听完这一集，你再也不会以同样的方式看待家人了

所以，无论如何，最终都回到了神经系统。

So, any way you cut it, it's coming right back to the nervous system.

哇。

Wow.

您会给您的患者推荐哪些日常的微小动作或神经系统调节方法？我也想试试，正在听或看的观众也可以尝试。

What daily micro movement or nervous system tools do you prescribe to your patients that I could try, that the person who's listening or watching could try?

我喜欢这个。

I love this.

我最最喜欢的动作是摇晃。

My favorite, favorite movement is rocking.

摇晃？

Rocking?

摇晃。

Rocking.

摇晃实际上能启动我们神经系统中的平静反应，即副交感神经反应，激活腹侧迷走神经——这是我们颅神经中帮助我们体验休息、恢复、平静与安适的神经。

Rocking actually initiates that calming response, that parasympathetic response within our nervous system that engages our ventral vagal nerve, which is the nerve within our, our cranial nerve within our nervous system that actually helps us to experience rest and restoration and calm and ease.

所以我们摇晃时，实际上激活了腹侧迷走神经，这真是件美好的事。

So, we rock, we actually engage that ventral vagal nerve, which is just a beautiful thing.

想想看，比如当你躺在吊床上摇晃，或者坐在摇椅上时，它给你带来什么感觉？

Mean, if you think about it, for example, like when you're in a hammock rocking, right, or in a rocking chair, what's the effect that it gives you?

当然。

Sure.

秋千或者类似的东西。

Swing or like anything like that.

它让你感到踏实。

It grounds you.

甚至当你回想童年时，躺在照顾者怀里，他们摇着你入睡，你之所以能睡着，是因为你感受到了安全感，因为你的腹侧迷走神经反应被激活了。

Or even when you think about as a child, when you were in a caregiver's arms and they were rocking you to sleep, the reason why you were able to get sleep is because you actually felt a sense of safety because your ventral vagal response was being initiated.

哇。

Wow.

所以，摇晃。

So rocking.

另一个是什么？

What's another one?

另一个是哼歌。

Another one is humming.

哼歌也是激发腹侧迷走神经反应的一种方式。

Humming is also a way to elicit that ventral vagal response.

所以，实际上将两者结合起来会很有帮助。

So it actually helps a lot, you know, to be able to even pair the two.

我喜欢一边哼歌一边摇晃。

I like to and rock.

如果你和孩子一起做，甚至可以选一首你最喜欢的歌。

And it's almost like you can even pick your favorite song if you're doing it with a kid, with a child.

这种做法非常适合孩子。

It's very child friendly as a practice.

因此，这可以成为孩子自我安抚的一种方式。

And so this can be a way in which a child can also like help themselves to soothe.

如果他们在上学期间遇到突发情况，他们可以有机会轻轻摇晃，甚至哼唱，让自己感觉更平静。

If they're in the middle of the school day and something happens, they have the opportunity of just rocking a little bit and even, you know, humming and allowing themselves to feel calmer.

尤其是神经多样性人群，特别是自闭症患者，他们会有自我刺激行为，比如摇晃，这是他们自然用来自我安抚的一部分。

When neurodivergent folks, especially, especially folks who are living with autism, they have stimming behaviors, like the actual rocking is a part of what they naturally may do in order to self soothe.

因此，我们本质上是在借鉴这种行为，因为知道它对平静神经系统非常有效，我们利用它来启动自身的平静反应。

And so we're in essence borrowing from that also in knowing that it's quite effective in calming down the nervous system and we're utilizing it in order to initiate that calming response within us.

如果你今天晚些时候开车堵在路上，或者坐在办公桌前收到一封邮件或短信，说‘我们需要谈谈’，或者你昨晚给某人发了条消息，对方至今未回，你感到情绪波动袭来，此时此刻你能做些什么来让神经系统恢复平静？

If you later today are driving through traffic or you're sitting at your desk and you get an email or you get that text, we need to talk, or you sent a text to somebody last night and they still haven't responded and you feel that kind of emotional wave hit, what's something you can do in that exact moment to put your nervous system back into a calm state?

我们能做的最简单的事情就是深呼吸，而且不是三下，也不是仅仅几下。

The easiest thing that we can do is take deep breaths and not three, not, you know, just a few.

我们需要至少进行五分钟的深呼吸。

We need to take at least five minutes of deep breathing.

这非常关键，因为它能让我们的神经系统跟上我们给予它恢复机会的事实。

It's really essential because that allows our nervous system to catch up to the fact that we're giving it the opportunity to recover.

我经常听到人们说：‘谁有五分钟啊？’

And oftentimes I get people telling me like, who has five minutes?

我们生活在一个忙碌的世界里。

Like we live in a busy world.

你知道，如果你是个家长，你一定非常忙碌，对吧？

And you know, if you're a parent, you're incredibly busy, right?

但我总是喜欢提醒大家，你每天有1440分钟。

But I always like to remind folks, you have fourteen forty minutes in a day.

如果你只是抽出其中的五分钟，重新调整一下，给自己一个机会进行深呼吸，你会感觉好很多。

If you just take five of those minutes and recalibrate and just give yourself an opportunity to engage in deep breathing, you're going to feel so much better.

医生。

Doctor.

布凯，我非常喜欢你分享的这一点。

Bouquet, I just love how you shared that.

当你这样解释时，它真的很有道理。

It makes so much sense when you explain it that way.

我想把这一点分享给我生活中的其他人。

And that's something that I wanna share with other people in my life.

这是我希望我的家人也能理解并自行获取的东西。

It's something that I want my family to be able to understand and to access for themselves too.

我们需要短暂休息一下，听一下我们出色的赞助商的广告。

We need to take a quick break to hear a word from our amazing sponsors.

但在我们休息的同时，请把这一集转发给一个此刻需要听到你所听到内容的人，因为我们每个人都值得拥有医生正在为我们提供的这个改变人生的资源。

But while we do that, text this episode to one person who needs to hear what you're hearing right now, because we all deserve this life changing resource that Doctor.

布凯医生正在为我们提供的这个资源。

Bouquet is giving us right now.

请不要走开。

And don't go anywhere.

这个短暂的休息之后，我们还有更多内容要深入探讨。

We have so much more to dig into after this short break.

请继续关注我们。

So stay with us.

欢迎回来，我是你的朋友梅尔·罗宾斯。

Welcome back, it's your buddy Mel Robbins.

现在，我们正在进行我在这个播客中听过的最有力的一次澄清对话之一。

And right now we're in the middle of one of the most powerful clarifying conversations that I've ever had on this podcast.

因为我们正在讨论如何在面对可能令人困扰的家庭关系时保持冷静、清晰和内心平静，与布凯医生一起探讨。

Because we're talking about how to stay calm, clear, and centered around what can feel like difficult family dynamics with Doctor.

布凯医生是代际创伤领域的世界顶尖专家之一。

Bouquet, who's one of the world's leading experts in intergenerational trauma.

所以，布凯医生，

So Doctor.

为什么愈合过程常常会引发家人自身的抵触、愤怒和紧张？

Bouquet, why does healing so often trigger backlash and anger and tension from your own family?

因为你在揭露那些伤口，以及他们仍需面对的问题。

Well, because you're exposing the wounds and the places where they're still needing to work.

你在揭示那些存在的羞耻感。

You're exposing the shame that's there.

而羞耻感喜欢躲在封闭的门后。

And, you know, shame loves closed doors.

它喜欢躲藏，对吧？

It loves to hide, right?

所以如果你在对方还没准备好承认之前就向他们揭示这些，他们只会闭口不言。

And so if you expose someone to something before they're ready to acknowledge it, they're just going to clam up.

而这种闭口不言通常表现为：我不知道你在说什么。

So that clamming up typically looks like, I don't know what you're talking about.

我不记得有这回事。

I don't remember that.

对吧？

Right?

因此，所有这些都常常成为对话的一部分，但事实上，所有这些行为背后都是羞耻感——这个人现在不得不面对这种羞耻，才能承认自己一直是循环的维护者，延续着那些不健康的家族模式，并将它们强加于你。

And so all of that tends to be a part of the conversation when in reality, what's underneath all of that is the shame that this person now has to contend with in order to acknowledge the fact that they have been a cycle keeper and keeping cycles that are unhealthy flowing through the family and imposing them upon you.

我们不能指望你70岁的母亲以和你相同的速度、方式，或达到与你相同的治愈程度。

And we can't expect your 70 year old mother to heal at the same pace and in the same ways and heal to the extent that you have.

这不现实。

It's unrealistic.

我们可以关注那些细微的时刻，也许她展现出了一丝洞察，哪怕只是微小的承认，我们也要为这些小小的胜利喝彩。

We can look at micro moments when maybe she shows insight, maybe there's a bit of acknowledgement, even if it's a tiny one, and we celebrate those wins.

然后，为其余的部分哀悼。

And then we grieve the rest.

那些未能得到的东西，我们哀悼并放手。

Whatever could not be offered, we grieve and we let it go.

对不起，我被你刚才的话深深打动了。

I'm sorry, was so taken with that.

我都不知道接下来该问你什么了。

Don't even know what to ask you next.

因为我觉得，我们对自己有很多内疚和期待，关于这一切本该怎样发展。

Because I do feel like there's a lot of guilt or expectations that we put on ourselves about how it should all go.

是的。

Yeah.

然后，当你开始疏离并看清事情时，又会感到内疚。

And then you feel guilty that you're starting to separate and see things.

这正常吗？

Is that normal?

是的。

Yeah.

我见过两种情况。

And I've seen it both ways.

我见过一些成年子女的父母，他们因为无法跟上成年子女的康复步伐而感到内疚。

I've seen parents, adult parents of adult children that feel a sense of guilt that they're not able to heal at the same pace as their adult children.

他们无法真正找到内心的力量去接纳子女的现状。

They're not able to really find it in themselves to meet them where they are at.

这其实也非常不公平。

And that's also really unfair.

你如何应对那些忽视甚至嘲笑你想要谈论感受、或试图自我疗愈的父母、兄弟姐妹、亲戚或伴侣？

How do you deal with parents and siblings relatives or your partner who dismisses or even mocks you for wanting to talk about your feelings or for this attempt to try to heal yourself.

是的，这很痛苦。

Yeah, that's painful.

你真的让他们这样做了。

You really let them.

真的吗？

You do?

我的意思是，你无法改变一个人的反应。

I mean, you cannot change a person's reaction.

但你可以改变自己的回应。

You can change your response.

他们会反应和嘲笑，因为他们反映的是自己未愈合的部分。

They're gonna react and mock because they're going to reflect their unhealed parts.

你不能强迫他们认可你。

And you cannot force them into validating you.

事情不是这样的。

It doesn't work that way.

你只能让他们做他们自己。

You just have to let them be who they are.

然后，‘允许’这部分意味着站在你自己的内在。

And then the let me part is standing inside yourself.

当触发点和情绪浪潮袭来时，不要让它们主导你的反应，而是抓住那一瞬间的觉察，然后选择你如何应对——当你看到父母、姐妹、兄弟或老板身上那部分受伤的自我时。

And instead of allowing the trigger and the emotional wave to drive your reaction, hold on to that one second moment where you notice and then choose what you're going to do when you see the wounded part of your parent or your sister or your brother or your boss.

说得太美了。

That's beautifully said.

让你自己的反应成为你已愈合的自我、或更愈合的自我的反映。

And allow yourself to let that reaction that you have be a reflection of your healed self or your more healed self.

随之浮现的，是如此美好的自豪感。

And then what surfaces, which is so beautiful, is pride.

你感到自豪，这种自豪感压倒了曾经存在的羞耻，因为你能够看到自己：哇，我没有像过去那样回应这件事。

You have pride that overrides the shame that once existed because you're able to see yourself like, wow, I didn't respond to that in the ways that I used to.

你该如何应对一个从未拥有过工具、资源或支持的父母，而你现在却拥有这些？

How do you deal with a parent who just never had the tools, never had the resources or the support that you now have.

而且他们很难相处。

And they're difficult to deal with.

他们正在按照你说的做。

They're doing what you say.

他们有点抱怨和唠叨。

They're kind of complaining and nagging.

你开始意识到，在这些你不喜欢的唠叨和抱怨之下，很可能是一种迫切需要同理心或支持。

And what you start to realize is that underneath that nagging and complaining and the stuff that you don't like is probably a desperate need for empathy or support.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I'm saying?

那么，你该如何应对这种动态呢？

Like how do you deal with that dynamic?

因为如果我是那个打破循环的人，是那个在疗愈代代相传的创伤的人，而你的疗愈却暴露了父母、姐妹或某人尚未处理的伤口，你该如何建议你的患者应对那些从未获得支持的父母呢？

Cause I can't imagine if you're the one who's the cycle breaker and you're the one that's doing the healing of this wound that has been passed from one generation to another and your healing just exposes the wound in your parent or your sister or somebody who hasn't dealt with it, like how do you recommend to your patients that they deal with a parent that's never gotten the support?

嗯，我是在和我的患者一起工作，对吧？

Well, I work with my patients, right?

我不是在和他们的父母工作。

I'm not working with their parents.

让我告诉你我这么说的意思。

And I'll tell you what I mean by that.

因此，我会帮助我的患者，确保他们在参加家庭聚会时，面对的是同样一群人，进行着同样的对话，陷入同样的不健康家庭动态。

So I work with my patients to ensure that they're going into that family gathering with the same people that are having the same conversations and that are engaging in the same unhealthy family dynamics.

一切都没有变，除了你，我的客户。

Everything is the same except you, my client.

你现在有机会不再延续这个循环。

You now have an opportunity to not feed the cycle.

因此，你正在打破这种 dysfunctional 的平衡。

And so you're disrupting the equilibrium of that dysfunction.

所以，我通常是在与眼前的人合作，帮助他们在自己所处的环境中以健康的方式生存，因为这几乎就是我们所拥有的一切。

So more often than not, I'm working with the person in front of me to be able to exist in a healthy way within the environments that they're a part of, because that's most of what we have.

现在，如果他们的家人中有其他人愿意加入并共同疗愈这些创伤，他们随时欢迎。

Now, if there are other individuals in their family that are willing to come on board and work through those wounds, they're welcome.

但前提是，我们必须先完成对那片刻的争取。

But only after we've worked on buying back that second.

你如何教导你的客户，在家庭、关系或工作环境中，一切都没变，但你自己却不同了呢？

How do you teach your clients to go into a family or relationship dynamic or a work dynamic that's exactly the same, but you're different.

比如，当你走进这个家庭环境，知道自己是那个正在疗愈的人，而别人只能以他们自己内省和成长的程度来与你互动，你为客户提供哪些具体的工具呢？

Like what are some of the tools walking into that family dynamic knowing that you're the one doing the healing, that people can only meet you as deeply as they've worked on themselves and looked at this for themselves, what are some of the tools that you provide your clients?

你首先需要做的，是在他们不在场的时候练习这些方法。

The first thing that you would have to do is actually practice them when they're not around.

这些工具是用来练习的，让你建立熟练度，对这些工具感到自在，然后再带到家人面前。

The tools are made to be practiced, to build mastery around, for you to feel comfortable around the tools, and then to bring them around to your family.

这是首要的一步。

So that's first and foremost.

然而，你可以在饭桌上深呼吸。

However, you can take a deep breath at the dinner table.

当人们说出可能触发你情绪的话时，你可以非常微妙地深吸一口气，让你的神经系统恢复平静，而不是陷入触发反应。

When people are saying things that are potentially triggering to you, you can very subtly just take a breath and allow your nervous system to just restore itself rather than get into a trigger response.

这些工具你可以带到任何地方。

So these tools you can bring anywhere.

然而，至关重要的是，你要先在自己的时间里，以自己的节奏，在独处时，当你能真正温柔而诚实地面对自己的感受时，去实践这些方法，然后再将它们带到那些最容易触发你的人身边。

However, it's critically important that you first do them in your own time, at your own pace, within your solitude and in the moments when you can really be gentle and honest with yourself about what you're feeling and then bring them around the people that tend to trigger you most.

这很有道理，因为你实际上告诉我们了真相。

Well, that makes a lot of sense because you basically have told us the truth.

你正走进一个过去如此、将来也会如此的人际动态，但你自己已经改变了。

You're walking into a dynamic with people that has been the same and is going to be the same, but you are now changed.

没错。

Exactly.

所以在你踏入这个动态之前，以及在临近之时，只要你察觉到自己开始情绪泛滥，意识到自己即将失控，就要立即做任何你需要做的事——深呼吸，让自己平静下来，安抚你的神经系统。

And so before you are going to step into that and leading up to it, just when you notice you're starting to feel emotionally flooded, when you notice you're getting out, you just do whatever you need to do, take a deep breath to settle yourself and calm your nervous system.

这就是你可以练习的功课，对吧？

That's the work you can practice, right?

是的。

Yes.

并且环顾餐桌，想象一下其他每个人的神经系统，对吧？

And look around the table, visualize everyone else's nervous systems, right?

人们都处于各自不同的疗愈阶段，你会在同一张桌子旁看到不同的层次。

People are operating at their level of healing and you will see different levels at one table.

所有这些信息都是数据，你现在拥有的这些数据实际上能帮助你夺回那宝贵的一秒。

All of this is information, it's data that you now have that can actually help you to buy back that second.

所以这是一块块的基石，对吧？

So it's building blocks, right?

我们正在逐步积累到那个阶段。

We're building up to that.

那并不是第一步。

That's not the first step.

人们总想在第一次会话中就那样做。

That's what people want to do in the first session.

让我们把我的母亲叫来，谈谈她伤害我的种种方式，对吧？

Let's bring my mother so that we can talk about all the ways that she hurt me, right?

没错。

Yeah.

你知道，这件事有太多层次了。

And you know, there's so many layers to this.

我们需要考虑的事情太多了。

There's so many things that we need to consider.

我们需要重新调整你的神经系统，才能真正接纳与母亲对话的体验。

And there's so many ways that we need to restructure your nervous system to really take in the experience of speaking to your mother.

我们也要考虑她的神经系统，因为那也很重要。

And we need to consider her nervous system too because that matters too.

谢谢你这么说。

Thank you for saying that.

谢谢你在这里。

Thank you for being here.

当我听你说话时，我想起了我生命中许多我迫不及待想与之分享的人，因为他们需要听到这些。

As I'm listening to you, I have thought of so many people in my life who I cannot wait to share this with, because they need to hear this.

就像我需要听到这些一样。

Just like I need to hear this.

我猜你也在想你生命中的人。

I bet you are thinking of people in your life too.

所以让我们花一点时间，听听我们杰出赞助商的致辞。

So let's take a quick moment and hear a word from our amazing sponsors.

在你听的时候，把这一集分享给你关心的人。

And while you do that, send this episode to someone you care about.

分享给你的家人。

Send it to your family.

分享给你的成年子女。

Send it to your adult kids.

分享给你的父母。

Send it to your parents.

这种对话是我们所有人都需要的，为了更紧密地连接，为了感受到更多的平静。

This is the kind of conversation that we all need in order to be more connected, in order to feel more peace.

我们才刚刚开始，所以别走开。

And we're just getting started, so don't go anywhere.

医生。

Doctor.

玛里埃尔·布库和我将在短暂休息后等您。

Marielle Bouquet and I will be waiting for you after this short break.

欢迎回来。

Welcome back.

我是你的朋友梅尔·罗宾斯。

It's your buddy Mel Robbins.

今天，你和我将与心理学家、畅销书作家医生交谈并学习。

Today, you and I are talking to and learning from psychologist and bestselling author, Doctor.

玛里埃尔·布库。

Marielle Bouquet.

我们将学习如何在面对有时困难的家庭关系时保持冷静、清晰和内心平和，并如何与自己以及我们最关心的人建立更好的关系。

And we're learning how to stay calm, clear and centered around what are sometimes difficult family dynamics and how to create better relationships with ourselves and the people that we care about most.

所以，医生。

So Doctor.

布凯，对自己和上一代人，尤其是你的父母，同情心有多重要？

Bouquet, how much is compassion both for self and for the previous generations, particularly your parents?

如何

How

对他们经历的同情，对他们缺乏工具、资源和疗愈的同情，这又是其中的一部分吗？

does compassion for their experiences and their lack of tools and resources and healing, how is that a part of it?

这至关重要。

It's so critical.

这极其重要。

It's so essential.

你知道，我妹妹最近经常对我说一些话。

You know, my sister says something to me very often these days.

她会看着我妈妈，我们俩都四十多岁了，她看着我妈妈说：我现在终于理解妈妈了。

She'll look at my mother, we're both in our forties, and she'll look at my mother and she'll say, You know, I understand mom now.

我明白了。

I get it.

我们曾经有很多方式去评判母亲说的话或做的事，认为它们是有毒的，于是干脆切断联系，或者不愿真正与她交流。

There were so many ways in which we would appraise what my mother would say or do as toxic and just, you know, cut her off or, you know, not want to really kind of engage her in conversation.

但现在我们几乎能像四维视角一样理解了，对吧？

And now we see in like almost like four ks, right?

理解她经历过什么，活在那种现实中内心是什么感受。

Like what her experiences have been, what it feels like inside to be a person living that reality.

现在我们对她曾经是谁、现在是谁，都拥有了更多的同情。

And now we have greater compassion for the person that she was and the person that she is now.

而这种人性正是我想融入到这项工作中的。

And that's the type of humanity that I want to embed into this work.

我们需要彼此之间有相互的理解。

It's for us to have mutual understanding of each other.

当我看着像我父母这样的人时，我会用温柔的眼光看待他们，理解他们虽然在很多方面都失败了，但已经尽了他们所能。

And when I look at people like my parents, for example, I look at them with tender eyes, with an understanding that they failed in many ways and they did the best they can.

他们尽了自己最大的努力，因为直到现在，他们依然活着。

The best they could, the best they can because they're still alive.

我真的认为，我们有能力同时容纳这两种真相。

And I really do think that there is space to be able to hold both truths.

有人可能没有愈合，因为他们缺乏工具或动力。

Someone could have not healed because they didn't have the tools or the motivation.

而且，确实存在一种空间，让我们能够承认这种真实，并依然与生活中的人保持联系和互动。

And, you know, there is a space to really allow that to be true and for us to still, you know, kind of be in community and in connection with the people in our lives.

我喜欢你在第二章中讲述的那个故事。

I love the story that you write about in chapter two.

而且

And

那是你博士第一学期的时候，你正经历着人生中最严重的冒名顶替综合症——作为一个来自工薪阶层的黑人拉丁裔移民，在常春藤盟校中，你不断被提醒你有多么格格不入。

it's the moment where you were in your first semester of your doctoral studies and you were facing, as you put it, the worst imposter syndrome of your life being a black Latina immigrant from a working class background in an Ivy League institution and how you were constantly faced with reminders of how much you didn't belong.

你能分享一下这个故事，并用它来说明第一步吗？

Can you share a little bit about that story and use it as a way to illustrate kind of that first step?

嗯。

Yeah.

你知道，那是我生命中的一个时刻，我真正面对了自己有多么不同，毕竟我来自一个生活背景截然不同的地方。

You know, that was like a moment in my life when I was really confronted with how different I was, right, coming from a background where my life looks so different.

我来自多米尼加共和国，后来住在新泽西州纽瓦克，那是美国一个经济上非常贫困的地区。

I, you know, come from Dominican Republic, and then I lived in Newark, New Jersey, a very, you know, economically impoverished part of The US.

所有这些都构成了我最初的背景。

And so all of that was a part of my initial formation.

我进入了一所非常精英的常春藤盟校，与许多和我截然不同的人共事。

And I come into this very elite Ivy League institution, you know, working with so many people that just were so different than me.

而这些很多人也并不太意识到自己的言行对我背景的评价有多么伤害、痛苦和疏离。

And a lot of those people were also, you know, I think not super aware of their impact and of the ways in which their statements around my background were harmful and hurtful and alienating.

因此，那是我生命中一个真正意识到的时刻：哇，我被看作一个不同的人，甚至在某些人眼里可能还不够格，对吧？

And so it was a moment in my life when I was really able to see, wow, I'm seen as someone that's different and potentially even not up to par for some folks, right?

所以，经历这些真的非常痛苦。

So it was really, really hurtful to experience that.

我记得我当时想放弃。

And I remember wanting to quit.

我记得当时不想继续了，因为我觉得我怎么可能在这个地方待上六年并生存下来呢？

I remember not wanting to continue because I felt like how could I exist in this space for six years and survive, right?

从情感上来说，我不认为我能撑下去。

Emotionally, I don't think I can do it.

这对我来说太创伤了。

This feels traumatic for me.

在那一刻，我跟母亲谈了。

In that moment, I spoke to my mother.

就像我提到的，我母亲有很多缺点。

And like I mentioned, my mother comes with many flaws.

坦白说，我并没有指望母亲会给我如此美好的智慧。

And quite frankly, I wasn't really expecting my mother to offer this beautiful wisdom that she offered me.

但她告诉我，我来自一脉坚强的人，那些坚韧不拔的人，我应该重返其中，尽我所能。

But she mentioned that, you know, I come from a long line of strong people, of people that persevered and that I should get back in there and just give it my best.

我内心拥有这份力量。

That I had it in me.

我拥有这一切代代相传的智慧与力量，它们会助我度过难关。

I had all of this wisdom and strength that was passed down our lineage and that that would get me through.

这让我一下子摆脱了冒名顶替综合症。

And that just, it snapped me out of that imposter syndrome.

我当时就想，我确实属于这里。

I was like, I do belong.

我喜欢这一点，因为你谈到了这个现象，我们要把它和代际创伤联系起来。

I love this because you talk about this thing and we're gonna pair this with intergenerational trauma.

我现在正读你畅销书《打破循环》的第28页。

And so I'm reading from page 28 of your bestselling book, Break the Cycle.

这属于一个名为‘你的代际更高自我’的章节。

This is in a section called Your Intergenerational Higher Self.

我现在明白，冒名顶替综合症并不是我的真实本质，而是几代人被边缘化的产物。

I now know that imposter syndrome is not my truth, but an inheritance from generations of being marginalized.

这是一种方式，让我和我社群中的许多人被孤立、排斥，从而感到自己不属于这里。

It's a way in which I and many others in my communities have been isolated, shut out, and made to feel like we don't belong.

但我们确实属于这里。

But we do belong.

我全心全意地拥抱了这一真相。

And I stepped wholeheartedly into that truth.

我的代际更高自我正是从这一刻成长起来的。

My intergenerational higher self grew out of this moment.

你后来写道，你祖先的累积意图、愿望和智慧也叠加在你自身之上，共同构成了你的代际更高自我。

And you went on to write that your ancestors' cumulative intentions, wishes, and wisdom are also layered on top of your own to contribute to your intergenerational higher self.

当你与代际更高自我建立连接时，你便处于一种充满爱、滋养、祖先智慧且直觉敏锐的状态。

When you're attuned to your intergenerational higher self, you're in a place that is loving, nurturing, ancestrally wise and intuitive.

这种状态是神圣的。

It is sacred in that way.

当你触及这种代际的升华时，你便能体验到更深的平静、对自我的信任、好奇心和自我觉察。

When you tap into this generational elevation, you are able to experience greater calm, trust in yourself, curiosity, and self awareness.

我想向你反馈一点，因为我觉得这太美了。

I wanna reflect something back to you because I think this is so beautiful.

我们很容易回头去看我们的父母和祖父母，专注于我们没有得到的东西。

It is so easy to look back at our parents and our grandparents and focus on what we were not given.

专注于那些我们希望发生的事，专注于那些错误的事，你本可以做得不同的事，以及你认为自己不配得到的事。

To focus on the things that we wish would have happened, to focus on the things that were wrong, that you would do differently, that you didn't deserve.

我常常觉得，我们太少关注那些你真正继承下来的、非常强大的东西。

I often think we don't look enough at the things that you inherited that are really powerful.

当我读到这些时，我反思到，我来自一脉非常勤劳的女性。

And as I was reading that, I was reflecting on the fact that, I come from a long line of very hardworking women.

她们是家庭的经济支柱。

They were the breadwinners.

她们是管钱的人。

They were the money counters.

我可以想象我的祖母穿着晨衣，坐在农场摊位结束一天忙碌后，把一叠美元钞票摊开，敲打着日历，核对账目，处理日常收支。

I can picture my grandmother sitting in her housecoat at the end of running the farm stand in this big cattle farm and folding out the dollar bills and tapping on the calendar and balancing, you know, the daily thing.

我想起我妈妈，她有自己的小店，像我祖母一样坐在书桌前，核对支票簿，查看这家小型零售店的银行存款。因此，我思考着这种坚韧与毅力的传承。

I think about my mom who had her own store and she would sit at her desk just like my grandmother did and balance her checkbook and look at the bank deposits from this little retail store that she And so I think about the inheritance of that strength and fortitude.

这是一件美好的事，当我们面对创伤经历和伤痛时，也在汲取这种代际的更高自我。

And it's a beautiful thing that you're pulling in for us, that as we look at the traumatic experiences and the wounds, let's also pull in this intergenerational higher self.

是的，100%。

Yes, 100%.

我的意思是，我们不能忽视一个事实：我们继承的不仅仅是痛苦。

I mean, we can't lose sight of the fact that we are inheriting more than just pain.

我们还在继承力量与韧性。

We're also inheriting strength, resilience.

我们继承了曾经对我们所说过的肯定话语。

We're inheriting words of affirmation that were spoken to us.

梦想。

Dreams.

梦想，对吧？

Dreams, right?

很多这些东西，也是我们生命中所承载的一部分。

A lot of these things are also a part of what is placed on our plate.

当我们忽视这一点时，就容易陷入怨恨和指责的方向，而不是真正去审视所有这些因素，以及其中的细微差别，对吧？

And when we lose sight of that, we can veer in the direction of resentment and pointing fingers rather than really looking at all the things and looking at the nuance of it all, right?

当然，有些父母确实做了些真正不可原谅的事情。

Granted, some parents are really they do things that are truly unforgivable.

有些父母的行为足以让子女一生都不再与他们接触。

Some parents do things that require no contact for the rest of life.

但并不是每个父母都这样。

But not every parent.

有时候，我们只是需要付出深刻而艰难的努力，以一种足够健康且能持续终身的方式，修复与父母之间的联系，这对正在疗愈的人和父母双方都至关重要。

Sometimes we just need to do the deep and hard work to bridge the connection in a way that feels healthy enough and that can actually last for the rest of the lifetime of the person doing the healing and the parent.

你能再多谈谈这一点吗？

Can you just talk a little bit more about that?

当然，这因人而异，但似乎我们正处在一个疏离的时刻，你刚才说，博士，

And obviously it's person by person, but it seems that we're in this moment where there is a strangement and you just said, Doctor.

布凯，确实存在不建立关系的正当理由，而这些理由通常都极其严重、涉及危险。

Bouquet, that there's valid reasons to not have a relationship and they're usually in very, very extreme dangerous reasons.

是的。

Yeah.

虐待。

Abuse.

虐待是一个严重的问题。

Abuse is a big one.

是的。

Yeah.

儿童虐待是一个非常严重的问题，有些父母多年来一直虐待孩子，这对成年子女来说常常显得完全无法原谅。

Child abuse is a really big one, you know, for parents who abuse their children for years at times, you know, sometimes feels really unforgivable for their adult children.

是的。

Yeah.

但我觉得我们现在正处在一个时期，人们因为越来越意识到自己需要改进的地方，而逐渐走向疏离；你提到，博士，布凯，虽然不涉及虐待，但人们对于那些影响你童年的行为缺乏同情和理解，无法站在他人的角度去思考你所说的情况。

But it feels like we're in this moment in time where people are sliding into estrangement because as you become more aware of the things that you need to work on for yourself, it feels as though there's less compassion and understanding for the context in which some of the things that impacted you in your childhood, not in the category of abuse, there's an inability to step into somebody else's shoes and really consider what you're talking about.

如果你面对的是一个看似有毒、烦人、爱唠叨、不愿自我反省、总是扮演受害者的家伙，那确实很难与之相处。

That if you're dealing with somebody who appears toxic or annoying or nagging or won't look in the mirror or always plays the victim, that's a difficult person to be around.

如果我真正理解了你所教导的内容，如果你是真正打破代际循环的人，是疗愈创伤的人，那么你面对的仍然是一个充满伤痛的人，真正看清你所面对之人的现实至关重要。

And if I really hear what you're teaching us, if you're the true generational chain breaker and you're the one that's healing the wounds, you're dealing with somebody who still has a lot of wounds and that there's an importance in truly seeing the reality of the person that you're dealing with.

百分之百。

100%.

在我看来，如今家庭疏离的问题在于，我们对界限的运用似乎有些过度了——如果一个人没有达到我们疗愈的水平，如果我们无法与他们建立连接，或者他们无法认可我们，我们就会筑起高墙，对吧？

You know, the thing about family estrangement, as I see it right now, the era that we're in is that we kind of have taken off with boundaries in a way that feels potentially a bit on the excessive end because it doesn't, you know, if someone is not really kind of on our level of healing or if we can't connect with them or if they can't validate us, we may erect walls, right?

只是保护自己。

And just protect ourselves.

保护自己很重要。

It's important that we protect ourselves.

但这种保护有时只是暂时的，目的是让我们理清自己，以便进行更深入的对话。

But that protection at times just needs to be there temporarily while we sort ourselves out in order to have deeper conversations.

现在我们正经历一场孤独危机，对吧？

Right now we're undergoing a loneliness epidemic, right?

我们正越来越远离他人，而不是学会用工具去弥合彼此的联系。

And we're distancing ourselves more and more from people rather than equipping ourselves with the tools to bridge connections.

我认为代际之间也在发生同样的情况，对吧？

And I think that that's happening also between generations, right?

我们必须找到方法，来讨论那些让我们痛苦的事情，这至关重要。

It's really essential that we figure out ways to have conversations about the things that pain us.

如果我们的父母或任何伤害过我们的人没有能力参与这样的对话，我们就允许自己为此哀悼、转变并继续前行。

And if our parents or if anybody who has hurt us does not have the capacity to meet us in that conversation, that we allow ourselves to just grieve that and transition and move forward.

但这并不总是意味着我们需要切断与某人的联系。

But it doesn't always mean that we need to cut someone off.

有时候，这意味着我们需要在内心做工作，去哀悼，让悲伤存在，直到它最终消失。

Sometimes what it means is that we need to do the work within ourselves to grieve, to allow the sorrow to, you know, just be there until eventually it's no longer there.

那么，一个人如何知道，医生。

How does someone know, Doctor.

布凯，他们真正是在打破代际循环，而不仅仅是谈论它呢？

Bouquet, that they're actually breaking a generational cycle versus just talking about it?

当他们能够夺回一秒钟的反应时间时。

You know, when they're able to buy back one second of reaction time.

就一秒。

Just one second.

那意味着什么？

What does that mean?

这意味着你能够在回应任何人或任何事之前，暂停一秒钟。

What that means is that you're able to engage in a one second pause before you respond to anyone and anything.

你知道，有趣的是，当然，一秒等于一千毫秒，对吧？

Now, you know, interestingly, we, of course, one second is a thousand milliseconds, right?

在其中的二百五十毫秒内，我们的大脑实际上有能力接收信息——别人对你说的话，即使这些话可能具有触发性——并加以确认，然后在四分之一秒内将其带入意识层面。

And so within two fifty of those milliseconds, our brain actually has the capacity to take in information, what someone is saying to us, which could be triggering, to acknowledge it and to then bring it into conscious mind just in a quarter of a second.

这实际上为我们提供了机会，去思考在回应这个人时我们有哪些选择。

And so that actually allows us an opportunity to figure out what choices we have in responding to that person.

我们是会选择熟悉的反应模式：对抗、逃避、解离、崩溃？

Are we going to lean on the familiar, fight, flee, dissociate, collapse?

还是会选择不同的方式？

Or are we going to choose different?

这与我们正在经历的疗愈之旅相一致，与你作为循环打破者所秉持的价值观相一致。

Something that aligns with the healing journey that we're on, something that aligns with the values that you've adopted now that you're a cycle breaker.

因此，这一秒对任何打破循环的人来说都是无价之宝，因为它赋予了他们自主权和选择权，而他们一生中大部分时间都被剥夺了这些。

And so that one second is pure gold for anybody who's breaking cycles because it allows them agency and choice when they were stripped of that for most of their lives.

这就是你如何知道的。

That's how you know.

医生。

Doctor.

布凯，你说情绪素养是父母能给予孩子最伟大的礼物。

Bouquet, you say that emotional literacy is the greatest gift that a parent can give to their children.

你能给我们举一些情绪素养的具体技能例子吗？

Can you give us some examples of the skills that are emotional literacy?

是的。

Yes.

给自己的情绪命名。

Naming your emotions.

这是第一个，对吧？

That's the first one, right?

这太重要了。

Like that's so big.

我们有多少成年人正在寻找自己的情绪，试图弄清楚自己的感受，却不知道如何命名这些情绪？

How many of us are adults that are in search of our emotions, trying to figure out how we feel, not knowing how to name our emotions?

我们想要的，我认为任何父母都希望自己的孩子不要成为那种成年后还要寻找自己情绪的人。

What we want, I think what any parent would want for their kid is for them to not be the adult that has to also be in search of their emotions.

所以，如果我们帮助他们命名情绪，比如‘我感到难过，因为我的朋友搬走了’，对吧？

So if we help them to name the emotion, I'm feeling sad because my friend moved away, right?

要与情绪对话，也要让他们看到你以身作则，比如‘我感到难过，因为我的团队输了’，对吧？

Speak to the emotion and for also for them to see you model it, I'm feeling sad that my team lost, right?

任何能够示范情绪表达的行为，对孩子来说都至关重要，让他们看到父母真正地参与其中。

Like anything that actually models emotional language is really essential for kids to be able to see their parents, you know, engage in.

还有，修复的语言。

Also, the language of repair.

对不起，向孩子道歉。

I'm sorry, apologizing to kids.

这非常重要。

That's so essential.

我们以前并没有被教导说孩子也有自己的声音，而我们的上一代人更是如此。因此，给予孩子表达他们需求和对情境看法的机会，并让他们看到我们犯错并修复，这是一种变革。

We weren't necessarily taught that kids even have a voice And our generations, so to be able to give voice to a child's needs, to their thoughts about a situation, and to offer them an opportunity to see us mess up and repair is transformative.

这也属于情绪素养，因为将来会有一些成年人会说：你知道吗？

And that also is emotional literacy because there are going to be the kinds of adults that will say, you know what?

我搞砸了。

I messed up.

我想道歉。

I'd like to apologize.

因此，他们与他人的互动会更加健康。

And they will have healthier interactions with others as a result.

医生。

Doctor.

布凯，父母最常在不知不觉中如何否定孩子的情绪？

Bouquet, what are the most common ways that parents accidentally invalidate their kids' emotions without even realizing it?

别哭了。

Don't cry.

一切都会好起来的。

Everything's gonna be okay.

这没什么大不了的。

That's big.

而且大多数时候，这都是出于好意。

And it's it's so well intentioned most times.

对吧？

Right?

有时候父母的意思是，我在这里。

Sometimes parents, you know, what they mean is, you know, I'm here.

我在乎你。

I care for you.

我不想看到你哭，因为这让我心痛，但它实际上可能传递出一种否定的信息。

I, you know, I don't want to see you cry because it hurts me, but it can actually send an invalidating message.

所以语言真的很有力量。

So words are really powerful.

所以我强烈建议父母们留意自己所说的话，以及这些话可能产生的影响。

So I really urge parents to just be mindful of the words that you speak and how they can land.

因为‘别哭’、‘一切都有原因’这类话。

Because don't cry, everything, you know, happens for a reason.

你说‘你没事’，但其实你根本不是没事。

You're not, you know, you're okay when they're really not okay.

所有这些话都会忽视孩子的感受，反而训练他们压抑情绪。

All of those things can really kind of disregard how a child is feeling and actually train them to emotionally suppress.

相反，我们希望打开对话，问：‘你现在对这一刻有什么感受？’

Instead, what we want is to open up the dialogue and say, how are you feeling about this moment right now?

我能怎样帮助你？

How can I be helpful to you?

帮我理解一下。

Help me understand.

这些都非常开放。

These are very open ended.

对吧？

Right?

哦，我喜欢你提到的这三点。

Oh, I love that three things you could say.

你现在感觉怎么样？

How are you feeling right now?

我能怎么帮你？

How can I help you?

帮我理解一下。

Help me understand.

哦，我喜欢这一点。

Oh, I love that.

医生。

Doctor.

布凯，直接跟我们这里的人说话。

Bouquet, speak directly to the person who's with us.

如果他们从今天你们教我们的所有内容中只采取一个行动，你认为最重要的是什么？

If they take just one action out of everything that you taught us today, what do you think the most important thing to do is?

最关键的是选择这条道路，对吧？

The most critical thing will be to choose the journey, right?

你每天都必须做出选择。

You have to choose it every day.

每一天你都必须做决定。

Every day you have to make a choice.

我会坚持下去，直到我感觉不一样了。

I'm going to stick this out until I feel different.

这意味着你要把自己拉回来。

And that means that you're gonna bring yourself back.

即使你倒退，你也会把自己拉回来。

Even if you backtrack, you're going to bring yourself back.

你会帮助自己重新调整。

You're going to help yourself recalibrate.

所以关键在于选择。

So it's the choosing really.

是每天选择打破这个循环。

It's the daily choice to break the cycle.

医生。

Doctor.

布凯，你最后的话是什么？

Bouquet, what are your parting words?

每一天都为我们提供了打破循环、改变家族情感传承的机会。

Every day presents an opportunity for us to break the cycle and shift the emotional legacy of our family line.

我们所要做的，就是抓住这个机会。

And all we have to do is take that opportunity.

我希望，对于任何正在聆听的人，你们愿意承担起成为你们家庭中打破循环者的美好传承。

And I hope that for anyone who's listening, that you would be willing to carry that beautiful legacy of being the cycle breaker in your family.

这是我从这次对话中学到的一件事。

Here's one of the things that I've learned just from this conversation.

因为过去三年，我一直在努力工作，试图让我的神经系统进入更平静、更专注和更稳定的状态。

Because the last three years I have been doing so much work to try to put my nervous system into a calmer, more present and grounded state.

这改变了我日常生活的感受方式。

And it has changed the way that I feel in my day to day life.

它也改变了我作为父母的角色。

It has changed me as a parent.

它深刻地改变了我与两个成年女儿的关系。

It's changed profoundly my relationships with my two adult daughters.

我觉得自己和结婚三十年的丈夫仿佛进入了第二次婚姻，因为我已经变了。

I feel like I am in a second marriage with my husband of thirty years because I am different.

通过稳定我的神经系统，我看到了即使是在工作、家庭、朋友或作为两个成年女儿的母亲等关系中，只要我先安定自己、学会如何做到这一点，就能对过去那些感觉非常 dysfunctional 或充满紧张的关系产生深远的积极影响。

And by settling my nervous system, I can see how even dynamics and relationships, whether it's at work or it's in my family or friends or as a mom to two adult daughters, that just settling myself and learning how to do that has had a profound impact positively in the dynamics that used to feel very dysfunctional or full of tension.

但我从这次对话中获得的最重要的一点是，以代际的视角来看待疗愈的过程，并努力为自己、父母、祖父母乃至曾祖父母注入同情心，这有多么强大——因为当你疗愈时，你也在带着他们一起前行。

But one of the biggest things that I got out of this was how powerful it is to really look at the process of healing through an intergenerational lens and working hard to bring in a level of compassion for yourself, for your parents and grandparents and great grandparents who you are bringing along as you heal.

正如你所说，当你将这份疗愈传递下去时，也要对你的孩子抱有同情，因为他们正面对着全新的你，而他们内心某些部分也受了伤，因为你直到现在才开始疗愈。

And as you said, as you pass it forward, compassion for your kids as they're meeting the new you too and there are parts of them that are wounded because you only started healing now.

我必须不断观察女儿们的行为，当它们触发我时，我就意识到：哦，我以前也是这样做的。

Like I have to constantly look at the behavior of my daughters that then trigger me and go, oh, I did that.

好吧，让我向你道歉。

Okay, let me apologize.

哦，我看到了你受伤的那一面。

Oh, I'm seeing the wounded part of you.

而我不得不面对、却觉得我们讨论得还不够的一件事是，在疗愈你自己的神经系统的过程中，医生。

And the thing that I have had to confront that I don't feel we talk about enough is that in the process of healing your own nervous system, Doctor.

布凯，我不得不照镜子，承认自己曾多么苛刻地评判我的父母，评判我的丈夫，评判其他人——因为我把所有触发我的原因都归咎于他们。

Bouquet, I have had to look in the mirror and recognize how judgmental I have been of my parents, how judgmental I have been of my husband, how judgmental I have been of other people because I've made it their fault for triggering me.

哇。

Wow.

你明白我的意思吗？

You see what I'm saying?

如果我想更平静，我就觉得他们需要改变，而不是意识到真正的力量一直在于改变自己的神经系统，改变自己对生活中各种情况和他人反应的方式，真正的疗愈正是从这里开始的。

And that if I wanna be calmer, they need to change versus recognizing that the power is and always has been in changing your nervous system and changing your response to situations in life and your response to other people, that the healing truly starts here.

我认为我推迟了自己的疗愈，因为我总是把别人当成让我产生某种感受的罪魁祸首。

And I think I delayed my own healing because I was a person who blamed other people for making me feel a certain way.

这说得通吗？

Does that make sense?

完全明白。

Absolutely.

对你家人来说，能够见证一个愿意承担责任、愿意深入探索自己内心恐惧部分、愿意付出努力并以不同方式面对生活的你，是多么珍贵的礼物啊。

And what a gift it is for your family to be able to experience a version of you that is willing to take accountability, that is willing to look deep within into the scary parts of yourself and willing to do the work and show up differently.

这是一份礼物。

That's a gift.

这是一份真正的礼物。

It's a real gift.

而且正如你所说，这是一种具有多重层次并影响多代人的礼物。

And it's a gift that as you mentioned, has multiple layers and it impacts multiple generations.

而且我要非常清楚地说明一件事。

And look, I wanna be very clear about something.

‘随他们去’这个理论是我一生中发现并实践过的最令人震惊的强大力量，因为它从内到外彻底改变了我，我觉得这种改变甚至深入到了细胞和基因层面。

And the Let Them Theory has been just the most shockingly powerful thing I've ever discovered and implemented into my life because it's changed me, I feel like at a cellular and genetic level from the inside out.

因为每当我因为别人的观点、行为或期望而被触发时——坦白说，在当今世界，这甚至可能只是该死的新闻标题。

Because every time I'm in a situation where I myself getting triggered by somebody else's opinions or behaviors or expectations, and let's face it in today's world, it could just be the freaking headlines.

可能是某个陌生人在网上写的东西，然后你注意到：嘿，你又被触发了。

It could be what a stranger writes online and you notice, there you go.

每次我说‘随他们去’的时候，我并不是在放任任何事情发生，而是在觉察它。

Every time I say let them, I'm not allowing anything to happen, I'm recognizing it.

我觉察到的是，一个外部因素触发了我内在的伤口。

And what I'm recognizing is that an outside force triggered an internal wound.

而既然我已经觉察到了，我就可以做出选择。

And now that I've recognized it, I get to choose.

这就是‘让我’的部分。

And this is the let me part.

当情绪浪潮来临时，我可以选择自己要怎么做。

I get to choose what I'm going to do now that that emotional wave is coming.

在听你说话的过程中，我意识到它帮助我建立了那种聚焦于一秒的界限——当你能将自己与那瞬间的自动反应分离开来时，你就是房间里最有力量的人。

And I realize in listening to you that it's helped me build up that laser focused one second boundary where when you can separate yourself and the one second automatic response that you have, you are the most powerful person in the room.

因为你已经建立了情感韧性与界限，所以即使人们总会触发你、惹你生气、让你难过、做各种让你不舒服的事，你依然在内心培养出一种能力：在大多数情况下，选择如何回应。

Because you've built the emotional fortitude and boundary so that even though people are always gonna trigger you, they're gonna piss you off and annoy you and hurt your feelings, do all kinds of, You are building within you this power to choose how you respond in most cases.

是的，完全正确。

Yeah, absolutely.

同时，对于你生活中的人而言，你也在示范如何以不同的方式互动。

And you're also for the people that are in your life, you're modeling how to engage differently.

因此，能够在那一秒的反应中参与其中，有着诸多好处——你同时在教导和学习。

So there's so many benefits to being able to engage in that one second of reaction You're teaching and you're learning at the same time.

我还学到了另一件事：过去我就像火山、灰熊或刺猬，是个情绪爆发者。

And the other thing that I learned because I used to be like the volcano or the grizzly bear or the porcupine, know, like, I was one of those barfers of emotions.

很痛苦。

In pain.

是的，很痛苦。

Yeah, in pain.

很痛苦。

In pain.

是的。

Yeah.

那就是，我对此并不感到自豪。

Is that, and I'm not proud of that.

但我学到的一件事是，有策略、冷静且掌控全局要强大得多，而且在某些情况下，这反而更有效，因为你真正掌握了主动权。

But one of the things that I've learned is being strategic and stoic and in control is way more powerful and turns out in some cases, waste carrier because you're actually in control.

人们其实不会去听那些大喊大叫或声音糟糕的人，我们会自动屏蔽他们。

People don't really listen to people that are screaming or have terrible tones of voices, we tune you out.

但那些保持冷静的人，能够改变整个房间的氛围。

But people who stay in control, they shift the energy in a room.

嗯。

Yeah.

从创伤的角度来看，这很有道理，因为创伤留给我们的是一种失控感。

And that makes sense from a trauma perspective because what trauma leaves us with is a sense of loss of control.

所以当你能够重新获得自主权时，它会真正改变你周围的一切。

So when you're able to gain back that autonomy, it really shifts everything around you.

我亲身体验过。

I've experienced that.

这是可能的。

It's possible.

真的可能。

It really is.

考虑到我一生中的五十年都是以某种方式生活的，而我最近几年才开始谈论做这项工作，这在短短时间内就改变了我整个生命体验，确实很短暂。

And given that I lived a certain way for fifty years in the course of my lifetime, the fact that I'm talking about doing this work in the last couple years, that's a very short period of time to shift your entire experience of life.

嗯。

Yeah.

我认为这给所有听众提供了一个机会，让他们明白，从40岁、50岁开始也没关系。

And I think it gives anybody who's listening an opportunity to see like, it's okay to start at 40, 50.

我们的年龄并不能决定我们能够实现的疗愈，对吧？

Our ages don't determine the healing that we're capable of, right?

我们曾在多个十年中承受痛苦，但近年来决定转化这份痛苦，审视自己如今的处境，感受那份解脱、自由，以及由此带来的关系如何变得更加滋养。

Like we've existed in multiple decades in pain and decided in the recent years to transition that pain and look at where we are now and how liberated we feel, how free, how nurturing our relationships can be as a result.

是的。

Yeah.

踏上这段旅程有许多美好的益处，尽管这是一段艰难、痛苦、充满悲伤的旅程。

There's so many beautiful benefits of taking that journey, albeit, you know, a hard journey and difficult journey and grief stricken journey.

在另一端等待着的，是真正美好的东西。

What lies on the other side is something really beautiful.

那么，医生。

Well, Doctor.

布凯，我只能说，感谢你所做的一切非凡工作。

Bouquet, all I can say is thank you for the extraordinary work that you do.

感谢您的邀请，以及为我们打开的这扇门。

Thank you for the invitation and the door that you opened up for all of us to step through.

我非常钦佩您所代表的一切。

I love what you stand for.

今天我从您这里学到了很多。

I've learned so much from you today.

我非常期待看到这一切如何在全球传播，帮助人们疗愈，帮助他们与家人建立更紧密的联系。

I'm so excited to see how this spreads around the world and helps people heal and helps them feel more connected to their family.

谢谢。

Thank you.

谢谢。

Thank you.

感谢您的到来。

Thank you for being here.

这是我的荣幸。

It's been my pleasure.

谢谢。

Thank you.

我也想感谢你。

And I also wanna thank you.

谢谢你选择收听或观看这一集。

Thank you for choosing to listen to or watch this episode.

你知道吗，布凯医生说过，这一切始于每天做出做这项工作的选择，而你选择了抽出时间来聆听可能真正帮助你疗愈、让你身体更安宁的内容。

You know, that's what doctor Bouquet said that it begins with making a choice to do this work every day and you chose to make time to listen to something that could truly help you heal, to feel more at peace in your body.

它能帮助你与你关心的人建立更紧密的联系，终止代代相传的创伤，而这一切从你开始，同时传递一种全新的传承。

It could help you be more connected to the people that you care about and to stop the trauma that's getting passed through your ancestors, it stops with you, and to pass forward a different legacy.

我的意思是，这真是一个非凡的邀请。

I mean, what an extraordinary invitation.

所以，谢谢你为自己和未来世代抽出时间，谢谢你，谢谢你，谢谢你。

So thank you, thank you, thank you for spending the time for yourself and for future generations.

如果还没人告诉过你，我想确保让你知道：我爱你们，我相信你们。

And in case no one else tells you, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you and I believe in you.

我相信你有能力创造更好的生活。

And I believe in your ability to create a better life.

毫无疑问，你今天从布凯医生那里学到的一切都会帮助你做到这一点。

And there's no question that everything that you learned today from Doctor.

布凯医生会帮助你做到这一点。

Bouquet is gonna help you do that.

好了。

Alrighty.

我在下一期节目中等你。

I will see you in the very next episode.

当你点击播放的那一刻，我就欢迎你。

I'll welcome you in the moment you hit play.

我很高兴你在这里。

I am so excited that you're here.

我也是，我也是。

Me too, me too.

我有两个朋友叫这个名字，但他们发音都不一样。

I have two friends with that name and they both say it differently.

所以我就会想，好吧，我总是会问，总是会问。

So I'm like, okay, I always ask, always ask.

因为你可能也有过这样的经历：你在签书时，会问对方：你叫什么名字？

Because you've probably had this experience where you're signing the book and you're like, what's your name?

然后对方说：Tom。

And you go, Tom.

于是你准备写成 Tom。

And then you go to write Tom.

他们却说：哦不，不是，是 THOM。

They're like, oh no, no, was THOM.

然后你就说：好吧。

And you're like, okay.

你做得太棒了。

You're killing it.

哦，谢谢。

Oh, thank you.

这真的很有帮助。

And it's crazy helpful.

今天是倒垃圾的日子。

It is trash day.

所以我们可能会休息五分钟，但之后能马上继续。

And so we might have a five minute break, but we're we'll be able to pick it right back up.

好的。

Okay.

好的。

Okay.

我觉得我们已经聊了两分钟左右了，你觉得呢？

I think we've been in a couple minute or two, don't you think?

是的。

Yeah.

还在响个不停。

Still the beeping.

嗯。

Yeah.

特雷斯在看着垃圾。

Trace is watching the trash.

城市生活。

City life.

我的意思是，我在纽约住了几年，

I mean, I I lived in New York a a couple years,

哇。

so Wow.

他们今天真的在清垃圾。

They're really doing the trash today.

你太聪明了。

You're brilliant.

你如此轻盈且非凡。

You're such light and so phenomenal.

看到你行动的样子简直令人惊叹。

To see you in action is incredible.

谢谢。

Thank you.

哇。

Wow.

你是个很棒的对话伙伴。

You're a great conversation partner.

谢谢你这么说。

Thank you for that.

哦，还有一件事。

Oh, and one more thing.

不，这可不是花絮。

And no, this is not a blooper.

这是法律条款。

This is the legal language.

你知道的，就是律师写的、我需要念给你听的内容。

You know, what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you.

本播客仅用于教育和娱乐目的。

This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes.

我只是你的朋友。

I'm just your friend.

我不是持证治疗师，本播客也不替代医生、专业教练、心理治疗师或其他合格专业人士的建议。

I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.

明白了吗？

Got it?

很好。

Good.

我们下一期再见。

I'll see you in the next episode.

SiriusXM播客。

SiriusXM Podcasts.