十二句可能改变你人生的话语

这里是iHeart播客。欢迎收听《解码女性健康》。我是伊丽莎白·波因特医生，纽约市阿德里亚健康研究院女性健康与妇科主任。在本节目中，我将与顶尖研究人员和临床医生对话，解答你们迫切关注的问题，将关于女性健康及中年期的前沿资讯直接传递给您。

This is an iHeart podcast. Welcome to Decoding Women's Health. I'm Doctor. Elizabeth Poynter, Chair of Women's Health and Gynecology at the Adria Health Institute in New York City. On this show, I'll be talking to top researchers and top clinicians, asking them your burning questions and bringing that information about women's health and midlife directly to you.

百分之百的女性都会经历。

A hundred percent of women you.

人们常描述的症状是遗忘一切。我以前从不会忘事。她们一方面担心自己患了痴呆症，另一方面又在怀疑：我是不是有注意力缺陷多动症？

The types of symptoms that people talk about is forgetting everything. I never used to forget things. They're concerned that one, they have dementia, and the other one is do I have ADHD?

大麻素在改善睡眠、缓解疼痛、调节情绪以及提升日常生活质量方面展现出前所未有的潜力。

There is unprecedented promise with regard to cannabis and cannabinoids to sleep better, to have less pain, to have better mood, and also to have better day to day life.

请在各播客平台收听伊丽莎白·波因特医生主持的《解码女性健康》。

Listen to Decoding Women's Health with Doctor. Elizabeth Poynter wherever you get your podcasts.

普希金。当我们思考影响幸福的因素时，常着眼于重大事件——比如找到完美伴侣或从事有意义的工作。但往往忽略了细微之事同样重要：一个恰到好处的笑话、一句触动心弦的歌词，尤其是一段令人难忘的引语。

Pushkin. When we think about the factors that affect our happiness, we often focus on the big stuff. Things like finding the perfect relationship or doing work that gives us a sense of purpose. But we often forget that the little things can matter a lot too. A well timed joke, a touching song lyric, and especially a memorable quote.

正是这些细微瞬间能即刻提振我们的情绪，甚至帮助我们应对棘手难题。而很少有人比本期特邀嘉宾更深刻理解这一点。

These are the sorts of things that can instantly lift our spirits and even help us tackle tough problems. And there are few people who understand that better than this episode's special guest.

我是格雷琴·鲁宾。非常高兴今天能与

So I'm Gretchen Rubin. I am so happy to be talking to

你交谈。格雷琴是畅销书作家，广受好评的播客《与格雷琴·鲁宾一起更快乐》的主持人，也是我最喜欢的人类本质细微差别专家之一。格雷琴刚刚发布了一本新书《成年人的秘密》。在书中，格雷琴为读者提供了实用的见解，帮助应对现代社会中作为一个功能健全的成年人所面临的日常挑战。但格雷琴以一种极具创意的方式分享这些有益的见解。

you today. Gretchen is a bestselling author, the acclaimed host of the podcast Happier with Gretchen Rubin, and one of my favorite experts on the nuances of human nature. Gretchen has just released a new book entitled Secrets of Adulthood. In it, Gretchen offers her readers practical insights for navigating the daily challenges that come with being a functional grown up in the modern world. But Gretchen manages to share these helpful insights in a truly creative way.

她将200多条复杂的人生经验提炼成简短、精辟的格言，这些短小精悍的句子能在寥寥数语中蕴含大量智慧。请告诉我这本书的起源故事，因为它似乎有几个线索指向它的诞生过程。

She distills more than 200 complex life lessons into short, concise aphorisms, short, punchy sayings that manage to pack a whole lot of wisdom into just a few words. So tell me the origin story of this book because it seemed like it had, you know, a few threads of how you got to it.

没错。有几件事促成了这本书。首先，我是一名作家，有时一个想法，也许只是一句话，会出现在我们面前，突然间我们就看到了前进的方向。或者突然对某种情况有了非常启发的洞察。多年来，我一直在推动自己以格言的方式写作，即尝试用简短的句子传达大思想。

Exactly. There were a couple of things that came together. One is I am a writer, and I do feel that sometimes an idea, maybe just one sentence, will cross our path, and suddenly we see the way forward. Or suddenly we have insight into a situation in a way that's really illuminating. And I had really been pushing myself over the years to write aphoristically, meaning trying to convey big ideas in a short sentence.

另外，我也感觉到，好吧，我获得了这些见解，我想能与他人分享。所以我真的给自己设定了目标，尝试写下并收集这些见解。但你是在

And then also I was feeling like, okay. There are these insights that I'm gaining, and I wanted to be able to share them with other people. So I really set myself the aim of trying to write these and gather these. But you did this in

这些格言的形式中做到的。那么什么是格言？我们都

the form of these aphorisms. So what is an aphorism? We all

知道谚语，谚语就像民间智慧。比如，小跌防大跌。没有人特别与之关联。那就像是我们都会说的话。而格言是当某人说出某些话时。

know proverbs, and a proverb is like a piece of folk wisdom. Like, a stumble may prevent a fall. Like, nobody's associated with that. That's just like a thing we all say. And then an aphorism is when somebody says something.

就像马克·吐温说的。马可·奥勒留或蒙塔尼亚。最大的挑战之一就是正确念出每个人的名字。我个人最喜爱的格言家是玛丽·冯·伊本·艾申巴赫，虽然没人记得她，但我要努力让她重新流行起来，因为我太爱她的格言了。比如我最喜欢的一句是：你坠落得如此之快，以至于以为自己是在飞翔。

Like, Mark Twain said it. Marcus Aurelius or Montagna. One of the biggest challenges is pronouncing everybody's name. My own favorite aphorist is Marie von Ibn Eischenbach, who nobody else remembers, but I'm gonna try to bring her back into fashion because I love hers. So, like, one of her aphorisms that I love is you can fall so fast, you think you're flying.

这很绝对吧？就像，哇哦。但这就是她说的。所以这是条格言，因为我们把这句话归功于她。她用这种方式表达了出来。

That's, like, right? It's like, woah. But so she said that. So that's an aphorism because we attribute that to her. She said it in that way.

关于努力有件事你们研究幸福学时应该知道。所有最重要的洞见都重要到不可能是真的。如果有个新见解，你会觉得那可能是错的，因为人类研究这个已经几千年了。历史上最伟大的头脑都在关注这个，但人们会用新鲜的方式表达，或是用新比喻，或是用特别能引起某些人共鸣的方式。所以很多时候，关键在于找到传递洞见的新鲜方式。

Now one of the things about efforts and you know this from studying happiness. All of the most important insights are too important to be true. If there's some fresh insight, you're like, that's probably wrong because we've been studying this for thousands of years. The greatest minds in history have been looking at this, but people say it in a fresh way or they have a new metaphor or they say it in a way that particularly resonates with a particular person. So a lot of times, it's finding that fresh way to convey an insight.

这很有创作激情。知道吗？就像写俳句或拍三十分钟情景喜剧。限制条件反而能激发创造力。同时也迫使我更清晰地思考。

It's creatively exciting. You know? It's like writing a haiku or doing a thirty minute sitcom. It sparks your creativity to have a constraint. And it also really forced my thinking to clarify.

首先我必须理解它，然后要不断精简。所以这个过程很有创作趣味。我想要的是真正成年秘密的格言——那些关于做决定、终结拖延症或处理人际关系等有真知灼见的。也有些我始终无法用简短有趣的方式表达，所以有些密码始终没能破解。但最终确实筛选出了一批符合我期望水准的格言。

First, I had to understand it, then I had to, like, whittle it down. So it was very creatively interesting in that way. And I wanted ones that were truly secrets of adulthood where I felt like there was some insight about, like, making a decision or ending procrastination or dealing with relationships. And then there were some that I just couldn't manage to articulate in an interesting short way, and so some I wasn't able to crack the code. But in the end, I was really there was sort of a clear set that I felt really rose to the level that I wanted the book to be.

但我还是会翻看其他没入选的。总忍不住去反复修改它们。

But I still look at all the other ones too. I'm always, like, going in there and tinkering with them.

所以我觉得可以发起个挑战，把那些你找不到合适措辞的格言发到网上，看看有没有人能帮你想出精炼的好句子。

So I feel like there's room for a challenge of one you couldn't get the right words for. We had to post it online and see if somebody can come up with a good short saying for you.

哦，这是个好主意。比如，用更优雅的方式表达这个。对，对，没错。

Oh, that's a good idea. Like, say this in a more elegant way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

是的，是的。我应该去翻翻我那些笨拙的表达，看看有没有人能改进它。

Yeah. Yeah. I should go through and look for some of my clunkers and see if somebody can crack it.

听你这么说，格言似乎真的很酷。就像我们可能在Pinterest小图上看到的那种。没错。但它也给人一种老派的感觉。确实。

As you're talking about this, it seems like aphorisms are really cool. Like, it seems like the kind of thing we might see, like, as a little Pinterest meme. Yes. But it also feels kinda like old school. Yes.

你提到的格言家感觉像是古代人物。你是我认识的人里唯一还在写格言的。是我错了吗？它们是不是有点过时了？你在复兴它们吗？

Aphorists you mentioned feel like they were around in ancient times. Like, you're one of the only people I know who's writing aphorisms today. And so am I wrong? Are they kinda old school? You're bringing them back?

那么，目标是什么？

Like, what's the goal?

两者兼有。像莎拉·曼古索这样的现代格言家仍在创作，还有其他一些人。沃伦·巴菲特就是位伟大的格言家。但你说得对，这是种可以追溯到古代的文体。

A little bit of both. There are modern aphorists like Sarah Manguso, who's writing today, and there are some other ones. Warren Buffett is a great aphorist. But you're right. It's a very ancient form that stretches back.

有趣的是，一方面你会觉得这种短小形式很适合Instagram这样的平台。但另一方面，它们往往需要深思熟虑。最糟糕的情况下，它们就像牙医诊所里的励志海报；而最好的情况下，它们能引发深刻思考。我认为真正的优势在于它们简短易记。

And it's funny because on the one hand, you're like, oh, this short form really lends itself to something like Instagram. But on the other hand, they really kind of take a lot of thought often. And so kind of in their worst form, they're like the inspirational poster you see in a dentist's office. And in the best, they're ones where you're really, you know, pondering. I feel like the real advantage is because they're short and they're sort of memorable.

它们更容易被记在脑海中。因为，你知道，很多时候我们根本不会去思考那些对我们有益的记忆内容。所以当某件事更容易被想起或记住时，比如你把它写在索引卡上钉在软木板上，它就能产生更大的影响力。因此我确实觉得有趣的是它们适合以简短形式呈现，但往往比表面看起来更有分量，或者说需要一些反思。

They're easier to draw into the mind. Because, you know, a lot of times, we just don't think of the things that would be useful for us to remember. So when it's easier to think about or remember or, like, you put it on an index card and stick it on your corkboard or whatever, it just can have more power. And so I do think it's fun that they lend themselves short form, but they are often kind of weightier than they seem or, you know, they need some reflection.

让我感到有点意外的是，你书中的许多格言实际上本身就是悖论。它们似乎同时告诉你两件事，这让我觉得它们在哲学层面上比我预想的要深刻得多。

One of the things I found kinda surprising was how many of the aphorisms in your book are actually paradoxes in their own way. They kind of, like, tell you both things at once, which I was like, Like, they're kind of philosophically deeper than I was sort of expecting.

不，我非常——我专门有一个章节讲悖论。很多时候，一个深刻真理的反面同样成立。悖论之所以有趣，是因为它们真的能让我们退后一步思考，给我们带来惊喜。

No. I'm very I have a whole section just on paradoxes. And a lot of times, the opposite of a profound truth is also true. And paradoxes are interesting because they really make us step back. They surprise us.

比如，我认为有史以来我最喜欢的书名之一是《全是快乐却毫无乐趣》，嗯。嗯。这是詹妮弗·西尼尔关于育儿的书。它让你不禁驻足思考：哇。

Like, I think one of my favorite book titles of all time is all joy and no fun Mhmm. Mhmm. Which is Jennifer Sr. Book about parenting. It just makes you step back and think like, wow.

她这么说是什么意思？然后你立刻会充满自己的想法，接着又想知道她对这个问题究竟有何见解，因为那个悖论实在太引人入胜了。

What does she mean by that? And then you're immediately full of ideas of your own and then kind of wanting to know what she's saying about it because that paradox is so compelling.

我认为这些悖论带来的困惑和惊讶也促使我们进行更多反思。虽然它们只是简短的陈述，但即使在读完你的书后，我发现自己在日常生活中还会带着其中一些思考，对它们进行更深入的琢磨。

I think also the confusion and the surprise of those paradoxes gets us to reflect a little bit more. Like, they're these short statements, but I found myself even after reading your book, walking around with some of them and, like, thinking about them a little bit more and stuff.

因为我觉得有些人会不同意其中某些观点，这没关系。毕竟，它们的目的是激发你自己的反思和洞见。

Because some of these, I think people will disagree with, and that's okay. Because, again, it's to prompt your own reflection and your own insight.

因此，你已收集了一整套应对各种问题的方法，从提升幸福感、做出艰难决定、抵制诱惑，甚至到家务管理。休息回来后，我将与你聊聊我从你书中精选出的12条最佳建议。

And so you've collected a whole set of these for problems as diverse as feeling happier, making tough decisions, handling temptations, even housekeeping. When we get back from the break, I'm gonna chat with you about my top 12 from your book.

我迫不及待了。

I cannot wait.

良好的沟通对生活至关重要，无论是个人还是职业层面。我朋友马特·亚伯拉罕的播客《快思慢讲》能帮助你提升这方面能力。每周马特都会与包括我在内的专家对谈，分享基于研究的实用技巧，比如如何深入对话、成为更好的倾听者，以及如何在冲突中清晰表达。本月，《快思慢讲》推出科技工具创作者迷你系列，教你用这些工具改善职业沟通与生活。若你准备升级沟通技能，每周二可在任意播客平台收听，并访问fastersmarter.io获取更多提升内容。

Good communication is essential in life, both personally and professionally. And my friend, Matt Abraham's podcast, Think Fast, Talk Smart, can help you do better with that. Each week, Matt sits down with experts, including me, to share practical research backed tips to help you learn things like how to connect deeply in conversation, how to be a better listener, and how to communicate clearly through conflict. And this month, think fast, talk smart features a mini series with tech tool creators on how to use their tools to improve your professional communication and your life. So if you're ready to level up your communication game, listen every Tuesday wherever you get podcasts and find additional content to level up your communication at fastersmarter.io.

作家、播客主兼幸福专家格雷琴·鲁宾擅长创作精辟格言——那些以难忘方式捕捉生活真理的短句。她的新书《成年人的秘密》充满了这类深刻箴言。今天我们将探讨我最爱的12条。书中第一条关于幸福的格言是：幸福并不总是让我们感到快乐。

Author, podcaster, and happiness expert, Gretchen Rubin, has a gift for crafting clever aphorisms, short powerful sayings that capture life's truths in a memorable way. Her new book, Secrets of Adulthood, is packed with these insightful one liners. And today, we're diving into my top 12. My first of my favorite 12 aphorisms in the book is one that's about happiness. It is the aphorism happiness doesn't always make us feel happy.

好的。所以你是讨论这个话题的完美人选

Okay. So you're the perfect person to

因为你以科学态度研究这个。从科学角度，你不能直接这么说，因为你必须定义什么是幸福、什么不是。这种看似矛盾的表述并不准确。但就普通人使用'幸福'一词的方式而言，我认为它成立。因为我们有时会做让自己快乐的事，但这些事也让我们痛苦——因为它们涉及践行价值观。我总想到那个例子：有人去医院探望疏远的父母，他们不想去、也不享受过程、甚至感到恐惧。

talk about this because you approach this scientifically. Now approaching this scientifically, you cannot say that because you have to say, I have to define what happiness is and what happiness isn't. And so this kind of paradoxical statement is not true. But I think for the layperson and the way the ordinary person uses the term happiness, I think that it is true Because sometimes we do things that make us feel happy, but that also make us feel unhappy or make us feel bad because they're part of living up to our values. And I always think of the person who goes to visit an estranged parent in hospital, and they don't wanna go, and they don't enjoy going there, and they dread it.

但他们依然去了，因为那终究是你的父亲。你在将价值观付诸实践，做正确的事。所以你感到幸福，尽管并不快乐。因此幸福并不总会让我们更快乐。

But still they go because in the end, it's still your father. You're putting your values into the world. You're doing what's right. And so you're happy even though you don't feel happy. And so happiness doesn't always make us feel happier.

我认为有时人们会困惑地以为，如果过着幸福生活，就能在1到10的评分标准上得到满分10分。但这既不现实，也算不上真正的好生活。这正是我想通过这个例子表达的。

I think sometimes people get confused thinking, well, if I live a happy life, I'm gonna score 10 on the one to 10 scale. And that's not realistic, and it's not even a good life. So that's what I was trying to capture with that.

不，我完全认同。这其实与研究索尼娅·隆布尔斯基提出的幸福两个维度不谋而合。她说幸福包含'对生活感到快乐'和'对生活感到满意'。我觉得那种即时快乐的感觉就属于前者。嗯。

No. I love this. It actually fits with what researcher Sonya Lomburski calls two parts of happiness. She says happiness is about being happy in your life and with your life. And I think the, like, feeling happy part is the happiness Mhmm.

'对生活感到快乐'更像是积极情绪的感知和消极情绪的缺失。没错。而'对生活感到满意'则对应着那句格言中关于满足的部分。

In your life. It's like your sense of positive emotion and a lack of negative emotion. Yes. Exactly. But being happy with your life is the happiness part in the aphorism.

这更关乎是否活出了自我价值，是否拥有蓬勃发展的生活。索尼娅最早指出这两者未必同步——那些带来即时快乐和积极体验的事，可能让你在反思人生时感到空虚，反之亦然。比如探望临终亲人时可能很痛苦，

It's kind of the overall living up to your values, having a life of flourishing. And Sonia is the one of the first to point out that those things don't always go together. Right. That, like, the things that make you feel hedonically happy and experience lots of positive emotions might make you feel empty when it comes to how you're thinking about your life and vice versa. Visiting a family member who's terminally ill that might not feel great in the moment.

当下感受或许糟糕透顶，但最终会引领你走向真正幸福蓬勃的人生。

It might feel terrible, but, ultimately, it's kind of getting you towards a life of true happiness and flourishing.

这解释了许多人眼中关于孩子的悖论：数据显示养育孩子时人们常感到烦躁压力，并不快乐；但当被问及幸福来源时，多数人却回答'孩子让我幸福'。

Well, and I think this explains a lot of what some people think is sort of a paradoxical thing about children where people are like, if you look at people's happiness when they're children, a lot of times they're not very happy. They're annoyed. They're stressed out. But then if you say, what makes you happy? People say, my children make me happy.

因为幸福并不总是带来即时的快乐感受。那么是否...

And it's like, because happiness doesn't always make us feel happy. Okay. So can

我换种方式说，幸福并不总是让我们感到快乐？确实如此。我认为这深刻传达了享乐适应的概念，即我们对事物习以为常的事实。

I do another way that happiness doesn't always make us feel happy? Absolutely. I think this is a deep way of conveying this idea of hedonic adaptation, the fact that we get used to stuff.

哦，我从未从这个角度思考过。

Oh, I hadn't thought of it that way.

是啊。明白吗？比如你中了彩票，你结婚了，你在工作上获得了晋升。

Yeah. You know? So you hit the lottery. You get married. You get the promotion at work.

你装上了空调，用上了电梯。

You get air conditioning. You get elevators.

对。当这些美妙事物降临的瞬间，你以为它们会让你更快乐。但实际上你并没有想象中那么快乐。这很有趣。

Right. And you have this moment of this awesome thing comes in, and you think this is gonna make me feel happier. But then you don't actually feel as happy as you think. Interesting.

劳瑞，我得说，尽管这句话是我写的，但我自己从未这样想过。你看，你已经让我思考得更深入了。我喜欢这样。这完全是另一种解读方式。

Laurie, I have to say, I never thought of that myself even though I wrote it. So see, you're already taking me deeper. I love it. That's a whole different way of interpreting it.

好的。现在我们来看关于社交世界的第二条格言。这句让我深有共鸣：我们关心许多我们并不特别喜欢的人。我就关心着许多我并不特别喜欢的人。

Okay. So now we go into aphorism number two about the social world. This one rang deep for me. We care for many people we don't particularly care for. I care for so many people I don't particularly care for.

这就是那种你读着读着就会点头认同的情况。因为我觉得人们很困惑，比如：为什么这个人会出现在我的生活中

And that's one thing where just reading it, you're like, yeah. Because I think people are confused. Like, why is this person in my life

如果我真的不喜欢和他们相处，或者我们没有任何共同点，或者，你知道，我们之间仅剩的只有童年回忆。但现实是，我们会关心很多我们并不特别喜欢的人。

if I don't really enjoy their company or we don't have anything in common or, you know, all we have is our childhood. And it's like, but we care for many people we don't particularly care for.

是啊。我现在深有感触，因为我刚在耶鲁教的幸福课进行了期中考试。哦，学生们考得一塌糊涂。我既有点恼火又对他们很生气。

Yeah. I'm feeling this right now because we just had a midterm for my happiness class that I teach at Yale. Oh. And the students totally bomb the midterm. And I'm kind of both annoyed and mad at them.

比如，你们为什么不复习？为什么没掌握？唉。但同时我又希望他们能学到东西。我会花大力气去帮助他们。

Like, why didn't you study? Why didn't you get it? Oh. But also, like, I want them to learn. I'm gonna put lots of effort into kind of helping them.

我觉得这种情形在我们许多照顾者角色中太常见了。我认为教师某种程度上也是照顾者。但你知道，当我们照顾老人时，你可能在照顾一个痴呆严重的父母。你们甚至无法交流或产生共鸣，他们连你是谁都不知道，但你依然照顾着他们。

And I feel like this happens so much in so many of our caregiving roles. I think of teachers being partly a caregiver. But, you know, when we're doing elder care, you might be caring for a parent who has such dementia. You don't even connect with them or relate to them. They don't even know who you are, but you care for them.

嗯。你的孩子可能让你极其沮丧、气得发疯。那一刻你并不想照顾他们，但事实上你确实...嗯...在照顾他们。所以我认为当

Mhmm. You know, your kids can be incredibly frustrating and drive you crazy. You're not caring for them in that moment, yet you are Mhmm. Caring for them. So And I think when

当你用非常简洁的方式表达时，反而能容纳更多解读空间，因为说得越少，能填充的内容就越多。

you say something in a really concise way, it kind of allows more interpretation because less is spelled out, more can be put in.

是的。这个例子让我意识到，之所以会感到沮丧，之所以为投入时间而如此烦恼，是因为我在乎他们。这几乎让我，像是深吸一口气后明白，哦，那是因为我爱我的学生。是因为我爱这些我为之付出时间的人们。

Yeah. And I think with this one, it reminds me that the frustration, the fact that I'm feeling so upset about kind of putting the time in is because I care for them. It almost let me, like, take a breath back of like, oh, it's because I love my students. It's because I love these people that I'm putting time into.

没错。你如此恼火的原因正是因为你确实在乎他们。

So Right. The reason you're so annoyed is because you do care for them.

对。好吧。这就是社交世界。我收集了很多关于自我对话策略的箴言，不知道你是否也这么认为，但我是这么理解的

Yeah. Okay. That's the social world. I had a bunch that I loved that were basically aphorisms about self talk strategies. I don't know if you think of them that way, but that's how I thought

关于... 我很想听听

about So I'm intrigued to hear

具体是什么。那么第三点，反复预演灾难并不能保护我们免受其害。

what that is. So number three, repeatedly rehearsing disaster doesn't protect us from it.

确实。

Yes.

这一点我需要听到，因为我就是个总在脑海里反复预演灾难的人。我很好奇你有哪些最喜欢的策略，能在萌芽阶段就扼杀这种对糟糕事情的预演。

This one was one that I needed to hear because I am someone who repeatedly rehearses disaster a lot inside my head. I'm curious some of your favorite strategies to nip that rehearsing of terrible things in the bud.

我喜欢做的事情之一就是列清单，因为我觉得自己反复思考的部分原因在于大脑不断提醒：别忘了，别忘了，别忘了。一旦写下来，我就会觉得，好了。

One of the things I like to do is to make a list because I feel like part of why I ruminate is just my brain is like, don't forget. Don't forget. Don't forget. Don't forget. And if I write it down, then I'm like, okay.

它已经被记录在某个地方，这样我的大脑就可以放下它。然后我会开始想，最坏的情况会怎样？比如，最坏的情况可能是我错过了航班。好吧，然后会发生什么？

It's memorialized somewhere, and so my brain can let go of it. Then I do that whole thing about like, well, what's the worst that can happen? You're like, the worst that could happen is, like, I missed my flight. Okay. Then what would happen?

嗯，我在丹佛机场。这里有很多飞往东海岸的航班。所以，情况不会太糟。我没有带着小孩旅行，所以可能更糟。而且，我也提醒自己，有时候我们会陷入一种迷信，认为如果我们真的反复排练某件事，就能抵消它。

Well, I'm in the Denver Airport. There's a lot of flights to the East Coast. Like, it wouldn't be that bad. I'm not traveling with a toddler, so it could be worse. And, also, just reminding myself that I think sometimes we fall into this kind of superstitious belief that if we really rehearse something, we kind of will offset it.

这有点像保护性的魔法，但事实并非如此。我的意思是，为某事做好准备是一回事。比如，我住在洛杉矶，我会准备好应急包。但如果我只是在脑海里一遍又一遍地重复，那其实没有任何作用。

It's sort of protective magic, and that just isn't the case. I mean, it's one thing to be prepared for something. Like, I live in Los Angeles. I'm gonna have my go bag ready. But if I'm just constantly going over and over at my mind, then that's that's not doing anything.

我并没有在施展什么保护性的魔法。

There is no protective magic that I'm invoking.

是的。我最喜欢与学生分享的一项研究是我的前同事苏珊·诺兰·赫克森的研究，她有一项研究观察学生的反复思考程度，通过让他们要么反复思考，要么不让他们思考。比如，要么让他们多想想这个问题，要么给他们一个策略，每当开始反复思考时就做点别的事情分散注意力。对吧？是的。

Yeah. One of my favorite studies to share with my students is by my former colleague, Susan Nolan Huxemaugh, and she has this study where she looks at the level of rumination that students go through either by kind of telling them to ruminate or just saying not to ruminate. It's like, think a lot about this or give yourself a strategy that whenever you start to ruminate, you do something else distract yourself. Right? Yeah.

她的发现是，那些被要求反复思考的学生实际上在这个问题上表现得更差。他们想得越多，就越焦虑，但这并没有真正帮助他们解决问题。当他们只是分散注意力，不去想这件让他们感到害怕的事情时，他们反而表现得更好。

And what she finds is that the students in the rumination condition, they wound up actually performing worse on this problem. So the more they thought about it, the more anxious they got, But, like, it didn't actually help them solve the problem at all. They were better off when they just kind of distracted themselves from this thing that felt so scary.

对。

Right.

所以它并不能保护我们免受其影响。

So it doesn't protect us from it.

还有一种方法是安排特定的时间去担忧，比如你告诉自己，明天下午三点到三点半我会专门为这件事担心。除此之外的时间，我就不去想了。这种方法有时也有效。

Then there's also scheduling time to worry where you you're like, I'm gonna worry about this from three to 03:30 tomorrow afternoon. And other than that, I'm not gonna worry about it. That can work too sometimes.

好的。现在来谈谈自我对话策略和第四条格言：'现在的某一天终将成为很久以前'。

Okay. Now getting to self talk strategy and aphorism number four. One day now will be a long time ago.

是的。

Yes.

这句话从两个方面触动了我。一是它让我想起了与同事伊桑·克罗斯讨论过的'远距离自我对话'策略，即你把自己投射到未来——十年后、五年后回看这件事，感觉就不会那么糟糕了。

This hit me in two ways. One is it really brought up all the strategies that I talked with my colleague Ethan Cross about his idea of what's called distant self talk, that you sort of, you know, project yourself into the future. What's this gonna feel like ten years from now? What's this gonna feel like five years from now? It's just not gonna feel that bad.

嗯。但我喜欢这个策略的第二个原因恰恰相反——'现在的某一天终将成为很久以前'，所以你要趁现在还在的时候好好珍惜当下。

Mhmm. But a second reason I love this strategy is sort of the reverse. Like, one day, now will be a long time ago. So you better appreciate the now now Yeah. While you got it.

对吧？你必须品味当下，留意正在发生的事情，因为这一切转瞬即逝，很快就会消失。没错，两者都是事实。

Right? You have to savor the moment and notice what's going on because, like, it's fleeting. It's going away really soon. Exactly. Both are true.

你既要享受现有的一切，也要记住可以调整看待事物的角度。好了，这是第四点。现在来到第五点——这一点简直击中了我的认知科学灵魂，因为有太多相关研究了。

You wanna relish what there is, but then also remember that you can put things in perspective. Okay. That was number four. Now we get to number five. This one was, like, really hit me in the, like, cognitive science soul because there's so many studies on this.

太喜欢这条了：通过改变措辞，我们就能改变视角。

Love this one. It is by changing our words, we can change our perspective.

没错，说得太好了！我是重构思维的超级粉丝。这影响之大简直离谱——我以前总觉得客观事实就是事实，你不可能仅通过描述方式改变现实。

Yes. So good. I'm a huge fan of reframing. It is bananas how much it matters because I used to think, like, the situation is a situation. And, like, you kind of can't change the situation just by the way that you talk about it.

但实际上最让我震惊的是...举个经典例子：你是必须做这件事，还是有机会做这件事？

But in fact, it's wild to me how much a chain I mean, the classic example is do you have to do it or do you get to do it?

对。

Yes.

这个差别可大了。你是弹钢琴还是练钢琴？嗯。你是参加社交活动还是拓展人脉？有无数方式可以重构事物，彻底改变你对它的态度。

That's huge. Do you play piano or practice piano? Mhmm. Do you have social time, or do you network? There are so many ways where you can reframe something and really change your attitude toward it.

我记得我女儿还小的时候，新生儿需要频繁去看儿科医生。我向丈夫抱怨说，天啊，这么多预约看诊真是麻烦透顶。碰巧我公婆就住在我们附近。

I remember when my daughter was young, and when you have a newborn, you have to go to the pediatrician all the time. And I was complaining to my husband, oh my god. You get all these doctor's appointments. It's such a hassle. By chance, my in laws live right around the corner from us.

真的就是拐个弯的距离，连马路都不用过。他说，要不叫我妈帮忙吧，她肯定愿意。我当时反应是，噢，绝对不行。

I mean, right around the corner. You do not even cross the street. He goes, oh, you know, call my mother. I bet she'd do it. And I was like, oh, no way.

我必须亲自来做这件事。我本想抱怨，但当有人说你不用做时，我却立刻拒绝——不行，绝对不行。

I wanna be the one to do it. So I wanted to complain about it, but the minute somebody said, oh, you don't have to do it, was like, no. No. No. No.

不，我要自己做。这件事让我明白重新定义问题可以多么迅速。

No. I want to do it. And it just showed me how how quickly you can reframe something.

我也深有感触，语言的力量和表达方式能彻底改变认知。比如有研究表明，用弹钢琴举例，说'我会弹钢琴'和'我是钢琴演奏者'，会完全改变你对这件事的自我认同。

I also love it just like how the power of words and the way the words are structured can change our perspective. Like, there's some evidence, for example, that if you say you use the example of playing piano. If you say, oh, yeah. I play piano versus I'm a piano player. Like, it completely changes your own identity about these things.

没错。所以我最近在实践这种表达方式——'我是健康饮食者'，而不是'我在尝试健康饮食'。这意味着我已经成为了这样的人。

Yeah. And so this is one I've been trying to use of, like, I am a healthy eater. Not I'm trying to eat healthy. Like, I am a healthy eater. I've become this thing.

研究显示，当我们用名词定义自己（比如'我是健康饮食者'），而不是动词短语（'我只是吃得健康'），会彻底改变我们与这些行为的关系，重塑我们的习惯。就像作家会做什么？作家就是要写作的。

But, yeah, studies show that when we kind of use a noun to describe ourselves, I am a healthy eater as opposed to, like, this active verb, I just eat healthy, it completely changes our relationship to those behaviors. It completely changes our habits. Right. Like, what does a writer do? A writer writes.

所以你不能成为一个光说不练的作家，成为作家的途径就是通过写作。

So you can't be a writer who, like, actually never writes, and you become a writer by writing.

但有时我们脑海中存在这些身份认同，却很少付诸行动。我知道这是你在习惯书籍中经常探讨的话题。对吧？是的。实际上，将其付诸实践很有帮助。

But sometimes we we have these identities in our head when we don't act on them a lot. I know this is something you talk a lot about in your habit book. Right? Yes. Actually, putting it into practice is helpful.

如果我们能通过像改变用词这样简单的方法来破解这个问题，那既简单又有效。

And if we can hack that with something as simple as changing the word we use, like, that's so easy, so powerful.

完全正确。

Absolutely.

这是第五点。现在来到第六点，自我对话策略：接纳自己，同时对自己有更高期待。

So that was number five. Now we get to number six, self talk strategy. Accept yourself and expect more from yourself.

我花了很长时间才理解这一点。一方面，你了解所有关于自我慈悲和自我接纳的研究，这显然是对的。但另一方面，你也不想固步自封。你要愿意走出舒适区。当我们在成长、学习、改变、让事情变得更好的氛围中生活时，我们会更快乐。

This took me a really long time to understand. Because on the one hand, you know, you know all the research about self compassion and self acceptance, and that's clearly true. But on the other hand, it's also true that you don't wanna be complacent. You wanna be willing to put yourself out of your comfort zone. We're happier when we live in an atmosphere of growth, when we're growing, when we're learning, when we're changing, when we're making things better.

这两者都是对的。你可以接纳自己，同时对自己有更高期待。我们每个人都得决定那条界限在哪里。是的。

And both are true. You can accept yourself and expect more from yourself. And each of us has to decide where that line is. Yeah.

在你的一些书中，我们谈到做真实的格雷琴。我觉得这既关乎接纳自己，也关乎对自己有更高期待。你总想回归到真正属于格雷琴的行为方式。有时这可能意味着放弃那些疯狂的自我提升计划，但有时做真实的自己，或许就意味着拒绝。

In some of your books, we talk about just, like, being Gretchen. And I feel like this is kind of part and parcel about accept yourself, but also expect more of yourself. You kind of wanna get back to what's the authentically Gretchen thing to do. And sometimes that might be giving up whatever, you know, crazy plan you have to try to improve yourself. But sometimes being authentically, you might be, no.

我得稍微再推自己一把。是的。

I gotta, like, nudge myself a little bit further. Yeah.

我觉得有时这很令人沮丧，因为界限真的很难把握，别人也无法替你回答。就像——冥想对我效果不佳时，我该说'这方法不适合我'，还是该坚持下去？

And I think it's frustrating sometimes because it's really hard to know sometimes where the line is, and nobody else can really answer that for you. It's sort of like, okay. Well, meditation hasn't been going that well for me. Should I say, hey. Meditation isn't a tool that works for me, or should I stick with it?

这种问题只有你自己能想明白。认清自我实在太难了，对吧？而我

And kind of only you can figure that out. It's just so hard to know ourselves. Right? And I

认为这正是自我关怀策略能派上用场的地方。研究自我关怀的克里斯汀·聂夫说过，要像对待朋友那样与自己对话。嗯。对我而言，这个策略能帮我很好地把握分寸。

think this is where these self compassion strategies can actually be helpful. You know, Kristen F. Who talks about self compassion talks about talking to yourself like you would a friend. Mhmm. Sometimes for me, that strategy helps me kind of, like, toggle this line pretty well.

就像看到朋友有点懈怠或不够努力时，你可能会说'你有点放纵自己了'然后温和推动；但若他们把自己逼得太紧，你又会说'别太苛责自己'。

Like, if your friend is, like, kind of being a little lazy or not pushing themselves or if they're pushing themselves too hard, you can often see it with a friend of like, nah. I I think you're being a little self indulgent. Let me kind of nudge you versus, like, you are taking on way too much. Like, give yourself some grace. Yeah.

所以这种像对待朋友般观察和对话的方式，至少帮助我在自我接纳与自我期待之间找到了平衡。

And so that idea of seeing yourself and talking to yourself like you would a friend, that, at least for me, helps me get this right balance between accepting myself and expecting more of myself.

有趣的是，我妹妹称我为快乐暴君，因为如果我认为有办法能让你进入那种状态，我通常会非常热切地鼓励你去尝试/强迫你去做。

Well, it's funny. My sister calls me a happiness bully because if I think that there's a way for you to, like, push into that zone, I will often, like, be very enthusiastically encouraging you to do it slash

强迫式鼓励/就是霸凌。不，明白吗？

Bullying slash bullying. No. Know?

还有另一句格言：爱是无条件的，但爱也是有要求的。爱接纳真实的你，同时也期待你做到最好。所以有时候，这些界限确实难以把握，却又至关重要。

And then there's another aphorism, which is love is unconditional, but love is also demanding. Love loves you just as you are, and love expects the best from you. And so sometimes it's like, again, these lines can sometimes be difficult to see, and yet they're very, very important.

我们已经讨论了不少内容，但广告回来后，我们将转向关于如何完成任务和度过艰难时期的格言。在《快乐实验室》节目中，稍后继续。良好的沟通对生活和职场都至关重要。我朋友马特·亚伯拉罕的播客《快速思考，聪明说话》能帮你提升这项技能。

And so we've gone through a bunch already, but when we get back from the break, we're gonna turn to some aphorisms about how to get stuff done and how to get through tough times. In Happiness Lab. We'll be right back. Good communication is essential in life, both personally and professionally. And my friend, Matt Abraham's podcast, think fast, talk smart, can help you do better with that.

每周马特都会与包括我在内的专家对谈，分享基于研究的实用技巧，比如如何深度对话、成为更好的倾听者，以及如何在冲突中清晰表达。本月节目特别推出科技工具创作者迷你系列，教你用工具提升职场沟通与生活质量。若想升级沟通能力，每周二可在任意播客平台收听，更多内容请访问fastersmarter.io。今天我们将解析格雷琴·鲁宾新书《成年人的秘密》中的经典格言。广告前我们讨论了关于快乐与自我对话的语录。

Each week, Matt sits down with experts, including me, to share practical research backed tips to help you learn things like how to connect deeply in conversation, how to be a better listener, and how to communicate clearly through conflict. And this month, think fast, talk smart features a mini series with tech tool creators on how to use their tools to improve your professional communication and your life. So if you're ready to level up your communication game, listen every Tuesday wherever you get podcasts and find additional content to level up your communication at fastersmarter.io. Today, we're breaking down my favorite aphorisms in Gretchen Rubin's new book, Secrets of Adulthood. Before the break, we tackled Gretchen's quotes about happiness and self talk.

现在我们来探讨格雷琴对两个困扰我许久的问题的观察——效率与拖延。好了，说到完成任务。格雷琴的书果然不负期待，用简洁明了的方式教我如何高效行事。书中有三条我特别喜欢的建议。

Now we'll turn to Gretchen's observations about two problems that I struggle with a lot, productivity and procrastination. Okay. Getting stuff done. I would expect nothing less from a Gretchen Rubin book than to tell me how to get stuff done in concise and clear ways. But I had three of them from the book that I really loved.

第一条是：没有落实到实际行动的好意毫无意义。作为快乐专家，这正是我的致命弱点——真正把事情做完。我知道所有该做的事，但付诸实践却异常困难。

The first was good intentions mean nothing unless they inspire practical actions. This is my, like, Achilles' heel when it comes to being a happiness expert is, like, actually getting stuff done. I know all these things that I'm supposed to do, but it's really hard to put those things into action.

就是这样。因为你的善意初衷其实并不重要。我认为有时善意反而会让人精疲力竭、灰心丧气——如果你不断许下承诺却从未付诸实践，这些空想反而会成为负担。而若你压根不考虑这些，反倒能无忧无虑地生活，不会总觉得有未竟之事。所以我觉得关键是要想办法把善意转化为实际行动。

That is it. Because it really doesn't matter what your good intentions are. I think sometimes good intentions can even be draining and discouraging because if you keep making them and then they don't turn into practical actions, then they can kinda weigh you down. Whereas if you never thought about it at all, you would be skipping through your life not feeling like there was something you were leaving undone. So I just feel like it's really helpful to think like, well, I have to figure out a way to turn this into a practical action.

我特别欣赏'实际行动'这个概念，因为它提醒我们：善意若不能激发行动就毫无意义。加入'实际'这个词很有帮助，这意味着行动必须切实可行。你不能说'我三年没运动了，明天就去跑马拉松'，行动必须符合你的现实生活、个人边界条件以及日常习惯。

And I love this idea of practical action because I think it reminds us not just good intention to be nothing unless they inspire action. Throwing that practical word in there, I think, is helpful because it's like, it's gotta be practical. It can't be like, you know, I haven't exercised in the last three years, and then tomorrow, I'm gonna run a marathon. It has to actually fit your real life. It has to fit your boundary conditions and your habits and your lifestyle.

没错。对我而言，这个补充词让这条箴言更打动人心。现在我们来看第八条箴言：不要指望通过'动力'来获得动力。

Yeah. So for me, that extra word really made me much happier with this aphorism. Now we get to aphorism number eight. Okay. Don't expect to be motivated by motivation.

我认为'动力'这个词很容易造成混淆，因为它同时包含'强烈渴望实现目标'和'正在为目标付出努力'两层含义。根据我的观察，人们往往对目标怀有极度渴望，却未采取任何行动。这到底算有动力还是没动力？实在难以界定。

And I think the word motivation is very confusing because motivation conflates the idea that you very much wanna achieve an aim and that you're doing work toward that aim. And in my experience, people are often extraordinarily desirous of an aim. They desperately wanna achieve that aim, and yet they're not doing anything to get themselves towards that aim. So are they motivated or not motivated? I don't know.

不要指望通过'动力'来获得动力。

Don't expect to be motivated by motivation.

是啊，关于'动力'最令人沮丧的是——虽然我们都用这个词，但正如你所说，它的含义实在过于混杂了。

Yeah. I think one of the frustrating things about motivation is that whatever we mean by this word motivation, and I agree with you, there's, too many different parts to it.

确实。

Yeah.

有时候这种感觉就是自然而然的。比如，我对糖分有着强烈的渴望，根本不需要刻意去寻找那些甜腻高脂的食物，对吧？这种渴望的运作方式，与我必须激励自己去完成高强度锻炼、完成工作上的写作项目或是发送几封邮件时的状态完全不同。真希望这两种动力能合二为一。

Sometimes it just comes naturally. Like, I have, like, such a sugar craving, and I don't have to do any work to, like, seek out sweet, fatty food. Right? The way that works, the way that kind of craving works, it's just completely different than the way I have to motivate myself to, like, have a hard workout or get a writing project done at work or, like, send off a few emails. And, like, I wish they were one and the same.

为什么大脑不能让它们变成同一种动力呢？

Why doesn't the brain work to make it one and the same?

这就是为什么我认为'动机'这个词毫无助益。它太模糊了。它会让我们陷入这种矛盾——有时我们想做某件事，但又不是真的想做；或者我们并不真想去做，却又觉得自己应该做。这简直让人困惑至极。

That's why I just don't think motivation is a helpful word. It's too loose. It gets into this whole thing where, like, sometimes we wanna do something, but we don't really wanna do it. Or we don't really wanna do it, but we wanna do it. It just gets very, very confusing.

所以我建议彻底避开这个词。

So I just say stay clear of that word.

或许我们能从第九条格言中获得启示：意志力的最佳用途就是避免需要动用意志力的情境。天啊，这句话简直直击心灵。虽然不清楚出处，但这完全就是亚里士多德的理念——这可是非常古老的智慧了。

And maybe we get a hint about how we can do better from aphorism number nine, which is one of the best uses of willpower is to avoid situations that require willpower. Oh, yes. Oh my gosh. I don't know where this one came from, but this is basically just straight out of Aristotle. Like, this one's really ancient.

亚里士多德认为，拥有意志力的诀窍在于营造根本不需要意志力的环境。你要把情境设置成：唯一合理的选择就是去做你最高价值观里最渴望完成的事。当

Aristotle thought that the way you have willpower is you set up situations that you don't really need it at all. You set up situations so that, basically, your only reasonable course of action is to do the thing that at your very highest value level you wanted to do the most. Well, when

我写《比从前更好的习惯》这本书时，领悟到最深刻的道理就是：一切都应该成为习惯。所有行为都应该自动化运转，这样你就不必调用意志力。就像我也有严重的甜食瘾——听起来你也是——所以我干脆戒掉了糖。

I wrote my book about habits better than before, that's was just the deepest thing, which is, like, everything should be a habit. Everything should be operating on automatic so that you're not deploying your willpower. It's like, I have a strong sweet tooth too. It sounds like you have a big sweet tooth. So I just gave up sugar.

对我来说，直接说‘我不需要糖’更容易。然后问题就变成了：我要吃这个纸杯蛋糕吗？不，因为我不需要糖。我要吃这块免费糖果吗？

It's easier for me to just say, like, I don't need sugar. And then it's like, do I eat this cupcake? No. Because I don't need sugar. Do I eat this piece of free candy?

不，因为我不需要糖。这样我就不需要任何意志力，因为一旦你这样坚持了，甚至不用太久，你的大脑就会自动反应：哦，那不是给我的。然后它就慢慢淡出你的视线。

No. Because I don't need sugar. Then I don't need any willpower because once you've done it for, like, not even that long, your brain is just like, oh, that's not for me. And it just kinda fades into the background.

听起来你的做法其实是再次运用语言——就像我们之前讨论的那样——来设定框架。比如‘我不是吃糖的人’，就这样把它排除在外。嗯。我的策略是环境支持。

So it sounds like your situation there is really, like, using words again as we talked about before to sort of set up. Like, I am not a sugar eater. I just kind of get rid of it. Mhmm. My move is situation support.

比如，当我想避免这类诱惑时，家里根本不放任何糖。

Like, I just don't have any sugar in my house when I'm trying to avoid this sort of thing.

你不需要抵抗冰箱里的冰淇淋，因为冰箱里根本没有冰淇淋。

You don't have to resist the ice cream in the freezer because there's no ice cream in the freezer.

没错。物理环境支持。但我还特别喜欢利用社交环境支持，就是和那些不会硬拉着你去冰淇淋店的人相处，或者和那些用自身行为树立榜样、让这件事变得简单的人交往。这其实就是亚里士多德的观点。

Yes. Yes. Physical situation support. But I also love to use social situation support, right, which is, like, hang out with other people who aren't gonna, like, demand that we go to ice cream shop or, you know, hang out with other people who, by their own behavior, model this and make this easy for me. And that's actually what Aristotle thought of.

他说美德其实来自他人，因为朋友就是你美德的化身。

He said you actually get virtue from other people because your friends are your virtuous selves. You know, it's

就像糖一样的东西。太吵了。脑子里一直想着这些实在太无聊了。我只记得它就像一直在脑海里嗡嗡作响。它就在那里。

just it's something like with sugar. It was so noisy. It was so boring to have that in my head all the time. And I just remember, like, it would just be there buzzing in my mind. It's there.

它在那里。它在那里。然后我就可以决定关掉它。

It's there. It's there. And then I could just decide to turn it off.

这就像是你的超能力，因为我试过很多次想关掉它，但我的大脑就是不听使唤。就是这样。再也做不到。我必须重新调整环境，和能帮助我的人在一起。

That is like your superpower because, like, I've tried to decide many times to shut it off, but my brain just doesn't work. Like, that's it. Never again. I have to, like, restructure my environment and be around people who help.

是的。每个人都得尝试看看什么对自己有效，因为我们都很不同，处理方式也多种多样。

And yeah. Everybody has to kind of experiment to see what works for them because we are all very different, and there's a lot of different ways to approach it.

不过，我能告诉你一个关于意志力格言的谜题吗？我有一个以前的学生Ariella Crystal，她一直在研究人们如何评判策略的后果。她发现一个有趣的现象：尽管我们知道建立这些情境支持有帮助，但人们更喜欢那些展现意志力的人，而不是调整情境的人。比如，如果你说，A人Bob真的不想吃糖，他就决定‘嘿，我再也不吃糖了’，对吧？

Although, can I tell you a puzzle about this willpower aphorism, which is that I have this former student, Ariella Crystal, who's been looking at the consequences of how people judge strategies? And a curious thing that she finds is that even though we know that setting up these situation supports help you, she finds that people like people who exert the willpower rather than set up the situation. So if you tell him, you know, person a, Bob, like, really didn't wanna eat sugar, and he just decided, you know, hey. I'm not gonna eat sugar anymore. Right?

相比之下，Phil决定不再吃糖，他把糖从家里搬走，确保只和不吃糖的朋友一起玩。结果发现参与者更喜欢Bob而不是Phil。他们认为Bob更有道德，是个更坚强的人。所以

Versus, you know, there's Phil who decided he didn't wanna eat sugar anymore, and he moved the sugar out of his house. And he made sure he only hung out with friends that weren't eating sugar. What you find is that participants like Bob better than Phil. They think Bob is more moral, a stronger person. And so

或者他们可能觉得Phil的方式更现实，因此更

Or maybe they think that Phil's way is more realistic and therefore is more

对他们自己来说是一种挑战。有意思。

of a challenge to themselves. Interesting.

是啊。因为如果他们想，我又不是随便哪个能说干就干的鲍勃。所以这显然不能反映我的问题。我是说，很多人开始改善习惯时，周围的人往往不太支持。对吧？

Yeah. Because if they're like, well, I'm not some Bob that can just go off and do it. So, clearly, that doesn't reflect on me. I mean, many people, when they start making their habits better, the people around them are often not very supportive. Right?

因为他们会开始对自己说，也许我也该这么做，但我不想。所以这可能让他们自我感觉更糟。

Because they start saying to themselves, like, maybe I should be doing this, and I don't want to. So it might be that it makes them feel worse about themselves.

好的。现在跳到第10条，关于完成事情的格言。关注行动而非结果。你将其更新为：不要试图学习弹吉他，只需每天弹二十分钟吉他。

Okay. Now jumping to number 10, aphorism about getting stuff done. Focus on actions, not outcomes. You update this to mean, don't try to learn to play the guitar. Just play the guitar for twenty minutes every day.

没错。这很有尤达大师的风格，我记得他有句不同的格言：做或不做，没有尝试一说。对吧。

Yes. This is very Yoda who I think has a different aphorism, which is do or do not. There is no try. Right.

对。因为很多时候人们会说，我想写本畅销小说。但你无法控制某本书是否畅销，对吧？那是别人决定的。

Yeah. Because a lot of times people will say things like, well, I wanna write a best selling novel. Well, you can't control whether something is a bestseller. Right? That's something other people have to do.

你甚至无法控制能否出版小说，但你可以写作。人们往往目标模糊，比如有人说想学意大利语——这可是个非常宏大的目标，对吧？

And you can't even control whether you can publish a novel, but you can write. People tend to have vague outcomes. People say something like, I wanna learn Italian. It's like, that's a major, major aim. Right?

或者从生活中获得更多乐趣。而如果你真正专注于行动，比如每周日晚上看一部经典电影。这就是那种你可以明确判断是否完成的事情，从而增加生活乐趣。

Or get more fun out of life. Whereas if you're really focusing on your action, like, I'm gonna watch a classic movie every Sunday night. That's something where you're like, did you do it? Did you not do it? And that's a way to get more fun out of life.

或者每天练习半小时意大利语。这是可量化的，你能清楚知道自己是否完成，从而获得满足感。这些行动正引领你走向目标，否则那些目标只会显得庞大而模糊。

Or I'm gonna practice my Italian half an hour a day. You can measure it. You know whether you did it or didn't do it so you get a feeling of satisfaction. It's taking you toward your aim. But, otherwise, these aims are just so big and vague.

就像在任何一天，你都无法宣称已完成目标，甚至很难判断自己是否在取得进展。

It's like on any one day, you're not gonna have done it. It's very hard to even know if you're making progress.

是的。这让我想起研究者常说的SMART目标原则。SMART这个缩写代表具体、可衡量、可实现、相关性和时限性。这些行动可以非常具体。

Yeah. It reminds me of what researchers often call these SMART goals. Yes. SMART is this acronym that stands for specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound. The actions can be very specific.

你可以量化完成情况，知道这些是能力范围内的事。还能设定时间限制来明确执行时段。有趣的是，即便最终未达目标，也比完全不行动更接近成功。

You can measure whether you did them or not. You know that you can do them. Yes. You can set a time limit on them so you know exactly when you're supposed to do that specific action. And the interesting thing is, like, even if you don't get to the outcome, you're getting closer to it than if you didn't do the actions in the first place.

正是。你可能永远无法精通意大利语，但足以在意大利餐厅与服务员交流。

Exactly. Because you may never be fluent in Italian, but you're good enough to, like, you know, go to Italy and talk to the waiter.

至少我能点一份奶油甜馅煎饼卷。没错。

I can order a cannoli. Yeah.

所以我认为这就是为什么关注行动比关注结果更好。

So I think that that's why it's better to focus on your actions than on your outcomes.

以上是一些关于如何完成任务的建议。我最喜欢的最后两条格言适用于艰难时刻。首先是第11条：有时为了继续前进，我们需要允许自己停下来。嗯。唉。

And so those were some pieces of advice for getting stuff done. My final two favorite aphorisms are pieces of advice we can use in tough times. Starting with number 11, sometimes to keep going, we need to allow ourselves to stop. Mhmm. Ugh.

这一点，特别是在我自己经历严重倦怠的时期，提醒自己休息的必要性很重要，休息是一种投资。嗯。如此重要，却又如此容易被遗忘。我知道。对吧？

This one, you know, especially in times when I was experiencing lots of burnout myself, reminding myself about the need to rest, that rest is an investment. Mhmm. So so essential, but so so hard to remember. I know. Right?

我喜欢‘停下’这个词。不仅仅是‘有时为了继续前进，我们需要允许自己休息’，而是‘有时为了继续前进，你需要允许自己停下’。不仅仅是休息，而是暂停。是的。

And I like the word stop. Not just sometimes to keep going, we need to allow ourselves to rest. Sometimes to keep going, you need to allow yourself to stop. Not just rest, but pause. Yes.

暂时抽身。对吧？有时候你

Take a step away. Right? Sometimes you

会想，只要我不停地冲冲冲，就能挺过去，结果却越来越疲惫、不堪重负、注意力涣散。我深信良好睡眠的力量。如果要说我信奉什么老生常谈的话，那就是‘好好睡一觉后，一切都会看起来更好’。如果某天特别糟糕，我甚至会晚上7:45就上床，因为我觉得‘我需要结束这一天，明早感觉会好些’。

just think if I just go, go, go, go, go, I will just power through it, and then you just become more and more drained and overwhelmed and unfocused. I'm a big believer in a good night's sleep. I mean, if there is a cliche that I live by, it's everything looks better after a good night's sleep. I'll go to bed at 07:45 if I'm having a really, really bad day because I'm like, I just need this day to be over. I'll feel better in the morning.

即便是这种允许自己停下的方式。

Even that kind of letting yourself stop.

因此，对于艰难时期的最后一条建议，也是我最后的箴言，我真心认为：事物往往在变得井然有序之前会先变得更混乱。是的。自从读到这句箴言后，我已经把它告诉了我生活中四个正在经历不同困境和混乱时刻的人。太真实了。但我们忘记了，事情稍微变糟并不一定意味着它们不会好转。

And so final piece of advice for tough times and my final aphorism, which I really Things often get messier before they get tidier. Yes. I've literally, since I read this aphorism, told this to four different people in my life who are going through various tough times and various moments of untidiness. So true. But we forget that things getting a little bit worse isn't necessarily a sign that they're not gonna get better.

我们不能在设想进步的道路时，就假定它一定会是一条直线。

We just can't think about paths towards progress without assuming it's gonna be in some straight line.

是的。我是说，这句话既在字面上成立，也在隐喻层面成立。字面上，如果你曾尝试清理衣柜就会明白；但隐喻上，如果你试图转行、改变一段关系或类似的事情，很多时候，情况在好转之前会变得非常混乱。

Yeah. I mean, this is one of those that's literally true and also metaphorically true. Because it's literally true if you've ever tried to, like, clean out your closet, but it's also very metaphorically true. If you're trying to do something like switch careers or change a relationship or something, a lot of times, it can get very messy before it gets cleared up.

我认为即使是局部情况也是如此，比如试图度过一段艰难的情绪。对吧？我一直在实践这些方法，我告诉学生们要坐下来接纳自己的情绪。而当你决定这么做时，哇——

I think it's also, like, even locally, like, trying to get through a tough emotion. Right? I've been trying to engage in all these practices. I tell my students about, you know, sitting with and accepting your emotions. And when you decide to do that, wow.

当你与悲伤共处时，感觉是不是很混乱？或者当你真正注意到那种压倒性的情绪时，哇，是不是感觉很混乱？是的。但如果你给自己时间去经历这些，突然间你就会发现自己处于一个更好的状态。确实如此。

Does it feel messy when you're sitting with sadness, or wow. Does it feel messy when you're really noticing that overwhelm? Yeah. But if you give yourself time to do that, then all of a sudden, you wind up in a much better place. Yes.

但整洁就在混乱的另一边。没错。好吧，这些是我最喜欢的12条箴言，希望我的幸福实验室听众们会去查阅这本书的其余部分——

But the tidiness is on the other side. Yep. Well, those are my favorite 12, and I hope my happiness lab listeners will check out the rest of

这本书。对我来说，听到哪些箴言引起了你的共鸣真是太有趣了，尤其是你自己就是一位幸福专家。看到什么吸引了你的目光很有意思。

the book. Well, I this is so fun for me to hear which ones resonated with you, especially since you yourself are such a happiness expert. It's fun to see what caught your eye.

如果有人想了解更多或听你分享更多内容，他们应该去哪里呢？

So if people wanna learn more or they wanna hear more from you, where should they go?

他们可以访问happiercast.com/secrets，那里有关于书籍的各种信息和摘录。你可以看到封面并订购，或者在任何售书的地方购买。

Well, they can go to happiercast.com/secrets, and then there's all kinds of information about the books and excerpts. And you can see the cover and order it if you want, or you can just wherever books are sold.

回顾一下我最喜欢的格雷琴箴言：第一条，幸福并不总是让我们感到快乐。第二条，我们关心许多我们并不特别喜欢的人。第三条，反复预演灾难并不能保护我们免受其害。第四条，现在的某一天终将成为很久以前。第五条，通过改变我们的言辞，我们可以改变我们的视角。

And just to recap my favorite of Gretchen's aphorisms, number one, happiness doesn't always make us feel happy. Number two, we care for many people we don't particularly care for. Number three, repeatedly rehearsing disaster doesn't protect us from it. Number four, one day now will be a long time ago. Number five, by changing our words, we can change our perspective.

第六条，接受自己，同时对自己有更高的期望。第七条，好的意图如果没有激发实际行动就毫无意义。第八条，不要指望被动机所激励。第九条，意志力的最佳用途之一是避免需要意志力的情境。第十条，关注行动，而非结果。

Number six, accept yourself and expect more from yourself. Number seven, good intentions mean nothing unless they inspire practical actions. Number eight, don't expect to be motivated by motivation. Number nine, one of the best uses of willpower is to avoid situations that require willpower. Number 10, focus on actions, not outcomes.

第十一条，有时为了继续前进，我们需要允许自己停下来。最后，第十二条，事情在变得整洁之前往往会先变得更混乱。我希望这些智慧箴言中至少有一条能像触动我一样触动你。但格雷琴给幸福实验室社区带来的智慧不止于此。因为下次，格雷琴将回归分享她播客新系列中关于幸福的一集，其中我们俩会聊到友谊，它们如何演变，如何出错，以及我们如何让它们更健康。

Number 11, sometimes to keep going, we need to allow ourselves to stop. And finally, number 12, things often get messier before they get tidier. I hope at least one of these nuggets of wisdom connected with you as much as they've resonated with me. But that's not the end of the wisdom that Gretchen will be giving the happiness lab community. Because next time, Gretchen will return to share an episode from her podcast's new series on happiness, one in which the two of us chat about friendships, how they evolve, how they go wrong, and what we can do to make them healthier.

所以下次请务必回来参加由我——劳里·桑托斯博士主持的幸福实验室特别友谊圆桌讨论。

So be sure to return for a special friendship roundtable next time on Happiness Lab with me, doctor Laurie Santos.

欢迎来到《解码女性健康》。我是伊丽莎白·波因特博士，纽约市阿德里亚健康研究所女性健康与妇科主任。在本节目中，我将与顶尖研究人员和临床医生交谈，解答你们迫切的问题，并直接为你们带来关于女性健康和中年生活的信息。

Welcome to Decoding Women's Health. I'm Doctor. Elizabeth Pointer, Chair of Women's Health and Gynecology at the Adria Health Institute in New York City. On this show, I'll be talking to top researchers and clinicians, asking them your burning questions and bringing that information about women's health and midlife directly to you.

百分之百的女性都会经历更年期。这对我们的生活质量可能是一场巨大的挑战。但即便这是自然现象，我们为何要默默忍受？

A hundred percent of women go through menopause. It can be such a struggle for our quality of life. But even if it's natural, why should we suffer through it?

人们常讨论的症状包括忘性大。我以前从不会忘事。她们一方面担心自己得了痴呆症，另一方面又在想：我是不是有注意力缺陷多动症？

The types of symptoms that people talk about is forgetting everything. I never used to forget things. They're concerned that one, they have dementia, and the other one is, do I have ADHD?

大麻和大麻素在改善睡眠、减轻疼痛、调节情绪以及提升日常生活质量方面展现出前所未有的潜力。

There is unprecedented promise with regard to cannabis and cannabinoids to sleep better, to have less pain, to have better mood, and also to have better day to day life.

欢迎在任意播客平台收听《解码女性健康》节目，由伊丽莎白·波因特医生主讲。本节目由iHeart出品。

Listen to Decoding Women's Health with Doctor. Elizabeth Poynter wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart podcast.