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大家好，欢迎来到Smosh阅读Reddit故事。我是Shane，今天的主题很棒，关于约会。每个人都喜欢约会。这很简单，对吧？
Hello, and welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme, it's a good one, dating. Everyone loves dating. It's so easy. Right?
和我一起的还有两位魅力四射的嘉宾，Angela和Chance。
I'm joined by two bombshells, Angela and Chance.
我们作为魅力嘉宾一起出场的话会
Us being bombshells and walking in together would be
很有趣。
so fun.
他们是情侣组合吗？
They do it in couples?
有时候他们会安排，比如，一个男魅力嘉宾
Sometimes they have, like, a boy bombshell
和
and a
一个女魅力嘉宾。那很有趣。他们通常会穿着性感的皮衣出场，而我和你可能会戴着假发进来。然后我们会说，你们准备好迎接一些
girl bombshell. That's fun. And they usually come in with, like, like, hot whips and leather, and you and I would come in with, like, wigs. And we'd be like, you guys are ready for some You
你们扮成老人出场，然后突然变装，大家就会惊呼，哇哦。
come in as, like, old people, but then you take it on and be like, oh.
你会说，好了，我们要往你嘴里灌水，然后你要吐出来。
You go, okay. So we're gonna put water in your mouth, and you're gonna spit.
约会。你们对约会有什么看法？
Dating. How do you guys feel about dating?
我超爱约会。真的。我超喜欢去约会。我喜欢进行到第三次或第四次约会，然后像试错一样，然后发现，不，姑娘。
I love dating. Yeah? I really do. I love going on dates. I love going on like a third or fourth date, and then like trial and error and be like, no, girl.
哇。是啊。哇。是啊。哇哦。
Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Woah.
这和我以往的看法截然不同。
That is a very different perspective than I ever have.
不。是啊。
No. Yeah.
是啊。我最欣赏Chance的一点就是他有多热爱约会。他能够倾听别人并了解他们，有耐心，不会胡思乱想。他只是倾听，然后就像这样。
Yeah. That's my favorite thing about Chance is how much he loves dating. Like, he can, like, he could just listen to somebody and get to know them, like, and have, like, patience and not be, like, in his head. He's just listening, and he's like.
她还会说，你不能再去约会了。我会给他安排好
She'll also be like, you can't you cannot go on another date. I'll, like, line him up for
一周的。我会说，周二有一个，周三有一个，周四有一个。他真的很喜欢这样。
the week. I'll be like, got one on Tuesday, one on Wednesday, one on Thursday. He really loves it.
是啊。
Yeah.
而我从来没这样做过。
And I have never done it.
没关系。
That's okay.
好吧。所以感觉大家都笑了？
Okay. So it feels like everyone laughed?
所以我从大家那里感受到一种奇怪的氛围。不，我是说，当我单身时，我会几个月甚至几年都不去约会。因为这真的很难，而且令人害怕，而且我是个非常焦虑的人。虽然我可以试着责怪周围的世界，但我也知道这很大程度上源于我内心的感受。
So I got a weird vibe from everyone. No. That was I mean, when I was single, I would go months or years without going on a date. Because it just was, like, hard and terrifying, and and I'm such an anxious person. Like, I can try to blame the world around me, but I also know that it was a lot from in inside for me.
但我也觉得这他妈真的很难。
But I also think it's really fucking hard.
但这确实能带来最精彩的故事。哦，绝对是的。就像，积累了那么多。你就像收集无限宝石一样收集它们。
But it does make for the best stories. Oh, absolutely. Like, just have so much. You just collect them like infinity stones.
哇。天啊。什么情况？安吉拉居然提到了灭霸？发生什么了？
Wow. Damn. What the hell? On a a Thanos reference from Angela? What has happened?
我不知道，姐妹。你最近...
I don't know, girl. You've been.
我需要去度个假。
I need to take a vacation.
是啊。哇哦。你在这里待的时间太长了。
Yeah. Woah. You've been spending too much time here.
我不行
I cannot
我相信这一点。
believe that.
这太疯狂了。
That is crazy.
好吧，这简直荒谬。
Okay. That's nuts.
你迟早会提到《生化危机》的梗，肯定会像‘不’这样。
You're gonna make like a resident evil reference at some point. It's gonna be like No.
天啊，不要。
God. No.
好了，我们开始讲这些故事吧。第一个来自‘我反应过度了吗？’
Alright. Let's get into these stories. First one comes from am I overreacting?
好的。
Okay.
他一直在追求我，然后发给我一张电子表格，要求我报销我们约会的费用。
He's been pursuing me, then sent me a spreadsheet asking to be reimbursed for our dates.
不，不。来吧，这将会
No. No. Let's go. This is gonna
是一期精彩的节目。
be a good episode.
我是不是反应过度了？
Am I overreacting?
就是这样。我们要这就是全部
This is it. We're gonna this is all of
嗯。天啊。大家好。我是一名23岁的女性，和这位32岁的男士交往了一个多月。
it. Mhmm. Oh my gosh. Hi, everyone. I am a 23 year old woman, and I've been dating this guy who's 32 for a little over a month now.
他追求我时非常执着，不断发短信、制定计划，约我去跑步、骑自行车、去海滩。
He was very persistent in pursuing me, constantly texting, making plans, asking me to go on runs, bike rides, and beach days.
无聊。
Boring.
我们住在佛罗里达。不，抱歉。他还邀请我共进晚餐、去酒吧，甚至支付往返他住所的优步费用。我们每周至少见面四次。
We live in Florida. No. Sorry. And inviting me to dinner, bars, and even paying for Ubers to and from his place. We were hanging out at least four times a week.
一切看起来都在顺利发展。他慢慢推进关系，甚至等了几周才终于吻我。然后毫无预兆地，他发给我一份Excel表格，详细列出了约会日期、他的花费，还有一栏写着我的名字要求我偿还。我附上了截图，因为我真的不敢相信。这感觉像交易，而且奇怪地正式，尤其是几乎所有计划都是他主动提出的。
Everything felt like it was going somewhere. He'd been slowly building things up and even waited weeks to finally kiss me. Then out of nowhere, he sends me a literal Excel spreadsheet with a breakdown of dates, how much he spent, and a column with my name asking me to reimburse him. I'm attaching it because I truly can't believe it. It felt transactional and weirdly formal, especially since he was the one initiating nearly all the plans.
更令人困惑的是，发完这个后他仍坚持要见面继续约会。你想给我开发票又亲我？补充说明，我也多次买单，晚餐、酒水等等，从没计较。我从未要求他偿还或记分。我以为我们只是在互相了解，像成年人那样自然地分摊，尤其他还比我大十岁左右。
What's even more confusing, after sending me this, he still insists on seeing me and continuing to date. Like, you want to invoice me and kiss me? And for context, I've picked up the tab quite a few times, dinner, drinks, etcetera, without making a thing of it. I've never asked him to pay me back or keep score. I thought we were just getting to know each other and splitting things organically like adults, especially since he's about ten years older than I am.
所以我是反应过度还是不足？分不清这是他做事有条理还是巨大危险信号。附有截图。天啊。好吧。
So am I overreacting or underreacting? I can't tell if this is just him being organized or if it's a huge red flag. There's a screenshot attached. Oh my god. Okay.
项目有：香烟6.28美元，12.08美元，4.03美元。他在逐项累加。Katiki（应该是餐厅）、Casas、Cheeky's、Colony Grill、优步。很多都是小额支出，但加起来总额是多少？
We have item, cigs, $6.28, $12.08, $4.03. So he's adding up every single thing. Katiki, which must be a restaurant, Casas, Cheeky's, Colony Grill, Uber. These are a lot of these expenses are kind of small, but then it just all adds up. To how much?
她总共欠他249美元。
In total, she owes him $249.
这太荒谬了。
That is this is ridiculous.
是啊，就为了所有这些。而且这些日期追溯起来——这大概是他记了一个月的开销。
Yeah. For all of this. And, these dates go back this is this is probably a month of expenses he's kept.
然后他还对半分账？
And, he's splitting it in half?
算是大致对半分吧。不过这就是一整张电子表格，他连每一分钱都算进去了。连香烟都不放过。不，这还有一项写着谷歌。
It's a little bit in half. It's just a whole spreadsheet though, and he's calculating every single little thing. But even cigarettes. No. There's one that says Google.
9.99美元，5美元。好吧，看来香烟没算她的钱。谷歌的费用也没算她的。但我注意到有一项只写着“斯特拉的”。
$9.99, $5. Okay. So she wasn't charged for the cigarettes. She wasn't charged she wasn't charged for Google. But I like there's one that just says Stella's.
这笔没算她头上，那肯定是他自己花的。天啊。哦，还有一行也写着“斯特拉的”，这次却算她账上了。
And she's not charged for that, so that must have been for him. Oh my god. Oh, there's another line that says Stella's and she's charged for it.
等等，让我理清楚。
No. Let me get this straight.
她收到了一份。他发来的
She had one. He sent
这个给她，还附上了
this to her with the
稍等。我们拿到文本了。
Hold on. We have the text.
好的。是的。
Okay. Yes.
不想开口但...你能用Venmo或Zelle转我前几周的钱吗？我知道你给我买过东西我很感激，也乐意承担大部分开销比如约会晚餐和酒水之类，但你从没付过我几周前第一轮的钱。我现在打两份工手头有点紧压力很大。好吧。她回复说没问题。
Hate to ask, but can you Venmo or Zelle me some money for the last few weeks? I know you got me some stuff, which I'm appreciative of, and definitely happy to cover most things like our date night and drinks and stuff, but you never paid me for the first round of stuff from a few weeks ago. And money's a little tight for me and a source of stress right now working two jobs, etcetera. Okay. She responds, sure.
他说，行吧。我觉得100美元很公平除非你有意见。她问，你连中间空着的日子也要算钱？他回，这100美元是抵我们开始约会后我付的500美元开销。上次问你要钱你根本没给。
He goes, okay. I think a $100 is fair unless you have any objections. She goes, are you charging me for in between days? He goes, I'm charging you a $100 for the $500 of stuff I've covered since we've started hanging. You never paid me the last time I asked for some money.
她说，好吧。或许我们该少约点会。他回，笑死，看不出你是不是玻璃心了。我就要个100美元而已。没玻璃心。
She goes, alright. Maybe we shouldn't go out as much. He goes, l o l, I can't tell if you're butt hurt. I'm asking for a $100. Not butt hurt.
没玻璃心。没玻璃心。我
Not butt hurt. Not butt hurt. I
听到玻璃心我就出戏了。我是说，
It had me till butt hurt. I mean,
我只是...我觉得这实在太...我从没听说过这种事。
I'm just I I guess this is such a like I've never heard of this before.
钱这东西
Money is
真奇葩。要我说这种情况，他应该事先就要求AA制。
so weird. Think if this is the situation, he should be asking to split things up front.
在最上面。
At the top.
对，那样没问题。但千万别在Retroact里这么做。顺便说，你得报销我。
Yes. Like, that's fine. Yeah. But don't don't do this in the Retroact. By the way, you gotta reimburse me.
我觉得生活中最让人沮丧的莫过于别人不告诉你：是的，你欠他们钱。
There there's nothing more frustrating I think in life in general when people don't let you know that Yes. You owe them.
或者比如，有人在你不知情的情况下列了份关于你的清单，就...
Or like yeah. When someone makes a list about you without your knowledge, just
感觉是个问题。关于这个。
feels like an issue. About it.
我记得以前——这完全不同——但我在某个办公室实习时，有个主管让我记录其他同事每次迟到的情形。那个记录本厚得离谱，我当时就想：这姑娘根本不知道她每次迟到，我都得往那个巨大的Excel表里添一笔。
I remember like I used this is so different. But, there was I used to like work at some office as some like like intern, and she had me log every time one of the other coworkers came in late. And, the log was like massive, and I remember just being like this girl doesn't know. Yeah. That there's a giant excel sheet that I have to add to every time she's lit.
在这么多其他事情中，唯独这样做让人感觉怪怪的。
It just feels weird if you Amongst don't so many other things.
在对方不知情的情况下监控行为确实很诡异。虽然有些公司把这当作常规操作，而且很多人确实痴迷Excel表格。
Monitoring someone's behavior in that kind of way without their knowing does feel odd. Yeah. I know that in companies like it's sometimes part of it. Yeah. And I also know a lot of people love an Excel spreadsheet.
人们就喜欢这样整理事情。但他没让她知道这个情况。他确实说过'我上次问过你'——他提过吗？他说'上次要钱你根本没还'。
Like people love to organize things in that way. That's But he's not letting her know this situation. He does say like, I asked you last time. He said that? He says, you never paid me the last time I asked for some money.
所以我觉得这是他在记录个人开销，因为有些项目与她无关。但他专门给她建了个分类，比如'这事我俩一起做的，所以...'。至少就我们所见，他没提前告知'这事我们AA，但我之后会要钱'。
So I think this is him keeping tabs of his own personal expenses because some of these things don't involve her. But he has a tab for her of like, oh, we both did this so you're so he's he's not letting her know or at least as far as we know, he's not letting her know that, oh, we're splitting this, but I'm gonna ask for the money later.
比如，月底给我的生活做个预算，然后
Like, budget my life at the end of the month and then
那时候我就会让你付钱给我了。
And that's when I'm gonna ask you to pay me.
因为我们一直在见面嘛。是啊。在
And because we've been seeing each other all Yeah. At
所有开销都要。
For everything.
这太夸张了，因为不像说‘今晚20美元’那么简单。抱歉，我要的是100美元。
And that's so that's so intense because instead of being like, hey, $20 for tonight. And I'm sorry. I'm asking for a $100
再说这年龄差距。他32岁，这女人才23岁。她刚大学毕业不久吧，假设她上过大学的话。
later This age gap too. Like Yeah. He's 32. This woman is 23. Like, she just got out of college allegedly, like, if she went to college.
她还没达到像他那样的职业阶段，我
Like, she's not in a place to have a career like he is, I
觉得。是啊，虽然不清楚。他说他打两份工。我们不了解她的情况，很多细节都不知道。
feel like. Yeah. I mean, don't know. He says he works two jobs. We don't know her we don't know a lot of that those details.
但你知道，这些Reddit故事里，年龄差距总是...像是个预警信号。不是说一定有问题，但每次读到以年龄差距开头的故事，你就会想
But, you know, with with all these Reddit stories, age gap is always it seems to always be a precursor to, like, oh, it is a bit of a red flag. It feels like Not that it's always bad, but it's that it's like every time we read a story and it starts off with an age gap, you're like
又来了。
Here we go.
会发生什么呢？通常总会有事情发生。
What's gonna happen? And it's usually something.
或者说这是他十多年来一直在做的事情。
Or like this is something he's been doing for like ten plus years.
是的。
Yes.
就是他那个每月更新的Excel预算表。
Which is his like monthly excel budget sheet.
嗯哼。
Mhmm.
然后在对方不知情或未经同意的情况下，就把一个你随便约会的女生纳入其中
And to just like loop in a girl you're casually dating without her knowledge or consent
太离谱了。今天的Reddit故事由Mint Mobile赞助播出。夏日正酣，你知道比在海滩晒伤更糟的是什么吗？被无线账单坑惨。选择Mint Mobile，你能享受同样的覆盖范围和网速，但花费少得多。
is wild. Today's Reddit stories is brought to you by Mint Mobile. Summer is still in full swing, and you know what's worse than getting burned at the beach? Getting burned by your wireless bill. With Mint Mobile, you can get the coverage and speed you're used to, but for way less money.
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And for a limited time, Mint is offering three months of unlimited premium wireless service for $15 a month. So while your friends are sweating over data overages and surprise charges, you'll be chilling literally and financially. All Mint Mobile plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest five g network. And, what's great is that you can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts. When we recently went to Montreal for Smosh Reads Red Stories Live, we brought our production phone that has a Mint Mobile plan.
全程信号满格，超级可靠，最重要的是再也不会像旧运营商那样出现月度账单的意外超额费用。太棒了。今年夏天，别再汗流浃背又钱包出血了。新用户专享三个月无限流量套餐，每月仅需15美元，立即登录mintmobile.com/pitreddit。就是mintmobile.com/pitreddit。
We were never without service, it was super reliable, and the best part, we're no longer seeing unexpected overages on our monthly bill like we did with our old provider. It's great. This year, skip breaking a sweat and breaking the bank. Get this new customer offer and your three month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month at mintmobile.com/pitreddit. That's mintmobile.com/pitreddit.
需预付45美元，相当于每月15美元。限时新用户优惠仅限前三个月。无限套餐超过35GB后可能降速。税费另计。详情见Mint Mobile。
Upfront payment of $45 required, equivalent to $15 a month. Limited time new customer offer for first three months only. Speeds may slow above 35 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details.
回到节目。我们收到一些评论。这到底什么鬼，不宝贝，这个32岁的男人主动追求你，制定计划，有时还让你付账，让你以为你们的约会会有结果，同时却偷偷记录在你身上花的每一分钱，我们可不玩这种游戏。首先，他来找你时毫无尊重。不是带着‘嘿，我最近手头紧，能谈谈吗？’的态度。
Back to the show. We got some comments. What in the ever loving, nah baby, this this 32 year old man actively pursued you, made the plans, had you spotting the bills sometimes, led you to believe that y'all's dating was going somewhere, all while secretly keeping a spreadsheet of everything he spent on you, we are not playing this game. First of all, he didn't come to you with respect. Not with, hey.
他带着电子表格来定调子，不是来沟通的，而是带着期待。信息很明确。
I'm in a tight spotter. Can we talk? No. He came with a spreadsheet setting the tone with expectation, not communication. The message was clear.
你欠我的。其次，顺便说这可能是我最喜欢的部分。他连自己的财务都管不好，但涉及你时突然就会整理数字了。第三，他居然有脸说‘我不知道你是真生气还是装样子’，好像他以为——老实说，是希望——你会被他这种小把戏搞得心烦意乱。这人的意图简直写在脸上。
You owe me. Secondly, this might be my favorite, by the way. He can't even manage his own finances, but he suddenly knows how to organize numbers when it's about you. Thirdly, he really had the audacity to say, I can't tell if your butt hurt, like he thought, or let's be honest, really hoped you'd get bent out of shape over his little manipulation tactic. The writing on the wall is so clear with this one.
这是关于控制，关于他能得到什么，关于他能把你逼到什么程度，关于你能容忍多少。永远会有一张表格、一个提醒、一笔他为你做过什么和你欠他什么的账。如果你和这个男人在一起，你将永远负债，永远在财务、情感和精神上偿还。而当你终于反抗时——因为这根本就是虐待——你反而会被说成是问题所在。天啊。
This is about control, about what he can get, about how far he can push, about what you'll tolerate. There will always be a spreadsheet, a reminder, a tally of what he's done for you and what you owe him. If you stay with this man, you'll always be in debt, always paying it back financially, emotionally, and mentally. And when you finally react because this is a literal form of abuse, you'll be the one labeled the problem. Jesus.
整个互动过程就是证据。别只是走开，要跑。你的人生还长，不值得把时间浪费在
The proof is in this whole interaction. Don't just walk away. Run. You got too much life ahead of you spending time on
这种人身上。
someone like this.
我表现得还行吗？刚才太精彩了。嘿，我有一部分
Do I okay. That was amazing. Hey. A part of me
在想：哇哦。
is like, hey. Woah.
可能有点过火。但我另一部分又在想
A little bit overboard. But a part of me is also like
干得漂亮，姑娘。
Go, girl.
就像那样。它确实有个开始。对，是吧？就像糟糕的关系不会在第一天就突然说‘不’那样开始的。
Like that. It does start somewhere. Yeah. Right? Like like bad relationships don't start on day one of just like No.
哦，那简直是场噩梦。不，它开始时他们看起来——对，操纵就是这么运作的。所以我觉得这人显然是在讲亲身经历。
Oh, it was an absolute nightmare. No. It starts and they see Yeah. That's how manipulation works. So I think this person's probably speaking from clear experience.
是啊。当时感觉就像，哇。你到底经历了什么？
Yeah. Was like, woah. What what have you dealt with?
对。那种人就像——你可以在酒吧和朋友倾诉遭遇，而她直接来一句‘我有话要说’。
Yeah. That person that's like you could tell your friend at a bar what's going on with you and she's like, here's what I have to say.
巴拉巴拉说个不停...然后你就，哇。感觉我们好像——
Blah blah blah blah blah blah And you're like, woah. It also feels like we're
没有给这家伙留任何余地，他显然疏忽了某些事，而且没有沟通。但我不认为他完全无法补救，无法意识到‘哦，我本该事先说明的’。如果她说‘这种事你本该提前讲清楚’，尽管我不知道他的恋爱史或他是否——
not giving this guy the benefit of the doubt in that he this He clearly missed something, and it wasn't communicated. But, I don't think he's beyond beyond being beyond fixing this. Beyond like realizing, oh, maybe I should have communicated this up front. And, if she's like, this is something you should have communicated up front. Even though I don't know his dating history or if he's done this Yeah.
以前也这样。但他大概...他应该能补救，比如‘哦，以后我们可以分摊费用’。对，我同意。
Before. But, like, he can probably he could be able to fix this and be like, oh, we can split things moving forward. Yeah. I agree.
我认同这条评论的是——和许多事情一样，问题未必在于内容本身。对吧？不是他在记账或...我是说，确实存疑。问题在于他的沟通方式。
What I do agree with this comment is that like so many things, it's not necessarily the like the content that's the problem. Right? It's not that he's keeping tabs or I mean, it's there there's questions. It's it's how he's communicating so much of it. That's a problem.
而且我同意那种‘哦，你玻璃心了吗？’的说法。关键在于他的做法——他表现出的态度才是操纵性的。对。而不是‘要求分摊费用’本身有问题。
And, I agree with the like being like, oh, are you butt hurt? Whatever. It's like, how he's doing this is it's how he's going across how he's coming across with it that's manipulative. Yeah. One As opposed to, oh, asking someone to split the money That's a problem.
对。不是问题。是啊。问题在于他的处理方式。
Yeah. Not a problem. Yeah. How he's going about it.
是啊。而且，对我来说，这么久都不说出来，感觉有点欺骗的成分在里面。
Yeah. And, it's just like the to me there's a little bit of deceit to not say it for so long.
没错，完全同意。
Yeah. Absolutely.
而且，这更像是...与其说是控制，不如说是在隐瞒。
And, that's what's like It's like less about control and more about like hiding If
算不上是操控
not being manipulative
对。
Yeah.
至少可以说他非常不擅长与她沟通。他根本没有在和她交流。这本身就是个问题，即使他的本意并不坏。是的。我觉得在约会时，那些看似没必要说的小事，其实说出来会更好，比如'这个我来付'之类的。
Then at the very least he's just very bad at communicating with her. He's being He's not communicating with And, that's a problem in itself even if his intentions aren't bad. Yeah. I think it's those little things when you go out with someone, it it sometimes feels like it's not necessary to say, but I think it is still nice when it's like, oh, I've got this.
是啊。就像问'我们还继续这样吗？'
Yeah. Like, oh, are we still
就这样继续下去？
doing this? Just like
然后就这样...我一直不太认同那种异性恋关系中默认该由男方买单的期待。我总觉得，应该是主动邀约的人来付钱。
and and being like that's that's that. And I I've always kinda had the I don't like the heteronormative expectation that like a man pays. Yeah. I do I've always kinda in my head had this thing of like whoever kinda asks the other person on the date
同意。
Agreed.
可能最终会是他来付钱。但再次强调，在
Is probably the one who's gonna pay. But once again, at the
约会结束时如果他们
end of the date if they
说，嘿，或者在约会一开始你就说，嘿，你介意我们AA吗？比如，我最近手头有点紧。
go, hey, like or at the top of the date you go, hey, do you mind if we split this? Like, I'm in a tight spot.
对啊，这没问题。而且，还有很多方法可以进行经济实惠的约会。完全没问题。
Like Yeah. That's okay. And, there's also a way to go there's so many opportunities to go on fiscally responsible dates. Totally.
就像，我得说有人曾在约会前告诉我他们预算紧张，我理解这很难开口。感觉这家伙是想先多了解她，等更自在些再说，或者他就是不想一开始提这个。确实需要勇气才能说出'我...我手头紧'这种话，这很脆弱，但你不能做个Excel表格给女生单独列个账目啊。
It's like, I will say I had somebody say to me that they were on a tight budget before a date, and I recognize that that's hard to say. It's And it does feel like this guy was like, let me just get to know her more and feel more comfortable, or something where he was just like, I don't wanna say this up And there is a level of courage it takes to be like I I like, I want like, it's vulnerable, but like, still you got you can't make an Excel sheet and add a tab for your girl. You can't do that.
不过话说回来，我总不理解为什么有人会说'我瞒了一个月因为怕你不喜欢真实的我'。但难道你不想知道对方是否接受真实的你吗？我理解初次约会可能需要保留，但迟早要坦白啊。
It's once again though, I I always struggle when people are like, oh, so I kept this secret for Mhmm. A month or so because I didn't think you'd like me. It's like, but don't you wanna know if this person is gonna be into you for, like, your Yeah. Real situation? Understand I that on a first date, maybe a couple dates, but, like, you gotta let them know eventually.
不能一直隐瞒。虽然不确定这人是否这么想，但有可能。坦白说，如果这家伙三十多岁打两份工还穷得叮当响，他该专注脱贫而不是泡大学生。想约便宜或免费会面没问题，
You can't keep keeping it secret. I don't know if that was this guy's intentions, but that's a possibility. Some other comments. Quite frankly, if this guy's in his thirties working two jobs and dead broke, he needs to be focused elsewhere, not dating a college girl. If he wanted to do cheap slash free dates, that is fine.
AA制也没问题。但事后甩账单就太离谱了。你又没给他列过约会开支明细：你请的晚餐、化妆品、油钱等等。这简直疯了。
And if he wanted to go Dutch, that is fine. But to come back and hit you with a bill is crazy. You haven't been itemizing date bills to send him. Dinners you covered, beauty products, gas money, etcetera. Because that is unhinged.
他当然会疯狂追你——能有个经济条件更好的花瓶女友。我和他同龄，无意冒犯，但绝不会找小这么多的。就算找了，我也会承担大部分开销——不是因为我多有钱，而是多混十年总该比刚起步的年轻人稳定些，不该让人家浪费积蓄。
Of course, he would pursue you aggressively. He gets to have arm candy that is more financially stable than him. I'm in his age range, and no offense, would not date someone that much younger. But if I did, I would be paying for a way higher percentage of things. Not because I'm rich, but because I've had ten additional years to get my shit together and be stable as opposed to asking someone just getting on their feet to waste their funds.
最后有人说'什么鬼？我过去约会花冤枉钱也从没脸要报销，就算结果不如意'。要我说你反应算轻了，换我直接笑骂让他去吃屎。
Lastly, someone says, w t f? I've spent money on plenty of dates in my past and regretted it, but I've never had the audacity to demand reimbursement even when things didn't go where I wanted. Yeah. If anything, you underreacted. I would have laughed in his face and told him to eat shit.
比如，你怎么能在约会上主动请客后又要求对方还钱，尤其是你已经付过一些费用甚至还给他买了东西的情况下？如果你负担不起就别在约会上花这么多钱啊，这不是明摆着的吗？他真是走运遇到你这么好说话的人，要我说这简直离谱。绝对别再和这个蠢货约会了。这些评论的人也很糟糕。
Like, how are you gonna ask someone on dates then demand your money back, especially after you have paid for some and even gotten him stuff as well? Maybe don't spend so much money on the dates if you can't afford it, like, hello? He's lucky as hell you're a nice person because this is just insane to me. Definitely never go on a date with this fool ever again. These commenters are bad.
同一个女孩。他们就像
The same girl. They're like
他们有把枪对着屏幕。我
They have a gun at the screen. I
感觉这都是同一个女孩。每次每次都很搞笑
feel like this is all the same girl. It's it's always it's always fun
对我来说，当看到一条评论时，你能明显感觉到他们有过类似经历
to me when a comment, you can tell they have experience
关于
with
某件事，然后他们就这样发泄出来。所以呢？更新啊。快
something, and they're like letting it out there. Well, what? Update. Do
做那个我们注意到的事。我们讨论过要把更新做得更有戏剧性一点，但不是那种。
the thing do the thing we noticed. We discussed being a little more theatrical with the updates, but not that.
做那个事。
Do the thing.
不。我们讨论过要跳个小舞。
No. We discussed doing a little dance.
更新一下。嗨，大家好。非常感谢大家对我上一条帖子的所有回复。它火了，我很感激所有的反馈。我想补充一些原帖中没有提到的细节，因为很多人要求澄清。
Update. Hi, everyone. Thanks so much for all the responses on my last post. It blew up and I appreciate all the feedback. I wanted to add some details that didn't make it into the original post since a lot of people were asking for clarification.
开始吧。我们需要这个。在他发给我的电子表格里，我在绿色那一栏。不，对我来说不是雪茄/香烟，哈哈。他带我去了一个更高级的地方，叫‘间隔时光’，吃了一顿更亲密的晚餐。
Here we go. We need this. In the spreadsheet he sent me, I'm in the green column. And no, it's not cigars slash cigs for me, l o l. He took me to a nicer spot called in between days for a more intimate dinner.
表格里另一个要求付款的男人其实是他的双胞胎兄弟，有时会和我们一起参加四人约会，但通常自己买单。我总是主动提出分摊费用。钱真的让我很有压力，我讨厌欠别人钱的感觉。是的，他当时总是拒绝，但后来却正式给我发账单。
The other man on the spreadsheet asking for payment was actually his twin who sometimes joins us on double dates but usually picks up the check himself. I always offer to pay my share. Money is genuinely stressful for me, and I hate the feeling of owing anyone. Yes. He always refused in the moment, then turned around and invoiced me formally later.
不，我宁愿一开始就自己付钱，也不愿发生这些事。好吧，这及时改变了我的看法。
No. I would have much rather just paid my own way from the start than have any of this happen. Okay. That changes my perspective in time.
我也是。
Me too.
我就说，别
I'm like, don't
我也是。
Me too.
那是在撒谎。对，别撒谎。
That's lying. Yeah. Don't lie.
那是在撒谎。那个那个对我来说那个对我来说是
That's lying. That that that to me that to me is
我不是那些评论者之一。我就说，赶紧走。跑。跑。哦，该死。
an I'm not one of the commenters. I'm like, get go. Run. Run. Oh, shit.
我不喜欢那样。别撒谎。
I don't like that. Don't lie.
别撒谎。拜托。
Don't lie. Come on.
停下。心理变态行为。
Stop. Psycho behavior.
不要。
Do not.
别那么做。
Don't do that.
这这现在这就是操控了。现在是时候
That that is now that's manipulative. Now it's Go
和双胞胎约会了。
out with the twin.
现在是他想要她
It's now him wanting her to
盖布，和双胞胎约会吧。
Gab, go out with the twin.
如果如果我遇到类似情况，我会说，哦，我可以分摊这个。他们会说，不。不。不。我来付。
If if I if I had a situation with someone and I was like, oh, I I can split this. They go, no. No. No. I've got it.
是啊。然后过了几天甚至几周他们突然说，嘿，你欠我钱呢。我就会说，我再也不跟你说话了。对，绝不。
Yeah. And then they asked me days, weeks later like, hey, you owe me for that. I'd be like, I'm never talking to you again. Yeah. No.
我做不到。
I cannot.
我从没见过你这样。那真是
I've never seen you like that. That was
太搞笑了。
so funny.
这也太...太过分了。
That's so That's a lot.
我讨厌这样。这
I hate that. It's
这
it's
完全...完全不一样...在群体里说'我来刷卡，你们转我Venmo'，或者甚至说'我来付账，你们转我Venmo'。
different different to to be be like like in a group and be like, I'll put my card down, just Venmo me. Or even like, I'll put my card down, just Venmo me.
或者我们可以商量
Or we can talk
这种情况很常见对吧？我也同意。但那种...那种当场同意分摊的做法还是不一样的。是的。
to situation is a very common one. Right? Like and I agree. But that that is still agreeing in the moment that we're splitting it. Yes.
我们只是处理方式不同罢了。
And we just have a different mode of doing it.
我是说，现在确实很难给这类事情定个明确规矩。但就算对方主动约我，我还是会主动掏钱包。对，要表明诚意。但我总觉得...不知道，就是感觉整个文化氛围已经变了。
I mean, it's all it's really hard to give a fine rule on this stuff now, but I will say even if they asked me out, I am always going for my wallet. Yeah. Show intent. But, I am always assuming like, I don't know. I just feel like the the culture has shifted.
拜托，我也不知道。是啊。
Like, come on. I don't know. Yeah.
我特别讨厌那种...我同意，我特别讨厌欠人家人情的感觉。
I I just hate the feeling of I agree. I hate the feeling of owing someone.
我也是。
Me too.
我也讨厌别人觉得欠我人情。我也是。我总会说'不，你不欠我的'。对，千万别这么想。
I hate when someone feels like they owe me. Me too. I'm very much like, no, you don't. Yeah. Please don't.
但他好像有点想要这样。嗯。快速更新下：我给他转了最后一笔钱就拉黑删除了联系方式。
But it seems like he kind of wants that. Yeah. One more quick update. I sent him the last payment and then blocked him and deleted his contact.
干得漂亮。
Nice.
我不想让他有任何把柄。虽然付钱很憋屈，但至少结束了。谢谢大家的建议。
I didn't want him to hold anything over me. It sucks that I paid him, but at least it's over. Thanks to everyone who weighed in.
她做得对。
Good for her.
好吧。对她来说是好事。我觉得这个决定很明智。
Alright. Good for her. I think that was a good call.
没错。赶紧离开那里。
Yep. Get out of there.
这明显是个危险信号。好的，下一个故事。这个来自‘我是混蛋吗’版块：如果我把那位在我们咨询结束一年后就嫁给我前男友的夫妻治疗师举报了，我是混蛋吗？
Was a clear red flag. K. Our next story. This comes from am I the asshole? Am I the asshole if I report the couple's therapist that married my ex boyfriend a year after our sessions with her?
什么？等等。我是...我是混蛋吗？等一下。等一下。
What? Okay. Am I am I the asshole? Hold on. Hold on.
这比我能理解的还离谱。如果我把那位在我们咨询结束一年后就嫁给我前男友的夫妻治疗师举报了，我是混蛋吗？不。所以他们之前找了夫妻治疗师。
This is wilder than I comprehend. Am I the asshole if I report the couples therapist that married my ex boyfriend a year after our sessions with her? No. So they had a couples therapist.
哦。她有个男朋友。还是个主婚人。
Oh. She had a boyfriend. An officiant.
不。不。他们没有...她没结婚。是她前男友和她当时在看夫妻治疗师，然后现在那位治疗师要嫁给她了。举报。
No. No. They didn't she didn't marry. Her ex boyfriend and her were seeing a couples therapist, and then that couples therapist is now marrying her. Report.
举报。对。对。举报。就是她。
Report. Yeah. Yeah. Report. That is her.
哦
Oh
天啊。你这笨蛋。我举报了。
my god. You hunk. I reported.
2017年，当时25岁的我与36岁的男友一起去看情侣治疗师。三次咨询后，我因她明显的调情行为和对我的极端评判态度拒绝继续就诊——而前男友却指责我指出这些是妄想症发作。她曾对我说，我显得太不成熟，还没准备好接受治疗或经营一段严肃关系。整个咨询过程都围绕前男友对我的抱怨展开，她从未询问过我在关系中的感受或看法。
In 2017, I, a 25 year old woman, saw a couples therapist with my then boyfriend who was 36. After three sessions with her, I refused to return due to her blatant flirtatious behavior and extremely judgmental attitude toward me, which my ex boyfriend called me delusional for pointing out. She had told me that I seemed too immature, not ready for therapy, or a serious relationship. The whole thing was focused on my ex boyfriend and his complaints about me. She never asked about my feelings or perspective in the relationship.
咨询结束约两个月后我们分手了，但我仍与前男友同住直到11月。搬出去后某次回旧公寓取邮件时——那是12月——我首次撞见治疗师和前男友在一起。
We broke up about two months after the sessions, but I stayed living with my ex boyfriend until November. Once after I moved out, I had to return to our old apartment to get mail. This was in December. And that was the first time I saw the therapist with my ex. Oh.
他们当时正戴着头盔准备骑摩托车出门。
They happened to be getting ready to go out on his motorcycle and were both wearing full face motorcycle helmets.
哦，得了吧。
Oh, give it up.
但从她的体型、发色和我的直觉——其实我一直怀疑他们有染——我确定就是她。不过我还是继续过自己的生活。直到昨天朋友告诉我前男友在Facebook发了照片，我才知道他结婚了。照片是他和那位前治疗师庆祝结婚一周年。我找到她改姓后的主页，确认他们早在2018年9月或更早就结婚了。
But I knew from her body type and hair that it was her, along with my instincts, which suspected something was going on the whole time. But nevertheless, I moved on with my life. I just found out yesterday my ex got married due to a friend telling me about a photo he posted on Facebook. The photo was of him and my ex therapist celebrating their one year wedding anniversary. I found her Facebook with the name change, and sure enough, they got married September 2018, or earlier.
那只是她发布婚纱照的时间。这距离我们分手不到一年，距咨询结束刚满一年。我正在考虑向美国咨询协会投诉。我认识的心理咨询师和朋友都说证据足够充分。我对前男友展开新生活并无芥蒂——
That's just when she posted the wedding photos. This was less than a year after the breakup with my ex, and barely over a year after our sessions with her ended. I am considering filing a complaint with the American Counseling Association. My friends and mental health counselors I know say I have enough evidence. I am not upset that my ex moved on.
我也是。我每天都庆幸自己离开了那个自恋狂。但发现他娶了我们的治疗师让我深感不安，特别是想起她在咨询时对我说的那些伤害性言论——说实话那些话严重影响了我的心理。我怕显得像个耿耿于怀的前任...但我觉得她应该为此负责
So have I. I thank the universe every day that I am no longer with that narcissist. However, I feel deeply disturbed to find out he married our therapist, especially remembering all the harmful stuff she said to me in the sessions, which to be honest really messed with my head. I fear coming off as a bitter ex. Look, I I think she should do
没错。她必须负责。
it. Yeah. She should do it.
百分百。虽然我不太清楚...
A 100%. I don't know like I don't
具体有哪些法律条款适用
know what laws or regulations
大约有治疗师或夫妻治疗师。
there are around therapists or couples therapists.
我认为这些根本不应该被允许，至少在最基本层面上不行。至少得像，哦，你知道这个治疗师确实伤害了你。对吧？是的。如果你去看医生，结果多年后发现他们实际上给我注射了毒药。
I don't believe that any of this should be allowed at the very at the very least. At the very least, like like, oh, you know that this therapist actually caused you harm. Right? Yes. If you went to a doctor and it's like, oh, found out years later that they actually injected me with poison.
比如真正的砒霜。是啊。就像，哦，那你可能应该举报，因为他们没有履行职责。治疗师本应该在那里进行评估，而她完全没有做到。我们已经听过类似的其他故事了。
Like legitimate arsenic. Yeah. It's like, oh, well, you should probably report that because there's them not doing their job. A therapist is supposed to, like, be there to, like, assess and she didn't do that at all. It's I'm we've had other stories that are like this.
我几乎怀疑这个人从来就不是治疗师。
I'm almost wondering if this was never a therapist.
是啊。我在想，你甚至举报她了吗？有可以举报她的地方吗？因为这感觉有点...
Yeah. Like, I'm like, do you even report her? Is there someone to report her to? Because it feels a little bit
嗯，如果她是个合法的治疗师，那么...
Well, like if she's a legitimate therapist, then
那你就该举报。但这就是我说的意思。
Then you do. But that's what I'm saying.
但我怀疑，她真的是治疗师吗？
But I'm like, is she even really a therapist?
是啊...我感觉她不是。这是因为我们...
That's yeah. I I feel like she's was not. Was this because we
遇到过有人遇到假治疗师，或者他们的治疗师朋友安排会面——天啊——就为了集体对某人进行心理操控。所以我们早就见过这种事了。是的。
had a situation where people had a fake therapist or they had their friend who's a therapist set up sessions Oh, god. Just to group gaslight someone. So I'm like, we've already seen it before. Yeah.
所以这可能是
So could this be that
他们已经在搞外遇了，然后就像，哦，我们这样做是为了
they were already having an affair and it was like, oh, let's do this to like
如果 如果
if a if
治疗师说，你还没准备好接受治疗。对，这大概足够举报了。
a therapist said, you're not ready for therapy Yeah. That's probably enough to report that.
我去看治疗师。
I go therapist.
对。那不是真的。就像
Yeah. That's not a real thing. Like
不。任何时候任何人都可以接受治疗。
No. Anyone's ready for therapy at any time.
对。就像医生会说
Yeah. That's like a doctor being like
你腿断了去看医生，他却说，你还没准备好打石膏。对，你的心思不在状态啊老兄。
You break your leg. You go to the doctor and he's like, you're not ready for a cast. Yeah. Your mind's not your mind's not in the game dude.
他说，而且我正在给你的石膏搞破坏。埃里克
He's like, and I'm fucking your cast. Eric
笑了。埃里克？
laughed. Eric?
评论。嗨，我是治疗师。请举报她。她的行为确实有问题。
Comments. Hi. I'm a therapist. Please report her. Her behavior is yeah.
没错。
Right.
很好。完美。
Good. Perfect.
这个视频下的每条评论都应该是：嗨，我是治疗师。我喜欢这个视频。这简直成了
Every comment on this video should be, hi. I'm a therapist. I like this video. It's it's always the
这就是乌鸦科学家梗。每当提到任何事，评论区总会冒出专家。永远如此。嗨，我是治疗师。
it's the crow scientist meme. Whenever you reference anything, there's gonna be an expert in the comments. There just always will be. Hi. I'm a therapist.
请举报她。她的行为极度违反职业道德，谁知道她还干过什么，甚至她是否该被允许执业。你绝对没错，千真万确。有人说常规规定是治疗后十二个月内不得与患者约会。对吗？
Please report her. Her behavior is ridiculously unethical, and who knows what else she has done or if she even should be allowed to practice. Not the asshole times a million. Someone said the normal rule is no dating patients within twelve months of the last encounter. Correct?
不确定这是违法还是内部规定。有人说即便婚姻/关系发生在一年后，我打赌原帖主的男友在最初几次治疗后就和这位治疗师搞上了。非常不专业。如果我是原帖主，我会毫不犹豫举报。不过有专业机构能禁止她执业吗？
Not sure if that's illegal or just an in house rule. Someone said even if the marriage slash relationship was a year after, I bet OPs fella started banging this therapist after the first few meetings. Very unprofessional. If I were OP, I wouldn't hesitate to report them. Are there any professional bodies that can prevent her practicing though?
我不知道他们是否会像对待医疗事故的外科医生或医生那样被吊销执照。
I don't know if they can be struck off like a surgeon or doctor who is guilty of malpractice.
抱歉。我...我嘴里有种怪味让我觉得...你不该和你的治疗师约会。
I'm sorry. I There's something There's a weird taste in my mouth where I don't You shouldn't be dating your therapist.
是啊。不。尤其是一位正在调解的夫妻治疗师。本该是帮助你们修复与伴侣的关系，结果却在短期内就和他们约会了。
Yeah. No. Especially a couples therapist who was Mediating. Supposed to be helping you mend your relationship with this partner, and then are dating them within a
或者，先缓一缓。感觉这事发生得太突然了。
Or like, just take some time. It feels like it happened at the jump.
没错。她说在他们分手甚至不到一年前就...哦。
Yeah. She said before they even before a year of them breaking up. Oh.
他们
They got
结婚了。他们结婚了。
married. They got married.
这
It's
就像我理解。你可以在绝望之地找到爱，对吧？就像，如果你们真的坠入
like I get it. You can find love in a hopeless place. Right? Like like what like what if you did fall
爱河了呢？对吧？
in love? Right?
但总得留点缓冲期吧。
But like give it some space.
太疯狂了。再加上她对她说的话。确实。
That's wild. That paired with what she was saying to her. Yes.
你说得对。
You're right.
你需要举报她，因为这个人对待工作极不认真。没错。她在滥用职权。而且她确实伤害了你，比如造成了心理层面的伤害。
You need to report her because this is someone who is not taking their job seriously. Yeah. They're taking advantage of their position. And they will they harmed you. Like, it it caused her, like, mental harm.
这个人可能会伤害其他人。既然她已经表现出这种倾向，我认为你必须举报。
This person could harm someone else. Like, they've shown that they're willing to do it, so I think you need to report it.
更新。我的天啊。
Update. Oh my god.
哇。感谢大家的回复。我意识到作为前任，要让这件事看起来不像是我在嫉妒/小心眼/耿耿于怀几乎是不可能的。随你们怎么说。但任何人经历过那些治疗疗程后，看到自己的治疗师和前任结婚，都不可能完全无动于衷——即便已经放下了。
Wow. Thank you everyone for your responses. I realize that as the ex, it is pretty much impossible for it to not seem like I'm jealous slash petty slash bitter. Whatever you wanna say. However, it is also impossible to have sat in those sessions and then see your therapist and ex get married and have zero feelings about regardless of having moved on.
请理解下，我也是人。总之我做了决定，不再参与这个帖子了，但衷心感谢那些提出建设性意见的人。第二次更新。
Please give me a break. I'm human. Anyway, I have made my decision. I am not going to participate in this post anymore, but I sincerely thank those of you that made meaningful contributions. Update number two.
谢天谢地。嘿。
Thank God. Hey.
我有个朋友自发调查了这位治疗师。说真的她该去FBI工作，笑死。她发现这是该女士行医用的第三个姓氏。2014年她用第一个姓氏执业时，曾因酒驾造成财产损失被起诉。健康评分网上她还有五个一星评价，综合评分三颗星。
So one of my friends has basically taken it upon herself to investigate this therapist. I swear she should be in the FBI, l o l. She found out that this is the third last name that this woman has practiced psychotherapy with. Under the first last name in 2014, she was charged with a DUI with property damage. She also comes up on health grades with five one star reviews and an overall three star rating.
这些新信息向我证实：她早就是个道德败坏的烂人。这绝不可能是她第一次对客户造成不当伤害。因此我明确宣布：我要举报。是的，这是最终更新。
Essentially, what this new information does for me is confirm that she has been a shitty human being with shitty morals for quite some time. There's no way this is the first time she has caused undue harm to a client. Therefore, I can say with certainty that I am reporting. Yes. And that's the last update.
哦抱歉，希望这些线索有用。我们录音时这个帖子还比较新，或许后续会有进展。
Oh. Sorry. I hope that led somewhere. This is a of us recording this, this is a rather recent post. So maybe something will come of it.
也许等这个播出的时候，会有新的进展。
Maybe by the time this airs there's another update.
我想这应该像妮可·基德曼主演的限定剧那样。她演治疗师。你会站在她那边，但随后又会想，等等。
I want this to be like a limited series with Nicole Kidman. She's the therapist. And, you like, you side with her, but then you go, wait.
你疯了。
You're crazy.
主角某种程度上是反派。
The protagonist is a little bit the enemy.
最糟糕的是，治疗师也是人，所以有很多不称职的。是啊，对吧？这是事实。不幸的是，情况总是这样。
It really sucks that, you know, therapists are also people, so there's a lot of bad ones. Yeah. Right? That's true. That's always unfortunately the situation.
更糟的是，这成了人们不去接受治疗的理由，他们会说，我才不去看心理医生呢。
And what sucks is then, you know, that becomes like a reason people used to go, well, I'm not gonna go to therapy.
我
I
知道。我认识一个人就遇到过糟糕的治疗师。确实存在不称职的治疗师。是的，这是个筛选的过程，但我讨厌的是社会上真的存在这种危险分子
know. I know someone who had a bad therapist. Like, there are bad therapists. Yeah. It is a process of like finding but I hate that there's like truly dangerous people out there
是啊。
Yeah.
在趁火打劫。
Taking advantage.
比如改过三次姓氏？
Like three last name changes?
没错。危险信号。好了，我们继续。下一个故事来自‘我是混蛋吗？’板块。
Yeah. Red flag. Alright. Let's move on. Our next story comes from am I the asshole?
我朋友安排了一场四人约会，对象是他、他女友和一个我之前已经拒绝过的女生，我中途离场了，这样算混蛋吗？
Am I the asshole for walking out on a double date my friend set up with him, his girlfriend, and a girl I had already rejected before.
噢，不。这锅该你朋友背。你得筛选清楚啊。绝对不行。
Oh, no. This is on the friends already. You gotta vet that shit. No.
你得做足背景调查。这朋友不靠谱。
You need to do your FBI work. Bad friends.
噢，我觉得...
Oh. I feel like
为避免帖子被删，我必须声明：重点不是约会本身，也不是感情问题，而是希望大家评判我当场离开的行为。好了，角色介绍：我，25岁，男；
I need to say this for this post not to be removed. This is not about the date, about relationships or something I want a judgment on me walking out of there. Okay. Cast. Me, 25, male.
乔，26岁，男；简，24岁，女。背景是这样的：去年我在乔女友生日派对上认识了简。起初聊天还算愉快，但不到一小时，简就疯狂对我示好，在派对上拙劣地搭讪，让我十分尴尬——我完全没那个意思。况且当时我有交往对象。
Joe, 26, male. Jane, 24, female. To give you a little background to the situation, I met Jane through Joe's girlfriend at her birthday party last year. At first, Jane was fun to talk to, but not even an hour later, Jane was really into me and tried really badly to hit on me during the party, which pretty much ruined my time there as the feeling was not mutual in the slightest bit. Also, at the time, I was already with someone.
所以简给我的第一印象就是粘人、烦人、还纠缠不休
The So first impression I got from Jane was that she was clingy, annoying, and just wouldn't stop bothering
天啊。
me. Oh my god.
靠，老兄。对我来说不幸的是，她因为属于乔女友的朋友圈子，结果融入了我更广泛的社交圈。这话说起来真拗口啊。而且由于我和乔经常一起玩，我也和他女友是朋友。我基本上每个月至少会碰到她两次。
Damn, dude. Unfortunately for me, she became part of my larger friend group because she is part of Joe's girlfriend's friend group. That is a mouthful sheesh. And because me and Joe hang out a lot and I am also friends with his girlfriend. I pretty much run into her at least twice a month.
简第一次约我是在派对后一个月。我告诉她我已经有对象了没兴趣。两个月后我和当时的女友分手，她又试了一次。我再次拒绝并表明没兴趣。不久后我开始了新恋情，但不幸的是两个月前我们分手了。
So the first time Jane asked me out was a month after that party. I informed her I was with someone and not interested. She tried again two months later when I broke up with my then girlfriend. Again, I declined her advances and told her I was not interested. I got into a new relationship not long after, but unfortunately, she and I broke up about two months ago.
之后正如你所料，简又来约我了。我又拒绝了。好吧，这就说到这周的事了。现在这里各种场所都重新开放了。
Since then, as you might have anticipated, Jane has asked me out again. I said no. Again. Well, that brings us to this week. Everything has been opening up here.
这事大概发生在2020年。乔一直想撮合我和他女友的某个朋友，但不肯说是谁。他非常清楚我多次拒绝过简，也知道我对她没兴趣。这些细节他都了解。经过他所谓的'说服'（我觉得是唠叨），虽然我短期内根本不想约会，最后还是妥协同意了他的四人约会计划。
This was written about 2020. And Joe has been trying to fix me up with a friend of his girlfriend and would not tell me who. He is well aware of me having rejected Jane multiple times and the fact I am not interested in her. He knows this in detail. After a lot of what he calls convincing and I call whining, I had no interest in dating anytime soon, I relented and decided to agree to this double date idea of his.
我们约好在乔的公寓见面，结果你猜怎么着——乔、他女友和简坐在餐桌前，明显是要安排我和简约会。我当场气得一句话都说不出来，转身就走。现在短信电话轰炸说我多混蛋，说我把简伤得多深之类的。我就想：我明明拒绝她三次了，我对她没兴趣。
We agree on meeting at Joe's apartment and lo and behold, Joe, his girlfriend, and Jane are occupying the dinner table, obviously intending for my date to be Jane. I honestly just got so damn angry that I couldn't even get a single word out, turned around, and left. I have been bombarded with texts and calls about how much of a douche I am and how terribly I hurt Jane and so on. And I am just like, I literally rejected her like three times. I am not interested in her.
你明明知道。你女友也知道。咱们整个朋友圈都在开玩笑说简有多死缠烂打好吗。所以 literally 所有人都知道。所以我是混蛋吗？
You knew that. Your girlfriend knew that. Our entire friend group has a running joke about Jane being obsessive for fuck's sake. So literally everyone knows it. So am I the asshole?
不，不，我不这么认为。立刻就能回答：不是。我觉得这情况很清楚，我平时很少这么断言。
No. No. I don't think so. Immediately, no. I think this is a good situation, and I try not to say this too often.
要是性别对调，大家肯定觉得，天啊这太可怕了吧。就像，什么...
If the roles were reversed, it'd be like, oh my god. What's creepy? Like, what
鬼情况？
the hell?
这家伙问过
This guy has asked
你已经拒绝他三次了。你一直在拒绝他，现在你的朋友却瞒着你撮合他们？
you out three times. You keep rejecting him, and now your friend set him up without telling you?
不，你是
No. You're
对的。我觉得有种不安全感。但如果是女生，就会觉得，哎呀，算了吧。她没什么恶意。是简啊。
right. I think there's that feeling of like unsafeness. Whereas with a girl, it's like, oh, come on. She's harmless. It's Jane.
就像，别担心。就像是，嘿，兄弟。我已经拒绝她三次了。她就是不听我的。
Like, don't worry. It's like, hey, man. Like, I've rejected her three times. She's not listening to me.
你无权占用我的时间和注意力。
And you're not owed my time or attention.
是啊。而且这更像是...我觉得他选择离开那些对他如此不尊重的朋友很公平。
Yeah. That's and it's it's really more like he's I think it's fair he's walking out on on his friends being so disrespectful of him.
主要就是这样。就像在说听我说。放我走吧。
That's what it is mainly. It's just like listen to me. Just let me out.
没错。他们完全...就是那种'你不懂什么对你好，我们才知道'的态度。拜托，兄弟。
Yeah. They completely it's it's that thing of like, well, you don't know what's good for you. We know what's good for you. It's like, come on man.
而且，某种程度上那个人可以对他说这些话，但强迫他在场并让他难堪。我甚至能理解这个人对他朋友生气说'再给简一次机会吧'，然后又说'求你别这样了'。但最后却直接强行安排。是啊。
And, there's one there's one there's one part of that where that person could say that to him, but then to force it in front of him and put him in an awkward position. Like, I I even understand this person being upset with his friend being like, please give Jane another shot. Like, and being like, please stop. But then to just like not even do that and just like literally force it. Yeah.
我从未遇到过这种情况。
I've never had this type of situation happen.
在同志社群中我也常遇到这种情况，总有人伺机突破你的界限。他们会刻意徘徊在你周围，只为等待可乘之机。比如觉得我喝得够多时，或是恰逢某个夜晚，他们就能得手之类的。
It definitely happens for me in the gay community too, and people just waiting to take advantage of your boundaries. They'll like stay around you just so that opportunity might arise. Yeah. Maybe if I have enough to drink, or maybe if I'm like out on the right night they'll get lucky or some shit.
确实如此。我还有个困扰就是，当我没有固定伴侣时——就像这个发帖人原本有交往对象，分手后简又回头找他。有时候我觉得人们会把'非单身状态'当作挡箭牌。其实拒绝本可以直接说'不'，不需要总拿别人当借口。
That's yeah. Or I struggle with like if I don't have someone I'm seeing during that another person, like like this OP was seeing somebody, and then that was then they stopped seeing that person, and then Jane went back in again. And sometimes I feel like people use people not being single as like a way. It's like sometimes you you can just be said no to. You don't always need an obstacle of a person.
明白我的意思吗？很多女性的'不'在有男友时显得更有分量，仿佛单纯的拒绝就不算数。我经常发现，谎称自己有伴侣反而能获得更多尊重，即使这不是事实。
Does that make sense? I feel like a lot of women their no is more powerful when they have a boyfriend, rather than their just no is a no. Yeah. And, I I found that a lot where like sometimes I will be more respected if I say I'm in a relationship even if that's not true. Yeah.
这样一来对方才能真正收敛，而不是让我反复说'真的很抱歉，不行'。
And then, it gets someone to actually disarm rather than me just saying like, oh I'm so sorry. No.
是啊谢尔。我至今无法理解有人听到'不'还不停手。对我来说，只要察觉到一丝不感兴趣，我就会过度解读——即使对方没明确拒绝，我也会觉得'他们应该没意思'。
Yeah. Shell. I still cannot comprehend that people hear no and don't stop. Yeah. I've never comprehended it because for me, any sign of interest, and I know I I go overboard where where people don't say no, but I'm like, oh, but I'm inferring that they're they're not interested.
所以我就
And so I'm
对啊。
like Yeah.
但只要得到拒绝信号，我立刻就会彻底退出。退得干干净净，把选择权完全交给对方。
But as soon as I get like no or that I I feel they're not interested, I'm like, alright. Like I'm out. I'm fully out. Yeah. I'm fully out in a way that I'm like, if they if, like, the ball's in their court.
除非对方主动表示'其实我有兴趣'，我才会考虑。但绝不会再有任何追求举动——当然这不影响我以朋友身份相处。
If they were like, hey, you know what? Actually, I'm I'm interested. I'd be like, okay. But I'm not gonna pursue in any sort of way. Not that I won't try to, like, be friends with someone Yeah.
当对方无意时，感情上我会完全抽离。不过说真的，有些朋友的做法也够恶劣的。
Where they don't see something. But romantically, I'm like, alright. I'm I'm fully out. There's also the aspect, the friends are atrocious. Yeah.
因为我确实认为，帮朋友牵线搭桥是件很友善、很酷的事，但对象不该是他们多次拒绝过的人。这才是关键。
Because I do think I think setting up friends with someone is a very kind, cool thing that people can do, but not someone that they've rejected multiple times. And that is The
整个朋友圈都知道这事？
whole friend group knows?
是啊。还拿这事开玩笑，结果真这么干了？
Yeah. And makes jokes about it, but then does it?
呃。而且我也不喜欢朋友为了图方便就乱点鸳鸯谱，说什么'反正大家都在一个朋友圈，你们怎么就不能成呢？多简单啊。简是我女朋友的朋友所以也是我们朋友'这种话。
Uh-uh. And I also don't like when friends set you up or when friends are setting someone up because it's convenient for them because it's like, oh, we're all in a friend group. This will be why can't you make this work? It's so easy. Jane's our friend because she's friended with my girlfriend.
这对他太不尊重了，对简也很不尊重
This was disrespectful this was disrespectful to him. It was also disrespectful to Jane
我也为简感到难过。
I feel bad for Jane too.
他们居然做出这种事。
For them to do this.
她脑子里总有人在怂恿'再试一次嘛'。
She's got people in her head going like, just try it again.
我猜他们很可能...他们很可能在给她打气。她大概会说'虽然被他拒绝了但我真的很喜欢他'，然后那群人就说'要不...再给点时间？或者...'
They're probably they're probably I'm inferring here, they're probably reinforcing her. They're she's probably going, oh, like, he rejected me, but I'm really into and they're like, you know what? Just like give it some time or like
用这种方式呗。随便啦。
Use this way. Whatever. Yeah.
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比如，如果他们真的是好朋友，他们需要告诉简，你必须停止。是的。他已经拒绝你三次了。停下吧。他对你没兴趣。
Like, they need to if they're a really good friend, they need to be telling Jane, you need to stop. Yeah. He's rejected you three times. Stop. He's not into you.
作为朋友，这很重要。同时作为朋友，也要尊重那个对她没感觉的朋友并认识到这点。他们对两人都太不尊重了，结果伤害了双方。嗯。
As your friend, that's important. And then it's also as a friend being, like, respectful of your friend who's not into her and recognizing that. They they were so disrespectful to both of them, and then they hurt both of them Mhmm.
在这个过程中。你们有过四人约会吗？
In the process. You guys ever been on double dates?
我在回想。哦，有过。我参加过一次四人约会。
I'm trying to think. Oh, yes. I've been on one double date.
那次很棒。是的。从没参加过——我从未参加过相亲。所以我从来没有被安排过那种'哦，这是相亲'的情况。
It was great. Yeah. Never been on a I've never been on a blind date. So I've never been I've never been set up in a way that's like, oh, it's a blind date.
没有。那听起来挺难的。
No. That seems hard.
我只被朋友介绍过，而且都是完全透明的，比如'哦，有个朋友可能适合你'这样。
I've only been set up with friends in that it's been fully transparent of like, oh, have a friend who might be a thing.
我想到的一个四人约会故事让我更理解这种情况：我有两个正在约会的好朋友，而他们的好朋友是我约会对象。有点像一个小圈子，有时候当你们和朋友们四人约会，而且大家都在同一个朋友圈里约会时，你会希望每段关系都能同步。我记得有次大家说'我们想去旅行'，但我的关系还没发展到能旅行的阶段，而我们最好的朋友那对已经准备好了。结果就有点像是'我们强行推进吧，因为团体活动会很有趣'。
I mean, my double date story that I can think of that makes me understand this a little bit more is I had like friends, two best friends that were dating, and then their best friends was the person I was dating. Like it was kind of like a best friend group a little bit, and there were times where I think when you're double dating your friends, and everyone's dating in a friend group, you like want each relationship to be calibrated with the next. Like I remember there was like a, oh we want to go on a trip, and I in my relationship wasn't ready for a trip. But, our best friends in their relationship they were ready for a trip. And, it was kind of like, oh let's force this because it would be fun as a group.
有点像委员会式约会，而不是单纯的一对一。虽然很有趣，你会觉得'哇我们这样真好玩'。但有时候这会给人压力。听起来简就是被这些朋友施压了，因为他们想着'我们可以组成这个欢乐团体，都成为伴侣，一起做各种事，那会特别有意思'——确实有意思。
Kind of like dating as a committee rather than just one on one and one on one. But, it's fun. And, you're like oh we're all this is really fun. But, I think sometimes it puts pressure on people. It sounds like Jane was pressured by these friends because they were like we can all be this fun group and all be partners and all do stuff together and it will be really fun, which it is.
但有时候你会忽略重点：'不，单就你自己而言，你想和简约会吗？'
But then sometimes you lose sight of like, no. But by yourself, do you wanna date Jane?
不。哦。
No. Oh.
那就别和简约会。懂吗？因为更糟的是如果
Then don't date Jane. You know? Because what's worse is if
你勉强维持一段糟糕的关系，那样反而会毁掉整个朋友圈。
you force a bad relationship and then you got that that will destroy a friend group.
是啊。在大家面前吵架。
Yeah. Fighting in front of everybody.
对。就像，嘿，别别硬凑合什么，要真心希望别人快乐。你应该关心，应该希望朋友们过得好。别强迫他们做不想做的事。结论是你不算混蛋。
Yeah. It's like, hey, don't don't make something like, want people to be genuinely happy. Like, you should care you should want your friends to be living their best life. Force them to something they don't want. Verdict is not the asshole.
嗯。
Yeah.
不。对。
No. Yeah.
评论说你不算混蛋，但你朋友显然是。给曾被拒绝的人牵线很残忍。不是你转身离开的问题。老实说换我也会这么做。有人说，你对简和你朋友的态度已经够明确了。
Comments, not the asshole, but your friend obviously is. Setting someone up with someone who rejected that person is cruel. Not the fact that you turned around. I would honestly have done the same. Someone said, you've made your feelings more than clear to Jane and your friend as well.
你完全有权离开，毕竟你已经拒绝她三次，她还自找第四次被拒。现在你不必为她的伤心负责。你朋友早该知道不能突然安排你和毫无兴趣的人约会。不过猜一下的话，这次双人约会百分百是简和你朋友女友的主意，你朋友多半是被逼着说服你来的。发帖人说即便如此，他仍是我最好的朋友之一。
You had every right to leave as you had already rejected her three times and still she set herself up for rejection number four. You're not responsible for her hurt feelings at this point. Your friend should have known better than to blindside you with a date with someone who he knows full well you have zero interest in. Though, if I might venture a guess, I'd say that the double date was a 100% Jane's and your friend's girlfriend's idea, and your friend most likely just got pressured into convincing you to come. OP said, even so, he is one of my best friends.
他不该这样坑我。就算全是她们的主意，我最怪乔。最后有人说，你不算混蛋。离场绝对是正确决定。简想强迫你和她交往，只要给她一丝希望，她就会继续纠缠你。
He shouldn't be screwing me over like that. Even if it was 100% their idea, I still blame Joe most. Lastly, someone said, not the asshole. You definitely made the right call by leaving. Jane is trying to force you into a relationship with her, and if you give her even the slightest implication that there may be a chance, she will continue pestering you with unwanted attention.
她需要这个非常明确的信息：你甚至没有兴趣考虑和她约会。她对你的感情并不意味着她有权得到你的机会，如果你不感兴趣的话，而且你已经多次告诉她你不感兴趣。老实说，乔和他女朋友的行为真的很恶心，他们应该向你道歉。更新。
She needed this very clear message that you are not interested in even entertaining the idea of dating her. Her feelings towards you do not entitle her to a shot with you if you aren't interested, and you already told her several times that you weren't. This is honestly really disgusting behavior on Joe and his girlfriend's part, and they should be apologizing to you. Update.
是的。很多
Yes. Lot
的
of them
今天。更新。是的，谢恩。
today. Updating. Yes, Shane.
是的。是的，谢恩。顶部。
Yes. Yes, Shane. Top.
我飘走了。无论如何，就像我说的，事情是这样的。事实证明，你们中一些更悲观的人是对的。简变得痴迷和跟踪狂，这一切在那一刻都崩塌了。在我发帖大约一周后，她决定给我发消息。
I float away. At any rate, like I said, here goes. It turns out that some of the more pessimistic of you were right. Jane was being obsessive and stalkerish, and it sort of all came tumbling down on her at that point. A week or so after I made my post, she decided to message me.
归根结底是她不明白为什么我对她表现出兴趣然后又拒绝和她约会。我从未对她表现出超出基本友好的兴趣。一大段文字专门用来抨击我之前的恋情，用各种难听的话称呼他们，特别指出我和错误的女孩约会，还有一段奇怪的咆哮，说大家都认为我和她是命中注定的，但这根本不是事实。就像我在之前的帖子中说的，我们朋友圈里一直有个笑话，说她有多奇怪。现在，你可能会认为这是可以预料的，只是某种发泄，但她用错了账号发送了这些。
It came down to her not understanding why I was showing interest in her and then refused to date her. I never showed interest in her beyond basic friendliness. A wall of text dedicated to thrashing my previous relationship and calling them all sorts of names, specifically pointing out how I dated the wrong girls, and a weird rant about how everyone agreed me and her were meant to be, which just isn't the case. Like I said in my previous post, there is a running joke in our friend group of how how weird she is. Now, you might think this is something that could be expected, something that just happens, an outlet for her of sorts, except she sent it from the wrong account.
看，我在过去一两个月里和一个网友成了朋友。我和她会一起玩游戏，时不时聊天，你知道，就是那种普通的网友关系。不。关于我们约会的消息是从这个账号发送的。结果发现她实际上是用这个化名混进了我的网友群，某种程度上是在监视我。
See, I had become Internet friends with a person in the past month or two. Me and her would game together, chat from time to time, you know, the usual organic Internet friend situation. No. And the messages concerning our date were sent from this account. Turns out she had literally used this alias to infiltrate my Internet friend group and keep tabs on me of sorts.
显然，这让我吓坏了。我截屏了她发给我的内容，然后屏蔽了所有我知道她在使用的账号。接着我在我们的朋友Discord和WhatsApp群里分享了所有内容，让大家都能看到，结果她被踢出了这两个群。后来我接到了乔的电话，他非常抱歉，告诉我他完全不知情，他知道不应该这样做，但他的女朋友被简施压了。原来简几个月来一直在抱怨她安排这样的事情，她终于屈服了。再次强调，这真的很诡异。
Obviously, this freaked me the fuck out. I took screenshots of what she had sent me and afterwards blocked all accounts that I knew now she was using. I followed that up by sharing everything in our friend Discord and in our friend WhatsApp group so everyone could see which resulted in her being kicked from both, and I later got a call from Joe, full on apologetic, telling me he had no idea and he knew he shouldn't have done it, but that his girlfriend was being pressured by Jane. Turned out Jane had literally been bitching at her for months to arrange something like this, and she finally caved. Again, creepy stuff.
我告诉他我需要一些时间，因为他真的把我害惨了，结果我不再信任他了。虽然简被所有朋友疏远了，但她还是联系了我两次，一次是道歉，但很快就变成了奇怪的谈话，她开始谈论我们。她似乎坚信我们之间有某种关系，而且我对她有兴趣。第二次联系我只是为了骂我，两次都是从随机账号发的。我不知道接下来该怎么办，我现在还是很震惊。
And I told him that I needed some time as he really fucked me over big time, and I didn't trust him anymore as a result. While Jane has been shunned by all friends, she still contacted me twice, once to apologize, which quickly turned into weird shit where she started talking about us. She seemed convinced there is an us and I am interested. The second time she contacted me was just to curse at me, both from random accounts. I am not sure where to go from here, and I am still pretty shook up.
好吧。我想说的是，我的直觉完全正确。我什么都没说，但我就觉得，她一说他提到简很偏执时，我就感觉她像是幕后主使。就像她把所有朋友都安排得明明白白，像个下棋高手似的。简直就像贾方那种感觉。
This Okay. I wanted to say that I My instincts were right on the money. I didn't say anything, but I was like, it feels as soon as she said As soon as he said that Jane was obsessive, I was like, it feels like she's like masterminding this shit. Like she's got all the friends in place like a fucking chess master or some shit. Like Jafar is what it's giving.
就像是...这感觉像贾方？我要掌控整个王国，这样就能娶到公主了。哇哦，老兄。另外那个...
It's like I'm gonna It's giving Jafar? I'm gonna get in charge of this whole kingdom so I can marry the princess. Yeah. Woah, dude. The other the
那个...那个鲶鱼头的侧分
the the catfish side part
对。
Yeah.
支线剧情更新？
Update side plot?
鲶鱼头的
Catfish side
侧分更新支线剧情。
part update side plot.
有人不懂暗示的危险信号真的很可怕，因为你会想他们到底能不懂暗示到什么程度？
The red flag of someone not taking a hint is really scary because it's like how far can they not take a hint?
对啊。简直就像'我能赢'。是啊，爱情里可没有输赢。
Yeah. It's literally like I can win. Yeah. You can't win love.
没错。不知怎么的...
Yeah. Somehow it
成功了。
worked.
而且，这还表现出一种‘要么听我的，要么滚蛋’的态度。就像，我想要什么才不在乎你愿不愿意。对，我总会找到办法，哪怕得改掉我这该死的名字。太疯狂了。
And, it's also giving it's my way or the highway. Like, I want I don't care if you don't. Yeah. I'm going to find a way even if I have to change my damn name. That's crazy.
而且，我不喜欢说那个C开头的词。
And, I don't like saying the c word.
感觉像是我们终于能在一起了。我们做到了。是我，简。
It's kind of it kinda feels like we can finally be together. We did it. It's me, Jane.
这很危险，非常危险的行为。当有人自以为知道什么对你最好时，真的很可怕。是啊。他们还坚持说‘不，我看到了我们的可能，只是你看不见’。
It's well, it's it's dangerous. It's dangerous behavior and it's it it is really scary when someone thinks they know what's best for you. Yeah. And they go, well, no. I see us, but you don't see it.
这
It's
就像‘不’
like No.
你说我们没有化学反应，但我们在《守望先锋》里配合得多好啊。对，我们团队赢了那么多场比赛。
You said we don't have chemistry, but we work so well together in Overwatch. Yeah. We have so many team wins.
对。用户名是贾法尔，不是简。
Yeah. It's like username Jafar. Not Jane.
不是简。简·法尔？
Not not Jane. Jane Far?
是啊。简·法尔。
Yeah. Jane Far.
不是简的那个辣妹？
Hot girl that isn't Jane?
我得告诉你件事。我其实不叫贝恩。我叫简。对。我想我们读过太多关于网络钓鱼的故事了。
I have to tell you something. My name's not really Bane. It's Jane. Yeah. I think I think we've read so many stories that have to do with like catfishing.
没错。网络钓鱼让我震惊。确实。这既可怕又极其迷人。我不知道实时逻辑是否适用于这种情况。
Yeah. Catfishing blows my mind. Yeah. It is it is terrifying, but it's also extremely fascinating. I don't know if like real time logic can be applied to it.
就像，我觉得这是一种...小小的，我无法理解的妄想程度。
Like, I think it is I mean this little like, it's a level of delusion that I I I don't think I can understand.
对我来说，如果我深入思考，会觉得这个叫简的女孩极度渴望与对方建立联系，以至于不在乎改变自己。是啊。或者不得不躲在...很多人为了建立联系会伪装自己。她显然感觉到自己无法自然连接，但她坚信能与此人建立联系。
I mean, to me, I I can if I really really think about it, think it's like this girl Jane like wanted this level of connection with this person so badly that they didn't even care if they had to change themselves. Yeah. Or they had to like like hide behind I mean a lot of people hide behind something else in order to connect because she was getting the vibe obviously that she wasn't a connect. She was like, but I know I can connect with this person.
最可怕的是，在所有我读过的案例中，简其实根本不了解对方。不。他们爱上的是个幻影。痴迷于一个根本不存在的概念。
What's what's really scary about it too is I feel like in all these situations where I read about this, I don't believe for a second that Jane actually knows who he is. No. It's they're in love. They're obsessed with an idea Yeah. That doesn't even exist.
是啊。所以这真的非常不健康。
Yeah. So I don't know. It's it's it's really really unhealthy.
我脑子里有个想法：那些网络钓鱼的人会觉得'等他们了解真实的我后，外表就不重要了'。
There's something in my head that's like, okay. So I'm thinking in the head of someone catfishing. It's like, oh well they'll get to know me, the real me. Right. So that the physical thing doesn't really matter.
确实。追根究底，这其实是一种强烈的连接需求。他们会不惜一切代价去实现，却没考虑最后要面对的后果。
Yeah. I think like it it honestly if you track it all the way back, it's a deep need to connect. Yeah. And, they will do that at any cost. And, they're not really thinking about the last act where they have to kind of then Right.
做真实的自己。是的。
Be the person they are. Yeah.
这可能也让人上瘾。那种得到想要之物的快感会让他们欲罢不能。是啊，很难轻易抽身。
It's probably addictive too. It probably gives them a rush that they feel like they have what they want. Yeah. It's hard to just walk away from
那种关注。
that. Attention.
没错。好的。我们下个故事来自情感建议版块。我21岁的女友和我20岁的弟弟是灵魂伴侣。好吧。
Yeah. Alright. Our next story comes from relationship advice. My girlfriend, who's 21, and my brother, who's 20, are soulmates. Okay.
好吧。行。
Okay. K.
我是混蛋吗？我过分了吗？
Am I the asshole? Am I a jerk?
迈克尔我在偷钱。我是混蛋吗？
Michael I'm stealing money. Am I the asshole?
然后我...我直接杀了他。是的。我21岁的女友和我这个21岁的男人已经交往七个月了。我们曾同在餐厅工作，是我主动约的她。我一直觉得我们是截然不同的人，但这正是我喜欢这段关系的地方。
And I and I just killed him. Yes. My girlfriend, who's 21, and I, 21 year old man, have been dating for about seven months now. We both used to work at the same restaurant, and I asked her out. I've always felt like we were very different people, but that's what I liked about our relationship.
我觉得和她在一起总能学到新东西，我也尽力去接纳她的兴趣。三个月前我把她介绍给家人，大家都很喜欢她，尤其是我20岁的弟弟。当时我没多想，看到他们相处融洽还挺开心，毕竟我和弟弟关系很好。但后来我逐渐意识到，他们俩简直天造地设——电影、书籍、音乐、运动、美食，兴趣完全一致。虽然女友起初有些犹豫，但我鼓励她和弟弟单独去做我不感兴趣的事，他们玩得特别开心。
I feel like I'm always learning something by being around her and trying my best to indulge in her interests. Three months ago, I introduced her to my family and they all seemed to like her, especially my brother who's 20. I didn't really think much of it and was happy to see them get along since I'm very close to my brother, but I've realized over time that they just fit way better with each other. They both have the same interests in movies, books, music, sports, foods, you name it. Although my girlfriend was hesitant at first about it, I encouraged her to go do things alone with my brother if it wasn't something I was really into, and they both had a great time.
我知道仅凭相同爱好听起来微不足道，但他们的性格也完美契合。两人都自由奔放热爱冒险，我不得不承认他们在一起时比和我在一起时快乐得多。有时在他们中间我会觉得自己格格不入，仿佛不该在场。但我发誓这不是嫉妒，我是真心认为他们更适合彼此。
And I know just having the same hobbies sounds trivial, but it's also their personalities. They're both very free spirited and adventurous, and I can't help but notice that they look so much happier with each other than with me. Sometimes I feel really out of place around them, as if I'm not supposed to be there. But I swear this is not out of jealousy. I just genuinely think they're better for each other.
我两个都喜欢，如果这样能让他们开心，那我宁愿他们在一起，我自己退出。不过我不太确定该怎么操作或者怎么跟他们谈这件事。我该怎么撮合他们？等等。等等。
I love both of them, and if this is what makes them happy, then I'd rather they date each other and let me move out of their way. I'm not exactly sure how to execute this or talk about this with either of them, though. How do I go about setting them up? Wait. Wait.
什么？
What?
这就像是 这是 我
This is like This is I
不知道该怎么回应
don't know how to respond
我爸是菲利普·斯凯勒。那人超有钱而且
to My dad is Philip Skyler. The man is loaded and
就是这个感觉。汉密尔顿？
that's what it's giving. Hamilton?
对。用这个来安排吧。这是我的
Yeah. Setting it up with Go with this instead. Here's my
好吧。哇哦。
Yeah. Okay. Wow.
你喜欢我？这是我兄弟姐妹。什么？
You like me? Here's my sibling. What?
对。就是这个感觉
Yeah. It's giving
确实有点像简·奥斯汀笔下的情景。就像是，嗯，实际上，我妹妹可能更适合你。
does feel like a Jane Austen situation. It's like, well, actually, my my sister would be far more suited to you.
对啊。这算怎么回事？
Yeah. Like what the hell?
但通常在媒体里看到这种情节时，我觉得那个妹妹更像是兄弟的角色。奇怪的是，约会的那个人会说：我知道我不合适，但我知道谁合适。这种情况真的很少见。
But usually in media when we see this I feel like it's the it's the sister that's like, kinda like the brother. It's weird that the person who's dating is like, I know I'm not a fit and I know who is. It's just you don't see this a lot.
没错。他还想让他们单独相处？
No. He wanted them to hang out one on one?
这里面有很多因素在起作用。我是说，目前还没做什么坏事。所以这挺有意思的，但或许可以说这有点像自我破坏。
There's a lot at play here. I mean, nothing nothing bad has been done Yeah. Here. So it's like interesting, but one could maybe argue like this feels like self sabotage a little bit. Yeah.
或许可以这么认为
One could maybe argue that
就像是
of like It
可能是这样。也可能他只是需要结束这段关系，而不是撮合她。也许他只需要抽身离开。
could be that. It also could just be like like maybe he just needs to get out of this relationship and not set her up. Like, maybe he just needs to just like step away.
是啊。而且这两个都是他在乎的人，他爱她们两个。他会想：哦，你们都是这么好的人，你们在一起会更合适。但如果她不愿意呢？
Yeah. It's also it's also like these are two people he cares about, so he he loves both of these people. He's like, oh, you're both such great people. Oh, you'd be better off together. It's like, well, but if she doesn't want that.
我不知道。我有点觉得，这有点不尊重人，因为他擅自替这两个明确表示不愿意的人做决定。
I don't know. There's a part of me that's like, it's a little disrespectful in the sense that he's assuming what's best for these people who are both telling him not the same thing.
是啊。
Yeah.
我对此很着迷。说几点看法。你哥哥也塑造了你。你显然和他以及你女友这类人相处得很好。所以她对你非常投入，可能对你哥哥的兴趣比你想象的要少，这并不奇怪。
I'm fascinated by this. Some comments. Your brother shaped you as well. You apparently connect well with people like him and like your girlfriend. So it's no wonder she's very much into you and possibly would be less into your brother than you think.
有人说，哇，慢着。你女友可能对你哥哥毫无兴趣。人们不一定会喜欢和自己相似的人在一起。我丈夫就和我截然相反。
Someone said, woah. Slow down. Your girlfriend probably has zero interest in your brother. People don't necessarily like being with someone like them. My husband is my polar opposite.
谢天谢地。要是我和像我这样的人约会，那绝对会痛苦不堪。我太烦人了。有人说她可能不想和你哥哥约会。如果你对她没感觉，就分手吧。
Thank God. And I would be absolutely miserable dating someone like me. I'm too annoying. Someone said she might not wanna date your brother. If you're not into her, break up.
如果她喜欢你哥哥，她会自己找机会的。但要是我男朋友跑来跟我提这个建议，我会立马跑得远远的。是啊，我觉得没有任何情况能让这件事顺利发生而不毁掉一切。没错。
If she likes your brother, she'll pursue in her own time. But if my boyfriend came to me suggesting this, I'd run a mile. Yeah. There's there's I don't think there's any situation where he's gonna make this happen that's not gonna just destroy everything. Yeah.
就是说，你要么承认'我和女友不合适，我要分手'，要么就继续在一起。你不能把交往七个月的人介绍给你哥哥。
Like, you either need to say, oh, this my girlfriend and I aren't right for each other and I'm gonna break up, or you stay with it. There's no You can't set someone up with your brother. Like, the person you've been dating for seven months.
七个月可不短了。
Seven months is a long time.
是啊，七个月确实挺长的...
Yeah. Seven months is a long That's
这么长时间还牵线太离谱了。如果是和某人约会过几次还行。然后你说'呃，其实...我也说不清'
way too long to be setting. Like, if someone if you went on a couple dates with someone Yeah. And then you're like, oh, you know what? Like, I don't know. I don't know.
这根本...没有任何情况会让我觉得'嘿，这么做很合理'。我感觉...
It's just it's There's no situation of this where I'm like, hey, you know what? This is a logical thing to do. I feel
就像我兄弟应该在这里，而不是我。
like my brother should be here instead of me.
地球上有数十亿人。这不仅仅是关于与某人完全相同。
There's billions of people in the planet. Like, it's not just about being exactly the same as someone.
好吧。曾经有人...等等，等等，让我...让我等一下。
Okay. There have been people Okay. Hold on. Hold on. Let me let me hold on.
有些人我和他们约会，到了第二或第三次约会时，我会说，你得见见我的朋友，因为...
There have been people where I would go on dates with them, and on like the second or third date I'd be like, you you need to meet my friend because
然后这种情况就发生了。
And this happens.
对。你们俩会很合拍。然后我会想办法让他们出现在同一个聚会上，最后他们就认识了。
Yeah. You guys I'm not would be such a good match. And then I'll like, I will figure out a way to make them be at the same party. Then they end up meeting
然后他们就会做他们想做的事。
and then they'll do whatever.
当然。但那不是我的兄弟姐妹，而且也不是在...
Sure. But that's not my sibling, and it's not after
但你也有点意识到，这种联系可能对你来说并不完美，就像这样...
But there's also a little bit of you recognizing that the connection is maybe not perfect for you as This
感觉他一直在强调和鼓励他兄弟的关系。好像这与他无关。我几乎在想，这可能有点过分，可能是我太戏剧化了。但是，他与兄弟的这种关系...他是不是总认为他兄弟更值得？是的。
feels like he just keeps highlighting and encouraging his the brother's relationship. Where it's like it's not about him. Like, I almost wonder if and this might be too much, and this might be too me being theatrical. But like, is this relationship with his brother does his brother does he always think his brother is more deserving? Yeah.
那是他长大的那个家吗？是的。知道。就像，这是一种模式吗？你懂我意思吗？
Is that the household he grew up in? Yeah. Know. Like, is this just a pattern? You know what I mean?
就像
Like
是啊，我也不知道。
Yeah. I don't know.
我明白。有可能。
I'm I know. Could be.
有无数种可能性。只是从没读到过任何消息。给我更新。没有更新。什么？
There's a million possibilities. Just never read anything. Update me. There's no update. What?
我很抱歉。
I'm sorry.
对不起。不是的。
I'm sorry. No.
我很抱歉。
I'm sorry.
这不公平。
It's not fair.
很多
Lots of
有些更新了，有些则没有。
updates and then some don't.
我们在七月读到这个，而它也是在七月发布的。这是最近的事，所以我们最终可能会得到更新。但截至目前，还没有。
We're reading this in July and this was posted in July. This was very recent so we might get an update eventually. But, it's as of now, no.
这太疯狂了。
This is wild.
他们看起来婚姻幸福。
They're like happily married.
但是，我也确实相信宇宙的安排。可能是我看了太多浪漫喜剧。
But, also I do believe in a universe. Maybe I've watched too many like rom coms.
我同意。
I agree.
就像有人会说，你和我哥哥是绝配。我无法停止这么想。是的。然后这就是浪漫的相遇。
Where someone's like, you're perfect for my brother. I can't stop thinking this. Yep. And then that's the meet cute.
我完全同意。感觉我在无数作品中见过这种情节
I agree completely. I feel like I've seen it in a million
电影里也是。或者只是以一种奇怪的方式遇见某人。这就像是在替她做了很多假设。
movies too. Or just like a weird way of meeting someone. This is like assuming a lot on behalf of her.
这确实是在假设，假设什么对人们最好。有时候我觉得这是非常不尊重的。
It's it's really assuming it's assuming what's best for people. And that is sometimes I think it's very disrespectful.
是啊，尤其是在Netflix上。你知道的
Yeah. Especially if it's on Netflix. Know what's
你无法判断什么适合自己。你看不出这对你有多完美。他们才20和21岁。这话太对了。你们现在可能很般配。
you can't figure out what's right for you. You can't see that this is perfect for you. They're also 20 and 21. That's so true. You might be perfect for each other now.
五年后你们会变得完全不同。这话太真实了。真的别做这些事。千万别做这些。如果...如果这真的是...我觉得他需要好好审视。
In five years, you're gonna be completely different. Is so true. Like, don't don't do all this. Like, do not do all this. And if if this is really I think he needs to examine.
就像你因为...而缺乏安全感。其实任何理由分手都没问题。但确实，他需要...我觉得他只是在想他们有多好，而他完全没有透露他们关系的具体情况。
It's like, you feeling insecure about your Because it's also okay to break up for any reason that you so desire. But also, yeah, he needs to I think he's just thinking how great they are, and he's he did not give us any details about their own.
担心他只是在为他们关系的完美程度或他们笑得有多开心而焦虑。他困在自己的思维里了。
Worry he's just insecure of how great of a relationship relationship they they have have or or how how much much they're they're laughing or something. And, he's in his own way.
我觉得他太执着于他们都喜欢同类电影和某些活动。是啊。好像这就是终极标准。我20岁时可能也这么想，但33岁的我完全不这么认为了。
I think he seems hung up that they have like similar interests in movies and certain activities. Yeah. And, that's like the end all be all. And, I'm like I could see myself when I was 20 thinking that's the end all be all of But, a I'm like, not my case at 33.
对，就像那个评论者说的。
Yeah. Like that commenter.
截然不同。
Very different.
就像那个评论者说的'我伴侣和我完全相反'。我确实会陷入这种思维：看到喜欢的人或约会对象和别人有某种我无法建立的联结时，就觉得那肯定更高级对吧？但有时候人们并不这么选择。
Like that commenter who was like my my partner is so opposite to me. I do think I have fallen into like seeing a person I like or a person I'm dating really connect with somebody else in a way that I can't connect with them on, and I go, well that must be superior. Right? Like, oh, but sometimes that's not what people choose. Right?
有时候人们就喜欢相反的。有时候他们不想要完全复刻的自己。是啊。所以
Sometimes people like opposites. Sometimes they don't want their exact person. Yeah. So
比如，是啊。
like, Yeah.
我觉得那是一种非常二十岁的思维方式，认为我们交往的是你的本质。但其实不是这样的。
I think that is a very twenty year old way of thinking to be like, we date who you are. Like, it isn't.
我认为这也是一种危险。虽然我不完全确定，但互联网一直在告诉我们事情应该怎样。对吧？是啊。太多人在那里说，关系就该这样经营。
I think also it's a danger. I don't I have to assume this a little bit, but like the Internet is constantly telling us how things should be. Right? Yeah. So many people out there are like, this is how a relationship works.
问题在于每段关系都他妈是独一无二的。是啊。所以对你来说看似不对的事情，如果行得通，那就是行得通。
This is how this works. The problem is every relationship is completely fucking unique. Yeah. And so, what might seem wrong to you might if it's working, it's working. Yeah.
是啊。
Yeah.
有时候这就是你唯一的衡量标准。
That's kinda sometimes your only barometer.
没有一种固定的方式来做这件事。
There's not one way to do this.
不，绝对不是。只要两个人都开心。如果他们都说，嘿，我们对这段感情很有信心。这样就行。
No. Absolutely not. It's if both people are happy. If they're both like, hey, we we feel strong about our connection. This is working.
那就是行得通。是啊。要是有非常明确的条条框框就好了。
Then it's working. Yeah. I don't know. It'd be so nice if there was very specific boxes. Yeah.
但并没有。不过我觉得这家伙现在的心理状态很有意思。我觉得几年后情况会不一样。
But there's not. But I don't know. This I I think this is a very fascinating headspace this guy is in. I I think things will be different in a couple of years.
我也这么认为。
I think so.
我不认为这段关系能长久，因为我很难相信那些十九、二十岁年轻人的二十段恋情。我就觉得，嗯，这很可能昙花一现，不会天长地久。当然也可能持续一辈子，谁知道呢。
I don't think this relationship is gonna last just because I I have a hard time believing 20 relationships when people are in their like just nineteen, twenty. Like, I'm like, yeah, it's probably gonna be short lived. It's not gonna be forever. Maybe it'll last forever. I don't know.
可能吧。但确实，我不知道。我觉得
Can. But Yeah. I don't know. I think
他也需要和他兄弟保持些距离。
he needs some space from his brother too.
我认为他需要做些自我反省。
I think he needs to do some introspection.
是啊，他需要来场'美食、祈祷与恋爱'。
Yeah. He needs to like eat, pray, love.
对，没错。
Yeah. Yeah.
这梗太老了，我打赌现在都没人记得了。
What an old reference I bet people don't even know anymore.
茱莉亚·罗伯茨是谁？算了，该讲最后一个故事了，这次是个怀旧篇——这是个十年前的故事。
Who's Julia Roberts? Anyways, it's time for our final story and this one's a throwback. This is a ten year old story.
哇，现在听着像寓言故事了？
Woah. Feels like a parable now?
我知道。2015年。哇哦。
I know. Twenty fifteen. Woah.
那已经是十年前的事了，真疯狂。
That's crazy that that was ten years ago.
是啊，铁器时代。这源于一段关系。我，一个21岁的女性，怀疑自己可能是交往两年的男友的备胎。
Yeah. The iron age. This comes from relationships. I, a 21 year old woman, suspect that I might be my boyfriend of two years' side chick.
两年？
Two years?
两年。整整两年。
Two years. Two years.
具体说说。蒂姆和我在一起两年了。我们都是生活在欧洲的外国人。名字已做化名处理。蒂姆平时是个非常注重隐私的人，所以某些怪异行为可能源于此。
Some details. Tim and I have been together for two years. We are both foreigners living in Europe. Names have been changed. Tim is a very private person in general, and so maybe some of the strangeness stems from that.
为了解释清楚，我想得从头说起。蒂姆和我在一个英语母语者活动上相识，当时我们各自已在此地生活了一年。我们一见如故。那周晚些时候，我们和活动上认识的人一起去酒吧串游，然后发生了关系。仅仅几天后，我们决定再次见面。
In order to explain everything, I think I have to start at the very beginning. Tim and I met at an event for native English speakers after each of us having lived here for a year. We hit it off immediately. Later that week, we went to a pub crawl with other people from the event and hooked up. Only a few days later, we decided to meet up again.
但在决定去我住处还是他家时，他坚持要来我家，并说稍后会解释原因。需要说明的是，我的居住条件本就不适合接待客人，更别说男性，而他对这个情况完全知情。他过来后告诉我，他现在仍和分手约三个月的前女友同住。他有自己的房间等设施，但因为预付了六个月房租借她钱，所以暂时住那里。好吧。
But when trying to decide if it'd be at my place or his, he told me it has to be mine and he'll explain why later. For the record, I do not live in an ideal situation to be having people, much less men, over, and he was completely aware of the situation. He came over and told me that he is currently still living with his ex girlfriend of about three months. He had his own room and everything, but because he had prepaid for six months of rent to lend her some money, he was staying there. Okay.
所以没错，我知道这很怪，但我有什么资格评判？他说他们确实分手了，而我现在只是和这个人睡觉而已，随它去吧。几周后我们决定正式确立排他性恋爱关系。他说只是暂时和前女友（我们姑且称她为斯蒂芬妮）再同住三个月，之后会另找住处。
So, yeah. I know this is weird, but who am I to judge? He says they are definitely broken up and I'm just sleeping with the guy right now, so whatever. A few weeks go by and we decide to start dating exclusively and officially. He says that he's just living with his ex who we'll name Stephanie temporarily for another three months, and then he'll find another place.
好吧。虽然情况怪异，但我信任他，而且他三个月后就会搬走。他抱怨不得不和她同住，说这样很别扭。他还告诉我他们分手的原因——他在派对上抓到她与前男友出轨。所以我不担心他们会复合。
Alright. So it's a weird situation, but I trust him, and he'll leave in three months. He complains about having to live with her and says it's uncomfortable. He also told me why they broke up, which was because he caught her cheating on him with her ex at a party. So I'm not worried about them getting back together.
我对这种情况并不是百分百放心，但还能应付。几个月过去了，蒂姆并没有搬出去。他说现在他在同一栋房子里有自己的小公寓，但留在那里对他更有利，因为不用买家具，租金也便宜。别忘了，我们是外国人，买一大堆家具离开时又得卖掉很麻烦。后来他开始说要带我去那里，证明他们是分开住的等等。
I'm not a 100% comfortable with the situation, but it's manageable. A few months pass and Tim doesn't move out. He says he's now got his own little apartment in the same house, but that it's so much better for him to stay there because he doesn't have to buy any furniture and the rent is cheap. Remember, we're foreigners, so buying a ton of furniture that you're just going to have to sell when you leave is annoying. He eventually starts saying that he's going to bring me over there to show me that they're living separately and whatnot.
长话短说，这事从未实现。每次我让他去问她，他都说她会不高兴之类的。显然她知道他有女朋友，但不喜欢这样，想复合。一年后，他终于搬出去了。但不是搬进自己的地方，而是住进了朋友家的备用房间。
Long story short, that never happened. Every time I asked him to ask her about it, he'd say that she'd get upset and blah blah blah. Apparently, she was aware that he had a girlfriend but didn't like it and wanted to get back together. After a year, he finally moved out. Not into his own place, but into the spare room at his buddy's house.
我之前去过他朋友家一次，那也是我唯一一次见到他的非共同朋友，这本身就挺可疑和奇怪的。我没帮忙搬家，不是没尝试过。所以不，我从没见过他把东西搬进去。再说这只是他找到自己住处前的临时方案。由于各种情况——公司被收购导致工作不稳定，他对找公寓极其挑剔——他至今还没搬进自己的地方。
I had been to his buddy's place before, only once though, and that had been the one and only time I've ever met one of his non mutual friends, which is suspicious and strange on its own. I didn't help with the move, not for lack of trying. So no, I never saw him move his stuff there. Again, this was a temporary solution until he found a place of his own. Through various circumstances, company being bought out which led to job insecurity, him being extremely picky about finding an apartment, he has still yet to move into a place of his own.
他搬进朋友家已经十个月了，尽管我多次提出要去，却始终没去过。他总是先答应，后来又说不想打扰或给人添麻烦等等。所以本质上，我从未见过他住的地方。这些事，加上我从没见过他的朋友或和他家人视频，就是我怀疑的根源。但真正的问题还在后面。
Been about ten months since he moved into his buddy's place, and I've yet to be there even though I've asked many times. He always says yes, but then later says that he doesn't want to intrude or be a nuisance, etcetera. So essentially, I've never seen where he lives. Those things along with me never having met his friends or skyped with his family are the underlying basis for my suspicion. But here's where the real stuff comes.
哦，这甚至还不是真正的问题。
Oh, this is not even the real stuff.
真正的问题来了。
It's time for the real stuff.
是啊，你该到此为止了。
Yeah. You need to wrap it here.
昨晚失眠时，我去脸书挖了蒂姆的底。我搜了带他标签的照片，因为我知道他对脸书很古怪——真他妈绝了——不让标签照片和帖子显示在他主页。翻看照片时，我发现三张他夏天回家时的照片。每张照片里都有个没被标签的女生坐在蒂姆旁边。
Last night, when I couldn't sleep, I went Facebook stalking. I searched for tagged photos of Tim because I know he's weird about his Facebook Let's fucking go. And doesn't let tagged pictures and posts show up on his wall. While going through the pictures, I found three pictures of him while he was visiting home over the summer. In each of the three pictures, there is a girl who is untagged and sitting next to Tim.
其中两张照片里，他的手臂搂着她。不，不过那些照片更像是摆拍，大家都互相搭着肩。哦，两张是和朋友的合照，所以我猜她是家乡的朋友。
In two of the three pictures, his arm is around her. No. But the pictures are more posed, and everyone's arms are around each other. Oh. Two of the pictures are with friends, so I figured she's a friend from home.
没什么大不了的。但有一张照片里，他们和他姐姐、姐夫及侄女在一起，就显得更亲密了。我不知道斯蒂芬妮长什么样，她也没有脸书。我谷歌搜不到她的照片，但我觉得这女孩可能就是她。
No big deal. In one picture though, they are with his sister and her husband and daughter. So a much more intimate picture. I do not know what Stephanie looks like and she doesn't have Facebook. I can't find a picture of her through Googling, but I think this girl might be her.
我不太确定
I don't know exactly
那是2015年。
It's 2015.
我不清楚为何会这么想，但我确实这么认为。我进一步谷歌搜索后找到了斯蒂芬妮祖母的讣告。她于一月去世。所以蒂姆应该已经搬出了那栋房子，而且他们肯定已经分手了。然而在讣告上，他的名字与斯蒂芬妮并列作为家庭成员出现。
I don't know exactly why I think that, but I do. I did some more Google research and found Stephanie's grandmother's obituary. She died in January. So, Tim would have moved out of the house and definitely after they should have been broken up. And yet, on the obituary, his name is listed next to Stephanie's as members of the family.
我确实知道他们关系密切
I do know that he was close
讣告会这样写吗？抱歉？是的。就像某某人由谁谁谁悼念这样。但她的男朋友？
They do that in obituaries? Sorry? Yeah. It's like so and so survived by Yeah. But her boyfriend?
她男朋友被列出来，意味着他可能已与她结婚，正式成为家庭成员。我不认为普通男友会被列出来。不会的。
Her boyfriend's listed, means he's probably married to her and that he's literally in the family. I don't think a boyfriend would be listed. No.
等等。通过讣告抓包也太疯狂了。抱歉。继续读吧。
Wait. A fair caught via obituary is wild. Sorry. Keep reading.
这就是为什么祖母去世了。她心想：我知道怎么回事。我知道怎么揭穿这事。
That's why the grandma died. She's like, I know how it is. I know how to blow this up.
确保他在房间里。
Make sure he's in the room.
我要这么做了。哦。
I'm gonna do this. Oh.
她完全可以拒绝我的。她本可以那么做的。把这事记录在案。我
She could just Mine was a No. She just could do that. Keep it on the record. I
确实知道他跟祖母关系亲密，她在遗嘱里给他留了东西，但我还是怀疑。我的天 在遗嘱里？我前女友的祖母在遗嘱里提到了我。这就像
do know that he was close to the grandmother and that she left him stuff in her will, but still I'm suspicious. My my In the will? My ex girlfriend's grandmother left me in the will. It's like
前女友？对。是别人。
ex girlfriend? Yeah. Somebody else.
如果我怀疑的是真的，那就意味着他能瞒着我和她两年，说实话这挺让人佩服的。哇。看起来他做得并不高明啊。不。我我我不觉得那有什么了不起。
If what I suspect is true, that means that he was able to hide this from me and her for two years, which is honestly just impressive. Wow. It doesn't seem like he did a good job. No. I I I don't think it was that impressive.
但他把标签撕掉了。
But he removed the tags.
他
He
撕掉了标签。
removed the tags.
而在2015年，那可是相当费劲的活儿。
And in 2015, that was pretty hard work.
但现在我卡住了。在确定之前我不想用这些相对薄弱的证据质问他，因为他只会找借口，而我会因为想信任他、和他在一起就接受。嗯。我不知道怎样才能进一步证明照片里的女孩是斯蒂芬妮，或者如何彻底确认真假。所以这就是我想寻求建议的地方。
Right now though, I'm stuck. I don't wanna bring up my relatively weak evidence with him until I can be sure because he'll just have an excuse, and I'll just accept it because I want to trust him and be with him. Mhmm. I don't know how to get any more proof that the girl in the pictures is Stephanie or how to know for sure one way or the other. So that's where I'd like advice.
我不会在百分百确定前和他分手，因为我真心爱他，但我不知道怎样才能百分百确定。任何建议或帮助我都感激，但请保持建设性。
I'm not going to break up with him without knowing a 100% because I honestly do love him, but I don't know how I can know 100%. Any advice or help is appreciated, although please be constructive.
好的。
Okay.
听着，她还年轻，确实年轻。而且我也知道我们常会自我说服。但某种程度上，她做得对，比如用匿名方式把这些写出来。
Look. She's young. She's young. And, I also know we do this to ourselves where we convince ourselves of things. But I she did the in in a way, she did the right thing of like writing this out in anonymous way.
所以她写出来可能是件好事，就像在Step页面上那样。然后获取他人的观点，比如在真空环境下，这些事会让你起疑吗？所有这些评论。
So she's writing it out, which is probably good to just like Step page. And then to like get other people's perspectives on just like, hey, these things in a vacuum, would you be suspicious? All these comments.
我已经知道了。看过他住的地方。
I already know. Seen where he lives.
我不明白人们怎么能
I don't know how people can go
是啊。
Yeah.
撑那么久。
That long.
比如，我理解你可能处境不好，没法留宿。但至少能让我看看你的住处吗？比如能不能
Like, I understand you might not have a great situation to be like, oh, can't stay over. It's like, but can I still see your space? Like, can
我还是
I still
嗯？看到
Yeah? See
我也会带着这些疑问回到假期里。比如，我在想他当时在哪里。你知道的，就像当人们，你懂的吧？
I go back to holidays too with these things. Like, I wonder where he was at. You know, like like when people, you know?
是啊。所有这些加起来真的很多。两年了，我甚至没和你家人视频过。整整两年我没和你任何家人说过话，除了我们共同的朋友，我也没见过你的其他朋友。两年了，所有这些事情累积起来。
Yeah. All of it combined is a lot. Where it's like two years and I've not even Skyped with your family. Like, I've not talked to any of your family two years, and I've not met any of your like friends besides like just our mutual friends. Two years, and it's like all these things.
对，就像是
Yeah. It's like
嗯。我我理解她的顾虑，她可能在想，我我我害怕如果直接和他谈这件事，他会逃避，他会他会想办法绕开这个话题。但我真心希望她能直接和他沟通。她会这样做吗？还是选择其他方式另寻出路
Yeah. I I understand where she's coming from where she's like, I I I'm scared if I just talk to him about it he's gonna walk he's gonna he's gonna like somehow find a way around it. But like, I hope to God she just talks to him. Yeah. Does she or does she do something else and find another
一直都是这样吗？
all the time?
我他们...我不清楚。他们常去她那里聚会？不。听着，不是每个人都会去酷玩乐队演唱会的。
I they I don't know. They hang at her place? No. Look. Not everybody goes to Coldplay concerts.
这个笑话已经过时好几个月了。你到最后会显得特别老套。不过这个意图很明显。我的意思是，我我非常清楚那种感觉——明明看到墙上的字迹显而易见，却还要装作，哦，我不明白那是什么意思。是啊。
That joke is months old by this point. You're be really old by end. This one's pretty obvious though. I mean, but I I know very well what it's like to like see various obvious to see obvious writing on the wall and and be like, oh, I don't know what they meant by that. Yeah.
大概，应该没什么问题。好吧，我们还有评论区呢。
Like, that's probably it's probably fine. Well, we have comments.
完全不是。
Not at all.
来，让我把话挑明吧。两年了我从没见过你住的地方，这真的很奇怪。现在我都开始觉得你在隐瞒什么。今天我必须去看看你的房子，这对我很重要。
Here, let me help you out. It's really weird that in two years I have never seen where you live. It's getting to the point where I feel like you have something to hide. I need to see your house today. This is important to me.
如果你做不到这点，我觉得继续这段关系让我很不自在。然后如果他不带你回家，你就直接去斯蒂芬妮家门口说，嘿，这真的很奇怪，但请听我说一分钟。对。你和蒂姆是怎么认识的？如果她说的不是‘我们分手了’，而是‘我们在约会’、‘为什么这么问’或者‘他是我丈夫’，你就把一切都告诉她。
If you can't do that, I don't think I'm comfortable continuing this relationship. And then if he doesn't take you to his house, you show up at Stephanie's front door and say, hey, this is really weird, but please hear me out for a minute. Yep. How do you how do you and Tim know each other? And if she says anything other than we broke up, like we're dating, why, or, he's my husband, you tell her everything.
有人说，其实判断一个非常注重隐私的人是否真的在乎你更容易，因为他们会让你比其他人更接近他们的生活。而这个男人根本没让你进入他的生活。有人说，即使他没有别的女人（虽然很可能有），知道两年了他都不让你知道他住哪、不让你见他的朋友或家人，我也不会高兴。这不正常。这是你不想让人知道这段关系时才会做的事。
Someone said, it's actually easier to tell if a very private person truly cares about you because they bring you closer into their life than they do others. This guy hasn't brought you into his life at all. Someone said, even if he wasn't with another woman, which he probably is, I would not be happy knowing that for two years he has not allowed you to see where he lives or meet his friends or family. That's not normal. That's what you do when you don't want anyone to know about your relationship.
这意味着要么他在和你出轨，要么他为你感到难堪。这两种情况都不能接受。是的。我我我觉得即使他没有出轨，这些行为也不该被容忍。
That either means he's cheating with you or he's embarrassed by by you. Neither of those is acceptable. Yeah. I I I think none of this behavior should be tolerated even if it's he's not cheating.
是啊。
Yeah.
就像我说的，这不会有结果的。更新一下。
It's like I this is not going anywhere though. Update.
是的，肖恩。真遗憾。我们当时...
Yes, Shane. Sad. I was We got
是啊。我真的很想知道。
yeah. I really needed to know.
最糟的就是当你特别期待更新时，他却说，看评论区。
It's like the worst when you're like so excited for an update and he goes, comments.
对啊。
Yeah.
评论区。你们有什么预测？她——他肯定结婚了。他绝对结婚了。哦。
Comments. Do you have predictions? She's he's married. He's gotta be married. Oh.
天啊。唉。正如许多人建议的那样，我先和蒂姆进行了一次谈话，非常非常清楚地告诉他整个情况让我有多困扰，以及为什么这对我来说是个问题。我试图让他从我的角度看问题，让他理解我为何如此难过。他说他理解了，并一再道歉。
God. Oof. As many people suggested I do, I started with a conversation with Tim where I made very very clear how much the whole situation bothered me and why it was an issue for me. I tried to show him things from my perspective and tried to make him understand why I was so upset. He said he understood and apologized profusely.
他哭了，我也哭了。他说他从未想过伤害我，也没意识到这对我而言是如此严重的问题，承认自己在这件事上很自私。他说一切都会改变，我会见到他的朋友，参观他的住处，还能和他的家人视频通话等等。哦，他说我是他在这里生活中最重要的部分，无法想象没有我的生活。
He cried and I cried. He said it was never his intention to hurt me and that he hadn't realized this had been such a large issue for me and that he had been selfish about it. He said it was all going to change and that I would meet his friends and see where he's staying and get to Skype with his family, etcetera, etcetera. Oh. He said I was the most important part of his life here and that he can't imagine his life without me in it.
他说想找一套公寓我们一起住，等我毕业后就一起永久回家乡。他还告诉我照片里的女孩是他家的世交，出现在讣告里是因为他仍与那家人关系密切，他们仍希望我能成为家庭一员。我决定观望他这次是否真能兑现承诺，于是我们和好了。之前没提的是，在这次谈话前的调查阶段，我找到了斯蒂芬妮家的座机号码并打过去找蒂姆。
He said he wants to find an apartment for us to live together, and that when I'm done with school he wants to go back home together for good. He also told me that the girl in the pictures was an old family friend and that he was in the obituary because he still is close with the family and they still wish I was part of the family. I decided to wait and see if he actually held up his end of things this time, and so we made up and all was well. What I didn't mention is that during my snooping phase before this conversation, I found the phone number to the landline where Stephanie lives and decided to give it a call asking for Tim.
2015年。
2015.
接电话的是斯蒂芬妮的父亲，当我找蒂姆时，他让我打手机号因为这是座机。所以没什么帮助。别对父亲接电话大惊小怪，那房子是双拼住宅，父母住一半斯蒂芬妮住另一半，这在本地小村庄很常见。
Stephanie's dad answered, and when I asked for Tim, he told me to call his cell phone because this was the landline. So not exactly helpful. Before you guys freak out about the dad thing, the house is like a duplex where the parents have their own half and Stephanie has her own half. This is not uncommon in small villages here.
好吧。好吧。
Okay. Okay.
和蒂姆谈过后几天，他发短信问我是否给斯蒂芬妮家打过电话找他。我决定不撒谎承认了。他说斯蒂芬妮发短信说有带口音的女孩打电话找他，他立刻想到是我。我解释说自己是因为迫切想知道真相才这么做，但结果也不明确。
A couple days after Tim and I talked, he texted me asking if I had called Stephanie's house asking for him. I decided not to lie and admitted it. He said that she texted him saying that some girl with an accent had called the house asking for him, and he immediately thought that it must have been me. I explained that I did it because I felt desperate for answers and just wanted to know what was going on. I also told him that it was inconclusive.
他非常生气，说我背叛了他的信任，表现得像个疯子。这点他倒没说错。但我解释是因为觉得别无他法才出此下策。我为侵犯隐私和打扰斯蒂芬妮一家道了歉。几天后他冷静下来原谅了我，但说这事可能推迟我和他朋友见面，因为他告诉他们后，朋友们很生气我这样对他。
He got very upset and said I had betrayed his trust and that I was acting like an insane person. He isn't exactly wrong about that part. But I explained that I felt forced to take such actions because I felt like I was never going to get any answers any other way. I apologize for the invasion of privacy and for bothering Stephanie and her family. After a few days, he calmed down and forgave me, saying, however, that this may push back meeting his friends because he told them what happened, and they were pissed that I would treat him that way.
不。没有。我等了几周看是否有变化，果然毫无改变。于是上周末某晚他喝醉后，我用他睡着时的指纹解锁了他手机。不。
No. No. I waited a few weeks to see if anything would change, and unsurprisingly, it did not. So this past weekend, he got very drunk one night and I was able to open his phone with his fingerprint while he was sleeping. No.
Home键。是Home键。
The home button. The home button.
我们走吧。我们
Let's go. Let's
打开它。是的。
open it. Yeah.
检查他的手机。
Check his phone.
检查他的
Check his
手机。检查
phone. Check
他的手机。好的。我发现前一天斯蒂芬妮发来的短信，讨论他们那天晚上应该做什么晚餐。他告诉我那天晚上他出差不在城里。我发现了很多爱心和‘我爱你’，甚至他用给我的昵称来称呼她。
his phone. Okay. I found texts from Stephanie from the day before talking about what they should make for dinner that night. He told me he was out of town for work that night. I found lots of hearts and I love yous, and even him using the same pet names for her as he does for me.
不。不要用昵称。肖恩。
No. Not the pet names. Shane.
太恶心了。每个人都该去冲个冷水澡。我讨厌这样。
That's disgusting. Everyone needs to take a cold shower. I hate it.
他告诉她这个周末他要出差，以及他有多想她。我翻看了过去几周的聊天记录，发现他给她发了很多他发给我的同样的照片。他邀请她和他的朋友及朋友的女朋友一起喝杯酒。他多次接她下班，还有很多关于那天晚上谁做饭和吃什么的话题。我回去查看了我知道他和我过夜的日期，他总是告诉她他在朋友家过夜或出差之类的话。
He told her he was going out of town this weekend for work, and how much he'd missed her. I looked through the past few weeks of messages between and saw that he had sent her quite a few of the same pictures that he had sent me. He had invited her to have a glass of wine with his buddy and her girlfriend. He picked her up from work multiple times, and there were lots of conversations about who was making dinner that night and what they should eat. I went back and looked for dates where I knew he had slept over with me, and he had always told her he was crashing at a friend's place or out of town for work or something along those lines.
我还发现了一个名为‘家人’的群聊，里面有蒂姆、他的妹妹、他的妈妈和斯蒂芬妮。我看了斯蒂芬妮发给他的照片，很明显就是我在Facebook上找到的那些照片里的人。所以你们是对的。过去两年，他一直和她住在一起，同时和我约会。他一直告诉我他有多爱我、多欣赏我，以及我们会有共同的未来。
I also found a group text message titled family that included Tim, his sister, his mom, and Stephanie. I looked at pictures of Stephanie that she had sent him and was able to very obviously see that it was her in the pictures that I found on Facebook. So you guys were right. For the last two years, he's been living with her and seeing me on the side. All the while telling me how much he loves and admires me and how we're going to have a future together.
我被欺骗利用了，为此觉得自己蠢透了。我还没和他谈，但等他这周晚些时候过来时，我打算告诉他我全都知道了。我还准备骂他是个彻头彻尾的混蛋。在我理想的对话里，他会解释为什么这么做，告诉我他到底在想些什么。但我很清楚这些答案我永远无法得知或理解。
I have been duped and taken advantage of, and I feel like a complete idiot because of it. I haven't talked to him yet, but when he comes over later in the week, I plan to tell him that I know everything. I also plan to tell him that he is a complete asshole. In my ideal conversation, he'd explain to me why he did this and what the fuck he was thinking during all this. But I am pretty sure those are just things that I'll never know or understand.
当然，我会和他分手。我还计划给斯蒂芬妮写封信说明事情真相，附上我知道他和我过夜的日期，方便她核对那些他没回家的日子。我还会准备一个U盘，里面装着过去两年我和蒂姆的合照，以及最近几个月的部分聊天记录截图。
Obviously, I will break up with him. I also plan on contacting Stephanie with a letter telling my side of the story. I will give her dates that I know he spent the night with me so that she can cross check them with dates that he did not come home. I also plan to include a USB stick with pictures of Tim and me from the last two years and screenshots of some of our conversations from the last couple months.
U盘，2015年款。
USB stick, 2015.
对。我无法强迫她相信我，但至少想为她尽力。作为同样被欺骗的人，我觉得有义务让她知道这四年她交往的是个什么样的人。关于这个计划和我接下来该怎么办，我完全愿意接受任何建议。我不会说谎。
Yeah. I can't make her believe me, but I want to at least do my best for her. I feel like I owe it to her as a fellow human being to let her know what kind of man she's been with for the last four years. I am open to absolutely any advice on my plan and on how to move forward in this. I won't lie.
现在我觉得无比迷茫无助。和蒂姆分手意味着要失去在这个国家生活的重要部分，这个空缺肯定需要很长时间来填补。所以任何帮助我都感激不尽。非常感谢你们听我说完，抱歉讲了这么长一大篇。我有点失控了。
I feel so lost and so helpless right now. By breaking up with Tim, I'm losing a huge part of my life in this country, and I'm definitely going to be filling this hole for a while. So any help is appreciated. Thank you guys so much for listening, and sorry this is long as fuck. I got carried away.
不。
No.
你没有失控，姑娘。我们不会
You didn't, girl. We won't
不。
No.
失控的是他，姑娘。
He got carried away, girl.
是啊。整整两年。
Yeah. For two years.
讣告。当你
Obituary. When you
看到事情的另一面时，你会觉得，哦，他对你太不尊重了。然后你又看到另一面，比如，哦，你对别人也同样不尊重。
get the flip side and because you're like, oh, he's being so disrespectful to you. Then you get the flip side of like, oh, and you're also being so disrespectful to someone else.
是的。说得太好了。
Yes. That's so good.
你会觉得，哦，我现在知道你有多坏了。然后你又发现，哦，你比那还要糟糕。你是双倍的坏。你是双倍的坏。更新编号。
You like get you be like, oh, I now know you're so bad. And then you get the like, oh, and you're even worse than that. You're double bad. You're double bad. Update No.
第二号。
Number two.
我需要知道发生了什么。
I need to know what happens.
所以我听了你的建议，没有试图和蒂姆谈话。哦。我觉得这样很好。我当时想，你需要
So I took your advice and did not try to have a conversation with Tim. Oh. I think that's good. I think I was like, you need
联系等等。为什么是哦，斯蒂芬妮因为
to contact Wait. Why is oh, Stephanie because
这件事已经无法挽回了，对吧？而且我觉得你不欠他尊重。你需要
there's no there's no mending this. Right? There and I don't think you owe him respect. And you need to get
和斯蒂芬妮达成一致。
on the same page with Stephanie.
斯蒂芬妮优先。对。先处理斯蒂芬妮的事，你的包其次，枪最后。不行。得想办法拖延。
Stephanie first. Yeah. It's Stephanie first, your bag second, gun later. No. How to get to wait.
谋杀放最后。因为你根本不能信任他。对吧？不行。如果你先告诉他，你根本不知道他会做出什么事来。
Murder later. Because because you can't trust him at all. Right? No. So if you tell him first, you don't know what he's gonna do.
而且你得在
And You have to pack your bags in the
晚上收拾行李。这会演变成一场操控竞赛。没错。他这人城府很深。
night. It becomes a race first to in manipulation. Yes. He's low key.
他正在取消所有照片的标签。
He's untagging every photo.
我意识到，既然他能成功操纵我两年之久，那么最后一次谈话很可能会让我怀疑自己的发现，甚至怀疑自己是否清醒。是的。我给斯蒂芬妮写了三页的长信，详细记录了蒂姆和我过去两年的关系，明确说明这段关系是认真的而非逢场作戏。我提到了大多数人都不知道的约会日期和事件，还包含了他告诉我的复杂谎言和背景故事。我列了过去两个月他在我这儿过夜的日期清单，并建议她核对这些夜晚他是否不在家。
I realized that since he was so successfully able to manipulate me for two years, having one last conversation with him was bound to end up with me doubting my findings and perhaps my sanity. Yeah. I wrote Stephanie a three page letter detailing the relationship that Tim and I have had over the past two years, making clear that it was serious and not just a fling. I mentioned dates and events that most people would not have known about, and I included the intricate lies and backstory that he had told me. I included a list of dates from the last two months that he spent the night with me and encouraged her to cross check them with nights that he wasn't at home.
我打印了几张我们的合照作为直观证据，其余照片则存在U盘里随信附上。U盘里还有过去几个月我们特别具有杀伤力的聊天截图。我扫描了他从各地度假寄给我的明信片，也一并附上。为保险起见，我还多放了一份信件副本，以防纸质版神秘消失。我留了邮箱和电话，表示如果她愿意可以联系我。
I printed out a few photos of us as a quick visible proof, and I included the rest of the photos on a USB stick in the letter. The stick also contains screenshots of any particularly incriminating conversations that we've had over the last few months. I scanned postcards that he had sent me from various vacations and included those as well. For safe measure, I also included a copy of the letter in case the hard copy went somehow mysteriously missing. I gave her my email address and phone number and asked her to contact me if she wanted to.
周三晚上，我请人开车送我去她住处。如果蒂姆在，我们只需确认他确实住那里就离开。如果他不在，我就按门铃亲手把信交给她。是的。我们开了45公里，结果蒂姆正坐在客厅用笔记本电脑。
On Wednesday night, I had someone drive me to where she lives. If Tim was there, I would just have confirmations that he actually lives there and we'd leave. If he wasn't there, I'd ring the doorbell and hand her the letter personally. Yes. We drove the 45 kilometers and Tim was sitting there in the living room on his laptop.
很明显他就住那儿。没看见她的踪影。信箱上写着他们俩的名字。我打电话试探他是否会接，但他直接无视了。
It was obvious he lived there. She was nowhere to be seen. His and her names were on the mailbox. I called to see if he'd pick up, and he ignored the call.
信箱上？既然这么怀疑为什么不早点去？不是责怪受害者，但你本可以早点去查看的。
On the mailbox? Why didn't you go before if you were so suspicious? Not to put the blame on the victim, but you you just go look.
她信任了他。这太糟糕了。她信任了他。周四早上，我把信寄了出去。我确保那是挂号信。
She trusted him. That's fucked. She trusted him. On Thursday morning, I mailed the letter. I ensured that it was registered post.
为了接收这封信，她必须出示身份证并签收。周五，信到了。她不在家，所以收到了去邮局取信的通知。周六早上，她取了信，我收到了带有她签名的收据邮件。在整个过程中，我和蒂姆正常交谈，并找借口解释为什么他这周不能过来，以免让他察觉任何异常。
In order to receive the letter, she'd have to show her ID and sign for it. On Friday, the letter arrived. She was not home, so she received a notification to go pick the letter up at the post office. On Saturday morning, she picked it up, and I got an email of the receipt with her signature on it. Throughout all of this, I conversed normally with Tim and made excuses as to why he couldn't come over during the week so as to not tip him off to anything.
周六早上她取信后约二十分钟，他就不再和我说话了，之后我再也没有他的消息。不过，他已经在Facebook上删除了我和我的家人。我也没有斯蒂芬妮的消息。所以现在一切都结束了。我真心希望他没能用谎言和操纵手段摆脱与她的困境，但我可能永远无法知道真相。
He stopped talking to me about twenty minutes after she picked up the letter Saturday morning, and I have not heard from him since. He has, however, defriended me and my family on Facebook. I have not heard from Stephanie either. So now it's really over. I hope with all my heart that he was not able to lie and manipulate his way out of the situation with her, but I will probably never know.
我不指望再听到他的消息。我感到非常孤独、被利用和被打败。是的。我会尽力尝试从这个情况中走出来，不产生信任问题，也不变得愤世嫉俗和麻木。我正在寻求治疗，以确保我不会陷入抑郁。
I do not expect to hear from him again. I feel very lonely, taken advantage of, and beaten down. Yeah. I am going to do my best to try to come out of this situation without trust issues and without being cynical and jaded. I am seeking therapy to make sure I don't slip into depression.
现在，我需要找到分散注意力和填满空闲时间的方法。希望她现在过得很好。已经十年了，所以她可能已经处于完全不同的人生阶段，过得更好。
For now, I need to find ways to distract myself and fill up any free time. Hopefully, she's doing well now. It's been ten years, so she's hopefully in a completely different place in life and way better.
我很沮丧
I'm upset
斯蒂芬妮甚至没有联系。
that Stephanie didn't even reach out.
我知道。
I know.
我知道这很难，但给那个女孩——给那个可怜的女孩一些了结吧。
I know it's a lot, but like give the girl give the poor girl some closure.
我知道。但原帖作者已经尽力了。
I know. But OP did everything she could.
签署那封信的做法太棒了。想确认一下
The signing of the letter was brilliant. Like to make sure
那个
that
我当时病得厉害。
I was was sick as hell.
这是个好方法。这样做很好，我想你可以用一种方式不透露太多个人信息，比如社交账号之类的，但她会发现她能做到。我是说，她已经竭尽所能了。
That's a good way to do it. It's a good way to do it, and I guess you can can do it in a way that you don't give too much of your information like socials or whatever, but she's gonna find that she can. I mean, did everything she could.
是啊。签完信二十分钟后他就停了。她就像，我能想象他们整天都在发短信，然后...对，二十分钟后他突然就不回消息了。
Yeah. Twenty minutes after the letter signing is when he stopped. She's like, I'm picturing they were texting all day, and then Yeah. Twenty minutes he just stops responding.
直接把她屏蔽了
Just defrinted her
我在脸书上把她屏蔽了。
and I defrinted her on Facebook.
这肯定让人心碎，因为她知道他在出轨。他知道自己已婚。但就这样突然...而他就像人间蒸发了一样
That has to be really heartbreaking because she knows he's cheating on her. He knows that she's he's married. But to just be like, oh, and he just is in a blitz
他甚至不敢承认。
He can't even own up to it.
他消失了。就这样...但感觉就像，哦，对他来说这根本不算什么。那种被彻底断联的感觉太难接受了。
He's gone. He's just but it's like, oh, this was never anything for him. That's Like, hard be fully just ghosted gone.
是啊。
Yeah.
没错。就好像，他根本不在乎
Yeah. It's like, he didn't care about
你。
you.
是啊。我真的非常非常为她难过，但另一方面也要看到，嘿，你还这么年轻。人们都会经历这类事情。你不是唯一一个被这样欺骗、被这样操控的人。这其实是种很普遍的遭遇，而能在21岁就从中学到这么多。
Yeah. I feel really really bad for her, but there is also the aspect of like, hey, you're you're really young. People go through these types of situations. This you're not the only person to be tricked like this, to be manipulated like this. That is a very common experience actually, and to learn so much from it at 21.
我觉得...我不太相信有人能再次对她做出这种事。希望她已经从中成长了。对吧？
Like, it's I don't I would have a hard time believing someone's gonna able to pull something like this on her again. Yeah. You know, hopefully she's she's grown from it. Yeah. You know?
希望她现在是个坚强、强大、超棒的30岁
Hopefully she's now a very strong, powerful, awesome 30 year old
绝对没错。
Hell yeah.
女性了。总之，谢谢你们俩能来。没有其他更新了。
Person. But, anyways, thank you both for being here. There's not another update.
没有其他更新。更新。
Not another update. Update.
疗愈本身就是更新。但谢谢你们俩陪我聊这么久。
Healing is the update. But thank you both for for hanging with me.
感谢邀请我们。
Thanks for having us.
是的。也感谢大家的观看。请告诉我们你们还想在本节目中看到哪些主题和子版块的内容，我们下周六再见。再见。
Yeah. And thank you all for watching. Let us know what other themes and subreddits you want us to cover on this show, and we will see you next Saturday. Goodbye.
好的。现在就做。
Okay. Do it now.
不。老实说，把你的煎饼拿出来然后检查他的手机。
No. It's honestly take your pancakes out and check his phone.
检查他的手机。我不能...我不能赞同这种做法。
Check his phone. I can't I can't condone that.
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