梅尔·罗宾斯：如何让习惯真正养成！重置习惯与人生的有效秘诀！

如何让习惯真正坚持下来，尤其是对那些反复尝试却屡屡失败的人？唯一能让改变持久的方法可能出乎意料——

How do you make habits stick, especially for people who have tried and failed over and over and over? The only way you make change stick is by it may surprise

你或许会惊讶，我其实并不靠动力。动力都是垃圾。杰米，我经历过。这听起来很蠢，但这确实是个改变游戏规则的方法。

you to hear I am not motivated. Motivation is garbage. Jamie, I go through. This so dumb, but this is literally a game changer.

你开始哭了。是啊。我说，梅尔·罗宾斯在杰米·科恩利的节目上哭了。我们才刚到这里。

You started crying. Yeah. I said, Mel Robbins is crying on the Jamie Curnley, Miss Show. We just got here.

最让我恐惧的是，人生转瞬即逝，而我们却把拥有的时间视为理所当然。我认识的所有长久婚姻的夫妇，都经历过那种婚姻中的至暗时刻，而我认为你在那些时刻的作为决定一切。这三年真的糟透了。我们家庭经历了许多变故，克里斯和我一直在接受大量心理治疗，试图共同摸索人生的新阶段，解决堆积如山的问题。我们在治疗中非常努力地真正理解彼此，直面那些从未谈及的隐痛。

Thing that scares me the most is that our lives go by in just the blink of an and we take for granted the time that we have. I don't know a single couple that's been married for a long time that hasn't had that, like, horrific period in their marriage, and I think what you do in those moments is everything. It's been a really shitty three years. Like, you know, we've gone through a lot of change as a family, and Chris and I have been going through a ton of therapy to try to figure out this new phase of life together and to work through a bunch of stuff that went down. And we have been working so hard in therapy to really truly understand each other, to understand the things that we haven't talked about.

而这意义重大。

And this is huge.

在进入本期节目前，我想邀请你加入这个社群，收听更多访谈和我与嘉宾的一对一对话，帮助你真正相信自己、信任自己，明白你本自具足，从而在追求理想生活时势不可挡。你交往的对象至关重要，因为能量会传染，自我信念亦然。我渴望与你更多相处，特别是当你需要额外灵感时——这正是我创建免费每周通讯的初衷，这也是写给你的情书，每周二早晨直抵你的邮箱。若尚未订阅，请前往jamiekernlimah.com确保你在名单上，就能收到《与杰米的一对一》周刊，准备好重新相信自己吧。如果你厌倦了每日的负面新闻，需要灵感、技巧、工具、快乐与爱注入收件箱，我正是你要找的人。

Before we jump into this episode, I'd love to invite you to join this community to hear more interviews and one on one conversations with me and you to help you truly believe in yourself, trust yourself, and know you are enough so that you can become unstoppable in living your best life. Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox each and every Tuesday morning from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernlimah.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your One on One with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy and love hitting your inbox, I'm your girl.

订阅请访问jamiekernlimah.com或节目简介中的链接。生活中，你无法飞跃至希望与梦想的高度，只会困在自我价值的层面。当你建立自我价值感，整个人生都将改变。这正是我撰写新书《Worthy》的原因：如何相信你本自具足，为你自己改变人生。如果你需要击碎自我怀疑，实现命中注定的成就，《Worthy》正是为你而写。

Subscribe at jamiekernlimah.com or in the link in the show notes. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams, you stay stuck at the level of your self worth. When you build your self worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life for You. If you have some self doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, worthy is for you.

在《Worthy》中，你将学到带来人生蜕变的有效工具与简单步骤：如何摆脱束缚你的枷锁，建立不可动摇的自我关爱，破除导致自我怀疑的谎言，拥抱唤醒价值感的真理，克服限制性信念与冒名顶替综合征，通过相信你值得拥有来实现希望与梦想，还有更多。准备好释放你的伟大潜能，成为命中注定的那个人了吗？想象零自我怀疑与坚定自我价值的人生。现在前往worthybook.com或下方节目简介中的链接获取《Worthy》，还有为你准备的超值赠礼。

In worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self love, unlearn the lies that lead to self doubt, and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness, Overcome limiting beliefs and impostor syndrome. Achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self doubt and unshakable self worth. Get your copy of Worthy plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below.

想象如果你全然相信自己会做什么。是时候通过《Worthy》找到答案了。

Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy.

她的名字是杰米·科恩·利马。每个人生命中都需要一个杰米·科恩·利马。杰米·科恩·利马。杰米，你太鼓舞人心了。杰米·科恩·利马。

Jamie Kern Lima is her name. Everybody needs Jamie Kern Lima in their life. Jamie Kern Lima. Jamie, you're so inspiring. Jamie Kern Lima.

梅尔·罗宾斯声称她能改变你的人生并会教你方法。她主持着全球最受欢迎的播客之一《梅尔·罗宾斯播客》，是《纽约时报》畅销书作家，在Audible平台拥有七本排名第一的有声书，其在线视频点击量达数十亿次。凭借科学验证的工具和引起共鸣的建议，她成为心态、动机和行为改变领域最受尊敬的专家之一，影响了全球194个国家数百万追随者的生活。她与结婚二十六年的丈夫克里斯及三个孩子现居佛蒙特州。

Mel Robbins says you can change your life and she will show you how. Mel has one of the most popular podcasts in the world called the Mel Robbins Podcast. She's a New York Times bestselling author. She has seven number one audio books on Audible, billions of views of her videos online, and is one of the most respected experts in the world of mindset, motivation, and behavior change thanks to her science backed tools and relatable advice that has impacted the lives of millions of people who follow her across 194 countries. She lives in Vermont with her husband of twenty six years, Chris, and their three kids.

她也是我挚友，旅途中的完美室友，睡衣派对的绝佳伙伴，更是我有幸亲耳听过的最棒婚礼歌手。梅尔·罗宾斯，欢迎来到杰米·克恩·利马秀。众人称你为激励女王，你却称动机是垃圾，能解释下吗？

She's also my dear friend, a really great roommate on trips, one of my favorite people to have at slumber parties, and the best wedding singer I've ever had the privilege of hearing in person. Mel Robbins, welcome to the Jamie Kern Lima show. So many people call you the queen of motivation And yet you say motivation is garbage. Can you explain that?

没错，动机就是垃圾。因为它总在需要时缺席。我的核心观点之一就是——别指望事情会容易。你凭什么觉得会想去健身房？

Yeah. Motivation is garbage. And the reason why is it's never there when you need it. Like I think one of my biggest messages don't expect it to be easy. Why are you expecting to feel like going to the gym?

买了套健身服不意味着你就会想去。人们反复犯的错误是把所有时间精力花在计划准备上，却不懂真到行动时根本不会想行动。你坐等那个感觉对、时机完美、灵感迸发的时刻——但它永远不会来。

Like just because you bought a cute outfit to go doesn't mean you're gonna feel like going. And the mistake that I see everyone making over and over and over again is putting all your time and energy into planning for things and getting ready to do things and thinking about things and then not understanding that the moment that it's time to do the thing, you're not gonna feel like doing the thing. And so you're sitting around waiting for that moment to feel ready, to feel like it's perfect, to feel inspired. It's not coming. It's not coming.

想想这个真理多解放：我永远不会想做该做的事，但我依然会做。我不会让当下的不安、情绪或感受，凌驾于成为理想自我所需的行动之上。正因如此，我总向人们展示自己最糟糕的日常——你可能惊讶，其实我毫无动力。但我非常清楚自己要什么，

And just think about how liberating it is if you lived your life with the simple truth that I will never feel like doing the things I need to do, but I'm gonna do them anyway. I am not going to be the kind of person that lets my insecurity or my mood in the moment or how I feel about something right now and all that stuff to override the actions that I need to take in order to become the kind of person that I'd like to become. And, you know, this is one of the reasons why I am constantly showing the worst of what I'm dealing with and the worst of what it's like in day to day life, in my own life to people. Because it may surprise you to hear, I am not motivated. I'm very clear about what I want.

清楚该采取的行动，更清楚十有八九我不想做。我不会像广告里那样精神抖擞跳下床系跑鞋去晨跑。我拖着不想起的身子起床，嘟囔着刷牙，

I'm very clear about the actions I need to take. And I'm very clear that nine times out of 10, I'm not gonna wanna do it. I don't spring out of bed like a chicken and then lace up my running shoes and then go for a run as if it's some sort of commercial. I drag myself out of bed when I don't feel like it. I go into that bathroom, brush my teeth.

抱怨着从地板上捡起健身裤——我甚至提前摊好运动服，因为知道自己根本不想穿。但过去的怯懦自我休想得逞，我不会坐等「感觉对了」才行动。当佛蒙特州南部一月清晨阴雨绵绵才50华氏度时，首先我气恼怎么不下雪，

I gripe and groan the whole way to the closet where I pick out my tights that are laid on the floor. I even lay my exercise clothes out because I know I don't wanna put them on because I don't wanna exercise. But you know what? The insecure past me is not gonna win because I'm not sitting around waiting to feel like this is gonna be a good idea. When I wake up in Southern Vermont and it's 50 degrees and raining on a January morning, first of all, I'm angry it's not snowing.

其次我想出门散步吗？当然不。但我照样去。这就是现在的我与过去的我的区别。

But secondly, do I feel like going outside and taking the walk that I need to take? Of course not. But I do it anyway. And see, that's the difference. That's the difference between the old me and who I am today.

过去的我满是借口：下雨就不去，难道你会融化？别闹了。

Because the old me was full of excuses. Oh, it's raining. I'm not going. What are you gonna melt? Give me a break.

「好想喝杯酒啊」——不，我有正事要干。从前我完全被情绪支配。此刻听着的你，这正是你的症结所在——你清楚该做什么。

Oh, I'd rather I feel like having a glass of wine. No, I got stuff I need to do. I used to be completely at the whim of my emotions. And right now, as you're listening, that's your problem. You know what you need to do.

你并不想做这件事。而且，你知道，我感到非常沮丧，因为我认为‘动力’这个词就像糖果一样被随意抛掷。人们只是嘴上说说而已。如果你能摒弃‘总有一天你会准备好做这件事’的念头，你现在可能就会去做了。

You do not feel like doing it. And, you know, I get so frustrated because I think that that word motivation is just thrown around like candy. And it's just become like people just pay lip service to it. And if you just flush down the toilet the belief that someday you'll feel ready to do the thing, you'd probably do the thing right now.

那你是怎么做到的，你是怎么坚持做这件事的？你如何让习惯养成？尤其是对于那些反复尝试却屡屡失败的人。

How do you so you do it, you do the thing. How do you make habits stick? Especially for people who have tried and failed over and over and over.

我放弃了习惯会自动形成的信念。我觉得那些21天养成习惯的说法都是胡扯。因为研究显示，习惯的形成时间从9天到237天不等，差异极大。

I give up the belief that it's going to be automatic. Like I think all this twenty one day stuff is horseshit. Because if you and that's not even the research. Like, research is the habit quote becomes something that's a pattern somewhere between like nine days and two hundred and thirty seven days. Habit formation is highly variable.

这取决于具体的习惯和个人。所以我认为，对我来说——这只是我个人的看法——更容易假设这些事永远不会变得自然而然。我更容易假设我永远不会喜欢起床，永远不会像迎接美丽一天的鸣鸟一样，在5:15对闹钟感到欣喜，而这没关系。

It depends on the actual habit, and it depends on the person. And so I think it's easier for me, this is just me personally. I think it's easier to presume that this stuff is never gonna become automatically. I think it's easier to presume that I will never like getting out of bed. I will never greet the alarm at 05:15 like some songbird that is summoning me to a beautiful day and that it's okay.

相反，杰米，我会设置一些技巧和陷阱，让自己更难选择放弃。举个例子：早上醒来时，我的手机在浴室里，闹钟在手机上响着。为什么？因为我不想起床。

And I instead, Jamie, set up tricks and traps to make it easier to not opt out. So I'll give you some examples. When I wake up in the morning, my phone is in the bathroom and the alarm is going off on my phone. Why? Because I don't feel like getting out of bed.

但现在我没有选择，因为我为自己最糟糕的部分设了陷阱。手机在浴室里。要关掉闹钟，我必须起床。这就是让改变持久的一个例子。我不依赖情绪和意志力。

But now I don't have a choice because I set a trap for the worst parts of me. The phone is in the bathroom. To get the alarm off, I have to get out of bed. There's an example of making change stick. I'm not relying on emotion and willpower.

我设了一个陷阱让它发生。当我走进衣帽间时，衣服已经摆好了。为什么？因为这就是所谓的环境触发器。首先，我只是让事情变得更简单了。

I've set a trap to make it happen. When I walk into my closet, my clothes are already laid out. Why? Because that's what's called an environmental trigger. First of I've just made it easier.

我提前完成了一步，现在有了视觉提醒。哦，对了，就是这样。不管你想穿什么，这就是你需要穿的。当我走进厨房，咖啡机正前方——我曾经是那种滚下床后像匍匐前进的士兵一样直奔咖啡机，猛灌咖啡摄入咖啡因的人。

I've taken one step out, and now I've got a visual reminder. Oh, yeah. Here we go. No matter what you feel like putting on, this is what you need to put on. When I get into the kitchen right in front of the coffee maker, I used to be the kind of person that would roll out of bed and I would army crawl my way right to that coffee maker, tap suck that sucker, get the caffeine in.

现在了解了研究后，我会等一两个小时再喝咖啡。所以咖啡机正前方——因为那是我会去的地方——放着已经装满水的水瓶和我需要服用的所有补充剂。为什么？因为这是一个视觉提醒，也是提前完成的一步，这样我就能坚持下去。你看，我认为大多数改变都无法持久。

Now that I understand the research, I don't do that for an hour or two. So what's sitting right in front of the coffee maker, because that's where I will go, is my water bottle already filled up and all of the supplements I need to take. Why? Because it is a visual reminder and it is one step taken so that I can make it stick. And see, I believe that most change doesn't stick.

而我们被灌输了一个童话，认为你可以让改变持久。唯一让改变持久的方法就是去做。如果你接受我提出的前提——某个旧版本的你总会出现在那一刻，而你必须让新改变坚持下去——那么你就不会陷入寻找捷径的陷阱，因为你可以贴满全世界的便利贴，可以把手机放在浴室设置闹钟迫使自己关掉它。但如果你不愿意做困难的事，杰米，如果你不愿意在借口面前逼自己一把，很多人只会拿着手机爬回床上，刷上一个小时。

And we are being sold a fairy tale to think that you can make it stick. The only way you make change stick is by doing it. And if you accept the premise that I am here to offer, that some old version of you is always gonna be right there in the moment, and you are gonna have to make that new change stick, then you're not going to fall into the trap of presuming that there's some short, there's some shortcuts, some this, some that, some other thing because you can put up all the Post it notes in the world. You can put your phone in the bathroom and set the alarm so you have to turn it off. But if you're not willing to do the hard stuff, if you're not willing to push yourself, Jamie, through the excuses, a lot of you will just climb right back in bed with your phone and spend the next hour scrolling.

你们很多人会把咖啡机或水瓶推到一边，泡一杯咖啡。很多人会看到地上的紧身裤，注意到外面很冷，

A lot of you will push that coffee maker to the side or that water bottle to the side and make a cup of coffee. A lot of you will see the tights on the floor and notice that it's cold outside and

然后想，今天就算了，我没心情。

be like, me, not today. I don't feel like it.

好吧。你的生活，你自己选择。只是当你因为不愿意付出努力而得不到想要的东西时，别抱怨。我说过我比你们刻薄多了。杰米会告诉你她相信你，而我会说，证明给我看。

Okay. Your life, you get to choose. Just don't bitch about it when you don't have what you want because you're not willing to do the work. I told you I was a lot meaner than you are. Jamie will tell you she believes in you and I'll be like, prove it.

想知道什么时候习惯最容易养成吗，杰米？当你喜欢它的时候。我可以很快养成每天饭后吃冰淇淋的习惯。我也是。吃吧。是啊，因为我喜欢。

You wanna know when a habit's really easy to make stick, Jamie? When you like it. I could make it a habit real fast of eating ice cream every day after Me too. Have it. Yeah, because I like it.

是的。这是真的。有趣的是，根据他们的研究，不同类型的习惯需要不同的天数才能养成。

Yeah. It's true. That's fascinating about how different types of habits can take different number of days according to their research to stick.

是的，那是一项关于习惯形成的研究，他们试图让饭后散步十分钟成为自动化的习惯。表面上看，这不是一个难养成的习惯，对吧？

Yeah, and that was a research study that was done where they were looking at habit formation and the habit that they were trying to make automatic was the habit of taking a ten minute walk after dinner. So on its face, not a difficult habit, right?

但是

But

在这项研究中，当它变得自动化时，你看研究中对自动化的定义是，你不再对它感到抗拒。就像我对做冰淇淋圣代毫无抗拒。就是超爱那玩意儿，对吧？但在需要举重的日子，我对锻炼有很多抗拒。所以他们研究的是，在你不再抗拒之前，需要重复做某件事多久。

in terms of the research study, when it became automatic, and when you look at the research, what automatic means is that you don't feel resistance to doing it. Like I have zero resistance to making an ice cream sundae. Just freaking love that stuff, right? I have a lot of resistance to exercising on a day that I have to lift weights. And so they're looking at how long in terms of trying to repeat something before you stop dreading it.

另一个非常有趣的点是，我不记得大脑那个部分的名称了，但有很多关于意志力的有趣研究，他们观察你大脑的某个部分。我不记得它的名字了。它位于大脑的左右两侧。但它是当你做不想做的事情时，会增长的那部分大脑。所以我再重复一遍。

And the other thing that's very interesting, I don't remember the name of the part of the brain, but there's a lot of really interesting research around willpower where they look at a part of your brain. And I don't remember the name of it. It's both on the left and right hand side of your brain. But it is the part of the brain that grows when you do something that you don't feel like doing. So I'm gonna say that again.

它是当你做不想做的事情时，会增长的那部分大脑。所以这可能意味着你是一个作家。每次你坐下来强迫自己写作，即使不想写，那部分大脑实际上会增长。当你不想做却还是踏入冷水浴时，那部分大脑会增长。但它只在你做不想做的事情时才会增长。

It's the part of your brain that grows when you do things that you don't feel like doing. So that might mean that you're somebody that is a writer. And every time you sit down and you make yourself write when you don't feel like it, that part of your brain actually grows. When you step in the cold plunge, when you don't feel like it, that part of your brain grows. But it only grows when you're doing things you don't want to do.

最令人着迷的是，这是相当新的研究——前几天我听胡贝尔曼谈到过，但记不清具体名字了。我记得是位女性神经科学家在做相关研究：当观察长寿人群时，发现他们大脑的这个区域更大。因此现在开始认为，这其实与意志力无关，而与生存意志有关。强迫自己克服阻力去尝试新事物，做不情愿的事，突破自我——这些都与长寿精彩的人生息息相关。这很合理，因为人类在每个层面都被设计成需要成长。

And what's fascinating about this, and this is fairly new research, I heard Huberman talking about it the other day, and I can't remember the name. I believe it's a female neuroscientist that's doing the research around this, that when they look at people that live very long lives, that part of the brain is larger. And so they now are starting to believe that it's not really about willpower, it's about the will to live. And forcing yourself through that resistance to try new things, to do things that you don't feel like, to push yourself, that that is tied to you living a long and amazing life. And it makes sense because human beings are designed in every aspect to grow.

如果你向内探索，问自己：我想摆脱自身的哪些局限？有哪些真正想学却一直不敢做的事？今天我能做哪件不想做的事？这种对自我突破的承诺——坚持做困难但能实质性塑造你人格的事。科学表明，这直接影响你的寿命长度。

And if you turn inward and you say to yourself, what are the things that I want to outgrow in myself? What are the things that I really want to learn or that I've been afraid to do? Or what is something that I could do today that I don't feel like doing? That singular commitment to yourself to just push yourself to do something that feels hard, that has a material impact on who you are as a person. And what the science says is it has an impact on how long you live.

关于习惯养成，我想为听众们确认理解是否正确。因为常有人说‘听说养成习惯需要XX天’，却不明白为何自己没成功。你解释的定义很清晰——何时才能达到毫无抗拒的阶段？显然，如果我们想培养真正喜欢的新习惯，比如晨间散步，可能很快就能养成；而对于抵触强烈的事，则需要更长时间。

With habits to stick, I want to make sure I understand this right for everyone listening, because sometimes people go, oh, I heard it takes this long for a habit to stick and then they don't know why it hasn't stuck for them. And the example that you explained about the definition of how, you know, when do you get to that point where there's no more resistance? Right. So it makes perfect sense that if we want a new habit, you know, that we actually like, and let's say we love doing a morning walk. Well, it might stick sooner than something that may take a very long time because you have a lot of resistance toward it.

所以要对自己保持耐心。

So to be patient with yourself.

没错。还有几点要补充——我研究过如何加速‘感觉不再困难’的过程。因为仔细想想，所谓习惯其实是...

Yes. And a couple of things, because I give you the research around how to accelerate the feeling that it's not that hard anymore. Because if you really think about what a habit Okay, tell

详细说说？我们确实有些习惯要改。

me more. Yeah, we've got some habits to break.

要知道我们不是机器人。我认为习惯本质就是重复的行为模式。比如你现在穿裤子时，先伸哪条腿？

Well, you know, we're not robots. Yeah. And I think a lot about habits as just patterns that you repeat. That's what a habit is. And right now you have a habit of, for example, when you pull your pants on, what leg do you put in your pants first?

需要停下来想对吧？为什么？因为你已经自动化了这个模式。现在教孩子穿裤子时很繁琐，因为他们要训练左右脚的肌肉记忆，直到不再需要思考。就像我操作咖啡机时根本不用动脑。

You have to stop and think about it, right? Why? Because you've actually automated that pattern. Now, when you're teaching one of your kids how to do it right now, it's tedious because they're having to train their right or left foot, whatever the pattern ends up being, and the motor pattern of doing that until they learn it so that they don't have to think about it anymore. I don't have to think about operating my coffee machine.

刷牙也无需思考。但去健身房却需要大量心理建设，注意到区别了吗？

I know how to do it without thinking about it. I don't have to think about brushing my teeth. I know how to do it without thinking about it. There's a lot of thinking involved with getting to the gym. Do you notice that?

因为你对它有特定情绪。我从不会对着洗手台说‘今早不想刷牙’，直接就做了。所以请简化对习惯的理解：就是训练身心接受某个行为模式，不再为此耍成年人脾气。

Because you have certain feelings about it. I don't ever roll up to my bathroom counter and go, I don't feel like brushing my teeth this morning. I just do it. And so I want you to really simplify what it means to create a habit. It means that you have trained your mind, body, and spirit that this is a pattern that we do and that you don't throw an adult temper tantrum about doing it.

就是这样。当我们谈论如何让习惯持久时，实际上是在教导身体接受这是我们的日常行为，而不是为此发脾气。我们只需执行。即使今早我有点累，我仍会刷牙，因为这是我的固定模式。这就是我们讨论的核心。

That's it. And so when we're talking about making it stick, what you're actually talking about is teaching your body that this is something that we do and we don't throw temper tantrums around it. We just do it. And even if I'm kind of tired this morning, I'm still gonna brush my teeth because it's a pattern that I do. So that's really what we're talking about.

明白吗？有几件事能让习惯养成更容易。首先，回顾我教过你们的法则：人类只会做他们想做的事。如果你持续抗拒某种新行为模式，就必须思考为何需要这个模式。

Okay? And so there are a couple things that make it easier. First of all, let's go back to some of the rules that I've taught you. Human beings only do the things that they feel like doing. And if you are constantly resisting a new pattern of behavior, you have to look at why do you want this pattern of behavior.

如果去健身房只是出于'应该'，你永远做不到。大量研究表明，目标动机是能否实现目标的基础指标。太多人想着'应该'做某些事，却根本不清楚为何需要。杰米，我每天锻炼的原因不是为了穿泳衣好看，也不是为了特定体重。

If you are trying to get to the gym because you think you should, you never will. There's a lot of research about goals and why you have a goal is one of the foundational indicators of whether or not you will actually achieve it. And too many of you are thinking that you should do certain things, but you don't have a clue why you want it. See, one of the reasons why I exercise every day, Jamie, is not so that I look good in a bathing suit. It is not so that I weigh a certain thing.

我每日坚持锻炼，是因为渴望漫长而充满活力的生命。我知道55岁的当下所为，将决定90岁时能否自己提起登机箱放入飞机行李架，能否在孙辈婚礼上尽情摇摆，决定我在佛蒙特州南部山区能攀登多久——我在乎这些。

The reason why I exercise every single day is because I want to live a very long and a very vibrant life. And I know that what I do right now at 55 will determine most likely whether or not at the age of 90, I can pick up my own carry on suitcase and put it in the overhead bin on an airplane. It will determine whether or not I am the kind of grandparent that can boogie down at a wedding of one of my grandkids. It will determine how long I am able to climb up in the mountains where I live in Southern Vermont. And I care about that.

我也在乎全情投入工作，珍惜生命中的每个人，保持专注、好奇与睿智。我明白抗阻训练、户外散步和健康管理对理想生活的直接影响。当理由足够强大，当下的抗拒感就会减弱。第二步是明确习惯动机——如果你并非真心想减肥，却总幻想比基尼身材，那只是自欺欺人。

And I also care about showing up in the work that I do and showing up with the people that I have in my life and being as present and as focused and as curious and as smart as I possibly can be. And so I understand the direct impact that resistance training and taking a walk outside and taking care of my health will have on the kind of life I want. And that's something that will lower the resistance that you feel because the reason is bigger than the bullshit in the moment. The second thing that you can do is ask yourself once you know why you want the habit. Because again, if you don't really wanna lose weight, like there's a lot of you out there that keep going, oh, I really love to have bikini abs and all this bullshit.

懂吗？我不愿付出努力，说明并非真正渴望。何必自我折磨？我根本不在乎平坦腹肌。

You know? I'm not willing to do the work. So I really don't want it that bad, do I? So why keep torturing myself? I don't give a shit about flat abs.

我毫不在意走路时臀部像煎饼——这不影响我在乎的事物。若你真想要蜜桃臀，就明确目标并付诸行动。第一步：找到对你而言真正重要的理由，必须源自内心渴望而非义务。

I don't give a shit that my my butt looks like a pancake, you know, when I'm walking around. I don't care because that's not gonna impact what I care about. If you really care about having a bubble butt, then get clear about it and prove it. And so step one, figure out why it matters to you. And it's gotta be deeply personal, not a should, it's a want.

第二步自问：如何让这件事更轻松？比如播放喜欢的音乐？有个方法彻底改变了我的锻炼体验——准备好了吗？

Second thing, ask yourself, how do I make this easier? How can I make this easier? Could you play music that you like? Like one thing that made exercise super easy for me. Ready?

每周日晚，杰米，虽然听起来蠢但确实改变游戏规则：我会花半小时规划整周训练。因为我发现，当我穿好运动裤走进家庭健身房时，常因'今天该练什么'而丧失动力。

On Sunday nights, Jamie, I go through so this dumb, but this is literally a game changer. I take the time. It usually takes about a half an hour, believe it or not, to figure out what my workouts are gonna be for the week. Because I started to realize, okay, I was getting my tights on and I was getting myself to our gym at the house. But when I got up there, I'd be like, okay, what am I gonna do?

今天该跑步机训练？跟练视频？还是器械？正是这种犹豫不决消磨了我的积极性。

Should I get on the treadmill today? Should I stream something? Should I jump on this? And it was in the like, what should I do? That I literally lost motivation.

我会在上面瞎忙活。然后刷社交媒体，因为想找点东西直播，但这并没让我轻松多少。所以现在我这样安排：周一做这个，周二做那个，周三做这个，周四带狗去这里。计划好了，这对我很有效。

And I'd futz around up there. And then I'd be looking at social media because I'm trying to find something to stream have not made it easier for me. So now that I'm like, on Monday, I'm doing this. On Tuesday, I'm doing that, on Wednesday, I'm doing this, on Thursday, I'm taking the dogs here. It's planned and that works for me.

便利贴。怎么让它帮你更轻松？任何行为改变中，千万别在脑子里记这些破事。你会忘的。写在便利贴上，贴在你眼前、电脑上，手机设个闹钟。

So Post it notes. How can you make it easier for you? Do not, in any behavior change, do not manage a shit in your head. You will lose. Write it down on a Post it note, stick it in front of your face, on your computer, set an alarm in your phone.

你是忙碌的人类，要处理很多事。这些事不能靠脑子记。你会忘记的。一定会忘记。

You are a busy human being with a lot going on. You cannot manage this stuff in your mind. You will forget. You will forget.

所以听众朋友们，对吧？我们很多人都有目标。但他们已经放弃目标了。而且

So for everyone listening, right? So many of us, we have a goal. They've already given up on their goals. And

我来告诉你原因：你并不真正明白为什么想要它。

it's I'm gonna tell you why. You don't understand why you want it.

第一，明确知道为什么想要。第二，让它变得简单。第三，别用脑子记。千万别用脑子记。

So number one, know why you want it with clarity. Number two, make it easy. Make it easy. And then three, don't manage it in your head. Don't manage it in your head.

第四点很重要——必须庆祝当天的成就。我每次离开健身房都会和镜子击掌。因为能坚持去就是大事。我每天喝八杯水，用那种成人吸管杯，喝完就会说：干得好。

And then number four, and this is huge. You have to celebrate the thing that you did that day. So I don't ever leave the gym without high fiving the mirror. Because the fact that I actually got there is a big deal. I don't ever kind of finish my I drink like eight cups of water a day and I do it in kind of one of those big kind of adult sippy cup water covers.

你需要用击掌鼓励自己前进，因为这点小表扬能形成闭环。深层的科学原理先不说，但你必须记录胜利。否则你会失去动力。要做自己的啦啦队。

When I finish, I'm like, good job. You need to high five your way forward because that little bit of praise seals the cycle. And, you know, we can dig deeper into the science, but really, you gotta count the wins. You have to, otherwise you are not going to continue to feel like you wanna do it. You gotta be your own cheering squad.

我们太依赖别人来庆祝我们的成就了。他们连自己都顾不上庆祝，更别说你了。真正需要庆祝的不是减肥成功或找到工作时，而是每天坚持做讨厌的事——比如我称之为'热辣15分钟'的投简历时间。今天投出一份简历？庆祝它。

Like we put too weight in other people celebrating what we're doing. They can't even celebrate themselves. So they're not gonna celebrate you in most cases. And when you need celebration is not when you lose the weight, it's not when you land the job, it's when every single day you sit down for what I call the hot 15 and you spend fifteen minutes doing the thing you don't wanna do, sending the resume. You got one resume out today, celebrate that.

认真庆祝。因为我知道这有多难。庆祝可以很简单，就说声：干得好。好了，去做别的事吧。当...

Celebrate it for real. Because I know how hard that was. And the celebration can just be like, good job. All right, let's go do something else. When

今天我们走进录音室时，正播放着你女儿肯德尔创作的歌曲。你开始落泪了。是的，我说梅尔·罗宾斯在杰米·克恩利小姐的节目上哭了。梅尔，跟我们聊聊你的家庭、孩子们、丈夫克里斯，以及他们对你生命的重要意义吧。

we walked into the studio today, we had your daughter Kendall's music playing. You started crying. Yeah. I said, Mel Robbins is crying on the Jamie Kerley, Miss Show. We just Tell got me, Mel, about your family, about your kids, about your husband, Chris, and the importance of that in your life.

昨晚我们讨论过时间的话题——关于我们愿意用时间交换什么，以及内心最渴望做的事。我必须分享这个瞬间，当时我拍了张照片。那是你看到女儿发布新歌动态的时刻，能谈谈那个瞬间的感受吗？你的家庭对你意味着什么？

We were talking about, you and I talking about time last night and what we'll trade time for and what we really wanna do most. And I just have to share, I actually took a photo. I'm going to share it with you. I took a photo of the moment, the moment that you saw your daughter's song being released and her posting about it. Can you talk about that moment and just what your family means to you?

嗯...我正试着描述这种表情

Yeah. I I'm trying to, like, describe this look.

本期节目还有更多精彩内容，千万别错过。但首先我想分享这个人生真相：你无法飞跃到期望的高度，只会困在与自我价值匹配的层级。当你重塑自我价值时，整个人生都将改变。

There's so much more coming up in this episode, you are not going to want to miss it. But first, I wanted to share this with you. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self worth. When you build your self worth, you change your entire life.

这正是我创作新书《值得》的原因——教你如何确信自己本自具足，为自我蜕变人生。如果你需要击溃自我怀疑、实现命运召唤，《值得》就是为你而写。书中将传授已验证的工具与简单步骤：如何突破束缚、建立不可动摇的自我认同、破除导致怀疑的谎言、唤醒价值感的真相、克服限制性信念与冒名顶替综合征，通过坚信自己值得来实现梦想。准备好释放你的伟大潜能了吗？

And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life for You. If you have some self doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is for you. In Worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self love, unlearn the lies that lead to self doubt, and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness, Overcome limiting beliefs and impostor syndrome. Achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be?

想象零怀疑与坚定自我价值的人生。立即在worthybook.com获取《值得》及专属赠礼。若你全然相信自己会如何生活？是时候通过《值得》找到答案。人际圈至关重要——能量会传染，信念亦然。

Imagine a life with zero self doubt and unshakable self worth. Get your copy of Worthy plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy. Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self belief.

若你需要额外激励，欢迎订阅我的免费周刊——这是每周二直达邮箱的情书。前往jamiekernlima.com注册即可获得《与杰米独处》周刊，让信念滋养你。厌倦每日负面新闻？让我用灵感、技巧、工具与爱意点亮你的收件箱。订阅请访问jamiekernlimah.com，现在让我们继续这场精彩对话。

And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox each and every Tuesday morning from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernlima.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your One on One with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy, and love hitting your inbox, I'm your girl. Subscribe at jamiekernlimah.com or in the link in the show notes. And now more of this incredible conversation together.

此刻让我最骄傲的不是母亲身份，而是看到女儿肯德尔为发布这首歌追逐梦想时突破的种种障碍。除了与自我的关系外，我生命中最重要的人就是丈夫克里斯。天啊我实在太爱他了，这话听起来可能有点...

I'm just really proud of What I see in this moment is not pride as a mom. I see so much recognition of how much our daughter, Kendall in particular, had to push through to release that song and to go for this dream. And the I, single most important person in my life other than my relationship to myself is my relationship with my husband, Chris. And I I just freaking love him so much. And that sounds so I don't know.

我甚至找不到词汇表达对他的感激。这份感情珍贵在于他始终愿意共同成长。任何长久关系都不容易，我们通过心理咨询努力理解彼此，探讨童年经历如何影响婚姻中的表现。

I don't like, I don't even have the words to describe how grateful I am to have him in my life. And I think the reason why I say that is because he is willing to do the work to grow together. And it hasn't always been easy. It isn't in any relationship, especially those that go the distance. And we have been working so hard in therapy to really truly understand each other, to understand the things that we haven't talked about in terms of how our childhoods have affected us and how it affects the way that we show up in the marriage.

我正经历着...试图找到合适表达方式。我们全家五人正共同迈入人生新阶段：儿子即将上大学；女儿刚完成独自背包环游亚洲五个月的十年梦想——疫情打乱计划后，她毅然辞职实现了它；现在她回家探索下一步。这种共同蜕变的感觉无比美妙。

And I'm experiencing a I'm trying to figure out how to how to say this in a way that might I'm at a really awesome moment with my family because I feel as though all five of us are in this moment where we are stepping into a new version of ourselves. Our son is about to go to college. Our other daughter just traveled through Asia for five months solo as a backpacker, something she had been dreaming of doing for ten years, saving the money. Things got derailed because of the pandemic, and she quit her job and did it. And now I see her back living home and figuring out what's next.

一张白纸。我看到她倾身向前。让我感到无比自豪的是，克里斯和我作为父母坚守一个立场：我们的职责不是复制多个自己，而是全力支持肯德尔、索耶和奥克利成为他们本该成为的人。如今二十四年过去，我们的具体策略比如——参加学校家长会时，我们从不讨论成绩。

A blank slate. And I see her leaning in. And one of the things that I am very, very, very proud of is that Chris and I took a stance as parents that our job was not to create many versions of ourselves. Our jobs as parents were to figure out how to best support Kendall, Sawyer, and Oakley in becoming who they're supposed to become. And now that we're twenty four years into that, and some of the ways that we would do that just in terms of strategies is whenever we go to the school kind of meetings, the parent teacher conferences, talk grades, never talk grades.

我开口问的第一个问题永远是：描述他们作为人的样子。聚焦于——你如何对待他人？如何对待自己？你真正想要什么生活？你在乎什么？

The first question out of my mouth is describe how they are as a human being. And that sort of focus on how do you treat other people? How do you treat yourself? What do you actually want in your life? What do you care about?

你想成为什么样的人？这些特质很难后天培养。我特别骄傲我们建立了一个让每个成员都能独特绽放的家庭。但这么说感觉有点怪，像是在自夸。我们家庭成员间的情感联结深度简直不可思议。

What kind of person do you wanna be? Those sorts of things are hard to teach. And I'm really proud of the fact that we have built a family where everybody is uniquely their own person. But I don't know, mean, it feels weird because I feel like I'm bragging. The level of emotional engagement is just insane with our family.

这很大程度上要归功于克里斯。我丈夫曾走传统职业路线——追逐财富、职位晋升、想超越父亲的成就。但人生偏离了轨道，餐饮生意失败几乎让我们破产，他为此深感羞愧。

And I attribute a lot of it to Chris actually. So my husband, Chris, he had a very traditional career path, chasing wealth, chasing the next job, chasing the corporate ladder, wanting to kind of be as if not more successful than his dad was. And his life didn't turn out that way. The restaurant business did not work out. He nearly bankrupted our family, had a lot of shame about it.

这场变故却给家庭带来了奇迹。孩子们目睹了父母深陷困境，见证了父母角色的彻底互换。他们成长过程中有父亲常伴左右。

And in that happening, there was this miraculous gift that happened for our family. And it was this. Our kids got to witness their parents struggling profoundly. And our kids got to witness a mom and a dad completely reverse roles. And so they grew up with a dad that was home.

事实上克里斯是个极具灵性、充满关怀且脚踏实地的人。他是冥想导师，主持名为「灵魂维度」的男性疗愈营，担任临终关怀顾问。即将完成超个人心理学硕士学业，准备从事迷幻疗法后的心理整合工作。

And the truth is Chris is a deeply spiritual and caring and grounded human being. He's a meditation instructor. He leads men's retreats called Soul Degree. He is a death doula and does, counseling at end of life. And he is about to finish his master's in transpersonal psychology so that he can do integration work with people who are doing the really exciting new psychedelic healing modalities with therapeutic guidance.

他是个沉稳卓越、内心安定的人。这种特质明显体现在三个孩子身上——当我在外像焦虑的疯子般拼命赚钱还债时，是他在家陪伴孩子。我感恩生命中的所有际遇，好坏皆是，杰米，因为终于我们走出了二十年的危机。现在我最看重的是不再错过家庭时光。最让我恐惧的是人生转瞬即逝。

And so he's a very grounded, amazing, just centered human being. And that is evident in all three of our children because he was the one who was home while I was off racing around like an anxiety ridden lunatic trying to make as much money as possible so that I could get us out of debt. And so I feel very grateful for everything that has happened in our lives, good and bad, because I'm finally at a point, Jamie, where I feel like we're through the crisis of the last twenty years. And that the most important thing to me is not missing out on any more of it and being able to be home more. And I think the thing that scares me the most is that our lives go by in just the blink of an eye.

我们总把拥有的时间视为理所当然。有个可怕的「美国时间研究」显示：孩子18岁后，你见到他们的频率会断崖式下跌；到21岁就趋于稳定，余生基本维持这个水平。20到60岁期间，日常相处最多的是同事而非家人伴侣；40岁后，独处时间每年递增。

And we take for granted the time that we have. And there's this really scary study called the American Time Study that shows that from the moment that your kids turn 18, there is a massive drop, like it falls off a cliff in terms of how often you see them. And then by the time they reach 21, it flatlines, and it stays the same for the rest of your life. And from the age of 20 to 60, the people that you see most day to day are the people you work with, not your family, not your partner. And by the time you turn 40, the amount of time that you're gonna be spending alone with yourself increases every single year.

所以我强烈意识到时光飞逝，有时为此煎熬。但我想尽可能多陪伴已成年的孩子们。世上我最爱他们和丈夫。现在正努力戒掉手机，真正做到在场陪伴。

And so I am acutely aware of the amount of time that is passing by, and I sometimes torture myself about it. But I really want to spend as much time with our adult kids as I possibly can. I love them and my husband more than anybody on the planet. And I'm working very hard to keep the phone off me and to be truly present when I am with them.

记得昨天你和克里斯通完电话后的表情——满脸灿烂笑容，带着些许激动。我问怎么了，你说事情好到都不敢大声说出来，对吧。

I remember your face yesterday when you had just gotten off the phone with Chris and you just like had this huge smile on your face and you seemed a little emotional and I asked like what was going on and you had said, you kind of hinted around things are so good that you like don't even wanna say that out loud. Right.

这三年真是糟透了。作为一个家庭，我们经历了许多变故，克里斯和我一直在接受大量心理治疗，试图共同摸索人生的新阶段，并解决餐厅生意失败时我们双双陷入低谷期间积压的种种问题。有趣的是，我认识的所有长期婚姻伴侣都经历过那种婚姻中的至暗时刻。我认为关键就在于你如何应对这些时刻——如果你愿意转向对方，停止抱怨现状，提醒自己记住伴侣的本质；如果对方也愿意直面婚姻关系中最不堪的部分并与之共成长。

It's been a really shitty three years. Like, we've gone through a lot of change as a family and Chris and I have been going through a ton of therapy to try to figure out this new phase of life together and to work through a bunch of stuff that went down as the restaurant business was failing and as we were both spiraling. And it's interesting because I don't know a single couple that's been married for a long time that hasn't had that horrific period in their marriage. And I think what you do in those moments is everything. Because if you're willing to turn toward this person and you're willing to stop complaining about where you're at and remind yourself of the actual heart of the person that you're with, and if they're willing to turn into your relationship in terms of the relationship that results from facing the worst parts of it.

所以我把婚姻看作三个人的关系：你，你的伴侣，而婚姻本身就是第三个人。当你用清醒的眼光审视这段婚姻关系时——当然需要伴侣也愿意这么做——当你愿意直面房间里这个'第三人'（即婚姻关系）最糟糕的部分，这个因双方共同承担现有问题、努力直面婚姻疮疤、学会用新方式经营而重生的'第三人'，将会让你们惊叹于彼此能建立的亲密纽带。

So, like, I think about a marriage as three people. It's you, it's your partner, and the marriage is the third person. And if you look at the marriage with open eyes or the relationship that you're in with open eyes, and again, gotta have a partner that's willing to do this. And you're willing to confront the worst about the third person in the room, which is the marriage. The marriage that results from taking responsibility for what doesn't work based on where you are now as individuals and doing the work to confront the worst parts of your marriage and learn how to show up differently so that that third party, the marriage itself can grow, you will be just blown away by the level of intimacy and connection that you can create.

对某人生气更容易，自以为了解对方更容易，把责任推给对方、困在固有模式里更容易。但请务必记住：你根本不懂自己，不懂你的婚姻伴侣，更不懂当你们敢于直面问题时可能创造的奇迹。

It's easier to be pissed off at somebody. It's easier to think you know somebody. It's easier to blame it on them and to get stuck in these patterns. But boy, oh boy, I want you to consider you have no clue who you are and you have no clue who you're married to and you have no clue what's possible when you're willing to face what's not working. Do

你觉得你爱的是真实的克里斯吗？你能完全看清他的本质吗？

you feel like you love and see Chris for exactly who he is?

我不知道。因为自以为完全了解一个人是种傲慢。关于人类共通的真相是：我们都渴望被看见，渴望付出得到感激，渴望本真的自我被爱。

I don't know. Because I think it is, I think it's arrogant to think you know somebody. I mean, what you need to know about other human beings is true about all human beings. That we all just wanna be seen and we wanna feel appreciated for the things that we're doing. And we wanna feel loved for who we are.

嗯...不是被评判。嗯...如果我预设自己完全了解他，反而会限制他的成长空间。比如我知道他心地善良，

Mhmm. Not judged for who we are. Mhmm. And presuming that I know him doesn't give him the space to really grow. Like, I know he has a kind heart.

我知道他善于思考，会用行动服务他人，是个充满灵性且温柔的人。但我真的知道他在想什么吗？不。

And I know that he is a thinker. And I know that he does acts of service. And I know that he is a very spiritual and kind man. But do I really know what he's thinking? No.

但我知道他此刻的想法——因为他给你写了封信。

I know what he's thinking right now because he wrote a letter for you.

天啊。

Oh, God.

梅尔，他确实写了封信给你，分享他此刻的所思所感。天啊...我想征得你同意后念给你听

He actually wrote a letter for you, Mel, sharing what he's thinking and how he's feeling right now. Oh my God. And I wanted to share it with you and ask if you would be okay reading

读它，当然。哦，我可能无法完全理解。梅尔，尽管你短暂离开，我想让你知道我真的很想你。不是悲伤或孤独的思念，而是一种愉悦、甜蜜的缺席感。

it. Reading it, sure. Oh, I'm not gonna get through this. Mel, despite your quick trip away, I wanted you to know that I really miss you. Not a sad or lonely missing, but a joyful, sweet absence.

如你所知，我最近一直在集中精力尝试感受周围的能量，在房子里，在镇上，或只是穿过树林。我一直在积极尝试感知和感受能量的振动。显然，这很有效，因为我发现自己比以往任何时候都更能感受到你充满活力、快乐、随时投入的能量缺失。昨天经过你空荡荡的办公室时，昨晚在餐桌旁，甚至现在知道你不在我办公室墙的另一侧睡觉时，我都想念它。经过近三十年，我可以真心实意地说，我比以往任何时候都更爱你。

As you know, I have recently been making concentrated and kooky efforts to feel energy around me, in the house, in the town, or just walking through the woods. I've been actively trying to sense and feel energetic vibes. Evidently, it's working because I find myself more present than ever feeling the void of your vibrant, happy, game on energy. I missed it yesterday while passing by your empty office, last night around the dining room table, and even right now knowing you're not sleeping on the other side of my office wall. After almost thirty years, I can truly say with every ounce of my soul, I love you more than ever.

我感谢天上的星星，赐予我们勇敢的心和头脑，让我们能够一起度过所有的龙卷风、洪水和野火般的考验。奇怪的是，这些美丽而艰难的经历让我为我们感到无比自豪。我开始意识到，即使是简单的感恩表达也是一种能量形式。我现在正在为你、与你、围绕你这样做。从心底里，谢谢你。

And I thank the stars above for giving us the courageous hearts and minds we both needed to weather all the tornadoes and floods and wild wildfires that have ripped through our time together. Oddly, these beautiful and difficult experiences are what make me so incredibly proud of us. I'm beginning to realize that even the simple act of channeling gratitude is a form of energy. I'm doing that right now for you, with you, around you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

感谢你成为如此非凡的力量和光明之源，并以你的方式爱我。我迫不及待想在周二见到你。克里斯。

Thank you for being the remarkable source of power and light that you are and for loving me as you do. I can't wait to see you on Tuesday. Chris.

当你读到这些时，你感受到了什么？

When you read that, you feel what?

感觉他谈到了能量，而克里斯是一个非常有条理、安静且内向的人。他一直在尝试更多地表达情感，就像他谈到的这种能量振动。我提到这一点是因为我现在感受到的可能听起来非常古怪和奇怪，但生活中除了你们之间的物理和智力关系外，还有这个完全不同的维度，事物的量子本质。

Feel he talked about energy and Chris is a very methodical and quiet and introverted person. And he has been trying to bring online more kind of emoting and like he talked about it, this energetic vibe. And I raise that because what I'm present to is gonna sound really kooky and weird, but there is the physical life and relationship that you have. There's the intellectual life and relationship that you have. And then there's this entirely different dimension to life, this quantum nature of things.

我想这就是为什么我很难描述我与克里斯和孩子们的关系状态，因为我觉得我们在这个第五维度、这个量子领域中紧密相连，从灵魂到灵魂的层面，我能感受到那条非常真实的无形之线，将我与家人特别是克里斯连接在一起。我现在非常强烈地感受到这一点。就像你在‘找到我’应用中看到家人一样，我感觉坐在这把椅子上，我们都被连接在这个能量场中。

And I guess that's why it's hard for me to describe where I am with Chris and with my kids because I feel that we are bound at this fifth dimension, this quantum realm where from a soul to soul level, I feel that invisible thread that is very real, that connects me to the people in my family and to Chris in particular. And so I'm very present to that right now. Like if you look on your Find Me and you've got your family, I feel like sitting in this chair, there is this entered energetic field that we are all connected to.

这就像是超越性的。梅尔·罗宾斯，请继续。

It's like transcendent. Mel Robbins, go ahead.

如果你不断希望他们改变，你就无法做到这一点。如果你不断抱怨他们是谁，你也无法做到这一点。只有当你给予另一个人完全的自由，让他们成为他们自己或不是他们自己时，你才能做到这一点。

And you can't do that if you're constantly wishing they would change. And you can't do that if you're constantly griping about who they are. And you can't do that until you give another human being the absolute freedom to be exactly who they are and exactly who they aren't.

梅尔·罗宾斯，我爱你。我感激我们的友谊。我感激你这样的朋友，我们走过来时还在笑。你说你是好警察，我是坏警察。我是天使魔鬼，这个那个，我对你在我生命中的存在充满感激。

Mel Robbins, I love you. I am grateful for our friendship. I am grateful for the kind of friend that you are, how you and I were laughing walking over here. You're like, you're good cop, I'm bad cop. I'm an angel devil, this, that, I have so much gratitude and just who you are in my life.

我为你准备了一份特别的礼物，因为每位参加Jamie Kern Lima节目的人都会得到一份特别礼物。我来帮你打开。哇，好的。我想到嘴了。天啊。

I have a special gift for you because everyone who comes on the Jamie Kern Lima show gets a special gift. I'm gonna help Oh you open man. Oh wow, okay. I think of mouth. Oh my God.

这些太棒了。Jamie，我希望...这鞋子太惊艳了。我希望你愿意做的是，我们各自写点什么，比如在鞋底上写，然后交换。所以这是你的尺码。

These are amazing. Jamie, what I'm hoping You're amazing shoes. What I'm hoping you're down for is we each write something, like write along and the sole on each then we switch, and then we switch. So those are your size.

天啊。

Oh my God.

因为我总想保留你写的话。我喜欢它们是因为它们真的让我想起你。所以今天你看到我穿着它们时，我只是在微笑。你说，我喜欢你的鞋子。而我什么都没说。

Because I always wanna have words from you on there. And I love them because they actually remind me of you. So when you saw me wearing them today, I was just kind of smiling. You're like, I like your shoes. And I didn't say anything.

它们真的不可思议。

They're really incredible.

好的。我们暂时交换一下。

Okay. So we'll swap for a minute.

好的。

Okay.

随便写点什么...在你的鞋底上，然后我们再换回来。

And just write whatever's And on your then we'll swap back.

我只需要

I just need

提醒你，我拼写很差。这样反而更好。如果有拼写错误，会让它感觉更特别。

to warn you, I'm terrible at spelling. That'll make it better. Something is misspelled, that'll make it feel even more special.

你值得被爱。是的，我爱你。

You are worthy. Love Yes, I love you.

我明白这意味着什么。创造一个启示。我明白这意味着什么。哦，我爱你。这些太特别了，谢谢你。

I know what this means. Create a revelation. I know what this means. Oh, I love you. These are so special, thank you.

我正在试穿，很合脚。

I'm putting them on, they fit.

希望尺码适合你。

I hope they're your size.

确实合适。勃肯鞋可以退休了。佛蒙特州的人们要迎来新鞋啦。

They sure are. Birkenstocks be gone. There's some new shoes coming to Vermont people.

谢谢，谢谢，太感谢了。

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

我爱你。有件事我想快速对你说。是的。你本不必这样做。我想特别指出，尽管你已经创造了人人梦寐以求的生活，但你的心胸如此宽广，服务他人的使命感如此强烈，以至于你从未停下脚步。

I love you. And the one thing I wanna say to you quickly. Yes. You don't have to do this. And I wanna acknowledge the fact that even though you have created a life that anyone could ever dream of, your heart is so huge and your call to serve is so big that you are not stopping.

你会继续前行，因为你有太多要给予这个世界。能称你为我的朋友，我无比自豪。我爱你。我爱你。谢谢你。

You are going to keep on going because of what you have to give to the world. And I am so proud to call you my friend. I love you. I love you. Thank you.

我还有件事要分享。但在此之前，如果这期节目对你有帮助，我唯一的请求就是请你分享它。分享给生活中可能受益的人，发布到网上或社区里，让那些需要今日节目中话语、工具和教训的人看到。你永远不知道今天分享这期节目会改变谁的命运。非常感谢你今天与我相聚。

I have one more thing to share with you. But before I do, if you got value out of this episode, my only ask is that you please share it. Share it with another person in your life who could benefit from it, post it and share it with others online or in your community who just might need the words and tools and lessons in this episode today. You never know whose life you're meant to change today by sharing this episode. And thank you so much for joining me today.

在你离开前，我想分享几句千真万确的话：此刻真实的你，本就足够且完全值得。你值得拥有最伟大的希望、最狂野的梦想和世上全部无条件的爱。很荣幸邀请你收听《Jamie Kern Lima秀》每期节目。在这里，希望你能以真我前来，在需要处疗愈，在选择处绽放，朝着使命前行，想留多久都可以，因为你属于这里。

And before you go I want to share some words with you that couldn't be more true. You right now exactly as you are, are enough and fully worthy. You're worthy of your greatest hopes, your wildest dreams and all the unconditional love in the world. It's an honor to welcome you to each episode of the Jamie Kern Lima show. Here I hope you'll come as you are and heal where you need and blossom what you choose, Journey towards your calling and stay as long as you'd like because you belong here.

你值得被爱。你被深爱着。你就是爱本身。我爱你，迫不及待想在下期节目与你重逢。这里是《Jamie Kern Lima秀》。

You are worthy. You are loved. You are love. I love you And I cannot wait to join you on the next episode. This is the Jamie Kern Lima Show.

人生中，你无法飞跃到希望与梦想的高度，只会困在自我价值的层级。当你构建自我价值时，整个生命都将改变。这正是我撰写新书《Worthy：如何相信自己本自具足并为你改变人生》的原因。若你亟待破除自我怀疑、实现命运召唤，这本书就是为你而写。在《Worthy》中，你将学到带来蜕变实效的工具与步骤：如何摆脱阻碍你前进的桎梏，建立不可动摇的自我关爱，摒弃导致自我怀疑的谎言，拥抱唤醒价值感的真理。

In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams, you stay stuck at the level of your self worth. When you build your self worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life for You. If you have some self doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, worthy is for you. In worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self love, unlearn the lies that lead to self doubt, and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness.

克服限制性信念与冒名顶替综合征。通过坚信自己配得上它们来实现希望与梦想——还有更多可能。准备好释放你的伟大潜能，成为命中注定的那个人了吗？想象零自我怀疑与坚不可摧自我价值的人生。立即在worthybook.com或下方节目备注链接处获取《Worthy》，还有为你准备的超值感恩赠礼。

Overcome limiting beliefs and impostor syndrome. Achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self doubt and unshakable self worth. Get your copy of Worthy plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below.

试想若你全然相信自己，会如何行动？是时候通过《Worthy》找到答案。你是否深陷消极自我对话的泥潭？活在'我不够好'的持续心理叙事中令人精疲力竭——我深知这点，因我大半生都困于此。

Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy. Do you struggle with negative self talk? Living with a constant mental narrative that you're not good enough is exhausting. I know because I spent most of my life in that habit.

你对自己所说的每一句话都蕴含巨大力量。当你学会掌控自我对话时，人生将彻底改变。为此我特意制作了免费资源《五种克服消极自我对话并建立自爱的方法》——如果这对你有益，这是一份循序渐进的指南，助你战胜消极对话，建立自信，培养不可动摇的自我关爱，从而敢于追梦，在目标之路上永不止步。

The words you say to yourself about yourself are so powerful. And when you learn to take control over your self talk, it's life changing. And I wanted to give you a free resource that I created for you if this is something that could benefit your life. It's called five ways to overcome negative self talk and build self love. And it's a free how to guide to overcome that negative self talk to build confidence and develop unshakable self love so that you can dream big and keep going in the pursuit of your goals.

别再让自我否定的念头阻碍你的进步。是时候重写你的人生剧本——充满自爱、韧性和坚定信念的新篇章。若你已准备好主宰自我叙事，建立不可动摇的自信，赋予自己在追梦路上坚持的力量，请前往jamiekernlima.com/resources免费领取《停止过度思考并学会信任自己》指南，或点击下方节目备注链接。本节目仅供娱乐目的，不作为医生、心理治疗师、专业教练或其他合格专业人士建议的替代品。

Don't let self sabotaging thoughts hinder your progress any longer. It's time to rewrite the script of your life, one filled with self love, resilience and unwavering belief. If you're ready to take charge of your narrative, build unwavering confidence, and empower yourself to persevere on the path to your dreams, you can grab your free guide to stop overthinking and learn to trust yourself at jamiekernlima.com/resources or click the link in the show notes below. This show is presented solely for entertainment purposes only. It's not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, psychotherapist, professional coach or other qualified professional.

希望你喜欢本期对话内容，很感恩与你共赴这段旅程。你知道吗？每期《Jamie Kern Lima秀》都配有专属引导问题，帮助你将节目中的顿悟时刻融入生活。立即在jamiekernlima.com订阅我的免费电子通讯，每周收取这些思考工具。所有节目都经得起时间考验，满载永恒人生智慧——在我们共同踏上构建自我价值、活出极致人生的奇妙旅程时，你随时可以重温错过的往期内容。

I hope you enjoyed this episode and conversation together, and I am so grateful to be on this journey with you. And did you know for every episode of The Jamie Kern Lima Show, there are a set of special prompt questions just for you to help you on your journey of moments and revelations in your own life from each episode. Make sure you join my free email newsletter at jamiekernlimah dot com to get them sent to you each week. And each episode is meant to be evergreen and packed with timeless life lessons so you can go back and listen to past episodes you perhaps haven't heard yet as we are going on this incredible journey of building self worth and living our best lives together.