精选特辑：三个孩子的单亲妈妈（与Francesca Amber一起）

她刚付完钱，就看到系统显示该用户已六十天未活跃。

And as soon as she paid the money, you could see it said this user has not been active for sixty days.

我当时就想，哦天哪，两个月了，他肯定不会回复这消息的。

So I was like, oh man, two months, he's not gonna fucking say this.

所以他始终没回复我的消息。

So he never he never actually got back to my message.

月底的时候，我直接给Match.com打了电话，我说，能不能给我个Twister账号，那时候还没有Instagram，但我必须找到这个人，他是我丈夫。

At the end of the month, I actually phoned match.com and I was like, look, can you get me a twister handle, an Instagram it it wasn't Instagram back then but I was like, I need to find this guy, he's my husband.

他们说不行，数据保护法规定，你疯了之类的。

And they said, no, data protection act, you're crazy, whatever.

所以我就

So I

说，好吧。

was like, fine.

我同意你的说法，好吧。

I agree with you, Fine.

我在想有多少其他女人也是这样，觉得必须拴住这个男人。

I wonder how many other women are like, I need to tie this man.

她们可能完全不知道我们引发了什么。

And they're like, we don't know what we've started.

这太疯狂了。

This is wild.

是啊。

Yeah.

我肯定不是唯一一个。

I'm sure I wasn't the only one.

所以我妈就说，你为什么不试试吸引力法则呢？

So my mom was like, why don't you do your law of attraction thing?

于是我打印出他的照片，贴在愿景板上——别笑。

So I printed out his picture, I put it on a vision board, bear with.

我还贴了其他想要的东西，心想这就是我想吸引的丈夫类型。

So I put other things I wanted as well and I was like, this is the kind of husband I want to attract.

我从未想过会是他，但我觉得这就是我想吸引的那种人。

I didn't, for a second, think it would be him, but I was like, this is the kind of person I want to attract.

两年半后，我的朋友在伦敦街头散步时，看到了这个特别高的男生，她以前从没为我做过这种事。

Two and a half years later, my friend is walking along the road in London, sees this really tall guy, she's never done this for me before.

她说：天啊，我朋友超爱高个子男生，你愿意去约会吗？

And she says, oh my God, my friend loves tall guys, would you like to go on a date?

于是她帮我安排了这次相亲，就在见面前夕，他说：要不要交换下脸书页面看看对方长什么样？

So she sets up this blind date for me and just before the blind date, he says, oh, do you wanna switch like Facebook pages so we can see what we look like?

虽然这不太符合相亲的初衷，但我还是答应了。

I mean, not really the idea of a blind date, but so I was like, sure.

结果他的头像照片就是当初我打印的那张照片。

The profile picture was the same picture.

不只是‘这难道是同一个人’的程度，

It wasn't just, is this the same guy?

而是

It was the

同一个

same the

背景照片里的船。

boat in the background picture.

一模一样的照片。

Same fucking picture.

我是说，妮可，别这样。

I mean, Nicole, come on.

这也太疯狂了。

That's fucking wild.

真的，我是说，命中注定的就是命中注定的。

I truly I mean, like, when it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

但后来证明并非如此，因为你们没在一起。

But then it wasn't meant to be because y'all didn't stay together.

结果发现他是同性恋，差点毁了我的人生。

Well, it turned out he was gay and he nearly ruined my life.

所以这并不完全是命中注定的。

So it wasn't exactly meant to be.

但你知道吗？

But you know what?

我确实觉得有些人出现是有原因的，有些人只是短暂停留，而他教会了我很多。

I do feel like some people are for a reason, some are for a season and he taught me so much.

比如他成功说服我辞掉了工作。

Like he managed to get me to quit my job.

我当时做着一份自己讨厌的工作。

I was in a job I hated.

他对我说：辞职吧，自己创业。

He was like, quit your job, do your own business.

他还鼓励我去环游世界。

He like encouraged me to travel the world.

我和约翰去旅行时，我们结婚还不到一年。

We hadn't even been married a year when I went traveling with John.

他当时说，放手去做，去享受吧。

Like he was like, go for it, go and have fun.

实际上，我称他为我的第三位父母，因为他确实教会了我许多亲生父母未曾教给我的东西。

He actually, I call him my third parent because I do feel like he taught me a lot of things that my own parents didn't teach me.

我们共同拥有一个可爱的孩子，我爱她，标签#对这段婚姻无怨无悔，但天啊，我们最终让彼此都不快乐，就像我们本就不该在一起。

And we have a beautiful child together, I love her, hashtag no regrets about our marriage but my God, we made each other unhappy in the end, like we were not meant to be.

于是我和他有了波西米亚式的生活，离婚后，我彻底走向了另一个极端。

And so I have Bohemia with him And then after that, after I got divorced, I really went for, like, the opposite end of the spectrum.

我选择了一个非常随和、毫无控制欲的人，他几乎没有任何个人梦想，只是随波逐流地配合我——我以为这样会很美好，结果发现我他妈同样受不了这种。

I went for somebody who was very, very laid back, not at all controlling, almost, like, had no dreams of their own, they'd kind of just go along with mine and I thought that would be really nice and it turns out I fucking hate that too.

一个太炽热，一个太冰冷，我需要中间值——但后来我意外怀了双胞胎。

One's too hot, one's too cold, I need something in the middle but then I got knocked up with twins.

所以现在我有了三个孩子，这个故事唯一的好结局是：我真心觉得我的生育任务完成了。

So here I am now, three children but the only good thing to this story is that I truly feel like my children are done now.

我有三个美丽健康的女儿。

I have three beautiful, healthy daughters.

我还能奢求什么呢？

What more could I want?

人生的那个阶段已经结束了。

And that part of my life is done.

现在我可以毫无压力地寻找爱情，没有计划表，没有生物钟的催促。

Like I now can look for love with no agenda, no timeline, no biological clock ticking.

我只想找个我他妈超喜欢相处的人，再也不用操心他的精子质量，或者担心'他侧脸会不会有点怪'这种问题。

I'm just gonna find someone that I fucking love hanging out with and I don't need to worry about their sperm or worry about, oh, does he look a bit funny from the side?

我的孩子们会不会特别话痨？

Will my children be really talk?

你懂我意思吧？

You know what I mean?

就像，我们可以单纯享受快乐。

Like, I could just be like, let's have fun.

我对此充满期待。

And I'm excited for that.

我太喜欢这种状态了。

I love that.

所以你一直想要孩子吗？

So you've always wanted children?

我一直想要女儿。

I've always wanted daughters.

一直都是。

Always.

我也这么想过。

I thought too.

虽然我从来不是那种喜欢小孩的人，我不太喜欢别人家的小孩...我是说，我也不喜欢。

Although I was never really a childy sort of person, I don't like other people's children very I mean Me neither.

你当过保姆让我很惊讶。

I'm surprised that you were a nanny.

这真的让我很震惊。

That really shocks me.

我知道。

I know.

这让很多人都很惊讶。

It shocks a lot of people.

但我年轻的时候很喜欢孩子。

But when I was younger, I liked children.

我曾经想要孩子。

I wanted children.

我做过很多次保姆。

I babysat a ton.

后来我开始做住家保姆，第一个和第二个孩子其实都是我带的。

And then I started nannying, and I would be with the first kid I nannyed, I'd be with actually, the second kids too.

我每天从早上8点陪他们到下午3、4点。

I'd be with them from, like, 8AM to about 3PM, 4PM.

你知道的，他们早上醒来，然后你要哄他们午睡。

And, you know, they're awake in the morning, and then you put them down for a nap.

然后你要么通过监护器听到他们，要么我照看的其他孩子，那些孩子年纪大些。

And then either you hear them on the monitor or the other kids I babysat, they were older.

所以我会把头靠在沙发上闭目养神，然后感觉到面前有动静。

So I would, like, put my head down on the couch and close my eyes, and I'd feel a presence in front of me.

我睁开眼睛就会说，哦，嗨。

And I'd open my eyes, and I'd be like, oh, hi.

你醒啦。

You're awake.

我就说，嗯哼。

I'm like, mhmm.

牛奶。

Milk.

我就回答，好的。

And I'm like, yep.

我知道。

I know.

我知道，我都知道这套流程。

I know the I know the routine.

你不用每次醒来都喊'牛奶'。

You don't have to say milk every time you wake up.

牛奶。

Milk.

牛奶。

Milk.

我当时就想，天啊。

And I was like, oh, boy.

一想到醒来时有人在那儿，而我自己想做的事都做不了，得先处理他们的事。

And just the thought of somebody being there when I woke up, and I couldn't do my shit because I had to do theirs first.

大概20岁吧，我25岁时就不再当保姆了。

At, like, 20 I guess I was 25 when I stopped nannying.

我就想，是啊。

I was like, yeah.

我不行，我做不到。

I can't I can't do this.

然后想到家里有个孩子，这可是我的家。

I and then the thought of a child in my home, it's my home.

这是我的地盘。

It's mine.

你在这儿干什么？你来这儿干嘛？

What are you what are you doing here?

虽然不重要，但我觉得你应该这么做。

I think this not that it matters, but this is what I think you should do.

我觉得你应该再等几年，因为你还很年轻，然后可以考虑找精子捐赠者。

I think you should wait a couple of years because you're still very young, And then I think you should get some sort of sperm donor situation.

或者你现在就可以尝试共同抚养，每周把孩子交给别人带两天，这样很完美。

Or you can even do co parenting now where you just give the kid to someone else for two days a week, which is perfect.

相信我。

Trust me.

这就是我什么？

That's what I What?

是啊。

Yeah.

英国有个节目专门讲这个。

There's a whole show about it in in The UK.

你可以在网上找个也想要孩子的人。

You find someone online that wants a child as well.

其实我朋友克里斯就在用这个方式。

My friend Chris is on it actually.

你就说，看，我想要孩子，你也想要孩子。

And you say, look, I want a baby, you want a baby.

你的价值观是什么？

What are your values?

你的信仰是什么？

What are your beliefs?

你打算怎么抚养孩子？

How do you wanna raise them?

然后他们说，好吧，我周二周三带，其余时间归你。

And they say, right, I'll have it Tuesday and Wednesday, you have it the rest of the week.

还真有人这么干，简直离谱。

And people are fucking doing this shit.

这就像婴儿版的Tinder。

It's like Tinder but for babies.

太神奇了。

It's amazing.

你应该试试，只要一个孩子，好好爱他珍惜他，把遗产都留给他，你会爱上这种感觉的。

You should do that and just have one and love it and cherish it and give it all of your inheritance and you will love it.

我告诉你，你永远体会不到比这更深的爱——但别超过一个孩子。

I'm telling you, you'll never feel a love like it, but not more than one.

只要一个。

Just one.

好的。

Okay.

我觉得如果我到了50、55岁，可能会收养一个8岁左右的孩子。

I feel like if I hit 50, 55, I think I'll adopt a like a eight year old or something.

找个能和我交流、还能稍微打扮一下的小孩，然后带着这个小家伙环游世界，介绍说‘这是我朋友’。

Somebody who can talk to me, who I could still kinda dress up, and then just, like, travel the world with this little kid and be like, this is my friend.

那听起来倒是挺圆满的。

That would be full so far.

但之后还得送他们上学之类的。

But then it's just like, I have to put them in school and stuff.

养孩子要考虑的事情实在太多了。

It's just like a lot of things that you have to think about with a child.

你不能只把孩子当朋友，等你死了就让他自生自灭——要是你什么都没教他，他可能会给社会造成混乱。

Like, you can't just have a kid be your friend and then release it to the wild when you die because then it's like, oh, if you didn't teach them anything, they're gonna just wreak havoc on the world.

最后很可能变成杀人犯。

End up murdering someone, probably.

是啊。

Yeah.

我可不想那样。

And I don't want that.

好吧。

Okay.

那跟我说说你的播客《吸引力法则改变我的人生》吧。

So tell me about your podcast, Law of Attraction changed my life.

什么是吸引力法则？

What is the Law of Attraction?

吸引力法则基本上就是我遇见我丈夫的方式。

So the law of attraction is basically how I met my husband.

首先你需要确定你想在生活中吸引什么。

So if you you need to decide first what it is that you wanna attract into your life.

任何事物都可以。

Anything.

可以是你的梦想之家、理想伴侣，任何事物都能将其显化为现实。

It could be your dream home, your dream partner, whatever manifest it into reality.

你要不断谈论它、思考它，直到它成为现实，直到你亲眼所见。

You speak about it and you think about it until it becomes until you see it.

这听起来很简单，但包括我在内的许多人，直到25岁左右都只是随波逐流地生活，感觉在这些事情上别无选择，仿佛生活只是被动发生。

And it sounds really simple, but there's a lot of people, myself included until I was about 25, just sort of kind of going through life, feeling like you don't have a choice in all of this stuff and that life just happens.

但实际上你可以成为自己人生的设计师，完全按照想要的方式生活——不必朝九晚五地工作，如果真心想要，完全可以辞职后每周只工作一天就赚取三倍收入。

But actually you can be the architect of your own life, you can live your life exactly how you want, you don't have to work a nine to five, you can quit and earn triple the money working one day a week if you truly want.

你可以搬到世界任何地方。我专攻的领域其实很普通：比如那些迫切想要孩子却遭遇生育问题的女性，或是寻求真爱却始终未遇良人的女性。

You can move wherever you want in the world and it's just about, I guess what I specialise in is just ordinary stuff like women that desperately want babies and have had fertility issues or women that are trying to look for love and have not found the right person.

诸如此类的事情。

All that kind of stuff.

这也是我向你推荐的原因，我觉得对你和一位男士...抱歉，刚才是波西米亚在用对讲机说话。

Which is why I suggested it to you as well because I think for you and a man sorry, that was Bohemia on our walkie talkie.

她正他妈想跟我通话。

She's trying to fucking talk to me.

天啊。

Good lord.

我可能得等一下。

I might hang on.

她在说什么？

What is she saying?

让我去

Let me go

把它关掉，等一下。

and turn it off, hold on.

好的。

Okay.

我们有这些对讲机，前几天还带着它们去了商店，她喜欢走到隔壁货架然后用对讲机跟我说话。

We've got these walkie talkies and we took them to the shop the other day and she likes to go on the next aisle and then talk to me from the walkie talkie.

她会说'妈咪'，挺可爱的。

And she's like, mommy That's cute.

去买你最喜欢的饮料。

And buy your favorite drink.

我走到那边。

And I go around there.

她站在玫瑰葡萄酒前，那个男人在笑。

She's in front of the rose wine and this man's laughing.

我说，哦，谢谢你，Beau。

I'm like, oh, thank you, Beau.

你一定会喜欢他的。

You gotta love him.

是啊。

Yeah.

我是说，那确实很有趣。

I mean, that is funny.

那些时刻非常有趣，但就像，好吧，你得清理烂摊子，因为你会遇到很多烂摊子。

Those moments are very funny, but it's like, well, you gotta clean up shit because you're gonna have to clean up a lot of shit.

这不适合我。

That's not for me.

确实如此。

It's true.

嗯，我和她已经过了那个阶段了。

Well, I'm beyond that stage with her now.

她现在真的像是我最好的小伙伴。

She is legit like my little best friend.

这很棒。

It is great.

这很棒。

It is great.

不过确实。

But yeah.

所以是的，你只需要弄清楚生活中想要什么，先明确目标，然后你所想的就会实现。

So yes, you just gotta figure out what it is that you want in life, like identify it first, and then what you think about, you'll bring about.

调整到正确的频率上。

Get on the right vibration.

我是说，太多人带着消极态度度过一生。

I mean, so many people walk through life being so negative about stuff.

比如，我可以坐在这里抱怨：我是个单亲妈妈，生活中没有男人，有三个孩子，现在还能听到其中两个在楼上尖叫——你懂我的意思吗？

Mean, I could sit here and be like, I'm a single mom and I don't have a man in my life and I've got three children and I can currently hear two of them screaming upstairs and like, do you know what I mean?

但我没有这么做。

And but I don't.

我坐在这里想着这一切多么不可思议：就在不久前，我可能还无法过上现在的生活。

I sit here and I think how incredible that like, it wouldn't have been that long ago that I wouldn't have been able to live this life.

那时我可能买不起自己的房子。

I wouldn't have been able to purchase my own home.

那时我可能无法经营自己的事业。

I wouldn't have been able to run my own business.

那时社会更不可能允许我独自抚养三个孩子。

I certainly wouldn't have been allowed to have three children by myself.

要知道这在过去是不被允许的，而我现在完全按照自己的方式生活，做自己想做的事——成功对每个人的定义都不同。

Like it wouldn't have been allowed, you know, and I'm kind of just living life completely on my terms and doing it how I want and that's the thing, success looks different to everyone.

关于吸引力法则，有些人会想：资源够大家分吗？

And so with the law of attraction, think some people feel like, well, is there enough to go around?

但当然够，因为不是每个人都想要同样的东西。

But it's like, of course there is because not everybody wants the same thing.

我就想要一档能在英国同类播客中排名第一的节目，上线几个月就实现了——但不是每个人都想要这个。

I wanted a podcast that was going to be number one in The UK like in its division and that's happened within a couple of months of it being here but not everybody wants that.

不是每个人都想要百万粉丝小仙女，明白吗？大家追求的东西各不相同。

Not everybody wants a million baby girls like you know, everyone wants different shit.

好的。

Okay.

那我该怎么做？是不是需要制作一个愿景板来吸引理想中的那个人？

So how do I so what I need to do is make a vision board of the the person I wanna attract?

我会做个愿景板，然后设成手机屏保，这样你每天都能潜移默化地看到它多次。

I would create a vision board, and then I would put it as the screen saver on your phone so that you see it subliminally just multiple times a day.

你可以把它设为电脑桌面背景，我觉得手机锁屏也不错。最近我一直在做一件事——因为我现在非常抗拒爱情，完全不想让男人出现在我的生活里。

You could put it on the background of your computer, I think the lock screen of your phone is good and something that I've been doing recently because I'm very anti love at the moment, I'm very like, I don't want a man in my life.

我内心非常矛盾。

I'm very conflicted.

所以我现在做的不是放上我心目中理想男人的照片。

And so what I'm doing is rather than putting what I think is my ideal man.

你可以放一张大鸡巴的图片。

So you could put a picture of a big old dick.

你也可以放些好看的纹身图案之类的，想放什么都可以。

You could put a picture of some like nice tattoos or something, whatever you want.

但我实际放的是我真正尊重和羡慕的情侣照片，因为我发现自己最近陷入了一个困境——当我和朋友去度假时，看到已婚夫妇就会想：'呃，他们看起来好不幸福'。

But I'm actually putting pictures of couples that I really respect and admire because I found myself getting in this tricky scenario now where I'll go on holiday with like my friend and I'll find myself looking at married couples being like, ugh, they look so unhappy.

看，他们在吵架。

Look, they're arguing.

那些可怜的人。

Those poor people.

我实际上看待恋爱中的人就像在可怜他们一样。

And I actually look at people in relationships as like poor them.

我们单身人士才过着最棒的生活。

It's us single people living the best life.

我不想有那种感觉。

And I don't wanna I don't wanna feel like that.

你知道，我想对爱情保持开放心态，也想对拥有伴侣持开放态度。

You know, I wanna feel open to love and I wanna feel open to having a partner.

所以现在我手机里存的都是些情侣照片，我看着他们的关系会想，哦，其实看看他们。

So now I just have pictures of couples that I look at their relationship and I think, oh, well, actually, look at them.

他们很美好。

They're nice.

他们不会穿他妈的情侣毛衣。

They don't wear matching fucking sweaters.

他们看起来很酷。

Like, they look cool.

这就是我正在做的。

So that's what I'm doing.

所以，是的，你只需要明确自己想要什么样的男人。

So, yeah, you just need to find what you want in a man.

列个清单，想清楚，做个愿景板，每天还要进行视觉化练习。找一首你喜欢的、能触动你情绪的歌，比如可能是你婚礼上第一支舞的曲子。早晨起床前躺在床上，想象自己正在做喜欢的事——比如在海滩漫步、做爱。

List it, get really clear about it, make a vision board, and visualize it as well, you know, every day find a song that you love and that makes you feel very like emotional, like maybe it could be something you'd have as your first dance at your wedding and visualize in the morning before you get up, just lay in bed and visualize yourself like whatever it is you like doing, walking along a beach, getting fucked.

我也不知道。

I don't know.

随你喜欢。去你最爱的那家餐厅，盖伊·菲里的店。

It's whatever you And go into that that restaurant that you love, Guy Fieri.

你可以和这个男人一起去。

You could be going there with this guy.

你只需想象你们在一起会做什么。

You just visualize what you guys would be doing.

我告诉你，这一定会实现的。

And I'm telling you, it will come to fruition.

好吧。

Alright.

这很奇怪。

It's very weird.

好的。

Okay.

所以，我在职业生涯中经常这么做。

So, like, I do a lot of that in my professional life.

我无意中实现了许多事情，因为我就是想着，哦，我想要这个。

Like, I unwittingly, like, manifest a lot of things because I just like I'm like, oh, I want this.

这就会发生。

This will happen.

我不知道什么时候，但它一定会发生。

I don't know when, but it's definitely gonna happen.

我职业生涯中想实现的事情，或多或少都发生了。

And everything I've wanted to happen in my career has more or less, like, happened.

我现在正试图显化几件事。

There's, like, a couple of things that I'm trying to, like, manifest right now.

但不知为何在爱情方面，我就是觉得不确定。

But for whatever reason with love, I'm like, I don't know.

我不认为这是我能够显化的东西，也不知道为什么。

I don't think that's a thing I can manifest, and I don't know why.

虽然去年我确实显化了一个人，但我当时没有具体写下对伴侣的所有要求。

Although I did manifest someone last year, but I didn't so I wrote down everything I wanted in a partner.

我忘了要具体说明，也没写需要情感上可投入的。

I forgot to be specific, and I didn't write down emotionally available.

而这个人完全不具备情感上的可投入性。

And this person was not emotionally available whatsoever.

他们会说一套做一套。

And would like, tell me one thing, act a different way.

然后宇宙就像是在给我信号说这段关系结束了。

And then the universe was like giving me signs that it was done.

而我一直在想，不，还没结束呢。

And I kept being like, no, it's not done yet.

我要和这个抗争到底。

I'll fight against this.

我约会时会发生一件奇怪的事。

A weird thing happens when I date people.

当关系明明已经结束，我也知道结束了，却还在挣扎时，我会到处看到他们的名字。

And when it has like been finished, and I know it's finished, but I'm fighting it, I see their name everywhere.

哦。

Oh.

就像我之前约会过的一个男生。

Like it's a very like I was dating this one guy.

他的名字不算特别常见，但我却到处都能看到。

Not a super common name, but I kept seeing his name everywhere.

我当时就想，可我不想就这样结束啊。

And I was like, but I don't want it to be done.

然后事情就彻底结束了。

And then it was like fully finished.

去年又发生了同样的事情。

And then the same thing happened last year.

最近我在几个地方看到自己的名字，我就想，我是和自己结束了吗？

And then recently, I saw my name in a couple places, and I was like, am I done with me?

你要死了。

You're gonna die.

新冠病毒要来抓你了。

Corona's coming to get you.

也许吧，但我不希望她来找我。

I mean, maybe, and I don't want her to come for me.

她太粗鲁了。

She's rude.

不过，也许我只是需要

But, yeah, maybe I just need

需要静下心来，把具体事项写下来。

to, like, hunker down and write down specific things.

是啊。

Yeah.

我是说，我可没要求要个同性恋丈夫，但偏偏就摊上了。

I mean, you've I did not ask for a gay husband, but I fucking got one.

你知道，这完全不在我的愿景板上。

You know, that was not quite on the vision board.

你确实需要非常具体。

You do need to be very specific.

但我觉得也要对危险信号保持开放态度。

But also I think being open to red flags as well.

比如，我经常忽视别人身上的危险信号，因为我觉得作为女性，我们总想着'但我年纪越来越大了'。

Like, I ignore a lot of red flags in people because I think as women, we have this thing where we're like, but I'm not getting any younger.

特别是如果你想要孩子，就会忽视很多问题。

And especially if you want children, you ignore things.

而现在这就是我说的关于已经完成所有孩子的事。

Whereas now that's what I was saying about having all my children done.

如果我看到一个该死的红点，我就结束了。

If I see a fucking red dot, I'm done.

你就出局了。

You're gone.

就像我再也不忽视红色警报了。

Like I am not ignoring red flags anymore.

但你说的很有意思。

But it's interesting what you say.

我感同身受，我发现生活中某些方面特别容易显化，比如金钱、工作、朋友这类事情。

I feel very similar in I find certain aspects of my life very easy to manifest, like money wise, job wise, all friends, all that kind of thing.

我觉得这真的很简单。

I find it really easy.

爱情很难，对不同的人来说会是不同的事情，这时你就需要开始审视你的爱情障碍，过去发生了什么让你产生这种感觉。

Love is difficult and for different people it will be different things and that's when you need to start looking at like your love blockages, what's happened in your past to make you feel this way.

这时候你就可以开始做一些自我提升的工作，真正地回溯过去。

So like that's when you can start to do a little bit more self development work and really sort of go back.

以我为例，我的父母——我爸爸是个非常糟糕的丈夫。

So for me, for example, my mom and dad were my dad was an awful, awful husband.

在我11岁左右时，父母离婚了。

And when I was about 11, my mom and dad got divorced.

我记得那段时光是我生命中最快乐的时期。

And I remember that period of my life as being the happiest period of my life.

因为大约两三年里，妈妈单身时结识了许多新朋友，我们举办各种单亲妈妈派对，那种自由奔放的氛围太棒了，作为孩子见证这一切让我非常为她骄傲。

Because for about two or three years, my mom was single, she met all these new friends, we would have all these single mum parties and it was wild, it was brilliant as a child to witness that, I was very like proud of her.

但这种状态只持续了三年，她又陷入了一段和之前同样糟糕的感情——很多人都会这样重蹈覆辙。

And then it only lasted three years and then she got a relationship just as bad as the previous one, as a lot of people tend to do, they go for the same thing.

所以我潜意识里形成了'在一起=糟糕'的认知。

And so I can see how in my mind, I see together, bad.

'独立单亲妈妈=美好'。

Independent single mom, good.

这种观念在我心里根深蒂固，现在我需要做的就是——我明白为什么会有这种想法，但如今我得想办法如何消除它？

I've got that so ingrained in me and so now I just need to work on I know why I've got that, but now I need to work on how do I undo that?

我该怎么...

How do I?

你知道保罗·C·布朗森吗？

Do you know Paul C Bronson?

不认识。

No.

哦，他是美国人。

Oh, so he's American.

我记得他来自亚特兰大，他在英国这边参与制作很多相亲类节目。

He's from Atlanta I think, and he does, like, a lot of the dating shows over here in The UK.

比如《闪婚》之类的节目。

He does, like, Married at First Sight and stuff.

他不是评委，算是...那种专家顾问的角色。

He's, one of the not judges, but, know, like a expert.

他下周要来我的播客做第二部分，帮我解决爱情障碍。

And he's coming to do a second part on my podcast next week to work on my love blockages.

我非常兴奋。

And I'm very excited.

因为有些事你一个人真的搞不定，你懂的。

Because some of that shit you can't do by yourself, you know.

这种事必须和别人一起解决。

It's something you've gotta work with somebody else.

显然我没能力独自突破这些破事。

And I'm clearly not qualified to get through this shit.

你说'爱情障碍'很有意思，我好像听过类似的说法。

That's like so interesting when you say love blockages because I maybe I've heard a, you know, phrase like that.

但确实，你会重复某些行为，就是因为存在某种障碍，或是过去发生的事情影响了现在的你。

But like, it just makes sense that you repeat things that you've done because you have like a little bit of a blockage or you have something that happened in your past that's affecting how you're acting now.

而且你深陷其中时，真他妈很难绕开这些障碍。

And it's hard to fucking get around it because you're in it.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what mean?

你并没有，怎么说呢，置身事外。

You're not, like, outside of it.

你其实看不清自己的行为。

You can't really see what you're doing.

而且，我们都在不断成长。

And also, we're always all evolving.

当我回顾和前夫结婚时的自己，现在的我只有当时一半的成熟，因为我经历了成长，那些塑造性格的经历——离婚就是一次深刻的历练，你懂吗？

Like, when I look back at the person that I was when I was married to my ex husband, like, I was half the person that I am now because of the growth work that I've done with myself, because of the fucking experiences, the character building experiences I've had, like getting divorced is a very character building experience, you get to work on yourself I think you attract what you kind of deserve and maybe back then that's what I deserved.

那时的我相当肤浅。

I was quite a shallow bitch.

我当时就想找个能照顾我、带我环游世界的人，结果真让我碰上了。

Was looking for like someone that would be able to take care of me and fly me around the world and that's what I fucking got.

但我觉得随着成长，你可能也会怀疑是否能和一个人永远在一起。

But I think as you grow and evolve, that's why I also don't know if you could be with someone forever.

因为你们共同成长和进化的几率能有多大呢？

Because what are the chances that you grow and evolve together?

这很难做到。

Like, that's hard.

你们要怎么实现这一点？

How do you do that?

我想成为姐妹妻子。

I would like to be a sister wife.

这就是我想要的。

That's what I would like.

我确实愿意这样。

I actually would.

我真的愿意。

I really would.

你确定吗？

Would you though?

你会想让别人碰你的男人吗？

Would you want somebody else to fuck your man?

我完全没有嫉妒心。

I have zero jealousy.

完全没有。

Zero.

没有。

No.

一点都没有。

I have none.

你知道我前任说过什么吗？

I do you know what my ex said?

你就像个男人一样。

You're like a man.

我不知道他这话是褒义还是贬义，但我确实毫无嫉妒心。

And I don't know whether he he meant that in a good way or bad way but I have zero jealousy.

如果他们还有另外两个妻子，我也不会介意。

I wouldn't mind if they had two other wives.

我会说，听着，我们周二和周五见。

I'd be like, look, I'll see you Tuesday and Friday.

所以我对和我有双胞胎的那个前任说，听着，我觉得这样行不通。

So my ex that I have the twins with, I said to him, look, I don't think this is working out.

我不能再和别人一起生活了。

I can't live with someone again.

我已经太习惯独自一人了。

I'm so used to being by myself.

我不能让你一直占据我的个人空间。

I can't have you in my space all the time.

我当时说，难道我们不能像很多牙买加男人那样做吗？每周只见两天。

I was like, can't we just do what I think a lot of Jamaican men do this where it's like, I'll see you two days a week.

我们过着美好的生活。

We have a great life.

我们共度时光。

We spend time together.

我们一起照顾孩子，然后你就离开。

We look after our children, and then you go.

你走了，留我一个人待五天。

You go and you leave me alone for five days.

他不同意这样。

He was not down for that.

嗯，我觉得你描述的这种关系有点像多配偶制的一种形式。

Well, this is I I think what you're describing is like a form of polyamory.

是啊。

Yeah.

就是你可能有主要的伴侣，然后还有另外几个。

Where it's like you have your main maybe and then like a couple others.

但也可以是与同一个人在一起，只是每周固定几天见面。

But also, it's like also, it's like you could be with one person and just be with them sometimes out of the week.

是的。

Yeah.

就住在各自的房子里，各自过各自的生活。

Just live in your own houses and just have your own lives as well.

有点像《欲望都市2》里的情节？

Kinda like in Sex and the City two, maybe?

也可能是第一部电影？

Or maybe it's the first movie?

不对。

No.

是第二部里凯莉在她公寓里骑马那段情节。

It's the second one where Carrie was like riding at her apartment or whatever.

然后她说，我想卖掉它。

And she was like, think I'm gonna sell it.

而大人物就问，为什么？

And Biggs was like, why?

她说：'我不知道，因为我们住在一起啊。'

And she's like, I don't know because we we live together here.

他说：'但如果你能去公寓享受独处时光不是很好吗？'

And he's like, but wouldn't it be nice if you like just went and had your time at the apartment?

她回答：'什么？'

And she was like, what?

但后来我想，如果我和某人确立严肃的恋爱关系，我会希望对方保留自己的住所。

But then I was like, if I got into a serious relationship with somebody, I think I would want them to keep their home.

就是保留你的公寓

Like, keep your apartment

是啊。

Yeah.

这样你可以去那里做任何想做的事，我也可以在我这边随心所欲。

So you can go there and you could go do whatever you want there and I could do whatever I want at my place.

然后当我们想在一起的时候就在一起。

And then we are together when we wanna be together.

但可能我们这么想有点与众不同，这就是为什么我们都单身。

But maybe we're unusual in thinking that, and that's why we're both single.

也许吧。

Maybe.

但我是说，我觉得这听起来很完美。

But I mean, I think that sounds perfect.

我同意你的看法。

I agree with you.

和某人每时每刻都黏在一起感觉有点让人精疲力尽。

Spending every waking moment with somebody seems just a little exhausting.

是啊。

Yeah.

然后你就会变得特别依赖对方。

And then you get so reliant on them.

就像我现在回想起来会觉得，天啊，我并不是说从来没和朋友约过，但你确实会不自觉地——就是变得特别依赖那段关系。

Like, I look back now and I think, God, I never, like not that I never made plans with friends, but you just tend to not really, like, you're just so reliant on that relationship.

你见朋友的次数变少了。

You don't see friends as much.

你很少有自己的计划了。

You don't have your own plans as much.

我不想再回到那种状态。

And I don't wanna go back to that place.

我真的很享受现在的生活。

I I really enjoy my life.

我觉得现在要有人能走进我的生活，必须非常特别才行。

Someone would have to be really special to come in and and be here now, I think.

嗯。

Mhmm.

是啊。

Yeah.

我同意你的看法。

I I agree with you.

这个人必须非常特别才行。

It would take somebody, like, incredibly special.

不仅仅是特别，而是能让我产生更深层次情感的人，值得我花时间去相处的那种。

Not just special, but, like, a person that I felt like next level feelings about to just, like, you know, take my time or whatever.

我还需要一个能理解我工作性质、经常外出的伴侣。

I also need a partner who, gets that, I work and I'm away a lot.

问题不在于他们。

And it's not them.

这只是我工作的性质使然。

It's just that's the nature of my job.

所以，是的，这确实不容易。

So, yeah, I just it's a lot.

因为你经常出差，对吧？

Because you travel a lot, don't you?

嗯。

Mhmm.

我以前确实经常出差。

I I used to.

这可能是个转机。

This could be the change.

而且，现在你可能会遇到能远程工作的人，毕竟我们现在都在远程办公。

And also, maybe now you'll meet someone that can work remotely because we're now all working remotely.

所以也许以前行不通，但现在对你来说会成功的。

So maybe it didn't work before, but now it's gonna work for you.

希望如此。

I hope so.

我做了件可能不太好的事。

I did a thing that maybe was bad.

我列出了理想伴侣的所有品质要求。

So I wrote down all of the qualities I wanted in a partner.

我当时写得非常、非常具体。

I was, like, very, very specific.

我把它们装进信封，然后投进了邮箱。

I put them in an envelope, and then I put it in the mailbox.

我只是随便写了个地址，比如12、3，任何地方

I just addressed it to, like, 12, three, anywhere

我喜欢

I love

这样。

it.

寄出去，然后填上邮编。

Away, and then put the zip code.

现在回想起来，我觉得可能是我把爱寄走了。

And now that I'm thinking about it, I'm like, maybe I was I sent love away.

我应该写下来，随身携带，这样就是把爱引向我，而不是推开。

And I should write it down and, like, keep it with me, so I'm bringing it towards me and not away from me.

确实如此。

This is true.

但我确实喜欢这个寄出去的想法，看看这玩意儿到底会去哪儿，然后有人打开它时会说，我想要一根又大又粗的老二。

But I do love the idea of just mailing it and seeing where the hell does that and someone's gonna open it up and be like, I want a big old dick.

是啊。

Yeah.

什么？

What?

那些话里有一句是什么来着。

What was one of those things.

大概是'我想要被狠狠干'之类的。

It was like, I wanna be deep dicked.

我想要他有一根大老二。

I want him to have a big dick.

我想要他喜欢我。

I want him to like me.

我想要他对我好。

I want him to be nice to me.

有很多要求。

It was a lot of things.

那是

It was a

一个非常重要的，你知道吗？

a very important do you know what?

就在我离婚后，其实当时还没正式离婚，我遇到了一个人，他其实是邻居，某种程度上帮我度过了离婚期。

Just after I got divorced, in fact, I wasn't even divorced, I met somebody who, he was actually a neighbour and it kind of got me through my divorce.

那时我还和前夫住在一起，有个一岁大的孩子，我们不得不共同生活了大约六个月，和一个恨你的人住在一起真是太他妈难了，简直糟透了。

And I was still living with my ex husband, had like a one year old baby and we had to live together for about a period of six months and that's fucking tough living with someone that hates you, like it was awful.

而我真正熬过来的方式就是和隔壁街的邻居约会。

And I truly got through it by just dating my neighbor on the next street.

我是说本地的男人，很方便。

I mean local dick, convenient.

我会等到宝宝睡着后就溜出去。

I'd wait until the baby was asleep and off I'd go.

那真是太棒了。

It was brilliant.

后来我意识到，你要么找个特别有魅力的人，要么找个那方面特别厉害的。

And I've realized you either get someone you find really attractive or you get a big dick.

你永远不可能两者兼得。

You do never you never get the two together.

我...是啊。

I yeah.

我想想，最近认真约会超过三次的两个男人。

I guess the last two dudes I, like, dated for more than three dates.

其中一个算是那种...喝醉时我会觉得'哦你还挺可爱'的类型。

One was, like, kind of cute in a way where, like, when I was drunk, I'd be like, oh, you're cute.

但清醒时就觉得...不太确定。

And then sober be like, I don't know.

好吧。

Okay.

我不知道。

I don't know.

清醒时我对他真的毫无感觉。

I was really indifferent about him sober.

但他那玩意儿是我见过最他妈大的。

But he had the biggest fucking dick I'd ever seen.

当他脱下裤子时，我直接惊呼'天啊'。

When he pulled down his pants, I just went, oh, my.

哇哦。

Wow.

我觉得他没注意到，但我内心完全在惊叹'这太棒了'。

And I don't think he clocked it, but I was fully like, wow, this is delightful.

后来我又遇到一个我觉得超级有魅力的男人，就是一见钟情那种。

And then I did another guy who I thought was, like, so attractive, just like upon sight.

我当时就想'你他妈也太性感了'。

I was like, you are so fucking hot.

然后他脱下裤子，我就想，哦，是个发育型，不是展示型。

And then he pulled down his pants and I was like, oh, a grower, not a shower.

但如果他是发育型或展示型呢？

But what if he he was was a grower or a shower?

都不是。

It was neither.

根本没有发育过程。

Was there a was there was no growing.

太让人沮丧了。

There was So upsetting.

是的。

Yes.

对我来说是的。

For me, it was.

我知道有些听众会觉得，谈论别人的阴茎不太好。

And I know some listeners will be like, it's not nice to talk about people's penises.

但这就像，我也不知道。

But it's like, I don't know.

这是我的，这就是我喜欢的。

It's my it's it's what I like.

这就是我想要的。

It's what I want.

我不是被某些人吸引，也不是依附于对我好的人。

It wasn't attracted to some or it wasn't attached to someone who was nice to me.

所以这是另一回事。

So that's another thing about it.

但男人整天都在谈论女人。

But men talk about women all the time.

他们他妈的天天都在谈论女人的身体。

They talk about women's bodies all the fucking time.

我喜欢我们现在可以像他们物化我们一样物化他们。

I love that we can now objectify them the way that they objectify us.

这完全正常。

It's completely normal.

而且你的播客几乎是我注意到的唯一一个。

And your podcast is pretty much one of the only ones that I noticed.

你可以谈论男人的那话儿，然后说‘去你妈的’。

You can talk about a guy's dick and be like, go fuck yourself.

而且你知道，现在甚至在沙龙里，我们看到女孩们进来就会问‘你做喷雾美黑是为了什么？’

And, you know, even at the salon now, we see girls coming in and we're like, oh, what are you getting a spray tan for?

为了约炮。

A dick appointment.

我就说‘干得漂亮’。

And I'm like, good for you.

我觉得是时候让我们也这么干了。

I think it's about time that we we do the fucking same.

我完全支持。

I'm all for it.

我虽然这么说，但我已经厌倦了看那些评论，他们总告诉我这样不友善。

I say that, but I'm tired of reading people's comments where they tell me that it's not nice.

所以我现在都会加这些小声明，因为你他妈说什么都有人跳出来说‘这样太刻薄了’。

So I do these little disclaimers now because you can't fucking say anything without someone going, that's mean.

如果有人这么说你，你会怎么想？

How would you feel if someone said that about you?

我就说，我根本不在乎。

And I'm like, I wouldn't care.

我他妈才不在乎。

I don't give a shit.

是啊。

Yeah.

人们总是对我说些难听的话。

People say nasty things about me all the time.

但我也说不上来。

But like, I don't know.

我想要个大鸡巴。

I want a big dick.

那就是我。

That's that's me.

那就是我想要的。

That's what I want.

不过如果是个小尺寸但主人很体贴，还懂得用其他方式取悦我，那也很棒。

But also, if it's a tiny dick attached to a nice person who learns other ways to please me, that's great too.

但大尺寸的...我只是太久没被狠狠干过了。

But a big dick I just it's been a long time and all I want is to be pounded.

不过我确实预约了第二针疫苗两周后的性约会，因为据说要等两周才行。

But I did make a dick appointment for two weeks after my second shot because they say, like, you should wait two weeks, I think.

我也不知道。

I don't know.

我是在哪读到过这个说法。

I read that somewhere.

但我跟这家伙聊的时候，我就说，好吧，两周后见。

But I was talking to this guy, and I was like, alright, two weeks out.

咱们就这么定了。

Let's do this.

我订了酒店房间，对此非常兴奋。

I got a hotel room, and I'm very excited about it.

你真有条理。

You are organized.

你准备得很充分。

You're on it.

没错。

Yes.

她...她在室内待了太久，独处时间太多了。

She is she's had a lot of time inside, a lot of time with herself.

她不喜欢这样。

She don't like it.

她不想要这样。

She don't want it.

所以，是的，我当时就觉得，我们必须促成这件事。

So, yeah, I was like, we need to make this happen.

我简直是在数着日子过。

I'm, like, counting down the days.

哦，天哪。

Oh, lord.

我...我现在感觉需要做些准备，但我在骗谁呢？

I I I've now feel like I need to be, like, making preparations, but who am I kidding?

我还有六个月大的双胞胎。

I've got six month old twins.

至少...我敢说未来半年内什么都做不了。

Nothing is happening for at least I'm gonna say another six months.

我敢打赌下次做爱得等到圣诞节了。

I'm gonna say Christmas is when I am gonna have sex for the next time.

我对此非常兴奋。

I'm very excited about it.

非常。

Very.

好吧。

Okay.

我喜欢这样。

I like it.

不过现在就该找个保姆了。

But also get a babysitter now.

他们是母乳喂养的，所以我不能离开他们。

They're breastfed, so I can't leave them.

等等。

Wait.

你不能把奶挤出来倒掉然后装进奶瓶吗？

Can't you pump it and dump it and put it in a bottle?

不行。

No.

因为有两个孩子实在太难了。

It's so hard because there's two of them.

母乳从来都不够。

There's never enough milk.

就像存在缺口一样。

There's like a deficit.

这需要非常精确的平衡，我做不到。

Like, I couldn't it's it's a very fine balance.

总之就是不行，我做不到。

So no, I can't, in short.

但你知道吗？

But do you know what?

我很乐意等到圣诞节。

I'm happy to wait till Christmas.

我觉得我还行。

I feel like I'm Okay.

身体疲惫，精神疲惫。

Physically exhausted, mentally exhausted.

宝宝们睡觉的每一秒空闲时间，我都在做播客。

I every spare second that the babies are asleep, I'm podcasting.

每一秒钟。

Every second.

所以我现在连上Tinder的机会都没有。

So I literally don't have a chance to even go on Tinder at the moment.

所以可以等等。

So it can wait.

我的梦中情人可以等等。

My dream man can wait.

而且，这对你来说是多好的圣诞礼物啊。

Also, what a lovely Christmas present to you.