亮点：如何无需意志力也能真正培养自律…… 行为学顶尖专家分享

如果我是个缺乏自律的人，该如何改善自己的纪律性？

How do I fix my discipline if I'm an ill disciplined person?

理解自律的本质是最关键的因素，而我对它的定义与大多数人不同。

Understanding what discipline is is the most critical element, and I define this differently than most people.

我将自律定义为：你优先考虑未来自我的需求，而非当下自我需求的能力。

So I define discipline as your ability to prioritize the needs of your future self ahead of your own present self.

仅此而已。

And that's it.

这就是自律的全部含义。

That's all discipline is.

我正在优先考虑未来自我的需求。

I'm prioritizing the needs of future me.

你试着想一个

You're trying to think of a

不。

No.

我在想例外情况。

Was thinking exception.

不。

No.

我在想两种情景。

I was thinking of two scenarios.

第一种情景是我今晚回家。

The scenario one is I go home tonight.

对吧？

Right?

因为我要睡觉了。

Because I go to sleep.

我早早就上床睡觉。

I get to bed early.

还有件事我在考虑之后去做，就是去健身房。

And there's this other thing I'm thinking about doing after this, which is going to the gym.

是啊。

Yeah.

我当时就在想，正如你所说，这两件事都能帮助未来的我。

And I'm like, I was just as you're saying that, was thinking both help future me.

对。

Yeah.

我为自己感到骄傲，哪个算是自律呢？

I was proud of myself, which one is discipline?

我觉得这两件事都算自律。

I think they would both be discipline.

好。

Okay.

当我们开始明白，如果我能做出优先考虑未来自己的决定，那么问题就回到——我的多巴胺从何而来？

So the moment that we start understanding that, if I could just make decisions that are prioritizing future me, then we go back to where am I getting my dopamine from?

我希望过去的自己能成为现在自己的多巴胺来源。

And I want past tense me to be a source of dopamine for present tense me.

因为大多数人回顾过去时都带着悔恨。

Because most of us look back with regret.

我不该喝那么多酒。

I shouldn't have drank that much.

我不该在家庭聚会上口无遮拦。

I shouldn't have mouthed off at the family reunion.

你知道的，诸如此类的事情。

You know, whatever it is.

我不该睡过头的。

I shouldn't have overslept.

如果能以感恩之心回顾过去，这就是让自律产生多巴胺的最快方式。

If I can start looking backwards with gratitude, that's the fastest way to make discipline dopamine generating.

所以诀窍是从小事做起。

So the tricks are to start small.

比如晚上睡觉前，我会打开那个小K杯咖啡机，把胶囊放进去，杯子摆好。

So like when I go to bed at night, I will pop open the little Keurig coffee thing and stick the thing in there, put a cup under there.

所有东西都准备就绪。

Everything's, like, ready to go.

这样早上醒来时，我只要啪的一下，一切都准备好了。

So when I wake up in the morning, I just go, bam, and everything's ready.

我会把衣服拿出来，全部摆好，第二天直接穿。

I'll get my clothes out, everything kind of lined up, ready to put on for the next day.

这样我就能降低需要投入的注意力阈值。

So I'm I'm lowering the threshold of how much attention I'm spending.

我要像对待未来的自己的管家那样，尽可能安排好生活的每个细节。

So I'm gonna set my life up in every single way that I possibly can as if I were a butler for future me.

这样早上醒来时，所有东西都已准备妥当。

So when I wake up in the morning, all this stuff's set out.

洗好的衣服已摆好，当天的待办事项清单也准备好了。

My laundry's laid out, my checklist for what I need to do to the for the day.

需要带上飞机的所有物品都放在后门边。

All the stuff I've got to get on a plane is all laid out by the back door.

我抓起就能上车。

I can grab it and jump in the car.

我竭尽所能让未来的自己感叹'太棒了'，并心怀感激地回顾现在。

Everything that I could possibly do to make my future self go, oh, man, that's awesome, and look backwards with gratitude.

我打算这么做。

I'm going to do it.

每年春天或夏天，我会拿一张100美元钞票，或者几张，塞进一件冬天才会穿的夹克口袋里。

I'll take a $100 bill or maybe a few $100 bills every spring or summer, and I'll stick them in a jacket pocket that I'm not going to use until the winter.

然后我就会忘记这回事。

And I'll forget about it.

到了冬天翻找时，我就成了自己的多巴胺源泉。

And in the winter, I'm looking, and now I become a source of dopamine.

过去的我正在为现在的我创造多巴胺。

Past tense me is becoming a source of dopamine for present tense me.

这迫使我展望未来，就像打印旧照片贴满屋子那样。

That forces me to look in the future, along with, like, printing that old me photo and putting it all over the house.

但只要能让我带着感恩回望过去的事，我都准备开始做。

But everything that I can possibly do to make myself look backwards with gratitude is what I'm going to start doing.

但你必须从小事做起。

But you have to start small.

就像过度投入会显得很疯狂。

It's like just going overboard is going to be crazy.

哪怕只是给自己写张便利贴，塞进几个月都不会穿的夹克或皮鞋里，当意外发现时意义非凡——因为那是来自你自己的心意。

And even writing a little Post it note to yourself and sticking it in a jacket or maybe a dress shoe that you're not gonna wear for a few months, it means so much to find that, and it's it's from you.

不是来自爱人。

It's not from a loved one.

是你自己准备的惊喜。

You did it.

于是你回望时会感叹：哇，这太棒了。

So you're looking backwards with like, wow, that's amazing.

这样你就会怀着爱意，向过去的自己传递感激，而这种情感自然会让未来的你充满关切与在乎。

So you're now getting in love and sending gratitude backwards, which automatically means that what's going forwards is concern and care.

当我总是心怀感激地回望时，忧虑却总在前方的未来。

The moment I'm always looking back with gratitude, the concern is always going forward in the future.

而对当下的忧虑便烟消云散。

And the concern for present goes away.

我要把这份忧虑推向遥远的未来。

And I'm gonna I'm gonna push that concern to the right out in the future.

人们连小事都会挣扎，对吧？

People struggle even with the small things, right?

说来有趣——昨晚我看了一个视频，讲一位女士在YouTube开启减肥之旅的故事。她当时应该有400磅左右，正努力减重。

Like gettingbecause it's funny because I watched a video last night about a lady that went to YouTube and started her journey of weight loss and whatever, and she was veryI think she was four hundred pounds or something, and she was trying to get down.

看过视频的人会知道我指的是谁。

And in the video, you watch some people will know who I'm referring to.

但经过一两年时间，她的体重反而增加了。

Over the space of a year or two years, she actually just gains weight.

现在估计得有500磅了。

So she gets to, I think, five five hundred pounds or something.

看着视频时，你目睹着一个人嘴上说要改变人生，却每天说着'我又重了三磅'。

And as I was watching it, you're watching someone who's saying, I want to change my life, but then is coming on every day and saying, I've just gained three pounds.

'又重了三磅'。

I've just gained another three pounds.

你能明显感受到她声称要改变生活与实际行动之间的割裂感。

And then there's almost this this, like, visible dissonance that you're observing between this person saying they want to change their life, but clearly the actions that they're then taking are, like, are different to that.

很多人都能体会这种'我想成为这样的人'的感觉。

And many people can relate to that feeling of, I want to be this person.

顺便说下——我们是在12月录制的这期内容。

I mean, we're coming up to, like for anyone that doesn't know, we're recording this in December.

新年计划马上就要来了。

So New Year's resolutions are around the corner.

每个人都会在心里描绘自己想成为的样子，但说起来容易做起来难。

Everyone's gonna say to themselves who they wanna become, but it's easier said than done.

我想，大概只有百分之七八，新年决心能坚持下来的比例也就8%到9%吧。

I think, what, seven, eight, 8%, 9% of New Year's resolutions will stick.

是啊。

Yeah.

所以这是从小事做起的问题，还是你有什么其他关于自律的诀窍可以分享？

So is is it just a case of starting small, or is there any other tricks to discipline that you can offer?

从小事开始，并意识到我们的一生都关乎习惯而非目标——哪些习惯能让我的目标成为副产品？

It's starting small and realizing that all of our lives are about habits, not goals, but what are the habits that make my goal a byproduct?

无论你是否意识到，人生中的所有事情都是关于副产品的。

Everything is about byproducts in your whole life, whether you know it or not.

所以与其设定目标，不如设定那些副产品。

So instead of setting goals, set like the byproduct.

今年我想要获得哪些副产品？

What are the byproducts I want to have for this year?

然后构成这些副产品的习惯又是什么？

And then what are the habits that make that up?

大多数人常犯的错误是看到像你这样的人——

So what the big mistake most people make is they see somebody like you.

你经常去健身房。

You go to the gym very often.

你的饮食可能非常健康。

You probably eat really clean.

我知道你不喝酒，因为我给你带过酒壶还交给了你们团队。

I know you don't drink alcohol because I brought you a flask and gave it to your team.

但这些混蛋。

But Bastards.

他们拿走了它。

They took it.

他们确实这么做了。

They did.

所以一个生活散漫的人会看着你说，天啊，我想成为史蒂文那样的人。

So somebody who doesn't live a very disciplined life would look at you and say, god, I want to be like Steven.

他拥有所有这些自律。

He's got all this discipline.

他坚持去健身房。

He's going to the gym.

但他们不明白你去健身房并不是自律。

But they don't understand that you going to the gym isn't discipline.

那是一种习惯。

It's a habit.

所以你并不是强迫自己去做某件事。

So you're not forcing yourself to go do something.

你只是在做已经成为习惯的事。

You're doing something that's a habit for you.

自律只在最初阶段是必要的。

The discipline only is necessary.

你只需要像一茶匙那么少的自律来启动这个习惯。

You only need like a teaspoon of it at the very beginning to get this habit started.

所以先从微习惯开始，再培养更大的习惯。

So start micro habits first and then bigger habits.

因此，如果你看到某人饮食健康、去健身房，做所有你想做的事，那并不是你该看到的自律。

So the discipline is not something that you should be seeing if you're seeing someone eat healthy and go to the gym, do all the stuff you want to do.

那些都是习惯。

Those are habits.

而那个人，你现在看到的并不是工作中的自律。

And that person, you're not seeing a discipline at work right there.

你看到的是一种习惯。

You're seeing a habit.

自律只在最初阶段存在。

The discipline was just at the beginning.

我认为如果更多人明白这点就好了——你只需要在最初阶段稍加自律，之后就会自然而然地持续下去。

And I think if more people knew that, that you're just exercising a little discipline at the very beginning, and then that's just what you do.

就像看到有人每天刷牙一样。

It's like somebody who sees someone brushing their teeth every day.

会觉得：哇，这需要多大的自律啊。

Like, wow, that's so much discipline.

但这只是我们的日常行为。

It's just what we do.

这是一种习惯。

It's a habit.

这个习惯公式中有个有趣的部分，或者说自律公式，就是'为什么'的部分——为什么这件事对你重要？

There's an interesting part of this like, habit equation, you could say, or, like, discipline equation, which is the why part, which is, like, why does this matter to you?

明确知道某件事对你的重要性很关键，无论是健身还是其他。我在上一本书里研究这个自律公式时，得出的结论是：要自律就必须理解事情对你重要的原因。

And is it important to get really clear on why this thing matters to you, whether it's the gym or, like, because when I I was playing around with this discipline equation idea for my last book, and the kind of conclusion I landed at was that to be disciplined, you have to understand the reason why something matters to you.

你可以换个说法。

You can say that in other words.

对。

Yeah.

再加上你在追求过程中获得的心理强化，减去可以说是在追求过程中付出的心理或感知成本。

Plus the psychological reinforcement you get from the pursuit of the thing minus the, you could say, the psychological or perceived cost of the pursuit of the thing.

以刷牙为例，我想我知道它为什么重要。

So in the context of brushing your teeth, I think I know why it matters.

对吧？

Right?

因为如果我不这样做，就得去看牙医，牙齿会脱落，会变丑，诸如此类的后果。

Because if I don't, then I have to go to the dentist, my teeth fall out, I look ugly, whatever it might be.

是啊。

Yeah.

这样做有回报且有趣吗？

The is it rewarding and fun to do?

没有。

No.

并不怎么有趣。

Not really.

扣除追求成本后，只需要两分钟。

And minus the cost of the pursuit, it takes two minutes.

其实也没那么糟。

It's not that bad.

但总体而言，幸运的是，动机的驱动力超过了成本，所以行为才会发生。

But when that nets out, the why is stronger, thankfully, on net than the cost, so the behavior happens.

没错。

Yeah.

但这个等式中的关键部分是动机部分。

But the key part of this equation here is the why part.

准确地说，它不是最关键的部分，但却是核心部分。

Like, it's not the key part, but it's the central part.

就是动机部分。

It's the why part.

这件事对你而言为何重要？

Why does the thing matter to you?

是的。

Yeah.

那么，到底有多少个‘为什么’呢？

And and how much why?

比如，这个‘为什么’有多大？

Like, how big is the why?

没错。

Yeah.

因为如果这个‘为什么’是‘我需要当下的快乐’，那么其他任何‘为什么’都不会比它更重要。

Because if if the why is I need enjoyment in the present moment, then no other why will be bigger.

嗯。

Mhmm.

任何关于自律的‘为什么’都不会比它更重大。

No disciplined why will ever be larger.

嗯。

Mhmm.

唯一的‘为什么’会是‘为什么我现在要吃这些奇多？’或者‘为什么我每晚要喝20瓶啤酒？’

The only why will be why am I eating these Cheetos right now, or why am I drinking 20 beers every night?

因为这就是唯一的‘为什么’。

Because that's the only why.

所以我认为，一旦‘为什么’开始向未来延伸，那就是你打破自律循环的时刻，从而摆脱它。

So I think once the why starts edging its way into the future, that's that's the moment where you break the discipline spiral, and you get out of that.

因为你的‘为什么’正在延伸到尚未发生的时间里。

Because your whys are extending into time that hasn't happened yet.

这个等式对你来说成立吗？

Does that equation stack up for you?

我这么说是因为我很喜欢这个观点。

I'm saying this because like it a lot.

因为我一直在说这个。

Because I I've been I've been saying it.

我在我的书里写过这个。

I wrote about this in my book.

整个理念就是为什么加上，比如你可以说强化减，你可以说成本，简单来说就是这样。

The whole idea is why plus, like, you could say reinforcement minus, you could say cost, just to simplify it.

对。

Yeah.

但这个等式里还缺少什么吗？

But is there anything missing from this equation?

你觉得呢？

Do you think?

我跟西蒙·斯涅克说过这个，他说，我们试试看。

Is there anything I said it to Simon Sinek, and he went, let's try it out.

他跟我聊到早上倒垃圾的事，就是为垃圾工人倒垃圾。

And he talked to me about taking his bin out in the morning, like taking the bin out for, like, the bin men.

这个例子还挺有说服力的，因为他的理由是如果我不倒垃圾，就会被罚款，垃圾箱也会满出来。

And it kinda holds up because he's so the why is, if I don't take the bin out, then I'm gonna get fined and my bin isn't gonna overflow.

相当强的动机。

Pretty strong motivator.

是啊。

Yeah.

强化因素，这里没有强化因素。

The reinforcement, there's no reinforcement.

早上7点起床倒垃圾，可不是什么愉快的事。

Getting out of bed at 7AM to take your bin out, it's not nice.

没错。

Yeah.

起床的代价也不小。

The cost is also significant, getting out of bed.

但原因依然存在，可以说是原因加上追求做这件事带来的心理强化作用。

But the why still So it's why plus You could say, like, why plus the psychological reinforcement from the pursuit of doing it.

比如打碟。

So DJing.

对我来说真的很有趣。

Really fun for me.

我认为应该用不作为的代价来除以它。

I would say there's you it would be divided by the cost of inaction.

不作为的代价要么会增加它，但最终都取决于你对原因的理解。嗯。

The cost of inaction would would either add to it, but it's always gonna be your perception of the why Mhmm.

你对代价的认知，以及你对行动代价的认知。

Your perception of the cost, and your perception of the cost of an action.

这些都关乎我能否利用我的专注力，即哺乳动物大脑的专注力？

And all of that is gonna be about can I use can I leverage my focus, the mammalian brain's focus?

我能否以某种方式对自己行使权威，控制大脑中哺乳动物的部分，强迫自己起床，迫使这些习惯开始形成？

Can I leverage authority over myself in some way, over that mammalian part of my brain, force myself out of bed, force these habits to start developing?

然后是群体因素。

And then tribe.

我的朋友参与其中了吗？

Are my friends involved?

我是否公开承诺过某事？

Have I made a public agreement about something?

然后是情绪因素，我认为这就是原因所在。

And then the emotion, which I think would be the why.

是的。

Yeah.

这就是情感驱动力。

And that's the emotional driver.

动物能理解你更好地想象自己，比如看着六块腹肌或其他什么。

That animal can understand you visualizing yourself better, like looking with a six pack or whatever it is.

而是把它印在愿景板上。

But printing it on a vision board.

这就是为什么我认为愿景板如此重要。

This is why I think vision boards are so important.

不是因为我们要从宇宙中显化出什么。

Not because we're manifesting something out of the universe.

也许确实如此。

Maybe it is.

但我们确实在展示连狗都能理解的东西。

But we're definitely showing something that a dog can understand.

这是图像，而狗能理解图像。

It's imagery, and dog can understand images.

所以我们定期让自己接触这些愿景板。

So we're routinely exposing ourselves to these vision boards on a very regular basis.

如果你遵循洗脑公式——专注、情感、激化和重复，拼出来就是'恐惧'。

And if you follow the brainwashing formula, which is focus, emotion, agitation, and repetition, it spells fear.

这是给自己洗脑以形成新习惯和目标的最佳方式。

And that is the best way to brainwash yourself to form these new habits and goals.

那么我该如何让自己专注？

So how can I get myself to focus?

我该如何建立情感动力，也就是'为什么'？

How can I build the emotion, which is the why?

持续的情感，而不仅仅是最初的那一次。

Recurring emotion, not just one at the very beginning.

我该如何继续让它充满情感？

How can I continue to make it emotional?

或许我能让不作为的代价变得情感化。

Or maybe I can make the cost of inaction emotional.

也许我可以买那个让我看起来变胖的应用程序，或者类似的东西。

Maybe I can buy the app that makes me look fat or one of those things.

那么躁动就是如果我正在唤醒习惯化——你刚刚提到的概念。

And then agitation is if I'm waking up habituation, which you just talked about.

假设我想减肥或怎样，如果我每天醒来都在同一栋我发胖的房子里，在同一栋我以某种方式生活过的房子里，看到同样的走廊、同样的地毯、同样的沙发，一切看起来都一样，我的大脑会说：哦，我在这里。

If I'm waking up at the same house every day that I've been fat in, let's say I wanted to lose weight or whatever, the same house every day that I've lived x way in, I'm seeing the same hallway, same rug, same couch, everything looks the same, my brain says, oh, I'm here.

我就会按照那个剧本走。

I'm going to follow that script.

因为我们的大脑会编写剧本来节省时间。

Because our brain writes scripts for us to save us time.

所以躁动意味着我要如此频繁地打乱环境，让大脑没有机会回到旧剧本。

So agitation means I'm going to disrupt my environment so much and so often that my brain has no chance to default to an older script.

所以我有些客户会重新粉刷房子。

So I have clients that repaint their house.

他们重新布置家具。

They rearrange their furniture.

他们大幅更换衣橱。

They change up their wardrobe a whole lot.

他们彻底换个新发型，这样在镜子里看到的甚至都不是同一个人了。

They get a completely new haircut, so they're not even looking at the same person in the mirror anymore.

他们竭尽所能打破那种节奏。

They do everything you can to disrupt that rhythm.

这完全就像我们对待被拘留者的方式——如果我们要对情报审讯对象进行洗脑的话。

It's exactly what we would do with a detainee if we were trying to brainwash someone who is in an intelligence interrogation.

所以我正在疯狂破坏环境。

So I'm disrupting environment like crazy.

那我们该怎么处理一只狗呢？

And what will we do with a dog?

我们要让它继续做它一直在做的事吗？

Are we going to let it do everything it's always done?

我们要改变那个环境吗？

We going to change that environment?

我们要改变行为，更换牵绳和项圈，这样就不会完全一成不变。

We're going to change the behavior, change the leash, change the collar, so it's not everything exactly the same.

然后是重复。

And then repetition.

重复，就是不断重复同样的事情

Repetition, which is just repeating the same thing

一遍又一遍。

over and over.

就像即使只是来看愿景板。

So like if even just coming to the vision board.

我上一个客户，我让他去百思买买了台70英寸电视，再买个便宜的平板，那种两三百美元的，用胶带粘在电视背面，把他的愿景板放上去。

The last client I had, I had him go to Best Buy and get a 70 inch TV and then get one of those cheap tablets, those $300 $200 tablets, and just duct tape it to the back of the TV and put his vision board on that thing.

大概有900张幻灯片不停轮播，每天24小时在他办公室播放，即使他不在场。

It's like 900 slides of just nonstop photos, but it runs twenty four hours a day in his office, even if he's not there.

他早上走进办公室时，屏幕就亮着。

He walks in the morning, it's on.

永不停歇的重复。

Nonstop repetition.

因为如果让他每晚关机，就意味着又多了一个需要自律的环节。

Because him having to turn it off at night means he's got another point of discipline.

我得打开电视，启动那个小小的PPT演示。

I've got to turn that TV on, start that little PowerPoint thing.

但这没完没了，就是持续不断的暴露。

But that's nonstop, and it's just nonstop exposure.

那么我能产生专注力吗？

So can I generate focus?

而这需要高度专注于目标。

And that's a lot of focus on the goals.

然后还有情绪因素。

Then there's emotion.

你正在目睹这一切。

You're seeing all of that.

躁动不安，这打乱了我的生活规律。

Agitation, which is disrupting my life patterns.

以及重复，就是一遍又一遍地循环。

And repetition, which is just over and over and over.

我怎样才能让你再次接触相同的刺激，或让自己再次面对相同的刺激？

How can I re expose you to the same stimuli or re expose myself to the same stimuli?