245：刻薄朋友的魅力

从某种意义上说，这样的故事总是如出一辙。有一个孩子，她很刻薄，她很受欢迎。这早已成为童年的一部分。

In a way, the story is always the same. There was this kid. She was mean. She was popular. It's such a fixture of childhood.

你随便走到一个孩子面前，不管是在人行道上还是在公共游泳池，他们都会告诉你这样的事情。

You can just walk up to a kid on the sidewalk or at a public pool, and they'll tell you.

那个最受欢迎的女孩就是她。她让人很头疼。她非常刻薄，而且有很多朋友。我以前想跟她一起玩，那时她还没有朋友，所以她说好。前几天我又想跟她玩，但她的朋友在，她却对我说，走开。

The popularist is this girl. She's, in migraine. She's really mean, and she has a lot of friends. I wanted to play with her, and then she had no friends, so she said, yeah. The other day, I wanted to play with her again, and her friends were there, and she said, get lost.

有时候她对我姐姐很刻薄，我不喜欢这样。她总是告诉别人该做什么、不该做什么。她表现得像个老板，管着别人。她真的就像个老板。

Sometimes she she be being mean to my sister, and I don't like that. She always telling somebody what they can and can't do. She act like she a boss of people. She real boss.

她觉得自己很有节奏感，还穿着很酷的装备。我在班上大多数时候都很受欢迎，而且我还有很多其他受欢迎的朋友。我们班有个男生喜欢我，每次他靠近我时，我都叫他别挡我的路。大家都说他是我们班最书呆子气的男生。他会一直来烦我和我的朋友。

She she thinks she got the rhythm and the gear. I'm mostly the popular one in my class, but I have a lot of other popular friends. This boy in my class, he liked me, and every time he would come by me, I would tell him to get out of my way. Everybody says that he's the, like, the nerdiest boy in our class. He'll start bothering me and me and my friends.

我会叫他别来烦我们。我的朋友甚至会直接告诉他，连看都别看她。

I'll tell him to leave us alone. My friends even tell him, don't even look at her.

我曾和一位高中二年级的学生谈到过这一切，她是来自马萨诸塞州伍兹霍尔的15岁女孩莉莉·阿利森。她说，在高中里，情况有点像自然法则，总有人会最终站在顶端。

I talked to a high school sophomore about all this, Lily Allison, 15, in Woods Hole, Massachusetts. And she said in high school anyway, it's kind of like the laws of nature. Someone always will end up on top.

因为总会有那么一些女孩是最受欢迎的，男生们总是关注她们，她们也因为漂亮而拥有朋友。这种女孩总会存在。我认为一旦人们意识到自己拥有这种权力，她们就会加以利用。她们知道，即使她们对别人刻薄，仍然会被所有人喜爱。她们没有什么可失去的，那为什么不去对那些不如自己的人刻薄一点呢？

Because there's always gonna be the girls who are the most popular and then that the guys look at the most and that get the friends because they're so pretty. There's always gonna be those girls. And I think once people get the idea that they have that power, they're gonna use it. And they know that they can be mean to people and still be loved by everyone. You have nothing to lose, so why don't you go ahead and be mean to everybody that's not as good as you?

在莉莉的班级里，这些受欢迎的女孩一直是她最好的朋友。

In Lily's class, the girls like that, the popular ones, have been her best friends.

当我成为她们的朋友时，是在七年级，那时候完全没有这种现象。那是在大家开始评选各种‘最’之前，比如最受欢迎、最漂亮之类的之前。

When I became friends with them, it was in seventh grade, and there was none of that. It was before, like, it was before the superlatives and before there wasn't most attractive.

对。

Right.

嗯，我得承认我曾经也是她们那群女孩中的一员，直到第一次被她们踢出小团体。然后我才看清了真相。我们就是这样，我们就是那四个金发女孩。

Like, I'll admit I was one of those girls until the first time they kicked me out of their little group. And then I saw how it really is. That's what we were. We were the four blondes.

成为那些女孩中的一员感觉怎么样？

And what was it like to be one of those girls?

挺有趣的，你知道吗。我是说，那种关注让人感觉挺开心的。看看她们都在看着我们。这让人感觉很有力量。

It was fun, you know. I mean, the the attention is kind of fun. Look at them looking at us. It's fun. It makes you feel powerful.

成为四个金发女孩中的一员的一部分就是大家都要做同样的事情。每天都要剃腿毛，穿着要完美搭配。你明白我的意思吗？对。妆容也必须时刻保持完美。

I mean, like, part of being one of the four blondes is that everybody does the same thing. Shaves their legs every day, has a perfect matching outfit. You know what I mean? Yeah. Makeup always has to be perfect.

不能太多，也不能太少。还要讨好老师。我记得有两周我没穿裙子，然后她们其中一个打电话来跟我说，明天你必须穿裙子，你连续穿裤子的天数太久了。

Not too much, not too little. Suck up to the teachers. Like I remember I went like two weeks without wearing a skirt. And one of them called me and was like, you have to wear a skirt tomorrow. You've worn pants too many days in a row.

如果你不符合这些要求，你就会被暂时踢出去。

And if you don't fit that, then you get a you get kicked out for a little while.

莉莉是在夏天刚开始的时候被踢出去的。她犯了个错误，在某个聚会上没有按照其他女孩的要求去做。于是她们打电话来把她踢了出去。

Lily got kicked out at the beginning of the summer. She made a mistake. She didn't do what the other girls wanted at some party. So they called her up to kick her out.

其中一个人就说，她就是那个刻薄的。这有点像辣妹合唱团。我们每个人都有自己的小定位，自己的小个性。你明白我的意思吗？对。

One of them is like, she's the mean one. It's kind of like the Spice Girls. We all have our own little our own little like identity. You know what I mean? Yeah.

有那个强势的，可爱的，聪明的。你明白我的意思吗？

There's like the tough one, the cute one, the smart one. You know what I mean?

还有那个刻薄的人。

And the mean one.

对。所以当我们所有人都卷入那场争执时，他们打电话给我，然后让那个刻薄的人来接电话。他们告诉她该说什么，她就照着对我说，然后把我搁在一边，等他们想好还要让她说什么，她再接着说。

Yeah. And so when we all got in this fight, they called me up and they put the mean one on the phone. They'd tell her what to say. She'd say it to me, then put me on hold, figure out what else they wanted her to say, then say it.

等等，他们把你搁在一边？所以你就坐在那儿等着他们想出下一句更刻薄的话？

Wait. They they put you on hold? So you just sit there on hold waiting for them to come up with the next mean thing?

没错。他们甚至都没意识到自己有多刻薄。

That's right. And they didn't even realize how mean it was.

当然，这种事并不总是在高中就结束的，这也不只是少女之间的问题。在商业界和政界也有受欢迎的霸凌者，而且在政界还特别成功。我们的电影和电视剧里到处都是这种人。今天的节目里，我们将探讨刻薄朋友的魅力，以及她们到底为什么会如此吸引人。来自芝加哥WBEZ电台，这是《美国生活》，我是阿米拉·格拉斯。今天我们节目的内容分为四个部分。

Of course, it doesn't always end in high school, and this isn't just about teenage girls. There are popular bullies in business and in politics, and very successful ones in politics. Our movies and TV shows are full of them. Today on our show, the allure of the mean friend, and what is so alluring about them in the first place, explained from WBEZ Chicago, It's This American Life, Amira Glass. Our show today in four acts.

第一幕：重返犯罪现场。在这一部分里，乔纳森·戈德斯坦会质问那些当年在学校里欺负他和同学的女生，如今她们已经长大，他发现她们仍然一样可怕。第二幕：善良有好报吗？在这一部分，我们进行一个

Act one, Return to the scene of the crime. In that act, Jonathan Goldstein interrogates the girls, now grown up, terrorized him and his classmates years ago in school, and finds that they can be just as scary as ever. Act two: Does niceness pay? In that act, conduct a

小小

little

的科学实验，用隐藏麦克风录音，看看在一个普通的商业环境中，善良是否能够战胜他人并获得回报，这种环境你一定会很熟悉。第三幕：你自己身上发生了什么？一个案例研究，讲述朋友说的每一句话都正好是其反面的意思。第四幕：把问题留在家庭内部。在这一部分，伯纳德·库珀讲述了一个令人难以置信的故事，他自己的父亲给他开了一张账单，为的是支付他整个童年的全部开销。

scientific experiment on tape with hidden microphones about whether niceness can triumph and be rewarded in a normal business setting, a setting that will surely be familiar to you. Act three: and what's going on with you? A case study in every word out of a friend's mouth, meaning its exact opposite. Act four, keeping it in the family. In that act, Bernard Cooper's amazing story about the bill that he got from his own father for, well, the entire cost of his childhood.

请继续收听。《美国生活》感谢Squarespace的赞助。Squarespace是一个一站式的网站平台，它拥有设计智能等功能，将二十年的设计经验与人工智能技术结合在一起。设计智能让任何人都能打造一个美丽而个性化的网站，满足他们的独特需求，并在整个网络平台上建立专属的数字身份。访问squarespace.com/american，享受首次购买网站或域名服务10%的折扣优惠。

Stay with us. Support for This American Life comes from Squarespace, the all in one website platform with features like design intelligence, combining two decades of design expertise with AI technology. Design intelligence empowers anyone to build a beautiful, more personalized website tailored to their unique needs and craft a bespoke digital identity to use across their entire online presence. Head to squarespace.com/american for 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

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这是美国生活。今天的节目是重播。第一幕：重返犯罪现场。对于乔纳森·戈德斯坦来说，找到当年在高中时欺负他的那个女孩并不难。就在一年以前，他们还是室友。

This is American Life. Today's program is a rerun. Act one, return to the scene of the crime. It wasn't hard for Jonathan Goldstein to find the girl who terrorized him in high school. Up until a year ago, they were roommates.

有时候，当我与我的朋友杰姬·科恩聊天时，我会突然停下来，只是看着她。我看着她，仿佛直到那一刻才意识到，坐在我面前交谈的人是谁。我会摇着头难以置信地说：杰姬·科恩！杰姬·科恩！要知道，杰姬·科恩曾是我们初中时最刻薄、最受欢迎的女孩，在羊群中的牧羊人。

Sometimes, when I'm talking with my friend Jackie Cohen, I will suddenly stop and just look at her. I look at her as though I've only just then realized who it is I am sitting there talking with. Jackie Cohen, I will say shaking my head in disbelief. Jackie Cohen. For you see, Jackie Cohen was the meanest, most popular girl in our junior high, a shepherd among sheep.

如今，杰姬·科恩和我成了朋友，而且是很好的朋友。事实上，我们曾经有两年是室友，在那段时间里，她在生活中给予了我很多照顾，比如给我做饭、管理账单，还有几乎承担了所有的清洁工作。而我在家里的角色则局限于一些类似喝Jim Beam威士忌、模仿罗伯特·德尼罗和伊迪丝·邦克演绎《安妮·霍尔》中吃龙虾场景的样子，让她熬夜到很晚这样的事情。

Nowadays, Jackie Cohen and I are friends, good friends. In fact, for two years we were roommates, during which time she was a very nurturing figure in my life, cooking for me, taking care of the bills, and doing most if not all of the cleaning. My domestic role was confined to stuff like drinking Jim Beam and keeping her up past her bedtime with my impression of Robert De Niro and Edith Bunker doing the lobster scene from Annie Hall.

阿尔维，一只龙虾爬进了我的优雅仪态里。

Alvey, a lobster crawled into my poise.

尽管如此，有时候当我愿意的时候，我会用七年级时的自己的眼光来看她。当我这样做的时候，再说出“杰姬·科恩”这个名字，它就不再仅仅是坐在我面前这个女人的名字，而更像是一个著名事物的名字，比如一种软饮料或一个摇滚乐队。如果我能够穿越时空告诉年少的乔纳森·戈德斯坦，有一天他会和西拉瓦尔初中最出名的女孩成为朋友，那么那个年轻的乔纳森·戈德斯坦在听到这个荒谬至极的提议后，会笑得浑身发抖，直到鼻涕流出，眼镜歪斜。让我来向你解释一下杰姬·科恩当年拥有的权力。她的权威是如此之大，以至于在七年级时，我最好的朋友罗伯特·西欧里克曾穿着一套三件套西装去学校，目的是向她提出一起出去吃 souvlaki（希腊烤肉串）的邀请。我永远忘不了他兴奋地跑回我们的储物柜告诉我，虽然杰姬·科恩拒绝了他，但她确实说他们可以成为‘hi-bye’朋友时脸上的表情。

Just the same, sometimes when I feel like it, I can see her through the eyes of my grade seven self, and when I do that and say the words Jackie Cohen, it is as though it is no longer just a name of the woman before me, but a name for something famous, like a soft drink or a rock band. If I could go back in time and tell the young Jonathan Goldstein that one day he would be friends with the most popular girl at Western Laval Junior High, that young Jonathan Goldstein, taking in the utter absurdity of such a proposition, would laugh convulsively until his nose produced mucus, and his eyeglasses needed adjusting. Let me explain to you the power that was Jackie Cohen's. So great was her authority that in grade seven, my best friend Robert Siolik wore a three piece suit to school with the intention of asking her out for souvlaki. I'll never forget the exhilarated look on his face as he ran back to our locker bank to tell me that, while Jackie Cohen had turned him down, she did say that they could be hi bye friends.

这意味着当他们在走廊上相遇时，他们可以互相点头打招呼，说‘hi’和‘bye’。罗伯特像一个刚谈成重要客户的中年广告经理一样松开了他的领带。另一件事是，杰姬·科恩不喜欢难闻的气味。她喜欢好闻的气味，比如香水味的高级橡皮或者刚印好的试卷。所以如果某人的气味不合她意，她就会在对方的桌子上留一张纸条。

This meant that when they saw each other in the halls, they could nod to each other, hi and bye. Robert loosened his necktie like a middle aged ad exec who had just closed an important account. Another thing was that Jackie Cohen didn't like bad smells. She liked nice smells, like perfumed fancy erasers or freshly mimeographed sheets of paper. So if someone's smell was not to her taste, she would leave a note on their desk.

纸条上会写着：你有味道，用点除臭剂。杰姬·科恩把这称为诚实。杰姬·科恩也是全校唯一一个年仅13岁就能成功做出‘令人窒息的蔑视眼神’的女孩。曾经有一个月，我坐在她后面，有一次在法语听写课上，我突然控制不住地咳嗽起来。后来医生诊断这是百日咳，让我卧床休息了一周，发烧高达103度。

The note would read, you smell, use deodorant. Jackie Cohen would call it being honest. Jackie Cohen was also the only 13 year old girl in school who could actually pull off a successful withering look. There was a month where I sat behind her, and one time during a French dictation, I was seized with an uncontrollable attack of coughing. It would later be diagnosed as a whooping cough that would leave me in bed for a week with a fever of a 103.

但在那一刻，这在杰姬看来不过是个麻烦。她用行动让我知道这一点：猛地转过头，她笔直的棕色头发像一千颗飞镖一样甩动着，用那种令人窒息的眼神直视我的眼睛。杰姬转回身去，我咬紧牙关，发誓不让一声咳嗽从我嘴里发出。我双眼含泪，紧握拳头，浑身颤抖。我知道，从理性上讲，杰姬·科恩的听写比我自己的健康更重要。

But at that moment, it was nothing more, nothing less than a nuisance to Jackie. She let me know this by whipping her head around, her straight brown hair lashing about like a thousand throwing stars, and witheringly looking me straight in the eye. Jackie turned back around and I grit my teeth, vowing not to allow a single cough to escape my mouth. My eyes tearing, I clenched my fists and I trembled. I knew, objectively speaking, that Jackie Cohen's dictation was more important than my own health.

我当时就明白这一点。老师终于注意到我的状况，让我出去喝点水。在饮水机旁，我正要喝水时，膝盖一软，开始呕吐。我不是那种经常呕吐的孩子，这种经历让我感到非常私密，有点像穿着内衣哭泣。隔壁教室的特殊教育老师出来，把我带回了教室。

I knew that. The teacher finally seeing my condition sent me out to get some water. At the fountain, just as I was about to drink, my knees buckled and I began to throw up. I wasn't the kind of kid who vomited much, and the experience felt very personal, sort of like crying in your underwear. The special ed teacher in the room next to the bathroom came out and walked me back to my class.

杰姬坐在靠近门的位置，这是最流行的学生才有的特权和责任。她为我开了门。看到我那副模样，她露出一种眼神，不是我早已习惯的那种蔑视的眼神，而是另一种眼神，一种我以前只在成年人脸上见过的眼神。那是一种深深的怜悯。从那个眼神中，我看到了她对我所经历的一切的悲伤，多年来，我一直将那个眼神珍藏在心底。

Jackie, who sat beside the door, as was the want and responsibility of the most popular, let me in. Seeing me, she gave me this look, not the withering look I had grown accustomed to, but another look, a look that until then I had only seen on the face of adults. It was a look of profound pity. I saw in that look a sorrow for everything she had ever put me through, and for years I held that look close to my heart.

杰姬的头发真的很棒。

Jackie had really good hair.

这是玛丽·克洛德。她是杰姬从小到大的最好朋友，现在她们依然是最好的朋友。

This is Mary Clode. She was Jackie's best friend all through school and they're still best friends now.

她的头发非常棒，层次分明，有点羽毛般的感觉，而且她有一种特别的技巧。首先，她后兜里总是插着一把梳子，露在外面，谁都能看到。然后我们去洗手间，当然，去洗手间是一天中很重要的一部分。她有个特别的方法，把头低下去，数一、二、三，然后用两个食指喊一声“翻”，接着把头发甩回来。

Very good hair. Nicely layered, kind of feathered, and she had a special technique. Well, first of all, always walked around with a comb in her back pocket that stuck out for all to see. And, we'd go to the bathroom, a big part of the day of course was going to the bathroom, And she had a special technique. She'd bend her head over, she'd count one, two, three, and then take her two index fingers and say flip and flip her hair back.

然后她的头发就会像羽毛一样优美地飘落到位。

And then it would fall like the feathers would all fall beautifully in place.

杰姬·科恩的魅力在哪里？人们是因为她虽然刻薄但仍然喜欢她，还是因为她的刻薄才喜欢她？

What was Jackie Cohen's allure? Did people like her despite the fact that she was mean, or did they like her because she was so mean?

我觉得两者都有。当你和她在一起时，你会感到非常兴奋，她很有趣，充满活力。和她在一起很开心，但就在你不注意的时候，你就被排除在外了。她在寻找某种特定的品质，如果你没有，你就会被踢出局。所以这可能就像一种刺激，你永远不知道什么时候轮到你被排除在外。

I think it was a bit of both. Because when you were with her, felt really alive and she was so fun and she was so full of life. So it was great being with her, but then before you knew it, you were on the outs. She was looking for a certain quality and if you didn't have it, you got kicked out. So it was also maybe like the fun excitement of never knowing when your turn was gonna come to be on the outs.

你总是努力做到最好，以留在她的圈子内。这确实很刺激。

And you were always trying to do your best to stay on the inside. So it's pretty exciting.

她有没有说过我？我的意思是，我在初中的时候有没有人提到过我？她有没有提过我的名字？

Did she ever did I mean, did did my name ever come up in junior high? Did she ever did she ever mention my name?

哦，有印象。我记得那时候你是新来的学生，刚到学校。我想过去跟你说话，但杰姬说不行，别去跟他说话，玛丽。

Oh, yeah. I remember a time you were new to school, you're the new kid. And, I wanted to go over to talk to you. And Jackie said, no. Don't go talk to him, Mary.

别跟他说话，他看起来很脏。

Don't talk to him. He looks dirty.

她觉得我看起来很脏？

She thought I looked dirty?

是的，她确实这么说了。

Yeah. She did.

就这样，我的名字被提到了。

That that was how my name came up.

对，说你看起来很脏。你就是那个看起来脏兮兮的新来的孩子。

Yeah, that you look dirty. You were the dirty looking new kid.

好，首先，什么新来的孩子。玛丽·克劳德提到的那个聚会是在六年级的时候。而我从三年级就开始在那所学校上学了。显然，我在他们学校待了三年，却完全没被注意到。其次，脏？

Okay, first of all, the new kid. The party Mary Claude is referring to was in grade six. I had been going to that school since grade three. I was in the same school as them, evidently completely unnoticed, for three years. And second of all, dirty.

虽然我年轻时的仪表堪称完美，脸上也完全没有胡须，但不知为何，我总给人一种浑身上下都带着五点钟阴影的明显印象。因此，我决定直接去找这些诽谤言论的源头讨个说法。女士们先生们，杰姬·科恩。就是杰姬·科恩。

Although my boyhood toilette was second to none, and although I was facially hairless, for some strange reason I gave off the distinct impression of having a 05:00 shadow all over my body. So I decided to confront these slanderous accusations at their source. Ladies and gentlemen, Jackie Cohen. Jackie Cohen.

汤姆，别告诉我整个采访都会是这样。

Tom, please don't tell me the whole interview is going be like this.

我问杰姬·科恩是否还记得曾对玛丽·克劳德说我又脏又是新来的，她说她记得。然后我请她当着我的面重复一下当时说的原话。

I asked Jackie Cohen if she remembered calling me dirty and new to Mary Claude, and she said she did. I then asked her to repeat the very line to me, right to my face.

你知道我说过什么。

You know what I said.

来吧，说吧。

Come on.

你为什么不说了？

Why don't you say it?

好吧，我说。

Alright, I will.

好，随便你。

Alright, fine.

你说过不要和他说话，因为他很脏。是的，是的。嗯，也许我确实很脏。

You said don't talk to him because he's dirty. Yeah. Yeah. Well, maybe I was dirty.

你以前是，你现在还是。

You were, and you still are.

杰基·科恩和我进行了一小时充满对抗性的谈话，在这期间她拒绝承认自己有任何真正的刻薄之处。她最多只是承认当时她曾‘处理了一些事务’，而且是‘很多事务’。听着，没人正在接受审判，好吗？我们只是两个朋友在聊天而已。

Jackie Cohen and I spent a very combative hour talking, during which time she would not admit to any actual meanness. The further she would go in making any kind of concession was in acknowledging that back then she, quote, took care of business, a whole lot of business. Listen, no one's on trial. Okay? We're here just two friends chatting.

不。杰基·科恩并不认为她在学校里刻薄。比如整个关于罗伯特·乔利克在初中时约她出去的故事。你知道，那句‘先生，再见’。她坚定地为自己的行为辩护。

No. Jackie Cohen did not think she was mean in school. Take the whole story of Robert Ciolic asking her out in junior high. You know, mister high bye. And she stood firmly behind her actions.

乔纳森，他穿着三件套西装，声音高得离谱。我要怎么回应这个人？说同意？而且我不仅拒绝了他，还保全了他的尊严。实际上，我还让他觉得我们之间挺投缘的。

Jonathan, he was wearing a three piece suit and his voice was like several octaves too high. What am I gonna say to the guy? Yes? And and not only did I tell him no, I left him with his dignity. I actually had him thinking that we had a good thing going.

我们要成为‘再见朋友’了。

We're gonna be hi bye friends.

所以你的意思是，你在为这件事辩护。你是说你当时做的其实是一件好事，一件挺不错的事。

So so what you're saying is that you're you're defending it. You're saying it was actually it's it's a it's a nice thing that you did.

那非常好。他走进房间的时候不是非常高兴吗？

It was very nice. Wasn't he very happy when he came into the room?

他当时是高兴的，但是，我的意思是，他并不了解情况。没错。

He was happy, but, I mean, he didn't know any better. Exactly.

你让我跟那家伙去约会？

You want me to go on a date with that guy?

感受那种笑声让你从脊椎颤栗到脚趾的感觉了吗？那种一边诱惑你又一边嘲弄你的感觉？这就是一个受欢迎的刻薄女孩笑声的效果。事实上，杰姬·科恩早已不再是那个受欢迎的刻薄女孩了。她现在是一名帮助无家可归者的医生，她是个非常好的人。

Feel the way that laugh shivers you down to your toes, the way it taunts as it entices? That is the effect of a popular mean girl's laughter. The truth is that Jackie Cohen is no longer a popular mean girl at all. She's actually a doctor who works with the homeless. She's a really good person.

但我还是忍不住以过去的眼光来看待她，好像以前那个刻薄的杰姬仍然藏在她内心深处。让我问你一个问题，那个刻薄的女孩后来怎么样了？那种刻薄会一直存在吗？

But I still can't help relating to her as though the old Jackie Cohen is still somewhere buried inside of her. Let me ask you this. What happens to the mean girl? Is is the mean always there?

约翰，这些问题真无聊，伙计。

John, these questions are boring, man.

不，你不喜欢这个问题，没关系。好吧，那我们就这样吧。

No. You don't like that one. That's okay. Okay. Let's let's say okay.

好，我们来玩个小游戏，怎么样？现在你来扮演八年级的杰姬·科恩，我来扮演八年级的乔纳森·戈德斯坦。我在西拉瓦尔初中广播俱乐部，我坐在那里采访你。

Okay. Let's do a little bit of role playing, shall we? Okay. Now you're gonna be the you're gonna be the grade eight Jackie Cohen and I'm gonna be the grade eight Jonathan Goldstein, okay? And I'm in the, you know, I'm in the Western Laval Junior High Radio Club and I'm I'm I'm sitting there to interview you.

好吗？开始了啊。好，杰姬？

Alright? Okay, here we go. Okay. Yeah. Jackie?

是的，我能占用你一点时间做个采访吗？

Yeah? Can I have a bit of your time to interview you?

不了，为什么？我很忙。

No. Why? I'm busy.

但是你只是在

But you're just But

谢谢。

thank you.

但是你只是靠在锁上，或者你正在

But you're just leaning against the lock or you're

不，谢谢你，乔纳森。但我真的不感兴趣。

not But thank you, Jonathan. I'm really not interested.

不。你看，你甚至不会那么有礼貌。

No. See, you wouldn't even you wouldn't even be that polite.

你说得对。老实说，我可能会笑一笑然后走开。

You're right. Honestly, I would have laughed and walked away.

你看，这就是那个我再也无法再交谈的杰姬·科恩。她现在再也不这样了。我的意思是，当然，她总是急着告诉我，房间里有人身上的味道比她好，她还很快指出我弹空气吉他时松垮的白肚皮会晃动，但这总让我觉得只是曾经伟大的一小部分而已。于是我们继续你来我往地斗嘴。最后，话题终于转到了杰姬的姐姐莫琳身上。

You see, this was the Jackie Cohen that I never got to talk to anymore. She's never like this. I mean, sure, she's always eager to let me know when someone in the room smells better than me, and she's quick to point out that my pasty white gut jiggles when I play air guitar, but it always feels like a mere taste of the greatness that once was. So we continued to parry and thrust our way along. And eventually, the subject came around to Jackie's older sister, Maureen.

现在让我跟你讲讲莫琳。杰姬·科恩有多刻薄和受欢迎，莫琳·科恩就更刻薄、更受欢迎。

Now let me just explain to you Maureen. As mean and popular as Jackie Cohen was, Maureen Cohen was more mean and more popular.

嗯，我姐姐确实教了我一些生存技巧，因为她对我非常非常非常残忍，非常专横，也非常爱命令别人。她会说她其实是在帮我一个大忙，因为没有她，我在这个世界上根本混不下去。我以前就是个无聊又乖巧的小孩，你知道的，而她则给我的生活增添了很多调味料。

Well, my sister definitely taught me some of the tricks of the trade by being very, very, very cruel with me, very bossy, very demanding. She would say that really she was doing me a big favor because without her, I would never have made it in this world. That I was just such a boring, nice little kid and, you know, she had a lot of spice to my life.

为了追求我的‘万人迷女孩奖学金’，我知道现在必须和莫琳谈谈。我当时并不和她在一个城市，所以我问朋友约书亚·卡帕蒂是否愿意帮我前往她家，拿着麦克风，让我通过电话和她对话。乔什多年来一直有点怕莫琳，但此刻，他却坐在她的客厅里，而莫琳七岁的孩子正在他们脚边地板上玩耍。当莫琳难得地向我展示了她内心想法和行为的幕后一面时，乔什就坐在离她几英寸远的地方，手里紧握着一个麦克风，手心满是紧张的汗水。在我们交谈的过程中，莫琳承认她在高中时确实很刻薄。

In the pursuit of my mean popular girl scholarship, I knew I now had to talk with Maureen. I was not in the same city as her, so I asked my friend Joshua Carpatti if he would be good enough to go to her house and hold a mic to her while we talked on the phone. Josh has been scared of Maureen for years, and here he was, sitting with her in her living room while her seven year old played on the floor at their feet. As Maureen provided a rare behind the scenes glimpse of her thoughts and actions, Josh sat just a few inches from her, a microphone gripped in his sweaty, nervous hand. And as I talked with her, Maureen acknowledged that she had been mean in high school.

她毫不掩饰这一点。对她来说，这没有什么好后悔的。那是高中，人们就是那样行事的。

She made no bones about it. And to her, there was nothing to regret. It was high school, and that's just how people acted.

你一直觉得我总是很刻薄。

The way you had this image of me of being really mean all the time.

但那种刻薄却有一种吸引力，你知道我的意思吗？就像人们某种程度上渴望这种感觉。很明显，这种特质确实管用。

But in an alluring way. You know what I mean? Like people crave it somehow. Like obviously it works.

嗯，有些人就喜欢被虐待，你只是碰巧利用了这一点，对吧？

Well some people like to be abused, and you just sort of like tap into it, you know?

没错，然后你就满足了他们自己都未必意识到的这种渴望。

Right, and then you satisfy that craving that they're not even entirely aware of.

说得对。

That's right.

那你是怎么察觉到这一点的呢？

Well how do you detect that?

我不知道，你就跟某人聊聊天，然后你就能感觉到能不能拿捏他们。我觉得乔什其实挺喜欢我这样关注他的。

I don't know, you talk to someone and you you you just you feel whether or not you know you can play with them or not. Like I think Josh loves the fact that I pay that kind of attention to him.

就是现在正拿着麦克风为你录音的那个年轻人乔什。

Josh, the young man who's holding the microphone for you right now.

是的，他非常害怕，甚至都不敢看我。

Yeah, he's so scared he won't even look at me.

那时，我开始为约书亚担心。他之前甚至都不愿意去莫林家，所以我知道，当莫林喊他名字的时候，他已经乱了方寸，情绪很不稳定。你能问问乔希，他现在和我通话时紧张吗？

At this point, I started to get worried for Joshua. He had been reluctant even to go to Maureen's house, so I knew that at that point, as Maureen spoke his name, he was a shaky, disoriented mess. Can you ask Josh if he's nervous with you right now?

乔希，你现在在我身边紧张吗？他不想回答，因为我就在这儿。

Josh, are you nervous around me right now? He doesn't wanna answer because I'm here.

你能让他拿着电话听一下吗？我只想问他一个问题。

Can you just put him on the phone for one second so I can ask him?

好的，等一下。

Yeah. Here, hold on.

好的。

Okay.

他想问你个问题。

He wants to ask you a question.

喂？你是不是害怕在她面前说话？

Hello? Can you are you afraid to talk in front of her?

你知道的。

You know.

你害怕吗？如果害怕的话，就直接说‘是’。

You're afraid? Just say yes if you're afraid.

是的。

Yes.

好的。她是不是让你提高警惕了？

Okay. Has she got you on your guard?

是啊。当然。是啊。是啊。

Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

当我跟莫琳说完话后，我拨通了乔希的手机，他当时在车里跟我讲电话。

When I was finished speaking with Maureen, I called Josh up on his cell phone, and he talked with me from his car.

这车里太热了。我跟你说，兄弟，你真应该多付我点钱。

It's so hot in this car. I'm telling you, man, you you should be paying me extra.

那在里面是什么感觉？

So what was it like in there?

我得跟你说，那有点吓人。有一种特定类型的女性，你知道的，通常是杰姬本人或跟杰姬一类的人，她们真的知道怎么让我知道自己几斤几两。

I gotta tell you, it was a little intimidating. There's a certain type of woman, you know, usually either Jackie or related to Jackie, that really, you know, they know how to put me in my place.

所以当她说有些人渴望被虐待时，你就是那种人。

So when she says that that people that there are some people who crave to be abused, you would be one of those people.

她说这话的时候一直盯着我看。她用食指指着我。明白吗？没什么可猜的。

She was looking directly at me when she said that. She was looking directly at me, and she was pointing at me with her index finger. You know? Not a lot of mystery there.

但为什么会有这种吸引力？为什么我们会被这些‘坏女孩’如此吸引？

But why this allure? Why why are we so drawn to these to these, mean girls?

因为她们知道。她们看着你，就知道你是怎样的人。其他那些善良或者太胆怯的女人，她们会假装你不是那样的人，这很虚伪。但像莫琳和杰姬这样的人，她们会直视着你的眼睛说，我知道你是个什么样的人，你自己也清楚你自己是个什么样的人。

Because they know. They look at you and they know. Other other women who are nice or who are too timid, they try to pretend that you're not who you are, is garbage. But someone like Maureen and Jackie, they they look right at you and say, I know your garbage. You know your garbage.

为什么要假装呢？你说对吧？我永远不会跟你走。我要和那个牙医结婚。我连看你都不会看一眼。

Why pretend? You know? I'm I'm never going with you. I'm marrying the dentist. I'm not even gonna look at you.

你会来我家，那是我他妈这辈子见过最大的房子。你会说，看到这些垃圾了吗？这就是一个真正的男人为我提供的。你说对吧？你来这里，为你的蠢朋友录什么广播节目，然后赶紧滚蛋，而我则去接我的孩子，那些孩子是我在我那大房子里和牙医丈夫做爱生下来的。

And you're gonna come over to my house, which is the biggest house I've ever seen in my entire fucking life. And you're gonna say, you see this garbage? This is what a real man provides for me. You You know? You come here and you tape me for your stupid friend's radio show and then you get the hell out while I pick up my children who whom I got through having sex with my dentist husband in my big house.

现在，垃圾赶紧滚出去。滚出去。哦，我的意思是，她觉得你只是个无害的怪人。明白吗？就像一个九十岁的英国老头，在自己的花园里瞎忙活。

Now get the out garbage. Out. Well, I mean, you, she thinks of you as a harmless eccentric. You know? Like a like a 90 year old English guy pottering about in his garden.

而我，她看我就像一块惹人讨厌的狗屎，有人从外面带进来的那种。这真的伤害到我了，真的。我是说，如果说我爱莫琳可能有点过分，但我就是爱莫琳。你知道的，我就是这样的。

Me, she sees like a like an unwelcome dog turd, you know, that somebody's trekked in from outside. And it's it it hurts me. It really hurts me. I mean, I think it would be too strong to say that I love Maureen, but I I love Maureen. I, you know, I I yeah.

欲望等于恐惧。

Want equals fear.

等等，等等。你是说那种恐惧，那种……那种……

Wait. Wait. Is it the fear that that that

听着，约翰。我不是社会学家。我不知道到底发生了什么。在她眼里我就是一块垃圾，这让我只想靠近她，然后蜷缩在她旁边，像一只狗身上的蜱虫身上的跳蚤一样，明白吗？

Look, John. I'm not a sociologist. I I I I don't know what's going on. I'm a piece of garbage to her, and it makes me wanna just crawl up next to her and, you know, like a like a a flea on a tick on a tick on a dog. You know?

我只是想要一点，那好的血液，哪怕那血液来自我自己。

I I just want some of that some of that good good blood, you know, even if it's my own blood.

那当杰姬说，比如说，说你们可以做那种‘你好再见’的朋友其实是一件好事。你怎么看那个向她表白的家伙？

What about when Jackie said that, like like that like saying that you could be hi bye friends is actually a nice thing. What what do think of that to that guy who asked her out?

你好拜拜朋友们？

Hi bye friends?

你知道的

You know

你知道你知道你知道‘你好拜拜朋友们’到底是什么意思吗？它的意思是，那天晚上那个人回家后上吊了，自己把自己吊起来了。这就是绳子的声音，伙计。

you know you know you know what hi bye friends really means? It means that when that guy went home later that night and hanged and hanged himself. This is that's the sound of rope mate.

杰姬·科恩。你会想念那个曾经能做出这种事的人吗？

Jackie Cohen. Do you miss that person that was able to do those kinds of things?

不，但我觉得你会。我觉得你怀念那个刻薄的杰姬·科恩。我真的这么觉得。你经常打听她。我觉得你确实如此。

No, but I think you do. I think you miss the mean Jackie Cohen. I think you really do. You inquire about her a lot. I think you do.

当天空向一位友善的伐木工人前额劈下一道闪电时，这天空是刻薄的吗？当饥饿的狮子吞噬惊恐的斑马时，它是否刻薄？当狮子的第一口撕咬深深扎进斑马的腿和腹部时，斑马是否会望着狮子的眼睛，仿佛在问，朋友，你为什么要这样对我？而为什么，就我的本性而言，我却要求这一切发生？当我跟杰姬提起这些时，我意识到，只有斑马才会去讲述这样的故事。

Is the sky that unleashes a bolt of lightning into the forehead of a friendly woodsman mean? Is it mean of the ravenous lion to devour the frightened zebra? As the first terrible bite sink into his legs and stomach, does the zebra look into the lion's eyes as though to say, why are you doing this to me, friend? And why, by my very nature, have I demanded it? When I bring all this up with Jackie, I realize that only the zebra would do a story like this.

而狮子根本不在乎。

The lion could care less.

乔纳森·戈德斯坦，他的播客《Heavyweight》今年秋天将回归，推出第九季，由Pushkin Industries制作。他们已经发布了一些新集数，你可以在播客平台找到。第二幕：善良有好报吗？好。

Jonathan Goldstein, his podcast Heavyweight will be returning this fall for a ninth season now with Pushkin Industries. There are already some new episodes in their feed. You can find it wherever you get your podcasts. Act two, does niceness pay? Okay.

当然。善良可能不会让你在高中交到最多的朋友。善良可能对你的NFL职业生涯、纽约证券交易所交易大厅的工作，或者任何竞争激烈的职业没有帮助。但你可能会认为，总有一个地方适合善良。比如，比如说服务员这个职业。这份工作的全部意义就是帮助别人。

Sure. Niceness might not get you the most friends in high school. Niceness might not help your career in the NFL or on the trading floor of the New York Stock Exchange or in any super competitive line of work, but you would think that there might be a place for it somewhere. Like, for instance, waitressing. The whole point of the job is to help somebody else.

那么，听听这个故事吧。芝加哥一位名叫特洛伊·莫里斯的女服务员和另一位女服务员艾米·里加利一起值夜班。这是特洛伊的讲述。

Well, consider this story. A waitress in Chicago named Troy Morris was working a Friday night shift with another waitress, Amy Rigali. Here's Troy.

上周五晚上我和她一起工作，因为过去一周的小费实在太糟糕了，糟糕透了，她几乎都要哭了。她上周的小费甚至不到15%，她一直无法释怀。每次拿到账单，她都忍不住说：‘我简直不敢相信。’ 她说：‘我实在坚持不下去了。’

I worked with her Friday night, and she was almost in tears because the tips just for the last week have been horrible, horrible, horrible. Like, she's getting less than 15%. And so she couldn't stop thinking about it. And just every check, she'd look at it and just be like, I can't believe it. And she's just like, I can't do this anymore.

再也坚持不下去了。你看吧，人们都讨厌我。

Anymore. Look at it. People hate me.

这是艾米。

This is Amy.

我不知道这是怎么回事。

Like, I don't know what

我不知道我做错了什么。我已经尽了全力，把每件事都做到完美，但这些人的给的小费却还是那么低。

I'm doing wrong. I'm trying so hard to do everything perfect, and all of these people are tipping me below.

这完全说不通。她在那里工作了四年，比任何人都久，对菜单了如指掌，服务也非常迅速，而且性格也很好。特洛伊是这样形容艾米的。

It made no sense. She'd been there four years, longer than anybody, knew the menu better, gave very quick service, and on the niceness scale. Here's the word Troy uses to describe Amy.

她特别乐于助人，是世界上最友善的人，总是面带微笑，而且很有耐心，充满关怀。

Super helpful. She's the sweetest person and smiles and just patient and caring.

星期天艾米又去上班了。她说这一次她的态度变了。

On Sunday, Amy worked again. And this time, Amy says her attitude was different.

我确实带着一种放弃的态度去工作的。我心里想的是：‘算了，我不管了。’我只是服务他们然后离开，因为我真的太沮丧了。

I definitely went into it with this attitude of kind of giving up. Just like, I wash my hands with this. I'm just going to serve them and walk away because I because I was so frustrated.

那你的眼泪呢？

And what happened to your tears?

她们很棒。她们中有很多人的小费超过了20%，简直太疯狂了。

They were great. They were a lot of them over 20%. It was wild.

我进来的时候，我们换了班，她刚好下班，而我刚好上班。她当时特别开心，非常高兴。她说，我今天赚了很多小费。她还说，我终于明白了，现在我知道该怎么做。

And I came in because we switched shifts, like she's getting off when I'm coming on. And she's just like, totally beaming, really happy. I made great tips. She's like, I can't believe it. Now I know what to do.

现在我知道该怎么做，就是别那么友善？

Now I know what to do, not be as nice?

对，就是别那么在意。

Yeah. Just not care.

我们实际上可以准确地计算出友善给艾米带来了多少损失。15%的小费和20%的小费之间的差距，相当于每班大约50美元。有没有可能，任何一位女服务员通过减少友善的态度就能赚更多的钱？我们决定做一个小实验来验证。我们给两位女服务员戴上隐藏的麦克风，然后让她们对一半的顾客特别友善，而对另一半顾客则保持冷静、疏离的态度。

We can actually quantify exactly how much niceness was costing Amy. The difference between 15% tips and 20% tips works out to around $50 per shift. Is it possible that any waitress could make more money by being less nice? We decided to do a little experiment to find out. We would wire two waitresses with hidden microphones and then have them be super nice to half their tables and cool, aloof with the other half.

她们对这两组顾客提供的服务是同样出色的。我们在特洛伊和艾米工作的餐厅进行了这个实验，这家餐厅是芝加哥洛根广场的卢拉咖啡馆。这是那种每个人都希望在自己社区里拥有的小餐馆，食物很棒而且价格不贵。今天的节目是重播的，但回到2003年我们做这个实验的时候，有一半的主菜价格只有6美元或更少。

They'd give equally good service to both tables. We did our experiment in the restaurant where Troy and Amy work, Lula Cafe in Chicago's Logan Square. It's the kind of place that everybody always wants to have in their neighborhood. Small, wonderful food that's not expensive. Today's show is a rerun, but back in 2003 when we did this experiment, half the entrees cost $6 or less.

那里有摩洛哥库斯库斯，有素食寿司，还有许多精心制作的三明治。艾米对佩戴麦克没有兴趣，但特洛伊愿意尝试。和大多数员工一样，她看起来很年轻。

There was Moroccan couscous. There was vegetarian sushi. There were lots of carefully made sandwiches. Amy had no interest in being wired for sound, but Troy was game. Like most of the staff, she's young looking.

她上班时穿着一条荧光斑马纹短裙和及膝高的靴子。她的手臂裸露着，你可以看到她的纹身。

She wore a neon zebra skirt and calf high boots to work. Her arms were bare so you could see her tattoos.

哦，好的。那真的很好。

Oh, okay. That's that is really good.

这是一种比较清淡的口味。

It's a little bit of a lighter, like, flavor.

她正和其中一张桌的客人热情交谈着，是4号桌，她成功说服了他们点了一杯葡萄酒，她觉得这酒和他们的餐点不太搭配。

Here she is with one of the tables that she's being nice to, Table Number 4, winning them off a glass of wine that she thinks won't go with her meal.

只是提前告诉你一下，这款酒有点偏甜。你是不是想要口感更饱满一点的？这是你在想的吗？

So just so you know, it's like a little bit on the sweet side. You want like something fuller? Is that what you're thinking?

两分钟内，特洛伊就了解了他们的全部故事。他们是外地来游玩的，看起来正在坠入爱河，通过仔细研究找到了这家非常非旅游化、位置偏僻的餐厅。她称赞了他们的功课做得好。

In two minutes, Troy has their whole story. They're visiting from out of town. They seem to be falling in love, and they found this very non touristy, out of the way place through careful research. She praises them on their homework.

干得好，你们。

Good job, you guys.

作为服务员，她的平常风格就是亲切友好。她会推荐特色菜，会和客人聊天，是个甜美的姑娘。对她来说，保持冷淡需要多花点力气。

Nice is her usual style as a waitress. She recommends specials. She chats. She's a sweetheart. Being aloof took a little more effort for her.

比如刚刚入座的2号桌，通常情况下，我早就跟他们说话了，但我故意让他们等了一会儿。

So table two that just sat down, normally, I would have already talked to him, but I make him wait a little while.

当她终于走向2号桌时，那里坐着三位看起来很严肃、大约四十多岁的人，她没有问他们过得怎么样，也没有问他们对菜单有没有疑问。她没有推荐她最喜欢的鲟鱼，或者其他任何菜品。这些是她对2号桌说的第一句话，也几乎是她唯一说的话。

When she finally goes to Table 2, which has three serious looking people in their forties, she doesn't ask them how they are or if they have any questions about the menu. She doesn't recommend the sturgeon, which is her favorite, or anything else. These are her first and practically only words to Table 2.

你好，请问你们决定点什么了吗？

Hello. Have you guys decided?

当他们请她推荐一款葡萄酒时，她咽了口口水，然后告诉了他们。

When they ask her to recommend a wine, she swallows and tells them.

你知道吗？其实这些红酒搭配你点的菜都很合适，说实话是这样的。

You know what? All those red wines will look good, which what you're getting, quite honestly.

然后还有一位男士，独自坐在吧台前，长得明显很帅，正在读《纽约时报》。特洛伊向我介绍了他的情况。

And then there was the guy sitting at the bar alone, noticeably good looking, reading the New York Times. Troy gave me the rundown.

他是个常客，总是坐在那里，点的东西也很多，但从不给很好的小费。他总是给，比如说，刚好15%的小费。

He's a regular guy that always sits there and orders a lot. He never tips great. He always tips, like, just exactly 15%.

他很适合这个实验。通常情况下，特洛伊喜欢和他聊天。如果她表现得冷淡一些，她的收入小费会上涨吗？她走过去，那位男士问她最近在忙什么。

Perfect for the experiment. Usually, Troy liked talking with him. If she played it aloof, would her tip go up? She walked over and he asked her what she was up to these days.

哦，你知道的，

Oh, you know,

工作呗。他问你能不能换个发型？有什么不同吗？

working. Could you change your hair, he said? Is it different?

也许我刚洗过头发了。

Maybe I washed it.

就这样，几个小时过去了。人们吃完饭离开。当特洛伊开始收钱时，早期的结果似乎都指向一个方向。比如第二桌，就是她几乎没怎么交谈过的那桌。特洛伊把账单递给了我。

And so hours pass. People finish their meals. And when Troy starts collecting their money, the early results all seem to point in one direction. Take Table 2, the table she barely spoke with. Troy handed me their check.

情况怎么样？

How does it look?

还行。我在这儿算了一下。第二桌的小费比例是17.6%。

Okay. Doing a little math here. Table two, here, it's 17.6% is what they tipped.

哦，真的吗？但我对他们一点都不友好啊。

Oh, really? And I wasn't nice to them at all.

那又如何？

And yet?

看看这个。

Check this out.

好。第五桌，你也在讨好客人。比如，我从没见过……

Okay. Table five, you were sucking up too. Like, I've never That's

我那么友好。

so nice.

我从没见过这么疯狂的事。

I've never seen crazy.

我让他们点了食物，我帮他们挑选了葡萄酒，我还帮他们决定想吃什么菜。最后你看，消费了84美元，我收到了13美元的小费，我对他们真的非常友好。

I got them to go food. I picked out their wine. I helped them figure out what food they wanted. And look, it was $84, and I got $13 tip, and I was so nice to them.

所以这刚刚超过15%。哇。

So that's just a little over 15. Wow.

而且他们是所有客人中最难伺候的，我花在他们身上的时间也是最多的。

And he they were the most demanding, and I spent the most time with them than anybody.

但当晚最大的发现，是当特洛伊从坐在吧台那个人那里拿回账单时发生的。

But the biggest revelation of the night came when Troy retrieved the check from that guy who was sitting at the bar.

我简直不敢相信。你看看这个。好，记得我之前说过的那个人吗？我总是对他很好，但他每次给的小费都是最少的。这次他居然给了20%的小费。

I can't believe this. Look at this. Okay. Remember the guy who I said, I'm always nice to him, but he always tips like the minimal most. He tipped 20%.

我第一次对他这么刻薄。你看看，你能相信吗？

I was mean to him for the first time. Look at can you believe that?

哇，他给了55美元的小费。

Wow. He tips $55.

超过20%！从没有过，这简直难以置信。太可笑了。

Over 20%. Never. That's never happened. And it totally I can't believe it. That's hilarious.

但这真的让我很困扰。我现在得对他更刻薄才行。

But that's really disturbing. I have to be mean to him now more.

到了第一天晚上结束时，结果已经很明显了：冷淡反而有好处。但当我第二天晚上又回来，并且给另一位服务员卡莉·罗奇戴上隐藏式无线麦克风时，我得到了非常不同的结果。卡莉今年23岁，头发剪得特别短。她嘲笑当地一位餐馆评论员在报纸上称她为‘瘦弱的三栖动物’。

By the end of the first night, it seemed pretty clear. Aloofness pays. But then when I came back a second night and hooked up a second waitress with a hidden wireless microphone, I got very different results. The second waitress, Callie Roche, is 23 with super short hair. She laughs at a local restaurant reviewer referred to her in the paper as a waif tris.

而在她的服务之夜，每个人给的小费都是20%，甚至更高一点。就连她对之态度冷淡的老顾客也是如此。

And on her night, everyone tipped 20% or even a touch more. That was true of the regulars who she was aloof to.

不，让我走。

No. Let me go.

那个被卡莉殷勤对待的男人也是如此，那人正带他成年的女儿出去吃饭。还有那对卡莉曾开玩笑说他们很难打开那瓶葡萄酒的夫妇也是如此。

It was true of the man who Callie doted on who was taking his grown daughter out to dinner. It was true of the couple who Callie joked around with about their difficult to open bottle of wine.

在挣扎之后。

After the struggle.

是的，我的手有点像被掐出淤青了。我当时就想，天哪，这

Yeah. I got like little hand hickeys. I'm like, jeez, this

就连周三上班的另一个女服务员娜塔莉，她是个一点都不会冷淡的人，每桌也能拿到20%或更多的小费。我跟凯莉、特洛伊、艾米和其他员工聊得越多，就越一致地认为，大多数顾客都是固守习惯的。他们在任何类似的餐厅都会给服务员固定数额的小费。当然，也会遇到少数顾客，比如特洛伊在酒吧服务的那个客人，你可以通过个人魅力影响他们给小费的多少，但这种情况每班只有几桌而已。而我们第一天晚上见到的也就是这些情况。

Even the other waitress working on Wednesday, Natalie, who does not have an aloof bone in her body, was getting 20% and more from every table. And the more I talked to Kelly and Troy and Amy and the rest of the staff, the more everyone agreed, the majority of their customers are just set in their ways. They'll give whatever they always give in any restaurant like this to any server. Sure, get a handful of customers like the guy Troy waited on at the bar who you can nudge this way or that through force of personality, but it's just a few tables every shift. And that's all Troy and I were seeing that first night.

这是娜塔莉。

This is Natalie.

有50%的人不管服务好坏都会给同样数额的小费。你知道的，也许服务差的时候他们可能会少给一点，但大多数人就是会按照自己的习惯给。而且我注意到很多人只是看一下账单上的前两个数字，然后翻倍或者向下取整，你知道的，人们就是有这种固定模式，小费给得都差不多。

50% of the people will tip exactly the same whether they get great service or, you know, they might tip a little less for lousy service, but most people, they tip what they're gonna tip. Or, you know, I've noticed a lot of people just look at the first two numbers on the check and and and double it or round down, you know, there's there's a pattern and people tip the same.

我认为一般来说，即使你不太爱说话、不太过分热情，你还是会拿到同样的小费。

I think generally, if you're not chatty and overly nice, you'll still get the same tip.

这是凯莉。

Here's Kelly.

你能感觉到，人们给你的小费就是18%，因为他们拿到食物的时间刚好是他们想要的。不管你多么爱笑、多么热情都没用。比如星期天，我每桌通常都能拿到4到5美元的小费，不管我做什么都一样。

You can just tell that people are gonna tip you at 18% because they got their food when they wanted it. And it doesn't matter how much you're, you know, giggling and inquisitive. Like, Sundays. Sundays, I usually get tipped 4 or $5 every table. Doesn't matter what I do.

她说正因为如此，她制定了一项政策，说这话时她半开玩笑。她尽量只对顾客微笑或表达认可两次。没错，就是两次。第一次是在顾客点餐时，她总会告诉他们这是一个非常棒的选择，然后微笑。第二次是在用餐结束时，她递上账单并再次微笑，仿佛在说：你看，我确实喜欢你们。

Because of this, she says she has a policy, and she's only half joking as she says this. And she tries to limit the number of times that she smiles at customers or shows her approval to exactly two times. Two times. First time, when they place their order, she always tells them what a very fine choice they made, and then she smiles. And then at the end of the meal, she drops off the check and she smiles a second time as if to say, you see, I do like you.

她说，如果方式不对，友善不仅不会带来回报，反而可能让你损失收入。

If done wrong, she says, friendliness not only will not pay, friendliness can cost you.

因为如果你表现得很友善、很开心，他们会觉得你不需要更多的安慰。他们已经认为你正在享受工作。这就是我的看法。他们已经觉得你过得很愉快，那他们为什么还要因为你开心而给你小费呢？

Because if you're nice and enjoying yourself, they don't need to make you feel any better. They already think you're having a good time. That's what my theory is. They already think you're having a good time. Why they're gonna tip you for having fun?

你知道吗？如果你只是为了完成工作而工作，你知道的，他们知道你是在工作。

You know? If you're, like, you know, if you're doing it just to get through it, you know, they know that you're working.

Troy 和 Amy 也决定，友善也是有底线的。在她们当服务员的这些年里，这是她们第一次因为过去两周的讨论而不再拼命为最难缠的桌子奔忙。她们依然高效，依然亲切，但仅此而已。

Troy and Amy have also decided that niceness has its limits. For the first time in their years of waitressing, because of these discussions in the last two weeks, they have both stopped knocking themselves out running around for their most demanding tables. They're efficient. They're pleasant. But that's it.

她们学到的是，不是冷漠有回报，而是过于友善并没有回报。感谢 Lula 咖啡馆的老板们，他们想向你保证，你现在听到的是重播，他们不再允许广播节目在他们的顾客身上做实验了。事实上，在 2024 年，他们还特别因为出色的服务赢得了詹姆斯·比尔德奖。

This is what they've learned. It's not that aloofness pays. It's that niceness doesn't pay. Thanks to the owners of the Lula Cafe who wanna assure you that this is a rerun you're hearing and that they no longer let radio shows conduct experiments on their customers. In fact, in 2024, they won a James Beard Award specifically for outstanding hospitality.

服务员 Amy、Troy 和 Callie 已经不在 Lula 工作了。Troy 和这家咖啡馆的一位老板 Leah Childs 曾在芝加哥一支名为 Tallulah 的乐队里。这首歌来自乐队的专辑《Step Into the Stars》。接下来的问题是，如果你看起来这么友善，那我怎么会感觉这么糟糕？稍后继续为您播出，来自芝加哥公共广播。

There's waitresses Amy Troy and Callie are no longer at Lula. Troy and one of the owners of the cafe, Leah Childs, were in a Chicago band called Tallulah. This song is from the band's album, Step Into the Stars. Coming up, if you seem so nice, why do I feel so bad? And more, that's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio when our program continues.

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这是《美国生活》，主持人阿玛拉·格拉斯。在我们的节目里，每周我们都会选择一个主题，并围绕这个主题讲述各种不同的故事。今天的节目主题是‘那个刻薄朋友的烦恼’，它到底讲的是什么？我们已经进入节目的第三幕，第三幕发生了什么？你现在怎么样？

This is American life, Amara Glass. Each week in our program, of course, we choose some theme, bring you a variety of different kinds of stories on that theme. Today's program, the ogre of the mean friend, what is it about? We've arrived at act three of our show, act three. And what's going on with you?

这是我们收到的来自 Mike Albo 的内容。

We have this from Mike Albo.

你来得好早啊。天哪，你带我的围巾了吗？带来了吗？没有。

You're here early. Oh my god. Do you have my scarf? Did you bring it? No.

没关系。只是这条围巾是我去印度的时候买的，是一件非常漂亮的东西，我真的很珍惜它，对我来说非常重要。它不像你买的那些便宜的 Barney 商店合作产品。

That's okay. No. It's just that I got it in India when I was there, and it's just this really beautiful thing, I really treasure it. It's just really important to me. It's not like the cheaply made Barney's co op stuff that you buy.

我不是说你买过。我是说你买过。唉，真希望你记得带。不过没关系。

I don't mean you buy. I mean you buy. Oh, I wish you would have remembered. No. That's okay.

你真是太不可靠了。

You're so flaky.

你生病了吗？

Are you sick?

你看起来有点累，是不是出什么事了？哦，你昨晚出去喝酒了？你居然还能这样，真是太厉害了。你真是太疯狂了。

You look sort of tired. Is there something wrong? Oh, you went out drinking last night? It's so great how you can still do that. You're so crazy.

你有没有吐？哦，没有。我只是刚才闻到一点点呕吐的味道。好吧。我不想让你从别人那里听到这件事，但我刚刚赚了200万美元。

Did you throw up? Oh, no. I just smelled throw up for a second. Okay. So I didn't want you hear this from someone else, but I just made $2,000,000.

是的。所以我对此非常高兴，我的经纪人也很高兴。这真的很幸运，你知道，现在经济不景气，我就像在世界末日之前就把钱赚到了，以后可以过得挺舒服的。这已经基本稳了。

Yeah. So I'm pretty happy about it. My agent's pretty happy about it. It's just really lucky because, know, like with the recession, it's like I made my money before the apocalypse and I'll be able to live comfortably. It's just sort of locked in.

我不能告诉你这笔交易的细节，但你能帮我一个天大的忙，千万别跟别人提起这件事。我知道你有点不太能保守秘密。我点点东西。哦，不。不，我不喝酒了。

And I can't tell you about the details of the deal, but if you could just do me a huge, huge favor and just don't mention it to anyone, I know you have sort of a problem being discreet. I'll order something. Oh, no. No. I'm not drinking anymore.

哦，不，你请便，玩得开心点。我只是不再喝酒了而已。我只是突然意识到，人生其实还有更多值得追求的东西。

Oh, no. Go ahead. Have fun. I'm just not drinking anymore. I just realized there's a little bit more to life.

继续吧，开心点。你就是这么疯狂。你最近怎么样？天哪。

But go ahead. Have fun. You're so crazy. So what's up with you? Oh my god.

我上次见你是啥时候？我现在经常和托比·马奎尔、里斯和瑞恩、大卫·布莱恩一起玩。我们开玩笑地称它为百万富翁俱乐部。哦，你还记得我莫名其妙写得很快的那本儿童读物吗？就是一本讲阳光明媚日子的有趣书。

When was the last time I saw you? I'm totally hanging out with Tobey Maguire and Reese and Ryan and David Blaine. We jokingly call it the millionaire's club. Oh, you know that children's book I wrote really fast for no reason? It's a funny sunny day.

嗯，我刚刚才知道它卖得特别火，书都快被抢空了。我又接到了一个配音的工作。挺奇怪的，他们就是喜欢我的声音。我甚至都不用出门。

Well, I just found out it sung like crazy and can barely stay on the shelves. And I got another voice over gig. It's weird. They just like my voice. I don't even have to leave home.

我只需要打电话过去就行。我也不太清楚，我就是稀里糊涂地进入了这一行。你也应该试试。虽然很难进入这一行，但你还是应该试试。

I just call it in. I don't know. It's I just sort of fell into it. You should try it. But it's really hard to get into, but you should try it.

你在找房子吗？祝你好运吧。天啊，现在找个好房子太难了。有个人打电话求我收下他那套漂亮的4000平方英尺的阁楼。

You're looking for a place? Good luck. God. It's so hard to find a good place right now. This guy called me and begged me to take his beautiful 4,000 square foot loft space.

租金是300美元，但他实际上是在付钱让我永远住在那里。那你最近怎么样？我觉得你的身材看起来很好。很正常，就是正常的身材。

It's $300 but he's actually paying me to live there forever. So what's going on with you? I think your body looks good. It's normal. It's a normal body.

真的吗？那太遗憾了。我只是觉得你需要对自己更有信心一点。你知道吗，我觉得我是个很直率的人，我想到什么就会说出来。

Really? Well, that's too bad. Well, I just feel like you need a little bit more confidence in yourself. Know, like, like I feel like I'm a direct person. I say what I feel.

你啊，你到底是什么情况我也说不上来。不过我得说，我真不知道你是怎么做到的。我很庆幸自己现在不是单身，看起来太难了。哦，是啊。

You're more you're more I don't know what you are. But I have to say, I don't know how you do it. I'm so glad I'm not single. It looks so hard. Oh, yeah.

是啊，我刚刚遇到了卡尔。不，他看起来很好。他现在过得不错。

Yeah. I just ran into Carl. No. He looks good. He's good.

他很好。是的。他说他还没跟你聊过。没有。他好像已经往前看了。

He's good. Yeah. He says he hasn't talked to you. No. He seems like he's moving forward.

你们分手之后，他只是继续过自己的生活了。他现在有一段非常好的恋情，他们刚在郊外买了一套又大又漂亮的房子，正在一起装修。我们刚刚聊得特别开心。你猜怎么着？他最近还一直在锻炼。

I mean, you guys broke up and he's just sort of moving on with his life. He's in this really good relationship right now and they just bought this huge beautiful place upstate and they're fixing it up together. We just had a really good time talking. And you know what? He's been working out.

他的身材看起来棒极了。你知道吗，当初你和卡尔在一起的时候，我真不太明白你为什么喜欢他。但现在我完全明白了。那你现在还是单身吗？没有吗？

His body looks amazing. You know, when you and Carl were going out, I never really understood why you liked him. But now I totally do. So nothing's going on with you? No.

我啊，抱歉，我只是想起了卡尔讲的一个有趣的笑话。什么？不，不。

I'm I'm sorry. I'm just remembering a funny joke that Carl told me. What? No. No.

我在听呢。

I'm listening.

这是迈克·阿尔博（Mike Albo）的短篇小说《破坏者》（The Underminer）的节选，该作品是他与弗吉尼亚·海弗南（Virginia Heffernan）共同创作的。迈克同时也是青少年小说《我们的另一个维度》（Another Dimension of Us）的作者。第四幕：把事情留在家族里。当然，你可以避开一个刻薄的朋友，但一个刻薄的亲戚，却永远甩不掉。接下来的这个故事，是伯纳德·库珀（Bernard Cooper）一部更长作品的节选。

An excerpt from Mike Albo's short story, The Underminer, which he co wrote with Virginia Heffernan. Mike is also the author of the young adult novel, Another Dimension of Us. Act four, Keeping it in the Family Of course, can evade a mean friend. A mean relative, however, is forever. This next story is an excerpt from a much longer work by Bernard Cooper.

这个故事讲述了库珀的父亲最终前往精神病医院的经历，但故事的这一部分发生在他入院之前的一段时间。演员乔什·汉密尔顿（Josh Hamilton）为我们朗读了这段故事。

This story follows Cooper's father as he eventually goes to a psychiatric hospital, but what happens in this part of the story takes place a while before that. The actor Josh Hamilton read it for us.

我28岁那年，父亲给我寄来了一张他作为父亲所付出的费用账单。这张账单用他律师事务所的薄纸打印而成，上面详细列出了他一生中为我花费的金额。由于他并未记录多年来所支出的具体数额，因此各项费用都四舍五入到最接近的美元，并标注为食物、衣物、学费和杂项。在这份总计金额以及他职业中常见的那种坚定而冷漠的语言之下，他要求我偿还这笔钱。总额大约在200万美元左右，这在1978年是一个特别巨大的数字。

When I was 28 years old, my father sent me a bill for his paternal services. Typed on his law firm's Onion Skin Stationery, the bill itemized the money he'd spent on me over my lifetime. Since he hadn't kept tabs on the exact amounts he'd doled out over the years, expenditures were rounded off to the nearest dollar and labeled food, clothing, tuition, and incidentals. Beneath the tally and the firm but detached language common to his profession, he demanded that I pay him back. The total was somewhere in the neighborhood of $2,000,000, an especially hefty sum in 1978.

我记得当时对这个金额感到非常震惊。我的生活竟然如此昂贵。当然，我也感到震惊和被冒犯，不仅因为父亲竟然做出了这样的计算，更因为我这一生竟然可以被加总或简化为一个数字。看到你的存在以一张账单的形式呈现出来，让你所有的爱、恐惧和挣扎，都变得像一杯咖啡的账单一样，毫无情感分量。上面写着：你对你父亲——即合同中的第一方——所负有的义务是巨大的，而要让你，即合同中的第二方，认识到你必须补偿他为你所承担的经济负担的必要性，唯一的方式就是将他的牺牲以如下形式呈现出来，并将其记录为一份具有法律效力和约束力的文件。

I remember being impressed by the amount. What an expensive life I'd lived. I was shocked and insulted too, of course, not only because my father had made such a calculation, but because my life could be added up or reduced to a single figure. To see your existence in the form of a bill gives all your loves and fears and struggles the cumulative tumult of being human, about as much poignancy as a check for a cup of coffee. It read, your obligations to your father, the party of the first part, are considerable and the only way to impress upon you, the party of the second part, the necessity of compensating him for the fiscal burdens he bore on your behalf is to make his sacrifices evident in the form of the following, recorded herein as a legal and binding document.

如果你未能全额支付，此事将引发相关法律行动，我建议你聘请律师应对。我再次核对了他的签名。没错，就是他写的，那笔迹充满了圈圈绕绕的复杂笔画。我心想，好吧，让他起诉我吧。看看我到底会不会付这笔钱。没有一个神志正常的父母会要求自己的孩子偿还养育他的费用。我心想，我又不是自己要求出生的。再说，如果早知道童年还要收费，我也许会少吃点零食，鞋子也穿得更省一些，零花钱也更节省一点。我不禁开始幻想提出一个荒唐的反诉要求。

Should you fail to make payment in full, this matter will result in actions for which I advise you to hire counsel. I double checked his signature. It was his alright, the letter's rich with loops and convolutions. Go ahead, I thought. Let him done me.

这个反诉的明细甚至比我父亲的账单还要荒唐。长期的不安全感，9万美元；自恋伤害，7.5万美元；俄狄浦斯情结，7千美元。当然，这些损害都是心理层面的，因此很难也很难认真地赋予它们一个金钱价值。

See if I pay. No parent in his right mind asks his child to reimburse him for that child's life. I didn't ask to be born, I thought melodramatically. Besides, had I known I'd be charged for my boyhood, I might have eaten fewer snacks, been easier on my shoes, more frugal with my allowance. I couldn't help but dream up a doozy of a counterclaim.

但这个反诉所体现的惩罚性精神，至少在一段时间内让我感到满足。但后来，整个这种琐碎的行为让我感到沮丧，我心想，我们彼此之间的关系就只剩下这些无法满足的要求了吗？那些永远无法弥补的伤害？在接下来那些辗转难眠的日子里，我始终找不到一个令人信服或可以理解的理由，来解释为什么父亲要寄给我这张账单。

Its itemization's even more preposterous than my father's. Chronic insecurity, dollars 90,000. Narcissistic wound, 75,000. Oedipal complex, dollars 7,000. Since, of course, these damages were psychological in nature, it was both difficult and whimsical to assign them a monetary value.

不过我怀疑，这可能与几个月前他主动提出要给我买一辆新车有关。那天我去看他，他住在好莱坞的一栋西班牙风格的房子里，那是我从小长大的地方。当我把车开进车道时，他正在前院给天堂鸟浇水，那些结实的橙色花朵，是他从一片灰暗的砾石地里培育出来的，连他自己都感到惊讶。那时我开的是一辆菲亚特汽车，它的漆面已经氧化成了铁锈般的颜色和质感。当我挂上停车挡时，车子发出一阵咳嗽般的噪音，垂下的排气管也喷出一团有毒的废气，我不得不用电工胶带把它绑在车架上。

But the punitive spirit of this counterclaim was gratifying, for a while at least. Then the whole petty endeavor depressed me, and I thought, is this what we are to each other? A flurry of demands that can't be met? Hurts for which there's no restitution? During the restless days and nights that followed, I couldn't settle on a convincing or comprehensible reason to explain why my father had sent me the bill.

就在一年前，我用母亲留给我的一小笔遗产买了这辆车，但没过多久它就开始迅速地报废，仿佛带着某种报复性的愤怒。桶形座椅的乙烯基皮革开始脱落，粘粘地沾在乘客的手和大腿上。很快，座椅只剩下一团团裸露的泡沫，而这些泡沫也像海绵蛋糕一样碎裂剥落。其中一个后窗无法再升起，玻璃卡在门里出不来。寒冷的夜晚，一只流浪狗甚至把后座当成家，留下成群的跳蚤，在我开车穿行城镇时，啃咬我的脚踝。

Though I suspected the catalyst might have had something to do with his offer a few months earlier to buy me a new car. He'd made the offer on a day I'd come to visit him at his Spanish house in Hollywood, the house in which I'd grown up. As I pulled into the driveway, he was busy watering birds of paradise in his front yard, sturdy orange flowers that he'd cultivated to his constant astonishment from a bed of drab gravel. Back then, I drove a Fiat whose paint had oxidized to the overall color and texture of rust. The car sputtered as I shifted into park and the sagging tailpipe, which I'd had to bind to the car's undercarriage with electrical tape, coughed a cloud of noxious exhaust.

Just a year after I purchased the car with money from a small inheritance left me by my mother, it fell apart with an almost vengeful rapidity. The vinyl upholstery of the bucket seats began to rub off on passengers' hands and thighs in sticky black patches. Soon, the seats were nothing but lumps of raw foam, and even those were crumbling like sponge cake. One of the rear windows no longer rolled up, the pane trapped within the door. On cold nights, a stray dog made the back seat its home, leaving behind a legion of fleas to feast to my ankles as I drove around town.

Just a year after I purchased the car with money from a small inheritance left me by my mother, it fell apart with an almost vengeful rapidity. The vinyl upholstery of the bucket seats began to rub off on passengers' hands and thighs in sticky black patches. Soon, the seats were nothing but lumps of raw foam, and even those were crumbling like sponge cake. One of the rear windows no longer rolled up, the pane trapped within the door. On cold nights, a stray dog made the back seat its home, leaving behind a legion of fleas to feast to my ankles as I drove around town.

在车里被人看见是件很丢脸的事，尤其是在洛杉矶。当我在红灯前停在一辆低沉轰鸣的跑车旁边，看着它带后稳定器、阳极氧化轮毂盖、皮革内饰时，我不得不强迫自己记住，一辆车并不能代表一个人。我是一个作家，更看重文字而不是物质财富。换句话说，我对新车怀有一种空洞的优越感。当我下车时，父亲朝菲亚特走来，尽管我试图挡住他的视线，他还是透过一直开着的车窗往里窥探。父亲矮胖，秃顶，总是处于一种持续的焦躁状态中，但他也能表现出一种似乎从内心深处散发出来的温柔，那种温柔让我感动，就像黎明唤醒一只鸟儿一样。‘嘿，’他说，‘看起来你需要换一套新轮子了。’

It was humiliating to be seen inside the car, especially in Los Angeles. When idling at a stoplight beside a purring sports car with rear stabilizers, anodized hubcaps, a leather interior, I had to force myself to remember that an automobile does not a man make, and that I was a writer who placed a higher value on words than on material possessions, which is to say that I cultivated a hollow sense of superiority around new cars. My father sauntered toward the Fiat as I got out, peeking through the perpetually open window despite my attempt to block his view. Stocky and balding in a state of continual agitation, my father was also capable of a tenderness that seemed to light him from within and that stirred me like daybreak stirs a bird. Hey, he said, looks like you could use a new set of wheels.

“我买不起新车，”我告诉他。我清楚地记得当时面对父亲的样子，他穿着园艺服，衣服上沾着草渍，被汗水浸得发暗。我刻意调整语气，让自己听起来既不显得可怜兮兮地说“我太穷了”，也不显得任性。我说：“我永远也买不起一辆新车。”还没等我反应过来，父亲和我已经坐在他那辆白色的埃尔多拉多里，以梦一般无摩擦的速度滑向西科维纳的一家丰田经销商，他曾在电视上看过这家店的广告。他用粗短的手指指着自己的胸口。

I can't afford a new car, I told him. I distinctly recall facing my father, his gardening clothes stained with grass and darkened by perspiration, and shaping my tone so that I sounded neither pitiful, I'm too poor, or petulant. I'll never be able to buy a new car. Before I knew it, my father and I were ensconced in his white Eldorado, gliding with the frictionless speed of a dream toward a Toyota dealership in West Covina whose ads he'd seen on TV. He pointed a stubby finger at his chest.

“让我来处理，”他说。“我这辈子买过很多辆车，我知道怎么跟这些混蛋打交道。你看着吧，我会让他们吃不了兜着走。他们根本不知道自己碰上了什么。”一方面，父亲的吹嘘让我感到自己无所不能，仿佛我正与一位经验丰富的老手在一起。

Let me handle this, he said. I've bought plenty of cars in my life and I know how to deal with these bastards. You watch, I'll beat them at their own game. They won't know what hit them. On one hand, dad's braggadocio made me feel invincible, as though I were in the company of a seasoned pro.

另一方面，这又把我置于一个只能仰慕旁观的角色，似乎我太无能和天真，连自己的车都买不了，而事实也确实如此。在进行重大交易的谈判礼仪方面，我总是手足无措。在我看来，这需要对他人保持高度的不信任，同时还要压抑住内心的嗜血冲动。我经常观察父亲，知道这种交易会让他兴奋得几乎进入一种对抗的狂喜状态。他不怕大声威胁、拍桌子，甚至全身心地投入到商业的角斗场中。不过，如果买一辆新车意味着我得为他的攻击性感到尴尬，那就让脸红来得更猛烈些吧。

On the other hand, it relegated me to the role of admiring onlooker, and suggested that I was too incompetent and naive to buy my own car, which was entirely true. I floundered when it came to the treacherous etiquette of negotiating a major sale, a feat which required, it seemed to me, a keen mistrust of one's fellow men coupled with a barely sublimated bloodlust. I'd watch my father often enough to know that such transactions excited him into what can only be described as a rapture of antagonism. He didn't mind yelling threats and pounding desks and generally hurling himself bodily into the arena of commerce. Still, if a new car required me to be embarrassed by his aggression, bring on the blushing.

于是我让自己放松在柔软的桶形座椅中，感到被保护和安全，凯迪拉克飞快地超越了缓慢的车流，显得庞大而坚不可摧，像一座移动的宫殿。当我们穿过丰田经销商停车场的沥青地面时，三角形的塑料挂饰在风中飘动并啪啪作响。我提前向父亲表示感谢，并告诉他我不需要白色轮胎、空调或收音机。基本的交通工具就足够了。他点点头，大步向前，步伐坚定，肩膀挺直。

And so I let myself relax into the plush bucket seat, cradled and safe as the caddy whizzed past slower traffic, huge and unassailable, as regal as a motorized mansion. As we walked across the asphalt lot of the Toyota dealership, triangular plastic pendants rippled and snapped in the breeze. I thanked dad in advance and told him that I didn't need white walls, an air conditioner, or a radio. Basic transportation would be just fine. He nodded and forged ahead, his stride marshaled, his shoulders squared.

我私下里希望我这种低调的期望能让他更加喜欢我。也许他会在当天就完成交易，趁他心情还没变坏，趁我还没说出什么无意中惹他生气的话，趁他还没对销售员说出“狗屎”或“混蛋”这样的词。我的兴奋几乎与恐慌无异。每走一步，我都更加迫切地想要一辆漂亮的新丰田。我渴望结束在路上的自我意识，渴望摆脱那种令人羞耻的感觉——那种轰鸣的噪音和刺鼻的尾气仿佛不是来自我的车，而是来自我自己。

Secretly, I hoped my modest expectations might endear me to him even more. Maybe he'd close the deal that very day before his mood changed, before I said something that would inadvertently set him off, before he said crap or bastard to the dealer. My excitement was indistinguishable from panic. I wanted a beautiful new Toyota more desperately with every step. I wanted an end to the self consciousness I felt on the road, an end to the shameful sense that the thunderous rumbling and rank exhaust were coming from my person rather than my car.

从西科维纳的酷热中走进展厅，凉爽的空气让人精神一振。展示车的漆面完美无瑕，闪闪发光。展厅中央，一辆崭新的流线型敞篷车在一个巨大的平台上缓缓旋转，仿佛在向背景音乐献媚。我们一进门，销售人员们仿佛嗅到了猎物的气息，纷纷从办公桌前站起来，朝我们聚拢过来。我突然想到，谁先走到我们面前，谁就是赢家，谁的握手或问候声先传到我们耳中，谁就能赢得我们。

The showroom felt bracingly cool after the heat of West Covina. Highlights glittered in the flawless paint jobs of the display models. In the center of the room, a sleek new convertible turned around and around on an enormous platform as if swooning the Muzak. The second we entered, salespeople, sensing prey, rose from their desks and converged. It occurred to me that we would be the prize for the fastest walker, the one whose handshake or hail greeting reached us first.

最终胜出的是一个瘦高个男人，他穿着紧身的黑西装，看上去像鳗鱼一样泛着虹彩。也许我只是以我父亲的眼光看他：狡猾、焦虑、不可信任。父亲调整了一下重心，迎上他的目光，站得笔直。他踢了踢轮胎，仿佛能通过他那富有经验的脚趾来判断这辆车的整体质量。他眯着眼睛看着价格标签。

The victor was a skinny man whose snug black suit lent him an eel like iridescence. Or perhaps I was just seeing him as my father might, slippery, anxious, not to be trusted. Dad shifted his weight to meet the man's gaze, his posture erect. He kicked a tire as if to gauge through his knowing toes the vehicle's overall quality. He squinted at the sticker price.

“约翰，”父亲念着销售员胸牌上的名字。“首先，我是个律师。其次，说到汽车，我可不是街上随便哪个傻瓜。我有个表亲是圣贝纳迪诺一家凯迪拉克经销商的车队经理，据我所知，这完全是编造的。如果我们能直奔主题，你或许能做成这笔生意。”

John, said my father, reading the salesman's name tag. Firstly, I'm an attorney. Secondly, when it comes to cars, I'm not some idiot off the street. A cousin of mine is fleet manager of a Cadillac dealership in San Bernardino, a complete fabrication as far as I knew. If we cut through the crap, you just might make yourself a sale.

“我这儿这个儿子，”父亲接着说，“我给他买车，不需要任何花里胡哨的配置。”“我是伯纳德，”我对销售员说。他和我握手，但眼睛始终没有离开我父亲。“嗯，库珀先生，爱德华，执业律师。我得说，库珀先生。”

My son here, I'm buying the boy a car, doesn't need any bells or whistles. I'm Bernard, I said to the salesman. He shook my hand without taking his eyes off my father. Well, mister Cooper, Edward, attorney at law. I gotta hand it to you, mister Cooper.

遇到一位清楚自己想要什么并且已经准备好做生意的顾客，这真不错。这让我的工作轻松多了。我父亲斜着眼看了我一下，仿佛在说，好好看着学吧。我会让这个过程毫无痛苦的，销售员说道。他转过身，朝通往停车场的玻璃门走去。

It's nice to meet a customer who knows what he wants and comes prepared to do business. Makes my job a whole lot easier. My father shot me a sidelong glance as if to say, watch and learn. I'm gonna make this painless, said the salesman. He spun on his heel and walked toward the glass door that led to the lot.

我们跟着他走到外面，穿过一片真正的普普花田般的全新卡罗拉车阵，直到我们停在一扇红色的双门车前，约翰声称这是停车场里最便宜的汽车。这就是最便宜的？我父亲问道。尽管我不愿承认，但我必须补充的是，我父亲胸前的金色大卫之星从衣服中间松脱了出来，在午后的阳光下格外耀眼。看到这一幕，加上我父亲毫不掩饰的讨价还价，让我内心涌起一阵羞耻。我忍不住想向销售员解释，我父亲所拥有的一切都是辛苦挣来的。

We followed him outside to a veritable poppy field of new Corollas till we reached a red two door that John claimed was the least expensive automobile on the lot. This is the cheapest? Asked my father. Though it pains me to do so, I must add that my father's gold Star of David had loosed itself from the mid interior of his shirt to glint conspicuously in the afternoon light, the sight of which, given my father's unabashed haggling, caused a cord of shame to vibrate inside me. I felt compelled to explain to the salesman how my father had worked hard for everything he owned.

他是个囤积者、吝啬鬼，一个精打细算的人，从不把经济稳定视为理所当然。在这方面，他和成千上万在贫困中长大、经历过大萧条的人没什么两样，无论是否犹太人。但要向一个销售员解释这么多，尤其是在即将改变我人生的交易达成之前，实在不容易。坦率地说，如果我父亲符合犹太人吝啬的刻板印象，那么我就是这个刻板印象的受益者。我假装对这辆车不感兴趣地打量着它，要知道我当时是多么渴望那辆红色的小卡罗拉。

He was a hoarder, a scrimper, a seeker of bargains who could never take his solvency for granted. And in this respect, he was like thousands of people who'd grown up poor and endured the depression, Jewish or not. But that was a lot to explain to a salesman, especially on the cusp of a deal that would change my life. And to put it bluntly, if my father was conforming to the cliche of the cheap Jew, I was that cliche's beneficiary. I peered at the car feigning disinterest, quite a performance considering how I coveted that little red Corolla.

库珀先生，销售员说道，我一眼就能看出你是个精明的人，我要做一件可能会丢掉饭碗的事。但在告诉你是什么之前，库珀先生，我希望你能答应我不会告诉我的老板一个字。我曾听说过重复别人名字可以让他们感到被重视，从而赢得他们的好感，看来约翰也听过同样的说法。库珀先生，我让你只多付200美元就把车开走，连工厂价格都不到。我甚至愿意放弃这笔交易的佣金。

Mister Cooper, said the salesman, I know a shrewd man when I see one and I'm going to do something that could put my job on the line. But before I tell you what it is, mister Cooper, I want you to promise that you won't say a word to my boss. I'd once heard that repeating a person's name is a way to make them feel important to win them over, and John, it seemed, had heard the same. Mister Cooper, I'm gonna let you drive out of here for a mere $200 over the factory price. I'm gonna scratch my commission on this.

坦率地说，比起这笔佣金，我更需要销售业绩，如果我们能尽快敲定这笔交易，对我有好处，当然对你也一样。这时，身体的反应模糊了记忆。我的心跳加速，嘴巴发干。你得坚持到底，约翰，我父亲说道。

Frankly, I need the sales points more than I need the money, and if we can lock up this deal pronto, it'll be worth my while and of course worth yours. Here metabolism obscures memory. My heart was running on all cylinders. My mouth went dry. You've got to be me, John, said my father.

我知道你可以给我比工厂价格更低的价格。我一分都不会多付，一分都不。正如我刚才说的，库珀先生，我不介意放弃我的佣金，但我不可能在这笔交易中亏本。我给你的价格是洛杉矶县，甚至是整个加州你能找到的最优价格。其他顾客正不安地靠近我的卡罗拉，试坐驾驶座，调整后视镜。

I know you can give it to me under factory. I'm not paying a penny more than factory, period. As I said, mister Cooper, I don't mind giving up my commission, but I can't lose money on the deal. I'm giving you the best price you're going to find in LA County, in the state of California. Other customers were milling uncomfortably close to my Corolla, trying out driver seats, adjusting rear view mirrors.

我真想转身对我父亲大喊，他为什么要撒谎？我父亲严厉地说，我不相信。我愣了一下才明白他说的是经销商的报价，而不是车本身。我知道这个游戏是怎么玩的，我可以在一定程度上配合，但现在已经到极限了。那么，让我们看看你能给出什么样的优惠条件吧。

I wanted to turn to my father and blurt, why would he lie? I'm not buying it, my father said sternly. It took me a second to realize he meant the dealer's story, not the car itself. I know how this game is played, and I'll play along up to a point, but we've reached that point. So let's see what kind of deal you can give me.

如果你不信，库珀先生，你可以去别处看看，然后再回来。我的报价依然有效。不过最好快点行动，因为这辆车不会在这个停车场待太久。我想你没听清楚，我父亲说道。看着我，库珀先生。

Shop around if you don't believe me, mister Cooper, then come on back. The offer still stands. Better act quickly though because this baby isn't going to stay in a lot much longer. I guess you didn't hear me, said my father. Look at me, mister Cooper.

我没有理由欺骗你。我父亲打量了一番约翰，然后转向我。我们走吧，他说。我们去别处做生意。我们还没迈出一步，销售员就冷冷地感谢了我父亲，然后走开了。

I have no reason to lead you on. My father gave John the once over then turned to me. Let's go, he said. We're taking our business elsewhere. Before we took a step, the salesman curtly thanked my father and walked away.

我们两个人等了一会儿，心照不宣地认为他的离开可能是为了刺激我父亲去追他。阳光从无云的天空直射下来，脚下的沥青路面变得柔软。我觉得他基本上是个诚实的人，我低声说道。诚实个鬼。我父亲用一种近乎怜悯的眼神看着我。

The two of us waited a moment with the tacit understanding that his retreat might have been a strategy to provoke my father into giving chase. Sun beat down from a cloudless sky, asphalt softening beneath our feet. I think he's basically an honest man, I mumbled. Honest my ass. My father looked at me with something like pity.

我永远不会明白，永远都是个傻瓜、乡巴佬。销售员打开展厅门走进去时，背景里隐约传来轻音乐。好了，爸爸宣布道，演出结束了，我们穿过停车场朝他的凯迪拉克走去。回洛杉矶的路程足足花了四十分钟。父亲仍因与销售员的会面而怒火中烧，耳朵和脖子都因充血而发红。

I'd never catch on, would forever remain a sucker, a rube. Muzak faintly wafted from the showroom as the salesman swung the door open and walked inside. Well, dad announced, show's over, and we trudged across the lot toward his caddy. The drive back to Los Angeles took a good forty minutes. My father still fumed from the encounter with the salesman, his ears and neck flushed with blood.

爸爸坚持认为这笔交易远未结束。那人想玩硬碰硬，但你等着看吧。我们一回到家电话就会响。会是他打来的，他会对约翰低声下气地模仿道，‘库珀先生这个，库珀先生那个’。

Dad insisted that the deal was far from over. The guy's playing hardball, but you watch. The phone will be ringing when we get back to the house. It'll be him and he'll say, my father launched into an imitation of John cooing, Mr. Cooper this and Mr.

‘库珀先生那个’。父亲承诺，当电话终于打来时，约翰会为自己的草率道歉并降低价格。我很快就能拥有我的车了。一天过去了。两天。

Cooper that. My father promised that when the call finally came, John would apologize for being too hasty and lower the price. I'd have my car before I knew it. One day passed. Two.

三天。每天我都会以各种牵强的借口给父亲打电话，试图打听是否听到了销售员的任何消息。第四天，我鼓起勇气直接问他。别着急，父亲咕哝道。我说过他会打电话的，不是吗？

Three. Each day I called my father on various transparent pretexts and attempted to find out whether I'd heard anything from the salesman. On the fourth day, I steeled myself and asked him outright. Keep your pants on, grumbled my father. I said he'd call, didn't I?

然而，到了周末，我的裤子都松垮了。那辆车很可能已经被卖掉了。与此同时，我调查了城里其他丰田经销商的价格，发现约翰的报价是其中最划算的。于是我给父亲打了最后一通电话，试图买下那辆车。爸爸，我说，我做了一些价格比较。

By the end of the week, however, my pants were sagging. The car had probably been sold. In the meantime, I'd researched the prices at other Toyota dealerships around town and discovered that John's offer was the best of the bunch. And so I called my father in a last ditch effort to own the car. Dad, I said, I've done some comparative pricing.

那又怎样？我觉得我们应该买下那辆花冠。如果问题在于不想多付超过厂家定价，这完全可以理解，我可以自己出那多出来的200美元。这个提议带着一种团队合作的美好色彩，我真希望自己几天前就能想到。这不是关于200美元，我父亲大喊道。

So? I think we should go for the Corolla before it's sold. And if it's a matter of not wanting to pay more than the factory price, and who can blame you, I'd be happy to contribute the extra $200 myself. The proposal had about it the pleasing hue of teamwork and I wished I'd thought of it days ago. It's not about the $200 shouted my father.

这是场等待的游戏。他坚持着，等着我回去求他，把钱扔给他。如果你不能耐心等上一段时间，如果你凡事都非得立刻得到你想要的，那你就干脆别想这事了。挂电话前，他说，别再烦我了。车准备好了我会给你打电话。

It's a waiting game. He's holding out so I'll come running back and throw my money at him. If you can't sit tight for a while, if you have to have everything you want right when you want it, you might as well forget the whole damn thing. Before he hung up, he said, and don't pester me anymore. I'll call you when the car is ready.

一个月的沉默之后，账单寄来了。那时，我已经放弃了那辆车，接受了继续开那辆菲亚特的事实，直到它彻底报废，或者我有能力分期付款买一辆新车，哪个先来算哪个。我怀疑父亲可能对我们在经销商那天的经历耿耿于怀，但我没料到他的反应会如此极端，如果那账单真代表他的反应的话。每当我试图理解其中的因果关系，因果关系的机器就开始崩溃。也许在这过去的一个月中，父亲对我提出要补贴车价的提议更加耿耿于怀，认为这暗示他买不起这辆车，无法靠自己的能力谈成这笔交易。

The bill arrived after a month of silence. By then, I'd given up on the car, resigned to drive the Fiat until it broke down completely or until I could afford to make payments on a new car, whichever came first. I suspected my father might brood about our day at the dealership, but I wasn't prepared for the extremity of his reaction, if in fact the bill was a reaction. Whenever I tried to make a connection, the machinery of cause and effect began to break down. Perhaps in the intervening month, my father had become more offended by my offer to supplement the cost of the car, thinking that implied he couldn't afford it, couldn't pull off the deal on his own.

他一定在想，我算什么东西，竟敢给他钱。然而，即使考虑到父亲性格的全部暴烈性，我仍难以相信，我区区200美元的提议会导致他起诉我200万美元。日子一天天过去，我对那辆车的渴望逐渐淡去，而父亲的执念无疑却在加深。我的计划本该奏效。那辆车本该属于我们。

Who was I, he must have wondered, to offer him money. And yet, even taking into account the full force of my father's volatility, it seemed unlikely that my offer of $200 would result in him suing me for 2,000,000. As the days wore on, my longing for the car grew dimmer while my father's no doubt deepened. My plan should have worked. That car should be ours.

将他推回到他童年时所熟悉的那种匮乏之中。销售员拒绝打电话一定动摇了他对世界运作方式的信念。男人之间是如何达成交易的，像他这样的男人，靠的是机智和胆量。发生或未发生的事情定义了他所有的父亲身份的确定性。

Thrusting him back to the deprivation he knew as a boy. The salesman's refusal to call must have undermined his notion of how the world worked. How bargains were struck by men like himself. Men possessed of wile and nerve. What had happened or failed to happen defined his every paternal assurance.

他曾承诺电话会响，销售员会系上安全带，车子就归我了。他一定非常难堪，因为他知道我在等他的电话。而他让我等待这个事实，只会让事情更糟。我父亲那种绝不认错的态度意味着我将不得不永远等下去。自从我收到那张账单以来，已经过去二十年了，在这期间的大部分时间里，我一直以为在我们在西科维纳度过的那个下午期间，父亲曾在某个时刻把他的电话号码给了经销商。

His promise that the phone would ring, the salesman buckle, the car become mine. How humiliated he must have been to know that I awaited his call. That he'd asked me to wait must have made it worse. My father's refusal to be in the wrong meant that I'd have to wait forever. Twenty years have passed since I opened that bill, and for most of those years, I've taken it for granted that at some point during our afternoon in West Covina, my father had given the dealer his telephone number.

但我已经反复回想了那次购车经历不下十次，眯着眼睛抵御新车反射的强光，呼吸着展厅里冰冷的空气，但我却记不起父亲曾递给经销商一张名片，或者填写过任何形式的表格。即使我父亲最终是对的，那位销售员也不知道该如何联系他。该打哪个电话号码。

But I've sifted through that trip a dozen times, squinting against the glare of new cars, breathing the icy air of the showroom, and I can't recall my father handing over one of his business cards or filling out a form of any sort. Even if my father had been right after all, the salesman wouldn't have known where to reach him. What number to call.

乔什·汉密尔顿朗读伯纳德·库珀所写的一个故事片段，该故事最初发表于《洛杉矶周刊》，现在已被收录进《来自父亲的账单》一书中。特别感谢阿德里安·勒布朗、凯伦·托马斯和杰·艾利森。我们的网站是thisamericanlife.org。《美国生活》节目由公共广播交换台PRX向公共广播电台提供。一如既往地感谢我们节目的联合创始人托林·马拉蒂亚先生。

Josh Hamilton, reading an excerpt from a story by Bernard Cooper, which first appeared in the LA Weekly and is now part of the book, The Bill From My Father. Special thanks to Adrian LeBlanc, Karen Thomas, and Jay Allison. Our website, thisamericanlife.org. This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by PRX, the public radio exchange. Thanks as always to our program's cofounder, mister Toreen Malatia.

你知道，每当我派任何人去找他录音的时候，他都会说，

You know, whenever I send anybody over to record him, he says,

你知道吧，你跑到这儿来，为你的蠢朋友的广播节目录个音，然后就赶紧滚蛋。

you know, you come here and you tape me for your stupid friends radio show, and then you get the hell out.

我是埃里克·格拉斯。下周回来继续带来更多《美国生活》的故事。

I'm Eric Glass. Back next week with more stories of This American Life.