我不在这里管理他人的情绪

这里是iHeart播客。

This is an iHeart podcast.

我是斯蒂芬妮·比阿特丽兹，演员兼沃尔玛Plus会员。我以低得多的价格享受与Prime相同的大额优惠，比如免费当日达、加油折扣，还包含视频流媒体服务，全年仅需98美元。所以如果你喜欢钱，特别是省钱，你或许该换成这个更便宜的会员——沃尔玛Plus。没想到吧？

I'm Stephanie Beatriz, actor and Walmart plus member. I get the same big benefits as Prime for a whole lot less, like free same day delivery, gas savings, plus a video streaming choice included, all for only $98 a year. So if you like money, specifically your money and saving it, you might wanna switch to the membership that costs less. Walmart Plus. Who knew?

立即转换立省开支。Prime年费139美元 vs 沃尔玛Plus年费98美元。沃尔玛Plus最低配送金额35美元，Prime最低25美元。每九十天需观看含广告的流媒体服务一次。

Switch and save today. $139 Prime annual fee versus $98 Walmart Plus annual fee. $35 minimum delivery with Walmart Plus. $25 minimum delivery with Prime. One streaming service with ads every ninety days.

需额外注册。适用条款与条件。

Additional registration required. Terms and conditions apply.

亲爱的听众朋友们，你们都知道，我们对自己和身体运作机制了解得越多，就越能掌控人生。这在性健康和无保护性行为后的应对措施上同样适用。这时就需要Plan B紧急避孕药——无年龄限制的事后避孕方案，能在怀孕发生前进行预防。

Hello, my lovely listeners. By now, you know, the more knowledge we have about ourselves and the way our bodies work, the more empowered and in control we are. And this is also true when it comes to our sexual health and what to do after unprotected sex. That's where plan B comes in. It's emergency contraception with no age requirement that helps prevent pregnancy before it starts.

由于它仅通过暂时延迟排卵发挥作用，不会影响未来的受孕能力。我们喜欢这种让我们掌握主动权的备用方案，因为知识就是力量。了解更多请访问planb1step.com（面向用户指引）

And because it works by only temporarily delaying ovulation, it won't impact your ability to get pregnant in the future. We love a backup plan that puts us in control because the more we know, the more power we have. Learn more at planb1step.com users directed.

当达美航空派遣四位创作者环游世界，探索旅行的真正力量时会发生什么？

What happens when Delta Airlines sends four creators around the world to find out what is the true power of travel?

正是这些有意识的小时刻。对吧？

It's these small moments of intention. Right?

不仅仅是把人带到某个地方或目的地。它是将人与人、其他文化联系起来，最终形成无法复制的体验。

Not just people to places and destinations. It's connecting people to other people, other cultures, and ultimately experiences that can't be replicated.

在本期由达美航空呈现的《二十几岁的心理学》特别节目中，了解更多关于旅行如何支持健康的资讯。飞得更好，活得更好。在您收听播客的任何地方均可收听。

Find out more about how travel can support well-being on this special episode of the psychology of your twenties presented by Delta. Fly and live better. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.

你现在可能没怎么考虑保险，但让我们现实一点。生活充满变数，这就是为什么拥有合适的保险很重要。Aflac明白这一点。如果你生病或受伤，Aflac可以支付现金，帮助支付健康保险不涵盖的费用，无论是共付额、免赔额，甚至是杂货或房租等非医疗开支。

You might not be thinking much about insurance right now, but let's get real for a second. Life can be unpredictable, and that's why having the right insurance coverage matters. Aflac understands this. If you're sick or injured, Aflac can pay cash to help with expenses health insurance doesn't cover. Whether that be co pays, deductibles, even non medical expenses like groceries or rent.

把它想象成一个财务安全网，在你最需要的时候提供帮助，让你能更专注于恢复最佳生活状态。了解更多，请立即访问aflac.com。我觉得如果没有那双百搭且永恒的完美靴子，衣橱就不算完整。在Sam Edelman，你可以找到那双完美靴子，这里融合了永恒的美式优雅与现代设计。他们不仅拥有提升每一套衣橱的经典款式，Sam Edelman最畅销的靴子现在还有宽筒和超宽筒尺寸，让每位女性都能在不牺牲风格的情况下找到完美合脚的靴子。

Think of it as a financial safety net that's there to help when you need it most so that you can focus more on getting back to living your best life. To learn more, visit aflac.com today. I feel like it can't be full unless you have that staple perfect pair of boots that are timeless and work with every outfit. You can find that perfect boot with Sam Edelman, where timeless American elegance meets modern design. Not only do they have those classic styles that elevate every single wardrobe, Sam Edelman's best selling boots are now available in wide and extra wide calf sizes so every woman can find her perfect fit without compromising style.

立即在samedelman.com探索完整系列，使用代码psych15可享15%折扣。嗨，我是Gemma，今天非常兴奋能与大家分享一期特别加更。实际上这是我另一个播客《Mantra》的一集，我觉得它与《二十几岁的心理学》是绝佳搭配。如果你还没听过《Mantra》，每周我都会介绍一个新的咒语，一个简单但充满力量的短语，然后我会解析它的含义，不仅是对我个人的意义，还包括

Explore the full full collection now at samedelman.com and get 15% off with code psych 15. Hi. It's Gemma, and I'm so excited to share a special bonus episode with you today. It's actually an episode of my other podcast, Mantra, which I feel like is such a great companion to the psychology of your twenties. If you haven't listened to Mantra before, each week, I basically introduce a new mantra, a simple but empowering phrase, and then I unpack what it means, what it means to me personally, but also what

它在集体层面上的意义。

it means on a collective level.

此外，我会分享日记提示、小贴士，当然还有心理策略，帮助你将这些箴言付诸实践。今天与大家分享的这期节目，是我个人最爱的主题之一——‘我不负责管理他人的情绪’。我认为这是我们生活中都可以更多融入的理念。这绝对是我需要的一个提醒。所以非常期待大家能收听并探索这期内容。

Plus, I share journal prompts, tips, and, of course, psychological strategies to help you take each mantra and put it into action in your life. The episode I'm sharing with you today is one of my favorites for the mantra, I am not here to manage other people's emotions. I think this is something we could all incorporate a little bit more into our lives. It's definitely a reminder that I needed. So I'm so excited for you guys to listen to it and to check it out.

如果你喜欢所听到的内容，请务必在Apple Podcasts、Spotify或你使用的任何平台关注《箴言》播客。我也会在节目备注中添加《箴言》的链接方便你查找。祝收听愉快。我完全被这句箴言迷住了，对它爱不释手。

And if you like what you hear, make sure to follow Mantra on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you are listening. I'll also include a link to Mantra in the episode notes so you can easily find it. Happy listening. I am so enthralled by this mantra. I am in love with it.

这正是我本周个人非常需要的一句话。首先让我解释一下‘管理他人情绪’可能的表现形式。有些人可能无需我多言，你们每天都在经历。但为了明确讨论范畴，我想稍微揭开帷幕，做些具体描述。

It is the one I personally really needed this week. Let me begin by explaining what it may look like to manage other people's emotions. Some of you probably don't need me to tell you. You feel it every day. But just to make it super clear what we're talking about here, I wanna give a little bit of a peek behind the curtain, a little bit of a description.

管理他人情绪，并非指为他人感到难过，也不是共情或表达善意。而是当我们把调节他人内心状态的责任当作自己的来承担，常常以牺牲自我情绪为代价。当他人悲伤、愤怒、失望或只是心情不佳时，我们会本能地调整自己的行为、情绪、语气甚至信念来安抚或取悦对方。

Managing other people's emotions, it's not feeling bad for someone. It's not having empathy. It's not expressing kindness. It's when we take on the responsibility of regulating someone else's internal state as if it were our own, often at the expense of our own emotions. It's when someone else is sad, angry, disappointed, or even just in a bad mood, and we instinctively adjust our behavior, our mood, our tone, or even our beliefs to soothe or appease them.

所以这不仅仅是关心他人的感受——这种自然的人类情感非常可贵，值得提倡。问题在于试图控制他人的感受，相信只要说对话、解决问题、足够体贴、逗乐他们、保持他们冷静，一切就会变好。

So it's not just about caring how someone else feels. That's a very great natural human feeling. And it should be promoted. It's basically trying to then control how they feel. Believing that if we just say the right thing, if we fix the problem, if we're attentive enough, if we cheer them up, if we keep them calm, then everything is gonna be okay.

这已经超越了情绪觉察，属于情绪过度补偿。表现形式多种多样：可能是过度解释自己以防他人不快；可能是如履薄冰，不断预判自己的言行会如何被误解；

So it's beyond emotional awareness. It's emotional overcompensating. This looks like a lot of different things. It might look like overexplaining yourself to prevent someone from getting upset. It might feel like walking on eggshells or constantly anticipating how your words or your actions might be misinterpreted.

可能意味着搁置自己的需求和真实想法以避免触发他人。也可能表现为：当你参加自己的重要活动时，却持续关注别人的感受，不断监测他们的情绪确保他们没事、玩得开心、没有不高兴，以至于你自己根本无法享受当下。关键特征在于‘所有权’——你常常不自觉地认为他们的情绪反应是你应该背负的重担，是你有责任解决的问题。

It might mean putting your needs, your truth on hold to avoid setting someone off. It might also look like, you know, being at an important event for yourself and constantly thinking about how someone else is feeling. Constantly monitoring their emotions to make sure they're okay, they're having fun, they're not upset to the point where you just can't even enjoy yourself anymore. The defining feature here is ownership. You believe often unconsciously that their emotional response is your burden to carry and your job to fix.

我认为不言而喻，这会让人精疲力竭，因为它使你长期处于高度警觉的状态。你的神经系统会在对方情绪失控前就开始预判，从而导致你自己也失去平衡。你可能会发现自己为没做过的事情感到内疚，或为那些根本无力阻止的问题承担责任。更甚的是，这种习惯实际上会削弱周围人的能力，因为它假定没有你的干预他们就无法管理自己的情绪。有时候，我们实际上是在把别人当孩子对待。

I think it goes without saying this can be incredibly draining because it places you in a constant state of hypervigilance. Your nervous system starts to anticipate their dysregulation before it happens, therefore, dysregulating you. You might catch yourself feeling guilty for things you didn't do or feeling responsible for problems you, like, literally couldn't have prevented. And what's more, this habit can actually disempower the people around you because it assumes that they can't manage their emotions without your intervention. Sometimes what we're really doing is treating someone like a child.

这就好比我们把自己放在了父母的位置上。尽管对方是成年人，他们可以经历困难，可以承受困难，可以从这些困难中学习并且依然安然无恙。我们往往在非常年幼、非常早期就形成了这样的信念——调节他人情绪是我们的责任，这是童年 conditioning（条件反射）的结果。

It's like we're putting ourselves in the position of a parent. Even though they're an adult, they can experience hard things. They can endure hard things. They can learn from those hard things and still be okay. We often develop the belief that it is our responsibility to regulate others' emotions very, very young, very, very early on because of conditioning in childhood.

很多人成长的环境里，情绪表达——尤其是愤怒、悲伤或沮丧等负面情绪——不仅难以预测，有时甚至是不安全的。当照顾者的情绪决定了整个家庭的氛围时，孩子们就学会了快速扫描情绪变化并预先管理它们，以维持安全感。在这种情况下，孩子通常会内化一种非常扭曲的控制感，基本上就是：只要我能让他们开心，一切都会好起来。

People, many of us, grew up in environments where emotional expressions, especially negative ones like anger, sadness, or frustration, they were not just unpredictable. Sometimes they were unsafe. When a caregiver's mood dictated the tone of the household, children learn to scan rapidly for emotional shifts and preemptively manage them in order to maintain a sense of safety. In such cases, you know, a child often internalizes a very distorted sense of control. Basically, along the lines of, if I can keep them happy, everything will be okay.

随着时间的推移，这演变成一种根深蒂固的信念——别人的情绪是他们个人的责任。这种 conditioning（条件反射）后来常常表现为——请听好——讨好型人格。很多人不知道，讨好行为实际上是一种应对机制，植根于对被拒绝和反对的恐惧。讨好者往往在情感上过度付出，不仅是为了被喜欢（这只是其中一部分），更是为了避免他人负面反应带来的不适。

Over time, this morphs into a very deeply ingrained belief that other people's emotions are their personal responsibility. This conditioning often manifests itself later as drum roll, please. People pleasing. People pleasing, a lot of people don't know this is actually It's a coping mechanism rooted in a fear of rejection and rooted in a fear of disapproval. People pleasers often overextend themselves emotionally, not just to be liked, that's only one component of this, but to avoid the discomfort of someone else's negative reactions.

根据心理学家 Harriet Braiker（《取悦病》作者）的观点，这种行为源于对外部认可的渴望，以及一种潜意识信念——一个人的价值取决于是否随和、迁就，最重要的是避免冲突。当别人生气时，讨好者不仅仅是不想看到这种情绪，他们会吸收这种情绪，并认为即使与自己完全无关，也有责任去解决它。这种自我强加的责任感令人疲惫不堪。

According to psychologist Harriet b Breaker, she's the author of The Disease To Please. This behavior stems from a need for external validation and also a subconscious belief that one's worth is tied to being agreeable, accommodating, and most importantly, conflict free. When someone gets upset, the people pleaser, it's not just that they don't wanna witness the emotion. It's that they absorb it and they believe it's their duty to fix it even when they have absolutely no part in causing it. This self imposed kind of responsibility becomes exhausting.

这往往还会强化一种隐藏的自我忽视循环。让我们谈谈性别因素——在管理他人情绪方面，性别社会化无疑使这种模式更加复杂。尤其是女性，通常被培养成照顾者，不仅要照顾他人，还要照顾他们的情绪。她们甚至被潜移默化地鼓励要善解人意、 nurturing（ nurturing），对他人的需求非常敏感。

It often reinforces as well a cycle of hidden self neglect. Let's talk about gender. Sort of gender when it comes to managing other people's emotions because gender socialization definitely complicates this pattern. Women in particular are often raised to be caretakers, not just of others, but of their emotions. They are encouraged even subliminally to be empathetic, nurturing, to be very sensitive to other people's needs.

而男孩通常被教导要压抑情绪或独立处理情绪。在这种情况下，双方都是输家。结果就是，许多女性在成长过程中接受了一种隐形课程，教导她们的工作就是平息事态、调节紧张关系。

Boys, on the other hand, are typically taught to suppress emotions or to handle them independently. Both people lose in this situation. Both genders are losing. As a result, many women grow up with kind of an invisible curriculum that teaches them their job is to smooth things over. It is to regulate tension.

它的作用是作为一种情感支持系统。我认为这种不成比例的期望并非与生俱来，我们并非天生如此。这绝对是文化塑造的，并导致心理学等领域所称的'情感劳动'现象——其中一人成为指定的情绪处理者和问题解决者，尤其在亲密关系中，以牺牲自身心理和情感健康为代价。他们在支撑他人情绪、保护他人感受方面承担了更多劳动。

It's to serve as kind of emotional support systems. I think this disproportionate expectation, it's not an innate thing. We're not born with it. It's definitely cultural, and it's led to a phenomenon known in psychology and beyond as emotional labor, where one person becomes the designated feeler, the designated fixer, especially in relationships at the cost of them own mental and emotional well-being. They do more labor when it comes to holding up other people's feelings and protecting their feelings.

究其本质，认为我们需要为他人情绪负责的信念，往往反映出健康情感界限的缺失。这通常由创伤塑造，由未被满足的需求塑造，由过往经历塑造，也由潜意识中的同伴影响塑造。

Think at its core, believing we are responsible for other people's emotions sometimes reflects a lack of healthy emotional boundaries. And this is often shaped by trauma. It's shaped by unmet needs. It's shaped by the past. It's shaped by subconscious peers.

从心理学角度看，这种信念模糊了'情感纠缠'与'共情'的界限。共情很棒，它让我们能感同身受，从他人视角看问题并保持同理心。而情感纠缠却会让我们陷入替他人感受的困境。

From a psychological standpoint, this belief really blurs the lines between what we call enmeshment and empathy. Empathy is great. Empathy allows us to feel with someone else. It allows us to see things from their perspective and be compassionate. Enmeshment, on the other hand, traps us in feeling for them.

在情感纠缠中，我们难以分辨他们的情绪何时结束，我们的情绪何时开始。这对人际关系也极具破坏性，这点不言而喻。对我们而言，管理他人情绪可能像是一种奉献，像是牺牲与善意。

It becomes hard to differentiate with enmeshment when their emotions end and ours begin. This is also very costly to our relationships. I think that goes without saying. To us, managing other people's emotions might feel like devotion. It might feel like sacrifice and kindness.

这些都是我们被教导在关系中应该展现的宝贵品质。但爱并不要求我们成为情感减震器。真正的亲密无法在一方持续管理另一方的关系中茁壮成长。最终他们会感到怨恨与耗竭，并默默哀悼这段关系中缺失的东西。

All things we were taught are very valuable to display in a relationship. But love doesn't require us to be emotional shock absorbers. Real intimacy doesn't thrive in a relationship where one person is always managing the other person. And so they end up feeling resentful and burnt out. And they end up feeling kind of like a bit of a quiet grief for what they're missing out on in a relationship.

讽刺的是，我认为这也阻碍了真正的亲密，因为你们都知道——真实连接不是建立在情感表演上，不是建立在完美无缺上，而是建立在深刻的诚实、亲密、艰难时刻、自主性以及相互认可之上。双方都能带着各自的问题坦诚相对，共同梳理，而非由一方全盘接管。

Ironically, I think it also stunts genuine closeness because you guys know this true connection isn't built on emotional performance. It's not built on perfection. It's built on real deep honesty and intimacy and hard moments and autonomy, but also on mutual recognition. Both people are able to come to the table with their baggage and you sort through it together rather than just one person taking over. Listen.

我想说这并非你冷酷无情，恰恰相反。也不是说你不能帮助他人度过困境或糟糕的一天。我想强调的是，当这成为你唯一且最重要的责任时，就可能造成伤害。在保持自我完整性的前提下为他人情绪留出空间，首先要明白共情与自我抛弃是两回事。真正的共情——我们真正推崇的那种——意味着陪伴他人经历他们的情感体验。

I wanna say it's not that you're being cruel, quite the opposite. And it's not like you can't help someone with what they're going through or help them with a bad day. What I'm saying is when this becomes your biggest and only priority, it can become harmful. Holding space for someone else's emotions without shrinking ourselves really starts with understanding that empathy and self abandonment are not the same thing. True empathy, the kind we really wanna celebrate, means being with someone in their emotional experience.

不是吸收它，不是修复它，不是让自己变得渺小以便他们能好受些。而是说，我看到了。我看到你了。我听到你了。我在这里。

Not absorbing it, not fixing it, not making yourself small so they can be okay. It means saying, I see this. I see you. I hear you. I'm here.

而不是说，我会把这一切都带走。不是把他们的痛苦当作你个人的牺牲来承担。这需要情感界限。它要求你有能力关心而不背负，只是倾听。仅仅倾听并保持在场。

Without saying, I'm gonna take this all away. Without taking their pain on you as your own personal sacrifice. This requires emotional boundaries. It requires the ability to care without carrying and just to listen. Just listen and be present.

其中的一个关键部分是在支持他人时检查自己的神经系统状态。因为常常本能地想要立即介入并解决一切，然后看到自己的神经系统和压力反应飙升。所以真的要问问自己，我是否脚踏实地？我感到安全吗？此刻我是否忽视了自己的需求或价值观？

A key part of this is also just checking in with your nervous system when you're supporting others. Because often it is an instinct to jump right in and then wanna fix everything, and then to see your own nervous system and your own stress response spike. So really ask yourself, am I grounded? Do I feel safe? Am I abandoning my own needs or values in this moment?

这是否让我如此不安，以至于无法享受自己的经历？如果答案是肯定的，这表明你可能过度延伸和过度补偿。所以在那些时刻，请提醒自己，他们的感受完全有效，但它们也不是我需要去修复的。这个人完全有能力在我的帮助下管理他们自己的情绪。我不需要去修复它。

Is this upsetting me such that I can't enjoy my own experiences? If the answer is yes, it's a sign you may be overextending and overcompensating. So in those moments, please remind yourself their feelings are totally valid, but they are also not mine to fix. This person is fully capable of managing their own emotions with my help. I don't need to fix it.

我只需要和他们在一起。这也意味着练习诚实的沟通，我知道这对我们这些回避冲突的人来说可能非常困难。我个人在这方面真的很挣扎。我不想搅局。我不想让事情变得更困难，所以我干脆完全忽视它。

I just need to be there with them. It also means practicing honest communication, which I know can be so hard for those of us who are conflict averse. I personally really struggle with this. I don't wanna stir the pot. I don't wanna make things more difficult, so I just ignore it altogether.

但有一些短语你可以练习，可以加入你的词汇表，它们真的能帮到你。你可以说，我真的很想在这里支持你，但我需要一点时间来喘口气。或者我在乎你的感受，想支持你，但我不想在这个过程中迷失自己。这种情感上的诚实，真的很脆弱。很难，但它也设定了一个强有力的基调和界限。

But there are some phrases that you can practice, you can bring into your vocabulary that can really help you out. You can say things like, I really wanna be here for you, but I also need a moment to catch my breath. Or I care about how you're feeling and I wanna support you, but I don't wanna lose myself in the process. This kind of emotional honesty, it's really vulnerable. It's hard, but it also sets a powerful tone and boundary.

我爱你，但我不会为你牺牲自己。事实上，我认为这也会让你们之间的纽带更加牢固。如果他们习惯于一直向你索取，这是你在向他们要求一些东西。它平衡了游戏场地。还有，我知道这样做会感觉很奇怪，但有时你只需要让他们生气，然后看着那种情绪。

I love you, but I'm not gonna murder myself for you. In fact, I think it also makes the bond between you stronger. If they're used to asking you for things all the time, this is you asking them for something. It levels out the playing field. Also, and I know it's gonna feel strange doing this, but sometimes you just have to let them be angry and just to watch that feeling.

让他们疲惫吧。让他们饥饿吧。让他们犯错，然后让他们学会自助。如果有人真的不懂得自我调节，你继续让他们依赖你，对他们并无益处。你以为是在帮忙，但如果他们确实缺乏这些能力，你其实是在伤害他们。

And let them be tired. Let them be hungry. Let them make mistakes, and then let them help themselves. If someone truly doesn't know how to self regulate, you're not helping them any further by keeping them dependent on you. You think you're helping, you are hurting them if they genuinely don't have the skills to do this.

我认为这句箴言真正邀请我们做的，是审视我们如何将他人情绪状态的责任内化为己任。并质疑：这份责任真的永远属于我们吗？这不是冷漠，而是认识到我们在他人内心世界中的角色有限。我们无法进入他们的大脑，拨动不同的开关。

I think what this mantra really invites us to do is just to examine the ways that we've internalized responsibility for other people's emotional states. And just to question, is that responsibility ever truly ours? It's not about indifference. It's about recognizing the limits of our role in someone else's inner world. We can't get into their brain and switch on different switches.

有时我们只能从外部观察正在发生的事。好了，我们将短暂休息一下。但之后，我会与大家分享这如何体现在我的生活中，尤其是最近——我的领悟、挣扎之处，以及仍在探索的问题。请继续关注。

We have to just sometimes view what's going on from the outside. Okay. We are gonna take a short little break. But afterwards, I'm gonna share with you all how this has shown up in my own life, especially recently, what I've learned, where I've struggled, what I'm still figuring out. Stay with us.

好的。

Okay.

既然我们已经探讨了今日箴言背后的含义——‘我无需为他人情绪负责’，现在该与各位深入交流，分享我个人对这个观点的见解与反思。我最容易为他人情绪感到负责的场合是在大型群体活动中。相信很多人都有同感——当我邀请人们来家里做客、与闺蜜们外出旅行，或与一大群人聚会时，我总觉得必须确保每个人都玩得开心。

Now that we've looked at the meaning behind today's mantra, I'm not here to manage other people's emotions. It's time to get personal with you guys and share some of my own insights and reflections about this phrase. The place and the spaces where I feel most responsible for other people's emotions is in big group situations. And I'm sure a lot of you can relate to this. When I have invited people to my house, when I'm away on a trip with my girlfriends, when I'm hanging out with a big group of people, I always feel like I have to make sure everyone is having fun.

每个人都需尽兴。不能有任何人感到被冷落、无聊或任何负面情绪。若真有人如此，那简直糟透了——作为主人我失职了，作为朋友我失败了。

Everyone is enjoying themselves. Not a single person can feel left out or feel bored or feel any sort of bad feeling. And if they do, like, that is terrible. I have failed as a host. I've failed as a friend.

我不记得何时学会这样做的，只知道自己一直如此。从很小的时候，我就将不适、冲突这些所谓的负面情绪视为威胁，尤其是当别人产生这些情绪时。我以为他们的感受反映了我当下营造的情感环境。但我没意识到的是：人们会带着各种情感包袱进入某个情境——日常的烦心事、过去的种种经历都会影响他们。

I don't really know when I first learned to do this. I just kind of know that I always have. Since I was very young, I think I saw discomfort, conflicts, so called negative emotions as kind of a threat, especially if someone else was feeling them. I thought that how they were feeling was a reflection of the emotional environment I was creating in that moment. What that doesn't recognize is that people are gonna come into a situation with all kinds of emotional baggage, all kinds of stuff that's annoyed them and frustrated them from their day, all kind of stuff from their past.

我觉得有时候当我们试图调节他人情绪时，我们会有种类似上帝情结的错觉，仿佛自己在这个人生活中如此重要，以至于我们能比其他所有因素更能改变他们的感受——这显然不真实。我一直在思考最初是从哪里学会这样做的，经过深入反思，我认为就我而言，这与身为长女的身份有关。作为长女，我相信很多同为长女的你们会有共鸣，这种身份常常会加剧管理他人情绪的压力。因为从小，我们很多人就被赋予了情感支柱、照料者、第三家长的角色。无论是被明确要求还是默默期待，我们往往是那个平息冲突的人。

I feel like sometimes when we try to regulate other people's emotions, we kind of have this, like, somewhat god complex that we are that significant in this person's life, that we could change their feelings more than the combination of everything else that's going on with them, which is not true. I was talking about where I first learned to do this, and I do think upon further reflection, probably in my case, it has to do with being an eldest daughter. Being an eldest daughter, I'm sure a lot of you eldest daughters relate, it often really intensifies the pressure to manage other people's emotions. Because from an early age, a lot of us are cast into the role of emotional anchor, caretaker, third parent. Whether explicitly or kind of asked or silently expected, we are often the ones who smooth over conflict.

我们照顾年幼的弟妹，支持不堪重负的父母，有时甚至为整个家庭设定情感基调。所以这不仅关乎责任感，更是一种无形的劳动——那种许多女性从事却常被忽视的情感和关系维系工作，它深刻塑造了我们作为长女的自我认知，使得照料者角色成为了我们身份的一部分。

We look after younger siblings. We support overwhelmed parents. And sometimes we do set the emotional tone for the household. So it's not just about a sense of responsibility. It's about invisible labor, a form of you know, emotional and relational work that a lot of women do that often goes unnoticed, but really shapes how we as eldest daughters come to see ourselves, that this role as caretaker is part of our identity.

所有人和事都必须和谐幸福。正如我所说，这种早期的情感照料确实成为了我们身份的一部分。我们学会在他人意识到自身需求前就预先满足。有时我们甚至可能从中获得些许满足——我知道这听起来很奇怪——但我们可能会陶醉于自己如此'有用'的事实，沉醉于自己如此'情感敏锐'的特质，因为这也是这个角色的一部分。

Everything and everyone must be happy, safe together. This early emotional caregiving thing, as I said, does become part of our identity. We learn to anticipate the needs of others before their own needs even register. Sometimes we might actually enjoy it a little bit. I know this is gonna sound strange, but we might really kind of revel in the fact that we are so helpful and revel in the fact that we are so emotionally aware because that's another component of this.

那些觉得自己必须管理他人情绪的人，往往拥有超乎寻常的情商和情感洞察力。这看似是优点——因为它确实是——像是值得赞美的品质。因此很难分辨这种特质何时会变得有害。如果我们从小到大只被教导将这视为值得颂扬的优点，要认识到其负面影响就非常困难，因为这相当于承认我们身份认同中存在着某些缺陷。

People who feel like they have to manage other people's emotions are often incredibly emotionally intelligent and incredibly emotionally perceptive. That feels like a good thing because it is. That feels like a positive attribute and a positive quality. So it's hard to disentangle where that quality becomes quite negative and dangerous. Because if we've only grown up or taught ourselves to see this as a positive trait and as something that should be celebrated, recognizing the downsides of this is very hard because it means recognizing that perhaps not that we have flaws, but there are some downsides to our identity.

成年后，许多长女或类似角色的人会发现自己在友谊或亲密关系中不断重复扮演相同的角色：调解者、和事佬、治疗师。到某个阶段，并非出于自愿，而是因为这已成为本能。因为对他们而言，爱就意味着付出更多、承担更多、消化更多、管理更多。随着年龄增长，这种模式的后果愈发明显。

As adults as well, a lot of eldest daughters, a lot of people who fill this position may find themselves in friendships or romantic relationships where, again, they just keep replaying and revising the same role. The role of fixer, peacemaker, therapist. At some point, not because they want to anymore, but because, again, it feels natural. Because love to them has meant doing more, being more, absorbing more, managing more. The consequences of this have become a lot more apparent the older I've become.

你们是否也有同感？我总在社交场合感到压力重重，享受的乐趣最少，有时甚至觉得自己是最不快乐的那个人。同时还会对那些本不该承受我怨气的人产生 resentment（怨恨）。

Tell me if you relate to these feelings. I feel like I always feel stressed in social situations. I have less fun. I always feel like I'm the person having the least fun sometimes. I also feel resentment towards people that don't deserve it.

是我自己将他们置于不得不依赖我的境地，是我试图掌控整个场合的情感基调，某种意义上这就是我的过错。部分原因还在于我回避那些本该说出口的话。同时我也是个极度敏感的人。

I'm the one who has put them in the position where they have been forced to kind of rely on me. I'm the one who has tried to control the emotional tone of the situation. It's my fault in a sense. Part of this also is that I avoid things that need to be said. I'm also a very sensitive person.

如果有人哪怕只是稍微有点不高兴或生气，我就会认为他们是在对我生气，这可能会让我非常崩溃。所以当有些话确实需要说出来、也确实能改善我们的友谊或关系时，我却选择不说。我宁愿保持高度警惕地观察他们的情绪反应，忍受这种较小的不适，也不愿引发全面冲突。过去几年我学到的是，回避冲突有时是情感不成熟的表现——因为你认为自己无法处理强烈情绪所以选择逃避。而且，99%到100%的情况下，这会让你们的关系更加恶化。

And if someone is even slightly upset or mad, I believe that they are upset or mad at me and that can be very devastating. So when there are things that actually need to be said and that would actually improve our friendship or our relationship, I just don't say them. I would prefer the lesser discomfort of being hypervigilant towards their emotional reactions than a full blown conflict. Something I've learned probably in the last couple of years is that avoiding conflict is a, sometimes a sign of emotional immaturity that you don't think you can handle big emotions so you avoid them. B, it's also 99 to 100% of the time going to make your relationship suffer more.

当你直接把事情摊开来说，比如表达'我对这件事感到不安'、'我害怕这个'或'我对此很生气'时，问题解决的速度会比你让情绪长期积压在胃里、脑子里、心里快得多。通常，过度关注他人情绪往往与回避冲突、不敢为自己发声以及忽视真实感受密切相关。

When you just put something out on the table or put something out into the open and say, I'm upset about this. I'm scared about this. I'm angry about this. You resolve it so much quicker than if you let it sit in your stomach, in your brain, in your heart, in your mind for so much longer. Often, managing other people's emotions also goes hand in hand with avoiding conflict and with avoiding speaking up for yourself and just reflecting on your truth.

以下是我尝试改变这种讨好型人格、过度责任感和情感负担的方式：首先，我试着觉察自己的行为。任何改变的第一步都是觉察。我一直在训练自己在产生冲动时暂停——比如当我想插话时，或是感到胸口发紧时。

So here is how I'm trying to change this people pleasing, sense of ownership, emotional responsibility. Firstly, I'm just trying to notice when I'm doing it. The first step in anything is awareness. I've really been training myself just to pause when I feel that urge to like jump in. To just like pause when I feel like that tension in my chest.

当我开始过度解释，或对他人可能产生的反应感到过分负责时，我会暂停并自问：我此刻的言行是出于对他们感受的恐惧，还是基于我的真实想法？这个人现在真的需要我的帮助吗？我试图通过帮助来向对方证明什么？这是共情吗？

To pause when I feel like I need to start over explaining or when I feel overly responsible for how someone might react. I just ask myself, am I speaking or am I acting out of fear of how they feel rather than what's true for me? Does this person actually need my help right now? What am I trying to prove or say to this person by trying to help them? Is it empathy?

还是情感纠缠？只要命名这种行为并告诉自己'我现在过度干预他们的情绪了，这不会有帮助'，就能帮我跳出那种'长女自动反应模式'。其次，我必须提醒自己：归根结底，我不认为自己的情绪是别人的责任，他们也不认为自己的情绪是我的责任。他们的情绪不需要我来修复。

Is it enmeshment? Just naming it and saying, I'm trying way too hard to manage their emotions right now, and this is not gonna be helpful, helps me step out of that autopilot kind of eldest daughter response. Secondly, I just have to remind myself at the end of the day, I don't see my emotions as anyone else's responsibility. They don't see their emotions as my responsibility. Their emotions are not mine to fix.

当别人情绪低落时，我总是急于冲过去安抚、解决问题、让他们好受些——其实是为了让自己不必承受那种不适感。我这么做本质上是为了自己。

When someone is upset, I wanna rush in. I wanna soften it. I wanna fix it. I wanna make them feel better so I don't have to sit with the discomfort. I'm actually doing it for me.

感到不适的人其实是我。但当我轻声告诉自己'我可以关心但不背负'，'这个人完全有能力自己处理'时，情况就不同了。如果我对自己说：'我能帮别人应对负面结果，但无法帮他们解决根源问题'...

I'm the one who is uncomfortable. But when I gently tell myself, I can care without carrying. This person is fully capable of managing this themselves. If I say to myself, I can help someone with the negative consequences. I can't help them with the cause or the origin.

那个微小的转变确实改变了一切。我也在尝试，也许并不总是成功，即使在不舒服的时候也要诚实地说出来。我不再试图管理他们的情绪反应，而是练习直接表达真实想法，不再为了照顾他们的感受而修饰或淡化。这可能听起来像是说：我知道这可能会让你失望，但我必须拒绝。或者我能看出你不高兴，但我相信你能以自己的方式处理。

That small shift really changes everything. I also am trying, perhaps not always successfully, just to speak honestly even when it's uncomfortable. Instead of managing their emotional responses, I'm trying and I'm practicing saying what I really mean without cushioning it or diluting it to protect their feelings. That might sound like saying, I know this may disappoint you, but I need to say no. Or I can see you're upset and I just trust that you can handle that in your own way.

我能看出你需要空间来思考这件事。我能看出你需要空间来处理。我会暂时走开让你自己消化。我不需要立即得到答案。这是尊重。

I can see you need space to think about this. I can see you need space to manage this. I'm going to just step away for a second and let you do that. I don't need the answer right now. It's respect.

我尊重他们。我尊重自己。这个过程的最后一步就是接受不适感的存在。接受尴尬的沉默，接受别人皱眉，接受有人明显对你生气。不要寻求安慰。

I respect them. I respect me. The final step to this process is just being okay with being uncomfortable. Being okay with awkward silences, with someone frowning, with someone obviously being upset at you. Don't chase reassurance.

不要收拾他们的反应。深呼吸。稳住自己。提醒自己：让他们感受自己的情绪并不是我的错。随着时间的推移，我注意到，当我停止掌控时，世界不会崩溃，我的关系也不会。

Don't clean up their reaction. Breathe. Ground yourself. Remind yourself, I'm not doing anything wrong by letting them feel what they feel. Over time, I've noticed, you know, the world doesn't fall apart when I stop managing it, and neither do my relationships.

它们反而变得更真实、更充实、更健康。我觉得我现在更深入地了解人们，因为我看到了他们以前可能被我回避或无意中掩盖的部分——为了我自己。这是一个难以真正认清的关于自我的残酷真相。

They have gotten more honest. They have gotten more fulfilling. They have gotten healthier. I feel like I know people on a deeper level now because I'm seeing parts of them that previously maybe I avoided seeing or maybe I kind of incidentally, like, covered up for my own sake. It's a hard truth to really recognize about yourself.

但一旦你做到了，就再也不会回头。而且你会意识到自己有多快乐，关系变得多么轻松自在。好了，既然我们已经拆解了这句箴言的真谛以及它在我生活中的体现，现在该看看如何在日常生活中付诸行动了。当然，我会分享一些日记提示。

But once you get there, there's no looking back. And also, you'll just realize how much happier you are, how much easier and lighter your relationships feel. Alright. Now that we've unpacked what this mantra really means and how it has shown up for me, it's time to look at what we can do to bring this idea into action in our day to day lives. I'm gonna share, of course, some journal prompts.

你们都知道我总会这么做，还有我们的每周挑战。所以，亲爱的听众们，请稍事休息后继续收听。

You guys know I will always do that, but also our weekly challenge. So please, my lovely listeners, stick around for more after this short break.

斯蒂芬妮·比阿特丽兹，演员兼沃尔玛Plus会员。今天，我面临一个非常艰难的决定：我该选择哪个视频流媒体服务？沃尔玛Plus让会员在派拉蒙Plus和孔雀平台之间做选择，这就像在问，你想要饼干还是布朗尼？超级力量还是隐身能力？

Stephanie Beatriz, actor and Walmart plus member. Today, I'm faced with a very tough decision. Which video streaming service do I want? Walmart Plus gives members a choice between Paramount Plus or Peacock, which is like asking, would you rather have cookies or brownies? Super strength or invisibility?

用手当脚还是用脚当手。我得好好考虑一下。沃尔玛Plus会员可免费选择视频流媒体服务。谁知道呢？每九十天可选择一项含广告的基础服务——孔雀高级版或派拉蒙Plus基础版。

Feet for hands or hands for feet. I'm gonna have to think about this. Walmart plus members choose their video streaming service at no extra cost. Who knew? Choose one ad supported service every ninety days, Peacock Premium or Paramount plus Essential.

需额外注册。条款与条件适用。

Additional registration required. Terms and conditions apply.

最近我一直被脑雾困扰，这让我很难集中注意力，尤其是在中午时分。你们也知道我不摄入咖啡因，所以这种时候不能靠喝咖啡提神。但我最近爱上了自然阳光公司的Brain Edge，它结合了手工采摘的马黛茶和强效益智成分，能提升专注力、记忆力和认知表现，且不会导致精力崩溃。这是一种纯净的植物动力冲饮，冷热皆宜。相当于你随时都能获得提升专注力、警觉性和记忆力的捷径。

I've been dealing with a lot of brain fog recently, and it has made it very difficult for me to concentrate, especially during the middle of the day. And you guys also know I don't drink caffeine, so I can't just reach for a coffee in those moments. But what I have been loving is Nature's Sunshine's Brain Edge, which combines hand harvested yerba mate with powerful nootropics to support focus, memory, and cognitive performance without the crash. It's a clean plant powered drink mix that you can enjoy hot or cold. So you basically have a shortcut to help you focus, to help with your alertness, to help with your memory and recall anytime.

我确实注意到自己思维更敏锐了，特别是在写剧本或录制需要持续投入的内容时。我也很欣赏自然阳光公司拥有近五十年经验，让我能放心食用他们的产品。别再与昏沉迟钝的感觉抗争了。用Brain Edge点燃你的心智表现吧。自然阳光公司现提供首单八折加免邮优惠。

I definitely have noticed that I feel sharper, especially when I'm writing scripts or recording things that need a lot of sustained energy. And I also love that Nature's Sunshine have almost fifty years of experience, so I can trust what I'm consuming. Don't fight through feeling foggy and lethargic. Ignite your mental performance with Brain Edge. Nature's Sunshine is offering 20% off your first order plus free shipping.

访问naturesunshine.com，结账时使用优惠码psych。记住是naturesunshine.com的优惠码psych。亲爱的听众们，你们都知道，我们对自己和身体运作机制了解得越多，就越能掌控人生。这个道理同样适用于性健康领域和无保护性行为后的应对措施。

Go to naturesunshine.com and use the code psych at checkout. That's code psych at naturesunshine.com. Hello, my lovely listeners. By now, you know, the more knowledge we have about ourselves and the way our bodies work, the more empowered and in control we are. And this is also true when it comes to our sexual health and what to do after unprotected sex.

这时就需要毓婷出场了。这种紧急避孕药没有年龄限制，能在怀孕发生前进行预防。由于它仅通过暂时延迟排卵发挥作用，不会影响未来的受孕能力。我们喜欢这种让我们掌握主动权的备用方案——因为知识越多，力量越大。登录planb1step.com了解更多信息（用户定向页面）。

That's where plan b comes in. It's emergency contraception with no age requirement that helps prevent pregnancy before it starts. And because it works by only temporarily delaying ovulation, it won't impact your ability to get pregnant in the future. We love a backup plan that puts us in control because the more we know, the more power we have. Learn more at planb1step.com users directed.

当达美航空派遣四位创作者环游世界时会发生什么？

What happens when Delta Air Lines sends four creators around

去探寻旅行的真正力量是什么？

the world to find out what is the true power of travel?

我认为这某种程度上帮助我找到了内心的平静。

I think it helped me sort of, like, get grounded.

我觉得我实现了一些童年梦想之类的东西。

I think I unlocked some, like, childhood dream.

将压力转化为兴奋。把那些经历中的感恩之心带入你的日常生活。

Turn my stress into excitement. Take that gratitude from those experiences into your daily life.

这就是为什么我联系了亨利·廷医生，他是达美的首席健康与福祉官，也是这次旅行实验背后的关键推动者。

That's why I connected with doctor Henry Ting, Delta's chief health and wellness officer and instrumental voice behind this travel experiment.

总的来说，旅行会带给你社交、文化、心理和情感上的扩展。

Traveling in general is gonna give you that social and cultural and psychological and emotional expansion.

是的。你知道，在达美航空，我们常说没有人能更好地连接世界。这种连接不仅仅是把人送到目的地，更是将人与人、不同文化以及最终那些无法复制的体验联系起来。

Yeah. You know, at Delta, we like to say no one better connects the world. It's connecting not just people to destinations. It's connecting people to other people, other cultures, and ultimately, experiences that can't really be replicated.

在本期由达美航空呈现的《二十几岁心理学》特别节目中，了解更多关于旅行如何支持身心健康的信息。飞得更好，活得更好。在您获取播客的任何地方收听。

Find out more about how travel can support well-being on this special episode of the psychology of your twenties presented by Delta. Fly and live better. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.

我觉得秋天总是带来一种崭新而美好的能量。也许是落叶纷飞，也许是新年的转折或新习惯的开始。我还知道，我秋季衣橱里必备的是一双永恒的靴子。Sam Edelman的新秋季系列以其完美融合的永恒风格与现代设计满足你的需求，让每个人都忍不住问：这鞋子哪儿买的？

I feel like fall always brings a really new beautiful energy to it. You know, maybe it's the leaves falling. Maybe it's like the turn into the new year or the new routines. I also know that the one item I need in my fall wardrobe is a timeless pair of boots. And the new fall collection from Sam Edelman has you covered with their perfect blend of, like, timeless styles with modern designs that will have everyone asking, where did you get those shoes from?

从宣言式短靴到多功能高跟鞋和日常必备款，这个系列的设计让你轻松从白天过渡到夜晚。而且提供宽码和加宽码选择——这对我来说绝对是必须的——每个人都能毫无妥协地找到完美匹配。立即登录samedelman.com探索完整系列，使用代码psych15可享85折优惠。网址samedelman.com，记得用我的专属代码psych15。

From statement boosts to versatile heels and everyday essentials, this collection is designed to carry you from day to night with ease. And with wide and extra wide carpets, which for me is a absolute must, everyone can find their perfect match without compromise. Explore the full full collection now at samedelman.com and get 15% off with the code psych 15. That's samedelman.com. Use my code psych 15.

欢迎回来。让我们花几分钟时间真正沉浸在本周的箴言中：'我不是来管理他人情绪的'。首先从今日深度思考开始——你们知道的，每期箴言节目我都会引入一些比我更睿智、对此思考更深入之人的见解。

Welcome back. Let's take a few minutes just to really ground ourselves in this week's mantra. I'm not here to manage other people's emotions. The first thing I wanna do is start with our deep thought of the day. You guys know in every mantra episode, I like to bring in some wisdom from, you know, a bunch of people who are smarter than me and who have probably thought about this a great deal more than me.

今天的深度思考来自Netra Clover Tawap：'你能给予他人的最大礼物，是让他们自己处理情绪的空间'。这句话对我的启示是：我相信你有能力承载自己的悲伤、愤怒和迷茫，即使这很难。我对你有信心。这是克制住解救、打断或重构他们体验的冲动，在他们充分感受之前；这是选择见证而不加干涉。

Today, our deep thought is coming from someone called Netra Clover Tawap. The greatest gift you can give someone is the space to deal with their own emotions. This quote, what I think is saying to me is I believe you are capable of holding your own sadness, your own anger, your own uncertainty even when it's hard. I have confidence in you. It's resisting the urge to rescue, to interrupt, to reframe their experience before they've had the chance to fully feel it, and it's choosing to witness without interfering.

这才是真正的礼物。真正的礼物。你是在帮助他们学会游泳。是的，或许方式艰难，但如果你不后退一步，他们永远学不会。

That is a gift. That is a gift. You're helping them learn to swim. Yeah. Maybe it's the hard way, but they're never gonna learn if you don't take a step back.

当我们试图替他人承担情绪时，可能是出于关心。事实上，我认为百分之百是出于关心，但我们也在传递一个无声的信息：我觉得你无法处理这件事。这对他人来说并不好受。而给予空间，则是一种深刻的尊重。

When we try to carry someone's emotions with them, we may be doing it out of care. In fact, I think 100% of the time we're doing it out of care, but we're also sending a quiet message. I don't think you can handle this. That's not a good feeling for someone else. Giving someone space, however, is an act of deep respect.

这种尊重源于一个事实：成长往往伴随着你必须忍受的不适时刻，那些你不得不应对的挣扎时刻。但你所拥有的情感力量，很可能正是在这些挣扎中锻造出来的，而非通过逃避获得的。所以这不是缺席。你不是在忽视他们、躲避他们，或希望他们受伤。这是不带压力的陪伴。

It honors the fact that growth often comes with really uncomfortable moments that you have had to endure, moments of grappling that you have had to endure. But the emotional strength that you have has probably been built in that struggle because of it, not because of the avoidance of it. So it's not absence. You're not ignoring them, avoiding them, wanting them to be hurt. It's presence without the pressure.

是让沉默发挥作用，让不适发声，让他们自己抵达清晰，而非我们给予的答案。这非常有力。而且，这是一份礼物。带着这样的理解，让我们放慢节奏，沉浸在本周的真言中。我们将开始书写日志提示。

It's letting silence do its work, letting discomfort speak, letting them arrive at their own clarity, not the one that we hand them. That's really powerful. And, that's a gift. With that in mind, let's slow down and just sit with this week's mantra. We're gonna do our journal prompts.

请记住，这些日志提示只是为了帮助你审视现状、浮现的思绪，以及这句真言可能指引你的方向。没有对错答案。就像我每周说的，如果写日志不适合你——我知道对有些人来说确实如此——或者你手边没有日志本，完全没关系。你可以在问题间暂停本期内容，安静反思，或把这些提示留到以后。

Now remember, these journal prompts, they're just here to help you check-in with where you are, what's coming up, where this mantra might be guiding you. There are no wrong or right answers. And like I say, every single week, if journaling isn't your thing, I know for some people it doesn't really resonate with them. If you just don't have your journal nearby, that is totally okay. You can always pause this episode between questions just to take a quiet moment to reflect or just save these prompts for later.

通常我每周分享三个问题，但这次的真言感觉极其重要，所以准备了四个。开始吧。第一：你通常在什么情况下会承担本不属于你的情感责任？如果停止这么做，你担心会发生什么？

Typically, I share three questions a week, but this mantra felt very, very important. So I actually have four. Let's get into them. First, when do you tend to take on emotional responsibility that isn't yours? And what do you fear might happen if you stop?

第二：哪些童年或早期经历塑造了你管理他人情绪的本能？你能追溯这种冲动到过去某个情感根源吗？第三：你是否曾将维持表面和平与内心平静混为一谈？对你而言，维持和平与内心平静有什么区别？最后：当你过度解释、不必要道歉或淡化需求时，你在保护谁？为什么？

Next, what childhood or early life dynamics shaped your instinct to manage other people's emotions? Can you trace this urge back to perhaps an emotional origin in your past? Now do you ever confuse maybe keeping the peace with being at peace? What is the difference between keeping the peace and being at peace for you? And finally, when you overexplain, when you apologize unnecessarily or downplay your needs, who are you protecting and why?

既然你已经留出反思的空间，现在让思绪稍作休息。稍后你会听到一段音乐。我建议你借此机会，以任何适合你的方式消化本周的思考。没有压力，我对你毫无期待。

Now that you have made the space to reflect, let's give your mind a moment to rest. In just a second, you'll hear a music track. I just encourage you to take this opportunity to process this week's reflections in whatever ways feel right to you. No pressure. No expectations from me.

如果这与您无法产生共鸣，完全没关系。只需跳过大约三十秒，我们就会继续。但当您静下心来时，请牢记我们今天的箴言：我的存在不是为了管理他人的情绪。随着音乐播放，让这句箴言塑造您的思绪。

And if this isn't something that you connect with, that's totally okay. Just skip ahead about thirty seconds and we will be back. But as you settle in, please keep our mantra in mind with you today. I am not here to manage other people's emotions. As the music players, just let this mantra shape your thoughts.

花点时间与此刻在您心中涌现的任何感受建立连接。很好。既然您已拥有这段美妙的特殊时刻来重置并安定自己，让我们带着这份能量，当然，将其付诸行动于本周的挑战中。我很期待听到您的实践体验。

Take the time to just connect with whatever it is bringing up for you in this moment. Beautiful. Now that you've had that very nice special moment just to reset and to ground yourself, let's take that energy. Let's bring it into action with, of course, our weekly challenge. I'd love to hear how this goes for you.

若您想通过Instagram联系我（账号@MantraOpenMind），请分享任何后续反馈——无论这对您是否有帮助、您学到了什么，或针对本期及我们特别加更集（仅限Open Mind Plus会员）的相关疑问与困惑。准备好了吗？本周挑战是‘直截了当说不’：这周请对某件事明确拒绝，不过度解释、不委婉修饰、不纠结他人可能的反应。

So if you wanna reach out to me on Instagram at Mantra Open Mind, please share any follow ups, whether this helped you in any way, what you learned, and also any questions or dilemmas you might have relating to this episode or any other for our special bonus episodes, which are available exclusively on Open Mind Plus. Okay. Are you ready for this week's challenge? This week's challenge is the unfiltered no challenge. I want you to say no to something this week without overexplaining, without softening, without trying to manage or overthink how someone else might take it.

只需一个清晰而尊重的‘不’，稍作停顿，然后继续前进。这会让人不适——注意身体哪个部位感受到它，并觉察何时得以释怀。因为这种情绪终会消散，人类无法长期与不适共存。

Just a clear respectful no, and then pause, then move on. It's gonna feel uncomfortable. Just notice where you're feeling that in your body and notice when you find resolution from it. Because this emotion will pass. You can't live with discomfort for very long.

我们的身体本非为此设计。所以不必惧怕那些转瞬即逝的情绪。祝挑战顺利，请告诉我您的进展。我也会同步实践，

It's not how your body is wired. So don't fear an emotion that really isn't gonna be there for all too long. Good luck with your challenge. Let me know how it goes. I'm also gonna do it.

并向大家分享我的体验。好的，在结束本周节目时，我感觉这是重要的一课。关于这句箴言‘我的存在不是为了管理他人的情绪’，我想最后补充几点思考。

And I'll let you guys know how it goes for me as well. Alright. As we wrap up this week's episode, I felt like it was a big one. I just wanna share a few final thoughts about this mantra. I'm not here to manage other people's emotions.

我的最终观点是：当我们试图管理他人情绪时，实则是自我背叛。这相当于宣告‘你的情绪状态和反应比我的更重要’。因为当你努力支撑、安抚他人时，往往正制造着自己的不适，陷入并不享受且感觉糟糕的境地——凭什么他们的情绪就该比你的更重要？

My final thought is this. When we try to manage other people's emotions, we are self abandoning. And we are basically saying your emotional state and your emotional reactions mean more than my own. Because when you try and help that person, hold them up, support them, often you're doing so and you're creating your own discomfort, and you're creating a situation that you're not enjoying, and you don't feel good about it. Why are their emotions any more important than yours?

为何你能对自己的情绪全权负责，却无法意识到他人同样可以对自己的情绪负责？这不是说要忽视他人、漠不关心，或是在看到他们挣扎时不伸出援手。而是关于这不应成为你的常态，不应是你帮助他人的唯一方式。如果要从本期节目中带走一点启示，那就是：你存在的意义并非调节周围人的情绪气候。

How come you are fully responsible for your emotions, but you can't recognize that other people can be fully responsible for theirs as well? This is not about ignoring people, neglecting people, not offering a helping hand when you see them struggling. It's about this not being the status quo for you. This not being the only way you can help someone. If you take one thing away from this episode, let it be this, you are not here to regulate the emotional weather around you.

你存在的意义是与你的价值观、真实自我及内心平和保持一致。这会让你成为更好的朋友，会让你们的关系更加牢固。我向你保证。放下管理他人情绪的需求——

You are here to live in alignment with your values, your truth, your peace. That's gonna make you a better friend. It's gonna make your relationship stronger. I promise you that. Letting go of the need to manage other people's emotions.

这并非自私。实际上这对他们也非常有益，能让他们学会并感受到自身的情感自主权和个人责任感。从本周开始及以后，庆祝这种回归，尊重这种回归，并相信当你这样做时，真实的事物会留存，而你会安然无恙。

It's not selfish. It's actually very helpful for them as well to learn and to feel their own personal sense of emotional autonomy and personal responsibility. This week and beyond, celebrate that return, honor that return, and trust that when you do, what's real is gonna remain, and you're gonna be okay.

感谢收听《真言》，这是由Pave Studios打造的Open Mind独家原创节目。在Open Mind，我们珍视您的支持。请在社交媒体分享您的想法，记得评分、评论并关注《真言》，帮助更多人发现这档节目。想要无广告收听及提前获取我与Gemma Spegg主持的《真言》，欢迎订阅Apple播客的Open Mind Plus会员。下周一我将与您分享另一段深刻内省的《真言》。

Thank you for joining Mantra, an exclusive Open Mind original powered by Pave Studios. At Open Mind, we value your support. So share your thoughts on social media, and remember to rate, review, and follow Mantra to help others discover the show. For ad free listening and early access to Mantra with me, Gemma Spegg, we invite you to subscribe to Open Mind Plus on Apple Podcasts. I will share another insightful and introspective Mantra with you next Monday.

在那之前，请继续坚持自我成长之旅。我是Gemma Spegg，下周见。

Until then, keep showing up for yourself and your journey. I'm Gemma Spegg. See you next week.

《真言》由我Gemma Spegg主持，是Pave Studios制作的Open Mind原创节目。本期节目由杰出的《真言》团队——Max Cutler、Ron Shapiro、Stacey Warrankar、Sarah Camp和Paul Leiberskin共同打造。感谢您的收听。想收听更多《真言》节目，请确保在您获取播客的平台关注《真言》。

Mantra is hosted by me, Gemma Spegg. It is an open mind original powered by Pave Studios. This episode was brought to life by the incredible Mantra team, Max Cutler, Ron Shapiro, Stacey Warrankar, Sarah Camp, and Paul Leiberskin. Thank you for listening. To catch more episodes of Mantra, make sure to follow Mantra wherever you get your podcasts.

今日节目备注中也有链接。很快再聊。

There is also a link in today's show notes. Talk soon.

我是斯蒂芬妮·比阿特丽兹，演员兼沃尔玛Plus会员。通过沃尔玛Plus，我在超过13,000家加油站每加仑节省10美分，包括埃克森、美孚、沃尔玛和墨菲加油站。但你知道谁享受不到吗？Prime会员，他们在少得多的加油站才能省钱。

I'm Stephanie Beatriz, actor and Walmart plus member. With Walmart plus, I save 10¢ per gallon at over 13,000 gas stations. Exxon, Mobile, Walmart, and Murphy stations. But you know who doesn't? Prime members, they save at way less stations.

尴尬了吧？而且他们的会员费比沃尔玛Plus还贵。双重尴尬。沃尔玛Plus会员可在超过13,000个地点每加仑省10美分。没想到吧？

Awkward. And yet their membership costs more than Walmart Plus. Double awkward. Walmart Plus members save 10¢ per gallon at over 13,000 locations. Who knew?

沃尔玛Plus，立即转换会员身份开始省钱。Prime年费139美元，沃尔玛Plus年费仅需98美元。参与活动的加油站每加仑优惠5美分（阿拉斯加和俄克拉荷马州适用）。

Walmart Plus, switch and save today. $139 prime annual fee versus $98 Walmart Plus annual fee. Gas at participating stations, 5¢ in Alaska and Oklahoma.

亲爱的听众朋友们，我们都知道，对自己和身体运作机制了解越多，就越能掌控人生。这在性健康和无保护性行为后的应对措施上同样适用。这时就需要Plan B紧急避孕药——无需年龄限制，能在怀孕发生前进行预防。

Hello, my lovely listeners. By now, you know, the more knowledge we have about ourselves and the way our bodies work, the more empowered and in control we are. And this is also true when it comes to our sexual health and what to do after unprotected sex. That's where plan b comes in. It's emergency contraception with no age requirement that helps prevent pregnancy before it starts.

由于它仅通过暂时延迟排卵发挥作用，不会影响未来的受孕能力。我们钟爱这种让我们掌握主动权的备用方案，因为知识越多，力量越大。详情请访问planb1step.com（定向用户）。

And because it works by only temporarily delaying ovulation, it won't impact your ability to get pregnant in the future. We love a backup plan that puts us in control because the more we know, the more power we have. Learn more at planb1step.com users directed.

全球创作者们都在探寻：旅行的真正力量究竟是什么？

Creators around the world to find out what is the true power of travel?

正是这些充满意义的小瞬间，对吧？

It's these small moments of intention. Right?

不仅仅是连接人与地点和目的地。它连接人与人、其他文化，最终是无法复制的体验。

Not just people to places and destinations. It's connecting people to other people, other cultures, and ultimately, experiences that can't be replicated.

在本期由达美航空呈现的《二十几岁心理学》特别节目中，了解更多关于旅行如何支持身心健康的信息。飞得更好，活得更好。在您获取播客的任何地方收听。

Find out more about how travel can support well-being on this special episode of the psychology of your twenties presented by Delta. Fly and live better. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.

我觉得如果没有那双标志性的完美靴子，衣柜就不算完整，它们永恒经典且能搭配每一套衣服。您可以在Sam Edelman找到那双完美靴子，那里美国永恒的优雅与现代设计相遇。他们不仅有能提升每一套衣橱的经典款式，Sam Edelman最畅销的靴子现在还有宽腿和超宽腿尺寸，让每位女性都能在不牺牲风格的情况下找到完美合脚的靴子。立即访问samedelman.com探索完整系列，并使用代码psych15享受15%的折扣。

I feel like it can't be full unless you have that staple perfect pair of boots that are timeless and work with every outfit. You can find that perfect boot with Sam Edelman, where timeless American elegance meets modern design. Not only do they have those classic styles that elevate every single wardrobe, Sam Edelman's best selling boots are now available in wide and extra wide calf sizes so every woman can find her perfect fit without compromising style. Explore the full full collection now at samedelman.com and get 15% off with code psych 15.

安珀镇有一种邪恶的疾病。你必须切除它。深入地下，将其挖出。

There's a vile sickness in Amber's Town. You must excise it. Dig into the deep earth and cut it out.

来自iHeart播客和Aaron Mankey的Grim and Mild，这是《混乱小镇》，一部设定在Bridgewater音频宇宙中的新虚构播客，由Jules State和Ray Wise主演。在iHeartRadio应用、Apple播客或您获取播客的任何地方收听《混乱小镇》。

From iHeart Podcasts and Grim and Mild from Aaron Mankey, this is Havoc Town, a new fiction podcast set in the Bridgewater audio universe starring Jules State and Ray Wise. Listen to Havoc Town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

这是一个iHeart播客。

This is an iHeart podcast.