#464 体位、做爱vs做感情，以及无性婚姻 - 混搭特辑！

过去几周的事吗？

the last couple of weeks?

不，是过去几个月的事。

No, in the last couple of months.

哦，天哪。

Oh, girl.

我得说那两只猫咪非常……

I will say it was very So those two pussies.

但我运用了所有学到的知识。

But I used all of the information.

你掌握的信息可真多。

You have a lot of information.

是的，我确实花时间重温并应用了这些经验。

Yes, that I've learned and spent time actually revisiting to apply in my experience.

过程很艰难，但也非常棒，我感到很安全，最终结果好得出乎意料。

And it was hard but it was also really awesome and I felt safe and it ended up being amazing.

我采纳了很多Reid Mahalco的建议。

And I used a lot of Reid Mahalco's advice.

你们之前讨论过这些事吗？

Did you guys talk about things before?

比如提前稍微聊过一点？

Like beforehand a little bit like

是的，我是否也充分信任了整个情况和那个人。

what Yes, did I also do on trusted the whole situation and person enough.

总之不是关于我的事。

Anyway, is not about me.

只是想说你这样很令人兴奋。

Just wanted to say that's exciting.

这对我来说非常重要，因为我总是想太多。

That was something that was really important to me because I'm such a heady motherfucker.

期间确实出现过几次状况。

And there were some times where things came up.

当时我确实很需要敞开心扉，比如直接说‘我现在没心思参与’。

And I was really needing and open during the situation about like, hey, I'm not feeling invested right now.

怎么回事？

What's going on?

你们俩挺酷的。

You two are cool.

我需要缓一会儿。

I'm gonna a moment.

我要出去透口气。

I'm gonna go outside for a minute.

嗯。

Yeah.

是啊。

Yeah.

没问题的。

It was fine.

这很有帮助。

And that helps.

是啊。

Yeah.

所以这就是为什么之前要讨论那些事情，有些人可能会想，天啊，他们要离开房间了。

And then so that's why talking about those things before though, some people may be like, oh my God, they're leaving the room.

他们还好吗？

Are they okay?

对。

Right.

所以人越多越热闹。

So the more the merrier.

不过我看了。

I watched though.

其实没离开房间。

Didn't really leave the room.

哦，不过那还挺有趣的。

Oh, that's fun though.

看，是的。

See, yeah.

然后他们就会说，天啊，我们简直像个电影院。

Then they're like, oh my God, we're like a movie theater.

完全是暴露癖时刻。

Full exhibitionist moment.

所以，是的。

And so, yeah.

因此也要慢慢开始，比如不要一上来就全盘接受，如果你觉得'啊这听起来好可怕压力好大'，可以尝试三人行但不涉及性器官。

So with that also starting slow, like don't dive all the if you're like, ah, this sounds scary and overwhelming, maybe like have the threesome without genitals being a part of it.

先把阴道排除在外——毕竟我们讨论的是所有阴道。

Just take the pussy loose because we're talking about all pussies.

把所有阴道都从桌上拿开。

Take all the pussies off the table.

这样或许能让事情变得简单些，或者你们可以先不接吻

And then it can make things maybe a little bit easier Or when maybe you have no to kissing

或者类似的事情

or something.

有些人可能有不同的禁忌

Some people might have a different thing.

对，也许不接受肛交

Yeah, maybe no anal.

或者可能是...我也不确定

Or maybe it's like, I don't know.

如果

If

你想慢慢来，可以先不涉及生殖器接触，从身体其他部位开始探索，这样会让人更放松

you wanna go slow, taking the genitals off the table to check things out, the rest of the body first, I think can create a lot more ease.

生殖器接触需要现在考虑性传播感染风险，还要考虑快感、安全等诸多因素

Genitals require now, we have think about maybe STIs, more about like pleasure and safety and all these things.

这就像在那里把事情搞得更复杂了。

It's just like there it makes it's more complicated.

我可以建议准备些性玩具在身边吗？因为我之前就在旁边放着魔法棒

May I suggest having sex toys around because I had magic wands around on

在两侧，整个

On the sides, all

房间到处都是。

the way over the room.

我有三个不同的，就像这样——这是你的，这是我的。

I had three different ones and it was like, this is yours, this is mine.

那是

That was

你们共享了一个

Did share a

可爱的交换吗？

cute swap?

不。

No.

你们有没有用它们来比剑？

Did you did you get a sword fight with them?

出发。

To go.

预规则。

Prerule.

预规则。

Prerule.

禁止比剑。

No sword fighting.

这确实很有帮助。

And it really helped.

我觉得它是个很棒的配饰。

It I thought it was a great accessory.

完全同意。

Totally.

这甚至不是魔法棒造型的插头，我当时就觉得，这设计太天才了。

And this isn't even a magic wand plug, I was like, this is genius.

而且这些还是可以消毒的那种。

And those are the ones you can sanitize too.

你可以

You can

清洗 对。

clean the Yeah.

嗯，我把它送给她了。

Well, I gave it to her.

你是后来才把它当礼物送出去的？

You gifted it after?

这真是个不错的三方组合。

That is a good threesome right there.

你带着礼物离开吗？

You leave with a gift?

太棒了。

That's amazing.

是啊。

Yeah.

嗯，

Well,

我是说，那很好。

mean, that's good.

好吧。

Alright.

还有谁想来个三人行？

Who else wants to have a threesome?

他们可能会送你情趣玩具。

They probably give you sex toys.

这太棒了。

This is amazing.

另一个建议是，如果这个人听起来像是被压垮了，你知道的，面对这么多身体。

And then another tip would be if you're because this person sounded like overwhelming all, you know, all these bodies.

还有就像和April那样，就像你刚才说的。

Another thing would be like actually with April, exactly what you just said.

你休息了一下，对吧？

You took a time out, right?

你在事情发生时休息了一下。

And you took a time out when it was going on.

就像你已经投入其中一样。

Like you already been like invested in it.

但也许当你开始时，不要同时和三个人一起。

But maybe when you start, you actually don't start with all three at the same time.

一个人坐着看，另外两个人在互动，然后你可以轮流交换，让每个人都有一个机会。

One person sitting out watching while the other two are engaging and then you can kind of swap like each person takes a turn sitting out.

这样一来，你知道，每个人都能真正一对一地感受彼此的身体，然后再把大家聚集起来。

That way, you know, you everyone gets to really feel each other's bodies one on one and then you can bring them all together.

是的。

Yeah.

这些都是可选方案。

These are options.

这会

It would have

对我来说很难。

been hard for me.

我觉得你在这方面会更擅长。

I feel like you'd be better with this.

我太

I'm too

只是在角落里不断引诱和挑逗。

Just on the corner bait and baiting.

我太容易上头了。

I'm I'm too heady.

就像爆米花一样热辣。

Just Hot with popcorn.

经验之谈。

Experience.

我需要肌肤相触的真实感受。

I need to feel the skin on my skin.

在他们做的时候，你可以只用一根手指触碰他们。

You could just put one finger on them while they're doing it.

感觉如何？

How do feel?

其实还有很多书可以参考。

That's so Well, there's also books you can read.

是啊。

Yeah.

所以这本手册，不仅仅是关于三人行的指南。

So for a manual, this this manual is not just about threesomes.

一本《烦恼手册》？

A woe manual?

对。

Yeah.

《烦恼手册》。

Woe manual.

没错。

Yeah.

它是关于女性性爱的。

It's about girl sex.

书名就叫《女性性爱101》，作者是艾莉森·穆恩。

It's literally called girl sex one zero one by Alison Moon.

这是本很棒的书。

It is amazing book.

我是说，你看过吗？它超级厚，里面全是图片，简直不可思议。

I mean, have you seen it's like and it's it's super thick and it has all these pictures and like it's incredible.

如果你想了解女女之欢或多女性爱，无论是单对单、单人性爱还是多女性爱，这本书都堪称绝妙。

And if you wanna learn anything about sex with like girl on girl or multiple women, so like all the pussies all all together whether it's one on one or just your pussy or mini pussies, this is an amazing book.

所以这就是为你准备的手册。

So that's the manual for you.

。

Okay.

好吧。

But the drum roll, all drum rolls for this, which is helpful.

准备好了吗？

Ready?

哦，我喜欢。

Oh, like it.

看埃里卡是的。

Watch Erica Yes.

欲望。

Lust.

是的。

Yes.

艾丽卡·欲望。

Erica Lust.

我们讨论过她太多次了。

We've talked about her so many times.

太多次了。

So many times.

太多次了。

So many times.

尤其是涉及到三人行的时候。

Especially when it comes to the threesomes.

胸部。

The bust.

太

It's so

棒了。

good.

这是色情片，伦理色情片。

It's porn, ethical porn.

太赞了。

That's awesome.

我觉得无论你是谁，都能在America Lust网站上找到你喜欢的内容。

That I feel whoever you are, you can find something that you like on America Lust site.

而且很美。

And it's beautiful.

这次我们要做一个音频片段，我一直想在节目中做这个。

And this one, we're gonna do an audio clip, which I've always wanted to do on the show.

我们要做一个音频片段。

And we're gonna do an audio clip.

你要播放一段音频片段。

You're gonna do an audio clip.

《为爱所困》吗？

The Guilty in Love?

是的。

Yes.

所以我看了《为爱所困》。

So I watched guilty in love.

所以这是个呃呃呃。

And so it is a f f f.

就是三位阴道拥有者或者说女性认同者，但她们确实有阴道。

So so three pussy owners or female identified folks, but they have pussies.

三人组亲密互动，玩着大量情趣玩具。

Thruple connecting, and then they're playing with a ton of sex toys.

我看到里面有Crave品牌的产品。

I saw crave in there.

我看到了那个渴望戒指。

I saw the crave ring.

我看到了那条渴望项链。

I saw the crave necklace.

然后他们还在做爱。

And then they're also having sex.

真正酷的是这些都是真实的人类，他们真心想要彼此连接。

And what's really cool is these are real humans that really want to connect with each other.

所以这种连接和快感是真实的。

So the connection and the pleasure is real.

你还能看到协商的过程。

And you also see negotiation.

大概进行到十到二十分钟时，其中一人对另一位私处所有者做了些动作。

It when like maybe ten, twenty minutes in, some one of the humans was doing something to the other pussy owner.

然后另一位私处所有者确实说了类似‘哦，不’这样的话。

And then the other pussy owner did say like, oh, no.

这样不行，我们能试试别的吗？

That's not can we try something else?

比如，实际上试过这个，比如三重弹跳

Like, actually did this, like, Triple Bouncing

三重F。

triple f's.

对。

Yep.

三重三个P。

Triple three Three p's.

三个P。

Three p's.

P。

P's.

小洞。

Minnie holes.

所以如果你现在正在工作，戴上你的耳机。

So if you're at work right now, put in your headphones.

是的。

Yes.

戴上你的AirPods，不管你有什么样的耳机，因为你会想要，全部接收这些

Put in your AirPods, whatever kind of pod you have, because you're gonna wanna, take this all

进去。

in.

准备好迎接呻吟声。

Be ready for the moaning.

来了。

Here we go.

哦，我的天。

Oh my god.

感觉太棒了。

That feels so good.

天啊。

Oh my god.

你准备好让我把它放进你里面了吗？

Are you ready for me to put it inside you?

是的，拜托。

Yes, please.

求你了。

Please.

让我看看。

Let me see.

哦，是的。

Oh, yes.

就在那里。

That's right there.

就放在那里。

Put it right there.

天啊。

Oh my god.

对。

Yes.

就在那里。

Right there.

哦，是的。

Oh, yes.

我喜欢这样。

I like that.

哦，那感觉

Oh, that feels

哇，那真是太他妈爽了。

Well, that was fucking hot.

你甚至不...我是说，我真的很喜欢这视觉效果。

You don't even I mean, I mean, I love the visuals.

你你又来了，你得去看看艾丽卡

You you again, you have to go check out Erica

少来点播客吧

Less from podcasting.

我是个我

I'm a I

我需要一个

need a

浴室里的品酒小憩。

bathroom wine break.

他们在这里汗流浃背。

They're sweating in here.

没错，艾瑞卡·莱斯，为爱痴狂。

So yeah, Erika Les, guilty in love.

这就是它的出处。

That's what that's from.

我也不知道。

And I don't know.

我是说，光是听音频我就觉得，好吧，被说服了。

I mean, even just the audio, I'm like, okay, sold.

这有点像那种视觉与听觉交融的东西。

It's it's kind of one of those things where visual and audio meet together.

所以如果你有兴趣了解更多，请访问ericoless.com。

So if you're interested in seeing more, go to ericoless.com.

视觉会给你更多——我们毕竟是视觉动物，更多关于如何驾驭这个三重空间的想法。

The visual will give you And more we are visual people, more ideas for how to navigate this three pussy space.

但说实话，太热了。

But honestly, is so hot.

太热了。

It's so hot.

我就喜欢那种不看色情片只听音频的感觉。

I love just like looking at porn without looking at porn, just having the audio on.

除非听起来足够真实优质，否则你不会觉得这是最棒的。

Unless as long as it sounds like good and authentic, you're not they're not like, this is the best.

这是最棒的。

This is the best.

你在Erika Leste的电影里听不到这种话，因为她的作品太出色了。

Which you won't hear in Erika Leste's films because they're amazing.

非常真实。

It's authentic.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

如果你想一起探索些新幻想，包括这个三人行的三重连接，还想享受45折优惠，可以观看《爱的罪疚》——我们刚给你展示过片段——或者Erica Lust的任何电影。

So if you wanna discover some new fantasies together, including this triple f throuple connecting, and you wanna get 45% off, you can watch guilty in love, which we just showed you a little demo of, or any of Erica Lust's films.

你可以享受45折优惠。

And you can get 45% off.

访问ericahlust.com（注意Erika拼写带k），使用优惠码xmess45。

Go to ericahlust.com with a k, Erika, and use code x mess 45.

你几乎能享受半价优惠。

You get almost half off.

45%的折扣。

45%.

这简直是白菜价。

That's a steal.

谁会不想要呢？

Like, who doesn't want that?

你一定会爱上它的。

You'll you're gonna love it.

你绝不会后悔。

You will not regret this.

真希望我之前就能有这个优惠。

I wish I would have had that before.

节日快乐。

Happy holidays.

我对现在的很满意，下一个会是，没错。

I'm fine with my now my next one will be Yeah.

你的下一个。

Your next one.

给你。

There you go.

好的。

Alright.

你准备好听Aaron和Alicia的简介了吗？

Are you ready for Aaron and Alicia's bio?

Aaron和Alicia Davon，旧金山首席坦陀罗导师，长期担任关系教练，开发了他们独特的Davon方法，并已通过团体、静修和个人课程教授给超过20,000名学生。

Aaron and Alicia Davon, longtime relationship coaches in San Francisco's foremost Tantra teachers, developed their signature process, the Davon Method, and have taught it to over 20,000 students in groups, at retreats, and individual sessions.

他们已成为全球浪漫与性爱事务的首选指导。

They have become the go to place for all things romantic and sexual worldwide.

了解更多信息，请访问dayvonmethod.com。

To learn more, go to dayvonmethod.com.

有没有更合适的时机？

Are there better times?

我们知道这可能取决于个人偏好——哪种方式更好，但做爱和缠绵是否有更合适的时间段？

We know it's I guess it's preference with is one better than the other, but are there better times for fucking versus making love?

亲爱的，我稍后让你回答，但我想先从一个有趣的角度回答：比起区分哪种行为适合哪个时段，更重要的是能够进入这些不同状态中心，并能自由切换。

I'm gonna let you answer in a minute, babe, but I'm gonna answer in kind of an interesting way, which is I think more than there being good times for one or the other, having access to these different centers and being able to access all of them is important.

比如可能会有一个时刻。

Like there might be a time.

好，假设有这样一个时刻。

Okay, so there's a time.

比方说在恋爱关系中的某个阶段，当你们越来越亲密、逐渐坠入爱河时，你们会希望在亲热时能进入心灵中心，营造那种融化般的、紧密相连的亲密氛围。

Let's say, you know, that some time in the relationship and you're getting closer and you're kind of falling in love, you want to be able to, when you're making out, able to access your heart center and bring that melty, connected, intimate vibe.

对吧？

Right?

顺着这个话题说，如今我们学员面临的最大挑战之一就是生活方式设计。

Yeah, to ride on the coattails of that, one of the biggest things that we encounter with students challenges they have nowadays is lifestyle design.

所以有时候最佳时机就是当你真正有时间与自己建立连接时，无论是身体上、情感上还是性方面。要知道，人们常常非常忙碌，很难切换到性爱状态，所以我们每天早晨都会专门留出时间。

So sometimes the best time is when you actually have time to be in touch with yourself, literally, physically, emotionally, sexually, you know, are very, very busy and it's hard to transition to sex, so we make time every morning.

清晨第一件事就是做这个，这是我们大多数日子的惯例，除非遇到特殊情况。

First thing in the morning, you know, it's what we do most days minus, you know, issue or something like that.

另一种回答方式是：早晨是激烈性爱的好时机，因为那时你的精力最旺盛，对吧？

The other way I would answer the question is that morning is a great time for fucking, because your energy is really up, right?

而晚上则更适合温柔做爱，因为那通常是一天中更平静的时刻，氛围更放松。

And evening can be a great time for making love and kind of more relaxed and like that because it can often be a more calm part of the day.

所以我们可以从生活方式角度分析，也可以从生理学角度来看待这个问题。

So if we look at it, we can look at it in terms of lifestyle and then we can look at it in terms of biology.

还有其他的观察角度吗？

Any other ways to look at it?

嗯，就像我刚才说的情境因素。我清楚地记得，埃文，你有个超能力就是能够完全袒露自己，对面临的挑战保持彻底脆弱。

Well, circumstance, kind of like I was saying, if it's, I mean, I have this vivid memory of us because you, Erwan, one of his superpowers is being like letting it all hang out, being totally vulnerable with things that challenge him.

我记得在我们恋爱几个月后，你说过类似这样的话：亲密性爱对我来说很有挑战性。

And I remember a few months into our relationship, you said something like, Oh, you know, intimate sex is challenging for me.

我当时就想，哦，那可是我最擅长的领域，对吧？

And I was like, Oh, and that was like my happy place, right?

我的强项。

My forte.

那次谈话后我们躺在床上，有种兴奋的紧张感——‘我们现在要有亲密关系了’。

And so after that conversation and then we were laying in bed together and there was like this exciting tension, Oh, we're going to have intimate sex now.

对Erwan来说，那是他刻意感受自己内心的美好时刻。

You know, that was a really nice time for Erwan to deliberately feel his heart.

我记得你当时刻意那样做，既可爱又别扭，还特别甜蜜。

And I remembered like you were deliberately doing that and it was like cute and uncomfortable and so sweet.

我们从来没有

We never had

那些甜蜜脆弱的互动都没有。

none of that sweet, vulnerable stuff.

你当时就说‘不不不’

You're like, No, no, no.

我不是。

I'm not.

我知道这不是我编造的。

I know I'm not making this up.

所以当时就觉得，是时候提这个了，你懂吗？

So it was like, this is the time to bring that, you know?

因此我认为有些场合适合提这个，有些场合适合提那个，一天中的某些时段也是。

And so I think there's certain times to bring one or the other, certain times of day.

是啊，顺便搭上这趟顺风车，度假时光。

Yeah, to ride on the coattails of that as well, vacation time.

我们非常支持人们多休假、多享受闲暇时光，从而获得对生活的洞察。

We're big fans of people really taking more vacations, more leisure time, get a perspective on life.

荷尔蒙开始活跃，亲密关系更容易建立。

Hormones come online, intimacy, it's easier to get connected to somebody.

另外想到的是——我们喜欢从多角度看问题——就是女性的需求是什么，对吧？

The other thing that comes to mind, we like to look at things from a lot of points of view, is just what's the woman's appetite, right?

比如有时候女人会有这样的欲望，你知道的，就是想要亲密接触。

Like sometimes a woman has an appetite for, you know, let's get perpendicular horizontal, let's get down to that.

有时候她渴望的是，你知道的，那种亲密感。

Sometimes she's got an appetite for, you know, let's be intimate.

要灵活应对。

Be flexible.

对吧？

Right?

是啊。

Yeah.

酸它。

Acid it.

嗯。

Yeah.

所以我才会在这里。

And so what so I'm here.

所以你是说可以有不同方式，并不是说哪一种比另一种更好。

So you're saying there's there can be different so it's not one's better than the other.

一天中可以有不同时段，比如清晨与夜晚。

There can be different times of day, like, know, morning versus night.

甚至在同一场亲密中，可能此刻我想要某种体验，无论是做爱还是你如何定义它。

Also just within one session, it could be like right now, I want some experience of whatever making love or however you define that.

然后可能会转变为更激烈的性爱——就我而言，当我开始与任何人发生性接触时，包括我近六年的长期伴侣，我并不想立刻进入激烈阶段，因为我是女性，身体需要时间预热。

And then it can turn into to fucking like for me, when I'm starting to engage sexually with basically anyone, including my long term partner of almost six years, I don't really wanna fuck right away because my I'm a woman, and my body takes a while to warm up.

而且我也是一个需要大量安全感和放松的女性，所有这些因素都需要考虑。

And as and I'm also a woman that requires a lot of, safety and relaxation, all these other pieces.

我还听到你说你可以缓慢地进行性爱。

And I'm also hearing you say that you can fuck slowly.

所以，我的思维有点被这些信息冲击到了。

So, like, my mind's a little blown with all this.

我们稍后会探讨密宗的部分，以及它如何融入这一切。

And we're gonna get into the tantra piece and how this will fit into all this.

但April刚刚提醒了我一个问题，我认为这很重要，我们稍后也会多谈谈伴侣关系。

But one question that April just reminded me of that I think is and we'll talk more about couples in a little bit too.

如果在一对伴侣中，无论是长期关系还是随意的性关系，

What if either in in a couple, whether they're together, like, we're in a relationship or it's just like a casual sex thing.

如果他们之间差异很大怎么办？

What if they're very they're very different?

比如其中一人只喜欢直接性交或立刻进入主题，

Like, one of them is like, I only like to fuck or I fuck right away.

而另一人则只喜欢做爱前要有情感交流或需要先培养亲密感。

And the other one's like, I only like to make love or I need to make love before we fuck.

这种情况该怎么办？

Like, what what what do you do?

没什么特别的。

Nothing Yeah.

就像早晨那部分说的。

Like The morning piece.

那是傍晚时分。

They were the evening.

就像，有人更喜欢某个人胜过另一个，他们就这样

Like, someone prefers someone to the other and they're like, so that

如果我和April在做爱怎么办？

What if I what if April and I are having sex?

她喜欢我这样做。

She loves when I do this.

当我们做爱时，她喜欢早上直接来，但我想先培养感情。

When we're having sex, and she likes to fuck in the morning, but I wanna make love.

但我想等待。

But I want to wait.

我是说

Am I saying

我说得对吗？

this right?

操

Fuck in

在晚上。

the evening.

不。

No.

不。

No.

他们懂了。

They get it.

我想他们明白了。

I think they get it.

他们超级能理解我们。

They're they're super in tune with us.

是啊。

Yeah.

这是个很棒的问题，它触及了我们工作的核心——临在。

So it's a great question, and it it like, the heart of our work is presence.

保持临在、保持在场、保持觉醒，你知道，就像禅宗寺院的背景，还有瑜伽、罗马等等这些元素。

Being present, being there, being awake, you know, background in a zen monastery and, you know, Yogash, Rome, all this stuff.

所以这就像是所有工作的中心枢纽，当两个人在关系中临在时，你们仍是两个独立自主的个体，但同时你们又构成了一个关系实体——这个关系本身就是独立存在的。

So that's kind of the hub around which everything we do revolves, and when two people are present with each other in relationship, you still have two individuals, two autonomous people, two individuals, but you also have a relationship, and the relationship is its own entity, if you will, and you don't really give up your autonomy, but you are part of the relationship.

它有自己的存在形式，有自己的体验场域，某种程度上与密宗相通，形成一种可感知的、实质性的能量场。

It has its own existence, it has its own field of experience, kind of links into tantra, sort of tangible field, a substantial field.

看你们俩拥有如此美好的关系，光是看着你们就能感受到那种联结的色彩、氛围和肢体语言。

You you two have a beautiful relationship, just looking at you, we can see the relationship, the colors, and the feel, the body.

是啊，就是

Yeah, it's

充满爱，

got love,

真有趣。

interesting.

所以每个人都有这样的场域，友谊、爱情关系、婚姻等等，当这种统一场域在体验上越多，不仅在智力上，更是在性中心、身体、心灵和头脑中真实体验时，关于去哪家餐厅、何时亲密、或做什么，就越是协作行为，因为伴侣感觉良好的事，你也感觉良好，因为你们就是伴侣关系本身，所以分歧不会那么大。

So everybody's got this field, friendships, lover relationships, marriages, etc, and the more of that unified field there is experientially, not just intellectually, but really experientially in the sex center, in the body, in the heart, in the mind, then the more what restaurant to go to, or when to have sex, or what to do, is a collaborative act, because what feels good to your partner feels good to you, because you of are your partner, you kind of are the relationship, so it's not so divergent.

如果某件事真的让对方开心，你会发现自己更愿意去做，这不是妥协，不是简单折中，而是真心想往那个方向去。

If something really pleases somebody else, you find yourself wanting to do that more, so it's not compromise, it's not exactly meeting in the middle, it's actually wanting to go in the other direction.

所以一方可能会往另一方的方向走并真心享受，反之亦然，或者你们可能在中间相遇，不是妥协，中午亲密，感觉就是很好。

So one person might go in the other person's direction and really enjoy it, or vice versa, or you might meet in the middle not as a compromise, have sex at noon, and it just feels good.

感觉美妙极了。

It feels yummy.

是啊。

Yeah.

或者你们可以每天轮换，在不同时间进行。

Or you switch off day by day, do it at different times.

育儿就像...这是个关于性的播客，我可不想谈育儿话题。

Parenting is like, this is a sex podcast, I'm not going talk about parenting.

这太妙了。

That's so brilliant.

你知道的，我会用一种方式处理事情。

You know you know, I would do things one way.

艾丽西娅会用另一种方式。

Alicia would do them another way.

但后来我们发现，哦，是的。

And but then we find, like, oh, yeah.

你知道吗？

You know?

我觉得她在养育我们的儿子方面做得非常好。

I'm like, I got some really good things about how, you know, she's raising our son.

而且，好吧。

And, okay.

我喜欢那样。

I like that.

我可能想不到那个方法。

I wouldn't have thought of that.

我回到我们常讨论的那个白板话题——关于在某处安排个时间表。

I bring it back to the whiteboard that we always talk about having a a schedule somewhere.

不是时间表。

Not a schedule.

但你就像个时间表。

But you're like Schedule.

时间表。

Schedule.

就像，你其实不必这么做，但我我设想当...哦，天哪，已经是晚上了。

It's like, you don't really have to do this, but I I visualizing when, oh, it's, it's fucking night.

该死的周五。

It's fucking Friday.

让我们...让我们开始思考，或者...哦，今天是密宗星期二。

Let's let's get down and thunk, or it's, oh, it's it's Tantric Tuesday.

爱周一。

Love Monday.

今天是谭崔星期二。

It's Tantric Tuesday.

今晚我要和你联系，我会在你下班后去7-11便利店洗手间时和你见面。

I'm gonna connect with you this evening, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna meet you when you when you get off of work in the in the in the in the bathroom at the seven Eleven.

我开玩笑的。

I'm just kidding.

非常谭崔。

Very tantra.

很好。

Good.

所以我认为玩耍也是体验的一部分。

So I I'm I I think play is all part of, like, an experience.

对吧？

Right?

我觉得这正是我总想融入性体验中的——让它们不那么严肃。这也是为什么谭崔对我而言总是个难以理解的概念，除非和你们交流时，因为你们让它变得更接地气、更容易被普通人接受。有些人可能不迷信，没读过谭崔书籍，对此一无所知，听到时会叹气，把它当作冥想或脱离现实的东西。或者他们可能感兴趣，但觉得自己不适合谭崔，因为他们不是瑜伽大师或性爱导师。

And and I think that that's what I always try to put into my sexual experiences to make them less, like, serious, which is why tantra is always like a hard concept for me to grasp except when I talk to you all because I feel like you make it more relatable and easily digestible for folks that maybe aren't wooey or they haven't read a bunch of books on tantra or they don't know anything about it and they hear it and they kind of sigh and they treat it like it's meditation or it's out of touch or they maybe are interested in like, but they don't think that they're the right fit for Tantra because they're not a yogi and a pussy guru.

那么，让我们来聊聊谭崔（Tantra）这个话题吧，为那些对此感兴趣或已经有所涉猎的朋友们。

So, what so let's talk about Tantra a little bit for all of those folks out there or maybe even the ones that, are into it.

我们来探讨一下谭崔究竟是什么，因为它确实与当前话题相关，以及它在性爱中如何发挥作用。

Let's talk about what Tantra is because it does fit into this conversation and how does it come to play in sex.

第二个问题是：一个人能否以谭崔的方式进行性爱？

And part two is, can someone can they fuck Tantrically?

那会是什么样子的呢？

And what does that look like?

你知道的，我需要一个政客们用来提示别人的那个东西叫什么来着

You know, I need a what's the thing that politicians use to tell someone

提词器。

Teleprompter.

提词器。

Teleprompter.

我需要把你的问题打在提词器上，因为你刚才一连问了八个精彩的问题。

I need your question on a teleprompter because they were there is, like, eight brilliant questions in there.

你想怎么处理都行。

Whatever you wanna do with it.

这完全取决于你。

It's all up to you.

你懂吗？

You know?

我要从最开始说起。

I'm gonna start with the beginning.

日程安排。

Scheduling.

你提到了日程安排，日程安排。

You mentioned scheduling, scheduling.

明天是我们的延长高潮示范星期三。

Tomorrow for us is extended orgasm demonstration Wednesday.

所以我要给艾丽西亚按摩，她将在星期三进行延长高潮的示范。

So I'm going to stroke Alicia, she's going to do a demonstration of extended orgasm Wednesday.

大家几点到？

People are going to arrive at what time?

六点十五分。

At 06:15.

六点十五分到，然后演示大约七点半开始。

At 06:15, and then the demonstration will happen at about 07:30.

所以安排非常紧凑，完全按日程进行，而且目前为止她表现非常出色，延长高潮演示，不自主收缩，半小时随心所欲，无一例外。

So it's very scheduled, it's very calendared, and so far she has gotten off really well, extended orgasm, involuntary contractions, half hour as long as we want, all the rest of it without fail.

所以我们都有开发这种潜力的可能。

So we all have that potential to develop that ability.

但重申一遍，这需要规划、意愿、决心，不被心理禁忌和其他问题干扰。

But again, it takes scheduling, willingness, intention, and not getting sucked into the psychological taboos and issues and all the rest of that.

所以我想强调这点，因为这是可以安排的。

So I just want to say that, because you can schedule it.

当然也存在挑战，比如如果我提不起兴致怎么办？

There are some challenges to that, like what if I'm not turned on?

但随性而为也有其挑战，你知道，如果人们太过随性，这事往往就成不了。

But then there's challenges to being spontaneous, you know, like it often just doesn't happen if people are too spontaneous about it.

所以这就是其中一点。

So that's that one.

然后是谭崔，哦，还有那些神神叨叨的东西。

And then Tantra, oh, and the woo woo.

你知道，我要公开声明我是反对——

You know, I want to publicly declare I am anti

我们也是。

Us too.

神神叨叨。

Woo woo.

而且——

And

我是说，我几乎——我不是反对新时代，但我几乎反对新——

I mean, I'm almost I'm not anti new age, but I'm almost anti new.

但我绝对是反对的，我来自纽约。

But I'm definitely anti I'm from New York.

我出生在巴黎。

I was born in Paris.

就像普通词汇，你知道的，她有阴道，我有阴茎，我从没把她的阴道称作'尤尼斯'，你们怎么称呼是你们的事，这没问题。

Like normal words, you know, she's got a pussy, I've got a cock, you know, I've never called her pussy yonis, against the people you have, that's fine.

艾丽西娅当时说，拜托别这样，千万别。

Alicia was like, please don't do that, please don't.

对。

Right.

别提了。

No word.

说来有趣，我们接触谭崔的契机是——我曾在禅寺修行过，也担任过瑜伽精舍的住持，同时还在教授性技巧和延长高潮的课程，而我喜欢钻研学问。

So you know, it's funny how we got into tantra is that I had a background in living in a Zen monastery and as a director of Yoga Ashram, and I was also simultaneously teaching all the sex stuff and extended orgasm stuff, and then I like to study.

我算是学术型的人，通过大量阅读研究，所有线索都指向谭崔体系，然后我才恍然大悟——这不就是我们十年来一直在实践的东西吗？

I'm kind of an academic, so I'm reading and researching and everything that I'm reading and researching is pointing in this direction of tantra, and then I realized, oh, that's what we've been doing for ten years.

所以这真的不是西方化的东西，而是真实的灵性、冥想、延长高潮、道家思想等等。

So it really wasn't a westernized, and it was like, no, it was like real spiritual and meditation and extended orgasm and Taoist and all the rest of that.

因此我对任何灵性事物的首选词汇是'真实'。

So my preferred word for anything spiritual is real.

比起灵魂或上帝，我认为'真实'更贴切。

Instead of spirit or god, I think it's real.

嗯。

Yeah.

我真的很喜欢这个说法。

I really like that.

是啊。

Yeah.

而且...确实是这样。

And and it's yeah.

'真实'这个词...我也想过用'本真'，但可能有点太像'超验'、'本真'之类的概念了。

Real like I I also thought authentic, but that could be a little too much like transcendence, authentic, whatever.

不过确实。

But yeah.

是啊。

Yeah.

所以有人可以真正按照密宗的方式做爱。

So someone can fuck really tauntrically.

真的吗？

Really?

你刚才说'是啊'？

Did you say yeah.

我明白了。

I see.

但他们真的是在按密宗方式做爱？

But they're really fuck really tauntrically?

真正的密宗方式？

Real tauntrically?

那个白痴。

That idiot.

我每天都会和很多人交谈，他们想知道我们是如何接触谭崔的。

I talk to a lot of people every day that want to know how we approach tantra.

因为越来越多的人发现这一点。

And because more and more, that's what people find.

你知道，他们会在网上查找我们。

You know, they look us up online.

他们看到这个谭崔，那个谭崔。

They see Tantra this, Tantra that.

你们到底在说什么？

What are what are you talking about?

我喜欢把它保持得非常简单易懂，就是在身体中培养临在感，比如学习感受你的身体，包括性中心，包括你的阴部、阴茎、你的生命中枢、生殖器，无论你怎么称呼它，然后通过练习帮助自己或与他人一起实现这一点。

And I like to keep it very simple and accessible, which is cultivating presence in the body, like learning to feel your body, and including the sex center, including your pussy, your cock, your vital center, your genitals, whatever you want to call it, and then doing practices to help that happen with yourself and with another person.

你知道那种感觉吗？当你的身体好像在说，嘿，我们正在蓬勃发展。

You know that feeling when your body is like, oh, hey, we're thriving.

这就是我选择VB健康的原因，我们每天都在实践这套性感科学，因为它确实有效。

Well, that's me on VB Health, the sexy science we actually take every day because it works.

我们不会对这些产品三心二意。

We don't flirt with these.

我们已经

We're in

建立了全心全意的承诺关系。

a full on committed relationship.

医生配方、第三方检测、美国制造，纯净安全又可靠。

Doctor formulated, third party tested, made in The USA, pure, safe, and dependable.

我的MVP（私处护理产品）依然保持水润状态。

My MVP is still soaking wet.

它能滋养阴道微生物群，支持天然润滑。

It nourishes the vaginal microbiome and supports natural lubrication.

所以前戏的感觉嘛，嗯，相当润泽。

So foreplay feels, well, juicy.

嘿，外面的兄弟们。

Hey, dudes out there.

增能剂是你的必备品。

Load boost is your must have.

想象更多的量和劲道。

Think more volume and oomph.

看得见摸得着的效果。

Results you can see and you can feel.

而且，你的伴侣也能尝到。

Plus, your partner can taste it too.

当你喷涌而出时我会哼唱美味美味。

I sing yummy yummy when you cummy cummy.

对于所有听众，选择干燥增强配方，因为它是随时准备好进入激情时刻的通用绿灯。

And for everybody listening, get the dry boost formula because it's the universal green light to get you ready for sexy time anytime.

临床认可的植物成分温和激发欲望，不会引起紧张或崩溃。

Clinically respected botanicals that gently nudge desire without jitters or a crash.

看。

Look.

我们优化肌肤、大脑与日程。

We optimize our skin, brains, calendars.

为何不连高潮也优化呢？

Why not orgasms too?

愉悦即健康，所以从内而外开始，选择VB健康。

Pleasure is health, so start from the inside out with a VB Health.

效果更湿润、更美味、

With results that are wetter, tastier, and

为你升级至2.0版本。

boosted for a two point o version of you.

准备好感受不同了吗？

Ready to feel the difference?

前往vb.health官网，使用优惠码shameless可享订单九折。

Head to vb.health and use code shameless for 10% off your order.

使用vb.health优惠码shameless可享全线产品9折优惠。

That's vb.health code shameless for 10% off all of their products.

请重视你的愉悦体验，因为它确实重要。

Treat your pleasure like it matters because it does.

链接在节目备注里。

Link's in the show notes.

为你的愉悦体验发个公益广告。

PSA for your pleasure.

双手很棒，但合适的玩具能带你去手指到不了的地方。

Hands are great, but the right toy can take you places your fingers can't.

认识下Iroha——我们最爱的日本品牌，让你的自我愉悦体验如同私处的高级水疗日。

Meet Iroha, our fave Japanese brand making self pleasure feel like a luxe spa day for your bits.

我最近的心头好是最新款Iroha Suki plus Aionami。

My current crush, the newest Iroha Suki plus Aionami.

那种'过来呀'的垂直律动让我发现了美妙的新感觉，哦天，太棒了。

The come hither vertical motion has me discovering new sensations that are, oh my, so good.

厚颜分享，各位。

Shameless share, everyone.

这款对我的G点特别有效，我之前一直偏爱外部玩具，直到现在才改观。

This really works for my g spot, and I've always preferred external toys until right now.

情侣们注意了，这款Iroha SVR加长版设计能更好接触阴蒂，同时环状结构能提供更强支撑。

And couples, Hello, Iroha SVR, longer body for clitoral contact, plus the ring supports stronger erections.

我们单人双人都试过。

We've used it solo and together.

它既聚焦女性快感，也兼顾男性体验。

It keeps the focus on women's pleasure while helping the men too.

温馨亲密，又火辣十足。

Cozy, connected, and oh so hot.

作为

And as part of

日本新年传统的一部分，他们推出了Iroha福袋，精选产品组合既带来好运又带来愉悦。

the Japanese New Year tradition, they've launched the Iroha Lucky Bag, especially curated bundle of products that is meant to bring you good fortune and good pleasure.

立即获取AROHA幸运礼包，限时优惠，数量有限。

Get the AROHA Lucky Bag of Goodies right now only for a limited time.

访问usstore.eroha.com并使用优惠码Shameless享受折扣。

Just go to usstore.eroha.com and use code Shameless for a discount.

与AROHA一起碰碰运气，输入优惠码Shameless即可在usstore.uroha.com享受订单9折优惠。

Get lucky with AROHA because they are offering our listeners 10% off your order when you enter code Shameless at usstore.uroha.com.

网址是e ROHA，I r o h a，使用优惠码Shameless即可享受这些可爱玩具的9折优惠。

That's e ROHA, I r o h a, and use code Shameless to get 10% off these adorable toys.

Usstore.uroha.com。

Usstore.uroha.com.

优惠码Shameless。

Code Shameless.

2026年好运与愉悦礼包，限时优惠。

Get a bundle of good fortune and pleasure for 2026.

链接在节目描述中。

The link is in the episode's description.

你会如何定义无性关系？

How would you define a sexless relationship?

是指比如八小时没有性行为之后吗？

Is it after, you know, eight hours?

现在就算无性了，还是说八个月没有才算？

Now it's sexless, or is it after eight months?

好吧。

Alright.

这确实有点...

That's a bit yeah.

呃，我是在...我其实不太确定该用什么词，但稍微夸张了一点。

Well, I'm I'm I'm being I'm being really I don't know what the right word is, but Embellishing a little bit.

我是有点夸张，但我觉得这很重要，因为人们常常对自己太苛刻。

I'm I'm embellishing, but think it's important because people get hard on themselves.

有时候我也会这样。

Sometimes I do that.

我就想，已经一周了。

I'm like, it's been a week.

我都没有性生活。

I haven't had sex.

这是怎么回事？

What's happening?

所以，虽然我不想妄加揣测，但你们怎么看？

So, and I'm not gonna project, but what do you all think?

你们对此有什么看法？

What do you think of this?

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

呃，我在某个播客上听过——可能是你的也可能是别人的——有人将其定义为一年少于12次，你知道，就是少于

Well, I heard on some podcast, maybe it was yours or another one, someone defining it as though if it's less than 12 times a year, you know, I than one

我记得我说的是11次。

think I said 11.

是啊。

Yeah.

这挺有意思的，因为我听到时就在想，这直接扣掉了一个月。

It was just interesting because when I heard that, I was like, you're taking away a month.

我忘了是哪一集了，但标题叫无性婚姻。

Like, so like, and and I forgot what episode that was, but it was called sexless marriages.

我记得她当时和我们一起做节目，她说——我没有嘲笑的意思——定义是每年少于11次。

I think she was in somatica with us, but she said, the and I'm not mocking her, but definition is less than 11 times a year.

那相当于每月不到一次。

So that's like less than once a month.

我好奇这个标准是谁定的。

I wonder who's determining that.

我也不知道。

I don't know.

确实。

Yeah.

谁来决定？

Who decides?

是的。

Yeah.

没错，是谁在制定这个标准？

And yes, who's determining that?

还有，他们如何定义性行为？

And also what are they defining as sex?

这是另一个问题。

That's another thing.

在我们深入细节之前，我还想说，如今夫妻长期缺乏性接触或亲密关系的情况已是常态而非例外。

And before we go on with the details, I also wanna say that these days, it's more the rule than the exception that couples are in a relationship that hasn't had much sexual or sensual contact for a long time.

所以听众朋友们，不必为此感到难过。

So just for everybody listening, it's not, don't feel bad about that.

要知道，人们在性事上撒谎比任何事情都多。

Like people don't, people lie about sex more than anything.