归属之地：家的故事 - 飞蛾广播时刻

这里是《飞蛾广播时刻》。

This is the Moth Radio Hour.

我是主持人苏珊娜·拉斯特。

I'm your host, Suzanne Rust.

当你身处适合的地方，与适合的人在一起时，你的身体会感知到。

When you're in the right place with the right people for you, your body knows it.

你的神经系统会平静下来，感到安定、有归属感，并做回真实的自己。

Your nervous system is calm, you feel centered, you feel connected, and you feel like yourself.

通往那个地方的道路并非总是容易找到，但抵达后一切都值得。

Now the road to that place isn't always easy to navigate, but getting there makes it all worthwhile.

在本期节目中，我们将聆听四位讲述者关于找到合适归属的故事。

In this hour, we'll hear four stories from people who found that right fit.

当家不再是个温馨的港湾时，能接纳你的好邻居就显得尤为重要。

When home isn't a welcoming place, it's important to have a good neighbor who can take you in.

朱莉·贝克在波士顿的诗歌朗诵会上与我们分享了她的故事，该活动由我们与WBUR和PRX联合举办。

Julie Baker shared her story with us at a slam in Boston where we partnered with WBUR and PRX.

这是朱莉在商场现场的报道。

Here's Julie live at the mall.

每天，我都盯着时钟看。

Every day, I watched the clock.

我迫不及待地等他到来。

I couldn't wait for him to arrive.

当他终于出现时，他面带笑容，哼着歌，谈论着天气多么美好——即使有时我从窗户望出去明明在下雨。

And when he finally did, he was smiling, and he was singing, and he was talking about what a beautiful day it was, even when I could see out my window that it was raining some days.

然后他走进来，挂好西装外套，取下一件毛衣拉上拉链。

And then he came in, and he hung up his suit jacket, and he took down a sweater and he zipped it up.

他坐下来脱下皮鞋抛向空中，换上运动鞋。

And he sat down and he took off his shoes and he tossed them in the air and put on his sneakers.

他是那么快乐。

And he was so happy.

接下来的三十分钟里，我也同样快乐。

And for the next thirty minutes, I was happy too.

我坐在离电视几英寸的地方看《罗杰斯先生的邻居》。

I sat inches from the TV watching mister Rogers' Neighborhood.

我当时四岁。

I was four.

那是1968年。

It was 1968.

我们刚搬完家，我是新来的孩子。

We had just moved again, and I was the new kid.

当我发现隔壁住着特蕾西·皮雷索时，我兴奋极了。

I was thrilled when I discovered that next door was Tracy Pireso.

特蕾西四岁两个月大。

Tracy was four two.

她的生日和我的只差一个月，我们整天都在一起玩。

Her birthday was just a month away from mine, and we hung out all the time.

或者说，基本上我每天都去她家，而且大部分时间都待在那里。

Or rather, I basically went to her house every day and stayed there most of the day.

她的父母真的非常非常好。

Her parents were really, really nice.

她妈妈会烤饼干，她爸爸则在车库里用生长灯孵化小鸡。

Her mom made cookies, and her dad hatched baby chicks under a grow light in the garage.

当我们决定在路边摆摊卖掉父母的物品时，他们也没有对她大喊大叫。

And they didn't scream at her when we decided to have a yard sale and sell our parents' stuff out on the road.

当邮递员告发我们时，他们只是笑了笑。

And when the mailman tattled on us, they just laughed.

我妈妈通常不太注意这些事。

My mom was usually not really paying attention.

她有很多事情要操心。

She had a lot on her plate.

我哥哥六岁，我四岁，妹妹两岁，最小的弟弟才一岁。

My brother was six, I was four, my sister was two, and my baby brother was one.

她总是很疲惫，也总是很生气。

She was always tired, and she was always mad.

她没有太多时间陪我。

She didn't have a lot of time for me.

所以我非常喜欢费拉索一家。

So I loved the ferrassos.

当九月来临，我哥哥开始上一年级时，特蕾西正要开始上幼儿园。

And when September came and my brother started first grade, Tracy was starting preschool.

所以包括我在内的所有人都以为我也会开始上幼儿园。

So everybody including me thought I would be starting preschool.

特蕾西和我同龄。

Tracy and I were the same age.

但我妈妈说不行，说幼儿园是私立的，需要花钱。

But my mother said no, that preschool was private, which costs money.

还说幼儿园只是给那些还不会阅读的孩子上的。

And that preschool was just for children who didn't know how to read.

她话里话外暗示特蕾西不太聪明。

She kind of implied that Tracy wasn't very bright.

既然我已经会读书了，就不用上幼儿园了。

And that since I knew how to read, I wasn't going to preschool.

我伤心欲绝，真的伤心欲绝。

I was devastated, devastated.

我将要整天独自待在家里。

I was gonna be home alone all day.

我母亲实在没办法，尽管她不喜欢电视，但觉得PBS（公共电视台）还可以接受。

My mother was desperate, and even though she didn't like TV, PBS was okay.

于是她把我安置在电视机前。

So she planted me there in front of the TV.

我不记得第一次见到罗杰斯先生的场景了，但我立刻就喜欢上了他。

I don't remember the first time that I met mister Rogers, but I loved him immediately.

而我最爱的，是那个幻想王国。

And I loved, most of all, the land of make believe.

我喜欢周五国王、莎拉王后、伊莱恩·费尔柴尔德女士，还有周二王子。

I loved King Friday and Queen Sarah and, Lady Elaine Fairchild and Prince Tuesday.

我全都喜欢。

I loved it all.

当听到电车即将驶入幻想乐园时，我就静静地坐在那里。

And I just I would sit there when I would hear the trolley that it was coming to the land to make believe.

我会开始轻轻拍手，因为不想吵醒爸爸。

I would start to clap my hands really softly because I didn't wanna wake up my dad.

他上夜班，白天都在睡觉。

He worked third shift, and he would sleep during the day.

他下班回到家。

He would come home from work.

他会倒他那特制橙汁——我很清楚那不能喝。

He would pour his special orange juice, which I knew better than to drink.

然后抱怨工作中那些该死的混蛋。

And he would complain about all the fucking assholes at work.

接着就去睡觉了。

And then he would go to bed.

我们深知不该打扰他，因为一旦吵醒他，他就会大吼要把我们摔到墙上——这话我总觉得特别好笑，因为我当时以为自己会变成超级碗。

And we knew better than to disturb him because if we woke him up, he would yell how he was gonna bounce us off the walls, which I always thought was really funny because it's sort of I thought I was gonna turn into a Super Bowl.

罗杰斯先生从不会叫人闭嘴。

Mister Rogers never told anybody to shut the fuck up.

相反，他告诉我我很特别，他就喜欢我原本的样子。

Instead, he told me that I was special and that he liked me just the way I was.

而我信了他。

And I believed him.

快进三十年后，我有了自己的小女儿，在一档公共电视节目做市场营销。

Fast forward thirty years, I have my own little girl, and I'm working for a public television show, and I'm doing marketing.

当我得知罗杰斯先生将以土豚形象在《亚瑟小子》里动画化时，能与之产生哪怕一丝关联都让我欣喜若狂。

And when I find out that mister Rogers is going to be animated as an aardvark on Arthur, I am thrilled that I am even remotely related to it.

这就像六度分隔理论，而我只隔了两层。

It was like six degrees of separation, and I was only two.

后来他们通知我他要来特别访问，在向他展示这幅土豚形象动画原画框时，《亚瑟小子》团队成员可以到场。

Then when they told me that he was coming for a special visit and that members of the Arthur team could be in the room while they presented him with this framed animated cell of him as an aardvark.

我早早就到了，就像参加滚石乐队演唱会抢普通票一样。

I showed up early like it was a general admission Rolling Stones concert.

我坐在桌边，他走进来时虽然年迈，但依然带着那种和蔼的面容和微笑。

And I sat at the table, and he walked in and he was older, but he still had that kind face and that smile.

我坐在桌边，全神贯注地聆听他说的每一个字。

And I sat at the table and I just hung on his every word.

然后他们告诉我们，如果想让他签名，他可以再停留一小会儿。

And then they told us that if we wanted him to sign something, he could stay for just a little while.

他为排成长队的每个人都签了名。

He stayed for the whole long line of people.

我排队等候时，已经反复练习要对他说的话。

And I waited in line, and I had rehearsed what I was going to say to him.

我本想告诉他他有多么特别，告诉他我曾是个孤独的小女孩，是他让我相信自己很特别。

I was going to tell him how special he was, and how I was this lonely little girl, and he made me believe that I was special.

我排队时手里拿着准备让他签名的录像带。

And I waited in line with a copy of the VHS tape that I was gonna have him sign.

当我走到他面前时，我脑中一片空白。

And when I got up to him, everything left my mind.

他用双手握住我的手，我告诉他我的名字，他说，朱莉，我很高兴你今天能来。

He took my hand in both of his hands, and I told him my name, and he said, Julie, I am so glad that you are here today.

他说，人们因为我在电视上而意识不到我也会紧张。

He said, people don't realize because I'm on TV that I can get nervous.

当我走进满是陌生人的房间时，我也很紧张。

And I was nervous when I walked in the room with all these strangers.

然后我看到了你的脸，你在微笑，你很高兴见到我。

And then I saw your face, And you were smiling, and you were happy to see me.

我只想让你知道你很特别。

And I just want you to know you're special.

我喜欢你本来的样子。

And I like you just the way you are.

谢谢你。

Thank you.

那个

That

这是朱莉·贝克，一位作家、故事讲述者、制片人，也是两个孩子的母亲。

was Julie Baker, a writer, storyteller, producer, and mother of two.

朱莉自称是个法律意义上的盲人坏蛋，喜欢挑战自我。

Julie calls herself a legally blind badass who likes to challenge herself.

为了证明这一点，她和她的伴侣保罗将在春天徒步葡萄牙海岸线的圣地亚哥朝圣之路。

And to prove it, she and her partner Paul are walking the Camino De Santiago Portuguese coastal route in the spring.

我询问了朱莉关于她童年的事。

I asked Julie about her childhood.

她说她很感激父母最终从彼此和围绕她的混乱中走了出来。

And she says that she's thankful that her mom and dad eventually moved on from each other and the chaos that surrounded her.

她感激自己能在父母去世前修复了与他们的关系。

She's grateful that she was able to heal her relationship with her parents before they died.

朱莉说，当她成为母亲后，她非常努力地确保女儿和儿子知道无论发生什么她都爱他们。

Julie said that when she became a mom, she worked very hard to make sure her daughter and son knew that she loved them no matter what.

致

To

要查看朱莉和她孩子们的照片，请访问themoth.org/extras。

see a photo of Julie and her children, go to themoth.org/extras.

在那里你还能找到一张珍贵的照片，记录着她与传奇人物罗杰斯先生的会面。

There you will also find a treasured photo of that meeting with the man, the myth, Mr.

罗杰斯。

Rogers.

朱莉直到弗雷德·罗杰斯去世后收到同事发来的照片，才知道当时有人拍下了那一刻。

Julie had no idea that a colleague had taken that photo until she sent it to her after Fred Rogers' death.

她说这是她最珍视的宝物之一，我完全理解她的心情。

She says that it's one of her most prized possessions, and I don't blame her.

我自己也曾是罗杰斯先生的超级粉丝，

I was a huge Mr.

那熟悉的电车声至今仍能让我感到快乐，仿佛回到了家。

Rogers fan myself, and the familiar sound of that trolley still makes me happy and makes me feel at home.

不如直说，你愿意成为我的，可否成为我的，来做我的邻居好吗？

Might as well say, would you be mine, could you be mine, won't you be my neighbor?

朱莉的故事来自我们的'飞蛾故事会'，这是在全国28个城市举办的开放式麦克风讲故事活动。

Julie's story came from a Moth Slam, our open mic storytelling events held in 28 cities across the country.

任何人都可以报名分享一个基于当晚主题的真实个人五分钟故事，由观众评委选出获胜者。

Anyone can sign up to share a true personal five minute story based on the theme of the evening, and audience judges choose a winner.

故事应该讲述你生活中的一个改变时刻，无论大小、快乐或悲伤，有时两者兼有。

Stories should be about a moment of change in your life, big or small, happy or sad, sometimes both.

而且应该存在利害关系。

And there should be stakes.

你可能会得到或失去什么？

What did you stand to gain or lose?

于是朱莉查看了我们现场飞蛾活动的列表，找到了一个主题激励她的附近故事会。

So Julie looked at our list of live moth events and found a slam near her with a theme that inspired her.

这次的主题是'邻里之间'。

In this case, it was neighborhoods.

她准备了五分钟版本的演讲内容，在活动当晚将名字投入帽子，成为了当晚被选中的10位讲述者之一。

She prepared a five minute version of what she wanted to say, then on the night of the event, dropped her name in a hat and was one of the 10 storytellers chosen for the evening.

你是否有深藏心底想要分享的故事？

Do you have a story that's been living inside of you that you'd like to share?

访问我们的网站，寻找当地活动并前来参加吧。

Go to our website and look for a local event and come on out.

我们会聆听所有即兴故事会的讲述。

We listen to all of the slam stories.

有些故事会被发展为主舞台节目，而有些——就像朱莉的故事——本身就足够完美。

Some get developed for main stage shows and others, like Julie's, are kind of perfect as is.

还没准备好现场讲述？

Not feeling quite up to that?

你可以拨打我们的投稿热线，在那里留下两分钟版本的故事。

You can call our pitch line and leave a two minute version of your story there.

我们一直在倾听。

We are listening.

稍后，我们将听到两种截然不同的精神连接方式，《飞蛾广播时刻》继续播出。

In a moment, two very different types of spiritual connections, when the Moth Radio Hour continues.

《飞蛾广播时刻》由马萨诸塞州伍兹霍尔的Atlantic Public Media制作。

The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts.

上次我在家点燃蜡烛后，忘记熄灭它。

The last time I lit a candle in my house, I did not unlight it.

幸好灾难得以避免。

Disaster was averted.

但现在当我想要家里气味完美时，我会选择远离明火。

But now when I want my home to smell perfect, I choose to stay away from fire.

Pura是智能家居香氛品牌，让你通过应用程序直接控制香氛，使用你已喜爱品牌的优质清洁香调。

Pura is the smart home fragrance brand that lets you control your scents straight from an app using premium clean fragrances from brands you already love.

现在，你可以通过Pura的黑色星期五促销来装点这个季节。

And right now, you can scent the season with Pura's Black Friday sale.

全场商品最高可享30%折扣，包括时尚扩散器、持久香氛以及适合清单上所有人的礼盒套装。

Get up to 30% off-site wide on sleek diffusers, long lasting fragrances, and gift sets for everyone on your list.

前往pura.com解锁优惠，为节日季升级你的空间。

Head to pura.com to unwrap the savings and upgrade your space just in time for the holidays.

嘿。

Hey.

我是Milk Street Radio的克里斯托弗·金博尔。

It's Christopher Kimball from Milk Street Radio.

听起来像在自夸，确实如此。

Sounds like I'm bragging, and I am.

我们是全美下载量第一的美食播客。

We're the number one most downloaded food podcast in America.

要知道，Milk Street Radio走遍全球寻找最精彩的美食故事。

You know, Milk Street Radio travels the world in search of the very best food stories.

你会听到关于黑市走私鳗鱼、植物的秘密智慧，以及巴黎美食的独家秘诀。

You'll hear about smuggling eels on the black market, the secret intelligence of plants, and insider tips to eating in Paris.

每周都有听众来电咨询他们最棘手的烹饪难题。

And every week, listeners call in with their toughest culinary mysteries.

在您的播客应用中搜索Milk Street Radio，发现一个美食故事的世界。

Discover a world of food stories by searching your podcast app for Milk Street Radio.

这里是Moth广播时间。

This is the Moth Radio Hour.

我是Suzanne Rust。

I'm Suzanne Rust.

在本期节目中，我们将分享关于找到归属的故事。

In this episode, we're sharing stories of finding your place.

仅需一张电影票的价格，我们的下一位讲述者就找到了他的群体。

For the price of a movie ticket, our next teller found his people.

Steven Michael Carr在路易斯维尔大满贯赛事上讲述了这个故事，我们与LPM合作举办该活动。

Steven Michael Carr told this story at a Louisville Grand Slam where we partner with LPM.

路易斯维尔公共媒体。

Louisville Public Media.

有请Steven。

Here's Steven.

说到我和莎娜，我们不只是古怪，我们是那种狂热崇拜耶稣的怪人。

When it came to Shana and I, we weren't just weird, we were evangelical Jesus freak weird.

我们同样痴迷于《呼啸山庄》和《马可福音》。

We were equally obsessed with Wuthering Heights and the Gospel According to Mark.

懂吗？

Okay?

你看，我们之前听说过午夜场电影，但从未真正去过。

And you see, we had heard about midnight movies before, but we'd never actually been to one.

我们渴望走出肯塔基州谢泼兹维尔的小圈子。

And we were curious to get outside of our little bubble of Shepherdsville, Kentucky.

就这样，两个保守的基督教青少年在一个随机的周六晚上11:50，第一次参加了《洛基恐怖秀》的午夜场放映。

And so that is how two conservative Christian teenagers found themselves at 11:50PM on a random Saturday at their first midnight viewing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

当我们走进影院时，惊得下巴都要掉下来了——因为每个人，无论男女，都从头到脚化着浓妆，穿着渔网袜和高跟鞋，亲爱的，你懂吗？

Now, when we go into the theater, our jaws drop to the floor because every single person, man and woman, are covered head to toe, full makeup, fishnets, high heels, honey, you know?

我脑海中的第一个念头是：这些人需要耶稣。

And the first thing I think in my brain is, these people need Jesus.

是的。

Yes.

就在我们惊得合不拢嘴时，一位留着红色短发的女士，身穿亮片套装，踢踏着舞步朝我们走来。

And while we are picking our jaws up off the floor, there is this woman with short red hair in a fully sequined outfit who tap dances her way on over to us.

你们猜她做了什么？

And you know what she does?

她从胸衣里掏出一管小小的红色唇膏。

She pulls a little red tube of lipstick out of her bra.

她仿佛能嗅到我们毛孔里渗出的不安。

And it's like she can smell the discomfort oozing out of our pores.

她看着我们，微笑着问道：第一次来？

And she looks at us and she smiles and she says, first time?

我们惊恐地点点头，你们要知道。

We nod in absolute terror, mind you.

还没等我们反应过来，她已经用唇膏在我们脸颊上画了小小的红色V字。

And before we know what she's doing, she's put these little red v's on our cheeks with the lipstick.

她正引领我们进入剧院。

And she's ushering us into the theater.

我们身后挤满了穿着渔网袜、戴着珍珠项链的人群。

And there's all these people in fishnets and pearls behind us pushing in to get around.

对吧？

Right?

接下来几件事发生得非常快，尽量跟上节奏。

Now the next few things happen in a very quick succession, so keep up if you can.

有个穿着超高跟鞋的高个男子——那是我见过最高的鞋跟——走到银幕前的区域。

There is this tall man with the largest heels, the highest heels I have ever seen, who comes to the front where the screen is.

那里有个小舞台，他说：‘把处女们带上来。’

There's this little stage, and he says, bring up the virgins.

我们环顾四周，人群开始把我们推到过道上。

And we look around, and the crowd begins to push us out into the aisleways.

等我们反应过来时，已经站在舞台上了。

And the next thing we know, we're up on the stage.

接下来的两分钟里，这个穿高跟鞋的男人把一个塑料篮球框绑在我头上，强迫莎娜用塑料篮球尽可能多地往我头上投篮。

And for the next two minutes, this man with the heels straps a plastic basketball hoop to my head and forces Shana to try to shoot as many baskets as she can with a plastic basketball onto my head.

我尴尬得要死。

I am mortified.

明白吗？

Okay?

但我没时间继续尴尬，因为灯光突然全灭，我们陷入黑暗。紧接着屏幕上开始播放一首我从没听过的音乐视频，歌名叫《我玩摇滚》。

But I don't have very long to be mortified because the lights all go out, we're plunged into darkness, and the next thing I know, there is this music video playing on the screen, and it's this song I have never heard of before, and it's called I Do the Rock.

对吧？

Right?

然后这群人开始绕着剧院疯狂转圈奔跑，就像个冲撞舞池，懂吗？

And these people all start running in this giant stampede in a circle around the theater and it's like a mosh pit, you know?

穿高跟鞋的男人把我和莎娜推进人群，我们别无选择只能跟着跑，以免被踩踏。

And the high heeled man pushes Shana and I into this throng of people and we have no choice but to run so that we don't get stampeded on, crushed beneath their feet.

电影终于开始时，舞台上有影子演员全程表演，并同步对口型。

And when the movie finally starts, there's these shadow actors that are on the stage performing the whole thing and lip syncing it while it's happening.

我们看到了所有角色阵容。

We've got all the cast of characters.

我们看到了主要古板的角色，布拉德和珍妮特。

We've got the main stuffy characters, Brad and Janet.

我们看到了那个穿高跟鞋的男人，显然就是博士。

We've got the high heeled man who is obviously Doctor.

弗兰肯福特。

Frankenfurter.

观众开始对着屏幕大喊大叫，喊的那些话我可不敢在这台上重复，除非我想被封杀。

And the audience begins shouting all of these things at the screen, things that I will not repeat on this stage unless I want to get canceled.

晚上的某个时候，我和莎娜开始跳一种叫时间扭曲的舞，你知道吗？

Some point in the evening, Shana and I start doing this dance called the time warp, you know?

当我们听到蒂姆·柯瑞饰演的弗兰克博士的入场曲，他说'我看到你们因期待而颤抖'时，

And by the time we get to the entrance song of Tim Curry's Doctor Frankenfurter and he says, I see you shiver with anticipation.

人群中的每个人都在喊'说出来，说出来'。

Everyone in the crowd is saying, say it, say it.

我发现自己也在高喊‘说出来，说出来’。

And I find myself shouting, say it, say it.

当他终于说出‘病人’时，我们都跳起来欢呼，我的大脑仿佛有什么东西被点亮了，整个人开始稍微放松下来。

And when he finally says, patient, we all jump and we cheer and something clicks in my brain and I begin to relax a little bit.

当整个故事在银幕上落幕，布拉德和珍妮特经历这一切后脱胎换骨——成为性观念开放、表演滑稽戏的新人类时，我突然意识到，在这部电影的隐喻中，我和莎娜就是布拉德与珍妮特。

And by the time this whole story is over on the screen and Brad and Janet emerge from this experience, new and sex positive and burlesque performing freaks, you know, I realize that in the metaphor of this movie and what's taking place, Shayna and I are Brad and Janet.

要知道，这是我第一次接触到酷儿文化。

You see, this was my first time brushing up against queerness.

这是我第一次看到性被描绘成——不是来自福音派背景那种古板严肃的东西，而是无伤大雅、能带来自由，甚至还能很滑稽的事物。

It was the first time that I saw sex portrayed not as this stuffy serious thing from my evangelical background, but something that really wasn't a big deal, could be freeing, and in fact, could be funny, you know?

在这个房间里，和所有这些人一起——有些与我同龄，有些年长许多——大家沉醉于这荒诞的一切，集体犯傻的时候，

And in this room with all these people, some of them my age, some of them a lot older than me, people who were just reveling in the ridiculousness of it all and being absolutely stupid together.

在我孤独的南方浸信会柜中人生里，我第一次觉得：我找到了同类。

I thought for the first time in my lonely, closeted Southern Baptist life, I found my people.

我找到了我的同类。

I found my people.

演员们对观众说的那句话是：不要只是梦想，要成为它。

Don't dream it, be it is the thing that the cast says to the audience.

我深深记住了这句话，接下来的四年里，每个月我和莎娜都会去巴克斯特大道剧院看《洛基恐怖秀》的午夜场，因为那就是我们的教堂。

And I really took that in and for the next four years, once a month, Shaina and I would go to the midnight showings of the Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Baxter Avenue Theater because it was church for us.

如今这个时代，有些年轻人可能会说《洛基恐怖秀》存在一些问题。

Now, there are people in this day and age, the young'uns, right, who would say that there might be some problematic things about The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

比如角色间的自愿性，或是过时的术语。

Things like the consent of the characters or dated terminology.

但对我来说，《洛基恐怖秀》是让我遇见同类的地方。

But for me, The Rocky Horror Picture Show was the place that I got to meet weirdos.

他们把我自以为厌恶的自身特质，像肯塔基州集市上的头等奖绶带般骄傲展示。

And they took all those things that I thought I hated about myself and they wore them like first prize ribbons from the Kentucky State Fair.

《洛基恐怖秀》是我学会爱自己的地方。

The Rocky Horror Picture Show was the place that I learned to love myself.

抹上些许口红，涂上浓重眼影，伴着那句'不要只是梦想，要成为它'的励志歌词，愿今晚你也能找到同样的勇气。

And with a little bit of lipstick and a lot of eye shadow and that inspirational refrain of don't dream it, be it, I hope that tonight you can also do the same.

谢谢。

Thank you.

这是史蒂文·迈克尔·卡尔，一位非营利发展专业人士、故事讲述者，以及多次获得飞蛾故事大赛冠军的得主。

That was Steven Michael Carr, a non profit development professional, storyteller, and multiple time Moth StorySlam winner.

史蒂文是Old Louisville Brewery的联合所有者和活动策展人，他在那里帮助创建促进社区与归属感的空间。

Steven is the co owner and event curator of Old Louisville Brewery, where he helps create spaces where community and belonging thrive.

他已经多年没有去看《洛基恐怖秀》了。

He hasn't been to a Rocky Horror Picture Show in years.

他说现在喜欢早睡，但他依然和莎娜是最好的朋友。

He says he likes to go to bed in a decent hour these days, but he's still best friends with Shana.

我问史蒂文现在在哪里能找到他的同类人，或者他所说的‘怪胎’伙伴们。

I asked Steven where he currently finds his people or his fellow weirdos as he calls them.

这是他在2025年初采访他时说的。

Here's what he shared when I interviewed him in early twenty twenty five.

我觉得现在人们通过互联网更容易找到彼此。

I feel like it's much easier for folks to find each other these days on the Internet.

而且我觉得，尽管当前政府可能会告诉你相反的情况，但人们现在比以往更自在地展现自己的酷儿身份。

And I also feel like despite what the current administration would tell you, that people feel more comfortable being queer than before.

所以我感觉在日常生活中自然能看到更多酷儿群体的存在。

So I just feel like I naturally see more queerness out and about regularly.

并不是说我们特意把老路易斯维尔啤酒厂打造成一个酷儿空间。

And not that we intentionally set out to do this at the old Louisville Brewery in terms of it being a queer space.

但我觉得我们确实想成为一个包容的场所，欢迎人们展现真实的自我。

But I feel like we do wanna be a welcoming space, and we welcome people to bring their authentic selves.

所以人们就这样自然而然地来了，你懂吗？

And so people just show up that way, you know?

以上是史蒂文·迈克尔·卡尔的分享。

That was Steven Michael Carr.

想看史蒂文和莎娜的照片，请访问moth.org/extras。

To see photos of Steven and Shana, go to the moth.org/extras.

有时候，关于我们归属之处的线索来自更高处。

Sometimes the clues for where we belong come from a higher place.

朱莉·维埃拉修女在明尼苏达州圣保罗市圣凯瑟琳大学举办的天主教修女故事特别月活动中分享了这个故事。

Sister Julie Vieira shared this story at a special month event of Catholic Sisters Stories in Saint Paul, Minnesota hosted by Saint Catherine University.

这是朱莉在商场的现场讲述。

Here's Julie live at the mall.

高中时，我极度厌恶加入任何排他性团体的想法。

When I was in high school, I abhorred the idea of belonging to any kind of exclusive group.

我不想仅仅被当作篮球队员、年鉴编辑或舞台工作人员。

I didn't wanna be known as just the basketball player or just the yearbook editor or just the stagehand.

我希望归属于比自我更宏大的事物，超越单一身份的存在。

I wanted to belong to something that was bigger than myself, that was more than any one thing.

当我笨拙地度过高中时光时，最喜欢的课程之一是毕业班的信仰课。

As may I made my awkward way through high school, one of my favorite classes was our senior class on faith.

当时我们正在学习社会正义单元，有堂课老师给我们放映了纪录片《十二月的玫瑰》。

We were doing a a section on social justice, and in one class, our teacher presented the documentary, Roses in December.

《十二月的玫瑰》讲述了四位教会女性在萨尔瓦多遇害的故事。

Roses in December is the story about the four church women who were killed in El Salvador.

那时的我还在上高中。

And there I was in high school.

我生活中最重要的问题不过是午餐吃什么和早上穿什么。

Most significant questions of my life had to do with what to have at lunch and what to wear in the morning.

而我却在观看这部关于那些为与萨尔瓦多人民同在而献出生命的女性们的电影。

And here I was watching this film about these women who had given their life to be with the people of El Salvador.

她们献出了生命，也献出了死亡。

They had given their life, and they had also given their death.

我暗自思忖：在我的生命中，有什么是值得我为之献出生命乃至死亡的？

And I thought to myself, what is so significant in my own life that I would be willing to give my life for it and my death?

这些问题和这些女性形象伴随我度过了大学和研究生生涯。

These questions and these women stayed with me as I made my way through college and then into grad school.

当时我正在攻读神学，发现那些问题不断浮现，而没有任何教科书能告诉我该怎么做。

I was studying theology, and I discovered that, those questions kept coming back and that no textbook seemed to have the answer for me as to what to do.

于是我开始寻求一位灵修导师——她恰好是我校的神学教授，同时也是位天主教修女。

So I found myself a spiritual director, a professor of theology at my school, and she also happened to be a Catholic sister.

于是我们每隔几周就会见面，我会向她倾诉我所有的精神痛苦，并讨论我心中的疑问。

So we would meet every couple weeks, and I would tell her all of my spiritual anguish and talk about the questions that I had.

然后，她会发出'嗯哼'的声音。

And, she was like, mhmm.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

如果你曾参加过灵修指导，就会知道这很棒，因为灵修导师会努力营造这种虔诚的祈祷氛围。

And, if you've ever been to spiritual directions, it's great because spiritual directors try to set up this nice prayerful ambiance.

比如点着一支蜡烛。

There's like a candle going.

摆着一些鲜花。

There's some flowers.

还有一本打开的圣经，正好翻到非常应景的经文。

There's like a little open bible at a very apropos bible verse.

所有这些美妙而神圣的装饰品。

And so these all these wonderful holy accoutrements.

当我与她坐在一起时，我的注意力总是落在她的鞋子上。

And while I was sitting there with her, I seemed to always focus on her shoes.

我心想，她居然穿着高跟鞋。

I'm like, she's wearing high heeled shoes.

这可不是我想象中修女会穿的实用款平底鞋。

These are not the sensible nun shoes that I had thought nuns wore.

于是我意识到，我似乎从未留意过修女姐妹们穿的鞋子。

And so I realized, you know, I don't think I've ever paid attention to the shoes that sisters are wearing.

我想我从未如此近距离地接触过一位修女。

I don't think I've ever known a sister this up close and personal.

于是我开始好奇，还有什么是我不知道的。

And so then I'm like, I wonder what else there is to know.

我认真思考了这个问题。

And I thought about it.

我不禁感叹，哇。

I'm like, wow.

你知道吗，她拥有神学博士学位。

You know, she's got a doctorate in theology.

她在神学界备受认可，是世界级的神学家，非常风趣，总是令人愉快。

She's very well accepted in the theology community, world class theologian, very funny, always delightful.

我当时就想，这真有意思。

I'm like, this is interesting.

于是在灵修指导时，我决定采用话题转移策略。

So during spiritual direction, I thought I would do the the redirect strategy.

我不再谈论自己的生活，而是说：'玛格丽特修女，最近怎么样？'

So instead of talking about my own life, I'd say, so sister Margaret, how are things going?

'你的姐妹们还好吗？'

How how are your sisters?

通过这种转移话题的方式，我试图更了解她，想弄清楚这一切究竟是怎么回事。

And so I would do the redirect to try to get to know her a little bit better and to find out what what this was all about.

结果我发现，相比倾诉自己的精神痛苦，我更感兴趣的是听她讲述自己的故事。

And what I found was that I was becoming more interested in hearing her tell her story than me telling my story of spiritual anguish.

我觉得这对我来说有种特别的吸引力。

And I thought, there's something very compelling about this to me.

于是我决定，不再对她说诸如'天啊，我觉得你作为天主教修女真是太棒了'之类的话。

So I decided, instead of telling her anything like, oh my gosh, I think it's amazing you're a Catholic sister.

我决定要践行一项历史悠久的传统——修女观察。

I decided that I would engage in the time honored tradition of nun surveillance.

修女观察是最有意思的事。

Nun surveillance is the best.

简单来说，就是观察你周围的修女们，打量她们并思考：她们穿着什么？

So basically, what you do is you kinda scope out the nuns that are around you and you look at them and you say, what are they wearing?

她们穿什么鞋子？

What kind of shoes do they have?

她们做什么工作？

What do they do?

她们从事哪些类型的侍奉工作？

What kind of ministries?

你知道，这只是表达她们不仅仅是天主教修女的一种方式。

You know, it's just a way to say they are more than a Catholic sister.

她们拥有完整的生活。

There's there's this whole life that they have.

于是我进行了修女观察，我最大的成就是听说我灵修导师的一位修女姐妹要来我们神学院演讲，她将做一个天知道是什么主题的讲座。

So I engaged in nun surveillance, and my greatest achievement was I had heard that one of my spiritual director's sisters was coming to speak at our theology school, and she was gonna give a lecture on god knows what.

我甚至不知道具体内容。

I don't even know what it was.

我只是想去听听修女做世界级演讲是什么样子，看看她怎么说话，她的神学观点如何，她穿什么鞋子。

I just wanted to go and hear what it was like for a nun to give a, you know, world class presentation and see how she talked, what her theology was like, what kind of shoes she had on.

我想我就坐在演讲厅后排观察。

And, and I thought I'm gonna just go sit in the back of the lecture hall and I shall observe.

于是我就坐在那里，一边留意观察，一边稍微听点讲座内容，其实不知道她在讲什么，也没认真听。

So there I was, keeping an eye, listening to the lecture a little bit, don't know what she was talking about, wasn't paying attention.

我坐在那里想着，哦，这真有意思。

And there I am sitting there and I'm like, oh, this is very interesting.

她表现得还不错。

She holds herself alright.

我是说，我当时只是个神学院的一年级学生。

And I mean, I'm a first year theology student.

我当时觉得，她的神学观点也没那么糟糕。

I'm like, you know, her theology isn't that bad.

你懂吗？

You know?

还算可以。

That's alright.

她表现得还行。

She does alright.

于是我做完了当晚所有的修女观察工作，准备离开演讲厅，我正要悄悄溜出去。

So I'd done all my non scoping for the evening, was ready to head out of the lecture hall, and, I was just gonna slip out.

就在我准备起身时，我的灵修导师突然出现在我面前。

And as I started to to get up from my seat, there in front of me was my spiritual director.

我当时就想，天啊。

I'm like, oh my god.

我感觉自己像是刚被抓到做了什么见不得人的事。

I felt like I'd just gotten caught in some big illicit act.

然后，玛格丽特走过来对我说，朱莉，见到你真好。

And, Margaret comes over to me and she says, oh, Julie, it's so good to see you.

我很想让你见见修女们。

I would love for you to meet the sisters.

你知道的，我们有几个修女来了。

You know, a few of our sisters came in.

她们听说玛丽·艾伦要做演讲，想来支持她。

They heard that Mary Ellen was giving a talk, and they wanted to come and support her.

我当时就想，她可是世界级的神学家啊。

I'm like, she's a world class theologian.

她根本不需要什么支持。

She doesn't need any support.

这些女人来这儿就是为了当她的粉丝团吗？

And here are these women coming to just, like, kinda be her fan club?

我觉得这挺有意思的。

I'm like, that's interesting.

于是，玛格丽特拉着我的手，把我带到修女们面前。

So, Margaret grabs my hand and walks me over to the sisters.

她们热情地欢迎了我，然后我们就站在那里。

And they they welcomed me, and there we were.

我当时想，好吧。

And I thought, okay.

互相介绍。

Introductions.

就这样。

That's it.

然后她们就开始和我闲聊，彼此之间也聊了起来。

And then they just started chitchatting with me, with each other.

她们向玛丽·艾伦表示祝贺。

They congratulated Mary Ellen.

她们互相叙旧，因为已经很久没见面了。

They caught up with each other because they hadn't seen each other in a while.

整个过程中，玛格丽特一直握着我的手。

All the while, Margaret is holding on to my hand.

我心想，天啊。

And I thought to myself, oh my god.

这就是姐妹情谊。

This is sisterhood.

你知道吗，我突然意识到这些通过修女监视逐渐了解的女性个体，她们不仅仅是独立的个人，而是通过这种我只能称之为姐妹情谊的关系变得鲜活生动。

You know, it was this this dawning of a realization that that these individual women that I was getting to know and scoping out through nun surveillance weren't just individuals, that they they were alive and animated through this thing that all I could say was sisterhood.

之后我就回家躺下了。

So after that, I went home and laid down.

你知道吗，那段经历一直萦绕在我心头，我简直不敢相信自己还能再次体验那种感受。

And, you know, those that experience stayed with me, and I couldn't believe that I would ever experience that again.

我以为我的灵修导师相当独特，而且我觉得在演讲厅的那次经历可能完全是独特且随机的。

I thought that my spiritual director was pretty unique, and I thought, well, that experience at the lecture hall, that was probably just totally unique and random.

然而，这段经历却一直萦绕在我心头。

And, this the experience though kept staying with me.

于是，像沙漠中的圣安东尼一样，我决定直面内心的恶魔。

So like Saint Anthony in the desert, I decided to face my demons.

我打电话到母院，要求与圣召指导主任通话。

I called the mother house and asked to speech speak to the vocation director.

经过简短交谈后，我们决定我可以参加'来看看'活动——这是为考虑加入团体的人提供的退省活动，让他们了解团体生活。

And after talking a little bit, we decided that, you know, I could come for a come and see, which is a retreat for people who are thinking about, entering community, get to know the community.

最终我把这个决定告诉了玛格丽特，她只是嗯了一声。

So I finally told Margaret that I was doing this, and she's like, mhmm.

后来我参加了'来看看'活动，你知道，我还是保持自我本色。

And, I went on to come and see, and, you know, I was I, like, myself.

我当时想，这应该没问题。

I'm like, this is gonna be fine.

我是说，他们会祈祷的。

I mean, they're gonna pray.

我会见到修女们。

I'm gonna meet sisters.

我会了解这个修会的情况。

I'm gonna learn about the congregation.

我已经完全准备好确认自己并不想成为天主教修女。

I was totally ready to confirm that my aspiration was not to become a Catholic sister.

于是我们做了所有这些事，我觉得进展很顺利。

And so we we did all those things, and I'm like, this is going great.

这不适合我。

This is not for me.

那天晚上，我们出去吃晚餐，去了当地一家餐厅，那是个周六晚上。

And, that night, we went out for dinner and we went to one of the local restaurants and, it was Saturday night.

当然，周六晚上能做什么呢？

Of course, what do you do on Saturday night?

和修女们一起出去。

Go out with the nuns.

于是我们就在这家餐厅里。

And so there we were, at this restaurant.

里面人满为患。

It's totally crowded.

人们排着长队。

People, there are lines up.

同行的一位同样在思考人生方向的年轻女性提议：'我们去吧台喝杯啤酒吧'。

So one of the other young women that was with me who was also discerning, we're just we decided we're gonna go up to the bar and have ourselves a pint of beer.

这能让我们放松下来。

That'll calm our nerves.

一位修女也加入了我们，于是我们三人在吧台闲聊。

And so, one of the sisters joined us, and so the three of us were chitchatting at the bar.

这时我们的餐桌号被叫到了，我们便起身前往。

Our table was called, and we started to head over.