为什么谦虚自夸从来不是个好主意——Övül Sezer博士谈

每个人都渴望被喜爱和尊重。无论是结识新同事、试图给老板留下好印象、在约会应用上完善个人资料，还是与邻居闲聊，你的大脑总有一部分在思考自己的言行举止会给人什么印象。有时我们的直觉是对的，有时却不然。今天我们将采访一位研究印象管理失误的学者，探讨我们在试图博取他人好感时常犯的错误。为什么人们经常误判什么能给人留下好印象？

Everyone wants to be liked and respected. Whether you're meeting a new colleague, trying to impress your boss, setting up your profile on a dating app, or even just chatting with a neighbor, some part of your brain is probably thinking about how your words and actions are coming across. Sometimes our intuitions are correct, but sometimes they're not. Today we're going to talk to a researcher who studies impression mismanagement, the mistakes we make when we're trying to make other people like us. So why do people so often misjudge what will make a good impression?

最常见的错误有哪些？若想获得他人喜爱与尊重，是稍加自夸更好，还是对成就保持沉默？社交媒体又如何？线上给人好印象的行为与线下一致吗？欢迎收听《心理学漫谈》，这是美国心理学会的旗舰播客节目，探讨心理科学与日常生活的联系。

What are some of the most common mistakes? If you want people to like and respect you, is it better to boast a little bit or stay quiet about your accomplishments? And what about social media? Are the behaviors that make a good impression online the same ones that work in real life? Welcome to Speaking of Psychology, the flagship podcast of the American Psychological Association that examines the links between psychological science and everyday life.

我是金·米尔斯。今天的嘉宾是奥瓦尔·塞萨尔博士，康奈尔大学S·C·约翰逊商学院助理教授。

I'm Kim Mills. My guest today is Doctor. Oval Cesar, an assistant professor at Cornell University's S. C. Johnson School of Business.

她的研究聚焦于我们在试图给人留下印象时犯的错误，以及如何更好地应对社交世界。她探讨的问题包括：如何同时展现能力与亲和力？如何明智地自我夸耀？如何减少社交尴尬？其成果发表于顶级心理学与管理学期刊，并被《纽约时报》《华尔街日报》《华盛顿邮报》等媒体报道。

Her research focuses on the mistakes we make when we want to impress others and how we can better navigate our social world. Questions she's looked at include: How can we signal that we're both competent and likable? How can a person brag wisely? And how can we network less awkwardly? Her work has been published in top psychology and management journals and covered in media outlets, including The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post.

塞萨尔博士，感谢您今天参与节目。

Doctor. Cesar, thank you for joining me today.

非常感谢，金。能来参加真是太好了。谢谢你的邀请。

Thank you so much, Kim. It's so great to be here. Thanks so much for having me.

您将自己的研究称为'印象管理失误'。能否先为我们解释一下这个概念？什么是印象管理失误？相对的，什么又是印象管理？

Now, you call your work impression mismanagement. Can you start by telling us more about that? What is impression mismanagement? And conversely, what is impression management?

这个问题很棒，因为每当有人问我什么是印象管理失误时，我都会先解释什么是印象管理。这是个很好的切入点。这本质上是我们如何在他人面前展现自我的心理学——我们试图塑造他人对我们的认知，比如希望自己显得讨喜、热情、能干、地位高或值得信赖。无论是求职面试、商务谈判、客户演示，还是争取第二次约会或精心打造领英动态，我们在人际互动中都有这些目标。

This is a great question because any time I get asked what is impression mismanagement, I start by explaining what actually is impression management. So that's a great start. So it's definitely the psychology of how we try to look good in front of others. The ways we try to shape how others perceive us, you know, whether we want to come across as likable, warm, competent, high status, trustworthy. So, you know, we all, we all have these goals when we interact with others, whether it's a job interview, negotiation context, presentation in front of clients, or, you know, trying to get a second date or curating our perfect LinkedIn posts.

你看，所有这些场景都需要某种印象管理，我们对此都心知肚明。有时会更刻意，有时则不太谨慎，但我们都明白这点，因为我们有这种意识。而印象管理失误就是当我们的直觉出错时，采用了错误策略反而弄巧成拙——那些本想提升形象的手段最终损害了我们。

You know, all of these instances require some impression management and we are all aware of it. Sometimes it will be more conscious. Sometimes it will be less cautious, but we're all aware of it because we have this call. An impression mismanagement is when our intuitions go wrong, and sometimes we end up engaging in the wrong strategy and we end up shooting ourselves in the foot because the strategies that we try undermines us. You know?

策略确实会适得其反，这就是管理失误的部分。我们这些直觉都有其根源，毕竟没人教我们如何得体地自夸，也没人教我们社交网络技巧。

It it actually backfires. So that's the mismanagement part. And we all have these intuitions coming from somewhere because no one teaches us how to brag. No one teaches us how to do networking. You know?

这些都是我们在人生历练中慢慢领悟的。

These are the things we learn as we navigate life.

那么当人们试图获得他人好感或尊重时，最常见的错误有哪些？

So what are some of the most common mistakes that people make when they're trying to get other people to like or respect them?

我有一长串研究过的策略清单——从我的博士论文研究到如今担任助理教授。如果我开始滔滔不绝，你可以随时打断我。因为我对此充满热情，非常乐意探讨。这一切始于我的博士研究，当时我们试图理解人们会采用哪些更 sophisticated 的自我推销策略。

I have a long list of strategies that I looked at so far, I mean, since my dissertation research and now as an assistant professor. So if I go on and on on, you can stop me anytime. That's okay. Because I'm very passionate about this and I love talking about this. So it all started with my dissertation work where we try to understand what are some more sophisticated self promotion strategies that people engage in.

我们都知道自夸不是最讨喜的行为对吧？从小我们就明白不能太傲慢——因为还想被邀请参加派对，融入朋友圈子。我们直觉上知道不该过度吹嘘，这种直觉是对的。

Because we all know bragging is not the most desirable thing, right? We all know that even since very young age, we are aware, oh, I don't need to be too arrogant. I shouldn't be too arrogant because we want to be invited to parties and, you know, included in all the friend settings. We don't wanna brag too much. So that intuition is right.

谦虚、谦逊是普世价值，这些是我们跨文化都重视的品质。但人们会做一种有趣的事，叫做'谦虚自夸'。欢迎各位来到我的社交偏执世界，因为现在我会在播客中注意到自己的谦虚自夸。也许我们的听众在收听时也会开始发现更多谦虚自夸，这正是我最初研究这个现象时的亲身经历。

It's a universal value, modesty, humility. These are things that we all care about across cultures. But people do this interesting thing called humble bragging. And, I would like to welcome everybody to my world of social paranoia because now I'm gonna notice my humble brags during this podcast. And maybe our audience will also start catching more humble brags as they listen to because that's exactly what happened to me when I first started investigating this phenomenon.

这本质上是通过抱怨或假谦虚来掩饰的炫耀。比如我说：'天啊，为什么我穿着运动裤时都有人搭讪？'或者'网约车司机以为我才23岁'。

So it's basically bragging masked by complaint or false humility. So if I say something like, oh my goodness. Why do people hit on me even when I'm my you know, when I'm in my sweatpants? You know? Oh, the Uber driver thought I'm 23.

明白吗？是不是这样？或者'真不敢相信我得了这个奖，太感谢了'。

You know? Does that make sense? Isn't that or I can't believe I got this award. You know? Thank you so much.

我知道...我可以继续举例。也许我该来个元谦虚自夸：'总被邀请上播客真的好累啊，金'。

I I know. I I can go on. Maybe I'll I'll give some meta humble brag, Zaryat. You know? It's so hard to be invited to podcast all the time, Kim.

好吧，我...我该停下来了。

You know, I I just okay. I'll stop. I'll I'll stop.

但你看，幽默自夸也很常见。

But you can But we see humoured. Too It's very common.

确实非常普遍。当然，就像我刚才举的例子，有些看似夸张搞笑，我是故意的。但即便在不搞笑的场合，比如面试被问'你最大的缺点是什么'，很多人最终会说'我是个完美主义者'。

It is absolutely very common. And, of course, like some of the examples that I give right now, I I mean, seemingly outrageous and funny. I do it on purpose. But even in even in instances where it's not funny, like when people get the job interview questions, what's your biggest weakness? A lot of people end up saying I'm a perfectionist.

我工作太努力了。哦，我人太好了。我把朋友和家人放在首位。你看，人们列举自己所有的优点，却把它们说成是缺点。所以才会这样。

I work too hard. Oh, I'm too nice. I prioritize my friends and family. You know, people list all their great qualities, as if they are weaknesses. So it happens.

这种情况经常发生。我们发现，尽管人们知道炫耀不好，但他们这样做是因为觉得这样能找到最佳平衡点——两全其美。所以我要炫耀，但会委婉些。既要展示自己的优点和成就，又要显得谦逊。比如把它包装成抱怨或小小的自谦。

It happens all the time. And what we found was that even though people do it because they know bragging is bad and they think this is gonna provide that sweet spot, best of both worlds. So I'm gonna brag, but I'm gonna soften it. So I'm gonna both convey my great qualities and accomplishments, but I will soften it. I will, you know, frame it as a complaint or a little little modest thing.

但最终结果往往适得其反。这比直接炫耀更糟糕。原因是这种做法显得非常虚伪。真诚和真实是我们非常看重的品质。当一个人试图炫耀又试图掩饰时，实际上会让接收者更反感。

But what ends up happening is that actually backfires. It's worse than straightforward bragging. And the reason is because it comes across as very insincere. It's a, you know, being sincere, being authentic is something that we value a lot in others. So when when the person is trying to brag but trying to hide it, it's actually more offensive to the recipient.

所以我们不喜欢这样。谦虚式炫耀是常见的错误之一。每次我谈到这项研究时，总会有人问：如果我什么都不分享呢？如果保持沉默呢？在当今这个社交媒体盛行的世界里，第一个风险就是——我们的世界充满了自我推销。

So we don't we don't like it. So humble bragging is one of the common mistakes that happen. Anytime I talk about this work, I used to get the question, you know, what if I don't share anything? What if I don't say anything? Now the first risk about that in the world of, you know, I think we can say that our world is full of self promotion right now with the existence of social media, you know.

只要快速浏览下领英或Instagram就明白了。你永远不会觉得周围缺少自我宣传。如果你什么都不分享，就有可能错失机会。因为我们生活在一个需要强调专业能力的时代。我不是说要时刻炫耀，但保持沉默也有其风险。如果你有好东西却不分享——我们在论文中称之为'隐藏成功'——尤其是对你身边亲近的人，比如同事、好友和家人，他们反而会觉得被冒犯，心想：你觉得我不会为你高兴吗？

Just just one one quick look at LinkedIn or Instagram is enough. You know, you would never you would never feel lack of self promotion around you. So if you don't share anything, there is the risk of missing out because now we live in a world where we need to emphasize our expertise. I don't mean to say we should brag all the time, but I just wanna say, I'm not saying anything and staying quiet has its own risks. But if you have something good to share and if you don't share it, and we had this paper, we called it hiding success, especially the people around you who are close to you, like maybe your close work friends, close friends, and some family members, they do get offended a little bit this time because they think, oh, you don't think I'm gonna be happy for you?

这种想法才伤人。或者你认为我会嫉妒你？所以有时尽管我们本意是不想显得傲慢或冒犯他人，结果却适得其反。因为人们会觉得：你试图控制我对你成功的情感反应，而我本会真心为你高兴的。

Like, that's offensive. Or do you think I'm gonna be, you know, jealous of you? So there is that sometimes it backfires even though we have the good intentions of not, you know, not looking arrogant and not offending everybody. Sometimes it ends up being offensive because people think, oh, you are trying to regulate my emotional reaction to your success. I would just be happy for you.

这同样会适得其反。这种现象很普遍。我说这些是常见策略是因为：首先它们在社交媒体上很普遍，我们分析了相关数据；其次我们通过每日定时调查和日记研究收集了大量案例。当我们问人们是否曾对他人隐藏成功时，答案很有趣——这种行为从很小就开始了，比如'小学时我的成绩比同桌好'这类例子。

So that backfires as well. And that's a very common thing. And the reason why I say these are common strategies because we did run lots of I mean, first of all, they are common on social media and we did analyze that data, but they we also, you know, survey people or run diary studies with people where people report surveys every day at a certain time for us. Or we ask people, you know, have you ever hidden success from somebody else? And the answers were very interesting because from like, it starts very young, like, oh, I used to get better grades than my, classmate in primary school.

我并没有那样说，或者我从未在家人面前提及我名校的名字，诸如此类的事情。人们总是试图应对这种情况。这就是为什么我说这些直觉很常见，但最终往往行不通。还有其他方面，比如我研究过如何不经意地提及名人，知道在谈话中如何巧妙地植入名字。现在我确信在这次采访中我也会这么做。

And I didn't say that, or I never shared the name of my high status school name in my family, like things like that. People try to navigate that all the time. So that's why I say these intuitions are very common, but they end up not working. And other things as well, like I study name dropping, know where you casually drop a name into conversation. Now now I'm sure I'm gonna do that during this this interview as well.

我还研究过赞美、感谢或道歉的方式，以及给予和接受建议的行为。在这些领域我们也会犯错。例如，人们有时会让赞美听起来像挖苦。比如有人对我说‘作为一个外国人，你的英语相当不错’，嗯哼。

Or I I also study compliments or thank yous or apologies, and there are also advice giving, advice taking. And there are things that we do wrong in this domain as well. For instance, people sometimes make their compliments backhanded. You know, if someone tells me, oh, your English is pretty good for an international. Uh-huh.

我会想，你这话是什么意思？我的英语明明很棒。或者如果有人对我说‘作为一个女性来说你很幽默’，因为我尝试过单口喜剧。我把单口喜剧当作爱好，所以我会觉得，这算什么。

I would be like, well, what do you mean? You know, my English is amazing. Or, you know, or things, or if someone tells me you're funny for a woman because, you know, I try to do stand up comedy. I try to do stand up comedy as a hobby. So I would be like, no way.

这未必是赞美。类似这样的情况，我们可以讨论的版本有很多。

That's not necessarily a compliment. So things like that. It it there are there are lots of different versions we can talk about.

你认为人们对这些行为的认知程度如何？

How cognizant do you think people are of doing these things?

当人们与他人互动时，我们非常清楚别人是否在这么做。我们甚至不在乎这是否真实。有人可能真心实意地抱怨工作邀约太多之类的事，也许他们确实是这个意思。但对我们来说，会觉得这就像是在谦虚地炫耀。

When people are interacting with others, we are very aware when someone else does it. And we don't even care whether it's true or not. Someone can really maybe complain about having lots of job offers and stuff like that in a genuine way. Maybe they really mean it. But for us, we would be like, oh, that's that's like a humble brag.

你知道吗？这种说法有点奇怪。但在我们的实验中，只要给人们设定情境并赋予印象管理目标——比如我把你带到实验室，告诉你要与另一个人交谈五分钟，无论是通过聊天还是面对面，假设我告诉你的目标是给对方留下深刻印象，试着打动他们。

You know? That's like kind of a weird thing to say. But in our experiments, anytime we put people positions and we give them impression management goals, like imagine I take you to my lab and I say, you're going to talk with another person for five minutes, either through chat or face to face. And let's say I tell you your goal is to impress the other person. You know, try to impress them.

我会在你们互动结束时询问他们，你给他们留下了多深刻的印象。根据他们的评分，我会给你额外奖金。所以我用这个目标激励你。对吧。要知道，当人们处于这种位置时，他们确实会变得对这种行为不那么敏感。

And I'm going to ask them at the end of your interaction, how impressive you were. And based on how they rate you, I'm going to give you bonus money. So I incentivize you to, for this goal. Right. And you know, when people are in this position, they do, they do become less cognizant of this behavior.

然后我们确实会自夸。我们会谦虚地自夸。我们会做出这些其他行为。所以我认为当我们处于自我展示的位置时，我们某种程度上会忘记。顺便说一句，我认为这些错误仍然存在且难以随时间改进的另一个原因是，我们从未获得即时反馈。

Then we do, you know, brag. We do humble brag. We do these, these other behaviors. So I think when we are in the position of presenting ourselves, we somehow forget. I think another reason, by the way, that these mistakes still exist and it's so hard to learn over time, we never get in time feedback.

比如，你知道，没有人会当着我们的面翻白眼，或者，你知道，没有对错。或者那个'赞'按钮。LinkedIn上也没有'踩'按钮。完全是这样。

Like, you know, no one no one rolls their eyes in front of us or, you know, there's no right. Or the yeah. Or there's no dislike button on LinkedIn. No. It's all Exactly.

设计得没有人会当面告诉我们那话说得有点奇怪，所以你最终总是凭直觉行事。

Designed that No one tells it to our face that it was kind of a weird thing to say, so you end up navigating always with your intuition.

为什么人们会犯这些错误？我是说，你提到我们其实没学过如何给人留下第一印象。这是否应该是人生某个阶段该教的东西？

Why do people make these mistakes? I mean, is it I mean, you mentioned that we don't really learn how to make a first impression. I mean, is that something that should be taught somewhere in life?

我认为是的。你知道，我确实在我的领导力课程中教授印象管理课，无论是MBA还是本科生。所以肯定有些东西是可以学习的。但你关于为何会犯这些错误的提问其实涉及更根本的问题。部分原因在于我们从未获得反馈所以学不会。

I think so. I think I you know, I I do I do teach impression management classes in my leadership class, you know, when I teach both MBAs and undergrads. So I think there are definitely things we can learn. But your question about why do we even make these mistakes, even a bigger one. So some of it comes from we never learn because we don't get the feedback.

我认为部分原因在于杰罗姆所说的'多重观众'问题。随着互联网和社交媒体的运作方式，这个问题变得更加突出。我说的多重观众是指，比如我们的家人、父母、老板和团队成员都在同一个社交网络里，这让我们很难办。具体来说，对我们学者而言，发表论文是衡量成功的标准之一。

I think some of it comes from the problem of having multiple audience in Jerome. And with the way that Internet works or social media works, it became even stronger. What I mean by multiple audiences that, you know, having our family members or, you know, our parents and our boss and our team members in the same network makes it very hard. So here's what I mean by that. If I say so, you know, for us, for academics, publishing papers is one measure of success.

对吧？这对我们来说是件大好事。哪怕只有五个人读过我们的论文，我们也会非常开心。我们依然非常非常高兴，因为这是我们的贡献，我们为此付出了努力。如果我分享给妈妈看，她绝对不会认为我是在炫耀。

Right? It's a great thing for us. We get very happy even if only five people read our paper. We're still we're still very, very happy because it's a contribution and we worked hard on it. And if I share it, let's say, with my mom, there's no way she can she will code it as bragging.

对吧？她会说‘哦，这太棒了’。对吧？同样地，如果我们把这类事情——比如升职、获奖——分享给上司这样的人，他们会为我们骄傲。但如果是分享给同时竞争同一个奖项或晋升机会的同事，情况就不同了。

Right? She'll be like, oh, that's wonderful. Right? Or same thing if some if we share things like this, like our promotion, our award with with someone like a boss, they'll be proud of us. But if we share it with a peer who was aiming for maybe the same award, same promotion, then things change.

对吧？因为这里存在社会比较的动态关系。但现在由于大家都在同一个平台上随时可见，就产生了多重观众的问题。所有人都在同一个房间里，我该如何打造这个形象呢？

Right? Because we have the whole social comparison dynamic there. But right now, because everyone is available all the time in the same platform, we have this multiple audience issue. Everyone is in the same room. And how do I create that profile?

正因如此，你有时会看到有人把职业社交媒体和个人社交媒体完全分开。他们为此创建不同的页面，我完全理解原因。另一个犯错的原因是，有时我们试图调节自己的情绪——炫耀说‘其实有优秀同事做了研究’会让人感觉良好。

Now that's why sometimes you would see, you know, some people just do professional social media and personal social media separately. They try to create separate pages for that, which I totally understand why. Another reason why we make these mistakes, sometimes we try to regulate our own emotions. It feels good to brag that there is research actually by some wonderful colleagues. It feels good.

就像我们炫耀时会感到愉悦，尽管想到他人反应时会不安。自豪感确实是种非常有趣的自我意识情绪，而我们喜欢这种感觉。有时我们犯错就是为了自我感觉良好，有时则是视角采择错误——我们没意识到对方会怎么理解。

Like we feel good when we, we, we feel positive when we brag, even though there is that discomfort when we think of other people's interactions, there is definitely this pride is a very interesting self conscious emotion. And, you know, we like that. And sometimes we engage in these mistakes because we are trying to feel good about ourselves. And sometimes we just it's a perspective taking mistakes. Sometimes we just don't understand how it's gonna come across to the other side.

所以存在多种不同心理过程：有时是情感驱动，有时是‘房间里还有其他人’，这些关系中都存在太多不同目标。对吧？我和挚友的互动方式与和上司的完全不同。

So there are these multiple different processes. Sometimes it's the emotional reason. Sometimes it's the, you know, other people are in the room and there are just so many different goals with any of these relationships. Right? The way that I interact with my best friend is not the same as I interact with my boss.

但如果他们都出现在我的领英动态里...不行，我必须选择一种风格。明白吗？这类情况某种程度上让犯错变得更为不可避免。

But if they're all in my LinkedIn posts, there's no no. I need to choose one one style. There's you know? So things like that make the mistakes even more inevitable in a way.

我们刚才谈到职场和那个关于最大弱点的老套问题。另一个在某些职场出现的是360度评估。既然你从事这类工作，这对人们真的有用吗？当一切尘埃落定时，他们真的能从360度评估中学到什么吗？

We were talking a moment ago about the work place and that cliche question about what's your greatest weakness. Another thing that comes up in some workplaces is the three sixty degree evaluation. Since you do this kind of work, useful is that to people? Do they really learn anything from a three sixty when all is said and done?

我认为360度评估可能有效，前提是人们真正相信评估是完全匿名的，没有人能——你知道的——获取到具体信息。因为地位差异确实会影响结果，没人愿意在身份可能暴露的情况下给上级或老板负面反馈。这种顾虑确实存在。人们对待360度反馈的方式决定了它能否见效。我举个我们研究中的例子，这既与印象管理相关，也涉及反馈接受度和真实性。

I think three sixty evaluations, I think, may work if people really believe that they are really anonymous and no one is, you know, getting the So the status differences definitely do play a role because no one wants to be giving a negative feedback to their superior or their boss when their name or identity can be found out for sure. So people definitely have that concern. I think the way that people respond to three sixty feedback makes it either likely to work or not. And I'm gonna give you the example of what we studied. This is also kind of related to impression management, so you'll but it's also related to feedback taking and authenticity.

我们研究了领导者如何应对360度反馈，因为他们会收到直属员工的评价。特别是当领导者收到负面反馈时，他们存在这种偏见：总想立即解决问题。他们会说'看，我听取意见了'。

So we looked at how leaders react to three sixty feedback because they get feedback from people who work as your direct reports. And when people, especially when leaders get negative feedback, they have this bias. They want to address it very quickly. They say, here it is. I listened to you.

他们会表示'我看了你的反馈，听到了你的声音，并立刻做出了改变'。但我们发现，当这种改变发生得过于迅速时，其他人反而觉得不真实。他们会想'哦，你只是因为我的反馈才改变，并没有真正内化。你没有思考过，没有反思过'。

I look at your feedback and I hear you and I incorporate this change immediately. But what we found is that when that change happens very quickly and very immediately, other people don't find it authentic. They think, oh, you only changed because I gave you that feedback, but it's not internalized. You know, you didn't think about it. You didn't reflect on it.

这种改变没有真正内化。但当改变是渐进式、经过时间沉淀的，人们才会认为你是真正重视的。明白吗？所以这不是印象管理的错误，而是反馈处理方式的失误——它损害了你表现出的真实性，最终反而成了印象管理的败笔。

You didn't internalize it. But when it's done in a way that's a bit gradual and over time, then people really think you really pay attention. Right? So that's one, it's not necessarily an impression management mistake, but it's like a feedback mistake where it hurts your, how authentic you come across. So it ends up being an impression management mistake.

对吧？所以当我们收到反馈时，不该急于表态。我们应该告诉对方'我们听到了，正在改进'，但改变应该是长期渐进的，而非立竿见影的剧烈变化。有时这种渐进改变反而更能塑造真实领导者的形象。基于此，我认为360度反馈可能有效，但效果取决于我们的应对方式。

Right? So, you know, when we get feedback, we shouldn't be too quick to address it. We should still tell people we hear them and we're working on it, but it should be a long term gradual change rather than very immediate, very quick, loud change. So sometimes this this gradual change is more effective in terms of coming across as an authentic leader. So based on that, I can tell you that, you know, three sixty feedback may work, but it depends how we react to it.

不确定是否回答了你的问题，或者这个答案太聚焦于那篇论文了。不过你知道的，我总在寻找炫耀研究成果的机会。所以谢谢你给——

I don't know if I answer your question or this was very specific about the paper too. But as you know, I look for opportunities to brag. So thank you for

告诉我们这篇论文即将发表。好的。

letting us know that this paper is coming out. Okay.

没错。感谢你给我这个机会。我觉得这和真实性角度也有些关联，所以想分享一下。

Exactly. Thank you for giving me the opportunity. I thought it's a bit relevant with the authenticity angle too, so I wanted to share that.

我只是想让听众知道，我们不是故意安排让你来炫耀的。

I just want the listeners to know that we didn't set this up so that you could brag.

当然。是的。我当时完全是

Absolutely. Yeah. I was all

不知道你的论文。

didn't know about your paper.

对。这完全是真实的。

Yep. This was totally authentic.

让我问问你，换个话题，你有没有发现人们在处理印象管理或管理不善时，或者对可能使用某些策略来留下更好印象的人的反应上，存在性别或文化差异？

Let me ask you, going down another lane here, have you found any gender or cultural differences in how people handle impression management or mismanagement, or how they respond to people who might be using some of the strategies to make a better impression?

答案绝对是肯定的，因为性别和文化差异共同决定了我们的行为规范。我们是否采取某种行为或如何被看待，很大程度上取决于周围的社会规范。比如社交媒体，我常好奇它是如何演变成今天这样的？最近我翻看自己的第一条推特，发现写的是‘我喜欢做饭’。这就是我的第一条推文，在当今看来可能毫无意义。

The answer is absolutely yes, because both gender and cultural differences determine our norms and how we are perceived or whether we engage in this behavior or not really depends on the social norms around us. I mean, even when we think of social media, you know, I'm always curious how did it become what it is today? Now I I recently went back to my Twitter feed that I wanted to find out what's the very first tweet I shared with the world. And it was like, I like to cook. That was my that was my first tweet, probably doesn't make sense in today's today's world.

知道吗？我当初为什么要分享这个？

You know? Why why did I share that?

但你并没有说‘我是个很棒的厨师’啊。

But you but you didn't say I'm a good cook.

没有。我当时只是说‘我喜欢’，可能因为那时候炫耀还没成为常态。当Facebook和LinkedIn刚进入我们生活时，它们的定位与现在截然不同。所以社会规范确实决定了我们在这些平台和现实生活中的行为方式，而性别与文化差异正是塑造社会规范的关键要素。

No. I just said I because probably at the time, there wasn't that much of bragging, Norm. Or when when Facebook first got into our lives or LinkedIn, it was a different thing, and now it's a much different thing. So norms definitely determine how we behave in these platforms and in real life as well. And gender and cultural differences are absolutely key ingredients for social norms.

就性别而言，研究者提出的‘角色理论’可以解释：社会对男女存在不同的角色期待。女性知道谦虚是更偏向社群化、更具亲和力的规范，这更多与女性特质相关联。因此女性明白——事实也证明——炫耀行为对她们的伤害更大。男女炫耀的后果并不相同，女性往往会遭受更多负面反馈。

So when it comes to gender, there's definitely the role theory as researchers would call it, would explain. There's expected roles from men and women, and women know that modesty is a more, communal, more warmth related norm, which is associated more female, more of it female characteristics. So women know that it, it's gonna hurt them more and actually does hurt them more a little bit. Like bragging is not the same for a man versus for a woman. So women receive a little bit more backlash.

正因如此，白人女性的直接自我推销行为相对较少，她们更多采取间接的自我提升方式。这是个微妙的平衡——我的博士研究发现，炫耀的领域也很关键。炫耀领导才能与炫耀烹饪技能会引发不同的社会规范反应。当女性进行直接自我推销时，由于这违背了社会期待，她们会遭受更强烈的反弹。

And because of that, I think women direct self promotion efforts for white women are a little less. There's more indirect self promotion efforts engaged by women. And it's a it's a very tricky balance, course, you know, because what do we what I find in my dissertation work was also that even the domain of the bragging, topic of bragging matters too. Know, when we brag about leadership versus when we brag about cooking or things like that also also changes the norms around this. So women receive more backlash when they you know, when there's direct self promotion and because they are aware of it and it's because it's an expected behavior.

社会更期待女性保持谦逊。她们会更多克制自我推销的冲动。而文化差异——特别是集体主义与个人主义文化的差异——会显著影响这些行为的接受度。虽然相关研究尚未发表，但我们曾针对美国（个人主义文化）和日本（集体主义文化）参与者做过实验，结果已经显示出明显差异。

Modesty is expected more by women. You know, they refrain a little bit more from self promotion and cultural differences definitely determine how these efforts are perceived, especially when it comes to collectivistic cultures versus individualistic cultures. Like some cultures are more collectivistic, some cultures are more individualistic. We haven't published this, but I did get a chance when we I did run only one study, I'm going to give this with, you know, that. But even in that one experiment, when we ran the experiment with US participants and also Japan, participants from Japan, you know, where Japanese culture is much more collectivistic than US culture.

在那里谦虚自夸并不算太糟，因为谦逊更受重视。对吧？人们确实会以真诚的方式回避自夸，因为没人愿意说'我，我做了这个，我是最棒的'之类的话。在那些文化中，这非常忌讳。

Humble bragging there wasn't that bad because humility is much more of a value there. Right? People definitely deflect bragging in a genuine way because no one wants to say, I, me, I did this. I'm the best. Like, that's very forbidden, in those cultures.

我们确实在那项我能进行的研究中发现了这种差异。所以不同文化间确实存在明显区别。

So we did find that difference in that one study I could run. So there's definitely cross cultural differences there.

我们将短暂休息。回来后，我将与塞萨尔博士探讨如何平衡被喜爱与被尊重的关系。美国近年流行一个术语'男性说教'，我在想这是否反映了男性确实倾向于主导谈话并炫耀知识的现象？这是否属于印象管理失当的一种形式？

We're going to take a short break. When we return, I'll talk to doctor Cesar about how to balance being liked and being respected by others. There's a term that has come into common usage in, The US in, I don't know, the last few years, mansplaining. And I'm just wondering if that is a reflection of the fact that men do tend to sort of take over and tell you what they know. And is that a form of of impression mismanagement?

是的，这也是个很好的问题。不，我们确实针对这种现象做过研究，特别是'男性说教'这个术语——虽然现在仍常见，但几年前曾风靡一时。确实很多人表示遭遇过男性说教，尤其在职场中。

Yeah. That's a great question too. No. We did we did have some studies around this phenomenon too, you know, because especially this term mansplaining was very it's still common, but it it had a it had its very popular day a few years a few few years ago maybe. It is true that a lot of people do say they experience mansplaining, especially in the workplace.

我们发现这通常是'地位说教'。当高位职位主要由男性占据时——这在当今世界普遍存在——高地位会驱使人产生'让我来教你'的冲动。不过根据问卷调查数据，并非所有男性说教效果相同，有时会适得其反，成为印象管理失当的案例，因为显得居高临下。

What we find is that it's usually status explaining though. You know, like when there's high status positions are occupied by mostly men at this point in our lives, everywhere in the world. And high status gives that drive to let me explain things to you. And sometimes again but, I mean, this was just survey based data. So people self report experiences, but people do find that not all mansplaining are equal, meaning that sometimes it backfires and it's an example of impression mismanagement because, it's a bit condescending.

比如有人仅因我是女性就教我如何看体育比赛，这类情况就是典型例子。所以当建议以男性说教或地位说教的形式出现时...

You know? Some people you know? Like, if someone explains to me how to, I don't know, how to watch sports just because, you know, I'm a woman. Things like that would be an example of that, for instance. So, yeah, sometimes advice giving that if it happens in the form of mansplaining or status explaining.

有时也可能是'女性说教'——如果高位者是女性的话。这会适得其反有两个原因：可能基于冒犯性的性别刻板印象（就像我说的体育例子，其实我是个狂热足球迷）

So sometimes it can be also womansplaining, I guess, if the high status agent is a woman. It does backfire because even, it does backfire because of two things. Sometimes it can be based on gender stereotypes, which are, of course, offensive. You know, when I said the sports example. I know I'm a huge soccer fan.

我比任何人都更懂足球规则。这确实有些冒犯。有时这种情况发生只是因为地位差异，人们不知道该如何定位你，尤其是当你比较年轻的时候。这就是为什么有时男性也会遭遇‘男性说教’——即使他们其实知道该怎么做，但仅仅因为他们的地位和年龄给人的印象，就会收到这种居高临下的建议，无论解释者的初衷如何。这绝对是一种印象管理失误。

I know soccer rules more than anybody else. And and that's definitely offensive. Or some but sometimes it just happens because of status differences, and people just don't know where to put you, especially if you're on the younger end. That's why sometimes even men receive mansplaining too because if they are young and if they seem like they don't know what they're doing, even though they would know, but just based on the perceived level of their status and their age, And then you get this unsolicited advice that may end up being condescending regardless of what the intention of the explainer was. So it can definitely be a a form of impression mismanagement there.

人们能否用一些技巧来缓和可能引发的负面反应？比如当你对别人说‘嘿，我不知道你对体育了解多少？因为我对这项运动非常了解’时，其实是为对方打开一扇门，让他们有机会告诉你‘是的，我对足球很熟悉’，这样你们就能更平等地交流。

Can people use techniques to sort of attenuate the bad reaction that they might be getting? So for example, when you kind of say to people, hey. I I I don't how much do you know about sports? I mean, because I know a lot about this particular sport. And so sort of opening the door to letting the other person know or say to you, Yeah, I'm very familiar, say, with soccer, then you can approach each other more on an equal level.

这样有帮助吗？

Does that help?

当然。事实上，我非常推崇这种‘预先说明’。这可能就是为什么在任何社交场合中，我都会对话题做长篇介绍——因为我对这个问题非常敏感。就像我说的，作为研究这种现象的人，我有些社交偏执。我认为多提供些背景信息、自我介绍或询问对方总是好的。

Absolutely. In fact, I'm a big fan of these pre explanations. That's why probably in any social interaction that I'm in, I give this long introductions to any topic because probably I'm very aware of this. As I said, I'm in a social paranoia as someone who studies these things. I think it's always a good idea to give some more information about context or yourself or ask the other person.

我们也知道提问是个好策略，因为人们喜欢谈论自己。如果你提出问题，人们总是很受用。这还表明你对他们感兴趣。分享的同时提问，显示出你的好奇心。而激发他人好奇心是我们都可以追求的目标。

We also know that asking questions is a great strategy because people love talking about themselves. So, you know, if you ask questions, people always love it. It also signals that you're curious about them. If you share and you ask a question, you're curious about them. And curiosity is one of the things that we can all aim to induce in others.

事实上，关于自夸，最好的策略是找个‘代言人’替我们夸。如果有人在我们不在场时替我们吹嘘，那是最理想的情况。所以金，我们做个约定吧：从今往后我会夸你，请你也要夸我，让我们形成这个友好的互夸循环。

That's in fact, for bragging, you know, the best strategy is to find a wink person for our brag. So if someone brags on behalf of us when we are not present, that's the best thing that can happen. So we let's let's make a pact, Kim. From now on, I'm gonna brag about you. Please brag about me, and we have this our friendly friendly brag loop going on.

好吧，成交。

Alright. That's a deal.

是的。我认为它效果很好的原因首先是，你不在场。所以不会改变你的动机。没有人会质疑这个品牌的合法性。其次，你对这个人感到好奇。

Yeah. And and I think the reason why it works very well because number one, you're not there. So there's no alter your motive. No one no one, questions the legitimacy of this brand. Number two, you are curious about the person.

比如，如果你从别人那里听说某人，你会想，哦，让我查查。他们有谷歌吗？我能在谷歌上搜到他们吗？他们在Instagram上吗？他们做什么工作？他们有网站让我了解他们的工作吗？

Like, if you hear about someone from another person, you're like, oh, let me check. Do they have Google you know, can I Google them? Are they on, Instagram? You know, like what's, what's the work that they do? Do they have like a website where I can learn about their work?

所以好奇心非常重要。提问或找别人替我们吹嘘都是很好的策略。回到你的问题，这就是为什么，如果你处于对方不太了解我们的水平或我们不清楚他们知识水平的情况下，提问可以分享我们的背景，从而避免所有关于给予或接受建议的误解。总的来说，我会说几点为什么这是个好主意。我提到既要提问，也要分享我们的经历，这是我们做的另一项研究。

So curiosity is a very important piece. So asking questions or finding someone else to brag for us are great strategies. And going back to your question, that's why, you know, if you're in a situation where our level is not necessarily well known by the other person or we don't know their knowledge level, if we can ask questions, can share what we're where we're coming from, and that would stop all of the misunderstanding around advice giving or advice taking. And and I I'll say a few things about in general, how it's a great idea. I said both asking questions, but also sharing our journey too, which is another research that we did.

所以我非常支持这些解释和额外的对话，以避免管理不当或误解。

So I'm all a fan of these explanations and these extra conversations so that there's no mismanagement or misunderstanding.

你写过的另一个问题是，如何在试图被喜欢和试图被尊重之间取得平衡。你能谈谈这个吗？我是说，你是如何做到这一平衡的？

Another thing that you've written about is how tough it is to balance trying to be liked and trying to be respected. So can you talk about that? I mean, how do you pull off that balancing act?

这可能是所有印象管理研究者或社会认知、社会感知研究者每天都在思考的问题，因为它被称为自我推销悖论。我们从社会感知文献中知道，当我们遇到某人时，评价他人有两个普遍维度：热情和能力。当我遇到某人时，我会关心他们是否友好、热情、友善。我想和他们一起玩吗？

It's probably the question that all impression management researchers or social cognition, social perception researchers around the world think about every day, all the time, because it's called the self promotion paradox. So when we so what we know from social perception literature is that when we meet with someone, when we evaluate others, there are these two universal dimensions that we care about warmth and competence. Right? So when I meet with someone, I care about whether they are friendly, warm, nice. Do I wanna hang out with them?

我也关心他们是否聪明、有能力、称职？我想和他们一起工作吗？或者，我能在那个情境下与他们互动吗？现在，棘手的是，自我推销悖论源于那些让我们显得热情或讨人喜欢的策略，却不会让我们看起来非常能干。我来举些例子。

And I also care about, are they smart, capable, competent? Do I wanna work with them or, you know, can I, you know, can I interact with them in that context? Now, the tricky thing, the self promotion paradox comes from the strategies that take us to high warmth or high likability. Don't make us look highly competent. So I'm gonna give examples.

要知道，如果我们总是微笑，总是附和，总是顺从，总是给别人送礼物、说好话，这些行为确实会让我们讨人喜欢。所有人都会喜欢我们，但未必会有人觉得'天啊，看那个人，她获得了博士学位，是个非常有趣的人，在职业生涯中取得了这么多成就'。反之亦然。

You know, if we smile all the time, if we agree all the time, if we're very conforming, if we're like getting gifts to other people, giving compliments to other people, these things would make us be liked. Everyone would like us, but no one would necessarily think, oh my god, look at that person. They got a PhD. They're a very interesting person who did all of these accomplishments in their career. And vice versa.

你看，如果我展现专业能力，强调自己的专长，只谈论个人成就，人们反而不喜欢我。对吧？这就是所谓的自我推销悖论。两者很难兼得，因为存在这种权衡：我们表现得越热情，可能显得越不专业；而表现得越专业、聪明、地位崇高、受人尊敬，就可能显得越疏离、越不讨喜、越缺乏亲和力。

You know, if I'm competent, if I co made my expertise, if I just talk about my accomplishments, then people wouldn't like me. Right? That's called the self promotion product. So it's very hard to get to both because there is that trade off. The warmer we are, there's a chance that we may look less competent and the more competent and smart and high status and respectable we look, we may look more distant and less likable and less warm.

有些策略确实有效。其一是恰到好处的幽默——如果能巧妙融入幽默感，这种罕见策略既能彰显智慧，又能提升亲和力。另一个策略我在前面提到过：当我们讲述成长历程时，既能展现专业能力又不会失去温度，人们反而会更喜欢我们，觉得更有共鸣。

Some strategies work. One is definitely humor when it's done well. So if he can incorporate humor in a smart way, it's one of these rare strategies that signal both how smart you are, but also it makes us very likable. Another thing that I referred to in my previous answer was when we talk about our journeys, we still convey a lot of competence and we don't lose the warmth. People still like us more and find us relatable.

什么是成长历程？我们甚至对此有过明确定义。我记得做过笔记——我们将它定义为'从一个点到另一个点的漫长且往往艰难的过程'。本质上，当你分享自己的历程时（我们都有这样的经历对吧？），都是在讲述某段漫长而艰难的跋涉。

What do I mean by that when I say journey? Like, we even have a definition of the journey too. And I remember I took some notes and I so we defined it as a long and often difficult process of going from one point to another. And basically when you share your journey, and we all had journeys, right? We all had long and difficult path for something.

这本质上体现了我们学习的决心——如何掌握新技能，如何实现个人成长。举个例子：在求职面试、工作酒会或社交应酬时，由于时间有限，我们往往只是罗列成就——我做过这个，完成过那个。这看似像在讲述历程，实则不然，因为我们只交代了结果。

And basically it reflects our determination to learn how we learned a new skill and how we grow as a person. And I'm gonna give you an example by that. Like, and the tricky thing here, when we are in a job interview, when we are in a work happy hour, when we are in a reception where we try to network with people, we are, because we have limited time, we usually just list our accomplishments. So I did this, I did that. And it seems like a journey too, but it's not really because we only list our outcomes, our accomplishments.

但如果你换种方式——比如不说'我毕业于某校'，而说'我15岁才开始学英语，后来以留学生身份来到美国'，整个故事就完全不同了。对吧？我相信在座各位都有无数类似经历。

But if you, instead of saying for instance, so I graduated from this school. If I tell people, oh, I actually learned English, started learning English at the age of 15 and I came to US as a college student. Now there's a whole different story there. Right? There's a whole and I'm sure all of us have lots of different things like that.

所以比起只强调结果或成就，如果你能多说几句——比如'我为这个职位加班加点'，'在育儿期间掌握了这门新技能'——这些细节能传递更多个人信息，展现你如何理解自身成长。对方听着也会觉得有趣得多。分享成长历程正是这种双赢策略：既能赢得喜爱，又能获得尊重，在亲和力与专业度上双双得分。

So if you share instead of just focusing on the outcome or accomplishment, if you can say just a couple more sentences. You know, I had to work extra hours to get this position, you know, or learned this language or I learned this new skill or I navigated all of that when I had my kid. Like all of these things give much more personal information and journey and how you made sense of your growth and development. And that's way more interesting for the other party to listen to. So the sharing journey information is another strategy that help us being both likable and respectable and get high ratings on both warmth and competence.

哦，感恩是个很好的话题。虽然，我是说，在LinkedIn上发感恩贴时，人们有时也会质疑这些帖子的真诚度，这正是我们现在研究的内容。

Oh, gratitude is a very good one. Think, although, I mean, with LinkedIn posts gratitude, sometimes people also question the sincerity of gratitude posts as well, which is some research we are doing right now.

哦对。

Oh yeah.

但如果感恩有明确对象，比如不是简单说‘我很感激得到这份工作’，而是说‘我非常感谢我的队友和导师’——当你有具体感谢对象时。人们就是喜欢感恩表达，哪怕你在自夸。这让自夸显得更温暖些。总的来说，我建议分享成就时带着积极情绪会非常有效。

But if gratitude has clear targets, like if you, like instead of just saying, I'm grateful I got this job. If you say, I'm so grateful to my teammates, my mentors, like if there are actual people that you're grateful to. People love people love gratitude even if you brag. So that's another strategy that makes the bragging a little warmer. In general, I would I would recommend sharing brag attempts or accomplishments with positive emotion is very effective.

比如人们爱听我们说‘我真的很激动’、‘我真心为这次毕业欣喜若狂’这类话。关键一点是——这更多属于情绪研究而非印象管理研究——但作为印象管理研究者，我对自豪感研究很感兴趣。正如我提过的，这是种非常有趣的自我意识情绪。

Like, people love it when we say, I'm really so excited. No. I'm genuinely over the moon for this for this graduation, something like that. And one key thing I wanna say, this is more about emotional research, not necessarily impression management research, but I as as an impression management researcher, I'm very interested in the study of pride. As I've mentioned, it's a very interesting self conscious emotion.

研究者将自豪感分为两种：傲慢型自豪和真实型自豪。傲慢型自豪充斥着‘我高人一等’‘我最棒’这类表达。

So there are the researchers, pride researchers distinguish two distinct types of pride. One is hubristic pride. The other is authentic pride. So hubristic pride is all about I'm superior. I'm great.

投票。就像‘我就是这么优秀’——你能从傲慢型自豪中感受到这种气息。而真实型自豪则是‘我付出这么多努力终于得到回报’，人们对此的反应会非常积极。

Vote. Like, I'm just so great. Like, you just get that vibe from from, hubristic pride. Whereas authentic pride is really all about, you know, I work so hard and finally I get this. And and people really respond to that in a very positive way.

所以每当我们感受到那种甜蜜的自豪时，如果能自省一下：‘我是否真实展现了所有背景、付出的努力、熬过的夜或克服的困难？’人们就会以更积极的方式回应，这样就不必在亲和力与能力之间做取舍了。这些只是部分策略。

So anytime we feel that emotion, pride, that sweet pride, if we sort of check ourselves and say, you know, I'm really being authentic about this. Do I really share all the background, all the hard work, all the, you know, sleepless nights or extra hard work or extra hardship that I had to overcome to achieve this, then people respond to it in a more positive way, and you don't necessarily have the trade off between warmth and competence. So these are just some of the strategies there.

社交媒体上的规则是否不同？因为，我看到的有一半内容都是人们在说，哦，我今天在布达佩斯，明天要去克罗地亚。或者昨晚吃了顿大餐，而你只能在家吃剩饭。你懂我的意思吗？这就是我从认识的人发的帖子里感受到的。

Are the rules different on social media? Because, I mean, half of what I see on there is people saying, oh, oh, I'm I'm in Budapest today, and tomorrow I'm going to be in Croatia. And or here's this beautiful meal that we had last night and you had to eat home and you probably ate leftovers. You know what mean? That's the sense that I get from reading a lot of the things that people I know post.

这些都是我的朋友。我并不是因为他们炫耀精彩生活而讨厌他们。但社交媒体规则是否不同？人们的反应是否也不同？

And these are my friends. It's not that I dislike them because they're showing me that they're doing something fabulous. But are the rules different for social media, and are people's reactions different?

这是个好问题，我们都知道社交媒体就像炫耀奥运会，这很有趣。所有平台都变成了这样。起初Instagram可能看起来像是每个人都在过精彩生活——美食、旅行、爱好应有尽有。有时看到别人的爱好，我为他们高兴，但总忍不住想：他们哪来的时间？

I mean, that's a great question because we all know social media is bragging Olympics in a very like and it's very interesting. All of them became that way. Know, at first maybe Instagram seemed like a very everyone is having this amazing life filled with amazing meals, amazing trips, amazing hobbies. Sometimes, you know, when I see people's hobbies again, I'm very happy for them, but I always think, how did they find the time? You know?

我光是应付日常必要事项就够呛了。LinkedIn也变成这样，人们开始分享大量带照片的个人生活。不知道你的LinkedIn如何，我开始看到很多个人里程碑。虽然不会发巴黎旅行照，但还是会分享很多积极的生活动态。

I barely, you know, survive with just like a few things I need to do given in a day. And LinkedIn has become that too. And LinkedIn also became people share lots of things with their photos and about their personal lives too. I don't know about your LinkedIn, but I started to see a lot of sort of personal milestones. Maybe people don't put, like, Paris trip to their LinkedIn, but they still do share a lot of personal life updates in a in a good way.

我认为社交媒体稍微改变了游戏规则，它让炫耀变得高度可见且无处不在，从而改变了社会规范。现在人们觉得炫耀更可接受了。所以我最早那条'喜欢发推'的推文现在看起来天真得有点不合时宜。当然，基本规则其实没变。

I think social media has changed the game in a bit that it made it very visible and pervasive. So it changed the norms. I think we think it's more okay to brag now. So probably that's why when I find my first tweet saying I like to put seems like seems very naive and kind of missing the point to me. The other thing is, of course, in general, the rules same rules apply.

比如表达感激要真诚巧妙才有用。如果只说'很荣幸来到这里'，人们不会觉得你谦虚。实际上有些词会让人反感。但总体而言，感恩、积极情绪和直接表达——比如'经过数百小时努力终于成功'——效果远胜于假谦虚的炫耀。

Like, gratitude is great if it's done in a smart way and real way, rather than if you just say, I'm so humbled to be here, people don't think you're necessarily humble. Right? Like people are actually a little aversive to some words, but in general, gratitude, positive emotions, and directness, like being a little more direct, like, you know, like hundreds of hours of work. And finally, here I am. Something like that would be way more effective than humble bragging saying, oh, I don't even know.

就像说'不敢相信学生又选我获奖'这种假谦虚。所以基本规则是相同的。那些从不分享或只晒成就的人，效果反而会适得其反。

I don't even know that my students selected me for I can't believe. You know? I'm getting this teaching award again. So so generally the rules are the same. In terms of people who never share things or who share only the accomplishments, I think that also backfires a little bit.

我认为社交媒体部分对我们研究者来说非常令人兴奋，因为现在情况正在发生真正的变化。对吧？我们还看到不同世代之间的行为差异。如果你看过TikTok，那里的行为规范更加不同，因为它是一个更以视频为基础的应用程序，Z世代的年轻人制作的视频几乎像是在自嘲——不知道你是否听说过，他们甚至嘲笑千禧一代的'开场停顿'，就是当你打开摄像头时，我们这些从千禧一代开始的老一辈会先停顿一下，看着镜头准备好才开始说话。

I think the social media piece is very exciting for us researchers because now things are really changing. Right? We see also the behavior differences between different generations. If you ever look at TikTok, you know, the norms there are even more different because it's a more video based app and and the younger generations, the Gen Z members make make videos that are almost like they even make fun of I don't know if you heard of this, but they even make fun of the millennial pause, which is this idea that when you put the camera, I think older generations starting with millennials, we do this thing where the camera starts. We do have this slight pause where you just pause and look at the camera and you're ready.

而对于Z世代成员来说，他们一打开摄像头就开始说话，无论是化妆还是做饭时，都像平常一样直接开始。

Whereas for the gen z members, you know, they they start there. They they start talking immediately when they put on makeup or, like, cook. And it's it's like a normal thing.

是啊，你懂的吧？

Yeah. You know?

哦，哦，这里有个例子。这是哈佛大学大一学生的一天。知道吗？对他们来说，他们更在意避免尴尬感，所以甚至不想显得太刻意。

Oh, oh, here's here's a day. Here's a day at at at Harvard University as a as a freshman student. You know? What do I do here? Because for them, they are much more concerned about the feeling of cringe, so they don't even wanna look like they're trying.

这也是我们从社交媒体上学到的新词汇。总的来说，有些规则是相同的，比如要直截了当，要表达感激，最好谈谈你真实的成就和奋斗历程，你是如何通过努力成长为一个明智的人。自我展示的基本规则仍然适用，但因为不同世代的出现，规范也在变化——你不想显得太刻意。甚至你在社交媒体状态更新的字数都可能暴露年龄。

So that's the term that we're learning from social media as well. So generally, some rules are the same, meaning that you gotta be direct. You gotta be you gotta show gratitude and hopefully talk about your authentic pride and journey, how you got there, your hard work and and, how you grow as a sensible person. So general rules of bragging work, but there are different norms because there are different, generations coming along and they change the norms and they know, you you don't wanna seem like you're trying too hard. That's why even the number of words you put on your status on social media, some people argue that that may reveal your age.

如果你写这么长一段话，你就像个老派的千禧一代。而如果你只是随意说一句话，假装毫不在意，那更像是年轻一代自我推销的方式。我觉得很有趣的是，有些规则保持不变，但有些规则确实在改变。

You know, if you write this long paragraph, you are like an older millennial. Whereas if you sort of if you sort of say just one sentence as if you're not trying, that's much more of a younger younger generation person's attempt to attempt to self promote. So I find it fascinating that, some rules are the same, but some rules are definitely changing there.

我必须问一下，既然你提到了，当然你简历里也写了——除了作为研究者和教授的工作外，你还做单口喜剧。你关于印象管理的研究对你的喜剧有帮助吗？我是说，你会把这些内容融入你的表演吗？

So I have to ask because you mentioned it, and of course it's elsewhere in your bio. In addition to your work as a researcher and a professor, you do standup comedy. Does your research on impression management help you in your comedy? I mean, do you work it into your routine?

是的，完全正确。我确实如此。首先，总的来说，这几乎不可避免，因为你知道，我在研究生院研究组织行为学，所以我对行为科学以及人们常犯的错误及其解决方法非常感兴趣。在我的研究中，我特别关注印象管理方面的失误。

Yeah. Absolutely. I do. It's it's impossible not to well, first of all, in general, because I'm you know, I studied organizational behavior in grad school, so I'm very interested in behavioral science and what mistakes people make and how can we fix that. And in my research, I focus specifically on impression management mistakes.

要知道，喜剧本质上也是关于错误的，对吧？如果你上台只谈论事情有多美好，那就不好笑了。马克·吐温有句名言：天堂里没有幽默，因为那里一切都太完美了。所以在某种程度上，喜剧就是实时的印象管理——你需要谈论这些错误，但为了制造笑料，你还得同时管理观众对你的印象，因为时机很重要，适当示弱和温和的自嘲通常是喜剧演员的利器。而温和自嘲本身也是一种有趣的印象管理策略，能帮你赢得大量亲和力。

You know, comedy is also all about mistakes, right? If you go on stage and talk about how great things are, it's not funny. Mark Twain has this famous quote, there's no humor in heaven because everything is so great there. So in a way, you know, comedy is impression management in real time because you gotta talk about these mistakes, but also in to be funny, you gotta manage the impressions too, because there is a timing, you gotta be vulnerable and the soft deprecation usually works as a comedian. And soft deprecation is an interesting impression management strategy as well, where you can cultivate a lot of warmth and likability points.

我的研究让我对这些动态机制有超强的元认知。可以说，我总在舞台上实验各种印象管理技巧。这是我最热衷的两个话题：我既爱讨论和研究印象管理，也痴迷喜剧，喜欢思考如何让事物既好笑又引发共鸣。有时候我还会直接进行现场实验。

My research makes me very meta aware of these dynamics, you know? So I always experiment with impression management on stage, I should say. And these are two favorite topics of mine. I love talking about impression management and studying it, and I love comedy, and I love thinking about what makes something funny and relatable. And, you know, sometimes I run experiments.

有时候我讲个笑话。如果观众笑了，我就知道这个段子真实有效。就像数据验证成功时，你就知道研究结论站得住脚。

Sometimes I make a joke. And if people laugh, I know it's real. If my data works, I know it's real.

塞萨尔博士，非常感谢您今天的分享。您给人留下了深刻印象。

Well, Doctor. Cesar, I want to thank you for joining me today. You've made a great impression.

哦，非常感谢！YouTube团队也辛苦了，我们配合得太棒了。能参与这次节目真是我的荣幸，多谢邀请。

Oh, thank you so much. YouTube, thanks so much. We are a great team. Such a pleasure to join. Thanks a lot.

谢谢收听。您可以在我们的网站www.speakingofpsychology.org，或苹果播客、Spotify、YouTube等任何播客平台收听《心理学漫谈》往期节目。如果喜欢本期内容，请订阅并留下好评。如有意见或节目创意，欢迎发送邮件至speakingofpsychologyapa.org。《心理学漫谈》由李·韦纳曼制作。

Thank you. You can find previous episodes of Speaking of Psychology on our website at www.speakingofpsychology.org or on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts. And if you like what you've heard, please subscribe and leave a review. If you have comments or ideas for future podcasts, you can email us at speakingofpsychologyapa dot org. Speaking of Psychology is produced by Lee Weinerman.

感谢您的收听。我是美国心理学会的金姆·米尔斯。

Thank you for listening. For the American Psychological Association, I'm Kim Mills.