柯蒂斯·西滕费尔德朗读《性别研究》

这里是《作者之声》，来自《纽约客》的新小说。

This is The Author's Voice, new fiction from The New Yorker.

我是黛博拉·特雷斯曼，《纽约客》的小说编辑。

I'm Deborah Treisman, fiction editor at The New Yorker.

在本期《作者之声》中，我们将听到柯蒂斯·西滕费尔德朗读她的小说《性别研究》，选自2016年8月29日刊。

On this episode of The Author's Voice, we'll hear Curtis Sittenfeld read her story, Gender Studies, from the 08/29/2016 issue of the magazine.

西滕费尔德著有五部小说，包括《预科生》和《美国夫人》。

Sittenfeld is the author of five novels, including Prep and American Wife.

她最新的小说《伊丽莎白》于今年早些时候出版。

Her most recent novel, Eligible, was published earlier this year.

现在有请柯蒂斯·西滕费尔德。

Now here's Curtis Sittenfeld.

《性别研究》。

Gender Studies.

内尔和亨利总说他们会等到婚姻在美国对所有人合法的那一天。

Nell and Henry always said that they would wait until marriage was legal for everyone in America.

而现在事实正是如此。

And now this is the case.

时间是2015年8月。

It's August 2015.

但就在本周早些时候，亨利和他的研究生布里奇特私奔了。

But earlier in the week, Henry eloped with his graduate student Bridget.

布里奇特23岁，长相中等偏上但不算惊艳。

Bridget is 23, moderately but not dramatically attractive.

内尔认为这个局面中少数非典型之处，就是布里奇特并非美得惊人。

One of the few non stereotypical aspects of the situation Nell thinks is Bridget's lack of dramatic attractiveness.

亨利和布里奇特已经交往了六个月。

And Henry and Bridget have been dating for six months.

他们去年冬天就开始偷情，当时亨利和内尔还在一起。

They began having an affair last winter when Henry and Nell were still together.

到了四月份，亨利从他和内尔共有的房子搬出，直接住进了布里奇特的公寓。

Then in April, Henry moved out of the house that he and Nell own and directly into Bridget's apartment.

内尔和亨利曾是一对长达十一年的伴侣。

Nell and Henry had been a couple for eleven years.

在堪萨斯城机场与内尔周末会议所在酒店之间的接驳车上——那是一辆面包车，而她是车上唯一的乘客。

In the shuttle between the Kansas City Airport and the hotel where Nell's weekend meetings will occur, The shuttle is a van, and she is its only passenger.

电台主持人和嘉宾正在讨论唐纳德·特朗普的总统候选人资格。

A radio host and a guest are discussing the presidential candidacy of Donald Trump.

司机通过后视镜与内尔对视，说道：'他敢直言不讳，这点你得承认'。

The driver catches Nell's eye in the rearview mirror and says, he's not afraid to speak his mind, You gotta give him that.

内尔发出一个非言语的声音，仅从字面意义上表示她听到了这句话。

Nell makes a nonverbal sound to acknowledge that in the most literal sense she heard the comment.

司机说：'我以前从不投票，但他要是真能一路过关斩将，说不定我会投他一票'。

The driver says, I never voted before, but he makes it all the way, maybe I will.

'像他那样强硬的生意人，真该去华盛顿好好收拾那些家伙'。

A tough businessman like that could go kick some butts in Washington.

就在不久之前，内尔还会用平静但否定的态度回应，说些带有教授风范——或至少试图如此——的话。

There was a time, up to and including the recent past, when Nell would have said something calm but repudiating in response, something professorial or at least intended as such.

你觉得特朗普的商业记录中哪一点最有说服力？

Perhaps, what is it about Trump's business record that you find most persuasive?

但现在她心想：你就是个白痴。

But now she thinks, you're a moron.

她只说了句'有意思'，便望向窗外潮湿阴沉的天空和牧场风格木栅栏后的大片草原。

All she says is interesting and looks out the window at the humidly overcast sky and the prairies of grass behind ranch style wooden fencing.

虽然她住在距离不远的威斯康星州，但从未去过堪萨斯城，甚至没到过密苏里州。

Though she lives in Wisconsin, not so many states away, she has never been to Kansas City or even to Missouri.

司机说：'我不是共和党人，但也绝对不是民主党人，这点可以肯定。'

I'm not a Republican, the driver says, but I'm not a Democrat either, that's for sure.

'我死都不会投票给那个泼妇。'

You wouldn't never catch me voting for shrillery.

他打了个寒颤，或是假装发抖。

He shudders or mock shutters.

'我要是比尔，我也要出轨。'

If I was Bill, I'd cheat on her too.

司机看起来二十出头，比内尔小15岁，瘦高的身材上套着一件闪亮的橙色polo衫。

The driver appears to be in his early twenties, 15 younger than Nell, with narrow shoulders on a tall frame over which he wears a shiny orange polo shirt.

面包车也是橙色的，他右耳后还夹着一支橙色圆珠笔。

The van is also orange, and an orange ballpoint pen is set behind his right ear.

他梳着近乎黑色的湿发，苍白的脸上布满痘痕。

He has nearly black hair that is combed back and looks wet, and the skin on his face is pale white and pockmarked.

在后视镜里，他与内尔再次对视，说道。

In the rearview mirror, he and Nell make eye contact again, and he says, I'm not sexist.

Nell什么也没说。

Nell says nothing.

你结婚了吗？

You married?

他问道。

He asks.

没有，她说。

No, she says.

有男朋友吗？

Boyfriend?

没有，她又说了一遍，随即就后悔了。

No, she says again, then immediately regrets it.

他给了她两次机会，她却都没能把握住。

He gave her two chances and she failed to take either.

我呢，离过婚，他说，再也不会陷入那种关系了。

Me, I'm divorced, he says, never getting wrapped up in that again.

但我有个四岁的女儿莉泽特，完全是个爸爸的小棉袄。

But I've got a four year old Lizette, total daddy's girl.

你有孩子吗？

You have kids?

没有。

No.

这一点她完全没有撒谎的欲望。

This she has no desire to lie about.

他会责备她吗？

Will he scold her?

他并没有。

He doesn't.

相反他问道，你是律师吗？

Instead he asks, you a lawyer?

她竟然笑了。

She actually smiles.

你是说像希拉里那样？

You mean like Hillary?

不是。

No.

我是教授。

I'm a professor.

教什么的教授？

A professor of what?

英语。

English.

现在她在撒谎。

Now she is lying.

她其实是性别与女性研究教授，但在学术圈外通常避免提及这个专业。

She is a professor of gender and women's studies, but outside academia it's often easier not to get into it.

她因空调太冷而穿着外套，此时从口袋里掏出手机，用干脆的语气说：我得发封邮件。

She pulls her phone from the jacket she's wearing because of how cold the air conditioning is and says in a brisk tone, I need to send an email.

实际上她却在查看距离酒店还有多久——显然还要二十二分钟。

Instead, she checks to see how much longer it will take to get to the hotel, twenty two minutes apparently.

这个打断奏效了，直到他们在市中心驶离高速公路前，他都没再试图搭话。

The interruption works and he doesn't try to talk to her again until they're downtown off the highway.

与此同时，她通过脸书意外发现亨利和布里奇特两天前在新奥尔良结婚了。

In the meantime, via Facebook, she accidentally discovers that Henry and Bridget, who got married two days ago in New Orleans.

为什么选新奥尔良？

Why New Orleans?

内尔完全不知道。

Nell has no idea.

今早吃了顿晚早餐，是贝奈特饼，一小时前还在法国区闲逛。

Had a late breakfast of beignets this morning, and as of an hour ago, were strolling around the French Quarter.

你和KC在一起多久了？

How long you and KC?

司机将面包车停在酒店门廊下时问道。

The driver asks as he stops the van beneath the hotel's port cochere.

车道上其他车辆来来往往，忙碌的人们正穿着鲜红制服的门童和侍者在自动玻璃门旁汗流浃背。

The driveway is busy with other cars coming and going, and valets and bellhops sweating in maroon uniforms near automatic glass doors.

内尔说：“待到周日。”

Until Sunday, Nell says.

是公务还是度假？

Business or pleasure?

这是国家协会理事会的年中规划会议，内尔是该协会的上一任主席。

It's the mid year planning meeting for the governing board of the National Association of which Nell is the most recent past president.

这一切听起来如此乏味，以至于她反常地想要向他描述一番。

All of which sounds so boring that she is perversely tempted to describe it to him.

相反，她只是简单说了句'公事'。

Instead, she simply says business.

你有空闲时间。

You have free time.

那家伙说：'你应该尝尝我们的烧烤。'

You should check out our barbecue, the guy says.

城里最好的肋排就在温斯洛餐厅。

Best ribs in town are at Winslow's.

你不是素食主义者吧？

You're not a vegetarian, are you?

她和亨利相识时都是素食主义者，那是在研究生院的时候。

She and Henry were both vegetarians when they met, which was in graduate school.

他当时正在攻读政治学博士学位。

He was getting a PhD in political science.

大约五年前，亨利碰巧去了一家内尔正和朋友吃午餐的餐厅。

Then, about five years ago, by coincidence, Henry went to a restaurant where Nell was having lunch with a friend.

内尔当时在吃BLT三明治。

Nell was eating a BLT.

她和亨利当时都没说什么，直到当晚回家她才问：'你注意到我今天盘子里是什么了吗？'

Neither she nor Henry said anything until that night at home when she asked, did you notice what was on my plate today?

实际上，亨利说，'我也开始吃肉了。'

Actually, Henry said, I've been eating meat too.

内尔惊呆了，不是生气，而是真的震惊。

Nell was stunned, not upset, but truly shocked.

她问，'从什么时候开始的？'

She said, since when?

有一年了？

A year?

亨利露出窘迫的表情，补充道：'吃肉实在太满足了。'

Henry looked sheepish, as he added, it's just so satisfying.

他们笑了，开始做牛排或香肠当晚餐。

They laughed, and they started making steak for dinner or sausage.

不过，由于他们是那种令人难以忍受的人——内尔现在这么想——肉必须是草饲的、散养的、有机的，而且不能太频繁。

Although, because of the kind of people they were, insufferable people, Nell thinks now, it had to be grass fed or free range or organic and not too frequent.

这一切都说明，自从知道亨利出轨后，她多次思考的不仅是自己是否早该察觉，甚至怀疑是否该怪自己没先背叛他。

All of which is to say that many times since she learned of Henry's affair, she has wondered not only if she should have known, but even if she is at fault for not cheating on him.

是否存在某种她未能察觉的默契约定？

Was there an unspoken pact that she failed to discern?

无论哪种情况，难道她不是早该被警示吗？

And either way, hadn't she been warned?

一个23岁的崇拜他的研究生，想必也‘令人无比满足’。

An admiring 23 year old graduate student was presumably just so satisfying.

更何况，布里奇特和亨利开始交往时，内尔和亨利已经数月没有性生活了。

Plus, Bridget and Henry had become involved at a time when Nell and Henry could go months without sex.

他们相处得还算融洽，但如果他们之间曾有过激情或心动——说实话，回想起来她甚至记不清是否有过——那也早已不复存在了。

They still got along well enough, but if they had ever felt passion or excitement, and truly, in retrospect, she can't remember if they did, they didn't anymore.

实际上，她记忆中的恋爱时光是在校园附近一家不太地道的墨西哥餐厅共进晚餐，那时她能看出他正努力在她面前显得聪明——就像她同样试图在他面前展现智慧一样。

Actually, what she remembers from their courtship is dinners at a not very good Mexican restaurant near campus, during which she could tell that he was trying to seem smart to her in exactly the way that she was trying to seem smart to him.

或许对他们而言，这就是激情？

Maybe for them that was passion?

与此同时，她对他怒不可遏。

Simultaneously, she is furious at him.

她感受到那种典型的羞辱与背叛。

She feels the standard humiliation and betrayal.

此外她还体会到一种始料未及的同情——这种情绪她一直小心避免向他或朋友们表露。

And she also feels an unexpected sympathy, which she has been careful not to express to him or to her friends.

他们刻意选择丁克的生活，养了只名叫康沃斯的猫（名字源于政治学家而非运动鞋），吃着散养牛肉，夜晚和周末都在阅读、批改作业与追高质量剧集中度过。

Their deliberately childless life, their cat Converse, named not for the shoe, but for the political scientist, their free range beef, and nights and weekends of reading and grading and high quality television series.

这种生活还算可以，但也有些可怕。

It was fine and a little horrible.

她完全理解。

She gets it.

她对司机说，我不是素食主义者。

To the driver, she says, I'm not a vegetarian.

他关掉了面包车的引擎。

He turns off the van's engine.

虽然她已提前在线支付了车费，但后视镜上方一块雕刻的塑料牌上写着：小费非必需，但感激不尽。

Although she paid online in advance for the ride, an engraved plastic sign above the rear view mirror reads, Tips not required, but appreciated.

当他从前座爬出来去车尾取她的行李箱时，她发现钱包里只有20美元面额的钞票。

As he climbs out of the front seat to retrieve her suitcase from the rear of the van, she sees that all she has in her wallet is twenties.

如果不是因为他的政治言论，她会给他一张。

If it weren't for his political commentary, she would give him one.

她一贯的立场是：既然能花300美元买双鞋，或每磅11.99美元从合作社买泰式西兰花沙拉，就该多给时薪工作者小费。

Her general stance is that if she can pay $300 for a pair of shoes or $11.99 a pound for Thai broccoli salad from the co op, she can over tip hourly wage workers.

但现在她犹豫了。

But now she hesitates.

她决定要回10美元找零。

She'll ask for 10 back, she decides.

她跟着司机来到面包车后面，这时一辆豪华轿车驶过。

She joins the driver behind the van just as a town car goes by.

当她递给他二十美元时，她注意到他认出了钞票面额，可能对她产生了一些离别好感，这让她无法开口要回十美元。

When she passes him at twenty, she observes registering the denomination and possibly developing some parting fondness for her, which means that she can't bring herself to ask for 10 back.

于是她转而说道：唐纳德·特朗普绝不可能成为共和党总统候选人。

So instead, she says, there's no way Donald Trump will be the Republican nominee for president.

她想知道他会不会说些'去你的，女士'之类的话，但他并没有给予这种满足。

She wonders if he'll say something like, fuck you, lady, but he gives no such gratification.

他说道，显得很关切，嘿，我并非有意冒犯。

He says, seeming concerned, hey, I didn't mean offense.

他从裤兜里掏出一张正面印有橙色条纹和班车标志的白色名片。

From a pocket in his pants, he takes a white business card with an orange stripe and the shuttle logo on the front.

他补充道，周日我不开车，但您在这里期间有任何需要。

He adds, I'm not driving Sunday, but you need anything while you're here.

随时给我打电话。

Just call me.

然后他跪下，从耳后取下圆珠笔，以她竖立在两人之间的黑色带轮行李箱为桌，用大写字母写下卢克，并在下方写下一个10位数的号码。

Then he kneels, takes the ballpoint pen from behind his ear, and using her black wheeled suitcase that's upright on the ground between them as a desk, writes Luke in capital letters and a 10 digit number underneath.

多年前，亨利曾将母亲寄来的圣诞礼物上的红白格纹丝带系在了这个行李箱的把手上。

Years ago, Henry had tied a checked red and white ribbon from a Christmas gift his mother had sent them to the suitcase's handle.

司机将名片举到她面前。

The driver holds the business card up to her.

她有什么理由要打电话给他呢？

For what earthly reason would she call him?

但令人不安的是，由于他跪着，他的脸离她裤子的拉链近得诡异。

But the unsettling part is that with him kneeling, it happens that his face is weirdly close to the zipper of her pants.

她认为他不是故意的，但他的脸大概只有三英寸远。

He didn't do this on purpose, she doesn't think, but his face is maybe three inches away.

所以她脑海里怎么可能不闪过他给她口交的念头？

So how could the idea of him performing oral sex on her not flit across her mind?

她简短地说了一句：谢谢送我这一程。

In a clipped voice, she says, Thanks for the ride.

背景播放着CNN新闻，内尔将衬衫和裤子挂进酒店房间的衣柜，拎着洗漱包走进浴室。

With CNN on in the background, Nell hangs her shirts and pants in the hotel room closet and carries her dopp kit into the bathroom.

理事会成员将于六点在大厅集合，搭乘出租车前往一英里外的餐厅。

The members of the governing board will meet in the lobby at six and take taxis to a restaurant a mile away.

梅尔正从手提包里取出晚餐用不上的物品放在五斗柜上：一个水壶、装着论文修改稿的牛皮纸文件夹——这时她注意到驾照不在钱包透明窗后的卡槽里。

Mel is moving the things she won't need at dinner out of her purse and setting them on top of the bureau: a water bottle, a manila folder containing the notes for a paper she's in the revise and resubmit stage with, when she notices that her driver's license isn't in the front slot of her wallet behind the clear plastic window.

难道在麦迪逊机场过安检后没放回去吗？

Did she not put it back after going through security in the Madison Airport?

起初她并不特别担心，但在翻遍手提包两遍后，她开始慌了。

She isn't particularly worried until she has searched her entire purse twice, and then she is worried.

她也没在裤子或外套口袋里找到驾照，更不可能在行李箱里。

She also doesn't find the license in the pockets of her pants or her jacket, and it wouldn't be in her suitcase.

她脑海中浮现出驾照孤零零躺在X光传送带末端灰色圆形小托盘里的画面——那张2010年染完红褐色挑染后拍的证件照，上面印着她的出生日期、身高体重和住址信息。

She pictures her license sitting by itself in one of those small, round, gray containers at the end of the X-ray belt, the headshot from 2010 taken soon after she got reddish highlights, the numbers specifying her date of birth and height and weight and address.

但她明明没把驾照放在那种托盘里。

But she didn't set it in any such container.

她可能是在走向登机口的路上把它掉在地毯上了，也可能是在飞机上从包里或口袋里滑落的。

She probably dropped it on the carpet while walking to her gate, or it fell out of her bag or her pocket on the plane.

2015年在美国没有身份证能登机吗？

Can you board a plane in The United States in 2015 without an ID?

如果你是个白人女性，毫无疑问你的机会比任何人都高。

If you're a white woman, no doubt your chances are higher than anyone else's.

根据网上信息，她应该提前到达机场，并准备出示其他身份证明——有些她有（工作证、健身房会员卡、名片），有些她没有（水电费账单、支票、结婚证）。

According to the Internet, she should arrive at the airport early and plan to show other forms of ID, some of which she has: a work badge, a gym ID, a business card, and some of which she doesn't: a utility bill, a check, a marriage license.

她还给航空公司打了电话，虽然感觉这种尽职调查徒劳无功。

She also calls the airline, which feels like a futile kind of due diligence.

最后一通电话打给了面包车司机，幸好有那20美元小费，对方用职业口吻接起电话说'我是卢克'。

The last call she makes is to the van driver, thank goodness for the $20 tip, who answers the phone by saying in a professional tone, This is Luke.

尼尔说：'我是您送到花园中心酒店的乘客'。

This is the person who is your passenger to the Garden Center Hotel, Nell says.

大约45分钟前您刚把我送到那里。

You dropped me off about forty five minutes ago.

嘿，你好。

Hey there.

卢克立刻听起来热情多了。

Immediately Luke sounds warmer.

她试图配合他的热情，说道：我可能把驾照落在你的车上了。

Trying to match his warmth, she says, I might have dropped my driver's license in your van.

你能帮我找找吗？

Can you check for me?

我叫埃莉诺·戴维斯。

My name is Eleanor Davies.

我现在在开车，不过送完这趟就帮你找，没问题。

I'm driving now, but I'll look after this drop off, no problem.

内尔冲动地说：如果你找到了，我会酬谢你的。

Impulsively, Nell says, If you find it, I'll pay you.

她该明确说个金额吗？

Should she specify an amount?

再加20？

Another 20?

50？

50?

卢克说：'找到了就有，没找到就没有。'

Well, it's here, it's not, Luke says.

我待会打给你。

I'll call you back.

内尔说：'我当时坐在后排第一排。'当卢克再次开口时，他的语气听起来很愉快。

I was sitting in the first row of the back seat, Nell says, and when he speaks again, Luke seems amused.

他说：'是啊，我记得。'

He says, Yeah, I remember.

到她该去吃晚餐的时候，他还没打来电话。

He hasn't called by the time she has to go to dinner.

离开房间前她又打了一次，但电话转入了语音信箱。

She calls him again before leaving her room, but the call goes to voicemail.

包括内尔在内的九人参加的晚餐比她预想的要有趣得多。

The dinner, attended by nine people including Nell, is more fun than she expected.

他们花了大量时间讨论加州一个濒临崩溃的性别研究系，还喝了六瓶葡萄酒，最后大家决定步行回酒店。

They spend a good chunk of it discussing a gender studies department in California that's imploding, plus they drink six bottles of wine, and the group decides to walk back to the hotel.

回到房间后，内尔发现42分钟前卢克曾给她打过电话并发过一条短信。

In her room, Nell realizes that forty two minutes ago, she received a call from Luke and then a text.

短信上写着：'嘿，给我回电话。'

Hey, call me, the text reads.

'你现在在酒店吗？'

You at the hotel now?

当她回电时，卢克问道。

He says when she calls.

得到肯定答复后，他说：'我刚下班，十五分钟后就能到。'

And when she confirms that she is, he says, my shift just ended so I can be there in fifteen.

'哇，太感谢了，'内尔说道。

Wow, thank you so much, Nell says.

我真的很感激你这样做。

I really appreciate this.

他们约定好，等他到了会发短信，她就出去。

He will text when he arrives, they agree, and she'll go outside.

可当她走到大堂时，发现他就站在玻璃门附近。

Except that when she reaches the lobby, he's standing inside it near the glass doors.

他没穿那件亮橙色的Polo衫。

He's not wearing the shiny orange polo shirt.

他穿着深灰色牛仔裤和黑色无袖连帽衫。

He has on dark gray jeans and a black hooded sleeveless shirt.

他的二头肌线条分明得有些夸张。

His biceps are stringally well defined.

而且，这件衣服让她感到尴尬。

Also, the shirt makes her cringe.

她决定给他40美元，钱已经对折好，还没开口说话就递了过去。

She has decided to give him $40 which she's folded in half and is holding out even before they speak.

他挥手拒绝收钱，说请我喝一杯就算两清了。

He waves away the money and says, buy me a drink and we'll call it even.

请你喝一杯，她重复道。

Buy you a drink, she repeats.

如果她是清醒的，肯定会找个借口推脱。

If she were sober, she'd definitely make an excuse.

卢克用下巴示意大厅对面的酒店酒吧，那里传来喧闹的谈话声和现场萨克斯演奏的旋律。

With his chin, Luke gestures across the lobby toward the hotel bar, from which come boisterous conversations and the notes of a live saxophone player.

一杯杰克丹尼加可乐，他说，要我说，这笔买卖你赚了。

One Jack and Coke, he says, you ask me, you're getting a bargain.

和班车司机卢克在酒店酒吧喝一杯几乎算得上愉快，因为这就像一场人类学体验。

Having a drink in the hotel bar with Luke the shuttle driver is almost enjoyable because it's like an anthropological experience.

除了想拿回驾照的愿望外，她对坐在对面的这个人毫无好感。

Beyond her wish to get her license back, she feels no fondness for the person sitting across the table.

但他的人生轨迹——从出生到此刻的历程，就像所有人的故事一样耐人寻味。

But the structure of his life, the path that brought him from birth to this moment, is interesting in the way that anyone's is.

他27岁，比她猜想的要年长，出生于威奇托，是两兄弟中的老二。

He's 27, older than she guessed, born in Wichita, the second of two brothers.

他的父母在他两岁前就分开了。

His parents split up before his second birthday.

他与父亲见过寥寥几面，并不喜欢他。

He's met his father a handful of times and doesn't like him.

他绝不会像父亲从他生命中消失那样，从女儿的生活中消失。

He'll never disappear from his daughter's life the way that his father disappeared from his.

五年级时，他和母亲及哥哥搬到了堪萨斯城。

He and his mom and his brother moved to Kansas City when he was in fifth grade.

她的父母是本地人。

Her parents are from here.

他在初中和高中时打棒球，并希望能获得杜鲁门州立大学的奖学金。

And he played baseball in junior high and high school and hoped for a scholarship to Truman State.

甚至有位球探来看过他的比赛。

A scout even came to one of his games.

但在高三那年，他撕裂了尺侧副韧带。

But senior year, he tore his UCL.

之后他在密苏里大学堪萨斯城分校读了一个学期，但课程很无聊，不值那个学费。

After that, he did a semester at UMKC, but the classes were boring and not worth the money.

无意冒犯，他说这话时仿佛内尔因为是教授就该为这些课程负责似的。

No offense, he says, as if Nell, by virtue of being a professor, had a hand in running them.

他和前妻雪莉在高中相识，但有趣的是他当时并不怎么喜欢她，所以早该料到这个结局。

He met his ex wife, Shelley, in high school, but the funny thing is that he didn't like her that much then, so he should have known.

他觉得她只是想要个孩子。

He thinks she just wanted a kid.

他们结婚两年，现在她和高中同班另一个男生约会，卢克觉得那家伙比自己更合适。

They were married for two years, and now she's dating someone else from their high school class, and Luke thinks better that guy than him.

卢克和好友蒂姆想创办自己的接驳车服务，肯定会在未来十八个月内实现。

Luke and his buddy Tim want to start their own shuttle service, definitely in the next eighteen months.

他现在跟的那个经理是个混蛋。

The manager, the one he's working for now, is a dick.

套出这些信息并不困难。

Eliciting this information isn't difficult.

他唯一问她的问题是，要读多少年书才能当上教授。

The one question he asks her is how many years she had to go to school to become a professor.

她反问：是高中毕业后还是总共的年限？

She says, how many after high school or how many total?

高中毕业后，他说道。她回答九年。

After high school, he says, and she says nine.

他没征求她的意见，就直接点了第二轮酒。

Without consulting her, he orders them a second round.

喝完这轮后，内尔醉得比2003年参加朋友安娜婚礼当伴娘时还厉害。

And after finishing it, Nell is the drunkest she's been since she was a bridesmaid in her friend Anna's wedding in 2003.

她已经醉得连墙都在晃了。

She's wall shiftingly drunk.

她说：好了，现在把驾照还给我吧。

She says, Okay, give me my license now.

卢克咧嘴一笑，'我送你回房间如何，展现一下绅士风度？'

Luke grins, How about I walk you to your room, be a gentleman and all?

'这招真含蓄'，她说。

That's subtle, she says.

他知道含蓄是什么意思吗？

Does he know what subtle means?

倒不是她没意识到自己是个精英主义的混蛋。

It's not that she's unaware that she's an elitist asshole.

她心知肚明。

She's aware.

只是她控制不住自己。

She's just powerless not to be one.

还有，说真的，他到底懂不懂含蓄是什么意思？

Also, seriously, does he know what subtle means?

她说：'搭讪乘客是你的常规操作，还是我该感到荣幸？'

She says, Is hitting on passengers a thing with you or should I feel special?

你为什么觉得我在撩你？

What makes you think I'm hitting on you?

但他依然咧嘴笑着，这是他说的第一句让她想约会的男人会说的话。

But he's still grinning and it's the first thing he said that a man she'd want to go out with would say.

在现实生活中，她怎么可能遇到一个她想约会、对方也想和她约会的男人呢？

How will she ever, in real life, meet a man she wants to go out with who wants to go out with her?

她应该注册Match婚恋网吗？

Should she join Match?

探探？

Tinder?

她的学生会在那里发现她吗？

Will her students find her there?

这时卢克说：开玩笑的，我就是在撩你。

Then Luke says, just kidding, I'm totally hitting on you.

这句话简直是双倍的正确。

And it's double the exact right thing to say.

他既有幽默感，又在赞美她。

He has a sense of humor and he's complimenting her.

她说，如果你把驾照还我，可以送我回房间。

She says, if you give me my license, you can walk me to my room.

让我送你回房间，我就把驾照还你。

Let me walk you to your room and I'll give you your license.

这就是爱情小说女主角的感受吗？

Is this how the heroines of romance novels feel?

她们在'被迫'的情况下'别无选择'只能顺从。

They have, in air quotes, no choice but to submit.

特殊情有可原的情况免除了她们的责任。

They are absolved of responsibility by extenuating circumstances.

半相关地，内尔曾是一篇题为《限制性与非限制性社会性行为规范与约炮文化》论文的第一作者，该论文在她昨天查看谷歌学术时已被引用31次。

Semi relatedly, Nell was once the first author on a paper titled Norms of Restricted and Unrestricted Sociosexuality and Hookup Culture, a paper that when she last checked Google Scholar, which was yesterday, had been cited 31 times.

内尔把酒水记在了自己房间账上。

Nell charges the drinks to her room.

在前往7楼的电梯里，他站在她身后，将脸埋进她的颈窝与肩膀之间，这感觉美妙极了。

And in the elevator up to the 7th Floor, he is standing behind her and presses his face between her neck and shoulder, and it feels really good.

当两人以这种姿势相处时，很难想起她其实对他并无好感。

When they are configured like this, it's difficult to remember that she's not attracted to him.

进入房间后，他仅仅护送她到门口的借口显然已不复存在。

Inside her room, the pretense that he is merely walking her to the door has apparently dissolved.

他们在浴室旁热吻了好一阵子。

They make out for a while by the bathroom.

亲吻亨利之外的男人感觉很奇怪——但并非糟糕的那种奇怪。

It's weird, but not bad weird, to be kissing a man other than Henry.

她已经十一年没做过这种事了。

She has not done so for eleven years.

随后两人横卧在铺着白色羽绒被的加大双人床上。

Then they're horizontal on the king-size bed on top of the white down comforter.

他们翻滚了几次，但多数时候都是他在上方。

They roll over a few times, but mostly she's under him.

最终，他解开并脱掉了她的衬衫，然后是胸罩，接着扯下自己那件可笑的连帽衫。

Eventually, he unbuttons and removes her blouse, then her bra, then pulls off his ridiculous hooded shirt.

或许，如果她没那么醉，就会关掉床头柜上的灯。

Probably, if she were less drunk, she'd turn out the light on the nightstand.

他比亨利更高更瘦，手上的动作虽不那么老练，却或许有种天生的熟稔。

He's taller and thinner than Henry, and he uses his hands in a less habitually proficient, but perhaps more natively adept way.

他身上有股非常人工、非常男性化的沐浴露或除臭剂的味道。

He smells like some very fake, very male kind of body wash or deodorant.

她断断续续地想着，当她把这段与班车司机的一夜情发短信告诉经济学教授朋友丽莎时，对方会有多好笑。

Intermittently, she thinks of how amused her friend Lisa, who's an economics professor, will be when she texts her to say that she had a one night stand with the shuttle driver.

不过要算得上一夜情的话，是否需要插入行为？

Though for it to count as a one night stand, is penetration required?

会有插入行为发生吗？

Will penetration occur?

也许吧，如果他有安全套的话。

Maybe, if he has a condom.

他正专注地舔着她的左乳头，然后是右乳头，接着顺着胸骨向下亲吻，不过在肚脐上方停住并开始往回游移。

He's assiduously licking her left nipple, then her right one, then kissing down her sternum, though he stops above her navel and starts to come back up.

她说：‘继续。’当他抬起头看她时，她又说：‘你可以给我口交。’这句话她从未对亨利说过。

She says, 'Keep going.' And when he raises his head to look at her, she says, 'You're allowed to go down on me.' This is not a thing she ever said to Henry.

尽管他过去确实这样做过——不算频繁，只是偶尔，在那些年里，但两人都没把这当作是她赐予的特权。

Although he did it, not often, but occasionally, in years past, neither of them treated it like a privilege she was bestowing.

卢克同时扯下了她的裤子和内裤。

Luke pulls down her pants and her underwear at the same time.

他得站起来才能把裤子从她脚踝处脱下来。

He has to stand to get them over her ankles.

他从上方看着她说，哇，你最近没刮毛啊，不喜欢巴西式脱毛吗？

From above her, he says, Wow, you haven't shaved lately, Not a fan of the Brazilian?

如果他是个她在乎其看法的人，一个她还会再见到的人，这话可能会让她瞬间冷下来。

Which might stop her cold if he were a person whose opinion she cared about, a person she'd ever see again.

她从学生那里了解到，现在大部分或完全无毛是常态，甚至在那些自认为是坚定女权主义者的人当中也毫不稀奇。

She knows from her students that being mostly or completely hairless is the norm now, unremarkable even among those who consider themselves ardent feminists.

她突然意识到，自己很可能是卢克约会过的最年长的女人。

And it occurs to her that she may well be the oldest woman Luke has ever hooked up with.

既可笑又可悲的是，她最近确实刮过毛。

The funny, awful part is that she did shave recently.

今早在淋浴时她修剪了所谓的比基尼线，因为网上看到酒店有游泳池，所以她带了泳衣——实际上那并不是比基尼。

She shaved her so called bikini line this morning in the shower because she had seen online that the hotel has a pool and had packed her bathing suit, which in fact is not a bikini.

她轻声对卢克说：'你真是骑士精神十足。'

Lightly, she says to Luke, you're very chivalrous.

两人目光交汇。

Their eyes meet.

她可能比在大堂时清醒了3%，但醉意仍浓，完全不必担心会很快清醒。

She's perhaps 3% less hammered than she was down in the lobby, though still hammered enough not to worry about her drunkenness wearing off anytime soon.

起初，他一言不发。

And at first, he says nothing.

随后，他无比认真地说出这句话，几乎在她心里激起真实的感动：'你很美。'

Then, so seriously that his words almost incite in her a genuine emotion, he says, You're pretty.

在她的配合下，他将她的身体拖向床尾，让她的双腿悬在床沿外。

With her cooperation, he tugs her body toward the foot of the bed so that her legs are dangling off it.

接着他跪在地板上开始他的侍奉——在堪萨斯城，赤身裸体开着灯的情况下，被班车司机口交。

Then he kneels on the floor and begins his ministrations, being eaten out by the shuttle driver, while naked, with the lights on, in Kansas City.

丽莎知道后肯定会觉得这滑稽极了。

Lisa is going to find this hilarious.

很快，内尔就不再想丽莎了。

Pretty soon, Nell stops thinking of Lisa.

最终，奇妙的感觉如浪潮般涌现，随后倾泻而下。

Eventually, wondrously, there is the surge, then the cascade.

虽然她没有说出口，但'我爱你'这个念头确实在她对卢克的心头闪过。

Though she doesn't do it, it crosses her mind to say, I love you, to Luke.

也就是说，在这种情境下，她能理解为什么有人会这么说。

That is, in such a situation, she can understand why a person would.

他又躺回了她身边的床上。

He is next to her on the bed again.

他也赤身裸体，虽然她不记得他是什么时候脱掉剩下的衣服的。

He's naked too, though she doesn't recall when he removed the rest of his clothes.

她闭上眼睛，伸手握住他的勃起，开始移动她的手。

And she closes her eyes as she reaches for his erection and starts moving her hand.

尽管有冲动想表白爱意，但她仍然不太喜欢看到他的样子。

In spite of the impulse to declare her love, she's still not crazy about the sight of him.

她说："我可以给你口交，但我得先拿到驾照，真的。"

She says, I'll give you a blow job, but I want my license first, for real.

他没有回应，她停下了手的动作。

He doesn't respond, and she stops moving her hand.

她说："去把它拿来放在床头柜上，这样我们就不用再讨论这个了。"

She says, Just get it and put it on the bedside table, then we can quit discussing this.

他小声说道："我没有驾照。"

In a small voice, he says, I don't have it.

她猛地睁开了眼睛。

Her eyes flap open.

认真的吗？

Seriously?

我检查过货车了，但没找到。

I checked the van, but it wasn't there.

你在跟我开玩笑吗？

Are you kidding me?

她坐起身来。

She sits up.

那你他妈来这儿干什么？

Then what the fuck are you doing here?

他沉默不语。

He says nothing.

她说道，你骗了我。

And she says, you lied to me.

他耸耸肩，真希望我有。

He shrugs, I wish I had it.

你打算卖掉它吗？

Are you planning to like sell it?

人们会把许可证卖给谁呢，她暗自思忖。

Who do people sell licenses to, she wonders.

未成年人？

Underage kids?

身份窃贼？

Identity thieves?

我告诉过你，我没有这东西。

I told you, I don't have it.

呵，事到如今你哪还有什么可信度。

Well, it's not like you have any credibility at this point.

沉默片刻后，他说：又或许你根本没弄丢它。

After a beat, he says, Or maybe you didn't really lose it.

你这话是什么意思？

What's that supposed to mean?

她日后会反复回想这一刻，会深入思考，最终得出的结论之一是：如果他当时能更沉着些，本可以扭转气氛的。

She will reflect on this moment later, will reflect on it extensively, And one of the conclusions she'll come to is that with more self possession, he could have recalibrated the mood.

他本可以像在酒吧里那样，先揶揄她误会自己在搭讪，又承认确实是在搭讪——只是这次换个花样。

He could have done a variation on the thing he did in the bar when he teased her for assuming he was hitting on her and then admitted he was hitting on her.

如果他更自信些，甚至更放肆些，本可以半开玩笑地指出她显而易见的共犯心理。

If he had been more confident, that is, or presumptuous even, if he jokingly pointed out her glaring and abundant complicity.

但生活赋予她的放肆经验，恐怕远比他拥有的多得多。

But her life has probably given her far more practice at presumption than his has given him.

而现实中，他看起来怕她。

And in reality, he looks scared of her.

他的畏惧让她觉得自己是个可怕的女人，这种感受既令人厌恶又带着隐秘的快意。

His looking scared makes her feel like a scary woman, and the feeling is both repugnant and pleasurable.

他轻声说：我发誓东西不在我这里。

Quietly, he says, I swear I don't have it.

“你该走了。”她说，又补了一个字：“马上。”

You should leave, she says, then adds, now.

当他们再次对视时，她几乎要戳破自己愤怒的表演。

Again, when they look at each other, she is close to puncturing the theatrics of her own anger.

当然，她并非没有意识到此刻结束相遇对双方并不公平。

Certainly, she is not oblivious of the non equitability of their encounter ending at this moment.

但她尚未找到用来戳破这层伪装的话语。

But she hasn't yet selected the words that she'll use to cause the puncture.

尽管醉意朦胧，合适的词句仍难以捕捉。

As drunk as she is, the words are hard to find.

我以为我们玩得很开心。

I thought we were having fun.

他的语气带着几分可怜，又隐含指责。

His tone is a little pathetic and also a little accusing.

是你玩得开心。

You had fun.

正是他道破了她内心已承认、正考虑向他坦白的事实，这彻底让天平倾向了错误的方向。

It's his stating what she has already acknowledged to herself, what she was considering acknowledging to him, that definitively tips the scales the wrong way.

“滚出去，”她说道。

Get out, she says.

在她低头看向自己裸露的双腿时，余光瞥见他起身穿衣。

In her peripheral vision, as she looks down at her bare legs, she can see him stand and dress.

她的心跳得很快。

Her heart is beating rapidly.

穿好衣服后，他双臂交叉。

Clothed, he folds his arms.

如果他当时俯身触碰她的肩膀。

If he'd reached down and touched her shoulder.

如果他重新坐回她身边。

If he'd sat back down next to her.

“埃莉诺，”他说道——这是他第一次也是唯一一次叫她的真名，尽管认识她的人从不这么称呼她。

Eleanor, he says, and this is the first and only time he uses her name, which of course is her real name, though not one that anybody who knows her calls her by.

“我没想骗你。”

I wasn't trying to trick you.