必备技能：提出有目的的问题

您正在收听的是《哈佛商业评论》的《职场女性》。我是艾米·伯恩斯坦。

You're listening to Women at Work from Harvard Business Review. I'm Amy Bernstein.

我是艾米·加洛。这是我们的“核心技能”系列，我们在此探讨关键的职业技能，并将管理建议变得实用且贴近生活。

And I'm Amy Gallo. This is our essentials series where we explore key career skills and make management advice practical and relatable.

我们通过邀请这些技能方面的专家，以及希望提升这些技能的听众一起参与来实现这一目标。

We do that by bringing together experts on those skills and audience members who wanna get better at them.

好的，Amy B，这些年我跟你一起开过不少会，你特别擅长提出有目的性的问题。

Okay. Amy B, I have been in many meetings with you over the years, and you were particularly good at asking purposeful questions.

Amy，你指的是什么？有目的性的问题有明确的目标，是有意图的。

What do you mean by that, Amy? Purposeful questions have a clear purpose. They're intentional.

而且它们也很清晰，我们完全知道你想表达什么。它们有影响力。

And they also are clear in that we know exactly what you're getting at. They have impact.

它们应该阐明一个观点，或者

They should elucidate a point, or

它们应该以某种方式推动对话向前发展。并且它们邀请的是开放，而不是防御。

they should move the conversation forward in some way. And they invite openness rather than defensiveness.

我想在这里指出，这些特质也正是你在高管气场中看到的。它们源于自信，并调动你的情商，也就是你读懂场子的能力。

I just wanna note here that these are the same traits that you see in executive presence. They come from confidence and draw on your emotional intelligence, your ability to read the room.

是的。这实际上很好地解释了我们这位听众兼嘉宾为什么主动报名参与本期节目。她叫梅根。我来让她自我介绍。

Yeah. That actually ties really well into why our audience member slash guest volunteered for this episode. Her name is Megan. I'll let her introduce herself.

我是一家生物技术公司的项目经理，担任员工级别的职位已经

I am a program manager in a biotech company, and I've been in a staff level role for

哎呀。

oh gosh.

大概四年了。我会问一些我非常自在的问题，这些问题可能集中在某个任务或可交付成果的执行上。

It's probably been, like, four years. I ask questions that I'm super comfortable asking, and those can be questions that focus on the execution of a particular task or deliverable.

梅根希望晋升，也许是通过升职，也许是通过在公司其他部门工作。但她得到的明确反馈是，她需要培养高管气质。嗯哼。最近，一位同事推动他们的团队进行更具战略性的思考。

Megan's looking to advance, maybe through a promotion, maybe by working in a different part of the business. But the clear feedback she's gotten is that she needs to develop executive presence. Uh-huh. And then a colleague recently pushed their team to think more strategically.

这让我开始思考，哦，那我该如何以战略性的方式提问呢？以及我该如何提问才能帮助我在职业生涯中前进？

And that's got me thinking, oh, well, how do I ask questions in a strategic way? As well as how do I ask questions in a way that helps me move forward in my career?

好问题。

Excellent questions.

没有简单的答案。因为她的第一个担忧——我该如何以战略性的方式提问——不仅仅是把整个业务纳入考虑，还涉及语气和表达方式。

With no easy answers. Because her first concern, how do I ask questions in a strategic way, isn't only about taking the entire business into account. It's also about tone and delivery.

这意味着要协调各种张力。你想获取所需的信息，但又不想损害自己的可信度；你想直奔主题，但又不能省略重要背景；你想推动清晰明了，但又不能显得敌对。而在当下，如何框定一个问题，使其以你想要的方式落地，并不总是清楚的。

And that means negotiating tensions. You want to ask for the information you need without undermining your credibility. You wanna get to the point but not leave out important context. You wanna push for clarity without coming across as hostile. And in the moment, it's not always clear how to frame a question so that it lands the way you want it to.

没错。由于这些风险和紧张关系，我们的客座专家艾莉森·伍德·布鲁克斯将对话描述为所有人类任务中最复杂、最不确定的一种。

Right. And because of these stakes and tensions, our guest expert, Alison Wood Brooks, describes conversation as one of the most complex and uncertain of all human tasks.

我们一直在努力解读自己，解读对面的人，解读整个房间和周围的语境。这些都是非常高阶的技能，我们都需要持续不断地去提升。

We're all just sort of all the time trying to read ourselves, trying to read the person across from us, and read the room, the context all around us. And those are really high level skills that we all need to continue to work on sort of forever.

艾莉森简直是这个领域的学者。

Allison's literally a scholar on the subject.

在哈佛商学院。

At Harvard Business School.

是的。她还出版了一本书，叫《交谈：对话的科学与做自我的艺术》。

Yeah. And she's published a book called talk, the science of conversation and the art of being ourselves.

在艾米·G采访艾莉森和梅根之后，我再来补充。

More from me after Amy G's interview with Allison and Megan.

梅根、艾莉森，非常感谢你们两位加入。我必须指出这一切有多“元”：准备时我就在想，我要向研究问题的教授、以及想提升提问技巧的人提问，而我知道你们也会反问我。所以这会非常有趣。

Megan, Allison, thank you both for joining me. And I have to note how meta this all feels, because as I was prepping, I was thinking about the questions I wanted to ask the professor who studies questions and the person who wants to get better at questions and knowing you're both gonna ask me questions. So this is gonna be really fun.

非常期待今天的对话。

Very excited for the conversation today.

非常感谢邀请。我很兴奋能连线，我也觉得聊“说话”本身就很“元”。

Thank you so much for having us. I'm so excited to connect, and I'm with you. It's very meta to talk about talking. So,

梅根，先说说你目前的提问水平，以及你的经历。讲一次你提问成功的例子——你得到了想要的信息、回应或连接。

Megan, let's get a little more context of where you are skill wise in this and and what your experience is like. Tell us about a time you asked a question where you know you landed it. You got exactly the information or response or connection that you were looking for.

好的。几年前我们部门峰会时，我有机会向地区总经理和当时的首席商务官提问，主题我非常热衷。我只有十秒钟写下问题，就被递上麦克风直接发问。提问时我很自信，虽然问完就大脑一片空白，因为有点紧张，但问题非常清晰具体。结果现场有人鼓掌，领导们愣了一下才互相推让回答。

Yes. There was actually, I was attending one of our department summit meetings we had a couple years back, and I had the opportunity to ask our GM of our region as well as our, at the time, our chief commercial officer some questions that I was very passionate about on a topic. And I had about ten seconds to jot down what am I gonna ask and be handed a microphone and be able to just ask it in a way that I really wanted to elicit a response. I felt really confident when I asked the question, though I will say I did blackout after I asked it because it was a little nerve racking, but I got really clear and detailed on the point. The response I got was actually people in the room applauded because the leaders it took them a while to respond.

他们互问“你想答吗？”这个问题太好了，事后我收到很多反馈，连我老板的老板都过来说：谢谢你提这个问题，说明我们团队对这个难题有深度思考。那次我因为话题充满激情。

They were like, do you wanna take this one? And, actually, it was such a good question that I got a lot of feedback after I asked. I had actually my boss's boss come up to me and say, you know, thank you for asking that question. It shows that our team is thinking critically about this problem. But that was the time where I was I was very passionate about the topic.

我把问题问出来了。虽然面对这些高层领导很紧张，但事后还是得到了不错的回应。

I was able to get the question down. Nervous, though, of asking it to these senior leaders, but I was able to get a good response afterwards.

好的。那说说相反的经历吧，有哪次你后悔没提问，或者提问方式搞砸了。

Alright. So tell us about an opposite experience, sometime where you either regretted not asking a question or you asked in a way that just sort of flopped.

有。最近我们研发部的办公室主任来做汇报，我提了个问题，有点太开放了。事后我才意识到，因为从她的表情和语气我能看出来，她在想“你干嘛问这个？这不是明摆着吗”。

Yeah. So a recent scenario where chief of staff of our r and d came and gave a presentation, and I asked the question. It was a little open ended. And I realized that after the fact because I could tell from her facial expression and her tone that she's like, why are you asking me this? Like, it's pretty obvious of, like, what this is.

我意识到自己本可以问得更具体。

And I I realized that I wasn't being as specific as I could have been.

嗯。Alison，我好奇在这两个对比鲜明的例子里你听到了什么。我相信你肯定从你的研究里听出了不少东西。

Right. I'm curious, Alison, what you're hearing in those two contrasting examples. I'm sure you're hearing lots of things that are reflected in your research.

太多了，各位。首先，

So many things, you guys. First,

你们俩

both of

举的例子都是在群体场合，当着很多人。群体对话和一对一私聊截然不同。我们总以为“对话”这件事不管几个人都一样，可只要第三个人拉把椅子坐下，哪怕就是我们仨现在这场对话，也立刻变得和只有Megan和Amy、只有Allison和Amy、或者只有Allison和Megan时完全不同。

the examples you gave were in groups. It was in front of a lot of people. Group conversation is remarkably different, categorically different than one on one private conversation. We tend to think of conversation as the same task everywhere no matter how many people are there. But as soon as a third person pulls up a chair, even this conversation with the three of us is remarkably different than if it were just Megan and Amy or just Allison and Amy or just Allison and Megan.

这意味着有人可以全程不说话却仍算在对话里。可一对一就不行，你得像打网球一样把话来回抛。随着人数增加，维持对话顺畅的协调难度指数级上升，羞耻和被评判的风险也指数级上升。很多在组织里地位不高的人，在一对一的小场合里更自在、更有掌控感。

It means that one person there can sit and not say anything and still be part of the conversation. When you're one on one, that's not the case. You have to keep the sort of tennis ball alive going back and forth across the net. And as group size grows, the coordination challenges of keeping a conversation alive and smooth grow exponentially, the risks of shame and judgment also grow exponentially. A lot of people who are not high status in their organizations feel a lot more comfortable and more power when they are in smaller one on one interactions.

所以，只要你能利用这一点，效果就会更好。要是能在大会后把老板拉到一边，说“其实我想那样问，您能抽空聊聊吗？”——感觉就亲切得多，那场对话也可能比在众人面前问同一个问题高效得多。

And so the more you can leverage that, the better things are gonna go. If you can pull that boss aside after the big group meeting and say, oh, actually, I meant to ask that question this way. Would you mind, like, chatting about that a little bit? That feels so much more approachable, and that conversation might be a lot more productive than trying to ask even the same question in front of the group.

对你来说是这样吗，梅根？在一对一提问时你会更自在吗？

Is that true for you, Megan? Do you feel more comfortable asking the questions one on one?

哦，当然。在那些风险更高、人数更多的场合，我得要么提前准备，要么即兴发挥，羞耻感肯定会冒出来。

Oh, definitely. In those higher stakes situations where it's a larger group, I have to, like, either prepare or if it's off the cuff, shame is definitely something that comes up.

它就像门口的幽灵一样随时等着。

It's waiting right there like a specter on your doorstep.

对。

Right.

你并不孤单。这种感觉大多数人都有，内向者尤其如此。在我们的研究中甚至发现，女性明显偏好小型亲密对话而非大群体，可能是因为女性往往处于较低地位。所以这些都连在一起。不过

You're not alone. So this is a feeling that most people feel, introverts for sure. And even in some of our research, we have found that women have a very strong preference for smaller intimate conversation compared to to large groups, likely because women tend to occupy positions of lower status a lot of the time. So it's sort of all tied together. But

而且，艾莉森，我还要说，也因为我们的失败往往被更严厉地评判。所以

Well, and I would I would pause it too, Allison, that's also because our failures tend to be judged more harshly. So

确实。哦，没错。这些偏好源于现实：你确实可能因说错话而被更严厉地评判，而当我们不说话时又会给自己压力。总之，这真的很复杂。

For sure. Oh, yes. It's not wrong. These preferences evolve from a place of reality of like, actually, you are judged more harshly sometimes if you say something, and then we put pressure on ourselves if we're not saying things. So anyway, it just gets really complicated.

所以听到这些故事时，梅根，我首先想到的是亲密对话与群体之间的区别。很有力量的一种思考是：我怎样利用在一对一对话中的舒适感？你通常可以重新调整对话规模。在大组会前你能先找谁聊聊？会后又能找谁？

So that's the first thing when I was hearing about these stories, Megan, is the distinction between intimate and groups. What can be very empowering is to think, well, how can I leverage the comfort I feel in one on one conversation? Often, do have power of restructuring the size of your conversations. Who can you talk to before a big group meeting? Who can you talk to after?

怎样才能更多地利用这一点？另外，从你对这些故事的描述中，我发现你倾向于问那些让你舒服的问题。而当你描述自己成功提问时，你说那是“充满热情的”。那是一个你充满热情的问题。那一刻我就想，哇，我太喜欢这点了。

And how can you leverage that a little bit more? And then one other thing that I heard in your the way you describe these stories is you tend to ask questions that feel comfortable. And then when you described your success question asking, you described it as passionate. It was a question I was passionate about. And in that moment, I was like, oh, I love that so much.

你听起来不仅迫不及待想问那个问题，而且还需要一点勇气。无论是在群体高风险场合还是一对一，我们每次转换话题或提出新问题的微小决定，都像一次冒险。说“我要不要聊这个”需要勇气。听起来，有时当你找不到那份勇气、无法承担那些风险时，你的问题就显得有点平淡、表达不清，或者你其实没把真正想问的问题问出来。

Not only do you sound like you were dying to ask that question, but it it took some courage to do it. And whether it's in a group, in a high stakes situation, or one on one, every little micro decision we make when we shift to a new topic or ask a new question, it really is like a risk. It takes courage to say, am I gonna go here? And it sounds like sometimes when you feel like you're not finding that courage and and not able to take those risks, that's when your questions are coming out as a little bit mundane or less articulate or you're not really asking the question that you are actually dying to ask.

我得跟进一下，Allison，因为如果研究表明我们在地位较低时更容易害怕或犹豫提问，显然我们不想等。Megan不想等到升职后才开始问

I gotta follow-up on that, Allison, because if the research says we tend to be more fearful or hesitate to ask questions when we're lower status, obviously, we don't wanna wait. Megan doesn't wanna wait till she gets the promotion to start asking

问题。

questions.

不想。

No.

那我们该怎样给自己打气，无论地位如何都拥有所需的勇气？

So how do we psych ourselves into the courage we need regardless of our status?

对。我们已经谈到一点：利用一对一的私密对话，那种场合你本来就会更勇敢。

Yeah. Already, we've talked about one thing, which is leverage intimate one on one conversation where you're gonna feel more brave anyway.

没错。

Yep.

而且对对方来说也更安全，你不会让他们当场难堪，也不给他们带来羞耻的风险。另一点是，优秀的对话者会把选择与会话目标对齐。事先花点时间反思：我这次互动的目标是什么？别人的目标可能是什么？尤其在工作场合，哪怕只想三十秒：哦，这次会议的目标是选一个人来聘用。那么我的问题就该帮助团队做出聘用决定。

And where it feels safer for the other person to answer, that you're not putting them on the spot and and giving them the risk of shame. The other thing I think can that can feel really empowering is good conversationalists align their choices with the goals of the conversation. And so a little bit of reflection ahead of time of what are my goals in this interaction and what do I think other people's goals are, particularly at work. If you even think for, like, thirty seconds, oh, the goal of this meeting is we need to choose someone to hire. So my questions should be helping guide the group towards making a decision to hire someone.

或者，我们的目标是为这款新产品尽可能多地想出点子。只要牢记：我们在干什么？我们的需求和目标是什么？就能帮你更好地选择该问的问题类型。

Or our goal here is to generate as many ideas about this new product as possible. So just keeping in mind, what are we doing here? What are our needs and goals? Will help you make better choices about the types of questions that you should be asking.

所以，Megan，你之前告诉我们，你担心问的问题——说得更直白些——不会让你显得愚蠢。我很好奇，你有没有什么问题想请教Alison，怎么才能做到这一点。

So, Megan, one of the things that was on your mind you told us was asking questions that, for lack of of more nuanced way to say this, that didn't make you look stupid. And so I'm curious if you have any questions for Alison about how to how to do that.

有。你怎么在提问时保持可信度？明知道自己在某个话题上显得不那么内行，却又能表现出好奇、想多学一点，而且不搅乱对话。

Yeah. How do you keep credibility? Asking questions knowing that you're not gonna come across as knowledgeable about a particular subject, but showing that you are curious and want to learn more and not necessarily distracting from the conversation.

你其实可以直接说“你能再说说吗？”“能继续讲讲吗？”“我们能多听听这方面的内容吗？”我觉得我们常常给自己压力，想提出一个措辞完美的问题，但其实你只是需要对方再多说一点，因为你还没真正听懂他们在说什么。而“你能再说说吗？”就是一个很棒的问题。

You can literally just say, can you say more? Can you keep going? Can we hear more about this? And I think often we put pressure on ourselves to come up with this like well phrased question when in fact what you need from another person is for them to just say a little bit more because you're not actually understanding what they're saying. And can you say more is a wonderful question.

这就够了。这恰恰体现了你的能力，说明你看到了他们话语中的价值。某种意义上，这是最终极的开放式问题。所以我们研究开放式问题时，发现有很多提问方式。其中一种就是以“什么”开头。

That's enough. That is a show of your competence that you see that there's value in what they're saying. In a way, it's the ultimate open ended question. So when we studied open ended questions, there are lots of ways to phrase open ended questions. One is by starting it with a what.

比如，“告诉我你还在想什么”或者“你今天早上做了什么？”“你为这个会议做准备时在想什么？”这些都是很棒的开放式问题。你也可以用“为什么”来提出同样的问题。虽然“为什么”问题技术上也是开放式，但它们更容易带指责意味。

Like, tell me what else is on your mind or what what did you do this morning? What were you thinking about when you prepared for this meeting? That's a beautiful open ended question. And you could frame all of those same questions by starting with why. Why questions are still technically open ended, but they're more accusatory.

这会削弱对话中让交流既安全又高效所需的良好关系动机。所以多使用“你在想什么？”“你能再说说吗？”“告诉我你的看法”这类问题，它们非常有效，而且你几乎不用费劲去组织语言。

It sort of pulls back on the lovely relational motives and things that we need in conversation to have it feel safe and productive. So leaning more towards the what is on your mind? Can you tell me more? Tell me your perspective. Those questions are really productive, and it doesn't take much from you to formulate them.

你只需要说“你是什么意思？”“你当时在想什么？”“你现在感觉如何？”然后把球抛回给对方。

You just need to say like, what did you mean? What were you thinking about? What are you feeling right now? And sort of put the ball back in their court.

梅根，这对你想的情境适用吗？

Would that work for the scenarios you're thinking of, Megan?

适用。但我怎么才能不让这些问题说着说着就断了？

It would. But how do I also, though, like, not trail off in those questions?

阿斯兰，在你回答之前，梅根，能不能先告诉我们你在哪些场合会问这类问题？是一对一，还是在会议里？

And actually, before you answer that, Aslan, can you, Megan, just give us a sense of, like, where are you asking these these sorts of questions? Is this in one on ones, in meetings?

我觉得要么是一对一，要么是小团队。实际上我负责一个员工资源小组，我在主持会议，我发现当我向小组提问时，比如“在我们就某事做决定之前，还有别的反馈要补充吗？”

I would say either in one on ones or in smaller groups. And actually, I lead a employee resource group. I'm leading the meetings, and I'm discovering as I'm asking questions to the group. For example, are there any other points of feedback that we want to capture before we make a decision about x, y, and z?

嗯。

Mhmm.

然后我就会在结尾处含糊其辞。于是听起来就像：你觉得这个怎么样？接着就好像，我知道他们明白我在说什么，但我卡住了。我该怎么把这句话说完，或者怎么提出这个问题，才能听起来聪明一点？但说到一半，就像，哦，声音越来越弱。很多时候他们会让我再说一遍。

And I'll trail off at the end. And so it'll be like, what do you think about this? And then it's like, I know they know what I'm talking about, but it's like I I get stuck. It's like, how do I really complete this sentence or ask this question in a way that's gonna sound intelligent, but then halfway through it's like, oh, this is just tapering off. And a lot of the times they ask me to repeat it.

他们会问：你是想问这个吗？我觉得根源在于，我提问的时候其实没底气，但我知道我得把对话继续下去。哦，

They ask, is this what you're asking? And I think where it's coming from is the fact that I don't feel confident when I'm asking you the question, but I know I need to keep the conversation going. Oh,

Allison。来帮我们解决这个问题。

Allison. What help us fix this.

Megan，在这种情况下，你是在 Zoom 会议里，还是面对面？

Megan, is it are you in this scenario? Are you are you in a, like, a Zoom meeting, or are you face to face?

永远是线上会议。

It's always a virtual meeting.

是啊，总是线上。好吧，我想说，任何群体对话都可能让人泄气，但尤其是虚拟会议，大家静音，你连那种“后台反馈”都得不到，比如别人“嗯”“对”地点头。

Yeah. Always virtual. Okay. So I was gonna say, you know, any group conversation can be very demoralizing, but especially virtual meetings where people are muted and you're not even getting the sort of back channel feedback, which is people going, yeah. Mhmm.

“嗯哼”“嗯哼”。面对面自然对话里，这就像啦啦队，同伴在你构思问题时给你打气：继续说，我们也想问这个。线上会议里，你得不到这些。

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. In natural conversation face to face, that's like a version of cheerleading where your partners and the people in the group are cheering you on as you're formulating this question to say like, yes, keep going. We also want to ask this question. In virtual meetings, you can't get that.

你中途声音越来越小，我一点也不奇怪，因为你需要那种鼓励，需要共同叙述来确认方向是否正确。线上会议里那片死寂简直灵魂碾压。等你把问题说完，根本不知道自己问得清不清楚、问得对不对。所以，意识到这一点，接受它：我不会得到那种口头反馈来帮我继续。

It's not surprising to me that you're sort of trailing off midway because you need that cheerleading. You need that sort of co narration in order to get the sense of am I heading in a good direction or not? And the silent void that you get in a virtual meeting is sort of soul crushing in that way. And so by the time you get to the end of your question, you have no idea whether you're asking it clearly or asking the right question. So I think just knowing that and sort of getting to a place of acceptance of like, okay, I'm not gonna get that verbal back channel feedback that's gonna help me keep going.

就让自己更习惯这种状态。确实挺打击人，但这不是你的问题，是沟通方式的问题。在我的课上，我让学生录下自己再回放，结果大家无一例外地发现自己说话多不流畅、填充词多到尴尬，当场社死。

Just kind of get to a place where you're more comfortable with that. And it is actually soul crushing, and it's not you. It's the modality that you're communicating on. In my course, when I teach students about conversation, I have them record themselves and listen back. And without fail, one of the first things everyone notices is how inarticulate they are and how many filler words they have, and they're totally mortified.

于是他们说：这学期我要努力改掉“然后”和声音拖长。然后我们讨论：别这么做，自然对话就是这样。你不可能把整句话想好再说，你得边说边想。

And so they'll say, oh, I'm gonna work so hard this semester to stop saying and and trailing off. And then we talk about like, no, don't do that. That is how natural dialogue works. You cannot plan out whole sentences before you say them. So you are you are coming up with what you're saying as you're saying it.

声音渐弱是不确定的表现。它向周围的人发出信号：你正在构思一个更大、更清晰的想法。所以，我我不确定问题出在你的声音渐弱上。我觉得你你渴望的是真正犀利、已成型的想法。因此，关键不在于“嗯”“啊”或声音渐弱。

Trailing off is a sign of uncertainty. It gives a signal to the people around you that you're formulating a bigger, more articulate idea. And so I I'm not sure that the problem here is with you trailing off. I think what you're you're, like, hungry for is you want fully formed thoughts that are really incisive. And so it's not about the ums and uhs and the trailing off.

更像是：我该如何组织问题，才能直击我们此刻要做的核心？为此，可以用不同方式构建问题。你可以问“思考类”或“感受类”问题：你对这件事怎么想？你对它感觉如何？

It's sort of like how can I frame my question in a way that really gets to the heart of what what we're trying to do here? And for that, there are different ways that you can think about framing your question. You can ask people thinking questions versus feeling questions. What are you thinking about this? How are you feeling about it?

你可以从正面与负面提问：这么做会带来什么正面结果？会带来什么负面结果？也可以说：让我们换个角度。那么，这个决定对谁有利？

You can ask people positive versus negative. What would be the positive outcome of us doing this? What would be the negative outcome of us doing this? You can ask let's consider this from a different perspective. So for whom for whom would this decision be good?

哪个利益相关者？可以问“时间”问题：什么时候这是件好事？我知道过去这是好事，现在我们有点不确定。接下来我们未来会怎样？

Which stakeholder in this situation? You can ask when questions. When was this a good thing? I know this was a good thing in the past, and we're feeling a little uncertain about it now. We're now gonna what's gonna happen with us in the future?

所以，过去、现在、未来的问题可以很犀利。对此，你可以当场练习，也可以在会议前头脑风暴：我们需要聊什么？要谈过去、现在还是未来？我们关心哪些利益相关者？

So past, present, future questions can be really incisive. And so for that, you could sort of practice getting good at it on the fly, or you can think about brainstorming those types of questions before a meeting begins. Like, what do we need to talk about? Do need talk about the past, the present, the future? Which stakeholders do we care about?

我们需要谈想法还是感受，或两者都要？提前做点头脑风暴会很有帮助。

Do we need to talk about what we're thinking or what we're feeling or both? A little bit of brainstorming ahead of time can be quite helpful.

这些对你有帮助吗，Minnie？

Are those helpful, Minnie?

确实有帮助。Allison，你提到的一点让我很有共鸣：提问时保留人性是完全可以的。说“嗯”或声音渐弱都没关系。我一直有点自我在意的是，怎么像我很佩服的一位同事那样干净利落。她现场提问和即兴表达都非常清晰，而对话又是动态的。

It actually is. And I think one thing that you mentioned, Allison, that's really resonating with me is the human element of asking a question. Like, it's okay to say the ums and to trail off, and I think that's kind of where I've been a little self conscious is how to sound as crisp as, say, another coworker I have that I look up to. She's really good at asking questions and also just on the fly of being very articulate when the conversation is dynamic.

每场对话都是事先思考与现场灵活的结合。我们人类总倾向于看到厉害的表达者，就觉得他们“天生如此”：哇，他们太棒了，这对他太容易了。你根本不知道那位同事会前做了多少准备，会中多努力，会后还要跟进多少。

And every conversation is a combination of forethought and flexibility in the moment. We as humans have a tendency to see amazing talkers and feel like there's a sort of myth of naturalness. Like, oh, they're so amazing. This is so easy for them. You have no idea how much work that that person did before the meeting, how hard they are trying in the meeting, how much follow-up they're doing afterwards.

所以，当别人看起来轻松又专业时，你永远无法确定。我敢说她并非完全临场发挥，她可能一辈子都在练这项技能。最后一点：当你看过成千上万份真实对话的转录，你会发现对话本身就是“车祸现场”。我们不断互相打断，话说到一半就消失，想法只完成一半。

So when things look easy and skilled for other people, you just never know. It's I'm sure that it's not just coming to her spontaneously in the moment, and she's probably spent her whole lifetime sort of practicing that skill too. And then the final thing that I will say is when you start to look at like hundreds of thousands of transcripts of of real conversations, you realize conversations are a train wreck. And so we put all this we put all we interrupt each other constantly. We fade away in the middle of we have half finished ideas.

我们会对某件事感到兴奋，然后转头又去忙别的，结果忘了本来要讨论的正事。我们都给自己太大压力，希望一切看起来完美、精炼、高效，但说到底，这是一场极其复杂的协调游戏，永远不可能十全十美。所以，先给自己、也给别人一点宽容，是个非常好的起点。

We get excited about this, and then we move on to something else, and we forget to talk about the thing we needed to talk about. We all put so much pressure on ourselves for it to feel perfect and polished and productive, but the bottom line is that it's a very complicated coordination game that is never going to be perfect. So finding a bit of grace for yourself and for other people is a really great place to start.

你说有位同事提问特别简洁利落，你特别佩服，我当时真想冲过去给你个大大的拥抱，因为你要是跟Amy B一起主持这播客就知道了。她能用四个词、外加一个我五年没见的漂亮词汇，就把问题问清楚；而我得用四句话、还说得乱七八糟，不过相信我，意思还是能传达到的。可我没让这事打击自信，我觉得这只是风格不同。我敢说我们制作人剪我的部分肯定头疼，因为我确实经常问那种又臭又长的问题。

When you said you have a colleague who you admire in terms of how crisp she is in asking questions, I, like, I wanted to reach out and hug you because try being Amy B's cohost on this podcast. Like, she can ask I will ask the question in four messy sentences that, trust me, gets the point across, and then she'll just ask it in four words with like some beautiful vocab word I hadn't heard in five years. But yet, I will tell you, I could allow it to hurt my confidence, but I really see it as a style thing. It's just a different style. Like, I'm sure editing me is really hard for our producer because I do ask those questions that go on and on sometimes.

但我也觉得自己带来了一些丰富性，或者情绪，或者跟嘉宾的连接。所以，没错，Amanda在聊天里跟我说我确实做到了，谢谢你。是的，也许可以模仿甚至研究那位同事的做法。

But I think I also bring some richness to it, or some emotion, or some connection with the guest. So, yes, you want to Amanda's telling me in the chat that I do. Thank you. Yes. Maybe emulating and even watching that colleague and studying what they do.

但我也希望你别硬把自己变成不是自己的样子。因为听起来，真正让你焦虑的是你话音开始飘走的那一刻，而不是飘走本身，对吧？你会想：哎呀，我是不是显得不知道自己在干嘛？我是不是不够有领导力？

And yet, I also don't want you to try to do something that's not you. Because part of what it sounds like is that the anxiety in that moment when you start trailing off is the problem, not the trailing off necessarily. Right? You're like, oh, did I sound like I didn't know what I was doing? Am I not being leaderly enough?

我是不是把大家都搞糊涂了？可也许你就让它飘走，看看大家怎么回应。如果他们需要澄清，你再补充就好。

Am I leaving everyone confused? But maybe you just let it trail off and see what responses come back. And if people need clarity, then you can give clarity.

我真的很喜欢这个说法。听到‘这是另一种风格’对我帮助很大，我确实是个爱飘、爱绕的风格。

I really like that. I think it's so helpful to hear that's a different style, and I definitely have a trailing wandering style.

其实非常温暖。很有你的特色，能把人拉进来。你能让人感觉到你在认真思考，你很在乎。所以如果团队里大家都太快、听不进去、问题又短又急，他们可能正需要你这样的人来打破节奏，慢下来，说：‘好，那咱们换个角度想想。’

It's very warm, actually. It's very you you really pull people in. You can tell you're very thoughtful and that you really care. So you might be the perfect person to be on a team where everybody's moving too fast and not listening well, and their questions are too quick and clipped. They need someone like you to sort of break the pace and slow it down and say, okay, well, let's think about this in another way.

用这种方式思考团队组合，希望能让你更有力量。

Thinking about group composition in that way could be really empowering, I hope.

哦，是的。我对这个反馈感觉特别好，因为我很少听到‘你的沟通风格在这种团队动态里很合适’，或者至少有人理解我的出发点。有时我主动要反馈，说‘请就这件事给我点意见’，得到的往往只是‘你做得挺好’，而我真的想进步，想听到具体例子：‘你这儿做得棒，原因是……’

Oh, yeah. I I feel really good about the feedback around that because I don't think I hear it enough of your style of communicating works well within this group dynamic or at least appreciating where I'm coming from. And sometimes when I've asked for feedback and said, please give me feedback on this particular thing, sometimes the feedback is just, oh, you did great, and I really want to improve or find specific examples of you did great here, and this is why.

最新研究表明，如果你向别人‘征求建议’而不是‘要反馈’，他们更容易给出建设性的点子。回顾性的反馈听起来刺耳，因为事情已经发生，就像在说‘你之前搞砸了’。但你要是问：‘如果我们重新开那次会，你会给我什么建议，让我做得不一样？’这就变成一起头脑风暴、为下一次做准备，听起来就不那么刺耳，对方会说：‘哇，我喜欢你那些幻灯片，设计得太漂亮了。’

Recent research suggests that it's easier for people to give more constructive ideas to you if you ask for their advice rather than feedback. So backward looking feedback feels harsh because it's already happened, and it's sort of like saying you did a bad job. But if you say, if we're gonna do that meeting again, what advice would you give to me about how to do this differently? Then it feels like you're brainstorming together and preparing for something that has yet to come, and so it feels less harsh to say, oh, yeah. I love how you put together your slide design is gorgeous.

我喜欢你解释这个想法的方式。下次我在想，你能不能说得再简洁一点，比如x、y、z那些部分。这样别人也更容易接受，而不是听他们说“你讲这部分的时候太啰嗦了”。所以只要把反馈稍微改写成前瞻性的建议，而不是回头看式的批评。

I love how you explain this idea. Next time, I wonder if you could be a little more piffy when you're explaining, you know, x, y, and z. That's also gonna be easier to hear than them saying, hey, you were super long winded when you talked about this in your presentation. So just a slight reframe of forward looking advice, seeking that rather than backward looking feedback.

我们有一期基础节目跟这个主题很像，叫《获取你需要的反馈》，里面也提到了一些。思考如何就提问本身去要反馈，那期值得再听一遍。

We do have an essentials episode similar to this one called getting the feedback you need, which we cover some of that. Thinking about getting feedback about the questions might be helpful to listen give another listen to that one.

嗯，确实。我喜欢这种重新表述。

Yeah. Definitely. I love the reframing.

那我们来聊聊那些需要深挖、弄清到底发生了什么的问题，我知道梅根，这也是你想提升的地方。当情况不明或事情卡壳时提问。梅根，你有没有具体场景想到这种提问？

So let's talk about the questions where you need to dig into what's really going on in this situation, because I know this was another area, Megan, that you were trying to work on. Asking questions when the situation isn't clear or something's held up. Is there a scenario you're thinking of specifically, Megan, for this kind of question?

有。回到我跟一位高层的一对一谈话，他们上面还有好几级，我努力问战略层面的问题，想弄清楚我们为什么做某些决策，以及战略是怎么制定的。我希望提问方式能让他们说出背后的理由，又不显得我在挑衅。

Yeah. It's going back to maybe a one on one conversation that I have with a senior leader. And I know that there are a couple steps above, and I'm really trying to ask them the strategy questions and trying to uncover why we are making particular decisions and understanding how the strategy is developed. And I wanna be able to ask it in a way that also allows them to provide the reasons why things are are happening and not come across as confrontational.

听起来你渴望更多信息交流。我们常常本能地想“我该问什么完美问题？”但作为研究对话的人，我觉得给自己太大压力去找“那个问题”可能方向就错了。我们分析录音稿时发现，真正有效的是随着对话展开、层层递进的提问模式，这样才能让信息交流滚起来。所以别纠结第一句或措辞，想象自己多提跟进问题。

It sounds like you're hungry for more information exchange. I think often we have an instinct to say, well, what's the right question to ask? And as a scholar of conversation, I feel like putting too much pressure on yourself to ask the right question may not be the right way to think about it. Instead, what we see when we study transcripts is that it's more like the pattern of questioning that's good as the conversation unfolds that is good at diving deeper and deeper and getting more information exchange rolling in the conversation. So instead of focusing on sort of like that first question or like what's the right way to formulate this question, imagine if you just pushed yourself to ask more follow-up questions.

不管他们最初给什么信息，你就继续追问，比如“你做这个决定时在想什么？”或者“如果升到三万英尺看，你概念上在考虑什么？”别停，直到你觉得挖到了想要的宝贝。其实跟最初怎么问关系不大，更多是你边听边问，直到拿到所需信息。有趣的是，说起来简单，大多数人就是忘了继续问。

So no matter what information they start with, you just keep pushing and saying like, well, what what were you thinking about when you made that decision? Or if you went to 30,000 feet, what conceptually are you thinking about here? And sort of don't stop asking until you get to a place where you feel like they're giving you that sort of valuable treasure that you're looking for. It almost has nothing to do with the initial question and more to do with I'm gonna listen as this unfolds, and I'm gonna keep asking until we get to a place where I feel like I'm getting the information that I need. And what's so funny is that sounds so simple, but most people forget to keep asking follow-up questions.

通常你问一句，对方答完，你就想“哦，得换话题了”。不，你该继续。在我的课上有个练习叫“无尽跟进”，要求你每次开口都必须先提一个跟进问题，理论上听着极端，实际玩起来超有趣，很快能越过寒暄，把话题挖得很深。

As soon as somebody like you ask one question, they give an answer, and then you're like, oh, I guess we gotta move on. No, you should keep going. In my class, we do an exercise called never ending follow ups where you're required to ask a follow-up question every time you speak, which sounds very extreme in theory, but in practice, it's super fun. You'll very quickly get past small talk. You'll get very deep on a topic.

嗯。会聊天的人既善于频繁换题，也能通过大量跟进问题迅速把话题挖深。

Mhmm. Good conversationalists are good at changing topics frequently, but also getting really deep on them quickly, often through asking lots of follow-up questions.

对。我一只手就能数过来那种“因为他问得太难缠所以我讨厌他”的情况。但“那人一个问题都没问我”的情况，我能说出几十次。

Yeah. I can count on one hand the time to the number of times I've been like, I did not like that person because they asked difficult questions. Yeah. But dozens and dozens of times, I've said that person didn't ask me a single question.

这这太重要了，Amy，一个非常重要的点，我我希望对你有帮助，Megan。其实根本不存在所谓“敏感问题”，只有“敏感语境”。很多人担心问得太深入或太敏感会让对方生气、受伤，或者引发这些高唤醒的负面情绪，但实际上，这种情况远少于对话中更安静的杀手——无聊和冷淡。如果我们因为害怕而不敢问有趣、尖锐、敏感的问题，那风险就是整场对话变得完全平淡无奇、毫无意义，而这在对话中其实比愤怒、敌意更常见。

This is this is so important, Amy, that a very important point that I I hope will be helpful to you, Megan. There really is no such thing as a sensitive question, but there is very much sensitive contexts. A lot of people have fears that by asking something too intrusive or too sensitive, that people are gonna get mad or hurt or sort of these high arousal negative emotions, but it's actually a lot less common than the quieter killer of conversation, which is boredom and disinterest. If we're too scared to ask interesting, pointed, sensitive things, then the risk is that the whole conversation is completely forgettable and mundane and feels meaningless. And that's actually a more common occurrence in conversation than the anger, hostile feelings.

好的。Megan，你有一个关于提问的问题，想借此展示你的领导力，表明你已准备好承担更多责任。你想问问Allison吗？

Okay. Megan, you had a question about asking questions that demonstrate your leadership qualities, that you're ready to take on more responsibility. Do you wanna ask Allison about that?

是的。我一直在思考，如何不再总是问那些舒服的问题？或者说，我该怎么提问，才能显示出我在战略思考，或者表明我想晋升、想实现职业跳跃，并且让别人在对话中知道我有这个意图。我想摆脱那种只关注执行的提问方式，转向更具领导思维的提问方式。

Yes. I really have been thinking about how do I move away from always kind of the comfortable questions? Or even it's like, how do I ask this to show that I'm thinking strategically or thinking, like, you know, I wanna move move up or make a big career leap, and I want it to be known to other people when I'm having these conversations. Like, I'm interested in this. And so how do I guess, how to move away from just the execution type questions and moving into a more leadership focused mindset when asking questions.

哇，太棒了。听到你大声说出这个问题，我就感觉你在走进自己的力量，真的很棒。一个很简单的想法是：试着把你的目标大声说出来，而且这不一定是关于你自己，而是关于在场每个人共同的需求。

Wow. Love this. I love hearing you sort of step into your power even saying this question out loud. It's really wonderful. A very simple idea is trying to say your goals out loud, and that's probably not necessarily about you, but maybe about the needs of everyone who's involved in the conversation.

对我来说，看起来你需要这个，或者我会说点什么，因为我非常在乎你成功，或者我觉得大家对此都有点焦虑，所以我要说出来。直接问：你的战略思考是什么？你对大家的目标怎么看？我们作为一个团队到底在追求什么？把这些更明确地大声说出来会很有帮助，因为这样别人就能附和：是的，那就是我们的目标。

It seems to me like you need this, or I'm gonna say something because I care so much about you succeeding, or I think everybody's feeling a little anxious about this, so I'm gonna say this. Literally saying like, what is your strategic thinking? What is your perception of people's goals? What are we aiming for as a group? Literally saying that out loud more explicitly can be quite helpful because it allows people then to agree, yes, that is our goal.

是的，我们就是这种感觉，或者说，哦，其实我对那件事并不焦虑，但我对另一件事感到害怕，或者我对另一件事很兴奋。语言学家把这叫做“grounding”，就是不断修正和清理你们的共同现实、共同理解。优秀的战略思考者善于提供一个清晰的平台：我们的目标是什么？我们在做什么？这样别人就能在此基础上补充说“对”，或者提出异议并修正这种理解。

Yes, that is how we're feeling, or to say, oh, actually, no, I'm not feeling anxious about that, but I am feeling scared about this other thing, or I am excited about this other thing. So linguists call this grounding. It's like sort of always revising and weeding your shared reality, your shared understanding of what's going on. Good strategic thinkers are good at providing a very clear platform of, like, what are our goals and what are we doing here that allows other people to pile on and say yes or to disagree with it and sort of repair that understanding.

嗯，我对此有一点不同的看法，关于如何证明我有能力向前一步，那就是提一个分析型的问题，比如：我明白我们暂时不会推进这个计划。那未来必须满足什么条件，我们才能推进？这显示我对团队、对这个项目、对这个组织的未来是投入的。这并不与Allison你说的冲突，只是我发现对我有效的另一个策略。

Well and I have a slightly different take on the sort of how I prove my capability of moving forward, which is to really ask an analytical question, something along the lines of, okay. I understand we're not gonna move this initiative forward. What would have to be true in the future for us to do that? And shows that I'm invested in the future of this team or this initiative or this organization. That doesn't conflict with what you were saying, Allison, but I think it's another tactic that I have found works for me.

你越能弄清楚同事想要什么、组织需要什么，并表现出你在努力追求这些，就越能间接地发出信号：我是这里的一员，我与使命保持一致，我想为此出力，因为我看到这里未来可期，我想在这里成功。

The more you can figure out what your colleagues want and need and what the organization wants and needs and you show effort in pursuing those things, it just signals indirectly that I'm part of this and I am aligned with the mission and I wanna be helpful in it because I see a future here, because I want to succeed in this place.

谢谢你们俩。我真的很享受这次对话，收获满满。

Thank you both. I really enjoyed this, and I'm taking away so much.

Amy，你简直是三人小组的绝佳引导者。Megan，我真想把你一口吃掉，你太可爱了。

Amy, you're such a fabulous facilitator of a three person group. And, Megan, I just wanna, like, gobble you up. You're so wonderful.

我真的很感激这次机会，也很感激能和你们两位交谈。这次对话让我收获颇丰，也让我对自己的风格更有信心了。所以谢谢你们，真的给了我很大的信心提升。

I really appreciate this opportunity and being able to speak with both of you. It's been really rewarding, and I feel more confident in my style now that I've had this conversation. So thank you. I really appreciate the confidence boost.

Amy B，你回来了。

Amy B, you're back.

我回来了，而且我身边还有一位在每期节目中都帮我们提出有目的性问题的人。

I am back, and I'm here with someone who helps us ask purposeful questions every episode of this show.

没错，我们的制作人Amanda Kersey。

That's right. Our producer, Amanda Kersey.

大家好，是的，我决定从幕后走到台前，把自己插进来。

Hello. Yes. I decided to come out from behind the scenes and insert myself here.

我们很高兴你这么做。

We're glad you did.

你一直和我们在一起。

You're always here with us.

我通常就坐在那台电脑后面四英尺远的地方，但我对如何提出有目的性的问题有很多想法。我想接着Amy G对Megan和Allison提到的你们俩风格不同这件事谈谈

I I'm usually just four feet back at that computer, but I I have lots of thoughts about asking purposeful questions. But I wanted to pick up on something that Amy g mentioned to Megan and Allison about you two having different styles

嗯。

Mhmm.

以及她不想因此感到不自在，这只是风格不同而已，完全没关系。但你们也知道，几个月前当我迷上我的ChatGPT助手——女性网络AI时，我让它描述了你们的采访风格，这样我就能把它作为知识文件保存下来。

And how she doesn't wanna be self conscious about that. It's just a style thing. That's all okay. But as you know because I think I shared it with you a few months ago when I was getting really into my ChatGPT assistant, the Women Network AI, that I asked it to describe your interviewing styles just so I could, like, see that as a knowledge file.

对。根据我们的文字记录。

Right. Based on our transcripts.

基于我把节目里所有的文字记录都上传了，每一期

Based on I uploaded all the transcripts from the show, every single one of

的。哇。

them. Wow.

结果出来的内容令人难以置信，而且非常友善。好的。AI助手说，艾米·加洛经常寻求听众也能应用到生活中的建议。她的问题常常深入挖掘具体行为或策略的“怎么做”和“为什么”，旨在提炼出清晰可行的洞见。她特别擅长追问，以从专家那里获得更详细、具体的答案。

And what came out was unbelievable and very kind. Okay. So the AI assistant said, Amy Gallo frequently seeks out advice that listeners can apply to their own lives. Her questions often dig into the how and why of specific behaviors or strategies aiming to extract clear actionable insights. She's particularly skilled at asking follow-up questions to get more detailed tangible answers from experts.

听到这话真暖心。确实暖心。但也挺有趣。很准确。嗯，我得说我现在有点梅根的感觉，就是，好吧。

Hear It's so kind. It is kind. But it's so funny. Accurate. Well and I I feel I have to say I feel a little like Meghan right now where I'm like, okay.

这就是我的风格。因为我听到这话就想，对。

It's just my style. Because I hear that and I'm like, yeah.

我啰嗦。我懂，我啰嗦。有人说过你啰嗦吗，还是只是你自己这么觉得？

I ramble. I get it. I ramble. Has anyone ever said you ramble or is that just your self assessment?

只是我自己这么觉得。我有时候有点像梅根，问到一半就想，我这是要往哪儿去？我在说什么？我觉得跟你，艾米B，形成鲜明对比，我迫不及待想听听你的风格描述。

It's just my self assessment. I sometimes I feel a little like Megan sometimes where I'm halfway through the question. I'm like, where am I going with this? What am I saying? And I think in contrast to you, Amy B, and I can't wait for you to read what Amy B style is.

但跟你相比，有时候你只用五个字就直击要点，而我则绕来绕去。我知道你做编辑很多年了，受过这种训练。但这真是技能。要是我再没安全感一点，早就被你比得缩成一团了。

But in contrast to you, sometimes it's like these five words that just get to the point so quickly. And I understand that's like you've been an editor for many, many years. You've been trained to do that. But it's just such a skill. And if I were more insecure, I think I would really shrivel in comparison to you.

嗯。但我喜欢艾莉森对梅根说的那番安慰话：风格不同而已，并不意味着问题就缺乏目的性。

Mhmm. But I loved Alison's take on this and reassurance to Megan of, like, there's just a different style. And it doesn't make the question less purposeful.

即使你的问题有点绕，我们的AI仍然会说，你能提炼出清晰可行的洞见。所以，就算你绕，也能拿到干货。最终就是这样。

And even if your questions are a little windy, our AI is still saying, like, you extract clear actionable insights. So, like, even if you're windy, you're getting the goods Yes. Ultimately.

而且它们总是有趣又吸引人。

And they're always entertaining and engaging.

谢谢。

Thank you.

我们和你一起踏上这段旅程，艾米。

We're on the journey with you, Amy.

谢谢。我们

Thank you. We

是的。谢谢。

are. Thank you.

好。让我翻页。以艾米·伯恩斯坦的风格。好的。艾米·伯恩斯坦敢于挑战观点，提出更尖锐、引人深思的问题。

Okay. Let me flip this page. And Amy Bernstein style. Okay. Amy Bernstein is not afraid to challenge ideas or ask harder thought provoking questions.

她的问题常常鼓励嘉宾更批判性地思考，或考虑其他视角。

Her questions often encourage guests to think more critically or consider alternate perspectives.

嗯嗯。嗯嗯。

Mhmm. Mhmm.

这能让话题得到更深入、更细致的探讨。

This can result in a deeper, more nuanced exploration of the topic.

嗯，这太有共鸣了。

Yeah. That resonates so much

因为注意到完全没有提到温暖。

for noticed no mention of warmth.

嗯，下面既专业又有人情味。

Well, below is professional yet personable.

你的好奇心里透出了温暖。

Your warmth comes through in your curiosity.

嗯哼。那么艾米·B，我们节目里还没聊过，你们还没提到你最近升职了。你现在已经是《哈佛商业评论》的主编了。嗯哼。

Mhmm. So Amy B, we haven't talked on the show yet. Y'all haven't talked about the fact that you got a promotion recently. You are now HBR's editor in chief. Mhmm.

想到梅根想给高管、给那位高级领导留下印象，她希望有一天自己也能在行业内达到那个高度。作为一位高管，当你和更初级的人同处一室时，你会倾听哪些类型的问题？也许你能察觉到他们在努力给你留下好印象，或者他们恰好真的让你印象深刻。你在听什么？

Thinking about how Megan wants to impress executives, the senior leader. She wants to get up there in her own industry one day. What are the types of questions that you're listening for as an executive when you're in the room with with people who are more junior, who are maybe maybe you pick up on the fact that they're trying to impress you or they just happen to impress you? What are you what are you listening for?

好吧，我来告诉你我捕捉到什么。我捕捉的是真正的好奇，那些显示出一个人理解这个想法、并通过更好地理解它来拥抱它的提问。我确实欣赏那些给想法做“烟雾测试”的问题，只要不是卖弄聪明的问题。我喜欢的问题，是那些能打开我的思路、让我思考本应考虑却可能遗漏的东西。

Well, let me tell you what I pick up on. I pick up on genuine curiosity, questions that bespeak a person's understanding of the idea and commitment to embracing it by understanding it better. I really do appreciate questions that smoke test an idea, unless they're smarty pants questions. The questions I like are the ones that open my mind to new thinking, make me consider things I ought to have considered, but may have missed.

而你说你在寻找的，嗯哼，不是那种只会挑刺的人，而是出于更大追求、确切地说，我们共同目标的人，去挑刺或提出难题。你知道，当我试图更清楚地理解一位高级领导所做的决定时，我喜欢问的一个问题是：你还考虑过哪些其他选项，为什么

And what you're saying that you look for Mhmm. Is not someone who just pokes holes, but someone who, in the interest of the larger pursuit Exactly. The goal we're trying to may poke holes or may ask hard questions. You know, one of the questions I like to ask when I'm trying to understand a decision someone in a senior leadership position has made more clearly is what other options did you consider, and why did

我们最终选了这个？这是个非常棒、非常棒的问题。当你问我这个问题时

we go with this one? That is such a great, great question. And when you have asked me that

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

你让我停下来思考。

You make me stop and think.

当你提出像艾米那样的问题时，比如让某人解释他们决策背后的理由，或者他们考虑了哪些替代方案，这可能是一个敏感的问题。这可能会让人进入

When you ask a question like that, Amy, like asking someone to explain their their reasoning behind the decision, like what, you know, alternatives they consider, that can be a sensitive question. That could put somebody on

防御

the on

状态。那么你是怎么做到那种提问的？就像你在那之前做了什么？不。

the defense. So how do you do you work up to that kind of question? Like, what are you doing before you No.

她不会。

She doesn't.

期待。对，你不会

Expect. Yeah. You don't

直接那样问。我的意思是，我觉得这就是语气

go right into that. I mean, I think that's where tone

的作用。对。我可能会说，帮我进一步理解这个。对。或者我甚至会先铺垫一下，我在考虑怎么向利益相关者或客户或顾客解释这个，随便怎么说。

comes in. Yeah. I might say, help me understand this further. Yeah. Or I might even set it up with, I'm thinking about how I'm going to explain this to stakeholder or customer or client, whatever.

帮我理解我们还有哪些其他选择？我的意思是，因为这个问题在语气上可能非常具有挑战性。你提到了敏感问题，阿曼达。在和艾莉森以及梅根的那场对话中我们没谈太多。但艾莉森在她的书里非常大胆地说，没有所谓敏感的问题。

Help me understand what other options did we you know? I mean, because the tone of that question could be very challenging. You mentioned sensitive questions, Amanda. And we didn't talk too much of in the conversation with Allison and Megan. But Allison in her book, she is pretty bold about saying there are no sensitive questions.

只有敏感的语境。

There's only sensitive context.

确实如此。

Exactly.

关于这一点，我确实想说一件事。当人们提出那种非常敏感的问题时

Do have one thing to say about that. When people are asking the really sort of sensitive questions

嗯。

Mhmm.

我认为那一刻就应该非常直接。

I think that is the moment to be really straightforward.

是的。

Yes.

是在回答里直接，还是在提问里直接？

In the response or in the question?

嗯，回答里一定要直接。对。但提问里也一样。因为我曾经也被问到过敏感问题。有时我连问题本身都搞不明白。

Well, always in the response. Yeah. But in the question as well. Because I've been on the receiving end of the sensitive question. And sometimes I struggle to understand the question itself.

你到底想问什么？我会问他。知道吗？再说详细点。对。

What are you really asking me? And I'll I'll ask him. Know? Say more. Yeah.

或者我会说，我我不太明白你想弄清楚什么，这不是在反驳，而是请求澄清。

Or I'll say, I I don't quite understand what you're what you're trying to find out, which isn't pushing back. It's a request for clarification.

嗯。

Yeah.

我发现，先说明你问“是”的原因，会让你的动机更清晰，也能让对方明白。

I have found that leading with the reason you're asking Yes. Will make clear your motive and also offer clarity.

嗯哼。嗯哼。

Mhmm. Mhmm.

因为当你紧张时，你的问题可能表达得不够清楚。所以如果你先说，比如“我真的很想搞懂这一点”，或者“我们队友和我都有这个疑问，我们想知道答案”，就能表明你是带着善意来对话的。

Because when you're nervous, maybe your question is coming out not so clear. So if you start by saying, you know, I'm really trying to understand this, or our teammates and I, we've had this concern, and we're trying to understand that, can show the benevolence with which you're coming to the conversation.

表明“我需要这个清晰度”的意图——你知道，我需要这个问题的答案，才能做好我的工作、或带领我的团队、或达成任何目标——能让对方了解你将如何使用这个答案。我觉得这样能降温。我觉得提问前的铺垫还可以包括，借用“高难度对话”研究里的一个做法：先陈述一个共同目标。

Stating the intention of I need this clarity. You know, I need the the answer to this question in order to do my job or to help guide my team or whatever it is, gives them the context in which you're gonna use the answer Mhmm. To. So it it I think it takes down the heat. I think one of the sort of preambles to a question also could be, this is something I take from, you know, difficult conversations research is stating a shared goal.

嗯哼。你知道，我知道我们都在努力做X，我们都在努力帮助组织度过这段极度不确定的时期。这样就把你和对方放在合作的心态里，而不是对抗的心态。

Mhmm. You know, I know we're both trying to do x. We're trying to work through this incredibly uncertain time for our organization. So you're putting you and the other person in a collaborative mindset as opposed to a combative mindset.

嗯哼。我觉得对。而且当你谈到战略、一个新产品之类的时候，提问者往往——

Mhmm. I think that's right. And when you're talking about strategy, a new product, something like that, chances are, as the asker of the question Mhmm. You want to be able to sell this idea Mhmm. Further out.

——希望自己也能把这个想法更向外推销。对吧？你可以直接说：“我就是想确保我理解了，这样我就能更好地说服别人。”你说呢？是啊。

Right? And you can say that. I just I wanna make sure I understand this so I can do a better job persuading others about it. You know? Yeah.

谁不想帮一把呢？对吧？是啊。

Who wouldn't who wouldn't wanna help? Yes. Right? Yes.

好了，我没有更多问题了。谢谢邀请我。哦，当然。谢谢你，阿曼达。

Okay. No further questions. Thanks for having me. Oh, yeah. Thank you, Amanda.

你能多来几次桌子这边吗？我可能就滚过来——

Can you come over to the table more times? I might just roll on over

嗯，偶尔吧。

Yeah. Here and there.

把这三英尺滚过去。我来滚

Roll roll the three feet over. I'll roll

这三英尺过去。

the three feet over.

节目就到这里。我是艾米·伯恩斯坦。

That's our show. I'm Amy Bernstein.

我是艾米·加洛。想了解更多关于提出有目的性问题的建议，请查看我们在节目备注中链接的《哈佛商业评论》文章。

I'm Amy Gallo. For more advice on asking purposeful questions, check out the HBR articles that we've linked to in the show notes.

《职场女性》的编辑与制作团队包括阿曼达·克西、莫琳·霍克、蒂娜·托比·麦克、汉娜·贝茨、罗布·埃克哈特和伊恩·福克斯。

Women at Work's editorial and production team is Amanda Kersey, Maureen Hoke, Tina Toby Mac, Hannah Bates, Rob Eckhart, and Ian Fox.

请通过电子邮件women@workathbr.org与我们联系。

Get in touch with us by emailing women@workathbr.org.