371. 成功心理学

这是iHeart播客。

This is an iHeart podcast.

百分百真人制作。

Guaranteed Human.

嗨，凯尔。

Hi, Kyle.

你能帮我起草一份简单的商业计划书吗？就一页，用Google文档，然后把链接发给我？

Could you draw up a quick document with the basic business plan, just one page, as a Google Doc, and send me the link?

谢谢。

Thanks.

嘿。

Hey.

刚给你把那份一页纸的商业计划书弄好了。

Just finished drawing up that quick one page business plan for you.

这是链接。

Here's the link.

但根本没有链接。

But there was no link.

根本没有商业计划。

There was no business plan.

我还没来得及编程让Kyle具备这个能力。

I hadn't programmed Kyle to be able to do that yet.

我是埃文·拉蒂夫，今天带来一个关于人工智能时代创业的故事。

I'm Evan Ratliff here with a story of entrepreneurship in the AI age.

请听我尝试用虚构的人来建立一家真实的初创公司。

Listen as I attempt to build a real startup run by fake people.

请在iHeartRadio应用或您收听播客的任何平台收听我的播客《壳牌游戏》第二季。

Check out the second season of my podcast, Shell Game, on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

大家好。

Hello, everybody.

我是杰玛·斯派克，欢迎回到《二十岁的心理学》，这档播客我们将探讨二十岁人生中最重要的变化、时刻与转折，以及它们对心理的影响。

I'm Gemma Spike, and welcome back to the psychology of your twenties, the podcast where we talk through the biggest changes, moments, and transitions of our twenties and what they mean for our psychology.

大家好。

Hello, everybody.

欢迎回到节目。

Welcome back to the show.

欢迎回到播客。

Welcome back to the podcast.

很高兴你再次回来收听这一期节目。

It is so great to have you here back for another episode.

在今天的节目中，为了迎接新年，以及我们许多人可能对2026年抱有的抱负，我们将探讨成功，特别是成功背后那复杂而引人入胜的心理学。

In today's episode, in honor of the New Year and, you know, the ambitions a lot of us probably hold for 2026, we are gonna be taking a look at success, specifically the very intricate, fascinating psychology behind success.

事实上，我之前一直回避这个话题。

Now this is a topic that I've actually I've shied away from this for a little while.

有时候我感觉谈论这个话题有点别扭。

I feel a little bit weird talking about it sometimes.

我总觉得公开谈论成功和抱负会让我显得肤浅、自大或傲慢，比如当我承认自己对成功的渴望，或承认追求成功背后的心理机制时。

I feel weird talking about success and ambition so outwardly, and I often have this assumption that it's gonna make me appear shallow or egotistical or arrogant, you know, if I were to acknowledge my own desire for success or acknowledge what it means to work for success, the psychology of it.

但事实上，我逐渐意识到，成功是一种强烈的人类欲望，并且与许多其他重要的人类欲望紧密相连。

But the fact is, what I've come to realize is being successful is is a huge human desire, and it's intertwined with a lot of other major human desires.

我们对奋斗的需求，对目标的需求。

Our need to strive, our need for purpose.

但这并不意味着每个人的成功的模样都相同。

And that doesn't mean everyone's version of success is gonna look the same.

我的成功可能和你的不同。

Mine might be different to yours.

但无论它是什么，推动我们追求雄心、渴望为自己争取更多东西的心理机制都如此引人入胜。

But whatever it is, the psychology behind what pushes us to be ambitious and to want more for ourselves is so intriguing.

而这正是我今天想要深入剖析的内容。

And that is exactly what I wanna break down today.

什么定义了成功？

What defines success?

是什么因素让某些人成功，而另一些人却未能成功？

What maybe determines success in some people and not in others?

那么，我们该如何运用心理学呢？

And, essentially, how can we use the psychology?

我们如何利用这些原则和研究，清晰地定义属于自己的成功版本，以及那些能让我们更接近成功的言行和习惯？

How can we use the principles and the research to be super clear on our own version of success and the behaviors, the habits, the actions that might get us closer to that.

所以我对这一集非常期待。

So I'm excited for this episode.

这一集虽然简短，却包含了大量研究内容。

There is a lot of research packed into this short episode.

让我们开始吧。

Let's get into it.

首先，我想谈谈我们所说的‘成功’这个概念到底意味着什么，再深入拆解一下，因为不出所料，它并没有我们想象的那么简单。

Firstly, I wanna talk about what we actually mean by this concept of success, just breaking it down a little bit further because surprise, surprise, it is not as straightforward as we may assume.

成功基本上有两种类型。

There are basically two versions of success.

一种是客观成功，另一种是主观成功。

There's objective success, and there is subjective success.

客观成功是可见的账本，是他人无需了解你这个人就能验证的部分。

Objective success is the visible ledger, the part that, I guess, other people can verify without having to know you as a person.

薪资数额、职位头衔、学位、荣誉、畅销书榜单、杂志封面。

The salary figure, the job title, the degree, accolades, bestseller list, magazine covers.

这些都是我们可以看见、计数、比较的，并且常常通过钦佩、尊重、名声等方式加以奖励。

It's something that we can see, count, compare, and often reward through admiration, respect, fame, those kinds of things.

把客观标志看作是一种社会货币，它们不仅传递价值，也传递其他东西。

Think of objective markers as, I guess, social currency that signal value, but also signal something else.

天赋、努力、热情、动力。

Talent, maybe hard work, passion, motivation.

它们本质上为我们提供了一种心理捷径。

They essentially offer what we call a mental heuristic.

我们假设那些拥有成功、在客观账本上有成就的人，必定还具备某种特殊的内在特质，正是这种特质让他们取得成功，无论这是否真实。

We assume someone who has success, someone who has things on the objective ledger that makes them successful must therefore contain another thing about themselves, a special secret trait that has gotten them there, whether that is true or not.

因此，这些标志确实具有明显的视觉作用。

So those markers definitely serve a visual purpose.

它们总体上是有作用的。

They serve a purpose in general.

但仅凭客观成功，并不必然带来满足感，除非你所取得的成就和所做的事情背后，还附着了一些更深层的情感和精神层面的东西。

But by themselves, you know, objective success doesn't necessarily mean fulfillment unless there is something more emotional and spiritual attached to, you know, what you have achieved and what you have done.

我认识一些登上《福布斯》30位30岁以下精英榜的人，他们拥有数百万美元的生意，做了了不起的事情。

I know people who have been on the Forbes 30 under 30 list, who have multimillion dollar businesses, who have done incredible things.

他们之前就上过这个播客，表面上看非常成功，但私下里却向我透露，他们其实非常痛苦，因为他们只有客观成功，却忽略了成功的另一面——主观成功。

They have been on this podcast before, and, outwardly, they appear very successful, but have revealed, you know, privately to me how miserable they are because they have objective success without also accounting for the second side of it, subjective success.

所以，主观成功关注的是你对自己生活的真实感受，而不受外表或荣誉的影响。

So subjective success focuses on how you truly feel about and within your life regardless of, I guess, appearances or accolades.

因此，如果你想体验主观成功，它包含几个层面。

So subjective success, if you want to experience it, has a couple of layers.

第一个是享乐型幸福感。

The first is hedonic well-being.

也就是说，对你当下心理状态的短期评估，或者我们此刻感到有多快乐。

So basically, the short term evaluation of your state of mind or how happy we feel in the moment.

你可能拥有大量的客观成功，但由于太过忙碌，却几乎没有日常的愉悦感。

You can have a lot of objective success, but experience very little day to day pleasure because you are really busy.

你已经精疲力尽了。

You are really burnt out.

你感到孤独，也不快乐。

You are lonely, and you are unhappy.

因此，必须具备一定程度的享乐幸福感，以及德性幸福感。

So there has to be a level of hedonic well-being, and then also eudaimonic well-being.

这是一种更深层的感知，即你的生活与你的价值观和潜能相一致。

This is the deeper sense that your life is aligned with your values, aligned with your potential.

你作为人类的拓展状态。

You expansive state as a human being.

这种成功要素并非可有可无。

This element of success is not it's not optional.

对吧？

Right?

要拥有成功的人生，你的生活也必须包含你的目标。

To have a successful life, your life also has to have your goals.

你的成就必须具有个人意义。

Your achievements have to have personal significance.

是的，赞誉可能是其中的一部分，但关键在于，它们绝不能是全部。

And, yes, accolades may be a part of that, but crucially, they cannot be all of it.

而现在，我们大多数人被训练去优化成功的客观指标，只是希望主观层面能自然而然地得到解决。

And now most of us have been trained to optimize the objective metrics of success and just kinda hope the subjective side kinda takes care of that care of itself.

比如，我们只是希望它会自然成形，我们会爱上那些带给我们金钱的事情。

Like, we kind of just hope that it will fall into place and, like, we'll fall in love with the thing that brings us money.

我们会爱上那些带给我们赞美和钦佩的事情，但这种方式很少奏效。

We'll fall in love with the thing that brings us praise and admiration, but it rarely works that way.

一项又一项研究发现，成功的客观指标与更高的幸福感并无关联。

Study after study finds that objective metrics of success don't correlate to greater well-being.

真正起作用的是主观指标。

It's the subjective ones that do.

比如，金钱可能会让你稍微快乐一点，但只到某种程度为止。

So money, for example, may make you slightly happier, but only up to a point.

你知道吗？你可能听说过那项著名的研究，认为10万美元是一个阈值，超过这个数额后，更多的钱实际上并不会提升你的幸福感。

You know, you may have heard about this famous study that a 100,000 is, like, the threshold where any more money after that won't actually help your well-being.

我觉得现在这难道不疯狂吗？

I think nowadays isn't this crazy?

新的数字变成了25万美元。

Like, the new figure is 250,000.

成就和荣誉也是如此。

The same goes with achievements and accolades.

我总是想到那些著名的人，他们拥有格莱美奖、奥斯卡奖、EGOT大奖等等。

You know, I always think about these people who, like, famous people who have Grammys and and Oscars and EGOTs and whatever it is.

这些成就究竟是如何让他们成为真正快乐的人的呢？

And how is that the thing that actually has made them a happy individual?

这真的是最重要的东西吗？

Is that the thing that really matters?

我认为他们中的很多人会说，大概不会。

And I I I think a lot of them would say, probably not.

对他们来说，重要的是人际关系，是精进技艺，是创造力。

The thing that mattered to them was relationships, was getting to fine tune a craft, was creativity.

而不管你自己的核心是什么，如果这一部分缺失了，你也会感到不完整。

And, you know, whatever that is for you, if that element is incomplete, you will be as well.

所以，如果你想成功，就必须兼顾客观成功和主观成功。

So if you wanna be successful, you have to have the combination of objective and subjective success.

你必须能够超越外在表现或他人眼中的意义，真正关心这个目标。

And you have to be able to care about the goal beyond the visuals or what it means for others.

现在，我们可以进一步理解这一点。

Now this is how we can understand this further.

我们可以借助一种名为自我决定理论的东西来更深入地理解。

We can understand this further using something known as self determination theory.

这是心理学中最著名的理论之一。

This is one of the most famous psychological theories there is.

对不起，我那些学心理学的学生们。

I am sorry to my psychology students out there.

我知道你们听腻了这个话题，但这个问题必须被讨论。

I know you are sick of hearing about this, but it has to be talked about.

它最早在20世纪80年代被提出，自我决定理论的基本原则是，作为人类，当我们满足三种基本心理需求时，才能更好地运作并取得成功。

It was first proposed in the nineteen eighties, and the basic principle of SDT is basically that as humans, we function best we find success when three basic psychological needs are met.

自主性、胜任感和归属感。

Autonomy, competence, and relatedness.

当这三者都得到实现时，成功也随之而来，而且这个过程相当有规律。

When each of these is achieved, success is also achieved, and it's quite formulaic.

但这并不一定简单。

It's not necessarily simple.

让我们来逐一分析这些要素。

So let's break down these components.

首先是自主性。

The first is autonomy.

如果你想成功，你的目标一开始就必须是属于你自己的。

If you wanna be successful, your goals have to be yours to begin with.

它们不是强加给你的东西，也不是你感到压力才去做的事。

They're not something that was put onto you, something that you feel pressured to do.

你必须真正发自内心地热爱这件事。

There has to be a genuine, independent love for the thing.

一个简单的检验方法是：把你现在任何一项主要目标——任何你觉得能让你成功的事情——拿来，帮我完成这句话。

A simple way to test this is to take any major goal you have right now, anything that you think will make you successful, and finish this sentence for me.

我选择这个，是因为我自愿去做它。

I chose this because I choose to do this.

我选择追求这个，是因为……然后回答这个问题。

I choose to pursue this because and then answer that question.

如果答案以‘因为’结尾，比如‘因为这看起来很体面’，‘因为父母期望我这么做’，‘因为我想证明别人错了’，‘因为我应该’，那就说明你的动机是被外界驱动的。

If it ends with because it will look impressive, because my parents expect it, because I wanna prove people wrong, because I should, That is a sign that your motive is being driven from the outside.

我理解，有时候当你真的想在某个领域达到某个位置时，可能不得不跨越一些障碍，而这些障碍并不立即符合你对成功的期待。

And I get I get I get that sometimes when you really truly wanna get to a certain position in whatever area that is, there may be certain hurdles you have to jump through that don't immediately align with what you want success to feel like.

你知道，有时候你努力工作是因为你需要给他人留下深刻印象才能达到目标，或者因为你需要一定的金钱来实现自己的梦想。

You know, sometimes you do hard work because you do need to impress people to get to where you wanna go, or because you do need a certain amount of money to pursue a dream of yours.

但归根结底，你所设想的长远结果，为什么这个特定的结果会触动你呢？

But at the end of the day, the outcome you envision way down the line, why does that specific outcome strike a nerve for you?

如果你想成功，你必须知道原因，并且对此有清晰的认识。

If you want to be successful, you have to know why and you have to be clear on that.

所以，这个公式中的下一步是能力。

So the next part of the formula is competence.

能力就是感受到自己在进步，尤其是在你重视的事情上。

Competence is the feeling of getting better at something that matters to you.

就是当你意识到：天啊，以前需要一小时才能完成的事，现在只要十五分钟了。

It is the moment that you notice, oh my god, this thing that used to take me an hour now only takes me fifteen minutes.

或者，哇，我这部小说的第三稿终于开始表达出我想说的内容了，或者，我能跑完那段曾经觉得不可能的距离了。

Or like, wow, like my third draft of this novel is really starting to say what I wanted to say or like, I can run that distance I used to think was impossible.

这本质上就是挑战与技能的交汇点。

It's basically the intersection of challenge and skill.

我们称之为恰到好处的区域。

We call it the Goldilocks zone.

你需要专注于一项任务或目标，它不能太简单，以至于你容易分心或觉得无聊，但也不能太难，让你因恐惧而瘫痪，不知下一步该做什么。

You need to be focused on a task or a goal that's not so easy that you might drift away or find it boring, but not so hard that you are paralyzed by fear and don't know what your next step might be.

这也被称为心流状态，在这种状态下，你会感到与自己的目标完全一致。

It's also what we might call the flow state, where you just feel aligned with your goal.

你感觉它并不太难。

You feel that it's it's not too difficult.

你全身心投入其中。

You're engaged in it.

你渴望学习。

You're wanting to learn.

你渴望向前推进。

You're wanting to push forward.

要知道，要取得成功，你还必须追求能力的提升。

You know, to achieve success, you need to also be pursuing competence.

你需要给你的大脑设定一个目标，一些可以提升的事情。

You need to be giving your brain a target, something to get better at.

这是这个世界上成功异类的另一个关键特征。

This is another defining feature of successful outliers in this world.

他们没有模糊的抱负。

They do not have vague ambitions.

他们给大脑设定具体的目标。

They give their brain something specific.

他们给自己的思想、灵魂和身体，设定具体的方向去努力。

They give their mind, their soul, their body, something specific to work towards.

他们不会只是说，我想更有创造力，或者我想发财。

You know, they don't just say, I wanna be more creative, or I wanna get rich.

我想变得健康。

I wanna get in shape.

他们拥有一个具体的目标，可以以此追踪自己的努力。

They have a specific vision that they can track their effort towards.

然后他们会调整自己的努力。

And they then amend their efforts.

他们在过程中不断进步。

They get better through the process.

他们还感受到一种由能力驱动的、对目标的个人动力。

They also feel a personal sense of drive towards that thing that is being fueled by competence.

现在，这个方程式的最后一个要素，也就是关于什么使人成功、使人感到成功的理论，是归属感。

Now the final element to this equation, to this theory of what makes somebody successful, what makes somebody feel successful, is relatedness.

这是通过追求目标而与他人建立归属感或联系的能力。

This is the ability to experience a sense of belonging or connection with other people through the pursuit of your goal.

这是仪表盘上的数字与真正充满人性的工作之间的区别。

It is the difference between numbers on a dashboard and work that feels really human.

一项最近的加拿大研究对超过5000人进行了调查，验证了多年来一直被提及的发现。

A recent Canadian study looking at over 5,000 people replicated a finding that has been spoken about for years.

最快乐、最成功的人，那些说自己人生成功的人，他们共同的特征是拥有良好、持久且有意义的人际关系，即使我们控制了金钱和荣誉的影响。

The happiest people, the most successful people, the people who say I've had a successful life, the thing that they all have in common is good, long term, meaningful relationships even when we hold you know, even when we control for money and for accolades.

如果你想成功，就不能孤立地行事。

If you wanna be successful, you cannot operate in isolation.

你不能忽视人际关系。

You cannot skimp on relationships.

再看看你的目标。

Look at your goals again.

看看你生活中真正想要的是什么，然后问一问，谁会从中受益。

Look at what you want want in your life and ask who actually benefits from this.

如果你说不出除了你自己之外的任何一个人，你的成功就永远不会有真正的深度。

If you can't name a single person other than yourself, your success is never going to feel it's never gonna have any depth to it.

你总会感到匮乏。

You're always gonna feel lacking.

这是一种奇妙的平衡。

It's this strange balance.

对吧？

Right?

内在动机要求我们首先深深关心自己，并因为真正热爱而追求某件事。

Intrinsic motivation requires us to care deeply for ourselves first and to pursue something because we genuinely love it.

但归属感要求我们不能只关心自己。

But relatedness asks for that not to be the only thing that you care about.

那种平衡点，那种刀锋般的临界点，正是成功人士所处的位置。

That kind of point of balance, that like knife's edge is where successful people live.

至少理论是这么说的。

At least that's that's what the theory says.

我能想到一些人并不一定这么做，但理论就是这么说的。

I can think of a few people who aren't necessarily doing that, but that's what the theory says.

他们不仅考虑自己，还考虑这会如何帮助或影响他人。

They think not just about themselves, but how it's going to help or impact others.

好的。

Okay.

现在让我们转向成功人士所具备的、符合这一模式的具体习惯。

Let's now turn towards the specific habits of successful people that fall into this formula.

那些我们钦佩的成功、聪明的人在做些什么，而我们却没有做？

What are successful, smart people, the people we admire doing that we are not doing?

我们该如何借鉴他们的经验，将其应用到自己的生活中，找到属于自己的成功方式？

And how can we take what they know and implement it in our own lives to find our own version of success.

接下来我们将讨论这个问题。

That is what we're gonna talk about next.

敬请关注。

Stay tuned.

嗨，凯尔。

Hi, Kyle.

你能帮我起草一份简单的商业计划书吗？就一页纸，用谷歌文档，然后把链接发给我？

Could you draw up a quick document with the basic business plan, just one page, as a Google Doc and send me the link?

谢谢。

Thanks.

嘿，我刚给你把那份一页纸的商业计划书做完了。

Hey, just finished drawing up that quick one page business plan for you.

这是链接。

Here's the link.

但根本没有链接。

But there was no link.

根本没有商业计划。

There was no business plan.

这不怪他。

It's not his fault.

我还没让凯尔具备完成这个任务的能力。

I hadn't programmed Kyle to be able to do that yet.

我叫埃文·拉蒂夫。

My name is Evan Ratliff.

在听了OpenAI首席执行官萨姆·阿尔特曼的许多类似言论后，我决定创建我的AI联合创始人凯尔。

I decided to create Kyle, my AI cofounder, after hearing a lot of stuff like this from OpenAI CEO Sam Altman.

有一个关于第一年出现单人十亿美元公司的赌局，而如果没有AI，这简直是难以想象的，而且

There's this betting pool for the first year that there's a one person billion dollar company, which would have been, like, unimaginable without AI, and

现在它将会发生。

now it will happen.

我开始想，我能不能成为那个人？

I got to thinking, could

我能成为那个人吗？

I be that one person?

我之前为我获奖的播客《Shell Game》制作过AI代理。

I'd made AI agents before for my award winning podcast, Shell Game.

在《Shell Game》这一季中，我试图用虚假的人来打造一家拥有真实产品的真正公司。

This season on Shell Game, I'm trying to build a real company with a real product run by fake people.

嘿，Evan。

Oh, hey, Evan.

很高兴你

Good to have

加入我们。

you join us.

我找到了一些关于AI代理在中小型企业中采用率的非常有趣的数据。

I found some really interesting data on adoption rates for AI agents in small to medium businesses.

在iHeartRadio应用或你收听播客的任何平台收听《Shell Game》。

Listen to Shell Game on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

成功人士的那些习惯，反复出现在研究中，说实话有点无聊。

The habits of successful people that show up again and again in the research are honestly kind of boring.

它们相当简单。

They're kind of simple.

我敢说，这正是它们有效的原因。

Dare I say that is why they work.

现在我要做一个简短的说明。

Now a quick caveat here.

我必须承认，有些理论认为，这些习惯——我们接下来要讨论的这些内容——可能只占成功的20%左右。

I have to acknowledge that there are some theories out there that habits, these things we're gonna talk about may only account for, like, 20% of success.

你可能做了所有这些事，但依然找不到你想要的东西。

You could do all of these things and maybe still not find what you're looking for.

另外20%是天赋，而决定一个人成功的方程式中剩余的部分，只是运气以及其所处的环境和背景。

Another 20% is raw talent, but the final remainder of the equation of of what makes somebody successful is just luck and its circumstances and its context.

这是关于这个问题的一种理论。

That is what one one theory is on this.

而且有一本非常著名的书谈到了这个理论。

And there is a very famous book on this.

这本书叫《异类》，作者是马尔科姆·格拉德威尔，书中探讨了这一理论。

It's called Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell that discusses this theory.

他的论点基本上是：成功并不在于你有多聪明。

And his argument basically is that success isn't about how smart you are.

也不在于你有多努力。

It isn't about how hardworking you are.

而在于你来自哪里、出生在何处、谁帮助了你，以及你所处的系统。

It's about where you come from, where you're born, who helps you, and the systems that you're embedded in.

比如比尔·盖茨，我不知道你是否知道，他之所以能早期接触到电脑，纯粹是因为他的高中是美国为数不多的几所拥有电脑的高中之一。

You know, for example, Bill Gates, I don't know if you know this, but he had early access to computers purely because his high school was one of, like, three or four high schools in The United States with computers.

所以在其他人还没接触这些设备之前，他就已经积累了数千小时的练习时间。

So way before anybody else had access to these machines, he had thousands of hours of practice before anyone else started.

而且，他出生于1955年。

And, you know, he was also born in 1955.

他成年之际，正好赶上个人电脑革命的开端。

Like, he reached adulthood just as, like, the personal computer revolution was beginning.

而像1980年出生的人，就没有这样的优势。

Somebody who was born in 1980, like, didn't have that advantage.

成功很大程度上是运气，但我并不觉得这令人沮丧，因为我真心相信，我们每个人都有自己独特的天赋。

Success is a whole lot of luck, but I don't find that discouraging because I truly believe all of us have a special talent for something.

我们每个人都有那么一点比别人更了解的东西，或者像比尔·盖茨那样有过早期经历，可以将其转化为非凡的成就。

All of us have something we know just a little bit more about than others or have had early experiences with like Bill Gates that we can take and make into something amazing.

要想成功，你需要运气。

You need luck to be successful.

是的。

Yes.

但你也同样需要习惯。

But you equally need habits.

你需要百分之百的投入。

You need the full 100%.

如果你忽略了行为和行动，即使有利条件再多，你也无法达成目标。

You know, if you leave out the behaviors and the actions, you won't reach a goal no matter how much is stacked in your favor.

想想比尔·盖茨吧。

You know, think about Bill Gates.

是的。

Yes.

他拥有所有这些绝佳的优势。

He had all these great things.

许多成功人士都具备这些早期优势，但他们也可能对此毫无作为。

A lot of people who have success have all these early advantages, but they could have also just done nothing with it.

你拥有一些优势，但只有在你付诸行动时，才会意识到它们的存在。

You have advantages that you don't know about yet until you act on them.

尽管有人认为习惯并不重要，但它们绝对至关重要。

So as much as there is a theory that habits don't matter, they 100% do.

它们才是真正推动人们突破界限的关键。

They are the thing that really pushes people over the line.

有鉴于此，心理学和研究指出，成功人士具备以下五个突出的习惯。

With that in mind, here are the five standout ones that the psychology and the research says that successful people have.

第一，成功人士经常失败，失败已融入他们的创造性过程和追求之中。

Number one, successful people fail a lot, and failure is inbuilt into their creative and their into their creative process and their pursuit.

我们通常只看到完美的庆祝照片、奖项和奖牌。

You know, we often only see the perfect celebration photos, the awards, the medals.

你看不到那些失败的作业、从未得到回复的邮件、以及泡汤的梦幻交易。

You don't see failed assignments, emails that never got a response, dream deals that fell through.

这是每个成功人士的现实。

This is the reality of every successful peep every successful person.

我本来想说很多。

I was gonna say many.

这是每个人的常态。

It's every.

现实地讲，为实现目标或梦想而投入的大部分时间，都花在了无数次重复同一想法的尝试上，而这些尝试往往无法完全成型，或根本无法达成目标。

Realistically, the majority of the time spent working towards a goal or a dream is spent on countless iterations of the same idea, which never come out fully developed or countless attempts that just don't hit a target.

问问你钦佩的任何人。

Ask any person you admire.

他们都有这样的故事：有人告诉他们，这毫无意义。

They all have a story of someone who said someone who told them, like, you know, it's pointless.

你所做的事情毫无意义。

What you're doing is pointless.

你会失败的。

You're gonna fail.

这是个糟糕透顶的主意。

That's a really bad idea.

每一个人都有类似的故事。

Literally every single person has that story.

我最喜欢的例子是梅丽尔·斯特里普。

My favorite one is Meryl Streep.

你知道吗，她当年试镜《金刚》时，导演用意大利语说她丑，却不知道她会说意大利语，结果她没拿到这个角色。

You know you know when she auditioned for King Kong, the director called her ugly in Italian, not knowing that she spoke Italian, and she didn't get the part.

就是那位真正的梅丽尔·斯特里普，那位《穿普拉达的女王》里的米兰达·普里斯特利，那位传奇人物，她曾被拒绝，从任何角度来看，她都失败了。

Like, the literal Meryl Streep, Miranda Priestley, the icon, she was rejected For all for all intents and purposes, like, she failed.

所以当你失败、被拒绝时，你就和她站在了同一阵营。

And so when you fail, when you are rejected, that puts you on the same camp as her.

这意味着你离梦想又近了一步失败。

That puts you one more failure closer to your dream.

关键是，如果她当时在第一个门槛就放弃了，她就不会成为如今的成功人士，也不会成为今天的她。

And the thing is, if she'd stopped at that first plateau or that first hurdle, she wouldn't be the success she is now, and she wouldn't have become what she is.

拥有韧性与对抗失败的能力，是每个成功人士共有的性格特质，也是一种你可以培养和强化的习惯。

Having a resilience and a resistance to failure is a personality attribute that every successful person has in common, and it's also a habit that you can, you know, strengthen in yourself.

其次，成功人士懂得沉默耕耘的价值，不让外界的干扰打断他们的创作过程或思维过程。

Secondly, successful people know the value of working in silence such that outward forces don't interrupt their creative process or their their thought process.

我认为我们生活在一个先分享、后行动的文化中。

I think we live in a little bit of, like, a share first act later culture.

但心理学家注意到一个有趣的现象：当你在付诸行动之前向别人讲述你的目标或梦想时，往往会让你觉得不再有动力去真正实现它们。

But there is this curious thing psychologists noticed about that, which is that when you tell people about your goals or about your dreams before you have acted on them, often that can mean that you essentially don't feel the need to go through with it anymore.

我在《少做多得》那一集里讨论过这个问题。

I talked about this in, Your Year for Doing Less and Achieving More in that episode.

但本质上，向别人透露你的目标，是在象征你是一个怎样的人，这就意味着你暂时不需要真的去实现这些目标。

But essentially, telling people your goals symbolizes the kind of person you are, which means that you don't have to act on those goals in the meantime.

我们得到了想要的认可。

We get the recognition that we want.

我们仅仅通过谈论自己想做的事，而不需要真正去做，就感受到了自己正在成为理想中的那个人。

We get the sense that we are acting out the person we wanna be by simply talking about what we wanna do without actually doing it.

当然，并不是所有人都会这样行事。

Now, obviously, some people don't operate this way.

有时候，公开承认目标反而能激励你更加努力，因为你感到自己必须达到某种标准或兑现某种承诺。

Sometimes public acknowledgment can help you work harder when you feel like there is a standard you need to reach or a promise you need to fulfill.

有时候，人们宣布目标是为了承担责任，这样他们更有可能坚持下去。

And and sometimes people announce their goals as a way of accountability, so they're more likely to follow through.

然而，坚持执行至关重要。

The follow through, though, has to be crucial.

你必须能够在没有赞美、没有认可、没有关注的情况下，去行动并实现你的目标。

You know, you have to be able to act on your goals and work on them without praise, without recognition, without visibility.

我只是觉得，能够默默工作，会让你和你的抱负之间变得更加亲密，如果这说得通的话。

I just think that the ability to work silently makes you and your ambitions more intimate with each other, if that makes sense.

因为你不公开做这些事，所以对犯错的恐惧也更少。

Like, you have less fear around making mistakes because you're not doing them publicly.

在早期阶段，你有更多空间去尝试，因为任何成功故事的关键部分，归根结底，都是最初的失败和最初的风险。

You have more room for experimentation early on, is like, you know, the the crucial part of any success story is, again, the failure at the beginning, the risk at the beginning.

你可以成长，而无需将尴尬投射到自己的努力上，也不会因为有人在看着而感到难堪——这种感觉可能会让你根本不敢开始。

You you get to grow without projecting embarrassment onto your efforts, without feeling embarrassed because people are watching, which can stop you from doing anything in the first place.

所以，总会有一个时候去分享，不妨从那些成功且令人钦佩的人身上学学，先让你的努力成熟起来。

So there will be time to share, take a take a slip out of the successful admirable people's books and just let your work mature first.

第三，成功人士通常遵循二八法则。

Thirdly, successful individuals typically follow the eighty twenty rule.

这也被称为帕累托原则，基本意思是80%的结果来自20%的原因或行动。

This is also known as the Pareto principle, which basically says that 80% of consequences come from 20% of causes or actions.

换句话说，你所做的很小一部分、你采取的很小一部分行动，却创造了大部分成果。

Fancy way of saying a small part of what you do, a small part of how you act creates most of the results.

如果你像我一样是个完美主义者，你可能会不喜欢听到这一点。

Now if you're a perfectionist like myself, you may hate to hear this.

我们有一种习惯，就是 obsessively 地纠结于每一个细节的100%。

We have this habit of, like, obsessing over 100% of every single detail.

但事实上，许多成功人士会做出取舍，他们只是满足要求，而不是追求完美。

But in reality, a lot of successful people make sacrifices, and they just satisfy requirements rather than perfecting them.

他们故意把事情做到足够好。

They make things good enough on purpose.

不是马虎，也不是糟糕，而是足够好。

Not sloppy, not bad, but good enough.

他们明白，过度纠结于那些别人可能根本不会在意的细节是有代价的。

They understand the cost of obsessing over details that other people may not even appreciate.

这20%才是他们的关注重点。

The 20% is their focus.

他们知道，正是在这部分上投入精力，才能对最终结果产生最大的影响。

That is where they know they will see the most impact on the end result.

在实践中，这意味着在开始之前就要先选择并保护好那些最具杠杆效应的部分。

And in practice, that looks like choosing and and protecting the highest leverage pieces before you start.

如果是写论文，重点是主要论点和结构，而不是同义词和排版间距。

If that's an essay, it is the main argument and structure and structure, not the synonyms and and the spacing.

如果是备考，重点是高收益知识点和提取练习，而不是反复高亮每一行文字。

If it is studying for an exam, it is the high yield concepts and your retrieval practice not rehighlighting every single paragraph.

如果是电影或剧本，重点是那些真实、复杂又酷炫的角色。

If it is, I don't know, a movie or a movie script, it is the relatable, intricate, cool character.

而不是那些人们根本不会在意的微小细节。

Not again, not like the small minute things that people are gonna flip over.

不是你的剧本结构或它在页面上的视觉呈现方式。

Not how your your script is structured or how it looks visually on a page.

决定你的愿景成立所必须满足的条件，找出那三到四个关键要素，并让它们驱动你的努力。

Decide what must be true for your vision to work, what are the crucial three, four elements that need to be great, and let that drive your effort.

这也意味着提前明确你心中的‘完成’是什么样子，以及它对你意味着什么，然后尊重这个完成的界限。

This also means deciding ahead of time what done will look like for you and what that will mean for you, and then respect that finished boundary.

我什么时候才会觉得可以将这个项目或这个愿望公之于众？

When will I be okay with, you know, putting this project or putting this desire out into the world?

我什么时候才会让它被看见？

When will I let it be seen?

我内心是否有一部分如此害怕评判或尴尬，以至于无论我为此投入多少努力，我都永远不会让它公之于众，因为我害怕？

Is there a part of me that's just so afraid of judgment or embarrassment that no matter how much work I do on this, I will never allow it to be visible because I'm afraid?

你必须找到一种方法，也绕过这种深层的恐惧。

You have to find a way to also circumvent that deep fear as well.

问问自己：这已经足够好了吗？多花一小时真的会改变结果，还是只是安抚你的焦虑？多花一个月真的能提升你的目标或让你更成功，还是说，这仅仅是一种自我保护的形式？

Check-in with yourself on whether this is good enough, whether the extra hour will actually change the outcome or just soothe your anxiety, whether the extra month will actually improve upon your goal or make you more successful or whether, again, it's just a form of self protection.

我认为这不仅能帮助你避免因额外劳动和精神疲劳而耗尽精力，还能让你更现实地判断哪些对你的目标有益，哪些是多余的，从而更明智地安排你的时间。

And I think this allows you not only to avoid burnout through additional labor and mental fatigue, but also, you know, be realistic about what's beneficial and what's superfluous to your goals, and prioritize your time in a way that it's gonna be spent well and better.

这一切中的老生常谈，这个具体建议的陈词滥调，其实就是聪明地工作，而不是更努力地工作。

The cliche throughout this all, the cliche of this specific tip is basically working smarter, not harder.

成功的人就是这样做的。

That is what successful people do.

我们已经讲到第四个建议了，而这个是我最喜欢的。

We are up to our fourth tip, and this one is actually this one's my favorite.

这是我最依赖的建议。

This is the one that I rely on the most.

这是我最喜爱的习惯，那就是成功的人学会享受艰苦的工作。

It's my favorite habit of all, and that is that successful people learn how to enjoy hard work.

这里有一个狡猾的超能力，可能学校从没教过你。

Here is this, like, the sneaky superpower nobody probably taught you in school.

你实际上可以训练你的大脑，让艰苦的工作和努力本身变得令人愉悦。

You can actually condition your brain to find hard work and effort rewarding in its own right.

罗伯特·艾森伯格称这个概念为‘习得的勤奋’。

Robert Eisenberger, he called this concept learnt industriousness.

它基本上意味着，当你的努力反复带来有意义的回报时，努力本身就会开始变得美好，甚至有趣和愉快。

It basically means that when your effort repeatedly leads to a meaningful reward, the effort itself begins to feel good, maybe even fun and enjoyable.

而这种回报，关键在于，不需要是外部的。

And that reward, crucially, doesn't need to be external.

它不需要是客观的成功。

It doesn't need to be objective success.

它不需要是外部的赞扬、金钱、名声或任何其他东西。

It doesn't need to be external praise or money or fame or whatever.

它完全可以是享受、满足、进步或能力感，就像我们之前提到的那样。

It can just be enjoyment, satisfaction, progress, or competence like we spoke about before.

基本上，要爱上变得更好的感觉，专注于过程中你真正享受且觉得浪漫的部分。

Basically, fall in love with what it feels like to get better and focus on the parts of the process that you really enjoy and that you find romantic.

习得的勤奋，对我来说，其实就是把艰苦工作浪漫化，直到工作不再觉得艰苦。

Learned industriousness, like, is basically just for me romanticizing hard work until the work doesn't feel hard.

例如，当我上大学时，我变得擅长学习的方式是，我非常享受并浪漫化了深夜在图书馆的学习时光。

When I was at university, for example, I the way I got good at studying is that I really enjoyed and I romanticized late nights at the library.

我知道，这让我爱上了这个过程和艰苦的努力，因为其中有一些次要的满足感。

It know, it made me fall in love with the process and and with the hard work because there was some, like, secondary satisfaction in it.

所以我很少在中午之前学习。

So I rarely studied before midday.

也很少在下午五点前学习，因为我只是喜欢那种感觉，哦。

Rarely studied before 5PM because I just found that that sensation of like, oh.

这几乎就像一种叙事：努力工作，尤其是在夜晚，夜色深沉，充满诗意。

It was almost like the narrative around, like, working hard and working hard at night, and it's dark and, like, it's whimsical.

不是诗意。

Not whimsical.

而是浪漫的，有种说不清的学术氛围。

It's like, it's romantic and it's like, I don't know, academic.

这种感觉让我体验到了习得的勤奋。

Like, that allowed me to experience learned industriousness.

工作本身是我爱上的东西。

The work itself was something I fell in love with.

你可能在工作中苦苦挣扎，试图解决一个问题，但当你终于找到答案时，会有一种巨大的解脱感，这样下次你就更能耐心，更愿意去应对下一个难题。

It might be that you're really struggling to, you know, figure out a problem at work, and when you finally figure it out, there is this huge sense of relief so that next time, you know, you feel more patient, you feel more willing to tackle the next difficult problem.

也许你可以改变环境，比如去WeWork或者共享办公空间，感受周围其他努力工作的人所带来的浪漫与灵感。

It might feel like changing your environment so that, you know, going to a WeWork, going to, like, a a coworking space so you feel the romance and, like, the inspiration of being around other people who are working hard.

你可以为自己必须跨越的障碍设定奖励，比如你必须完成的某些任务，爱上突破极限的感觉，然后让这种极限成为你的新起点。

It may be setting up rewards for certain hurdles you know you have to cross, certain things you know you have to do, falling in love with reaching your limit, and then that becoming your new base point.

我知道这听起来非常抽象，有点不切实际。

And I know that sounds very cerebral and very, like, up in the air.

但你需要学会去追逐这种感觉，因为无论你身处何地、在做什么、目标是什么，总会有那么一刻，事情会变得枯燥、艰难，你看不到成果，诸如此类。

It's a feeling that you need to learn how to chase, though, because, like, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, whatever your goal is, like, there's gonna become a point where it's just gonna suck, and it's gonna be hard, and you're not gonna see results, and blah blah blah.

总会有那么一个低谷期，你再也看不到任何成果。

Like, there is always gonna be the dip where you're not seeing outcomes anymore.

所以当你无法依赖成果来强化自己的行为时，就让行为本身来强化自己，因为你从内在享受这个过程。

So when you cannot rely on the outcomes to reinforce your behavior, rely on the behavior to reinforce your behavior because you enjoy it just intrinsically.

当你能掌握这一点，能感受到它时，我真心相信，你可以实现、做到、成为任何你想成为的人。

Like, when you can hack that, when you can feel that, like, I genuinely believe, like, you can achieve, do, be, literally anything you wanna be.

好的。

Okay.

我们再休息一小会儿。

We're gonna take one more teeny tiny break.

回来后，我会分享第五个技巧。

And then when we return, I have tip number five.

此外，还会给你一些非常简单但重要的建议，教你如何在目标和梦想中融入主观成功。

Plus just, like, some very simple advice for you, but important advice on how to include subjective success in your ambitions and in your dreams.

请继续关注我们。

So stay with us.

嗨，凯尔。

Hi, Kyle.

你能帮我起草一份简单的商业计划书吗？就一页，用谷歌文档，然后把链接发给我？

Could you draw up a quick document with the basic business plan, just one page, as a Google Doc, and send me the link?

谢谢。

Thanks.

嘿，我刚给你画好了那份一页纸的商业计划。

Hey, just finished drawing up that quick one page business plan for you.

这是链接。

Here's the link.

但根本没有链接。

But there was no link.

根本没有商业计划。

There was no business plan.

这不怪他。

It's not his fault.

我还没给凯尔编程实现这个功能。

I hadn't programmed Kyle to be able to do that yet.

我叫埃德蒙·拉特利夫。

My name is Edmund Ratliff.