359. 如何真正地放下

这是iHeart播客《保证人性化》。

This is an iHeart podcast, Guaranteed Human.

我是调查记者梅丽莎·耶尔岑。

I'm investigative journalist Melissa Jeltsin.

我的新播客《纳什维尔发生了什么》讲述了辅助生殖诊所灾难性崩溃以及患者们在随之而来的混乱中团结起来的故事。

My new podcast, What Happened in Nashville, tells the story of an IVF clinic's catastrophic collapse and the patients who banded together in the chaos that followed.

无论我多么努力抗争，无论我为此流多少眼泪，无论我们获得多少正义，都无法让我怀孕。

It doesn't matter how much I fight, doesn't matter how much I cry over all of this, it doesn't matter how much justice we get, none of it's gonna get me pregnant.

请在iHeartRadio应用、Apple播客或您收听播客的任何平台收听《纳什维尔发生了什么》。

Listen to what happened in Nashville on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

你是否曾听过那些真实犯罪节目，却发现自己问题比答案还多？

Have you ever listened to those true crime shows and found yourself with more questions than answers?

谁会伪造城市？

Who catfishes city?

吸食人类遗骸真的安全吗？

Is it even safe to snort human remains?

这是《霹雳舞》的剧情吗？

Is that the plot of Footloose?

我是喜剧演员罗里·斯科维尔，我来告诉你，乔什、迪恩和我推出了一档新播客，致敬世界上那些最愚蠢罪犯的惊人创意。

I'm comedian Rory Scovel, and I'm here to tell you Josh, Dean, and I have a new podcast that celebrates the amazing creativity of the world's dumbest criminals.

它叫《无罪》，一档真实犯罪喜剧播客。

It's called Crimeless, a true crime comedy podcast.

请在iHeartRadio应用、Apple播客或你收听播客的任何平台收听。

Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

我知道他名声不好，但迟早会报应到他头上。

I know he has a reputation, but it's gonna catch up to him.

加布·奥尔蒂斯是一名警察。

Gabe Ortiz is a cop.

他的兄弟拉里，是一个加布原本不想调查的谜团，直到为时已晚。

His brother, Larry, a mystery Gabe didn't wanna solve until it was too late.

他是这个帮派的头目。

He was the head of this gang.

你会为了这个事业推动这条线吗？

You gonna push that line for the cause?

他收留了我们，向我们展示了他们所谓的‘游戏’。

Took us under his wing and showed us the game, as they call it.

当拉里被杀后，加布必须揭开那段危险的过去，而这段过去可能摧毁他自以为了解的一切。

When Larry's killed, Gabe must untangle the dangerous past, one that could destroy everything he thought he knew.

在 iHeartRadio 应用、Apple 播客或你收听播客的任何平台收听《奥尔蒂斯兄弟》。

Listen to the Brothers Ortiz on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

如果发生了难以想象的事情，你会找谁？

Who would you call if the unthinkable happened?

我妹妹中了二十二枪。

My sister was shot 22 times.

警察，对吧？

A police officer, right?

但当那个怪物就是那个穿蓝制服的人时，你该怎么办？

But what do you do when the monster is the man in blue?

这家伙是恶魔。

This dude is the devil.

他会伤害你。

He'll hurt you.

这个

This

这是一个侦探的故事，他曾以为自己凌驾于法律之上，直到我们联手将他扳倒。

is the story of a detective who thought he was above the law until we came together to take him down.

我说过，你会一直看到我的脸，直到那一天

I said, you're gonna see my face till the day

你死去。

that you die.

我抓住你了。

I got you.

我抓住你了。

I got you.

我抓住你了。

I got you.

请在 iHeartRadio 应用、Apple 播客或您常用的播客平台收听《Girlfriends Untouchable》。

Listen to the Girlfriends Untouchable on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

我抓住你了。

I got you.

嗨，凯尔。

Hi, Kyle.

你能快速起草一份基本商业计划的文档吗？只要一页，用 Google 文档，然后把链接发给我？

Could you draw up a quick document with the basic business plan, just one page, as a Google Doc, and send me the link?

谢谢。

Thanks.

嘿。

Hey.

我刚给你把那页纸的商业计划画好了。

Just finished drawing up that quick one page business plan for you.

这是链接。

Here's the link.

但根本没有链接。

But there was no link.

根本没有商业计划。

There was no business plan.

我还没来得及给凯尔编程实现这个功能。

I hadn't programmed Kyle to be able to do that yet.

我是埃文·拉蒂夫，今天带来一个关于人工智能时代创业的故事。

I'm Evan Ratliff here with a story of entrepreneurship in the AI age.

请听我如何尝试用虚构的人打造一家真实初创公司。

Listen as I attempt to build a real startup run by fake people.

收听我的播客《壳牌游戏》第二季，可在iHeartRadio应用或任何你收听播客的平台收听。

Check out the second season of my podcast, Shell Game, on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

大家好。

Hello, everybody.

我是杰玛·斯佩奇，欢迎回到《二十岁的心理学》播客，在这里我们将探讨二十岁期间最重要的变化、时刻与转折，以及它们对我们的心理意味着什么。

I'm Gemma Speich, and welcome back to the psychology of your twenties, the podcast where we talk through the biggest changes, moments, and transitions of our twenties and what they mean for our psychology.

大家好。

Hello, everybody.

欢迎回到本节目。

Welcome back to the show.

欢迎回到本播客。

Welcome back to the podcast.

无论你是新听众还是老听众，无论你身在世界何处，都非常高兴你能回到这里，继续和我们一起剖析二十岁的心理学。

New listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world, it is so great to have you here back for another episode as we, of course, break down the psychology of our twenties.

今天，我们带来另一个小的附加集。

So today we've got another one of our little bonus episodes.

这些附加集比我们常规内容更短、更精炼。

These are like shorter, more bite sized doses of our usual content.

适合在你的午餐时间或早晨散步时收听。

Something to like accompany your lunch break or your little morning walk.

在这些简短的对话中，我们主要旨在以更聚焦、更紧凑的方式探讨你在自助或心理学领域可能听到的某些术语、理论和概念。

In these shorter chats, we just mainly aim to tackle certain terms, theories, concepts that you may hear in the self help or psychology space in a more focused compact kind of way.

在今天的节目中，我们将探讨‘抽离’这一概念。

And in today's episode we are going to be looking at this concept of detachment.

具体来说，是如何真正地从结果、从控制我们情绪的人、从一段关系、一种处境、一份工作申请，甚至任何事物中抽离出来。

Specifically how we can truly detach from an outcome, from a person who is controlling our emotions, from a relationship, a situation, a job application, really anything.

我们对这些事物的依附是深深情感化的。

Our attachment to these things is deeply emotional.

这表明我们非常在意，但有时我们的情感投入反而会让我们在想象中承受比现实中更多的痛苦，过于沉迷于‘如果怎样’，而忽略了实际正在发生的事情。

It shows we care a lot but sometimes our emotional investment can actually cause us to suffer more in imagination than in reality and get too caught up in the what ifs than the what is actually happening.

抽离是一种心理和情感上的解药，它要求我们或许能更斯多亚一些。

Detachment is the psychological and emotional kind of antidote to this that asks us to perhaps be more stoic.

理解到我们对某事的想法并不总能改变实际会发生的事，只是让生活自然地发生在我们周围，顺其自然地流动，而不是试图强行推动、强迫某些事情发生，或与那些不会改变主意、可能不会对我们态度不同的人抗争，或试图通过反复思考来改善那些本不会因我们的思虑而好转的处境。

To understand that what we think about something won't always change what will actually happen and just to let life be something that happens to us naturally that flows around us rather than us trying to push through it or force certain things to happen or struggle against people who aren't going to change their mind who may not treat us any differently or situations that maybe aren't going to improve just by us trying to think about them more.

这是一种极其重要的能力。

It is an incredibly important skill.

话虽如此，学习这一点也相当困难，让我们来谈谈它。

That being said it's also quite difficult to learn so let's talk about it.

首先，依附和依附之间有什么区别？

Firstly what's the difference between attachment and attachment?

这听起来可能很简单，但我总是把依附想象成手里握着一只鸟，紧紧攥着拳头，希望它能留下，但这对任何人或任何事物来说都是一种不舒适的体验。

It might sound simple but attachment is I always think about it as like having a bird in the palm of your hand and holding on to it really tightly with a closed fist hoping that it will stay and that not being a comfortable experience for anybody or anything.

超脱则是用开放的手掌握住你想要或拥有的东西的能力。

Detachment is the ability to hold what you want or what you have with an open hand.

当然，鸟儿可能会飞走，但那可能意味着它本来就不该在那里，一开始就不想待在那里。

Sure the bird may fly away but that probably means it wasn't meant to be there in the first place, didn't want to be in there in the in the first place.

而一只新的、更好的、愿意停留的鸟，将会飞来停在你的手上。

And a new bird, a better bird, a bird that does want to be there is gonna fly and land on your hand.

这正是我常想到的隐喻。

That's kind of the metaphor I always think about.

这基本上意味着，当你停止试图将现实扭曲成你偏好的形状，而只是决定参与正在发生的一切，不再紧握、不再讨价还价、不再强行将不合时宜的事物塞入位置，超脱于特定的结果，超脱于特定的人及其行为。

It's basically when you stop trying to bend reality into your preferred shape and you just decide to participate in whatever is actually happening without gripping, without bargaining, without trying to force things into place when they don't fit, detached from a specific outcome, detached from a specific person and their behaviors.

你非常处于这种心态中，区分什么是你能控制的，什么是你不能控制的，并且你能察觉并珍惜这种区别。

You are very much in this mindset of what I can control and what I can't can't control and you notice the difference and you appreciate the difference.

在关于疏离的文献中，心理学家有时将其描述为一种认知距离或情感距离。

In the literature on detachment psychologists sometimes basically describe it as a form of cognitive distancing or emotional distancing.

能够适度降低情境或你自身情绪的情感音量，以便能够清晰思考，并按照你的价值观和愿景行事。

Being able to turn down the emotional volume of a situation or the or your own emotions just enough just to be able to think clearly and just to act in line with your values and your vision.

这并不意味着你会对任何结果变得麻木。

It's not that you are going to numb yourself to any outcome.

这并不意味着你会关闭自己。

It's not that you're going to shut down.

这并不意味着你会停止关心。

It's not that you're going to stop caring.

这仍然是关于关心的。

It's still about caring.

只是关于能够在不以结果、他人或任何事件为中心的情况下运作，不再 obsessively 思考它们。

It's just about being able to operate without the outcome or that other person or whatever it is, the event being your center and being the thing that you obsessively think about.

这基本上是在说，不要让你无法控制的事情成为你唯一关注的重点。

It's basically saying don't let the things you can't control be the only thing that you focus on.

当我们执着时，我们真正执着的并不总是结果、人或情境，或其他任何东西。

When we're attached what we're actually attached to is not always the outcome or the person or the situation or whatever it is.

通常，我们执着的是这些东西所代表的意义，以及它们向我们承诺的价值。

It's often what that thing represents and what promises us meaning.

你执着于得到这份工作，是因为也许这能向你证明你勤奋、足够优秀，且为未来做好了准备。

You're attached to this idea of getting this job because maybe that will prove to you that you are hard working, that you are good enough, that you are set up for the future.

你执着于获得这个人的关注，并不是因为你真的喜欢他们，而是因为你认为他们的关注会给你一个强烈的信号，证明你是值得被爱的。

You are attached to receiving attention from this person not because you may even like them but because you think that their attention would give you some very serious sign that you are lovable.

或者你知道，如果他们不关注你，那就证明了你并不值得被爱。

Or you know if they don't give you attention well then that's going to prove that you aren't.

我们之所以执着，是因为作为人类，我们的大脑渴望安全感，渴望确定性；当我们对情境有把握时，这是获得安心和安全感最廉价的捷径。

We get attached because as humans our brains crave a feeling of safety and they crave a feeling of of knowing and when we have certainty over situations that is the cheapest shortcut to feeling okay and to feeling safe in life.

但生活也从未承诺过我们这一点。

It's also not something that life has promised us.

我们无法对许多事情保持确定。

We are not going to be certain about many many things.

但我们的大脑喜欢让我们相信，只要我们再多想一点，再多操控一下局势，再强烈地渴望一些，或许就能掌控一切，从而获得意义感、可预测性和确定性。

But our brain likes to convince us that if we can think about it a little more, if we can manipulate the situation a little bit more, if we can want it enough, Well then hopefully we can be in control and hopefully that will give us a sense of meaning, a sense of predictability, a sense of certainty.

而这也正是自我和自我概念介入的地方。

And this is where our ego and the idea of self-concept comes into this as well.

我们不仅仅想要那个人，不仅仅想要那份工作，我们更想要它所代表的意义，以及它对我们身份的说明。

We don't just want that person, we don't just want that job, we want what it means and what it will say about us.

它意味着我们是可爱的、被选中的、有能力的，拥有光明的未来，生活会幸福；如果我们得不到想要的确定性，得不到期望的结果，那么这一切似乎都不再成立。

That we are lovable, that we are chosen, that we are competent, that you have a bright future, that life will be happy and if we don't get the certainty we want, if we are if we don't get the outcome we want then none of that is none of that feels correct.

因此，我们深深依附的目标和结果之所以对我们如此重要，是因为它与自我价值和自我信念紧密融合。

So the goal and the outcome that we get attached to deeply that is significant to us is so significant to us because it is fused with self worth and self belief.

因此，它所承载的控制感和分量，远超过它若不承载这些意义时的程度。

And so it takes on a much deeper level of control and weight than if it didn't mean those things to us.

顺便提一下，依附本身并不一定是坏事。

And just to note attachment isn't inherently bad.

这实际上是一种非常健康的组织力量，能帮助我们明确什么和谁更重要，引导我们把注意力和资源分配到目标上，协调我们的生活，并赋予我们意义感。

It's actually quite a healthy organizing force that can really help us prioritize what and who matters and helps us allocate our attention and resources towards goals and coordinate our lives and gives us a sense of meaning.

问题其实只出现在我们过度依附时，这时它不再帮助我们组织生活、赋予生命目的、重要性和意义，也不再为我们提供目标，反而产生了相反的效果。

The issue really just comes when we are overly attached and instead of helping us organize our lives and giving life a sense of purpose and importance and meaning and giving us goals it actually has the opposite effect.

首先，当我们过度依附于某样东西时，我们的思维会变得非常狭窄，开始急促地运转，产生一种与焦虑或反复思虑非常相似的感觉。

Firstly, when we are overly attached to a specific thing our thoughts actually become a lot more narrow and they become they begin to race and it gives us a feeling that is very similar to anxiety or to rumination.

这可能会变得极其执念。

It can get really obsessive.

对吧？

Right?

我们都明白这一点。

We all know that.

我们的思维可能会变得更加僵化和选择性，基本上会形成一种单一的、偏好的事件解读方式，而你只允许那些看似相关或能证明你期望结果的信息进入。

Our thoughts might become more rigid and selective and you basically start forming a singular preferred interpretation of events and the only information that you let in is information that seems relevant or proves what you want to happen.

任何不指向我们目标的信息都会被忽略。

Anything that doesn't do that, that doesn't point directly towards our target gets ignored.

即使它非常重要。

Even if it is super important.

即使它涉及到某人行为中的重大警示信号。

Even if it's something like a significant red flag in somebody's behavior.

即使它关乎那套公寓中真正非常不便的地方。

Even if it is a thing about that apartment that is actually super inconvenient.

关于那份工作的一些问题，可能实际上并不理想，因为我们的思维变得狭隘、僵化且缺乏好奇心，因为我们过于执着于某个特定结果。

Something about that job that may actually not be great because our thoughts are narrow, because they are more rigid and less curious because we are too attached to a specific outcome.

有时候，我们只是忽略了那些本会让我们渴望不同结果的事情。

Sometimes we just ignore things that would otherwise definitely make us desire a different outcome.

其次，我们的情绪肯定会与某个特定结果绑定在一起。

Secondly, our mood definitely becomes attached to a specific outcome.

如果我们得到那个家伙的认可，就会感觉棒极了。

If we feel recognized by that guy, we feel amazing.

但如果他们不回复我们，我们就只会感到糟糕、无价值和低落。

But if they don't reply to us we just feel terrible and worthless and low.

如果我们得到了这份工作，我们会感觉棒极了，充满目标感；但如果我们没有收到回复，就会彻底放弃。

If we get the job we feel incredible, we feel purposeful but if we don't hear back we throw in the towel altogether.

我们发誓再也不打算在这个行业里尝试找新工作了。

We swear that we're never going to bother trying to get a new job in that industry again.

我们会质疑自己的一切，本质上，我们的大脑情感系统被牢牢绑在了那些我们无法控制的事情上。

We question all these things about ourselves and essentially it's like the emotional systems in our brain become handcuffed to something that is outside of our control.

当这些外部因素下滑、停滞或上升时，我们的情绪也会随之起伏。

And when that dips, when that plateaus, when that rises, our emotions are going to follow along with it.

我们因此感到完全迷失，因为我们不再是那个掌控全局的人。

And we just feel completely unmoored in that way because we are no longer, you know, the driver.

我们不再掌握方向盘。

We are no longer in the driver's seat.

我们完全成了乘客，被动等待这些环境因素带给我们什么。

We are completely in the passenger seat to whatever these, you know, circumstances choose to bring us.

问题是，我们越在意、越执着，这其实再正常不过了。

The thing is as well you know the more we do care and the more attached we are which again is normal.

我们越是试图推动、强迫、抗争、紧抓不放。

The more we do try to push, force, fight, hold tight.

我们越是试图让本不会成功的事情勉强成真。

The more we try to make a situation work that just isn't going to.

而这样做实际上，我经常认为，反而降低了事情成功的可能性。

And what that does is actually, I I often think reduces the chances of something working out.

当然。

Sure.

这段关系与这个人或许能成功、能顺利发展，但前提是你要给它留出空间。

This relationship with this person might work out and might go well, but only if you give it breathing room.

但出于我们对可预测性和控制的渴望，我们试图加速时间进程。

But in our desire for predictability and control, we try and speed up timelines.

我们试图，我不知道。

We try and, I don't know.

我们变得越来越执着，做了一些实际上与我们总体目标背道而驰的事情。

We just we become more obsessive and we do things that we know are actually counter to our overall goal.

但因为我们太过执着，这种依附似乎无处安放，除非我们为此采取行动，结果反而把事情搞砸了。

But because we are so attached it just feels like this attachment has nowhere to go unless we take action on its behalf and we end up ruining things.

我们给事情施加了太多压力。

We end up putting too much pressure on things.

我们最终精疲力尽。

We end up burning out.

我们感到如此疲惫，以至于选择抽身、离开，或觉得无法再与某人相处或身处某种情境——这不一定是由于对方做了什么，而是因为我们对待情境的方式本身出了问题。

We end up feeling so exhausted that we withdraw or that we move on or that we feel like we can't be around somebody or in a situation, Not necessarily even because of what they've done but because of how we are approaching the situation.

你知道吗，我有个理论，这与其说是心理学理论，不如说更像一种哲学或灵性层面的见解。

You know I have this theory, it's not so much a psychological theory, it's definitely more of a philosophical spiritual theory.

但我总是说，如果你对某事、某种关系或结果过于执着，以至于你详细想象了事情会如何发展——你已经在脑海中描绘了婚礼，想象着去新工作时要穿的新衣服，我常常觉得这反而会产生反作用，让事情更难实现。

But I always say if you are overly attached to something, to relationship and outcome whatever, such that you imagine in detail exactly how things are gonna work out, you're already picturing the wedding, you're already picturing the new outfits you're gonna wear to your new job, I often think that's actually kind of has like a counteractive effect where it makes it less likely to happen.

就像在某个宇宙中，我。

It's like in some universe, I.

E。

E.

在你的脑海中，这种情况已经发生了。

In your mind, this situation has already occurred.

所以，你知道，宇宙也好，上帝也好，whatever，都不会重复同一个事件，因为它不想欺骗你，它想要创造新意。

And so, you know, the universe isn't or God or whatever isn't going to repeat that same event because it doesn't want to rip you know it wants to be creative.

如果你已经创造了这个情境，它就不可能在现实中再次发生，因为你知道，没错。

If you've already created the situation it cannot possibly happen again in real time because you know yeah.

宇宙、上帝，不管是什么，都喜欢调皮，喜欢让我们保持警觉，喜欢给我们一些不同的东西。

The universe, the god, whatever it is, like, likes to be cheeky and likes to be likes to keep us on our toes and likes to give us something different.

所以，你越思考、越试图想象、描绘、在脑海中构建这个故事，它就越不可能发生。

So actually the more you think about things and the more you try and imagine, picture, develop this story in your head, the less likely it's going to occur.

事实上，由于这个原理，它几乎不可能以你想象的方式发生。

In fact, probably it's highly unlikely it's not going to occur the way you think it is because of this principle.

除了我个人的 anecdotal 经验外，其实并没有任何证据支持这一点。

And, you know, there's really no evidence for that other than my anecdotal evidence.

但每次当我过于执着于某件事，想象了太多假设性的情景时，它们都从未实现过。

But every time I found that I've clinged or clung, sorry, I should say, too tightly to something such that I've imagined all these hypotheticals, they have never come true.

而事情最终总是以一种完全出人意料的方式发生。

And that it's always then ended up happening in a way that is completely surprising.

我不知道，也许这只是我的大脑为了让我少想点这些而找到的一种解释。

And I don't know maybe that's just the explanation that my brain has kind of gone to to maybe teach me to stop overthinking it as much.

我认为，从更广泛的角度来说，过度执着于某个特定结果。

I think as well just on a broader sense it just overly obsessing about a specific outcome.

这基本上降低了我们对其他可能性和新事物的开放性。

It basically reduces how open we are to other outcomes and to newness.

我们对意外、对生活中真正令人惊喜的美好部分的开放程度。

How open we are to the unexpected, to the beautiful parts of life that really genuinely surprise us.

而接纳并为这些事情留出空间，正是超然的真正含义。

And the acceptance and having space for those things is really what detachment is about.

与其固执地追求确定性，渴望你认为对自己最好的结果，不如保持好奇。

Instead of being rigid, wanting certainty, wanting an outcome that you think is best for yourself, we are more curious.

我们允许周围的事物、这个世界，带来可能更好的结果。

We allow the events around us, the world around us to deliver the outcome that is probably better.

我们对自己更有信心，无论发生什么都能信任自己，只是更能够享受和见证生活中的各种经历，因为我们不会过度纠结或过早地执着于它们，从而避免因失去而感到更深刻的痛苦。

We are more confident in ourselves, we trust ourselves regardless of what happens and we're just simply more a like better able to enjoy and witness things in our lives and experiences because we're not obsessing over them or getting attached before they occur such that we feel their loss much more profoundly.

我们可以一直聊到天荒地老。

So we can talk about this till the cows come in.

我们究竟该怎么做，才能达到一种健康的超然状态，既能投入其中，又不至于情绪上被牵绊，从而在生活中获得更多的自由与平静？

What do we actually do to get to a level of healthy detachment so that we can observe, be invested but not you know, emotionally tied to the situation so that we can really just have some more freedom in our lives, more peace.

在短暂的广告之后，我们将继续探讨所有这些内容以及其他更多话题。

We're gonna talk about all of that and more after this short break.

我是调查记者梅丽莎·耶尔岑。

I'm investigative journalist Melissa Jeltsin.

我的新播客《纳什维尔发生了什么》讲述了辅助生殖诊所灾难性崩溃，以及患者们在随之而来的混乱中团结互助的故事。

My new podcast, What Happened in Nashville, tells the story of an IVF clinic's catastrophic collapse and the patients who banded together in the chaos that followed.

我们有一些突发新闻要告诉你们。

We have some breaking news to tell you about.

田纳西州总检察长正在起诉一位纳什维尔的医生。

Tennessee's attorney general is suing a Nashville doctor.

2024年4月，一家位于纳什维尔的生育诊所一夜之间关闭，超过一千个冷冻胚胎被锁在门内。

In April 2024, a fertility clinic in Nashville shut down overnight, and trapped behind locked doors were more than a thousand frozen embryos.

我当时吓坏了。

I was terrified.

在我们整个经历中，那是最糟糕的时刻。

Out of all of our journey, that was the worst moment ever.

那时我根本没有意识到接下来会爆发怎样的斗争。

At that point, it didn't occur to me what fight was going to come to follow.

但这个故事不仅仅关乎几个家庭的未来。

But this story isn't just about a few families' futures.

它关乎现代生育医疗的承诺是否真的值得信赖。

It's about whether the promise of modern fertility care can be trusted at all.

我再怎么抗争都没用。

It doesn't matter how much I fight.

我再怎么为这一切哭泣也无济于事。

Doesn't matter how much I cry over all of this.

我们获得多少正义都不重要。

It doesn't matter how much justice we get.

这些都无法让我怀孕。

None of it's going to get me pregnant.

请在iHeartRadio应用、Apple播客或您收听播客的任何平台收听纳什维尔发生的事。

Listen to what happened in Nashville on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

你有没有听过那些真实犯罪节目，结果发现自己问题比答案还多？

Have you ever listened to those true crime shows and found yourself with more questions than answers?

这是什么？

And what is this?

这怎么不是我们所有人都知道的故事？

How is that not a story we all know?

这是什么？你在哪里？

What what's this you where is that?

为什么是湿的？

Why is it wet?

天啊，我们为你准备了一场精彩的节目。

Boy, do we have a show for you.

来自Smartless Media、Campsite Media和Big Money Players的《Crimeless》。

From smartless media, campsite media, and big money players comes Crimeless.

加入我，调查记者乔什·迪恩。

Join me, Josh Dean, investigative journalist.

还有我，喜剧演员罗里·斯科维尔，我们一起庆祝世界上那些最愚蠢罪犯的惊人创意。

And me, Rory Scovel, comedian, as we celebrate the amazing creativity of the world's dumbest criminals.

我们将探讨人们违反法律时最荒唐的方式。

We'll look into some of the silliest ways folks have broken the laws.

老实说，这感觉更像是一场高级恶作剧，而不是犯罪。

Honestly, it feels more like a high level prank than a crime.

谁会去欺骗一座城市？

Who catfishes a city?

并认识一些令人难忘的反英雄人物。

And meet some memorable antiheroes.

有成千上万只愤怒又欲火中烧的猴子。

There are thousands of angry horny monkeys.

如果你觉得她是女巫，而且感到害怕，就鼓掌吧。

Clap if you think she's a witch, and it freaks you out.

他有X光视力。

He has X-ray vision.

我怎么能不跟着他呢？

How could I not follow him?

老实说，我必须跟着他。

I honestly, I gotta follow him.

他能看穿我。

He could see right through me.

在iHeartRadio应用、Apple播客或你收听播客的任何平台收听《Crimeless》。

Listen to Crimeless on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

爸爸坚信魔鬼正在攻击我们。

Dad had the strong belief that the devil was attacking us.

两个兄弟，一个虔诚的家庭，两条截然不同的道路。

Two brothers, one devout household, two radically different paths.

加布·奥尔蒂斯成为德克萨斯州职位最高的执法官员之一。

Gabe Ortiz became one of the highest ranking law enforcement officers in Texas.

总共拥有三十二年的执法经验。

Thirty two years total law enforcement experience.

但他的兄弟拉里却留在原地，建立了完全不同的遗产。

But his brother Larry, he stayed behind and built an entirely different legacy.

他是这个帮派的头目，没人敢命令他做什么。

He was the head of this gang and nobody was gonna tell him what to do.

你会为了这个事业推动这条底线。

You gonna push that line for the cause.

他收留了我们，向我们展示了他们所谓的‘游戏’。

Took us under his wing and showed us the game as they call it.

当拉里被谋杀后，加布被迫面对他试图抛在身后的历史，并揭开从未预料到的秘密。

When Larry is murdered, Gabe is forced to confront the past he tried to leave behind and uncover secrets he never saw coming.

我爸爸有一段我们从未知晓的另一段人生。

My dad had a whole another life that we never knew about.

我妈妈开始大喊爸爸的名字，然后我只听到一声枪响。

Like, my mom started screaming my dad's name, and I just heard one gun shot.

《奥蒂兹兄弟》是一个扣人心弦的真实故事，讲述信仰、家庭，以及两段人生如何渐行渐远，最终以最惨烈的方式碰撞。

The Brothers Ortiz is a gripping true story about faith, family, and how two lives can drift so far apart and collide in the most devastating way.

在 iHeartRadio 应用、Apple 播客或您收听播客的任何平台收听《奥蒂兹兄弟》。

Listen to The Brothers Ortiz on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

如果无法想象的事情发生了，你会打电话给谁？

Who would you call if the unthinkable happened?

我只是摔倒了，然后开始大喊大叫。

I just fell and started screaming.

如果你以最恐怖的方式失去了你深爱的人。

If you lost someone you loved in the most horrific way.

他们说他中了二十二枪。

Said they was shot 22 times.

警察。

The police.

对吧？

Right?

但如果你本该求助的人，却是你最害怕的人呢？

But what if the person you're supposed to go to for help is the one you're the most afraid of?

这家伙是魔鬼。

This dude is the devil.

他是个蛇蝎之人。

He's a snake.

他会伤害你。

He'll hurt you.

我保护你。

I've got you.

你。

You.

抓住你了。

Got you.

我是妮基·理查德森，欢迎收听《闺蜜》之《不可触碰》。

I'm Nikki Richardson, and this is The Girlfriends, Untouchable.

侦探罗杰·加卢普斯基数十年来利用警徽恐吓堪萨斯城的黑人女性，对他们进行恐吓和性侵。

Detective Roger Galupski spent decades intimidating and sexually abusing Black women across Kansas City, using his police badge to scare them into silence.

这是一个关于一位看似凌驾于法律之上的侦探的故事，直到我们联合起来将他扳倒。

This is the story of a detective who seemed above the law until we came together to take him down.

我告诉罗杰·戈卢布斯基，我说：‘你会一直看到我的脸，直到你死的那天。’

I told Roger Golubski, I said, you're gonna see my face till the day that you die.

请在 iHeartRadio 应用、Apple 播客或你常用的播客平台收听《闺蜜》之《不可触碰》。

Listen to the Girlfriends, Untouchable on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

嗨，凯尔。

Hi, Kyle.

你能帮我起草一份简单的商业计划书吗？就一页，用 Google 文档，然后把链接发给我？

Could you draw up a quick document with the basic business plan, just one page, as a Google Doc and send me the link?

谢谢。

Thanks.

嘿。

Hey.

我刚给你写好了那份简短的一页商业计划。

Just finished drawing up that quick one page business plan for you.

这是链接。

Here's the link.

但根本没有链接。

But there was no link.

根本没有商业计划。

There was no business plan.

这不是他的错。

It's not his fault.

我还没来得及给凯尔编程实现这个功能。

I hadn't programmed Kyle to be able to do that yet.

我叫埃德蒙·拉特利夫。

My name is Edmund Ratliff.

在听了OpenAI首席执行官萨姆·阿尔特曼说的很多类似内容后，我决定创建我的AI联合创始人凯尔。

I decided to create Kyle, my AI cofounder, after hearing a lot of stuff like this from OpenAI CEO Sam Altman.

有一个关于第一年会出现单人十亿美元公司的赌局，

There's this betting pool for the first year that there's a one person billion dollar company,

如果没有AI，这将是难以想象的，但现在

which would have been, like, unimaginable without AI, and now

这种情况一定会发生。

it will happen.

我开始想，我能不能成为那个人？

I got to thinking, could I be that one person?

我之前曾为我获奖的播客《壳牌游戏》制作过AI代理。

I'd made AI agents before for my award winning podcast, Shell Game.

在《壳牌游戏》本季中，我正尝试用虚假的人来打造一家拥有真实产品的真正公司。

This season on Shell Game, I'm trying to build a real company with a real product run by fake people.

哦，嘿，埃文。

Oh, hey, Evan.

很高兴你加入我们。

Good to have you join us.

我找到了一些关于AI代理在中小型企业中采用率的有趣数据。

I found some really interesting data on adoption rates for AI agents in small to medium businesses.

在iHeartRadio应用或你收听播客的任何平台收听《Shell Game》。

Listen to Shell Game on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

因此，关于超脱艺术的许多关键原则实际上深受东方哲学的影响，尤其是佛教和道教的无执理念。

So a lot of key principles around the art of detachment actually are heavily influenced by Eastern philosophy, particularly by Buddhist and Taoist principles of non attachment.

无执是一种对生活经历保持灵活与平衡的态度，使我们能够与自己的思想、情感和事件互动，而不执着于渴望的积极结果，也不恐惧负面结果。

Non attachment is this attitude of flexibility and balance towards life experiences where we can interact with our thoughts, our feelings and events without clinging so desperately to desired positive outcomes or fearing negative ones.

这个概念的基础是，我们的经历和心理表征实际上是被构建出来的。

What this concept is based on is this idea that the nature of our experiences and our mental representations are actually constructed.

它们并非永恒不变。

They're not permanent.

所以，除非我们允许，否则它们无法伤害我们，因为我们总能任其自然流逝，总能放手。

So they can't hurt us unless we let them because we can always just allow them to move on and we can always just let them go.

我知道这听起来很傻，像是一个非常简单的解释，但几千年来，人们一直采用这种方式来面对生活。

I know that sounds very silly and like a very simple explanation but people for thousands and thousands of years have been adopting this way of approaching life.

也许进入这种心态最简单的方法，最简单的调整方式，就是在试图解决问题之前，先给自己一些物理上的空间，以便更清晰地看待事物。

The simplest way to maybe get into this mindset, the simplest reset is before you try to fix anything, just giving yourself literal physical space to see things clearly.

最快的方法就是让你在身体上与之保持距离。

The fastest way is by you know physically distancing yourself.

离开房间，离开对话，走到外面的世界，让你的注意力不再被困在你所执着的那点小事里。

Getting out of a room, getting out of a conversation, getting out into the world so your attention isn't trapped into this tiny loop of whatever it is you're obsessing over.

你需要处于一个与让你感到压力的环境不同的地方或情境中。

You need to be in a different environment or situation from the one that is causing you stress.

当我们对某事过于执着时，我真的觉得我们是‘只见树木，不见森林’。

When we feel overly attached to something I really just think we can't see the woods from the trees.

我们过于关注某些微小的细节，以至于失去了对生活中其他部分的全局视角。

We become so overly focused on specific tiny minuscule details that we lose the perspective on the rest of our lives.

我们失去了理解更大整体情况的能力。

We lose the ability to understand the larger overall situation.

我们失去了意识到其他人也和我们同时活着的能力，也无法将我们的问题放在更广阔的视角中看待。

We lose the ability to you know realize that other people are alive at the same time as us and to just put our problems into perspective.

这种形式的超然只是最简单的一种。

This version of detachment is just the simplest form.

走出去，活动身体，做一些剧烈的运动，让感官重新调整，在刺激和你的反应之间创造时间和空间。

Go outside, move your body, do some kind of intense exercise, let your senses reset, put time and space between the stimulus and your response.

这部分还包括开始真正关注平凡的世界。

Also a part of this is just to start really paying attention to the ordinary world.

声音、温度、人们遛狗的场景。

The sounds, temperature, people walking their dogs.

观察其他人如何过他们的生活，这会让你意识到，对你而言，这件事可能感觉极其严重、关乎生死，但它并不占据整个宇宙，总有一天它也不再是你生活的中心。

Look at other people just living their lives and that will allow you to realize that this might feel incredibly serious and life defying for you but it doesn't take up the whole universe and one day it won't be at your epicenter anymore as well.

我们常常觉得，只要再对问题或目标多专注一会儿，再努力一点点，再反复分析一次他们的回应，我们就能掌控一切。

We often feel like if we focus on the issue or the goal just a little bit longer, if we work just a little bit harder, if we analyze their response just once more you know, we will have control.

我们能够，你知道的，解决这个问题。

We will be able to, you know, problem solve this situation.

但这永远不会发生。

But this never happens.

这是一种典型的思想漩涡。

This is a classic thought spiral.

看待这种情况的方式和可能性是无限的。

There are limitless things and ways to see this situation.

有无限的事情可以思考。

Limitless things to think about.

有无限的可能性。

Limitless possibilities.

你越多地思考它们，就越是在火上浇油，进一步说服你的大脑和心灵再想一秒。

You thinking about them more is just adding fuel to the fire and just further convincing your brain and your mind that one more second to think about it.

再沉思一秒。

One more second of rumination.

再多花一秒去执着，似乎就能得到答案，或带来确定性。

One more moment to attach even further is somehow going to get you an answer or is somehow going to give you certainty.

通过获得真正的距离，你拓宽了视角，从而能够选择如何回应，而不是仅仅被动反应。

By gaining literal distance, you are widening your frame of reference so that you are allowed to choose how to respond rather than just having to react.

你能真正看清这个问题或情境的本质，而不是被你的大脑扭曲后的样子。

And you are able to really identify this problem or this situation for what it actually is rather than what your mind is making it out to be.

所以下一步是重新充实自己，让你的价值不再依赖于一条回复、一次会议、一个人或一件事的成败。

So the next move is to refill yourself so that your worth isn't hanging on one reply, one meeting, one person, one thing going right.

正如我们之前所见，过度执着于某人或某事的关键特征之一，就是我们的自我价值感开始依赖于这件事是否发生。

As we saw earlier, one of the key aspects of being overly attached to something or someone is that our sense of self worth often begins to be contingent on that thing happening.

因此，我们必须重新将焦点拉回自身，这至关重要。

So it's really crucial that we start to re center this back onto ourselves.

重新将自己锚定在内在。

Re anchor ourselves back into us.

真正练习与谦逊相反、与执着或献身于他人或他物相反的态度。

Just really practice the opposite of humility and the opposite of being attached or devoted to something or someone else.

夸夸自己。

Stroke your own ego.

庆祝你有多了不起。

Celebrate how freaking amazing you are.

强化你没有这件事也会好的信念。

Reinforce that you will be fine without this thing.

在未来一两天里，用大量证据填满你的日程，证明你的存在远不止于这个目标、这个人，或你所想的任何事物。

For the next day or two, flood your schedule with proof that you exist well beyond this goal or this person or whatever it is you have in mind.

出去吃顿饭。

Go out for dinner.

创造点什么。

Create something.

给自己买一套超酷的新衣服。

Buy yourself like a really hot new outfit.

去剪个头发。

Get a haircut.

做任何让你感到新鲜、自信、充满能量和力量的事情。

Do anything that makes you feel novel, makes you feel confident, makes you feel in your energy, in your power.

尽可能制定许多不包含你所依恋的那个人、那件事、那个活动、那种情况或那个地方的计划。

Make as many plans as possible that don't include the person, the thing, the event, the situation, the place that you're attaching to.

如果你在约会，确保你也在和朋友约会，探索你的城市，安排晚间活动，拓展这个占据你全部注意力的事物之外的世界。

If you're dating, make sure you're also dating your friends, exploring your city, having evening plans, building out the world beyond this thing that has taken your focus.

确保你生活中还有其他让你兴奋、好奇、充满动力去探索的事情，这样你的整个世界就不会只围绕着你痴迷的那件事。

Making sure that there are all these other things that you're excited by and investigating and curious and and, you know, just motivated to see so that your whole world isn't just whatever it is you're obsessing over.

放手，其实并不是不在乎。

Detaching, you know, it isn't about not caring.

而是要确保你的生活足够广阔，没有任何单一的事物能进来窒息掉其他一切。

It's about ensuring that your world and your life is big enough that no singular singular thing could come in and suffocate everything else out.

你当然可以参与那些你确实有情感联结的生活部分或人际关系中。

You can be engaged in the parts of your life or in the people in your life that you do feel attached to.

但你不能与之完全融合。

You just can't be fused.

你不能依赖某事顺利、某人喜欢你或情况对你有利来决定你当天是否快乐。

You just can't have an emotional overreliance on something going right or somebody liking you or a situation working in your favor to determine whether you're gonna be happy for that day.

下一个方法或工具是认真问自己：这适合我吗？

The next thing or the next tool is to really ask yourself, does this fit?

还是我在磨平自己或生活的棱角，只为让它合拍？

Or am I sanding the edges of myself or of my life to make it fit?

现在，当我提到这一点或谈论这个话题时，我想我们都会有一点直觉反应。

Now I think we have a little bit of a gut reaction when I I mention this or when I talk about this.

当某件事适合你时，你就会知道它适合。

When something fits you know that it fits.

那种感觉很轻松。

Like there is ease there.

就像一条完美的牛仔裤。

It's like the perfect pair of jeans.

想象一下你最完美、最舒适的那条牛仔裤。

Like imagine your most perfect comfortable pair of jeans.

没有摩擦，没有紧张感，它们总是很棒。

There's no friction, no tension, they're always going to be amazing.

当你试穿一条不合身的牛仔裤时，差别非常明显，你可能会说服自己去适应它，觉得裤子会拉伸，但其实它们永远不会变，最后你还是得扔掉、捐掉，或者终究得卖掉。

When you try on a bad pair of jeans it's pretty noticeable and you can convince yourself that you'll change for the jeans, that the jeans will stretch whatever they never do and you end up throwing them out, end up donating them, you end up having to sell them anyways.

就像你清楚某些关系，也清楚某些情况一样。

Like you know and you know about certain relationships, you know about certain situations as well.

当某件事合适时，计划自然会制定，回复也不需要费力揣摩。

When something fits, plans get made, Replies don't need decoding.

你的生活不会总感觉像在拼命维持多个盘子不落地。

Your life doesn't necessarily feel like you're spinning plates just to stay afloat.

你会感到稳定，而不需要不断去修复或照料状况，不会感到精疲力尽或极度压力。

You feel steady without constantly needing to be fixing things or tending to the situation, feeling burnt out, feeling awfully, terribly stressed.

你知道，当某件事不合适时，你确实能感受到。

You know, when it isn't a fit, like, do feel that.

充斥着大量的说服、自我辩解，以及‘如果我们试试这个、那个、另一个呢？’这类能量。

There's lots of persuading, lots of justifying, lots of what if we just try this or this or this kind of energy.

这是一种非常绝望的感觉，我们不喜欢这种感觉。

And it's a very desperate feeling, which we don't like.

我们不喜欢有这样的感受。

We don't like feeling that.

再给你一个比喻，把它想象成一个拼图块。

To give you another metaphor like think of it as like a jigsaw piece.

错误的决定，或者我们过度依恋但并不合适的事物，就像试图把一个错误的拼图块强行塞进一幅已经完成的画中。

The wrong decision, something that we're overly attached to that isn't right is like trying to force the wrong jigsaw puzzle piece into a picture that's already been made.

你只剩最后一块拼图了，你太累了、太疲惫了，以为这最后一两块拼图终于对得上，但就是不行。

You have one piece left and you're so tired, you're so exhausted, you think that this last piece is going to be this last couple pieces are going to be right and it just it's not working.

你越压越用力，甚至剪掉一个角，但你一眼就能看出它根本对不上，你始终知道它是错的，整个画面都因此扭曲了。

You press harder, you cut off a corner and you can just visually see it doesn't fit and you will always know that it's wrong and the whole picture becomes warped around it.

它看起来就是不对劲，我认为人际关系和目标也是如此。

It just doesn't look okay and I think relationships and goals act in the same way.

如果只有在你自我缩小、过度解释、承担80%负担时才勉强合适，那你就是在强迫它。

If it only fits when you're shrinking, overexplaining, carrying 80% of the load, you're forcing it.