今年改变你的生活：如何从现状走向你想要的未来

你可以指出，好吧。

You can point out, okay.

让我们做个承诺，这里有个建议。

Let's make a commitment, and here's a suggestion.

我看到这个时刻即将来临。

I see this moment coming up.

你知道，你下个月就要过生日了。

You know, you have a birthday coming up next month.

你即将获得一次重大晋升。

You have this big promotion.

我知道你即将搬进新公寓。

I know you're about to move into a new apartment.

这是做出改变的绝佳时机。

That's a really good time to make this change.

你将迎来一个新的开始。

You're gonna be at a new beginning.

这是做这件事的完美时机。

It's a perfect moment to do it.

你的日历上有哪些值得突出的新开始，能给你带来全新开始的感觉？

What are going to be the fresh starts that stand out on your calendar and then give you that sense of a new beginning?

个性化地找到适合你的那些时刻，以便你能积极拥抱并接受这种动力。

Personalize it and find the right ones so that you can lean into them and and accept that motivation.

我很高兴你在这里。

I am so excited that you're here.

我也对我们的赞助商感到兴奋，所以我想稍作停顿，让他们为你分享几句话。

I also am excited about our sponsors, so I wanna take a quick pause so they can share a few words with you.

坦率地说，现在正是你与生活中正试图做出改变的人分享这段对话的绝佳时机。

And honestly, this is the perfect moment for you to share this conversation with someone in your life who has been trying to make a change.

某个陷入困境的人，某个尚未意识到有这七个隐藏障碍正在阻止他们、阻止你、也阻止我的人。

Somebody who's stuck, somebody who doesn't realize there are these seven hidden barriers that are stopping them and stopping you and stopping me.

我们都值得拥有这些基于证据的工具，以便获得我们想要的东西。

We all deserve these evidence based tools so we can get what we want.

别走开。

And don't go anywhere.

米尔克曼教授将在我们回来后继续揭示并消除这些改变的隐藏障碍。

Professor Milkman is gonna continue to reveal and then remove these hidden barriers to change when we return.

请继续和我在一起。

So stay with me.

欢迎回来。

Welcome back.

我是你们的朋友梅尔·罗宾斯。

It's your friend Mel Robbins.

今天，你和我将与米尔克曼教授一起上课，她是全球顶尖的行为科学家之一。

Today, you and I are in class with professor Katie Milkman, who's one of the top behavioral scientists in the world.

她同时也是沃顿商学院的教授，正在揭示阻碍我们获得想要事物的七大隐藏障碍。

She's also a professor at Wharton School of Business, and she is revealing the seven hidden barriers that are keeping us from getting what we want.

更重要的是，她正在帮助我们消除这些障碍，让我们在今年改变人生。

More importantly, she is removing them so we can change our life this year.

所以，Milkman教授，我们已经谈到了其中一个障碍。

So professor Milkman, we've talked about one of the barriers.

让我们继续下一个。

Let's move on to the next one.

冲动性。

Impulsivity.

这是我最喜欢的一个。

This is one of my favorites.

我认为这是我自身最困扰的问题。

I think this is the one I struggle with the most.

你一定听过‘凡不能杀死你的，都会让你更强大’。

You've heard if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger.

流行文化中有很多说法，认为这是你自己的问题，只需坚持过去就行。

There's a lot in the popular culture suggesting it's your problem and and just work through it.

研究表明，应对冲动性的有效方法是改变你所需做的事情的本质，使其能立即带来满足感。

What research shows is helpful for dealing with impulsivity is just changing the nature of whatever it is you need to do so that it is instantly gratifying.

你能给我举个例子吗？

So Can you give me an example?

可以。

Yes.

嗯。

Yeah.

想象一下你想健身。

So imagine you wanna get in shape.

好。

K.

你可以选择两条路径。

And there are two paths that you could take.

一条路是去健身房，找一种在三十分钟内最高效的运动来燃烧卡路里、让身体更健康。

One path would be go to the gym and look for the most efficient exercise you can do in thirty minutes to burn calories and make your body fitter.

也许是那种极其严苛的登山机。

Maybe it's like the maximally punishing StairMaster.

就是这个。

That's the one.

好的。

Okay.

不过，你还可以考虑另一种策略。

There's another strategy you could think about, though.

当你去健身房时，与其追求效率，不如想想：我在那里最享受什么活动，能让我动起来？

Instead of going for efficiency when you go to the gym, you could think, what am I gonna enjoy most while I'm here that's gonna move my body?

也许你会和朋友一起报名上尊巴课。

And maybe you sign up for a Zumba class with a friend.

我要指出的是，如果你去上尊巴课，可能每消耗一卡路里或达成一个目标的效率略低，但你很喜欢它。

And I wanna note, okay, it's a little less efficient if you go to the Zumba class probably per calorie, per goal you're trying to accomplish, but you like it.

研究表明，我们大多数人认为正确的做法是选择高效的那个路径。

And what research shows is that most of us think the right thing to do is that effective efficient path.

我会去爬楼梯机，但我们错了。

I'm gonna get on the stair master, but we're wrong.

康奈尔大学的凯特琳·伍利和芝加哥大学的艾莱特·菲什博克做了非常出色的研究，证明这是一种错误。

There's really wonderful work by Cornell's Caitlin Woolley and University of Chicago's Islet Fishbox showing that that is a mistake.

当我们转而引导人们以他们享受的方式追求目标时，比如去上尊巴课而不是使用最严苛的登山机，他们突然就开始享受自己的运动，并且坚持得更久，而这正是我们几乎所有目标的核心所在。

When we instead nudge people to pursue their goals in a way they enjoy, like going to the Zumba class instead of getting on the maximally punishing StairMaster, suddenly, they actually start enjoying what they're doing, and they persist longer, which is what almost all of our goals are about.

你不可能在一次锻炼中就塑形成功。

You're not going to get in shape in one workout.

你需要不断回到健身房。

You need to keep coming back to the gym.

你需要持续地做下去。

You need to keep doing it.

因此，找到一种让你长期坚持做想做的事的方式，从而实现你的目标。

And so find a way to make it fun to do the thing that you wanna do in the long term to achieve your goals.

我喜欢称之为玛丽·波平斯效应。

I like to call it the Mary Poppins effect.

玛丽·波平斯说，一勺糖能让药更容易咽下去。

Mary Poppins says a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.

有史以来最棒的保姆。

Greatest nanny of all time.

她这么说不仅对小孩适用，对成年人也一样。

And she's right about that not just for kids, but for adults.

我们需要寻找方法，让那些长期有益的事情在短期内也能带来回报。

We need to be looking for ways to make things that are good for us in the long run, rewarding in the short run.

因为我们有即时偏好，并不意味着无法实现长期目标。

Because we're present biased doesn't mean we can't achieve our long term goals.

我们只需要改变追求目标的方式，让它们在短期内也能带来回报。

We just have to change the way we're pursuing them so they're rewarding in the

在短期内。

short run.

研究表明，如果你能让事情变得有趣且容易，你自身的冲动倾向反而会专注于有趣和容易的事情，而不是因为太难而逃避。

The research shows that if you can make it fun and easy, your own impulsive nature will actually stay focused on the thing that's fun and easy versus avoiding it because you made it too hard.

这是不是一种解释方式？

Is that is that a way to unpack that?

这太美了。

It's beautiful.

听起来显而易见，但几乎所有人对思考方式都持有错误的模型，这简直疯狂，但事实上几乎所有人都有错误的模型。

It sounds so obvious that it's it almost seems crazy that all of us have the wrong mental model, but but almost all of us have the wrong mental model of thinking, no.

不。

No.

不。

No.

不。

No.

如果我做不到困难的事，那就是我有问题。

There's something wrong with me if I can't do hard things.

我只能硬撑过去。

I just have to push through.

但其实，并不是这样。

But actually, no.

你只需要找到一种方法来转化这些困难的事情，顺便说一下，这并不总是可行的，但常常是可能的，而我们的本能并不是尝试改变追求这些目标的方式，使其更具即时满足感。

You just have to find a way to transform the hard thing, which PS, it's not always possible, but it's often possible, and it's not our instinct to try to change the way we pursue these goals so that they are more instantly gratifying.

一旦你教会人们，这才是取得更大成功和更多成就的真正方法，许多美好的事情就会随之发生。

And once you teach people that this is actually the way to be more successful and achieve more, a lot of really good things happen.

现在还有其他与冲动性相关的话题你想聊聊吗？

Are there other ones you wanna talk about right now that are related to impulsivity?

因为，如果你无法找到办法让填写助学金申请变得有趣，而你一直回避，你知道我在说什么吧？

Because, like, if you can't figure out how to make filling out the application for financial aid fun and you keep avoid you know what I'm saying?

因为你被手机分散了注意力，或者被其他事情分散了注意力，你因为存在现时偏见而变得冲动，只想去做那些现在就让人开心的事。

Because you're distracted by your phone or you're distracted by this or you're impulsive because you have this present bias and you wanna move toward a thing that's fun now.

是的。

Yeah.

我最喜欢的一个策略是我自己在生活中使用并持续沿用的方法，后来我还把它变成了一个科学实验。

One of my favorites is a strategy I used in my own life and and continue to use that I then turned into a science experiment.

它始于我们在这里波士顿的时候。

It it started we're here in Boston.

我当时是这里的研究生。

I was a graduate student here.

作为一名一年级研究生，我知道自己需要活动身体。

And as a first year graduate student, I knew I needed to move my body.

我曾经是大学运动员，锻炼对我的心理健康非常重要。

I was a college athlete, and exercise is very important to my mental health.

这对我们的心理健康都很重要，说实话。

It's important to all of our mental health, let's be honest.

但对我来说，作为一名压力巨大的一年级研究生，这一点尤为关键。

But for me, it was, like, particularly critical as a stressed out first year graduate student.

但在上完一整天的课，面前还堆着习题集的情况下，我很难激励自己走出门去面对波士顿的寒冬。

But at the end of a long day of classes with problem sets waiting ahead of me, I found it really hard to motivate myself to go out into the Boston winter.

哦，下午4点的工作休息。

Oh, rest job at 04:00 in

下午。

the afternoon.

没错。

Exactly.

然后去健身房锻炼一下。

And and, like, get to the gym and work out.

所以我真正想做的就是蜷缩在舒适的沙发上。

So what I really wanted to do was just curl up on my cozy couch.

我真的很喜欢阅读。

And I I, like, I was really I I love reading.

对很多人来说，他们会想，比如追剧。

For a lot of people, they'll think, you know, binge watch TV.

我也很喜欢。

I love that too.

那时候我特别迷《哈利·波特》系列小说。

I was really into the Harry Potter novels at that time.

那时它们还算是新书。

They were fairly new.

你知道，我只是想沉浸在小说里，去另一个世界。

You know, I just wanted to sink into fiction and go to another place.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我意识到，如果我能把这两件事结合起来，就会有一个神奇的解决方案在等着我。

And what I realized was that if I could actually combine those two things, there was a magical solution awaiting me.

所以，我给自己定了一条规则。

So, specifically, I set a rule for myself.

除非我去健身房锻炼，否则我不能看《哈利·波特》。

I don't get to enjoy Harry Potter unless I'm at the gym exercising.

事实上，我开始听有声书，这对当时作为研究生、迫切需要运动和动力的我来说，简直是改变人生。

In fact, I started listening to audiobooks, and what happened was sort of life altering for me as a graduate student who really needed to move and have that motivation.

我不再在漫长的一天结束后回家浪费时间，我只想穿上运动服，去了解哈利·波特和伏地魔接下来会发生什么。

Instead of coming home at the end of a long day and wasting time, all I wanted to do was get my workout clothes on and go find out what happened next to Harry Potter and Voldemort.

对吧？

Right?

所以我赶紧去健身房，一边锻炼一边听。

So I hustled over to the gym, and then I'm listening while I'm exercising.

另一个神奇的地方是，这些是互补关系。

The other magical thing is these are complementarities.

这是经济学家用来描述两种事物结合在一起比单独存在更好的术语。

So this is the word economists use to describe two things that are better together than apart.

就像花生酱和果酱。

Like peanut butter and jelly.

它们是互补品。

They're complements.

锻炼和娱乐也是如此，因为你需要分散注意力，以减轻锻炼时的痛苦。

And that's how exercise and entertainment are because you need to be distracted from the pain of that workout.

于是，我甚至没注意到自己在出汗，也没觉得有多难，因为我完全沉浸在所听的内容里。

And so suddenly, I didn't even notice that I was sweating and that it was hard because I was so engaged and engrossed in what I was listening to.

所以我在健身房的时候，时间过得飞快。

So time flies while I'm at the gym.

那天我享受娱乐时，一点负罪感都没有。

I have no guilt associated with indulging in my entertainment that day.

我回到家，完全准备好专心工作了。

I go back to my house, and I'm totally ready to focus on my work.

这简直像魔法一样。

And it was like magic.

于是我决定，嘿。

And so I actually decided, hey.

这对其他人也可能有用，因为这对我而言太棒了。

This could be useful to other people because this is amazing for me.

这真的改变了我的一切。

This is really changing everything.

比如，我的成绩开始变好了。

Like, started getting better grades.

我感觉非常好。

I was feeling great.

一切都感觉如此不同。

Everything felt so different.

于是我对此工具进行了研究，我称之为诱惑捆绑。

So I did research on this tool, which I call temptation bundling

嗯。

K.

就是找一项对你长期目标很重要的琐事，但做起来却觉得是负担。

Which is find some chore that is important to your long run goals, but it feels like a chore when you're doing it.

再找一件你特别喜欢的诱人事物，只允许自己在做琐事时享受这种诱惑。

And find something tempting that you love, and only let yourself enjoy that temptation while you're doing the chore.

我们最初的研究实验是将运动和有声读物结合起来。

So we did our first research experiment on it with exercise and audiobooks, actually.

我们随机分配一些人，让他们只有在健身房锻炼时才能听诱人的有声读物，而另一些人则获得等值的礼品券，可以用来购买有声读物或其他娱乐内容。

We randomly assigned some people to only have access to tempting audiobooks while they were working out at the gym, and other people got an equally valued gift certificate so they could have gone and bought audiobooks or other entertainment.

我们没有向他们透露这个提示，结果发现这使人们的锻炼量增加了56%。哇。

We didn't give them that hint, and we found it helped people exercise 56% more Wow.

如果他们已经开始听有声书，就必须回来去健身房才能知道接下来发生了什么。事实上，我们做过一项研究，仅仅向人们提出这种建议，就能带来持久的锻炼增加。

To have to come back and go to the gym after they'd started listening to an audiobook if they wanted to find out what happened In fact, we did one study where just suggesting this to people led to durable increases in exercise.

我们建议他们这样做。

We suggest they do this.

我们给他们一本免费的有声书，结果几个月后仍能看到持久的益处。

We give them a free audiobook, and we see durable benefits for months later.

所以，这是一组研究。

So that's one set of research.

当我们全家吃晚饭时，我会放音乐。

When we have a family dinner, I put on music.

我喜欢这个做法。

I love that.

到了收拾的时候。

When it's time to clean up.

是的。

Yeah.

因为不是去跳舞和享受乐趣。

Because not out dancing and having fun.

玛丽·波平斯。

Mary Poppins.

玛丽·波平斯。

Mary Poppins.

对吧？

Right?

你还记得吗，也许我太

Do you remember there's maybe I'm too

沉迷于《玛丽·波平斯》了。

into Mary Poppins.

对吧？

Right?

是的。

Yes.

但你知道，他们一边做家务一边唱歌跳舞。

But there's this there's, like you know, they they sing and they dance while they're doing all the chores.

那就是《欢乐满人间》的场景。

That's that's a Mary Poppins scene.

所以这就带有一种乐趣的元素。

So that'd an element of fun.

其他例子，是的。

Other examples Yes.

你在阅读你的作品、学生或研究中，有没有见过真正让听众产生共鸣的例子？

That you've seen in readers of your work or students or the research that, like, really spark something for the person listening?

或者

Or

我喜欢，比如把最喜欢的播客，可能是梅尔·罗宾斯的播客，留到做家务时听。

I like, you know, saving your favorite podcast, probably the Mel Robbins podcast, for when you're doing household chores.

对吧？

Right?

所以现在，打扫浴室或叠衣服不再让人觉得痛苦了。

So now instead of feeling like it's kinda miserable to clean the bathroom or to fold the laundry.

你会期待某件事，让这段时光飞快度过。

Like, there's something you're looking forward to that's gonna make that time fly.

你可以用很多不同的方式来做这件事，这就像‘全新开始’一样，关键在于个人偏好——你需要找到适合自己的方式，找出你的诱惑，那种你渴望但想稍微限制接触的东西，然后把它和你认为重要但可能觉得是苦差事的事情结合起来。

So there's a lot of different ways you can do this, and it's really it's it's another one just like fresh starts where there is a personal taste element to figuring out what's the right one for you, what's your temptation, something you crave that you wanna maybe limit a little bit your access to that you could combine with something that's important to you but might feel like a chore if you didn't have this temptation in the equation.

我喜欢这个说法。

I love that.

你指出的一个我们内心阻碍改变的障碍是拖延。

One of the barriers that you've identified that we have internally to changing is procrastination.

我们该如何克服它呢？

What can we do to overcome that?

这确实很难，但

That's a really hard one, but

这其实和我们之前讨论的冲动性密切相关。

it's really related to what we've been talking about with impulsivity.

拖延对我们所有人来说都是个问题，因为我们希望现在就能感觉良好，所以更愿意把困难的事情推迟到以后。

So procrastination is a a problem for all of us because we want things to feel good right now, and so we'd rather delay until later the thing that is hard.

一个解决方法是把这看作一个有两面性的等式。

One solution is think about this as having two sides, this equation.

也就是说，我可以让做困难的事变得更愉快，或者让不做这件事的代价更大。

Like, I can either make it more enjoyable to do the hard thing, or I can make the penalty of not doing the hard thing greater.

可以把这想象成胡萝卜和大棒。

Think of it carrots and sticks.

好的。

Okay.

到目前为止，我们一直关注的是胡萝卜。

So we've been focused on carrots.

比如，

Like,

让我们换个方式，让事情变得简单些。

let's change Make it easy.

让我们把它和我们喜欢做的事情捆绑在一起。

Let's bundle it with stuff that we like to do.

就像胡萝卜方案。

Like carrot solution.

好的。

Okay.

拖延通常在使用惩罚手段时效果不错。

Procrastination often works pretty well with the stick solution.

我们习惯于让别人用惩罚来督促我们。

We're used to other people helping us with sticks.

让我给你举几个例子。

Let me give you some examples.

你的老板给你设定截止日期，能帮助你完成工作，而不是让报告拖上几个月。

Your boss who gives you a deadline helps you get that work done as opposed to letting the report take months and months.

这是良好的管理方式。

That is good management.

有人说过，不行。

Someone has said, nope.

必须到期。

It has to be due.

我需要在这个日期前拿到。

I need it by this date.

你必须完成它。

You've gotta finish it.

如果做不到，你知道你的绩效考核会有后果。

And if not, you know there's consequences for your performance review.

另一个别人用‘鞭子’帮我们约束自己的例子是，你开车上班时可能想超速。

Another example of someone else helping us and constraining us with a stick would be something like maybe you're tempted to speed on your way to work.

你知道，这会立刻带来满足感。

You know, that would be instantly gratifying.

但你知道， somewhere 有个警察拿着测速摄像头。

But you know that there is a a police officer out there somewhere with a speed camera.

对。

Right.

如果你被抓到，就会收到罚单。

And if you get caught, you're gonna get a ticket.

是的。

Yes.

所以这是有后果的。

So there's a consequence.

这就像是一个鞭子。

There's a stick

明白了。

Got it.

如果你超速的话。

If you speed.

所以这些是来自其他实体的后果，比如你的老板，

So those are consequences that the that other, you know, entities, like your your boss,

无论是你的伴侣、家人还是其他人。

whatever your partner or your family or somebody.

妈妈会生气的。

Mom's gonna be mad.

如果我不这么做，我的伴侣会不高兴的。

My partner's gonna be upset if I don't do this.

好的。

Okay.

明白了。

So got it.

好的。

Okay.

所以我们习惯了这些其他的后果。

So we're used to those other consequences.

是的。

Yes.

我们也可以对自己做同样的事情，这听起来很奇怪，但我们可以给自己施加惩罚。

We can do the same thing to ourselves, which sounds weird, but we can impose sticks on ourselves.

大量研究表明，这种方法非常有效。

And there's a whole lot of research showing this is helpful.

让我给你一个非常具体的例子。

So let me give you an a very concrete example.

好的。

Okay.

这可能是个有点奇怪的开始，但我认为这是最有力的一种。

You can this is a weird one to start with, but I think the most powerful one.

你可以实实在在地押上一笔钱，承诺如果在某个截止日期前未能达成目标，你就愿意 forfeit（ forfeit 意为放弃）这笔钱，并且你可以选择一个裁判来监督你，一旦你未能实现目标，你就得为此付出代价。

You can literally put money on the line that you agree you will forfeit if you fail to achieve a goal by a certain date, and you can choose a referee who will hold you accountable, and you are finding yourself for failure on that goal.

比如说，你真的很想每周冥想三次。

Say, you really wanna meditate three times a week.

这对你来说很重要，但你担心自己会因为其他事情而拖延，迟迟不去做。

It's important to you, but you're worried there's so many other things you're gonna procrastinate on actually doing.

但你有一个伴侣，如果你的目标是早上冥想，他会知道你有没有冥想。

But you have a partner who would know if you meditated because your goal is to do it in the morning.

所以你说，好吧。

So you say, okay.

我要这么做，如果我这周没有冥想三次，我就罚自己10美元。

I'm gonna do this, and I'm gonna find myself $10 if I don't meditate three times this week.

我要你来监督我。

And I want you to hold me accountable.

你请你的伴侣做你的裁判。

You ask your partner to be your referee.

有一些网站，当然也可以非正式地这样做，比如Beeminder和Stick，我与它们没有任何关联，它们允许你押上金钱、选择裁判，并在你未能实现目标时对你进行罚款。

There are websites, and of course, can just do this informally too, like Beeminder and Stick, which I have no affiliation with, that will let you put money on the line, choose a referee, and then fine yourself if you fail to achieve that goal.

结果发现，这是一种极其有效的方式，真的吗？

And it turns out this is an extremely effective way Really?

来推动改变。

To compel change.

我最喜欢的一项关于此的研究是针对最难改变的行为之一——吸烟。

One of my favorite studies on this is with one of the toughest things to change, which is smoking.

有一项令人惊叹的研究。

There's this amazing study.

西北大学的迪恩·卡林是这项研究的主要负责人之一，他们招募了一批吸烟者参加戒烟项目。

Dean Carlin of Northwestern University was one of the leads on this project where they got a bunch of smokers to sign up for a smoking cessation program.

他们将参与者随机分配到不同的组别。

They randomly assigned them to different groups.

其中一些人获得标准的戒烟辅助工具。

Some of them get standard smoking cessation tools.

我们会指导你，告诉你为什么这如此重要，并提供所有常规支持。

We're gonna, you know, coach you and and explain why this is so important and give you all the usual.

另一组人也获得这些支持，同时还拥有一个银行账户，他们可以在未来六个月里往里面存钱，但如果他们在尼古丁或可替宁（吸烟的标志物）的尿检中不合格，这笔钱就会被扣除。

The other group gets that too and access to a bank account they can put money in for the next six months that they know will be taken away from them if they fail a urine test for nicotine or cotinine, which are signals that you're still smoking.

六个月后，如果你未能通过检测，账户里的所有钱都会被没收；但顺便说一句，你根本不需要往这个账户里存任何钱。

So six months down the line, you lose all the money in that bank account, and you don't have to put any money in that bank account, by the way.

对吧？

Right?

你是在为自己设立一种罚款。

You're choosing to build up a fine for yourself.

如果被随机分配拥有该账户，人们吸烟的比率降低了30%。

It reduced the rate at which people were smoking by 30% if they were randomly assigned to have access to that account.

我不是在说使用它。

I'm not talking about using it.

很多人根本没用它。

Plenty of people didn't use it.

仅仅拥有一个能约束自己的机制，就能显著减少吸烟。

Just having a way to find yourself reduced smoking dramatically.

你可以为自己设定未能实现目标的惩罚，这是一种非常有力的达成目标的方式。

You can find yourself for failure to accomplish your goals, and that's a really powerful way to achieve more.

现在，同样的原则可以用更温和的方式来应用。

Now the same principle can be applied with less extreme measures.

所以它并不一定要是金钱上的罚款。

So it doesn't literally have to be a monetary fine.

你可以想想其他方法，为自己设定一些如果不达成目标就会产生的不愉快后果。

You can think of other ways to create some consequence that's undesirable if you don't succeed at your goal.

对吧？

Right?

你可以告诉一个对你很重要的人，你正在努力做这件事，并请他们询问你是否完成了，让你向他们证明。

It can be you just tell somebody who means a lot to you that you're trying to do this thing and to ask you if you've accomplished it and make you prove it to them.

如果你没有达成目标，面对你尊敬的人时，你会感到些许羞愧和失望。

And then you'll have a little shame and disappointment in the face of someone who you respect if you haven't achieved it.

这是一种温和的承诺机制。

That's a soft commitment device.

这是同样的理念。

It's the same idea.

它仍然会带来一些刺痛感。

It's still creating some sting.

另一种承诺机制是简单地增加你不想做之事的难度。

Another form of commitment device is simply to make it harder to do the thing that you don't wanna do.

这就像是施加一种惩罚，比如把所有垃圾食品都从家里清空，来让你难以吃它们。

So it's sort of like a penalty to make it hard to, for instance, eat junk food by taking it all out of your house.

现在，获取垃圾食品的成本，可以说是更高了。

Now it, quote, unquote, costs more to get junk food.

这并不是字面意义上的成本，但以前我只需走到 pantry（食品储藏室）就能轻易拿到，现在却必须强迫自己步行很远去杂货店，或者开车去别处才能买到垃圾食品。

It doesn't literally, but instead of being able to go to my pantry, which is very, very easy, I now have find myself by forcing myself to walk all the way to the grocery store or get in the car and drive somewhere to get the junk food.

这也是一种承诺机制。

So that is a form of commitment device as well.

当你制造摩擦，让事情变得更难做时，这就是应对拖延和冲动的另一种方式。

When you create a friction, you make it harder to do the thing, and that's another way you can tackle procrastination and also impulsivity.

实际上，它们彼此交融，因为它们源于相同的底层心理机制。

Really, there's they they blend together because they come from the same underlying psychology.

我们来谈谈健忘的问题。

Let's talk about forgetfulness.

这真是我生活的噩梦。

This is the bane of my existence.

我承认，我可能曾经用这个当借口或拐杖。

I will own that I probably have used this as an excuse or a crutch.

但我的生活中有太多事情，我本想、也本打算把它们当作优先事项，或者我说我要做，结果却完全忘了。

But there are so many things in my life that I want to and I mean to make a priority or I say I'm going to, and then I just forget.

我们总是很有信心认为自己会记得这些事，因为当我们想到它们时，它们在当下显得很重要。

We have a lot of confidence that we will remember things because they feel important to us in the moment when we're thinking about them.

对吧？

Right?

你晚上躺在床上，心想：哦，我明天 definitely 要做那件事。

You're lying in bed at night, and you're like, oh, I definitely need to do that tomorrow.

这太重要了。

And it's so important.

我当然会记得。

Of course, I'll remember.

但经济学家称之为共情缺口。

But economists call this an empathy gap.

我们不了解明天的自己会是什么样子。

We don't understand who will be tomorrow.

我们不知道那时会是什么感觉。

We don't know what it'll be like.

我们以为，既然现在这件事萦绕心头、刻不容缓，它就永远会是首要任务。

We think, yeah, this will always be top of mind because it's top of mind and burning right now.

但当你醒来时。

But then you wake up.

你知道，你喝着咖啡。

You know, you have your coffee.

你进入了日常的节奏。

You get into the swing of your day.

即使它曾经非常重要，也已经消失了。

And even though it was really important, it's gone.

对吧？

Right?

而且，19世纪还有一项关于记忆衰退的有趣研究。

And and there's this really interesting research from the eighteen hundreds on memory decay.

你知道，几个小时内，你试图记忆的内容就有70%会消失。

You know, within hours, 70% of something you try to memorize is gone.

我们的信息遗忘速度惊人地快。

Like, we just lose information at a shockingly high rate.

那可是19世纪啊。

And that was the eighteen hundreds.

我的意思是，我只能想象，那时

I mean, I can only imagine There

那时甚至还没有社交媒体来分散我们的注意力。

was not even social media distracting us at that point.

米尔克曼教授，我喜欢你所说的，你失败不是因为你不关心。

Well, professor Milkman, I love what you say that you don't fail because you don't care.

你失败是因为你忘记了。

You fail because you forget.

所以我们必须认识到，遗忘是一种障碍，而我们可以做出一些结构性的改变。

So we have to understand that forgetting is a barrier, and then there are structural changes we can make.

它们是什么？

What are they?

其中一个获得了不少关注的，尽管可能有点过时了，就是简单的清单。

So one that's actually gotten a fair amount of attention, though, it's it's maybe a little bit bygone, is simple checklists.

让我们想想外科医生做了什么，使他们更有效率。

Let's just think about what surgeons do that makes them more effective.

他们在手术室里使用清单，以确保不会忘记取出工具，否则这些工具可能会留在你的胸腔里。

They have checklists in operating rooms so they don't forget to, you know, extract the tool that otherwise would end up in your chest cavity.

对吧？

Right?

在那些极其重要的工作中，人们会创建清单和结构。

They're really, really important jobs where people create checklists and structures.

飞行员也有检查清单。

Pilots have checklists.

你的人生中也可以使用检查清单，而且你不应该为此感到羞愧。

You can have checklists in your life as well, and you shouldn't feel bad about it.

它们在提升我们的表现方面极其有效。

They're incredibly effective at improving our performance.

但即使比检查清单更简单一点的，也是制定具体而详细的计划。

But even a step less intense than a checklist is making really concrete and detailed plans.

研究表明，这主要是纽约大学的彼得·戈尔维策的工作成果：当人们制定具体的计划，明确何时、何地以及如何实现目标时，他们更有可能成功达成目标。

One thing that research has shown, and this is mostly work by Peter Golwitzer of NYU, is that people are much more successful at achieving a goal when they make a concrete plan about when they'll do it, where they'll do it, how they'll get there.

我倾向于称它们为基于情境的计划。

And I like to call them queue based plans.

需要有

There needs

基于情境的计划？

to be based plans?

是的。

Yes.

比如一个q。

Like a q.

字母q？

Letter q?

不是。

No.

就像你的舞台排队。

Like like your stage queue.

对吧？

Right?

哦。

Oh.

你得记住排队来念你的台词。

You've gotta remember the queue to say your lines.

好的。

Okay.

明白了。

Gotcha.

队列计划中，我们基于队列要写哪三件事？

Queue play what are the three things we're we're writing on our queue based plan?

所以，理想情况下，首先你需要

So, ideally, first of all, you would need

在你的队列计划中有一个队列。

a queue in your queue based plan.

所以这个队列可以是某个时间点。

So the queue could be at point in time.

比如，你什么时候要做这件事？

Like, when are you gonna do this thing?

但提示可以是别的东西。

But the cue could be something else.

也许你并不确切知道下次什么时候会经过药房去取你需要的药物，或者什么时候才能再次和你女儿通话，因为她只偶尔打一次电话。

Maybe you're not exactly sure when you're next going to pass by the pharmacy and be able to pick up the medication you need to grab or when you're going to have the next opportunity to talk to your daughter who only calls every so often.

所以，触发点可以是：当我女儿打电话来，或者当我经过药房时。

And so the cue can be if my daughter calls or if I walk by the pharmacy.

它不一定要在星期二下午三点整。

It doesn't have to be at 3PM on Tuesday.

因此，触发点是一种提醒，让你知道：这时候就该执行这个行为了。

So the cue is some trigger that you're going to need to remind you, this is when I enact the behavior.

明白了。

Gotcha.

那我什么时候做呢？

So when am I gonna do it?

要么是‘如果发生某事，我就做’，要么就是‘我在这天这时间做’。

It's either if this happens then or here's the time and the date I'm doing it.

没错。

Exactly.

那你打算什么时候做？

So when are you gonna do it?

你打算在哪里做？

Where are you gonna do it?

你打算怎么去？

How are you gonna get there?

非常简单。

Really simple.

把计划安排好。

Get those plans in order.

因为如果没有规划好，如果没有一个能触发的提示，比如，哦，现在是中午了。

Because if it's not planned out, if you don't actually have a cue that will trigger, oh, oh, it's noon.

我说过我会那时候做的。

I said I would do this then.

你就更不可能去执行了。

You're far less likely to follow through.

而我们存储记忆的方式就是通过这些提示。

And the way that we store memory is through these cues.

正是这些提示触发了我们的记忆。

That's what triggers our memory.

所以提示至关重要。

So cues are really critical.

它做的另一件事是，将一种模糊的意图转化为一种明确的承诺。

The other thing that it does is it it creates a commitment that's no longer a vague intention.

哦，没错。

Oh, yeah.

我计划这周某个时候去健身房。

I plan to go to the gym at some point this week.

我计划在某个时候冥想。

I plan to meditate at some point.

现在有了一个具体的时间点，如果你不在那个时间点付诸行动，就是辜负了自己。

Now there's a specific point in time, and you are letting yourself down if you don't follow through at that point in time.

你不能再对自己说，哦，等会儿。

You can no longer convince yourself, oh, later.

是的。

Yes.

等会儿我再做。

Later, I'll get to it.

所以，如果你一再推迟，这就会为你自己建立起一种责任感。

So it's it's creating that accountability for yourself if you push it off further.

这也很重要。

That's also important.

所以会有遗忘。

So there's forgetting.

还有一种责任成分。

There's an accountability component.

而且，当你制定这些计划时，它还能帮助你思考可能遇到的障碍。

And, also, it can help you think through obstacles when you make these plans.

所以我是个家长。

So I'm a parent.

如果我没安排好谁来照顾我九岁的孩子，我就不能去别的地方。

And if I haven't figured out who's gonna be taking care of my nine year old, I can't be at this other place.

对吧？

Right?

如果我没安排好谁来替我参加这个会议，我就不能去别的地方。

If I haven't figured out who's gonna take this meeting for me, I can't be at this other place.

所以，无论可能遇到什么障碍，这个规划过程都能帮助你确保它不会在最后一刻绊住你，让你能提前解决掉。

So so whatever it is that might be an obstacle, this planning process helps you ensure that it doesn't trip you up at the last minute before you can get it out of the way.

这是一个非常简单的工具，当你担心自己会忘记某些重要事项时，随时都可以用在自己的生活中。

And it's a really simple tool you can use in your own life anytime there's something you're worried you might forget that's important to follow through on.

显然，提醒也非常重要。

Obviously, reminders are incredibly important too.

比如，把它记到你的日历里。

Like, put it on your calendar.

给自己未来的自己发一封邮件，在那个时间点提醒你。

Send yourself, your future self, an email that's triggering that time.

但有时候，我们真的无法在正确的时刻拥有这些提醒元素。

So but sometimes, we literally can't have those elements there to remind us too at the right moment.

所以在这些情况下，像我女儿下次打电话时，就是我去做某事的提示，也同样重要。

And so in those cases, the cue like when my daughter next calls, that's when I will do x y z can be important as well.

你知道吗，我坐在这里一直想着，不仅理解这些简单且有科学依据的方法很有帮助——比如我什么时候做、在哪里做、怎么做——它还让我意识到，我经常只是希望事情能自然发生，任其靠运气，而不是制定计划并认真对待它真的会发生。

You know, I just kept sitting here thinking about how not only is it helpful to understand that there are these simple evidence based things you can do, when am I gonna do it, where am I gonna do it, how am I gonna do it, it made me realize how often I am hoping something is gonna happen and I'm leaving it to accident versus making a plan and being serious about it actually happening.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

比如，对我而言，有很多我想改变的事情，但它们总停留在‘也许某天我会去做，等我有空再说’，然后生活的其他事情就占满了时间。

Like, think that there's a lot for me where I have a lot of things that I would like to change, but it sort of lives in the maybe someday it'll be wonderful when I get around to it, and then everything else about life takes over.

而简单的事实是，如果我照镜子，诚实地面对自己，我从未制定过任何计划。

And the simple truth is if I look in the mirror and I'm being honest with myself, I never made a plan.

我甚至从未坐下来好好说：好吧，今年我想多见见朋友。

I never even sat down to say, okay, I wanna see friends more this year.

我什么时候做？

When am I gonna do it?

我在哪里做？

Where am I gonna do it?

我怎么做？

How am I gonna do it?

而不是仅仅把愿望抛向空中，指望它能奇迹般地实现。

Versus just sort of throwing the wish into the air and hoping that somehow it magically ends up happening.

我坐在这里想，梅尔，你真的把生活中一些最重要的事情交给了运气。

I'm just sitting here going, Mel, you just literally left you've left some of the most important things that you want in life to chance.

让其他人参与这个过程也会有帮助。

It can also help to have other people involved in this process.

我们有一项研究，每个人都会报名参加一个与朋友一起增加锻炼频率的项目，但我们随机将他们分配到两种情况：一种是无论朋友是否到场，只要自己去健身房就能获得报酬；另一种是只有自己和朋友都到场时才能获得报酬。

We have this study where everybody signs up for a program to help them exercise more regularly with a friend, but we randomly assign them to either be paid if they go to the gym, whether or not their friend shows up, or only if they and their friend both show up.

哦。

Oh.

所以你和我，是的。

So you and I Yes.

假设我们是朋友。

Say we're friends.

我们是健身伙伴。

We're gym buddies.

我们报名参加了这个项目。

We sign up for this program.

要么我们处于一种情况：无论我们是否一起健身，每个人去健身房都会得到一美元；要么我们处于另一种情况：梅尔，只有你和我一起出现时，我们才能赚到一美元。

Either we could be in the condition where we're each paid a dollar regardless of whether we show up together whenever we go to the gym, or we're in the condition where, Mel, you and I can only earn a dollar if we show up together.

哦。

Oh.

所以这难多了。

So that's much harder.

我们得协调并规划我们的锻炼，顺便说一下。

We have to, like, coordinate and plan our workout, by the way.

结果发现，如果我们处于第二个组，必须协调并一起出现，我们会多去35%。

And it turns out we're gonna go 35% more if we're in that second group where we have to coordinate and we have to show up together.

因为我不想让你失望。

Well, because I'm not gonna let you down.

那就是

That's

对。

right.

我整天都在让自己失望。

Let myself down all day long.

当你制定计划时，有时和别人一起制定会让计划更牢固，因为存在一种问责机制。

When you make a plan, sometimes you can make it stronger when it's with someone else, and there's an accountability element.

而这可能是让计划更有效的原因之一。

And that could be part of what makes the plan better.

顺便说一句，当你和朋友一起追求目标时，也会更有趣。

By the way, it also makes it more fun when you pursue your goals in tandem with a friend.

所以，如果你能的话，不妨再加一点行为科学的‘魔法调料’。

So I would just layer on a little bit of extra magic sauce from behavioral science if you can.

当你制定一个关于定期要做的事情的计划时，有没有办法在计划中加入一些社交元素？

When you're making a plan about something you wanna do regularly, is there also a way you can work something social into your plan?

这样你就能获得责任感、承诺感，还有一点乐趣。

So you have accountability and you have commitment and also a little bit of fun.

因为在那项特定的研究中，共同追求目标之所以更有效，是因为它更有趣，也因为有责任感，当然还有强制性的规划。

Because in that particular study, the tandem goal pursuit ended up being more effective both because it was more fun and because of the accountability, and of course, of the forced planning.

你知道，我需要短暂休息一下。

You know, I need to take a quick break.

我不是说我不喜欢我的赞助商，但我只是想继续深入探讨这些障碍，消除它们，了解这项非常酷的研究。

I don't want to I mean, I love my sponsors, but I just wanna keep digging into these barriers and removing them and learning about this super cool research.

休息一分钟。

Take a minute.

请慷慨支持一下。

Please be generous with this.

请帮助你生活中的人消除这些障碍。

Please help the people in your life remove these barriers.

请帮助他们从这项研究中受益，尤其是当他们让你抓狂的时候。

Please help them benefit from this research, especially if they're driving you crazy.

我的意思是，如果你无法改变他们，米尔克曼教授也许能做到，而他们甚至不需要知道你发送这个的原因正是为了这个。

I mean, if you can't change them, professor Milkman might be able to, and they don't even need to know that's why you sent this to them.

当你支持某人改变生活时，这是一份很好的礼物。

It's a great gift when you support somebody in changing their life.

好了。

Alrighty.

别走开。

Don't go anywhere.

我们回来后还有更多障碍需要消除，所以请继续关注我们。

We have still more barriers to remove when we return, so stay with us.

欢迎回来。

Welcome back.

我非常高兴你们在这里。

I am so excited that you're here.

感谢你们对创造更美好生活感兴趣。

Thank you for being interested in creating a better life for yourself.

米尔克曼教授是不是太棒了？

And isn't professor Milkman just awesome?

尽管我觉得被点名了，但你们可能也觉得被点名了，你知道的，冲动行为。

As much as I feel called out, you probably feel called out too, you know, impulsivity.

你好。

Hello.

我是梅尔·罗宾斯。

It's Mel Robbins.

我太喜欢这个了。

I love this.

我感到充满力量。

I feel empowered.

感谢你们的到来，也感谢Milkman教授。

Thank you for being here, and thank you, professor Milkman.

我觉得今年我会改变我的人生。

I feel like I'm gonna change my life this year.

现在我有了基于证据的工具。

And now I got the evidence based tools.

那我们继续吧。

So let's just jump back in.

我们来谈谈懒惰。

Let's talk about laziness.

这是阻碍你改变的七个内在障碍之一。

This is one of the seven internal barriers to you being able to change.

研究显示了什么？我们可以使用哪些基于证据的策略来克服阻碍我们改变的坏习惯？

What does the research show, and what are some evidence based strategies we can use to overcome bad habits that keep us from changing?

很好。

Great.

好的。

Okay.

所以我们想要最简单的解决方案。

So we want the easiest solution.

我们想要阻力最小的路径。

We want the path of least resistance.

所以第一条建议甚至不需要涉及习惯。

So the first piece of advice we don't even have to get to habits.

第一条建议，我们稍后会谈到习惯，就是让你生活中最容易做的事。

The first piece of advice, we're gonna get to habits in a moment, is just make the easiest thing in your life.

只要可能，就把自动发生的事情变成对你有益的事情。

Make the automatic thing that happens the thing that is good for you whenever you can.

所以，当你打开电脑屏幕时，你打开浏览器。

So, you know, when you open your computer screen, you open your browser.

它是带你去一个你可能不想沉迷的社交媒体网站，还是带你去了解一些有趣的东西？

Does it take you to a social media website that you may not want to get sucked into, or does it take you to learn about something interesting?

它会带你去最新的梅尔·罗宾斯播客吗？

Does it take you to the latest Mel Robbins podcast?

你希望它带你去哪里？

Where do you want it to take you?

主动思考你希望生活中默认设置成什么样子。

Think proactively about what you want the defaults in your life to be.

当你拿到工资时，是否有一部分会自动转入储蓄账户，让你无需任何操作就能实现储蓄？

When you get a paycheck, does a portion of it automatically get transferred over to a savings account so that you have to take no steps whatsoever and saving is happening.

你可以设置哪些默认选项，让偷懒的选择恰好是你喜欢的事情？

What are the defaults that you can set so that the lazy thing to do is something you like?

比如，保持零食柜里有健康食品。

That's, you know, keeping healthy snacks in the pantry.

比如，让健身器材就近摆放。

That's having a workout machine that's nearby.

顺便说一句，你离某个资源越远——无论是你想去锻炼的健身房，还是你想获取医疗服务的健康中心——你去那里做这件事的可能性就越低，因为存在阻力。

The further, by the way, you are from a resource, whether it's a a gym where you wanna go exercise or a health clinic where you wanna get health services, the less likely it is you're gonna show up and do that thing because there's friction.

现在，距离成了你的阻碍。

Now you have distance holding you up.

所以，想想如何在你和你想做的好事之间创造最小的阻力，同时增加做坏事的难度，让它们离你远一点。

So think about how do you create minimal friction between you and the good things you wanna do and maximize the friction, make it far away to do all the things that are bad.

这是利用懒惰的一种方式。

That's one way of taking advantage of laziness.

但懒惰的第二部分是习惯。

The second part of laziness, though, is habit.

K。

K.

习惯是我们依赖的自动行为，因为我们已经形成了习惯回路。

So habits are these automatic behaviors that we fall back on because we've built a habit loop.

如果人们熟悉查尔斯·杜希格的《习惯的力量》或詹姆斯·克利尔的《原子习惯》，这些书很好地普及了习惯回路这个概念。

And if, know, people may be familiar with The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg or Atomic Habits by James Clear, these are great books that I think have done a nice job popularizing this idea of a habit loop.

通常，习惯的形成是因为我们反复处于某种一致的情境中，比如早晨的厨房或晚上的浴室。

Generally, habits form because there's some consistent context we find ourselves in, like, the kitchen in the morning or our bathroom at night.

我们习惯于开启自动驾驶模式并采取行动，比如晚上在浴室刷牙，或者早上在厨房煮一壶咖啡，这些行为都会带来一致的回报。

And and we're used to going on autopilot and taking an action, like brushing my teeth in the bathroom at night or making a pot of coffee in the kitchen in the morning, and it gives a consistent reward.

咖啡让我清醒，这种感觉很好。

The coffee wakes me up, and it that feels good.

或者牙膏让我感到一阵清凉薄荷感，这种感觉也很舒服。

Or the toothpaste makes me feel a little tingly and minty, and that feels good.

所以你需要一个一致的环境，这就是你的提示。

So you need to have a consistent context, which is your cue.

你执行这个行为。

You engage in the behavior.

你获得奖励，然后重复。

You get a reward, and you repeat.

你反复多次进行这个循环。

And you repeat that cycle often enough.

它就会变成一种习惯。

It turns into a habit.

事实上，我们用机器学习做了一些研究，探讨了形成习惯需要多长时间，发现每个人的情况都不同。

And in fact, we did some research with machine learning where we looked like how long does it take for things to be habitual, and we found it's different for every person.

这取决于活动的复杂程度，但并不是。

Depends on how complex the activity is, but it's not.

对于像医院护工洗手这样简单的事情，大约需要几周；而对于像去健身房锻炼这样更复杂的事情，则需要几个月的时间。

It's like order of magnitude weeks for something simple like washing your hands if you're a hospital caregiver, order of magnitude months for something more complicated like exercising at a gym.

所以，如果你正在尝试培养一个好习惯，请对自己有耐心。

So be patient with yourself if you're trying to build a good habit.

但我们希望通过有意识地遵循这个习惯循环，尽可能多地把事情变成自动化的，这样我们就不再去思考它，而是直接开始行动。

But we want to put things on autopilot as much as possible by intentionally following that habit loop so that we actually stop thinking about it and just start doing it.

对吧？

Right?

早上泡咖啡和刷牙之所以神奇，就是因为它们太自动化了，你已经做了无数次。

That's the magic of making the coffee in the morning and brushing your teeth because it's so automatic, and you've done it so many times.

你根本不用去想它。

You're not thinking about it.

你几乎是无意识地在做这件事，而如果你正试图培养一个好习惯，这种无意识地发生其实是很好的。

You're literally doing it mindlessly, and that's actually very good if you're trying to build a good habit to have it happen mindlessly.

现在我们可以谈谈，你知道的，但你难道不想保持觉知，享受你所做的一切美好事物吗？

Now we can talk about, you know, but don't you wanna be mindful and enjoy all the good things you're doing?

但有时候，你只是希望美好的事情自然发生，这样你的思绪才能飘到其他话题上。

But sometimes, you just want the good things to happen so your mind can wander to other topics.

你并不一定需要全神贯注于生活中所有琐碎的细节，只要它们能帮你取得成功。

You don't really need to be present necessarily for all of the nitty gritty stuff in life that you wanna have happen to be successful.

首先，要识别出一个习惯循环，并有意识地寻找一个能触发你的场景，然后确定你将执行这一行为的地点，重复它，并找到一种使其具有回报感的方式。

So first of all, recognize a habit loop and try to be intentional about, can you find a context that's gonna trigger you and and then where you're gonna do this behavior, you're gonna repeat it and find a way to make it rewarding.

你重复得越多，这种行为就越可能变得自动，不再需要费力。

And the more you repeat, the more likely it is that this is gonna start to feel automatic and no longer effortful.

事实上，安吉拉·达克沃斯和布莱恩·加拉这两位学者做过一项非常出色的研究。

And in fact, there's this really neat research Angela Duckworth did with Brian Gala who two academics.

我们很多人认为，自律才是让人持续做出良好行为的原因。

A lot of us think that self control is what makes people repeatedly engage in good behaviors.

实际上，他们发现，我们以为很有自制力的人，其实只是养成了习惯，并且在遵循这些习惯。

And, actually, what they found is a lot of the people we thought were self controlled, they just built habits, and that's what they were following.

你知道吗？

You know?

你以为那个人很有自制力，是因为他吃得这么健康。

You thought that person was so self controlled because they eat so well.

不对。

Nope.

他们只是养成了习惯。

They just have a habit.

他们实际上并没有有意识地决定吃那份健康午餐，或者在下午锻炼，或者冥想，或者提前准备好计划来参加会议。

They actually aren't making a conscious decision to eat that healthy lunch or to exercise in the afternoon or to meditate or to, you know, come to a meeting prepared with a plan.

那是他们的习惯。

That's their habit.

因此，习惯是让成功人士看起来有自制力的重要原因。

And so habits are a big part of what makes successful people look self controlled.

他们要么是有意、要么是无意地——但主要是有意地——找到了一种让这种日常行为自动化的办法。

It's that they've deliberately or accidentally, but mostly deliberately figured out a way to make this routine automatic.

我们来谈谈改变的另一个内在障碍，那就是缺乏信心。

Let's talk about the other internal barrier to changing, which is a lack of confidence.

这种内在的心态，认为这件事对你来说不会成功，或者感到沮丧。

This sort of internal mindset that it's not gonna work for you or feeling discouraged.

是的。

Yeah.

这是一个非常重要的障碍。

This is a really important barrier.

顺便说一下，我想强调的是，对于那些试图做某些事情的人来说，如果社会一直在告诉他们‘这不适合你’，那么这尤其具有挑战性。

And by the way, I wanna emphasize that it can be it can be particularly challenging for people who are trying to do something where society has been telling them this isn't for you.

无论你属于哪个群体，社会很可能都曾说过‘像你这样的人不该做这件事’。

And there's you know, whatever group you belong to, there's probably something that society has said people like you shouldn't do this thing.

这会让信心成为一个特别巨大的障碍。

And and that can make confidence a particularly large barrier.

但即使全世界都在喊‘你能做到’，你可能仍然在某些方面缺乏真正能做到的信心。

But even if the whole world has been shouting, you can do it, there's probably still something where you're lacking the confidence that you really can.

因此，我们可以采取一些方法来应对这个问题。

And so there are a number of things we can do about this.

其中之一是尝试培养成长型思维，即认识到当你遇到挫折时，并不意味着你的能力是固定不变的。

One of them is trying to adopt a growth mindset, which is to recognize that when you have a setback, that doesn't mean you have a fixed ability.

这实际上是你能够学习和成长的契机，你可以变得更好、更强。

It's it's actually something you can learn and grow from, and you can get better and stronger.

当你审视自己，看到自己当前所处的位置以及想要实现的目标时，你要意识到自己仍在不断进步中。

That when you look at yourself and you look at where you are and you look at the the things that you're trying to achieve, you recognize you're a work in progress.

如果出现挫折，事情没有如你所愿，你犯了错误，你会想：我能从中学到什么？

And if some setback arises and it doesn't go well for you, right, you you have some misstep, You think, what can I learn from that?

这就是成长型思维。

That's a growth mindset.

你认识到自己总能变得更好。

You recognize you can always get better.