana. Fontana is one of our regulars who performs stories, hosts shows, and even leads our live audiences in sing alongs.

丰塔纳是我们的常驻艺术家，不仅演绎故事、主持节目，还带领现场观众合唱。他亦因参演《疯狂前女友》等剧集及《窈窕淑男》等百老汇作品而闻名。现在请欣赏桑蒂诺·丰塔纳演绎西蒙·里奇的《煤油》。

He's also known for series including Crazy Ex Girlfriend and Broadway shows including Tootsie. Now here's Santino Fontana performing Simon Rich's Kerosene.

煤油是划时代的发明——强劲、无味且廉价。它使鲸油遭淘汰，而鲁弗斯·范德豪特借此浪潮直抵巅峰。炼油厂开业五年间，他已成为波士顿首富。孩子们拥有设得兰矮马，妻子戴着巴黎礼帽，鲁弗斯自己则享用玻利维亚可卡因。但他最钟意的还是那艘90英尺长的豪华游艇，每日驾着它在海港绕行，仿佛永无止境的胜利巡游。

Kerosene was a miracle invention, powerful, odorless, and cheap. It made whale oil obsolete, and Rufus Vanderhout had ridden the wave right to the top. In the five years since opening his refinery, he'd become the richest man in Boston. There were Shetland ponies for the children, Parisian hats for the wife, and Bolivian cocaine for Rufus. His favorite purchase though was his pleasure yacht, a 90 foot beauty that he sailed daily, circling the harbor in a kind of never ending victory lap.

某个周日清晨，他正边航行边吸食可卡因时，忽闻远处传来微弱呼喊。鲁弗斯举起镶满珠宝的望远镜，惊见残骸正朝自己漂来。甲板上空无一人，唯剩双目狂野、胡须污秽纠缠的枯瘦男子。他头戴船长帽，除此之外全身赤裸。「喂！」鲁弗斯喊道。

And that's what he was doing along with cocaine one Sunday morning when he heard a feeble cry in the distance. Rufus raised his bejeweled spyglass and gasped at the sight of the wreck drifting his way. Its deck was empty except for an emaciated man with wild eyes and a filthy tangled beard. He wore a captain's hat but was otherwise completely naked. Ho, Rufus shouted.

船员们困惑地望着他——「喂」并非航海术语。鲁弗斯只是随口胡诌，因他毫无航海知识。「要救他上来吗，先生？」一名仆从适时问道。

His crew stared at him with confusion. Ho was not a sailing term. And Rufus had just blurted it out at random because he had no nautical knowledge. Shall we pick him up, sir? Asked one of his servants helpfully.

「当然」鲁弗斯答道。他紧抓栏杆，看着船员加速驶向破船，将拖缆固定在残存的桅杆上。老船长虚弱无法行走，众人只得用鲁弗斯的躺椅将他抬至游艇。老人因久未发声而嗓音沙哑，猛灌几口肉汤后，终于嘶哑地问出：「现在是哪一年？」

Yes, Rufus said. He held on tight as his crew sped toward the battered ship and secured a tow line around what remained of its mast. The captain was too weak to walk, so they had to transport him to the yacht on one of Rufus's chaise lounges. The old man's voice was raspy from disuse, but after some frantic swigs of broth, he managed to croak out a question. What year is it?

鲁弗斯递给他一份报纸，船长发出一声惊叫。他说，已经十年了。鲁弗斯难以置信地摇摇头。天哪，他说。

Rufus handed him a newspaper, and the captain let out a startled scream. He said. It's been ten years. Rufus shook his head in disbelief. My god, he said.

你是怎么活下来的？就是直接吃人肉，船长回答。吃我吧，亲爱的兄弟们，一个接一个。可怜的家伙，鲁弗斯说。听起来你经历了地狱般的折磨。

How did you survive? Just straight up cannibalism, replied the captain. Eat in me, beloved brothers, one by one. You poor soul, Rufus said. It sounds like you've been through hell.

是啊，船长说，但至少我所有的痛苦都值得。他用所剩无几的手指指向那艘破旧的船。那船身装满了油。不是普通的油，是鲸油，人类所知最优质的燃料。他对这位煤油大亨咧嘴一笑。

Aye, said the captain, but at least all me suffering be worth it. He pointed at his battered ship with one of his few remaining fingers. That hull be full of oil. And not just any oil, whale oil, the finest fuel known to mankind. He grinned at the kerosene mogul.

每当我从噩梦中尖叫着醒来，我就提醒自己，我面对的所有艰难都是绝对必要的。鲁弗斯什么也没说。他注意到，他的船员不知何时已经溜到甲板下，留他独自与船长在一起。啊。我觉得我一直独占着谈话，船长说。

I whenever I wake up screaming from a nightmare, I just remind myself that all the hardships I faced be absolutely necessary. Rufus said nothing. His crew, he noticed, had at some point slipped below deck leaving him alone with the captain. Arr. I feel like I've been monopolizing the conversation, said the captain.

跟我说说你自己。你是靠什么谋生的？哦，这个那个，鲁弗斯闪烁其词地说。你一定很成功，船长说。桌上没有人肉。

Tell me about yourself. What is it you'll be doing for a living? Oh, this and that, Rufus said evasively. You must be successful, said the captain. No man meat on the table.

在我的船上，我们不得不吃掉彼此。你提到过这个，鲁弗斯说。原谅我，船长说。自从一头鲸鱼撞了我的脑袋后，我的记忆力就不如从前了。他眯着眼望向岸边。

On my ship, we had to eat each other. You mentioned that, Rufus said. Forgive me, said the captain. Me memory hasn't been the same since a whale headbutted me brain. He squinted toward the shore.

白昼已转为黑夜，点灯人正忙着点亮遍布每条街道的煤油灯。波士顿似乎比我记忆中更亮了，船长观察道，他浓密的白眉毛因思考而紧皱。人们一定比以往使用了更多的鲸油。他又对鲁弗斯咧嘴一笑。这对我有好处，毕竟我是来卖鲸油的。

Day had turned to night, and the lamplighters were busily firing up the kerosene lanterns that dotted every street. Boston seems brighter than I remember it, observed the captain, his bushy white brows scrunched in thought. People must be using more whale oil than ever. He flashed Rufus another grin. That's good for me, given I'd be selling whale oil.

呃哼。鲁弗斯不置可否地说。我不得不杀了我最好的朋友来吃他的心脏。船长主动说道。他求我这么做，但这并没有让事情变得更容易。

Uh-huh. Rufus said noncommittally. I had to kill me best friend to eat his heart. The captain volunteered. He begged me to do it, but that didn't make it any easier.

就连鲸鱼都知道这是错的。它们不停地来回摇头，好像在说，停下。这太疯狂了。他轻声笑了笑。当然，一切都值得。

Even the whales knew it'd be wrong. They kept shaking their heads back and forth like, stop. This be crazy. He chuckled. All worth it, of course.

他们现在快到岸边了。自致富以来，鲁弗斯第一次感到一滴汗水从额头滑落。我说，船长，他说道。不如我买下你的鲸油？这样，你根本就不用上岸了。

They were nearly to shore now. For the first time since becoming rich, Rufus felt a bead of sweat slide down his forehead. Say, captain, he said. Why don't I buy your whale oil? That way, you don't have to come to shore at all.

你可以一路航行到塔希提岛，最好别跟任何人说话，也别看任何东西。好吧。船长说，那你可真是慷慨，但我确实应该去公开市场上测试我的鲸油价值。某种直觉告诉我，我会遇到一个愉快的惊喜。他嗅了嗅空气。

You can sail on to Tahiti, ideally without talking to anyone or looking at anything. Alright. That'd be very generous of you, the captain said, but I should really be testing me whale oil's value on the open market. Something tells me I'm in for a pleasant surprise. He sniffed the air.

真奇怪，他边说边盯着迅速接近的街灯。那些鲸油灯似乎闻起来没有很重的鲸油味。他又皱起了眉头。等一下。鲁弗斯移开视线，船长跳起来，用指责的手指指着他。

That's odd, he said, eyeing the swiftly nearing streetlights. Those whale oil lamps don't seem to smell very strongly of whale. He furrowed his brow again. Wait a minute. Rufus averted his eyes as the captain leapt to his feet and pointed an accusatory finger at him.

我不在的时候他们发明了什么吗？恐怕是的，鲁弗斯承认。船长发出一声懊悔的叹息。我一直知道这一天会来，他说。就是科学家发明了一种新型鲸油灯，能阻止鲸油发出难闻气味的那一天。

Did they invent something while I was gone? I'm afraid so, Rufus admitted. The captain let out a rueful sigh. I always knew this day would come, he said. The day when scientists would invent a new kind of whale oil lamp that would stop the whale oil from smelling bad.

从而提高了鲸油的普及度，现在既然发生了，我忍不住要跳支快乐的吉格舞。你看，鲸油是邪恶的。我知道，鲁弗斯揉着抽痛的太阳穴说。我原谅我自己，船长说。有时候我一谈起鲸油就停不下来，因为它对我的生活太重要了。

Thereby increasing the popularity of whale oil and now that it's happened, I can't help but dance a happy jig. Whale oil is malign, you see. I'm aware, Rufus said rubbing his throbbing temples. I forgive me, said the captain. Sometimes when I get going about whale oil, it'd be hard to stop because it'd be so central to my life.

我没有家人，没有朋友，没有爱好。我甚至不喜欢运动。你知道我晚上找乐子会做什么吗？我会读关于如何改进我鲸油生意的书。他又皱起了眉头。

I've got no family, no friends, no hobbies. I'm not even into sports. You know what I'd be doing for fun at night? I'd be reading books about how to improve me whale oil business. He furrowed his brow again.

有趣的是，我最近没看到那个类别有很多新书发布。他耸耸肩。好吧，鉴于鲸油持久的受欢迎程度，我相信很快会有更多的。鲁弗斯吸了些可卡因。

It's funny. I haven't been seeing many new releases in that category lately. He shrugged. Well, I'm sure they will be more soon given whale oil's enduring popularity. Rufus snorted some cocaine.

好吧。听着，他说。有件事我得告诉你。当你在海上吃你朋友的时候，科学家发明了一种叫煤油的新燃料，它比鲸油差。鲁弗斯直视着船长的眼睛。

Okay. Look, he said. There's something I got to tell you. While you were at sea eating your friends, scientists invented a new fuel called kerosene and it's inferior to whale oil. Rufus looked the captain in the eye.

它更好。我靠卖它赚了几百万，我可以向你保证，世界上不会再有人买鲸油了。两人沉默地坐了一分钟。海浪轻轻拍打着船体。我不喜欢这样，船长说。

It's better. I've made millions selling it and I can assure you that no one anywhere will ever buy whale oil again. The men sat in silence for a minute. The waves lapping softly at the hull. I don't love this, said the captain.

我真的很抱歉，鲁弗斯说，把手放在船长儿子灼伤的肩膀上。不是你的错，船长说。就像他们说的，有时候你最终会站在鱼叉的错误一边。他们现在不这么说了。啊。

I'm truly sorry, Rufus said, placing a hand on the captain's son's scorched shoulder. It's not your fault, the captain said. It's like they say, sometimes you end up on the wrong side of the harpoon. They don't say that anymore. Arr.

船长站起来，扭了扭脖子。好吧，我想我该走了。鲁弗斯困惑地看着船长把一根绳子绕在腰上，开始把自己降到泡沫翻滚的海浪中。你要去哪里？回我的船上去，他说。

The captain stood up and cracked his neck. Well, I suppose I should be on my way. Rufus watched with confusion as the captain threw a rope around his waist and began to lower himself into the frothy waves. Where are you going? Back to me boat, he said.

要是没人买鲸油，我就没理由在无聊又种族主义的波士顿浪费一晚。你要去哪儿？鲁弗斯追问。还能去哪儿？船长说。

If there be no one buying oil, oil, there'd be no reason for me to waste a night in boring racist Boston. Where will you go instead? Rufus demanded. Where else? Said the captain.

回海上捕更多鲸鱼。你肯定没听我说话，鲁弗斯说。整个捕鲸业都过时了。是啊，我知道。

Back to sea to hunt more whales. You must not have heard me, Rufus said. The entire whale industry is obsolete. Yes. I know.

但我捕鲸从来不是为了钱。我是为了追逐的激情——发间咸凉的海风，掌舵时的颤栗感，还有那种（虽显愚蠢）掌控自己命运的错觉。你之前说这是活地狱。而我，抱怨正是我最爱的部分之一。

But I never wailed for the money. I did it for the love of the chase. The cool salty breeze in me hair, the thrill of the wheel in me hand, the sense however foolish that I be in charge of me own destiny. You described it as a living hell. I, complaining be one of the things I love the most about it.

人们会觉得了不起，而且这给了我喝酒的借口。但你怎么生存？鲁弗斯紧逼着问。就算捕到更多鲸鱼，也没人会买油。我财务自由了。

People are impressed and also it be giving me an excuse to drink. But how will you survive? Rufus pressed. Even if you catch more whales, nobody will wanna buy the oil. I'm independently wealthy.

鲁弗斯愣住了。真的？是啊，船长说。我老爹发明了一种医疗器械。你没听说过，但它已成所有胆囊手术的标准设备。

Rufus was taken aback. Really? Aye, said the captain. My dad, he'd be inventing a medical instrument. You've never heard of it, but it's become the standard of care for all gallbladder procedures.

每次被使用时，我都能拿版税。哇，鲁弗斯说。很多吗？呃，不多，船长说。

And whenever it's used, I'd be getting a royalty. Wow. Rufus said. Is it a lot? Arr, no, said the captain.

我不算有钱，但那又怎样？研究显示，金钱和幸福根本没有关联。他顿了顿。当然，得超过某个基本线才行。对。

I'm not rich or anything, but so what? They've done studies, and there mean no correlation between money and happiness. He paused. I mean, you have to be above a certain threshold, obviously. Right.

就像我读到的资料说，年收入7.5万以下时，赚多少钱很重要。低于这个数你会整天焦虑。但一旦超过7万，多赚少赚都差不多。所以你靠医疗版税年收入超过7.5万？具体多少？

Like, the thing I'd be reading, it'd be saying that up to 75 k, it'd be mattering a lot how much you make. Because if you'll be making less than that, you'd be stressed out all the time. But once you'd be making 70 k beyond that, it'd be more or less the same. So you make more than 75 k a year from medical royalties? I how much?

具体数字我不方便说，但足够我过得舒坦。15万？20万？呃…我不想说。

I don't feel comfortable saying the exact amount, but it'd be enough so that I'd be comfortable. A 150? 200? Arr. I I prefer not to say.

六位数总有的吧？有的。但别聊这个了，我不自在。就告诉我吧，鲁弗斯说。呃…

6 figures, though? Aye. But let's me moving off it now because I'd getting uncomfortable. Just tell me, Rufus said. Arr.

不。我实在无法安心。说完这话，他割断绳索，在月光照耀的波浪中涉水前行。鲁弗斯翻了个白眼，看着船长爬上他那破船的残骸，放声唱起狂放不羁的水手号子。这老糊涂显然是在自欺欺人。

No. I don't be feeling comfortable. And with that, he cut his rope line free and splashed his way across the moonlit waves. Rufus rolled his eyes as the captain crawled aboard his wreck and broke into a wild carefree shanty. The old coot was obviously diluting himself.

一个人需要的不仅仅是咸涩的海风。他需要一个目标，一种生命有价值的感觉。哀嚎不仅徒劳无益，更是不道德的。生命将逝，自然遭劫，而未来的子孙后代只会视这种行径为野蛮且毫无必要。

A man needed more than salty breezes. He needed a purpose, a sense that his life was worthwhile. Wailing was worse than futile. It was immoral. Lives would be lost and nature despoiled for a cause that future generations would look at as barbaric and unnecessary.

这想法可怕得令人不敢深思。他放下望远镜，如释重负地转向岸边，他的工厂正等待着他，黑色的浓烟滚滚升腾，高耸入云，望不到尽头。西蒙·里奇。

It was horrible to contemplate. He lowered his spyglass and turned with relief to the shore where his factory awaited him and the black smoke billowed as high as he could see. Simon Rich.

刚才由桑蒂诺·丰塔纳朗读的是西蒙·里奇的《煤油》。我不确定哪种情况更糟：是有了一个绝妙的想法却发现别人早已想到，还是成为那个不得不向兴奋的朋友传达这个坏消息的人。如果你认为这个故事是夸张的虚构，那么类似的事情确实发生在作家戴维·洛奇身上。他一直在写一部关于亨利·詹姆斯生平的小说，结果得知更著名、更受赞誉的作家科尔姆·托宾也在写一部关于亨利·詹姆斯的小说。这两本书在同一年出版，事实上，第三本关于亨利·詹姆斯的小说也是同年问世的。

That was Santino Fontana reading Kerosene by Simon Rich. I'm not sure which is worse, having an amazing idea only to find that someone else had that idea already or being the person who has to break this bad news to their excited friend. And if you think this story is outsized fiction, something like it happened to the author David Lodge. He'd been working on a novel about the life of Henry James only to learn that the more well known and lauded writer Colm Toibin had also been writing a Henry James novel. Both of these books came out in the same year, and in fact, so did a third novel about Henry James.

然而，托宾的《大师》是获得关注并赢得大奖的那一部。但戴维·洛奇确实从这一切中得到了一种安慰奖。他接着出版了另一本书，详尽讲述了整个事件的来龙去脉，书名叫《亨利·詹姆斯之年：一部小说的故事》。幸运的是，没有其他人写过任何与之类似的东西。接下来，是塔尼娅·詹姆斯的一篇作品。

Yet the master by Toibin is the one that received the attention and won big prizes. But David Lodge did get a kind of consolation prize out of all of this. He went on to publish another book all about what happened called the year of Henry James, the story of a novel. And luckily for him, no one else wrote anything remotely like it. Next up, a piece by Tanya James.

她是多部小说的作者，包括《无名者地图集》和入围2023年美国国家图书奖长名单的《LUT》。她还有一部短篇小说集《埃里格拉姆斯》。这篇不可思议的短篇佳作《笼子》，探讨了育儿中的安全问题。朗读它的是妮可·康。她是一位作家和演员，以出演《你》和《蝙蝠女侠》等剧集而闻名，她在《蝙蝠女侠》中饰演了三个季度的毒藤女。

She's the author of novels including Atlas of Unknowns and LUT, which was long listed for the National Book Award in 2023. She also has a short story collection, Erigrams. This uncanny little gem of a story, The Cage, takes on ideas of safety in parenting. Reading it is Nicole Kang. She's a writer and performer known for series including You and Batwoman, a show on which she played Poison Ivy for three seasons.

现在请听妮可·康在她的Selected Shorts首秀中，演绎塔尼娅·詹姆斯的《笼子》。

Now here's Nicole Kang in her selected shorts debut performing The Cage by Tonya James.

笼子。凌晨2点32分，宝宝从我们的床上掉了下去。就在那个夜晚，宝宝在我胸前愤怒地哭闹，我们决定绝不能让这种事再次发生。‘如果，’我丈夫说，‘我们重新布置房间，把床推到角落里呢。那样看起来会不会很怪？’

The cage. At 02:32AM, the baby falls out of our bed. We decide that night, the baby raging against my chest that we can never let this happen again. What if, my husband says, we rearrange the room and push our bed into the corner. Would that look crazy?

我们把床推到房间的角落，惊讶于我们以前怎么就没想到这个办法，这太不可思议了。床的两边紧贴着墙壁。另外两边，我们装上了木制栏杆，高到宝宝无法把腿跨过去。你知道一只老鼠能从门下的缝隙挤过去吗？它们的内部基本上就像果泥一样，这就是它们有多柔软。

We push our bed into the corner of the room and see how crazy it is that we never thought of this before. Two edges of the bed hug the walls. The other two edges, we bolt with wooden rails too high for the baby to swing a leg over. Did you know that a mouse can squeeze itself through the crack beneath the door? Their insides are basically puree, that's how flexible they are.

同样地，我们的宝宝从栏杆之间的空隙‘流’了出去，完成了一个四肢着地的落地。游乐场的一位妈妈发表了意见。她是我通常避而远之的妈妈，因为我分不清她的鼻环到底是鼻环还是一颗痣，这让我很不自在。‘我知道这听起来很疯狂，’她说，‘但试试把你的房间全部变成床吧。’当我问怎么做时，她说她认识一个人。

Similarly, our baby pours himself through the space between the rails and achieves a four point landing. A mom at the playground weighs in. She's a mom I normally avoid because I can't tell if her nose ring is a nose ring or it's a mole, and it makes me uncomfortable. I know this sounds crazy, she says, but try making your room all bed. When I ask how, she says she knows a guy.

于是接下来的一周，我和丈夫搬空了卧室的所有家具，在地板上铺满了从Etsy定制的泡沫床垫，由UPS送货上门。有了这满地的床垫，我们的房间就像一个简约而神奇的围栏，赋予我们软垫游戏的自由。我们唱着摇篮曲开头：'一闪一闪小星星，我多么想知道你是什么。高高挂在天上如此明亮，像颗钻石在天空。一闪一闪小星星。'

So the following week, my husband and I remove all of the furniture from our bedroom and fill the floor with a custom made Etsy sourced foam mattress delivered by UPS. With the full floor mattress, our room feels like a spare yet magical pen, granting us the freedom of padded play. We sing our lullabies beginning with, twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are. Up above the world so bright like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle little star.

'我多么想知道你是什么。'尽管宝宝对星星没有真实的生活参照，从未在我们光污染的天空中见过一颗。但宝宝还是立刻睡着了，最终滚到了他自己的角落，就在我即将梦见我们的UPS送货员时——他有时是除了我丈夫之外，我整天唯一能见到的男人。宝宝'砰'地一声把头撞在墙上。'我有个疯狂的想法，'我丈夫说。

How I wonder what you are. Though the baby has no real life references for stars, having never seen one in our light polluted skies. Still, the baby falls right asleep and eventually rolls into his own corner just as I'm slipping into a dream about our UPS guy, who is sometimes the only guy I see all day other than my husband. The baby, whoomps his head against the wall. Here's a crazy idea, my husband says.

'如果我们造个某种，我不知道，笼子怎么样？'我承认笼子起初看起来有点疯狂，但等我们把栏杆漆成淡天蓝色，和顶盖一样，并在顶盖上绘制恐龙、鲸鱼和小兔子的模糊形状云彩壁画后，就不那么疯狂了。笼子的顶盖实际上比我们公寓真正的天花板更不像笼子。我父母发表意见：'我们从来没把你关在笼子里，'他们说。

What if we built some sort of, I don't know, cage? And I'll admit the cage does look a little crazy at first, but not after we paint the bars a pale sky blue, same as the lid where we fresco clouds in the faint shapes of dinosaurs and whales and bunnies. The lid of the cage is in fact less cage like than the actual ceiling of our apartment. My parents weigh in. We never caged you, they say.

'我们让你拖着一块刨花板到处走，整夜开派对。当你想睡觉时，你就扔下那块刨花板睡觉。我们还在你一岁半时训练你如厕，两岁半就让你游泳。'我父母对我雄心壮志和才华的信心已经转移到了宝宝身上。宝宝只需在风中放个屁，他们就会说：'这个将来一定是个大学者。'

We let you walk around dragging a piece of particle board partying all night. And when you decided to sleep, you threw down that particle board and slept. We also potty trained you when you were 15 old and had you swimming at two and a half. What faith my parents had in my ambition and brilliance they have transferred to the baby. The baby has only to fart in the wind and they'll say, now this one will be a great scholar.

又一个夜晚，直到一声撞击响彻床架，我才注意到宝宝从笼子里逃了出来。我坐起身。他在那儿，在我床边粉扑扑地咧嘴笑着。他手里拿着一截断裂的天蓝色栏杆。我丈夫出差去了。

Another night, I fail to notice the baby's escape from the cage until a whack rings through the bed frame. I sit up. There he is, grinning pinkly by my bedside. In his hand is a broken piece of sky blue pole. My husband goes away on a work trip.

我想象他高高地躺在酒店床上，盖着层层锦缎和鹅绒被，睡得如同死人一般。你知道吗，在1930年代的伦敦，家庭主妇们会让婴儿睡在 basically 一个铁丝笼子里，固定在公寓楼窗户的外沿，就像空调机一样，以最大化宝宝接触新鲜空气。对于我们自己的露天隔间，我用了透明亚克力材料，打上孔，铺上床垫和紧贴的有机棉床单。然后我转向宝宝，示意他进去。宝宝说：'你肯定在开玩笑。'

I imagine him high atop a hotel bed, beneath layers of damask and goose down, sleeping the sleep of the dead. Did you know that in nineteen thirties London, housewives used to nap their babies in what was basically a wire cage fastened to the outside edges of a tenement window like an air conditioner, so as to maximize the baby's exposure to fresh air. For our own open air compartment, I use a clear acrylic, punched with holes and layer it with a mattress and a tightly fitted organic cotton sheet. Then I turned to the baby, and I gesture for him to enter. The baby says, you must be joking.

我问宝宝他是不是我的乖宝宝。我问他是我的乖宝宝还是坏宝宝。宝宝说，他是乖宝宝。'那就试试看，'我说。'你试试看，'他说。

I ask the baby if he is my good baby. I ask if he is my good baby or my bad baby. The baby says, he is good. Then try it, I say. You try it, he says.

我钻了进去，把自己蜷缩成胎儿姿势，一旦不再抗拒，感觉就好多了。'哇。这难道不棒吗？'我开始说，但被窗扇的撞击声打断，宝宝关上了窗户，把我四面困住。典型的宝宝行为。

In I go, curling myself into a fetal position that feels better once I stop fighting it. Wow. Isn't this something? I begin to say, but I am interrupted by the bang of the casement windows, which the baby has shut so that I am trapped on all sides. Classic baby.

聪明绝顶，比我想的还机灵。他小跑着出了前门，下了台阶。'扶着扶手，'我喊道。他沿着街道往上走，轻快地走着，像是去办公室或去我父母家——我母亲会坐在她的摇椅上，让宝宝睡在她胸口或最近的刨花板上。我与下方的人行道隔着20层楼。

Sharp as a tack, sharper than I thought. He trots out the front door and down the steps. Use the handrail, I call out. And up the street, walking jauntily as if to the office or to my parents' house where my mother will sit in her rocker and sleep the baby on her chest or on the nearest piece of particle board. 20 floors separate me from the sidewalk below.

我恐高，所以目光紧盯着视线范围内的扇形塔楼和木瓦屋顶。晾衣绳在窗户间低垂，一件睡裙倒挂着，袖子长长地仿佛在恳求。我感到呼吸困难。某个时刻，我注意到另一栋公寓楼的窗户里有一个和我的一模一样的露天隔间。里面蜷缩着一个女人。

I am frightened of height, so I keep my gaze on the scallop turrets and shingled roofs in my sight line. The laundry lines sagging between windows, a nightgown pinned upside down so that the sleeves are long and pleading. I am finding it difficult to breathe. At some point, I noticed an open air compartment just like mine in the window of another apartment building. Inside is a woman curled up.

不过，我看不清她脸上的表情，也无法确定她是否看见了我？起初我以为她可能在查看iPhone，但结果发现，她正用iPhone的闪光灯向我闪烁，像是一种我读不懂的摩斯密码，但似乎传达着‘我看见你了’的意思。在那间公寓对面，还有另一个开放式隔间。隔间。又一个又一个母亲母亲在闪烁闪烁。

Though, I can't see the expression on her face nor can I tell if she sees me? I think at first she might be checking her iPhone, but as it turns out, she is flashing her iPhone light at me in a kind of Morse code I can't read, but seems something along the lines of, I see you. In the apartment across from that one, there is another open air compartment. Compartment. Another Another mother mother flashing flashing away.

闪烁，接着我又看到一个，然后又一个。最终，我数出了超过50个隔间，所有这些都因灯光闪烁而变得可见，每一盏似乎都传达着相同的含义。我也是。我也是。我也是。

Away, and then I see another, and then another. Eventually, I count more than 50 compartments, all of them made visible by the the flashing of lights, each of which seems to convey the same meaning. Me too. Me too. Me too.

我我也是。也是。我也是。在这样的高度，没有声音，没有恐惧，只有闪烁。想到宝宝可能正透过我母亲的卧室窗户，被所有这些星星迷住，这种感觉很好。

Me Me too. Too. Me too. At these heights, there is no sound, no fear, only flashing. And it feels good to think that the baby might be looking through my mother's bedroom window, dazzled by all of the stars.

刚才由妮可·康朗读的是塔尼娅·詹姆斯的《笼子》。作为曾经也是婴儿母亲的人，我想对所有新妈妈说，坚持住。随着时间的推移，你们会找到妥协的方式。你知道，比如给他们看12小时的小猪佩奇，你自己看1小时的白莲花。你们会掌握诀窍的。

That was Nicole Kang reading The Cage by Tanya James. As a mother of former infants, may I say to all the new mothers out there, hang in there. In time, you'll find ways to compromise. You know, things like twelve hours of Peppa Pig for them, one hour of White Lotus for you. You'll get the hang of it.

稍后回来，《宋飞正传》的超级明星杰森·亚历山大将探讨老年人的新爱情和新生活。我是梅格·沃利策。您正在收听的是在纽约市交响空间及全国其他场馆现场录制的《短篇精选》。欢迎回来。这里是《短篇精选》，我们最伟大的演员们通过小说的魔力，一次一个短篇故事，将我们带入另一个世界。

When we return, Seinfeld superstar Jason Alexander tackles the new love and new life of older adults. I'm Meg Wallitzer. You're listening to selected shorts recorded live in performance at Symphony Space in New York City and at other venues nationwide. Welcome back. This is selected shorts where our greatest actors transport us through the magic of fiction, one short story at a time.

我是梅格·沃利策。本周，我们聆听那些 reinvent the wheel（试图创新）或尝试创新的故事。尽管人们可能会玩弄形式，但真相是，故事永远都是故事。对我们来说，这是一种安慰。一个故事可以是轻松明快的，也可以是沉重真挚的，有趣的，悲伤的，自传体的，以俳句或纹身的形式讲述，但它永远都是一个故事。

I'm Meg Wallitzer. This week, we're listening to stories that reinvent the wheel or try to. And while people might play with the format, truth is a story will always be a story. For us, that's a comfort. A story might be light and breezy, heavy and heartfelt, funny, sad, autobiographical, told in the form of haikus or tattoos, but it'll always be a story.

如果您喜欢这个节目并想收听更多内容，请在selectedshorts.org或您喜爱的播客平台上收听我们的最新节目。本节目最后一个故事由杰斯·沃尔特创作。他是一位作家，凭借《美丽废墟》等书籍赢得了众多粉丝，并于2025年出版了他的最新作品《So Far Gone》。他也是一位多产的短篇小说作家，其关于家庭和动荡的幽默故事非常适合《短篇精选》。朗读这篇作品的是杰森·亚历山大。

If you're enjoying the program and want to hear more of what we do, stream our latest shows at selectedshorts.org or on your favorite podcast platform. Our final story on this show is by Jess Walter. He's a writer who made many fans with books including beautiful ruins and published his most recent title, So Far Gone, in 2025. He's also a prolific short story writer whose funny tales about families and turmoil are just perfect for selected shorts. Reading this piece is Jason Alexander.

他多年来参与了许多百老汇作品，最近执导了《The Cottage》。他出演过像《风月俏佳人》这样标志性的电影，不过他最著名的角色是在《宋飞正传》中扮演乔治·科斯坦扎。现在，杰森·亚历山大将表演杰斯·沃尔特的故事《黑暗》。

He's been involved in many Broadway productions over the years, most recently directing The Cottage. He's appeared in films as iconic as Pretty Woman, though he's best known for playing George Costanza on Seinfeld. Now Jason Alexander performs Jess Walters' story, The Dark.

黑暗。在他妻子去世前的日子里，她详细地指示了他未来在浪漫追求中应如何自处。埃莉，他说，我不想谈这个。首先，他至少一年内不得将他们已成年的孩子介绍给任何女人。埃莉，求你了。

The dark. In the days before she died, Doug's wife had given him detailed instructions about how he should comport himself in his future romantic endeavors. Ellie, he said, I do not want to talk about this. First, he was not to introduce their adult children to any women for at least a year. Ellie, please.

其次，他手头最好备些万艾可，以防悲伤和内疚影响他的表现。天哪，埃莉。第三，不知何故这对她来说是最重要的，道格应该提防六十多岁的金发女人。如今，在他妻子去世近两年后，道格·科茨发现自己正进行着四十年来的第一次约会，坐在一家咖啡店里，对面是一位美丽的60岁金发女郎。她搅动着她的柴茶，微笑着问道，有孩子吗？

Second, he might have some Viagra on hand in case grief and guilt affected his performance. Jesus, Ellie. Third, and somehow this was the most important to her, Doug should beware of blonde women in their sixties. Now, almost two years after his wife's death, Doug Coates finds himself on his first date in forty years, sitting in a coffee shop across from a beautiful 60 year old blonde. She swirls her chai tea and smiles, children?

是的。道格说有两个孩子。亚伦在斯波坎做城市规划师。玛雅是设计师，和妻子住在洛杉矶，其实是圣莫尼卡。哦，严格来说是在帕利塞德，或者说介于两者之间。

Yeah. Two, says Doug. Aaron works here in Spokane as a as a city planner. Maya is a designer who lives with her wife in LA, actually in Santa Monica. Oh, technically, Palisades or, you know, in between.

实际上严格来说是在中间地带，他为什么这样犹豫不决？他怎么了？他的舌头感觉像是肿了，就像刚看完牙医。道格年轻时，和女性交谈是那么自然。他甚至觉得自己曾经还挺有魅力的。

Actually, technically, in between, why is he dithering like this? What's the matter with him? His tongue feels like it's swollen, like he's just been to the dentist. When Doug was young, conversations with women came so naturally. He thinks he might even have been charming at one time.

圆滑、风趣。'有孙子孙女吗？'女人问道。道格集中精神，努力找回当年那个圆滑风趣的自己。'据我所知没有，'他说。

Smooth, funny. Grandchildren? The woman asks. Doug concentrates, channeling his old smooth funny self. Not that I know of, he says.

然后不知为何，他眨了眨眼。道格和金发女人都歪了歪头。他们尴尬地低头看着饮料，很长一段时间没人说话。'据你所知没有'。亚伦对父亲的窘迫感到十分开心。

And then for some reason, he winks. Doug and the blonde woman both cock their heads. They look down awkwardly at their drinks, and for a long time, no one says anything. Not that you know of. Aaron is delighted by his father's haplessness.

道格直接开车去了儿子家，再次被亚伦笑起来多么像他母亲所震撼。'等等。等等。'亚伦举起一只手。'所以你是在说你年轻时太风流，生了些自己都不知道的孩子，而这些孩子可能又生了他们自己都不知道的孩子？'

Doug has driven straight to his son's house and is once again struck by how much Aaron looks like his mother when he laughs. Wait. Wait. Aaron holds up a hand. So were you saying that you were so promiscuous in your youth that you fathered children you don't know about, who maybe fathered children they don't know about?

'还是说玛雅和我太风流，到处留下你数不过来的孙辈，就像那些把婴儿丢在百货商店试衣间的女人？'道格怀疑自己是不是错过了关于百货商店试衣间弃婴的新闻。'这世界怎么了？老实说，'道格说，'我...我不知道我是什么意思。''那么告诉我，潇洒先生，'亚伦说。

Or that Maya and I are so promiscuous, we're just out here dropping grandkids that you can't keep track of, like those women who leave babies in department store dressing rooms? Doug wonders if he missed a story about babies in department store dressing rooms. What is wrong with this world? Honestly, Doug says, I I have no idea what I meant. So tell me this, mister Suave, says Aaron.

'你打算再见这个女人吗？'道格叹了口气。'据我所知不会。'在结束前一周，就在艾莉给了道格她那糟糕的约会建议后不久，临终关怀中心派来了一位非教派牧师。道格开门时很困惑。

Are you planning to see this woman again? Doug sighs. Not that I know of. A week before the end, not long after Ellie gave Doug her awful dating advice, hospice sent over a nondenominational pastor. Doug was confused when he answered the door.

他和艾莉明确表示过不想要这个。道格是一位地质学教授，重视科学胜过迷信。但艾莉十几岁时就脱离了她家的福音派教会，对她来说，这个决定更个人化。在厨房里，道格向一位名叫阿斯特丽德的牧师解释。他轻声说话，以免吵醒因吗啡而沉睡的艾莉。

He and Ellie had been clear about not wanting this. Doug was a geology professor who valued science over superstition. But Ellie had lapsed from her family's evangelical church as a teenager, and for her, the decision was more personal. In the kitchen, Doug explained to the pastor, a woman named Astrid. He spoke quietly so as not to awaken Ellie for her morphine sleep.

道格说，虽然他感谢阿斯特丽德来访，但他们在临终关怀表格上特意勾选了'不可知论者/无神论者'。'我们明确说明了不需要最后的仪式或——' '道格？'艾莉从客厅的床上喊道。他对她声音的力量感到惊讶。他们已经好几天都在低声说话了。

Doug said that while he appreciated Astrid coming by, they had been quite intentional in checking the agnostic atheist box on the hospice forms. We specified no last riots or Doug? Ellie called from her bed in the living room. He was surprised at the power of her voice. They'd been speaking in whispers for days.

'没关系，'他的妻子说。'是我要求见她的。'道格体验到一种他后来怀疑是所有已婚人士共有的感觉——害怕自己并不像想象中那么了解配偶。他以前当然也有过这种感觉，但此刻，在生命尽头如此深刻地体验到这一点，道格被羞愧淹没，一种自怜的愤怒在他心中升起。他怎么会不知道这个？

It's okay, his wife said. I asked to see her. Doug experienced something he later suspected was common to every married person, the fear that he didn't know his spouse nearly as well as he thought. He'd felt this before, of course, but to experience it now, so profoundly at the end, Doug was overcome with shame and a self pitying anger rose in him. How could he not know this?

艾莉怎么能不告诉他这么重要的事？我...我...我很抱歉，道格对牧师说。请跟我来。牧师是那种看不出年纪的老人，脸上没有皱纹，留着长长的灰白头发。她跟着道格走进客厅，艾略特正躺在租来的病床上，望着道格挂在雨水槽上的喂鸟器——这样他们就能从窗口看点东西。

How could Ellie not tell him something so important? I I I'm I'm sorry, Doug said to the pastor. Please follow me. The pastor was one of those ageless older people, lineless face, long slate hair. She followed Doug into the living room where Elliot reclined on the rented hospital bed, looking out at a bird feeder that Doug had hung from the rain gutter so they'd have something to watch out the window.

但松鼠已经学会了如何倒挂在雨水槽上偷吃鸟食。等这一切结束后，道格计划的第一件事就是拆掉那个愚蠢的喂鸟器。谢谢你能来，艾莉对牧师说。我就不打扰你们了，道格说道。然后他走进厨房，哭了起来。

But squirrels had figured out how to hang from the rain gutter and eat the bird seed. When this was all over, the first thing Doug planned to do was take that stupid feeder down. Thanks for coming, Ellie said to the pastor. I'll leave you two alone, Doug said. Then he went to the kitchen and wept.

大家都说：给这一年时间。他的孩子们、他的姐姐、他的治疗师都说：第一年你会感到被剥夺。他确实如此。他们说：不要做任何极端的事。他也没有。

Give it a year, everyone said. His kids, his sister, his therapist, the first year you will feel bereft, they said. And he did. Don't do anything drastic, they said. And he didn't.

他起床、上班、回家、盯着衣柜里她的衣服，把那一年的日期当作终点线一样期盼着。但当那个日子真的到来时，当然，什么都没有改变。不知怎的，他以为自己会蜕变，或者至少会重新有心情面对世界，甚至可能遇见新的人。但道格发现自己沉溺于一个幻想：一年后，他或许能再见到艾莉。他的咨询师说，这也是正常的。

He got up, went to work, came home, stared at her clothes in the closet, and watched that one year date like it was a finish line. But of course, when the date arrived, nothing changed. Somehow, he thought he would be transformed or at least that he might feel like being out in the world again, maybe even meeting someone. But Doug found himself indulging the thought with a fantasy that after a year, he might get to see Ellie again. This too was normal, said his counselor.

度过葬礼和悲痛的第一年后，丧亲者往往潜意识里相信，一旦所有义务都履行完毕，他们爱的人就会被允许回来。听到自己的痛苦和妄想如此普遍，道格并没有得到安慰。咨询师问：你有考虑过自残吗？道格说：实际上没有。

Getting through the funeral and the first year of grief, the bereaved often entertained a subconscious belief that once the obligations were all met, their loved one would be allowed to return. It gave Doug no consolation, hearing that his anguish and delusion were so routine. Have you been considering self harm? The counselor asked. I haven't actually, Doug said.

你有什么建议？咨询师甚至都没笑。这让道格更加思念他的妻子。她一定会喜欢那个笑话的。在很多方面，第二年比第一年更加艰难，因为他和艾莉之间的距离似乎越来越远。

What would you suggest? The counselor didn't even smile. This made Doug miss his wife even more. She would have loved that joke. In many ways, the second year was even more difficult than the first as the distance between him and Ellie seemed to grow.

他还被一种认识所困扰——在艾莉最后的日子里，他意识到自己从未真正了解过妻子，他们之间的鸿沟始终无法弥合，仿佛他和艾莉拥有的只是一种海市蜃楼，是存在性孤独恐惧中的一次短暂偏离。而她决定去见牧师，又是为什么？尽管知道这很 irrational，他不断想象艾莉知道一些他不知道的事，她找到了通往某个来世的秘密之门，而作为非信徒的他永远找不到。他会在夜里醒着，听到自己脑海中恳求的声音：艾莉，你在哪里？当艰难的第二个年头慢慢过去时，同样是那些人——孩子们、姐妹们、治疗师们——建议道格需要改变。

He was haunted too by the realization he'd had during Ellie's last days that he had never really known his wife, that the gap between them had always been impossible to bridge as if what he and Ellie had was a kind of mirage, a temporary detour from the existential horror of being alive and alone. And her decision to see the pastor, what was that? Though he knew it was irrational, he kept imagining that Ellie knew something that he didn't and that she'd found a secret door to some afterlife that as a non believer he would never find. He would lie awake at night and hear his own pleading voice in his head, Ellie, where are you? As the second hard year dragged on, it was suggested by those same people, kids, sisters, therapists, that Doug needed a change.

于是他提前退休，卖掉了波特兰的房子，搬回了斯波坎——四十年前他和艾略特相遇的地方，也是他儿子亚伦居住的地方。也许他可以重新联系贡萨加大学的老朋友，或者认识新的人，这就是为什么他最终和姐姐的朋友一起喝咖啡，那位可疑的金发女郎无疑在唯一一次约会后认为道格是个疯狂的滥交祖父。每天醒来我都觉得自己被落下了，道格在金发女郎灾难后告诉儿子。就像我错过了火车之类的，好像出了什么大错。是你在让自己有那种感觉，亚伦说。

So he took early retirement, sold the house in Portland, and moved back to Spokane where he and Elliot met forty years earlier and where his son Aaron lived. Maybe he could reconnect with old friends from Gonzaga University, or maybe he could meet new people, which is how he ended up at coffee with his sister's friend, the suspiciously blonde woman who no doubt had left their only date believing that Doug was a crazed promiscuous grandfather. I wake up every day feeling like I've been left behind, Doug tells his son after the blonde disaster. Like I've missed a train or something, like there's been a huge mistake. You're letting yourself feel that way, Aaron says.

他滑了一杯啤酒给柜台对面的父亲。我不这么认为。道格喝了一口。城市感觉不一样了，这是一点。他的大学朋友们都不在了。

He slides a beer across the counter to his father. I don't think so. Doug takes a drink. The city feels different for one thing. His college friends are gone.

他最喜欢的餐馆和酒吧都关门了。市中心曾经满是办公室和百货商店。现在全是公寓楼和咖啡店。亚伦住的社区四十年前甚至都不存在，一片铁路线和空地已被联排别墅和品酒室取代。你想让我看看能不能让他们把铁路线恢复原样吗？

His favorite restaurants and bars closed. Downtown was once filled with offices and department stores. Now it's all condos and coffee shops. Aaron lives in a neighborhood that didn't even exist forty years ago, strip of train tracks and vacant fields replaced by townhouses and wine tasting rooms. You want me to see if I can get them to put the train tracks back in?

拜托，老爸。亚伦指着道格手里的手机。专心点。道格叹了口气，重新看向iPhone上打开的搜索页面。

I'm come on, dad. Aaron points to the phone in Doug's hand. Focus. Doug sighs and looks back down at the open search page on his iPhone. Best online options for people 60.

Match、Zoosk、Bumble、eHarmony。这些名字都是什么？Silver Singles。这个听起来像老虎机。给我。

Match, Zoosk, Bumble, eHarmony. What are these names? Silver singles. That one sounds like a slot machine. Give it here.

亚伦伸出手，道格从儿子表情中看到了某种熟悉的东西。然后他想起来了——小时候的亚伦费力切着盘中的牛排，震得整张桌子都在晃，直到道格最后说

Aaron holds out his hand, and Doug recognizes something familiar in his son's expression. And then he remembers. Aaron, as a boy, struggling to cut the steak on his plate, shaking the whole table until Doug finally said, give it here, took the knife, cut his son's meat into small chewable bites, and slid the plate back. At the counter, Aaron exudes that same caring impatience as he drums his thumbs on the screen of Doug's iPhone. Alright.

我在给你注册OkCupid。哦，当然。当然。因为我在说，好吧丘比特，我准备好约会了。或者嘿，丘比特。

I'm setting you up on Okay Cupid. Oh, sure. Sure. Because I'm saying, okay, Cupid. I'm ready to date or hey, Cupid.

随便给我找个人就行。好吗？亚伦递回手机。你真该把这些俏皮话留给女士们。艾莉去世前一周，她和牧师阿斯特丽德聊了将近一小时，

Just find me someone. Okay? Aaron hands the phone back. You should really save this banter for the ladies. A week before she died, Ellie talked to Astrid, the pastor, for almost an hour while Doug sat alone in the kitchen.

他给自己倒了杯威士忌，凝视片刻后倒进了水槽。最后阿斯特丽德从客厅出来告诉他艾莉在休息。

He poured himself a glass of whiskey, stared at it a while and then poured it down the sink. Finally, Astrid came out of the living room and told him that Ellie was resting. It's a difficult time, the pastor said, a time of transition. He fought the urge to grab her by the shoulders. Are you kidding?

过渡期，这他妈是世界末日。但他还是感谢了她的来访。她问他是否想聊聊。

Transition, it's the goddamn end of the world. Instead, he thanked her for coming. She asked if he wanted to talk. I don't think so, Doug said, and he showed her out. He returned to the living room where the sun was setting, and the only light casting a faint warm glow came from a floor lamp that Ellie had taken from her parents' house when her father died.

妻子面朝装着松鼠喂食器的窗户，但闭着眼睛，双唇紧抿仿佛在专注思考某个问题。

His wife was facing the window with the squirrel feeder, but her eyes were closed, lips pressed together as if she was concentrating on a problem. How was it? He whispered. Nice. She said without opening her eyes.

他不知道该说什么，于是问了他总是问的那个问题。

He didn't know what else to say, so he asked what he always asked. How's your pain? She opened her eyes and turned on the pillow to face him. 86, got a nice rhythm, easy to dance to. He used to think of them as one thing, a Doug and Ellie.

但当然不是，从来都不是。始终存在着一个道格和一个艾莉。他们相伴近四十年，但现在又要分开了。

But of course, they weren't, not really. There had always been a Doug and an Ellie. They had come together for almost forty years, but now they would be apart again. A sparrow flitted outside the window. Can I ask, Doug said, what are you thinking now?

她说了一切。道格通过OkCupid进行的四十年里第二次约会对象是一位年龄相仿、发色般配的娇小女士，名叫玛西。他们在唐瑞弗高尔夫球场附近的一家手工披萨店外见面。这次，对话流畅自然。他们抱怨着八月山火带来的烟雾，并回忆童年夏日清澈的蓝天。

Everything, she said. Doug's second date in forty years via OkCupid is a petite age and hair appropriate woman named Marcy. They meet outside a craft pizza place near Downriver Golf Course. This time, the conversation flows. They bemoan the smoke from the August fires and reminisce about the clear blue skies of their childhood summers.

玛西有三个已成年的孩子，她微笑着点头认同他最近关于亚伦对道格技术笨拙不耐烦的观察。太对了，她说，并笑了起来。他们用我们当初对待他们时的不耐烦来管教我们。她的笑声很好听，不做作，音调也不太高。或者也许我只是不适合网上约会，道格说。

Marcy has three adult children, and she smiles and nods at his recent observation about Aaron's impatience over Doug's technological ineptitude. So true, she says, and laughs. They parent us as impatiently as we parented them. It's a nice laugh, unforced, not too high. Or maybe I'm just not cut out for online dating, Doug says.

我觉得你做得很好，她说。那是什么感觉？他脊柱的一阵颤栗，还是肠胃的搅动？菜单来了，点了酒，然后是开胃菜，接着又点了更多酒。道格感觉自己逐渐放松下来。

I think you're doing fine, she says. What is that feeling? A shiver in his spine, his guts? Menus come, wine is ordered, then appetizers, then more wine. Doug feels himself relaxing.

他再次低头看菜单。这里的披萨以唐瑞弗社区的街道命名。他大声猜想披萨的名字是否是为了反映那些街道上的人们。比如，爱丽丝大道上的人是否比戈登大道上的人更可能是素食者。玛西笑了，对吧？

He looks down at the menu again. The pizzas here are named for streets in the Downriver neighborhood. He wonders aloud if the pizza names are chosen to reflect the people on those streets. If, say, the folks on Alice Avenue are more likely to be vegetarians than those on Gordon Avenue. Marcy smiles, right?

或者这款是为多尔顿街上喜欢家常手撕猪肉和卷心菜丝的人准备的。他们选了两个小份手工披萨，一个咖喱鸡肉，一个花椰菜抱子甘蓝。然后他们陷入了礼貌而温和的询问，关于退休、爱好、旅行。这次当提到孙辈时，道格只是简单地说，还没有。你呢？

Or this one is for the down home pulled pork and slaw folks over on Dalton. They choose two small craft pizzas, a chicken curry and a cauliflower brussels sprout. And then they settle into polite, gentle questioning, retirement, hobbies, travel. This time, when grandchildren come up, Doug simply says, not yet. How about you?

没有。谢天谢地，玛西说。我无法想象既要重新学习约会，同时还要当奶奶。她晃动着酒杯，似乎迷失在凝视杯中酒的过程中。但她突然抬起头说，失去你的妻子很难吧？

No. Thank god, Marcy says. I can't imagine learning to date again and being a grandma at the same time. She swirls her wine and seems to get lost watching it in her glass. But then she looks up suddenly and says, was it hard losing your wife?

没等他回答，她摇了摇头。我...我很抱歉。这是个糟糕的问题。不。他说，这是个很好的问题。

Before he can answer, she shakes her head. I'm I'm sorry. That was a terrible question. No. He says, it's a fine question.

而且，是的，确实很难。你永远无法想象的是距离，他想说。但他不确定她是否明白那是什么意思。他自己也不确定那是什么意思。她点点头，伸出手，用她的手覆盖住他的手。

And, yeah, it was. What you can't ever imagine is distance, he wants to say. But he's not sure she'll know what that means. He's not sure what that means. She nods, reaches out, and covers his hand with hers.

她的手放在他手上的感觉如此强烈。当她把她的手抽走时，道格几乎感到松了一口气。他用鼻子深深吸了一口气。她告诉他关于她的离婚，以及她如何怀疑她和丈夫不再像以前那样紧密相连，但她曾想象当孩子们离开后，他们会重新找到彼此。但后来他们最小的孩子上了大学，一周后，她的丈夫就离开了。

The feeling of her hand on his hand is so intense. Doug is almost relieved when she pulls her hand away. He takes a deep breath through his nose. She tells him about her divorce and how she suspected that she and her husband weren't as connected as they had been, but how she imagined that when the kids were gone, they would find each other again. But then their youngest went off to college, and a week later, her husband left.

你尽量不表现出惊讶，但道格点了点头。无需说完那个想法。已经一年了，感觉仍然如此新鲜。玛西再次低头看向她的酒杯。我觉得我处理得不是很好。

You try not to be surprised, but Doug nods. No need to finish that thought. It's been a year, and it still feels so raw. Marcy looks down into her wine glass again. I don't think I've dealt with it very well.

道格说，我觉得你做得很好。她对着重复的台词笑了笑，然后摇了摇头。我甚至无法让自己用我的娘家姓。好吧，道格说，这似乎是个不错的时机。他伸出手。

Doug says, I think you're doing fine. She smiles at the repeated line then shakes her head. I can't even bring myself to use my maiden name. Well, Doug says, this seems as good a time as any. He offers his hand.

道格·科茨，很高兴认识你，小姐。过了一会儿，她微笑着伸出手，与他握手，并说道，吉林。玛西·吉林。很高兴认识你。在他们握手时，道格感到一阵不同的震动。

Doug Coates, nice to meet you, miss. After a moment, she smiles, extends her hand, shakes his, and says, Gearing. Marcy Gearing. Nice to meet you. As they shake, Doug feels a different shutter.

他们的手分开了。你上的是哪所高中？啊，是的，她说，典型的斯波坎问题。惊讶我们花了这么长时间。影园高中，你呢？

Their hands separate. Where did you go to high school? Ah, yes, she says, the classic Spokane question. Surprised it took us this long. Shadow Park, you?

我不是在这里长大的，他心不在焉地说。我是为了上大学搬来的。但我妻子是这里长大的。是的。他已故的妻子艾莉，她也曾就读于斯波坎北区的影园高中，如果她在这里，她会告诉你，她一生中只恨过一个人，一个高中时名叫玛西·他妈的·吉林的残忍女孩。

I didn't grow up here, he says distracted. I moved here for college. My wife did though. Yes. His late wife, Ellie, who also went to Shadow Park High School on Spokane's North Side, and who would tell you if she were here that she had only ever hated one person in her entire life, a cruel girl from high school named Marcy fucking Gearing.

这些年来，道格多次要求艾莉在讲述玛西·吉林和十年级啦啦队训练营的故事时不要用那个词，但艾莉无法在说出那个女人的名字时不夹带脏话。而且她经常讲这个故事。每当他们的孩子在学校遇到任何社交麻烦时，艾莉总会莫名其妙地搬出玛西·他妈的·吉林的故事。有一个死对头很重要，她会向孩子们解释。这是艾莉偶尔提出的疯狂育儿建议之一，道格总会摇头并用口型说“不”来反驳。

Over the years, Doug repeatedly asked Ellie not to use that word when telling the story of Marcy Gearing and the tenth grade cheerleading camp, but Ellie was incapable of saying that woman's name without the profanity in between. And she told the story often. Whenever their kids encountered any social trouble at school, Ellie would inexplicably trot out the tale of Marcy fucking earring. It's important to always have an arch enemy, she would explain to the kids. One of Ellie's occasional moments of insane parenting advice that Doug would counter by shaking his head and mouthing, no.

不是的。故事是这样的。高中二年级，啦啦队训练营，胖胖的书呆子艾莉·马丁暑假回来长高了两英寸，瘦了十磅，牙套也摘了，可以说是绽放了，并决心通过尝试加入啦啦队来改变她卑微的高中地位。在训练营，每个女孩都由一名现任啦啦队员指导。艾莉的导师是那个漂亮又受欢迎的典范，玛西·法·拉。

It's not. The story went like this. Sophomore year of high school, cheerleader camp, chubby nerd Ellie Martin comes back from summer break two inches taller and ten pounds lighter, sans braces blossomed, one might say, and committed to changing her lowly high school status by trying out for cheerleading. At camp, the girls are each mentored by a current cheerleader. Ellie's mentor is that pretty paragon of popularity, Marsing Fa LA.

当她给八岁的玛雅和六岁的亚伦讲这个故事时，道格会打断她，两个孩子都听得入迷。哦，对不起，艾莉会说。然后她会仔细地吐出每个字。我的意思是说玛西·他妈的·吉林。然后她会对着道格微笑，道格则会举起双手投降。

Doug would interrupt as she told the story to eight year old Maya and six year old Aaron, who were both enwrapped. Oh, sorry, Ellie would say. And then she'd carefully enunciate each word. I meant to say Marcy fucking gearing. And then she'd smile at Doug who would put up his hands and surrender.

回到1980年，玛西·吉林告诉绽放的艾莉尝试这个翻滚动作，这样拿着彩球，并练习那些舞蹈动作。然后，在训练营的最后一天，当啦啦队导师向其他将投票决定新成员的啦啦队员介绍她们指导的学员时，玛西，嗯，吉林，背刺了艾莉，她站起来这样介绍她：这是艾莉·马丁。你们可能知道她是学校里最聪明的孩子之一，也是军乐队的单簧管手。就像我告诉她的，今年队伍里有像艾莉这样的人会很棒。

So back in 1980, Marcy Gearing tells Blossoming Ellie to try this tumbling run and to hold her pom poms thusly and to practice those dance move. And then, on the last day of camp, when the cheerleading mentors introduce their charges to the other cheerleaders who will vote on the new girls, Marcy, mhmm, Gearing, stabs Ellie in the back by standing up and introducing her this way. This is Ellie Martin. You might know her as one of the smartest kids in school and a clarinetist in the marching band. Like I told her, it would be so neat to have someone like Ellie on the squad this year.

他第一次听到这个故事时，道格环顾四周，心想，等等，就这样吗？他错过了残忍的部分吗？像艾莉这样的人？你真的没听出来吗，道格？他没有。

The first time he had heard the story, Doug looked around thinking, wait, was was that it? Had he missed the cruel part? Someone like Ellie? Do you seriously not hear that, Doug? He did not.

她基本上是在说，看，那个胖胖的乐队女孩想当啦啦队员。看，我不是…我的意思是，道格结结巴巴地说。反正，你当啦啦队员也会讨厌的。我当然会讨厌当啦啦队员。你觉得这是故事的重点吗？

She was basically saying, look, the fat band girl wants to be a cheerleader. Look, I don't I mean, Doug stammered. Anyway, you would have hated being a cheerleader. Of course, I would have hated being a cheerleader. You think that's the point of the story?

艾莉，他说，你已经成长为一个成功、快乐、美丽的女人。谁在乎某个16岁的啦啦队员说过什么？你为什么就不能放下呢？放下？她盯着他，仿佛象鼻虫正从他的眼眶里爬出来。

Ellie, he said, you grew into a successful, happy, beautiful woman. Who cares what some 16 year old cheerleader said? Why can't you let it go? Let it go? She stared at him like weevils were crawling out of his eye sockets.

有时候，我觉得你简直不是人类。失陪一下可以吗？道格对玛西·吉尔林说。他站起身走向洗手间，盯着镜中的自己。疲惫双眼周围布满皱纹的皮肤，稀疏灰白的头发。

Sometimes, I don't think you're human. Would you excuse me for a moment? Doug says to Marcy Gearing. He stands and walks to the bathroom where he stares at himself in the mirror. Creased skin around tired eyes, thin graying hair.

这张老人的脸有时会让他自己吃惊。天啊，这算是什么考验？他喜欢这个女人。真的喜欢。她是艾莉去世后第一个让他产生心灵共鸣的人。

It surprises him sometimes, this old man's face. Jesus, what kind of a test is this? He likes this woman. Really likes her. She is the first person he's connected with since Ellie died.

她漂亮又友善，可能和他一样有点脆弱。他仍能感受到她手触碰他时的电流。然而全世界这么多人，这偏偏是他绝对不能约会的那一个。这可不行啊，丘比特。他现在该怎么办？

She is pretty and nice and maybe a little fragile like him. He can still feel the charge from her hand on his. And yet of all the people in the world, this is literally the one he cannot date. Not okay, Cupid. What's he supposed to do now?

回到餐桌前，为某件她肯定都不记得的事大骂玛西·该死的·吉尔林？从后门溜走让她付账，在这么多年后为艾莉报仇？或者不。也许这是另一种考验。他想起那位牧师阿斯特丽德，思索是否真有天堂，而让他深爱的艾莉升入天堂的唯一方式，就是在这人世间原谅妻子毫无意义的终生怨恨。

Go back to the table and yell at Marcy fucking Gearing for something she surely doesn't even remember? Sneak out the back door and stick her with the bill, get Ellie's revenge after all these years later? Or no. Perhaps this is another kind of test. He thinks about the pastor, Astrid, and wonders if there is a heaven and the only way he can help his beloved Ellie ascend to paradise is this, here on Earth, to forgive his wife's pointless lifelong grudge.

当然。没错。他几乎能在男厕所里听见艾莉的声音。那你打算怎么做呢，道格？难道真要上了玛西·该死的·吉尔林？

Sure. Right. He can almost hear Ellie's voice in the men's room. And how do you propose to do that, Doug? By actually fucking Marcy fucking gearing?

在洗手间的镜子里，道格看着自己的倒影拍打额头。艾莉去世前三天，道格终于问道：你和那位牧师谈了些什么？艾莉缓缓睁开眼睛，深深吸了口气。我的父母、教堂、上帝、非上帝、我们的孩子、你。

In the bathroom mirror, Doug watches his reflection slap its forehead. Three days before Ellie died, Doug finally asked, what did you talk about with that pastor? Ellie's eyes opened slowly. She took a deep breath. My parents, the church, God, not God, our kids, you.

她有没有说些，我不知道，安慰的话？艾莉舔了舔干裂的嘴唇。她确实说了。她说：我们才是教婴儿害怕黑暗的人。道格歪着头，不明白这话的意思。

Did she say anything, I don't know, comforting? Ellie licked her dry, cracked lips. She did, actually. She said, we are the ones who teach babies to be afraid of the dark. Doug cocked his head, unsure what this meant.

她说：我们安装小夜灯。我们开着台灯。我们才是制造那种恐惧的人。她说：婴儿怎么会害怕黑暗呢？那里正是他们刚刚来的地方啊。在披萨店的洗手间里，道格做出了决定。

She said, we put in night lights. We leave lamps on. We are the ones who create that fear. She said, why would babies be afraid of the dark when it is the place they've just come from? In the pizzeria bathroom, Doug comes to a decision.

他的妻子已经不在了。什么也无法改变这个事实。而外面正坐着一位美丽、看似善良又聪明的女人在等他。他会回到餐桌前，向玛西解释为什么离开了这么久。告诉她刚才反应异常的原因——他已故的妻子和她上过同一所高中，但绝口不提啦啦队训练营。

His wife is gone now. Nothing can change that. And sitting out there waiting for him is a beautiful, seemingly kind, intelligent woman. He will go back out there and explain to Marcy why he was gone so long. Tell her the reason he reacted so strangely a few minutes ago that his deceased wife had gone to the same high school as her without mentioning cheerleading camp.

希望他们会为这个巧合发笑，并决定再次见面。他深吸一口气，走出洗手间。'听着，我很抱歉，'他边说边坐回椅子。'这听起来可能很奇怪，但是不。'玛西·吉尔林打断了他。

And hopefully, they will laugh about the coincidence and decide to see one another again. He takes a deep breath and walks out of the bathroom. Look, I'm I'm sorry, he says as he settles into his chair. This is gonna sound weird, but no. Marcy Gearing interrupts him.

现在他看到她眼睛红了，她一直在哭。'对不起。你离开的时候，我……我意识到了。'她捂住嘴。'我还没准备好面对这个。'

And now he sees that her eyes are red, that she's been crying. I'm sorry. While you were gone, I I realized. She covers her mouth. I'm not ready for this.

'请原谅我。不是你的问题。我只是……我很抱歉。'然后玛西·吉尔林站起身，抓起她的手提包，冲出了门。

Forgive me. It's not you. I just. I'm sorry. Then Marcy Gearing stands, grabs her purse, and rushes out the door.

在拥挤餐厅的嘈杂声中，道格只能盯着她空荡荡的椅子。他就这样独自坐了一会儿。他低头看着两只半满的葡萄酒杯，还有周围的桌子，大多是年轻家庭和情侣。有人正为高脚椅里的婴儿掰披萨边，这几乎彻底击垮了他。但几分钟后，一种奇特的平静感笼罩了道格·科茨，甚至是幸福。

In the thrum of the crowded restaurant, Doug can do nothing but stare at her empty chair. He sits by himself this way for a while. He looks down at the two half full wine glasses and at the tables around him, mostly young families, couples. Someone is breaking off pizza crusts for a baby in a high chair and this really nearly ruins him. But after a few minutes, a strange sense of calm comes over Doug Coates, happiness even.

他轻笑一声，喝完自己的酒，向对面的空椅举杯致意，然后伸手拿起她的酒杯。他点了D街亚洲风味的几片招牌咖喱披萨以示敬意。另一份披萨，他打包好作为明天的午餐。'那位女士不回来了吗？'服务员问道。

He hums a laugh, finishes his glass of wine, toasts the empty chair in front of him, and reaches for her glass. He honors the Asian population of D Street by having a few slices of their signature curry style pizza. The other pizza, he has boxed up for lunch tomorrow. Is the lady not coming back? Asked the waitress.

'她不回来了，'道格说。当账单送来时，96美元（不含小费），道格微笑着意识到他迫不及待想告诉亚伦这件事，他的第二次正式约会。'不会吧，'亚伦会说，并像他母亲那样微笑。'哦，是的，'道格会说，'玛西·该死的·吉尔林。'

The lady is not, Doug says. And when the bill comes, $96 before tip, Doug smiles and realizes he cannot wait to tell Aaron about this, his second official date. No, Aaron will say, and he will smile just like his mother. Oh, yes. Doug will say, Marcy effing gearing.

然后道格会解释他们当时玩得多开心，她却突然离开，让他付了账单。而当他欣喜的儿子大笑时，道格会想，也许我们永远不会停止爱我们所爱的人，即使他们已经回到了他们来自的黑暗之中。但也许，如果我们幸运的话，我们能再次感受到他们。在这个案例中，是通过被玛西·吉尔林坑了的共同小经历。以及，再次地，通过我们一起创造的人那温暖熟悉的笑声。

Then Doug will explain how they were having a great time when she suddenly left and stuck him with the bill. And while his delighted son laughs, Doug will think that maybe we never stop loving the people we love even when they've gone back to the dark from which they came. But maybe, if we're lucky, we get to feel them again. In this case, in the small shared experience of getting fucked over by Marci Gearing. And again, in the warm familiar laughter of the people we made together.

刚才播放的是杰斯·沃尔特斯的故事《黑暗》，由杰森·亚历山大在洛杉矶盖蒂中心朗读。一个困境，不是吗？在悲剧之后重塑自我并审视爱的机会？亚历山大出色地诠释了这种冲突——在逆境中保持希望，尽管前伴侣坚持，仍对约会感到不忠，并最终放手那个新的可能性，即使它提供了一些渴望的改变。所以，也许重塑车轮不一定完全多余或愚蠢。

That was Jess Walters' story, The Dark, read by Jason Alexander at the Getty Center in Los Angeles. A dilemma, isn't it? Reinventing yourself and interrogating your chances for love after a tragedy? And Alexander does a fine job of articulating that conflict, remaining hopeful against the odds, feeling disloyal about dating despite the insistence of a former partner, and ultimately letting that new possibility go even if it offers something of a desired change. So maybe reinventing the wheel doesn't have to be entirely redundant or silly.

也许当我们尝试创造新的或不同的东西时，回报就在于努力本身，相信可能性的存在。但听完这个故事后，我感到温暖和宽容。下次我的大餐挑战再试试我，给我来份素食的。我是梅格·沃利策。感谢您收听《精选短篇》。

Maybe as we attempt to craft something new or different, the reward is in the effort itself, believing in the possibility of what could be. But I'm feeling warm and forgiving after that story. Try me again over my next belt buster and make mine vegetarian. I'm Meg Wallitzer. Thanks for joining me for Selected Shorts.

《精选短篇》由詹妮弗·布伦南和莎拉·蒙塔古制作。我们的团队包括马修·洛夫、德鲁·理查森、玛丽·希姆金、薇薇安·伍德沃德和马格达莱纳·罗佩尔斯基。朗读由迈尔斯·B·史密斯录制。我们在洛杉矶盖蒂中心呈现的节目由菲尔·理查兹录制。我们的主题音乐是大卫·彼得森的《That's the Deal》，由迪尔多夫·彼得森组合演奏。

Selected Shorts is produced by Jennifer Brennan and Sarah Montagu. Our team includes Matthew Love, Drew Richardson, Mary Shimkin, Vivienne Woodward, and Magdalene Ropelski. The readings are recorded by Miles b Smith. Our programs presented at the Getty Center in Los Angeles are recorded by Phil Richards. Our theme music is David Peterson's That's the Deal performed by the Dierdorf Peterson Group.

《短篇精选》节目由邓甘农基金会赞助支持。本节目还通过纽约州艺术委员会获得公共资金支持，并得到州长凯西·霍楚尔及纽约州立法机构的支持。《短篇精选》由Symphony Space制作并发行。

Selected Shorts is supported by the Dungannon Foundation. This program is also made possible with public funds from the New York State Council on the Arts with the support of governor Kathy Hochul and the New York State Legislature. Selected shorts is produced and distributed by Symphony Space.