129. 为何慈悲是最难（也最强大）的修行

向他人展现同情心会改变你们关系的本质。人与人之间的相互认同正是联结、强化并扩展人类情感纽带的关键。这是奥普拉·温弗瑞的名言。今天我们将以这段引言为起点，探讨践行同情心时面临的挑战，如何为他人付诸行动，以及如何挖掘我们内心的共情储备来彼此相助。我是艾米·巴科斯医生，非常欢迎您收听《现代创意女性》播客。

Extending yourself in compassion to another human being changes the nature of your relationship. The acknowledgment of one human being to another is what bonds, strengthens, and expands the human connection. This quote from Oprah Winfrey. This quote from Oprah Winfrey starts us off today as we explore some of the challenges of experiencing compassion and taking action towards others and how we can dig a little deep into our empathetic reserves to help one another. I'm doctor Amy Bakos, and I'm so glad you're here at the Modern Creative Woman Podcast.

今天我们讨论的主题是共情与同情，我将分享这两种情感之间的区别。心理学对这些促使我们与他人建立联结的特殊情感体验有着深入研究，它们常被视为亲社会情感——换句话说，共情与同情能帮助我们在群体中更好地生存。相信您一定目睹过朋友遭受痛苦的场景。

We're talking today about empathy and compassion, and I'll share some of the distinctions between these emotions. And psychology has a lot to say about these particular emotions and experiences, which drive us to connect with other people. It's often considered a prosocial emotion. In other words, it helps us survive to have empathy and compassion for one another. Undoubtedly, you've witnessed a friend experiencing pain.

或许他们上楼梯时绊倒、脚趾撞伤、痛失所爱，或因某些发生或未发生的事而悲伤。我们的本能反应是产生某种情感共鸣，仿佛能感知他们的感受，继而想要给予支持。这个例子同时包含了共情与同情。虽然大多数时候我们会混用这两个词，这本身无可厚非。但词语的精确性很重要，区分它们确有深意。

Maybe they tripped going up the stairs, stubbed their toe, lost a loved one, sad about something that happened or didn't happen. And our natural reaction is to have some kind of feeling in response to this where we can kind of tap into what they're feeling and then we want to support them. This example is inclusive of both empathy and compassion. Most of the time we use these words interchangeably, and most of the time, there's nothing wrong with this. However, words matter, and there's a reason that we want to have some distinction.

共情是指你像感受自己的情绪一样体验他人的情感。这就像将镜头转向内心，真切体会对方的处境——事实上这是人类的本能。研究表明，当你目睹他人痛苦时，大脑中被激活的脑岛前部和前扣带回皮层区域，

Empathy is what happens when you're feeling someone else's emotions as if they were your own. You kinda turn the camera inward and have a a sense of what they're going through. You call it up into your own body. In fact, it's human instinct to do that. There's quite a bit of research revealing that when you witness someone else in pain, the particular region of your brain that lights up is called the anterior insula and the anterior cingulate cortex.

与你自身经历疼痛时活跃的脑区完全一致。可以将其理解为情感共振，你正自然地与对方的情绪产生同频振动。

Those become active in your brain. And guess what? That's the same spot in your brain that is active if you're experiencing pain. Think of it as resonance where you're vibing with someone's emotion. It's very much natural automatic.

这类情感不仅出现在感受负面情绪时（如朋友的悲伤），当他人经历我们渴望体验的强烈积极情绪（比如喜悦、兴奋）时，大脑相同区域同样会被激活。共情本质上包含三个层次：第一是我刚描述的情感共情，

These kinds of emotions don't just relate to when you're feeling something uncomfortable, like your friend's grief. It also works with joy, excitement. When someone's experiencing a powerful positive emotion that we like to feel, we will also have that same region in our brain light up. Essentially, empathy has three different layers. One is the emotional empathy that I just described.

它让你在身体层面共享感受——当对方处于痛苦、窘迫或哀伤时，你的大脑会镜像反射相同情绪，在体内形成情感共振（情绪本质上是身体的能量波动）。此外还有认知共情，它能真正帮助你理解他人的感受。

It lets you share that feeling in your body. You recognize that they're in pain or they feel embarrassed or in grief, and your brain reflects that same feeling. You share that feeling in your body. A feeling is considered a vibration in your body. There's also cognitive empathy, and that's what really helps you understand what someone else feels.

他们在向你解释发生了什么，通过他们的语言和你自己的认知过程，你可以开始理解正在发生的事情。你可能没有亲眼目睹他们绊倒摔倒，但他们正在讲述这个故事。因此，由于大脑在运作，你开始体验到那种共情。最后是同情心，或者你可以将其视为富有同理心的共情。这就是想要为此做些什么的冲动。

They're explaining to you what happened, and you can start to get a sense of what's happening through their language and through your own cognitive processes. You didn't maybe witness them trip and fall, but they're telling you a story about it. So you can start to experience that empathy because your brain is working. And finally, there's compassion, or you can think of it as compassionate empathy. And that's the urge to do something about it.

你想安慰你的朋友，给他们一个拥抱，或者如果他们得到了晋升，你想为他们欢呼并为他们感到高兴。虽然这些情感有所重叠，但它们都在激活你大脑的不同区域。共情对我们非常有益，无论是给予还是接受。然而，共情这个词被过于随意地使用了。我想说明它不是什么。

You want to comfort your friend, give them a hug, or if they got the promotion, you want to cheer for them and be happy for them. And each of these, while they overlap, are lighting up different parts of your brain. Empathy is really good for us, whether we're giving it or we are receiving it. Empathy, however, gets tossed around a little too liberally. And I wanted to say what it's not.

它是一种情商，但不是超能力。我们都拥有它。所以共情并不是将人们从痛苦中拉出来。它不会吸收他们的痛苦。它不是一场表演。

It's a type of emotional intelligence, but it's not a superpower. We all have it. So empathy isn't pulling people out of their pain. It doesn't absorb their pain. It's not a performance.

不需要别人看到，你也能知道自己正在感受共情。这当然不是软弱。拥有共情不会让你变得脆弱。它与同情相似，但当你拥有同情心时，会有一种想要做些什么的冲动。如果我们转向同情心，它会让你从共情走向其他方面。

No one has to see it for you to know that you're feeling empathy. It's certainly not a weakness. It doesn't make you fragile to have empathy. It's similar to sympathy, but there's a urge to do something when you have compassion. If we shift into compassion, it lets you move from empathy into something else.

因此，共情是感受他人的痛苦或快乐，而同情心则是促使你对此做出回应。当我们理解某人正在挣扎时，这实际上是自然而然的下一步。本质上是从你孤立私密的情绪体验转变为与他人建立联系。你想理解并想提供帮助。这是一个长久以来讨论的话题。

So empathy is feeling someone else's pain or joy, and compassion is moving you to respond to it. It's really the natural next step when we understand that someone is struggling. It's essentially moving from your isolated private experience of whatever that emotion is into a connection with another person. You want to understand and you want to help. This has been a topic of conversation for a very long time.

在佛教中，它是在痛苦面前保持开放的意愿。在心理学中，它被视为敏感与力量之间的平衡。当你践行同情心时，大脑中感受爱的部分也会被激活。同情心与怜悯无关。它不是要求你筋疲力尽，过度卷入他人的问题或一味讨好他人。

In Buddhism, it's the willingness to stay open in the presence of pain. In psychology, it's seen as a balance between sensitivity and strength. The parts of your brain that are feeling love are the same parts that are lighting up when you're engaging in compassion. Compassion has nothing to do with pity. It's not about asking you to burn out, where you're overly involved in someone else's problems or you're people pleasing.

同情心不是要求你耗尽自己。再次强调，它不是试图修复某人。同情心与回避困难情绪无关。它是一种想要安慰的冲动。而且同情心不是交易性的。

Compassion is not asking you to exhaust yourself. And again, it's not trying to fix someone. Compassion has nothing to do with bypassing difficult emotions. It's the urge to comfort. And compassion is not transactional.

如果一个人关注他人时，内心盘算着能得到回报，这绝非真正的慈悲。慈悲的美妙之处在于，你越是培养它，它就越能变得充满爱与力量。同理心则重在与他人的情感共鸣——你置身其境，感同身受。

If someone's thinking they will engage in attention to someone who's struggling with the thought in the back of their mind that they will get something in return, that's simply not compassion. The nice thing about compassion is the more you train it, the more it can become very loving and strong. Empathy focuses on feeling the emotion with someone. You're right there with them. You're feeling it too.

你可能会有这样的行为：思考并理解他人的遭遇。但这本质上是一种内向体验。当你产生同理心时，焦点其实在你自身的感受上，尚未真正关联对方。虽然同理心能拉近人际关系，但若长期沉浸在他人悲痛中却不转化为慈悲行动，或对方无法接受关怀，反复唤起这些情绪会让人精疲力竭。

You might have the action of thinking about and understanding what they're going through. And it's really an inward experience. When you're feeling empathy, it's focused on you and your feelings. It's nothing to do with them yet. It can build closeness when you have empathy with other people, except it can be draining over time to sit with someone in grief and not have the urge towards compassion, or they're unable to receive compassion, it can feel very tiring to call up these emotions in ourselves over and over and over again.

源于同理心的慈悲，是渴望缓解他人痛苦。这不是要'修复'对方，而是通过具体行动给予支持。不同于反刍自身情绪，它向外延伸伸出援手。这种力量能建立温暖持久的关系纽带，且不会消耗自身能量。

Compassion, coming from empathy, is wanting to ease someone's pain. It's not trying to fix them, but it's taking action steps to support or help. So instead of reflecting on your own emotion, it's turning outward and reaching to help someone. It's building strength and warmth, and it's about lasting care. It deepens a relationship, and it's not depleting.

在培养治疗师和艺术治疗师时，我常强调将同理心作为信息来源——体察自身情绪反应。当我们感知到来访者的痛苦时，这只是一个信号。接着就需要转向慈悲行动。若长期滞留于同理心状态，我们反而会遭受替代性创伤。关键是在内心体验情感后，向外提供支持。

When I work with students training to become therapists and art therapists, I talk about using empathy as a source of information, reflecting on one's own emotions. When it comes up that we feel our client's pain, it's a piece of information. And then we want to shift into compassion. We can't linger in that empathy for days and days, or we become vicariously traumatized. The idea is to experience that emotion internally and then move outward to offer support.

我在Mendeley全球研究数据库检索发现，仅过去一年半就有上万项关于同理心的研究。这个课题备受关注。前文提到同理心属于亲社会行为，它确实需要神经网络协同运作，使我们能感知他人情绪、产生共鸣、认知理解、换位思考并区分主客情绪——在同理心发生的瞬间，这些机制同时激活。

I did some searching on the Mendeley Worldwide Research Database, and there's been 10,000 research studies on empathy just in the last year and a half. This is a highly researched subject. I mentioned earlier that emotion of empathy is a pro social behavior. The capacity for empathy really does require this interplay of our neural networks, and it's allowing us to perceive the emotions of others, resonate with them, cognitively take it in, understand the perspective of the other person, distinguish between our own and other emotions. That's a lot of things happening all at once in that moment of empathy.

有时我们会在情感共鸣上遇到障碍，无法连接他人遭遇。这时可以转向认知同理心，用理性推断他人感受。《同理心的科学》一文指出，自我与他人的共情能 renew 人类重要能力。若要建设更具同理心的社会和慈悲的世界，强化这种天然能力对个人、社群、国家乃至国际关系的联结都至关重要。

There may be times when we're struggling with some kind of emotional empathy. We aren't connecting to what's happening. And that's when we can shift to the cognitive empathy and use our brain to figure out what another person is feeling. One article I found titled The Science of Empathy expresses that self and other empathy leads to a replenishment and a renewal of a vital human capacity. And if we are to move into the direction of a more empathetic society and a more compassionate world, it is clear that working to enhance our natural capacities to empathize is critical, and it's essential for strengthening individual, community, national, and international bonds.

这篇来自《患者体验期刊》（H.Reiss著）的论文，专门探讨了求助者接受专业帮助时的感受。研究者明确指出，这绝非简单的个体互动，它对地方、国家乃至全球社群都具有深远影响。

This is an article from the Journal of Patient Experience by H. Reiss. And they're talking about, or rather they're writing about, what it feels like to be a client or a patient on the receiving end when you're asking for help from some kind of professional. And it's very clear to the researchers that this is not simply about a single interaction with another person. It has huge implications for us at our local and national and global community.

我开始思考为何现今人们似乎普遍缺乏同理心与同情心。后来我读到一篇题为《关怀有价》的文章，该研究探讨了人们为何会逃避需要付出认知努力的同情行为。这篇2022年发表在《实验心理学杂志》的论文提出：既然同情能带来温暖积极的体验，为何人们在有机会时仍会表现出寻求同意的动机？研究者猜测人们是否会自发选择感受同情，以及这类选择是否与将同情视为所谓'认知成本'有关。

I started to wonder why it seems like people are struggling with empathy and compassion right now. And I found an article called Caring is Costly, and that it explores this idea of why people are avoiding the cognitive work of compassion. This is a 2022 article from the Journal of Experimental Psychology. They are speculating if compassion is such a warm and positive experience, then people seem to be having the urge or the motivation to seek out compassion when given the opportunity. They wondered whether people would spontaneously choose to feel compassion and if these kinds of choices are associated with perceiving compassion as what they call cognitively costly.

换句话说，这需要耗费大量脑力劳动。通过综述各类研究发现，许多人即使有机会也会选择回避同情行为，且多数受访者认为同情比单纯同理心更消耗认知资源。相比客观抽离的状态，同情行为对认知系统的负担更重。当人们预判同情会令大脑疲惫时，就会主动避免产生共情。研究还揭示了两项关键边界条件。

In other words, it takes a lot of mental labor. And they reviewed all kinds of findings to discover that many people opt out and they want to avoid compassion even when given the opportunity, and that many people reported compassion to be more cognitively taxing than just empathy. And compassion is more cognitively taxing than just objective detachment. When they thought that compassion would be fatiguing in their brain, they weren't engaging in it. They also discovered two really important boundary conditions.

首先，人们较少回避对亲近之人施予同情，这种选择差异源于人们认为对亲友付出同情的认知成本较低。这意味着我们更愿意对朋友家人展现同情行为，并认为这种付出是值得的。我们并不介意花费些脑力去帮助朋友。研究还发现，即使面对广泛的社会求助情境，参与者仍常选择逃避同情情绪。这引发了对同情是否确属亲社会行为的思考。

First of all, people were less likely to avoid compassion for people that were close to them, and the choice difference was associated with viewing compassion for people close to them as less cognitively costly. What they mean is that we're more likely to engage in compassionate behavior towards people that we're close with, our friends, our family, and we generally see it as worth the price. We don't mind that it takes some cognitive labor to reach out and help a friend. They also found that even when there was a broad context and sort of intensive pleas for help, participants often preferred to escape the feeling of compassion. They were wondering if compassion is indeed a pro social action.

研究发现，人们在实施同情行为前会评估其可能带来的成本。就像目睹事故时停车询问是否需要帮助——这种举动需要情感投入，可能耗费时间。我们实际上在进行着价值判断：我是否愿意付出这些成本来践行同情？

And what they discovered is that people consider how costly it might be for them to engage in compassionate behavior before they reach out and do something. If you've ever witnessed an accident or something happening and you pulled over your car to see if you could help or you ask someone if they need anything, that takes a bit of emotional toll. It might take time. And what we're finding is that we're evaluating, do I want to do this? Do I want to engage in compassionate behavior?

本质上，研究指引我们认识到世界需要更多同情行为。每份同情都是对世界的投资。现在我们开始理解为何会犹豫：这本质上是种利己的决策——人们觉得'这太费精力了'。

Essentially, research is pointing us in the direction of needing compassion, more compassion. It's an investment for the world when we engage in compassionate actions. And now we are starting to understand why we might be hesitant to engage in compassionate behavior. It's a self focused decision. Oh, that's gonna take too much work.

我想反问：逃避同情行为的代价是什么？生活中不乏冷漠疏离的案例，这促使我们必须认真思考如何增进同情行为。我邀请你参加为期五天的挑战：每天践行一件富有同情心的事。对象可以是亲友，更鼓励你对陌生人施予善意。

I would pose the question of what's the cost of avoiding compassionate behavior? And I'm sure we can think of all kinds of examples where we've seen people practice a lack of compassion or emotional disengagement. I think it's something we need to seriously consider how we can engage in more compassionate behavior. I want to invite you on a little five day challenge and to do something with compassion every single day. It can be people close to you, and I wanna encourage you to try doing it with people that you don't know.

昨天散步时，我遇到一位带着哭闹孩子的家长，通过微笑点头和简短交流传递了共情。后来看见一位坐在商店台阶上休息的老人，我主动确认他是否安好——毕竟那并非舒适的休憩处。老人说只需几分钟喘口气就好。

I went on a walk yesterday and passed by a parent who had a young child who was upset and struggling. And I smiled and nodded, and we had a few words. And I was definitely feeling empathy and compassion for this parent. Later on down the walk, I saw an elderly person who stopped to sit down on the soup at a store, and I checked in to make sure they were okay because it's not the most comfortable place to sit. And they just needed a few minutes, they said, to catch their breath.

或许作为一名治疗师，我本应对慈悲行为更感兴趣，但我不认为事实如此。我认为主动关心他人能让自己感觉良好，对双方都是如此。我们不只是为他们而做。展现同情与共情的举止是一种基于价值观的行为，它能让我们感觉更好。

Perhaps as a therapist, I'm more interested in engaging in compassionate acts, but I don't think that's true. I think that it feels good to check-in with others, and it feels good to them and us. We're not just doing it for them. To engage in behavior that shows our compassion and empathy is a value based behavior. It moves us towards feeling better.

将某人视为不值得同情的对象会让许多人陷入困境。克里斯汀·内夫是研究自我同情领域的权威学者，她指出同情本质上是关系性的。Compassion（同情）一词字面意思是'共同承受痛苦'，这暗示着苦难体验中的基本共情。同情这种情感源于对人类不完美境遇的认知。

Dismissing someone as not worthy of your compassion gets a lot of people into trouble. Kristin Neff is a strong researcher with a lot to say about self compassion. She says compassion is by definition relational. Compassion literally means to suffer with, which implies a basic mutuality in the experience of suffering. The emotion of compassion springs from the recognition that the human experience is imperfect.

既然明白我们与所有人的经历都不完美，请告诉我这个五日挑战对你意味着什么。无论对熟人还是陌生人，有意识地践行同情心都会以你期望的积极方式重塑大脑。试着在生活中探索更多慈悲的可能，我期待听到你的实践故事，可以通过节目备注联系我。

So knowing that our personal experience is imperfect and so is everyone else's, let me know what this five day challenge looks like for you. Engaging in compassion very consciously towards people you know and people you don't know has a impact on your brain in the in the good ways, in the ways that you want it to be impacted. And experiment and see where you can bring more compassion into your life. I would love to hear how this goes. You can message me in the show notes.

你可以在Instagram上找到我@doctorAmyBakos，很乐意探讨如何让世界变得更慈悲。祝你本周愉快。既然已了解如何运用创造力，你准备创造什么？想获取更多内容？欢迎订阅《现代创意女性》电子杂志。

You can find me on Instagram at doctor Amy Bakos, and I would be delighted to know how we can make the world a more compassionate place. Have a wonderful rest of your week. Now that you know about how to use your creativity, what will you create? Want more? Subscribe to the Modern Creative Woman digital magazine.

这本杂志完全免费，每月一期。我相信你能从播客和电子杂志中获益良多。当你准备好进阶时，会员计划会为你提供更多选择。如需私人咨询，欢迎随时预约通话，哪怕只是有些疑问也尽管预约。

It's absolutely free, and it comes out once a month. And I know you can get a lot out of the podcast and the digital magazine. Yet when you're ready to take it to the next level, I want you to know you have options inside the membership. And if you're interested in a private consultation, please feel free to book a call with me. Even if you just have some questions, go ahead and book a call.

我的联系方式在节目备注里，你也可以通过Instagram随时留言。欢迎在Instagram、Facebook和Pinterest上@doctorAmyBakos找到'现代创意女性'。若喜欢本播客，以下是支持方式：成为推广大使分享给三位朋友；撰写五星好评（若值得）；或每月最低3美元成为金牌支持者。

My contact is in the show notes, and you can always message me on Instagram. Do come find me in the modern creative woman on Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest at doctor Amy Bakos. If you like what you're hearing on the modern creative woman podcast, I wanna give you the scoop on how you can support the podcast. You can be an ambassador and share the podcast link with three of your friends. You can be a community supporter by leaving a five star review if you think it's worth the five stars, and you can become a gold star supporter for as little as $3 a month.

所有链接详见节目备注。别忘了领取免费的21天感恩挑战手册，链接在备注中，也可访问moderncreativewoman.com获取。祝你本周愉快，期待下期再会。

All those links are in the show notes. Remember to grab your free copy of the twenty one day gratitude challenge. The link is in the show notes, and you can find it at moderncreativewoman.com. Have a wonderful week, and I cannot wait to talk with you in the next episode.