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这里是《飞蛾广播时间》，我是凯瑟琳·伯恩斯。
This is the Moth Radio Hour, and I'm Katherine Burns.
我通常是个问题解决者，一个敢于直面问题、通过讨论直到找到答案的人。
I'm usually a problem solver, someone who isn't afraid to jump in and talk something through until I figure it out.
但偶尔，我会被一种弥漫于万物的模糊焦虑所淹没，害怕过于仔细地审视事物，唯恐发现不愿面对的真相。
But occasionally, I find myself overcome by a vague angst that permeates everything, and I'm afraid to look at things too closely out of fear of what I'll uncover.
《飞蛾》故事讲述者、深受爱戴的冥想导师莎朗·萨尔茨伯格说，恐惧和忧虑会让我们无法看清现状。
Moth storyteller and beloved meditation instructor Sharon Salzberg says that fear and worry make it impossible to see our situations clearly.
若缺乏清醒认知，便难以找到答案。
Without clarity, answers are hard to come by.
想要解决问题，就必须直面恐惧——因为它们会蒙蔽我们看见解决方案的双眼。
If we want to fix things, we have to deal with our fears because they keep us from seeing the solutions.
因此本周，我们将聆听那些曾不敢正视现实，却最终鼓起勇气从指缝中窥探、试图找到出路的故事讲述者们。
So this week, we're going to hear from storytellers who were afraid to look but somehow managed to muster the courage to peek through their fingers and try to find their way through.
首先，我们将听到作家阿曼达·斯特恩的故事。
First, we're gonna hear from the writer Amanda Stern.
阿曼达的故事是在布鲁克林高地圣安妮教堂现场录制的。
Amanda's story was recorded live at Saint Anne's Church in Brooklyn Heights.
当时正值疫情期间，现场只有极少数戴着口罩、保持社交距离的工作人员组成的观众。
This was during the pandemic, so we had a very tiny audience made up mostly of our masked and socially distant staff and crew.
需要说明的是，这个故事会涉及关于自杀念头的讨论。
I just wanna mention that in this story, there is some discussion of thoughts of suicide.
现在请听阿曼达·斯特恩在《飞蛾》现场的讲述。
Here's Amanda Stern live at the Moth.
自孩提时代起，我就被这种无名无形的恐惧所囚禁。
Since I was a child, I've held I've been held captive by this nameless invisible dread.
这种感觉如此全面包围着我。
The feeling was so all encompassing.
它让日常的来来往往都像是把生命置于危险之中。
It made routine things like coming and going feel like I was putting my life in danger.
它让我深信如果不时刻盯着母亲，她就会死去或消失。
It convinced me that if I wasn't watching her, my mom would die or disappear.
我感到要对她的安全负责。
I felt responsible for her safety.
这让我每天早晨离家上学都变得难以忍受。
And this made leaving her every single morning to go to school feel unbearable.
而每隔一周去父亲家时，感觉就像走向自己被绑架的命运。
And leaving her to go to my dad's every other weekend feel like I was walking towards my own kidnapping.
唯一能缓解焦虑、平复心情的方法就是逃避困难，留在母亲身边的安全区。
The only way that I could alleviate my apprehension, calm myself down, and find relief was just to avoid the hard thing and stay at home with my mom where I knew I would be safe.
没人知道我到底怎么了。
Nobody knew what was wrong with me.
他们称这种感受为'想家'。
They called it homesickness, this feeling of mine.
但我知道这解释不通，因为即使在家时我也感受得到。
But I knew that couldn't be right because I felt it even when I was home.
我只知道自己像是有缺陷的残次品。
All I knew was that I felt defective and broken.
我暗自担心自己是不是疯了。
And I secretly worried that I was crazy.
我没预料到这种恐惧会随着我的成长而加剧，并伴随我从童年步入成年。
I didn't anticipate that the dread would grow as I grew and that I would bring it with me from childhood into adulthood.
但事情确实如此发生了。
But that's exactly what happened.
那一年是1995年。
The year is 1995.
我25岁。
I'm 25 years old.
我住在一间厨房里带淋浴的小公寓里。
I live in a small apartment with a shower in the kitchen.
艾拉妮丝·莫莉塞特的音乐是我们这代人的时代背景音。
Alanis Morissette is my generation's current soundtrack.
我已经三周没出过公寓门了。
I haven't left the apartment in three weeks.
我没有工作，所以这不成问题。
I don't have a job, so that's not a problem.
我不出门见朋友、不去酒吧、不做任何25岁年轻人该做的事。
I don't leave the house to see friends or go to bars or do anything a 25 year old should do.
饿了就叫外卖，但我很少感到饿，因为我在考虑自杀。
When I get hungry, I order in, but I don't get hungry because I'm thinking of killing myself.
你看，现在我是个成年人了。
You see, now I'm an adult.
但如今，我的恐惧不再以母亲为中心，而是围绕着我的公寓。
But instead of my mother being the central thing around which my dread has organized itself, it's my apartment.
我的公寓已成了我的母亲。
My apartment has become my mother.
现在光是想到要离开，就会让我冲进卫生间呕吐。
Only now, just the thought of leaving sends me to the bathroom to throw up.
我担心任何细微动作都会触发恐慌，只能尽可能保持静止。
I worry that any small movement will set me off, I stay as still as I possibly can.
可我又开始担心氧气耗尽。
But then I worry that I'm running out of air.
于是冲向窗户猛地推开。
So I race to the window and I open it.
可刚探出头，就感到裹挟着恐惧的狂风扑面而来，仿佛要置我于死地。
But as soon as I stick my head out, I can feel the dread in the wind rushing towards my face trying to murder me.
我砰地关上窗户，又冲回卫生间呕吐。
And I slam the window down and I race back to the bathroom to throw up.
但这阻止不了我对窒息的恐惧。
But this doesn't stop me from worrying that I'm running out of air.
所以我时不时就要确认。
So every now and then I check.
打开公寓的门。
I open the apartment door.
向外迈出几步。
I take a couple of steps out.
但不行，不行，绝对不行。
But nope, nope, nope.
我能感觉到那块恐惧的黑布正想罩住我的头，把我拖向坟墓，活埋在水泥里。
I can feel that black cloth of dread wanting to drop over my head and pull me to a grave and bury me alive in cement.
我狂奔回公寓。
And I race back to my apartment.
最后总是以在卫生间呕吐告终。
And I always end up throwing up in the bathroom.
我甚至不敢邀请朋友来，生怕他们吸光所有空气，我会因社交窒息而死。
I can't even have friends over because I'm so afraid they'll breathe all the available air and I'll die from socializing.
我想要精彩的人生。
I want a big life.
我想要表演，想要站在舞台上。
I want to perform and be on stage.
我想写书并举办读书会。
I want to write books and do readings from them.
我想举办晚宴并真正参与其中。
I want to host dinner parties and actually attend them.
可当我连与人相处都做不到时，这些要怎么实现？
But how can I do any of this when I can't even be around people?
唯一的出路，我能想到的唯一办法就是结束生命。
The only way out, the only thing I can figure to do is just to end my life.
这看起来是最合乎逻辑的选择。
It just makes the most logical sense.
但在那之前，我必须知道那个想让我自杀的东西叫什么名字。
But before I do that, I need to know the name of the thing that wants me to kill myself.
而我知道唯一知晓答案的人是我母亲。
And I know the person who knows that is my mother.
我知道母亲一直对我隐瞒着一个秘密。
I know that my mother has been keeping a secret from me.
我知道她深信并认定我是个疯子。
I know that she believes and knows that I'm crazy.
但她却设法对我隐瞒这件事，同时告诉了我所有的朋友、男友和老师。
But she somehow managed to keep it from me, to tell all my friends and boyfriends and teachers.
她还成功让我生命中每个可能遇见的人都瞒着这个事实，配合着哄骗我。
And she managed to tell everybody in my life that I would ever meet to keep this fact from me, to humor me.
但我必须知道真相。
But I need to know.
我必须知道那个想置我于死地的东西叫什么。
I need to know the name of this thing that wants me dead.
于是我打电话给母亲。
So I call my mom.
我告诉她我最近状态很糟。
I tell her that I'm not doing well.
我说我必须知道自己到底出了什么问题。
And I tell her that I need to know what's wrong with me.
我必须知道它的名字。
I need to know its name.
她说她不知道。
And she says she doesn't know.
而且没人知道。
And no one knows.
我告诉她，没关系。
And I tell her, It's Okay.
我已经准备好了。
I'm prepared.
我准备好了。
I'm ready.
其实我打电话给你就是为了这个信息。
I'm actually calling you for this information.
我需要它。
I need it.
我准备好了。
I'm ready.
把它给我。
Give it to me.
告诉我我疯了。
Tell me I'm crazy.
但她不会这么做。
But she won't do it.
她否认了。
She denies it.
她告诉我，如果我疯了，她会告诉我。
She tells me that if I were crazy, she'd tell me.
完全不相信这种说法。
Totally don't believe that.
但她确实这么说了。
But she says it.
总之，她不喜欢我说话的方式。
Anyway, she doesn't like the way that I sound.
所以她告诉我她会叫辆出租车，让我坐车去她家，距离这里有五个街区。
So she tells me she's going to call a cab and I should take it and come over to her house, which is five blocks away.
现在唯一能让我离开公寓的，就是能靠近妈妈的承诺。
Now, the only thing that could actually get me out of my apartment would be the promise of being close to my mom.
我们甚至...我们此刻相处得并不怎么好。
We're not even we don't even really get along that well at this point.
但我们之间的脐带从未剪断过。
But the umbilical cord between us has never been cut.
所以我觉得，靠近她就能成为让我出门的理由。
So being near her, I feel, will just be the thing to get me out of my house.
于是我冲过走廊跑下楼梯，钻进那辆出租车。
So I race down the hall and down the stairs and into this cab.
刚关上车门，我就盯着车门锁做了个V字手势。
And the second that I shut the door, I look at the lock on the cab and I put my fingers in a V.
我把手指放在锁的两侧，因为我要做好准备——当司机按下门锁时，他就要绑架并杀害我了。
And I put them on either side of the lock because, I want to be ready for when the cab driver depresses the lock because he's going to kidnap and murder me.
但我会迅速行动，可以反手锁上门冲出出租车。
But I'll be fast and I can flick the lock back up and race out of the cab.
此刻，即便深陷自杀的绝望，我也能看出这有多荒谬。
Now, even in my suicidal despair, I can see how absurd this is.
因为我正想结束生命，却害怕这个家伙会替我动手。
Because here I am wanting to kill myself, but I'm afraid this guy's gonna do it for me.
比如，难道我会希望他杀死我吗？
Like, wouldn't I want him to kill me?
但事实是，我并不想死。
But the truth is, I don't want to die.
我只是不想再继续这种感受了。
I just don't want to feel like this anymore.
要是我能感受不同就好了。
If only I could feel differently.
要是我能不总是充满恐惧就好了。
If only I could not be filled with dread all the time.
要是我能感到解脱就好了。
If only I could feel relief.
就在那一刻，我的身体不知怎地唤起了我渴望的感觉。
And in that moment, my body somehow calls up the feeling that I want.
我能感受到它蔓延过我的胸膛。
And I can feel it across my chest.
这感觉如此美妙。
And it is so delicious.
它完美得无可挑剔。
It's so perfectly perfect.
这给了我第三种选择。
It gives me a third option.
因为事实上，我渴望的并非情感的缺失。
Because the truth is, it's not the absence of feeling that I want.
而是我梦寐以求的解脱感。
It's the presence of relief that I long for.
我明白，唯一能体验这种感受、让它充盈全身的方式，就是战胜恐惧。
And I know that the only way to feel this feeling, to fill my body with it, is to conquer my fear.
而战胜恐惧的唯一途径，就是直面它。
And the only way to conquer my fear is to face it.
在那辆出租车后座，我顿悟了：对世上所有人来说最难的事——直面恐惧——对我来说，反而比继续以原有方式生活更轻松、更不费力。
And I understand in the back of that cab that the thing that is hardest for everyone in the world to do, which is to face your fear, actually feels easier and less exhausting to me than continuing to live my life the way that I've been living it.
就这么简单。
And so that's it.
这就是我的决定。
That's what I decide.
我要直面恐惧而活，因为我不能再让生活被恐惧支配。
I am going to live my life facing my fears because I cannot continue to live my life beholden to all my terror.
车停在了我童年故居门前。
We pull up in front of my childhood home.
我松开紧握门锁的手指，冲进屋内，奔向能与母亲亲近的承诺。
And I remove my fingers from the lock, and I race inside the promise of being close to my mom.
第二天早上，妈妈带我去见了她的心理治疗师。
The next morning, my mom sends me to her therapist.
我发现自己坐在他对面，他询问我所有的症状。
And I find myself sitting in front of him, and he asks me for all my symptoms.
于是我告诉了他。
And I tell him.
他问我这种状态持续了多少周。
He asks me how many weeks I've been feeling this way.
我说，我不做这种计算。
And I say, I don't do that kind of math.
我感觉这样已经一千周了，不知道，好像从婴儿时期就开始了。
I've been feeling this way a thousand weeks, I don't know, since I was a baby.
他很震惊我竟然这么久都没被诊断或治疗过。
And he's shocked that I've gone this long without being diagnosed or treated.
他告诉我，我的病症名称是恐慌症。
And he tells me that the name of my condition is a panic disorder.
只是我的恐慌症长大了，结了婚，还生了孩子。
Only my panic disorder grew up, got married, and had babies.
现在我的身体里住着五六种不同的焦虑症和临床抑郁症。
And now my body is home to five or six different anxiety disorders and clinical depression.
他给我开了药。
He puts me on medication.
我开始接受心理治疗。
I start seeing a therapist.
我逐渐变得越来越好。
And I slowly get better and better and better.
25岁时的我是正确的。
My 25 year old self was right.
直面恐惧比逃避更容易。
Facing my fears is easier than avoiding them.
逃避只会助长恐惧的力量。
Avoiding them gave my fears power.
而直面恐惧则赋予我力量。
But facing them gives me power.
现在我可以毫无畏惧地搭乘出租车。
Now I can get into a cab and not be afraid.
他会绑架我。
He's going to kidnap me.
我可以写书并举办读书会。
I can write books and do readings from them.
我可以举办晚宴并真正参与其中。
I can have dinner parties and actually attend them.
即使害怕我也可以勇往直前。
I can be afraid and do it anyway.
因为我知道直面恐惧不会杀死我，但逃避几乎要了我的命。
Because I know that facing my fears won't kill me, but running from them almost did.
谢谢。
Thank you.
阿曼达·斯特恩是小说《长途跋涉》、回忆录《小恐慌》的作者，并以笔名创作了11本儿童读物。
Amanda Stern is the author of the novel The Long Haul, the memoir Little Panic, and 11 books for kids written under pseudonyms.
阿曼达正在撰写她的新书，您可以在Facebook公告栏上找到她，她在那儿有一份名为《如何生活》的通讯。
Amanda is working on her next book and can be found on Facebook's bulletin, where she has a newsletter called How to Live.
接下来，一位男性被压抑的情感导致了他的身体出现生理问题。
Coming up, a man's repressed feelings cause physical problems in his body.
一位焦虑的新娘向未婚夫介绍她的亚美尼亚传统，而一位压力重重的新妈妈则在努力应对。
An anxious bride introduces her fiance to her Armenian traditions, and a stressed out new mom struggles to cope.
《飞蛾广播时间》稍后继续。
That's when the Moth Radio Hour continues.
《飞蛾广播时间》由马萨诸塞州伍兹霍尔的Atlantic Public Media制作。
The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts.
虚荣啊，你的名字叫'头发状态好的日子'。
Vanity, thy name is good hair days.
我承认。
I'll admit it.
当我的头发看起来不错时，我的自信心会好很多。
My confidence is so much better when my hair looks good.
所以当我注意到头发有些稀疏时，我知道我必须做点什么，而那个选择就是Nutrafol。
So when I noticed some thinning, I knew that I had to do something and that something was Nutrafol.
几个月前我开始使用Nutrafol女性平衡系列。
I started using Nutrafol Women's Balance a few months ago.
大约三个月后，我注意到我的头发整体感觉更浓密、更强韧了。
At around the three month mark, I noticed my hair just felt fuller and stronger overall.
Nutrafol是皮肤科医生首推的头发生长补充剂品牌，受到超过150万人的信赖。
Nutrafol is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand, trusted by over one and a half million people.
你可以对你摄入体内的产品感到放心。
And you can feel great about what you're putting into your body.
它经过同行评审研究支持，并获得NSF内容认证，这基本上是补充剂质量的黄金标准。
It's backed by peer reviewed studies and is NSF content certified, which is basically the gold standard for supplement quality.
使用Nutrafol，只需三到六个月就能看到头发变得更浓密、更强韧、生长更快，脱落减少。
See thicker, stronger, faster growing hair with less shedding in just three to six months with Nutrafol.
限时优惠：Nutrafol为我们的听众提供首月订阅立减10美元及免运费优惠，访问nutrafol.com并输入促销码The Moth即可获取。
For limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping when you go to nutrafol.com and enter the promo code, The Moth.
了解为何Nutrafol是销量第一的头发生长补充剂品牌，请访问nutrafol.com（拼写为nutrafol.com），促销码the moth。
Find out why Nutrafol is the best selling hair growth supplement brand at nutrafol.com, spelled nutrafol,.com, promo code the moth.
网址是nutrafol.com，促销码the moth。
That's nutrafol.com, promo code the moth.
嘿。
Hey.
我是Milk Street Radio的Christopher Kimball。
It's Christopher Kimball from Milk Street Radio.
听起来像在自夸，确实如此。
Sounds like I'm bragging, and I am.
我们是美国下载量第一的美食播客。
We're the number one most downloaded food podcast in America.
Milk Street Radio走遍全球，寻找最精彩的美食故事。
You know, Milstia Radio travels the world in search of the very best food stories.
你将听到关于黑市鳗鱼走私、植物的秘密智慧，以及巴黎美食的内部贴士。
You'll hear about smuggling eels on the black market, the secret intelligence of plants, and insider tips to eating in Paris.
每周都有听众打来电话，分享他们最棘手的烹饪谜题。
And every week, listeners call in with their toughest culinary mysteries.
在播客应用中搜索'Milk Street Radio'，发现一个美食故事的世界。
Discover a world of food stories by searching your podcast app for Milk Street Radio.
这里是《飞蛾广播时间》。
This is the Moth Radio Hour.
我是凯瑟琳·伯恩斯。
I'm Catherine Burns.
本小时节目中，我们将听到人们如何把头埋进沙子里逃避现实——尽管这无济于事。
In this hour, we're hearing about times we put our heads in the sand and try to hide from life, even though that doesn't work.
现在有三位来自我们StorySlam比赛的讲述者，首先是在纽约的分享——WNYC电台是飞蛾组织的媒体合作伙伴。
Now we're gonna hear from three people we met in our StorySlam competitions, starting in New York City where WNYC is a media partner of the moth.
有请蒂姆·曼利。
Here's Tim Manley.
那是2008年的一个春夜，我躺在被子下面，旁边是我最好的朋友本。
It was a spring night in 2008, and I'm lying underneath the covers, next to my best friend Ben.
过去几个月这已经成了常态——我们保持着约一英尺的距离同床而眠。
This had become kind of normal for the past few months that we slept next to each other with this like one foot space between us.
我们是新型男子气概的开拓者，坦然表达着彼此柏拉图式的情谊。
We were pioneers of a new masculinity, Comfortable expressing our platonic care for each other.
完全无视恐同的社会规范。
No concern for homophobic social norms.
我完全爱上了他。
And I was totally in love with him.
不是朋友那种喜欢，而是当我感到孤独时，想到本就让我觉得一切都好起来的那种爱。
Not not like a friend love, but like a love like when I like felt alone, I thought about Ben and it made everything okay.
我决定今晚就要向他表白。
And I decided that tonight was the night I was gonna tell him.
他躺在我身边，却背对着我。
And he's lying next to me, but he's facing the other way.
所以我只能看到街灯照在他肩膀的曲线上。
So all I can see is the streetlight on the curve of his shoulder.
我试图开口，但话却卡在喉咙里。
And I I start to say something, but the words stop in my throat.
我伸出手，但无论怎么努力都无法再靠近他一点。
And so I I reach out my hand, but no matter how much I will it, I I can't move my hand closer to him.
我能感觉到那些话语在我体内翻涌。
And I can feel the words inside of me.
它们就像实体物件般堆积如山，压得我喘不过气，却无法说出口，身体也无法动弹。
They're like physical objects that are, like, all piled up and, like, pressing against me, but I can't say them and my body is immobile.
清晨时分，本做了些格兰诺拉麦片和酸奶，我默默坐在餐桌前。
In the morning, go to bed, wake up, Ben makes us some granola and yogurt, and I I sit at the kitchen table silently.
在桌子底下，我揉着自己的手，因为醒来时发现手掌和指间长了些奇怪的小硬结。
And underneath the table, I'm massaging my own hands because when I woke up, I had these weird tender nodules like on my palm and in between my fingers.
这些红色的小肿块一按就疼，但我还是不停地按压它们。
These like red bumps that hurt when I press them, but I kept pressing them.
我回家时，不得不躺在床上，因为我的腿疼得厉害。
And when I went home, I I had to lie down on my bed because my legs hurt so bad.
当我躺下看腿时，发现它们全都肿了，上面有红色斑块，大腿上又出现了那些肿块。
When I lie down, looked at them, my legs were all swollen and they had these red splotches on them and on my thighs were were those like bumps again.
我的室友进来后说，那些肿块是我内心压抑的情绪。
My roommate came in and she said that the the bumps were my emotions trapped inside of me.
如果我能学会把郁结在心里的东西说出来，我的身体就会表现出来。
And if if I could just learn how to say the things that were stuck inside of me, my body would show that.
但我的风湿病专家并不这么认为。
My rheumatologist felt otherwise.
她在我手臂上到处按了很久。
She she, like, you know, felt around a lot of my arms.
她从我的腿上切下一大块——不，应该说是切了一小块，一小片腿肉，我得澄清一下。
She cut out a big chunk of my leg, and she not a big, a little chunk, a little piece of my leg, should clarify.
情况其实没那么严重。
And it wasn't that crazy.
她解释说，皮肤能告诉你很多内部状况，就像是身体内部与外界沟通的信使。
And she explained that the the the, you know, that the skin tells you a lot about what's going on beneath it, that it's sort of like the communicator between the inside of your body and the outside world.
她还告诉我，我得了一种叫皮肤性多动脉炎结节的罕见病。
She also told me that I had this rare thing called cutaneous polyarteritis nodosa.
对吧？
Right?
完全正确。
Totally.
看过BuzzFeed上关于它的文章。
Seen the BuzzFeed article about it.
这是一种血管炎症，但仅限于皮肤。
A it's an inflammation of the blood vessels, but only in the skin.
她说实际上我很幸运病症只在皮肤，因为如果扩散到内脏器官——有时确实会这样——往往就是致命的。
And she said that I'm actually I was actually very lucky that it was only in the skin because if it moved to my internal organs, which sometimes it did, it was often fatal.
我问她这种情况发生的频率有多高？
And I I asked her how often does that happen?
她非常随意地回答，哦，相关研究还不够充分。
And she replied very casually, oh, there's not enough research.
我当时就想，好吧。
I'm like, alright.
她给我开了种通常用于治疗老年人痛风的药。
Well and she gave me she gave me a prescription for a medication that's usually used to treat gout in the elderly.
回家路上经过药店，但不知为何我就是没法走进去配药。
On my way home, I I passed by the drugstore, and for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to go in and get it filled.
相反，我回家花了很长时间给本写邮件，当然写完也没法发出去。
Instead, I went home and I worked for a long time on an email to Ben, which, of course, I couldn't send when I was done.
所有词句都显得陈词滥调。
All the words seemed cliche.
每句话开头都是'我感觉'。
All the sentences started with, I feel like.
这太沉重了。
That's a lot.
而我真正需要的不是邮件，总觉得发邮件不太对劲。
And I I needed instead sort of like a more a more like an email wasn't right.
于是我当时做了什么呢，我打开床头柜的抽屉，取出一支黑色钢笔，在手心写下本的名字。
So what I did then, I I opened up the drawer next to my bed and I took out a black pen and I wrote on my hand, Ben.
墨水像心跳般闪烁了一下，随即干涸。
And the ink shimmered for like a heartbeat and then it dried.
然后我继续给他写留言。
And and I continued to write a message to him.
我写道：本，每当我陷入困境，或是被恐惧和疑虑冻结时，我就会想起你的脸，想起你对我说'可以的'。
I wrote, Ben, when I feel stuck or when I feel frozen by my fears and by my doubts, I think of your face and you're telling me yes.
我用笔记本摄像头拍了照片，却不敢发邮件给他，总觉得这样太脆弱了。
I took a photo of it with the camera on my laptop, but I couldn't email him the picture because I felt like it'd be too vulnerable.
不只是对本，我心底积压着许多想对很多人说的话。
And it wasn't just Ben that I had these things inside of me that I needed to say to them.
比如我的兄弟姐妹们，我的母亲、父亲和继母。
You know, there was also, like, my my brothers and my sisters and my mother and my father and my stepmother.
生命中有太多人需要倾诉。
There were so many people in my life who had so many things to say to.
于是我决定每晚在手上给某个重要的人写留言。
And so I decided that I would write a message to someone in my life every night on my hand.
每晚拍照记录，开了个博客叫《我想让你知道你对我多重要》。
And I took a photo of it every night, and I started a blog called, I need you to know how much I love you.
这件事我没告诉任何人。
I didn't tell anyone about it.
每个夜晚，我都会在手上写下文字，然后发布照片。
And every night, I I'd write in my hand, I'd post the photo.
清晨醒来时，我的脸上仿佛倒印着这些语句，在浴室镜中才恢复正常。
And in the morning, I'd wake up with, like, phrases, like, tattooed on my face backwards, and they'd become righted in the bathroom mirror.
就像，我不知道，或者我希望我能，或者你是如此...我把那些困在内心的东西都释放出来，与外界沟通。
Like, I I don't know, but or I wish I could, or you are so and I was taking those things that were trapped inside of me, and I was communicating them to the outside.
当我开始这样做并持续了数月后，我手臂和腿上的症状完全消失了。
And as I started to do this, I did it for like a well, as I did it for months, the stuff on my arms and my legs totally cleared up.
我还增加了运动量，改善了饮食，多喝水，并开始穿奶奶那种及膝防血栓弹力袜。
I was also exercising more and eating better and drinking more water, and I started wearing these knee high anti embolism compression stockings that grandmas wear.
但最关键的是把情感宣泄出来。
But it was definitely all about letting the feelings out.
所以当我的身材变好后，我知道可以联系本了。
And so once once once my body looked good, I knew I could call Ben.
我从卧室窗口给他打电话，告诉他：本，我有个关于我们的想法。
And I I called him from the window of my bedroom, and I told him, Ben, I have this idea about me and you.
这个想法就像绘画灵感一样自然浮现。
It comes to me the way that ideas for drawings come to me.
我们交换T恤，我们十指相扣，我们亲如兄弟。
Me and you swapping t shirts, me and you holding hands, me and you like brothers.
他对我说：蒂姆，我想你明白的。我确实明白，这种感觉美妙极了。
And he said to me, Tim, I think you know, and I did know, and it felt so good.
他说：我想你知道，我只对女性有感觉。
And he said, I think you know that I'm only attracted to women.
这就是为什么我如此悲伤，因为我刚刚失去了那个让我感觉不再孤单的东西。
And that's how I've I was so sad in a way because I knew I just lost the thing that made me feel less alone.
但同时，我的身体感觉如此美好，因为我学会了将内心的东西释放出来。
But also, my body felt so good because I'd learned how to take this stuff that was inside of me, and I put it outside of me.
在这个过程中，我重塑了内在与外在的自我。
And in the process, I'd transformed who I was on the outside and the inside.
那天晚上，我在手上写道：本，谢谢你帮助我成为理想中的自己。
And then that night, I wrote on my hand, Ben, thank you for helping me become the person I wished I could be.
谢谢你。
Thank you.
这是蒂姆·曼利的故事。
That was Tim Manley.
他是艾美奖提名网络剧《情绪泛滥》的创作者，该剧讲述了一个情感过于丰富的双性恋男子的故事。
He's the creator of the Emmy nominated web series, The Feels, a show about a bi guy with way too many emotions.
你可以在YouTube上观看这部剧。
You can watch it on YouTube.
他的朋友本是居住在洛杉矶的艺术家，很高兴告诉大家蒂姆和本至今仍是最要好的朋友。
His friend Ben is an artist living in Los Angeles, and I'm happy to report that Tim and Ben are still best friends.
蒂姆表示他很荣幸能担任飞蛾教育项目的导师。
Tim says he's very happy to be an instructor in the Moths education program.
蒂姆，我们非常感谢你的加入。
Tim, we're so grateful to have you.
接下来我们将听到来自纽约市大满贯赛的故事，再次说明，我们的媒体合作伙伴是WMYC电台。
Now we're gonna hear a story from a New York City grand slam, again, for our media partner is WMYC.
我认为许多新娘都会同意，筹备一场盛大婚礼是件令人焦虑的事，尤其是当其中还掺杂着强烈的文化差异和期望时。
I think many brides will agree that planning a big wedding is an anxiety ridden affair, especially when you add intense cultural differences and expectations into the mix.
对此发表看法的是阿努杰·普鲁詹，他在MOC现场。
Speaking to that is Anuj Phrunjan, live at the MOC.
告诉别人你是亚美尼亚人是一回事。
It's one thing to tell someone that you're Armenian.
向他们解释你到底有多亚美尼亚则完全是另一回事。
It's a completely different thing to explain to them just how Armenian you are.
因为这存在程度之分。
Because there are levels.
初级亚美尼亚人是这样：嘿，我是亚美尼亚人。
First level Armenian is, hey, I'm Armenian.
我的姓氏以ian结尾。
My last name ends with an I a n.
耶。
Yay.
中级亚美尼亚人是这样：嘿，我是亚美尼亚人。
Second level is, hey, I'm Armenian.
你要去教堂野餐会吗？
Are you going to the church picnic?
我要去教堂野餐会。
I'm going to the church picnic.
好的，太棒了。
Okay, great.
我们教堂野餐会上见。
I'll see you at the church picnic.
第三层是，所以重要的是要明白你在这其中的位置。
Third level is, So and it's important to know where you are in all of that.
无论你是独自一人，还是身处亚美尼亚人之中，或是被梦中情人求婚——即便他不是亚美尼亚人。
Whether you're by yourself or whether you're around other Armenians or whether you've been proposed to by the man of your dreams who is not Armenian.
你该如何向路易斯安那州巴吞鲁日来的人解释这些？
How do you explain this to someone from Baton Rouge, Louisiana?
容我直言，贾斯汀从一开始就知道我是亚美尼亚人。
And and let me just say, Justin knew I was Armenian from the start.
他早就清楚我上的是亚美尼亚日校，会说另一种语言，有时参加社交活动时人们会突然勾着小指，在空中挥舞手帕。
He knew from the beginning that I went to an Armenian day school, that I spoke a different language, and that I'd sometimes go to social events where people would spontaneously grab pinkies and whip handkerchiefs in the air.
但还不止这些。
But there's more.
如果你走进圣烈士亚美尼亚日校——那是我祖母创办的学校，看到小安诺在学法语，然后说'总有一天你会嫁给一个姓氏正常的普通人，比如真正美国人的姓氏，以M和C开头的那种，会玩台球扑克，懂美式橄榄球的那种人'。
If you walked into Holy Martyrs Armenian Day School, which is a school that my grandmother founded and pulled little Anno's French on the side and said, one day, you're gonna marry a normal man with a normal last name and what, like in a real American last name, like the kind that starts with an m and a c and and and who knows how to do normal things like play pool and play poker and who understands American football.
她肯定会说'这意思是...你疯了吗？'
She would have said, which means which means, what are you crazy?
因为我从小就知道这世界很大，有琳赛这样名字的人，也有根本不在乎雪儿是亚美尼亚人的人。而我觉得必须保守这些秘密才能安全。
Because I still knew even at a young age that there is a big world out there full of people with names like Lindsey and and and who and who and then full of people who who who didn't care that Cher was Armenian and and and I knew that I had to keep this all a secret, you know, in order to be safe, you know.
但随着婚期临近，我不得不开始面对几个事实，比如：我无法接受在改造谷仓里结婚。
So, but as the wedding got closer and closer, I had to start coming to terms with a couple of things and admitting some things to myself like, I don't think I can get married in a converted barn.
我必须在纽约贝赛的圣烈士教堂结婚，要有留着胡子和大鼻子的和平神父给我们戴金冠，伴郎举着十字架，最后在铙钹伴奏的亚美尼亚赞美诗中走出教堂——这些仪式都是可选项。
I I need to get married at Holy Martyrs in Bayside, New York with a peace priest with a beard and a nose who's gonna put gold crowns on our heads and wear the best man will hold a cross over us and where we'll exit the church to the sound of celebratory Armenian hymns with the accompaniment of symbols which is offered as an option.
此外，之后我们全家会围成圈跳舞，跳上好几个小时。
In addition, in, after which our family will dance in circles for hours and hours and hours.
当我问贾斯汀时，他的反应是‘好啊，告诉我该去哪儿就行’，因为他善良正派，但他并不清楚自己将要面对什么。
And when I and I when I told asked Justin, his reaction was, sure, yeah, just let me know where I gotta be because because he's kind and decent, but he also didn't know what he was getting himself into.
我是说，我们谈论的可是亚美尼亚教堂。
I mean, this is this is the Armenian church we're talking about here.
它很守旧，充满性别歧视，而且是基督教——但那种古老类型的基督教，阴暗烟雾缭绕，所有男人都留着弗兰克·扎帕式的胡子。
It's old fashioned, it's sexist, it's and it's Christian, but like the old kind of Christian, like the kind that's dark and smoky and all the men have beards like Frank Zappa.
当他们把那个小十字架递到你面前时，你得亲吻它。
And when they when they hold that little cross out to you, you're gonna have to kiss that thing.
贾斯汀说：‘什么？我该不会还得为此受洗吧？’
And and Justin says, what, I might have get gonna have to get baptized for this?
我说：‘不不，天啊，他已经吓坏了。’
And I and I said, no, no, God, he's scared already.
我说：‘不不不，你以前可能已经受洗过了吧？’
I said, no, no, no, because you've probably been baptized before, right?
他说：‘我觉得没有。’
And he said, I don't think so.
他接着说因为他家庭的宗教信仰与他的童年无关。
And and he says, because his family, religion wasn't a part of his childhood.
他家庆祝的第一个重要传统是他自己创立的——年度台球锦标赛。
I mean, the first big tradition that his family celebrates is the one that he created, which is the annual pool tournament.
于是他掏出手机说：‘我知道了，我要发短信问我妈。’
So so he pulls out his phone and says, I know, I'll text my mom.
于是他发短信给他妈妈：嘿，妈妈，有个小问题。
So he texts his mom and says, hey, mom, quick question.
我受过洗礼吗？
Was I ever baptized?
她回答说：没有。
And she responds, no.
你是个异教徒。
You're a heathen.
于是我们坐上火车去见Holy Martyrs教堂的Melchasean神父，他对Justin的第一反应是：你不是亚美尼亚人？
So so we get on the train to meet with father Melchasean at Holy Martyrs whose first reaction to Justin is, you're not Armenian?
我的天啊。
Oh my god.
哦，因为Justin看起来真的很像亚美尼亚人。
Oh, because Justin looks really Armenian.
我是说，
I mean,
他有
he's got the
那眉毛和脸庞，还有比上帝还多的手帕。
eyebrows and the face and more handkerchiefs than god.
但问题变得越来越尖锐，比如：你信仰圣父、圣子、圣灵吗？
And and but the questions get more and more intense like like, do you believe in god, the father, the son, the holy spirit?
然后你知道亚美尼亚人是第一个接受基督教的民族吗？还甩出圣格里高利启蒙者和瓦尔丹·马米科尼这些名字，我说得太快了，太快了。
And then do you know that the Armenians were the first people to accept Christianity, whipping out names like Saint Gregory the illuminator, and Vartan Mamigoni, and I'm going slow down too fast, too fast.
我们最终计划在4月14日举行洗礼仪式，此外贾斯汀还需要与神父进行几次单独会面来筹备活动。
And and we're, and we eventually plan for an April 14 baptism in addition to several one on one sessions that Justin will meet with the priest for to prepare for the event.
在回家的路上，车内一片寂静，我感到羞愧难当。
And, on the ride home, it's quiet, and I'm, and I feel this shame and embarrassment.
但我真正害怕的是——不，应该说我最需要的是——他不要觉得整件事很可笑。
But what I'm afraid of, what I'm really afraid of, no, what I what I need is for him to not find this whole thing ridiculous.
因为这种亚美尼亚传统确实有点傻气。
Because this Armenian thing, it's pretty goofy.
但这是我的传统。
But it's mine.
现在最重要的是我不能被嘲笑。
And it's really important that I not be laughed at right now.
这时他突然没头没尾地说：知道吗，我喜欢和神父谈话。
And out of nowhere he says, you know what, I like talking to the father.
他接着说：听着，我只想娶你。
And he goes, look, I just wanna marry you.
如果为此要放弃撒旦也行，我甚至可以赴汤蹈火。
If I have to renounce Satan for that fine, I'll I'll walk over hot coals.
我他妈根本不在乎——这正是我，也是所有亚美尼亚新娘所能期待的最好回答。
I don't give a fuck, which is all I or any Armenian bride could ever hope for.
谢谢你。
Thank you.
那
That
是阿努杰·普恩詹。
was Anuj Poonjan.
她为《阿努杰与物品对话》绘制漫画，这是一部关于一个能与无生命物体对话的女孩的网络漫画。
She draws cartoons for Anuj Talks to Stuff, her webcomic about a girl who talks to inanimate objects.
阿努什和贾斯汀目前住在康涅狄格州的一栋房子里，与她父母家相邻。
Anush and Justin currently live in a house in Connecticut next door to her parents.
想查看贾斯汀的洗礼照片以及两人在盛大仪式上佩戴闪亮婚礼头冠的照片，请访问themoth.org。
To see a picture of Justin's baptism and of the two of them wearing their glittering wedding crowns at the big event, go to themoth.org.
现在我们将转向与KCRW合作的洛杉矶StorySlams活动。
We're gonna turn now to our Los Angeles StorySlams where we partner with KCRW.
这是谢丽尔·默芬在飞蛾故事会的现场报道。
Here's Cheryl Murphin live at the Moth.
我服务于新手父母，那些疲惫不堪的崭新父母——现场有刚成为父母的吗？或者任何经历过这个阶段的父母？
I work with new parents, brand spanking new parents who are very tired and are there any new parents out here or parents in general who've gone through this?
你们懂我的意思。
You know what I mean.
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当你有了新生儿，那就像一种精神失常的状态。
When you have a new baby, it's a form of insanity.
你整夜无眠，精疲力竭，如果你是妈妈还会遭遇母乳渗漏。
You're up all night, you're tired, your boobs leak, if you're the mom.
这份工作的一个好处（或者说常态）就是经常接到新手父母的电话或短信——通常是新手妈妈——向我哭诉某些灾难性事件。
And so one of the benefits of my job or one of the things that happens with my job, is I'll often get calls or texts from new parents, usually it's a new mom, and she'll tell me some catastrophic thing that has happened.
天啊，我半夜忘记给宝宝换尿布，她现在可能得尿布疹了。
Oh my God, I forgot to change the baby's diaper in the middle of the night and she probably has diaper rash.
或者，天啊，宝宝从床上掉下来了。
Or, oh my God, the baby fell off the bed.
或者，我昨天收到的最新消息是，宝宝正怀疑地看着我。
Or, my most recent one I got yesterday was, the baby is looking at me skeptically.
所以每次发生这种情况，我都要安慰新手父母，你知道吗，你是这个宝宝遇到过的最好的妈妈。
And so every time this happens, I I I get to reassure the the new parents, you know, you are the best mom this baby ever had.
这是事实，而且这让他们感觉好多了。
Which is true, and that makes them feel better.
然后我会接着讲个故事，我会说，知道吗，我要告诉你一件会让你对自己的育儿方式感觉非常好的事，因为你确实是你的宝宝遇到过的最好的父母。
And then I'll follow-up with a story, and I'll say, you know what, I'm going tell you something that's going to make you feel really good about your parenting, because you really are the best parent your baby ever had.
然后我会给他们讲一个二十三年前我生宝宝时的故事。
And I tell them a story about when I had my baby twenty three years ago.
我当时也是那种非常疲惫的妈妈，当助产士告诉我要和宝宝在床上待一周不要做其他事时，我没有听她的。
I was one of those very tired moms, and I didn't listen to my midwife when she told me I should stay in bed with my baby for a week and not do anything else.
我不该起床，不该去购物或做类似的事情。
I should not get up, I should not go shopping or anything like that.
我决定在宝宝出生后的第四天去杂货店购物。
I decided that on the fourth day after my baby was born that I needed to go grocery shopping.
尽管我妈妈当时在场，她已经去买了东西，还重新整理了我的床单、衣柜和所有东西，我还是决定要去杂货店购物。
Even though my mother was there, she'd gone grocery shopping and rearranged my linens and the closets and everything, I decided I needed to go grocery shopping.
现在，作为一个从事生育领域工作的人，我知道是荷尔蒙的起伏让我想去购物。
Now, as somebody who's in the birth field, I know that it was my hormones going up and down that caused me to want to go shopping.
但我还是去了。
But I did.
我把宝宝放进汽车安全座椅，然后把她放进了车里。
I packed my baby up in the car seat and I put her in the car.
我们开车去了杂货店，穿过货架过道时，所有人都对宝宝发出赞叹声。
And we drove off to the grocery store and we went through the grocery store aisles and everybody ohed and awed at the baby.
我觉得这很棒。
And I thought that was great.
我们结完账回到停车场，我把所有杂货放进车里，开车离开时还放了音乐，大约十分钟后我才意识到宝宝不在车上。
And we got through the checkout line and back out into the parking lot, and I put all the groceries into the car, and I drove off, and I put on some music, and about ten minutes later I realized the baby wasn't in the car.
你可以想象我有点惊慌，在四车道马路上违规掉头，猛踩油门返回停车场——后来发现我离开时留下了轮胎痕迹，因为我急刹车冲进停车场。停下车后，我透过车窗看去，整个人都歇斯底里了。
So you can imagine with a little bit of panic, I did an illegal U-turn over four lanes of traffic, and gunned it back to the parking lot, and I actually left, when I looked there were tire marks, because I came screeching around into the parking lot, And I came to a stop, and I just looked out at the window of my car, I'm hysterical.
一群人围成了圈。
There's a circle of people all around.
我看不见宝宝，但人群围成了圈。
I can't see the baby, but there's a circle of people.
我颤抖着哭着下车，走向人群时圈子散开了——宝宝像蛤蜊一样开心地坐在安全座椅里咯咯笑，而站在她旁边的是位身材魁梧的老警官。
I get out the car and I'm shaking and I'm crying, and I walk over to the circle and it kind of breaks open, and there's the baby looking happy as a clam in her little car seat, ghouling up, and standing over her is a rather large elderly police officer.
我当时想：天啊，我要被带走了，会被逮捕，她会联系儿童保护局。
And I thought, Oh my God, I'm going to be taken away, I'm going be arrested, she's going call CPS.
她看着我说：这是你第一个孩子吗？
She looked at me and she said, is this your first baby?
我
And I
说：然后
said, And
于是她走向我，拿起婴儿提篮，走到我这位警官面前，把提篮放在我手里说：我送你到你的车那里。
so she walked over to me and she picked up the baby carrier and she walked over to me, the police officer, and she put the baby carrier in my hand and she said, I'm going to walk you to your car.
然后她护送我到了我的车旁。
And she walked me to my car.
她确保婴儿座椅在车里调整得当。
She made sure the car seat was adjusted right in the car.
接着她说：我要跟着你回家。
And then she said, I'm going to follow you home.
我说：好的。
And I said, Okay.
于是她跟着我回家，我当时情绪非常激动。
So she followed me home, and I'm hysterical.
我开得非常慢，非常慢，一路开回家。
I drew very slowly, very slowly, all the way home.
到家后，她进屋确认那确实是我家，并且有安置婴儿的地方。
We got home, she came into the house and made sure that it was my home and there was a place for the baby.
走到门口时，我害怕她会打电话给儿童保护服务，又害怕不知该如何向丈夫交代，这时她握住了我的手。
Walked down to the door, I was terrified she was going to call CPS, and then I was terrified by what I was going to say to my husband, and she took my hand.
我想她大概有60岁，看起来接近退休年龄。
I think she must have been maybe 60, she looked like she was close to retirement.
她在门口握着我的手说：我想让你知道，我不会打电话给儿童保护服务，也不会打给你丈夫。
She took my hand at the door and she said, I want you to know, I'm not going to call CPS, and I'm not going to call your husband.
我顿时泪如雨下，说道：哦，太感谢了，我能为你做些什么吗？
And I broke down in tears and said, Oh, thank you so much, is there anything I can do?
我能给你的指挥官打个电话道谢吗？
Can I call your commanding officer and just say thank you?
她说，不行，我觉得这不是个好主意。
She said, No, I don't think that's a good idea.
但有件事你可以做。
But there's something that you can do.
要知道，总有一天你会遇到另一位日子很难熬的家长或年轻妈妈，那时你将能告诉那个人他们其实做得很好，最坏的情况也不过如此，因为你可以告诉他们你曾荣获'世界上最糟糕母亲'的称号。
Know, someday you're going to meet another parent or another young mom who's having a really hard day, and you're going to be able to tell that person that they're really doing okay, that worst things could happen, because you're going be able to tell them that you have won the worst mother in the world award.
所以现在每当有新手父母发短信告诉我他们的宝宝从床上滚下来之类的事情时，我都能分享这个故事。
And so I get to share that story with every new parent that texts me about her baby rolling off onto the bed or all these things.
接着我会跟进告诉他们，宝宝和初为父母的人都很坚强，他们一切都会好起来的。
And then I get to follow-up and tell them that babies are resilient and new parents are resilient and that they're going be just fine.
所以谢谢你。
So thank you.
谢丽尔·墨菲现居华盛顿州西雅图市，为《西雅图儿童》杂志担任撰稿和编辑工作。
Cheryl Murphy lives in Seattle, Washington where she writes and edits for Seattle's Child magazine.
她告诉我们：'尽管发生了那次意外，我还是创立了Nesting Instinct围产期服务机构，为像我当年一样迷茫的人提供分娩与产后导乐支持、生育及新生儿家庭教育等服务。'
She told us, Despite the incident, I went on to start Nesting Instinct's perinatal services, providing birth and postpartum doula support, childbirth and new family education, and other services to clueless people like I once was.
谢丽尔告诉我们她的两个孩子都健康快乐地长大成人了。
Cheryl tells us that both her kids lived to grow into happy, healthy adults.
事实上，故事里的那个宝宝在她讲述这个故事的当晚也在现场。
In fact, the baby in the story was in attendance the night she told this story.
接下来，一位年轻人鼓起勇气询问关于他家族史上的一段痛苦往事。
Coming up, a young man finds the courage to ask about a painful time in his family history.
此刻，《飞蛾广播时刻》将继续播出。
That's when the Moth Radio Hour continues.
继续。
Continues.
《飞蛾广播时刻》由马萨诸塞州伍兹霍尔的亚特兰大公共媒体制作。
The moth radio hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts.
世界，你好吗？
What's up, world?
我是冯·米勒，超级碗MVP、养鸡场主，现在还是《自由放养》的主持人。
It's Von Miller, Super Bowl MVP, chicken farmer, and now host of free range.
这档节目里，我会离开球场，脱稿发挥。
This is a show where I go off the field and off the script.
我们将畅谈音乐、电影热点，趋势新闻，以及所有让你脚底生风的话题。
We're talking what's hot in music, film, trending news, and everything blowing up your feet.
如果你热爱橄榄球，这里会让你宾至如归。
If you love football, you'll feel at home.
但如果你是为氛围、深度网络挖掘和对话而来，这就是你的播客。
But if you're here for the vibes, the Internet deep dives, the conversation, this is your podcast.
每周三与我相约。
Join me every Wednesday.
关注并收听《自由放养》，由我冯·米勒主持，各大播客平台均可订阅。
Follow and listen to free range with me, Von Miller, everywhere you get your podcast.
这里是《飞蛾广播时刻》。
This is the Moth Radio Hour.
我是凯瑟琳·伯恩斯。
I'm Katherine Burns.
这一小时里，我们一直在聆听那些我们不敢直面之事的故事。
In this hour, we've been hearing stories about things we're afraid to face.
近年来有很多讨论，关于创伤如何能通过我们的身体代代相传。
There's been a lot of discussion in recent years about how trauma is something that can be passed down from one generation to the next through our physical bodies.
我们最后一位讲述者曾在飞蛾故事会上多次获奖，而这是他在主舞台的首秀。
Our last storyteller has told many slam winning stories at the moth, and this was his main stage debut.
演出在纽约布鲁克林绿荫公墓的户外举行。
The show took place outdoors at Greenwood Cemetery in Brooklyn, New York.
时间是在2020年9月。
This was in September 2020.
所以除了少数工作人员外，绝大多数观众都是在家观看的。
So except for a handful of staff, the vast majority of the audience were watching from home.
你可能还会偶尔听到飞机掠过的声音。
You also may hear the occasional plane fly by.
现在有请德文·桑迪福德在布鲁克林绿荫公墓的现场讲述。
Here's Devin Sandiford live at Greenwood Cemetery in Brooklyn.
正是在六月那疯狂的事件中，我做出了决定。
It was in the craziness of events in June that I made the decision.
我坐在纽约布鲁克林的公寓里。
I'm sitting in my apartment in Brooklyn, New York.
当时正值全球疫情肆虐。
There's a global pandemic.
我在家。
I'm at home.
我刚熬完一个深夜工作，辅导完五岁和八岁儿子们的远程学习。
I just finished a late night of work after helping my five and eight year old sons with their remote learning.
此刻我决定要做这辈子最艰难的事——给我妈妈打电话。
And now is when I've made the decision to do the hardest thing that I've ever done in my life, call my mom.
说来奇怪，一个35岁的男人害怕给妈妈打电话。但我是家里三个孩子中最小的，不知不觉就承担了和事佬的角色。
See, it's kinda weird being a 35 year old who's afraid to call his mom, but I'm the youngest of three in my family, And I kinda just took on the role of the peacemaker in my family.
每当哥哥姐姐吵架时，我就想办法开玩笑逗乐大家，让家庭恢复和睦。
So whenever my brother and sister would start arguing, I would try and find ways to joke and make everybody back to being peaceful and happy.
每当哥哥不听父母话时，我就主动做家务、认真倾听，只想让家里充满平和与快乐。
And anytime my brother wasn't being a good listener, I made sure to always listen to my parents and pick up things around the house because I just wanted to bring everybody peace and happiness.
但今晚在公寓里，我害怕和妈妈通话，因为我知道这场对话不会带来任何平静。
But I'm afraid to talk to my mom on this particular night in my apartment because I know the conversation I have to have with her is not gonna bring any peace.
只会带来痛苦。
It's only gonna bring pain.
因为我必须和她谈论我幼时去世的舅舅。
Because I have to talk to her about her brother that died when I was little.
没人告诉过我完整经过，但从零碎信息拼凑出：我六岁那年，妈妈的弟弟在我祖父母家前院被警察枪杀。
I don't really know the story because no one's ever told me, but I've pieced together little pieces and what I know is that when I was six years old, my mom's brother was shot and killed on the front lawn of my grandparents' home by the police.
我不忍责怪妈妈从未提及，因为我知道这太痛苦。我自己也有很多从未向她倾诉的痛苦记忆。
And I can't really blame my mom for never telling me this story because I know it's really painful, and I have a lot of painful memories and painful moments from my life that I've never shared with her.
所以我真的不能怪她，尤其是我21岁时经历的那个痛苦时刻，也从未对她启齿。
So I can't really blame her, and there's especially this one painful moment that I have that I never really shared with her, and it happened when I was 21 years old.
21岁那年，我转学到了南加州的一所新大学，那里是我的家乡，学校位于长滩的海边。
When I was 21 years old, I transferred to a new university in Southern California where I'm from, and the university was out along the coast in Long Beach.
我原本安排好了室友合租，但室友那边却临时变卦了。
And I had this roommate situation set up, but my roommate kinda just fell through.
尽管我每周工作35小时，却还是无力独自承担长滩的房租。
And even though I was working thirty five hours a week, I didn't have a way to pay for my own place out in Long Beach.
所以我不得不从父母家出发，开一个半小时的车程——这还是在没有堵车的情况下，而在南加州，堵车是家常便饭。
So I had to drive all the way from my parents' place, which is an hour and a half away, if there's no traffic, and in Southern California, there is always traffic.
我不得不凌晨4点半到5点就从父母家出发。
So I had to wake up from my parents' house and get out of the house by, like, 04:30 or 05:00.
只要晚于5点1分钟出门，就会遇上三小时的大堵车，这就是我的日常通勤。
If I left my parents' house even one minute after 05:00, I'd be sitting in, like, three hours of traffic, and this was, my daily commute.
我会开车去上班。
I would drive to work.
然后在车里小睡一会儿。
I would sleep at my in my car for a little bit.
工作几小时后，再去学校上课——我当时正攻读生物医学和电子工程双学位。
I'd work for a few hours, and then I'd go to school where I was double majoring in biomedical and electrical engineering.
深夜的工程学课程结束后，我通常会去加油站买罐能量饮料和几块美味的花生酱饼干。
And then that's after my late night engineering classes would end, I would usually stop by the gas station, grab myself an energy drink, and these Nutter Butter bars, which were just delicious.
这是我唯一能保持清醒开车回家的方法。
And that's the only way I could get home.
我经常精疲力尽，这样的生活持续了很久。
I would just be way too tired, and I was doing this for a long time.
我决定告诉父母我住在朋友家，但实际上我开始在单位附近的车里过夜。
And I decided to tell my my parents that I was staying with a friend, but I started sleeping in my car next to my work.
不过在这个随机的停车场里情况还不算太糟。
And just in this random parking lot it wasn't so bad, though.
你知道，我可以把车停在一个僻静的小角落，唯一真正需要担心的就是虫子爬进来咬我。
I could, you know, park there in a little secluded area, and the only things I would have to worry about really are the bugs getting in and biting me.
我得担心摇上车窗不让别人发现我在里面，又得摇下车窗防止玻璃起雾。
I'd have to worry about rolling up the windows so that people wouldn't know that I'm there and rolling down the windows so it wouldn't get all fogged up.
我就是这样应付的。父母不知道我在做这种事，但他们发现开车往返开始变得吃力，于是决定给我订酒店。
And that's kinda what I did, And my parents didn't know that I was doing this, but they knew that it was starting to get taxing to drive, so they decided that they wanted to get me a hotel.
在酒店度过的第一晚简直美妙极了。
And the first night I stayed at the hotel, it was just wonderful.
我独占这个大房间和床铺，可以看着ESPN频道入睡，而ESPN仿佛也在注视着我。
I had this big room to myself and a bed to myself, and I could watch ESPN until I fell asleep and ESPN would just watch me.
那感觉棒极了。
It was just great.
但父母从小教育我们兄弟姐妹要独立负责。
But my parents raised me and my siblings to be responsible and independent.
我不喜欢随便花父母的钱，所以有时我还是宁愿睡在车里不告诉他们。
And I didn't like to just use my parents' money, so sometimes I prefer to just sleep in my car still and not tell them.
特别是当我预知第二天学校事务繁忙时，我就会这么做。
And I would do that especially on nights when I knew that I would have a long day at school, I would do it.
不过偶尔，我也会奖励自己去住酒店。
But every once in a while, I would treat myself to the hotel.
某个深夜上完工程课后，我大约十点、十点半离开学校，把车开进了酒店停车场。
And on one night after my late night engineering classes, I left the school at around ten, 10:30, and I pulled into the hotel parking lot.
出乎意料的是，我看到酒店入口门边有个停车位，但我开过去了。
And to my surprise, I saw a parking spot right by the door of the hotel entrance, and I passed it.
我想倒车停进这个车位，却看到后方有辆车正驶来。
And I wanted to back up and get into this this spot, and I see a car coming from the back.
我慢慢倒进停车位，抓起背包下了车。
And I slowly back into the parking spot, and I grab my backpack, and I step out of the car.
刚下车就看到那辆车靠近，结果竟是辆警车。
And as I step out, I see the car rolls up, and it's actually a police car.
警官打开警灯下车，要求我出示驾照和行驶证。
And the police officer flips on the lights and steps out and asks me for my license and registration.
我当时就觉得有点奇怪。
And I'm like, that's a little weird.
毕竟他是从反方向过来的。
Like, he came from the other direction.
我知道这不可能是交通违规检查。
I know this can't be traffic related.
之前我已经多次无故被警察拦下，所以很清楚他的意图。
And there's been several times where I've been stopped by the cops before for nothing, so I know exactly what he's doing.
当他让我坐在路缘石上时，我就知道这是例行种族定性盘查。
When he tells me to sit on the curb, I know it's a routine ratio profiling stop.
他准备登记我的信息。
He's gonna take my information.
他会去数据库里核对。
He's gonna check it against his database.
等他发现我身上没东西后就会回来，把东西还给我然后放我走。
He's gonna come back when he finds out that I have nothing on it, and he's gonna give me my stuff and let me go.
当我坐在路边等待时，听到轮胎滚进停车场的声音，心里想着：天啊。
And as I'm sitting on the curb there waiting, I hear these tires rolling into the parking spot parking lot, and I think to myself, oh my gosh.
太尴尬了。
How embarrassing.
要是其他客人进来看到我在这儿，肯定会以为我是罪犯。
Like, another guest is gonna come in, and they're gonna see me here, and they're gonna think I'm a criminal.
我回头一瞥就看到了。
Like, and I look over my shoulder and I see it.
不是其他客人。
It's not another guest.
是另一辆警车。
It's another cop.
那辆警车停下，车灯直直照着我，两名警官下车站在车门后面。
And this cop car pulls up, and it shines its lights directly on me, and two officers step out and stand behind the door.
现在我有点慌了，这到底怎么回事？
And now I'm, like, a little worried, like, what's going on?
我连超速罚单都没收到过。
I I've never even had a speeding ticket before.
我从未有过任何交通违规记录。
I've never had any traffic tickets.
我来自一个非常非常虔诚的宗教家庭，所以尽管我已经21岁了，但实际上从未喝过酒。
I come from a really really religious, family, so I actually have never had alcohol even though I'm 21 years old.
所以我当时就懵了，完全不知道发生了什么。
So I'm like, I don't know what's going on.
还没等我反应过来，我就看到另一辆车的车灯照过来，结果又是一辆警车，停在我后面，用灯照着我，然后另一名警官下了车。
Before I can process this, I see the lights of another car coming in and it's another police car and it pulls up behind me and it's shining its lights on me and another officer gets out.
最后，第一位警官回来了，他开始问我一大堆问题。
And finally, the the first officer comes back and he's asking me all these questions.
他想知道我来自哪里，在这里做什么。
He wants to know, where am I coming from and what am I doing here?
然后他问我是否同意他搜查我的车。
And then he asked me if he can search my car.
我迟疑了一下，因为我知道自己的权利，可以拒绝他，但作为一个黑人，我也明白拒绝可能会让我看起来更可疑，像是在隐藏什么。
And I paused for a second because I know my rights and I know I can tell him no, but as a black person, I also know that that could make me look more suspicious that I'm hiding something.
我并没有隐藏任何东西，所以我对他说，当然可以搜查我的车。
I'm not hiding anything, so I tell him, sure, you can search my car.
他开始搜查我的车，用手电筒仔细检查了每个角落。
He begins to search my car, and he looks all the way through with his flashlight.
搜查完后，他又问我是否可以搜查我的后备箱。
And when he finishes, he asked me if he can search my trunk.
我心里想着，不行。
And I think to myself, no.
别搜查我的后备箱。
Like, don't search my trunk.
比如，我什么都没做。
Like, I haven't done anything.
正当我这么想的时候，又一辆警车开了过来，现在有四辆警车和六名警察围着我，我坐在路沿上，感觉自己像社会渣滓。
And as I'm thinking this, I see another police car pull up, and now there's four police cars and six officers all surrounding me as I'm sitting on the curb, and I feel like the scum of the earth.
我告诉他可以搜查后备箱，他就搜查了后备箱。
And I tell him he can search the trunk, and he searches through the trunk.
最后他回到警车上，我就坐在那里，感到无比沮丧——因为我一直在按部就班地过着自己的人生。
And he eventually goes back to his police car, and I'm just sitting there, and I'm so frustrated because I had been doing everything I was supposed to be doing in my life.
我当时在攻读生物医学和电子工程双学位。
I was double majoring in biomedical and electrical engineering.
我每周工作35小时来支付自己的学费。
I was working thirty five hours a week to put myself through school.
我甚至还在考虑父母的钱，想让他们少些长途奔波。
And I was even thinking about my parents' money and easing their minds to not have to do these long drives.
可现在我依然坐在路沿，被警察围着，像个罪犯。
And still, I'm sitting here on the curb surrounded by cops like I'm a criminal.
最后警官回来了，把驾照和登记证还给我。
And finally, the officer comes back, and he hands me my license and registration.
他说：你可以走了。
And he says, you're good to go.
是这样的，有人报警说看到可疑人员，当我发现你停车时，以为你想逃跑——这很合理，毕竟一般人逃跑时都会特意倒车入位，再慢悠悠下车等着警察。
I just, somebody called about a suspicious person, and when I saw you parked your car, I thought you might be trying to get away from me, which makes perfect sense because usually when people are trying to get away, they take their time to back their cars into a parking spot and step out slowly and wait for you.
这才是逃跑的正确姿势。
That's how you get away.
我知道这完全是个谎言。
And I know it's it's complete a complete lie.
那一刻让我震惊的是，无论这是否是谎言，这名警察手握权力，可以随心所欲地说话，而我只能坐在那里忍受。
And what strikes me in that moment is it doesn't matter if it's a lie or not, that this police officer is in a position of power, and he can say anything he wants, and I can only just sit there and take it.
我感到无比羞愧，我就那样坐着，没有反抗，没有抵抗，但我也并不想因此丧命。
And I'm so ashamed that I just sit there, and I don't fight back, and I don't resist, but I also don't want to to end up dead.
当我坐在那里时，我想起了我的叔叔，脑海中浮现出我一直想象的画面——即使不知道具体故事，耶稣的脸朝下倒在地上，死在某处。
And as I'm sitting there, I think about my uncle, and I visualize what I've always thought about, even not knowing the story that Jesus his face is face down on the ground dead somewhere.
我只是说，随便吧。
And I just say, whatever.
我得回到酒店，把这一切抛在脑后。
I gotta get back into the hotel and just let go of this.
当我走开时，那名警察看着我说道，你知道的，你那里有块花生酱饼干。
And as I'm walking away, he looks the police officer looks at me and says, you know, you had that Nutter Butter in there.
看起来你晚餐吃得不错。
It looked like you had a really great dinner.
这真的让我很困惑，因为他自顾自地笑了，我觉得对他来说这只是个玩笑，但对我来说不是。
And this really throws me off because he laughs to himself, I'm like, this was a joke to him, and this is not a joke to me.
我走进酒店，那些前几天认识我的人都惊呼，天啊。
And I walk inside the hotel, and all the people who know me from the days before, they're like, oh my goodness.
真不敢相信这事发生在你身上。
I can't believe that happened to you.
你还好吗？
Like, are you okay?
比如，我们能举报这事吗？
Like, can we report this?
比如，我们该怎么办？
Like, what should we do?
然后我告诉他，不行。
And I and I tell him, no.
我不想举报。
I don't wanna report it.
我只想回到房间，躲进被窝里假装这一切从未发生。
I just wanna get to my room, and I wanna get in my bed and hide and pretend like this never happened.
于是我就这么做了。
And so that's what I do.
我这辈子都假装这事没发生过，没告诉任何人。
For my whole life, I pretend like this didn't happen, and I don't tell anyone.
我只告诉父母一些零碎细节。
I tell my parents just small details.
但每次新闻里又出现黑人男性死亡的报道，我就仿佛看到自己躺在那个路沿，看到我叔叔的样子。我知道自己承受着巨大痛苦，所以想打电话问妈妈叔叔到底遭遇了什么。
But every time another black man comes into the news with a death, I picture myself on that curb and I picture my uncle and I know that I have a lot of pain, and so I want to call my mom and find out what has happened to my uncle.
最终我在公寓里拿起电话打给她。
So I finally get the phone in my apartment and I call her.
接通后我们聊起来，我向她倾诉了生命中所有这些丧失尊严的时刻。
And as I get a hold of her, we talk, and I tell her about all these dehumanizing moments in my life.
我向她敞开心扉，倾诉所有痛苦，并终于开口请她告诉我关于她弟弟的遭遇。
And I open up to her, and I tell her all the pain that I have, and I ask her finally ask her to tell me about her brother and what happened.
她向我讲述他的生活，他们成长的岁月，还告诉我她当时穿的那条裙子。
And she tells me about his life, them growing up, and she tells me about the dress that she was wearing.
那天她穿着这条红裙子，而我叔叔当时有点失控，警察被叫来了，他们让他平静了下来。
She was wearing this red dress on the day, and my uncle was kind of going a little crazy, and the cops had gotten called, and they had calmed him down.
但当他走到外面时，警察们已经举着枪将他团团围住，我父亲在那里喊着：别开枪。
But when he walked outside, the cops were out there with their guns drawn all around him, and my dad was there saying, don't shoot.
别开枪。
Don't shoot.
别开枪。
Don't shoot.
但他们还是开了枪，并声称他身上有武器，可搜查时却什么也没找到。
And they shot him anyway and said that he had a weapon on him, but when they searched, they didn't find one.
妈妈讲述这段往事时，情绪开始有些激动。
And as my mom tells me this story, she's getting a little emotional.
直到她提到外婆的部分——外婆总会在有客人来访时重述这个故事。
But it's not until she gets to the part where she's talking about my grandma and how my grandma used to always just retell this story anytime a visitor would come over to the house.
每次外婆讲起这件事，妈妈就不得不重新经历那个瞬间。
And every time my grandma told the story, my mom had to relive the moment all over again.
这是我生平第一次看见泪水盈满母亲的眼眶，我能真切感受到她的痛苦。
And for the first time in my life, I'm seeing tears fill into my mom's eyes, and I can just feel her pain.
我为自己给她带来这种痛苦感到无比愧疚。
And I feel so bad that I've brought her this pain.
我本以为自己应该是调解者，可到头来却只给她带来了痛苦。
And I thought I was supposed to be the peacemaker, but all I have done here is bring her this pain.
但我知道我必须这么做，因为我深知内心承载着太多痛苦，我始终无法将真心给予所爱之人，也无法用这颗破碎的心为任何人带来安宁。
But I know that I had to do this because I know there's so much pain inside of me, and I haven't been able to give my heart to the people that I love and to bring peace to anyone from the pieces of my broken heart.
随着母亲继续向我倾诉，我们促膝长谈了三个小时。
And as my mom continues to tell me more things, we talk for three hours.
我意识到自己真正寻求的，是与母亲重建情感纽带，打破长久以来的沉默，并在家族创伤传递给我儿子之前，终结这种代际创伤。
I realized that what I'm really looking for was a connection to my mom and to break the silence that I've been holding on to and to break the generational trauma that my family has gone through before it passes on to my sons.
如今我能做的，就是在继续分享自己故事和人生伤痛的同时，期盼着治愈的到来。
And now all I can do is hope for healing as I continue to share my story and to share about the things, the pains from my life.
我想这一切的开始，就是第一次说出我舅舅的名字。
And I think that begins as I speak my uncle's name for the first time.
我舅舅名叫罗兰·爱德华兹，但我总叫他罗恩舅舅。
My uncle's name was Roland Edwards, but I called him uncle Ron.
谢谢。
Thank you.
刚才发言的是德文·桑迪福德。
That was Devin Sandiford.
德文是居住在布鲁克林的作家、故事讲述者和工作坊导师。
Devin is a writer, storyteller, and workshop facilitator who lives in Brooklyn.
他的作品曾刊登在《华盛顿邮报》、Speak Up Storytelling等多家媒体。
His stories have been featured in the Washington Post, Speak Up Storytelling and many other places.
德文还是Unreeling Storytelling的创始人，这个布鲁克林社区组织为有色人种、女性等边缘群体提供表达平台。
Devin is also the founder of Unreeling Storytelling, a Brooklyn based community providing a platform for the repressed perspectives of people of color, women, and anyone who has felt pushed to the margins.
德文后来才意识到，他随机给母亲打电话的那天，正是他舅舅的忌日。
After Devin talked to his mom, he realized that the day he had randomly decided to call her was the anniversary of his uncle's death.
德文正在撰写回忆录，他说这本书讲述了自己如何失去人性和声音，直到学会直面内心阴影的经历。
Devin is working on his memoir, which he says is about how he lost his humanity and his voice until he learned to dance with the skeletons in his closet.
最近我和他坐下来聊了聊，探讨他最终决定讲述这个故事的动机以及之后的经历。
He and I recently sat down to talk about why he finally felt compelled to tell this story and what's happened since.
关于开始分享这些故事——不仅对我而言难以启齿，我更担心它们可能给家人带来痛苦。
In terms of starting to share these stories that aren't just hard for me, but I see them as ways in which I could cause pain to my family.
嗯。
Mhmm.
我不愿让他们重新经历那些时刻。
I don't want them to have to relive these moments.
这样做让我非常煎熬，但我知道背后有必须这么做的理由。
It's very difficult for me to have done that, but also to know that I have a reason behind doing it.
我意识到自己曾经对儿子们造成了多大的伤害。
And I realized that how much I had been, like, hurting my sons.
要么伤害父母和家人，要么伤害儿子们。
I either can hurt my parents and my family, or I will hurt my sons.
我必须做出选择，作为父母，显然我绝不会故意伤害自己的孩子。
And I had to make the choice, and obviously being a parent, it was like, there's no way I'm gonna purposely hurt my sons.
我绝不能把这种伤害传递给儿子们。
I can't pass them I can't pass this on to my sons.
那晚故事结尾发生了些事，你提到喊出了叔叔的名字。
That night, something happened at the end of your story, and you mentioned saying your uncle's name.
你愿意谈谈当时发生了什么吗？
And so do you wanna talk about what happened up there?
是啊。
Yeah.
我到了准备说出叔叔名字的场合，结果开口就说错了名字。
I got to the place where I had planned to say my uncle's name, and I began to say his name and said the wrong name.
我本来想说'罗纳德'，却说成了'罗兰'，然后我就听到自己说错了。
Instead of saying Ronald, I said Roland, and then I like heard myself saying it.
于是就这样搞砸了。
And so it was done.
我感觉没法说'哦，抱歉'之类的话。
I didn't feel like I could say, like, oh, sorry.
没错。
Right.
我搞砸了。
I messed it up.
我当时简直崩溃了。
Like, I was just, like, devastated.
嗯。
Mhmm.
对我来说，讲述这个故事的部分意义在于，给我叔叔一个机会，让他重新找回一点人性尊严。
That for me, a part of telling the story was, like, giving my chance, my uncle a chance to, like, reclaim a bit of his humanity.
在和妻子以及挚友谈过后，我很清楚地意识到，这不仅仅是口误，而是因为我根本不常提起他，也从不说他的名字。
And after talking to my wife and my best friend, it was, like, very clear that I hadn't just slipped, but that the reason that I had forgotten his name is because it wasn't some he wasn't somebody we talked about, and I I didn't say his name.
而且
And
你想说出他的全名，让收音机前的每个人都能听到吗？
Do you wanna say his full name so everyone on the radio can hear it?
是的。
Yeah.
我叔叔的名字是罗纳德·爱德华兹。
My uncle's name is, Ronald Edwards.
我们叫他罗恩叔叔。
We called him Uncle Ron.
很多人都叫他罗尼。
A lot of people called him Ronnie.
这是德文·桑迪福德。
That was Devin Sandiford.
要查看德文和他叔叔罗纳德·爱德华兹的照片和视频，请访问themoth.org。
To see photos and videos of Devin and his uncle Ronald Edwards, go to themoth.org.
以上就是本期《飞蛾广播时刻》的全部内容。
That's it for this episode of the Moth Radio Hour.
希望下次节目还能与你相见。
We hope you'll join us next time.
本期《飞蛾广播时刻》由我和凯瑟琳·伯恩斯共同制作，她同时担任了节目中故事的讲述指导和主持工作。
This episode of the Moth Radio Hour was produced by me, Jay Allison, and Catherine Burns, who also hosted and directed the stories in the show.
联合制作人维姬·梅里克。
Co producer, Vicki Merrick.
副制作人艾米丽·库奇。
Associate producer, Emily Couch.
詹妮弗·希克森提供额外的大满贯教练指导。
Additional grand slam coaching by Jennifer Hixson.
飞蛾团队的其他领导成员包括莎拉·哈伯曼、莎拉·奥斯汀·朱内斯、梅格·鲍尔斯、凯特·泰勒、詹妮弗·伯明翰、玛丽娜·克卢切、苏珊娜·拉斯特、布兰登·格兰特、英加·格洛多夫斯基、莎拉·简·约翰逊和阿尔迪·卡萨。
The rest of the Moth's leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Sarah Austin Jeunesse, Meg Bowles, Kate Tellers, Jennifer Birmingham, Marina Kluche, Suzanne Rust, Brandon Grant, Inga Glodowski, Sarah Jane Johnson, and Aldi Casa.
飞蛾的故事讲述者所记忆并确认的故事均为真实。
Mall's stories are true as remembered and affirmed by the story tellers.
我们的主题音乐由The Drift创作。
Our theme music is by The Drift.
本期其他音乐来自Stellwagen Symphonet、Chad Lawson、Michael Hedges、Richard Hagopian、Blue Dot Sessions和The Westerlies。
Other music in this hour from Stellwagen Symphonet, Chad Lawson, Michael Hedges, Richard Hagopian, Blue Dot Sessions, The Westerlies.
您可以在我们的网站上找到所有使用音乐的链接。
You'll find links to all the music we use at our website.
我们获得了美国国家艺术基金会的资助。
We receive funding from the National Endowment for the Arts.
《飞蛾广播时间》由马萨诸塞州伍兹霍尔的Atlantic Public Media制作。
The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts.
特别感谢我们在Odyssey的朋友们，包括执行制片人Leah Reese Dennis。
Special thanks to our friends at Odyssey, including executive producer, Leah Reese Dennis.
想了解更多关于我们播客的信息、如何向我们投稿您的故事以及其他内容，请访问我们的网站themoth.org。
For more about our podcast, for information on pitching us your own story, everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.
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