1: 让我们真正行动起来

你好。这个麦克风能用吗？这太他妈诡异了。我居然在做这种事，真是够奇葩的。好吧。

Hello. Is this mic working? This is so fucking weird. I am so fucking weird for doing this. Okay.

等等。我正对着这个麦克风发怵。它离我的脸太近了。好了。

Okay. Hold on. I'm literally deep dreading this mic. It is so close to my face. Okay.

现在好些了吗？我不确定。好吧。大家好，欢迎收听《试着不在乎》的第一期节目。

Is that better? I don't know. Okay. Hi, everyone. Welcome to the first episode of trying not to care.

我是艾希莉。你们可能在TikTok上认识我，账号叫小宝贝白羊座。也可能在Instagram上见过我，或者因为朋友在背后议论我而知道我——真希望我是在开玩笑。没关系，我很好。

My name is Ashley. You may know me from TikTok at little baby Aries. You may know me from Instagram, or you may know me because your friends talk shit about me, and I wish I was kidding. It's fine. I'm fine.

一切都很好。无论你们怎么认识我的，我做社交媒体已经认真投入一年半了。我特别沉迷TikTok，每天都要在上面狂发帖子，我自己都觉得烦人。

Everything is fine. However you know me, I've been doing social media seriously for about a year and a half now. I'm really into TikTok. I literally spam posts on there every single day. It's so annoying of me.

但过去几个月里，有几个人联系我——说是几个人，其实就两个——问我有没有考虑做播客。这点鼓励直接冲昏了我的头脑，助长了我膨胀的该死的虚荣心。我当时就想：等等，给我等一下。

But over the past couple months, I've had a few people reach out to me. And by people, I mean, like, two people ask if I'd ever make a podcast. And it was just enough to go straight to my head and fuel my fat fucking ego. And I was like, wait a minute. Wait a damn minute.

我明明有超棒的点子，为什么不做播客？所以很自然地，我辞掉了工作，那份高薪的全职工作，然后就有了现在这一幕。有人会说这不是我最明智的决定，但也有人会说我在2022年实现了女性职场进阶。现在我有大把时间来搞播客了。

I have great ideas. Why haven't I made a podcast? So naturally, I quit my job, my well paying full time job, and here I am. Some may say not my brainest idea, but others, you know, might say I'm girl bossing and leveling up for 2022. And now I have all the time in the world to have a podcast.

真的，这就是我在世界上所有的时间。这就是我做的全部。我坐在房间里，戴着粉色的小耳机和麦克风对着笔记本电脑，就这样。一切都是为了你们。全是为了你们。

Like, literally, the time in the world. That's all I do. I sit in my room on my laptop with my pink little headset and mic, and that's it. All for you guys. All for you.

我做这一切都是为了你们。

I'm doing this all for you.

这完全无关

It has nothing to

与我是否在崩溃边缘，或者像要发疯，或者在25岁经历人生危机。

do with me spiraling or, like, losing my mind or having a crisis at 25.

这根本没关系

It has nothing to do

和那些都没关系。但我想让这期节目简短些，因为这是第一期，我甚至不知道录音是否正常。我不知道自己是不是在对着麦克风尖叫，呼吸声会不会像个怪胎，你们能不能听到我嘴里的唾沫声。我就是...我不知道。所以如果音质很差，我很抱歉。

with any of that. But I wanna keep this episode short and sweet because it's, like, the first I don't even know if this is recording properly. I don't know if I'm screaming into the mic, if I'm breathing like a fucking weirdo, if you can hear the spit in my mouth. Like, I just I don't know. So if the audio is shitty, I'm sorry.

我会改进，努力让接下来几期做得更好，但我不能保证什么。要知道，生活中最糟糕的事情有时反而是最好的，比如迪士尼乐园。我去过一次，感觉并不怎么样。但它本应该是世界上最快乐的地方，结果却有点烂。总之，我想让你们了解我在乎什么，今天我们会稍微聊聊社交媒体。

I will work on it and try to make it better for the next couple episodes, but I can't promise you anything. You know, some of the shittiest things in life are the best things in life, like Disney World. I went once, and it wasn't that great. But it it is supposed to be, like, the best happiest place in the world, but it kinda was shitty. Anyways, I just wanna give you an idea of what trying that cares about, and we'll talk a little bit about social media today.

所以本质上，这个播客就是我在谈论所有那些我们明明不该在意、却忍不住反复琢磨的愚蠢琐事——那些浪费我们时间和精力的破事儿。就像你睡前胡思乱想的那些蠢事，越想越睡不着。我听过很多自我提升类播客，它们确实帮了我大忙。所以你可以把这档节目当成类似的自我救赎播客，只不过更粗俗更混乱，就像我本人。我讨厌任何听起来像心理治疗或人生导师说教的内容。

So, essentially, what this podcast is is me talking about all the things we think about and care about that we probably shouldn't care about at all because they're stupid and not worth our time or energy. Like, the stupid shit you think about before you go to bed and you spiral and then you can't sleep. So I listen to a lot of self improvement podcasts, and they've really helped me. So consider it kinda like that, a self help, self improvement podcast, but just, like, kind of raunchy and chaotic like me. I don't really like anything that sounds or feels like we're in therapy or you're talking to a life coach.

我只想让这个播客像是两个闺蜜在闲逛、八卦、抱头痛哭、一起呕吐，聊最真实的生活屁事。既然说到这儿，今天我想聊聊社交媒体——虽然听起来很蠢，但它确实渗透了我们每个人的生活。不管你是否愿意承认，哪怕你假装自己的Ins很随意，说自己和那些妖艳贱货不一样，我们都在用。关于社交媒体有太多可以讨论的，但今天我想重点说说：当你真心想在社交平台发内容时——无论是想当网红还是分享音乐艺术——却因为害怕他人评价而退缩的矛盾心理。

Just want this podcast to feel like two besties hanging out, gossiping, crying, throwing up together, just really real shit. With that being said, I wanna talk about social media today because as stupid as it sounds, it is so prevalent in all of our lives. Whether you wanna admit it or not, whether you wanna pretend your Instagram is so casual, it's a casual Instagram, you're not like other girlies, we all use it. And I think there's a lot of different things about social media we could talk about in this podcast. But today, I wanna talk about wanting to post seriously on social media, whether that's trying to become an influencer or you wanna share your music, your art, whatever it is that you like to do online, and then resisting that in fear of what others will think of you.

我的TikTok上有不少粉丝想当网红，或者单纯想多发视频但又怕被嘲笑。我觉得这个话题很适合作为首期内容，既轻松又不会太沉重把你们吓跑。那我们就开始吧。其实我一直都想做社交媒体。

I have a lot of followers on TikTok that I know that wanna pursue being an influencer or just, like, wanna start posting more on TikTok but are afraid of being made fun of. And I feel like this is, like, a light and easy topic for the first episode. Like, I don't wanna go into anything too dark and scare you away, so I feel like this is a good starter topic. So let's dive in. So I have always wanted to do social media.

我和那些梦想当老师医生的朋友不一样，我压根没想过上大学。即便后来去了大学，选心理学专业也只是因为觉得自己心理有问题，想搞清楚自己到底哪里不对劲。但我从没打算用这个学位找工作——毕竟我连职业生涯都没规划过。

I wasn't like my friends who had a conventional dream job. I never wanted to be a teacher or a doctor. I never planned to go to college. And even when I did go to college, I chose to study psychology because I was like, well, I am mentally ill, so I should probably figure out what the fuck is wrong with me. But I didn't have a plan to do anything with that degree because, again, never even thought of having a job or a career ever.

我唯一想做的就是社交媒体。初中时我整天刷YouTube，做梦都想当YouTuber。经常和朋友拍视频，玩得超级嗨，拍摄过程简直快乐到飞起。

All I ever wanted to do was social media. All I did in middle school was watch YouTube. I wanted to be a YouTuber so bad. I would make YouTube videos with my friends, and I had so much fun, like, way too much fucking fun. I loved filming them.

我超爱剪辑视频，沉迷于看最终成片的效果。但上了高中后就不拍了，因为这事儿突然变得不酷了。高二时Vine短视频平台出现，感觉像是新的开始，或许我能试试看。

I loved editing them. I loved watching the final product and seeing how they turned out. And then I got into high school, and I stopped making those videos because it wasn't cool per se. And then Vine came out my sophomore year of high school, and it felt like a new start. Like, I could maybe do that.

结果有次我发了段恶搞扭臀视频，本来就是个玩笑。后来有个男生——其实高中时我和他约过好几次，我可能就喜欢那种会羞辱我的坏男人——发推特嘲笑这个视频和我，我们高中好多人点赞转发。

But then one day, I posted a video of me twerking as a joke, not serious or anything. And then this guy, which I ended up hooking up with a lot in high school, actually. I think I just liked men who were really mean and would grade me. I don't know. He posted a tweet making fun of the video and making fun of me, and so many people from our high school liked it and retweeted it.

那简直太丢人了，我再也没那样做过。所以我只玩Instagram，即便如此，我也被狠狠嘲笑过——这完全合理，因为我当时用Facetune把照片修得面目全非。太可怕了，真的很糟糕。我一点不怪他们。

And it was just mortifying, and I never did that again. So I stuck to Instagram, and even that, I was made fun of heavily with good reason because I would Facetune the shit out of my photos. It was scary. It was it was not good. I do not blame them at all.

于是我基本放弃了正经经营社交媒体的念头。大学一年级时我交了个男朋友，当时正考虑重拾YouTube。我问他对这事怎么看，他直接叫我别做，说不会有任何成就，不值得投入精力，还很丢人。所以我一直没做，直到他出轨并甩了我。

So I kind of just gave up on posting seriously on social media. I date this guy my freshman year of college, and I am, like, thinking about doing YouTube again. And I asked him what he thinks of me doing it, and he straight up says not to. And I won't get anywhere with it, and it's not worth doing, and it's embarrassing. So I don't until he cheats on me and he dumps me.

这倒成了转机。大学三年级时我遇到现任男友，向他透露了想再做自媒体的想法。出乎意料的是，他非常支持。于是我发了几条YouTube视频——质量惨不忍睹。

It's a good time. And then I meet my current boyfriend my junior year of college, and I voice wanting to do social media again to him. And to my surprise, he encourages it. So I post a few YouTube videos. They're terrible.

因为觉得难堪，我又放弃了。然后2020年疫情爆发，阴差阳错造就了现在的我。我被困在父亲家生活——其实我很享受，我爱我爸。当一切停摆时，我觉得这是最后一次翻身机会。

So I give up again because I'm embarrassed. And then big bad COVID hits in 2020 and blesses me with where I am now. I got stuck living with my dad, which I loved. I love my dad. And everything shut down, and I felt like this was one last chance to get it right.

想想看，这辈子哪还能遇到这种既不用出门又不用见人的时机？所有场所都关闭了。于是我开始发TikTok，连续几个月雷打不动地日更。坚持恰恰是我过去最做不到的事——每次听到有人嘲笑我，就会陷入自我怀疑彻底停更。

Like, when am I going to ever get an opportunity again where I have nowhere to be, no one to see? Everything is shut down. So I start posting on TikTok, and I posted literally every day consistently for months. And I think that was the one thing I had struggled with in the past, consistency. Like, every time I would get in my head and think about what others thought of me, whenever I would hear that someone was making fun of me, I would just shut down completely.

但这次不同在于，我意识到距离初中第一次想做自媒体已经过去十年，而渴望丝毫未减。回望这段历程很痛苦，那么多时间和机会都浪费在在意别人的看法上——那些人现在早从我的生活里消失了，我甚至不知道他们过得如何。真他妈讽刺。

But what was different this time was realizing it had been ten years since I initially decided I wanted to do social media when I was in middle school, and I had the same desire as I did then. And it hurt to look back on it because there was so much lost time and lost opportunity all because I cared so much about what people thought of me. People now I don't even see or think about. Like, I have no idea what they're doing with their lives. Like, fuck.

如果十年前就开始坚持会怎样？我本可以成为顶级网红，像Charli D'Amelio那样坐着私人飞机去檀香山。但我没有，因为我让别人定义我是谁、该做什么。这实在太逊了。有件事我必须学会，其实每个人都该明白：有些人就是纯粹的酸葡萄精。

What if I started ten years ago and was consistent? I could be like those big influencers. I could be the first Charlie D'Amelio on my private jet on the way to Honolulu, but I'm not because I let others decide who I was and what I should do. And that was so lame of me. One thing that I had to learn, and I think everyone should learn this, is some people are just fucking bitter.

人们会嘲笑你，说你尴尬，但这完全与他们有关，与你或你所做的事无关。人们嘲笑你大多是因为他们自己的不安全感。我其实在TikTok上发过相关内容。那些说你尴尬的人之所以感到不适，是因为他们在你身上看到了某些他们因自身不安全和自我设限而无法拥有或做到的东西。所以他们不愿直面这些，宁愿把情绪投射到你身上。

People will make fun of you and call you cringey, but it has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you or what you're doing. Most things people make fun of you for is because of their own insecurities. And I actually posted about this on TikTok. People who call you cringey are cringing because there's something that they see in you that they can't have or can't do because of their own insecurities and their own self limiting beliefs. So instead of dealing with that face on, they would rather project that onto you.

我确信现在听播客的某些人会把这期节目转发给朋友来取笑我。他们觉得尴尬是因为这太非传统了，他们无法想象自己能有信心做类似的事。别误会，不是每个人都有做播客或认真经营社交媒体的意愿，这很正常。但仅仅因为你自己不会做某件事，不代表你有权嘲笑或评判追求它的人。

And I'm sure there's people listening to this podcast right now and are going to send it to their friends and make fun of me. It's cringey to them because it's so unconventional, and they don't see themselves doing this or having the confidence to do something like this. And don't get me wrong. Not everyone has the desire to make a podcast or post seriously on social media, and that's okay. But just because you wouldn't do something doesn't mean you should make fun of someone or judge someone for wanting to pursue it.

有些人就是纯粹的仇恨者。总会有无论如何都不喜欢你的人。你可以是最慷慨、最善良的人，把全部财产捐给最好的公益事业，依然会有人说：她是个贱人，她糟透了。

Some people are just haters. There's going to be people who don't like you no matter what. You could be the most generous, the most kind hearted person. You could donate all your money to the best causes and charities, and there's still going to be people that are like, she's a bitch. She sucks.

而当时的我在想：我为什么要在乎？我过着不热爱的生活，背叛了真实的自我，活得痛苦不堪。为什么要让那些我根本不喜欢的人来指导我的人生？

And for me, I was like, why do I care? I'm living a life that I don't love. I'm not being true to who I am. I'm fucking miserable. Why am I letting people who I don't even like tell me how to live?

我根本就不喜欢他们。糟糕的不是我，是他们。所以如果你正在听这段话并产生共鸣——你想认真经营社交媒体，想创业，想做音乐...

I literally don't even like them. I don't suck. They fucking suck. So if you're listening to this and you resonate with this at all, you wanna start posting seriously, You wanna start a business. You wanna make music.

想做播客。无论你想做什么，却因害怕他人看法而犹豫不决，那就去做。如果这是你真正渴望、日思夜想的事，很可能五年十年后你依然会这么想，就像我当年一样。与其再等十年，不如现在就行动。因为如果不做，将来你只会后悔。我真希望能回到十年前，给自己一个拥抱，告诉当年的自己这些话。

You wanna start a podcast. Whatever you wanna do, but you're feeling resistance because you're scared of what others think, just do it. If it's something you genuinely wanna do, something that you crave and you can't stop thinking about it, you're probably going to still feel that way in, like, five to ten years just like I did. So instead of waiting ten more years to do whatever it is that you wanna do, pull the trigger and do it now because if you don't, you'll look back and regret it. I wish I could go back ten years ago and give myself a fucking hug and tell myself this.

那样我会快乐得多，人生也会截然不同。虽然这话有点沉重，但归根结底，你拥有的只有自己。每晚入睡和清晨醒来时陪伴你的都是自己。是的，你身边或许躺着另一个人。

I would have been so much happier, and my life would have looked so much different. Not to get dark, but at the end of the day, all you have is you. You go to sleep and you wake up with you. Yeah. You might wake up next to someone.

是的，你身边可能有一群很好的人。但当你死去时，剩下的只有你自己。这是唯一确定的事。只有你。

Yeah. You might have a good group of people around you. But when you die, all there is is you. And that's all that's guaranteed. You.

你一直都是你自己。把自己放在第一位，让自己他妈的自豪，去做那件该死的事。做你注定要做的事。世界上有这么多人，他们都有不同的兴趣。明白吗？

You've always been who you are. Put yourself first and make yourself fucking proud and do the damn thing. Do what you're made to do. There's so many people out there, and they all have different interests. Okay?

不是每个人都想和你做同样的事。所以你对这件事的渴望应该足以告诉你，这就是你注定要做的事。如果你和其他人一样，有着相同的兴趣和欲望，那么每个人都会去拿个大学文凭，朝九晚五地工作。这没什么错，两者也没有孰优孰劣。只是有些事适合别人，而这件事适合你。

Not everyone is going to wanna do the same thing that you do. So you having that craving to wanna do this thing should tell you just enough that's what you're meant to do. If you were like everyone else and you had all the same interests and desires, everyone would be going and getting a college degree and working a nine to five. And there's nothing wrong with that, and neither is better or worse than the other. It's just one thing is meant for someone else, and this thing is meant for you.

别再假装了，活出你最好的生活，实现你的目标，而不是他们的。妈的，说得太多了。我觉得我还有好多话要说，但如果继续下去，我会喋喋不休，我不想这样对你。而且，我也不想让人觉得我好像什么都知道，像甘地一样。

Stop pretending and live your best life and serve your purpose, not theirs. Fuck. That was a lot. I feel like I still have so much to say, but if I keep going, I will ramble, and I don't wanna do that to you. Also, I don't want it to come off like I have all the answers and, like, I'm Gandhi.

并不是说这里有人把我比作他。说实话。但我只是一个想得太多、情绪泛滥的女孩，总是沉浸在自己的感受里。所以我觉得这个播客是一个很好的方式，让我可以卸下我的想法，同时帮助那些感受太强烈、在乎太多的人。哇。

Not that anyone here is comparing me to him. Let's be real. But I'm just a girl who thinks a fuck ton and spirals a fuck ton, and I'm always in my feelings. So I think this podcast is a good way for me to unload my thoughts while also helping others that feel too hard and care way too much. Wow.

我希望你喜欢《试着不在乎》的第一集。如果你有任何话题想让我讨论，请在Instagram上私信我。我的主账号是ashley corbeau，还有我的播客Instagram账号，是trying not the number two care podcast。所以在那上面私信我，我一定会谈到你想让我谈的任何话题。而且，如果你真的私信我，那会让我的自我感觉更加良好。

I hope you liked episode one of try not to care. If there's ever a topic you want me to talk about, please DM me on either Instagram. There's my main at ashley corbeau, and then there's my podcast Instagram, which is trying not the number two care podcast. So DM me on those, and I'll definitely touch on whatever it is that you want me to. And, also, if you do DM me, it will boost my ego even more.

我会想，看吧？哇。看吧？确实有人在听。确实有人在乎。

I'll be like, see? Wow. See? Someone does listen. Someone does care.

录制这个节目我玩得太开心了。我超爱说话，所以感觉播客就是为我量身定做的，宝贝。非常感谢你们一直听到现在，谢谢你们的支持。我爱你们，下周再聊。

I had so much fun recording this. I love to talk, so I feel like podcasts were meant for me, baby. Thank you so much for listening and staying this long. Thank you for supporting me. I love you, and I will talk to you next week.

再见。

Bye.