爱你让我学会爱自己

嗨，埃丝特。

Hi, Esther.

我该从何说起呢？

Where do I begin?

嗯，我想首先要说的是，在我成年后的大部分时间里，我的浪漫和性经历都是与男性有关的，但我想和你讲的故事是关于一个女孩的。

Well, I think the first thing to say is that for most of my adult life, my romantic and sexual experiences have been with men, but the story I wanna talk to you about is about a girl.

而我真正想问的是关于单恋的问题，以及你该如何面对单恋。

And my question really is around unrequited love and how do you live with unrequited love.

故事的背景是，在我大约11、12岁的时候，我对一个同学产生了极度的迷恋，并且对她产生了非常成熟的感情，幻想着我们之间可能的浪漫生活。

So the background to the story is that when I was young, maybe around 11, 12, I became extremely infatuated with one of my classmates and had very grown up sort of ideas about the kind of attraction I had towards her and what a possible romantic life would look like.

然而事实证明，当我鼓起勇气向她表白时，她直截了当地拒绝了我。

As it turns out, however, when I took the opportunity to sort of confess all of these feelings to her, She plainly said that she didn't feel the same way about me.

这种拒绝并不完全出乎意料，因为你知道，她和我来自完全不同的社会阶层。

That rejection was not entirely unexpected given that, you know, she's from an entirely different class than I and I was.

而且我家乡的社会结构某种程度上决定了恋爱关系，这一点我非常清楚。

And the social structure of the place I'm from sort of dictates, you know, romantic relationships, and I was very aware of that.

如今我已三十多岁，但最近她频繁出现在我的记忆中，我似乎无法忘记她。

So I'm now in my thirties, but of late and quite often, she comes up in my memory and I can't seem to forget her.

她在很大程度上塑造了我对情感关系的期待。

And she shapes a lot of what I expect emotionally in relationships.

她就像我感情生活中一个无声的角色，给我留下了许多渴望与未实现的愿望。

And she's a sort of silent character in my romantic life, and it leaves me with a lot of longing and unfulfilled desires.

所以我的问题其实是——虽然我知道这无解——但对我而言这是个生命课题：该如何与无果的爱共存。

So my my question, really, I I think I know is not one that can be resolved, but it's a life question for me, I think, of how to live with unrequited love.

本节目由Nature's Sunshine全新推出的海洋焕彩胶原蛋白赞助播出。

Support for this show comes from Nature's Sunshine all new Marine Glow Collagen.

又到了一年中夏热消退的时节。

It's that time of year when the summer heat is fading.

空气开始变得清爽。

The air is getting crisper.

树叶正渐渐转红。

The leaves are turning red.

一切都开始有了肉桂和南瓜的味道。

Everything starts tasting like cinnamon and pumpkins.

随着日落时间提前，我们享受阳光的时间变少，而接触蓝光的时间增多。

As the sun sets earlier, we spend less time with beams of sunshine and more time with the glow of blue light.

这就是为什么Nature's Sunshine新海洋之光含有叶黄素和其他抗氧化剂的蓝光阻断能力，以对抗蓝光暴露对皮肤和眼睛健康造成的损害。

That's why Nature's Sunshine New Marine Glow contains the blue light blocking power of lutein and other antioxidants to combat the damage to skin and eye health from blue light exposure.

体验更光彩的肌肤和经证实护眼效果的Nature's Sunshine新海洋之光，这是唯一经临床验证能同时支持眼睛与皮肤健康、并防御蓝光的胶原蛋白产品。

Experience more radiant skin and proven eye protection with Nature's Sunshine New Marine Glow, the only collagen product clinically proven to support eye and skin health and defend against blue light.

立即访问naturesunshine.com，尝试Nature's Sunshine全新海洋焕采胶原蛋白。

Try Nature's Sunshine New Marine Glow now at naturesunshine.com.

Entre Nous是我在Substack上的新家，为所有渴望以更多联结、自信、想象力和趣味性来生活、恋爱和工作的人而设。

Entre Nous is my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love and work with more connection, confidence, imagination and playfulness.

我将临床洞察与文化评论及社群对话相结合呈现给大家。

I bring to you the combination of clinical insight with cultural commentary and community dialogue.

我想做的是开启一场对我们此刻关系中错综复杂之处的集体探索。

What I want to do is kick off a collective exploration of the intricacies of our relationships at this moment.

请加入我的Substack，我将每周为你撰写文章，与其他创作者进行直播互动，并为付费订阅者提供社区讨论论坛，以加强我们彼此之间的关系与联系。

Please join me on Substack, where I'll be writing to you weekly, hosting live streams with other creators, and for my paid subscribers, offering community discussion forums to strengthen our relationships and connections to one another.

付费会员还将获得我的播客《我们该从何开始？》的无广告版本。

Paying members will also get ad free episodes of my podcast, Where Should We Begin?

以及我们所有专属的《办公时间》加更集。

And all of our exclusive Office Hours bonus episodes.

我邀请你注册成为我的Entre Nous社区成员，无论是免费还是付费，都可以在hesterparelle.substack.com上加入。

I invite you to sign up and become a member, either free or paid, to my Entre Nous community at hesterparelle.substack.com.

你先请。

You first.

是啊。

Yeah.

回听起来确实有点伤感，但在我看来这其实并不是个悲伤的故事，因为可以说这个人某种程度上救了我的命——尽管我们最终没能发展成恋爱关系，但高中时期我们其实是很好的朋友。

When I listen back, it sounds a bit sad, but it's actually not a sad story from my perspective because I would say this is someone who saved my life in a way because even though we never got to be in a relationship or got to be romantic, we were actually very good friends during high school.

她是班上最聪明的女孩。

And she was the smartest girl in the class.

我当时没那么聪明。

I wasn't so smart.

顺便问一下，这是在哪里发生的？

Where was this, by the way?

哦，这是在牙买加。

Oh, this is Jamaica.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

我们在课堂上坐在一起，我会模仿她做的一切。

And we sat beside each other in class, and I would copy everything she did.

她怎么写，她读什么书，我的意思是她当时在读《哈利波特》，而我的阅读水平还达不到那个层次。

So how she wrote, the books she she read, and I mean, she was reading the Harry Potter books at the time, and my level of reading was not at that level.

她把《哈利波特》借给我，我完全沉迷其中，那是我第一本从头到尾读完的书。

And she lent me the Harry Potter books, and I got into it so much, and that was the first book I ever read cover to cover.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

对吧？

Right?

所以在某种程度上，迷恋并爱上她让我走到了今天的位置，因为这给了我许多在学校出类拔萃所需的学术技能。嗯。

So in a way, being infatuated and in love with her has kinda led me to where I am now, you know, because it gave me a lot of the sort of academic skills I needed to excel in school Mhmm.

那些本不是我天生的能力。

When those were not my natural capabilities.

那些不是你天生的能力，还是那些不是你所处的环境？

Those were not your natural capabilities or those were not your circumstances?

是的。

Yeah.

也许吧。

Maybe.

也许那些不是我成长的环境，因为我实际上是在国家监护下长大的。

Maybe those were not my circumstances because I actually I grew up in in state care.

所以基于这一点，你知道，对我人生的预期本不该是达到今天的成就——就我取得的学术成就而言，毕竟我最近刚完成了博士学位。

So based on that, you you know, the expectations for my life were not ones that would have been predicted to where I am today in terms of, you know, the academic achievements I've had because, I mean, I've just recently completed a PhD.

所以你看，我现在已经过上了学者的生活。嗯。

So and, you know, have gone into living life as an academic Mhmm.

这与我最初的起点完全无法预料。

Which you would not have predicted from where I started.

但我想，正是因为接触到了...

But I think being Well exposed

如果只看你的能力，或许可以预见这一点。

If one looked at your capabilities, one may have predicted it.

但从你的处境来看，确实没人能预料到。

I'm not so at your circumstances, one did not predict it.

当我进入高中时，我觉得自己无法适应，因为其他人都遥遥领先。嗯。

When I got to high school, I didn't feel I could survive there because everyone was really ahead of me Mhmm.

坦白说，在学业上。

Academically, quite frankly.

我在班里有点跟不上进度。

And I was a little bit behind in the class.

但我不知道。

But I don't know.

我觉得

I think

但那是因为你的能力所致，还是因为你的生活经历？

But that's because of what you were capable of or because of what your life had been?

也许两者都有。

Maybe both.

我不知道。

I don't know.

好的。

Okay.

是的。

Yeah.

我不知道。

I don't know.

但我想是的。

But I think yeah.

我只是想记住这一点，等我们以后再说。

I just to remember this for when we get later.

是的。

Yes.

这是一个非常重要的区别，你也为她做出了区分。

This is a very important distinction, and you just made a distinction for her too.

不。

No.

她并不像我爱她那样爱我，但她成为了一个非常好的朋友。

She didn't love me in the way that I was in love with her, but she became a very good friend.

是的。

Yes.

而且她很关心我，也没有真正拒绝过我。

And she cared, and she didn't really reject me.

她说，我对你的爱是不同的。

She said, I love you differently.

这其中确实有拒绝的成分，但并不是说我不在乎你。

Now there's a rejection in that, but it wasn't like, I don't care about you.

滚出我的生活。

Get out of my life.

对。

Right.

意思是我对你没有那种感情，但在其他方面我非常在乎你。

It was I don't care about you in this way, but I care about you greatly in other ways.

是啊。

Yeah.

但这段经历中的某些东西成为了你预期被拒绝的范式。

But something in that experience became paradigmatic for you in expecting rejection.

在某种程度上，是的。

In in a way, yes.

而我

And I'm

感情上的拒绝？

Romantic rejection?

是的。

Yes.

我不确定。

I'm not sure.

我非常清楚它是如何显现的，但我确实知道那是一个关键点，对我来说就像是一个触发点。嗯。

I'm very conscious of how it shows up, but I do know that that is a point of, it's like a touch point for me Mhmm.

在感情方面。

Romantically.

跟我聊聊你说过的——我的性生活、感情生活和爱情生活主要是与男性有关的。

Tell me a little bit about your you say I did and and my sex life, my romantic life, my love life is mostly with men.

情况如何？

What's it been like?

我是说

I mean

可以说一开始并不顺利。

It started a little rocky, I would say.

比如，我当时并不清楚自己是谁。

Like, I didn't know who I was.

我有点害怕接受自己的这个真相。

I was a little bit just afraid of accepting this truth about myself.

但随着年龄增长和逐渐成熟

But as I've grown older and a little bit mature

你那时多大年纪？

How old were you then?

我想大概是20岁左右。

I was around 20, I think.

算是比较晚熟的类型。

So a bit of a late bloomer.

说实话，我的第一次经历并不是我自己会选择的那种，但事已至此。

My first experience was not one I would have chosen for myself, to be honest, but it is what it is.

所以在某种程度上我已经接受了。

So I I've come to acceptance in a way.

等等。

Hold on.

等等。

Hold on.

等等。

Hold on.

等等。

Hold on.

嗯。

Yeah.

等等。

Hold on.

我们稍微放慢一点节奏。

We're gonna slow it down a second.

好吗？

Okay?

好的。

Yeah.

我的

My

第一次经历并不是我自愿选择的。

first experience wasn't what I would have chosen for myself.

意思是与你想象的不同，还是说这不是一次好的经历？

Means it was different from what I had imagined or means it wasn't a good one?

这不是一次好的经历，因为追求我的人并不是我喜欢的类型。

It was not a good one in in that I was pursued by someone who I was not attracted to.

可以说那个人占了我的便宜，但如果能重来，我绝不会选择与那个人有任何关系。

And I would say the person took advantage of me, but if I were to go back and choose, I would not have chosen to be with that person.

只是当时，我想那个人可能看透了一些我自己都没意识到的东西，他们察觉到了这种吸引力并加以利用。

It was just that at the time, I suppose that person maybe had an insight about me that I didn't have, and they were able to pick up on this, I guess, attraction and take advantage of it.

倒不是说有多恶劣，只是他们能够在性方面与我建立联系，但你知道，我本不会选择与这个人发生性关系。

Not in a bad way, but just that they were able to connect with me sexually, but it wasn't you know, I would not have chosen to to be sexual with this person.

嗯。

Mhmm.

嗯。

Mhmm.

只是当时的环境凑巧导致了那样的结果。

It's just that the circumstances at the time contrived to deliver that outcome.

这件事对你留下印记了吗？

Does that carry a mark for you?

这件事是否给你留下了伤痕？

Does that leave with has that left you with a scar?

没有。

No.

我不这么认为，因为归根结底，我仍然拥有自主权和选择权，而我在那一刻做出了选择。

I don't think so because at the end of the day, I still had agency and choice, and I chose in that moment.

好的。

Okay.

我只是希望当时能对自己有更多一点的了解。

I just wish I had a little bit more insight about myself.

那么

So

我可以说，实际上，那并不是我喜欢的。

I could say, actually, that's not what I like.

好的。

Okay.

或者说那不是我喜欢的类型，但这个领悟是在事情过去很久之后才有的。

Or that's not who I like, but I only came to that realization long after the the event.

但现在，我对自己喜欢什么、不喜欢什么、喜欢什么样的人、不喜欢什么样的人，都更清楚一些了。

But nowadays, I'm a little more conscious of what I like, what I don't like, who I like, who I don't like.

所以我对自己的感情选择有了更多主动权。

So I have a little bit more agency over my romantic choices.

我想如果不是经历过最初无法选择的那段经历，我可能永远都学不会这一点。

I don't think I would have learned that had I not gone through the the original experience of having not being able to choose.

嗯。

Mhmm.

嗯。

Mhmm.

有什么爱情故事吗？

Any love stories?

有啊。

Yeah.

最难忘的是我在牙买加遇到的那个人，但他六个月后就要移民了。

So the most salient one is someone who I I met in Jamaica, but he was migrating in, like, six months.

不过在他离开前的那六个月里，我们经历了一段旋风般的浪漫。

But for that six months before he left, we were in a little bit of a a whirlwind of a romance.

是的，那对我的人生改变很大，因为在这段关系中，我得以展现自己能够多么深爱一个人，并全心付出。

And, yeah, that was very life changing for me because it it was a relationship in which I got to show how much I could love someone and give myself to someone.

直到今天，我们依然保持着联系。

And, yeah, to this day, we still talk.

尽管我们身处地球两端，却仍有着非常深厚的联结。

We have a really strong connection even though we are at two different ends of the globe.

有时我们会几个月不联系，但只要一拿起电话，就仿佛从未分开过。

Sometimes we go for months without talking, but when we pick up the phone and call each other, it's like no time has passed.

所以，那是个非常美好的爱情故事。

So, you know, that's been a beautiful love story.

是啊。

Yeah.

后来我来到新西兰，遇到了一位毛利人，那段关系充满了深刻的精神共鸣。

And then when I came to New Zealand, I met someone who is Maori, and that relationship was deeply spiritual.

我觉得我本质上就是个非常注重精神层面的人。

And I think by nature, I'm a deeply spiritual person.

于是我们在这种精神层面上产生了共鸣，可以说我们成为了彼此的精神支柱。

And so we connected on this sort of spiritual level and, you know, we were able to be each other's grounding, I guess.

要知道，当时我正在求学，而我那种对学业近乎痴迷的专注让生活变得有些疯狂。

You know, because I was studying at the time and things had gotten kind of crazy with how I was just slavishly focused on school.

他总能让我回归现实，提醒我说：嘿，除了你拼命想拿到的那张文凭，生活中还有其他重要的事。

And he was able to bring me back to reality and say, hey, there there are other things other than the piece of paper you're trying to earn.

我知道那张文凭很重要。

I know it's important.

你需要它来构建你想要的新生活，但生活中还有其他我们可以享受的事物。

You need it to build a new life you want to live, but there there are other things that we can enjoy in life.

所以他经常带我去他的祖地，我们经常去远足。

So he took me a lot to his ancestral lands, and we went hiking a lot.

我真正见识到了新西兰的美景，若非如此我本不会看到这些，因为我当时只顾着完成学业，觉得那是我通往更好生活的门票。

And I got to really see the beauty of New Zealand, which I would not have seen otherwise because I was so laser focused on finishing my studies because I felt that, you know, that was my ticket to a better life.

是啊。

So yeah.

所以我非常感激生命中的那段时光，那段恋情让我体会到爱情的力量，它确实能让你的生活变得更好一些。

So I I was really grateful for that period of my life, for that romance that opened me up to what being in love can do for you in terms of just, yeah, making your life a little bit more better Mhmm.

比独自一人时要好。

Than when you're on your own.

我们需要短暂休息一下，请别走开，稍后继续关注故事发展。

We have to take a brief break, so stay with us, and let's see where this goes.

本节目由Odoo赞助播出。

Support for this show comes from Odoo.

经营企业本就不易，何必再用十几个互不兼容的应用给自己添麻烦？

Running a business is hard enough, so why make it harder with a dozen different apps that don't talk to each other?

隆重介绍Odoo。

Introducing Odoo.

这是您唯一需要的商业软件。

It's the only business software you'll ever need.

这是一个全功能集成平台，让您的工作更轻松——包含客户关系管理、财务、库存、电子商务等全套解决方案。

It's an all in one fully integrated platform that makes your work easier CRM, accounting, inventory, ecommerce, and more.

最棒的部分是什么？

And the best part?

ODOO能以极低的成本替代多个昂贵的平台。

ODOO replaces multiple expensive platforms for a fraction of the cost.

这就是为什么成千上万的企业已经选择了转换。

That's why over thousands of businesses have made the switch.

你还在等什么？

So why not you?

免费试用ODOO，请访问odoo.com。

Try Odoo for free at odoo.com.

网址是odoo.com。

That's odoo.com.

调整舵轮。

Race the rudder.

升起船帆。

Raise the sails.

升起船帆。

Raise the sails.

船长，一艘不明船只正在接近。

Captain, an unidentified ship is approaching.

完毕。

Over.

收到。

Roger.

等等。

Wait.

那是一个企业销售解决方案吗？

Is that an enterprise sales solution?

触达销售专业人士，而非职业水手。

Reach sales professionals, not professional sailors.

通过领英广告，您可以根据行业、职位等精准定位目标人群。

With LinkedIn ads, you can target the right people by industry, job title, and more.

立即开始转化您的B2B受众群体。

Start converting your b to b audience today.

首期广告投放满250美元，即可获赠250美元信用额度用于下次投放。

Spend $250 on your first campaign and get a free $250 credit for the next one.

立即访问linkedin.com/campaign开启您的广告之旅。

Get started today at linkedin.com/campaign.

条款与条件适用。

Terms and conditions apply.

如果您厌倦了数据库的限制和扩展时崩溃的架构，是时候跳出传统行列思维的框框了。

If you're tired of database limitations and architectures that break when you scale, then it's time to think outside rows and columns.

MongoDB是由开发者专为开发者打造的数据库。

MongoDB is the database built for developers by developers.

它符合ACID标准，具备企业级能力，并精通人工智能。

It's ACID compliant, enterprise ready, and fluent in AI.

这就是为什么众多《财富》500强企业都选择MongoDB来处理他们最关键的工作负载。

That's why so many of the Fortune 500 trust MongoDB with their most critical workloads.

准备好突破行列的思维定式了吗？

Ready to think outside rows and columns?

立即访问mongodb.com/build，加速您的开发进程。

Start building faster at mongodb.com/build.

这个女孩的记忆是什么时候以现在这样的强烈程度重新浮现在你脑海中的？

And when did the memory of this girl kind of reemerge for you with the kind of intensity that it has now?

我想，大概是在过去六个月左右吧。

I guess, yeah, in the last six months, maybe.

发生了什么？

And what happened?

是什么让你想起了这件事？

What brought this up for you?

我的意思是，你并没有忘记它。

I mean, not that you had forgotten it.

是的。

Yes.

不。

No.

但确实出现了记忆的复苏，那种强烈程度，伴随的感受，以及你称之为单恋的那种单向情感。

But it really there was a resurgence of the memory, of the intensity of it, of the feeling that accompanied it, of the sense that what you call unrequited love is it's one-sided.

就是我会爱上某人。

It's I will love someone.

他们却不会回应我的爱。

They will not love me back.

对。

Right.

而这已经成为某种预期。

And that has become a kind of expectations.

你预见到了这一点。

You anticipate this.

问题不在于她是谁，而在于你与她共度的经历，以及这段经历如何成为了你现在的认知框架。

It's not who she is, it's what you experienced with her and how that has now become a frame for you.

我预料到自己不会得到爱的回应。

I anticipate not being loved in return.

我预料到自己不会有那种归属感。

I anticipate not having that sense of belonging.

我不太清楚具体是什么原因，但我记得当时在想，不知道如果直接告诉她她对我人生的意义并表示感谢会是什么感觉。

I I don't know exactly what bodied up, but I just remember thinking, I wonder what it would be like to just tell her thank you for what she's meant to my life.

嗯。

Mhmm.

然后，我刚刚谷歌搜索了她，发现她现在结婚了，可能还有了孩子。

And, yeah, I I just googled her and saw that, you know, she's married now and probably has kids.

我就觉得，这大概是我永远无法进行的一次对话了。

And I I and I'm like, you know, this is a conversation I'll probably never be able to have.

我想，正因为知道这件事永远不可能实现，那种可望不可即的感觉反而让人更加渴望吧。

And I guess just the idea that that will never happen, you know, the fact that something is out of reach, I guess, makes you want it more.

我也不知道。

I don't know.

什么永远不会发生？

What will never happen?

是啊。

Yeah.

那种表达感谢的机会。

That kind of that opportunity to say thank you.

为什么不行？

Why not?

为什么不行？

Why not?

我不知道。

I don't know.

她...她很难联系上，我想。

She's she's difficult to reach, I guess.

而且我想我们现在已经是不同的人了。

And I guess we're just different people now.

我不知道。

I don't know.

我做这档播客时遇到一位女士，让我意识到生命中许多最初痛苦的事情，后来都变成了重要的教训、转折或机遇。

I did this podcast with this woman, and it occurred to me that a number of times in my life when things started out painful, they actually turned into important lessons or transitions or opportunities.

这让我想起，你是我第一个真正共同经历这种转变的人。

And it occurred to me that you were the first with whom I had actually experienced this.

你知道，我们很少会给几十年前认识的人写信。

And, you know, we don't often write to people we met decades before.

但我有个念头，就是想对你说声谢谢。

But I had this thought that I wanted to say thank you to you.

希望你一切安好。

I hope things are good.

我只想让你知道，我读的第一本书是和你一起读的。不仅是我读了它们，更是你把这些书给了我，你给了我根基、认知、机遇，以及区分处境与能力的能力。

And I just wanted you to know my first book I read with you, and it's not just that I read them, it's that you gave them to me, it's that you gave me a grounding, a recognition, an opportunity, an ability to distinguish between circumstances and capabilities.

我不知道你为什么曾是州立监狱的看守，我甚至不确定她是否知道这件事。

I don't know why you were a warden of the state, but I don't even know if she knew it.

但我有种感觉，这是一所学校，一所你被邀请就读的特殊学校？

But I have a sense that there was this was a school, a special school that you had been invited to attend?

不是。

No.

就是普通的

It was just the ordinary

普通高中。

The ordinary high school high school.

在那个地区。

In the area.

对。

Yeah.

好的。

Okay.

但不是所有人都没有家吧？

But not everyone didn't have a home?

对。

Right.

是的。

Yeah.

好的。

Okay.

所以在某种程度上，当你想起她时，她给了你一个家的缩影。

And so in some way, when you think of her, she gave you a version of a a a small version of home.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

我只是想写几句话给你，因为我们并不总是感谢那些在我们人生轨迹中非常重要却不自知的人。

And I just wanted to drop you a few lines because we don't always thank the people on our trajectory who were very significant and don't even know they were.

如果你收到类似这样的一封信，会是什么感觉？

What would it be like if you had a variation of this letter?

当你听到它被大声念出来时，感觉如何？

If when you hear it out loud, what's it like?

是啊。

Yeah.

不。

No.

我想我已经写过这封信好几次了

I think I've written this letter several times

好的。

Okay.

但就是一直没能找到她的联系方式寄出去。

But just have not been able to find her contact to send it.

嗯。

Mhmm.

嗯。

Mhmm.

是的。

Yeah.

但这封信我经常想起，一直带在身边。

But this is a letter I I think about a lot and I carry it with me.

它就像我在艰难时刻会去的一个地方。

It's like a place I go to in difficult times.

嗯。

Mhmm.

因为正如你所说，它某种程度上是我人生的基石。

Because as you say, it's it it was a sort of base for me in my life.

多说一些。

Say more.

就像你说的，那种被认可、被看见的经历给了我太多，我非常感激她，经常想表达这一点。

Just that experience, as you say, of being acknowledged, of being seen gave me so much, and I'm so grateful to her and just often want to to say that.

其实我经常对自己说这些话。

I often say that actually, you know, to myself.

你知道吗，有时候当我处于一个特别美好的季节，我就会轻声对自己说谢谢。

You know, sometimes when I'm I'm in a really good season, I'll just, you know, whisper to myself, thank you.

尽管她听不见，而我对这个关于单恋问题的思考是：你该如何为那个永远不知道对你意义重大的人保持那份感激之情？

Even though she can't hear it, and I think my thoughts around this question of unrequited love is how do you hold that candle of gratitude for someone who will never know how much they meant to you?

你怎么看？

What do you think?

我不知道。

I don't know.

这确实是个难题，我想，因为人们会经历人生的不同阶段。

This is it's a puzzle, I I think, because people people move through different phases in life.

嗯。

Mhmm.

而她可能正处于人生的某个阶段，即使听到了这些话，也可能无法真正接受。

And she might be at a phase of her life where even hearing that, she might not even be able to receive it.

我不知道。

I don't know.

但这只是我对单恋这个整体概念的一种思考。

But this is just one of my thoughts about this whole idea of unrequited love.

世界上有无数种我们爱着却不被知晓的情况，你本可能与生命中路过的许多人共度不同的人生。

There are so many different permutations of people who we love but who don't know that we love them, and there are many lives that you could have lived with many different people who come across your path.

我一直在想象那条未曾走过的路会是什么样子，因为那本是众多可能之一，却终究未能实现。

And my thoughts have just been about wondering what that path would have been like, you know, because it's one of many parts that could have happened, but it didn't happen.

对吧？

Right?

你觉得自己值得被爱吗？

You feel deserving of it?

最近，我越来越确信自己完全值得。

Of late, I have become more convinced that I absolutely am.

我以前从未有过这种感觉，但随着与自我更深的连接，我无比确信这绝对是我应得的。

I never felt that way, but as I've gotten more connected with myself, I know that without a shadow of a doubt, it's absolutely what I deserve.

某种程度上，我觉得爱一个永远不会爱我的人这件事本身有种自负——因为在爱她的过程中，我似乎也爱上了自己。

And I think, in a way, there's a sort of conceit about this whole process of loving someone who will never love me back because in that process of loving her, I think I sort of fell in love with myself.

我不知道该如何解释，但我把自己塑造成了她会想要在一起的那种人，因为我看到了她所欣赏的那些品质等等。

I don't know how to explain that, but I made myself into a person she would have wanted to be with because I saw the qualities that she admired and so forth.

在把自己变成那个人的过程中，我意识到，哦，其实我也很喜欢我正在成为以及每天都在成为的那个自己。

And in turning myself into that person, I realized, oh, I actually like that person as well that I that I have become and I'm becoming each day.

这就是为什么我开始觉得自己值得拥有这一切——当我回顾自己的转变时，有时会忍不住感叹，哇。

And that's where the whole idea of me feeling that I deserve it has come from in that when I look at how I have transformed, you know, I sometimes up and say, you know, wow.

是啊。

Yeah.

你其实非常棒。

You're actually quite wonderful.

能够对自己说出这样的话，我想这本身就是一种馈赠。

And to be able to say that to myself is a bit of a gift, I think.

确实如此。

Absolutely.

是啊。

Yeah.

虽然没能与我渴望的人相爱，但通过整个过程，我在某种程度上成为了那个人。

Of having not been in love with the person I desire, but through that whole process, I became that person in a way.

那我们还想称之为单恋吗？还是说它的定义已经改变了？

So do we still wanna call it unrequited love, or does it change title?

我不知道。

The I don't know.

我不知道。

I don't know.

在

In

爱你的过程中，我学会了爱自己。

loving you, I came to love myself.

你给予了我如此之多，这根本不是单方面的付出。

And you gave me so much, not unrequited at all.

你给予了我如此之多，而我懂得如何接纳，并懂得如何将其转化为美好的事物。

You gave me so much, and I knew how to take it, and I knew how to transform it into something beautiful.

是啊。

Yeah.

是啊。

Yeah.

我很喜欢这一点，因为我最终获得的版本对我而言是具有变革性的。

I love that because the version I ended up with was one that was transformative for me.

是的。

Yes.

她成为了你的缪斯。

She became a muse for you.

她成为了，是啊。

She became Yeah.

你的催化剂。

A catalyst for you.

而且你可能不知道，她可能完全不记得了，或者她可能从不认为这是什么大不了的事，又或者她其实可能认为自己做了件真正的好事——给予者改变了接受者的生活，而接受者也同样改变了给予者的生活。

And for all you know, she may not remember at all, or she may never have thought it was such a big deal, or she actually may have thought that she was doing something really good, and that the giver changes the life of the receiver, but the receiver also changes the life of the giver.

有时人们表达感谢的方式，即便无法当面致谢，就是通过他们传递下去的东西。

And one way sometimes that people get to say thank you, even if they don't get to meet the person, is by what they pass on.

这是他们自己的传承。

It's their own transmission.

通过他们成为别人的光，并暗自明白这光芒的源头。

It's by them becoming a light for someone else and kind of privately knowing where it comes from.

他们手持的火炬并非始于他们。

That the torch they carry didn't start with them.

是某天有人曾照亮过他们。

That someone else one day shed light on them.

此刻你生命中有这样的受赠者吗？

Do you have a receiver at this moment in your life?

有。

Yes.

确实有。

I do.

我想是我的学生们，嗯。

I think my students Mhmm.

因为我从事教学。

Because I teach.

还有我的弟弟，我努力成为他的光。

And my younger brother, I try to be a light for him.

嗯。

Mhmm.

那么他是否在接收这份光呢？

And is he a receiver?

哦，确实如此。

Oh, very much so.

嗯。

Mhmm.

是的。

Yeah.

你是否觉得这其中存在一种镜像般的体验？

And do you feel that there is a kind of a mirror experience going on?

是的。

Yeah.

绝对如此。。

Absolutely.

我想是的。

I think so.

而且我觉得，最美妙的是，他经常告诉我，我就是他的光。

And I think well, the beauty of it is that, you know, he tells me often that I am his light.

能得到这样的认可真的很美好。

So it's beautiful to have that acknowledgment.

所以从那个角度来看，这并不是单向的付出。

So it's not so requited from that perspective.

我能实时看到我的付出所带来的影响，这非常令人满足。

I I'm able to see in real time the impact of my my giving, and it's quite gratifying.