334. 如何全然信任自己

这是一档iHeart播客节目。

This is an iHeart podcast.

亲爱的听众朋友们大家好。时至今日，

Hello, my lovely listeners. By now,

众所周知，我们对自己身体运作机制了解得越多，就越能掌控主动权。在性健康和无保护措施性行为后的应对方面亦是如此。这时紧急避孕药Plan B就派上用场了——这种无年龄限制的事后避孕措施能在怀孕发生前进行预防。由于它仅通过暂时延迟排卵发挥作用，因此不会影响未来的受孕能力。

you know, the more knowledge we have about ourselves and the way our bodies work, the more empowered and in control we are. And this is also true when it comes to our sexual health and what to do after unprotected sex. That's where plan b comes in. It's emergency contraception with no age requirement that helps prevent pregnancy before it starts. And because it works by only temporarily delaying ovulation, it won't impact your ability to get pregnant in the future.

我们钟爱这种让人掌握主动权的备选方案，因为知识就是力量。了解更多信息请访问planb1step.com，用户导向链接。

We love a backup plan that puts us in control because the more we know, the more power we have. Learn more at planb1step.com, users directed.

您的AI代理确实能让使用它们的团队更高效，对吧？但如果这些代理无法与其他代理、您的数据或现有工作流程互联，它们究竟能带来多少实效？任何企业都能部署AI代理，而IBM能让您公司的所有代理互联互通，彻底改变业务模式。

So your AI agents, they make the team that uses them more productive. Right? But if they aren't connected to other agents or your data or your existing workflows, how productive can they really make your teams? Any business can add AI agents. IBM connects your agents across your company to change how you do business.

让我们携手打造更智能的商业。IBM。

Let's create smarter business. IBM.

让Park Wiz将停车变成夜间出行最轻松的环节。提前预订直达车位，告别兜圈找车位的烦恼，专心享受演出、比赛或夜生活。安全车位最高享5折优惠，轻松无忧。智慧停车从此开始。立即下载Park Wiz应用。

Make parking the easiest part of your night with Park Wiz. Reserve ahead and roll right in so you can enjoy the show, the game, or a night out without circling for parking. Save up to 50% off a secured space and skip the stress. Smarter parking starts here. Download the Park Wiz app today.

你有没有带着你的魔法去过华特迪士尼世界，打个招呼。

Have you ever brought your magic to Walt Disney World like, hey.

我们是来玩的。你有没有向克里奥尔公主行屈膝礼，或是正式地扮傻？像个老板一样挺身而出拯救世界？或者体验生命之树下的生活？你有吗？

We came to play. Did you tip your tiara to a creole princess or get goofy officially? Step up like a boss and save the day? Or see what life's like under the tree of life? Did you?

如果可以，你会吗？当我们到来时，那是真正的魔法，因为我们是来玩的。在华特迪士尼世界度假区施展魔法吧。

If you could, would you? When we come through, it's true magic because we came to play. Bring the magic at Walt Disney World Resort.

我真的不记得自己曾像现在这样忙得不可开交。而Nare的沐浴脱毛膏不仅是救星，更是时间节省器。因为不知道你们怎样，但我实在没耐心再刮毛了，尤其是在我既要搬家又要处理无数其他事情的时候。Nair是排名第一的脱毛品牌，其身体及沐浴脱毛膏首先闻起来很香，同时能高效去除我时间紧迫时的所有毛发。

I truly don't think I have ever had as many events as I do right now. And Nare's shower cream has been not just a lifesaver, but a time saver as well. Because I don't know about you, I just can't be bothered with shaving anymore, especially as I've been trying to move house and do a million other things. Nair is the number one hair removal brand and their body and shower creams. Firstly, they actually smell delicious whilst working so well to get rid of all of my hair when I'm tight on time.

我使用含椰子油的沐浴脱毛膏，它对皮肤非常温和。用后肌肤丝滑，且不含染料、对羟基苯甲酸酯、邻苯二甲酸盐和硫酸盐。为夏天做好准备，现可在各大零售商处购买。大家好，欢迎回到《二十几岁的心理学》，这档播客我们讨论二十多岁面临的一些重大人生变化和转折，以及它们对我们心理的影响。大家好。

I use the shower cream infused coconut oil and it's also so gentle on my skin. I feel so silky afterwards and it's free of dyes, parabens, phthalates and sulfates. So get ready for summer, buy now at all major retailers. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the psychology of your twenties, the podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they mean for our psychology. Hello, everybody.

欢迎回到节目。欢迎回到播客。新听众，老听众，无论你们身处世界何处，很高兴你们再次加入我们，一起解析二十几岁的心理学。如果你们听了一段时间，可能记得每年年初，我喜欢为接下来的十二个月设定一个主题，作为我们迎接新年播客系列的一部分。2025年的主题是‘信任自己的一年’，对我而言，这意味着允许自己有些害怕，在未曾经历的情境中信任自己，尊重直觉等等。

Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world, it is so great to have you here back for another episode as we, of course, break down the psychology of our twenties. If you have been around for a little while, you might remember that at the start of each year, I kind of like to set a theme for the next twelve months to come as part of, like, our welcome to the new year, like, podcast series that I do every new year. For 2025, this year's intention, it was the year for trusting yourself, which to me, I think really meant, like, letting yourself be a little bit afraid, trusting yourself in situations you haven't been before, honoring your intuition amongst many other things.

今天，我想重新提起那个新年誓言，做一次年终三分之一的检查。老实说，我在最初那期节目里也提到过，信任自己一直是我挣扎的事。我能想起太多时刻，明明内心深处知道什么是对自己正确的决定，却还是问了五个其他人的意见，或是犹豫不决。

And today, I wanted to kind of return to that New Year pledge and do like a check-in for like the final what is it? Like final third of the year. I'll be honest, and I said this in the initial episode, trusting myself is something I've always struggled with. I can think of so many moments where I knew deep down what was the right decision for me, but I still asked five other people what they thought. Or I still hesitated.

从我第一次想和初恋男友分手，到前几周在宜家纠结该买哪盏灯，这种习惯性寻求他人意见的行为，往往要么让我做出并非真心想要的选择（问题不在别人而在我自己），要么让我在情感和时间紧迫的事情上拖延太久。事后回想时，我总困惑为何不听从内心——其实当时我想要什么、该做什么都无比清晰，只是缺乏对自己判断力的信任。

Everything from when I wanted to break up with my first boyfriend to literally like the other week, I was at IKEA and I was like trying to decide what lamp to buy. This like opinion shopping that I often do either leads me to an outcome that I don't really want, not because of the other people, but because of me, or it takes me so much longer to act on things that were pretty emotionally and time sensitive. And later on, I look back and I think, why did I not just listen to myself? Like, in hindsight, it was so clear what I wanted. It was so clear what I was being called to do, and I just didn't have that sense of trust that I actually was making the right decision or that I could trust my intuition.

或许你也有过这种本能与外界声音拉锯战的经历。二十多岁时尤其艰难，我们总渴望有人像打游戏般替我们通关人生。但我逐渐明白：自我信任不意味着永远正确，就像把人生交给别人他们也会犯错一样，它并不能保证结果完美。

Maybe you have been here too, that kind of like, the tug of war between your own instincts and the pressure of outside voices. It's definitely not easy, especially in your twenties when I feel like we'd all just love for someone to give us the answer and to, like, kind of play your life for you like a video game. But what I've learned is that trusting yourself doesn't actually mean you're always gonna get it right. The same way that if you put someone else in charge of your life, they wouldn't always get it right either. It doesn't guarantee an outcome.

真正的价值在于获得「无论如何我都能应对」的底气。正如我常说的，焦虑的对立面不是平静而是信任。在这个十年里，建立内在锚点与决策系统是最重要的事。本期我们将探讨：为何自我信任如此困难？信任如何化解这个人生阶段固有的恐惧？以及如何用心理学工具重建与内心声音的联系——即使此刻它还很微弱。

What it really does is just give a sense of, I trust myself, which means I'm gonna be fine anyways. And as I always say, the opposite of anxiety isn't calm, it's actually trust. So building that internal anchor and that internal system and process is, like, one of the most crucial things that we can do during this decade. So in today's episode, we're gonna dive into why self trust is honestly so hard, how trust can be the antidote to a lot of innate fears that this decade of life brings up for us, and how we can kind of rebuild the connection without this inner voice that we all have. Even if you can't hear it very clearly right now, how can we rebuild that relationship using some essential psychology tools?

希望这期内容能带来启发，因为陪伴你一生的关系，终究是与自己的关系。学会信任这个为你做每个决定、陪你承受每个结果、见证每次挫折的自己，会让你获得前所未有的力量。现在，让我们深入探讨如何全然信任自我——我们常把「信任」这个词赋予他人：朋友是否可靠、伴侣是否可信、同事是否值得托付、政客是否守信...

I really hope that you guys enjoyed this episode because if there's one relationship that's gonna carry you through life, it is the one you have with yourself. And learning to trust that person, the one who will make every decision for you, be with you for every outcome, see you through every setback, that is going to make you feel a lot more capable. So without further ado, let's get into how we can fully trust ourselves. Trust is one of those words we, I think, tend to place in the hands of others a lot. You know, we talk about whether we can, like, trust our friends, whether our partners are trustworthy, whether, like, the people we've worked with have, like, gained our confidence, whether we can, like, trust politicians.

信任，就像是对他人信仰的一次飞跃，如果判断错误，你显然会摔得很惨。但更深层、更令人不安却常被忽视的问题是：我信任自己吗？不仅是我是否信任自己对那些人的判断，更在于我是否真的相信自己能依赖自己的判断力、本能以及应对生活带来一切的能力？还是说我其实躲在他人观点背后，躲在犹豫不决背后，躲在无所作为背后？对我们许多人来说，尤其是在二十多岁时，答案可能是我们并未完全信任自己。

Trust is, like, this leap of faith for another person, where if you're wrong, you can obviously fall pretty far. But the deeper, more unsettling question that's often left unasked is, do I trust myself? Not only do I trust myself in my judgments of those people, but do I actually believe that I can rely on my own judgment, my own instincts, my own ability to handle whatever life is gonna bring me? Or is it the case that I kind of hide behind other people's opinions, hide behind indecision, hide behind kind of doing nothing? For many of us, especially in our twenties, you know, the answer is we probably don't trust ourselves fully.

至少我自己就时常摇摆不定，有时觉得自己如鱼得水，对生活中的任何状况都准备充分；而另一些时候，又感觉一阵风就能把我吹倒。这不是因为我们软弱或无能，而是因为二十多岁这个阶段对自我信任有着独特的挑战。我们之前讨论过'初显成年'这个概念。

I, at least, I go back and forth sometimes feeling like I'm so in my element. I'm so prepared for whatever whatever happens in life and other times, like, just really feeling like the wind could blow me over. And that's not because we're weak or incapable. It's because our twenties are, like, uniquely challenging to the self trust. We've talked about this term before, emerging adulthood.

这个术语由发展心理学家杰弗里·阿诺特提出，用来描述我们生命中这段特别动荡的时期——我们扮演着他所谓的'无固定角色'，常常每小时、每天、每周在不同视角间切换，本质上是在尝试不同版本的自我，试图在面临某些足以定义人生的重大选择时，找到最合适的那一个。这意味着你有时会做出未来那个你认为错误的选择，有时会做出日后可能后悔的决定。但这不意味着你不能信任自己，而是说明你当时基于已知信息和自认为最真实的自我身份，做出了最佳决策。

This is a term that was coined by the developmental psychologist, Jeffrey Arnott, and he uses it to describe how uniquely tumultuous this period of our lives is and how we are kind of playing what he calls a role less role, often shifting by hour, by day, by week between different perspectives and essentially different versions of ourselves and trying to find the right ones or one against, like, the backdrop of some pretty life defining choices. Meaning that you are sometimes going to make wrong choices according to the future version of you. Sometimes you're gonna make wrong choices that later on you might regret. That doesn't mean you can't trust yourself. It means that you made the best decision at the time with what you knew now, and you made the best decision at the time with the identity that you thought was most true to yourself.

但这并不总是有效。我们并非总能保持这种客观视角。实际上，我们对待过去的自己可能相当苛刻，对当下所做的决定也充满质疑。这导致我们与自我产生疏离感——比如，我当初怎么会觉得这是个好主意？

But that doesn't always help. We don't always have that perspective. We can actually be rather cruel to our past selves and and about the decisions that we're currently making. And it means that we can feel kind of alienated from our own selves. Like, why did I think that was a good idea?

你知道，我怎么会沦落至此？为何当初认为那是明智之选？这简直是二十多岁的典型困惑，尤其是临近三十岁时：天啊，我怎么会穿那种衣服？怎么会和那种人约会？

You know, why how did I end up here? Why did I think that was a good decision? That's like a classic thing in our twenties, especially as we get into our later twenties of like, wow. Why did I wear that? Why did I date that person?

为什么要说那种话？为什么要接受那份工作？却忘记了在当时，那些决定都像是正确选择。这全是成长必经之路。同时还有种潜藏的恐惧和'万一'思维，这种心态确实如影随形地影响着我们的每个决定。

Why did I say that thing? Why did I take that job? Not remembering that, you know, at the time, that's what felt like the right thing to do. It's all part of it. There's also this undercurrent of fear and kind of, like, what if thinking that definitely stalks a lot of the decisions that we're making.

这严重损害了我们的自我信任——因为总在怀疑：万一我现在错了呢？万一我承受不了后果呢？万一这个选择及其引发的十年连锁反应，最终让我充满悔恨，甚至抱憾终身呢？我就常陷入这种典型困境：因无法确定当前决定对未来影响，导致此刻完全无法信任自己。相信很多人对此都深有体会。

This really does injure us our self trust because we're constantly thinking, you know, what if I'm wrong right now? What if I can't handle the consequences? What if, you know, this one choice and the ten years of choices that it leads me to mean that I end up having a lot of regrets or I regret my life as a whole. That's a classic for me, feeling like I can't trust myself right now because I don't have certainty around how the decision I'm currently making is going to, like, impact me in the future. And I'm sure a lot of us are very familiar with this.

我认为二十多岁最令人窒息的体验，就是这种对未来的普遍焦虑。最近有人对我说了句精辟的话：焦虑滋生于'不可控因素'与'自以为无力应对'的夹缝中。当世界充满不确定性（剧透：确实如此），而大脑误判你无能为力（其实并非如此），焦虑就有了广阔舞台。即便真会犯些错误，即便偶有恐惧时刻，你也绝非束手无策。

I think one of the most paralyzing experiences of our twenties is just this general anxiety we have about the future. Someone said this to me the other day, and I love it. Anxiety basically thrives in the gap between what we can't control and what we think we can't handle. If the world is uncertain, and spoiler alert, it is, and your brain believes you're helpless, which you're not, anxiety has a lot of room to operate. You're not helpless even if you do end up making a few wrong choices, even if you do have moments of fear.

事实上，有人从毁灭性的人生转折中涅槃重生，依然活出精彩人生。你也同样可以。虽然这话可能缓解不了你的焦虑——因为认知行为学派指出，对未来缺乏信任会形成恶性循环。作为焦虑人群一员（我把自己算在内），我们总是高估环境或未来的威胁，同时低估自己的应对能力。由于严重忽视自身实际拥有的力量与韧性，每个被灾难化的想象、每个能想到的重大人生转折，都仿佛能彻底摧毁我们。

Literally, there are people who come back from hugely destructive, life altering decisions and still live out incredible lives. You will as well. I know this probably won't do much to ease your anxiety, though, and and that's because cognitive behavioral models of anxiety really talk about how there is this vicious cycle when it comes to our lack of trust in the future. Anxious people, I count myself as one of them, we constantly overestimate the threats in the environment or in the future whilst also underestimating our own ability to cope. And because we seriously do not acknowledge how much power we really have and how much resilience we really have, it just feels like anything we catastrophize about, any big life altering thing we can imagine, each of them could just, like, be the end of us.

而我们却很少肯定这个事实：自己大概率会安然无恙。不仅许多担忧根本不会发生，而且你在危机时刻——甚至只是遭遇小挫折时——实际拥有的能力远超自我认知。打破这种恶性循环的解药，依然是自我信任。虽然在焦虑时刻最难建立，但这确是你所能找到最可靠的锚点。去年韩国某大学针对800名参与者开展的研究也印证了这一点。

And we don't give ourselves enough credit for the fact that, like, we will probably be okay. Not only will a lot of that stuff probably not happen, but you are a lot more capable in those times of crisis or even in those times of just, like, a little bit of negativity than you think you are. The antidote to that spiral, of course, is once again self trust. And that's sometimes the thing that feels the hardest in those moments, but it is the truest anchor you can find. A recent study, I think it was conducted last year at a university in South Korea, looked at around 800 participants.

研究探讨了什么是缓解焦虑最有效的情感解药。他们考察了诸如希望、幸福、信任等因素。结果发现，信任不仅能提升希望和幸福感、减轻焦虑，而且自我信任——相较于对他人的信任、对组织的信任或对神灵宗教的信任——具有最显著的影响力。

And it looked at what the most effective emotional antidote to anxiety was. They looked at things like hope. They looked at things like happiness. They looked at things like trust. And what what what they found was not only did trust actually end up improving hope and improving happiness and reducing anxiety, but self trust in particular was most influential compared to trust in others or trust in an organization or a trust in a god or a religion.

自我信任主要通过能力自信、信念和自我尊重来衡量，它是该研究中改善焦虑最具影响力的因素。然而我认为文献中对此提及不多。当你信任自己时，我们逐渐认识到一个次要效应：你不再需要确定的结果——反正你也永远找不到确定性。因为你知道自己能应对任何情况，所以不必确切知晓事情会如何发展，这消除了大量忧虑。

Self trust, which was basically measured by, like, confidence in our abilities, belief in our abilities, self respect, It was the most influential thing measured in this study for improving anxiety. And yet, I don't think it gets mentioned much in the literature. When you trust yourself, I think the secondary thing that we've kind of been coming to is that you stop needing certainty and outcomes, which you're never gonna find anyways. You know, you don't have to know exactly how a situation will unfold because you know you can handle it. So it takes a lot of the worry away.

经常

Often

我

I

认为我们常陷入这种观念：焦虑的解药是控制。如果能预测或掌控所有可能结果，我就会感到安全。若能确切知道事态发展，就不会担忧。于是控制成了我们不断追逐的虚假目标，却未意识到它完全是幻象，正是这种追逐让我们深陷令人精疲力竭的焦虑思维模式。这就像寻找彩虹尽头的金罐。

think we get, like, swept up in this idea that the antidote to anxiety is control. If I could just predict or manage every possible outcome, well, I'd feel safe. If I just knew exactly how the situation would pan out, I wouldn't worry. And so control becomes kind of like a red herring that we are, like, constantly chasing, not realizing that it is entirely an illusion and what keeps us really deeply entrenched in an exhausting anxious pattern of thinking. It is like looking for a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

我始终这么认为。而信任与确定性不同，它是真实的。它就是彩虹本身，既实用又可操作，它将焦点从外部转向内在。

That's how I always think about it. Trust on the other hand, unlike certainty, is real. It is the rainbow. It is practical. It is actionable, and it turns the focus away from external to internal.

我们不再需要确定性的幻觉，或通过他人寻求安心来确认自己会没事。相反，我们可以坚定地相信：无论发生什么，你都能应对。如此一来，焦虑就失去了立足之地——它的钳制真正松动了。就像，也许我们无法预测敌军何时进攻，但这无关紧要，因为我的情感力量、我的抗逆力超级强大。

We no longer need the illusion of of certainty or trying to seek reassurance from others to know that we'll be okay. Instead, we can be really secure in the knowledge that whatever happens, you're gonna be okay. And in that anxiety, like, it doesn't have anything left. Like, it really loosens its grip because it's like, okay. Maybe we can't predict when the army will attack, but it doesn't matter because, like, my forces, my emotional forces, my forces of resilience are super strong.

既然自我信任如此重要，为何我们许多人却缺乏它？这其实是个多层次的问题。我认为首要原因是缺乏重视，它也没有被系统教导。对有些人来说，虽然听起来像陈词滥调，但根源往往可以追溯到童年时期。

So if self trust is so vital, why do so many of us lack it? This is pretty multilayered. I think the first reason is because, yes, there isn't that focus. It's also not taught. For some of us, you know, it's gonna sound so cliche, but it always does seem to stretch back to childhood.

如果你成长在一个意见不受尊重、犯错会遭羞辱或情感被忽视的环境，你可能已经内化了一种认知——你的直觉、你与情绪的关系，甚至在你真正需要帮助时的所有信号，都是不可信赖的。埃里克·埃里克森（我们会经常提到他，这位著名心理学家）在五十年代提出了心理社会发展八阶段理论。他指出，从童年到成年经历的所有发展阶段中，信任与不信任的初始阶段最为关键。

If you grew up in an environment where your opinions weren't respected, where you were shamed for your mistakes or your feelings were dismissed, you may have internalized the message that your instincts, your relationship to your emotions, you know, when you really do require help, like, all of those messages can't be trusted. Eric Erikson, we talk about him again a lot. He's very famous. He developed the eight stages of psychosocial development back in the fifties. He basically suggested and noted that of all the stages that we go through from when we're a child to when we're an adult, one of the most important ones is this trust versus mistrust stage.

这个阶段大约发生在出生至两岁期间。根据他的理论，这个时期之所以至关重要，是因为它塑造了我们看待世界、自我认知、个性形成和能力发展的基础框架。即便没有记忆，这个阶段的我们完全依赖照料者，因此父母的互动方式会产生深远影响。能建立信任感的要素包括：照料者创造允许犯错的安全环境、及时响应需求、在我们恐惧不安时给予安抚。

This takes place, like, around eighteenth 18 to, like, two years old. And according to him, this period is so crucial because it's when our view of the world and ourselves and our personalities and our abilities are really shaped. Even if we don't have memory of that time, at this age, we know we are completely dependent on our caregivers. And so how our parents obviously interact with us has a big impact. Aspects that can really build a sense of trust are things like the caregiver creating a safe environment for us to make mistakes or our caregivers being attentive to our needs, or offering reassurance when we are scared or distressed.

本质上是在传递这样的信息：你的反应、情绪和感受都是有意义的。通过建立对照料者的信任，知道他们会重视这些感受并提供解决方案，我们也逐渐学会信任自己。希望这个逻辑能讲得通。当然，现实不可能总是完美的。

Basically saying, like, oh, you're having a reaction, you're having an emotion, you're having a feeling. Well, must mean something. And so by building trust in them and knowing that they're gonna give that feeling attention or some kind of solution, we also build trust in ourselves. You know, hopefully, that kinda makes sense. Of course, you know, things wouldn't have been perfect all the time.

婴儿啼哭时，有时确实难以判断原因。但关键在于可信赖的互动是否多于不可信赖的体验。如果积极体验占优，埃里克森认为这能让婴儿建立起自我信任的基础，并通过这种首要关系学会信任外界。反之，如果负面互动占主导，尚未具备理性思考能力的儿童就会将其完全内化——开始相信自己是无足轻重、不可爱的，既无法信任他人，也可能走向只信任自己或完全不信任自己的极端。

You know, when a baby cries, sometimes it is really hard to figure out what's wrong. But it's really about whether the trustworthy relationships and interactions that we had outweighed the untrustworthy ones. If the positive does outweigh the bad, then according to Erickson, this gives us this gives infants a good sense of how to trust themselves as well and how to trust the world around them all through that primary relationship. However, if bad interactions outweigh the good, if untrustworthy interactions outweigh the trustworthy ones, and, you know, we as children haven't yet been able to rationalize why that may be, we instead, as he suggests, begin to internalize that completely, begin to turn it inward, begin to believe we're unimportant, we're unlovable, and also that we can't trust those around us. We also can't trust ourselves, or we can only trust ourselves.

我们会倾向过度独立，这其实同样不健康，因为过度独立并非真正的自我信任，而是另一种控制欲的表现。它源于认为唯一能依靠的只有自己，因为你根本不信任自己在需要更广泛支持时的判断力。不知道这样解释是否清楚，至少我个人深有体会。

We lean towards hyper independence, which can actually be equally unhealthy because hyper independence actually isn't necessarily about self trust. It's again about control. Hyper independence is about feeling like the only person you can rely on is you because you don't trust yourself in situations where you do need, like, a broader set of skills. So I don't know if that makes sense. To me, it definitely does.

想到这里我就觉得：没错，确实如此。但重要的是要理解，信任就像一棵树——它需要在成长过程中扎根够深，才能在成年后（比如二十多岁时）屹立不倒。如果在某个阶段，这些根基受到毒害，或是让你觉得这棵树摇摇欲坠、无法提供支撑，那将对你造成深远的伤害。另一个关键因素则是完美主义。

And, like, I think about that, I'm like, oh, yep. That definitely sits. But it's just important to understand how, like, along the way, think of trust as, like, this tree that has, like that needs to have really deep roots in order to stand tall in adulthood and, you know, in our twenties. And if at any point something has poisoned those roots or something has made you believe that this tree is shakable, that you don't find support in the trunk of it, like, it's going to deeply injure you and harm you. Another significant element of this is perfectionism.

你可以真切地看到，我们不仅仅是在重复讨论自我信任的问题。我们谈论的是控制与依赖自我之间的这种较量。起初，我认为完美主义实际上可能看起来像信任，就像极度独立一样。对吧？我们通过超越自己想象的能力来证明自己是可靠的。

You can really see that, like, we're we're not just talking about self trust again. We're talking about this competition between control and a reliance on ourselves. At first, I think perfectionism can actually kind of seem like trust, much like hyper independence. Right? Like, we prove to ourselves that we are capable through pushing beyond what we imagine.

我们追求卓越，而这种卓越往往得到回报。我们证明可以信赖自己的能力。但如果我们认为自我价值取决于永不失败，那么每一个错误都会变成你无法信任自己的证据。因此你必须施加更多压力，必须对自己施加更多力量以持续达到你的标准。

We strive for excellence, and often this excellence is rewarded. We prove that we can trust our abilities. But if we believe our self worth is conditional on never failing, every single mistake becomes proof that you can't trust yourself. And so you have to apply more pressure. You have to apply more force onto yourself to keep meeting your standard.

这种内在批评声在你二十多岁时会变得更响亮，我认为那时风险变得更高，你开始对自己的行为感到更大的责任感。再次强调，这不是关于做出一个在未来永远奏效的正确决定，而是关于能够做出任何决定。而完美主义常常导致拖延，这再次表明缺乏自我信任。如果你因为无法确认一切会如你所愿地完美无缺而无法做决定，你就会拖延那个决定。

This inner critic becomes a lot louder in your twenties when I think the stakes become a lot higher and you begin to feel even an even greater sense of responsibility for your actions. Again, it's not about making the right decision that will continue to work out in the future forever and ever. It's just about being able to make a decision at all. And often, perfectionism is masters procrastination, which, again, is an indicator of a lack of self trust. If you cannot make a decision because you do not have confirmation that everything isn't gonna turn out absolutely perfectly how you would like it, you are going to procrastinate on that decision.

你会经历严重的决策瘫痪。这就是你的完美主义在作祟。这再次表明，在内心深处，你并不真正认为自己有能力处理那些从一开始就无法预测或控制的结果。我认为在文化上，我们也习惯于将权威外包，这进一步损害了这棵树或这个指南针——无论你如何形象化它。你知道，如今的算法告诉我们该买什么。

You're going to experience major decision paralysis. That's your perfectionism at play. Again, it shows that deep down, you don't really think that you're capable of handling what might come if you can't predict or control the outcome from the get go. I think also as a culture, we're also conditioned to outsource authority, and that further kind of damages this tree or this compass or however you wanna visualize it. You know, algorithms these days tell us what to buy.

我不知道你怎么想，但我就买谷歌搜索出来的第一个东西。有时候，我甚至不太相信自己知道想要什么。职业指南告诉我们最佳路径和梦想工作是什么。自助书籍给我们提供完美公式，只要你愿意遵循。建议本身并不坏，但当我们过度依赖它时，我们真的会忘记如何倾听自己的声音。

I don't know about you, but, like, I'm just buying the first thing that shows up when I Google it. Like, I don't really, like, trust myself to know what I want sometimes. You know, career guides tell us what the best route is and what our dream job will be. Self help books give us, like, the perfect formula if you can just bring yourself to follow it. You know, advice isn't bad in itself, but when we rely on it too much, we really do forget how to hear our own voice.

随着时间的推移，那个声音的沉默让人感觉它消失了，而实际上，它只是在等待我们重新调频。这些外部因素——完美主义、童年经历、权威外包——它们相互交织，使得我们难以突破，难以回归到那种我们所有人都拥有的深层人类直觉。还有一点：自我信任也意味着重新连接一个非常古老的信息系统和直觉系统，或许我们已经遗忘，或许因为忙碌、因为需要做出紧急选择、因为现代生活的快节奏而没时间倾听。直觉并不总是房间里最急切的声音。

And over time, the silence of that voice feels like its absence when, really, it's just, like, waiting for us to tune back in. These external factors, perfectionism, childhood, outsourcing authority, they all kinda play into each other to make it really difficult to break out and to just, like, come back to what is a deep human intuition that we all have. This is the other thing. Self trust also means reconnecting with, like, a really ancient information system and a really ancient intuitive system that perhaps we've kind of forgotten, and that perhaps we kind of don't have time to listen to because we are so busy, because we are required to make such urgent choices, because the stakes of this, like, modern day feel very fast. Intuition is not always going to be the most urgent voice in the room.

它可能实际上是最平静的。它可能也需要多一点时间浮出水面。我知道这听起来与你对直觉的预期或想象相反——那种对环境突发事件的即时反应，告诉你身处危险。但我们谈论的直觉更像是关于更深层自我认知的感觉。我认为在现代背景下，这种直觉自我没有太多喘息的空间。

It might actually be the most calm. It might also need a little bit more time to rise to the surface. And I know that sounds counter to what you may expect or imagine intuition as, which is, like, that immediate reaction or response to something happening in your environment that tells you that you're in danger. But the intuition we're talking about is, like, a sense of like, the intuition around a deeper sense of self. And I think in, like, a modern context, we don't that intuitive sense of self doesn't have as much breathing room.

因此，当我们不断被迫做出快速紧急决定或想要将决策外包时，那份自我信任的‘肌肉’自然会萎缩并持续弱化。我们将探讨其原因，以及如何重建这份‘肌肉’，如何重新——我不知道该用什么词——如何重新回归我们与生俱来的自我认知与自我信任的深潭。短暂休息后继续。

And so, of course, when we're constantly pushed into making quick urgent decisions or wanting to outsource our decision making, again, that muscle, that self trust muscle atrophies and continues to weaken. So we're gonna talk about why that is, but also how we can rebuild that muscle, how we can re here. I don't know what what's the right word? How we can, I guess, back into this, like, deep pool of self knowledge and self trust that we all innately have after this short break?

你好，我亲爱的听众们。此刻，你们

Hello, my lovely listeners. By now, you

明白，对自己及身体运作方式了解越多，我们就越有掌控力。这在性健康和无保护性行为后的应对上同样适用。Plan B紧急避孕药因此诞生——它无年龄限制，能在怀孕发生前进行预防。由于仅暂时延迟排卵，不会影响未来受孕能力。

know, the more knowledge we have about ourselves and the way our bodies work, the more empowered and in control we are. And this is also true when it comes to our sexual health and what to do after unprotected sex. That's where plan b comes in. It's emergency contraception with no age requirement that helps prevent pregnancy before it starts. And because it works by only temporarily delaying ovulation, it won't impact your ability to get pregnant in the future.

我们热爱这种赋予掌控权的备用方案，因为知识就是力量。详情请访问planb1step.com（用户导向）。听众们，若收听过我近期关于‘如何戒除手机瘾’的节目，你会知道我正在努力更清醒地意识到面对屏幕的时间——尤其是来自笔记本、电视及手机的蓝光。蓝光伤害不仅限于眼睛。

We love a backup plan that puts us in control because the more we know, the more power we have. Learn more at planb1step.com, users directed. Okay, listeners. If you've listened to my recent episode on how I wanna break up with my phone, you will know I'm trying to be a lot more conscious about just how much time I spend in front of a screen, specifically blue light from my laptop, from my TV, and, of course, my phone as well. Blue light damage, it doesn't just happen to your eyes.

它同样影响你的肌肤。Nature's Sunshine的Marine Glow是唯一经临床验证能防护蓝光同时维护皮肤与眼睛健康的胶原蛋白产品。这款天然成分制成的饮品简单有效，随时可饮用，口感如热带水果般美妙。说实话，我的肌肤因此更水润、透亮，整体状态更健康。

It also impacts your skin as well. Nature's Sunshine's Marine Glow is the only collagen product clinically proven to protect against blue light whilst supporting both skin and eye health. It's basically a simple, effective drink you can take at any time made from the most natural ingredients earth has to offer. And it honestly, it tastes like tropical delicious goodness. Let me tell you, I have seen my skin become so much more hydrated, brighter, it just feels healthier.

我同样欣赏Nature's Sunshine对支持人类与地球的承诺。使用Marine Glow防护蓝光对眼周和肌肤的伤害。首单享8折并免运费，结账时使用优惠码psych。登录naturesunshine.com，输入优惠码psych即可。

I also love that nature's sunshine is committed to products that support people and the planet. Protect your eyes and skin against harmful blue light effects with Marine Glow. Get 20% off your first order and free shipping by using checkout code psych at naturesunshine.com. That's code psych at naturesunshine.com.

让Park Wiz使停车成为夜晚最轻松环节。提前预订，直达车位，尽情享受演出、比赛或夜生活，无需兜圈找车位。安全车位最高享5折优惠，告别停车压力。智慧停车从此开始。立即下载Park Wiz应用。

Make parking the easiest part of your night with Park Wiz. Reserve ahead and roll right in so you can enjoy the show, the game, or a night out without circling for parking. Save up to 50% off secured space and skip the stress. Smarter parking starts here. Download the Park Wiz app today.

当达美航空派遣四位创作者环游世界，探索旅行的真正力量时会发生什么。我认为这帮助我找到了某种内心的平静。

What happens when Delta Air Lines sends four creators around the world to find out what is the true power of travel. I think it helped me sort of like get grounded.

我觉得我解锁了一些童年梦想。

I think I unlocked some like childhood dream.

将压力转化为兴奋。把那些经历中的感恩带入日常生活。这就是为什么我联系了亨利·廷博士，达美的首席健康与 wellness 官，也是这次旅行实验背后的关键声音。旅行总体上会带给你社交、文化、心理和情感上的扩展。

Turn my stress into excitement. Take that gratitude from those experiences into your daily life. That's why I connected with Doctor. Henry Ting, Delta's chief health and wellness officer and instrumental voice behind this travel experiment. Traveling in general is gonna give you that social and cultural and psychological and emotional expansion.

是的。你知道，在达美，我们喜欢说没有人能更好地连接世界。这不仅仅是连接人们与目的地，更是连接人与人、其他文化，以及最终无法复制的体验。

Yeah. You know, at Delta, we like to say no one better connects the world. It's connecting not just people to destinations. It's connecting people to other people, other cultures, and ultimately experiences that can't really be replicated.

在本期由达美航空呈现的《二十几岁的心理学》特别节目中，了解更多关于旅行如何支持身心健康的信息。飞得更好，活得更好。在您获取播客的任何地方收听。最近我的生活可以说是一团糟。目前有这么多事情在进行，朋友的婚礼、我的书巡演，我还要搬家。

Find out more about how travel can support well-being on this special episode of the psychology of your twenties presented by Delta. Fly and live better. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. My life has been chaotic recently to say the least. And with so many events going on at the moment, my friend's weddings, my book tour, I'm also moving house.

我最没时间做的事就是刮胡子。这就是Nair's Shower Cream的用武之地，因为它节省了我很多时间，而且额外的好处是，它闻起来也很香。Nair是排名第一的脱毛品牌，所以你知道它们的产品有效。它们的脱毛沐浴乳使用天然提取物作为香味，比如椰子油、杏仁油、薰衣草。闻起来很香。

The last thing I have time for is shaving. That is where Nair's Shower Cream comes in because it saves me so much time and bonus, it also smells delicious. Nair is the number one hair removal brand, so you know their stuff works. And their hair removal shower cream uses natural extracts for its scents, so things like coconut oil, almond oil, lavender. They smell delicious.

它很快，就像你淋浴的时间那么快，甚至可能更快。而且使用起来超级简单。它还不含染料、对羟基苯甲酸酯、邻苯二甲酸盐、硫酸盐，并且经过皮肤科医生测试，这可能就是为什么它让我的皮肤感觉如此丝滑。另一个我真的很厌倦刮胡子的原因是，我讨厌最后割伤或刮破皮肤。

It's fast, like the length of your shower fast, maybe even quicker. And it's super easy to use as well. It's also, and this is a big thing for me, free of dyes, parabens, phthalates, sulfates and dermatologist tested, which is probably why it leaves my skin feeling so insanely silky. Here's the other reason I've been really over shaving. I hate when I end up like cutting or nicking my skin.

而且我总觉得还是会漏掉一些部位。所以我有点困惑，这到底有什么意义？但使用Nair的沐浴脱毛膏，我就从没遇到过这个问题。你只需要亲自试试看。前几天我朋友来我家，看到我浴室里有这个，他们还问，这是什么东西？

And I also feel like I end up missing spots anyway. So I'm kind of like, what's the whole point of this? But with Nair's shower cream, I have never had that problem. I just need you to try it out for yourself. My friends were actually over the other day and I had some in my shower and they were like, what is this?

他们几乎是开玩笑地试用了，但我很确定他们离开时都把这玩意加进了购物清单——因为它确实有效。Ner's沐浴脱毛膏，为夏日做好准备。现在各大零售商均有销售。我认为如果我们想学会在生活中建立自我信任，首先需要真正理解这种状态的实际表现和感受。

And they tried it out, Almost as a joke, but I'm fairly sure all of them left with that on their shopping list because that stuff works. Ner's hair removal shower cream. Get ready for summer. You can buy it now at all major retailers. I think if we wanna learn how to implement self trust into our lives, we need to first really understand, like, what that actually looks and feels like.

这可能有点难以描述，因为不同于外部信任——你可以通过过往表现评估他人的可靠性——我们对自己往往不够客观。所以我猜这就像一份感受指南：首先，自我信任意味着履行承诺。如果你说六点下班，就真的做到；如果你答应给重要的朋友打电话，就会兑现。

I think it can be tricky to describe because, like, unlike external trust where you can kind of assess how reliable someone is by past performance, sometimes we aren't as objective with ourselves. So here's your kind of guide to, I guess, what it feels like. Firstly, self trust means following through on promises. If you say you'll stop work at 6PM, you actually do it. If you commit to calling your friend because they matter to you, you follow through.

当你设定目标，或是为健康划清界限——无论是拉黑某人、拒绝消耗能量的活动，还是意识到需要休息——你不会为了讨好他人而背叛自己。你真正明白：最懂你的人就是你自己。著名心理学家卡尔·罗杰斯称之为'一致性'，即内在感受与外在表现的统一。这与完美主义无关，也非关于始终如一。

If you set a goal, if you set a boundary for your well-being, whether that's blocking someone, saying no to a draining event, knowing when you need to take a break, you don't abandon yourself for the sake of approval. You really understand that you are the one who understands yourself the most. A really famous psychologist, Carl Rogers, he described this as congruence, which is basically when what you feel on the inside aligns with how you show up on the outside. This is less about perfectionism. It's less about consistency.

更与控制无关。知道自己可以像依赖他人（甚至更胜一筹）那样依赖自己，这种深刻而稳定的踏实感就像——始终有人支持你，而那个人就是你自己。我确信自我信任也意味着慈悲。想想看，如果出错时（这是难免的）你总是惩罚自己，又怎敢再次尝试？

It's less about control. The knowledge that you can count on yourself the same way, maybe even more than you wanna count on others is just like this very deeply stable, calm feeling that, like, there is someone who has your back and that person is you. I think self trust actually, I know self trust also feels like compassion. Think about it. If you constantly punish yourself when things go wrong, which they will, why would you ever risk trying again?

若因无知犯错就不断苛责自己，这听起来不像是对'最终会好起来'怀有信任。想要建立自我信任，就要用对待挚友、幼妹或童年自己的语气对话。与其说'天啊我早该知道，我真蠢'，

If you keep beating yourself up when you make a mistake because you literally didn't know any better, that doesn't sound like someone who trusts that they're gonna be okay, even if it's not right now, but in the end. Self trust, if you wanna build it, it looks like speaking to yourself with the same tone you would use with a really close friend or with, you know, your baby sister or with your childhood self. Instead of saying, like, oh my god. I should have known better. I'm such an idiot.

'这明明可以避免'，不如说'确实不容易，但这是很好的学习机会'。在这些自我温柔的瞬间，你会加深与自己的联结，就像孩子回应温和教养那样——被允许犯错才能探索边界，进而更信任自己，因为他们知道身处安全之境。这个世界可能充满苛刻与评判。

This was, like, totally avoidable. It's more like saying, yeah. That was really hard, and this is a great opportunity to learn. And in those self directed moments of gentleness, you deepen that bond the way that a child would respond to gentle parenting or, like, someone who lets them make errors and therefore allows them to test their boundaries more, allows them to trust themselves more because they know they are in safe company. The world can be really critical and really judgmental.

比如，如果你想找个人来憎恨你，想找个人来打击你，这样的人其实很容易找到。所以，让别人去承担那些苛刻吧，让别人去做你的欺凌者。我们至少能为自己做的，就是支持自己。我认为，自我信任给予你自由，让你能够做出选择而不必保证结果或要求保证。

Like, if you're looking for someone to hate on you, if you're looking for someone to tear you down, you can find someone like that pretty easily. So let someone else take care of the harshness. Let someone else be your bully. The least that we can do for ourselves is to have our own backs. Self trust gives you the freedom, I think, to make choices without guaranteeing outcomes or demanding guarantees.

想象一下，你面前有两份工作机会。这其实是我们最近一场现场演出中一位听众给我的例子，她问我，你知道，我刚大学毕业，有两份工作机会。一份超级安全且可预测，一份风险很大但非常令人兴奋。

Imagine, like, you're standing in front of two job offers. This is actually an example that was given to me by a listener at one of our live shows recently where she asked she asked me, you know, I've got these two job offers. I've just graduated university. One is super safe and predictable. One is really risky, but it's super exciting.

她谈到她因为害怕做出错误的选择，害怕那个错误的选择会引发连锁反应毁掉她的生活，所以一直犹豫不决已经一个多月了。相信我，毁掉你的生活其实比你想象的要难。我告诉她的是，不做决定才是最糟糕的决定。关键在于，你如此在意这件事，这表明即使你做出了所谓的‘错误’选择，你仍然能够以某种方式为未来的利益行动，确保自己最终会回到正确的选择上。

She was talking about how she's kind of been sitting on these offers for over a month out of fear that she would make the wrong choice, out of fear that that wrong choice would then spiral and ruin her life. Trust me. It's actually harder to ruin your life than you think. And really, like, what I said to her was that not making a decision is the worst decision that you can make. The thing is is that the fact that you care so much shows that even if you make the so called wrong choice, you are still going to be able to act on your future interests in, like, a way that will guarantee you will come back to the right choice.

我的意思是，你显然非常关心自己的生活，也非常希望让它变得美好。所以，这不会因为你做了一个可能不太对的选择就消失。而且，你永远无法知道另一个选择是否会更好。但假设你在那份有风险的工作中非常不开心，或者在那份安全的工作中非常不开心，这并不意味着你的选择就此终结，也不意味着你失去了改变或做出不同决定的能力。你会没事的，因为你有那种投入和关心的感觉，因为你信任自己。

What I mean by that is that you obviously care a lot about your life, and you care a lot about making it a good life. So it's not like that's gonna go away and disappear just because you make a choice that maybe wasn't right. Also, there's no way of knowing if the other choice would have been better, but say you're really unhappy in the risky job, say you're really unhappy in the safe job, that's not the end of your options. That's not the end of your ability to change things or to make a different decision. You are going to be okay because you have that sense of investment and care, because you trust yourself.

你相信自己不会抛弃自己。这或许就是自我信任最深刻的标志——韧性。这正是我所描述的，韧性。

You trust that you will not abandon yourself. That's perhaps, you know, the deepest sign of self trust. It's resilience. That's really what I'm describing. Resilience.

有一位发展心理学家，我记不清她的名字了，她称韧性为‘平凡的魔法’。它并非超人的能力，也不是难以企及的。非常普通、正常的人总是能从不利于他们的决定中恢复、适应并成长。拥有韧性，某种程度上就是能够承认一个糟糕的结果，承认它很糟糕，然后说，好吧。

There is a developmental psychologist, and I cannot remember her name, but she calls resilience ordinary magic. You know, it's not superhuman. It's not, like, wild to come by. Very regular normal people recover, adapt, grow from decisions that didn't work out in their favor all the time. And having resilience is kind of just having the ability to just acknowledge a bad outcome, acknowledge that it sucks, and say, okay.

反复纠结和沉迷于此真的能改变什么或帮助我吗？很可能不会。我能从中学习、继续前进的最好方式，就是整合我所学到的，重新调整我内心深处的那份直觉，或者事后重新思考那些存在或不存在的迹象，然后继续尝试。我还想再次强调，自我信任其实就是一种平静的感觉。这就是为什么我认为它是焦虑的对立面。

Is ruminating on this and obsessing over this actually gonna change anything or help me? Probably not. The best way I can learn from this, the best way I can move on is to integrate what I've learned, retune that deep intuition that I have, retune or, you know, in hindsight, rethink about the signs that were there or weren't there, and keep trying. I think as well, and I keep saying this, but I just wanna reinforce it, self trust is really just a sense of calm. And that's why I think that it is the opposite of anxiety.

焦虑，焦虑想要把一切都推向高速运转，它希望你以最快速度抵达某处，最快速度获得答案。若它感觉你停滞不前，便会像在你体内点燃火花般催促行动。我认为这正是那种典型焦虑感的来源——它总在逼迫你加速。

Anxiety I anxiety wants to, like, shift everything into high gear, and it wants you to get somewhere as fast as possible. It wants you to get the answers as fast as possible. And if it doesn't feel like you're moving, well, it's gonna, like, it's gonna put a bit of a spark in you to do that. And I think that's where, like, a lot of that, you know, very quintessential anxiety, anxious feeling comes from. It wants to rush you.

它要你紧迫行事，要你仓促得出结论，哪怕这对你并非最佳选择。相比之下，自我信任则如同宁静港湾——是种双脚扎根大地的踏实感，是确信自己会没事的笃定，是仿佛拥有无形盔甲的安心（不是用来抵挡厄运，而是避免被厄运击沉）。好消息是：自我信任并非天生特质。

It wants you to be urgent. It wants you to just, like, figure things out even if it's not the best decision for you. Self trust feels like calm in comparison. It really is a physical sensation of just, like, feeling like your feet are firmly planted, feeling like you're going to be okay, feeling like you do have some kind of, like, invisible armor, not against the bad things, but against being sunk by those bad things. So the good news is that self trust isn't something you either have or you don't have.

它不是什么与生俱来的基因恩赐。正如我们所说，这是平凡的魔法，可以通过日常选择、微小尝试、有意识的反思来构建——即便这个过程可能会触及你不想面对的艰难部分。要重新连接这个内在指南针和自我信任，有个极有效的方法：与你的直觉对话。不要急着做决定，先暂停。

It's not something you're born with. It's not like some genetic blessing. Like we said, it's ordinary magic, and it's something that you can build it through, you know, daily choices, through small experiments, through conscious reflection, even when it might bring up some hard stuff that you don't wanna look at. I think something really helpful to get us back in touch with this internal compass compass and our self trust is, again, just to, like, check back in with your intuition. Instead of jumping into a choice, pause.

承认焦虑或犹豫的存在，然后问自己：此刻我的直觉认为什么才是正确行动？那个更深层的自我又如何评价我的能力——即便现状并非如此？面对选择时，花一分钟，甚至几天时间。哪怕是晚餐吃什么或当日活动这类小事，先记下最初本能，暂时搁置，回头再看，在寻求外部建议前按直觉行动。然后观察结果。

Acknowledge the anxiety or acknowledge the indecision and just ask yourself, what does my gut tell me in this in this moment is the right move? And what does an even deeper part of myself tell me about my abilities and my capabilities even if it isn't? When you face a decision, take a minute, take a few days. Even if this is for something as small as what you want for dinner or what activity you wanna do that day, write down your initial instinct, step away from it for a second, come back to it, and perhaps act on it before you seek external advice. And see what the consequences are.

学会从结果中汲取经验，而非视结果为惩罚。想想你信任他人的原因吧：很可能因为他们善良、可靠、守信、总在你需要时出现。这些正是我们需要对自己践行的品质。从一些极小承诺开始：比如若你想增强体质，就承诺每周去两次健身房或本周跑步一次。

See, like, learn from the consequences instead of seeing the consequences as as punishment. Think about the reasons that you often trust others. It's likely that the reason you do is because they're kind, because they're consistent, because they keep promises, because they show up for you. These are all things that we need to start doing for ourselves. Start with some super small simple promises that you can make to yourself.

最近我常这么做——正在为半程马拉松训练。说实话？并不怎么有趣。实际体验远不如预期愉快。但既然做出承诺，这就成了绝佳的修行：像期待他人信守承诺那样，坚持完成自己决定的事。

If you've been wanting to get fitter, promise yourself that you will go to the gym twice a week or that you will go on one run this week. This is something that I've been doing a lot. I'm training for, like, a half marathon at the moment. And you know what? It's not very fun.

守住承诺。无论如何，守住承诺。

I actually really don't enjoy it as much as I thought I was going to. But I made a commitment, and it has been, like, this beautiful exercise in being, like, okay. I'm going to follow through with things that I decide to do the same way that I would want someone else to follow through if they'd made a promise to me. Keep the promise. Keep the promise.

不要让自己失望。不要让自己觉得比他人更不值得投入时间和精力。要知道，通过这些小事上对自己的尊重，我们确实开始强化一种信念：我们与自己的潜意识或无意识，那些有时甚至想与我们作对的部分，其实是一个团队。我们可以协作，可以成事，也能挺过那些并非我们本愿却依然发生的事情。

Don't let yourself down. Don't let yourself feel less worthy of of your time and your energy than someone else. You know, by having this kind of respect for ourselves in these small ways, we do really start to strengthen the narrative that, like, us and our unconscious or our subconscious, us and the parts that sometimes actually wanna act against us, we are a team. We can work together. We can make things happen, and we can survive the things that we didn't necessarily wanna happen but happened anyways.

接下来是小规模实验。我常说且会持续强调：人生不是食谱。当思考人们如何描述生活时，确实存在这种从A到B再到C的线性思维——做完这个就做那个，接着再做下一个。

Next come the small scale experiments. I always say this and I will continue to do so, life is not a recipe. I think that there is this when you think about how life is sometimes described, it definitely has this, like, a to b to c idea. Like, you do this, and then once you've done that, you do that. And then once you've done that, you do this.

仿佛存在所谓的正确路径。不，人生不是食谱，而是一系列实验。你本人就是这些实验的研究对象。

And, like, there is a there is a right way to go about things. No. It's not a recipe. It's a series of experiments. It's a series of experiments where you are the subject.

无论这些尝试成功与否都无关紧要，它们始终在教会我们什么。有时科学中最成功的实验恰恰是失败的那些，因为两种结果都蕴含信息。所以你需要不断实验，将人生视为由多个小章节组成的自我调整机会，而非必须步步正确的单一直线——仿佛踏错一步整条路就会断裂。

And whether these things work out or not, it doesn't matter. Like, it still teaches us things. Sometimes, like, the most successful experiments in science are the ones that don't work out because both of those outcomes contain information. So you need to be experimenting. You need to be seeing, like, your life as a series of smaller chapters and opportunities to redirect yourself rather than just this, like, one long linear continuous line where, you know, you have to make the right decision every single step of the way, otherwise the line is broken.

完全不是这样。自我信任感其实在主动实践中生长。选择低风险决策来践行直觉非常有效：尝试新场所即使不确定好坏，自主决定何时离场。

Totally not the case. Self trust, I think, really grows in active practice. I think it can be super helpful to choose low stakes decisions where you can follow through on your instincts or just test them. Try new places even if you don't know if it's gonna be good. Deciding when to leave an event.

当胸腔涌起冲动时在会议中发声。独自完成通常想结伴做的事，然后告诉自己：看，我做到了。整个过程就是在积累证明你真实能力的证据。记住，舒适区之所以安全在于其可预测性——它满足了我们对掌控的需求。

Speaking up in a meeting when you feel like that pull in your chest to do so. Doing things you'd normally wanna do with someone else, doing them alone and being like, hey, I survived. This whole process is about really gaining and gathering evidence of how capable you truly are. Remember, your comfort zone feels safe because it's predictable. Because, again, it satisfies the need for control.

控制一个你完全熟悉的环境（无论是情绪还是物理空间）当然容易，但这也是成长停滞的地方。我敢说，若你安于停滞就不会收听本期内容——这不是你在此的原因。真正的学习与自我信任，都发生在拓展区。

It's easy to control an environment, whether it's emotional or physical, that you already, like, understand every inch of. But it's also where your growth will stagnate. And I'm gonna take an educated guess and say that you wouldn't be listening to this episode if you were actually happy staying stagnant. Like, that's not why you're here. Our expansion zone is where true learning and true self trust happens.

这是一个令人不适的空间，但也是成长所必需的。我们进入这个领域的方式，再次强调，是通过微小的行动。关于风险，我常说它们不一定要是突发且巨大的才能具有扩展性，才能算作风险。你不需要辞职或搬到地球另一端来证明你可以信任自己。

It's a space of discomfort. It's also totally necessary to grow. The way we move into this zone is, again, through micro actions. Something I always say about risks is that, like, they don't necessarily have to be spontaneous and large to still be expansive and to still be a risk. You don't need to quit your job and move across the world to show that you can trust yourself.

再次强调，从小事开始。从一件你可能也知道不会成功的小事开始，这样你可以将其视为实验，看看自己如何依然能挺过来。看看即使你不知道结果，结果也不像你猜测的那么糟糕。我认为还有一点非常关键，就是在做出直觉上觉得正确的大小决定时，停止向他人解释。抵制向家人、同事、朋友甚至陌生人解释的冲动。

Again, just start with something small. Start with something small that you may also know won't work out so that you can kind of, again, as an experiment, see how you will still survive. See how even though you didn't know the outcome, the outcome was not as bad as you probably suspected. I also think something really crucial to add to this is to stop explaining yourself when you make either small or big decisions that feel intuitively correct to you. Fight the need to explain it to family, to colleagues, to friends, to people you don't even know.

前几天我有过这样的经历——我想我之前稍微提过——我和男友即将移居海外，我们要搬去伦敦。上周末是我妈妈的六十岁生日，我们为此去了墨尔本。她的一位我很喜欢的密友，算是我们家的老朋友，当时在和我聊天时不断追问：你们为什么要搬去伦敦？

You know, I had this experience the other day where I think I've talked about this a little bit. Me and my boyfriend are moving overseas soon. We're moving to London. And it was my mom's sixtieth on the weekend, and we were in Melbourne for that. And one of her friends who I love, she's a close family friend, but one of her friends, like, was talking to me and she was kinda drilling me on, like, well, why are you moving to London?

不是很多人都这么做吗？你们有什么计划？有计划吗？知道要住哪里吗？如果找不到住的地方怎么办？

Doesn't, like, everyone kinda do that? Like, what's your plan? Do you have a plan? Like, do you know where you're gonna live? Like, what if you can't find anywhere to live?

比如，如果你不喜欢那里需要回家怎么办？你有考虑过这点吗？当时我感觉被迫要解释些什么。其实我甚至不确定结果会如何，但我相信即便不如意，我也会没事的。我相信这就是我想待的地方。

Like, what if you don't like it and you need to come home? Like, have you thought about that? And I just felt trapped in having to explain something. You know, I don't even know if it's gonna turn out right yet, but I trust that if it doesn't, I'm gonna be okay. And I trust that this is where I wanna be.

这番话立刻让我，一方面变得非常戒备，另一方面又极度不安，陷入自我怀疑中。后来我和我那位年纪虽小却充满智慧的堂姐聊天，她说你本可以回答'我还不知道，但我很期待去探索'，然后就此打住。她说你在向对方解释时，可能也是在试图说服自己——但其实不需要，因为你内心早有了那份直觉、意愿和渴望，这就足够了。没人有权知道你的理由，毕竟承担结果的人是你自己。这不是针对个人的。

And it immediately got me, you know, a, very defensive, and b, very insecure and in, a state of doubting myself. And afterwards, I was talking to my cousin who is wise beyond her years, and she was like, you should have just said I don't know yet, but I'm excited to find out, and left it at that. Like, why did you feel like you know, I think what she said was like, the fact that you like, in your act of explaining it to this person, maybe you were trying to explain it and justify it for yourself, but you don't need to because you already have that intuition and intention and desire to do that, and that is literally all you need. No one needs to know your reasons, especially since you're the one who's gonna face the outcome anyway. It's not personal.

这不是要拒人千里，而是保护你聆听内心渴望的能力，让你的心指南针指引方向。当你允许自己怀有些许恐惧时，当你做出未知结果的决定却依然坚持时——这真的很奇妙。我知道我用了很多心理疗愈术语和自助式语言。但真正重要的是，直到你身处无法依靠任何外物的境地时，才会真正理解自我信任的璀璨——那时你必须成为自己完全的依靠，坚定地说：我会没事的。

It's not meant to shut them down. It's meant to protect your ability to hear your desires and feel directed by your compass. It really is, you know, so marvelous when you let yourself be a little bit afraid, and so marvelous when you let yourself make a decision that you don't know, you don't know the outcome of, and you still show up for that. And I know I'm using, like, a lot of therapy speak and a lot of, like, self help language. I think the real thing is that you don't really understand the brilliance of self trust until you really experienced a moment where you're in a situation where you really can't trust anything else or you really can't trust anyone else, then you just have to be the one who, like, is fully there for you and fully says, like, I'm gonna be okay.

即使周围一团糟，即使像彻底爆炸了一样，我也会没事的。我的自信让我站稳脚跟。我深知，有时只有在被逼到极限时，我才知道自己有多强大。然后，那就是我的新水平了，对吧？

And I'm gonna be okay even if this is, like, a complete mess around. Even if this is, like, a complete explosion, I am grounded in my confidence. I am grounded in the fact that sometimes I don't know how capable I am until there is a situation that stretches me to my limits. And then that's, like, my new that's my new level. Right?

那就是我的新门槛。而通过身处那个门槛，一个全新的机会环境就会显现。一旦你掌握了这些，通过自我拓展并告诉自己‘我会没事的’，另一个层次就会为你打开。我信任自己。

Like, that's my new that's my new threshold. And then something else will and then by being in that threshold, there's, like, a whole new a whole new, like, environment of opportunities that become available. And once you've mastered those, like, another level will open up by you extending yourself and by you saying, I'm gonna be okay. I'm gonna be okay in this. I trust myself.

我信任自己的能力，信任我的直觉。你越是以这种心态行事，越是持这种视角，这种‘肌肉’就会变得越来越强壮，直到——我不知道——我感觉你真的可以做到任何事。而且我觉得你愿意随时冒险。

I trust my abilities. I trust my intuition. And the more you, like, operate with that manual in mind and the more you operate with that perspective, like, the stronger and stronger this muscle becomes until I don't know. I feel like you can really do anything. And I feel like you're willing to make risks take risks at the drop of the hat.

你愿意离开不想待的环境，结束不想维持的关系、友谊或工作，因为你知道更好的会到来，或者你能为自己创造更好的境遇。所以，绕了一大圈就是说，自我信任很重要。希望你能继续关注这一点，现在把它视为对我们恐惧的许多事情和拼命想抓住的控制与确定性的一种解药。

You're willing to leave situations you don't wanna be in. You are willing to leave relationships you don't wanna be in, friendships you don't wanna be in, jobs you don't wanna be in because you know that something better will come along or that you'll be able to create that better situation for yourself. So that's just a convoluted way of saying self trust is important. I hope that it's something that you continue to focus on. I hope that you can see it now as a bit of an antidote for a lot of what we fear and a lot of what, you know, we desperately wanna cling onto, which is control and certainty.

你无法拥有那些东西，但在它们面前，你可以拥有自我信任。我要感谢我们的研究员Libby Colbert对本集的帮助。如果这对你有用，请分享给朋友，分享到社交媒体，或者父母、同事，谁都行。如果你想了解更多这个话题，想看更多类似内容，也可以在Instagram上关注我们@thatpsychologypodcast。总有人问我这个名字。

You can't have those things, but you can have self trust in the face of them. I wanna thank our researcher, Libby Colbert, for her help on this episode. If this helped you, make sure you share it with a friend, share it on social media, share it, I don't know, with a parent or with a colleague, whoever. If you wanna hear more about this topic, if you wanna see more content like this, you can also follow us on Instagram at that psychology podcast. People always ask me about the name.

这有点跑题，但前几天有人问，为什么叫‘that psychology podcast’，这不是你播客的名字啊？我说因为‘the psychology of your twenties’太长了显示不全。总之，在那里可以找到我们，我们会做这些集锦总结供你回顾。

This is like a total tangent. But someone the other day was like, why is it that psychology podcast when that's not the name of your podcast? And I was like, because the psychology of your twenties was too long to, like, show up. So, anyways, that's where you can find us. We do, like, these cool summaries of these episodes if you want something to refer back to.

同样，如果你愿意，请留下五星好评，确保你在收听平台关注或订阅。下次见，注意安全，保持善良，温柔对待自己，信任自己，我们很快会再聊。

As well, if you feel called to do so, leave a five star review. Make sure you're following along or subscribed wherever you are listening to this episode. And until next time, stay safe, be kind, be gentle with yourself, trust yourself, and we will talk very, very soon.

你好，我亲爱的听众们。到现在为止，

Hello, my lovely listeners. By now,

你知道，我们对自己和身体运作方式了解得越多，就越能掌控局面。在性健康和无保护性行为后的应对措施上也是如此。这时就需要Plan B出场了。它是一种无年龄限制的紧急避孕药，能在怀孕发生前起到预防作用。由于它仅通过暂时延迟排卵发挥作用，因此不会影响你未来的受孕能力。

you know, the more knowledge we have about ourselves and the way our bodies work, the more empowered and in control we are. And this is also true when it comes to our sexual health and what to do after unprotected sex. That's where plan B comes in. It's emergency contraception with no age requirement that helps prevent pregnancy before it starts. And because it works by only temporarily delaying ovulation, it won't impact your ability to get pregnant in the future.

我们喜欢这种让我们掌握主动权的备用方案，因为知道得越多，力量就越大。更多信息请访问planb1step.com。用户导向。

We love a backup plan that puts us in control because the more we know, the more power we have. Learn more at planb1step.com. Users directed.

让停车成为夜晚最轻松的部分——使用Park Wiz。提前预订，直接驶入，让你无需兜圈找车位就能享受演出、比赛或夜生活。安全车位最高可享5折优惠，告别停车压力。智慧停车从此开始。立即下载Park Wiz应用。

Make parking the easiest part of your night with Park Wiz. Reserve ahead and roll right in so you can enjoy the show, the game, or a night out without circling for parking. Save up to 50% off a secured space and skip the stress. Smarter parking starts here. Download the Park Wiz app today.

你可曾带着魔法来到华特迪士尼世界，就像这样——嘿。

Have you ever brought your magic to Walt Disney World like, hey.

我们是来尽情玩耍的。你可曾向克里奥尔公主行屈膝礼？或是正式地扮傻搞怪？像大佬一样挺身而出拯救世界？或是体验生命之树下的生活？你试过吗？如果你能——

We came to play. Did you tip your tiara to a creole princess or get goofy officially? Step up like a boss and save the day, or see what life's like under the tree of life? Did you? If you could.

你愿意吗？当我们到来时，那就是真正的魔法，因为我们为欢乐而来。快来华特迪士尼世界度假区施展魔法吧。

Would you? When we come through, it's true magic because we came to play. Bring the magic at Walt Disney World Resort.

当达美航空派遣四位创作者环游世界，去探寻旅行的真正力量时会发生什么？正是这些充满意义的小瞬间。对吧？

What happens when Delta Airlines sends four creators around the world to find out what is the true power of travel? It's these small moments of intention. Right?

不仅是将人们送往各个地点和目的地。它连接人与人、不同文化，最终创造无法复制的独特体验。

Not just people to places and destinations. It's connecting people to other people, other cultures, and ultimately experiences that can't be replicated.

在本期由达美航空呈现的《二十几岁心理学》特别节目中，了解更多关于旅行如何促进身心健康的信息。飞得更好，活得更好。在您获取播客的任何平台收听。

Find out more about how travel can support well-being on this special episode of the psychology of your twenties presented by Delta. Fly and live better. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.

每天都有待办事项清单，但添加'享受Velveeta'能帮你高效完成其他任务。Velveeta早餐饼干搭配低脂酸奶和水果，是提供整个上午稳定能量的美味便捷选择；而Velveeta能量小食则是完美的上午加餐。最棒的是，两者都美味无比。用一口Velveeta开启高效早晨，今天就在当地商店购买Velveeta吧。

Every day has a to do list, but adding enjoy Velveeta to yours can help you knock out the rest of it. Velveeta breakfast biscuits are a tasty and convenient breakfast option when paired with low fat yogurt and fruit that provides steady energy all morning, while Velveeta energy snack bites give you the perfect midmorning refuel. Best part, they both taste great. So make the most out of your morning with a bite of Velveeta. Pick up a pack of Velveeta at your local store today.

这是iHeart播客节目。

This is an iHeart podcast.