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温馨提示，本期节目中含有未经消音处理的脏话。
A quick warning, there are curse words that are unbeeped in today's episode of the show.
如果您需要消音版本，可以在我们的官网thisamericanlife.org上找到。
If you prefer a beeped version, you can find that at our website, this americanlife.org.
好的。
Okay.
作为成年人，很少会遇到这种情况：你在自己的国家、自己的家乡用母语与人交谈，却完全不明白发生了什么。
As adults, it's pretty rare to have a moment where you're talking with somebody in your own country, in your own hometown, in your own language, and you have no idea what is actually happening.
这种困惑不是那种'他这话什么意思'的困惑，而是像《我爱露西》里'我怎么把自己搞进这种局面'的混乱感。
When things become confusing and not in that, oh, what did he mean by that sort of way, but in an I love Lucy, how did I get myself into this situation kind of confusion.
比如艾米大学放假回到印第安纳老家时，陪她弟弟的高中班级去参观南本德当地一家名为'健康工坊儿童博物馆'的健康科学馆。
Like, for example, Amy was back home in Indiana on a break from college, and she was accompanying her brother's high school class on a trip to this health and science museum they have in South Bend called the HealthWorks Kids Museum.
先介绍一下故事人物背景：艾米的弟弟患有自闭症，存在发育障碍。
And just to give you a sense of who the characters are in this story, Amy's brother is autistic, and he is developmentally disabled.
如果要描述本的形象，可以说他是个看起来像明星运动员的英俊小伙，心理年龄约五到八岁，特别喜欢恐龙。
If you had to picture Ben, would say picture this really handsome star athlete looking guy who's sort of has an an age of maybe five to eight years old and and loves dinosaurs.
至于艾米，除了与弟弟感情深厚外，从她在巴士上与本的老师那段对话就能看出她的为人——当时车上全是发育障碍的孩子，正前往博物馆。
As for Amy, aside from the fact that she's very close to her brother, you can get a good sense of who she is by the conversation that she had with Ben's teacher on the bus with all the developmentally disabled kids driving to this museum.
艾米当时在和老师聊她的学业，说实话那些课程听起来非常非常难。
Amy was talking to the teacher about her schoolwork, which frankly seems very, very hard.
艾米主修物理专业，在德国留学。
Amy was majoring in physics and studying in Germany.
在德国不仅课程用德语教学，我们用的还全是研究生级别的教材。
In Germany, not only were the classes in German, but we were also using all of these graduate textbooks.
不过她人真的很好，一路上都耐心听我说话。
And so but she was really nice, and she just listened to me the whole way over.
他们到达博物馆后，看完科普视频和爆炸实验演示，就到了自由参观展品的时间。
So they get to the museum, and after some videos and some science experiments where they blow things up, it was time to walk around the exhibits.
在整个过程中，他们一直在大力推广的一件事就是那些新安装的电脑。
So during during all of this, one of the things that they had been really pushing, they had these new computers that were installed.
这些电脑的设计目的是引导孩子们制作一张非常整洁的身份证。
They were computers designed to walk kids through making a really neat identification card.
他们都对此感到非常兴奋。
And they were all really excited about this.
我想它们可能就在我们来的前一天才刚投入使用，因为他们都在说'一定要用我们的身份证电脑'。
I think they must have just gone live, like, the day before we came because they were all just, make sure you use our our ID computers.
你知道，我们对此非常兴奋，你可以打印出你的身份证并在前台领取。
You know, we're so excited about this, and you get to print out your ID and pick it up at the front desk.
对。
And Right.
当我们走到博物馆的实际展区时，我和弟弟四处参观，他给我介绍了一些他最喜欢的展品。
And so when we walk out onto to the to the actual museum part, my brother and I walk around, and he shows me some of his favorite exhibits.
然后一名工作人员走过来问我：'你制作身份证了吗？'
And and this staff member comes up to me, and he says, have you made your ID yet?
有那么一瞬间，他要求一个成年人制作身份证似乎有点奇怪。
Now for a second, it seems a little weird that he would ask one of the adults to make an ID card.
但艾米觉得这是新事物。
But Amy figured it's new.
他们很兴奋想让每个人都尝试这个，无论是孩子还是大人。
They're excited for everybody to try this thing, kids and adults.
于是她弟弟慢悠悠地走开了，她坐下来开始回答电脑屏幕上的问题。
So her brother ambles off, and she sits down and starts answering the questions on her computer screen.
那个工作人员并没有离开。
And the guy doesn't go away.
他不断找各种方式来帮助她。
He keeps finding ways to help her.
然后我突然想到，哦，也许他是在对我有点意思。
Then it occurred to me, oh, well, maybe he's he's hitting on me a little bit.
这本来可以理解，但他给她的帮助变得越来越奇怪。
Which would make sense, but the help that he's giving her keeps getting stranger and stranger.
他指导她做的事情，完全是一个正常成年人根本不需要指导的。
He's giving her instructions for things that no fully functioning adult would ever need instructions for.
艾米不禁怀疑，他是不是把她当成了博物馆里那些发育障碍的孩子之一？
And Amy wonders, does he think that she is one of the developmentally disabled kids who are wandering all over the museum?
但同时，艾米觉得这明明显而易见——从她的举止、表达方式，以及那个人的态度来看，她显然不是。
But at the same time, Amy thought it was completely obvious that she wasn't, the way she moved, the way she expressed herself, and the guy's manner.
他说话的语气再明显不过。
His tone of voice was unmistakable.
他像对待同龄人一样和她交谈。
He talked to her like a peer.
我是说，我几乎要怀疑这就是让我困惑到几乎动弹不得的原因。
I mean, I I almost wonder if maybe that was that was why I was almost paralyzed with confusion.
很少能遇到不对智障人士使用特殊语气的人。
It's really rare to meet people who don't use some kind of special voice with the mentally disabled.
那种稍微提高音调、带着'我知道你是个特殊的人'意味的语气。
This, slightly higher pitched, slightly I know you're a special person kind of voice.
所以这真的太奇怪了。
So it was just it was so strange.
幸运的是，紧接着电脑屏幕上出现的问题，让艾米意识到这能一劳永逸地彻底解决他们之间的所有困惑。
And then, luckily, the very next question that comes up on the computer screen is one that Amy realizes can resolve all of this confusion once and for all, definitively, for the both of them.
问题是：请输入你的年龄。
So the question is, type in your age.
好的。
Okay.
那时我21岁。
So I'm 21 years old at the time.
所以我想，我输入21岁他就会意识到我不可能是学生。
So I'm thinking, I can type in 21 and he'll realize that I can't be a student.
然后我们可以假装一直都明白是怎么回事。
And we can just both pretend like we understood what was going on this whole time.
于是我输入了21。
So I type in 21.
然后他看看我，又看看年龄，说：'哦，艾米，你知道吗，如果你的年龄是以-teen结尾的数字，那这个数字开头一定是1。'
And and he he looks at me and he looks at the age and he says, oh, Amy, you know, if your age is a number that ends in teen, then that number starts with a one.
所以他直接认为你输错了。
So he just assumes you've typed wrong.
是啊。
Yeah.
但我没有。
But I haven't.
所以那一刻，我决定不说'其实我21岁'然后任其发展，而是删掉已输入的内容，改成了十八岁。
So at that point, I I decided instead of saying, okay, I'll actually I I am 21, and then letting that fold out however it would've, I erase what I typed, and I type in eighteen.
为什么？
Why?
我
I
不知道。
don't know.
我是说，我想还能有多少问题呢？
I mean, I thought how many more questions could there possibly be?
我已经...我已经告诉他们关于我的一切了，连体重都说了。
I've already I've already told them, you know, everything about myself, how much I weigh.
我当时想，好吧，这不过是再多几个问题，然后给我拍张照片，就完事了。
And then and I thought, well, this is just gonna be a couple more questions, and then it'll take a photo of me, and then I'll be done.
那样他就永远不会知道了。
And then he'll never have to know.
他是个陌生人。
He's a stranger.
你可是在博物馆里。
You're in a museum.
大概一分钟后这事就结束了。
Like, this will be over in, a minute.
你可以直接走开。
You can walk away.
谁会在乎呢？
Like, who cares?
确实如此。
Exactly.
我觉得那就像是两害相权取其轻。
I felt like it was the lesser of two evils at that point.
但她离问卷结束还远着呢。
But she is not near the end of the questionnaire.
远不止如此。
Far from it.
问卷一页接一页地继续，然后还有需要全神贯注回答的段落长度问题。
It continues for pages and pages, Then there's a set of paragraph length questions which require actual concentration.
尽管我已经尽可能快地浏览这些问题，试图快速完成，他却开始逐字逐句地大声念给我听。
And while I'm fast as I can, I'm skimming these questions, trying to get through these, he starts reading them to me out loud, word for word.
我整个人瘫在椅子上，心想这实在太过分了。
And I'm sort of melting into my chair and I'm thinking, this is too much.
这简直太让人失望了。
This is way too much of a deception.
我必须想办法阻止他。
I have to I have to somehow stop him.
于是我就这么做了。
So so I did.
我说，哦，我我能认字。
I said, oh, I I can read.
然后他看着我。
And and and he looks at me.
他把手搭在我背上。
He puts his hand on my back.
他说，你的父母一定为你感到骄傲。
And he says, your parents must be so proud of you.
所以你可能想象得到，我正拼命快速浏览这些问题。
So as as you might imagine, I'm I'm working really hard to skim through these questions.
我动作快得像一阵风。
This this quick I'm a blur of activity.
我只想赶快答完这些问题，好离开这个房间逃跑。
I'm just trying to get through these questions so I can get out of this room and and escape.
当我以最快速度答题时，看到我弟弟的老师朝我走来？
And as I'm working through these questions as fast as I can, I see my brother's teacher walking towards me?
她说，嘿，艾米。
And she says, hey, Amy.
进展如何？
How's it going?
你心里想着，天啊。
And you're thinking like, oh my god.
会发生什么？
What's gonna happen?
哦。
Oh.
哦，是的。
Oh, yeah.
然后事情就发生了。
And and then it happens.
他他指着我，再次用充满钦佩和骄傲的语气说道。
He he points to me and he says, again, voice full of admiration and and pride.
他说，艾米刚才告诉我她能阅读。
And he says, Amy was just telling me that she can read.
老师对这个消息作何反应？
How does the teacher take this news?
天啊。
Oh my gosh.
这位我曾向她抱怨过德语研究生课程的老师看着他说道，艾米当然能阅读。
So this teacher who I'd been complaining to about these graduate level classes in German, She looks at him and she says, of course, Amy can read.
然后真相大白。
And then the truth pours out.
双方开始手忙脚乱地互相道歉，艾米向那人道歉，那人也向艾米道歉。
There begins a flurrying of apologizing on all sides, Amy apologizing to the guy, the guy apologizing to Amy.
她说，两人道歉时都紧捂着自己的胸口。
Both of them, she says, clutching their own hearts as they do this.
原来他非常注意不用居高临下的态度对待发展障碍学生，因为他自己就有学习障碍。
Turns out he's so careful not to talk down to developmentally disabled students because he himself had a learning disability.
所以她误解了他的行为及其说话方式的原因。
And so she had misread what he was doing and why he spoke the way he did.
他误解了她的真实为人。
And he misread who she really was.
而这次，他们都发现了真相。
And in this case, they both discovered the truth.
但同样常见的是，人们相遇又分离，却始终未能澄清这些误会。
But just as often, people meet and walk away and never straighten this stuff out.
他们以为自己全都搞错了。
They assume they get it all wrong.
这就是今天节目的主题。
And that is the subject of today's program.
这里是芝加哥公共广播电台的《美国生活》。
From Chicago Public Radio, it's This American Life.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
I'm Ira Glass.
今天的节目主题是：我看透你了。
Today's show, I've got you pegged.
讲述人们对他人的种种误解故事。
Stories of people assuming all kinds of things about other people, usually in error.
今天的节目由四个意外事件组成，阵容相当强大。
Our show today in four accidents is quite a lineup.
理查德·普莱斯、大卫·拉特科夫、沙洛姆·奥斯兰德和南希·厄普代克。
Richard Price, David Ratkoff, Shalom Auslander, and Nancy Updike.
请继续收听。
Stay with us.
这里是《美国生活》。
This is American Life.
今天的节目是重播。
Today's show is a rerun.
第一幕，肥胖的蓝线。
Act one, the fat blue line.
我们今天要讲的故事，是关于那些在任何地方都司空见惯的事，普通到连地方新闻都懒得报道。
We begin today with a story about something that happens all the time in all kinds of places, something, that is so common that it's not even big enough to make it on the local news.
这个故事由小说家兼编剧理查德·普莱斯讲述。
Richard Price tells the story, the novelist and screenwriter.
他经常写关于警察与犯罪的作品。
He often writes about cops and crime.
他写过《时钟匠》。
He wrote Clockers.
他写过《激情刽子手》。
He wrote Sea of Love.
他为电视剧《火线》写过剧本。
He wrote for the TV show The Wire.
2008年他在纽约飞蛾故事会的舞台上讲述过这个故事。
He told this story on stage at The Moth in New York back in 2008.
他将其描述为取材自真实生活并加以戏剧化的故事。
He describes it as a tale taken from real life and dramatized.
在我上一部小说创作期间，我经常在下东区活动。
In the last novel I wrote, I spent a lot of time on the Lower East Side.
按照我的习惯，我总是不自觉地坐进警车后座。
And as is my want, I wound up in the back of police cars a lot.
如今的下东区犯罪率极低。
And Lower East Side is a very low crime area right now.
这里曾是治安最差的区域，但朱利安尼市长和房地产热潮改变了这一切。
It used to be the worst, but Giuliani and real estate pressure took care of that.
现在那里的警察基本上无案可办。
And now they basically have nothing to do down there in terms of crime.
他们的做法是坐在伪装成出租车的车里，四个魁梧的白人男子坐在威廉斯堡大桥旁的假出租车里，盯着从布鲁克林方向过来的车辆。
So what they do is they sort of sit in fake taxis, you know, four beefy white guys sit in a fake taxi by the side of the Williamsburg Bridge and they eyeball what's coming over from Brooklyn.
如果看到一辆价值200美元的破车，或者车里的人留着爆炸头或马尾辫，他们就会跟上去，尾随那辆车，等着看司机是否会表现得过于礼貌，比如打转向灯，这样他们就知道这人肯定有问题。
And if the car looks like a $200 shitbox or somebody's got an Afro or a ponytail, they pull up, pull in behind the car and they wait to see if the guy's gonna go all polite in his driving, like put on lane change signals and they know he's dirty.
你知道，最坏的情况也不过如此。
You know, worse comes to worse.
说白了，这其实就是在钓鱼执法。
You know, it's it's fishing, really.
德兰西街就是个大型钓鱼执法现场。
It's it's it's it's a big fishing hole, Delancey Street.
于是我在那辆伪装的出租车里待了一整晚，身边是八个足有五十磅重的白人壮汉。
And so I spent all night in this bogus taxi with about eight fifty pounds of white beef.
到了深夜行动结束时，他们成功抓到了人。
And it's the end of the night, they made their collars.
然后
And
是
are
两名警察坐在前排，我坐在后座。
two cops up front and I'm sitting in the back.
和这些人一起出勤时，我从不评价他们的行为。
When I ride with these guys, I don't really comment about what they do.
也不会和他们进行任何形式的争论。
I don't engage them in any kind of debates.
我的存在就像个见证者，之后再看看如何把这些经历融入我的作品。
It's like I'm there to bear witness and then see what I can do with it in my work.
总之，他们正沿着埃塞克斯街巡逻。
Anyways, they're riding up Essex Street.
这有点像米勒时间。
It's kind of Miller time.
他们往上走时，遇到一个约30岁的黑人，留着脏辫，骑着自行车。
As they're going up, they pass a black guy, about 30 years old, with dreads on a bicycle.
在车把横杆上坐着一个白人小孩，大约九、十岁的样子。
And on the crossbars, he's got a white kid, about nine, 10 years old.
那个黑人和白人小孩正在聊天。
And the black guy and the white kid, they're kind of chatting.
小孩抬头看着那人，看起来他们彼此有点熟悉。
The kid's looking up at the guy, you know, they look like they're sort of familiar with each other.
警察开车经过，大约一个街区后他们完全沉默了。
And the cops drive by and they're dead silent after about a block.
其中一人对另一人说，嘿，大个子。
One guy says to the other, he says, hey, big guy.
他说，你觉得这看起来可疑吗？
Does that look fishy to you?
他说，现在他妈的是午夜。
He says, it's fucking midnight.
这里发生什么事了？
What's going on here?
他说，那你想怎么做，大个子？
He says, well, what do you wanna do, big guy?
所以我告诉你，大个子。
So I'll tell you, big guy.
好吧。
Alright.
看到灯就靠边停车，你懂的。
Make the light, you know, pull over.
我们来看看怎么回事。
Let's see what's what.
于是他们靠边停车，自行车正从埃塞克斯方向过来。
So they pull over, bikes coming up Essex.
其中一个警察走到路上，放下手说，嘿。
They step one of the cops steps in the road, puts his hand down, says, hey.
你怎么样？
How you doing?
请下车。
Get off the bike, please.
你知道，那个黑人下了车，他说，嘿，警官们。
You know, the black guy gets off the bike and he goes, hey, officers.
你知道，就像是个意外惊喜。
You know, like, it's an unexpected treat.
你知道，嗨，最近怎么样？
You know, Hi, you know, what's up?
然后他说，你听说过要戴头盔吗？
And he says, Did you ever hear of helmets?
哦，是的，哎呀，我真的很抱歉。
Oh, yeah, gee, I'm really sorry.
这时另一个警察对那个白人小孩说，嘿大个子，你叫什么名字？
At which point, the other cop says to the little white kid, Hey big guy, what's your name?
他说，诺亚·罗森伯格？
He goes, Noah Rosenberg?
你知道，他好像不太确定。
You know, like he's not sure.
他说，嘿诺亚，过来伙计，到这边来。
He says, Hey Noah, come here buddy, come on over here.
他把两人分开。
And he separates the two.
这时我正忙着在两边对话中来回切换。
And I'm sort of hopping in between the two conversations at this point.
黑人男子试图跟上白人小孩，另一名警察伸手拦住他的胸口说：你就待在这边。
And the black guy tries to follow white kid and the other cop puts his hand on his chest and he says, Now you stay over here.
让我看看身份证。
Let me see some ID.
他说：什么？
He says, What?
他说：身份证。
He says, Some ID.
说：别看他。
Said, Don't look at him.
看着我。
Look at me.
他说：不，不。
He said, No, no.
我只是接他参加完游戏约会回来。
I was just picking him up from a play date.
我问你了吗？
Did I ask you that?
不，不。
No, no.
你没看出来。
You don't see it.
我在席勒酒吧工作过，再说一次，我问你了吗？
I worked the bar at Schiller's and, you know, again, did I ask you that?
嗯，不是的。
Well, no.
他说，你为什么想转移我的注意力？
Said, Why are you trying to divert me?
他说，跟我走同一条路。
He said, Go down the same road as me.
他说，好吧，好吧。
He goes, Okay, okay.
他把身份证递给他，这时他朝那孩子挥了挥手说，哦，我刚才跟你说什么来着？
And he gives him the ID, at which point he sort of waves to the kid and he goes, Oh, what did I just say to you?
他说，不，不，我真的很抱歉。
He says, No, no, I'm really sorry.
是诺亚。
It's Noah.
你知道的，他有点紧张过度。
He's, you know, he's kind of wound a little tight.
他说，哦，真的吗？
He says, oh, really?
他说，请坐。
He said, have a seat.
他指了指路缘。
He points to the curb.
他让那人坐在路缘上，脚放在排水沟里。
He makes the guy sit on a curb with his feet in the gutter.
然后他说，那么你要去哪里？
And he says, so where are you going?
他说，嗯，我上晚班，他说，这么晚了还骑车带着孩子到处转，是不是有点晚了？
He says, well, I had the late shift and he says, it's kind of late to be driving around with a kid on a bike, isn't it?
就在这时，我离开那两个人，走向诺亚和另一名警察。
At which point I leave those two and I go over to Noah and the other cop.
警察说：'所以，你叫诺亚？' 孩子回答：'是的，我都说了一百万遍了，我没有方舟。'
And he says, So, your name's Noah, And the kid says, Yes, and for the millionth time, I don't have an arc.
警察说：'孩子，你肯定经常听到这种话吧。'
The cop says, boy, you must get that a lot.
孩子说：'天啊，你根本想象不到。'
The kid says, oh my god, you have no idea.
警察接着问：'那么诺亚，你多大了？'
And he says, so, Noah, how old are you?
孩子说：'嗯，下周我就满十岁了。'
He says, well, next week I'll be a decade old.
我说：
I said,
'啊，很好，很好。'
well, that's great, great.
'你住在哪里？'
And where do you live?
他回答：'B大道333号。'
He says, 333 Avenue B.
警察又问：'你在这附近上学吗？'
He says, and you go to school around here?
他回答：'是的。'
He says, yes.
我在'地球学校'上学。
I go to the Earth School.
警察说：'哦，真酷。'
And he says, oh, cool.
你和谁一起住？
And who do you live with?
他说，我和我妈妈一起住。
He says, I live with my mom.
她接着问，那边那个人是谁？
And she goes, who who's that over there?
他说，呃，我不知道你朋友是谁，但我朋友是克里夫。
He says, well, I don't know who your friend is, but my friend is Cleve.
她问，哦，你知道克里夫姓什么吗？
And she says, Oh, do you know what Cleve's last name is?
他回答，知道，卡特。
He says, Yeah, Carter.
克里夫·卡特。
Cleve Carter.
有时候我叫他可口可乐，有时候叫他复写纸。
Sometimes I call him Coca Cola, sometimes I call him Carbon Copy.
他问，你认识他很久了吗？
He says, do you know him for long?
我说，嗯，大概一年，一年零三个月吧。
I said, Well, yeah, like one, one and a quarter years.
他算是我的教父，因为我原来的教父去世了。
He's kind of like my godfather since my other godfather died.
哦，那你们平时都做些什么？
Oh, and what do you guys do?
就是有次他看完话剧后送我回家找我妈妈。
Well, was taking me home from a play date to my mom.
所以他认识你妈妈？
So he knows your mom?
他说，嗯，对，他和我妈妈算是朋友。
And he says, Well, yeah, he and my mom are kind of like friends.
我说，嗯，算是？
I says, Well, of like?
嗯，他们会一起过夜约会。
Well, they have like sleepover dates.
然后他说，所以你妈妈知道你现在和他在一起？
And he says, So your mom knows that you're with him now?
她说，嗯，是我妈妈让他来接我的。
She says, Well, my mom sent him to pick me up.
你知道的，我爸爸住在伍德斯托克。
You know, my dad lives in Woodstock.
我说，好吧，这时候我就想，行吧，看看克里夫那边什么情况。
I said, Okay, at which point I'm going, Okay, let's see what's happening with Cleve.
我走过去，克里夫坐在路边，伸着腿，努力装出很自然的样子。
I walk over there and Cleve's sitting on the curb and he's got his feet out there and he's trying to make it look like it's natural.
他正在按摩大腿肌肉，就像在为马拉松热身什么的。
So he's like massaging his deep thigh muscles like he's limbering up for the marathon or something.
要知道，这简直丢人丢到家了。
Know, this is humiliating as shit.
你看，他还勉强笑着，因为知道没法赢。
You know, and he's kind of smiling because you can't win.
你得硬着头皮演下去。
You got play through.
他就坐在那儿，另一个警察正用强光手电筒敲他的驾照，那警察说，克里夫兰，我看你是俄亥俄州来的。
You know, and he's sitting there and the other cop is hitting his driver's license with a mag light, one of those big powerful flashlights, and he goes, So Cleveland, I see you're from Ohio.
他说，对。
And he says, Yeah.
他说，俄亥俄州的克利夫兰？
He says, Cleveland from Ohio?
他说，呃，其实是从牛津来的。
He says, Well, actually, it's from Oxford.
然后那人说，哦，迈阿密学院啊。
And the guy goes, Oh, Miami College.
他接着说，对对，我就是那儿毕业的。
And he goes, Yeah, yeah, that's where I went.
警察说，哦，瓦力·泽比亚克，那个篮球明星。
And the cop goes, Oh, Wally Zerbiak, who is this big basketball player.
他回答，嗯，瓦力比我早几届。
And he goes, Well, yeah, Wally was a little before my time.
于是问，那你也是校队球员吗？
So, Oh, do you play ball for them too?
他说，不打篮球，踢足球的。
He said, Well, not basketball, played soccer.
对方说，真巧！我教足球的。
Oh, that's amazing because I teach soccer.
我在岛上执教青少年足球联赛。
I coach soccer out on the island, you know, the kids league.
知道吗？
You know?
他接着说，这真是太巧了。
And and he says, you know, that's amazing.
我总盼着这项运动能火起来，但感觉还差口气是吧？
I keep waiting for that sport to blow up, but I don't think it's you know?
克利夫兰附和道，是啊。
And Cleveland's going, yeah.
是啊。
Yeah.
太不可思议了。
That's amazing.
你知道，坐着，明白吧，就是这样的。
You know, sitting, know, it's like this.
就在这时，一辆野马开过，车里坐着两个黑人，还有一辆埃塞克斯车。
At which point, a Mustang comes by with two black guys in it and and a up up Essex.
然后然后副驾驶那家伙往窗外看，发现克利夫兰坐在马路牙子上。
And and the guy in a shot in the shotgun seat looks out the windows and he sees Cleveland sitting on on a on a curb.
他开始大喊：'兄弟呼叫基地'。
And he starts he starts yelling out, homeboy to base.
'兄弟呼叫基地'。
Homeboy to base.
'有个黑人倒下了'。
We got a black man down.
他重复道：'重复一遍，有个黑人倒下了'。
I repeat, a black man down.
他还笑得前仰后合，野马车就猛踩油门开走了。
And he's, like, laughing his ass off and the Mustang floors it.
你知道，克利夫兰眯着眼，有点往另一边看。
You know, and Cleveland's kinda squinting and he's kinda looking the other way.
他简直，怎么说呢，羞愧难当。
He's just, like, mortified, you know.
镜头切回另一个带着孩子的警察，他问：'诺亚，克利夫兰和你住一起吗？'
And then hopping back to the other cop with the kid, he says, so Noah, does Cleveland live with you?
孩子回答：'不，克利夫兰住在D大道444号'。
He goes, no, Cleveland lives at 444 Avenue D.
我们住在B大道332号。
We live at 332 Avenue B.
他说，嗯，你去过他家吗？
He says, well, you ever been over to his house?
他说，大概去过一百万次吧。
He says, only about a million times.
他说，大部分时间都是和你妈妈一起，猜猜看，他说，我自己一个人呢？
And he says, mostly with with your mom, guess, He says, and by myself?
他说，哦，真的吗？
He said, oh, really?
你在那里做什么？
What do you do there?
他说，嗯，你知道，有时候我们会遛他的狗。
He says, well, you know, sometimes we walk his his dog.
那是只叫火星的罗德西亚脊背犬。
It's a Rhodesian Ridgeback named Mars.
有一次他试图教我炒鸡蛋，但我不太喜欢他的烤箱，因为要点燃引火器，你知道的，那声音会吓到我。
And one time he tried to teach me how to make scrambled eggs, but I don't really like his oven because you like the you like the pilot match and it goes, you know, and it scares me.
他说，有一次，你知道，我妈妈得去伍德斯托克出庭，我在克利夫兰家住了三天。
And, he says, one time, you know, my mom had to go, to court in Woodstock and I stayed with Cleveland for three days.
他说，在法庭上，他说，是啊。
And he said, in court, He said, yeah.
三天？
Three days?
他说，是啊。
He said, yeah.
他说，但大部分时间——我估计有82.5%的时间——我们都在看电视。
He said, but mostly I'd say 82 and a half percent of the time we watch television.
你和克利夫兰？
You and and Cleveland?
他说，是啊。
He said, yeah.
我和克利夫。
Me and Cleve.
他接着说，警察问他，你还和他做过其他事吗？
He goes and the cop said to him, do you ever do anything else with him?
然后他说，什么？
And he goes, what?
什么什么什么意思？
What what what do you mean?
警察又问，你还和他做过其他事吗？
He goes, do you do anything else with him?
突然间，那孩子的眼睛睁得老大，有点湿润，像钢铁一样。
And all of a sudden, the kid's eyes get really big and kinda, like, wet, like steel.
那孩子开始有点，像是呼吸变得急促，警察也开始有点发抖。
And the kid starts kinda, like like breathing kinda heavy and the cop starts shaking a little bit.
警察对他说，嘿，诺亚。
And the cop says to him, he says, hey, Noah.
看看这个。
Look at this.
他掀开外套，给他看腰带上的警徽。
And he pulls his jacket back and he shows him this his detective shield on his belt.
说，知道这是什么吗？
Says, know what that is?
他他说，知道。
He he says, yeah.
这是一枚警徽。
It's a police badge.
他说，你知道这意味着什么吗？
He says, you know what this means?
他说，什么？
He says, what?
他说，这意味着你可以告诉我任何事，你会绝对安全。
He says, that means you can tell me anything you want, and you'll be perfectly safe.
你明白吗？
Do you understand that?
那孩子看着他，然后说，天啊，你要逮捕他吗？
And the kid looks at him and he goes and he goes, oh my god, are you gonna arrest him?
警察的心跳得像打翻了果汁饮料，他开始挪动脚步。
And the cop is his heart's pumping Kool Aid and he starts moving over.
他问，为什么？
And he says, why?
孩子说，如果你们这些混蛋再因为他是个黑人而我不是就逮捕他，我就自杀。
And the kid goes, if you fucking assholes arrest him again one more time just because he's black and I'm not, I'm gonna kill myself.
你们闯进我的公寓把他拖走，就因为隔壁的疯女人说他是强奸犯。
You came into my apartment and dragged him out because the crazy lady next door said he was a rapist.
他来学校接我的时候，你们给他戴上了手铐。
You put him in handcuffs when he came to pick me up at school.
你们在街头集市上把他从我身边拽走，让我等我妈妈来接。
You pulled him away from me at the street fair and made me wait for my mom.
我向天发誓，我快要疯了。
I swear to God, I'm going to lose my mind.
警察们说，哇，冷静，冷静，冷静。
And the cops go, Woah, easy, easy, easy.
这时，两个警察面面相觑，心想，这到底是怎么回事？
At which point, both cops are looking at each other like, Well, what's going on?
突然，克利夫兰看到孩子们情绪崩溃了，他说，嘿，诺亚，伙计。
And all of a sudden Cleveland sees the kids losing it and he goes, hey, Noah, buddy.
警察说，我刚才跟你说什么来着？
And the cop goes, what did I just say to you?
别跟那孩子说话。
Stop talking to the kid.
这时克利夫兰说，警官，你想平息这事吗？
And at which point Cleveland says, officer, you want to put this to rest?
我告诉你，我现在要掏手机了。
I tell you what, I'm reaching for my cell phone in here.
他说，你为什么不打电话，为什么不打给孩子妈妈问问情况？
He says, why don't you call, why don't you call the kid's mom and, you know, just see what's going on?
他说，我来打给孩子妈妈。
He says, I'll call the kid's mom.
他问，她叫什么名字？
He says, what's her name?
她说，阿德娜。
She goes, Adena.
他朝另一个警察喊话。
And he calls across to the other cop.
问孩子妈妈的名字。
Get the kid's mother's name.
展开剩余字幕（还有 480 条）
孩子抽泣着说阿德娜。
And the kid's sobs is going Adena.
然后克利夫兰把妈妈的电话号码给了警察。
And he Cleveland gives the cop, the mother's number.
警察打电话来说，嘿。
The cop calls and he says, hey.
你怎么样？
How you doing?
我是第七警区的戴利警长。
This is Sergeant Daley from the seventh precinct.
我在和谁通话？
Who am I speaking to?
然后她说，天啊，我是阿德娜·罗森伯格。
And she goes, Oh my God, Adena Rosenberg.
发生什么事了？
What happened?
他说，没事。
He goes, Nothing happened.
我只是需要知道。
I just need to know.
你知道你儿子现在在哪里吗？
Do you know where your son is right now?
这时她慌了。
At which point she freaks.
他在哪？
Where is he?
发生什么事了？
What happened?
他应该和克利夫兰在一起。
He's supposed to be with Cleveland.
他应该从游戏约会后带他回家。
He's supposed to be taking him home from a play date.
发生什么事了？
What happened?
发生什么事了？
What happened?
发生什么事了？
What happened?
不，不，不。
Well, no, no, no.
他没事。
He's fine.
好的。
Okay.
这时候那孩子说，我妈说，如果
At which point the kid goes, my mom says, if
我再这么紧张下去，就得去伍德斯托克跟我爸住了，你这混蛋。
I get any more nervous, I'm going to have to live with my father in Woodstock, you fuck.
你知道吗？
You know?
然后那个警察就说，你知道吗？
And and and the cop's going, you know?
然后警察说，不行。
And the cop's going, no.
不行。
No.
不行。
No.
那孩子很棒。
The kid's great.
孩子没事。
The kid's fine.
知道吗？
You know?
唯一的问题是，他们骑车时都没戴头盔，明白吗？
It's this the only thing is, like, they were they were they were riding without helmets, you know?
而且这是严重的安全违规。
And and it's a serious safety violation.
然后她说，
And she's going,
天啊。
Oh my God.
老天。
Oh Jesus.
她说：不不，好了，别担心这个。
She says, No, no, Okay, don't worry about it.
好吧。
All right.
好...好吧。
All All right.
晚安。
Good night.
祝你晚安。
Have a good night.
然后他就挂断了电话。
You know, and he hangs up.
这时他们把克利夫兰和诺亚又叫到一起，敷衍了事地给他们上了一堂自行车安全课。
Which point they bring Cleveland and Noah together again and they give him this half assed lecture on bicycle safety.
他说：'按规定我该给你开罚单，但这次就放你一马。'
And he says, You know, I'm supposed to write you up, but I'm going give you a pass this time.
克利夫兰还勉强挂着微笑，但那笑容从未越过这个界限。
Cleveland is still kind of smiling, the smile doesn't go past here.
他的眼神始终冰冷。
It never reaches his eyes.
他重新骑上自行车，那孩子坐在车把上，正经历着哭闹后的抽噎阶段。克利夫兰一边安抚他一边蹬车离开，两人就这样消失在埃塞克斯街上。
And he gets back on the bike and the kid gets on the handlebars and the kid's going through that, you know, post crying jag, you know, shutter withdrawal and Cleveland's kind of talking him down as he sort of pushes off and they go disappear up Essex.
我们回到警车里，我坐在后排。
And we get back in the police car, and I'm sitting in the back.
我他妈一句话都没说。
I'm not saying a fucking thing.
在死寂中行驶了两个街区后，终于有个警察开口：'知道吗，大个子？'
And we they go in dead silence for about two blocks, and one cop finally says to the other, he says, you know something, big guy?
另一个警察问：'怎么了，大个子？'
And the other guy says, what's that big guy?
他说：'这事还是透着蹊跷。'
He says, still feels fishy to me.
另一个警察说：'嘿，我们尽力了，伙计。'
And the other cop says, hey, we gave it a shot, man.
我们只能做到这份上了。
That's all we can do.
谢谢。
Thank you.
理查德·普莱斯，他的最新小说名为《拉撒路人》。
Richard Price, his latest novel is called Lazarus Man.
这个故事由飞蛾电台录制，该电台是包含各类故事的播客节目，您刚听到的这类故事可在themoth.org收听，或在任何播客平台搜索获取。
The story was recorded by The Moth, which, of course, is a podcast with all kinds of stories like the one you just heard at themoth.org or find it wherever you get your podcasts.
第二幕。
Act two.
是，否，还是婴儿。
Yes, no, or baby.
其实有一条简单的准则能帮助我们克服以第一印象评判他人的冲动，当然我说的就是‘不要以貌取人’这句老话。
Well, there's a simple road designed to help us off fight the urge to pigeonhole other people based on a first impression, and I speak, of course, of don't judge a book by its cover.
但这条格言、谚语、这个这个这个准则本身存在严重缺陷，不仅仅因为它那令人厌烦的说教式自以为是。
But this axiom, this adage, this this this this maxim is deeply flawed, and not just because of its annoyingly scoldy self righteousness.
事实上生活中有时你不得不根据塞进求职信之类材料里的有限信息来评判一个人。
The fact is there are times in life where you must judge a person based on woefully little information crammed into some cover letter or something like that that they have put together.
我们节目的制作人南希·厄普代克就拜访了处于这种评判情境中的一位当事人。
One of our show's producers, Nancy Updike, visited somebody in this very judgy situation.
任何非自大狂的人面对要将一群陌生人分成‘接受’和‘拒绝’两堆的任务时都会感到畏惧。
Anyone who's not a megalomaniac feels daunted by the prospect of having to separate a group of strangers into a yes pile and a no pile.
金·施韦里怀孕七个月了，此刻她在西雅图的咖啡桌前面对着几十封想要收养她孩子的情侣们写的一页纸信件。
Kim Shwery is seven months pregnant, and she's facing on her coffee table in Seattle dozens of one page letters from couples who want to adopt her baby.
单独看每封信都感觉信息不足，而整体来看又实在多得令人窒息。
Individually, each letter seems like not enough information, and collectively, they are way, way too much.
她第一次通读时，这些信件全都融汇成了一群难以区分的、体贴聪明、热爱生活、相互扶持、健康活跃的户外型伴侣。
The first time she read through them, they melted into an indistinguishable mass of thoughtful, intelligent, fun loving, mutually supportive, healthy, active, outdoorsy couples.
很多人的爱好都很相似，就是徒步旅行，你知道的，西北地区的情侣们都这样。
A lot of the hobbies are similar, just hiking, you know, couples from the Northwest too.
我相信这很普遍。
I'm sure that's common.
就像这页纸上写的，徒步、雪鞋行走、露营。
So, like, even just this page, you know, hiking, snowshoeing, camping.
如果翻到下一页，是不是也有关于徒步的部分？
And and if you turn to the next page, is there also a a hiking part?
我们看看。
Let's see.
很可能。
Probably.
哦，是的。
Oh, yes.
徒步旅行。
Hiking.
就是这样。
There you go.
金正在办理开放式收养，这意味着她将与收养她孩子的家庭建立终身联系。
Kim's doing an open adoption, which means that she will have a relationship with the family who adopts her child for the rest of her life.
这些自荐信只是漫长过程的开始。
The cover letters are just the beginning of a long, long process.
整个过程有点像超高风险的在线约会。
The whole thing is sort of like super high stakes online dating.
评判他人是必要的。
Judging people is required.
金在现实考量和纯粹直觉之间反复权衡。
Kim goes back and forth between practical considerations and pure gut checks.
这里有件事。
Here's something.
这对夫妇还有个孩子，他们在谈论...我不知道。
This couple has another, child and, you know, they're talking I don't know.
他们在谈论他时用了些儿语。
They use kind of, like, child talk when they're talking about him.
比如，提到亲吻他的小伤口之类的，那种...你知道，我不确定。
Like, it says something about kissing his boo boos or something and that kind of, you know, I don't know.
我不太喜欢那样。
I don't like that very much.
金最终喜欢上了一对已经有个小男孩的夫妇。
Kim ends up liking a different couple that already has a little boy.
她喜欢她的孩子能有个兄弟姐妹的想法。
She likes the idea that her baby would have a sibling.
她淘汰了一个在她看来过于宗教化的家庭，后来又对一对事业有成的夫妇皱眉头，他们在材料里长篇大论地描述自己的工作。
She weeds out a family that seems to her too religious, and later she frowns on a couple who both have high powered jobs that they write about at length.
她怀疑他们是否有足够时间在家陪伴婴儿。
She wonders if they'd be home enough for the baby.
这些人，我能想象他们为了事业每周工作五六十个小时的样子。
These guys, I could see them, you know, working fifty, sixty hours a week because of their careers.
几页后，当一对夫妇说他们是重视关系的人时，金做了个鬼脸。
A few pages later, Kim makes a face when a couple says they're relational people.
我在想这到底是什么意思。
I'm wondering exactly what that meant.
就像，明明有整包的信息资料，我却偏偏纠结于其中某句可能让我不舒服的话。
Like, there's this whole packet of information, and then, like, I'll focus on this sentence that maybe I don't like.
这让我觉得自己做决定时真的很挑剔，有时候这种感觉并不好。
And that makes me feel like I'm really kind of judgmental when I do this, and sometimes, you know, that doesn't always feel good.
看到这个特别小的细节——不知为何，材料里说'与孩子保持生物遗传关系的机会非常重要，包括医疗史'。
Seeing this is something really small, for some reason, it's that says the opportunity to have a relationship with the child's biological heritage is very important, including medical history.
我就是觉得这有点怪怪的。
I just that feels kind of weird to me.
这有点太临床化了。
It's a little clinical.
没错。
Right.
这有点太临床化了。
It is a little clinical.
我不想只被当作病历记录。
I wanna be more than medical records.
所以...所以这就让你立刻反感了？
So So that kinda put you off right there?
是啊。
Yeah.
这又回到那个爱评判的问题上了，你知道，因为我写过一些东西，可能他们本意并非如此表现自己，但就像你说的，听起来确实非常临床化，确实。
It goes back to that judgmental thing, you know, because, I mean, I've written things and maybe that's not how they meant to portray themselves, but it does, like you said, sound very clinical and yeah.
就像金姆不得不快速评估这些家庭，仅凭纸上的文字和几张照片就推断出各种重要信息一样，她发现作为一个未婚先孕的女性，人们对她做出了各种假设。
Just like Kim's having to quickly peg these families, extrapolating all sorts of important things from just words on a page and a few pictures, she's finding that as a single woman pregnant, people are making all kinds of assumptions about her.
同事们都以为她已婚并要组建家庭。
Coworkers assume she's married and starting a family.
这些对话都很尴尬。
Those are awkward conversations.
如果她告诉别人实情，说要把孩子送养，她最好准备好接受说教。
And if she tells someone what's really going on, that she's putting the baby up for adoption, she better be prepared for a lecture.
我是说，怀孕时你真的很脆弱，很容易受到评判。
I mean, you're really kind of vulnerable when you're pregnant, and you're kind of you're vulnerable to judgment, I guess.
你知道，人们总是这样，一旦你说出自己在做什么，他们就会告诉你他们会怎么做、不会怎么做。
You know, people are very prone to once, you know, you say what you're doing, they tell you what they would do and not do.
他们总想说，哦，我觉得你会非常难过，我觉得会这样那样...
They wanna be like, oh, I think you're gonna be really up upset, and I think this.
而我就说，不会的。
And I'm like, no.
我觉得可能是你...
I think maybe you're
那个感到不安的人，
the one who's upset,
不是我。
not me.
但是
But
她说有些人完全坚信收养无论如何都是个坏主意，这让金感到被冒犯，因为她自己就是被收养的。
She says some people are utterly convinced that adoption is just a bad idea all around, which Kim takes personally since she was adopted.
这也是她不想堕胎的原因之一。
It's one of the reasons she didn't wanna get an abortion.
人们觉得如果你被收养，就会有种强烈的失落感，或者不知道自己是谁，存在某种认同危机，感觉被遗弃。
People feel that if you're adopted that you have this great sense of loss or you just don't know who you are and there's some identity you know, there's an identity crisis, and you feel abandoned.
但你知道，我的经历并非如此。
And, you know, that's not how I felt with my experience.
被收养。
Being adopted.
被收养。
Being adopted.
确实如此。
Exactly.
你知道，我觉得父母非常爱我。
You know, I felt very loved by my parents.
就像孩子的父亲跟我说，他认为——不知道他为什么这么说——他断言或者说假设，他和他父母的关系比我跟我父母亲密得多，这完全不符合事实。
Like, the baby's father told me that he thought that I don't know why he said this, but, you know, he said that or he kind of assumed and said this that, you know, he was so much closer to his parents than I was to mine, you know, which isn't true at all.
这只是，你知道，他觉得事情一定是这样的。
And it's just, you know, that's that's how he felt things must be.
我等到采访金快结束时才承认，在和她交谈之前，我对她的判断完全错了。
I waited till just about the end of my interview with Kim to confess that I'd had her pegged all wrong before I spoke to her.
我原以为她是个迷茫的青少年。
I thought she'd be a teenager, confused.
但金已经27岁了，有自己的公寓和一份好工作。
But Kim is 27, has her own apartment, a good job.
对。
Right.
我现在的情况完全有能力独自抚养孩子，所以可能更难理解。
I'm in a situation where it would be very feasible that I would raise the child on my own, so it's probably harder to understand.
好吧。
Okay.
所以人们正在对你做出这种判断。
So people are making that judgment about you.
他们不了解你的哪些情况才会理解你？
What what don't they know about you that would make them understand?
我不知道。
I don't know.
我的情况有些特殊，我曾订过婚，但未婚夫去世了。
I kind of have this this unusual kind of circumstances that, you know, I was engaged and my fiance passed away.
在那之后，我觉得很孤独，想要找个人陪伴。
And after that, you know, I kind of think I was lonely and looking for, you know, someone.
我觉得我犯了个错误，我仍然想念我的未婚夫，时刻想着他，我觉得自己还没做好情感准备来抚养孩子。
And I feel like I made I made a mistake, you know, and I'm I'm you know, I still I still miss my fiance and think about him all the time, and I just you know, I don't feel like I'm emotionally ready to raise a child.
我觉得我能做到，只是觉得现在不是合适的时机。
You know, I feel like I feel like I could, but I just feel like it's not the right time.
而且，你
And, you
知道，如果这是...如果这是你们曾经计划一起做的事情，而现在只剩你一个人。
know, if it's, you know, if it's something that that you that you guys talked about doing together and here you are.
没错。
Right.
确实。
Exactly.
我是说，我们本来计划要一起生孩子的，结果现在我却怀了别人的孩子，你知道，那个男人只是个无足轻重的家伙。
I mean, we were always gonna have kids together and, you know, here I am, you know, like, and pregnant with some guy, you know, he's just kind of insignificant fellow.
你明白吗？
You know?
显然事情没有按照预期或计划发展。
And it certainly isn't things aren't going the way that, you know, they were supposed to or as planned and right.
金
Kim
她不会向大多数人解释原因。
doesn't go into her reasons with most people.
所以他们对她妄加揣测，而她也不屑纠正。而她翻阅着数十对夫妇的来信时，也在对他们进行着对方永远无法辩驳的臆断。
So they make assumptions about her that she doesn't bother to correct, And she flips through dozens of letters from couples and makes assumptions about them that they'll never get a chance to respond to.
这就是世道。
It's the way of the world.
人人都是审判者，人人也都是被审判者。
Everyone's a judge, and everyone's the accused.
每一天，事情都不会按预期或计划发展。
And every day, things aren't going the way they were supposed to or as planned.
南希·厄普代克是我们节目的制作人之一。
Nancy Updike is one of the producers of our program.
第三幕，这还不够浪漫吗？
Act three, isn't it romantic?
今天的节目讲述的是人们如何对他人妄下结论的故事。
Our show today is about people jumping to conclusions about what others are like.
我们现在要讨论的是人们那些陈词滥调、刻板印象的想法，在这个案例中，这些想法被搬上了百老汇舞台。
And what we turn to now is corny, stereotyped ideas people have, and in this case, put into Broadway shows.
这个故事关于一部标志性的老音乐剧《吉屋出租》。
The story is about a kind of iconic old musical, the show Rent.
当这部剧在九十年代问世时，我们的撰稿人之一大卫·拉科夫并不喜欢它。
And when that show came out in the nineteen nineties, one of our contributors, David Rakoff, was not a fan.
这部剧你可能看过，或者看过改编电影，讲述的是二十多岁纽约客的故事。
That show maybe you've seen it or you've seen the movie was about New Yorkers in their twenties.
大卫·拉科夫本人就是剧中描绘的那个年代、二十多岁的纽约客。
David Rakoff had been a New Yorker in his twenties during the same era depicted in that show.
他认为这部剧存在一些谬误。
And he thought the play made some mistakes.
一年有五十二万五千六百分钟。
There are five hundred and twenty five thousand six hundred minutes in a year.
这是我从《吉屋出租》里学到的。
I learned that from watching Rent.
通过《吉屋出租》，我还了解到纪念这五十二万五千六百分钟流逝的最佳方式，就是像该剧作者乔纳森·拉森说的那样，用'爱的季节'来衡量。
From watching Rent, I also learned that the best way to mark the passing of these five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes would be to measure them out into something Jonathan Larson, the writer of the musical called Seasons of Love.
这到底是什么意思，'爱的季节'？
What does that even mean, seasons of love?
在《吉屋出租》里，角色们在大阁楼里度过他们的'爱的季节'。
In Rent, the characters live out their seasons of love in huge lofts.
其中一些人患有艾滋病——巧合的是，这种可怕的全球流行病至今仍在肆虐，已夺去全球数百万人的生命。
Some of them have AIDS, which is coincidentally also the name of a dreaded global pandemic that is still raging and has killed millions of people worldwide.
然而在《吉屋出租》里，艾滋病似乎是一种让人越来越可爱的疾病。
In Rent, however, AIDS seems to be a disease that renders one cuter and cuter.
剧中角色都是艺术家，创意型人才。
The characters are artists, creative types.
他们撕烂了上百万件衣服。
They have tattered a million clothes.
他们中有些是同性恋，而那些不是同性恋的人似乎也毫不在意。
Some of them are homosexual and the ones who aren't homosexual don't even seem to mind.
他们筛选来电，当是父母打来时，就会翻个白眼。
They screen their calls and when it is their parents, they roll their eyes.
他们讨厌自己的父母。
They hate their parents.
他们永远都不会回到拉奇蒙特了。
They are never going back to Larchmont.
绝不可能。
No way.
他们将留在这里，生活在两千平方英尺如画般的贫困中，享受性自由与创意生活。
They will stay here living in their 2,000 square feet of picturesque poverty being sexually free and creative.
以下是电影中展现创意的几种方式。
Here's some ways to broadcast creativity in a movie.
先在钢琴上随意弹几个音符，在乐谱纸上草草写几笔，再眨眨眼，突然双手重重砸向琴键，然后猛地抬手揪住太阳穴的头发尖叫：这样行不通。
Start plinking out a tune on a piano, scratch a few notes on some music paper, blink some more, suddenly crash both hands down on the keyboard, then bring them quickly up to your head and grab the hair of your temple screaming, it won't work.
或是坐在打字机前读刚写好的稿纸，发现是垃圾就扯下纸卷扔到身后，镜头切到塞满皱纸团的废纸篓。
Or sit at a typewriter reading the page you've just written, realize that it's shit and tear it from the platen and toss it behind you cut to a waste paper basket overflowing with crumpled paper.
这是他们在《吉屋出租》里展现创意的方式。
Here's what they do in rent to show that they are creative.
什么都不做。
Nothing.
他们什么都不做。
They do nothing.
他们就是闲晃。
They hang out.
社交固然美妙，但社交不会让你成为艺术家。
And hanging out can be marvelous, but hanging out does not make you an artist.
二手衣橱不会让你成为艺术家，易怒的脾气、忧郁的天性、爱哭的倾向、憎恨父母，甚至感染HIV也都不能。
A second hand wardrobe does not make you an artist, neither do a hair trigger temper, melancholic nature, propensity for tears, hating your parents, nor even HIV.
我不得不说，这些都无法让你成为艺术家。
I hate to say it, none of these can make you an artist.
它们或许有所帮助。
They can help.
但就像同性恋身份不会让人变得机智一样，你可以吸食一英里长的阴茎。
But just as being gay does not make one witty, you can suck a mile of cock.
这不会让你成为奥斯卡·王尔德。
It does not make you Oscar Wilde.
相信我。
Believe me.
我知道。
I know.
我试过。
I have tried.
唯一能让你成为艺术家的就是创作艺术，而这需要的恰恰与社交相反。
The only thing that makes you an artist is making art, and that takes the opposite of hanging out.
所以当他们唱起剧中的主题曲时，那其实是个谎言。
So when they sing the anthem of the show, that's a lie really.
剧中的每首歌都以青少年式的热忱演绎成激昂战歌。
Every song in the show is an anthem delivered with adolescent earnestness.
就像被困在青少年日记本的书页里。
It's like being trapped in the pages of a teenager's diary.
所以当他们唱起剧名主题曲《今年我们不付房租》时，结尾还伴随着几声狗吠般的欢呼：房租！房租！房租！房租！房租！房租！房租！
So when they sing the title anthem of the show, We're not gonna pay this year's rent followed by a kind of barked cheer of rent, rent, rent, rent, rent, rent, rent.
我唯一的问题是，你为什么不打算付今年的租金？
My only question is, well, why aren't you going to pay this year's rent?
看来他们不打算付今年的租金，因为租金是给失败者和缺乏创造力的人的。
It seems that they're not going to pay this year's rent because rent is for losers and non creative types.
租金是给西装革履的人的。
Rent is for suits.
相比之下，他们是艺术纯洁性的最后堡垒，尚未出卖自己，但他们的才华却无人赏识。
By contrast, they are the last bastion of artistic purity they have not sold out, yet their brilliance goes unacknowledged.
所以去你的吧，雅痞渣滓。
So fuck you, yuppie scum.
我理解那种愤怒和被忽视的感觉。
I know what it's like to feel angry and ignored.
很久以前我住在布鲁克林，离监狱大约一个街区。
I lived in Brooklyn a long time ago, about a block away from a prison.
白天，社区里挤满了律师、法官、罪犯、保释担保人和私家侦探。
During the day, the neighborhood bustled with lawyers, judges, criminals, bail bondsmen, private detectives.
我住在一栋两层小楼里，那曾是十九世纪的马车房，地下室还有红土地面。
I lived on a block in a little two story building that had once been a coach house in the nineteenth century and the basement had a red dirt floor.
我楼下的一楼办公室具体是做什么的？写简历吗？
On the Ground Floor below me was an office that did what exactly, resumes?
我记不清了。
I can't remember.
但我记得那个办公室的主人。
What I do remember is the man whose office it was.
劳尔帅得让人腿软。
Raul was knee bucklingly handsome.
如果我的生活有所不同，比如我是个有驾照的辣妹，我可能会穿上抹胸慢动作洗车什么的，但可惜啊。
If my life had been different like, I don't know, I were like a hot girl with a driver's license, I could have put on a tube top and gone outside to wash my car in slow motion or something, but alas.
有一天白天，应该是周末，因为我在家，我听到楼下的办公室里劳尔在做爱。
Once during the day, it must have been the weekend because I was at home, I could hear Raul having sex in the office downstairs.
我在公寓里像热锅上的蟑螂一样乱窜，拼命寻找破地板上的节孔，同时尽量不发出声音。
I skittered around my apartment like a cockroach on a frying pan, trying not to make any noise while desperately looking for a knothole in the crappy floorboards.
最后，我只能平躺在厨房地砖上听着。
Eventually, just lay down flat against the tile of the kitchen floor listening.
平躺在厨房地砖上听别人做爱，基本上就是我二十多岁生活的缩影。
Lying flat against the tile of my kitchen floor listening to someone else have sex is essentially my twenties in a nutshell.
我在那个社区被抢劫过两次，有些日子我甚至觉得住在糟糕的街区根本不值得，就为了每天能去干一份愚蠢、消磨灵魂且薪水微薄的工作。
I was robbed in that neighborhood twice and there were days when it hardly seemed worth it to live in a horrible part of town just so that I could go daily to a stupid, soul crushing, low paying job.
尤其是我虽然极度渴望创作，但年复一年都因为害怕而不敢尝试，结果一事无成。
Especially since as deeply as I yearned to be creative, for years and years I was too scared to even try so I did nothing.
但有件事我确实做到了——我他妈付了房租。
But here's something that I did do, I paid my fucking rent.
已故的大卫·拉科夫，他关于音乐剧《吉屋出租》的随笔收录在《半空》一书中，不过说真的，他的任何一本书都不会让你失望。
The late David Rakoff, his essay about the musical Rent appears in his book Half Empty, but really, you can't go wrong with any of his books.
接下来，我们将证明有些人真的不适合度假。
Coming up, proof that some people simply should not go on vacation.
他们应付不来。
They can't hack it.
他们无法享受悠闲。
They cannot handle the mellow.
芝加哥公共广播电台一分钟后继续我们的节目。
That is in a minute from Chicago Public Radio when our program continues.
这里是《美国生活》，我的请求。
It's This American Life, my request.
每周我们的节目当然都会选择一个主题，围绕这个主题为您带来各种不同类型的故事。
Each week on our show, of course, we choose a theme, bring you a variety of different kinds of stories on that theme.
今天的节目为你量身定制，讲述人们对他人的重大假设，有时正确，有时大错特错。
Today's program got you pegged, stories of people making grand assumptions about other people, sometimes correct, sometimes deeply incorrect.
今天的节目是重播。
Today's show is a rerun.
我们已来到第四幕，第四幕《失乐园》。
We've arrived at act four of our show, act four, Paradise Lost.
莎洛姆·阿尔桑德将为我们讲述。
Shalom Alsander has our story.
我专门毁掉假期。
I ruin vacations.
这就是我的专长。
That's just what I do.
在希腊时，我坚信酒店给了我们整栋楼最差的房间——尽管每个房间都一模一样。
In Greece, I was sure the hotel had stuck us with the worst room in the building, even though every room was identical.
我之所以知道，是因为入住当天我们就换了三次房。
I know that because we switched three times the day we got there.
第二天早上又换了一次，最后提前两天打道回府。
We switched again the morning after and went home two days early.
一年后，在牙买加雨林住了四天，全程抱怨天气。
A year later, spent four days in a Jamaican rainforest complaining about the weather.
妻子说：'我们可是在雨林里'。
We're in a rainforest, my wife said.
所以呢？
So?
所以会下雨啊。
So it rains.
我们提前两天回家了。
We went home two days early.
去年，当妻子告诉我她已预订了英属西印度群岛偏远小岛安圭拉的六天假期时，我决定这次会有所不同。
And so last year, when my wife informed me that she had booked us a six day vacation in Anguilla, a remote island in the British West Indies, I decided that this time would be different.
这是我们久违的旅行，而我在自我成长方面投入了很多。
It was our first trip in a while, and I'd been doing a lot of work on myself.
我在心理治疗上花的钱都够买下整个该死的安圭拉岛了，所以我很想看看自己进步了多少。
With the money I'd spent on therapy, I could have bought the whole damn island of Anguilla, so I was anxious to see how far I'd come.
这个度假村远远超出了我们的经济承受能力。
The resort was far more expensive than we could afford.
我猜妻子是希望高端度假村能减少那些最终会惹恼我的糟心事。
I suspected that my wife was hoping that an exclusive resort would minimize the number of disappointments that could inevitably set me off.
她完全不必担心。
There was no need for her to worry.
这次会不一样。
This time would be different.
这次，我会不一样。
This time, I would be different.
我们飞抵的度假村坐落在岛屿南端，藏身于一片原始碧绿海湾的东侧尽头。
The resort we flew to sits tucked away on the eastern end of an utterly pristine inlet of blue green water on the southern tip of the island.
行李员把箱子送进房间，警告我们不要喂鬣蜥，祝我们住得愉快后就离开了。
The bellman brought our bags into our room, warned us not to feed the iguanas, wished us a happy stay, and left.
儿子开始在床上蹦跳，妻子也加入其中，我则拉开通往海滩的木质百叶露台门。
My son started jumping on the bed, my wife joined him, and I pulled open the wooden louvered patio doors that led out to the beach.
‘哇’，我踏上露台时说道。
Wow, I said as I stepped out onto the patio.
这一次，眼前的景色和网站照片完全一致。
For once, the view looked exactly as it had on the website.
鹈鹕在平静的水面上方盘旋。
Pelicans circled above the calm, still waters.
主人的金毛猎犬安静地睡在舒展的棕榈树荫下。
The owner's golden retrievers slept peacefully in the shade beneath a gentle spreading palm.
妻子从背后环抱住我的腰。
My wife came up behind me and put her arms around my waist.
她说：“这里是伊甸园。”
It's Eden, she said.
我回应道：“是天堂。”
Paradise, I answered.
她说：“天上一朵云都没有。”
Not a cloud in the sky, she said.
我说：“一丝云彩都看不见。”
Not a single cloud, I said.
随后她便进了屋。
And then she went inside.
等我进屋时，她已收拾好沙滩包，正给儿子套T恤。
When I came in, she already had her beach bag packed and was pulling a T shirt over our son's head.
她说：“我们要去海滩了。”
We're going to the beach, she said.
“你来吗？”
You coming?
我说：“等我收拾完行李就过去。”
I'll come down after I unpack, I said.
他们匆匆出门，给台阶阴影处等候的鬣蜥丢了块饼干，便向海滩走去。
They hurried out the door, dropped a cracker for the iguana waiting in the shade at the bottom of the steps, and headed down to the beach.
我迅速收好衣物，抓起房卡，关上露台门时顺手锁了落地窗。
I quickly put away our clothing, grabbed the room key, and locked the patio door as I closed it behind me.
老人说：“你好啊。”
Hello, said the old man.
他站在我们露台的台阶处，扶着栏杆支撑身体。
He was standing at the foot of our patio holding onto the rail for support.
哦，你好，我说道。
Oh, hello, I said.
他叫马文，来这个度假村已经有二十五年了。
His name was Marvin, and he'd been coming to the resort for twenty five years.
哦，至少二十五年了，他说。
Oh, twenty five years at least, he said.
可能更久，那是很久以前的事了。
Maybe more such a long time ago.
让我想想。
Let's see.
我现在81岁了。
I'm 81 now.
没错。
Yep.
我第一次来这里是在，嗯，让我想想，应该是1980年。
First time I came here was in, oh, let's see, 1980, I believe.
真的吗？
Really?
我边说边往海滩方向后退。
I said, backing my way towards the beach.
关于人们有件事要说。
Here's the thing about people.
我其实不太喜欢他们。
I don't really like them.
这就是为什么我觉得种族主义如此令人费解。
That's why I find racism so curious.
讨厌人的理由实在太多了。
There are so many reasons to dislike people.
你打算用彩色吗？
Are you going to go with color?
所以我尽可能避开人群。
So I avoid the people whenever possible.
尽量保持距离。
Try to keep my distance.
这样对大家都好。
It's really better for everyone.
可能是1982年，马文继续说道，现在想想甚至可能是1978年。
Could have been 1982, Marvin continued, or maybe even 1978 now that I think about it.
不。
No.
不。
No.
那是1980年。
It was 1980.
我记得是因为当时正和妻子争论里根的事。
I remember because I was arguing with my wife about Reagan.
天哪，她可真是讨厌他。
Hoo, boy, did she hate him.
嗯哼，我应道。
Uh-huh, I said.
我朝海滩望去，看见妻子和儿子拎着水桶铲子奔向海浪。
I looked toward the beach and could see my wife and son running down to the water with his pail and shovel.
呃，我该走了。
Well, I, better go.
家人们都在等着我呢。
Family's waiting for me and all.
她已经不在了，他说。
She's dead now, he said.
他轻轻清了清嗓子，低头看向地面。
He gently cleared his throat and looked to the ground.
该死，我心想。
Damn it, I thought.
我很抱歉，我说。
I'm sorry, I said.
她是个好女人，他说。
She was a good woman, he said.
我点了点头。
I nodded.
我相信，我说。
I'm sure, I said.
那时候酒店可大不一样，当然了，马文继续说道。
Hotel was very different back then, of course, Marvin continued.
非常非常不一样。
Very, very different.
餐厅当时不在现在这个位置。
The restaurant wasn't where it is now.
确实不在，先生。
No, sir.
那栋楼直到1990年左右才建起来。
That building wasn't even built until 1990 or so.
说不定是92年才建的。
Maybe '92 even.
有个叫杰里迈亚的人亲手建造了它。
A fellow named Jeremiah built it with his own two hands.
天哪，现在没人那样盖房子了。
By gosh, nobody builds like that anymore.
听着马文喋喋不休，我开始思考：有没有办法在不惹恼妻子的情况下换个房间？
As Marvin rambled on, I began to wonder, was there any way I could switch rooms without upsetting my wife?
但我及时打住，让自己冷静下来。
But I stopped myself, pulled myself together.
这次不行，我心想。
Not this time, I thought.
我们正在享受愉快的假期。
We are having a pleasant vacation.
那是你妻子吗？
Is that your wife?
马文问道。
Marvin asked.
是的，我说，在等我呢。
Yeah, I said, waiting for me.
她真美，马文说。
She's beautiful, said Marvin.
是啊，我应道。
Yeah, I said.
好了，我该溜了。
Well, I better skedaddle.
我妻子当年也很美。
My wife was beautiful too.
嗯哼，我挥挥手应道。
Uh-huh, I said with a wave.
好吧，我们回头见。
Well, I'll see you later.
马文挥手回应，径直走上与我们相邻的别墅台阶，掏出钥匙走了进去。
Marvin waved back, walked up the steps of the villa directly adjoining ours, took out his key, and walked inside.
门关上了，唾沫横飞的场面开始了。
The door closed, and the expectorating began.
该死，我心想。
Damn it, I thought.
旅途让我们的儿子精疲力尽，所以我们早早吃了晚饭，去海滩上散了会儿步看日落。
The trip had exhausted our son, so we had an early dinner and went for a short sunset stroll on the beach.
妻子挽着我的胳膊说：谢谢。
Thanks, said my wife, putting her arm through mine.
谢什么？
For what?
我问道。
I asked.
谢谢你这么通情达理。
For being so good about things.
我微笑着捏了捏她的胳膊。
I smiled and squeezed her arm.
我们的儿子在轻柔的浪花间奔跑，发出欢快的尖叫。
Our son ran through the gentle surf and shrieked with joy.
很快他就累了，爬进妻子怀里，我们依依不舍地沿着露台台阶回到房间。
Soon he grew tired, climbed into my wife's arms, and we reluctantly climbed the patio steps back to the room.
晚安，马文说道。
Goodnight, said Marvin.
他正坐在隔壁的露台上。
He was sitting on his patio next door.
晚安，我妻子轻声说道。
Goodnight, whispered my wife.
你来自纽约哪里？
Where in New York you're from?
马文问道。
Asked Marvin.
上州，她轻声回答，同时抱着我们疲惫的儿子走进房间。
Upstate, she whispered as she carried our exhausted son into the room.
我在那里待过很长时间，马文说。
I spent a lot of time there, said Marvin.
我想是哈德逊河谷。
Hudson Valley, I think it was.
可能是卡茨基尔山区。
Might have been the Catskills.
对。
Yeah.
我想应该是卡茨基尔。
I think it was the Catskills.
我和妻子以前常带孩子们去那里，那时他们还小。
My wife and I used to take our kids up there when they were younger.
好的，我低声应道。
Okay, I whispered.
我们现在不怎么说话了。
We don't talk much anymore.
我是说我的孩子们，不是我妻子。
My kids, I mean, not my wife.
她已经去世了。
She's dead.
好的，我轻声说道。
Sure, I whispered.
嗯，晚安。
Well, good night.
我关上门并上了锁。
I closed the door behind me and locked it.
天啊，我说道。
Jesus Christ, I said.
你还好吗？
You okay?
我妻子问道。
Asked my wife.
我很好，我微笑着回答。
I'm fine, I said with a smile.
我们安顿儿子睡下，轻手轻脚地从后门溜出，一起躺在星空下的躺椅上。
We put our son to bed, crept quietly out the back door, and lay down together on the lounge chair underneath the stars.
我爱你，我妻子说。
I love you, said my wife.
我也爱你，我回答。
I love you too, I answered.
隔壁传来声响。
Came the sound from next door.
我们又躺了一会儿，在凉爽的热带夜风中十指相扣，望着早已消亡的恒星闪烁的光芒，假装没听见一位老人被自己痰液窒息的声响。
We lay there a while longer, holding hands in the cool tropical night breeze, watching the shimmering lights of long dead stars, and pretending we weren't listening to an old man drowning in his own phlegm.
我
I
第二天早晨醒来时情绪低落。
awoke the following morning in a dark mood.
我不想让妻子发现，于是悄悄起床，轻手轻脚穿好衣服出去散步。
I didn't want my wife to see it, so I crept out of bed, quietly dressed, and went for a walk.
我来到一家能俯瞰大海的露天餐厅，坐下来享用早餐。
I made my way to the open air restaurant that overlooked the sea and sat down for an early breakfast.
好吧，我心想。
Okay, I thought.
隔壁住着个老头。
So there's an old man next door.
值得为此毁掉整个假期吗？
Was that worth ruining our whole vacation?
我花了太多时间和精力提升自己，不能被这事打乱节奏。
I'd worked too long and too hard on myself to be derailed by this.
我决定把马文当作某种考验。
I decided to view Marvin as some sort of a test.
也许是上帝的考验。
Maybe it was God's test.
也许只是命运使然。
Maybe it was just fate.
但我比马文强大。
But I was stronger than Marvin.
我比一千个马文都强大。
I was stronger than a thousand Marvins.
他休想打败我。
He would not defeat me.
吃完早餐后，我走回房间。
I finished my breakfast and walked back to the room.
早上好，马文说道。
Good morning, said Marvin.
他正坐在露台餐桌旁吃完早餐。
He was sitting at his patio table finishing his breakfast.
早上好，我说。
Good morning, I said.
天气真不错，不是吗？
A lovely day, isn't it?
是啊，确实不错，他说。
Oh, it is, he said.
像这样的早晨，我和妻子过去常常早起去游个长泳。
Mornings like this, my wife and I used to get up early and go for a long swim.
听起来很棒，我说。
That sounds nice, I said.
她现在去世了，他说。
She's dead now, he said.
嘿，我说，谁不是呢？
Hey, I said, who isn't?
这倒是实话，马文说。
That's true, said Marvin.
我望向海滩，露出微笑。
I looked out over the beach and smiled.
将军，马文。
Check and mate, Marv.
我稳如泰山。
I was unflappable.
奥斯维辛，马文说。
Auschwitz, said Marvin.
我转过身去。
I turned around.
抱歉，你说什么？
Sorry?
我妻子死在奥斯维辛集中营。
My wife, she died in Auschwitz.
我们当时很年轻，才结婚没几年。
We were quite young, only married a few years.
我说的是奥斯维辛。
Auschwitz, I said.
马文点了点头。
Marvin nodded.
我们最初被送到达豪集中营，但几周后又被转送到奥斯维辛。
We were sent to Dachau at first, but after a few weeks, they sent us to Auschwitz.
我说的是奥斯维辛。
Auschwitz, I said.
当然，我母亲也是。
Sure, my mother too.
她被送到贝尔根-贝尔森集中营，但并非死在那里。
She was sent to Bergen Belsen, but that's not where she died.
她和我父亲都死在奥斯维辛，据说是死于肺炎。
She died in Auschwitz with my father, probably a pneumonia, that's what I heard.
我父亲是被枪决的。
My father was shot.
纳粹朝他开的枪。
The Nazis shot him.
这是我从迈阿密几个曾与他在集中营相识的人那里得知的。
I know this from some people in Miami who knew him in the camps.
埃塞尔和莫里斯·戈德斯坦。
Ethel and Morris Goldstein.
他们不久前去世了。
They died a while ago.
我本该富有同情心的，我知道。
I should have been compassionate, I know.
我本该拿出纸笔，为后世记录下这些历史性的文字。
I should have taken a pad and pen and committed historic paper for future generations.
但我没有。
But I didn't.
相反，我怒火中烧。
Instead, I seethed.
听完二十分钟的种族灭绝故事后，我走进别墅，重重甩上门，双手叉腰站在房间中央。
Twenty minutes of genocide stories later, I went into our villa, closed the door sharply behind me, and stood in the center of the room with my hands on my hips.
怎么了？
What?
我妻子问道。
Asked my wife.
我把手甩向空中。
I threw my hand into the air.
奥斯维辛，我说。
Auschwitz, I said.
什么？
Pardon?
奥斯维辛。
Auschwitz.
你在说什么？
What are you talking about?
她问道。
She asked.
奥斯维辛。
Auschwitz.
亲爱的，他是个幸存者。
He's a survivor, hon.
大屠杀幸存者。
A Holocaust survivor.
我对大屠杀幸存者没有任何意见。
I don't have anything against Holocaust survivors.
我有些最好的朋友就是大屠杀幸存者。
Some of my best friends are Holocaust survivors.
好吧，这其实不是真的，但我对他们确实没有意见。
Okay, that's not actually true, but I don't have anything against them.
但如果我想放松一下暂时忘记生活，比如去酒吧喝一杯，我不会打电话给埃利·维瑟尔。
But if I want to relax and forget about life for a while, maybe hit a bar and have a drink, I'm not going to call Ellie Wiesel.
嘿，埃利，最近怎么样？
Hey, Ellie, how's it going?
我今天过得很糟糕。
I had a tough day.
你要不过来一起看《辛德勒的名单》？
Why don't you come over and watch Schindler's List?
带点啤酒来。
Bring beer.
一个大屠杀幸存者，我边说边在房间里来回踱步。
A Holocaust survivor, I said, pacing back and forth across the room.
这地方空着一半，隔壁住着个大屠杀幸存者。
The place is half empty, and the guy next door is a holocaust survivor.
我觉得自己在这方面做得挺好了。
I think I've been pretty good about this.
我没让旅途影响我的心情。
I didn't let the travel upset me.
隔壁整晚的敲打声我都能忍，但这个实在太过分了。
I didn't let the hacking next door all night long get to me, but this is too much.
这太过分了。
It's too much.
我站在天堂般的地方，却谈论着毒气室。
I'm standing in paradise talking about gas chambers.
我妻子表示理解，但她见过这种情况，坚持认为我反应过度了。
My wife was sympathetic, but she'd seen this before and insisted I was blowing it out of proportion.
她说，和往常一样。
As usual, she said.
我问她，你这话是什么意思？
And I said, what's that supposed to mean?
她反问，你知道是什么意思吗？
And she said, You know what that means?
我说，不，我不知道。
And I said, No, I don't.
在我们飞机降落在伊甸园不到二十四小时，我们就吵了起来。
And less than twenty four hours after our plane touched down in Eden, we were fighting.
她收拾着海滩用品对我说：这是你的决定。
It's your decision, she said to me as she gathered her beach things together.
他休想毁了我们的假期。
He's not ruining our vacation.
是你。
You are.
不。
No.
我没有，我喊道。
I'm not, I shouted.
沙鼠才是。
Gerbils is.
怪沙鼠吧。
Blame Gerbils.
她走出去，重重地踩在露台台阶上。
She walked out and stomped down the patio steps.
我儿子开始哭起来。
My son began to cry.
十几只鬣蜥趴在甲板上。
A dozen iguanas sat on the deck.
其中两只跑进屋里躲到了床底下。
Two of them ran inside and hid under the bed.
该死，我想。
Damn it, I thought.
接下来的几个小时我都躲着我妻子，希望时间能让我们之间的紧张关系缓和下来。
I spent the next few hours avoiding my wife, hoping that a little time would settle things down between us.
我带着儿子走到前台办公室。
I took my son and walked over to the front office.
你喂它们了吗？
Did you feed them?
那人问道。
The man asked.
我们告诉过你别喂它们。
We told you not to feed them.
它们在我们房间里，我说。
They're in our room, I said.
它们在我们床底下。
They're under our bed.
我听到大厅传来笑声，便探头张望。
I heard laughter coming from the lobby and poked my head around the corner.
马文坐在一张藤椅上，周围围着六七个对他崇拜有加的酒店员工。
Marvin was sitting in a wicker chair surrounded by a half a dozen adoring hotel employees.
酒吧的服务员给他端来一杯朗姆潘趣酒。
A waiter from the bar brought him a rum punch.
让我付钱吧，马文说。
Let me pay you, said Marvin.
不不，马文先生，服务员说。
No, no, mister Marvin, said the waiter.
不不。
No, no.
如果说有什么比憎恨某人更糟的，那就是发现其他所有人都爱他。
If there's anything worse than hating someone, it's discovering that everyone else loves them.
噢，马文先生，一位漂亮的女客房服务员喊道。
Oh, mister Marvin, an attractive female chambermaid cried.
他太可怕了。
He's terrible.
前台的男人朝马文的方向笑了笑。
The man at the front desk smiled in Marvin's direction.
多么可爱的人啊，他说着摇了摇头。
What a sweet man, he said, and then shook his head.
想想他经历的那些事。
And what he's been through.
那天晚餐时，马文坐在度假村老板的餐桌旁。
At dinner that evening, Marvin sat at the resort owner's table.
我和妻子坐在附近，几乎没怎么说话。
My wife and I sat nearby, barely talking.
马文讲了些有趣的故事，大家都笑了。
Marvin told funny stories, and everyone laughed.
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