279 - 我控诉！

大家好呀！

Howdy, y'all.

我是杰弗里·克拉纳。

It is Jeffrey Kraner.

这段录音录制于2025年12月，我要告诉美国西部的听众们，《欢迎来到夜谷》现场版即将来到你们身边。

I'm recording this in December 2025, and I'm here to tell you folks in the Western US that Welcome to Night Vale live is coming your way.

下个月我们将巡演最新现场秀《血森林谋杀之夜》。

We are touring our newest live show, Murder Night in Blood Forest, next month.

我们将在2026年1月16日抵达西雅图，17日到波特兰，18日到尤金，然后是1月21日。

We'll be in Seattle on 01/16/2026, Portland on the seventeenth, Eugene on the eighteenth, then on January 21.

22日我们会作为旧金山喜剧节的一部分在萨克拉门托和旧金山演出。

We're in Sacramento, San Francisco on the twenty second as part of SF Sketchfest.

1月23日在洛杉矶，24日在图森，26日星期一在阿尔伯克基。

We are in LA on January 23, Tucson on the twenty fourth, and Albuquerque on Monday, January 26.

最后我们将在科罗拉多州收官，1月27日于博尔德演出，28日在阿斯彭。

We're closing it out in Colorado with shows on January 27 in Boulder and the twenty eighth in Aspen.

我们的现场演出充满活力。

Our live shows are so full of energy.

无论你是《夜谷》的忠实粉丝还是新观众，都能享受到绝对的乐趣。

They're an absolute blast for the diehard Night Vale fan and newbie alike.

所以带上约会对象，或是连狗公园都不知道的朋友一起来吧。

So bring a date or a friend who doesn't even know about the dog park.

来现场观看塞西尔·鲍德温、交响乐·桑德斯、Disparition乐队、我，以及我们的音乐嘉宾马尔·布卢姆的表演。

Come see Cecil Baldwin, Symphony Sanders, Disparition, me, and our musical guest, Mal Blum, live on stage.

门票请访问welcometonightvale.com/live。

Tickets at welcometonightvale.com/live.

另外，你知道我和《夜谷》的合著者约瑟夫·芬克也写书吗？

Also, did you know my Night Vale co writer, Joseph Fink, and I write books too?

我们有三部以夜谷宇宙为背景的小说：《欢迎来到夜谷》、《它吞噬》和《秘密住在你家的无面老妇人》。

We have three novels set in the Night Vale universe, Welcome to Night Vale, It Devours, and The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in Your Home.

最后那本是我写过的最喜欢的作品。

That last one is my favorite thing I've ever written.

它非常宏大。

It is epic.

情节扣人心弦，结局会让你震惊不已——当然这是比喻的说法，希望如此。

It's thrilling, and it has an ending that will shock the pants off of you metaphorically, hopefully.

此外，约瑟夫的中年级恐怖小说《万圣节之月》充满了诡异的秋日趣味。

Also, Joseph's middle grade horror novel, The Halloween Moon, is spooky, autumnal fun.

如果你想体验脑洞大开的科幻，我和贾尼娜·马修森合著的《肋骨之下的感觉》是一部虚构文献小说，背景设定在另类二十世纪，记录了一位女性不平凡的一生，包括她为生存付出的代价，以及她的选择对试图拯救的社会造成的后果。

And if you want to get all brainy and sci fi, Janina Mathewson and I wrote, You Feel It Just Below The Ribs, a found text novel set in an alternate twentieth century that chronicles one woman's unusual life, including the price she pays to survive and the cost her choices hold for the society she's trying to save.

你可以在喜欢的书店购买这些书籍中的任意一本或全部。

So get any or all of these books at book places you like.

好的。

Okay.

现在进入正片环节。

Now on to the episode.

还有，嘿，谢谢大家。

And, hey, thanks.

敢于与众不同。

Dare to be different.

成为你希望看到的改变。

Be the change you wish to see.

假装直到你成功。

Fake it till you make it.

但永远做你自己。

But always be yourself.

欢迎来到夜谷。

Welcome to Night Vale.

警长的秘密警察已成立临时委员会，负责制定程序组建特别工作组，该工作组将监督一个新的跨部门调查小组，该小组可委托收集证据，使警长能够命名贾伦·卢瑟福谋杀案的嫌疑人。

The sheriff's secret police have formed an ad hoc committee to decide upon procedures for organizing a task force that will oversee a new interdepartmental team of investigators who can delegate collection of evidence that will enable the sheriff to name a person of interest in the murder case of Jalen Rutherford.

21岁的夜谷老城区居民贾伦·卢瑟福两周前被发现死在我们广播电台。

Jalen Rutherford, 21 of Old Town Knight Vale, was found dead right here at our radio station two weeks ago.

死因尚不明确，但警长秘密警察并未排除卢瑟福在一分钟内遭受的28处刀伤。

Cause of death is unknown, but the sheriff's secret police is not ruling out the twenty eight stab wounds Rutherford sustained in less than a minute.

给我们一两天时间理清头绪，秘密警察发言人对大家说。

Just let us wrap our heads around this for a day or two, you guys, a Secret Police spokesperson said.

我们仍处于初步阶段，正在安排员工会议来规划听证会，以决定这个临时委员会的名称。

We're still in the preliminary phases of scheduling a staff meeting to plan a hearing that will decide what we'll call our ad hoc committee.

随后记者询问发言人，是否认为贾伦·卢瑟福的谋杀案可能与马库斯·范斯顿的谋杀案有关。

The spokesperson was then asked by reporters if they thought the murder of Jalen Rutherford might be related to the murder of Marcus Vanston.

发言人有些不耐烦地说：'我不知道，去问上帝吧。'

The spokesperson got a little snippy and said, I don't know, go ask God.

警长不相信天使存在，所以他们并不真正认为范斯顿案属于谋杀。

The sheriff don't believe in angels, so they don't really consider the Vanston case to be a murder.

但随后另一位秘密警察发言人凑到第一位发言人耳边低语。

But then another secret police spokesperson whispered into the first spokesperson's ear.

之后他说道：'我被告知马库斯·范斯顿是个亿万富翁，而警长非常相信这个，所以是的，我想我们会调查那起案子。'

After this, he said, I'm being told Marcus Vanson was a billionaire, which the sheriff very much believes in, so yeah, I guess we'll look into that one.

后续进展将及时报道，现在让我们看看社区日程安排。

More on this soon, but let's have a look now at the community calendar.

本周四晚至周日下午，奈特维尔娱乐中心将举办年度局外人艺术展，展出那些超越人类理解范畴的无师自通天才艺术家作品。

This Thursday night through Sunday afternoon, the Knightville Rec Center will be hosting the annual Outsider Art Show, featuring work by untrained talented artists who exist beyond the plane of human comprehension.

这些局外艺术家将展示油画、水彩画、摄影作品、蕴含万亿宇宙的发光立方体、混合媒介雕塑、粉彩画，以及被遗忘未来的万花筒幻象。

These outsiders will showcase oil paintings, watercolors, photography, glowing tesseracts containing trillions of universes, mixed media sculptures, pastels, and kaleidoscopic visions of a forgotten tomorrow.

门票价格为35美元单日票，或75美元周末套票（含周四晚与艺术家共进红酒奶酪招待会，并可提前窥见来世景象）。

Tickets are $35 for a day pass or $75 for the premium weekend pass, which allows buyers into a Thursday night wine and cheese reception with the artists and a sneak peek of the afterlife.

周五上午将迎来米申格罗夫公园冬季手工艺品市集开幕日。

Friday morning marks the opening day of the Winter Craft Market in Mission Grove Park.

冬季手工艺品市集将持续营业至12月25日——这个节日名称现在显然不能大声说出来了，因为...呃，我的笔记找不到了。

The Winter Craft Market will run every day until December 25, which is a holiday that we apparently cannot say the name of out loud anymore because, Well, I lost my notes.

哦，找到了。

Oh, here they are.

圣诞节。

Christmas.

对。

Yeah.

哦，是的。

Oh, yes.

冬季手工艺品市场将持续到圣诞节。

The winter craft market runs through Christmas.

周日下午在高中体育馆将举办首届Night Vale电子游戏节。

Sunday afternoon at the high school gymnasium, there will be the first annual Night Vale video game festival.

比赛项目包括NBA 2K和Madden等电竞游戏，同时也有吃豆人、Ms.等经典游戏可供游玩。

There will be competitions in esports like NBA two ks and Madden, but there will also be classic video games to play like Pac Man, Ms.

吃豆人、怪异吃豆人、VR咕噜、豪华超级通灵板，还有微软Word。

Pac Man, Weird Pac Man, VR Gollum, Super Ouija Board Deluxe, and Microsoft Word.

所以无论你是技术高超的玩家、怀旧的周末玩家，还是有点游手好闲的人，这里都有适合你的游戏。

So whether you're a skilled gamer, a nostalgic weekender, or just kind of a lowlife, there's a video game for you.

周一是Giant Gyms啤酒花园折扣鞋管店的智力竞赛之夜。

Monday is trivia night at Giant Gyms, Beer Garden, and Discount Loub and Tube.

带上你的地理、历史和流行文化知识来Giant Gym吧，准备好回答关于世界首都、热门金曲40首，以及你上周一晚上说加班不能来实际上去哪了的尖锐问题。

So bring your knowledge of geography, history, and pop culture to Giant Gym, and be ready to answer tough questions about world capitals, top 40 hits, and where you were last Monday night when you said you couldn't come because you were working late.

你妻子打电话到你办公室，他们说你和平时一样五点就下班了。

Your wife called your office and they said you left at five like normal.

让我们看看你怎么回答这个琐事问题，丹尼斯。

Let's see you answer that trivia question, Dennis.

最后，周二感觉被忽视了，总是活在周一的阴影下，不如周三那么重要，当然大家都爱说'塔可星期二'，但你能看出他们并不是真心的。

Finally, Tuesday is feeling neglected, always in the shadow of Monday, not as big as the hump of Wednesday, and sure, everyone loves saying Taco Tuesday, but you can tell they don't really mean it.

周二只是希望人们能稍微多认可一点它为这一周带来的意义。

Tuesday would just like a bit more acknowledgment about what it brings to the week.

好吧，我的朋友达娜·卡迪纳尔终于抽空买了那本作文本，开始学习如何破案。

Okay, so my friend Dana Cardinal finally got around to buying that composition notebook and studying up on how to solve murders.

一头扎进马库斯·范斯顿谋杀案的调查对她来说压力山大，但现在又发生了一起谋杀案，达娜开始看得更清楚了。

Diving headfirst into the investigation of Marcus Vanston's murder was pretty overwhelming for her, but now that there's been another murder, Dana's starting to see things more clearly.

她正试图将这两起凶杀案联系起来。

She's trying to tie the two killings together.

两起案件的现场都留下了某种绳结，还有被圈出关键词的脏兮兮的打油诗。

Both had some kind of knot left at the scene, as well as dirty limericks with keywords circled.

这不可能是巧合。

That can't be coincidental.

但达娜指出，既然我公开报道了警方在马克斯那空灵如天使般的尸体旁、他的图书馆内发现的线索，这第二起谋杀有可能是模仿作案。

But Dana points out that since I reported publicly what the police found inside Marcus' library next to his ethereal and angelic body, it's possible this second murder was a copycat.

坦白说，我不太喜欢她说这话时的语气。

And frankly, I didn't love her tone when she said that.

好吧，显然我本该略过关键细节的。

Okay, apparently I was supposed to leave out key details.

我怎么会知道这些规矩？

How am I supposed to know this stuff?

我只是个记者而已。

I'm just a journalist.

首先，马克思的尸体没有明显伤口，死因不明，但来我们电台应聘实习生的那位是被刺死的。

First, there were no noticeable wounds to Marx's body, no clear cause of death, but the intern applicant at my radio station was stabbed.

这更像是激情犯罪，虽然肯定有预谋，但比起马克斯·万斯顿的密室悬案要粗糙得多，手法也不够老练。

That feels like a crime of passion, premeditated to be sure, but sloppier, less refined than the locked room mystery of Marcus Vanston.

达娜说她想和认识杰伦·卢瑟福的人谈谈，看看他和马库斯·兹万斯顿之间是否有任何联系。

Dana said she wants to talk to the people who knew Jalen Rutherford and see if there are any connections between him and Marcus Zvanston.

我告诉她我记得他几周前曾询问过实习的事。

I told her I remember he had inquired about interning a few weeks back.

他是奈特维尔社区学院的考古学学生，我记得这点是因为这对电台实习生来说是个不寻常的学术方向。

He was an archaeology student at Knightville Community College, which I only remember because it was an unusual academic track for a radio intern.

但我从杰伦那里听到的下一件事，就是他已无生气的身体重重砸在电台大厅油毡地板上的闷响。

But the next thing I heard from Jalen was the thump of his already dead body hitting the linoleum floor of the station foyer.

怎么了，艾莉丝？

Yes, Elise?

抱歉，我的制作人正在耳机里对我喋喋不休。

Sorry my producer is yammering at me in my headphones.

艾莉丝说杰伦没有发出任何喊叫声，所以他要么认识杀害他的人，要么事情发生得太突然出乎意料，他来不及反应。

Elise says Jalen didn't let out a yell or anything so either he knew the person who killed him or it happened so suddenly and unexpectedly he couldn't react.

我说得对吗，艾莉丝？

Did I get that right, Elise?

很好。

Great.

另外，我问了达娜关于夜谷镇创始人塔比莎·利特菲尔德的事，她在死后一百五十年从茧中重新出现。

Also, I asked Dana about Night Vale's town founder, Tabitha Littlefield, who reemerged from a chrysalis after being dead for one hundred and fifty years.

嗯，塔比莎一直在镇上随意吞噬人们，我们难道不该怀疑她犯下谋杀罪吗？

Well, Tabitha's been walking around town devouring people willy nilly like and shouldn't we suspect her of murder?

但达娜立即反驳说，首先，塞西尔，她是我们的镇创始人。

But Dana snapped back saying, First off, Cecil, she's our town founder.

放尊重点。

Be respectful.

达娜接着说，其次，即使你把镇创始人吞噬市民称为谋杀，这也完全不符合另外两起案件的作案手法。

Dana continued, Secondly, even if you call a town founder devouring her citizens murder, it doesn't at all match the M.

手法。

O.

这两起案件。

Of these other two cases.

好吧，有道理。

Alright, fair enough.

让我们休息一下，听听赞助商的广告。

Let's take a break for a word from our sponsors.

更多详情请听黛布——一片有意识的薄雾，带来威廉姆斯索诺玛的广告。

For more on that, here's Deb, a sentient patch of haze, with a message from Williams Sonoma.

哦，哇。

Oh, wow.

我超爱威廉姆斯索诺玛。

I love Williams Sonoma.

他们有很多出色的手工产品和为家居生活设计的创意消费概念。

They have a lot of great artisanal products and creative consumer concepts for the domestic lifestyle.

多说点，黛布。

Tell us more, Deb.

哎呀，塞西尔你干嘛不自己来呢？

Oh, why don't you go ahead and do it, Cecil?

听起来你已经开始了。

Sounds like you already started.

哦，黛布。

Oh, Deb.

不。

No.

我不是故意的。

I didn't mean to.

好吧，我只是在跟你开玩笑，塞西尔。

Well, I'm just jashing with you, Cecil.

哦，哦，这个玩笑开得不错，黛布。

Oh, oh, that's a good Josh there, Deb.

你这个有趣的家伙。

You you funny one.

你

You

听众们，你们住在家里吗？

Listeners, do you live in a home?

你们是否有一个可以睡觉、吃饭，或许还能与他人共享的地方？

Do you have a place where you sleep and eat and share perhaps with other people?

你们喜欢烹饪和招待客人吗？

Do you like to cook, to entertain?

你们喜欢社交吗？可能是与家人或朋友一起？

Do you love to socialize, maybe with family or friends?

我猜你们一定喜欢。

I bet you do.

我猜你们喜欢听人们讲述关于他们的工作、假期、孩子和配偶的故事。

I bet you like to hear people tell stories about their jobs and their vacations, their kids and spouses.

你可能是一个非常开放的人，喜欢递给别人一杯起价21.95美元的复古蚀刻高脚杯装的内比奥罗葡萄酒，并请他们与你分享内心最深的感受。

You are probably a very open person who loves to hand someone a glass of Nebbiolo in a vintage etched goblet starting at $21.95 and ask them to share their deepest feelings with you.

你可能是那种会用两夸脱容量的La Crusee传统石窑带盖砂锅制作七层蘸酱的人。

You're probably the type of person to make a seven layer dip in a two quart La Crusee heritage stoneware casserole dish with cover.

年终特惠价70美元。

Sale price, $70 through the end of the year.

你在零食桌旁徘徊低语：告诉我你的秘密，而你的客人真的这么做了。

You hover over the snack table and whisper, tell me your secrets, and your guest does.

他们全盘托出。

They spill everything.

他们告诉你如何对朋友和妻子谎称加班。

They tell you about how they lied to their friends and their wife about working late.

实际上他们没去参加智力竞赛之夜，而是在酒店酒吧与她相会。

And instead of going to trivia night, they met her at a hotel bar.

两人谈笑风生，轻触彼此。

And the two of them laughed and talked and touched lightly.

而后他们不再言语，只是纵情欢笑，热烈相拥。

Then they laughed and didn't talk and touched heavily.

临别时互道"很快再见"，却不知这"很快"会是多久。

And later on they said, see you soon to each other, not knowing how long soon would be.

当你的客人从手工彩绘的省份托盘上又拿了一块遮阳篷点心时，01:39 九十五分，他们开始哭泣。

And as your guest takes another canopy from the province hand painted serving platter, 01:39 ninety five, they begin to cry.

你迅速将他们带到杂物间以免引起注意，并拥抱着你的朋友直到你们的呼吸同步。

You whisk them away to the utility room so they won't make a scene, and you hug your friend until your breaths are in sync.

泪眼朦胧地对视后，你们重新回到了派对中。

A tearful gaze into each other's eyes, and you are back at the party.

你知道自己是个好朋友。

You know you are a good friend.

你知道自己是个秘密守护者。

You know you are a keeper of secrets.

你知道自己掌握着权力。

You know you are a holder of power.

你知道这些信息将会非常、非常有用。

You know that this information will come in so very, very handy.

当你为客人们端上自制红丝绒蛋糕时，蛋糕正摆放在你麦肯齐儿童蛋糕架上，底座是14995号大格子图案。

And as you bring out the homemade red velvet cake for your guests, which is perched atop your McKenzie child's cake pedestal with large check pattern, 14995.

你热情地举杯致敬忠诚——生命中唯一真正重要的品质。

You warmly offer a toast to loyalty, the only true and important trait in life.

你看着那些出轨的朋友们羞愧地扭动身体、移开视线。

And you watch your cheating friends squirm and avert their eyes in shame.

很好，你这样想？

Good, you think?

很好。

Good.

威廉索诺玛，我们可以优雅地保守秘密。

William Sonoma, we can keep a secret in style.

谢谢你，黛布。

Thank you, Deb.

哦，嗨。

Oh, hey.

我一直想让电台员工在工作之外组织些有趣的活动。

I've been wanting the radio station staff to do some fun events outside of work.

周一晚上的智力竞赛确实引起了很大轰动。

That Monday night trivia sure is getting a lot of buzz.

哦，抱歉。

Oh, sorry.

我周一晚上有诗歌课。

I got my poetry class on Monday night.

哦，像即兴诗歌那种吗？

Oh, like slam poetry?

不是。

No.

我认为诗歌必须要有某种结构。

I think poems have to have some kind of structure.

它们肯定需要节奏，比如抑扬格韵律，还要有押韵格式，比如a a b b a之类的。

They definitely need rhythm, like iambic meters, and a rhyme scheme, like a a b b a, that sort of thing.

其他那些真的算不上诗歌。

Everything else really isn't poetry.

那不过是本花哨的日记罢了。

It's just a jazzy diary.

但埃兹拉·庞德的作品呢？庞德的自由诗在形式上如此富有音乐性，几乎模仿了古典格律诗。

But what about the work of Ezra Pound whose free verse was so musical in its form as to almost mimic classical structured pieces?

黛布？

Deb?

我想她已经走了。

I think she's gone.

现在回到那些未解决的谋杀案上。

Now back to the unsolved murder cases.

整个夜谷都因为这些杀人案而陷入恐慌。

All of Night Vale is in a panic over these killings.

凶手或凶手们仍然逍遥法外，镇上的每个人都在互相指责和点名。

The killer or killers are still at large, and everyone in town is pointing fingers and naming names.

我一直很喜欢玩'那边是谁？'的游戏，就是有人指向另一个人，然后你必须大声喊出他们的名字。

I always loved playing the game 'Who's that over there?' where someone points at another person and you then have to shout their name out loud.

这真是缓解偏执和焦虑的好方法，而且这个游戏在公共场所能持续很长时间。

It's such a great way to relieve the tension of paranoia and angst, plus that game goes on for a long time in a public place.

但'那是谁'的友好语气已被'雅克'的阴险语气所取代，这是个类似的游戏，但喊完名字后你还要喊'雅克'！

But the friendly tones of who's that over there have been replaced by the sinister tones of Jacques, which is a similar game, but after you shout the name you also shout Jacques!

然后你会追赶他们直到形成暴民，再决定如何处置这个明显的异端。

And then you chase them until a mob forms and then decides on what to do with this obvious deviant.

许多无辜者正为这些谋杀案背锅，而我们中没有谁是凶案调查专家。

Many innocent people are being blamed for these killings and none of us are experts in murder investigations.

我们不能指望随机路人将凶手绳之以法，只能指望达娜·卡迪纳尔——一个随机路人——来完成这事。

We cannot rely on random people to bring the perpetrator to justice, we have to rely on Dana Cardinal, one random person, to do this.

当然，随便哪个张三李四都可能说：'我打赌是乔什·克雷顿杀了那个天使，因为他能变成小苍蝇进出上锁的房间'，或者'嘟嘟哒哒肯定是那片有意识的雾霾'，又或者'黛布和她一氧化碳浓度超高的妹妹凯特琳——黛布能用痛苦动物的滑稽模仿轻松分散马库斯注意力，然后凯特琳就能隐形飘在他上方直到他死于CO中毒'。

Sure, any Joe Blow could say Oh, I bet Josh Creighton killed that angel because he could have turned himself into a tiny fly to get in and out of that locked room or Doop dee doo must have been that sentient patch of haze Deb and her sister Caitlin who contains very high carbon monoxide levels Deb could have easily distracted Marcus with her funny impressions of various animals in pain, and then Caitlin could have hovered over him invisibly until he succumbed to her CO.

哦，我好像全搞明白了，嘟嘟哒。

Oh, I guess I got it all figured out, doopty dee.

我是说，拜托啊夜谷，这根本无济于事。

I mean, come on Night Vale, this isn't helping.

我们需要允许像达娜这样未经专业训练的调查员进行研究、询问目击者并收集证据。

We need to allow untrained investigators like Dana to do research, talk to witnesses, and gather evidence.

只有这样我们才能玩指责游戏——就是那种有人装扮成替罪羊，其他人一边反复踢打这只野兽，一边把自己的罪行投射到它身上的游戏。

Only then can we play the blame game, which is that game where someone dresses up as the scapegoat and other people project their own misdeeds onto them as they kick the beast repeatedly.

这游戏真的很有趣，等我们抓到真正的罪犯后，这将是个很棒的庆祝方式。

It's a really fun game, and it'd be a great way to celebrate once we capture the actual criminal here.

说到调查员，警长秘密警察特别委员会终于制定了程序，组建了一支特别行动组，现在正监督一个新的跨部门调查小组，该小组负责收集证据，使警长能够确定杰伦·卢瑟福和天使艾瑞卡（又名马库斯·范斯顿）谋杀案的嫌疑人。

Speaking of investigators, the Sheriff's Secret Police's Ad Hoc Committee has finally decided upon procedures for organizing a task force that is now overseeing a new interdepartmental team of investigators who have delegated collection of evidence that enables the Sheriff to name a person of interest in the murder cases of Jaylen Rutherford and the Angel Erica aka Marcus Vanston.

警长已宣布他们确实锁定了一名嫌疑人。

And the sheriff has announced that they do have a person of interest.

而这个人根本不是人。

And that person is not a person at all.

是...哦不，是黛布——那片有意识的雾，还有她的妹妹凯特琳。

It's oh no, it's Deb, the sentient patch of haze, and her sister Caitlin.

警长秘密警察表示他们收听了我的节目，听到我详细描述了黛布和她妹妹凯特琳如何在密室中杀害马库斯·范斯顿的完整作案过程。

The sheriff's secret police said they were listening to my show and they heard me lay out a compelling narrative for how Deb and her sister Caitlin could have killed Marcus Fanston in a locked room.

他们听了我的节目还挺贴心的，向萨姆警长致敬。

That's kind of sweet that they listened to my show, shout out Sheriff Sam.

但是等等，我只是在即兴发挥。

But no, wait, I was just riffing.

我当时在模仿一个蠢人会怎么想。

I was doing an impression of a stupid person and what they would think.

我并不是要指控黛布或她妹妹...天啊黛布，如果你还在或者能听到广播，对不起我不该提起你的名字。

I wasn't trying to accuse Deb or her sister of Oh God, Deb, if you're still here or can hear me on the radio, I'm sorry I brought your name up at all.

我不是有意要把你卷进来的。

I didn't mean to get you involved in this.

秘密警察正调动除湿部队前往黛布的住所，就在迈克尔·迪克森农舍后面的池塘边。

The secret police are mobilizing their dehumidifier unit to Deb's residence, which is by the pond out back of Michael Dixon's farmhouse.

黛布，如果你能听到，快跑。

Deb, if you can hear me, run.

或者飘走，随风散去。

Or float, drift.

其实我不知道你怎么移动。

I don't know how you move, actually.

消散吧，黛布，与天气融为一体。

Dissipate, Deb, and become one with the weather.

现在有100华氏度（约37.8摄氏度）。

It's a 100 degrees.

我们可以假装，但这不会——嘿，各位。

We can play pretend, but it won't Hey, y'all.

我是杰弗里·克莱纳。

It is Jeffrey Craner.

如果你和我一样热爱恐怖题材，一定要收听《地狱绅士》这档播客。整个小镇都消失了。

And if you're like me and you love horror, check out the podcast, the gentleman from hell, An entire town gone.

没有征兆，没有预警，只有寂静。

No signs, no warnings, just silence.

这里是冷雀电台。

This is Cold Sparrow.

二十四年前，冷雀镇的所有居民在一夜之间消失无踪，包括那位古怪的亿万富翁本杰明·维尔斯。

Twenty four years ago, every resident of Cold Sparrow vanished overnight, including the eccentric billionaire, Benjamin Vears.

没有尸体，没有线索，只有疑问。

No bodies, no clues, only questions.

数十年来，调查人员追查过各种理论——邪教、绑架、集体失踪，但始终未能接近真相，直到现在。

For decades, investigators have chased every theory, cults, kidnappings, mass disappearances, but nothing has brought them closer to the truth until now.

三位因捣毁史上最危险邪教而闻名的私家侦探，被召集来揭开事件真相。

Three renowned private investigators famous for taking down one of the most dangerous cults in history have been called to uncover what really happened.

但他们挖得越深，那些窃窃私语就越发诡异。

But the deeper they dig, the stranger the whispers become.

那是关于某种远超人类想象的黑暗存在的低语，某种可能根本不属于人间的存在。

Whispers of something far darker than anyone imagined, something that might not be human at all.

冷雀镇并非凭空消失——是被某种东西带走了。

Cold Sparrow didn't just disappear, something took it.

有些谜题，本应永远埋藏。

Some mysteries should stay buried.

调查现在开始。

The investigation begins now.

请在Apple Podcasts、Spotify或您获取播客的任何平台收听《来自地狱的绅士》。

Check out the gentleman from hell on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

警长的秘密警察突袭了黛布的家。

The sheriff's secret police raided Deb's home.

没有找到黛布。

No Deb.

也没有凯特琳。

No Katelyn.

随后他们去了她的诗歌老师米基·杰拉德的家，询问黛布是否在课堂上写过下流打油诗。

They then went to the home of her poetry teacher, Mickey Gerard, and asked if Deb had been writing any dirty limericks in class.

杰拉德说：她写的全是这种诗。

That's all she writes, Gerard said.

而且写得非常好。

She's very good at it.

事实上，这里有个特别有趣的例子，她成功让'前面的卡车'和'太棒了'押韵，这时秘密警察打断了。

In fact, here's a really funny one where she manages to rhyme a truck in front' with 'that's great,' the secret police interrupted.

我们已经掌握了所有需要的证据。

We have all the evidence we need.

这片阴霾即将消散。

This patch of haze is going down.

但黛布已经主动自首了。

But Deb had already turned herself in.

她当时正在警察局做笔录。

She was at the police station giving a deposition.

哦，我和我妹妹，我们没什么好隐瞒的，对吧？

Oh, me and my sis, we got nothing to hide, do we now?

黛布用她最亲切、最接地气的口音对侦探们说道。

Deb said to the detectives in her chummiest, folksiest accent.

黛布在审讯室里花了三十分钟，用她多年阅读广告文案积累的搞笑笑话和离奇故事把警察们逗得乐不可支。

Deb spent thirty minutes in the interrogation room charming the cops with hilarious jokes and wild stories from her many years reading ad copy.

包括那次她不得不重录广告，因为她在为红龙虾餐厅念广告词时笑场了。

Including that one time she had to do a make good because she started laughing in the middle of her spot for Red Lobster.

广告词说'无限量虾'，她想到一只虾无限延伸的画面就乐不可支。

The copy said 'endless shrimp' and she was so tickled imagining just one long shrimp into infinity.

'哦，他们气得冒烟，我告诉你们，'黛布说，警察们笑得前仰后合。

Oh, they were steaming mad, I tell you, Deb said as the cops howled with laughter.

她告诉警方她理解为什么自己是嫌疑人，但两起谋杀案发生时她都不在镇上。

She told the police that she understood why she was a suspect, but she was out of town on both nights those murders took place.

她和凯特琳当时正在洛杉矶探望家人。

She and Caitlin had been visiting their family in Los Angeles.

'不知道他们为啥都搬去洛杉矶，'黛布开玩笑说，'那地方不就是一团雾霾嘛，我说得对吧？'

Don't know why they all moved to LA, Deb joked, that whole place is just a patch of haze, am I right?

警察们都笑了，其中一个还说'哦黛布，你说得太对了！'尽管他们没人去过离夜谷10英里以外的地方。

And the cops laughed and one of them said, oh Deb, you're so right!' though none of them had ever been more than 10 miles outside of Knight Vale.

黛布为造成的混乱向警察们道歉，还给了他们威廉姆斯索诺玛的折扣码。临走时她转身说：'如果你们真想知道是谁杀了马库斯·万斯顿，该去查查那个无面老妇人。'

Deb apologized to the cops for the confusion and offered them all discount codes for Williams Sonoma and as she was leaving she turned back and said, If you're really serious about who killed Marcus Vanston, you ought to look into that faceless old woman.

她报复心很强，而且能像闪电般进出上锁的房间。

She's pretty vengeful and she can get in and out of locked rooms like zip, zap, zap.

然后她说至于那个叫杰伦的孩子，谋杀发生在广播节目的天气预报时段。

And then she said as far as that Jalen kid goes, the murder happened during the weather segment of the radio show.

那时候你听不见塞西尔和他制作人在做什么。

You couldn't hear what Cecil and his producer were doing during that time.

值得调查一下，你不觉得吗？

Worth a look, don't you think?

黛布总结道。

Deb concluded.

虽然我不认为是塞西尔干的。

Even though I don't think Cecil did it.

他体质虚弱什么的。

He's got a weak constitution and all.

嘿，我的肠易激综合征控制得很好。

Hey, my IBS is well managed.

黛布说那些话太不公平了。

That's unfair of Deb to say any of that.

而且，警方在贾伦被杀当晚已经询问过我和伊莉丝了。

Plus, the police already interviewed me and Elise the night of Jalen's murder.

甚至还是她报的案。

She even called in the crime.

对，就是伊莉丝。

Yes, Elise.

而我当时正躲在办公桌下。

And I was hiding under my desk.

幸好警方都是友善通情达理的人，几句奉承话加上几张优惠券就让他们放弃了深入调查。

Well, thankfully the police are friendly and understanding people and were easily swayed from investigating further by simple charm and some discount codes.

我很高兴黛布能重获自由。

I'm glad Deb's free.

但真凶依然逍遥法外。

But the killer is still at large.

恐惧吧，夜谷，但别让恐惧支配你。

Be afraid Night Vale, but don't let the fear control you.

惊慌无济于事。

Panicking will not help.

老实说，我觉得警方也帮不上忙，但至少达娜向我保证今晚刚获得了一些新线索。

Honestly, I don't think the police will either, but at least Dana has promised me that she has some new leads just tonight.

她正在追查马库斯的资金流向，而就在他去世前几天，他立下遗嘱将所有财产留给夜谷社区学院用于建立新商学院。

She's following Marcus' money and only days before his death he wrote a will, which left everything to Night Vale Community College to establish a new business school.

达娜说这很奇怪，一个本该永生的天使居然会立遗嘱。

That's weird that an angel, who should be immortal, would have a will at all, Dana said.

真相终将水落石出，夜谷，只是正义来得缓慢。

There are answers to be found, Night Vale, but justice works slowly.

特别是涉及到我们那位今晚又在咖啡师区吃掉三个人的镇创始人时，正义简直慢如蜗牛——不过这都是旧闻了。

Really slowly when it comes to our town founder, who ate three more people in the Barista district tonight, but that's old news, I suppose.

别担心夜谷，达娜迟早会抓住这个凶手。

Don't worry Night Vale, Dana will catch this killer yet.

接下来请收听深夜您黑暗家中地板吱呀作响的声音。

Stay tuned next for a creaking floorboard late at night in your darkened home.

欢迎来到夜谷，由夜谷呈现制作。

Welcome to Night Vale is a production of Night Vale Presents.

编剧为约瑟夫·芬克、杰弗里·克兰纳和布里·威廉姆斯。

It is written by Joseph Fink, Jeffrey Craner, and Brie Williams.

音效设计与制作由Disparition完成。

Sound design and production by Disparition.

黛布的配音由梅格·巴什温纳担任。

The voice of Deb was Meg Bashwinner.

夜谷的旁白由塞西尔·鲍德温献声。

The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin.

原声音乐由Disparition创作。

Original music by Disparition.

所有内容均可在disparition.net上找到。

All of it can be found at disparition.net.

本期节目的天气曲目是Emerson Island和Lojam的《断层线》。

This episode's weather was Fault Lines by Emerson Island and Lojam.

更多详情请查看节目说明中的链接。

Find out more at the link in our show notes.

如有评论或问题，请发邮件至info@welcometoNightVale.com，或在蓝天上关注nightvale radio，或在Instagram、Tumblr和TikTok上关注nightvale official，或者像你表姐一样去当个医生。

Comments, questions, email us at info@welcometoNightVale.com, or follow us on Blue sky at nightvale radio, or on Instagram, Tumblr, and TikTok at nightvale official, or become a doctor like your cousin.

你的人生在忙些什么呢？

What are you doing with your life?

但最重要的是，请访问welcometonightvale.com，我们每月两次的邮件推送是直接从我们这里获取最新信息的最佳方式。

But mainly, check out welcometonightvale.com where we have a twice monthly mailing list that is the best way to keep up to date directly from us to you.

我们每月只发送两封邮件，这是我们的承诺。

We only ever send you two emails a month, and that's our promise.

今日谚语：走少有人走的路。

Today's proverb, take the road less traveled.

是的。

Yes.

沿着城市铺装街道旁那条昏暗的森林小径走上来。

Come up the darkened forest path off the paved city street.

对。

Yes.

就是这样。

That's it.

继续往前走。

Keep coming.

嘿。

Hey.

我是杰弗里·克兰纳，来给大家介绍我和《夜谷》联合创始人约瑟夫·芬克的另一档节目。

Jeffrey Kraner here to tell you about another show from me and my Night Vale cocreator, Joseph Fink.

这档名为《无证侦探》的节目是洛杉矶黑色风格的悬疑剧，背景设定在当代洛杉矶郊区。

It's called Unlicensed, and it's an LA noir style mystery set in the outskirts of present day Los Angeles.

《无证侦探》讲述两位无证私家侦探的故事，他们调查保险索赔和财产失踪的小案子只是阴谋冰山的尖角。

Unlicensed follows two unlicensed private investigators whose small jobs looking into insurance claims and missing property are only the tip of a conspiracy iceberg.

《无证之探》目前已有两季可供收听，第三季将于5月15日上线。

There are already two seasons of unlicensed for you to listen to now with season three dropping on May 15.

《无证之探》为Audible平台独家内容，订阅用户可免费收听。

Unlicensed is available exclusively through Audible free if you already have that subscription.

若非会员，Audible提供试用期服务。

And if you don't, Audible has a trial membership.

我了解你们——你们完全可以在短时间内刷完这部精彩的悬疑剧。

And if I know you and I do, you can binge all that mystery goodness in a short window.

若喜欢本剧，恳请为每一季评分留言。

And if you like it, if you liked unlicensed, please, please rate and review each season.

我们能否持续制作本剧完全取决于观众互动数据。

Our ability to keep making this show is predicated on audience engagement.

立即登录audible.com收听《无证之探》独家内容。

So go check out unlicensed available now only at audible.com.