如何找到人生目标并设计理想生活

如果你不介意的话，我不做假设性的工作，所以我想直接对你进行实践。

So if you wouldn't mind, I don't do hypothetical work, so I wanna get this work on you.

所以我对自己的做法，以及如果我在指导你时会采取的方式——我们开始吧。

So what I do with myself and what I would do with you if I were coaching you Let's do it.

我会问此时此刻，你内心是否有任何不平静之处？

I would say in this moment, is there anything in you that is not peaceful?

有。

Yes.

好的。

Okay.

在

Where in

你身体的哪个部位最能感受到这种不平静？

your body do you experience most of the not peace?

我感觉像是胸口的这种紧绷感。

I feel it as like this tension in my chest.

就在我的两胸之间。

Like, it's right between my breasts.

感觉就像这里有一块板子一样。

It's almost like this, like, plate right in here.

嗯。

Yeah.

好的。

Okay.

当你开始描述它时，你实际上正在使用身体的语言。

And and when you start to describe it, you're you're actually will be using the language of the body.

好。

K.

这告诉世界上所有人，无论他们说什么语言，我们都曾感受过那种感觉。

This tells everyone in the world, no matter what language they speak, we've all felt that.

啊。

Ah.

是的。

Yes.

心灵的武装，退缩逃避。

The the armoring of the heart, the flinching away.

当你专注于此时，会浮现什么情绪？

When you focus on that, what emotion it comes up?

共有四种类型。

And there are four categories.

灼烧。

Sear.

愤怒、悲伤、喜悦与恐惧。

Mad, sad, glad, and scared.

恐惧。

Scared.

好的。

Okay.

那么，深呼吸一下。

So breathe into that.

现在你的朋友正在受苦，说：'我害怕。'

So now you have your friend suffering, saying, I'm afraid.

而你的身体朋友不需要言语表达。

And you have your friend body saying, it doesn't need words.

这是帮助你找到人生道路的方式。

It's, This is helping you find your way through life.

所以你要做的第一件事是，在这里，我们让它。

So the first thing you do is, and here we Let it.

顺其自然。

Let it be.

好。

K.

让这种情绪更强烈些。

Let the emotion be bigger.

就让那份恐惧、那份害怕存在吧。

Just let the the fear, the scaredness be there.

让它无限放大。

Let it be huge.

让它充满你的内心空间。

Let it fill your internal space.

让它溢出到外界。

Let it leak over into the world.

让你胸前的板甲尽情扩展，想多大就多大。

Let that plate armor in your chest really, really get as big as it wants to be.

现在它就像一朵核爆云。

It's like a nuclear cloud now.

好的。

Okay.

太棒了。

Fantastic.

现在感觉就像，对。

Now it's like yeah.

好的。

Okay.

随它去。

Let it.

随它去。

Let it.

随它去。

Let it.

你应该再写一本书，就叫《随它去》。

You should write another book called Let It.

当你放松下来时，你不再抗拒来自你内心的教训——要知道，恐惧不过是焦虑的另一种说法。

What happens when you relax into it is you're no longer resisting the lesson that is coming from your you know, fear is another word for anxiety.

所以它源自你的焦虑。

So you're it's coming from your anxiety.

它源于生活境遇。

It's coming from life circumstances.

所以现在，如果那是你深爱的存在，你会对它说，首先，做你自己。

So now, if that were a being you loved and you asked it, first of all, say be yourself.

我对你毫无抗拒。

I have no resistance to you.

进来吧。

Come in.

坐下来和我聊聊。

Sit down with me.

痛苦吗？

The suffering?

是的。

Yes.

要勇敢面对。

Be huge.

做你自己。

Be yourself.

变得强大。

Be huge.

变得可怕。

Be scary.

我对此毫无抗拒。

I have zero resistance to this.

是的。

Yeah.

虽然这会占用广播太多时间，但你要对自己说，告诉我一切。

And then this will take too much time for the broadcast, but you say you say to yourself, tell me everything.

全部写下来。

Write it all down.

告诉我你所有的感受。

Tell me everything you're feeling.

你知道邀请痛苦作为一个人进入你的身体，并将这种感觉具象化为更大的事物有什么有趣之处吗？就在你说出那句话的瞬间，胸口的紧张感瞬间膨胀成了像核爆云一样的东西。

You know what's interesting about inviting the suffering in as a person and taking the feeling in your body and visualizing it into something bigger, is the second that you said that, the kind of tension in the chest mushroomed into this, like, nuclear cloud.

是啊。

Yeah.

讽刺的是，这反而让它感觉变小了。

Which ironically made it feel smaller.

好吧，你看

Well, look

你胸腔里积聚了多少能量。

at the amount of energy you had compacted into your chest.

当你释放它时，会有一种解脱感。

When you let it go, there's a kind of release.

是的。

Yes.

你不再需要承受所有那些痛苦了。

You're you're not having to hold all that pain anymore.

你只是顺其自然。

You're just letting it be.

最终发生的是，因为这是关于我财务生活中某些事情的特定恐惧

And what ended up happening, because this is a particular fear about something going on in my financial life

好的。

Okay.

就在我将它想象得很大，而你邀请它来与我同坐的那一刻，它立刻开始说话了。

Is that the second that I kind of imagined it big and you invited it in to sit with me, it immediately started talking.

哦，真的吗？

Oh, really?

是的。

Yes.

它直接把我带回到十五年前濒临破产的时候。

And it brought me right back to fifteen years ago when I was on the brink of bankruptcy.

真的吗？

Really?

就像，我害怕是因为我曾处于那种滑雪板尖失控的状态。

And like, I'm afraid because I've been in a place where I felt out over the tips of my skis.

我曾经历过那种极度恐慌、经济拮据的处境。

I've been in a place where I've been really scared and struggling financially.

虽然现在情况完全不同，但依然会触发那种感受。

And it's not at all the same situation, but it's triggering.

是的，确实如此。

Yes, it is.

确实。

It.

如果我们面对面处理这个问题，我会让你写下或说出每个引发痛苦的念头。

And if we were, working this in person, I would have you write down or tell me every thought that is causing suffering.

因为关键在于，痛苦有两个来源。

Because here's the thing, There are two sources of suffering.

一种是纯粹的，另一种是混杂的。

One is clean and one is dirty.

纯粹的痛苦就像如果我打你的头，你会感到疼。

The clean suffering is like if I punched you in the head, it would hurt.

对吧。

Right.

那只是纯粹的痛苦。

That's just clean suffering.

但污浊的痛苦源于我们对事件的看法。

But dirty suffering comes from our thoughts about events.

于是你会想，她讨厌我。

So then you would think, she hates me.

她为什么那样做？

Why does she do that?

我活该吗？

Did I deserve it?

她本不该那样做的。

She shouldn't have done that.

于是会有这样一连串的思绪风暴，而我们每个人的风暴都各不相同。

So there would be this storm of thoughts, and we all have different storms.

但我们大部分的痛苦和折磨并非源于事件本身。

But most of our pain, most of our suffering doesn't come from events.

而是源于我们对这些事件的看法。

It comes from our thoughts about events.

所以当你的痛苦讲述它的故事时，你正在从中抽离出来。

So as your pain tells its story, you are unblending from it.

你说这完全不是同一回事。

And you said it's not the same situation at all.

你已经能够看清这一点。

You're able to see that.

这意味着你获得了一些客观视角。

That means you have a little perspective.

但不要就此关闭它。

But don't shut it down.

不要说，哦，你不需要担心。

Don't say, oh, you don't need to worry.

这次不一样。

This is different.

不。

No.

痛苦是你的盟友。

Suffering is your ally.

如果你允许它发声，它会告诉你所需的一切。

It will tell you everything you need if you let it speak.

我要问你，因为你擅长处理这类事情。

And I'm gonna ask you because you're good at this stuff.

告诉我当你让恐惧发声时，最让你害怕的一个念头是什么。

Tell me one of the scariest thoughts that comes up when you let your fear speak.

你花了十五年时间才让自己摆脱财务债务。嗯哼。

That you've just spent fifteen years getting yourself out of financial debt Uh-huh.

并且让自己感到安全，嗯哼。

And making yourself feel safe Uh-huh.

因为你一直很擅长储蓄

Because you've been really good about savings

嗯。

Mhmm.

而你却即将做一件蠢事。

And you are about to do something stupid.

好的。

Okay.

我要把这句话浓缩为：你即将做一件蠢事，而所有警报都与此相关。

You're I'm gonna boil that down to you're about to do something stupid, and all the alarm is attached to it.

对吧？

Right?

是的。

Yes.

事情是这样的。

Here's the deal.

痛苦如何成为你的朋友。

Here's how suffering is your friend.

它总是告诉你与你真正需要知道的相反的东西。

It always tells you the opposite of what you actually need to know.

所以这非常具体。

So it's very specific.

不只是简单地说'随它去吧'。

It's not just, oh, let it go.

会没事的。

It'll be fine.

这种想法造成的痛苦越多，就越能引起你的注意，但它是本末倒置的。

That thought that cause the more suffering it causes, the more it's getting your attention, but it's backwards.

所以这就像是...我甚至无法理解这个。

So what is the like, can't I even wrap my brain around this.

我就像，等等。

I'm like, wait.

那么什么是相反的？

So what is backwards about?

它即将

It's about to

我想说，你知道，你花了这么多时间让自己摆脱债务，现在你即将做一些非常聪明的事情。

I would say, you know, you've spent all this time getting yourself out of debt, and now you're about to do something really brilliant.

感觉到了吗？

Feel that?

是的。

Yes.

对。

Yeah.

你头脑中最痛苦想法的对立面，那个想法的对立面就是你通往觉醒的下一步。

The opposite of the most painful thought in your head, the opposite of that thought is your next step toward awakening.

天啊。

Oh my god.

太美好了。

That's beautiful.

这招总是管用。

It always works.

我们能用这方法处理分手吗？

Can we try that with a breakup?

好的，请继续。

Yes, please.

今年夏天我目睹女儿经历了一场极其痛苦的心碎。

So I watched my daughter go through just a wildly painful heartbreak this summer.

哎哟。

Ouch.

最大的恐惧是，有两件事，比如：我再也找不到爱情了。

And the biggest fear is that it was two, was like, I'll never find love again.

是啊。

Yeah.

或者我犯了个大错，把一切都搞砸了。

Or I've made a huge mistake and I blew it.

嗯。

Mhmm.

所以如果我们接纳这个真相与智慧，邀请痛苦进来，就拿很多人都有的一种感受来说吧。

And so if we take this truth and wisdom and you invite the suffering in, and let's just take the statement that a lot of people feel.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我再也找不到爱情了。

I'll never find love again.

我再也找不到爱我的人了。

I'll never find somebody who loves me.

对。

Yep.

相反的是什么

What is the opposite

？

of that?

所以你必须真正倾听痛苦，直到你感到厌倦为止。

So you have to really listen to the suffering till the point where you're sick of it.

因为在此之前，你会紧紧抓住这个念头不放。

Because before that, you're gonna cling to this thought.

这是你自我试图保护自己的一部分。

It's part of your ego trying to defend itself.

但正如我们所知，试图紧抓事物来保护自己只会导致痛苦。

But as we know, trying to cling to things to defend yourself is the way into misery.

所以我永远不会再找到爱了。

So I'll never find love again.

这听起来可能很极端，但相反的说法是，我将永远能再次找到爱。

It will sound radical, but the opposite would be, I will always find love again.

现在，如果你静下心来思考并开始寻找它可能成真的方式，哦，我总会找到爱。

Now, if you sit with that and start to look for ways it could be true, oh, I will always find love.

我爱窗外那棵树。

I love that tree outside the window.

我爱我的猫。

I love my cat.

我爱我的母亲。

I love my mother.

我爱，哦，爱无处不在。

I love, oh, there's just love everywhere.

当你说'我总会找到爱'时。

When you say, I'll always find love.

我能在任何地方找到它。

I'll find it everywhere.

万物都开始回馈以爱。

Everything starts to love you back.

试试这个。

Try this.

试试这个。

Try this.

走进一家咖啡店或你常去的地方，比如吃午餐的地方。

Go into a coffee shop or someplace you like to go to, like, have lunch.

带着你最痛苦的想法走进去。

Go in thinking your most painful thought.

我再也不会找到爱情了。

I'll never find love again.

带着'我再也不会找到爱情了'的想法，观察人们对你的反应。

I'll never find love again, and watch how people react to you.

好吗？

K?

第二天，再进去一次。

The next day, go in again.

但这次，你必须重复相反的话。

But this time, you have to repeat the opposite.

我处处都能找到爱。

I'll always find love everywhere.

我处处都能找到爱，然后观察人们对你的反应。

I'll always find love everywhere, and watch how people react to you.

他们会为你开门。

They will open doors for you.

他们会免费送你东西。

They will give you free stuff.

他们会微笑。

They will smile.

我告诉你，人们总说我神神叨叨的。

I'm telling you, people talk about me being woo woo.

事情就是这样发生的。

It's just what happens.

去试试看。

Go test it.

嗯，我也认为这其中有很多科学依据。

Well, I also think there's a lot of science to this.

确实如此。

There is.

是啊。

Yeah.

因为你不是在训练自己的思维去发现你所寻找的东西吗？

Because aren't you training your mind to show you what you're looking for?

就像，如果你不是更愿意接受它吗？

Like, if you're aren't you more open to it?

因为我既相信魔法和精神层面，也相信那些你称之为玄妙的东西——你可以解释它，而且你在工作中反复阐述过，这同样是一种重新编程的策略。

Because I believe in both the magic and the spiritual And and the woo you can explain it and you do in your work over and over again about how this is also a tactic to reprogram your Yeah.

让你的精神和大脑对此保持开放态度。

Spirit and your brain to be open to this.

是的。

Yeah.

选择性注意。

Selective attention.

你可能看过那个实验，六个人在拍篮球，你让观看录像的人数球弹跳的次数。

You've probably seen that experiment where they have six people bouncing a basketball, and you tell someone watching the film count the times they bounce the ball.

在录像中间，一个穿大猩猩服装的人进来跳了段舞然后离开。

In the middle of the film, a person in a gorilla suit comes in and does a little dance and then leaves.

观看录像的人却看不到那只大猩猩，因为他们忙着数球弹跳的次数，而那只猩猩并不隐蔽。

And people watching that film don't see the gorilla because they're busy watching the times the ball bounces, and the gorilla is not subtle.

它就位于画面正中央。

It is right in the middle of the frame.

体型很大。

It's big.

我们注意不到那些我们没有关注的事物。

We don't see what we don't pay attention to.

所以如果你不断告诉自己，我找不到爱情。

So if you are constantly saying, I'm not gonna find love.

我找不到爱情。

I'm not gonna find love.

你只会看到那些让你嫉妒、受伤和难过的事情。

The only things you'll see will be things that make you jealous and hurt and sad.

而如果你带着'我到处都能看到爱'的心态生活，它就会发生。

And if you walk around thinking, I'm gonna see love everywhere always, it happens.

另一个因素是镜像神经元。

The other thing is mirror neurons.

别人的大脑——如果你喝了口水，我的大脑会产生和你喝水时相同的活动。

Other people's brains if if you took a sip of water, my brain would actually have the same activity in it as if I had taken a a sip of water.

我们的大脑不断相互映射。

Our brains are constantly moving to reflect one another.

所以当你带着'爱无处不在'的信念生活时，与你目光相遇的人也会突然发现爱无处不在。

So when you walk around going, there's love everywhere, a person meets your eyes and suddenly sees love everywhere.

你通过四处想着'我总会找到爱'，给了他们不同的大脑。

You're giving them a different brain by going around thinking, I'll always find love.

我只是觉得从你嘴里说出的每句话都像是，

I just everything that comes out of your mouth is like,

天啊。

oh my god.

我感觉胸口一沉。

I I felt my chest collapse.

就像，几乎像是向后倒下的信任背摔，当你说你即将做出最明智的决定时。

Like, almost like falling backwards like a trust fall when you said you're about to make the most brilliant decision.

是啊。

Yeah.

而且我觉得你是对的。

And I think you're right.

看你多清醒啊。

Look how aware you are.

看看你多有经验。

Look how experienced you are.

当然，你会做出明智的决定。

Of course, you're gonna make a brilliant decision.

但我喜欢这次对话的是，当你看到你关心的人陷入困境时，是的。

But what I love about this conversation is that when you see somebody that you care about who's stuck Yeah.

或者正在经历心碎。

Or going through heartbreak.

或者因为冒险而感到害怕，当我们从外部看那个人时，我们会信任他们，并给予我们所知的一切真理的好处，是的，这让你心碎成千万片，确实。

Or who is afraid because they're taking a risk, when we see that person from the outside, we credit them and give them the benefit of all the things we know to be true, which is yes, this is breaking your heart in a million pieces and Yeah.

你周围充满爱，你的生活中也有爱，你绝对会再次找到爱。

There's love all around you and there is love in your life and you will absolutely find love again.

是的。

Yeah.

你会被爱的。

And you will be loved.

但作为深陷其中的人，这对你来说很难。

But it's hard for you as the person stuck in it.

是啊。

Yeah.

天哪。

Oh my gosh.

和你在一起让我感到无比震撼。

I am just blown away by being with you.

我知道你在听的时候也有同感。

I know as you're listening, you're thinking the same thing.

我迫不及待想让你与你关心的人分享这些。

I cannot wait for you to share this with the people that you care about.

那么接下来我们要做的是：

So here's what we're gonna do.

让我们按下暂停键，先听听我们优秀赞助商的消息。

Let's hit the pause button, and we're gonna hear a word from our amazing sponsors.

但你可别走开，因为玛莎·贝克和我将在短暂休息后等你回来，她还有更多内容要与你分享。

But don't you dare go anywhere because Martha Beck and I are gonna be waiting for you after a short break, and she has so much more to share with you.

所以请继续留在这里。

So stay with me.

欢迎回来。

Welcome back.

我是你的朋友梅尔·罗宾斯。

It's your friend Mel Robbins.

今天，你我非常荣幸能得到非凡的玛莎·贝克博士的指导。

And today, you and I have the honor of getting coaching from the extraordinary doctor Martha Beck.

那么，陷入困境与缺乏人生目标是一回事吗？

So is being stuck different than not having a purpose?

还是说它们有所关联？

Or have you related.

是的。

Yeah.

因为人们来找我咨询的最大原因就是感到迷失，缺乏人生目标。

Because people the biggest reason people consult me is a sense of losing of not having a purpose.

他们会把这个问题看得比心碎或疾病之类的事情更重要。

And they'll put that above things like heartbreak or, you know, disease.

确实，缺乏目标感是个大问题。

Like, not having a purpose is really a big problem.

这与陷入困境密切相关，因为我们前进方向的选择取决于目标感，当缺乏目标感时，我们就不知道该往哪里走，从而陷入困境。

And it's really related to being stuck because our knowledge of the direction we want to take is informed by a sense of purpose, and when we don't have a sense of purpose, we have no way of knowing where to go, and that gets us stuck.

我在非洲举办研讨会时，其中一项活动就是带人们追踪犀牛——当你缺乏目标感时，这显然是个不错的选择，对吧？

I do seminars in Africa, and one of the things we do is we take people rhinoceros tracking because that's an obvious thing to do, right, if you don't have a sense of purpose.

犀牛就是你的目标。

The rhinoceros is your purpose.

你要学会观察它留在地面上的每一个痕迹，然后我们带他们回到营地，告诉他们：现在你们要像追踪犀牛一样追踪自己的人生目标。

You learn to see every sign it leaves on the earth and everything, And then we take them back to the camp and we say, now you're gonna track your purpose the way we track the rhino.

而追踪人生目标的方法，就是通过身体感受到的喜悦。

And the way you've track the track of your purpose is joy in the body.

哦，一种愉悦感升起或身体的轻盈、放松，就是一条线索。

Oh, a sense of joy lifting or lightness, relaxation in the body is a track.

它从不会告诉你二十年后甚至二十分钟后你会成为什么。

It never says here's what you're gonna be in twenty years or even twenty minutes.

它只会说，这是你下一步的方向。

It says, here's your next step forward.

所以面对这个财务决策，你即将做出一个绝妙的选择。

So with this financial situation, you're about to make a brilliant decision.

如果你这么说，你的身体会有什么反应？

If you say that, what happens in your body?

我感受到了你所说的那种自由、平静与轻松。

I feel that freedom and peace and ease that you talk about.

佛陀常说，无论你在哪里找到水，你都能判断它是否来自海洋——因为无论看起来如何，海水总是咸的。

So the Buddha used to say, and he said it a lot, wherever you find water, you can know if it's the ocean because no matter what it looks like, the ocean always tastes of salt.

当你遇见觉悟时，无论它以何种形式呈现，你总能认出它——因为觉悟的滋味永远是自由。

And when you find enlightenment, you will always recognize it no matter what it looks like because enlightenment always tastes of freedom.

哦。

Oh.

不是轻浮的快乐，不是极乐，而是自由。

Not giddy joy, not bliss, freedom.

追求目标可能让人害怕得要命，但它是自由的。

It can be scary as hell to serve your purpose, but it's free.

你是自由的。

You are free.

所以当你说感到更轻松自由时，那就是一条线索。

So when you say you felt lighter and freer, that's a track.

现在你知道了，你要追随的是这种感觉，而不是那些‘天啊我要做出糟糕决定’的念头。

So now, okay, you know that that's what you're gonna follow instead of the thing that says, oh my god, I'm gonna make a terrible decision.

或者‘我永远都会孤独’、‘事情永远不会顺利’、‘我永远不够好’这类想法。

Or I'm always gonna be alone or I'm or it's never gonna work out for me or I'm never gonna be good enough.

就像，是其中一条路。

Like, is one lane.

是的。

Yeah.

运用这些工具，你现在正在触及并翻转那些痛苦。

And using these tools, you're now accessing and flipping the suffering.

对。

Yeah.

你在追踪什么能让身体更自由、更快乐。

And you're tracking what brings you more freedom in the body, more joy in the body.

所以如果你要做决定，比如我要把这笔钱存入这个账户还是那个账户，就实实在在地坐下来想：如果我选方案A，我的身体会有什么反应？

So if you're making the decision, okay, I'm going to put this money in this account or in that account, literally sit there and say, okay, if I make decision a, what happens in my body?

封闭感。

Shut down.

如果我选方案B，我的身体会有什么反应？

If I make decision b, what happens in my body?

稍微轻松些。

A little bit lighter.

所以我常对人们说，回想你经历过最糟糕的事情，然后感受它在身体里的反应，给它打个分，在幸福计量表上记为负10分。

So I always say to people, think of the worst experience you had and then feel that how that was in your body, and give that a a score, negative 10 on the happy meter.

然后记住你感受过最平静自由的时刻，那就是正10分。

Then remember the most peaceful and free you've ever felt, that's a positive 10.

介于两者之间的都是中性零分。

And everything in between, zero is neutral.

所以你在做财务决策时可能会发现，选这个方案是加1分。

So you may make a decision with this financial thing where it's just a, that's plus one.

那个方案是减3分。

That's minus three.

好的。

Okay.

可能很微妙，但当你学会感知什么能让你自由、什么能消除痛苦并取而代之，你就知道下一步该怎么走了。

It might be subtle, but as you learn to feel what sets you free, what removes suffering and replaces it with, that's how you know the next step.

当这些步骤开始累积，你会惊呼：天啊。

And as the steps start to add up, you go, oh my god.

这就是我的目标吗？

That's my purpose?

每个人的目标都不同吗？

Is everybody's purpose different?

是的。

Yes.

绝对不同。

Absolutely.

说得这么肯定。

Said that with such certainty.

对。●●●

Yeah.

没错。

Yeah.

就像我们的指纹一样独特。

It's as individual as our fingerprints.

你如何定义人生的意义？

And how do you define purpose?

作为地球上的生命体，能带给你最大满足与快乐的事物，同时也能让你为世界贡献最多满足与快乐。

That which brings you the the greatest satisfaction and joy as a being on this earth, and it allows you to contribute the most satisfaction and joy to the rest of the world.

这就是你的人生意义。

That's your purpose.

当你的深层喜悦与世界的深层需求相遇之处。

It's where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet.

有位神学家曾这样说过。

A theologian said that once.

我记得是弗雷德里克·布赫纳说的。

I think it was Fredrik Beuchner.

那要如何发现这种意义呢？

And how do you discover this?

你之前提到犀牛狩猎的事，然后你会带人们回去并说：好吧。

You talked about the rhino hunting, and then you take people back and say, okay.

我们将完全按照同样的流程进行。

We're gonna do that exact same process.

你是回顾过去寻找线索痕迹，还是展望未来？

Do you look backwards and start to look for tracks and clues in your past, or do you look forward?

嗯，确实如此。

Well, you do.

你会意识到哪些感觉像是前进的方向，哪些不是。

You realize what feels like the way forward and what is not the way forward.

这其实很简单。

And it's really simple.

只要它能让你感到哪怕一点点自由，就往那个方向去。

If it sets you free even a little bit, go there.

那就是你的使命所在。

That's your purpose.

如果它束缚了你，哪怕只是让你感到一丝禁锢——我的追踪伙伴博伊德称之为'不存在的踪迹'。

If it traps you, if it makes you feel encased no matter how slightly, that is what, my friend Boyd who tracks with me calls the track of not there.

所以我们就这样在人生中不断遭遇痛苦，天啊。

So we go through life banging into suffering and, oh my god.

而那正是所谓的'不归路'。

And that is just the track of not there.

当你学会追寻快乐后，你甚至都不会再理会那些噪音了。

After you learn to track joy, you won't even pay much attention to all of that noise.

你会全神贯注地追随你的快乐，然后抬头一看，天啊。

You'll be so focused following your joy, and then you'll look up and go, oh my god.

那就是我要去的地方吗？

That's where I'm headed?

就像你故事里坐在观众席上的那个

Like, of your story of of being in the audience at the o

我很高兴我们谈到这个，因为我一生中有很多次都被困住，我知道你也常在别人身上发现这种情况。

I'm so glad we're going there because I I have been stuck so many times in my life and a lot of times, and I know you find this with people too.

当你被困住时，就是真的被困住了。

When you're stuck, you're stuck.

而且你相当确信自己确实如此。

And you're pretty convinced you are.

是啊。

Yeah.

而且你害怕会一直困在那里。

And you're scared you're gonna stay there.

当你听到像你这样的人说

And when you hear somebody like you Yeah.

我们需要追寻你的快乐，你必须向自由迈进。

Say, we gotta track your joy, you gotta move toward freedom.

当你深陷困境时，这话听起来就像是：这到底是什么意思？

When you're that stuck, it's sort of like, what the hell does that even mean?

没错。

Right.

比如，我几乎连床都起不来，我不喜欢现在的工作，我付不起账单。

Like, I can barely get out of bed, I don't like the job that I have, I can't pay my bills.

是啊。

Yeah.

所以，我当时差不多就是那样的情况，当我坐在那里时，你让我尝到了一点不同的滋味，哦，这里有些感觉不一样的东西。

So, and that's kind of where I was when I was sitting in that And you gave me a taste of that, oh, there's something that feels different here.

我要朝着这个方向前进。

I'm gonna move toward this.

而我想到的简单方法就是：玛莎·贝克会怎么做？

And the simple tool I came up with was, what would Martha Beck do?

我就打算这么做，因为这个女人的生活感觉和我的不一样，所以我要试着朝那个方向靠拢，尽管我甚至不知道她会怎么做，我就猜她会怎么做。

And I'll just do that because a woman has life that feels different than mine and so I'm gonna just kinda move toward that even though I don't even know what she would do, I'm just gonna guess what she would do.

所以如果听的人

And so if the person listening

对。

Yeah.

和我们一起投入其中，他们也觉得，好吧。

Is in it with us and they're also like, okay.

是啊。

Yeah.

但我醒来后该做什么？

But what do I do when I wake up?

我现在的生活中该做些什么，才能在一天中找到这些小确幸？

What do I do in my life right now to find these small pockets of joy in my day?

因为我猜这就是你的起点。

Because I'm assuming that's where you start.

不。

No.

其实不是。

Actually, it's not.

哦，不是的。

Oh, it's not.

不是在白天。

It's not in the day.

哦，感谢上帝。

Oh, thank God.

它永远存在于当下这一刻，永远存在于自我之中。

It's always in this moment, and it's always inside the self.

没有任何外在环境能让你获得自由。

There is no such thing as an a circumstance that will set you free.

你所有的束缚感都源于心智，源于基于恐惧的思维模式。

All your feeling of captivity is always coming from the mind, from the fear based mind.

当你在心智中获得自由时——就像我曾因多种自身免疫性疾病卧床十二年，其中很多被医生告知是无法治愈且会不断恶化的。

When you set yourself free in your mind like, was bedridden for twelve years with a whole bunch of autoimmune diseases, a lot of which they told me were, incurable and progressive.

我现在没有任何症状了。

I don't have any symptoms.

但这并非一蹴而就——在那十二年里，我持续承受着慢性疼痛和严重残疾。

But that didn't start after like, for twelve years, I was in constant chronic pain and severe disability.

明白吗？

Okay?

比如，我在一张特大号床上抚养孩子长大，感到非常、非常地被困住。

Like, I raised my kids on a king-size bed, and I felt very, very stuck.

然后我意识到这种被困的感觉是一种折磨，而我能够改变这种感觉。

And then I realized that the feeling of being stuck was torture and that I could shift the feeling.

所以它总是始于我在想什么？

So it always starts what am I thinking?

我在想我被困住了。

I'm thinking I'm stuck.

我被困住了。

I'm stuck.

无处可去。

There's nowhere to go.

这导致了痛苦。

That causes suffering.

那相反的是什么？

What's the opposite?

我自由了。

I'm free.

我自由了。

I'm free.

我可以朝任何方向前进。

I could go in any direction.

然后找到一种可能实现的方式。

And then find a way in which that may be true.

即便你只是在一片痛苦的海洋中找到一个微小的动机。

Even if you just find one little motive in in what looks like a sea of pain.

有一次我登机时在机场，一个家伙开始和我搭话，他是一名职业冰球运动员。

Once I got on a plane and I was at the airport and this guy started talking to me, he he was a professional hockey player.

他说，事情是这样的。

He said, here's the thing.

在冰球比赛中，球门很小而守门员很大，但你绝不能盯着守门员看。

The net is small and the goalie is big in hockey, but you can't ever look at the goalie.

你要看推杆可以进的五个小空隙，因为你的视线方向就是球滚动的方向。

You look at the five little spaces where the putt can go because where your eyes go, the putt goes.

于是我上了飞机，旁边的人说，我是玩白水漂流的。

So I get on the plane, and the guy beside me says, I'm a whitewater rafter.

他告诉我，有时候看起来全是岩石只有一点点水，但你永远不要看岩石，因为你的视线方向就是船行进的方向。

And let me tell you, there are times when it just looks like all rocks and just a little tiny bit of water, but you never look at the rocks because where your eyes go, the boat goes.

我当时想，好吧。

I was like, okay.

事情有点意思了。

Something's happening.

我下了飞机。

I get off the plane.

我去上了堂马术课，教练说，永远要看着你想让马去的方向。

I go take a horse riding lesson, and my teacher says, always look where you want the horse to go.

你的视线方向就是马行进的方向。

Where your eyes go, the horse goes.

我当时就想，我明白了。

And I was just like, I get it.

我懂了。

I get it.

我的注意力流向哪里，我的人生就走向哪里。

Where my attention goes, my life goes.

如果你感到困顿，我随时都在。

If you feel stuck, I'm there for you.

把一切都告诉我吧。

Tell me everything.

等你倾诉完后，我会问：你在哪些方面是自由的？

And when you're done telling me everything, I'll say, where are you free?

当我开始逐一发现那些让我感到自由的领域时，这些所谓的‘不治之症’就消失了。

And when I started finding the places I was free, one by one, these incurable symptoms disappeared.

我61岁了。

I'm 61.

上个月，我在英格兰徒步旅行，在被宣告永远无法行走后，我六天内走了60到75英里。

Last month, I I went on a walk in England, and I walked 60 75 miles in six days after being told I'd never walk again.

因为我深知这个原理——我们可以用它来束缚自己，也可以用它来解放自己，无论如何。

It's because I know how this thing works and we can use it to lock us down or we can use it use it to set us free no matter what.

当你卧床十二年后开始为自己做这些时，有哪些小事情（是的）让你感受到片刻的自由？

What were some of the little things when you started doing this for yourself after being bedridden for twelve years Yeah.

能否给听众举例说明你所说的这种自由感是什么样的？

That were pockets of freedom for you just to give the person listening like a sense of what you're talking about?

我开始审视那些最痛苦的事情，因为它们就像插在我身上的刀，那些我自以为是的想法。

I started looking at the things that hurt most because it was like having knives stuck in me, these thoughts that I thought.

每个人都有这样的念头。

And everybody has these.

我不够好。

I'm not good enough.

这个人不爱我。

This person doesn't love me.

生活就是个贱人，然后你就死了。

Life is a bitch and then you die.

不管是什么。

Whatever it was.

我会说，生活就是个贱人，然后你就死了。

I'd be like, life is a bitch and then you die.

好吧。

Alright.

我永远都下不了这张床了。

I'll never get out of this bed.

行。

K.

那很痛。

That hurts.

我一定能下这张床。

I'll always get out of this bed.

这不可能是真的。

That can't be true.

我在撒谎。

I'm lying.

等等。

Wait.

等等。

Wait.

我可以读一本书而神游万里。

I can read a book and be a million miles away.

我可以看场演出而太空遨游。

I can watch a show and space travel.

我可以与朋友交谈，感受他们的所有情绪，仿佛置身于他们起舞的舞会。

I can talk to a friend and feel everything they're feeling and be at the dance where they're dancing.

而我是自由的，因为人类的想象力无所不能。

And I am free because the human imagination can do anything.

我的注意力去了那里，我的生活也就去了那里。

That's where my attention went, and that's where my life went.

因为其他一切都太痛苦了。

Because everything else just hurt too much.

这花了多长时间？

How long did it take?

我就像...我现在坐在这里代表怀疑者提出这些问题，因为你想相信它会奏效，对吧？

I'm like, I'm I'm sitting here asking these questions on behalf of the skeptic because you wanna believe that it's gonna work, right?

是啊。

Yeah.

但有时候你的思维会如此与你作对

But your mind is so against you at times

哦，确实。

Oh, yeah.

以至于当你得到这些让你感觉它是真实的小确幸时。

That even when you get these little morsels where you feel like it is true.

如果我看电影，我就不再躺在这张床上，因为我的思绪已沉浸在电影中。

If I watch a movie, I'm no longer in this bed because my mind is in the movie.

是的。

Yeah.

这是一种寻找自由的微小方式。

And it's a small way to find freedom.

当我开始从这些痛苦的想法中解脱自己时

And as I start to unshackle myself from these painful thoughts

对。

Yeah.

当我将自由带入我的体验中，一切便开始豁然开朗。

And I bring freedom into my experience, things open up.

没错。

Yeah.

而需要注意的只是——这是否让你感觉稍微好一点了？

And the the thing to notice is just does it feel a little bit better?

感觉稍微自由一点了吗？

Does it feel a little bit freer?

当人们感到困顿时，说实话我不想讲太多脑科学，但确实我们大脑的某个部分会产生一种奇怪的螺旋效应。

What's happening when people feel stuck is and I don't wanna get all brain science y, but honest to God, there's a little spiral that happens in a part of our brain that it's such a strange thing.

大脑的那部分既相信自己被困住，又完全否认任何与之矛盾的事实。

That part of the brain believes that it's stuck and also believes that nothing that contradicts it is true at all.

于是你就陷入了这种我称之为'焦虑螺旋'的状态，它坚信只有自己才是真实的。

So you get into this tiny I call it an anxiety spiral, and it believes that only it is real.

就像那些中风患者只能使用大脑的那部分功能时，他们会认为半个世界都不存在，因为他们只用焦虑的思维去感知，其他一切都不存在。

And people who have, like, strokes and they can only use that part of their brain, they believe that half the world doesn't exist because they're only perceiving it with the anxious mind, and nothing else exists.

但如果你能从'我将永远被困在这张床上'转变为'我将永远在这张床上获得自由'，大脑就会释放焦虑，转向富有创造力的部分。

But if you can go from, I'm always gonna be stuck in this bed to, I'm always gonna be free in this bed, then part of your brain lets go of the anxiety, and it turns to the part of the brain that is creative.

这正是很多人不理解的地方——你最糟糕想法的对立面并非那种极致的平静或安宁。

And that is the part that a lot of people don't understand, that the opposite of your worst thought is not this serene bliss or calm.

而是你突然进入了人类想象力最具创造力的领域，那里可以解决任何问题。

It is that you suddenly walk into the zone of the human imagination at its most creative, and it can solve anything.

这正是你新出版的第七本《纽约时报》即时畅销书《超越焦虑》的主题。

Well, is the topic of your new seventh instant New York Times bestselling book, Beyond Anxiety.

我很想请你解释一下如何从那种焦虑螺旋中翻转过来的工具。

And I would love to have you explain that tool of flipping from that kind of anxiety spiral Yeah.

以及你如何接入创造性大脑，因为当你陷入困境，当你确实感到不知道自己的人生目标时

To how you tap into the creative brain because when you are stuck, when you do feel like you don't know what your purpose is Yeah.

焦虑确实会占据主导。

Anxiety does take over.

哦，是的。

Oh, yeah.

因为你太担心了，万一我永远无法摆脱困境怎么办？

Because you're so worried, what if I never get unstuck?

万一我永远想不明白怎么办？

What if I never figure it out?

万一我死时浪费了所有时间怎么办？

What if I die and I wasted all this time?

要是我始终没能认清自己是谁，或者我的使命是什么？

What if I never even figured out who I was or what I was meant to be?

是啊。

Yeah.

这正是你多年来与人合作及著作所探讨的内容，真正帮助人们领悟的关键。

And this is where all your work with people and what you've written about for years really helps people figure out.

那么关于好奇心和创造力，特别是对于陷入困境的人，你想让我们了解什么？

And so what do you want us to know about curiosity and creativity, especially for somebody who's stuck?

首先你需要明白这一点。

Here's the first thing you need to know.

焦虑永远在撒谎，毫无例外。

Anxiety always lies, but only always.

等等。

I Wait.

这话是什么意思？

What does that mean?

但总是这样吗？

But only always?

我就是喜欢这么说。

I just like to say it.

就像，你知道，让你感到被困住的事情总是对你不利，但总是如此。

It's like, you know, you're you're the a thing that makes you feel entrapped is always bad for you, but only always.

这只是个玩笑。

And it's just a joke.

这是一种方式，因为人们会想，哦，是的。

It's a way of because people think, oh, yeah.

某种程度上不是这样。

That's sort of no.

我是认真的。

I really mean it.

你所有的焦虑都在说谎。

All your anxiety is lying.

哦，不。

Oh, no.

不是这样的。

It isn't.

我把这句话放在书的结尾。

I put that at the end of the book.

如果放在开头，人们肯定会说'去你的'，然后把书扔到墙上。

If I put it at the beginning, people would have said, f you, and just thrown it at the wall.

对吧？

Right?

是的。

Yes.

因为那些最令人恐惧的自我厌恶想法感觉如此真实，但它们其实都是谎言。

Because it feels so convincing that your most frightening self hating thoughts are the truth, and it's lying.

所以这是第一点。

So that's the first thing.

现在先听我说。

Just hear me now.

以后再理解。

Understand me later.

我直接照搬了这句话。

I'm just stealing that.

我还是'现在先听我说'。

I am still hear me now.

以后再理解我。

Understand me me later.

以后再说。

Later.

这简直太棒了。

That That is amazing.

好的。

Okay.

所以你在书里完美诠释了这点，随他们去。

So you nailed it in your book, let them.

因为'随他们去'这个短语正是你处于那种紧张状态时试图控制的时刻。

Because let them the phrase where you're you're you're in this tense state you're trying to control.

所以焦虑的螺旋就是恐惧、控制、又回到恐惧，不断旋转，越滚越大，而控制的尝试也随之膨胀。

So the the the anxiety spiral goes fear, control, back to fear again, and it just spins, and it gets bigger and bigger, and the attempt to control gets bigger.

而'随他们去'正是跳出这个螺旋的方法，这很天才。

And let them is way out of the spiral, and it's genius.

这很天才。

It's genius.

所以你知道这很天才。

So you know that it's genius.

你们都把它纹在身上了。

You have it tattooed on your bodies.

明白吗？

You know?

所以，'随它去'某种程度上缓解了这个恶性循环。

So, let them kinda relaxes the spiral.

然后当你说'让我来'，让我在既定的人和事都如此发生的情况下做些什么。

And then when you say let me, let me do something given that this person or this world event is happening the way it's happening.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

让我承担起我的反应能力——在心灵自由的前提下做出回应的能力。

Let me assume my response ability, my ability to respond given that my mind is free.

好的。

Okay.

那么让我做什么呢？

So let me do what?

现在你正在运用大脑中负责创造的部分，而大量研究表明焦虑会抑制创造力。

Now you are using the part of your brain that creates, and there's tons of evidence showing that anxiety shuts down creativity.

但关于创造力也能抑制焦虑的研究却很少。

What there's not a lot of studies about is creativity also shuts down anxiety.