爱你的最爱独角兽 | 1

你打开手机，刷着社交媒体，

You open your phone, scroll through socials,

然后

and there

她又出现了。那个让生活看起来毫不费力的女人。完美的工作，完美的孩子，完美的发型。你无法移开视线，尽管你知道没有人的人生能如此完美。

she is again. The woman who makes life look effortless. Perfect job, perfect kids, perfect hair. You can't look away even though you know No one's life is this perfect.

凌晨4:40，送大儿子去埃尔德斯塔克机场参加足球锦标赛。早上6:55，送小儿子上学前拥抱。

04:40AM, drop off Eldestack Airport soccer tournament. 06:55AM, snuggles with youngest before school.

如果你点开一个叫“凶猛妈妈”的Instagram账号故事，你会以为这是真的。女人可以拥有一切。

If you open the stories of an Instagram account called One Fierce Mama, you'd think it was true. Women can have it all.

上午9:30，闺蜜们来我家，接受医美水疗培训，小心肉毒杆菌针。12:45，接小儿子放学。

09:30AM, girls around mine, med spa training, careful with a Botox needle. 12:45, school pickup for youngest.

这是坎迪斯·里维拉，也被称为“凶猛妈妈”，她向Instagram粉丝们更新着她一天生活中发生的所有事情。

This is Candace Rivera, also known as One Fierce Mama, updating her Instagram followers with everything that happens in just one day of her life.

下午1:56，检查安全屋，清点捐赠物资。3:51，电话响起。是一位幸存者。她已经六个月没碰毒品了。真为她骄傲。

+1 56, check Safe House, take stock of donations. 351, phone rings. It's a survivor. She's six months sober. So proud of her.

坎迪斯是两个男孩的母亲，一名护士，几家价值数百万美元企业的老板，反人口贩卖组织的CEO和创始人。标签#女强人。

Candice is a mother of two boys, a nurse, owner of several multimillion dollar businesses, CEO and founder of an anti human trafficking organization. Hashtag girl boss.

下午4:28，又一位幸存者来电。别放弃。我们今晚就帮你。晚上6:15。查收邮件。

428, another survivor call. Don't give up. We'll get you help tonight. 06:15PM. Check mail.

带有华丽印章的信件。是欧文斯议员的来信。坎迪斯，感谢你所做的一切。

Letter with fancy seal. It's congressman Owens. Thank you, Candace, for all you do.

她还参与了联合国的一个特别工作组。

She's also on a United Nations task force.

七点十八分，正在处理联合国全球契约事务。

Seven eighteen, working on UN Global Compact.

两个狗宝宝的妈妈。八点零六分，

A mom of two dogs. Eight zero six,

带狗狗们去散步。

take dogs for a walk.

世界改变者，历史创造者，地狱震撼者。晚上11:15，还有四十封邮件和一百条短信待回复。

World changer, history maker, hell shaker. 11:15PM, forty emails and a 100 texts to reply to.

凌晨12:08，终于可以睡觉了。

12:08AM, finally, sleep.

而且是个好人，那种能够拥有一切的人。和我们许多人一样，坎迪斯曾被断言做不到，但她决心证明所有人都错了。

And good person, the kind of person who can have it all. Like many of us, Candice was told she couldn't, and she was determined to prove everyone wrong.

今年我听到的话：单亲妈妈不可能兼顾所有事还当好妈妈。你不够格。那绝不可能是真的。你是假的。

Things I've been told this year. A single mom can't do all that and still be a good mom. You're not qualified. There's no way that could be real. You're fake.

这里是《独角兽女孩》，苹果原创播客，由七山制作，由我查理·韦伯斯特主持并担任执行制片。这是一个关于名叫坎迪斯的女人的故事，她是CEO、创始人和全球倡导者。但我会让她亲自向你介绍自己。

This is Unicorn Girl, an Apple original podcast produced by Seven Hills, hosted and executive produced by me, Charlie Webster. This is a story about a woman named Candice, who is a CEO, founder, and global advocate. But I'll let her tell you about herself.

我是坎娜·施莱佛，一名反人口贩卖的废奴主义者。我从事医疗职业，专攻创伤与急诊医学领域——这个领域男性占绝大多数。

My name is Kanna Shriver, and I am an anti trafficking abolitionist. I have a medical career and worked in trauma and emergency med, which is predominantly male.

这实际上是我第十一年从事反人口贩卖工作。明年将进入第十二年，我几乎快完成在这个领域的第十二个年头了。

This is actually my eleventh. Next year will be my twelfth, so I'm almost in my twelfth year of working in the anti trafficking field.

我正努力同时经营多家公司、拯救世界，还要当个踩着超高跟鞋的摇滚明星辣妈。我为能养育孩子并管理公司感到自豪。我的目标是在40岁前运营七家七位数规模的企业，现在只差两家了。

I'm trying to run multiple companies, save the world, and be a killer rock star mom in really high heels. I'm proud of being able to raise kids and house companies. My goal was to have seven companies that were 7 figures running before 40. We're two away.

我就知道我喜欢你。我为此感到骄傲。

I Thank knew I liked you. And I'm proud of that.

这位是坎迪斯，她不仅参与多个播客节目，还在大学做过主题演讲。对于几年前还是全职主妇的人来说实属不易。事实上，这几乎令人难以置信——而这正是坎迪斯·里维拉故事的一贯基调。但在你妄下判断前，请容我直言：这个故事的真实性远超你的想象。

That's Candice, chatting on a couple of podcasts and even giving a keynote speech at a university. Not bad for someone who was a stay at home mom only a few years ago. In fact, it's almost entirely unbelievable. That's a bit of a theme when it comes to Candace Rivera. But before you start to pass judgment, let me tell you right up front, there's a lot more truth to this story than you might think.

调查坎迪斯的经历耗费了大量精力，过程中你会遇到许多人，我们将为你完整呈现真实的坎迪斯。当你听着故事摇头不解时，请记住我们始终在做同样的事。如果你凌晨两点仍满腹疑问，欢迎来电——我肯定醒着。

Investigating Candace has been a lot, and you are going to meet many people along the way so we can give you the full picture of who Candace really is. As you listen and start to shake your head, wondering how everything fits together, know that that's exactly what we've been doing this whole time. If you're up at 2AM with more questions than answers, you're in good company. Give me a call. I'll be awake.

我们将共同完成这段旅程。我保证在这个系列结束时，所有谜团都会揭晓。首先有件千真万确的事：坎迪斯在落基山脚下的科罗拉多泉市长大，19岁嫁给帕特里克·莱尔德后搬到了犹他州郊区。

We're on this journey together. But I promise you, by the end of the series, this puzzle comes together. First, here's something that is 100% true. Candice grew up in Colorado Springs at the foot of the Rocky Mountains. She moved to the suburbs of Utah at 19 when she married a guy called Patrick Laird.

随后的十五年里，坎迪斯声名鹊起。我们的故事始于2015年，当时坎迪斯即将30岁，仍使用夫姓坎迪斯·莱尔德。一切就从这里开始——在一个读书会里，不过不是周末线下聚会那种，而是脸书上的线上小组。

Over the next fifteen years, Candice made quite a name for herself. Our story starts in 2015, back when Candace was approaching 30. At that time, Candace went by her married name, Candace Laird. That's where all this begins, And in a book group, but not one where you get together in person on the weekends. This one was on Facebook.

我是金·哈特梅克，住在德克萨斯州奥斯汀市郊。在此定居二十五年，养育了五个成年子女。我的身份包括作家、播客主、朋友和姐妹。

My name's Gin Hatmaker. I live just outside Austin, Texas. I've lived here for twenty five years, and I've got five grown kids. And I'm an author and a podcaster and a friend and a sister.

《纽约时报》畅销书作家珍·哈特梅克创建了这个小组来宣传新书。这本为女性撰写的书号召人们活出充满爱的真实人生，书名为《以爱之名》——所以小组也...

New York Times bestselling author, Jen Hatmaker, put the group together to help her promote her new book. The book was written for women, calling them to live an authentic life full of love. It was called For the Love, and so that's what

读书小组也接到了通知。我们正在筹备发布事宜。基本上都是些志愿者，算是你的社交媒体粉丝。我们只在社交平台上发布消息。我们要组建一个志愿者首发团队。

the book group was called too. We're gearing up to release it. There's all these essentially volunteers kind of in your social media followers. We put out just on socials. We're gonna have a volunteer launch team.

我们有500个名额。创建了一个私密Facebook群组作为中心枢纽。他们在书籍上架前给我们提供了预发行版本。

We've got 500 spots. We created a private Facebook group. That was our hub. They gave us an advanced release copy before they

即将正式发售。

were gonna hit the shelves.

这位是布兰迪，加州的一位家庭治疗师，她是被选中的500人之一。

That's Brandi, a family therapist living in California, who was one of the 500 selected.

我们需要阅读后摘录最喜欢的段落，比如评论、引语，然后开始发布相关内容并推荐给朋友。詹的出版商收集了所有撰写书评的成员，从中选出约20条最佳评论，我们的评语都被刊印在书里——我的就在第一本。当时大家特别兴奋，后来事情逐渐变得真实，有人会说'能为我昨天被停课的孩子祷告吗'，然后大家就开始分享生活。因为这个封闭的私密群组，我们真正了解了彼此生活的艰难面。

And we had to just read them and then just start pulling our favorite parts, like comments, quotes, you know, and just start posting about it and telling friends. And then Jen's publishers, they took all of us who wrote about the book, like reviews, and then they picked, like, the top 20 or whatever, so we're all published in the books as like our, you know, our reviews, and so I have it, and I'm in the first one. And it was just like so much excitement, and then at one point it kinda started getting real and people would say, hey, can you just pray for my kid who got suspended yesterday and here's what happened. And then people would just share life. And so we really got to know the hard stuff because it's a closed group and it's a private group.

现实世界中没人会看到这些帖子，但群里满是求助：'我的婚姻要破裂了'、'儿子刚被诊断出心脏病'，都是真实的人生困境。

So nobody in the real world would see them posting this stuff, but it was like, help. My marriage is failing. Help. My son just got diagnosed with this heart condition. You know, like, was just real life.

感觉我们真的在共同生活。可能听众会觉得'不过是网友'，但我们的关系远不止于此。

And it felt I mean, we were all doing life with each other. And it sounds so I'm sure to anyone listening who's like, oh, they were Internet friends. But it was like more than that.

这个半封闭的Facebook群组逐渐自成生态。这是田纳西州的营销专家金伯利。那是非常独特的体验：我们为即将超龄离开寄养系统的女孩众筹买了车，大家为彼此、为社会做了很多真正利他的善事。

This, like, quasi exclusive closed Facebook group sort of took on a life of its own. This is Kimberly, marketing professional from Tennessee. It was like a really, really unique experience. We bought a car for a girl who was in the foster system who was aging out. Like, we did a lot of really good altruistic things for one another and for the greater good.

那真是个美好的社群。

It was a really wonderful community.

连詹·哈特梅克本人都没想到群组里的女性会变得如此亲密。

Not even Jen Hatmaker could believe how close the women in the group became.

Facebook页面上的活动从未间断。除非这是你的全职工作，否则没人能跟得上所有内容。每天都有大量更新。

It was nonstop activity on the Facebook page. Like, unless it was your full time job, nobody could keep up with it all. There was so much on the daily.

我们自称'500人'，因为有5000人申请，500人被选中，所以这500人感觉特别与众不同。

We called ourselves the 500 because 5,000 people applied, 500 were accepted, so those 500 felt really special.

那位言语治疗师，安娜丽丝。

That speech therapist, Annalise.

尽管这500人分散在全国各地，但我们很快就建立起一种亲密感。我就是这样在现实中见面之前，先在线上认识了坎迪斯。

Even though these 500 people lived all over the country, there was quickly just, like, a closeness about us. So that's where I first met Candace kind of virtually before we met in person.

坎迪斯是'为爱而生'小组里发帖最活跃的成员之一。

Candace was a prolific poster in the For The Love group.

每个人都知道其他人的特点。坎迪斯擅长讲那些搞笑又尴尬的故事。很多内容就像是意识流，记录她经历中的所思所感，最后总会有句俏皮话和戏剧性的结尾。

Everyone knew what each person's thing was. Candace's was these funny, embarrassing stories. A lot of it was almost like stream of consciousness explaining her thoughts and feelings as she's going through this experience, and then there's always some funny little one liner in there and some sense of drama.

亲爱的安全空间，我会不会

Dear safe place, will I have

这个乳房，左边

this boob, the one on

的那个？它异常多汗，现在还出现了凹陷，就像第二个乳头。我给它扑粉、除臭、漂白、用氧净清洁，可它依然如故。于是我和老公开玩笑地叫它'臭臭奶'。

the left? It has been abnormally sweaty and now has a dimpling, like a second nipple. I powder it, deodorize it, bleach it, OxiClean it. It is still there. So jokingly, Hubs and I nicknamed it Stinky boob.

这是其中一个

That's one

在坎迪斯的众多帖子中

of Candace's many posts in

《为爱而生》书籍小组的。

the For The Love book group.

她常称她们为姐妹或部落。在本系列中，你将听到坎迪斯的社交帖子。这些是由艾美·朱尔直接朗读的她社交媒体上的真实发文。

She often refers to them as her sisters or tribe. Throughout this series, you will hear Candace's social posts. They are her actual posts taken directly from her social media and are read by Emmy Jure.

她会描述正在发生的事情，让你感觉身临其境，或能明白她的所作所为及其缘由。

She describes what's happening so that you feel like you truly are there or can see what she's doing and why she's doing it.

坎迪斯的许多内容都是自嘲式的，相当滑稽的场景，比如在陌生地方过夜时，她对在公共场合排便有些焦虑。但这些都是令人捧腹的故事。

A lot of Candace's things were self deprecating and fairly funny scenarios about, like, being in a strange place spending the night, she had some anxiety about pooping in public. But they were hilarious stories.

我要在嫂子家住五天。整整五天啊，各位。他们家卫生间就在走廊正中间，紧挨着厨房、客厅和餐厅——我丈夫的35个亲戚全在那儿吃饭打牌。我快疯了，得了排便恐惧症。

I'm staying at my sister in law's house for five days. Five days, y'all. And their bathroom is right in the middle of the hallway next to the kitchen, living, and dining rooms, where all 35 of my husband's family members stay, eat, play cards. I am dying. I have poop fright.

第三天太阳落山了。薄墙卫生间，今天是你赢了。我们改日再战。亲爱的朋友们，为第四天祈祷吧。我可能离死不远了。

The sun goes down on day number three. Thin walled bathroom, you have won today. We will meet again. Dear friends, pray for day four. I may be on the verge of death.

亲爱的，你为爱分享过度了。#为二号之爱

Love, you're oversharing for the love sister. Hashtag for the love of number two.

《为爱而生》的女性成员来自美国各地，从加州到卡罗来纳。但距离不是问题。小组几乎瞬间就变得亲密无间。它成为所有成员的支持系统和参谋团，帮助人们走出关系困境、众筹资源，或只是为需要的人提供安全港湾。她们甚至制作了自己的《为爱而生》周边商品。

The For The Love women came from all corners of The United States, from California to the Carolinas. But distance didn't matter. The group got close almost instantly. It became a support and sounding board for all its members, getting people out relationships, crowdsourcing resources, or just being a safe place for those who needed it. They even made their own For The Love merch.

每周六早上，你肯定会被逗笑，因为大家会分享过去一周收集的表情包。所以这里既是酷炫的绿洲，又像是个小小的疯狂乐园。

Every Saturday morning, you could be guaranteed that you would be laughing because everybody shares the memes that they have been collecting for the last week. So it is been a, like, a really cool oasis, but also like a little land of crazy town too.

尽管只是通过帖子和评论相识，'为爱而生'部落的成员们变得异常亲密，而那本将他们凝聚在一起的书甚至还未出版。是时候将关系推向新高度了——一次线下聚会。

Despite only knowing each other through posts and comments, the For The Love Tribe became extremely close, and the book that brought them together hadn't even been released yet. It was time to take things to the next level, an in person meetup.

我们全都去了德克萨斯州珍·哈特梅克的家，为这些新书发布举办了一场盛大派对。

We all went to Texas to Jen Hatmaker's house, and we had a huge party to launch these books.

这是他们第一次能真实相处，看到头像背后的真人。珍·哈特梅克提供了她在德克萨斯州奥斯汀的农舍，用来庆祝

For the first time, they would get to be with each other and see the real person behind the profile picture. Jen Hatmaker offered up her farmhouse in Austin, Texas for a celebration of

新书发布。那次集体体验如此非凡，以至于我突发奇想邀请所有人来我家。整整500人。比如，会有人愿意来我家一起开派对吗？结果可想而知，场面一片欢腾。

the book's release. It was such an extraordinary experience communally that I got the harebrained idea to invite them all to my house. All 500 of them. Like, would anybody wanna come to my house and have a party together? And it was pandemonium, as you might imagine.

最后来了约350人。他们从美国各地飞来，在我后院举办了派对。那真是个特别的时刻，对我来说可能永远都是最珍贵的季节。

Like, 350 of them came. They flew in from all over The United States, and we had a party in my backyard. And it was just just a really special like, that'll be a real special season for me probably forever.

那是我人生中第一次独自旅行。

And that was the first time I'd ever traveled by myself.

对于来自明尼苏达州的助产士艾琳来说，'为爱而生'点燃了她从未有过的感受。

For Erin, a midwife from Minnesota, for the love ignited something in her that she'd never felt before.

我和素未谋面的人们同住酒店，我丈夫说这有点疯狂。我虽然接受，但这完全不像你的作风。我和陌生人同睡一张床，确实很狂野。就像见到失散多年的家人，尽管我们从未谋面。

And I went and stayed in a hotel with people I'd never met before, and my husband's like, this is a little bit crazy. I'm okay with it, but this is definitely not you at all. So I'm sharing a bed with somebody I've never met before. It was it was kinda wild. It was like seeing family that you hadn't seen in a really long time even though we never met.

因为我们过去九个月几乎每天都在交流，感觉早已相识。

Like, we felt like we knew each other because we'd spent the last nine months talking almost every day.

在拥抱欢呼、免费甜点和塔可餐车之间，有个人吸引了所有人的目光——这个群体中的独角兽，

Amongst the hugging and screaming, the free desserts and taco trucks, there was one person everyone was drawn to, the unicorn of the group,

坎迪斯。我在那儿遇到了坎迪斯。她非常亲切，搞笑，就像个人缘磁铁。

Candace. I met Candace there. She's very personable, hilarious, just kind of like a people magnet.

她就像太阳一样。所有人都被她吸引。她带了个独角兽头套戴着，这成了大家的笑点。后来就演变成她是独一无二的，像独角兽一样的存在。

She was like the sun. Everybody just was drawn to her. She brought this unicorn head that she would wear, so that became the joke. And then it was a she's a one of a kind. She's a a unicorn type thing.

起因就是她戴的那个面具，因为它太荒谬了。就像凭空冒出来的一样。

It started with the mask that she wore because it was so ridiculous. Like, it came out of nowhere.

坎迪斯从多个方面来说都是个独角兽。她戴着独角兽面具来参加派对，不是那种在学校手工做的纸板面具。是个完整的橡胶头套，你知道的，能遮住整张脸和脖子，万圣节派对会戴的那种。它有蓝色的大眼睛，巨大的牙齿，头顶还有根超大的角。

Candice was a unicorn in more ways than one. She turned up to the party wearing a unicorn mask and not the kind of cardboard one you'd make at school. It was a full rubber head, you know, that covers your entire face and neck that you might wear to a Halloween party. It had big blue eyes, huge teeth, and a gigantic horn on top.

前几天晚上我告诉过你，我半夜买了样又疯又荒谬的东西，现在寄到了，我超爱它。就是这个独角兽头套。不信的人看角就知道了。这个

The other night, I told you that I bought something in the middle of the night that was crazy and ridiculous, and it came in the mail, and I love it. It is the unicorn head. Those of you who do not believe me, the proof is in the horn. This

是坎迪斯在脸书上发布的视频里拆箱她新到的独角兽面具。

is Candace unpacking her newly arrived unicorn mask in a video she posted on Facebook.

快去给自己买个独角兽头套吧。

Go get yourself a unicorn head.

布兰迪也记得那个独角兽头套。

Brandi remembers the unicorn head too.

当时星巴克出了款叫'独角兽'的饮品。坎迪斯就打扮成独角兽的样子，拍自己去星巴克得来速点独角兽饮品的视频，像偷拍似的，咖啡师笑得不行，视频就爆红了。被转发了无数遍，我笑得停不下来。太有趣了。这姑娘太有意思了。

There was a Starbucks drink that came out called the unicorn. And Candice, she filmed herself dressed as a unicorn going through the Starbucks drive through and ordering a unicorn drink, and it was like a hidden camera, and the barista was, like, cracking up laughing, and it, like, blew up. It was shared a gajillion times, and I could not stop laughing. It was so funny. This girl is so funny.

我爱死她了。

I love her.

她是那种光芒四射的人，大家都熟知她那些有趣的小癖好。她就是独一无二的坎迪斯，这就是她的本色。

She was this kind of bright, shiny person that everyone knew these funny little things about her. So she she just was unicorn Candace. That's who she was.

经过一个充满欢笑、走心对话和奥斯汀观光的周末后，《为爱》一书上架销售，并成功登上了《纽约时报》畅销书榜单。但这并非

After a weekend of giggles, heartfelt conversations, and sightseeing around Austin, For The Love hit the shelves and successfully made the New York Times bestsellers list. But that was not the

‘为爱’小组的终点。

end of the For The Love group.

它已远不止是一个读书会。定期发帖仍在继续，而坎迪斯始终是核心人物。

It had become something so much more than a book group. The regular posting continued, and Candice was front and center.

她几乎是个过度分享者。有时候她会谈论和丈夫之间的私密话题。

She was almost an oversharer. There were times she talked about, like, her intimate things with her husband.

她总爱说些类似‘记得给婚姻生活增添情趣’之类的话。我记得她发过一张可购买的蝴蝶结套装照片，说是圣诞节时能让丈夫拆礼物。她还附上链接说‘快买这个蝴蝶结，你老公会爱死的’。

She just would say, like, make sure you keep things spicy in your marriage and stuff. I remember she posted a picture of, like, a bow outfit to buy so that you could be unwrapped for Christmas. She's like, here. Here's the link to buy this bow. Your husband will love it.

我们都觉得挺逗的。

We all thought it was kinda funny.

有次她和丈夫玩奶油巧克力情趣时，我们

There was a whipped cream chocolate encounter with her husband that we

听说了全过程。

heard all about.

有时候我甚至觉得连她晚上的行程都了如指掌，因为她会提前告诉我们她去商店买了奶油和巧克力。事后又会听说某件物品沾了污渍，或是她那些详细分享的疯狂冒险经历。

And I felt like I knew her itinerary for the night sometimes with her husband because we would know beforehand that she had gone to the store and gotten the whipped cream and the chocolate. And then afterward, hear that there was a stain on something or she had these kind of wild misadventures that she told us a lot of details about.

坎迪斯在大家眼中是

Candace was known as

团队里那只活泼可爱的独角兽。

the fun loving unicorn of the group.

但在2016年末，坎迪斯的生活发生了意想不到的转折。她的发帖语气突然变了。她向群组寻求建议，关于她在丈夫帕特里克手机上发现的一些事情。

But late in 2016, there was an unexpected turn in Candice's life. The tone of her post shifted. She turned to the group for advice about something she discovered on her husband Patrick's phone.

她和丈夫之间出现了一些问题。

She was having some trouble with her husband.

姐妹们，我知道这是个安全的空间，我要稍微敞开心扉。这两天我简直恶心得反胃，头晕目眩。我翻了他的工作手机。我从来不会这么做的。但我们谁没有

Okay ladies, I know this is a safe place and I'm gonna bare my soul a little bit. The last two days, I have literally been sick to my stomach and lightheaded. I was going through his work phone. I never do that. Haven't we all

在某个时刻做过类似的事呢？那种想窥探伴侣手机的诱惑召唤着你，你根本无法抗拒。你希望不会发现什么，但内心深处，你几乎确定会找到些什么。人们不是常说吗？如果你刻意寻找什么，就一定会找到。

done something like that at some point? The temptation of seeing your partner's phone calling you to look at it, and you just can't help yourself. You hope you won't find something, but deep down, you're pretty sure you will. What is it that people say? If you go looking for something, you will find it.

我给他发了张私密照片，催他快点回家享受激情时刻，我想确认照片已删除以免被别人看到。但后来我发现这个陌生短信记录，没有联系人姓名，而且可疑的是对话就从前一天才开始。

I sent him a dirty picture and told him to hurry home so we could have crazy sex, and I wanted to make sure that picture is deleted so that no one else saw that. But then I found this random text log, there's no name attached to it, and it suspiciously just started the day before.

这就是坎迪斯在'为爱而生'群组里发布的内容。附带的是一张手机照片，显示来自盐湖城区号的短信。但这个号码并未存入通讯录。消息写着：'平安到公司了，宝贝，宝贝。我爱你，已经开始想你了。'

This is what Candace was posting to the For The Love group. Alongside it was a picture of a phone with the messages coming from a number with a Salt Lake City area code. But that wasn't saved in the contacts. It said, I made it to work safely, baby, baby. I love you and I miss you already.

回复呢？'我也爱你'。安娜丽丝目睹了这一切的展开。

The response? Love you too. Annalise was watching it all unfold.

我当时就觉得他有点龌龊，有点下流，搞外遇那种。她是那个辛苦照顾孩子的妈妈，而他呢，只顾着自己快活。

I just got the feeling that he was just kinda slimy, kinda skeezy, that he had this affair. She was the mom who was working so hard taking care of the kids, and he was, you know, just taking care of himself.

我们已经结婚十一年了。如果我没有这么脆弱，也许就不会对这条信息如此不安，但我真的不知道该怎么想。能请你当我的倾诉对象，给我些建议并为我多多祈祷吗？

We've been married for eleven years. Maybe if I didn't feel so fragile, I wouldn't be so insecure about this text, but I just don't know what to think. Can I please have a sounding board here and some advice and a whole lot of prayer?

众多女性网友用数百条评论声援坎迪斯。关键在于，这不是你的错。你不能责怪自己。你不需要向我们证明你是个好妻子或好人。

The further love women rallied around Candace with hundreds of comments. Here's the thing. It's not you. You can't blame yourself. You don't need to convince us you are a good wife or person.

你本不该

You shouldn't have to do

对他这样。我

that with him either. I am

为你感到难过。

sick for you.

深呼吸。一次只过一分钟。你被深深爱着。这里有整个群体支持你。

Breathe in. Breathe out. One minute at a time. You are so loved. You have a tribe here to help you.

我们不会离开。显然坎迪斯家里的情况并非表面那样。生活越来越艰难，尤其是她开始担任夜间值班的执业护士后。接着婚姻又遭遇重创——但这次是坎迪斯的过错。

We aren't going anywhere. It became apparent that things weren't as they first seemed for Candace at home. Life was getting harder, especially when she took a job as a nurse practitioner working nights. And then there was another big blow to the marriage. But this time, it was Candace's fault.

她和帕特里克爆发了激烈争吵。她动用他的投资款偿还了自己的护士学校学费。

She got into a really big fight with Patrick. She used his investments to pay off her nurse practitioner school.

坎迪斯向群组坦白，她从丈夫帕特里克的401k退休账户（美国类似私人养老金的投资账户）中提取了资金。

Candice told the group that she took money out of her husband Patrick's four zero one ks, which is a private investment account in The US for retirement like a private pension.

我从他的401k账户取出一大笔钱，用来支付会让我们月月拮据的巨额学费账单，只想彻底解决这个问题。这已不是我第一次因疏忽犯下愚蠢的财务错误。

I withdrew a large sum of money from his 401 ks. I did it to pay for a large school bill that I know will eat us up monthly, so I just wanted to get rid of it. This isn't the first time I've made a dumb money mistake by not paying attention to something.

坎迪斯负责管理家庭财务，她在这方面远非完美。但这次的问题比她之前犯的任何错误都要严重得多。

Candice handled the family's finances, and she was far from perfect at it. But this was much bigger than any of the mistakes she'd made before.

我意识到自己基本上拿走了他所有本该赚取高额利息的钱。

I realized I basically took all of his money that could have been earning a large interest.

随着婚姻因这4万美元的财务失误开始破裂，她不断在'为爱'群组发帖，向朋友寻求支持与安慰。

She kept posting in the For The Love group, reaching out for support and reassurance from her friends as her marriage was starting to break down over this $4.00 1 k money mistake.

他说我未经允许拿走了他的钱就是偷窃。可我觉得他只是因为损失巨款而难受，实际上那笔钱偿还了我们的——我的学业贷款。这很合理，

He is saying that I took his money without his permission and that is stealing. I think he just feels like he's out a ton of money when really it paid our, my school debt. It made sense,

比如，没错，如果你现在还清这笔债务，将来就能赚更多钱。

like, yes, you're gonna make more money if you pay this off now.

但帕特里克并不这么认为。他们的婚姻正在分崩离析。

That was not how Patrick saw it. Their marriage was falling apart.

昨晚很难熬。我们分房睡，整晚无话。

Last night was hard. We slept in separate bedrooms. No words all evening.

她多次提到帕特里克是个多么糟糕的人。

She talked a lot about how Patrick was this terrible person.

我对他的印象是他有点情感虐待倾向。

My impression of him was that he was kind of emotionally abusive.

她还告诉我她害怕把孩子留给帕特里克照看。

And she told me about how she was afraid to leave her kids with Patrick.

坎迪斯觉得她无法继续待在这所房子里。她向'为爱'小组寻求帮助。艾琳响应了求助，提供了一个位于明尼苏达州、车程十八小时的安全住所。她来到这里是为了逃离帕特里克，想要一个安全的栖身之处。

Candice felt like she couldn't stay in the house any longer. She turned to the For The Love group for help. Erin answered the call, providing a safe space eighteen hours drive away in Minnesota. She came up here because she was running from Patrick, so she wanted a safe place to stay, and

他不知道她在明尼苏达认识任何人，所以她来到这里。我真的很感激

he didn't know she knew anybody in Minnesota, so she came here. I'm so thankful for

有个地方可以开车带孩子去玩。他们永远不会知道我们是在逃离他们的父亲。

a place to drive to and take the kids for fun. They will never know we were fleeing their dad.

但坎迪斯不能永远和艾琳住在一起。最终，她不得不回到犹他州的家中。当她到达时，帕特里克正在等她。

But Candice couldn't stay with Erin forever. Eventually, she had to return home to Utah. When she got there, Patrick was waiting.

他说想要离婚，因为他感到被背叛，觉得我偷走了他的某些东西。姐妹们，我甚至不知道该说什么。我完全无言以对。我如此受伤、心碎，我爱他，不想离婚。

He said he wanted a divorce because he felt betrayed and like I stole something from him. I don't even know what to say, Tribe. I am just at a loss for words. I'm so hurt and broken and I love him and don't want a divorce.

我从未见过帕特里克本人，只是通过她的描述了解他。

I never met Patrick in person, but I just knew what she told us of him.

《更深层的爱》读书小组仅通过坎迪斯的描述了解她的丈夫帕特里克。尽管从未谋面，她们都对他形成了强烈印象。读书小组的女士们是她在网络上的安全港湾，但坎迪斯需要离家更近的社群，尤其是带着两个10岁男孩的情况下。她最小的孩子才三岁。后来她发现了一个叫MOPS的组织。

The Further Love book group only knew Candace's husband, Patrick, from what she told them about him. They all had a strong picture of what he was like, even though they'd never met him. The ladies in the book group were a safe place for her online, but Candace needed a community a little closer to home, especially with two boys 10. Her youngest was only three. She found out about a group called MOPS.

MOPS是一个面向学龄前儿童母亲的非宗派基督教项目。这个女性团体聚集了五岁以下孩子的母亲，主要帮助育儿初期的女性，因为大家都知道养育婴儿的头几年特别艰难。关于她丈夫帕特里克的传闻也传到了MOPS。帕特里克就是坎迪斯那个人渣丈夫。我对帕特里克一无所知，因为他是那个人渣。

MOPS is a non denominational Christian program for mothers of preschoolers. It's a group of women who come together who have children five and younger, and it's primarily meant to help women who have babies because everybody knows that those first couple years of babies is really tough. The storyline about her husband Patrick made its way to Motts two. Patrick was the jerk that was Candace's husband. I know nothing about Patrick because he was the jerk.

这是莱西。莱西在生下第一个孩子后加入MOPS，并在那里认识了坎迪斯。

This is Lacey. Lacey joined Mops after she gave birth to her first child, and she met Candace there.

我在MOPS认识了坎迪斯。你把孩子托管后，就能和其他处境相同的妈妈交流，聊哺乳、奶粉、医生推荐等各种话题，暂时从母亲身份中解脱。这正是我需要的。我生第一个孩子时产后抑郁很严重。29岁生头胎在犹他州算高龄，犹他州的高龄产妇。

I met Candace at Mops. You drop off your kids and get to visit and meet with other moms in the same life as you, and you could talk all things breastfeeding or formula or, you know, who's your doctor and just kind of get a reprieve from being a mom. It was everything I needed. I really struggled with postpartum, my first kid. I had my first when I was 29, which is old for Utah, Old for Utah.

所以我当时真的很需要一些事情来做，直到我有了第一个孩子。那时让我走出家门对我来说非常重要。

And so I really needed something I had worked up until I had my first baby. And so getting me out of the house was really important at the time.

当莱西加入Mops时，坎迪斯已经晋升到领导团队了。她拥有

When Lacey got to Mops, Candace had already worked her way up to the leadership team. She had

一切。你知道吗？人们都喜欢她。教会也爱她。她总是参与所有事情。

it all. You know? People liked her. The church loved her. She always had her hand in everything.

所以，就像，谁不想成为那样的人呢？尤其是作为一个新妈妈，那是我渴望成为的一切。是的，可以说她很迷人。她有两个儿子。

So, like, why wouldn't you wanna be that? Especially as a new mom, it was everything I wanted to be. Yeah. Glamorous, I guess, is what you could say. She has two boys.

Mops的核心理念就是你和你的孩子在一起。而坎迪斯因那段心碎的故事而闻名——她有了大儿子后再次怀孕。十月是婴儿失丧意识月，所以每年十月，我们的MOTS小组都会专门为此举办会议，帮助组内其他妈妈为流产的宝宝哀悼。她会讲述自己的故事，并展示那张与她家庭照一起拍摄的、包含她天使双胞胎女儿的照片。

That was the whole basis of mops was you're there with your children. And Candice was known for this devastating story that she had her oldest son and then had a pregnancy. And October is Infancy Loss Awareness Month. And so every October, our MOTS groups would do a meeting specifically for that to help the other moms in the group grieve for their miscarried babies. And so she would talk about her story, and she would bring in the picture that she had made with her angel twin girls in the picture with her family picture.

所以她在Mops的生活是：我曾有过双胞胎女儿，但正因她们在天堂，我现在才有了儿子们。坎迪斯在

So her life in mops was I had twin baby girls, but that's why I have boys now because my girls are in heaven. Candice had a tattoo on

手指上有两个点和两支箭的纹身。她说箭头指向的点代表她在天堂的女儿们。坎迪斯对自己的经历非常坦诚。

her fingers, two dots and two arrows. She said her boys with the arrows pointed to the dots that represent her girls in heaven. Candice was very open about her experience.

每年十月婴儿失丧意识月她都会谈及此事。我只记得她在舞台上散发的光芒，那种自信，比我此生见过的任何人都要耀眼，但又不令人畏惧。我就想认识她——那是谁？我想了解她。那时她还是学校家长教师协会（PTA）的成员。

She spoke about it every October for Infancy Loss Awareness Month. I just remember the shine that she had on stage, just confidence, just more confidence than I'd ever seen anybody in my life have, but not in a way that was scary or I just was like, I want to know her. Like, who's that? I want to get to know who she is. She was on the PTA at the time, the Parent Teacher Association with her school.

她深度参与孩子们的生活。她总告诉我她在组织足球拼车，经常出现在足球场。那时她不工作，因为我们都是全职妈妈，这也是我们加入Mops的原因。

She was very much involved in her kids' lives. She would always tell me she was doing soccer, carpool. She was always at the soccer field. She didn't work at the time because we were all stay at home moms, and that's why we were at Mops.

她说自己曾在一家医院当护士。

She said she worked as a nurse at a hospital.

这是丹妮尔。她为了丈夫的工作搬到犹他州后，加入了MOPS（母亲学前组织）寻找社群。据丹妮尔所知，坎迪斯并非全职妈妈，实际上她是一名护士。

This is Danielle. She had joined mops to find community after moving to Utah for her husband's job. As far as Danielle knew, Candice wasn't a stay at home mom. She was actually a nurse.

我们当时在举办Bunco游戏之夜。坎迪斯说她因为要上夜班不能来，她在医院当护士值夜班。结果活动快结束时她出现了，虽然错过了大部分环节，我们差不多要收尾了。她穿着手术服过来，还说什么'真高兴大家能聚在一起，我们这样做是为了建立社群'之类的话。

We were having a Bunco night. Candice said that she couldn't come to it because she'd be working because she worked a night shift at the hospital as a nurse. And she showed up to the event towards the end of it. She'd missed most of it, but we're about wrapping it up. And she shows up in scrubs and talks about like, oh, I'm so glad we got, you know, you guys could all get together and we do this for community.

然后就开始滔滔不绝讲她如何救了个人，说什么'这人送进急诊室时我正好在，我就按着他们胸口止血啊，做心肺复苏啊'，没完没了地强调自己救了条命，还特意穿着手术服来证明。

And then goes into talking about how she saved somebody's life, know, like, this person came into the ER and I was there to like, you know, just basically just like holding their chest to stop the bleeding or, like, doing the contractions while we're bringing them back to whatever it was, like, just on and on about, like, I saved a life and showed up in the scrubs to do it.

丹妮尔刚加入MOPS时在镇上谁也不认识，但很快和莱西、坎迪斯成了朋友。我们一开始就特别投缘。

When Danielle joined Mobs, she didn't know anyone in town, but she quickly made friends with Lacey and Candace. We all really clicked from the start.

我们相处得很愉快，经常一起玩。所以坎迪斯总在她家做东，领导层会议也在她家开，

Like, we all just really got along and had fun together. So Candace would always host at her house. We'd have our leadership nights at her house, and

还会办睡衣派对。就是，

we'd do sleepovers. So, you know,

十二个成年女性在坎迪斯家过夜，我们租了台老式投影机，在她家后院看电影。

you've got, like, 12 adult women having sleepovers at Candace's house, and we'd rent, like, big old projector in Candace's backyard and watch movies in the backyard.

丹妮尔、坎迪斯、莱西很快形成了四人小团体。后来另一位女士帕特里夏也因丈夫工作调动搬来后加入了MOPS

Danielle, Candace, Lacey would soon become a foursome. Another woman, Patricia, joined Mops after she also moved

为了

for

她丈夫的工作。

her husband's job.

我刚搬到盐湖城时举目无亲，完全是从零开始。根据我第三次搬家的经验——我们通常每两年搬一次家——我习惯通过邻居和MOPS项目建立社交圈。坎迪斯非常积极主动，她会邀请大家去她家喝含羞草鸡尾酒，请人来给我们做美甲，营造欢乐氛围。她还会讲些笑话，有时可能有点越界，但在那种环境下反而让人耳目一新。有天晚上我们去钢琴酒吧，我几乎全程都在笑。

I had no one when I moved to Salt Lake City, so I was starting at ground zero. And the process that I learned by this being my third, and we usually moved every two years, was that I tended to find community with neighbors and I tended to find community by going to a mops program. Candice was very proactive about inviting everyone over to her house and having mimosas and inviting somebody there to do our nails and creating fun. She'd also crack jokes and sometimes they would kind of push the boundary or whatever, but that was also refreshing in an environment like that. One night, we went to this piano bar, and I mean, I don't I don't think much of the time I wasn't laughing.

我们笑得脸颊发酸、肋骨生疼，她简直是派对灵魂。直到开车回家时我才意识到，整晚其他人都没怎么说话。我们六七个女性聚在一起，通常情况应该是七嘴八舌，而不是所有人都在听一个人讲。

I mean, we were my face hurt, my sides hurt, we laughed so much. She's the life of a party. It didn't occur to me until we were driving home that no one else talked. There was six or so of us women. And generally speaking, if you get a group of women together, it's not one person talking with the rest of them captivated by the one.

但那天晚上全程都是坎迪斯在说话。她讲了个离奇故事：有人盗用她所有照片创建约会资料，冒充她去钓一位英俊消防员。那人坚信正在和她约会，她不得不向约会网站证明那些确实是她的照片，还成功黑进了账号。她不停开玩笑说那个'盗版自己'有多放荡。我当时就意识到，之所以变成独角戏，是因为没人能编出这么...找不到更合适的词了...

It's generally tons of talking by tons of different people. But this stood out to me the whole time Candice talked, the whole time. She told this elaborate story about somebody had stolen all of her pictures and created this dating profile and was catfishing this very attractive fireman who decided that he was dating her and she had to prove to the dating company that those were actually her pictures and she had gotten the login. She just kept making jokes and comments about how slutty this other version of herself was. I remember thinking part of the reason why this is such a one-sided experience is nobody else has a story that's this, for lack of better.

这么疯狂离谱的故事。根本没人能接话说'啊对对对，我前几天也遇到这种事'。

We're crazy and out there. And, I mean, there was no me too moment there. No one could go, oh, yeah. That happened to me the other day too.

随着友谊加深，帕特里夏、丹妮尔和蕾西加入了坎迪斯领导的MOPS团队。蕾西和坎迪斯一起为MOPS女性策划各种活动。

As their friendship became stronger, Patricia, Danielle, and Lacey joined Candace on the Mops leadership team. Lacey planned all sorts of events with Candace for the Mops women.

坎迪斯的作风就是想到就做。有年她想办马戏团主题的MOPS开幕活动，我们就真搞成了。她总用盛大活动调动大家热情，每次都是大手笔——她策划的所有活动都声势浩大。

I would say the thing with Candace is if she had an idea, we made it happen. One year she wanted to do a circus themed kickoff for Mops. We had like big events to help women get excited, and she would go all out. It was always huge. Everything she planned was huge.

每次会议都办得轰轰烈烈。她行动力超强，要知道我们的晨间会议都是面向新手妈妈的，大家通常穿着运动裤素颜出席。

Every meeting was huge. She just was very she was very driven. I mean, she'd show up for mops meetings, and you have to say, like, our meetings were in the morning, so and it's with new moms. So all of us were in sweats and no makeup. Right?

主打的就是'做真实的自己'。但她总踩着高跟鞋，穿着牛仔裤，戴着戒指手链，披散着头发不停甩动，打扮得像要去市中心赴宴。这反而让我觉得充满希望——等熬过这段混乱期，我也能这么光鲜亮丽。

Like, that was kind of the thing is, like, come as you are kind of thing. But she would show up in heels and jeans and rings and bracelets, and her hair was always down and it was she was always flipping it and just she always looked like she was ready to go downtown, which was kind of like, for me, was hopeful. Like, oh, once I get my crap together, once I get out of this fog, I can I can be like that?

但在这耀眼外表下，坎迪斯正面临婚姻危机。她向帕特里夏等MOPS四人组成员透露了自己即将离婚的消息。

But behind the glamorous exterior, Candace was also struggling with her own problems. She opened up to Patricia and the rest of her mops foursome about her impending divorce.

当时她正在和丈夫办理离婚手续，整天纠结下一段性关系会怎样。我一直劝她：遇到对的人自然水到渠成。正是这场婚变让她真正走进我的生活。我主动倾听她的故事，试着帮她看清那些被忽视的问题。

She was in the process of getting a divorce from her husband. She was very preoccupied by what her next sexual relationship would look like. I just kept saying, I think if you find the right person, like that stuff falls into place. And it was the event of her marriage falling apart that really inserted her into my life. And, you know, I offered to just sort of hear her story and see if there was anything that I could point out to her that she wasn't seeing about the situation.

就在那时，她告诉我他非常生气，因为她动用了他的401k账户里的4000美元来偿还自己的学生贷款。我一直追问，我不明白。我不理解婚姻关系中用‘偷’这样的字眼，我以为那是你们共同的资金。她向我解释，他们的财务顾问建议她变现这部分钱来偿还她攻读医师助理学位时积累的学生债务，当她这样解释时，一切似乎又合理了。

That's when she she told me that he was really upset because she had stolen his $4.00 1 ks money to pay off her student debt. I kept asking, I don't understand. I don't understand the language within a marriage relationship about saying you stole I thought it was your collective money. And what she had told me is that the financial advisor that they had had advised her to liquidate this and pay off the student debt that she had acquired getting her physician's assistant degree, which all made sense when she posed it like that.

无论坎迪斯如何解释动用丈夫401k账户的事，都无济于事。她丈夫态度坚决，离婚程序已正式启动。她向‘为爱’小组倾诉了心声。提醒一下，这些是埃米·朱尔朗读的坎迪斯的真实帖子。

However much Candice tried to explain taking her husband's four zero one ks, it didn't matter. Her husband was firm. The divorce was officially going through. She confided in the For The Love group. A reminder, these are Candace's actual posts read by Emmy Jure.

家人们，我的心

Tribe, my heart

很沉重。我正在经历离婚，挣扎着应对各种情绪。我爱你们大家。真抱歉最近这么消沉。

is heavy. I'm getting divorced, struggling, so many emotions. I love you all. I hate to be such a mess lately.

坎迪斯心碎了。在维持了十二年的生活方式后，她突然要适应成为单亲妈妈并和前任共同抚养孩子。

Candice was heartbroken. After living her life one way for over twelve years, suddenly she'd have to adjust to being a single mom and sharing custody of her kids.

我得知感恩节期间不能和孩子们在一起。我的心都碎了，我担心整个感恩节假期没有儿子们陪伴会有多难熬。

I found out I would not get the kids for Thanksgiving. My heart hurt, and I was worried how hard it would be to not have the boys the entire Thanksgiving break.

但现在她有了些时间和空间来关注自己热爱的事物。坎迪斯曾受过护士培训并从事护理工作，就在离婚让生活天翻地覆时，一个巨大的回馈机会出现了。

But she now had some time and space to focus on herself and the things she loved to do. Candice had trained and worked as a nurse, And just as her life was getting flipped around by the divorce, an opportunity came up to give back in a huge way.

一位挚友的兄弟询问是否有医疗专业人士能协助他们的国际领养。他们要从乌克兰和俄罗斯领养两名有严重健康缺陷的男孩。

A dear friend's brother asked if any medical professionals would be available to help with their international adoption. They are adopting two boys with severe medical deficits from Ukraine and Russia.

对莱西来说，这很困惑。她从未听说过

For Laci, it was confusing. She'd never heard

坎迪斯是护士。我记得有次偶然听到她是护士，当时觉得很奇怪。我无意中听到她谈论护士工作以及需要去乌克兰帮助孩子们。我觉得很怪异，因为我想，认识你五年了从没听你说过自己是护士。但转念一想，这又很合理。

that Candace was a nurse. I remember there was one moment where I'd overheard she was a nurse, and I thought it was strange. I overheard her talking about being a nurse and needing to go to the Ukraine to help children. And I thought it was weird because I thought, I've known you for five years and you've never said you're a nurse. But then I thought, but that makes sense.

她非常乐于助人，会是个好护士。因为你知道，当你遇到一个护士时，他们身上会散发出那种护士特有的气质。所以我当时没多想，就觉得虽然奇怪她没提过自己是护士，但这样也说得通。

She's so helpful. She would make a good nurse. Because, you know, like, you know when you meet somebody who is a nurse, like, they kind of give off, like, that aura of nurse. So I didn't question it because I thought, well, that's weird. She didn't say anything about being a nurse, but that makes sense.

坎迪斯打算运用她作为护士的医疗专业知识和经验，前往乌克兰护送两名有医疗需求的孤儿，与他们的养父母一起乘飞机来美国。坎迪斯将负责照料孩子们的所有医疗需求。这让她在失去自己两个儿子后的第一个感恩节有了寄托。丹妮尔鼓励她前往。

Candice was going to use her medical expertise and experience as a nurse to go over to Ukraine and escort two medically needy orphans on a plane to America with their adoptive parents. Candace would oversee and administer any medical needs the boys had. It gave purpose to her first Thanksgiving without her own two boys. Danielle encouraged her to go.

那时正值感恩节，她那年没能和孩子们一起过节。这是她第一次没有孩子们陪伴的感恩节。他们邀请我去，我想也许我该去。我当时非常支持她。

It was over Thanksgiving, and she didn't have the boys that holiday. So it was, like, her first Thanksgiving without her boys. And she's, they asked me to go. Maybe I should. And I I was real, like, supportive.

我说，反正你孩子不在身边，干嘛不去呢？她可是护士啊，我说还有谁比她更合适？对吧。

I was like, you don't have your kids. Like, why not? She was a nurse. I'm like, who better to go? Like, yeah.

你绝对应该去帮助他们。

You should totally go help them.

丹妮尔自己曾有过收养三个孩子的经历。坎迪斯从乌克兰给她打视频电话，其中有个男孩

Danielle had her own experience with adopting three children. Candice FaceTimed her from Ukraine. One of the boys

哭个不停。你知道，作为养母，我很清楚他当然会继续哭。你以为给孩子洗了澡、穿上暖和的衣服、准备了舒适的床就够了，但这些不重要，孩子只想要熟悉的环境。

Just wouldn't stop crying. And, you know, because I'm an adoptive mom, I was like, of course, he's gonna keep crying. Like, you you have this idea of, like, I've given this child a bath and warm clothes and a comfortable bed. That doesn't matter. That child just wants what they know.

明白吗？所以我向她解释：这孩子只是对一切都感到不适应。我会陪她通好几个小时电话，倾听并告诉她这很正常，没关系的。

You know? And so I would explain that to her. I was like, he just like, everything is uncomfortable to him. And so I was I'd stay on the phone with her for hours, like, just listening and telling her, like, it's very normal. It's okay.

两个男孩当时身体都很虚弱，要获得他们的旅行许可非常困难。

Both boys were very unwell, and it was a struggle to get clearance for them to travel.

我知道他们费了很大劲才让两个孩子获得许可，行程一拖再拖。乌克兰政府和负责发放许可的官员不愿放行，但她坚持争取。她就是这样的人——绝不退让，非要得到想要的结果不可。最后能拿到许可，全靠坎迪斯在场据理力争。

I know they had to work really hard to get both those boys clearance to come, and they were delayed, delayed, delayed. The Ukrainian government and officials who who give you the clearance to go didn't wanna clear these boys for going, and she fought for them. She is, like, not gonna back down, and she's going to push her way to get the answer she wants. They only got that clearance because Candace was there and wouldn't back down.

坎迪斯当时正努力将两个男孩带离乌克兰。但在犹他州的家中，一场关于她自己两个儿子监护权安排的听证会正在进行。坎迪斯原以为能及时赶回，但她在乌克兰耽搁太久错过了法庭日期，因此失去了一切——失去了两个儿子的监护权，并被勒令搬出与丈夫分居后一直居住的婚房。此前离婚诉讼初期，法院曾将房子判给她，

Candace was fighting to get two boys out of Ukraine. But back home in Utah, there was a hearing to decide the custody arrangements for her own two boys. Candice thought she'd be back in time, but she was so delayed in Ukraine that she missed the court date, so she lost everything. She lost custody of her two boys and was ordered to leave the marital home she'd been living in since her husband filed for divorce. So she was awarded the house at

因为帕特里克主动搬了出去。法官在法庭上明确表示：‘我不会把你自己选择搬离的房子判给你。’这在我们犹他州很常见。所以她原本拥有房子，但因缺席庭审，他

the beginning of the divorce because Patrick had chosen to move out. And the judge said during court, I am not going to award you a house that you chose to move out of. And that's very common here in Utah. So she had the house, but then she missed court, and he

获得了一切。他取得了完全监护权并占据了房屋。判决书尚未签署，我们当然立即提交了撤销动议，毕竟她当时困在乌克兰无法回国。

got everything. He took full custody and possession of the home. The order isn't signed yet, and, of course, we have immediately put in a motion to set aside due to the whole was in Ukraine and couldn't get home.

从乌克兰回来后，坎迪斯在'为爱而行'群组发布了长篇更新，详细叙述了离家后的所有遭遇。读书会的安娜丽丝对整个事件感到矛盾重重。

Once she was back from Ukraine, Candice posted a long update to the For The Love group with a play by play of all that had happened since she left. Annalise from the book group was conflicted about the whole thing.

我钦佩她所做的工作，认识从事如此有意义事业的人很酷，但同时也令人困惑——这与她描述的其他生活状况存在矛盾。为什么她要飞越半个世界照顾别人的孩子，而自己的孩子却随时可能被迫与品行不端的父亲相处？我们有个每日互发消息的小群组，大家开始讨论那些浮现的疑问、担忧和怀疑：她到底在医疗领域从事什么工作？

I admired her for the work that she was doing, and it was really cool to know someone who is engaging in such meaningful work, but it was also confusing contradicted some of the other things she said were happening in her life. Why is she flying across the world to take care of these other children when her own children are at risk of being with their dad at all times, and he's not a good person? I have a smaller group that I text with daily. We started texting about how we had just kind of questions or concerns or some skepticism. Well, what does she do in the medical field anyway?

我们其实并不清楚。她可能暗示过自己是护士，但我们能确定她真是护士吗？关于她的行为动机和关联性都存在诸多疑问。

We didn't actually know. Maybe she alluded she was a nurse. Did we know she was actually a nurse? And there was just some questions about what she was doing, how she was related to this. I don't know.

整件事显得荒诞离奇，有次我们甚至形容这简直像肥皂剧情节。

I it seemed fantastical. It seemed almost I think at one point, we said it seemed like a soap opera.

虽然法院勒令坎迪斯搬离婚房，但她不会默默离开。在申诉期间她仍住在那栋房子里，剩余精力全都投入了MOPS组织的工作，特别是与领导团队的莱西共事。某晚我们

Candice might have been ordered to leave her marital home, but she wasn't going to go quietly. She stayed in the house while she tried to fight the court's decision. Any leftover energy she had was spent on helping out with mops, especially on the leadership team with Lacey. We had

召开领导层会议时我未能参加。次日我去她家询问：‘需要我补做哪些准备工作？’她说下次会议要探讨女性领导力的强大，为此昨晚给全体领导成员拍摄了肖像照。我觉得这主意挺不错。

a leadership meeting one evening and I couldn't make it. And so I went over to her house the next day and said, hey, just let me know what I need to get caught up on, what I need to do for this week to get ready for our next meeting, and all these things. And she said, well, our next meeting, we're going to talk about how powerful us leadership are, like how powerful women are and how strong we are. And so she said, last night we took pictures of, like portrait pictures of all the leadership team. And I was like, okay, that sounds kinda cool.

她提议：‘你现在就来拍吧。’进入她卧室时我觉得有点怪，但她拉着我进去说：‘我们来拍几张。’于是我们拍了些头像照之类的。

She's like, you should just come get them. And I'm like, okay, that sounds good. So, like, it was weird because we went up to her bedroom, which I thought this is kinda weird going to your bedroom. And she took me into her room and said, let's take some pictures. So we, like, took a couple pictures of headshots or whatever.

然后她说，你知道吗？我们应该拍些闺房照。你丈夫肯定很喜欢闺房照。我想，为什么不呢？反正无所谓。

And she said, well, you know what? We should take boudoir photos. Your husband really liked to have boudoir photos. I thought, why not? You know, whatever.

所以我原本以为，我就穿着背心随便拍拍算了。结果她走向床边那个衣柜时，事情开始变得奇怪——那里挂着一排衣服，我当时没多想，只觉得毕竟是坎迪斯嘛，她床边挂着衣服首饰很正常。

And so I was expecting, like, I had a tank top on. And so I was just like, okay. I'll just, like, wear what I'm wearing and just kinda make it work. It got strange when she went to her closet that was there that had a line of clothing that was hanging up, which I didn't think anything of because I thought, oh, it's Candace. Of course, Candace has clothes and jewelry, like, hanging up next to her bed.

她就是这样光彩照人的人。

Like, she's glamorous. That's what she is.

所以那些东西就放在她床边？不是那种正经衣柜，你一进卧室就能直接看到。

So it was positioned near her bed. It wasn't it wasn't necessarily, like, you'd walk in her bedroom. Oh, and she's got stuff in a closet.

就摆在房间角落。对，像展示区一样？没错，整面墙挂满珠宝，还有像晾衣绳似的挂着一排衣服。

It was positioned Like, next like, in the corner of the room. Yeah. On display? Yeah. Kind of on she had, like, a big wall of, like, all the jewelry and then, like, a little, like almost like a clothesline of just, like, clothes hanging out.

对，就像...

Yeah. As if you

像准备时装拍摄时把衣服都拉出来的样子。

were doing a fashion shoot and the clothes have been pulled out.

完全正确。然后她说'穿这件吧'，抽出一套小连衣裙。我当时还想我们尺码根本不一样，但也没多说。

Totally. Uh-huh. And so she said, well, here, why don't you wear this? And she, like, pulls an outfit out, and it was just like a one, like, little dress thing. And I remember thinking, like, we're not the same size, but okay.

你那么高...

Like Like, you're tall.

你和我差不多高吧？一米七八左右。对，又高又瘦。

You're about my height. Yeah. Like, five ten. Uh-huh. Tall and slim.

是啊。而且她个子更矮一些。稍微矮一点。对，身材更丰满的女人。

Yeah. And she's shorter. A little bit shorter. Yeah. More curvy woman.

没错。我当时就觉得，我信任她。我根本没多想。所以我就进了另一个房间。我换上那套衣服，还戴了项链之类的配饰。

Yeah. I just thought like, I trusted her. I didn't think anything of it. So I went into the other room. I put on the outfit and did, like, necklaces and things.

然后我们拍了几张照片，就是在她的床边和沙发上摆姿势。后来她说，你应该脱衣服。你应该拍张裸照。

And so we took a couple shots of just, like, positioned around her bed and on the couch. And then it was, well, you should get naked. You should take a picture of this naked.

以下是本季《独角兽女孩》的精彩预告。

Here's what's coming up this season on Unicorn Girl.

我走进去就看到，像那种大型AK47步枪就那么随意地放在枪盒外面。

I walked in and I saw, like, these big AK 40 sevens just chilling outside their case.

我帮忙清点了所有弹药。我们当时有个军火库。我

I helped take tally of all of the ammunition. It was we had an armory. I

看见坎迪斯的门开着，她有一大堆现金，目之所及至少有300美元。

see Candice's door open, and she has a ton of cash, $300 as far as my eyes could see.

她迅速把手机递给我，

She hands me the phone really quick,

然后她说，假装你是

and she's like, pretend you're

美国领事馆的人。我掏出

the US consulate. I pull out

一条止血带，然后我就想，天哪。

a tourniquet, and I go, oh my gosh.

我记得她给我看她身上的疤痕，那些是在土耳其监狱里留下的。

I remember her showing me scars on her body from where she was in a Turkish prison.

她一直说个不停。比如，我们可以

She kept going. Like, we can

卖掉你的旧内衣来赚钱。

sell your used underwear to make money.

他们被告知离开家园，逃离塔利班。他们冒着生命危险逃跑。坎迪斯当时正在和某人通电话。

They were told to leave their home and run from the Taliban. They were risking their lives to run. Candice was on the phone with someone.

她听到了枪声，然后

She heard gunshots and was

说，他们越来越近了。他们越来越近了。然后电话就挂断了。

like, they're getting closer. They're getting closer. And the phone hung up.

她会沉迷于此。总有一种潜台词，说她想要一部关于她的纪录片。她一直想要，比如，某种纪录片被制作出来。

She will ravel in this. There's always an undertone about her having a documentary made about her. She always wanted to, like, some kind of documentary made.

帕特里克，人们提到过你，他们对你的看法，以及他们被告知的关于你的事情。

Patrick, people have mentioned you, what they thought about you, and what they were told about you.

每个故事都有两面性。对吧？如果你只听一面之词，只得到

There's two sides to every story. Right? And if you only listen to one side and only get

一

one

一种视角，这就是你所知道的全部。

perspective, that's all you'll ever know.

这里是独角兽女孩，

This has been Unicorn Girl,

苹果原创播客，由七山制作，由我查理·韦伯斯特主持并担任执行制作人。独角兽女孩由我查理·韦伯斯特和杰克逊·麦克伦南共同制作。原创配乐及主题音乐由瑞安·索伦森创作。编辑与音效。请在苹果播客上关注并收听。

an Apple original podcast produced by Seven Hills and hosted and executive produced by me, Charlie Webster. Unicorn Girl is produced by me, Charlie Webster, and Jackson McLennan. Original score and theme music by Ryan Sorensen. Editing and sound Follow and listen on Apple Podcasts.